"I want the peace of God." W185

I've been realising more and more lately that peace is a vital core part of awakening to reality. And here's why.

Before "the separation" there was union and oneness. The idea of separation first began as nothing more perhaps than a very subtle sense of taking sides. Of there being a very slight difference between what seemed to be two things, instead of one thing. A hint of inequality and a vague notion of something belonging to one part and not another.

This mad idea later snowballed to the fullest extent of possibility, into greater and stronger senses of separateness, opposition, inequality, difference and all manner of exclusivity. In effect, "war broke out". A state of psychological war in which the peace of oneness was brought into question.

"And the peace of God's Son was shattered, for he no longer understood his Father." UrT12C11

"Angels came, too, but their protection was not enough, because the Separated ones were not interested in peace. They had already split themselves, and were bent on dividing rather than reintegrating. The levels they introduced into themselves turned against each other, and they, in turn, turned against each other. They established differences, divisions, cleavages, dispersion, and all the other concepts related to the increasing splits they produced." UrT2B43

Ultimately all of what we think of space and time, all physical matter, all objects, planet Earth, human bodies, and all the rest of it, descended as the crystallizing of this simple idea of being separate - separate instead of whole. And that was an idea of conflict, of war, of things disagreeing, of nothing being the same.

In heaven there is perfect peace because there is no possibility of war. There are no separated off things that can be enemies, nor can they attack anything else. There is no sense of threat or danger, no ability to harm or alter God's perfect creations. And without such threats there is no sense of fear, or a "loss of peace" or a disruption to "peace of mind."

Our minds did little more than enter into a state of believing in separate things. That sense of separation took on every conceivable form, including war and attack, blame and murder, sickness and death, destruction and change, judgement and condemnation, danger and threat, conflict and disagreement, inequality and disharmony, and everything we're all familiar with in our lives on earth - a planet which itself depends entirely on separation and war for its illusory existence.

We then need to seek to reclaim our peace of mind. That means, all the ways that we be SEPARATE have to end. All sense of attacking, all desire to hurt, all cruelty, all murderousness, all blame and judgement, all condemnation and grievances, it all has to collapse so that the SEPARATIONS between things are collapsed, restoring unity and oneness.

ONLY in that unity of oneness is true peace fully possible, because it's a state in which all sense of separation is absent. War becomes impossible, and without war there is no fighting, no conflict, no disturbance, no loss, no imbalance, no sin or guilt or death. Peace is an attribute of a sane healthy mind which has been restored to wholeness. Because in wholeness there is no split mind, no divided will, and you are no longer at war with yourself. This is accomplished through forgiveness.

"Forgiveness IS your peace, for herein lies the end of separation, and the dream of danger and destruction, sin and death; of madness and of murder, grief and loss." UrT29G1

"Peace is an attribute in YOU. You cannot find it outside. All mental illness is some form of EXTERNAL searching. Mental health is INNER peace. It enables you to remain unshaken by lack of love from without, and capable, through your own miracles of correcting the external conditions, which proceed from lack of love in others." UrT2A32

To gain peace, all your psychological weapons have to be laid down. All sense of wanting to attack, wanting to resist and fight, wanting to hurt and destroy has to be undone. And undoing all of this is a surrender. It is this surrender that ends the war, a surrendering of all ego pursuits and beliefs. When you wave the white flag, you return to peace, because the end of war is indeed peace. Nor will your peace mean defeat, but victory and invulnerability.

"Judgment is the weapon I would use against myself to keep all miracles away from me." URW347

"Now must you once again lay down your sword, although you will not recognize that you have picked it up again" UrM21A4

"Every time you feel a stab of anger, realize you hold a sword above your head." UrW192L9

"Nor is it possible the two can ever be the same, while specialness stands like a flaming sword of death between them, and makes them enemies." UrT24D4

"Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness." UrW190L9

"How long, oh Son of God, will you maintain the game of sin? Shall we not put away these sharp-edged children's toys?" UrW250W45

It may seem that you have fallen from grace, have become corrupted, damaged and broken. It may seem you have become hurt or have hurt yourself, and now need healing. It may seem something is wrong with you, you have sinned and are guilty. It may seem you have reasons to be afraid.

In seeking healing, you might then look to try to change yourself, as though trying to turn yourself into a more spiritual person. You might strive to be more loving, or to grow and evolve.

But let's first remember an important fact. God created you perfect already. There is nothing you can do to add to or remove anything from your holy self. Your soul is divine and perfect and immortal and permanent. It never changes and needs no healing of any kind. That is who and what you are.

So with that fact in mind, it is no longer a matter of discovering how you "really were hurt" or "what sin you committed" that you're trying to undo. It can't be true that you WERE hurt or DID sin, if God created you permanently perfect.

So if you are permanently perfect, even entering into states of harm, suffering, unconsciousness, sickness or unhappiness, cannot actually CHANGE or UNDO your permanent perfection. These must be forms of denial, a disguise, a deception, something untrue. They can't even be real sicknesses or real sins or real unhappiness.

The question then is, if your self is perfect and permanently can never change or be changed, and has not stopped being innocent and holy and immortal, what is it that is keeping you from happiness, wholeness, health and holiness?

It can only be that you are blocking AWARENESS of a PRE-EXISTING condition of perception. It can only be that for some reason you are in denial about being immortal, are trying to be something else, are trying to make something untrue true or believe something is real that isn't.

Somehow behind your "problem", or your state of "needing healing", there is already a fully healed self. So what then is healing? It's really more to do with questioning the damage, or seeing through the illusion of not being perfect already, than trying to transform a "real problem".

