Everything about practicing the Course could be described as moving "backwards". Accustomed to how the ego operates always "forwards" this can at first seem counter-intuitive and a difficult "direction" for the mind to operate in.

Purification and correction are entirely geared towards a backwards motion, such as retracing your steps, seeking inward rather than outward, undoing, reversing, collapsing, deflating ego, re-winding time, digging deeper to find the true inner cause, looking "behind", getting to the core of oneself, going within, taking attention away from illusions, becoming whole, acknowledging what already is, accepting what is already true, receiving what is already given, lifting away layers of false belief, recognizing things for how they are, taking back projections, claiming responsibility for yourself, re-owning yourself, coming back to center, un-ravelling, seeking back through time to when beliefs were formed, reversing the effects of sin, cancelling, deleting, removing, restoring to a former state, moving backward to before any sense of something happening, returning to innocence, becoming aware of love which is already present, listening, receiving, accepting, allowing, reversing sickness and death, resurrection etc.

Notice that all of these procedures take you from being externally focused to focusing within, in the direction of yourself. The truth is inside of you. All of these actions return you to yourself.

Now, the ego is the total opposite of this in every way. The ego wants to always add something, increase denial, hide stuff behind new layers of illusions, implement things, find success, seek outside yourself, lose yourself, forget who you are, move away from yourself and God, project, attack, point a finger of blame away from you, destroy others, fight with an opposing will, acquire, get, consume the external (food etc), implement magical solutions which undo nothing, add lie upon lie, twist and distort things out of recognition, get rid of sin onto others, disassociate from yourself, believe that cause is outside of you, see yourself as an effect of the external, positioning yourself as a victim of something separate, pursuing wild goose chases and dead ends, running away from God, becoming alone and isolated, losing your mind and sanity, fragmentation, making others responsible for your existence, trying to get someone else to choose for you, trying to get someone else to love for you or to wake you up, going to sleep, living in ignorance, becoming unconscious, entering darkness, achieve, strive for goals, develop an image, accumulate and build stuff that never existed, fill the emptiness with idols, idol worship, seeking external salvation, believing that things outside you can save you and solve all problems, being sick as a result of an external cause, dying by someone else's hand, listening to the ego's counsel, making things worse, an eye for an eye, waging war, murder, etc.

Notice that all of these actions are in an outward direction, away from yourself. They are all designed to disconnect you from God and put distance between you and God and therefore between you and yourself. They take you away from yourself and place every attribute of yourself outside of you into someone else's hands.

The main difficulty I find is that having been in the ego mindset for such a long time, my mind has sort of become very used to or unconsciously has formed habits whereby the mind moves in a direction away from myself. It pursues the external and thinks in externalizing ways. It's like there's all these arrows pointing outward and it seems to make the mind "flow" in that direction automatically. Even normal "thinking" processes seem to head in the direction of the external and these are just accepted as automatic or "normal".

So then when we come to the Course, our mind is coming up against a set of truths and techniques which are all INWARD pointing, and basically flowing in totally the OPPOSITE direction to the ego's thought system. They all point towards God, towards your true self, towards what is inside of you already. Even just the simple idea that you need not seek to find love or teach love because that is what you are but that you need to REMOVE the obstacles you've built against it. We are not accustomed to REMOVING anything. We're accustomed to believing that we LACK God and therefore need to go seek for specialness and ADD it to ourselves in order to "become" loving or spiritual. That's totally the ego, KEEPING its belief in sin and hiding it and then pretending to try to find solutions to it externally, where solutions do not exist, and thus building layer upon layer of denial and failure. It's all the authority problem, believing we can add to or change God's creation into something better or more true.

So it's quite difficult to get the mind to even move in the direction of thinking inwards, thinking upwards, thinking IN REVERSE, or thinking towards what ALREADY EXISTS within you. To think in reverse means to go from where your mind is at to what came BEFORE it, rather than going from where your mind is at and proceeding forwards to some kind of next step. It seems alien. It seems unnatural at first. It seems to take steps that bring all of the illusion into question, all assumptions are undermined, and all beliefs have to be examined and exhumed and tossed out, all values are brought into question, every attachment has to be surrendered, all external structures are collapsed, and your whole life is brought into question. And that's not what the ego wants at all, and it's not how we're used to thinking. To question everything, to question sin and sickness and death. To assume nothing, and to believe nothing that even our body's senses are telling us. To travel backwards up the chain of causality to where we came from.

You are already as God created you, you are already love, you are already perfect, there is NOTHING you can add to God's creation or Kingdom other than to increase what is already in it, which is perfect joy and love and happiness. And you are already WHOLE, already complete, needing nothing, lacking nothing. All of this other stuff that you keep trying to deal with by ADDING or CHANGING layers of illusions, are ego solutions and ways of dealing with this, really attempts to hide it even more.

So like, something happens and your ego steps in with a reaction and says, oh my God, this thing is so externally real, it is really happening, and the future is going to suck, so I better do something about this. I know, I'm going to do this and that... and then comes up with a long list of reactions and plans and solutions which it is going to DO, to tackle what it itself made real, as though something really occurred. It creates this entire "chain of thought" or train of thought, which goes from "here" to way off in the distance down all kinds of twists and turns, taking you away from presence. We need to stop the train before it even leaves the station, get off it, and then look backwards down the tracks to where we CAME FROM and go in THAT direction, undoing, backtracking, reversing and returning, inwardly and upwardly BACK to the truth, BACK to the answer to end all questions, and BACK Home to God.

To think with Holy Spirit is to think BACKWARDS. This requires us to initially STOP and put the pause button on. Freeze-frame things. Freeze the entire scenario and just observe what it contains, from a big perspective. And then start to REVERSE the steps we have already taken, to backtrack, to look at our real hidden motives (secret sins/hates etc), and to UNDO layer upon layer of false beliefs and projections and stuff that we basically tried to ADD to ourselves already, that has led to us witnessing a falsely perceived situation. But this seems awkward and counter-intuitive - or at least counter-ego. It's therefore essentially all about letting go and letting God, relinquishing attachments, surrendering to what is already true, accepting God as God is, returning to yourself, and becoming EMPTY of all the stuff that you "added" to yourself to try to make yourself become something you are not - different to how God created you (and how you still are, buried under the ego lies).

