I'm gradually learning from Holy Spirit that figuring out what is wrong with someone is a no-no, even if I think it's part of trying to heal.
I think to myself that I need to figure it out, because it seems like the only way I can really 'fix' it is to know what is 'actually' happening.
I ask a lot of questions of Holy Spirit to try to figure this out, and sometimes he answers but often he gives me a gentle nudge that I'm making a mistake. And all of those questions come up because I am perceiving that the person has a "real problem".
As soon as I think it's really a problem I get flooded with fearful attack thoughts of doubt and uncertainty, which act as though they're trying to find an answer - having thrown answers away.
I think to myself that I should use even my best faculties, my sharpest discernment, or even psychic skills, to determine what 'really' is going on with someone, to get insight into it, and to therefore learn what the 'truth' of the thing is.
But this really just makes the problem real. It's the ego trying to be clever about making illusions real. And, the truth is, that figuring out what is 'really' happening doesn't do anything to undo it. I think that if I can find out this information I'll be able to more correctly heal it or something, but not so.
Holy Spirit simply knows that this stuff does not matter. God heals. God wants to heal already. God knows HOW to heal. God knows what the issue is, what it is based on, where it came from, what it comprises, but most of all God knows that all problems are just illusions.
Holy Spirit just wants to get down to the healing already. He doesn't need to go through a figuring out process. He doesn't need to do detective work as though this is a 'new' problem that he hasn't seen before. And he already has an answer to EVERY problem. In fact, Holy Spirit IS God's answer to EVERY problem. Holy Spirit is the answer to the separation from God, which is the root cause of all problems.
Healing is love. It is one action. It is one method. It is one approach. One answer. One way. One attitude. One approach. Holy Spirit doesn't have 65 different healing modalities. He doesn't have 150 different things to do to different problems. There is love or a call for love, and love heals by loving unconditionally, which means regardless of what the call for love is.
Unconditional healing.
So really, we can skip the diagnosis. All of it. It's all ego intellect. Let's just skip diagnosing and analyzing and figuring out, and get right to the miracles.
After all, what do we want, a longwinded story about how having the problem is riddled with symptoms and suffering, OR... to heal it right now without delay?
It's about getting out of the way, because Holy Spirit is the one who does the healing and he already knows what's needed.
Development of trust.
You'll defend something to the death if you think it's true. Your effort to be "right" about it is a combination of something that you believe is true combined with a sense of certainty. The power of conviction is not wrong, it is just misplaced onto something false. It's okay to acknowledge that your mind is powerful, it's just that it is 'mis-creating'.
If you are believing something is true which is actually false, and you are really adamant about it, it's going to take some 'undoing' to reverse this sense of conviction. You've probably built up a lot of "story" that explains, justified, rationalizes and establishes "why" this is true.
The more evidence you have gathered and the more you've "proven" it to yourself and talked yourself and others into it, the more volume of material is going to need to be undone. Those who are really extremely convinced of a lie are heavily "conditioned" by all of this psychological support, which may have come from culture or where you live or the kinds of people around you or your upbringing or experiences you had etc.
You'll need to look at what, in your belief system, 'supports' this truth. Look at all the scaffolding you've erected around it, all the supporting ideas and background information, the opinions of others, sources of authority that you believe in that support this truth, experiences you had which led you to be even more convinced this is true, affirmations that you make about its righteousness, ways you spin stories about it which back it up and regurgitate and reinforce it, how you defend it against other truth which seems to not be in accord with it, etc. All of these things add "weight" to this sense of it being real and valuable and correct.
It's not a problem to be correct. It's okay to be correct when you ARE correct. It's okay to be correct about Holy Spirit's truth which IS correct, and a correction of all else. But when you are correct about something that is an error or mistake or faulty conclusion or something based on dishonesty, it's going to present problems for you. You don't REALLY want to be right about how you need to suffer and die, for the sake of some "truth" that the ego has convinced you of, do you?
So as you pull apart your thought system you'll need to realize you've got all this support built up that defends this belief/truth and that all of that needs to be examined with Holy Spirit's light. It needs to be seen from a vantage point of a greater truth, otherwise you cannot recognize the falseness of it. You need to get outside of it and look in from a wider perspective.
