Jesus suggested to me that some form of meditation might help me to find some 'clarity and hope'. His instruction was to relax.

So the past couple of mornings I've done a very simple, easy meditation which completely quiets the mind very quickly with no effort. In fact I don't even focus on trying to quiet the mind, it was an unexpected side effect.

The 'meditation' is simply to lay down and thoroughly relax the body. That's all. The only part my mind plays is to constantly focus on relaxing, letting tensions ease, noticing any muscle tightness, sinking down into the bed, letting the fascial muscles relax, the shoulders sink down, etc. My goal is a 'feeling' I get when the body is really deeply relaxed.

As I focus constantly on relaxing as much as possible, very unexpectedly, no thoughts happen. I don't even need to try to stop any thoughts, there just aren't any. My mind is fully focused on getting the body to relax physically.

As the body relaxes physically, when it truly is relaxed, you get this sensation of physical stillness. Breathing is still happening. I pay no attention to trying to control the breath. The breath automatically slows down and becomes smaller as a side-effect of focusing on relaxing. There is no breath control needed.

After a time, maybe 10-15 minutes, I find that I need to be extra soft, gentle, and subtle, in terms of my attention to keeping things relaxed, because the sensation of relaxation is quite easily disturbed or stirred up. This focus on calmness and minimal interference and letting go, seems to tune the mind and keeps all thoughts silent. Probably also the focus on the whole body relaxing at once is a 'big enough' target that the mind has no attention left to create thoughts. The goal is simply the sensation you get when the body is completely relaxed all over, which is a feeling of being very settled, still, calm, almost like levitating.

As I do this I generally find myself falling asleep as well, it's a good way to get to sleep. I'm not bothered by that. What I did find this second time is that toward the end, I had a sudden unexpected moment of 'awareness', in which I became more aware and it seemed as though that was accompanied by an even further 'stilling' of the mind, beyond what I thought was possible. It felt like a clarifying, a sharpening, and a clearing. It wasn't like enlightenment or anything but it was a definite sudden burst of awareness.

The main thing I am getting from the meditation, besides feeling very relaxed, which also has the side-effect of helping to tune out of other people's energies that I've empathed and I 'come back to myself', is that it gives me a subtler clarity about certain situations in life, and also about the activities of my mind, what my thoughts are doing, etc. It shines a light on things and shows me a greater truth somehow, things I didn't realize I was doing. I didn't realize how much mind-chatter I have, normally, contrasted by absolutely no thoughts during this exercise.

I'm most surprised that thoughts stop completely when doing this. I know that focusing the mind can do that - focusing on a breath or a mantra or word or single idea or whatever... but when I do those things, my mind is still noisy and doesn't shut up all the way, and after a while it starts to go into deeper daydreams and stuff. Doing this body relaxation exercise I get absolutely no thoughts of any kind the whole time, provided I keep my focus on being as gentle and subtly relaxed as possible. It makes me wonder what this connection is between agitation in the body and agitation in the mind. But probably it's that I'm getting my mind to focus on calmness, quietness, stillness, being settled, and the body is sort of a 'prop' for the mind to use to achieve that, through focusing on its relaxation. Tying the mind and body together perhaps, so that the mind relaxes with the body.

Of course, meditations also produce emotional releases afterwards.

In the ego's world, having expectations seems to produce stress and upset. We seem to be tasked with dropping all expectations, so that whatever happens, we will be okay with it. It is good not to have attachments to outcomes, or to be trying to control things, or to expect or hope that something is going to turn out a certain way only to have that expectation dashed against the rocks.

But here's what's really going on.

If you have an expectation, with the ego, it is typically a half-arsed wishful thinking, which has no power, and doesn't actually CAUSE anything to occur. Yet the ego believes that its expectations are lining up with how things will be. Then, because of this lack of POWER, when events do not follow the expectation there is anger and frustration and suffering. And so then it seems to be better not to use expectation at all since it always seems to lead to upset. We need to let go of the ego's form of expectation, but we shouldn't throw expectation out of the window altogether because Holy Spirit has his own use of it.

The fact is that you can either be expecting WITH the ego, or you can be expecting WITH Holy Spirit.