And ultimately that means, as per atonement, which is forgiveness, and the ONLY means of salvation, ACCEPTANCE OF THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU is actually the key to awakening. We are to WAKE UP TO the fact that we are ALREADY OK.

This also ties into the secret of salvation, that if you would just stop TRYING to make true something that isn't, TRYING to prove you can be hurt, TRYING to die, you would simply bounce back to your perfect immortal self and be aware of living forever as an invulnerable eternal being.

We are to become AWARE OF our healed holy nature. We are to RE-ACCESS our immortality. It has been blocked, covered up, hidden, and seemingly lost track of, behind walls of denial and deception. And even things which seem like real problems or real damage, cannot be that. They must have a different purpose, to HIDE the truth that you are NOT damaged, NOT broken, and NOT sick.

"You are immortal and you cannot die, but you can confuse yourself with things that do."

Forgiveness, if thought of as a practically applied atonement principle, is the act of moving towards AWARENESS OF your pre-existing, already-established, unassailed inner perfection. IT is already THERE, waiting for you to acknowledge it and live from it. It doesn't need you to invent it or define it, only to accept it and allow it and be grateful that God created you flawlessly.

What is this movement "toward" the atonement? It is a waking up. It is a removal of blocks. It is an uncovering of truth. It is a willingness to accept God's reality rather than your own made-up illusions. It's a RECOGNITION of what is actually TRUE about you, versus the confusion of what SEEMS to be true but isn't.

It's a vertical movement, upwards towards the light in which you can SEE, away from the darkness in which you are confused about what is true. It's the way out of hell, into heaven. It's your rising, or resurrection, away from the state of death (unconsciousness) towards life (awareness of eternity).

Either you forgive and move upwards in awareness and freedom from darkness, or you move downwards into unforgiveness and grievance and suffering. Forgiveness is therefore the ONLY WAY out of hell, but IS a guaranteed way out of hell, and the only way that WORKS.

To forgive is to let go of what is not true and accept what is. To forgive is to relinquish false beliefs and embrace reality.

To forgive is to return to the love of God and let go of fear.

To forgive is to let go of who you thought you were, and resume being your real self.

The goal of the course is to "Know thyself." To simply BE still the same perfection that God created you to be. You are this ALREADY, you just don't want to accept it or own up to it yet. You have not yet "come out as Christ", preferring to play with littleness. You are God's perfect creation and always will be. Your real self is waiting for you.

Since you are OF God, being FROM God, you are exactly LIKE God. You cannot BE like anything else because you are not of or from anything else. You are not OF this world, or OF the body, or OF your parent's bodies. You are not FROM this world. You are not of or from the ego. You have been given BY God because you are a part of him. And anything he has not given you is nothing.

Your real identity must therefore be a part of God as well, aligned with Christ and shared with all your brothers. What you are can ONLY be of God. It cannot include anything else because only the truth is true. Anything you made, anything you invented, including the ego, the body, suffering, sickness, death, despair, unhappiness, depression, lack or loss or grief, fear or guilt, cannot be a part of what you are. It therefore cannot exist.

Anything which is not OF or FROM God, must be denied and rejected. It must be filtered out and forgiven. It must be handed over and let go. Anything in you which God did not put there, must be exhumed and purified away. All the barriers you built against love must be removed, because they are barriers against your real self, suggesting that you have and want something not of God.

"This is the PROPER use of denial. It is not used to HIDE anything, but it IS used to correct error."

"True denial is a very powerful protective device. You can and should deny any belief that error can hurt you. This kind of denial is NOT a concealment device, but a correction device. The "Right Mind" of the mentally healthy DEPENDS on it."

"THIS peace is totally incapable of being shaken by human errors of any kind. It denies the ability of anything which is not of God to affect you in any way."

As Jesus states here, if you want SANITY, then you MUST deny anything AND everything which is not of God. This is in the extreme. It means you have to deny the ego and the body and the world and all forms of suffering. To deny them is to withdraw value and belief and truth and reality from them. It is to dis-identify with them, recognizing them as NOT of God, and therefore that they cannot possibly be a part of you or your experience.

You have to take this ALL the way, because enlightenment is the recognition that only that which is of God exists, and nothing else has ANY power over you. Nor does it really exist at all. Enlightenment IS sanity. It is the end of false perception. It is forgiveness. Anything not created by God has to be thrown out. Anything not of God is impossible. Anything he did not create or give has no truth, no reality, no meaning, and no existence. It cannot therefore be WHAT you are.

You cannot be your emotions, your upsets, your unhappiness, your losses, your pain, your physical sickness, your death, your stresses, your thoughts, your body, the bodies of others, or part of the world. God did not create the world so you cannot be OF the world, or IN the world, or FROM the world. You are from another world. Your real self is IN HEAVEN WITH GOD. That is where you must anchor your whole sense of who and what you are. You are not ANYTHING that you made.

"Sickness and separation are not of God, but the Kingdom IS. If you obscure the Kingdom, you are perceiving WHAT IS NOT OF GOD."

"That is why you can choose to listen to two voices within you. One you made yourself, and that one is not of God. But the other is given you by God, Who asks you only to listen to it. The Holy Spirit IS in you in a very literal sense. It is the voice that calls you back to where you were before and will be again."

"Recognize this gladly, for in this recognition lies the realization that your banishment is not of God, and therefore does not exist. You are at home in God, dreaming of exile, but perfectly capable of awakening to Reality."

"Forgive all thoughts which would oppose the truth of your completeness, unity and peace. You cannot lose the gifts your Father gave. You do not want to be another self. You have no function that is not of God. Forgive yourself the one you think you made. Forgiveness and salvation are the same. Forgive what you have made, and you are saved."