For example, let's say you believe that you're in mortal danger because some body part seems to be failing and all the doctors said it's seriously bad and all your family members are showering you with sympathy and all you coworkers are retelling their own stories of woe and you've got yourself all worked up and terrified. Well, now this means that not only do you believe in sickness and so on but you also believe what your family and neighbors and coworkers are all telling you is the truth as well. And maybe you also "taught yourself" that all the doctors are well-trained and totally know what they're talking about, and that you don't dare question their authority. And maybe you yourself have justified to yourself why you need to be sick because it proves how guilty you are about something. All of these attitudes and opinions support keeping the problem real and true for you. You must be willing to question whether ANY of these supports are true.
What if absolutely everyone involved is telling you a lie, to show you what YOU believe that's a lie, and that you need to change your mind about what YOU think is true, so that they will stop telling you you're sure to die? Where is the empowerment and strength in listening to the voice for death? Where is the empowerment in not taking back responsibility for choosing to believe something that is grossly mistaken? You have to dismantle all of the lies that support the main lie in order for the main lie to be recognized as holding no ground. That it has no support. That it can't be justified. That it doesn't have any proof. And thus that you can't believe it. While you think lies are believable, you are stuck. The ego is literally unbelievable.
There is no world.
The entire content of the physical world is happening within the split mind of the ego. It is all happening inside the one mind of the ego, shared collectively by all individuals within it.
Every event that takes place always has some form of separation involved, where there is a cause and a separate effect, a victim and victimizer, some kind of opponents, enemies, conflict.
Every role, every side, every persuasion of someone being for or against or right or wrong, all of them are part of the ego split mind.
The ego mind is a vast mind spanning this entire universe. It includes all planets and stars and galaxies. Every single event that transpires is an expression of self attack.
In self-attack, a single mind is at war with itself. It has divisions within itself which have split it apart and now, what used to be a single will has become multiple wills. And each of these wills is slightly different and has a different focus or goal. And none of them agree with each other, and so all of them are in competition. Chaos is the result (see the laws of chaos in the Course).
This gives rise to all manner of illusions across a vast spectrum throughout the world and throughout all history. In every war there appear to be two sides, the good and the bad, the oppressor and the oppressed, the attacker and the attacked. And yet both of those sides are happening inside the one ego mind. The one ego mind is playing against itself, is at war with itself, and is both its own attacker and its own victim.
When you do not see this and you fall for the illusion that one of the sides is better than the other side, one of the viewpoints is more justified or righteous, one of the parties is better or worse, or somehow there is an inbalance or difference between them, you have become fooled by the ego's illusions. You are misperceiving and are now experiencing the ego.
There is a line in the Course which says literally, "The world IS false perception." It does not say that the world is perceived falsely by individuals. It says there is one mind, the one ego mind, which contains the entire physical universe, within which there is a false perception happening. That means there are illusions appearing, there is misunderstanding, there is division and separation, there are multiple wills, and now there APPEARS to be many different sides all who do not quite agree with each other. And some of those sides now seem to be defending various positions or opinions, and yet ALL of those sides are part of the ego's state of misperception.
The world, the physical world, IS mis-perception taking place within the one ego mind. The world, the illusion of a world appearing, with all of its events and people, is actually a picture in a single large mind, where that mind is hallucinating, and is experiencing self-attack, and is having a major war with itself. This is why the Course says that the world is a "picture of the crucifixion of God's Son" - an envisioning within God's Son of what it would be like if He were destroying himself.
Everything in this physical universe is at war with everything else. For particles of matter to even appear to exist there has to be difference and conflict, to allow there to be a fluctuation of some kind, which creates a localized point in spacetime where something shows up to demonstrate that what is true there is not true elsewhere.
If we are in the business of correcting perception, which the Course very much advocates, then we need to realize that this correction of perception cannot JUST take place within your little ego mind within your little ego body. Your little ego mind is only a TINY part of the entire ego mind. There is vast mis-perception occuring in and AS the entire world itself. THAT MIND, that large mind, which is dreaming the whole world, is mis-perceiving and experiencing self-attack all the time. THAT MIND needs to receive perceptual correction, beyond your own little PIECE of that mind receiving correction.
There is no world, by the way.