To question... "has this even really happened" - that's a totally backwards step which brings into question any ASSUMPTION that the ego has made, and digs way deeper into what is happening than to react to it and try to fix it or attack it with Course quotes or to deny it with fake positivity or to build a spiritual ego to defend against it (and keep it). To stop and go backwards, to ask, is this even real? Why do I believe this? Where is my perception coming from? Why have I chosen this? How did I put this in place myself? Who am I really underneath this? Is this really true of me? Not ACCEPTING stuff into your mind.

As Jesus says, whatever you accept into your mind, it becomes real to you. The ego automatically is just accepting everything "into" the mind like a black hole sucking the life out of everything. We have to learn to stop that, to think in reverse, and to cancel the ego, to go within, to reverse our thinking processes and develop this new "inward direction" which flows away from illusions and towards the PRE-EXISTING truth and love within us, which is already there and is already perfect. To ACKNOWLEDGE what is already true and accept it, rather than trying to REPLACE it or cover it up or deny it with stuff we MAKE (invent/add) with the ego.

At first this kind of backwards thinking is not at all easy for the mind to do. It seems like the mind has become "wired" to think forwards with the ego, outwardly. But gradually over time as you "practice" this and go through this PURIFICATION process, digging out and releasing old pain, getting to the bottom of things, finding yourself, taking back your power, returning to responsibility, accessing the power of choice, accepting atonement, it becomes easier because there is less of your own ego-aligned will working against you.

It's like you're literally learning how to reverse the direction of flow of a river. The mind has become separated from Spirit and is flowing out all by itself, broadcasting its own ideas and trying to replace God's creation with something of its own. That needs to be totally reversed and undone. We need to go back within and reconnect with God and plug ourselves back into the service of Spirit. It takes time to break out of the unconscious habits of flowing outward with the ego.

And there is a paradox here. Funnily enough, the more you go within and withdraw your projections away from the external and get to the core love that's already in you, THEN that's when love starts to radiate out from you. You don't become loving by trying to give give give without receiving.

You must receive inwards first. It's more like, you become a light bulb, the switch goes on, and you simply stay CENTERED and rooted in your true self, in Spirit, and you RADIATE from there, staying in that center at all times, instead of going away from yourself or abandoning or losing yourself. To the ego giving is a loss of yourself. To Spirit, giving INCREASES and you not only keep/hold onto your inner real self but you also SHARE that and it extends out on its own. Love extends because of what it is, without your help.

So to be more loving, stop dwelling on the external or on trying to sacrifice yourself or martyr yourself. Return inward to access awareness of love's presence and then simply SHINE from within. This is how God creates, by shining and radiating and sharing and extending, remaining true to Himself and still complete and anchored within Himself. He does not lose Himself in the process. This is how the Kingdom is increased. This is what it means to be the light of the world. To shine from within rather than to lose yourself. To become an intensely bright light which goes out from within. You have to BE WITHIN first in order to do that, and stay there. This outward shining is CREATION, and it is the same thing as sharing and extending. It is how God created you to begin with. And in that light you have never stopped being God's innocent child.

As I observed some activities in my mind, I noticed a lot of thoughts which went like "I wish this wasn't happening" "I want this to go away" "When will it stop" "Its so annoying" "I don't want it."

Then it occurred to me that these are all a form of avoidance, or in other words, trying to escape. So I figured, this must be an attempt to escape from reality. I could feel how I was not wanting to just 'face' something. I wanted to get away from it, to make it stop and go away.

I also notice that attempts to have things stop and go away is also fear, because fear is a form of attack that tries to get rid of what's happening.

So then I thought, well, if all of these thoughts are basically trying to get away from something, what if I was to try to go toward it instead? What if I was to be present with it, welcome it, sit with it and let it be? What if there is a present reality that I'm trying to avoid and escape from?

It then became clearer that trying to escape from present reality puts the mind into a state of imprisonment. It thinks it is then trying to escape from something bad toward something good, away from what it doesn't want toward what it does want, but it is in fact doing the opposite. It's trying to move away from reality into illusions.

I also noticed the mind was just chattering away with commentary and judgements and so on, all of which were further forms of having something to say about everything. Ways of pushing it away and being displeased with it, not wanting to accept something.

So I started trying to do the exact opposite, which at first felt a bit alien. As if all the thinking before was going in the wrong direction, and what I was trying to do was completely 180-degrees totally opposite to what was correct. To just approach the reality of the situation and be with it without trying to avoid it or stop it or run away from it, seemed unfamiliar at first. But it also felt like a surrender.

I noticed that really most of the thoughts that arise, even those thoughts to do with waking up and being spiritual and pursuing truth and all that, they all seem to still be thoughts moving away from reality. On the surface they seem like a keen interest in approaching the truth, but they are actually ways of getting away from it.

That's a bit shocking to realise that what you thought was a genuine desire to improve somehow was actually an avoidance and an attempt to make sure it doesn't happen. And of course, that's all part of the ego.

From there I noticed a sense of greater awareness somehow, that the thinking commenting judging 'me' that I thought was me, was actually something less than me, just some kind of bundle of thoughts and ideas that I thought was myself but isn't. I was more outside of them, and there a was a sense of some space or a gap between what I am and this incessant mind that rambles on and thinks it knows.

It makes me wonder actually if all this thought is really the ego in disguise, an attempt to actually avoid reality and attack it while framing it as an attempt to move toward something that I want. And maybe living life more has to be to do with confronting the present moment and engaging with reality, rather than with the commentary about reality.

There can be a whole lot of intellectual activity which can all sound like it's totally geared towards awakening and being spiritual and all that, while simultaneously being a way to avoid actually being it. Jesus in the course for example says that we attack the real world every second of every minute of every day.

So If we're constantly in a state of avoiding God, avoiding reality, avoiding the present, trying to escape, we're really trying to escape from reality into unreality. Except it's always framed as trying to escape something we don't want, that is bad or wrong, or we think it's not what we're supposed to be closer to, which is an attack upon it.

So we're like... framing God and reality as something we don't want, judging it, attacking it, and then justifying that we should be moving away from it, not wanting it, resisting it, in order to get away from it, as if we'll be better off.

