Fear has but one cause, not many. It is not caused by what you think it’s caused by. Every single fear in the world has one cause.

When you tried to sin, you may have believed you succeeded in creating real effects. Real irreversible damage. But you had an option. Either proceed forward to guilt, or go backwards to the reversal of sin. Guilt or forgiveness was the choice. Either sin is real and you are guilty, or sin is not real and you’re innocent.

Choosing not to forgive yourself, and choosing to keep your belief in sin, the only option is to condemn yourself to death. Go towards forgiveness and you’ll choose life, accepting that you deserve to be forgiven. Go towards guilt and you’ll choose death, accepting that you deserve to be punished for what you did.

This is where the core root of all fear comes in. You actually ACCEPT and AGREE that you SHOULD be punished, because you’re guilty. The punishment seems completely justified. Your own belief that you deserve punishment for being guilty then creates fear of that punishment. But it’s not a fear of being punished by others. Here’s the secret cause of all fear:

You are afraid of what you are going to do to yourself.

This fear arises solely because you, yourself, believe you deserve to be punished, in total agreement that you are guilty, and having accepted that "it is true" that you really sinned and are therefore guilty. It is your own belief about yourself. You actually "agree" that it not only makes sense, but is completely justified, and acceptable, that you be punished for this.

This is a big problem, because it is the continued development a death wish. It means you want to hurt yourself and you believe you should be hurt.

This is not only the source of all fear in the world, it is also the source of all victimhood. Because at this point, you actually welcome punishment. You actually position yourself so that you can be attacked. You actually make yourself powerless, and allow yourself to be abused. You actually hire people to come along and hurt you. And you actually make plans for being attacked justifiably.

Ultimately then you become afraid of the fact that YOU have it in for yourself. That YOU want you to be punished and to "atone" for your sin. And ultimately the only punishment you believe is justified and worthy of you, is death.

This is not anything to do with anyone else. It has nothing to do with what other people are going to do to you. It’s not even anything to do with the fear of HOW the punishment will come or of WHO will be the one to inflict it.

Typically however you will make your own death wish unconscious and project it and then obsess over this general anxiety about what "someone else" is going to "do to you" against your will. But while you are busy in conscious awareness making plans to avoid your attackers, unconsciously you are asking to be attacked.

If someone were to seem to then attack you would claim it was completely unjustified, because you have made your self-attack and death wish unconscious. You actually think you don’t want to suffer or be punished, nor deserve it. That’s what the facade of fake innocence is for - it covers up you guilty secret. Then you get to pretend you are justified in being angry when someone hurts you, as if you didn’t want it. But you did ask for it, and you did it yourself.

On the surface, consciously, you will experience this as being a victim, as if you are not asking for and do not want any kind of punishment at all. You’ll even run away from it and try to make yourself safe and avoid people and create an illusion of innocence and security, presenting yourself as harmless and that no-one should suspect you of guilt. But it’s only to cover up the underlying belief that you deserve to suffer and die because you believe you are guilty.

It’s pretty grim isn’t it. This is what every ego plans for its host.

But the fact is, you cannot be free of such suffering until you can admit that it is YOU who is trying to do something to yourself. So long as it *seems* as if someone else is the one punishing you, or its your job, or its the weather, or food you ate, or something environmental, or a group of people, whatever, these projections are designed to KEEP your unconscious self hatred hidden. The more you can disown it and project it and see it coming "from" anyone other than yourself, the more you can play the victim role and pretend you don’t want it.

Make no mistake. NO-ONE dies without their own consent. All attack is self attack. You are 100% responsible for what you are trying to do to yourself. You cannot suffer AT ALL if you do not choose to believe you are guilty or sinful. All of your projected causes of fear, which make it look like you’re afraid of what is going to "happen to you" without your will, it is a DECOY for what you secretly are planning to do to yourself.

You have to get to where you are willing to admit to this, if you want to be free of it. It’s you who believes you deserve to die, not the world, and not anyone else. YOU, need to forgive YOURSELF, for what you have not really done. YOU, need to let go of your belief that you really are guilty and deserve punishment, so that you will stop planning for your own suffering while building fake defenses against it.

No-one is attacking you against your will. The world is not causing you. Death cannot happen to you against your will. Remember that all attack is self attack and it is only your attempt to be at war with yourself that needs to be corrected. A belief in deserving punishment, or of being truly sinful or guilty, IS a belief in death and being deserving of death. It is, literally, a suicidal belief. All death is suicide.

Forgiveness is needed, of yourself, to recognize your innocence and to opt to NOT believe you sinned. You do NOT deserve to die, and you do NOT need to be punishing yourself. You DO deserve the love of God and you ARE innocent. All the rest is a mistaken ego belief.

All fear is the fear of yourself.

Here is how Jesus puts your self attack:

"Lay down your arms, and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven's peace holds all things still at last. Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. Let no attack enter with you. Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness."

If you are feeling unworthy or unwanted, know this.

In spacetime, cause and effect seem to occur whereby you cause something temporarily, it produces something temporary, and then the cause is withdrawn. As if it has deposited a creation and left it alone, essentially similar to the idea of birth.

Physical creations are like discarded pieces of trash, made momentarily and then forgotten about. In effect, its creator abandons it, does not want to maintain it, withdraws life from it, and leaves it to die alone.

What is deposited upon the Earth is merely thrown away, discarded and no longer nurtured by its creator. And being without a cause, it must die. This is true of all bodies and objects and forms, which are nothing but discarded rejects from a temporary creator who creates nothing that lasts and who wants none of his creations.

This is the metaphysical origin of feelings of unworthiness, of rejection by God, of being discarded and abandoned, of deserving death and of being orphaned in a trashcan of a world. If you ARE a body, then you are disconnected from your source, and your creator has rejected you as unworthy.

It is simply because you believe you are identified with something that is not permanent, came from a creator who does not permanently love you, were produced by a sinful evil cause who hated you and no longer wanted you, and who has left you for dead in a graveyard, lost and alone to wither and die.

No one can be sustained or maintained without a cause. Effects do not exist unless their cause is ongoing. You cannot step away from something, believing you have caused it, and have it remain. To do so is to reject and discard and abandon it to death. A creation which can exist on its own without its creator is a total illusion in this world. Without your creator you are nothing.

God is a permanent creator and he creates only that which is permanent, and he maintains you in his mind forever by his thought and will and power. He cannot ever stop loving you or stop creating you or sustaining you. That is why you are able to live forever, because he is permanently holding you in existence. You are forever ever-present and ever-perfect. He WANTS YOU permanently and so does NOT leave you.

Only in such a way can you BE worthy, or WANTED, or DESIRED by your creator, or VALUED enough to have permanent ongoing nurturing, support, maintenance and continued existence. Only if you were wanted FOREVER could you have eternal life. And this is how we have to learn to think of ourselves.

If we see ourselves as children of temporary parents, or deposits of a creator who has turned his back on us, or effects who have become orphaned from their cause, or fatherless sons, or motherless daughters, or in any way disconnected from our source, then we will see ourselves as unwanted. This is why all those walking the earth feel themselves to be unworthy, because they think they have become separate from God.

Separation is really the idea that cause and effect have become separated. That father and son have been separated. That the son no longer has a father. That the father is no longer a father and does not want a son. That the father has rejected the son and is trying to destroy him. And that the son has rejected the father and is trying to destroy him also. This MUST produce a sense of unworthiness because it means the father does not want the sons and does not value his life.

If you are the child of a permanent creator, who wants you permanently, and who can never stop wanting you, then you must be worthy and you must be wanted. If you are something lost and forgotten, discarded like a piece of trash, hated and reviled, evil and ugly, then obviously you're going to feel unworthy. Identifying with a body you MUST reject God and msut therefore feel valueless. The body is not worth ANYTHING, and if it is your self, then you have no creator.

A lack of worth therefore is nothing more than a breakdown in cause and effect. To be an effect without a cause, is to have been disowned. If you are disowned by your creator then what can that say of your value, who has turned his back and left you behind to suffer alone? Only if cause and effect are permanent can you be worthy of God. You cannot be some lump of flesh that was squirted out and became a separate thing, otherwise you ARE literally separate from your creator and are PHYSICALLY unwanted.

Fortunately God never leaves his children comfortless. He never abandons you. He never forgets you. He never stops loving and wanting you. He never finds you to be imperfect or worth discarding. He never stops suspending you in his mind, or making sure theat you live forever. He never leaves you and he never forsakes you. And most of all, he never fails to value you, because he has decided to hold you in his heart forever.

"You have not left me comfortless. I have within me both the memory of You, and One Who leads me to It."