When you wake up to the `limits` of your own personal separate ego little mind, confined to a body still and subject still to the laws of the world, such as death and physics and biological processes and so on, and also spacetime itself, you have corrected the perception of a PART of the ego mind, but you have not corrected the grander perception of the entire ego mind, which is still hallucinating a universe-scale war against itself. This is the difference between waking up in the dream and having the war still wage all around you, versus waking up FROM the dream and ENDING THE WAR WITH YOURSELF, which means ENDING THE ILLUSORY UNIVERSE.
If there is a leaf on a tree which is not receiving quite as much sunlight today because there is another leaf above it which is blocking the light, this is a WAR on that leaf and will "cause" it to die off more quickly. If you accelerate what takes place underground as tree roots look for food, you will see that they literally fight with each other and try to fend each other off to secure ownership of food sources. The trees are at war with each other. When there is a cloud in the sky, blocking the sun, that is a war on everything beneath the cloud. I'm not kidding.
This entire universe is a state of war, a state of conflict, a state of self-attack. The one mind is dreaming of what it is like to attack itself and kill itself. It is a dream of dying and death. It's a desert where starved and thirsty creatures come to DIE, having hated a while. Do not glorify one little part of this world over another - that's still part of the ego thought system.
You do not escape this dream of death until you are able to completely transcend all of the laws of this universe and become supernaturally miraculous. You do not escape it by taking a side or seeing one thing as better or worse than another. You do not escape it by falling for the oldest trick in the book, which is that one thing is more spiritual or worthy or special or better or worse or more righteous or more justified or more ego or less ego than something else. EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS AN ILLUSION OF SEPARATION.
This entire world is a mis-perception, an hallucination, happening in the mind of the One Son of God. It is a vast ego delusion, where every single role or side that can be taken "against" another is taken, and all sides and all roles are played simultaneously by that one mind. NO-ONE is more justified than another, and no side that anyone takes is better or more righteous than another. All victims, all victimizers, all opposition, all enemies, those who appear innocent, those who appear guilty, it is ALL part of the same ONE MIND PRETENDING that it is multiple individual selves with different opinions. This is also why no-one's opinion matters to the truth.
Perpetrators of suffering and war and violence and murder and death are just as much a part of the ego dream as those who seem to receive those effects. Both sides are a team. Both of them need each other. Both of them depend on each other to exist. Both of them must exist together in order to exist at all. Look at the whole of the mind - the universal mind - the one mind. Look at what it is doing to itself, within itself. It's beating itself up. It's pretending to put on a performance where one part of itself attacks another part and pretends it doesn't know it's doing it. This is the illusion we need to learn to overlook. This is what forgiveness must teach us to see past and not fall for or be hemmed in by.
There is no world here. it's just one mind's dream of hurting itself. This is the CENTRAL THOUGHT the Course is attempting to teach. That there literally, right in your fucking face literally, IS NO WORLD. This world we seem to live in and on is NOT REALLY THERE. It's a lie. It's a big fat illusion floating in the one mind. It is mis-perception of Self, and mis-perception of God. It's an attempt to destroy who you are. It is the crucifixion of God's Son, of which Jesus's crucifixion on the cross was just a reflection or symbol within a symbol.
There is no world. Can you handle the truth?
The ego mind plays ALL of the roles in the dream simultaneously.
It is all of the characters at once, even if those characters seem to be completely against each other, or working together. It is like a puppeteer with billions of hands, pulling all the strings at once.
It is the person victimizing someone and also the person being victimized.
It is the hero coming to rescue the homeless personstuck in the river and also the homeless person stuck in the river.
It is the man shouting at some woman across the street, and also the woman being shouted at.
It is the person cutting you off in traffic, and you being cut off in traffic.
It is the person skapegoating another and attacking them as well as the person being skapegoated and attacked.
It is the politician you like and the politician you don't like.
It is your favorite team and their arch rivals.
Is is the person in the relationship who is angry and right and the other person in the relationship who is also angry and right.
But there is another mind, a non-ego mind. The mind of the Holy Spirit, which overlooks these artificial roles and the need for them. It does not identify with any of the sides being taken or any of the attacks, which ultimately are attacks upon the attacker. Whatever one person does that they think they do to another, they do to themselves. Whatever the ego mind thinks it escapes, it condemns itself with. And whoever is your enemy, is yourself.
Only if you can recognize that you are ALL of these people, in Oneness, can you truly take the responsibility to step out of ALL ego roles and disguises and be a consistent, authentic self. You can't play the game if you see that all of the pieces are set up as self attacks. There is nothing to gain. Holy Spirit sees through the costumes and the dramas and the pretense that one person is not another. He knows we are all one.
