It can be very therapeutic to just listen and be still and judge not while someone expresses themeslves. This is the essence of being forgiving.
"Forgiveness … is still, and quietly does nothing. … It merely looks, and waits, and judges not" - ACIM
When we all have egos, we're all so busy not listening. We're too busy broadcasting and transmitting illusions and stories to make ourselves special.
Even if you're in a conversation with someone and you're supposedly listening, you're probably still not FULLY listening because you're not in a state of forgiveness.
Instead you're starting to mentally engage with what was said, are starting to process it, are chewing on it, judging it, judging the person, thinking about what to say, having memories of your own personal story, resisting the person and hoping they will shut up soon, etc. All of these activities mean you are not being forgiving, but it also means you are not fully listening. You're not paying full attention. You are not being fully present because you're lost in your own ego.
So then when the person speaks, they sense this. They know in the mind/energetic level that they are not being heard. They know that there are limits and boundaries in place, which you put there, which are your attempts to make them stop and shut up. Especially if you start to offer advice or talk over them or try to stop their expression. Maybe their expression is very ego and it triggers you and you just want it to stop because you can't just be still.
The result of this is that the person does not feel permitted to fully express themselves. They don't feel that you are listening, that you recognize them deep down, that you really care unconditionally, or that you even want them to continue. They will take these cues, consciously or not, and it will stop them fully expressing.
We are all so used to walking around in a world where everyone is always broadcasting that we feel terribly constipated with ego energies, feelings and expressions, which are not being ALLOWED to fully express. Nobody is listening! And that's because everyone has egos and are not in a state of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a state of mind of stillness and listening and allowing and presence and non-judgement. That's the state that we're sorely lacking in this world.
This state is a state of "holding space". It means that you are so still and clear and non-judging and present that you simply allow and listen and permit everything. You do not resist, you do not get caught up in your own thoughts, you don't get lost in your own reactions, and you don't try to stop the person. If you do this for someone and you let them just express, you will notice something really interesting happens.
Not only will they express themselves and all their ego stories, feelings and thoughts, but they will seem to really go overboard, over the top with major ego expression. Given permission that it's okay to express fully, as proven by your forgiving willingness to listen and be present, it all just comes flooding out. The person doesn't even quite know why they are doing this. They can seem to become "very ego" while they do this. YOU MUST NOT try to stop that. It's good. They are venting. Maybe for the first time someone is finally fully listening to their heart's pain and they can therefore finally let it out and let it go all the way.
People are natural expressers. Even if it's ego shit coming out and totally bullshit, they still need to express it, and not being in a situation where it's safe and okay - unconditionally okay - to be as ego as they like, it just stays stuck inside.
Also when you are in a state of holding space and being fully present with the person, where you are actually giving your FULL ATTENTION while simultaneously backing totally off from expressing anything of your own, this creates a kind of "space". That is, your intense attention connects to the person where they are, and the fact that you are totally withholding your own expression creates "space" in between the two of you. It's a space that you're not flooding with your own expressions, because you are RECEIVING.
This space is held by the mind and can actually be an energetic presence. You form it with your EMPATHY. In True Empathy you are listening intently and sharing awareness and unconditional acceptance, WITHOUT ENTERING INTO the person's problem. This is TRUE empathy. Empathising without engaging or joining in or making real the illusions that flow out in any way. And that doesn't just mean be quiet on the outside, you must be totally present and attentive INSIDE your mind as well, otherwise you are distracted with ego and are not listening.
And because there is a kind of law that nature fills a vacuum, their ego is SUCKED OUT. It pours out to fill the space. Or to put it another way, your willingness to FULLY RECEIVE allows them to FULLY EXPRESS. The person may not even realize they are really digging deep and sharing all their deep dark secrets and even stating embarassing egoic "secrets" that they never told anyone. Onlookers might judge them and label them as evil! But you have to let it just flow out into the space. Just listen, fully. Give your full attention in silence.
After the person has "finished" expressing, having been heard deeply perhaps for the first time ever, and having aired tons of dirty laundry and guilt and everything in between, they will tell you... if you succeeded in this .... they'll tell you, they feel TREMENDOUSLY PEACEFUL. They got it out! They finally could let it all out and let it go instead of having it shoved halfway down their throat by everyone else who is too self-absorbed to ever give them permission to fully express.