"You do not walk alone. God's angels hover close, and all about. His Love surrounds you, and of this be sure: that I will never leave you comfortless."

"Before that, there was no need for healing and no-one was comfortless."

"It was accomplished FOR you by the Will of God, who has not left you comfortless."

"He will not leave you comfortless, nor fail to send His angels down to answer you in His Own Name."

"He would not leave you comfortless, alone in dreams of hell, but would release your minds from everything that hides His Face from you."

"God did not leave His Children comfortless, even though they left Him."

"And he is entitled to everything, because it is his birthright as a Son of God."

"The Children of God are entitled to perfect comfort, which comes from a sense of perfect trust."

"God created His Sons by extending His Thought and retaining the extensions of His Thought in His Mind. ALL His Thoughts are thus perfectly united within themselves and with each other because they, were created neither partially nor in part."

Belief and single-mindedness are important factors in working miracles. This isn't so much that you need to "believe in love" because truth is a given...

"To believe in truth you do not have to do anything."

But if you DO believe in something of the ego (untruth, that is a problem. You need to be convinced of the opposite of what the ego teaches. Miracles cannot function when there is a spirit of doubt or fear.

"You can do anything I ask. I HAVE ASKED YOU TO PERFORM MIRACLES, and have made it clear that miracles are natural, corrective, healing and universal. There is NOTHING they cannot do, but they* cannot be performed in the spirit of doubt or fear.* When you are afraid of anything, you are acknowledging its power to hurt you."

This means that when fear and doubt are present, the mind is not in a state of wholeness enough for miracles to extend. Fear undermines your conviction that the truth is true, and puts you into a victim role. This means you have level confusion, believe in magic, and believe in death. Such a believe therefore supports the keeping of sickness and so your own will is now acting to try to thwart the miracle. And it will, because your will is free to do so.

To be single-minded means to not have fear or waver or doubt or fluctuate away from a sense of certainty, confidence and knowing, that the truth is true. Not having fear is a tall order for most people including most students of ACIM, which is why miracle don't come until LATER, after much ego has been undone to get rid of enough FEAR, and to heal enough of the SPLIT mind, that the mind can become single and whole-enough to facilitate a miracle.

You cannot "be in two minds" (a split ego mind) and perform a miracle, because this means you now have two wills. One of your wills will act against the other will, cancelling it out, producing a stalemate. This completely strips your will (shared with God) of its power to do anything, because every time one of your wills tries to will healing, the other one pops up and says "but, I don't think it will work", or "I'm still seeing sickness, it must be resistant to healing", or "I don't think it's working" or "I'm not doing it right" etc. Being in that kind of mindset is not miracle-mindedness. We need to be UNDIVIDED in our willing. Undivided in our willingness to will with God's will, which means having a single FOCUS on a single outcome, not two outcomes.

Here is Jesus speaking about the power of the mind:

"Few appreciate the real power of the mind, and no one remains fully aware of it all the time. However, if you hope to spare yourself from fear there are some things you must realize, and realize fully. The mind is very powerful, and never loses its creative force. It never sleeps. Every instant it is creating."

He goes on to tell us some essential ingredients for miracle working:

"It is hard to recognize that thought and belief combine into a power surge that can literally move mountains."

Belief must be present. "Miracles are by believers, for believers". If you do not believe enough, in the truth, fear will corrupt your efforts. There is a whole section in the course that talks about how the teacher of God gives a miracle and then might start to doubt that the healing has been fully given. Here:

"If the patient is healed, what remains to heal him from? And if the healing is certain, as we have already said it is, what is there to repeat? For a teacher of God to remain concerned about the result of healing is to limit the healing. It is now the teacher of God himself whose mind needs to be healed."

So this is another miracle-working tip. You have to be single-minded in belief such that you believe the healing is fully given and will be received without wavering or doubting, because if you go into doubt, "to remain concerned about the result of healing is to limit the healing".... you UNDERMINE the miracle.

Jesus tells us to give maximally, to trust the Holy Spirit can do HIS job, and to step aside and not go into fear:

"Whenever a teacher of God has tried to be a channel for healing he has succeeded. Should he be tempted to doubt this, he should not repeat his previous effort. That was already maximal, because the Holy Spirit so accepted it and so used it. Now the teacher of God has only one course to follow. He must use his reason to tell himself that he has given the problem to One Who cannot fail, and must recognize that his own uncertainty is not love but fear, and therefore hate."

This means not believing anything your eyes tell you, anything other doubting people say, even family members, even not listening to your senses, but instead TRUSTING and believing that the miracle has been given and it MUST produce results. To waver from this is fear, which is the cancel button. Healing should be given in the spirit of "I am so certain this will work that I will give this only once and I will not have to repeat myself."

Jesus goes on to tell us that we need to accept the atonement for ourselves SO THAT WE CAN GIVE HEALING TO OTHERS.

"It is in this that the teacher of God must trust. This is what is really meant by the statement that the one responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the Atonement for himself. The teacher of God is a miracle worker because he gives the gifts HE HAS RECEIVED. Yet he must first accept them. He need do no more, nor is there more that he could do. By accepting healing he can give it. If he doubts this, let him remember Who gave the gift and Who received it. Thus is his doubt corrected."

Or to put it another way, he first accepts atonement for himself and receives love and healing from the Holy Spirit from God, and this heals HIM, and now he has the ABILITY to share that love and healing with others, because he is now willing to do so and will not tolerate anything else. Now he will offer miracles to others. And if he enters into doubt, it is because he has forgotten that the Holy Spirit was the one who healed him, and therefore the Holy Spirit will be the one to heal the other, THROUGH HIM.

Jesus warns us again, not to believe the ongoing APPEARANCE of sickness showing up, because it is a temporary illusion, and of the ego, and to reject it.

"One of the most difficult temptations to recognize is that to doubt a healing because of the appearance of continuing symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust. As such it is an attack."

Therefore as you give healing, you must be willing to NOT LISTEN TO THE EGO in any way shape or form, otherwise you will become divided against yourself and the miracle will be cancelled. You must hold the faith and stay true to the truth for long enough to bring about the effects. That requires a kind of mental FOCUS and unwavering certainty.

If you are doubting what God can do through you, you are really doubting yourself:

"The real basis for doubt about the outcome of any problem that has been given to God's Teacher for resolution is always self-doubt. And that necessarily implies that trust has been placed in an illusory self, for only such a self can be doubted."

Trusting in yourself against God's will and trying to BE the one who heals will pretty much guarantee that it will not happen, because of yourself you are nothing. That is the unhealed healer. That is someone being magical, trying to enforce a healing from their own power, which is meagre. We need to learn to step aside and allow God to flow through us, to let the Holy Spirit be the one who knows HOW to heal, WHAT to heal, and to PERFORM the healing.

Jesus continued about the power of the mind, and also reflects that miracles are thoughts, by telling us:

"It appears at first glance that to believe such power about yourself is arrogant, but that is not the real reason you not believe it. You prefer to believe that your thoughts cannot exert real influence because you are actually afraid of them. There are no idle thoughts. All thinking produces form at some level."

So basically, your mind is very powerful and the mind you share with God is very powerful. It can exert REAL INFLUENCE over this world, over sickness and over death. You might be AFRAID to be aware of this fact, preferring to believe your thoughts don't really "do anything" or can't make anything happen. That's denial. And an ego defense against miracles. And it's a spirit of fear, which will ensure miracles fail. This is how miracles "go wrong".

So ingredient 1) have total belief and be convinced it is already done.

Ingredient 2) use the mind to "visualize" what it is that you wish to manifest as though it already exists.

Ingredient 3) do not go into doubt or fear or listen to the ego.

Ingredient 4) hold fast to the truth and be consistent.

Ingredient 5) step aside and allow Holy Spirit to be the healer. This will mean putting aside your own desire to heal, which is formed from a conviction that sin and sickness are real. Such 'fixing' is an ego reaction, not a true desire to help.

"I am here only to be truly helpful. (to heal)

I am here to represent Him Who sent me. (holy spirit)

I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do,

because He Who sent me will direct me. (and he WILL direct you specifically in words)

I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. (listening to guidance, trusting it, following it)

I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal." (he will teach you to heal through your own healing/atonement which will then express and extend miracles to others).

I've been looking at this closely because I want to find out how this course is supposed to be applied, without a bypass and without denial.

At first I recognised that there was a whole lot of spiritual bypassing going on. That is, trying to adopt thoughts, theories, concept etc far beyond where my 'actual experience' is, such that I am out of touch with actual experience and am living in a kind of mental fantasy. This becomes the spiritualised ego, getting lost in the intellect, 'bypassing' the experience and the feelings and pretending to be more advanced etc.

