"All forms of sickness even unto death are physical expressions of the FEAR of awakening."

If you are afraid, you are trying to be dead. If you are afraid, you are in fact attacking. Fear is unloving. It is the opposite of love. Fear and love are the only two emotions. Fear may take many forms but it's all still fear, or a lack of life. Fear is therefore sin.

Lacking life means a lack of permanence, which brings with it a belief that you are going to die at some point, which incites more fear. Closeness to God is life, because God is eternal. Distance from God, in psychological terms of belief, is death. It is the attempt to be far from life or to deny it - to deny you are alive.

If you deny God, which is the ego's religion, you are denying life itself, which blocks life and induces states of sickness and death. If you deny life, you are denying health. The denial of health is obviously an attack on health, which produces all states of sickness, illness and disease.

"Allegiance to the denial of God is the ego's religion. The god of sickness obviously demands the denial of health, because health is in direct opposition to its own survival." What this essentially means is that every form of fear, every lack of love (which is also sin), every attack of grievance, every way that we are distancing ourselves from God, is a choice for death. And if you move towards God instead, embracing immortality and life, then you are moving towards health as well.

Sickness cannot exist in a healthy state of mind, which results in the undoing of sickness in the body. But it also means that if your mind is well, you are blessing others with life. You are GIVING LIFE to them, which is the miracle.

If you choose to see them with love, you are enlivening them. But if you choose to see them with fear, for any reason, you are in fact being murderous. "What is not love is murder." So when you go into fear, in which it seems like you are "being murdered" by some external thing, it in fact is because YOU are being murderous.

Fear disguises this well because you experience the effects of your thoughts. When you are being attacking, YOU feel like you are under attack. And because you feel attacked, you think that you can't possibly be attacking right now. That either you are the victim OR the victimizer. But in truth all victims are victimizers because they attack themselves.

If you become afraid in relation to something you see, someone's body condition, some's choices, stuff happening around you etc, you are in fact being unloving. Which means you are being murderous. And by being afraid you are not "caring", you are hurting. You are in fact condemning someone when you "worry" about them or "doubt" their safety etc

Fear can as such seem well-meaning and protective, which is also an illusion. Because really fear is part of the attempt to undermine life and health and to bring about states of suffering and death. It's a belief that death is real.

"As fear is witness unto death, so is the miracle the witness unto Life". If you are not being a miracle-worker, ie a lover, you are being fearful, which means you are a death-worker. You're attempting to destroy yourself and you project this destruction onto others, seeing it in them.

All fear witnesses to, testifies to the truth of, reinforces, tries to bring about, makes happen, death. It is not EVER on the side of life and love and support. The opposite of fear is love. Love IS miraculous and life-giving and supportive.

To see with love is to see without fear because it does not attack. If you do not attack yourself you do not feel attacked, and therefore are not afraid. It has nothing to do with what other people do. YOU do it to yourself - this is the secret of salvation.

What I am experimenting with now is to recognize, to catch myself, if I am in a state of fearful perception. If I see reasons to be afraid, causes of fear, things going wrong, broken bodies or whatever else, I am stopping myself and recognizing - this is not just fear, this is MY attempt to bring about death. This is a belief in death. I need to choose otherwise and choose to stop trying to MAKE death happen.

I am finding this shuts off the fear very quickly, because it's uprooting it at its foundation. If fear is really attack, ie an attack thought, and is an attempt to give power TO death and to the ego, then if I don't WANT that, then obviously I will stop choosing that. And as I choose not to want death, I stop projecting death, and stop seeing with fear. The fear switches off and I return to seeing with love. And only love can be helpful.

This all hinges around associating fear with death, which is completely accurate and appropriate. By NOT recognizing that fear is death, I will be inclined to think it is "just fear" and not realize the GOAL that it is trying to achieve. The goal of fear is destruction and murder and attack. I can't be having and wanting such a goal if I want to be happy and free from fear.

To be free from fear is a RELIEF, because it actually is liberation from death. By overcoming fear you overcome death. By choosing away from death you are choosing eternal life. You become immortal and resurrected by becoming unafraid.

This is why "miracles cannot be performed in a spirit of doubt and fear". Miracles abolish fear and death, which are one thing, but they require you to be in states of LOVE. Love abolishes fear, just as life abolishes death.

Choosing away from fear isn't just a matter of feeling safer and not being afraid any more, it's a matter of resurrecting and being the LIFE, becoming able to give life to others, to raise them from the dead. Fear of death is a meaningless circular logic, because fear IS death, and fearing it chooses it. Choose life instead.

So there I was, doing something which I was feeling guilty about. But I didn't realize I was feeling guilty. Instead, I noticed I started having fearful thoughts. Except, I didn't realize they were fearful thoughts. But by that point, I seemed to have no direct awareness of feeling guilty, only that I felt uncomfortable and that something wasn't right.

I couldn't get my ego to stop making up thoughts about this thing, or bringing it back up, or imagining it happening. I thought fear was the problem so I started working on trying to undo the fear, which helped to some degree, but it wouldn't stop. My ego kept recreating thoughts about it.