I also realised that the more you try to escape the more you become imprisoned, even if you don't recognise it as imprisonment. And in fact, the way to find freedom is to stop trying to escape. Of course the ego will not agree with that because it'll say if you stop escaping you'll be imprisoned forever. But it's totally insane.

When you stop trying to escape from reality and accept it and let it be, that's when you actually find a sense of freedom. Because your mind is really inventing the sense of imprisonment itself, as the effort to resist and get away from freedom.

I guess long story short, we should be being more present with what actually is, rather than all our attempts to avoid it.

ngel: Would you like to come and be with God now?

Person: No, I've got to get the dishes washed.

Angel: He's ready for you.

Person: After I've done the dishes I've got to go fold some paper and put it inside some other paper and put it in a hole in the wall.

Angel: That seems very important.

Person: That's just the start. I have to write on some paper and put it inside some other paper with some shiny metal discs and send it to a lady down the street.

Angel: God will see you now.

Person: But the yard is a mess, I have to plant some bushes.

Angel: God loves you, you know.

Person: Yah but my tv broke and now I have to get the radiator fixed.

Angel: God's still waiting for you.

Person: Well I can't come now, I've got to mow the lawn.

Angel: He's very happy to see you.

Person: I'm busy.

Angel: *taps on the shoulder* yoo-hoo

Person: Darn it, I'm out of milk, I have to go to the store.

Angel: You don't need that, God loves you.

Person: I've got to have milk, it goes with cereal.

Angel: God loves you more than cereal you know.

Person: Where's my keys, I lost my keys.

Angel: Sounds like a good way to not be with God right now

Person: Quit bugging me, I've got things to do.

Angel: *smiles* Is there somewhere to be that's more important than God?

Person: Ummmm ?????

To accomplish this you need to portray yourself as different from God - not loving and not lovable.

You proceed to arrange for a whole bunch of people to come along and attack you. They are to do it out of the blue and it should appear to be uncalled for.

To make it uncalled for, you go into denial (amnesia) which puts you into a body. This body-self can now be attacked by the people you hired.

They come along and attack you and you feel affected. It changes your view of yourself. It makes you feel unloved. You use it to redefine yourself as unloved and unworthy of love. Apparently their actions proved it to you.

Now you, as the so-called victim, get to pretend that you did not ask for this at all. You also get to use this entire "I've been victimized" STORY, to describe and rationalize and justify why you're perfectly entitled to feeling unworthy. It was other people's choices, not your own. You claim you never hired them and didn't ask for it.

You feel sorry for yourself, hurt, destroyed, unloved, unworthy, sometimes to a very serious degree. It feels awful and you feel unfairly treated and sad about what happened to you. But, this is a fantastic disguise.

The unworthiness rejects love and portrays you as separate from God, because if God can't love you then you've had power over God's will. So indirectly, by way of your own self-arranged role of victim, you get to explain why God can't love you, which fulfills your WISH - your secret plan - to deny and reject God.

At some point you have to admit what you've done. You have to realize that you arranged everything to happen, you asked everyone to attack you, you orchestrated all of the events before you came into them, and you positioned yourself as a victim in order to disguise your secret death wish. You wanted to be dead because that would prove you are not like God, who is Life.

So if you're going to get honest, you will have to admit you did all of this. And since you arranged it all, you can no longer blame anyone. You can't blame the attackers. You can't use them to justify your unworthiness. And you can't keep up the PRETENSE that you are unworthy because, let's face it, you WANT to be unworthy on purpose so that you can deny God.

So really, as you allow this TRUTH to sink in, it is setting you free, because it's showing you that, really, nobody else has done anything against your will. You chose all of this. Sick as it may be, you did this to yourself.

Once you become REALLY CLEAR about this fact, completely owning up to this 100% without any blame on any external cause or anyone doing it to you or you being unfairly treated in any way, that it's all a big LIE, you are left with a simple situation.

There you are, all alone, having let everyone else off the hook (they were just doing their job which you hired them to do), you no longer can pin the responsibility on anyone else. Not even on God. It's not God's fault. So you're holding this whole game in your own hands, and you realize - the secret to salvation: You have done this to YOURSELF. All of it. The whole drama and the whole story that backed it up.

So if you did this to yourself, and if there is nowhere to PROJECT the blame, and you're taking full responsibility, THEN ...... you're going to experience something very obvious. You're going to experience what it feels like to admit that you have done nothing but be SELF DEFEATING. You haven't been defeated by anyone else or any other will. You've defeated yourself. And how does defeat feel?

Self defeat feels like TOTAL FUTILITY. That it is pointless. If nobody else is doing this to you - and you're fully clear on that - then - what's the point? Why continue with this game? Why continue with doing this to yourself when all of the 'reasons' - the false justifications and blame - has been shown for what it is, a lie? Why WOULD you do this to yourself?

When you get to this point and with nobody to project this onto, you ONLY have one decision. Either you keep feeling like SHIT, or you stop playing this silly ego game. Are you enjoying feeling unworthy for NO reason, especially when you DON'T HAVE TO? Accepting love starts to look a heck of a lot more attractive when you start to compare what your two options really are - do I give up this FUTILE fight against myself, which is only making me feel SHIT, or do I ADMIT that this isn't WORKING - it isn't making me HAPPY, and just drop the whole God-dam thing?

Why not just drop it and go back to God? Why keep fighting and denying and trying not to be loved, when love is perfectly on offer? You can't stop God from loving you. And he hasn't born a grudge because of your reluctance to accept it. So love is on offer, and you feel shit, and now what? Are you done feeling shit? Or do you want some more shit? Go ahead if you want some more. Maybe you are not ready yet. But typically (I am being presumptuous), once you take that full responsibility and stop projecting, and OWN the decision YOU made to WANT to deny love, you're probably going to realize how tremendously ridiculous it is, with no real merit at all. And that's probably enough to make you decide to SURRENDER.

Like, over here there's this big gleaming CAKE that you can eat and have as much as you like and it tastes great, OR you can go and starve and die. Your choice. Or, over here there is massive amounts of love that is totally FREE with no strings attached, being offered unconditionally, OR you can go rot in a corner feeling miserable.