So then I thought ok, I am not supposed to deny what's happening, I'm supposed to accept it. So then I went kind of the other way, went more into feeling the feelings, having the experience, and it seemed like if I would attempt to avoid or invalidate that in any way it would be a bypass. But this led to just being swamped in the ego, continued suffering, false perceptions, and essentially no room for forgiveness.

Now I am asking myself, where does forgiveness come into this? If forgiveness is going to try to offer some kind of interpretation or way of seeing something that is different to "what it is" or "what's happening", surely forgiveness is a bypass? There has to be a way to move from "I am a body" to "I am not a body" without it being some kind of faulty application or an attempt to deny the body. One thing to recognize is that there are always two parts to experience - what stuff is physically, PLUS an interpretation of it, and the interpretation can be wrong while still allowing the physical/biological/emotional part to be there.

The overall approach seems to be that we should first acknowledge what we ARE experiencing, what we feel, the situation we seem to be in, without denying that we're feeling and experiencing it. We HAVE to admit first that we're suffering, that something seems to have gone wrong - which we tend not to want to do because it induces FEAR that something is "really wrong".

This is part of the "fear of healing", because we don't want to acknowledge that something very convincingly "bad" seems to have happened - and if it is real, it would be frightening, and we DO believe it's real. Admitting it is frightening and so we deny and avoid this step. But THEN, having removed the DENIAL of the situation, seek for a better way to look at it and to reinterpret the experience, or to question the foundation or cause of it.

"The fear of healing arises in the end from an unwillingness to accept the unequivocal fact that healing is necessary. The fear arises because of the necessary willingness to look at what man has done to himself."

We need to make sure we don't shoot for "it's not happening" BEFORE we've admitted "this seems to be happening" ie "I must have made a wrong decision because I'm not at peace". That is acknowledgement, not a bypass. And it means willingness to admit that things have gone wrong, you don't feel happy, you are suffering and THEN that there must be a better way.

The course does speak to this in a few places. e.g. admitting first that the separation HAS occurred - which we don't want to admit to because it implies its real and is horrible, but we DO believe it has occurred - but looking at this WITH the Holy Spirit makes it less frightening, and then having admitted "something's gone wrong" we can be in a position to then immediately seek atonement. But if we seek atonement WITHOUT admitting to the denied dark belief or feeling or ego scenario, we are bypassing.

"The Separation HAS occurred. To deny this is merely to misuse denial. However, to concentrate on error is merely a further misuse of legitimate psychic mechanisms. The true corrective procedure, which has already been described as the proper use of the spiritual eye (or true vision), is to accept the error temporarily, BUT ONLY as an indication that IMMEDIATE correction is mandatory. This establishes a state of mind in which the Atonement can be accepted without delay."

Notice how it says we 1) stop denying that we've separated and made a wrong decision and are suffering 2) accept the error, the suffering, the feeling, on a temporary basis 3) having acknowledged the suffering, now seek for atonement ie a more right-minded interpretation with the Holy Spirit, but in such a way that it broadens the perception, admits to bigger truths, allows in God's light and laws, and re-frames the ILLUSION of what you seemed to be experiencing before as "bad".

As per the secret of salvation, you can then SEE and admit that you've been doing this to yourself, and seek to choose again and let the Holy Spirit undo the consequences through healing. This is the proper "application of forgiveness". If we skip the acknowledgement of "what's gone wrong" we are in a spiritual bypass. If we skip admitting to being in denial about how awful we've made ourselves feel, we're in a bypass. If we don't want to look at the GUILT, having first asked the Holy Spirit to help us to LOOK AT IT, and we skip ahead to "I'm innocent", then we're in a bypass.

You have to not pretend that everything's okay. Admit you're suffering, admit you're not happy, admit to your feelings, feel the feelings if you need to, AND THEN work with the Holy Spirit on a reinterpretation. When you then see it from a higher place, or remember its a dream, or affirm you're not a body, or recognize you're not a victim etc, that is indeed "contradictory" to what you were seeing and experiencing before but its NOT a bypass because it's changing the interpretation OF it, not trying to dismiss it. We should end up with a higher christ-vision view of what we were seeing from an ego perspective., but having acknowledged the state we were in fully first.

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I asked ChatGPT about this a bit, here's some AI commentary:

In ACIM terms, the process looks like this: Notice the upset Acknowledge the feeling Recognize it comes from a belief Offer the belief for correction Receive a different perception Step 1 and 2 are not bypassing. They are required. The ego says: “If you don’t validate the feeling as true, you’re bypassing.” But the Course says: “You can acknowledge a feeling without agreeing with its interpretation.” That’s the pivot. There is a difference between: Allowing a feeling Agreeing with the ego’s interpretation of the feeling For example: “I feel hurt.” → acknowledgment “They betrayed me and I was wronged.” → interpretation The first is honest. The second is the ego’s narrative. The Course invites you to question the second — not suppress the first. ACIM is not about: Emotional catharsis Endless processing Validating the ego’s storyline It is about changing the teacher in the mind. Bypassing says: “This pain isn’t here.” The Course says: “This pain is here because I chose wrongly — and I can choose again.” That is not bypassing. That is reclaiming authorship of perception. When you shift perspective, the ego feels invalidated. It reacts with: “You’re suppressing.” “You’re not being authentic.” “You’re spiritually bypassing.” But what’s really happening is: You’re declining to make the ego’s interpretation real. The ego equates: Not agreeing with me = denial. But correction is not denial. It’s reinterpretation. ACIM doesn’t say: “Sit with your ego forever.” It says: “Notice it, forgive it, and choose again.” If you never shift perspective because you fear bypassing, you’re actually preserving the ego. Ironically, that becomes a different kind of bypass: bypassing the Holy Spirit’s reinterpretation. When you shift perspective, ask: Am I suppressing the feeling? Or am I gently allowing it while becoming willing to see it differently? In A Course in Miracles, there’s an important distinction that clears this up: Denial of error is not denial of experience. Statements like: “I am not a body. I am free.” “My sinlessness is guaranteed by God.” are not meant as psychological affirmations. They are metaphysical corrections aimed at the level of cause, not effect. If you use them at the level of emotion — to override fear, sadness, anger — they will feel like bypassing. Because they’re not designed to suppress feelings. They’re designed to loosen identification. When the Course says: “I am not a body,” it is not asking you to deny that a body appears to exist in perception. It’s asking you to question whether the body is what you are. That’s a completely different move. A metaphysical statement becomes bypassing when: It is used to escape emotion. It is used to spiritually inflate. It is used to deny the felt experience. It becomes healing when: It softens identification. It introduces curiosity. It reduces personal attack. It increases humility.

It's a matter of responsibility. Is death of the body caused solely by your mind and is your mind solely responsible for whether or not it happens? Do you actually have the freedom NOT TO DIE if you so choose? Can you prevent death, and cause the body not to die? Can you reverse death and restore life?

Or, does death only happen through external causes, things outside of you, the environment or other people, weapons and wars, poisoned food and toxic water? Are we at the effect of an alien will and alien power not our own, such that we do not ask for death and do not cause it to happen, seeing it as happening solely against our will?

And if death does seem to happen through causes NOT in our own mind or power or choice, will we simply "write it off" by relegating it to an illusion, describing it as unreal, dismissing it as meaningless and not important, as a way to continue the belief that death - if it happens at all, even in a dream - happens BECAUSE OF the dream happening to us?

Are there actually accidents? Do people fall off cliffs through a mis-step? Do planes crash through some mistaken fault that seems random? Do planets collide just through sheer force of the laws of physics? Are we all fated to be swallowed up in a supernova someday when the sun explodes, with no choice or power to prevent it? Are we powerless beings?

Some people like to relegate all things of this world to a bucket of illusions, slap a label of unreality on it, and toss it under the rug. But we can't be dismissing this and writing it off. Yes only the soul/spirit is real and has eternal life and nothing real can be threatened. Yes bodies are illusions and don't even really exist.

But let's look at it another way, right now you have a body, and it has an illusion of existence. There are billions of them. People's minds inhabit them and walk around in them. And for the most part, most of these bodies are sick and have issues. Some much worse than others. And all of these issues are forms of death - as the course says, sickness is but a little death. So most people have a little death going on, "a form of vengeance not yet total", which later becomes total.

If the body seems to "become sick", is that because something happened OTHER THAN your mind and its power? Because if that is the case, then death does in fact have power over the mind. If mind cannot choose away from it, cannot undo it, and did not cause it to begin with, then mind has NO WAY that it can see itself as not at the effect of the dream.