So I had to stop and step back, and ask myself, what is happening here mytaphysically? If I am afraid.. oh, it must mean that I am guilty. Because all fear comes from guilt. Without guilt there is no basis for fear, because there is no punishment to be afraid of. Suddenly the guilt came back into my awareness and I realized I did in fact feel guilty. This guilt was manifesting as fearful thoughts.

So then I set about undoing this guilt, which at first didn't seem easy and I didn't believe it. Somehow because I felt guilt, I felt like I was supposed to be guilty. I felt like I deserved to be guilty or that what I was doing was wrong. But as I looked into this, I had to ask myself whether God would find me guilty. And the answer to this had to be a resounding no.

It's not possible for God to condemn or accuse or to find me guilty for anything. But there I was, still feeling guilty, and still feeling as though I was supposed to be guilty. It seemed the guilt was justified. It felt like shame. It felt like whatever I was doing called for guilt. Of course there was a sense of sin behind this, because it's only possible to be guilty if you believe you sinned, and you can only believe you sinned if you do not believe you are innocent.

It seemed odd though, that the entire foundation for this idea of "you should be guilty", really had no basis. God doesn't find us guilty. God does not for one second see us as guilty, ever, for anything. So I had to look at this. Apparently I had bought into this idea that guilt - or a guilty conscience - is somehow natural or normal. That we're supposed to feel this way. That it's a sign to us that we have done something wrong.

It's as if guilt is a deserved punishment. It's as if the guilt says, "there is something wrong with you", rather than, stopping to question whether there is something wrong with the guilt. And as it turns out, there IS something wrong with the guilt. The guilt itself is false!

If God is not finding me guilty, there is actually something wrong about being guilty. Being guilty isn't correct or rational or justified. It's actually a mistake. An error. We're actually doing something wrong when we go into guilt. Guilt is not love. God does not find us guilty so if we're feeling guilty, even if we're pouting and feeling ashamed and upset and like we deserve it, we're actually going against God's will.

Guilt is nothing but another way to lick our wounds and pretend we didn't want to do what we did want to do. This justifies the guilt, keeps it, makes out that we deserve it, and then we proceed to the next step of making it unconscious by turning it into fear of punishment. If we're being guilty, even though it feels awful, we're actually being egotistical, we're being selfish, and we're trying to make out that we have regret or remorse or "normal" shame, as if we recognize that we did something wrong and did not mean to do it. It's a bullshit lie.

There is nothing noble or moral or ethical, nor is it a sign of a healthy conscience, to be guilty. God does not find us guilty, ever. Not ever. For any reason. God's judgement is that we are eternally innocent and we have not sinned and we cannot sin. That's VERY different to the ego's plan to make us guilty for stuff. So now this brings guilt ITSELF into question. The entire idea of guilt is false!

We are in fact never supposed to feel guilty. If we do, we're putting on a show, nothing short of victimhood, where we're pretending to regret our actions while in fact secretly we are delighted at having made God suffer. Guilt is a lie, it has NO MERIT whatsoever, it is NOT supposed to keep us in check, and it is not grounds for behavior modification. It is entirely an ego creation, a delusion, designed to manipulate and hide the truth.

So I found this very interesting. I had to open up to the truth as given by God... how God sees me. God sees me as innocent. I am NOT guilty for doing what I've done. Even if every rule under the sun says I should be.

Now of course, we have to be careful with level confusion here. This does not justify suddenly going out and doing despicable things. If we're truly coming from love we will act lovingly not recklessly or harmfully. And in fact I heard my ego starting to jump in on this, trying to get me thinking that, well... if I'm not guilty for doing something like this, then I can surely do whatever I want with no remorse... well, that too is ego bullshit. That's level confusion and the ego trying to bend the law of God to its purposes.

We are to be directed by God's love, informed by God's love, guided by God's love, to life within God's love, and to act from God's love. We are innocent and holy, unconditionally, even if we may have seemed to do something that WE think (our ego thinks) is worthy of condemnation, a label of sin, or justification for punishment. There is NO VALUE in being guilty. There is no merit. It does not make people well behaved. It makes people separate from God, it makes people unloving, and it confuses truth for lies.

Guilt is not love. Guilt is not real remorse. Guilt is a lie.

I am not guilty. You are not guilty. Guilt is fake. There is no such thing as real justified guilt. It is part of the ego and therefore it is a lie. In God's Kingdom there is only innocence and the Son of God is free.

The ego is sneaky about projecting sin and guilt onto others. If someone else is not really doing anything wrong, it is riskier and perhaps more difficult for you to "unfairly" project your own sin and guilt onto them. If you do, it will appear much more obvious that you are the one doing the attacking, and that it is not called for. This is too "overt". Just picking some random innocent target and attacking it would indeed be vicious, but our ego tends not to do this.