Expecting with the ego is what most people are familiar with as expectations. In other words, the ego perception doesn't believe it has any power over anything, since it wants to be a victim, and so makes INSANE expectations which really are a resistance to what is happening. Resistance is the ego's form of magical power, which it thinks it can wield in order to 'make' the world be the way it wants it to be. This is of course denial-based, and a deception, and basically leads to great suffering because it's out of touch with reality. When the ego expects something, it is choosing a wholly SEPARATE version of events than those that will possibly happen, as a form of rebellion, and its degree of belief in things turning out that way is really actually very weak. Resistance is weakness. And so usually it is thwarted and then you end up miserable and angry that things didn't turn out. So yes, it's good not to have ego expectations or ego attachment to outcomes.

HOWEVER ....

Expecting with the Holy Spirit is not like this. Holy Spirit doesn't use resistance, he uses EXTENSION, which is a creative power. Expecting with the Holy Spirit means that you are extending the POWER OF GOD, demanding and requiring that illusions fall into place. Expecting with the Holy Spirit has real authoritative power. Power to heal, power to manifest, power to change the world. Expectation through Holy Spirit means you are lining up with GOD's will, rather than the ego's fictional will, and what God will's MUST occur. It is not a matter of a request that things change, or a desire that things be different. It FORCES them to be different.

God has a constant expectation that there is perfect peace and permanent divine health. If God were to stop 'expecting' this to be true, he would enter into delusions. He is so certain that there will always be immortality, and that no illusion can assail his Kingdom, that he has every right to have ABSOLUTE EXPECTATION. Absolute knowing. Not just like, referring to something and asking it if it might be the way He wants it to be, but CREATION, actually PUTTING INTO EFFECT God's will. Making it so. Creating by His will to produce what he wants to be. There is no room for 'events' turning out any other way in this. There is no room for a conflict between expectation and what is. God's expectation overrides all illusions.

So it is perfectly okay, and encouraged, to expect with God. To expect in alignment with Holy Spirit. To expect that miracles will occur. To expect that there will be an end to death. To expect that a person can live forever. To expect immortality. And that faith isn't misplaced. It's not a delusion. It is law.

When Jesus said heaven is not a place he meant only it is not part of spacetime.

In the following section He talks about this. Notice the section is called "beyond the body", not staying in the body.

"VI. Beyond the Body

1 There is nothing outside you. That is what you must ultimately learn, for it is the realization that the Kingdom of Heaven is restored to you. For God created only this, and He did not depart from it nor leave it separate from Himself. The Kingdom of Heaven is the dwelling place of the Son of God, who left not his Father and dwells not apart from Him. Heaven is not a place nor a condition. It is merely an awareness of perfect Oneness, and the knowledge that there is nothing else; nothing outside this Oneness, and nothing else within."

Anything outside of heaven, which means this universe of illusions, is not part of Heaven, is not real, and does not exist. There is no world. And "there is no life outside of heaven" meaning anything outside heaven (Earth) is not life.

Also, ask yourself this. Where is Jesus? Apparently he is not in a body. He left bodies permanently 2000 years ago. So where is he? You cannot experience heaven while being in a body still. The body has to be disappeared in the overcoming of the illusion of death, before you can be freed of the limitations that the body places on awareness.

Many times Jesus states "in Heaven."

Jesus is in heaven. He is not in a body or in this universe. ACIM was comminicated to Helen through channeling from another dimension.

Being in the reflection of heaven, which is the face of Christ, in this world, is not being in heaven. Heaven is an awareness ONLY of God as real. Abstract, pure, holy and eternal. "Heaven and Earth are opposite in every way" tells us if you are "in Earth"you are not in Heaven. Otherwise God created this world, which is bullshit.

"God is in everything I see"applies only to seeing the face of Christ in this fictional world, which is only preparation for the transition to heaven. It does NOT mean God is in this world or that God is lurking behind its forms. Who can be at peace with death and destruction, or accuse God of creating such a cruel world, when death is a sign of hatred? God is love, not hate, and eternal life does not mean bodies that suffer and die.

Read the lesson "no one can fail who seeks to reach the truth". It takes you BEYOND even the real world, beyond true perception, beyond the face of Christ, beyond the forgiven world, escorted by Angels to Heaven. And Jesus says He can take you to Heaven any time. He wouldn’t exactly have anywhere to take you if being in the world meant you were there already.

Heaven is not Earth. Earth is not real and does not exist.