If death just "happens to you", you are a victim. If there can be causes which are beyond the mind, beyond your power, beyond your control, you are a victim. It doesn't matter that the world is just a dream and real things can't be threatened. At the body level, mind is supposed to have power over everything. Might I remind you that your self is ruler of the universe, and nothing is supposed to happen other than what you decide.

There is NO POWER in the view that we do not have power over death. There is NO POWER in the view that death doesn't matter because bodies aren't real. There is NO POWER in the view that we can have bodies becoming sick "on their own" or staying sick "on their own" WITHOUT our consent. There is NO POWER in having bodies die "against our will". And there is NO POWER in pretending that this is all okay to happen "because it's an illusion."

The only place where there is any power, is where your mind has power OVER these things, is RESPONSIBLE FOR these things, CAUSES these things, and therefore HAS THE POWER to choose otherwise. A Course in Miracles is a course in cause and not effect, it is a course is reclaiming your POWER. And might I remind you that Jesus says that our minds are extremely powerful, capable of creating worlds, of moving mountains, and that we are supposed to reach a state of resurrection which means "the surmounting of death."

There is no surmounting of death by just writing it off as an illusion. If your mind does not have the POWER to prevent it from occurring, and does not have the power to raise the dead as Jesus did, then the mind has not reached a state of resurrection. A Course in Miracles' curriculum ends in the resurrection, in which death is OVERCOME FOREVER. Which means, no more sickness, no more death, and no more reincarnation.

It is NOT ENOUGH to accuse the world of causing sickness and death to happen. It is NOT ENOUGH to shift responsibility for the body's condition onto a dream. It is NOT ENOUGH to claim that someone else caused your body to be sick. It is NOT ENOUGH to suggest that death can continue to happen to the body against your will. It is NOT ENOUGH to take a position of continued POWERLESSNESS over death, in which death remains victor at the end of the day, as it proves again and again that a separate alien will is stronger than your own power of decision.

I will remind you that A Course in Miracles makes this unequivocal statement:

"No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants, and no one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is."

DO you see where it says that no-one dies without his own consent? That means that if you DO NOT give consent, through your mind's power and responsibility, death WILL NOT happen. That means having power OVER death, not merely sidestepping it or jumping onto a theological high-horse trying to be holier than thou. This is real responsibility. It is BECAUSE nothing happens without your consent that you HAVE the possibility of salvation.

If sickness or death can ever happen or be maintained or continue in a any way, through any cause or responsibility OTHER THAN your mind and its power and choice, YOU DO NOT have any hope whatsoever of salvation. It means there is a power that has power over you which can keep you in hell and suffering for as long as it wants. It means you cannot return to heaven and can be locked into a hellish experience forever. It means endless reincarnation and never waking up. It means death has power over God.

Jesus is teaching us to be powerful responsible creative beings. To reclaim the power of God, which is not only unlimited, there is nothing it cannot do. It can have power over all forms of sickness be they mental or physical. It can have power over all matter and energy and every force in spacetime. ONLY IF we have consented to and thus chose AND CAUSED sickness and death to occur, are we ever in a position to CHOOSE AGAIN, and choose otherwise, choosing NOT to die.

"Swear not to die, thou holy Son of God! You make a bargain that you cannot keep. The Son of Life cannot BE killed. He is immortal as his Father. What he is cannot be changed. He is the only thing in all the universe that MUST be One."

You are responsible for whether or not sickness happens. You are responsible for whether or not death happens. You are ruler of the universe. Nothing happens against your will.

"My Self is ruler of the universe. It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept."

EVEN IN THIS WORLD ..... even in the illusion/dream of Earth, you RULE your destiny. You have power to choose what happens, and what does not happen. If sickness happens, YOU CHOSE IT. If death happens, YOU CHOSE IT. YOU MUST CHOOSE NOT TO CAUSE SICKNESS AND DEATH, and it is within your power to do so, because you are 100% responsible for everything that happens.

If you in any way assign responsibility for death to ANYTHING anywhere other than your own mind, you have a victim consciousness and cannot be healed. A mind that believes in BEING AT THE EFFECT OF THE WORLD, is not an awakened mind.

In all encounters with people, you have basically two ways of relating. Either you will give love, or you will withhold love. When you give love, you are in alignment with the Golden Rule, and recognize that the only strategy that will work without hurting yourself is to love the person. In so doing, you become empowered by that love, become invulnerable to attack, and gain a boost in confidence due to the absence of fear that it induces. This is a natural "extension" of love and is the healthy way to relate to people. To teach only love.

But learning to be this way and to do this, in actual encounters, is not always easy and for me used to be far from what I thought would "work". For a large portion of my life I was extremely painfully shy, socially anxious, and really not liking people in general. There was so much fear and worry about interacting, and everyone seemed to be a powerful stranger. It was a very isolated and lonely state of being, very fragile, weak and filled with suffering. I would people please all the time and never felt seen or acknowledged, as if I had no right to be equal to anyone.

Usually my way of dealing with people was to shut them out, avoid them, deny them, and try to escape them. They all seemed to be threatening and I was very dis-empowered. I lacked confidence and felt insecure all the time. I dreaded social situations and when I was forced into them it was excruciating. My perception of and belief that everyone was judging me made me profoundly embarrassed and this inflicted the most horrendously negative, deep emotional pain, not because they actually judged but because I believed they were. I had no idea what I was doing to myself. What I felt as a result of my self attack was 10 times worse than any other emotional upset I've ever experienced resulting from what anyone else ever did.

The strategy I had, which is entirely an ego strategy, was that in order to become safe or better off in any way, I needed to separate myself from people. I didn't see a possibility of feeling calm and happy and confident in any situation, only afraid, and just wanted to escape. It seemed as if escaping would work, and so I had trust in it. But all that escaping did was isolate me more and make me withdrawn from society. This also actually led to years of depression in my late teens and a sense that my life was so stuck that it was coming to an end.

It was around that time also though that I started to get into spiritual things and there was this strange period of mystical experiences at the same time as being mixed in with a lot of fear and inadequacy. I started to work on healing myself in whatever way seemed to work, although at first that was very haphazard and flawed. It was about that time that I suddenly met my wife, whose spiritual light and strength was so bright and filled with unconditional love, that I thought she was literally an angel. It wasn't until my late 20's that I found A Course in Miracles and everything continued to spiral upwards from there.

So for me the idea that in a situation, when I perhaps don't even feel like interacting, trying to push people away doesn't really work. It has a side effect of attacking myself. Whatever I try to make apply to others applies to me. An alternative approach has been gradually revealing itself, and it's one where I realize that I need to extend love, and that by doing so I'm not only going to be healed but the love will also shine away my fears, strengthen me and make my more invulnerable. The love gives me what seemed lacking when I wasn't extending it, and then I feel that I have what is needed to genuinely relate to the person. And then I don't feel like escaping, because the love is there.

It's a strange flipflop but it's like you spend your whole life using this one strategy of separating yourself from others, to "deal with" the way the world seems to be when you have that perspective/perception, only to find that there is another totally opposite alternative whereby you deliberately decide to bring the love and stay put, knowing that it's really the only approach that is going to work in your favor. This is "new" to me as I guess it is to most people but I'm finding out quickly just how beneficial it is to broadcast, radiate, transmit, extend love, in situations that previously I might have wanted to "stop".

I can testify that when you psychologically try to make people go away, stop, you resist them in any way, wish the wouldn't do what they're doing etc, it attacks you and induces sickness and pain. Physically. Very quickly. You can believe that what you're doing is just an attempt to defend yourself in which it does something to them and does nothing to you, but it's not true. It's double-sided and you both get attacked. You are attacked by your own defenses, and never was that more true that "my defenses are attacking my invulnerability". Only by letting the defenses down and shining love instead, exposing yourself, being open and accessible, paradoxically makes you completely invulnerable and strong and unattackable. You can in a sense "hide in plain sight" that way. The light protects you.

It kind of feels like breaking out of a shell or coming out of an egg. Holy Spirit's guidance to me lately has been to "bring" the love to the world that seems to be lacking in it, and to "extend" love in order to work miracles. It's through expressions of love, which is its natural extension, that miracles occur. They are "given" this way. And for sure, living in fear is totally anti-miraculous and more like being a psychic black hole. And it's not merely enough to ask God or Holy Spirit to send love to someone. You yourself have to actually feel and express and extend the love, if you want to benefit from it.

It's actually for our highest good and in our own best interest, and a shared interest, to "only love". The extending of love to others has a profound affect on your OWN mind. But at first it seems unnatural. Like some kind of "new trick" that you need to practice more. To be able to actually muster some love, and really feel it. It's been through all these years of trying to forgive and healing and releasing old pains and so on that I've very gradually "shifted" to being "able" to find this new "mode" of relationship. And it's for the most part still quite spotty. But there's a sort of underlying "more loving" baseline that's there all the time, which was not there in years past, and that's thanks to the course.