Instead, we lay a trap and lay in wait, trying to find a target. A target is someone who, of their apparent own free will, is sinning on their own. Someone who is digging their own grave. Someone who is hurting, attacking, being at fault, choosing poorly, doing something offensive, believing wrongly, saying harmful words, punishing or whatever. So long as the person is, themselves, seeming to be clearly the one who is sinning.

"The body's eyes are therefore not the means by which the real world can be seen, for the illusions that they look upon must lead to more illusions of reality. And so they do. For everything they see not only will not last, but lends itself to thoughts of sin and guilt."

Once we see this "proof of sin" in someone else, it becomes a strong temptation. It tempts you to believe it. It almost invites you to agree with it, to see judgement as justified, and to therefore launch an attack which reinforces the person's sinfulness. But this is a slippery slope, even though it's what the ego enjoys as its less overt tactic.

When it's clearly someone else who seems to be wrong, it presents a wonderful opportunity for your own ego. Since all attention is on the other person, and since they appear to be the one who is making things worse for themselves and everyone, your ego takes the "opportunity" to sneak in and USE it for its purposes.

If it can now condemn and accuse the person, based on "what they are doing", it seems completely justified. But the sneaky thing is that you aren't having to "invent" a sin for them to be accused of. They have already provided a nice sin for you to latch onto. All you have to do is "point it out". So now the ego simply seems to be mirroring what the person is already doing, rather than making a "fresh accusation".

By doing this, the attack upon the person becomes disguised. It hides in the darkness of the other person's actions. They were already sinning, so it seems like you're not ADDING anything to them. And so simply by "identifying it" and "pointing it out" and labelling it AS a sin, you appear to be not attacking them at all. But if you step back, you ARE still in fact accusing them of sin still, you are attacking them, you are compounding their own sin, and are being just as judgemental as before.

It's just that, when someone else provides the "material", you seem to not be the one who is "inventing" the sin, so your accusation against them seems invisible. It doesn't stand out from what they are already going. It's like you slip in a little sin of your own hidden by theirs. All the focus is on them, by their own doing, so your ego gets to hide from being the center of attention. It's still attacking but now it seems like you're not doing anything.

This becomes quite risky though, to yourself, because you can become quite blinded by this sleight of hand, even unto yourself as you're doing it. You may not even realize that you have been "tempted" by the sin of another, and that you fell for it, believed in it, and recognized it as a perfect opportunity to condemn without the implication fo yourself. You can then find yourself accusing the other of "doing what they're obviosuly doing", convincing yourself that YOU are not doing anything, and therefore are now are attacking even more unconsciously.

It's one thing to be more aware of your desire to project your own shit onto someone else. It's another to be attacking someone on the basis of what they are seeming to do, and then not even realizing that you're attacking them. When they are the "source" of the sin, you can easily lose sight of how you are contributing to it, or mirroring it. Your own attack becomes invisible to you, and then you believe that you're not even doing anything wrong at all.

Thus you end up in a pattern of not attacking people unless they sin first, and then when they do seem to sin, you take it as an ideal opportunity to scapegoat. Because you think no-one will notice what YOU are doing because they'll be so busy focusing on what THEY are doing. A good decoy goes a long way. Except that you even distract your own attention, and now you much more easily allow your mind to fall into a scapegoating mode.

Overall I personally experience this as "falling for temptation", in that the world is constantly presenting "opportunities" to focus on sin and make it real. It's a constant vigilance to try not to "take a cheap shot", when someone is obviously mistaken in some way. If I don't recognize it as "just a mistake", I will make it real and try to compound it, drawing myself away from myself, trying to displace my own guilt onto someone else. But only if "they started it."

No-one wants to overly be seen as an unjustified attacker, so we wait until someone makes the first move, before we pounce on it. Then the gloves come off and the claws come out, and rightly so, because now the other person has invited us to attack them. They want punishment, and if we agree with that we will give it to them, and benefit from doing so. It's much easier to "fall for" this temptation to "beat someone when they are down" than to look like a total a-hole hurting people for no apparent reason. This is why almost all attacks on others are "justified" as being "called for" based on what we think other people "did wrong first."

Of course, "only the self-accused condemn" and "we but accuse our brother of our own sins."

If it's true that you choose everything that happens, making it possible to find salvation by choosing eternal life and denying death, then everything you choose you must WANT.

Wanting, desiring, allowing, accepting, believing in, is all an act of positively electing something, in the belief that it appeals to and attracts you. Meaning you want it.

To accept atonement you have to want it. This is a matter of willingness. If you want to suffer you will suffer because you want to. If you die, you want to die. If you are sick its because you want to be sick. If you are unloved you do not want to be loved.

Look at the world and look at in the light that everyone is a powerful creator or miscreator, creating exactly what they want in every case. See how there are no victims, only willing participants who consent to everything that happens. A world of ameteur creators who have not yet perfected the constructive use of their powers.

Everyone is in fact getting exactly what they want at all times. Each wanting or choice is a prayer, and all prayers are always answered - by you. You always receive what you give.