Your choice. It was your choice to deny that God exists. It is still your choice whether you are WILLING to ACCEPT His love again. And this is where acceptance comes in. The opposite of denial is acceptance. Either you're denying love, or you're accepting it. Either you're choosing against love, or you're choosing FOR love.

And this is where it is decision time. You now get to CHOOSE. Do I want life, or death? Do I want happiness, or hell? Do I want love, or war? You choose. Nobody's forcing you. There's no pressure. You are free.

HOPEFULLY .... you will see enough SENSE, that you will choose to admit to the futility of your choice, and you will admit it is futile, and you will drop it. You'll drop your fight and just say, FUCK IT, I'm going back to God... going back Home to love. Why not! THERE IS NOTHING TO LOSE - because you already lost everything when you denied love. THERE IS EVERYTHING TO GAIN, because God is offering everything you could possibly want that you've been missing out on. It's a total WIN.

So now you choose God, by ACCEPTING what God is offering - the truth about God - love - and thus accepting that you are NOT separate from God, that the denial is a lie - God DOES exist, that God DOES love you, and that nothing has changed. This is accepting the ATONEMENT. You are becoming at-one with what you previously thought was separate.

Acceptance is peace.

Surrender your will and allow God to restore your sanity.

You need His love.

Choose again.

Something just popped into my mind on our lovely walk home from the cafe.... there are different LEVELS of forgiveness.

The dream was created through this process:

Separation idea > sin > guilt > fear of punishment > death.

At each of these 'stages' there are different kinds of perceptions and choices being made for different reasons. When we're in the world faced with something that seems upsetting, it's usually an experience somewhere between the last two stages - fear and death. When we apply forgiveness, we tend to work on undoing the projections of fear, and perhaps if we dig deeper we undo some of the projections of guilt as well.

But what I found myself noticing was, I don't often get even deeper into the undoing of sin, or deeper than that - the undoing of the idea of separation.

The idea of separation entails our CHOICE to be separate from God, which was a disowning of responsibility and a desire to be different. If I am to take 100% responsibility for what I've chosen, realizing I've only done this to myself, I have to take my forgiveness ALL the way to that original 'source point' in my mind - the decision to die - to be opposite of Life.

So if I'm mainly caught up in forgiving projections and blame, that's helpful but it's maybe confined to some of the 'lower levels' or more external levels of the mind. I need to go deeper. I need to get to where I can see that I CHOSE everything about this because I wanted to be separate. That's the 'root cause' in my mind. I need to admit that I wanted to deny God and wanted to be dead. That's the pivotal point. To get there I need to make sure I am undoing the layers of fear and guilt but also the layer of a belief in sin and come to realize that this is ALL something I chose to do to myself.

Undoing fear: Seems fairly simple, recognizing we're choosing to be afraid and are projecting causes for it outside of ourselves. I can take that back. But I might still believe someone is guilty, maybe myself.

Undoing guilt: I need to now see that I'm not guilty, or at least that guilt is stemming from a sense of sin. I'm afraid because I feel guilty. Well, I need to get past feeling guilty. And as I get past it I'm going to confront a deeper level - a sense of having sinned. The reason WHY I'm guilty. And that deeper level is going to seem even MORE upsetting to admit to. Layers of fear and guilt are weaker than the layer of sin, which is also weaker than the layer of separation. These surface layers were made to cover up the deeper layers and make them more palatable.

Undoing sin: Now I'm aware that I believe I really did something bad, that it cannot be healed, that it cannot be undone or reversed. Something I'm ashamed of and guilty for. Something that supposedly 'happened'. I need to undo that and get past this perception that it's permanent, unhealable, irreversible and has had a real serious effect. This is digging into the depths of 'what I've done' and the root of my guilt. And this should lead me to ask, why did I sin in the first place? It seems like I as I progress here I should be finding out that I am more innocent, but so far it seems I'm more to blame. But I'm moving past it. It's difficult to admit to guilt, but even harder to admit to sin. The ego says, see, you shouldn't have looked at the guilt because now you've uncovered a deeper darker layer of horror. But we can move past this - we have to. Because underneath the idea that 'we really did this' (sin) is an even darker idea - that we WANTED to be separate.

Undoing separation: Sin can only arise out of some kind of separation idea, which actually is a CHOICE and DECISION to be separate. I must've wanted to sin. I must've wanted to do this, to be sinful. So underneath the sin is a choice. It's the awareness that I DID THIS TO MYSELF ON PURPOSE, for a reason. And what is that reason? Why would I separate? I have to own up to this. I wanted to be separate because I wanted to deny that God exists so that I could have an ego. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be not loved. I wanted to die. If I can't get all the way to seeing that I made this choice, then I am not going to truly be ready to COMPLETELY RELINQUISH it. I need to admit to all of the sorrow that came from this choice, and that the choice was mine. Nobody else was to blame. No-one did this to me. I wanted it. And now I'm realizing it hasn't worked - because sin hasn't really worked - and I'm not guilty, and don't need to be afraid or get punished. I'd rather be happy. I might as well give up, surrender this choice, and CHOOSE AGAIN.

And it's at that point that you actually fully let go of the decision for separation, which dissolves the ego and unifies you with God.

So as I forgive now I plan to remind myself of this - exactly how deep am I willing to go in forgiving? Am I just giving up surface projections or am I willing to get all the way to the CORE IDEA - the death wish - the decision to be without God? And am I willing to let that go. Having let go of all the projections and blame and consequences of ALL the other levels, I should be ready to squarely admit to and own up to this decision, and subsequently choose differently. I'd rather choose Holy Spirit's truth at this point and join with His version of the truth and ACCEPT GOD instead of trying to deny God. ACCEPTING GOD is ACCEPTING THE ATONEMENT.

So it seems that as we dig deeper, we uncover darker and more vicious levels of disaster. First it was palatable fear, then some tolerable guilt, but now it's serious sin and hate, and beneath that - a death wish, a desire to be without God on purpose. That's not easy to want to look at or to admit to. And it can seem like the worst thing you could possibly admit - that I wanted this suffering - I wanted to not be with God. I wanted to get rid of God. Or even as some describe it - a murderous thought - the desire to kill God's son. Pretty heavy stuff! We need to come to admit to this so that we choose differently. If I can't own up to having made this CHOICE then I'm not going to be able to UNDO that choice and choose God/Atonement instead. And if I don't, I will continue to die. It IS a life-or-death decision, although we must remember death is an illusion.