I suppose you could correctly call it being the light of the world, it's like you choose to shine and love comes out of you, even if the world itself is so severely lacking in love (which it is). It gives you the protection you were lacking when you were afraid, and it strengthens and empowers you. It solves all of the problems that the ego's remedies never really solved. And it gives you a whole new sense of purpose in life. Not forgetting how much happier it feels :-) It provides strength and confidence. It empowers you and puts you in a position where you can be truly helpful, rather than completely useless.

All it takes is seemingly a change of direction. Rather than being so withdrawing, it is more of a confronting. Instead of being escaping, it's a willingness to be present. Instead of running away in fear, it gives you the power to stand your ground and assert yourself in a healthy way. It's taken a long time to learn this and I'm still learning. But if you could put who I am now alongside who I used to be 20 years ago, you would probably think we're not even the same person. And thank God for that!

Do I even know what the heck the world even is and how to look at it and forgive it?

"The world is horribly cruel."

What kind of a statement is this? What's happening in the mind? Is the world inherently cruel, or is this some kind of judgement?

Certainly a sentiment of accusation, blame, finger-pointing, hating, anger, etc towards the world for "being the way it is", is a combination of the world plus a projected attack thought.

"I can escape from the world (the horrible interpretation of the world) by giving up attack thoughts."

If we take away the attack thought, ie the judgement, what remains of the world? Is it still cruel? If bodies are still dying and people are still screaming, is it still cruel? Is it cruel if your interpretation of the meaning of the scene is different?

We are asked not to be DECEIVED BY the world, which means the world is potentially deceptive. We must recognize it as false or as a neutral mirror. "The only effort you need make, to give this world away in glad exchange for what you did NOT make is willingness to learn THE ONE YOU MADE IS FALSE."

But at the same time we're being asked to love it and forgive it. If the world is cruel somehow, that would suggest it is unforgivable. How can you overlook a murder scene or a slaughterhouse?

But are such things cruel because they are, or because we say they are? Have we given it a meaning of "that's cruel"? Is it fundamental to what's there? Are we to look upon a slaughterhouse with laughter and happiness as we regard how shiny and beautiful and new the dismembered bodies seem to be? Or, would we perhaps indeed not even SEE these images?

"What if you recognized this world is a hallucination? What if you REALLY understood you made it up? What if you realized that those who SEEM to walk about in it, to sin and die, attack and murder and destroy themselves, are WHOLLY unreal? Could you have FAITH in what you see, if you ACCEPTED this? AND WOULD YOU SEE IT? Hallucinations disappear when they are RECOGNIZED for what they are."

Is not the real world an attempt to look upon the same world which you regarded as cruel, but without the judgement that it is cruel? To still see the slaughtering but "with love and happiness"?

Can you remain in happiness and peace in the face of such a scene? Maybe. ACIM clearly wants us to look at how awful and hopeless "the world" is. But it also clearly wants us to forgive. Does this forgiveness enable us to still see the same stuff but in a happier way? Can heaven gloss over the world's chaos and make it seem somehow a reflection of perfection? How can "Earth can reflect heaven or hell" work? How can earth, a false world, a cruel slaughterhouse, be seen to reflect heaven?

To love it IN SPITE of itself? To detach the "how do I see it" from the "what is there to look at"? To love regardless of the miserable scene? "They watch the dream figures come and go, shift and change, suffer and die. Yet they are not deceived by what they see. "

"This world of light, this circle of brightness, is the real world, where guilt meets with forgiveness. Here, the world OUTSIDE is seen anew, WITHOUT the shadow of guilt upon it."

So, we take away some kind of guilt "layer" that we were projecting onto the physical world, the false world, and thus lift "hell" away from it. But it remains sort of hell-like given its continued slaughtering. But somehow the lack of guilt "for doing so" renders it lovely and lovable?

"God DOES love the real world, and those who perceive its reality CANNOT see the world of death."

What is the world of death? Earth in its falseness of form, or the layer of projected guilt upon it? And in essence isn't he saying then that the real-world state of mind is so filled with reinterpretation and translation of the slaughterhouse, that every single aspect of it seems SOMEHOW just wonderful and lovable? Which prevents you even seeing any sign of "that's a death" interpretation, replaced with "that's a beautiful image of a body in a certain state" interpretation?

"God gave you the real world in exchange for the one you made, out of your split mind, and which IS the symbol of death."

Ok so now there's a world that was "made" (seemingly long-term, like an objective earth), which symbolizes death... indeed earth's cruel-seeming system symbolizes punishment and suffering and destruction. So the real world "replaces" this somehow. Yet the real world looks UPON what we made to replace it, or translates it, into this vision of the real world.

"The end of the world is not its destruction, but its TRANSLATION into Heaven. The RE-INTERPRETATION of the world is the transfer of ALL perception to knowledge."

So.... take the cruel-seeming death-symbolizing world of earth, the physical, and remove the projected guilt from it, by undoing the guilt in your own mind, and now you'll see that same world anew in another light. "You HAVE been wrong about the world, because you have misjudged YOURSELF. From such a twisted reference point, what COULD you see?"

So you made a world (earth) AND mis-judged it, which made it seem to reflect hell. And now you are to re-judge it with the holy spirit to see that it reflects heaven somehow?

"Earth can reflect Heaven or hell; God or the ego. You need but leave the mirror clean, and clear of all the images of hidden darkness you have drawn upon it. God will shine upon it of Himself. Only the clear reflection OF Himself can BE perceived upon it."

So if you stop projecting guilt crap onto earth, it somehow becomes "clean" in some way such that it CAN reflect, and now you see God's reflection/image in it.

"Yet in the present love is obvious, and its effects apparent. All the world shines in reflection of its holy light, and I perceive a world forgiven at last."

And being in the present is required.

"Yet forgiveness is the means by which I will recognize my innocence. It is the reflection of God's Love on earth."

"The world I see is hardly the representation of loving thoughts. It is a picture of attack on everything and by everything. It is anything but a reflection of the Love of God and the love of His Son. It is my own attack thoughts which give rise to this picture. My loving thoughts will save me from this perception of the world, and give me the peace God intended me to have."

"Then let the Son of God awaken from his sleep, and opening his holy eyes return again to bless the world he made. In error it began. But it will end in the reflection of his holiness. And we will sleep no more and dream of death."

So the vibe here seems to be 1) you made the world earth, and 2) you hated it initially which made it seem like hell and 3) you forgive it and see it with light and in the present and suddenly it seems to reflect heaven, regardless of its strange twisted ways and forms, which this higher vision immediately glosses over and does not dwell upon?

"It is His holiness that lights up Heaven, and that brings to earth the pure reflection of the light above, wherein are earth and Heaven joined as one." "In His perception of the world, nothing is seen but justifies forgiveness and the sight of perfect sinlessness. Nothing arises but is met with instant and complete forgiveness. Nothing remains an instant, to obscure the sinlessness that shines unchanged, beyond the pitiful attempts of specialness to put it out of mind, where it MUST be, and light the BODY up INSTEAD of it."

"Only the body makes the world seem real, for being separate it could not remain where separation is impossible. Forgiveness proves it is impossible because it sees it not. And what you then will overlook will not be understandable to you, just as its presence once had been your certainty." So... this "seeing it not"... perhaps is like you so very lightly see the body that you barely notice it and you don't focus on it and you see through it to the light. This is "overlooking" which is forgiveness, which really means "not to see what isn't really there".

"It sees no separation. And it looks on everyone, on every circumstance, all happenings and all events, without the slightest fading of the light it sees."

This vision "looks upon" everyone/circumstances/happenings/events meaning, those which are occurring in the physical world still, but they are so lightly seen that the vision still remains transfixed upon the light beyond them?

"The world you see cannot be the world God loves, and yet His Word assures us that He loves the world. God's Word has promised us that peace is possible here, and what He promises can hardly be impossible. But it is true that the world must be looked at differently, if His promises are to be accepted. What the world is, is but a fact. You cannot choose what this should be. But you can choose how you would see it. Indeed, you must choose this."

So by him saying the world is a fact he's talking about the physical world.... and then is saying that we have to find a way to look at differently - a better way of looking at it, a more forgiving loving way, which causes it to be seen SOOOOO extremely differently that it doesn't seem like an evil world at all. Or shall we say, false, but forgiven? Unreal, but harmless?

So forgiveness/vision/true perception/salvation/the real world/the world God loves/the forgiven world is a different way of seeing the world we made, from a loving vantage point unlike the world, which changes how the world "strikes us", including categorizing its forms as FALSE, without accusation, while also overlooking them and seeing only a reflection of truth in them. God loves the re-interpreted version of the world, but not the version we see in false perception. This same world that we HATE, can somehow be seen with LOVE. And its hatefulness and harmfulness can be lifted from it.