"No-one is healed through double messages. If you wish ONLY to be healed, you heal. Your single PURPOSE makes this possible."

If you want salvation nothing can stop you. If you want God nothing can stand in your way. If you want health it shall be yours. If you want to never die you will live forever. But you cannot be in two minds or in denial.

If you think something is happening that you do not want, you are denying it which is why you think you don't want it. You really secretly do want it, otherwise your single minded decisive power would rid you of it. Complaining about it is a decision NOT to change your mind and to stay in suffering.

Everyone is always getting what they want. The problem really is not one of receiving things you didn't ask for, but of being unmasterful of your asking such that you keep asking for things that don't bring you happiness. You still ask for them because you ask for hate, because you want to hate.

Not recognizing what you actually are choosing is half the problem. It requires a lot of honesty to admit you want to hurt yourself, want to be afraid, want to be sick or want to die, especially when on the surface this induces fear which makes you recoil from what you are choosing. Or to admit you are NOT doing what you think you're doing.

The only reason people seem to not want all the shit they keep wanting, is because they keep wanting to threaten themselves. They keep seeking ways to be punished and hurt, yet recoil at the hurt. This is just the two-faced nature of the ego. We keep choosing in a confused state of mind and end up making a poor choice.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace. I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise."

When you want only health, happiness and wholeness you will have only that, and nothing else will you have. If life sucks, congratulations on getting what you wanted. Then choose again if you want something else.

We simply are immature creators with confused minds who keep causing hell to happen by mistake. On purpose. Because we think its what we want, because we don't recognize what things are, because we're insane. But all you have to do is change your mind about what you want.

"This in no way contradicts the changelessness of mind as GOD created it. But YOU think that you HAVE changed it, as long as you learn through the ego. This DOES place you in a position of needing to learn a lesson which SEEMS contradictory: you must learn to change your mind ABOUT your mind. Only by this can you learn that it IS changeless."

"Trials are but lessons which you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain which what you chose before has brought to you."

"He has asked for what will frighten him, and bring him suffering. Let us resolve today to ask for what we really want, and only this, that we may spend this day in fearlessness, without confusing pain with joy, or fear with love."

"You were at peace until you asked for special favor, and God did not give it."

"In peace he needed nothing, and asked for nothing. In war he DEMANDED everything, and FOUND nothing."

"What you have asked for cannot be denied."

"If a magic thought arouses anger in any form, God's teacher can be sure that he is strengthening his own belief in sin and has condemned himself. He can be sure as well that he has asked for depression, pain, fear and disaster to come to him."

"I AM responsible for what I see. I CHOSE the feelings I experience, and I DECIDED ON the goal I would achieve. And everything that SEEMS to happen TO me, I ASKED FOR and received as I had asked."

"For NEITHER will recognize that HE HAS ASKED FOR HELL, and so he will NOT interfere with the ego's ILLUSION of Heaven, which it offered him TO INTERFERE WITH HEAVEN."

"NOTHING can prevail against a Son of God who commends his Spirit into the hands of His Father. By doing this, the mind awakens from its sleep, and the Soul remembers its Creator. All sense of Separation disappears, and level confusion vanishes."

"It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept."

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are."

Often when you are experiencing some long-term struggle with something, where you have a lot of emotions and stress about it, when the thing finally gets resolved something happens.

Since you now perceive that the problem has gone, it's kind of like lifting the lid off a saucepan filled with reactions. Emotions that you were bottling up and didn't seem to be resolveable. All the feelings you werehaving in the midst of real-seeming problems, worries, fears, guilts etc, suddenly come flying up into awareness for release. The foundation and purpose of them is gone, so there's nothing to keep them in place.

I've seen this happen in myself countless times. Once the psychological perception that you have a real problem is lifted, the reactions to believing the problem was real suddenly have no "ceiling" to stop them flooding out. So on comes the catharsis.

Going through this right now, following my recent intense forgiveness and atonement about an event from many years ago. Even though the experience of the atonement was filled with innocence and truth, and even though it unlocked something in my mind and changed my perception forever, up now comes a large volume of emotinal baggage which is "no longer relevant". So it's kind of like flushing the toilet.

Light goes in (you eat light), you process it, darkness comes out the other end (shit).

As usual I did not really know what was bugging me until Jesus clued me in that this was happening. So it was time to fetch the tissues.

And then it became a great excus for some ice cream!

I am gradually learning that there is POWER in making decisions. And I don't just mean some kind of self-help "make more decisions to be productive" kind of thing. I mean, literally it has a supernatural kind of power to it. It's tied into miracle working. It accesses and wields the power of the mind to CAUSE.

Everything in the course points towards becoming more decisive, empowered, certain, clear about what you do or do not want, being responsible for choice, ending victimhood, realizing that nothing can happen to you against your will, and reclaiming the ability to CHOOSE. And in that choosing, you actually CAUSE stuff. And what you do not choose, you do not cause.