"Heaven remains your one alternative to this strange world you made and all its ways; its shifting patterns and uncertain goals, its painful pleasures and its tragic joys. God made no contradictions. What denies its own existence and attacks itself is not of Him. He did not make two minds, with Heaven as the glad effect of one, and earth the other's sorry outcome which is Heaven's opposite in every way.

God does not suffer conflict. Nor is His creation split in two. How could it be His Son could be in hell, when God Himself established him in Heaven? Could he lose what the Eternal Will has given him to be his home forever? Let us not try longer to impose an alien will upon God's single purpose. He is here because He wills to be, and what He wills is present now, beyond the reach of time."

"You cannot fail today. There walks with you the Spirit Heaven sent you, that you might approach this door some day, and through His aid slip effortlessly past it, to the light."

One of the really tricky things about A Course in Miracles, is the way that Jesus writes in certain contexts and sometimes it SOUNDS AS IF He is saying something which is totally opposite to what He says somewhere else. He is very "extreme" in his writing, in order to be very clear and black-and-white in his impeccable reasoning. And this can lead people to become confused as to what he really means.

For example, he could be talking in one part about how the world can be forgiven, it becomes lovely and beautiful and a reflection of holiness, then in another passage, turn around and say, from a different context, that the world is entirely a dream of death and is totally illusory and will never make you happy. It seems totally opposite.

For example, he could talk about using the body as a communication device and to help others. But then in another passage he can turn around and say, the body doesn't exist and it's the idea of sin, totally an illusion made to attack the son of God. It seems like a totally opposite attitude.

For example, he could say that the meaning of love cannot be taught, then tell you to "teach only love". Seems like a contradiction.

For example, he could be saying in one place, that God only has one son. But then in another passage, is talking about all the children of God who are co-creators with you and are your brothers. Seems like a totally opposite contradictory statement.

So what happens is, people will read the course and will tend to see these contradictions. And then they will be confused. And then to try to "fix" the contradiction, they will select WHICH of the two things are "true", and will reframe the other thing and change its meaning to "fit". This is usually fairly random but mostly people will "side with" whichever statement SEEMS more true or "bigger" or "higher".

So then for example, "one brother is all brothers" would turn into "all brothers are one self and there aren't really many brothers", as an attempt to rectify the seeming contradiction. But this is INCORRECT. It's a mistake to change what IT means in order to fit with YOUR thinking. It is YOUR thinking that needs to change to accommodate and ACCEPT what He is saying. That it is literally true, there are MANY brothers, who are one. And that means you're going to have to learn an entirely different way of thinking in order to see WHY it makes SENSE the way it is, without having to change it.

See, Jesus is not contradictory, and to claim he is really is an attack on his uniformity and consistency. He is not confused. He is an awakened being. He knows everything. He doesn't teach conflicting messages. He even says "no one can learn through double messages." He doesn't give contradictory statements. He gives statements at various LEVELS and CONTEXTS, and within one context, it can seem to be saying one thing, while in another larger context, it can blow that out of the water. Or he can talk about aspects of creation where ego laws are broken entirely, and be TELLING THE TRUTH when he says God has many children who are "all one". It does not erase the many, it doesn't result in "only one". IT IS BOTH.

We are supposed to learn to open our minds and accept ALL OF THE COURSE and EVERYTHING JESUS SAYS in it, not just the parts we like, and not just the parts that seem to make sense, and we're definitely not supposed to be hacking it apart to try to MAKE IT FIT into a thought system that is, itself, broken. God is a creator. He has many children. They are all one. Such is the truth.

"Everything God created (many things) KNOWS its Creator (individually). For this is how creation (as one thing) is accomplished, by (producing many, who are one) the Creator, and by His creations (many). In the holy meeting-place are joined the Father and His creations (many direct creations/sons), and the creations of His Son (their many creations, as one), with them together (as one, yet many). "

The only reason you blame or judge or project or scapegoat or see yourself as a victim or experience effects from others, is because you do not see how you did this to yourself.

If you could see how you ONLY do things to yourself, it would be so obvious you are the cause that you would have absolutely no NEED to even begin to go looking for its source. You wouldn't even need to find out who else is responsible for this. And so you wouldn't even start to step onto the slippery slope of blaming other people for it.