"Does one whose vision has already glimpsed the Face of Christ look back with longing on a slaughter house? No-one who has escaped the world and all its ills looks back on it with condemnation. Yet he must rejoice that he is free of all the sacrifice which its values would demand of him."

The slaughter-house was only seen AS a slaughter house when we were slightly lacking in our loving vision? When we've risen fully above the battlefield without condemning the falseness of the world, we thus "forgive" it and see the reflection of christ in it. We don't dip down into the fragmented conflicting experience of the world, we remain floating just above its surface appearances.

"The world in infancy is newly born. And we will watch it grow in strength and health to shed its blessing upon all who come to learn to cast aside the world they thought was made in hate to be love's enemy. Now are they all made free along with us. Now are they all our brothers in God's Love."

"For He Who LOVES the world is seeing it FOR you, without one spot of sin upon it, and in the innocence which makes the sight of it as beautiful as Heaven."

"In kind forgiveness will the world sparkle and shine, and everything you once thought sinful now will be re-interpreted as part of Heaven. How beautiful it is to walk, clean and redeemed and happy, through a world in bitter need of the redemption that your innocence bestows upon it!"

So ultimately what it all seems to say is that 1) We made a world in hate which produced the physical world with its forms 2) We judged it with ego to experience it as hell and label it as cruel and other made-up meanings 3) we must find a way to love that same world we made and forgive it and not condemn it, so that we can experience it through a more loving vision and regard it as in fact harmless and beautiful and a seeming reflection of heaven. So that you can even EXPERIENCE EARTH AS HEAVEN-LIKE even while you're in this world.

"And what SEEMED ugly, in the darkness of your LACK of reason, is suddenly released to loveliness. Not even what the Son of God made in insanity, could be without a hidden spark of beauty, that gentleness could release."

"The real world holds a counterpart for each unhappy thought reflected in your world; a sure correction for the sights of fear and sounds of battle which your world contains. The real world shows a world seen differently, through quiet eyes and with a mind at peace. Nothing but rest is here. There are no cries of pain and sorrow heard, for nothing here remains outside forgiveness. And the sights are gentle. Only happy sights and sounds can reach the mind that has forgiven itself."

You mean to say, after all this time, I have to actually love the goddam world that I thought was cruel and hell?!!!!!! WTF. Hah.

I've been having a lot of deep insight lately about cause and effect and taking back my power, so I want to share some more on this. This may be a little lengthy so bear with me.

When we think of a victim we're usually talking about something negative. Someone does something to a person that they do not want. An enemy attacks, someone calls a name, someone judges, something happens to someone seemingly against their will, producing the effect of suffering.

And then we think that the things that don't do this, are not negative, or there's nothing wrong with it. Such as, feeling that a certain person is the love of your life, or having a special friend, or someone makes you happy and makes you laugh, or there's a favourite place you like to go to, or a place you call home because you like it more than other places.

You like these things, enjoy these things, want these things, "love" (conditionally) these things, because they seem to "cause you positively." They do things to you that you seem to prefer. You have needs, you have lacks, you have shortcomings, and these people or things seem to make up for it, they seem to do for you what you can't do etc. You seem to need them. They are the "other half" of you.

But the problem then comes when the person goes away, they die, they fail in some way to give you what you want or need. Or you leave a favourite place, or you break up with a person, or you lose a favourite possession or whatever. Given that your mind has become dependent on these things, it now suffers, and it flips into "special hate".

That is, the ego now sees itself as a NEGATIVE victim, instead of a positive one. The things you depended on are now seeming to turn against you and cause you pain. The people that you loved and cared for are now, in their absence, the seeming source of loss and misery. You might even feel angry at them. Special hate especially comes out AS hate if the person turns from favoured friend to an enemy, and seems to outright attack you.

What I've been realising is that when I attribute CAUSE to something outside of myself, it doesn't matter whether it seems to be positive or negative, wanted or unwanted, if I give it causal POWER OVER ME, to cause me something, I'm on a slippery slope and am now gambling in highly risky ego territory. I'm now striking a deal, doing a bargain, forming a special relationship, in which I prefer to get something out of it that I want or need. I have become dependent on something external, and don't want to let the dependancy go.

When the mind is giving POWER to someone or something to cause you in some way, that's a double-edged sword. If they comply, you might think you are happy, and for a while they seem to "do something to you" that you like. Whether it be making you happy, causing you to laugh, giving you good feelings even, making you love them more, paying your bills, whatever. They are the chosen one. The best person you ever met.

But at the same time there is tremendous risk, and likelihood, that at some point this will stop, and you will suddenly feel deprived and neglected and ignored and lost and very unhappy. Because if they are not there to do what you have become dependent on them to do, you will revert to deprivation and suffering.

I've seen that this reversal of cause and effect, this giving of POWER to someone else or to some thing else, to have power over you in some way - positively OR negatively - results in your mind becoming DEPENDENT on that thing. This dependency, is what some people, buddhists for example, would call "attachment."

It produces a sense of holding on, identifying with, of DEPENDING ON someone or something outside of you, as though you lean on it, you need it, you are hooked into it like it's a part of yourself. Like you plug your mind in, you form cords or bridges of energetic and emotional attachment, you build inroads mentally, which feels literally like being attached and "connected" in some way. In a special way, which passes for "relationship". And indeed this can feel like special love, as much as it can feel like having a nemesis when the power is given to an enemy.

This dependency results from reversing cause and effect, disowning responsibility, claiming that you have no power to choose anything, suppression of your will, projection of cause and will and power and responsibility onto someone or something else. It's then like you've struck a deal, where this person or thing has power OVER you (always with your consent), and the bargain terms entitle them to some kind of "hold over you", like, there's a string attached. A conditional-love relationship.

Somehow they have some rights, some say in it, some POWER, some logical power, which entitles them to have some control over you. And what they say or do goes, and you cannot but be affected by it. And you feel bound and artificially joined and like they own you in some way, like you're a pet on a leash. And so long as you maintain the belief that they have your power, using it over you, even if its in ways that you seem to want or that seem positive and loving, it's still an egoic special relationship because cause and effect are backwards. It's a relationship of false/backwards perceptions.

And it still feeds the role you're playing of being "a victim" - someone who is AFFECTED BY something other than themselves. ie, that you are preferring to live by being AFFECTED BY someone or something, rather than proactively choosing and taking responsibility for what you feel and experience. So long as the thing, the person, the place, the object etc, is regarded as something that you WANT to have the POWER to CAUSE you, in some way, you will see yourself as a victim of them when they eventually fail to follow through. And now sunsets turn into thunderstorms.

If they die, you are up shit creek, because you need them, you want them, you depend on them to be or do something for you, something that you were not doing for yourself. They were responsible for your happiness, they were the cause of your well-being, they were looking after you, making your life better, giving you something that you seemed to be unable to find unless someone outside of you sourced it. You even thought of them as a parent to you in some way, because they were the cause of you.

What i've seen now is that for example when someone you love dies, or you leave a home, or some other big change where something that you had SPECIAL LOVE for stops being there, you're going to experience "loss". Your ego is going to go into a negative victim role, it's going to see itself deprived and hurt and rejected, lost and alone, lacking and in need, and it's going to create a lot of emotional pain and wallow in the misery of powerlessness, and in weakness and sickness. And it's going to feel like there's been a big terrible loss because the external thing that you believe you NEED in order to be happy has gone. And it will feel that even part of your own self is gone.

It's not really loss about the person or thing, or really to do with the fact that they've left. The loss is caused by the continued "relationship" psychologically in which you see them as the cause of you. The same "power" you gave them to cause your happiness, is still being given to them, and that means that when they fail to give the happiness to you, you will be unhappy. And the more power you gave them to do this, the worse it will feel. THAT is the cause of grief - not getting what you want. And the ego will pout and cry and feel like a child that isn't getting what it wants.

The attachment. The dependency. The depending on something external. The seeking for the source of love, or even of your SELF, outside of yourself instead of finding it within. The unwillingness to own the power and the love within, resulting in a projection and disowning of it, such that when the person providing the love leaves, you're left empty handed with your own lack of inner love. And then you are in sorrow because you're empty and miserable without their "help." And you feel lost and don't know who you are anymore because part of your identification has died.

The secret of salvation says that you are doing this to yourself. So yes, it means that you are unhappy because you have given your power away, and are using the relationship to disempower yourself. If you are in this "unholy" relationship with someone or something, where you are "getting" something from it that you believe you lack inside, or NEED from the person, you're not going to be happy long-term. As soon as they leave, you're screwed, because now there's no-one to fill the shoes that you keep handing over to be filled.