A belief in separation takes place within your own mind. Your own mind becomes divided. A portion of your will goes into one part and the rest into another. Eventually this forms the conscious self and the unconscious self.
Separation leads to a splitting out of cause from effect, receiving from giving, and other from self. But because it splits the will, it results in two opposing wills which do not see things the same way.
"Being in two minds" means having an ego mind - a divided mind at war with itself. It must produce indecision and an inability to resolve conflict. It in fact must produce conflict, because one part of will is acting to cancel out the other. This creates a standoff, or a stalemate, or a situation of simultaneous push and pull.
The result of two wills acting against one another in opposite directions is that they will cancel the effects of each other and create a paralysis. One will tries to move in a given direction, the other will stops it. The other will tries to move in a given direction, the first will stops it. Nothing happens.
With two opposing wills trying to operate at the same time, there must conflict - an inner war with yourself. You will thwart everything you try to express. This conflict is literally the same thing as insanity, because the single whole mind is attempting to achieve two opposite and incompatible goals at the same time. It produces impossibility - which is the opposite of the possible. Miracles are another name for possibility. And with God, all things are possible.
When you are in this world and are in two minds, ie you have an ego and therefore two wills, you are literally against yourself. You are experiencing self attack. Your will and ambitions will be thwarted, sabotaged and undermined. You will become "stuck", ineffective, powerless and frozen.
Ultimately this leads to fear which will stop you in your tracks. Fear is a state of intensely experiencing separation between yourself and yourself, where one part of you seems like you and the rest seems like a separate enemy. Fear is paralyzing. It puts a freeze on action, it strips both parts of mind of all power, collapses the power of will and is an attempt to extinguish yourself.
No wonder then that when your mind is split, you cannot manifest miracles, you cannot see yourself as sharing God's power, you do not see yourself as causal, and every time you try to even perform a miracle it becomes thwarted and nothing seems to happen. You get used to this mode of being un-mraculous, believing it is normal to have no power over anything.
The only reason you can't make objects move, raise the dead, heal the sick, levitate or whatever else, is because your mind and heart is not WHOLE, with a single focus or goal. It is divided against itself. You try to cause stuff to happen, but the rest of you tries to stop it.
A simple example is that you attempt to produce a miracle but you "ask" for something to change, you fear that it won't change, you have doubt about seeing results, you look to form to change to see if something worked, and generally undermine yourself. You waver. You lose sight of the truth. You listen to other people's doubts and buy into the appearance that it isn't working. You listen to the ego. And this basically cancels your efforts.
But you'll think that all of these things are happening against your will or that you're really trying hard to make this miracle happen. PART of you is. ONE of your wills is. But you have another separated will - part 2 - which you are still actually USING, albeit largely unconsciously, to sabotage your efforts.
Your belief in fear splits your will. Your belief in a lack of authority splits your will. Your belief in not being completely causal, or not having power over anything, splits your mind. If your mind becomes split like this, you are literally working against yourself. One hand is reaching to express a miracle, the other quickly wrestles with it and stops it. Not physically, but in your mind and perception.
To work miracles requires an allegiance to the truth, and a loyalty and clarity about staying true to it no matter what illusions present. Holding fast regardless of things appearing to not work, or even if they seem to become worse. Is it the truth? No. But if you take it in and make it real, that's you using the other half of your will against yourself.
The only reason that a miracle won't happen, effectively, is because you stopped being causal and turned yourself into an effect. You paralyzed yourself - dis-empowered yourself. It is your false perceptions which strip you of your sharing of God's power. You can't work miracles when you're divided against yourself and thus God. It's like asking God to stop flowing. It means you do not really know what you want, and uncertainty does not produce the certainty of God's power.
Another way of saying that is that when your mind/will is split, you are asking for two things at once, which is like asking for nothing clearly at all. So you get nothing, or you "mis-create", and end up with effects that you don't think you asked for.
When you "ask" by focusing on only one thing, wholly and clearly, it must be given you. Therefore realize if the only thing stopping your miracles was your own divided will, once your will, mind and heart are whole, you will not stop yourself, and no-one else has any power to do so either. Anything is possible.