I have done this before, by accident. I didn't know what I was doing, but I was doing it. I recall a person at an old job who started to brag. He was a natural bragger. But as he did, instead of wanting to shut him up as such, I just paid attention and let him get on with it. I held space, sort of accidentally. And he just kept going, and going, and going. He really really vented, and started even telling me about all these secret exploits and perversions that he'd been doing, just a great big giant ego brag. He didn't even know why he was expressing so much, he just kept going! An onlooker judged him, not understanding what was happening, telling him that he should stop talking because he was making a fool of himself. But it was a HEALING.
And then,..... he wound down, and he said, he couldn't believe how peaceful he felt. He was shocked at how calm he was. It was simple. Pay full attention and be fully present without your own mental noise.
Also, if a person is quite shy or sensitive, introverted or has difficulty or fear expressing themselves, this is like GOLD. If you are like this, you know that you are very much put off by the loud intensity of everyone else's expressions, and usually you will only express yourself to one individual in a secret corner when no-one else is looking. Only if there is near silence do you feel permitted to make sound, to speak, or to express yourself. You are really sensitive and everyone's just "regular" level of expression is experienced as like LOUD. Like, they're shouting all the time and don't really want to hear you at all. And especially if the person is domineering or controlling or takes over expressing for everyone, you can bet you will just shrivel up into a hole of loneliness.
That's why sensitive people become so quiet and shy. In their spectrum of expression, they are drowned out. Loud intense or even just regular people can "shut down" sensitive people and make them even shyer, because they're never really given an opportunity to BE HEARD. People won't shut the fuck up for long enough to let them express their soft gentle expressions!
If you say to a shy sensitive person, that you're going to be totally quiet and just listen and that they can go ahead and just talk and tell you anything... anything at all, just go ahead and I'll listen quietly.... that's like GOLD. If you will trust that as a sensitive person, you will then start to express yourself, and you'll keep going, and going, and you'll explore and uncover all kinds of things that you could never tell anyone. It's SO healing and cathartic. To be heard in this overly broadcasting ultra-loud ego-screaming world, it's absolutely treasure. It touches a person. It heals them. Sometimes as a sensitive person I wish the whole world would SHUT THE FUCK UP for long enough for me to express myself.
(I WILL BE HEARD! Thanks for letting me express that, lol)
This is also partly why my expressive energies have diverted themselves into the silent, unhurried expression through typing and writing.. ... people don't shut you up when you put it down on paper.Mostly. Until they start reading it, hah. Then it's "that's too long to read, shut up". .. ie, I can't read all that text... when will *I* be able to talk about myself! lolol
Anyway. Hold space for people. It is thoroughly deeply healing. We should have healing circles where we do nothing but let people express silently. This is partly how it's set up in Alcoholics Anonymous and AlAnon and other programs with a "no cross-talk" rule... although it should be extended to a "no mental chatter either" rule. No ego.
Be quiet. Be present. Listen. Let people be fully acknowledged. This is an expression of true forgiveness.
Remember, this is part of being truly forgiving. And having the opportunity to PRACTICE this is an opportunity to be forgiving. As Jesus said:
"Forgiveness … is still, and quietly does nothing. … It merely looks, and waits, and judges not" - ACIM
You are in an illusory world.
But you believe this world is real.
THAT is your problem. THAT is the distortion of perception that's happening in your mind that you need to correct.
You're not correcting your view of a real world, you're correcting your belief that it is real at all. You have tried to MAKE IT REAL, which is a mistake.
When you believe that an illusion is actually real, that's insanity. When you do not recognize that it is an illusion, and mis-understand it to be real, you WILL be upset by it and will not be at peace.
You will not find peace by "being at peace with the world". That will be some kind of fake oasis of denial and semi-peace.
You need to correct your perception of the world only because your perceptual errors are making it LOOK LIKE this world is reality.
You think that your task mainly lies in forgiving people for what they supposedly did not do, and yet, you still believe that they really did do something, because you still believe that events here are reality.
You think that you just need to recognize that none of this happened because it's a dream - correct, but then you'll continue to believe that it is a REAL DREAM, which is not atonement at all.
