Unfortunately for you, you do not get to set the rules of existence. You do not get to invent or manipulate the metaphysics. The law. You are never above the law. The law is always operating even if you are mis-using it. So it's a good idea to understand what the law is if you are to have any hope of not shooting yourself in the foot.
So that means, there is already a SET OF CONDITIONS which must be met, in order for you to access certain properties of existence.
You literally cannot be with God if you are choosing death. Death cannot enter Heaven. Remember...
"Nothing real can be threatened.... herein lies the peace of God" ... because if you choose death, which is separation from God, that death will BE separate from God. God is invulnerable.
So you (or rather your ego) cannot HAVE the gifts of God and still remain in separation.
It's sort of like, a matter of who you vote for. If you vote with your feet, if you walk over into the 'dark camp' that represents a vote for the darkness, you CANNOT be in the light. IF you want to be in the light, you HAVE to vote for the light camp and move to where the light camp is. Then you can be in the light, but you cannot be in the dark. And never the two will meet.
The rules of existence are already laid down by God. It is God's law. It is not negotiable. It is the metaphysics of God's plan for salvation.
Everything is in its proper place and arrangement. The landscape is mapped out. If you want to be where the truth is, you need to navigate to where it is and access it, which has certain 'requirements'. I don't mean in terms of like conditional love versus unconditional. Actually the 'requirement' of accessing God is to become unconditionally loving. But there is also a requirement that if you do NOT be unconditionally loving, you MUST experience separation from God or an experience of what God is not.
You don't get to have your cake and eat it by being 'dark in the light'. Light also does not 'enter the dark', it dispels it so that only light is left. The spiritual ego is an attempt to bring the light into the dark, or to take the dark into the light and remain dark. It doesn't work. It's not possible.
So there is a path to God. It is possible to go there. But it is impossible to go there and be somewhere else that God is not at he same time (in the ego).
So if you want God's reality, you're going to have to surrender and give up the ego's mind, its thought system, its identity, and your loyalty to and belief and faith in it. That means you have to place all your faith and belief in God and find your identity in God.
Where there is a will there is a way.
It's like how Jesus says, he is 'the way' and you cannot come to the father except 'by Him' (by being the same as Him). This is LAW. You must awaken as Christ if you are to access God.