Being so used to having a split will, which renders us practically powerless and inept, we are not accustomed to being solely causal. We are not used to the power of the mind when it is expresses in one direction, with one intention, one focus, one belief, one thought, one love. We are not accustomed to giving and receiving being one. And we are not used to having so much authority over illusions.
The mind has massive creative power. It never stops being creative, Jesus says. It's just that we keep using it against itself and thus keep mis-creating, producing effects which conflict with part of what we asked for, or we create things which attack ourselves, or things which seem unwanted or a mistake. There are no mistakes. You ARE getting what you're asking for, it's just that you keep asking from a confused state of not really knowing what you want.
What happens when you cause and you do not stop yourself? You create. That's what produces miracles, manifestations, signs, healings, wonders, etc. Jesus was masterful at this, coming from such a state of pure love that He could express all of God's power, undivided, certain, with great authority, and there was nothing He could not do. You can be this way also.
I asked Holy Spirit how better to produce miracles. He said, "be truth." Truth is absolute. All or nothing. Commitment. Certainty. Confidence. Authority. Power.
All thoughts create form at some level. This is because thoughts (ego thoughts) are ideas about separation. Regardless of their specific content they are always separation ideas.
Separation ideas always therefore lead to "form" in some way.
What this means is, the idea of separation from God, having that tiny mad idea, AUTOMATICALLY means that form MUST come from it. Form must be the end result of an idea of separation. The thought ITSELF shows up as form - separate images appearing real, and eventually being so "firm" that they seem like solid matter.
Form results from thoughts of separation because separation requires us to make an illusion of how two things are different and disconnected, not sharing space or properties. These illusory appearances make it seem like separation is real and result in the illusion of "separate objects".
Any ego thought therefore emphasizes separation between illusions. As the division between thoughts intensifies, or becomes more "dense", it HAS to eventually lead to the illusory manifestation of what we would call "physical solid matter" - a physical universe - which is essentially just a very heavy/serious thought.
Or to put it simply, the mad idea of being separate from God HAD to create a physical universe. It is a completely logical progression and consequence of having such an idea. Form derives from separation.
If separation is perceived or believed to be real, some kind of universe of forms, to some degree, must seem to manifest.
Before the physical universe there were also prior "stages" if you will, subtler levels of this, which have produced additional levels in the dream. Other dimensions. These are all part of the same ego holographic dream and many of these levels feature form to varying degrees.
As Jesus says for example, nighttime and waking dreams differ only in their forms/content. Being in the physical world is nothing more than being inside the tiny mad idea of separation. It is just an idea, and is not really happening. This is why the physical universe is an illusion. It's an illusory thought of separation - a thought of impossibility.
When you can recognize the illusion correctly, you have completed forgiveness. This means being able to transcend and overlook the thought which has made the physical world. Seeing the truth of this, is seeing the "real world", ie the true nature of the worlds of form (which may pertain to physical level as well as higher levels/dimensions of form).
Overlooking illusions makes them disappear. Overlooking the thought of separation makes it, and everything which has come from it (is inside it), disappear. This is why the physical and other higher dimensional universes MUST eventually disappear, or rather be recognized as having been nothing more than a dream/illusion to begin with. Illusions recognized must disappear. The tiny mad idea, recognized as purely false, must end.
Only Heaven is reality, the home of Immortal Spirit. Only Heaven will be left when all of these illusory universes disappear. Only Heaven is the Home of God and the Son of God. Only Heaven, God's Creation, is the real truth - the real universe of oneness.
"Seek and do not find" is the absolute rule of the ego's way of perceiving.
It's very simple logic.
1) You already have everything you need. You are love.
2) Deny everything you are. "It's not in you".
3) Feel deprived and lacking and driven to search for what you lost anywhere, except in you - because as per step 2, it is clearly not in you (notice here that we never mentioned it being anywhere ELSE either though).
4) Now you go on a passionate hunt for what you lost - yourself - God - everywhere OTHER THAN where it is. Everywhere separate from you. In every illusion that prevents you from being as you are.
5) COMPLETELY fail to find it, because it is NOT OUT THERE.
Sometimes you'll find something which you think is your salvation - idols, objects, people, relationships, activities, places, etc. You invest them with 'hope' that they will be 'the one' that will save you from this dilemma of denial of yourself. BUT at the same time, you absolutely DO NOT believe that they will do so, because you're convinced the truth is NOT in you and never will be ever again.