"Failure is of the ego, NOT of God. "

"Guilt is more than merely not of God. It is the symbol of the ATTACK on God. This is a totally meaningless concept EXCEPT to the ego, but do not underestimate the power of the ego's belief in it. This is the belief from which ALL guilt really stems."

"We therefore are embarking on an organized, well-structured, and carefully planned program, aimed at learning how to offer to the Holy Spirit everything you do NOT want. HE knows what to DO with it. You do NOT know how to use what He knows. Whatever is revealed to Him that is not of God, is gone. But you must reveal it to YOURSELF in perfect willingness, for otherwise His knowledge remains useless TO you."

"You have condemned yourself, but condemnation is not of God. Therefore, it is not true. No more are any of the RESULTS of your condemnation."

"God is the ONLY Cause, and guilt is NOT of Him. Teach no-one he has hurt you, for, if you do, you teach YOURSELF that what is NOT of God, HAS POWER OVER YOU. THE CAUSELESS CANNOT BE. Do not attest to it, and do not foster belief in it in any mind."

"NOTHING you made has ANY power over you, unless you still would be APART from your Creator, and with a will OPPOSED to His."

"I am still as God created me."

"You are immortal and you cannot die."

One of the major hurdles in the separation, is that it has actually made yourself distant to yourself. There are blockages, barriers, obstacles, obstructions, walls, that have entered as the "split" in the mind, seeming to come in between "you" and your real self. And now you seem to be split off and apart and you do not know who you are anymore. And who you think you are is not who you are.

Since your real self is invisible to you, and the body cannot see it, and it's hidden behind the belief that illusions are real, and this in turn projects as a seemingly solid world that hangs as a veil in between you and everyone, including your real self and God, it really makes it hard to be in touch with the big-picture you.

For example, we should focus on what your real self is like. We should identify your immortal nature, the fact you ARE NOT sick, the fact you ARE NOT insane, the fact you CANNOT die, the fact YOU ARE NOT UNHAPPY, and the fact that you are completely perfect and whole. That is actually true of your real self right now, and always has been, but it is hidden from your awareness.

The mind, in its split state, is in a state of disassociation. And the part that seems like your current conscious self is kind of in the dark about who you even really are. This poses a problem because it now implies that you are not responsible for the state you are in. And it becomes much harder to compare the state you're in to the state you REALLY are in.

If you could SEE your immortal self, things would be so much easier. You would see obviously and easily, that your real self is totally unharmed, perfect, invulnerable, has absolutely no signs of sickness or death, is totally joyful and happy all the time, cannot be attacked, and is still the same as God created it. If you could even just GLIMPSE that for a second it would be enlightening.

If you COULD see that, or even conceive of it, it then would help you to put everything in perspective. You'd recognize that given your real self is TOTALLY HEALTHY, you would instantly recognize that any belief you have in sickness, any suggestion that you are sick, any notion of sickness existing, any damage that seems to be showing up, any mental illness, would all be immediately INVALIDATED. It would be shown to be patently FALSE AND UNTRUE. Because here is your real self, shining and bright and clean and new, and completely perfect. And all support for sickness would be removed, causing it to vanish instantly.

This also brings with it extreme responsibility. Because it now becomes clear that, given your real self is immortal, ANY suggestion on your part that you are mortal, vulnerable, hurt, damaged, sick, unhappy, upset, attacked, threatened, in fear, guilty, sinful, suffering in any way, MUST all be a total lie. It MUST be a way that you are faking it and lying about who and what you are. Just even one little glimpse of the truth about yourself would show you that. And then you would never be able to see these thing in the same way again.

In light of the fact that your holy self IS PERFECT NOW, and in light of the fact that your holy self IS YOU, and your mind is its mind, it really is "something you are doing to yourself" when it comes to any form of suffering. This is why the secret of salvation says you are doing this all to yourself. You are making your sickness, you are making your unhappiness, you are claiming your own suffering, you are punishing yourself, you are self destructive, you are the one trying to make yourself die, and you have given yourself sickness. And all of it is an attempt to PROVE that you ARE NOT who you really are.

The aim of these things, of course, is to KEEP you in the dark and keep your real self HIDDEN. So that you are not aware of the FACT, that what YOU ACTUALLY ARE, IS an immortal spirit being. The FACT that THERE IS NO SUFFERING in you, YOU ARE NOT SICK, and you can NEVER die. The PURPOSE of all the efforts to believe otherwise, is to BLOCK awareness of the FACT that there is nothing wrong with you. To disown your immortality and hide from it, to pretend it's not true of you. That is nothing less than dishonest and unauthentic. It is denial.

How you think of other people works along similar lines. Since you can't seem to see them (unless you have strongly developed christ vision), it makes it hard for you to SEE their real self, the SEE their holiness, their harmlessness, their immortality. Yet it is by acknowledging, recognizing, seeing their immortal self that you become able to heal them. You can see this FOR them, even if they in their own mind are in denial of who and what they are. Even if they are convinced they are sick and suffering, YOU can deny this and know the truth that they cannot be this.

In one way or another, either through direct experience or through concepts, it's very helpful to keep the perspective that your immortal self, and the immortal selves of others, is the ONLY truth about us. And any efforts to suggest otherwise cannot be true. And the closer you can get to experiencing and expressing FROM that truth, the more you can be helpful to those who do not know themselves. You can remember them FOR them, and thus help them to remember they are immortal.