Here is what "My self is ruler of the universe" says from Lesson 253:

"It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept. For thus am I led past this world to my creations, children of my Will, in Heaven where my holy Self abides with them, and Him Who has created me."

It is also very clear that being in fear is being in indecision. Fearfulness is an attempt NOT to choose, just as "death is an attempt to make no decisions at all." The opposite of that is to make ALL decisions or to be aware that you choose everything that happens to you. ie nothing happens to you, it happens FROM you.

This is the secret to salvation - that you are doing this to yourself. And the secret to salvation, and forgiveness, and atonement, and miracle working, all recognize that you have a POWER in you to choose. And whatever you DECIDE, you CAUSE TO HAPPEN.

Let's put it this way. YOU ARE ALWAYS CHOOSING.

Everything is a choice. "Heaven is a decision I must make". "No one dies without their own consent."

The problem is that we do not believe we are always choosing. When we say things like "such and such is going to happen to me" as though we are not choosing it, we are actually choosing it. When we lay down and just accept that we're in for stormy weather, we are actually choosing it. "I have no neutral thoughts" - because you are always using thought to choose what you will experience.

The whole thing about perception and projection stems from the fact that you perceive what you CHOOSE to perceive, having put it there yourself through your decision.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am not at peace" - the entire prayer and the text prior to it clarifies that if you are not experiencing joy *YOU* MUST have DECIDED NOT TO. And we are supposed to own up to 100% responsibility for that. And to then reclaim that power of decision, and CHOOSE AGAIN. But if we don't recognize that we are always choosing or have the power TO choose, and that choosing MAKES STUFF HAPPEN, then we will just remain in a state of half-baked victimhood and uncertainty and things just seeming to happen on their own.

Since we've been immersed in fear and uncertainty and victimhood for so long, it has become "normal" to us. We've become used to it. We don't realize that we HAVE a choice in every situation and that the things we are experiencing are precisely what we ASKED FOR. We do not realize that we are, as the song of prayer says, ALWAYS PRAYING and thus always asking AND always being answered in accordance with what it is we are asking for. And if we are asking for suffering, we will make suffering. And if we are asking for joy, we will receive joy.

It's all too easy to be lost in states of fearful-mindedness where it does not seem like you have any say in the matter. That you have no power, are not choosing, stuff is happening outside of your decision, things happen that you do not want, you don't seem to be able to do anything about it, and then you start to believe that you don't even HAVE any kind of "power". Like, if you even DID make a decision, you think that the making of the decision ITSELF - the making up of your mind - has no power to CAUSE anything to occur. But this is not true.

"The mind is very powerful, it is always creating and lever loses its creative ability." The whole thing about rendering the faculties of decision ineffective in an attempt to block the mind's power speaks to this. We do not want to admit that THOUGHT HAS POWER. And in fact, "who would have imagined that thought and belief could combine in a power surge strong enough to literally move mountains." This comes about through DECISIVENESS, certainty, confidence, wholeness, strength, truth, love. The qualities of a healed mind is a POWERFUL mind which chooses and is AWARE that it chooses, and that in making choices CAUSES stuff to occur. Miraculously. Powerfully.

I am still struggling with this myself because all too often I am in the egoic sleeping state of not realizing that I CAN CHOOSE something else. But I've also been finding that when I DO make a decision, it immediately DISPELLS fear. Just last night I was cleaning the bathroom and using chemicals and was getting a bit nauseated from the fumes, and after becoming anxious about it for a few minutes I DECIDED with a firm "I am...." decision... "I am not threatened, I am safe". Instantly a whole cloud of fearful energy around me vanished.

Also not long ago I was seeing signs of a sickness showing up and I got mad about it. I REFUSED that it would be allowed to happen. Jesus said "decide". I decided FIRMLY that THIS WILL SIMPLY NOT HAPPEN. Then I walked away. Next day there was no sign of it. And I had no fear or doubt or second-guessing or wondering about it because of the certainty with which I decided. The firmness or assertiveness and power of making a clear decision.

There is more to this than simply choosing which direction to go on a path. It's not some weak little change of plans. When you become decisive and fearless and certain "I am not doubtful but certain, I am not afraid but all powerful", you become quite POWERFUL and that power actually can CAUSE. It can cause stuff to happen. It can cause stuff to not happen. Just as "my self is ruler of the universe" says. Nothing can come to you unbidden by yourself. You choose it all! No-one dies without their own consent. Nothing happens to you that you do not choose. The world contains no causes, nothing can bring oppression or make you ill or weak or afraid.

We are constantly CHOOSING. We need to step into this power, into this state of "consciously choosing". Being decisive. DECIDING. I had another example just recently where I had some heartburn and was worried about it. Out of the blue, while talking to Holy Spirit, I DECIDED "I am healed." I have no idea where it came from. Instantly Holy Spirit went to work doing some kind of miracle in my body and the heartburn was healed.