It's solely because you do not SEE, that you did this to yourself, or you chose it, and therefore your vision is obscured, and so you quite literally are now INCAPABLE of seeing who really is responsible.

But you will try TRY to find out who is responsible, you'll search around the room angrily trying to point fingers of accusation and judgement. "Was it you? or You?!"... And beyond even asking if it was someone, which you strongly believe it MUST be because you didn't see yourself do it, you pretty much have found others guilty automatically.

Then you think that if you FIND or have found someone guilty, and can blame them, that you're simply being justified. You're simply pointing out what the cause is. You're just honestly and innocently identifying who is responsible. You think you're just doing the normal honest sane rational thing of finding out who caused you to be upset, and that you're just pointing it out. You don't realize you're totally barking up the wrong tree because the cause isn't out there.

So projection, blame, anger, judgement, scapegoating, it's all simply an effort to continue to recognize who is responsible, but at the same time as being irresponsible yourself. By not being responsible for who you are, you entered into darkness, could not see what you were doing, and now are attempting to find another person to pin it on. And you will be wrong.

You will ALWAYS be mistaken if you EVER decide that it's someone else's fault. Because it is ALWAYS YOU that is doing it to yourself. You don't need to find someone to pin it on. You need to wake the fuck up and SEE CLEARLY, so you can recognize that you only do stuff to yourself.

I think half the battle with all this spiritual development stuff, is even being able to recognize what stuff is.

Like, for years I had a lot of fear and anger and I did not even know I had it. I didn't recognize that this 'thing', this sensation, was actually either of those. I was sitting on a volcano and didn't even realize it. Someone could've said that I was constantly in fear and I would've denied it.

Similarly when I'm being right, I don't recognize it AS being right, I think it's something else. I think I'm justified or defending myself or being truthful or whatever, I don't correctly associate that what I'm doing is being right.

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that this 'thing' you've been doing or feeling all this time, actually has a "label". Then you're like, you mean THIS is .... that?

We have trouble recognizing things for what they are, because we're deceived by illusions. We don't even recognize them AS illusions, we think they are reality or truth. We're walking around as if we're already awake, already in reality, already knowing what the truth is, and yet being very deceived, heavily in denial, and unaware of the whole picture.

Sometimes I find I have to even redefine for myself what the 'meaning' of something is, because what I thought it was isn't encompassing enough. Like, to recognize I am trying to be right... it doesn't strike me as trying to be right, it's most like, I'm defending my ego, or I'm putting up defenses... not quite what I'd think of as being right, but it is.

It's because we don't recognize illusions for what they are that we're unconscious. But coming to recognize them and SEE them correctly, brings awakening. If we could only see that this illusion isn't real and hasn't really happened, that there is no ego and no death, we'd laugh at how silly we were to ever take it seriously. It's only our lack of awareness and clarity that keeps us in the dark.

Half the time that I need to do a forgiveness I don't even recognize that I need to do a forgiveness. It could go on for days before I realize, oh, I guess I could do a forgiveness on this. lol

We get there eventually.

The thing about idol worship, is that it puts you down.

You can't put someone or something up on a pedestal without diminishing your own value.

Jesus speaks to this many times in ACIM where, for example, we give a gift to another person that we think they 'deserve' or are 'worthy of' and this values them at equality with that gift, and so basically says "you're only worth a box of chocolates".

And our society is actually quite hell bent on putting things up on pedestals, making us chase after objects and possessions and statuses that we seem to exalt 'above us' to make them seem special. All the while making those idols hared to reach and kept apart, in order to give them their appeal and addictive qualities. But if they are special and golden, it's only because we're not.

"We are not worthy" comes to mind, as an idol-worshipping mantra.

So all of industry is pushing this idea that you don't deserve the good stuff because you suck, and yet you should want the good stuff - the big flat screen Tv's on Black Friday - because then you've claimed a right to such treasures. And somehow they are now cherished toys to radiate and beam about. Because you're not as worthy as a television.

Similarly you can't be in a position where you are putting Jesus up on a pedestal without diminishing your birthright of being His equal. It puts you down and positions you as perpetually separate from Him.

Idolizing anyone or anything is a strange psychological condition where you praise and adore and exalt this thing to be so magnificently above you, hoping that it will somehow shower you with its mighty blessings that you barely deserve, all the while diminishing your sense of worth.