"Peace is an attribute in YOU. You cannot find it outside. All mental illness is some form of EXTERNAL searching. Mental health is INNER peace. It enables you to remain unshaken by lack of love from without, and capable, through your own miracles of correcting the external conditions, which proceed from lack of love in others."

The world cannot make you peaceful. The world cannot take your peace away. If you have peace, it is INNER peace. Inner peace means the peace is inside of you regardless of what's outside.

Peace is an attribute of WHAT YOU ARE. It isn't something you have to add-on or feel as an emotion or attain. You have peace in you because God put it there. The peace in you IS HIS. It is a meeting place in you in where you are calmly quiet in the presence of God. It's inherent to your being.

Peace, as part of your being, cannot be given to you by the world, because the world is not the author of you, cause of you, creator of you, or your father. You are not a product or side-effect of the world. The world can't make you be at peace. It doesn't matter how many devices or toys or special relationships or events or special practices or whatever you do, the peace you're trying to find is a part of you, not something someone can give to you.

Peace can be uncovered, or tuned into, but that means tuning into your real self. It means joining with God. Accepting God's GIFT of peace which was infused into you in your creation. To be at peace you merely need to be yourself. The world didn't put it there, nor can it change it. Only you can decide whether to acknowledge your inner peace or deny it, which means you want to cover it up and pretend it's not there.

Your inner peace can't therefore be taken away, upset, disturbed, shocked, changed, or made to stop, by anything that happens in life. The only reason you "lose your peace", or rather lose touch with it, is because you cover it up by going off on tangents of ego. You choose not to be yourself, and that means you deny your natural peace. Only you can hide your peace, and not even you can destroy it because God himself is holding it in place.

You can be in your peace no matter where you are, no matter what you do, who you see, what happens or doesn't happen. You can be in your peace in spite of the world. You can be in your peace in all situations. You can be in peace permanently. What is the world going to do then, when you choose to stay in your peace and it can do nothing to stop you? When, by choosing your peace, the world has no say in whether you are peaceful or not?

You have to learn to separate your peace from the world. To stop believing that certain things in the world could give you peace or make your life more peaceful. And similarly, stop believing that things in the world have POWER to take your peace away. If you feel that something is going to happen that is taking your peace away, you are GIVING it power over you, and pretending that it is causing your peace to go away. But it's you doing this to yourself.

What if you were to go through the exact same events, seeing the same people, doing the same tasks, encountering the same seeming problems, but stayed in the state of experience that YOU want to be in? What if you could maintain peace all the way through it, and not HAVE to suffer or be stressed out or annoyed or angered? What if you can just be "passer by", not ALLOWING others to seem to take power from you or dictate your INNER state?

This is part of what "I need do nothing" is about. That you will remain calm and happy and in touch with the LOVE AND PEACE THAT YOU ARE, regardless of the BUSY things that you are doing in the world. "It is impossible the Son of God be merely driven by events OUTSIDE him."

"It means that nothing outside yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace. But it also means that nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace, or upset you in any way. Today's idea places you in charge of the universe, where you belong because of who you are."

"But there will always be this place of rest, to which you can return. And you will be more aware of the quiet center of the storm, than all its raging activity. This quiet center, IN WHICH YOU DO NOTHING, will remain with you, giving you rest in the midst of every busy doing on which you are sent."

"You have given your peace to the gods you made, but they are not there to take it FROM you, and you are NOT able to give it TO them. You are NOT free to give up freedom, but only to DENY it."

"There is a light which this world cannot give. Yet YOU can give it, as it was given YOU."

"I could see peace in this situation instead of what I now see in it."

"Love's arms are open to receive you, and give you peace forever."

You have everything. God shared it with you.

But then the ego comes along and says, "you don't have that". It tells you, "you're lacking what God gave you. what he supposedly gave you is not HERE. so you'd better go look for it somewhere ELSE."

So then you start to SEEK. And this seeking is like running away from what God gave you. And what God gave you is inside you, so you're running away fromyourself.

As Jesus says, all forms of sickness are produced by seeking externally outside of yourself. What this means is, if you believe and assert that you do not already HAVE what God has given you, that's actually an ATTACK on your invulnerability. And that attack now means that you are attempting to believe that a) you are not as God created you (you are sick), b) you have lack and emptiness in you (death), and c) you will not find God by going within (separation).

Then you go off looking for... basically yourself, for God.... anywhere OTHER than where it is. The ego's made sure you believe its not in you, and you don't have it, and you are not yourself, and God is not in your mind, so now you look everywhere ELSE for it. You therefore are now looking "outside yourself", somewhere beyond your is-ness, to try to find what you think you lack.

And as you do this, you are compounding the belief that you are lacking, that you're empty, that God is not with you for some reason, that you don't have health, that you are less than whole, that you are diminished and void in some way. And all of those attack thoughts produce SICKNESS. They are like evil curses.

Then as you seek, looking everywhere but where you'll find God/Self, out in the world, or even in the body, you WILL NOT FIND IT. You've separated yourself from it, so now you are blind to it, and aware UNAWARE of its presence, so you literally do not see it. You will therefore keep hunting around in the dark, worried, afraid, desperate that you need to get this 'something' back, and yet you will not find it. The 'it' is not out there, beyond your Self. The 'it' as God is not separate from you, lost in some world somewhere.

So you will then "seek and not find". And you'll not find pretty hard. And especially if your believe in being lacking in some way is strong, e.g. unworthy, or imperfect, or flawed, or whatever, you will be compelled even more strongly to SEEK. And yet the harder you seek, where the 'it' is not, i.e. outside of you, the more you will fail to find it. And you'll grow really frustrated that you are coming up empty handed and being led on wild goosechases. But, if you're really steeped in this belief in how much you are lacking, you'll still have yet another attempt at finding it. You'll tell yourself you didn't look hard enough (because you're defective), and that can be a vicious circle.