When you admit to this and own the power, taking back the power you gave TO these things to cause your happiness, now you are correcting the REAL problem. The real problem isn't the loss or the change in life events, it's the "seeking and not finding" love outside yourself. It's wanting some external person or thing or place to love you, be there for you, reassure you, give something to you. It's essentially you being dependent and irresponsible, and it's you trying to disown your power. You have loss because you think YOU lack something, something you gave away.

When you take that power back, and own the responsibility, and see yourself as CAUSE, no longer regarding the person or thing as the "cause of" what you feel, or what you experience, this then uproots the entire ego thought system and the dynamic that generates the suffering. If you are causal, no one else can CHANGE YOU or influence you or make you feel something or alter your experience. And that is spiritual because it means you are owning up to the powerful being that you really are - a being with NO NEEDS.

You CANNOT be ANY KIND of victim if you are empowered, if you are responsible, if you have owned the CAUSE of your suffering. Because the cause of your suffering is NOT the absence of the person or thing, it's your SELF ATTACK, in which you are giving your power away and using it to hurt yourself. The only way to end the negative consequences of victimhood, is to also end the so-called "positive consequences". You do NOT want your happiness to be depending on anyone or anything other than God who IS ITS SOURCE.

When you take that power and causation back and own it, you are not only undoing the attachment, you are undoing the dependency, you are undoing the neediness and lack, you are undoing both forms of victimhood, and are reclaiming your INDEPENDENCE. Your freedom from suffering is literally a choice. You choose to stop giving your power away to people and things that are not supposed to have power over you. Not even the good people, not even the friends, not even the family, not even the beloved partners, husbands or wives. You can have a far healthier relationship still but without the conditions and dependent needs.

Moving OUT of that specialness, that dependency, that power game, that subtle positive victimhood, that neediness, that irresponsibility, that insecurity, is a movement towards a holy relationship. A holy relationship with yourself and others, in which you no longer are trying to have an egoic specialness as the foundation for "what they mean to you" or "what they do to you." You stop playing the negative victim, AND the positive victim, and stop trying to get your needs met from outside of yourself. God and your reclaiming of the inheritance which God has given you is all you need for that.

I can say that realising this is very freeing, empowering, and does for me seem to be greatly reducing the sense of loss that I've been having for months. I cannot suffer if I do not choose to do so. I am ruler of the universe, master of my destiny. Nothing happens to me without my consent. I cannot suffer or be hurt unless I do it to myself. And the only way I can do something to myself is to disown my power and try to get someone else to do something to me, for me. Do I want to be a slave to someone or something else deciding for me if I am happy, or will I choose to own the power and the happiness that God has given me already?

All sense of loss arises from believing that a changing world is real. If it is real, and if something goes away, a part of reality has been lost. If it is real, there has been a real separation. And if that's true, you absolutely must be in a state of deprivation. Time itself induces loss every second, and time is death.

"The world you see is merciless indeed, unstable, cruel, unconcerned with you, quick to avenge and pitiless with hate. It gives but to rescind, and takes away all things that you have cherished for a while. No lasting love is found, for none is here. This is the world of time, where all things end."

Something that you thought was real and valuable has been taken away. A part of reality or God itself has been destroyed and kept apart. The mind reasons that, because it's real and because it's not there, there is an absence, and a part of yourself has been ripped away.

The feelings of grief then rise up to correspond to that belief that something real is lost. The mind invents them to make sense of the situation. Then people in the world who believe in bodies will tell you that it's completely normal and natural to grieve. It does make perfect logical sense, given the premise that this world is real and loss has happened, but it is not natural at all.

In God's immortal reality nothing real can ever be lost, suffer attack, be ripped away or destroyed, forgotten about or separated from. No-one can suffer or be sick or die. Everyone is a part of everyone forever, by God's will. Impermanence of any kind is impossible, and nothing real can be threatened.

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die. I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today."

What it then boils down to is, that if you to any degree believe this world or bodies is reality, you will be constantly in varying degrees of loss. If anything at all so much as moves an inch, it implies a separation. If something bigger and more important seems to go away, you will miss it. If a body person dies off and stops being around, you'll notice it intensely. And then there will be the logical conclusion of a loss of something real - a real loss and a real grief.

The problem we have is that we're still working on waking up to God's truth and we still believe in bodies. We still confuse people for their physical bodies and still regard this world as reality. And that sets us up for the consequences of our wrong decision. It means that we're primed to experience losses before they even happen. We've set ourselves up for a fall, by choosing to believe that something temporary can be depended upon forever.

It's our attachment to bodies, our valuing of bodies, and our confusion of bodies with souls/minds, that lays the foundation for devastation and despair and grief. If and when they do go away, which everything in the world of form does eventually, its cruelty will induce all manner of egoic reactions.

"They appear to lose what they love, perhaps the most insane belief of all. And their bodies wither and gasp and are laid in the ground, and seem to be no more. Not one of them but has thought that God is cruel."

An important dynamic that I've experienced is the belief that the person dying is causing you to be upset. If they have gone way, they have attacked you and caused you to grieve. How dare they die. And how dare they stop being there. This will produce anger and resentment. And of course this means you will scapegoat the dead person and project guilt onto them to blame them for causing a loss, which will have nothing to do with them at all and everything to do with you trying to get rid of your own guilt.

Then even further, underneath the anger will be a sense of hurt, as though you have been hurt by the death. And of course that boils down to a belief that the death of anything can infect you and cause you to die along with it. And so now the person who has left the body has returned to life in heaven, and you are left behind in a state of death and suffering, and you are the one who is dead.

"The black-draped "sinners," the ego's mournful chorus, plodding so heavily AWAY from life, dragging their chains and marching in the slow procession that honors their grim master, lord of death."

Death isn't real and doesn't really exist. It doesn't do anything to anything real and nothing real can ever die. But if you believe in a world that dies all the time, you can be sure you'll be upset before long. This is why the world is a constant disappointment, because you expect it to last forever. You'll be torn between efforts to wake up and acknowledge God's truth, and the continued belief that death is real which constantly pulls you back into hell like an anchor.

To try to forgive death really means forgiving the entire world of space and time and everything in it. To focus on the reality that a person has not really died, still lives on, and is still a part of me in communication and sharing is of course helpful. But at the same time, the other part of me which is ego aligned and trusts death, is continually pulled into the consequences of that belief. And that means the constant nagging reminder of "yes she really is dead isn't she!"

Feelings of grief, loss, absence, deprivation, anger, etc arise. The seeming "fact" that a person has died slaps you in the face, telling you that you have "suffered" a serious loss. As if the serious loss has happened to you against your will. You might be in grief and feeling like a victim, but at the same time it's true that nothing has really happened. And how can you have been caused to grieve against you will?

But this focus on truth can cause a hurdle to the grieving, because while you try to align yourself with God's truth of immortality, the rest of you is pulled horribly into a dark place of sadness and hopelessness and loss. You can't properly deal with the loss, in a typically dysfunctional way at best, because trying to be holy and perfect all the time makes it seem like a guilty sin to give it any time and attention. And yet it calls to you constantly to deal with it.

At some point then, if you're going to persist in believing in the world, you have left yourself with little choice but to go through a grieving process. If you are not yet ready to completely eradicate all belief in death and thus spacetime ("without the idea of death there is no world"), you're probably going to have to settle at least in part for second-best, failure, impossible struggle, and forced grief that seems pointless. If the world is real and the body is real and the body is lost, your ego is going to suffer about it.

So then at some point you have to turn to the grief and just go through it and feel the horrible shit, acknowledge it and be terribly upset. And this is the part that people call natural, but it is far from it. It's like being stuck in a state that you're not supposed to be in and having to deal with it in a totally conflicted way. And even when you egoically have a total spaz about it, which seems to make it go away for a while, it still doesn't solve it completely.

You can't possibly find peace and acceptance about the situation if the situation is real. There is no atonement there, so there is no cure. Grief will keep regurgitating and producing more upset emotions. There is no freedom while the world is still a reality. So then you're in a situation where you can't find peace and are forced face-to-face with a horrible loss, and all you can do is cry and feel unhappy and be a victim.

People will tell you that you then must allow yourself to grieve - embrace the victimhood, as though this is healthy, and perhaps it is at least better than bottling it up or going into less healthy forms of handling it. You are just going to have to feel it, grieve, and go through the loss. And that does indeed totally suck because it's not really a sane solution. And that means turning away from the constant barrage of God-truths and forgiveness statements and just letting yourself feel the horror for a while. Sometimes you just have to do something even if it's bullshit.