So whatever you find starts to fail and reveal its cracks and show evidence that it is not working - it's not restoring you to happiness or love or who you are. So you become disillusioned, maybe angry that you've been led astray. You feel deceived and abandoned and frustrated. This REINFORCES your feeling that you are not loveable, that you are not good enough for God, that you are not with God, and that you are not yourself. You feel terrible. Even worse than before. And how does the ego suggest you solve this?
Any guesses?
"Why not go looking somewhere else, since it's obviously not here?" - ... in other words, MORE DENIAL, leading to more compulsion to seek outside yourself where you WILL NOT find what you're looking for.
Every effort you make to 'hold on', forces you to 'lose'. Every effort to 'have' or 'get' forces you to lose. Every effort to 'gain' what you lost reinfoces it's loss and loses even more. Every time you try to 'keep' what you 'little left' you fear to lose, you believe in its loss even more and it goes away. Every time you try to control what's happening so that you don't lose any more of what you value, it all gets taken away from you.
This is how the ego functions. It is insane. Only the insane would tell you to go looking for what you don't have because of how you failed to find it the last time you went looking. The last hunt didn't work? Keep on looking, you're sure to find it someday! Not.
What you're really looking for is God. What you're looking for is your True Self. It's not fancy cars and people and sex and bodies and tv shows and weddings and vacations and rainbows and pets and political rallies and movies and whatever else. It's not out there.
What you want is BEHIND the wall of denial that you've constructed, which you USED the ego to accomplish - or rather, you made the ego BY denying who you are and what you already have.
Everything you really want and CAN ever really HAVE and BE and EXPERIENCE, is already given to you by God. It is what you are. It is love Itself. With this there is nothing else that you really want. That is why the course says, "this world holds nothing that you want". Sobering. It holds nothing you want because it's not WHAT you want, what you want was already yours - it's YOU, as God created you. And you already ARE that. It's in you.
And let's be very very clear about something, because this is the ego's entire cover-story that we're about to blow. Ready? .... Denial is NOT removal. Denial does NOT destroy. Denial does not get rid of anything. Denial merely COVERS UP what is already there and PRETENDS that it is not there.
You want to know what the ego's crowning glory of denial is? The total denial that you are love, that you even live? It's DEATH. Death is DENIAL, it does NOT remove anything, it does not destroy anything, it merely PRETENDS that Life (God, You) do not exist.
It's a cover up!
You merely need to look with Holy Spirit at where you are DENYING - God - Your True Self - and uncover that, expose it to the light again, and reclaim your "natural inheritance". God's already given you everything you could possible want to be satisfied. You're just choosing not to want it. And because of that, you WILL NOT find anything better or more satisfying anywhere else.
Undo denial and you awaken to the love that is already your natural birthright. God created you AS love and that will never change, NO matter how much you might DENY it. And it is still the truth about you, because denial has not touched it or changed it. You are love.
Love is the truth, forever.
You have your real self, which is your `higher self`, which God created. Then you have your ego self, your 'false self', which you made.
Interestingly, the ego which you made, seems to turn against you and tries to take away your identity. It tries to stop you from being your real self. It wants you to become the ego self.
The ego then is like a black hole, sucking the life out of you, covering up your real self, distracting you from remembering who you are, closing down your mind and awareness, stealing from you, possessing you, getting you to align with it, getting you to trust it and side with it and want it, and above all else, getting you to believe that you ARE it. The ego is attempting to remove your real self from existence, so that all that is left is the false ego self, to whom you have handed over all your power and life.
In ACIM, Jesus speaks with very clear awareness of the fact that there is YOU - your real self - and then there is "the ego" - your false self. He speaks of how the ego is trying to get you to believe that you are it, but that you are not it and cannot be it. He also warns of how you willingly give the ego all of its power by choosing to deny and reject who you really are.
So here we have this strange battle going on, where the ego is trying to absorb you into itself. And for most people, it's done a really good job of it. To such an extent, that most people believe they are ONLY their ego. They don't even suspect that they have a hidden 'true self'. They have no idea that they are not themselves, or that their real self is covered up by layer upon layer of ego bullshit.
The challenge you have, and the entire purpose of 'awakening', is to get you to wake up to the truth of this situation and to 'pull away' from your identification with the ego, remember who you really are, and become really really clear that you are NOT the ego. Every time you buy into or listen to or side with or use the ego, you are reinforcing the belief that you ARE the ego.