So then you seek and fail and seek harder and fail harder and it gets really desperate and exasperating. You feel like you just can't find a solution. You go into panic. The ego has really got you in its grips. And the fact is, it's because you are looking for something you DID NOT EVEN REALLY LOSE in the first place, in a location that it does not exist. You need to QUESTION THE NEED TO SEEK, by questioning whether it is TRUE that you actually 'lack' in the way that you believe.

So what that then boils down to is, it's a matter of awareness. You have blocks to your awareness which hide from your awareness the presence of everything God already gave you. And if you had full awareness of everything God gave you, you would KNOW that you do not lack ANYTHING and that you have NO NEEDS. Thus no need to seek. The block to awareness is all the ways that the ego tells you, you are not ALREADY fully equipped, that you are not ALREADY complete and whole, that you are not ALREADY holy and perfect, or that you are not ALREADY WITH GOD.

Yes, you are already with God. You just have a block to awareness covering it up.

So we need to stop seeking. After all, people who find, stop seeking, right? You might think that means you have to seek first in order to find second? Well, what if you just find? What if you just accept that you are already in a state of having found yourself, and found God, and that you are in the presence of what you THOUGHT you were lacking? What if you question all of the 'lacking' belief? What if you undo all of the 'don't deserve it' and all of the 'not perfect enough' and all of the 'I'm not God's beloved child'? What will be REVEALED?

The truth!

The truth will set you free, or rather, you will be set free INTO the truth. The truth is, God already loves you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are not lacking at all, you are worthy of unconditional love, you are totally 100% acceptable, you are perfectly innocent and HOLY, and you have absolutely NO REASON to be afraid. All fear stems from a sense of separation from God, i.e. something's gone wrong and now you have to seek. Stop it. No fear is needed, only celebration, that "I was lost and now I'm found". Cus when you're a seeker, you're a loser. When you stop seeking, you win, because then the ego loses.

"Be still and know that I am God." See.

Sometimes it's very hard to forgive someone. You become fixated on what they did to you, or what they were supposed to do that they didn't do. And sometimes this might've been something that occurred over a very long period of time, such that you can't even imagine life without this grievance. You just can't see how you can forgive this person.

This way of perceiving someone is very hard to get past especially if the person is important or valuable to you. And especially if your involvement with them has been largely a 'special relationship', or a victim/victimizer role. When all your focus is on how they affected you, you become blocked and unconscious as if there is no other way of looking at this.

So there you are, your mind is fixated on this person, on what they did to hurt you, and you just can't seem to get past this experience. One thing you do need to do is allow yourself to FEEL the feelings that have arisen as a result of what seemed to happen. By not feeling it you are in profound denial. Never mind that you had anything to do with how you perceive the situation, but to even deny that you feel hurt at all is a whole other layer of denial on top of it. Pretending it didn't happen when your whole being is screaming that 'it did' is an attempt to protect yourself from it, to hide it in order to pretend it is healed. But it does not go away, and it will eat a hole in you until you acknowledge it.

So as you gather a little willingness to explore 'healing', you can begin to at first allow yourself to acknowledge more of yourself, of what you are, and of what you believe has happened to you. Let yourself feel. The feeling has to come up for release. Up and out. This isn't necessarily forgiveness, but it is a form of catharsis to release old stuck energies which do obscure your perception. It's hard to see someone with innocence or calm when you're really feeling angry and hurt. Acknowledging and feeling the feelings, by FEELING them, not describing them, is a step forward in your healing.

Once some of that is past, you have cleared the way to experience a new way of perceiving. You may already have experienced cognitive shifts as a result of releasing emotion, like clouds clearing away which expose the sun. But you need to go deeper. Because this whole dynamic of "they did this to me" leaves you a victim, and if you stay there, you are stuck. Almost all feelings besides LOVE arise from perceiving yourself unfairly treated, or outright hurt. Fears, doubts, anger, hurt, suffering, pain, embarrassment, abandonment, etc all arise from 'its happening to me'. You need to move past this way of looking at the situation. But this is where it's hard, because it requires some form of detachment or greater perspective.

This is where Holy Spirit comes in because you're now willing to change your mind/perception about what happened and potentially see it differently, even if you can't yet see how that's possible. Until you take that inward journey you won't discover the answers and clarity that you need. You must seek reunion with God by joining with Holy Spirit and asking for His Help to overlook the way you've been seeing.

Now, what you have to get past is the belief and perception that ALL of your upset is the direct result of, and put there by, the other person. That it's their fault. That they are the sole cause. That you did absolutely nothing to ask for it at any time. That's irresponsibility. You MUST take some responsibility, even if a little at first. You can't be free from the victim role if you are not responsible. So let yourself be a little willing, however small, to open up to the possibility that there might be another way to look at this. Maybe you participated somehow. Maybe you made a decision or chose a way of experiencing the situation, which resulted in the evidence of hurt that you're left with.

Maybe you choose to AGREE with what the person was doing. Maybe you choose to BELIEVE that you deserved the treatment they gave. Maybe you chose to change your own sense of who you are, based on what they seemed to demonstrate was true of you. Maybe at some point in between what they 'offered' and what you 'took' from what happened, there was a little interval of choice where you came to your OWN CONCLUSION about what this means. Maybe you therefore did this formation of a false belief to yourself, USING the situation by taking it personally. Your belief in it, your agreement with it, your perception that it is the truth having lost sight of the real truth about you, WAS the 'attack' that you perpetrated against yourself, regardless of what the person modeled for you.