Jesus also says that when the PURPOSE of any sickness is recognized as being NOT NEEDED (no defense needed) there is no sickness that will not disappear and be healed instantly. That such healing is automatic. That simply by DECIDING to accept truth without fear and being WILLING to let go of suffering, it can simply vanish. This is the power of our mind. Getting in touch with your WILLINGNESS puts you in touch with the Power of God's Will!

We don't realize how powerful our minds are. We don't recognize it because we're been hanging out in the ego land for too long, drifting from one victimy reaction to the next. Just allowing stuff to happen, going along with it, passively aggressing against ourselves, just laying down and "letting" stuff occur - through our own unconscious choices. It's not that we are not MAKING choices all the time, it's that these choices are being made from an UNCONSCIOUS DEATH WISH and it's causing all kinds of havoc. We need to become AWARE of our decision making moments, our moments of decisiveness and choosing. We can choose what we experience!

I find this choosing to be powerful especially in relation to some kind of statement about myself, termed as "I am..." or "I am not". You don't have to just let stuff carry on "by itself". That's an illusion. Nothing happens "on its own". There isn't any kind of alien will or external causality. You ARE already making everything happen that you experience, you are just doing it outside of awareness. This is part of why we must remove blocks to awareness so that we can stop unconsciously making bad choices that hurt ourselves.

There is power in decision. It is the antithesis of fear and death. YOU CAN CHOOSE NOT TO DIE. And in fact, if you do die, you still chose it. "No-one dies without their own consent." It's just a matter of whether or not you get in touch with that CHOOSING and you USE that power of decision to choose otherwise. You want to choose otherwise because you want to be at peace. You can CHOOSE that. Death is a decision that you make, just as "heaven is a decision I must make." And when you choose Heaven, death becomes IMPOSSIBLE because it cannot happen WITHOUT your consent. If you do not choose it, you are free from it forever.

There is a whole workbook lesson on this as well, Lesson 152 - "The power of decision is my own." Lesson 152. Here's how it starts:

"No-one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No-one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No-one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no-one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is.

You may believe that this position is extreme, and too inclusive to be true. Yet can truth have exceptions? If you have the gift of everything can loss be real? Can pain be part of peace, or grief of joy? Can fear and sickness enter in a mind where love and perfect holiness abide? Truth must be all-inclusive if it be the truth at all. Accept no opposite and no exceptions, for to do so is to contradict the truth entirely.

Salvation is the recognition that the truth is true and nothing else is true."

It may sound simple enough to say "you but accuse your brother of your own sins." But if you think on this deeply, you'll realize how strange this is. It holds up even when you are angry at someone, and even when it seems like they are doing something wrong all on their own.

Jesus is basically saying you NEVER accuse your brother of THEIR sins. You actually ONLY EVER accuse your brother of YOUR SINS. When you think about that it's quite strange.

1) You believe YOU have sinned.

2) You try to pin YOUR sin onto someone else.

3) You project YOUR actual sense of sin and guilt ONTO someone else, to try to attach it to them and blame THEM for it.

How deceiving is that? What a disguise! What a way to frame someone for something they didn't do. What is this but finding a scapegoat? Blaming someone who is completely innocent and completely unrelated to your sin, for something YOU think you did.

Jesus goes even further to say that, not only do you only ever accuse others of YOUR shit, you actually are not even capable of seeing THEIR sins, yet alone holding THEIR sins against them. So it can't be possible that you SEE objectively "they are sinning and I am not", to enable you to be able to point a neutral finger and say "you are sinning, and I am not."

If you regard them as sinful or guilty, you are NOT seeing their sin or guilt. You are actually seeing the projection of YOUR OWN. Your own pain is hurled out of your mind onto them, your anger attempts to MAKE them be guilty, and you now see them as the CAUSE of YOUR suffering.

This happens because as you project sin and guilt, your perception inverts and becomes completely backwards. Cause and effect are reversed. You see causation or sin as outside of you coming into you, rather than inside you extending outward.

If your brother is guilty of WHAT YOU DID, then they are now the one who is sinful and "doing it", thus doing it TO YOU. You now see yourself as threatened and attacked BY THEIR sinfulness, but it is in fact YOUR OWN sinfulness coming back at you. You may fear their wrath but really you only fear YOUR OWN.

It's such a bizarre thing to do. It's like someone accuses you of being guilty, you feel bad about it, then because you don't want to heal it in yourself or admit it is yours, you find some random target outside of you, some innocent party, and suddenly hurl all of your guilt onto them, try to FRAME them as being sinners, ACCUSING them of all kinds of stuff, to try to SHIFT THE BLAME, so that you can dissociate from your guilt and associate them with it. So they can take the fall FOR you. And if you can be convincing enough, you may even convince yourself and others that YOU are the innocent one, throwing everyone off the scent.

That's what we're doing every single time we are angry at someone, trying to make them guilty, accusing them, seeing them as doing something to us. In fact, when there is any judgemental sense at all of them "doing something wrong" or not being good enough or failing or sinning or attacking, it MUST MEAN that we ourselves are projecting OUR OWN inner misery, pain, unhealed wounds, onto them.