You are not the ego. You are not what happens to the ego. You are not the ego that becomes affected by stupid events and attackers and bad people. You are not the self that feels hurt. You are not the self that is guilty. You are not the self that suffers and dies. You are not the self that fears death and fears life. You are not the self that is all caught up in drama and the rollercoaster of life's events. You are not the self that can be affected or feels triggered off by things happening around them. YOU ARE NOT THAT SELF. THAT IS NOT YOU.
Your ego is the repository of all things ego, and your ego is not who you are. You do not NEED an ego in order to exist. You do not need anything the ego is attached to, believes in, values or thinks is real. You are not dependent on it. It is dependent upon you. But while you think you depend on it - for your life - because you think you ARE it - because you've listened to and chosen to believe the ego's bullshit cover-story - you will keep experiencing things AS IF you are it, and AS IF all these things are happening to YOU.
Nothing can happen to YOU, ever. Because YOU are not the ego, you are not guilt, you are not fear, you are not upset, you are not drama, you are not the body, you are not vulnerable, you are not attackable, you are not hurt, you are not suffering, you are not sick or diseased, you cannot die, and you cannot change. Not one iota.
So the real lie is this... who you really are, cannot be changed, and is a permanent identity that God has put in place, and there's nothing you can do about it. BUT... your mind is capable of DENYING this fact, and pretending otherwise, and when it presents otherwise it hallucinates ego. And once ego is in the picture there are all kinds of backwards distortions of how things look and who you think you are. And you start to lose sight of yourself. And you lose track of your completely unchangeable perfection and innocence, and start to ACTUALLY BELIEVE that ITS POSSIBLE that the 'life of the ego' is your life, that you CAN be hurt and suffer and die, and that this big ego nightmare is actually happening to YOU.
Like, hello.
To be a miracle worker who does their own will, is a spiritual ego. Becoming miraculous while maintaining the ego is a good disguise for pretending to be a miracle worker while blocking God!
It becomes apparent that miracles are only possible when God is involved. They are God's will. So the only way you're going to be able to perform them is by aligning with God's will.
That means you don't get to have your special ego party with magic tricks.
This is why Jesus warns against attempting to use miracles as party tricks.
Miracle principle 10: "The use of miracles as spectacles to induce belief is a misunderstanding of their purpose."
You can't really perform a miracle unless God is involved, so an attempt to do so is actually magic.
It also means you can't perform miracles if you want to get your ego will performed. I've done this many times. It's a mistake, trying to be an ego-healer or an ego-miracle-worker, to get to happen what you want for ego reasons, even if they seem like good reasons.
Surrendering the notion that you can just "do whatever you like" with the miracle, which suits your ego greatly, has to make you come to realize that miracles MUST and can ONLY work, IF God is involved.
And that means "thy will not my will be done". It means surrender.
When you try to go into the light, while still holding onto ego in any way, you are trying to bring darkness into the light.
What that means is, you believe the darkness can 'stay dark' while you enter the light. But this is impossible because light dispels darkness.
So the light of God, Holy Spirit's mind, the right mind, 'level 2', etc... will repel the darkness of the ego. It would dispel the ego, so it cannot ever approach it. Darkness has no real effect on the light.
When you try to do this, you are creating a 'spiritualized ego' which attempts to make it SEEM like you're more spiritual or more light when in fact it MUST all be an illusory form or appearance, deceiving yourself, because darkness literally CANNOT, even a tiny bit, become light.
Darkness is REPLACED by light. When light replaces darkness, you wake up FROM darkness.
Similarly, you cannot bring the light into the darkness. You can shine a light SO THAT darkness is shone away. When you bring the light toward the darkness, the darkness MUST disappear. So again, light and dark cannot combine. The dark cannot be made light, and the light cannot be made dark. They are mutually exclusive.
So again, one of the properties of the spiritual ego is the attempt to bring light into the darkness, into the world, in such a way as to KEEP the world the same as it is and NOT dispel illusions. This doesn't mean you can't bring 'heaven to earth', because by doing so you actually dispel and REPLACE darkness. But the ego has many ways to pretend to bring light into the world which are deceptive.
The only option for you is, to leave the darkness behind and go into the light. That means detaching from the ego's mind, and attaching to Holy Spirit.