Ultimately you're 100% responsible for choosing. You made up the belief you're left with, on your own. Maybe you didn't know any better. Maybe you were too young. Maybe you forgot you are unconditionally lovable. Maybe nobody told you and you lost track of who you really are. But if you're 100% responsible for AGREEING to this punishment, then you also have the POWER to "choose again". And you can do that at any time that you are willing to admit to choosing this belief, and being willing to SURRENDER it to Holy Spirit, because it is simply false.

But you can't tell a belief is false just by saying it is. You need to know what is true. You need to transfer your allegiance and faith. You need to therefore open up to a greater truth, perhaps reminding yourself of what is true of you, or how God views you, or what God thinks of this false belief, or how Holy Spirit sees you in His Light. Ultimately, to FORGIVE, you need to get `into` the light of the Holy Spirit, at least a little bit, so that it can "shed light" on your belief and SHOW YOU that it is false. False beliefs simply ARE false, and you only need to see them clearly to recognize this. It's not seeing them clearly that makes you trust them. In the light of forgiveness you can witness the obvious fact that what you thought was true of you, is completely untrue, and THEN you will be perfectly willing to let it go. You'll know it was a ridiculous, untrue belief, not in line with the Truth of God. Or in other words, you'll see the VALUE of the real truth about you, and the LACK of value of what is false, and therefore RECOGNIZE that what is false does not even apply to you.

It doesn't apply to you. Because you're innocent and holy and forgiven already. You're loved by God. You're safe. You're at peace. You're with Holy Spirit. You're whole and healed. That's the truth. This event never happened. The person never really did anything to you. You did this to yourself and now you can see that you don't want to keep doing so. So you surrender. You surrender the false sense that is MADE FROM this false belief.. this false identity that isn't a true description of you. It wasn't really who you are anyway.

Then you remember who you are as God's Innocent Child and receive HEALING.

There is a reason why we believe death is inevitable, and why we think there isn't any other choice.

At the beginning of separation from God, we attempted to sin against him. That means we tried to attack God, cause Him, and therefore produce real effects to change Him against His will. This was the Son attempting to be the Father's father.

More simply, we attempted to reverse cause and effect. We who are an effect/creation of God, tried to be the cause of Him, and to make Him the effect of us. This is a simple logical reversal of states. This is level confusion.

Having believed that we accomplished this, which is the belief that sin is real, that we really did it and there are real consequences, we automatically believed that God has been attacked against His will. The automatic logical state for God now is that He is now JUSTIFIED in anger and revenge, because he's been unfairly treated.

Part of the belief in real sin includes this "re-framing" of God as someone who rightly SHOULD be angry at us, should want revenge toward us, whose will is in opposition to ours, and who is an enemy that we've attacked. This frames God as unforgiving, not recognizing our innocence, and not wanting us to live with Him.

By believing in sin, we believed also in the false idea of God, and in the idea that we cannot be forgiven and don't want to be forgiven. We did not want to believe in being forgivable because we wanted to keep the idea of sin real. And real sin would depend on God agreeing with us that we are sinful. We believe he should agree with us because we believe in what we did to hurt Him and his right to seek compensation.

This belief in real sin leads automatically to the belief that God wills that we be dead, which logically produces the fear of God. We appear to then be unwelcome to God, we consider ourselves as exiled, we see our Home as "off limits", and God's unforgiveness seems to cast us out. Believing in our sinfulness makes us believe that it is not possible to BE forgiven, OR to return Home, OR to be innocent, OR to ever share ETERNAL LIFE with God.

This sets us up for the next step in the ego's logical progression of conclusions. That is, that since we can't return to eternal life, life is no longer an OPTION. It is no longer possible for us to return to the Kingdom of eternal life. We've banished ourselves. And on this basis alone, we believe that since life is not possible for us, DEATH is the only possibility that remains.

It seems all we can do is slither away in shame and darkness, hide in a corner, suffer and die. And we believe this is all we rightly deserve, in order to not only comply with God's will that we die, but also to support and KEEP the idea that our sin is irreversible and unforgivable. We demand that we MUST die, in order to "pay for" the sin we firmly believe we committed. And so all death is a chosen suicide.

And so now we "accept" that because "sin is real" to us, death is INEVITABLE. It appears to not even be a choice, because it seems to be the ONLY outcome that's possible. There doesn't appear to be any alternative. And so we seem to come into the world, to "come to hate a little while; to suffer pain, and finally to die."

It's almost as if we gave up on eternal life right from the start, threw it away, and left God behind to go and die alone in hell. This "death wish" and its foundation is responsible for EVERY death that happens in this world. Every death is a form of self attack and suicide, no matter how it looks or what happens or who does what to whom. "No-one dies without their own consent."

The good news is that this need not be, nor is it God's will. We need to learn that sin is not real, we did not attack God, we are still innocent, God still loves and welcomes us, we can go Home, we are forgiven, we did not really do anything at all, no consequences came from it, it was nothing but a delusional dream of death, and we can be reunited with love and RE-ACCESS ETERNAL LIFE. We've been MISTAKEN about God and ourselves and what we thought we did, and all is forgiven.

This means that as we progress in our return to sanity and awareness, we'll gradually accept the atonement truth that nothing real was threatened, nothing unreal happened, and all is well. Upon realizing that we did not sin, LIFE becomes an option again. It becomes possible to return to eternal life and to trust that God wants us to live. It becomes possible to not HAVE TO die. There now appears to be a choice, between life and death. And now death is no longer the inevitable single outcome,. Death is merely an "fake alternative" to what God wills for you.