So then you cry, and you cry again, and you do some more and you have a huge catharsis. And somehow this is what the world calls healing. And supposedly you adjust and adapt, as though that's some kind of transformation or coming to terms with it, but that really isn't an awakening either.

It's more like a putting up with and a tolerating and a gradually undoing of the special relationship dynamics, attachments and so on. It's more like learning to let the person be ripped away and trying to just tolerate the pain of that until it stops hurting so much. And until the separation is truly undone it will keep coming back and haunting you for years to come.

It then seems like you pretty much have to grieve and be miserable and mourn and all that, which is a total course failure given that it means you're now part of the "black draped mourners" who are in the funeral procession and not doing God's will, per ACIM's teaching. But since you are where you are with this whole thing, and are not ready to totally surrender into atonement, you just have to go through the bumpy road rollercoaster of despair until it eases up somehow. Hopefully you can use all this as an opportunity to forgive and let go of the belief in death and the world.

"One thing is sure; God, Who created neither sin nor death, wills not that you be bound by them. He knows of neither sin NOR its result. The shrouded figures in the funeral procession march not in honor of their Creator, Whose Will it is they LIVE. They are not FOLLOWING it; they are OPPOSING it. And what is the black-draped body they would bury? A body THEY dedicated to death, a symbol of corruption, a sacrifice to sin, OFFERED to sin to feed upon, and keep ITSELF alive. A thing condemned, damned by its maker, and lamented by every mourner who looks upon it as himself."

I'd like to say I personally am beyond all this but I'm definitely not. Last week was horrendous, entering into states of victimhood and terrible strong emotions and crying and being bedridden for several days trying to avoid vertigo and sinus stress. The body wasn't too happy about the grieving process either - feel the feelings and it becomes stressed out - don't feel the feelings and it develops physical symptoms instead. It's a lose-lose situation until you somehow just get through it. And it keeps coming.

Moral of the story is, if you're not enlightened it's going to suck. And that's your fault because you chose it, and you're not ready to stop choosing it, so get ready to suck. And then hopefully after some severe sucking you can free yourself from death's nipple and actually find some sense of happiness again.

You'll have to just deal with an impossible situation as best you can until it sucks less. And meanwhile do your forgiveness shit and hopefully someday you'll find true salvation about it all. You can't avoid the inevitable production of grief feelings if you believe there has really been a loss, and until you can face the fact that you do believe there's been a loss and feel through it, you'll just be in denial.

At least something we have to look forward to is the day when we remember to laugh at all this and realize that none of it was ever true anyway.

In truth, the self that is real and the self that we really are, is our soul, which is part of the sonship in/as heaven. That self is perfect already and is incapable of being imperfect. The soul needs no salvation or healing or resurrection.

The thing is, the soul also has a mind, and it is in the mind that we have a problem. We've used our minds against ourselves, against the soul, to deny the soul. This means we've put our minds into a state where we re denying having a self.

This is also reflected in the authority problem which is a rejection of being authored by God, and brings with it a doubts as to whether we have even really been created, or exist at all. Denying God as our father makes us wonder who we even are.

Similarly in denying reality we have put ourselves out of touch with reality, which is an insane state of mind. This state of mind is filled with ego, and ego is literally the denial of self/soul. Ego isn't really a self, it's a lack of real self. It's like a sense of self that has parts missing and is unstable and changeable and lacks reality.

Ego is more like a temporary sense of "self-consciousness", in which you feel like the centre of the universe and under attack by everything. It's a tight contraction of fear, holding on for dear life, small and weak, separated off and exclusive, seeming to peer out upon an insurmountable world which it sees as a threat, divorced from itself and alien to it. But this is all due to a kind of 'lack of wholeness', ie a lack of soul.

When we're doing the course, applying forgiveness, trying to wake up, we might think that we - our self - is waking up. That's because we think that the way that we are, in our ego, in a body, not yet awakened, is our "self". That we're somehow having a self right now. And that we're taking that self and transforming it into an awakened state.

But this isnt' really the case. We're not even really being ourselves right now. And we're not really taking ourselves into reality. Our real self/soul is already in reality and is already perfect, it can learn nothing and needs no correction, it cannot grow and it cannot sleep.

So what are you - who are you - what is this sense of "my self" that you're having? Who or what it is that thinks about waking up?

Really we have a problem in the mind, where the mind is confused and has lost touch with reality and with the self/soul. This has made the mind selfish, rather than wholly self. Selfishness makes everything revolve around being separate and isolated, while the self-wholeness of the soul revolves around sharing everything with everyone.

Mind is that which is varying. Mind is that which is changing its mind about itself. Mind is that which is seeming to sleep, or seeming to wake up. Mind is that which needs correction. Mind is what is learning and unlearning. Mind is the realm of nightmares and happy dreams. It's all something to do with the mind.

But mind is not the self. Mind is a medium that the soul/self uses for creative expression and decision making. The will is part of the mind, which the soul uses TO will things, but the mind isn't the self itself.

So who or what is trying to wake up? Mind is trying to wake up, but mind is not a self. Instead we need to shift a bit in how we think of what is happening.

First we need to recognize self is really the soul/spirit/christ which is in God in/as heaven. It is already perfect and whole and immortal. It doesn't need any learning or fixing.

Then we need to recognize that mind is where something has gone wrong, and it's mind that is confused. Soul has used mind against itself to deny self. So now mind is in a state where it is not serving the soul, it is not recognising that the soul IS the self, and it is thinking that self is something else - such as an ego or a body or a fluctuating transitioning self, or an image of a self.

Mind changing is not about 'you' becoming and growing and learning and transforming into an awakened being. It's more about mind recognising the pre-existing presence of the soul/self and identifying that it IS the self. That you are a soul, not a body or an ego. This mind recognition though isn't a matter of a 'you' that shifts into being a soul, it's more to do with accepting and recognising and seeing the soul and knowing it as self.

That said, as the mind changes and opens up to awareness of the soul, its "sense of self" changes, and that sense of having or being a self or what the self is like seems to change, and that makes 'you' think that 'you' are changing and growing and expanding your self. But really you are tapping onto more and more of a self that is already fully formed in God, and its your degree of awareness of it that changes.

Part of that entails also recognising that 'who or what' you are seeming to be right now, your sense of self, is a mixture of some sense of 'me' and a whole bunch of things which are not the soul. Believing you are a body, or an ego, or a made-up sense of identity, or identification with emotions or relationships or the world. Things which are not the spirit, which you have mistaken for a self.

So really it's not that 'you wake up', it's more that the mind reconnects with and receives input from the soul and aligns with it and comes to recognize that the soul is the self that you forgot you had. And to get there, other senses of self, and other senses of it being 'your self' that is changing, has to go out the window. Really your self doesn't change at all - false senses of self shift and change and seem to grow and transform but they are not really what you are. You wake up FROM senses of self that are mistaken, returning TO the only self you ever really had.

You are a soul, safe in God, dreaming of exile with the mind and within the mind, lost and confused and unsure of who or what you are, temporarily believing that the self is the ego or the body or other things you made up, but gradually coming to recognize that the self is none of these things and was the perfect soul all along, merely hidden by blocks to awareness, and finally revealed as having been you all-along.

"Your Soul does not need salvation, but your mind needs to learn what salvation IS." UrT10E1

"The Soul never loses its communion with God. Only the mind and body need Atonement." URT1B27E

"The forgiven are filled with the Soul, and their Soul forgives in return." UrT1B29A

"The soul is in a state of grace forever. Man's reality is ONLY his soul. Therefore, man is in a state of Grace forever." UrT1B300

"It should be quite apparent to you by now why the ego regards the Soul as its "enemy." The ego arose from the Separation, and its continued existence depends on your continuing belief in the Separation. Reducing the Soul impulses to the unconscious, the ego has to offer you some sort of reward for maintaining this belief. All it CAN offer is a sense of temporary existence, which begins with its own beginning and ends with its own ending. It tells you that this life is YOUR existence because it IS its own." UrT4D9

"The ego is trying to teach you how to gain the whole world, and lose your own Soul. The Holy Spirit teaches that you CANNOT lose your Soul and there IS no gain in the world, for OF ITSELF, it profits nothing." URT11G1

"The Soul does not need healing, but the mind DOES." UrT3F10

"The term "salvation" does NOT apply to the Soul, which is not in danger and does not need to be salvaged." UrT4C23

"The Soul is therefore unalterable because it is ALREADY perfect, but the mind can elect the level it chooses to serve." UrT1B37C

"Free will is the attribute of the mind, NOT the Soul. The Soul always remains changeless, because it never leaves the sight of God." URT1B37F