So the choice is up to us. Do we want to accept God again and allow Him to love us, or do we want to keep choosing suffering and despair and lack and destruction? It's up to us.

When there are ego beliefs which say, there is some truth to something opposite to God's truth, you will not be willing, ready, or able, to accept atonement.

You'll want to accept it but there will be something in you which objects or nags or gives you a sense of suspiciousness, that something just isn't quite acceptable or true about God's truth. No matter how plainly clear God's truth is, how clearly presented, or how obvious, the ego STILL distorts perception and can't quite see it squarely, suspecting there is some kind of deception going on, which is its own.

This is why the ego ranges from suspicious to vicious. At best, it does not quite agree with God, and so has this in-built fear and doubt that makes it "not believe" what the truth is saying. This is because it believes something else and has loyalty to something else.

What needs to happen in your mind is that you undo ALL beliefs which are false or saying something out of accord with God's truth/will. Until you do that, you will not be willing to accept the truth.

So if you have a belief that you are afraid and fear is real or fear causes something or you can't stop the fear, there is no way you are going to be willing to accept God's truth. You won't be able to see that it makes perfect sense, or that there is no other reason NOT to accept it.

So then you have to look at the fear and recognize why its an illusion, recognize it as false, unfounded, non-causal, and the fact that it is actually an EFFECT of something deeper. Fear covers up guilt and makes guilt go unconscious, and is being caused BY guilt.

So you have to then dig out the guilt and make it conscious and then do the same thing. You have to come to recognize and accept that the guilt is not true, it's a lie, you're not really guilty, the guilt isn't causing anything, it's just an effect of a belief in sin. Guilt is denial of sin.

Same thing applies to sin, it has to be uprooted and examined, and its at this point that you are bringing into question whether something even happened at all. If the sin occurred "in reality" and thus this world is reality, then you can't let it go. But if you can recognize there is no sin because whatever seemed to happen was an illusion in a fictional world, you can recognize the sin did not happen in REALITY, only in a dream, and thus is not a "real sin". This allows you to let go of the belief that you are sinful.

Once you've got your mind and BELIEF to the place where you recognize that "it makes sense" to you, that you have not sinned in reality or against God, and therefore no REAL effects can have happened, it simply LOGICALLY justifies to you that you MUST therefore STILL BE INNOCENT.

You have to get to that point logically and in terms of it making sense to you, for you to believe that this is correct, accurate, and truthful. THEN, it is absolutely effortless for you to see that God's truth makes sense. That means, you will now be not only ABLE to accept it, but also WILLING to, simply because you don't see ANY other reason not to, and your reasoning (truth) has set you free of all the contrary opposing beliefs. You basically run out of excuses or beliefs as to "why you shouldn't".

This makes you able to accept, fully, and embrace, the atonement. The atonement means nothing happened, you are still as God created you, God still loves you, you did not DO anything at all in reality, there hasn't even been a real sin, you MUST still be innocent, and therefore you MUST BE WORTHY of God's love. This makes it possible for you to ACCEPT that God loves you and RECEIVE HIS LOVE. Acceptance is receiving. What you accept you will receive into your mind and it will be REALITY to you.

Your accepting of this truth without any objections or counter-arguments, allows you to RECEIVE LOVE, and therefore this is what it means to RECEIVE A MIRACLE. This reception also means, since you are willing to recognize that you are WORTHY of being loved, that you also recognize that EVERYONE is ALSO worthy of being loved.

So your willingness to receive atonement/truth/love entails the automatic extension of that worthiness to everyone. And this is also why your receipt of the atonement, the receiving of miracles, puts you in the position of BEING PART OF THE ATONEMENT ITSELF, and therefore you now have received miracles and CAN GIVE MIRACLES TO OTHERS. "You can only give the miracles you have received". To really RECEIVE a miracle requires acceptance and willingness to receive God's truth, even for a moment.

You then are an expresser of the atonement, of God's will and God's love, to others, to help others to also get to the atonement through miracles and correction and teaching. And this is your FUNCTION at that point. It is everyone's function to become part of Jesus's atonement plan and to then be an ACTIVE WORKER in the world helping to demonstrate the truth is true through miracle working. There is much "work to do" at that point, in the "Great Awakening" or "Great Crusade" as Jesus calls it.

So this can only happen for you when you are willing, ready, and able to accept the truth, to see that it makes sense to you and therefore to logically have no other reason NOT to. This is why all other opposing ego beliefs have to be let go first.

As a special final note, I want to make it clear that you do not have to undo ALL of the ego in order to accept "some" atonement, or to receive a miracle. "One moment of love without fear is all that is necessary that all this occur" even if fear returns afterwards (paraphrasing).

You can for example, if you are working on a specific issue, e.g. maybe you are forgiving a parent or an abuser or something, you can undo all beliefs surrounding it and go ALL the way to the atonement principle with it, accepting God's love. You WILL be able to experience SOME measure of love and worthiness, and will therefore be able to receive SOME healing. And this WILL give you a miracle, and you WILL become able to give this miracle to others at that point, even if you still have OTHER seemingly separate issues to undo. There are obviously some limits to this but the first time I did this Jesus told me, "you can perform miracles now."

The final atonement happens when you have basically atoned on ALL issues and have no ego left whatsoever.

Atonement is also the same thing as forgiveness, so when you are "applying forgiveness", you really SHOULD be taking it ALL the way to the atonement and accepting and receiving God's love at the end, otherwise you are not doing a COMPLETE forgiveness.

"There is no world. This is the central lesson the course would attempt to teach."

You may not realize what this implies. But consider this.

It means that this entire world, planet Earth, its surrounding environment, the sun, all the stars and galaxies, which you made, you are dreaming of. And that means none of them really exist.

It means the entire history of the human civilization is fiction. It means there is no planet. It means your body is an illusion. It means that everything you think exists in the world is absolutely and literally nothingness.

Essentially, there is not really a dream. And everything that seems to be in the dream is not really anything at all. There is NOTHING HAPPENING. There is NOTHING HERE.

This is the proper use of denial. The recognition that what is false is false, what is true is true. What is illusion is not real. And death itself is something you made up.