At some point we will fully accept not only that death is unreal and has no consequences, but also that LIFE is all that we choose. We re-invest in the Kingdom, we open up to forgiveness, we allow ourselves to recognize the truth about us and our brother's innocence, that there is no sin, and we prepare to return Home to God - in recognition that we never really left.

Here we decide to side with life so fully that we will not even support notions of death AT ALL on any level or in any way. Not even while in a dream, not even while still having a body. We prepare to exhibit our conviction that we are immortal and eternal, by demonstrating it symbolically through the body's condition. The more we accept our innocence and extend love, the more the body is healed along with us. All the way to the point where even the slightest sign of sickness and death is no longer a part of your physical demonstration.

You then are teaching only life on all levels, mentally and physically, for as long as it is useful. And then the appointed time arrives for the completion of your journey without distance, back to where you never left. A complete awakening from the dream of death, our of bodies an out of the world, into the Kingdom of Heaven, remembering your immortal soul and continuing as a co-creator with God. Forever, and ever, and ever. Permanently alive. Permanently immortal.

In recognition that death is nothing but an illusion, death now becomes the "impossibility". It is now seen as having no effect, no causality, and no consequences. It is surmounted and overcome. It is seen as nothing. And not one single thing in all the world can make it happen to you against your will. When the illusion of death is recognized, it disappears. And now the only outcome truly possible, is the INEVITABILITY OF LIVING FOREVER.

You no longer have a choice, because there IS no death TO choose. Death has ended and is snuffed out. Only Real Life is possible for you now, and now you cannot fail to continue as an immortal being, Created by God to share eternal life with Him Forever. There is no death.

"There is no death, the Son of God is free."

He also says nothing can happen without your decision to make it happen, and what you choose to happen must happen, and nothing else can happen. There are no accidents or victims.

This completely flies in the face of the typical experience of most people, whose lives seem filled with cases of apparent victimhood, victimization, unfairness, accidents, things going "wrong", blame for responsibility, and all manner of lies which cannot be true.

But how is it possible that someone chooses death?

Imagine a perfectly happy, sane person who absolutely deliberately wants to die, just for fun. Imagine that this person very carefully orchestrates a plot, which allows them to seem to be killed by someone else, with absolutely no involvement of their own. This person puts on such a powerful "performance", like an actor in a play who pretends to die, that most bystanders believe wholeheartedly that the person died against their will.

But imagine that you know better, and that you know every single part of this person's death was chosen by themselves. That they literally did it to themselves. And there wasn't even the slightest bit of room for error, or mistakes, or other people being involved. And yet, this person very very cleverly painted a picture for the whole world to make it seem like they absolutely did not want this. "Poor me, woe is my, how could you do this, gasp etc".

And so this person puts on a spectacular show, for example entering into tremendous fear, getting down on their knees and begging for their life, when secretly they know exactly what they are doing and absolutely cannot be killed by anyone else. Yet they try to make it look like someone else is doing it to them. They will even hide their own tremendous power, they will shove all of their sense of responsibility under the carpet, trying to create the *illusion* that they are not choosing this at all. And the only part of themselves which they will allow the world to see is a tiny spec of identity represented as an innocent victim, who did not choose this terrible end.

So basically, this is someone faking their own death, or at least the circumstances of how or why they died. It's a huge story they made up, a lie, to cover up the fact that they themselves were the one who dealt the final blow to themselves. And yet, all these other people came to be blamed, all these other people became involved and falsely accused, and absolutely nobody suspected that this person made this happen on their own.

If everyone else involved were awake, they would not for a second buy this story, and would not be participating, and nobody would take this person's melodramatic self-destruction seriously. Nobody would become lost in the story of it, the illusion of it, and nobody would for a second be convinced that this person isn't doing it to themselves. All the facts would be out in the open for everyone to see.

Yet when other people are also asleep, and do not see the whole picture, and do not recognize how the person is making choices, and do not recognize freedom, they too will seem to "participate" in the story and make it seem much more plausible that the person is not the one destroying themselves. They believe that the person is a victim and is suffering death against their will, because THEY TOO believe in being victims who are destroyed against their own will, and do not want their own cover to be blown.

It is a cover-up, with accomplices. And so there are roles to be played and even contracts formed, by the person, to arrange a hitman so that nobody else suspects that they were arranging their own death. And at the last minute the hitman would be blamed and scapegoated and the person would be laughing all the way to the grave.

This is what happens, every single time that someone dies.

Death cannot happen if you do not choose it. But that choice is very extreme, as Jesus says, very absolute. It is not by half measures. Any choice for the ego is a choice for death. Any belief in illusions is a choice for death. And any belief that false lies are the truth, leads to death.

So if you are awake, let's say you are Jesus, looking upon a person who has gone through an extraordinary sequence of 'events' and transformations, to make themselves look like a terrible victim, on purpose, by choice, and yet at the end of this process most people are believing the person is a 'genuine victim',... Jesus would look and he would SEE the whole truth, he would RECOGNIZE the person's absolute freedom, and he would KNOW that every single step of everything that has happened has been by the person's choice. No matter how it seems on the surface. The person has created such an impressive illusion of death and victimhood that everyone falls for it and only the awakened can see through it.

And so if the person were to attempt to "die", or even if they seem to bring about their death, Jesus could be standing there taking none of it seriously, laughing at death, taking it as the con and the joke that it is, the deception and the lie that it is, believing it not even for a second. And then Jesus might say, as he did, "get up and live", or "Lazarus, stop being an idiot and pretending to be dead, come back to life. It's a lot easier".