Eventually if the 'leader' that you are following becomes such an icon, you turn into a worthless sheep who can't even recognize their own value. In the ego's reasoning, the best idol worshippers are those who believe they will never allow themselves to take anything away from the idol, and so will sacrifice themselves as an offering, hoping to be ignored and attacked, and to then turn around and thank them for doing it.

Nothing is more worthy than a Child of God, which you are.

Fear, which is really uncertainty, is the ego's version of certainty.

If you're afraid, you are grossly uncertain. As uncertainty increases, fear increases.

And yet at the same time, as you become more uncertain, you become more certain that things are uncertain. Uncertainty becomes real. And if uncertainty is real, you definitely are justified in being afraid.

So whatever fear you're having, it's because you're uncertain about something and have moved into the ego. The ego is not certain of anything. Uncertainty can't be the truth, which means fear can't be the truth.

Reclaiming a sense of certainty, confidence, clarity, surety, automatically alleviates fear. But you must become confident about what is really true (God's truth) rather than confident about the ego's truth.

When you are afraid, you are confident that you are in danger. Its a strange thing, to be sure that real certainty is threatened, or to be sure that invulnerability is threatened.

Truth is, you can't be sure that uncertainty is the truth. You think you can, and while you're in uncertainty you'll keep looking for a sense of certainty. But you're already certain, just about the wrong thing. It's a bit of a mind-bender, but to get out of fear you need to be less certain that uncertain things are the truth.

What CAN you be truly certain of? This takes some honesty. Are you absolutely SUUUUUURE, like, really really really sure, that outcomes are terrible, or that people are plotting against you, or that you aren't safe? Are you REAEAAAAALLY sure about that?

If you test that, in the extreme, and if you demand total honesty from yourself, you have to admit to yourself - no, you're not sure. There's so much uncertainty that you do not really FEEL sure even if you're certain about being uncertain, lol You tend to feel what the surface appearance tells you, so if you're sure about uncertain things, you'll FEEL uncertain. But if you're sure about certain things, you'll FEEL certain.

The only thing you can be certain of and feel sure of and re-assured by, is God's love and God's truth. Ego's truth will never reassure you. Be more certain that God's truth is true and ego's truth is false. You are not in danger. You are safe in love. You can be sure of that.

I'm learning at the moment that healing of the body is impossible. Healing of the mind is possible, but the body cannot be directly healed.

The mind creates the body.

The mind is constantly projecting the body and basically 'overriding' anything you do `to` the body.

So it's like this... there's a blender in the kitchen and the lid is off and its spinning and there's juices and ooze flying all over the kitchen making a mess. So what do you do. You fetch a mop to clean up the floor. But you don't switch the blender off. So now you are FIGHTING against the cause of the problem by trying to address the symptoms/effects directly. And doing this is basically a way to IGNORE the cause and NOT FIX IT.

You better turn the tap off before you mop up a flood.

You better put the lid on the beehive before you start to address the bee stings.

You better get out of the burning building before you start trying to put the fire out.

The mind needs to be corrected. There's something in the mind that is mistaken.

Now, this is where the ego cackles because it's done a very good job of making it seem like you do not have a mind. The mind seems invisible. Where is it? What does it look like? How does it function? What does it contain? How does it store stuff? How does it get changed? Do you even know any of this? I have no clue.

Yet the mind is where the problem is. In our mind there is something that needs to be corrected because it is mistaken. It believes wrongly. It sees wrongly. It has conditioning that's running against itself. That's where the problem is. And that's what needs to be healed.

So then we go looking for the switch, in the mind, that needs to be flipped, in order to fix the body problem indirectly. But its not the body problem that's an issue. It's the mind-content that projecting onto it. Belief in the body being real. Belief in sickness. Use of disease as a defense. Use of lack and rejection as a defense. What's going on in the mind that needs to change in order to be healed?

I've been having a lot of deep insight lately about cause and effect and taking back my power, so I want to share some more on this. This may be a little lengthy so bear with me.

When we think of a victim we're usually talking about something negative. Someone does something to a person that they do not want. An enemy attacks, someone calls a name, someone judges, something happens to someone seemingly against their will, producing the effect of suffering.

And then we think that the things that don't do this, are not negative, or there's nothing wrong with it. Such as, feeling that a certain person is the love of your life, or having a special friend, or someone makes you happy and makes you laugh, or there's a favourite place you like to go to, or a place you call home because you like it more than other places.