"You made sickness and death and therefore can abolish both."

The trees are not really there. The cars are not really there. The houses are not really there. The planet is not really there. It's all a huge giant dream. Dreams do not carry over when you wake up from them, because they depend entirely on you being unconscious. Dreams require you to be asleep, ie in denial of reality, so that you can imagine something UNLIKE reality. Whatever you make up in the dream simply stops being MADE when you wake up from dreaming. It switches off.

This is why this is such a huge, immensely radical and totally amazing lesson to learn. It means you cannot be fully awake while maintaining a dream body. "The body is a dream". "The body is clearly a device for separation and therefore does not exist." This is literally factually true. The body IS NOTHING. There is no real body. There is no world here.

That's how much of an illusion this world is. And this is why it's such a challenge to come to really believe and recognize this truth, as the culmination of the entire curriculum. It means you have to learn not to be deceived by ANYTHING you see or sense. It means you have to realize all your body senses were made to NOT KNOW reality. It means you have to realize everything you THINK exists, is happening, or has ever happened in this world, IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Nothing but an illusion. Nothing but a dream. A fantasy fairytale imagined universe in which NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS.

No-one is ever really sick. There is no real death. You made it up. You are an immortal spirit being who God has established as permanently real and perfect forever, who cannot change nor can you change what you are. You are temporarily in denial, wanting to believe that this isn't true, and in your denial you are trying to block awareness of the truth by dreaming of a UNIVERSE in which all manner of other stuff seems true and real. And none of it is.

Literally, ONLY the Kingdom of God is real. This world you made is NOT real, whatsoever. ONLY God's world is real. The world you made is total fiction, illusion, unreality, nothing. Literally NOTHING. Made of nothingness.

"The world will spin into the nothingness from which it came."

That means you're here sitting there reading this crap thinking this is all real and happening, that even this message is happening, and it is not really happening.

"The world you made is an illusion of a world, God did not create it, for what He creates must be eternal as himself."

Nothing in this world is eternal. Nothing. It is all temporary, fleeting, transitioning, changing, illusory. That's WHY it's an illusion. Miracles demonstrate that illusions ARE illusions because they CAN be changed. Anything that changes is not real. Nothing real can be threatened or changed. Anything that ever seemed to change or be affected or hurt was not real. Nothing real can be attacked ever. You are reality. You are the Son of God. You are immortal. You cannot be hurt. Pretending that you can is futile nonsense.

You cannot even die. You can confuse yourself with things that do. You can pretend to go through it. But it has NO EFFECT on who you really are. It does not even touch your spirit at all. It is totally immaterial, inconsequential. You made up death in your denial of the fact that you are immortal and have eternal life. You are PRETENDING you can suffer.

"Sickness is an attempt to prove you can be hurt."

You cannot be hurt. But you keep trying to prove it. You cannot die, but you keep trying to prove it. You cannot be attacked in any way, but you keep believing you can and have. This is confusion. You are mistaken. All beliefs in space and time are a mistake. There is no world here. Only God's Kingdom exists. Only the HOLY TRINITY is real.

There is no world. Sums up the entire truth about this realm. All of it is NOTHING. It's not even really here. It's all fiction. Do not believe it. The world is a lie. This isn't being negative about the world. It's factual. The world is not negative or positive. It is NOTHING. The body is not negative or positive. IT IS NOTHING.

"You cannot endow the body with attributes of Christ. Holiness is positive while the body is merely natural." (paraphrase). And when you think of the body and the world being NEUTRAL, you should NOT be thinking of them as being as SOMETHING. THEY ARE NOTHING. Neutrality means it has NO ATTRIBUTES AT ALL. The neutral world is NOT a world. The neutral body is NOT a body. You can't use neutrality to KEEP what does not exist.

We're hanging out on a fake planet interacting with imaginary characters played by sleeping brothers, pretending that things are happening, that we have important stuff to do, that there are places to go and things to see and do, important experiences to be had, magnificent illusions to sense, worlds to explore and accomplishments to be made. THERE IS NOTHING HERE. This is why ultimately "I need do nothing" - an atonement-level thought, in recognition of the fact that there is literally NO WORLD and NO SEPARATION and NO ILLUSIONS and therefore nothing has happened and there's nothing to do about it.

It's kind of like, you live in Heaven, but you're temporarily on a vacation to a fake imaginary planet Earth, and you're hanging out there for a LONG time, and kind of forgot to go back home. But some day you will go back home and leave this world, and never come back.

Everyone has free will. Which means that all experiences are chosen. And nothing happens to anyone without their consent or choice. If this weren't true, it would be possible that someone's free will could be taken away from them, violated, broken, or completely have no effect. This isn't possible because the free will was given by GOD, and is irrevocably permanent. Everyone has free will at all times.

"The world (heaven), in its original connotation, included both the proper creation of man (souls) by God, AND the proper creation by man (souls) in his Right Mind. The latter required the endowment of man (souls) by God with free will, because all loving creation is freely given."

"It still remains within him to project as God projected his own Spirit to him. In reality, this is his ONLY choice, because his free will was made for his own joy in creating the perfect."

When a person seems incapable of exercising decision making on their own, such as with a baby or a child, a person who you are having to be guardian for due to their disabilities, some group of people that you're supposed to protect, the elderly who have lost their power of thought and seem unable to look after themselves etc, these all create scenarios where someone else seems to have to take "responsibility" for them.

It's interesting first of all that there even is such a scenario where someone could seem to be in a position to be unable to choose for themselves. This alone is the result of ego interfering with freedom. And just because e.g. newborn babies are heavily dependent on their parents for survival and for decision making, this doesn't mean it's natural. To place oneself in a position of having to depend on anyone else to make decisions, for any reason, is an aspect of self denial. Which is what leads to incarnation in the first place. In effect this makes the bodies of babies, a physical "face of innocence", denying responsibility for attacking God.

Beyond that, once you're in a situation where it seems you have "no choice" but to take responsibility for choosing for someone else, there is now a very slippery slope. If you truly are "held accountable" for someone else's well-being, and if anything whatsoever remotely happens to that person, it is now implied that this is "your fault". Whether it be that you are a parent who "has to" look after a young child, or an adult looking after an elderly parent, or an older sibling looking after a younger sibling, the same is true.