Forgiveness must lead you to the recognition that there ARE no errors, therefore there ARE no real illusions, and in that clear perspective you will become able to SEE and RECOGNIZE, that this entire world is a fantasy illusion, and everything you thought was true about it is NOT TRUE.
Just as it is not true that people did stuff to you, and it's not true that you're guilty, it's also not true that anything even happened, because it was just an illusory dream.
How many times must this be repeated for us to finally get it that this world isn't reality at all? And any belief that it IS reality is just our ego's attempt to HOLD ON to all of the ways that it has become attached to and valuing of this insane delusion.
Picture yourself in the spiritual realm (non physical world) standing at a console where you are planning your next lifetime.
You look at possible life events in a brochure which precicely and specifically tells you exactly what will happen and what the results of this will be.
You find one you don't like the look of, some tragedy or a sickness or a guilt trip, and you almost want to skip past it. But then you take a look at the list of benefits that arise from the experience.
These include an increased ability to love yourself, an enhanced sense of compassion for others, a greater awareness of who you really are, the opportunity to help others to learn how to care more, and perhaps an increased sense of joy once you finally learn to let go of the experience.
You weigh up your options. You say, well, the experience sounds like it SUCKS, but the payoff is huge. So then you say, well, what's there to lose, since I'm immortal spirit and can't really be hurt.
From that vantage point, you decide that the benefits are worth the hassle, so you say yep, sign me up. I'll go on that trip.
Then you incarnate, and so it unfolds. And you forget you chose it. And then it happens and you think it sucks, which it does. But then you start to learn the benefits of the experience and move past it, and you gain great spiritual rewards from it.
Later, looking back, you acknowledge yes, I got exactly what I wanted, I came away with a gift and I am much richer for it. I'm more aware now and I am closer to God. I am grateful.
Then you pick up the brochure again and go on another trip, and another, and another, until you pretty much run out of benefits that you can gain from it. You pick your last trip, knowing that it's the final one and that you just need to clean up some loose ends.
Off you go. It all happens. You wake up and receive the gift of reunion with God. And it's all been worth it.
Workbook Lesson 128 "The world I see holds nothing that I want." tells us all about the first world. It is the world of FALSE PERCEPTION. This is an hallucinated world added ON TOP OF the manifest world (world #2 below). These are personal, private worlds of ego isolation and insanity. You could say there are as many such worlds as there are egos. This is the same thing as "hell" in course terms. Perceived separation.
Workbook Lesson 129 "Beyond this world there is a world I want." tells us about the second world. It is the world of TRUE PERCEPTION, also known as the real world and the forgiven world. "Now is the last step certain; now you stand an instant's space away from timelessness." .... the "real world" is slightly removed from heaven and the lesson HINTS at there being a world beyond this 2nd world. This is also the world in which we can see a reflection of heaven IN SPITE OF the fact that this world is still an illusion. This is still a world of perception but it's a short distance from here to heaven.
Workbook Lesson 130 "It is impossible to see two worlds." does not yet introduce the 3rd world, but it lets us dwell on the distinction between the first 2 worlds - between false perception OF this world, and true perception OF this world. It has us practice distinguishing or discerning true vs false since this is large part of correcting perception. It also basically tells us that the world we see at this level is what we put there to see, ie we are dreaming this world.
Workbook Lesson 131 "No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth." Finally reveals to us there is a 3rd world, beyond even the "real world" or forgiven world. It is HEAVEN. It is the world that God created. It is your home. This lesson even takes you on a little experimental journey, to go past the world of perception (containing the first 2 worlds), and into the light, accompanied by angels, attempting to bridge the gap to Heaven itself.
3 Worlds. Only one of them is reality. Heaven is reality.
To accept the Atonement is to accept that God's truth is the truth. It also means accepting that nothing else is true.
Jesus demonstrates this when He speaks of His own state of Atonement:
"There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The difference between us now is that I have nothing else. This leaves me in a state which is only potential in you."
We would be perfectly willing to accept God's truth, IF we did not believe that something else is true. We have been listening to another "voice", the voice of the ego (untruth) rather than the Voice of God (truth).
If we believe the ego has some truth to it, it means we agree with it. We will defend it, protect it, want to keep it, and will shield it from God. We'll use it as justification for "why" we believe we cannot accept God's truth as true. This literally makes us perceive that God's truth is NOT true.