You like these things, enjoy these things, want these things, "love" (conditionally) these things, because they seem to "cause you positively." They do things to you that you seem to prefer. You have needs, you have lacks, you have shortcomings, and these people or things seem to make up for it, they seem to do for you what you can't do etc. You seem to need them. They are the "other half" of you.

But the problem then comes when the person goes away, they die, they fail in some way to give you what you want or need. Or you leave a favourite place, or you break up with a person, or you lose a favourite possession or whatever. Given that your mind has become dependent on these things, it now suffers, and it flips into "special hate".

That is, the ego now sees itself as a NEGATIVE victim, instead of a positive one. The things you depended on are now seeming to turn against you and cause you pain. The people that you loved and cared for are now, in their absence, the seeming source of loss and misery. You might even feel angry at them. Special hate especially comes out AS hate if the person turns from favoured friend to an enemy, and seems to outright attack you.

What I've been realising is that when I attribute CAUSE to something outside of myself, it doesn't matter whether it seems to be positive or negative, wanted or unwanted, if I give it causal POWER OVER ME, to cause me something, I'm on a slippery slope and am now gambling in highly risky ego territory. I'm now striking a deal, doing a bargain, forming a special relationship, in which I prefer to get something out of it that I want or need. I have become dependent on something external, and don't want to let the dependancy go.

When the mind is giving POWER to someone or something to cause you in some way, that's a double-edged sword. If they comply, you might think you are happy, and for a while they seem to "do something to you" that you like. Whether it be making you happy, causing you to laugh, giving you good feelings even, making you love them more, paying your bills, whatever. They are the chosen one. The best person you ever met.

But at the same time there is tremendous risk, and likelihood, that at some point this will stop, and you will suddenly feel deprived and neglected and ignored and lost and very unhappy. Because if they are not there to do what you have become dependent on them to do, you will revert to deprivation and suffering.

I've seen that this reversal of cause and effect, this giving of POWER to someone else or to some thing else, to have power over you in some way - positively OR negatively - results in your mind becoming DEPENDENT on that thing. This dependency, is what some people, buddhists for example, would call "attachment."

It produces a sense of holding on, identifying with, of DEPENDING ON someone or something outside of you, as though you lean on it, you need it, you are hooked into it like it's a part of yourself. Like you plug your mind in, you form cords or bridges of energetic and emotional attachment, you build inroads mentally, which feels literally like being attached and "connected" in some way. In a special way, which passes for "relationship". And indeed this can feel like special love, as much as it can feel like having a nemesis when the power is given to an enemy.

This dependency results from reversing cause and effect, disowning responsibility, claiming that you have no power to choose anything, suppression of your will, projection of cause and will and power and responsibility onto someone or something else. It's then like you've struck a deal, where this person or thing has power OVER you (always with your consent), and the bargain terms entitle them to some kind of "hold over you", like, there's a string attached. A conditional-love relationship.

Somehow they have some rights, some say in it, some POWER, some logical power, which entitles them to have some control over you. And what they say or do goes, and you cannot but be affected by it. And you feel bound and artificially joined and like they own you in some way, like you're a pet on a leash. And so long as you maintain the belief that they have your power, using it over you, even if its in ways that you seem to want or that seem positive and loving, it's still an egoic special relationship because cause and effect are backwards. It's a relationship of false/backwards perceptions.

And it still feeds the role you're playing of being "a victim" - someone who is AFFECTED BY something other than themselves. ie, that you are preferring to live by being AFFECTED BY someone or something, rather than proactively choosing and taking responsibility for what you feel and experience. So long as the thing, the person, the place, the object etc, is regarded as something that you WANT to have the POWER to CAUSE you, in some way, you will see yourself as a victim of them when they eventually fail to follow through. And now sunsets turn into thunderstorms.

If they die, you are up shit creek, because you need them, you want them, you depend on them to be or do something for you, something that you were not doing for yourself. They were responsible for your happiness, they were the cause of your well-being, they were looking after you, making your life better, giving you something that you seemed to be unable to find unless someone outside of you sourced it. You even thought of them as a parent to you in some way, because they were the cause of you.