And then the person would suddenly miraculously 'come back' to life. Or rather, they would own up to the fact they were doing this to themselves, AND that death is not FINAL because death is just denial of life not its removal... and would snap out of their silly mood and perk right up. And everyone would be like, well that's a miracle right there. Jesus raised the dead. Well, death is not permanent, and it is just a performance, underneath which is an immortal spirit pretending to be dead - an eternal unkillable being pretending that it can die. So yeah.

Death is not the end. It is not real. And you cannot seem to go through it unless you choose to. So you literally are faced with a life or death choice. Do you choose to live forever, or pretend to die (again)?

Attempting to take your self closer to the truth in any way, will be met with ego resistance.

The ego itself is nothing, just a "way of looking" which is the opposite to seeing the truth. It distorts everything and makes everything seem the opposite to what it is. It inverts reality. It changes God into death/evil/murderous. It sees Holy Spirit as an enemy. It sees the truth as a threat. And it does not want anything to do with this idea of "waking up and not having an ego."

The ego by itself doesn’t do anything. The problem is that YOU have taken it on AS IF it is your own Self. You regard IT as the same thing as your identity.

What that does is it causes you to perceive WITH it, through it’s eyes. You then will see things the way the ego sees them.

So if you are "tied to" an ego identity which wants absolutely nothing to do with truth, cannot exist in the truth, and sees the truth as proof that it does not exist, then "YOU" will become very threatened by approaching the truth.

If for example the truth says, there is no sin, and the ego believe that sin is real and true, and therefore sin is your *identity*, to your sense of self this will SEEM to say "I do not exist."

Regardless of the fact that you may have sided with an insane ego, you do not RECOGNIZE it is insane. You think it makes perfect sense. It seems logical, sensible, rational. You will also want to defend it as though to do so is defending "your" life, because you think it is you. Therefore it makes sense to you to AVOID the truth at all costs.

The ego sees the truth as attack, vengeance, evil, warring, deadly, hateful, loss, non-existence, etc. If you identify with the ego, you will also see the truth as meaning this.

So then, you will attempt to reach out to the truth, to become closer to God, to go into the light, but because part of you is STILL holding onto the ego and is using it to perceive, that part of you seeing with the ego will think you’re trying to kill yourself.

No-one in their "right mind" would go against what seems sensible and true, and expose themselves to what must be the END of themselves. The truth is the end of the ego, and if you believe it, it means it’s the end of your self. Approaching the truth WITH the ego, pulling it along with you, is nothing short of you SCARING THE CRAP out of yourself by exposing yourself to your worst enemy, complete with no defenses.

This is the sole cause of all ego rebounds and resistance - the mis-perception that welcoming the truth is welcoming your own death. No-one wants to do this. IT seems sensible to protect yourself and defend yourself against this. In spite of your best efforts to "become more spiritual" by opening up to the light of truth, or to love, the rest of you - still perceiving the opposite to the truth, will fear out when you try to do it.

What can even happen is your ego self will create DEFENSES AGAINST THE TRUTH, which it thinks are *needed* in order to protect your "self". Or to put it another way, you who are identified with the ego, interpret the truth as your mortal enemy, and do not want it, are threatened by it and want to "naturally" defend yourself. In the name of preserving your own life, you will erect DEFENSES psychologically.

The only ego defense is *separation*, attempting to create a gap or sense of "distance" between yourself and the threat. Implementing this is an attempt to shut out the truth, by implementing a BLOCK. The purpose of this block is to block your awareness of the threat, because if you are not aware of it, to you this is practically the same experience as though it does not exist. You use DENIAL to hide the perceived danger from yourself, so you can enter an *illusion of safety*. This illusion of safety, this block, made of guilt, shows up as SICKNESS. Sickness is a defense against the truth.

The purpose of sickness then is to defend you against what you think is going to hurt you. But to implement it, you actually HURT YOURSELF. It should be obvious why this is insane. Perceiving your best interests through the filter of the ego is insane, because it shows you the *opposite* of what will actually help you. What would really help you, and what is the UNDOING of sickness, is to correctly perceive WITHOUT the ego, that the truth is NOT a threat or hurtful, is FOR you not against you, is welcome, you want it, and it does NOT mean you will not exist.

When you can perceive correctly that you are not being threatened by the truth, you will UNDO the NEED for the defense, and this will make the sickness *disappear*. Literally. All symptoms will be dropped, because you have no further need for them. Sickness is always serving the PURPOSE of being a defense to keep you safe, even though it does the opposite. Without its purpose, it will not exist because you will withdraw your belief from it.

Essentially, approaching the truth is going to make your ego-identified self threatened. It will want to defend itself and it will be horrified, offended, upset and scared of the truth. This can lead people to BECOME SICK by doing the course. It can also cause peoples lives to turn upside down, as reactions to the misinterpretation of the truth.

Gradually the way to undo this is the development of trust and coming to perceive correctly WITHOUT the ego’s interpretation. This will naturally lead to a WILLINGNESS to accept the atonement, and accept God’s truth as true. And then you will have no resistance whatsoever. It is only your beliefs to the contrary that try to defend you against the truth.

So each time you have an ego rebound, don’t belittle yourself or judge yourself as failing to do the course right. I used to think I was making big mistakes when I had rebounds, like I was guilty for having them. But I had to learn to be gentle and acknowledge what they were saying, recognizing it was a part of my SELF that was afraid and offended by the truth I was opening up to. It’s perfectly okay to take a BREAK from pushing yourself towards the truth, to let your ego settle down a bit, and integrate what you’ve learned so that you can move forward with more willingness and less fear.