If in any way another person seems to lack the power of decision or free will, and you have to "take over responsibility", this is tantamount to forcing you into a state of guilt. Anything that do, anything that happens to them, now effectively happens "to you", because you have now extended the scope of what you are responsible for. Even to the extent that it makes you feel like they are "part of you", and what happens to them even starts to affect you against your will. When they suffer, you suffer, because of this belief that you are bound to them - that you being responsible for them makes them an extension of your self.

It's very difficult to avoid this "double responsibility" in this world. If parents would just ditch babies, the babies would not survive. If we would just let those with dementia or alzheimers or disabilities fend for themselves, they would not last long. The question then is, is it possible psychologically to still maintain a role of "looking after" another person, or seeming to be responsible for them, WITHOUT believing that you are taking over their free will, and without using their suffering as a way to induce guilt in yourself?

It is very difficult to not feel guilty for the suffering of others. If you feel responsible for them it induces guilt and fear. If you feel compelled to protect them from suffering, and something happens, you can potentially go into self blame. If they go through a difficult time, you can possibly feel like it's your fault even if it isn't. And any way in which they suffer, makes you suffer.

If what's happening in your mind is a lack of letting go, a sense of "owning the person" (very prevalent in parenting), efforts to control and coerce, or any other way in which the person's free will is violated, then this will lay the groundwork for your own suffering. Regardless of whether you are acting physically on the level of form to provide for, support, guide, "keep alive" or otherwise be "responsible for" someone else's life, you have to find a way to keep sight of free will. Otherwise you will lose yourself in it and accuse yourself of "irresponsibility", as a result of being overly responsible.

I was guided recently, that "She is God's responsibility, not yours". This was because I kept being overly responsible for the wellbeing of another person. This compels a need to constantly fix and control things. It results in a kind of fear-driven desperation to want things to be different. To try to get someone to make different choices, to avoid certain outcomes. But as soon as we're getting into territory of encroaching on free will, we're going to lose our own peace of mind.

It boils down to the simple fact that you can't retain a sense of freedom if you take over the freedom of others. You become excessively responsible for things you are not responsible for, when you see yourself as "the cause of" what others are experiencing. You move into states of guilt and fear and worry whenever you believe that someone is "not supposed to" or "supposed to" be in a certain state they are not electing to be in. And you cannot retain any sense of peace while you try to coerce anyone in any way.

It's a difficult thing to deal with. You have to continue possibly being physically and emotionally supportive of a person, but without getting lost in it. Without losing sight of your own free will and that of another. It can even seem frightening to entertain the idea of allowing someone to make poor decisions or to degrade or to head towards death. Mainly because this incites reactions of guilt at not preventing it, due to believing it's your fault, based on believing their free will is something for YOU to control.

Always it's about the confusion of who you are, who they are, who is responsible for what freedom, and who is doing what to whom. You have to let people go in order to truly helpful. Otherwise any help is really a combination of help and manipulation. And that can only lead to a special relationship.

Let's make it clear now, that the Holy Spirit has SUPERNATURAL POWERS.

Through the Holy Spirit, any act of healing or correction is possible on any level, including what we call the physical body level.

There are many things in ACIM which many people don't believe can be literal because it seems to be so radical and unbelievable to the ego, way outside your comfort zone, and just too 'unreal' to seem real.

But the Holy Spirit is not a metaphor. He is not just some Course lingo for some fiction aspect of an imaginary trinity that doesn't really exist in Oneness.

Also, by the way, Jesus had supernatural powers because of the Holy Spirit.

Turning water into wine, is not a metaphor. Healing the blind and sick and deaf is not a metaphor. Raising the dead is not a metaphor. Turning a stick into a snake and back is not a metaphor. The resurrection from the cross is not a metaphor. Multiplying some fish and bread to feed 5000 people is not a metaphor.

These are not just conveniently dismissed and put into a nice tidy box just to fit into our nice protected little ego frameworks of how much truth is acceptable.

ACIM says "I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him. I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

Now. Get this. When you surrender, a lot, with a genuine willingness to admit to the truth and to let go, this opens the door for the Holy Spirit to come in. He can then join with you, and He then also has access to your mind, your feelings, your energy, and your body, and also to various aspects of events and situations in your life.

If you think the Holy Spirit is inactive, passive, just an observer, or just a lifeless metaphor - some fictional concept that makes it easier to grasp metaphysics, think again.

The Holy Spirit is God's ANSWER to the separation. The answer to the ENTIRE separation. Not just an answer like some piece of information. He is an experiential answer, the actual correction OF the problem. He has the power to undo the entire universe. He has the power to correct all problems. He has the power to reverse all sickness and suffering and signs of disease on any level. He has the capability to perform MIRACLES.

Now, when you surrender a lot and relax and INVITE HIM IN, and are genuinely open to allowing Him to work in you, He can and WILL come into you. "Holy Spirit, come", is a very simple invitation. And if you are genuinely open to this, He will enter your mind/emotions/body and start to do healing on you. He can remove stuff for you. He can cancel out negative feelings. He can heal physical sickness. He can correct the body in any way needed. And this has nothing to do with the pros, cons, rights or wrongs or whether it is okay or not to heal the body. Fuck that. He just does it, ok? Get over yourself.

Now. Willingness plays into this, therefore, because if you are not willing to surrender your ego activities, you are not allowing Him to decide for God for you. And another way to put that is, if you are in control and won't let go, He can't help you. But if you DO let go, then He has access and can help you. And you will find as you develop a relationship with Him, that he can quite literally heal you, correct you, and restore you, not just on a level of thoughts or mind, but on all levels - mental, emotional, physical. It is ultimately irrelevant whether these levels a actually REAL or not, and we know that these things are still illusions, but nevertheless He can, does, and WILL bring about healing on any level if you are willing.

Again, this is only possible because He is NOT a metaphor. He is not just some concept to make it easy to explain the Course. He is not a principle. He is an intelligence, a power, a spiritual presence. He is an aspect of God, for Heaven's sake, having been created by God as the answer to ALL illusions. And there is nothing He cannot do to correct or change them for any reason. If there were anything He could not do to alter illusions, the Son of God would be trapped in hell forever with no way to go Home. And fortunately for us that's not the case.