What i've seen now is that for example when someone you love dies, or you leave a home, or some other big change where something that you had SPECIAL LOVE for stops being there, you're going to experience "loss". Your ego is going to go into a negative victim role, it's going to see itself deprived and hurt and rejected, lost and alone, lacking and in need, and it's going to create a lot of emotional pain and wallow in the misery of powerlessness, and in weakness and sickness. And it's going to feel like there's been a big terrible loss because the external thing that you believe you NEED in order to be happy has gone. And it will feel that even part of your own self is gone.

It's not really loss about the person or thing, or really to do with the fact that they've left. The loss is caused by the continued "relationship" psychologically in which you see them as the cause of you. The same "power" you gave them to cause your happiness, is still being given to them, and that means that when they fail to give the happiness to you, you will be unhappy. And the more power you gave them to do this, the worse it will feel. THAT is the cause of grief - not getting what you want. And the ego will pout and cry and feel like a child that isn't getting what it wants.

The attachment. The dependency. The depending on something external. The seeking for the source of love, or even of your SELF, outside of yourself instead of finding it within. The unwillingness to own the power and the love within, resulting in a projection and disowning of it, such that when the person providing the love leaves, you're left empty handed with your own lack of inner love. And then you are in sorrow because you're empty and miserable without their "help." And you feel lost and don't know who you are anymore because part of your identification has died.

The secret of salvation says that you are doing this to yourself. So yes, it means that you are unhappy because you have given your power away, and are using the relationship to disempower yourself. If you are in this "unholy" relationship with someone or something, where you are "getting" something from it that you believe you lack inside, or NEED from the person, you're not going to be happy long-term. As soon as they leave, you're screwed, because now there's no-one to fill the shoes that you keep handing over to be filled.

When you admit to this and own the power, taking back the power you gave TO these things to cause your happiness, now you are correcting the REAL problem. The real problem isn't the loss or the change in life events, it's the "seeking and not finding" love outside yourself. It's wanting some external person or thing or place to love you, be there for you, reassure you, give something to you. It's essentially you being dependent and irresponsible, and it's you trying to disown your power. You have loss because you think YOU lack something, something you gave away.

When you take that power back, and own the responsibility, and see yourself as CAUSE, no longer regarding the person or thing as the "cause of" what you feel, or what you experience, this then uproots the entire ego thought system and the dynamic that generates the suffering. If you are causal, no one else can CHANGE YOU or influence you or make you feel something or alter your experience. And that is spiritual because it means you are owning up to the powerful being that you really are - a being with NO NEEDS.

You CANNOT be ANY KIND of victim if you are empowered, if you are responsible, if you have owned the CAUSE of your suffering. Because the cause of your suffering is NOT the absence of the person or thing, it's your SELF ATTACK, in which you are giving your power away and using it to hurt yourself. The only way to end the negative consequences of victimhood, is to also end the so-called "positive consequences". You do NOT want your happiness to be depending on anyone or anything other than God who IS ITS SOURCE.

When you take that power and causation back and own it, you are not only undoing the attachment, you are undoing the dependency, you are undoing the neediness and lack, you are undoing both forms of victimhood, and are reclaiming your INDEPENDENCE. Your freedom from suffering is literally a choice. You choose to stop giving your power away to people and things that are not supposed to have power over you. Not even the good people, not even the friends, not even the family, not even the beloved partners, husbands or wives. You can have a far healthier relationship still but without the conditions and dependent needs.

Moving OUT of that specialness, that dependency, that power game, that subtle positive victimhood, that neediness, that irresponsibility, that insecurity, is a movement towards a holy relationship. A holy relationship with yourself and others, in which you no longer are trying to have an egoic specialness as the foundation for "what they mean to you" or "what they do to you." You stop playing the negative victim, AND the positive victim, and stop trying to get your needs met from outside of yourself. God and your reclaiming of the inheritance which God has given you is all you need for that.

I can say that realising this is very freeing, empowering, and does for me seem to be greatly reducing the sense of loss that I've been having for months. I cannot suffer if I do not choose to do so. I am ruler of the universe, master of my destiny. Nothing happens to me without my consent. I cannot suffer or be hurt unless I do it to myself. And the only way I can do something to myself is to disown my power and try to get someone else to do something to me, for me. Do I want to be a slave to someone or something else deciding for me if I am happy, or will I choose to own the power and the happiness that God has given me already?