I had a pretty intense talk with God last night.
I began to commune with God and called to Him.
He said, "My Son".
I asked first, "Am I going to have to experience death of a loved one in this lifetime and be alone?"
He said simply, "How can you? Death isn't real."
I opened up to Him and I said, "Father, please forgive me for I have sinned".
He said, "I already have."
and "I never condemned you."
I asked, "You never ever condemned me? I've never done anything wrong ever? You're not going to punish me?"
He said, "How could I? It's not in my nature. I can only love."
I responded, "You're not going to send me to hell?"
He said, "It doesn't exist. You made it up."
I asked, "Then, why is it that I don't see to be experiencing that?"
He said, "You just haven't accepted it yet."
I wondered, "why is it that I don't accept it? does that mean I don't want it?"
I looked within and saw a rather uncomfortable fact that some part of me must not WANT to accept the truth. That some part of me doesn't believe in it, rejects it, has chosen against it and seems to want something else.
It was not pleasant to see that the full responsibility for this "non-acceptance" was in myself.
I told God that "I am afraid to accept it, but it feels good to connect with you, how can I accept this more?
He said simply, "Remove blocks to awareness."
I was feeling very open and awake. I then felt a very strong sense of attraction throughout my whole person. A strong pull that felt like it was pulling me toward God, like a magnet or a vacuum as though something was so extremely appealing and attractive that my whole being wanted to rush to it.
I had tears and then I had laughter. And then I felt joy. Holy Spirit then said "sleep". And so I slept.
It's quite sobering to realize that God is not in any way a punisher or judger or condemner, does not send anyone to hell, and lovingly accepts us fully. And that it is entirely OUR belief to the contrary that we need to correct - our own unwillingness to accept His benevolent nature.