Holy Spirit is here not just as a friend and comforter but as your healer, guide, mentor, and liberator. You don't have to just struggle through this on your own trying to have the proper thoughts or the right perceptions. You need to surrender and get into some serious teamwork. Let Him help you. Let Him do the work of directly correcting you... supernaturally... not just like, oh well, you know that's not the right answer, 3 points off.... try again. It's more like.... you will experience a supernatural electrical power flowing through you that literally purges you of all of the "consequences of your wrong decision". Mental, emotional, physical, it doesn't matter.

Miracles, my friends. Miracles.

It's true that separation is impossible, because God is everywhere, so you can't leave heaven and go to another world. In what we call "the separation", or fall of man, or detour into fear, the rebellion against God etc, we didn't actually separate either. It is always impossible.

What is possible is the BELIEF that we have separated, and that belief can produce all manner of visual hallucinations, apparent worlds, spacetime, dreams, images and imagined happenings.

But these things aren't ACTUAL. The world isn't actually a world, the body isn't a real body, and spacetime isn't really spacetime. There isn't any real sin, real guilt, real fear, or real death.

What we've done, in truth, is we've just IMAGINED what it MIGHT be like, IF we could be separate. It's like imagining what a place might be like if you could travel there - somewhere you've never actually been, without actually GOING there.

You imagine what it might be like there, you picture it, you dream of its qualities and its environments, and you wish that you could be there. But you don't actually go there. You dwell within the daydream of "what if I could be separate", but you don't actually go to where separation is. You NEVER CREATE the place, you just stay in the "planning" of it.

In this way, the body is not really a body. It's actually a PICTURE of what a body might be like IF bodies were possible. The world isn't actually a world, it's a PICTURE of what you IMAGINE a world might be like if you could go and be in a separate world.

So you're not inside an ACTUAL separation, in an ACTUAL world, in an ACTUAL body. You're just dwelling somewhere else - in heaven - dreaming of exile. Imagining and visualising what you think spacetime would be like, IF it existed. Not a real actually created spacetime, just a daydream ABOUT a spacetime.

This is in no way the same as actually CREATING IT and going there. Instead, you are making it up. You've never gone to a real space-time, or been in a real body on a real earth. You've only pretended and rehearsed what it MIGHT be like IF you could.

This is important to remember because while you are inside this seeming world, you DO actually BELIEVE that you HAVE in fact separated from God, that you HAVE sinned, that you HAVE pulled off the impossible, you HAVE made a world, and you HAVE produced a body to live in. But you haven't. You've DREAMED OF doing it, but you haven't actually done it in truth.

There's a huge difference between actually doing something, and just believing that you are doing it. Between imagining what it might be like if you could do it, and actually doing it. The truth is that we are not living inside an ACTUAL SEPARATION. We're not in a real spacetime. WE're just CONCEIVING of what we THINK spacetime might be like, IF it were possible.

It's like drawing up the plans for a new city, and then visualising the plans, and then imagining that you're in the city by being "in the plans", without EVER building the actual city.

This is why you are forgivable, and everything is forgivable. Because you haven't actually SEPARATED, you haven't sinned, you're not guilty, and you can never die. All you've done is deceive yourself that you've done something impossible.

Spacetime isn't an ACTUAL attack on God. Bodies aren't ACTUALLY bodies. The world isn't ACTUALLY here. Death doesn't ACTUALLY happen. It's a dream in the mind, an imagined picturing of wishful thinking, a kind of hallucinating of a world that we wish COULD exist, but DOES NOT.

Because it doesn't really exist, and you have not really therefore separated, you must be innocent still. You must be MISTAKEN, simply because you believe that this NOT A WORLD, is actually a world. That you having NOT SEPARATED, is actually a real separation.

You really think you've done it, pulled it off, made an opposite to God, proven that God's son can die, that you can suffer, that you are something you're not. And because you THINK you have done this, you think you are guilty. But thankfully you haven't ACTUALLY DONE ANYTHING AT ALL. You're just a bit confused and lost in the blueprint for another world, thinking it's actually been created when all it is is an idea of what it could never be.

This is why you remain always innocent, because you have not done what you think you've done. And if you believe you have really separated, you are mistaken. If you believe you are really a body, you are mistaken. If you believe you're in a world here, you're mistaken. Believing the IMAGINED WORLD to be ACTUAL, is the only mistake.

Actual separation never happened. Only the faulty belief in it, a dream of a world that never was.

"What seems to be the opposite of life is merely sleeping. When the mind elects to be what it is not, and to assume an alien power which it does not have, a foreign state it cannot enter, or a false condition not within its Source, it merely seems to go to sleep a while. It dreams of time; an interval in which what seems to happen never has occurred, the changes wrought are substanceless, and all events are nowhere. When the mind awakes, it but continues as it always was."

"There is no peace except the peace of God because He has one Son, who cannot make a world in opposition to God's Will and to his own, which is the same as His. What could he hope to find in such a world? It cannot have reality because it never was created. Is it here that he would seek for peace? Or must he see that, as he looks on it, the world can but deceive? Yet can he learn to look on it another way, and find the peace of God."

"You are DEVOTING your mind to what you DO NOT WANT. How real can this devotion be? If you do not want it, it was never created. If it was never created, it is nothing. Can you REALLY devote yourself to nothing?"

"Now in the hands made gentle by His touch, the Holy Spirit lays a picture of a DIFFERENT you. It is a picture of a body still, for what you REALLY are can not be seen nor pictured."

"Perception seems to TEACH you what you see. Yet it but witnesses to what YOU taught. It is the outward picture of a wish, an image that you WANTED to be true."

"You need to be aware of what the Holy Spirit uses to replace the image of a body in your mind."

"This ____ is an image which I have made."

"That ____ is an image which I have made."

"An idol is an image of your brother"

"Here is an image that you WANT to be yourself. It is the means to make your wish come true. It GIVES the eyes with which you look on it, the hands that feel it, and the ears with which you listened to the sounds it makes. IT PROVES ITS OWN REALITY TO YOU. Thus is the body made a THEORY of yourself, with NO provisions made for evidence BEYOND itself, and NO escape within its sight."