Jesus is clearly saying that you are actually INCAPABLE of judging another's innocence or guilt. You can ONLY see that either you believe BOTH of you are guilty, or BOTH of you are innocent. Because if you have guilt in your own mind, you can ONLY see guilt. And being unable to see innocence at all, you have no way to discern whether they are separately innocent. And if there is innocence in you, you CANNOT see their guilt, because your own innocence blinds you to guilt. So again you cannot discern separately whether they are innocent or guilty.

If you accuse yourself of sin or guilt, you ARE accusing BOTH yourself AND others. And the truth is that NEITHER of you are guilty or sinful. This is why it's not enough to simply take back projections and reclaim ownership responsibility for the sinful junk in your mind. You have to actually UNDO it, FOR BOTH of you, through forgiving yourself. Because you and your brother are one, and either you condemn you both to hell or lift you both to heaven.

Next time you are in the middle of heated anger or blame or judgement to any degree, even if it seems the other person is definitely doing something wrong, even if it seems they are the whole CAUSE of the problem, and MAKING you suffer, even if it seems you have done nothing to ask for this, and especially then because you are in denial, YOU ARE in the middle of hurling YOUR GUILT onto them.

It will seem like it is NOT your guilt at all, and entirely theirs. And you will make them responsible for CHANGING in order that YOUR upset be resolved, so that they stop seeming to CAUSE YOU to be at the effect of them. And you will seek for THEM to stop their sinful behavior so that YOU can be happy, believing THEY have the POWER OVER YOU to cause you to suffer. How dare they be so guilty! How dare they infect you with THEIR sin! But it's all YOURS!

You take your hidden hates and secret sins and sense of guilt and unworthiness and self-hate and miserableness and hurt and pain and unhealed disgust, and you try to PIN IT ON innocent passers by who have nothing to do with it. And now they look like an enemy, and you hate YOUR sin IN them, you attack them for YOUR sin, and you try to destroy YOUR sin IN them. But ideas leave not their source, and it is still your mind attacking ITSELF. Your mind is still containing the shit you are accusing them of.

How strange that you would first of all hurt yourself, then displace the hurt onto someone else who has nothing to do with it. That you would then attack the hurt that is in them, trying to destroy it and the owner of the hurt along with it, to get rid of it. All the while still secretly believing it is YOU who is hurt, and YOU who you are attacking FOR it. Because if you attack your brother for YOUR guilt, that really means you are trying to destroy YOURSELF for being guilty.

This is why the secret of salvation is ALWAYS true. No matter who seems to be the victim or victimizer, or who seems to be doing what to whom, it is always YOU DOING IT TO YOU, even when it seems like someone else is doing it to you. Barking at someone for doing something wrong is your way of hating the sin in you in an externalized way, so that you pretend that you're not targeting yourself. Attack is always made upon a stranger, and that stranger is you.

"Learn this, and learn it well, for it is here delay of happiness is shortened by a span of time you cannot realize. You NEVER hate your brother for HIS "sins", but ONLY for your own. Whatever form his sins appear to take, the form obscures the fact that you believe it to be yours, and THEREFORE meriting a just attack."

"As prayer is always for yourself, so is forgiveness given you. It is impossible to forgive another, for it is only your sins you see in him. You want to see them there, and not in you."

"Only in someone else can you forgive yourself, for you have called him guilty of your sins, and in him must your innocence be found. Who but the sinful need to be forgiven? And do not ever think you can see sin in anyone except yourself."

"Let it never be forgotten that prayer at any level is always for yourself. If you unite with anyone in prayer, you make him part of you. The enemy is you, as is the Christ. Before it can become holy, then, prayer becomes a choice. You do not choose for another. You can but choose for yourself. Pray truly for your enemies, then, for herein lies your own salvation. Forgive them for your sins, and you will be forgiven indeed."

"If he be lost in sin so must you be; if you see light in him your sins have been forgiven by yourself."

"How can he live, with all your sins upon him?"

"BEYOND his errors is his holiness, and YOUR salvation. You gave him not his holiness, but tried to see your sins in him, to save yourself. And yet his holiness IS your forgiveness. Can YOU be saved by making sinful the one whose holiness IS your salvation?"

"And you are each the symbol of your sins to one another, silently, and yet with ceaseless urgency condemning still your brother for the hated thing you are."

"For I became the symbol of your sin, and so I had to die INSTEAD of you."

"When you feel that you are tempted to accuse someone of sin in any form, do not allow your mind to dwell on what you think he did, for this is self-deception. Ask instead, "Should I accuse myself of doing this?"

"Who would send messages of hatred and attack, if he but understood he sends them to HIMSELF? Who would accuse, make guilty and condemn HIMSELF?The ego's messages are ALWAYS sent AWAY from you, in the belief that, for your message of attack and guilt, will someone OTHER than yourself suffer. And, even if YOU suffer, yet someone ELSE will suffer more."

"What you project you disown, and therefore DO NOT BELIEVE IS YOURS. You are therefore EXCLUDING yourself from it, by the very statement you are making that you are DIFFERENT from someone else. Since you have also judged AGAINST what you project, you attack it because you have already attacked it BY rejecting it. By doing this UNCONSCIOUSLY, you try to keep the fact that you must have attacked yourself FIRST out of awareness, and thus imagine that you have made yourself safe."

"It can be but myself I crucify." All that I do I do unto myself. If I attack, I suffer. But if I forgive, salvation will be given me."

"You will not attack yourself, and you will realize that to attack another is but to attack yourself. You will be free of the insane belief that to attack a brother saves yourself."

"The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attacks on others and escape yourself has nailed you to the cross."

"Such is the form of madness you believe, if you accept the fearful thought you can attack another and be free yourself."

"Each of your perceptions of "external reality" is a pictorial representation of your own attack thoughts."

"In every condemnation that you offer the Son of God, lies the conviction of your OWN guilt."

"You cannot see his sins and not your own."

I asked myself yesterday, when was the list time I actually "did a forgiveness" ... perhaps because I know that forgiveness is very important - its the core of ACIM practice - but was I actually DOING it?

What came to mind wasn't the typical answer, you know, thinking back to how many times I 'did something'.

Instead, what I recognized is, forgiveness or 'being forgiving' is a constant state that Holy Spirit represents, in which all is seen as already forgiven and that there is nothing 'to' forgive - because forgiveness fore-gives in order NOT to judge.

So this led to recognizing and acknowledging, that perhaps in some way I am 'being forgiving' all the time, to some degree, as a constant thing rather than as one-off events of sudden correction.

See, there's a difference between being forgiving and applying a correction. Correction is there to undo faulty perceptions so that you can RETURN to a forgiving attitude. Yet in the past I used to think forgiveness is the part where you correct the attitude - the process.

So I stopped to get a sense of... am I, in general, having a more forgiving attitude than I used to have.... am I carrying around with me a constantly more forgiving way of perceiving, regardless of whether it's punctuated with "Oh I gotta do something" procedures and techniques. And in general, I don't really know.. but I think I'd have to say yes, I'm generally more forgiving.

In other words, each time a correction is made, I become more forgiving in general and my 'level' of forgiving attitude raises. It's a constant, not a one-off. I'm less judgemental. I'm not as attached. I'm less reactive. I'm generally "stronger in the truth" (Jesus's words to me). That seems like a step in the right direction.

So no need to beat ourselves up for how many linear times we've 'done a forgiveness'... all the benefits of prior efforts stay with us. Each choice for Holy Spirit is a permanent step toward Heaven. And you definitely aren't 'guilty' for not taking enough of them.

Sometimes I am told to 'surrender', or 'relax', and to me this means I need to actively express a willingness to drop ego. Often this is when I'm laying in bed.

I will then repeat several times over and over, something like:

"I surrender, I let go, I surrender, I surrender, I surrender, I let go".

I say this in quick succession so that my ego mind can't get distracted. Quickly I feel a sense of admitting, a sense of honesty, a sense of letting go. Several 'sighs' occur as I let go of ego. I have to admit that I'm trying to do something by myself and I have to stop.

Another process I've started using also is to invite Jesus to come in and heal whatever, and again as soon I make this request I then repeat some statements. e.g.

"Jesus please come into me and heal this...." (whatever it is).

Then I repeat, "I receive your healing" or "I receive as much as you want to give".

I tried out the latter "I receive as much as you want to give" this morning and I found it interesting how this connects Jesus's willingness to help with my willingness to receive help. Significant healing took place. I have no idea what Jesus actually healed or what was occurring, I just had to trust.

Often when Holy Spirit or Jesus are doing healing in me, they say to 'relax', and this means I have to basically ALLOW them to do whatever, even if that means my body is shaking all over the place. It's my job to receive and not interfere.

The final word I received after this, was "trust God". And immediately as I reached out in trust to God, everything suddenly seemed better.

If I get my love from God, and you get your love from God, we can love each other as ourselves.

But this doesn't mean you are getting your love from me, or that I am getting my love from you. I do not need to get love from you, if I am getting it from God. And you do not need to get love from me, if you are getting it from God.

God is the only source of love. We can share God's love with each other, but ONLY IF we are willing to share it with God first.

Otherwise if I lack a connection of love with God, I will see myself as in need of love, and will look to you to provide it, because I don't want to look to God to provide it. And then I will attempt to take it from you, or manipulate you into giving it to me.

Similarly, if you are lacking in your connection of love with God, you will see yourself as in need, and will try to get love from me to fulfill your perceived need, which will never work.

The only solution is to plug ourselves back into the source of love, God, and to get our love from God, so that we can share IN it, be a part OF it, and EXTEND IT. Not extending it because there is a need that has to be filled in another, but extending it SO THAT there IS NO LACK OF LOVE.

Paradoxically then, love is given not because it is needed, but because it is not. Or rather, it is given so that it is not needed, because it is provided.