This is the meaning of "He who would not forgive MUST judge to justify his failure to forgive." We are busy justifying WHY we cannot accept atonement/forgiveness, in order to keep and protect the ego that we believe is sacred and true and worthy of us.
No-one in their right mind would want to accept something they believe is not the truth. No-one would want anything to do with something they regard as "false". The ego attributes all qualities of falseness to God, including perceiving Him as evil, as a threat, as an attacker, and as willing that we be dead. That's quite a lot of false belief to "reverse" - thought reversal - if we are to become genuinely WILLING to want to be with God.
An unwillingness to accept God's truth comes solely from a willingness to accept the ego's truth. Another way the Course puts this is in terms of faith. We have "faith" in the ego, we have come to TRUST it, we think it is helping us, protecting us, defending us, acting in our best interests, and is "working" for us. We think we WANT what it is offering. This is because we do not RECOGNIZE the ways that the ego is deceptive, a lie, a form of attack, self defeating, suicidal and fixated on death.
When we believe the ego is the truth, we literally become "blind" to the truth, and incapable of discerning that God's truth is true. We see falseness IN it, because there is falseness in our perception. We see reflected in God our own "evil" content, thinking it is his.
For example, whenever we misperceive the truth through the ego, we see it as attacking us, we put up a defense, which implements blocks to life, which produces sickness and death. This production of sickness is an attempt to "save our life" by protecting us from life. This is obviously insane. The ego's efforts to "help" us is actually an attempt to deceive us, to trick us into hurting ourselves "in the name of" helping ourselves. In other words, the ego's advice produces the opposite result from what it promises.
While we believe the ego has truth to it, we will not be WILLING to accept the atonement. In fact we'll not be able. We can't ACCEPT it, to really deeply abide in it and feel it and welcome it and want it and admit its truth and ALLOW IT to love us. That's because we have allegiance to the ego and "want" what it is offering instead. AND YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH! You have to choose. This valuing of the ego's offering produces DOUBT. Being in two minds, or even entirely in ego, will make us very uncertain about whether the truth even IS true, and whether we even DO want it.
Failure to discern what IS true, and what IS false, forms the basis of this confusion, which makes us unwilling and unable to accept it. No-one wants to accept what they think will destroy them. It's just that, believing the ego we will believe GOD is the one who is going to destroy us, and the ego is our savior. It simply "makes sense" to us not to accept God's version of events, because His truth does not "make sense" when the ego perceives it.
If we believe there is really death, really punishment, really fear, really victimhood, really guilt, really sin, really separation, really sickness, really suffering, we will not be WILLING to accept the atonement. The atonement says the exact opposite is true. This means we WILL have to become willing to RECOGNIZE all of these illusions for what they ARE, how we are using them to support the ego, and how they are not TRUE or real.
So we are going to have to systematically let go of all belief that there is such a thing as real sickness, real death, real sin, real guilt, real fear, real suffering, real victims, etc. To do this, we will have to be a LITTLE WILLING to believe that the ego beliefs do NOT contain truth, they in fact are FALSE, and something else is MORE TRUE. If any of this ego stuff - illusions appearing to be real - is within our perception, i.e. within our attitude or beliefs about ourselves, it has to GO, BEFORE we will genuinely, deeply, feel WILLING and READY to accept the truth of God.
Each time that we are attempting to perform a "forgiveness", i.e. we're upset and suffering in some way and we want to get back to the truth, to apply the Course principles and heal ourselves, it's going to have to entail the UNDOING OF FALSE BELIEFS. i.e. the undoing of listening to the ego's interpretation, stopping listening to its voice, stopping believing its bullshit is true, discerning HOW and WHY it is not true, and RECOGNIZING the illusions - i.e. the lies - that you are perpetuating. This can take tremendous radical HONESTY. Honesty admits the truth - allows the truth to enter.
Applying forgiveness SHOULD also therefore mean, that you start with wherever you're at, with whatever you are experiencing now, and you need to transition from there ALL THE WAY TO THE ATONEMENT. If you do not go all the way, if you stop short and keep some beliefs, you will not "complete" the forgiveness because you're not getting to the point where you FULLY ACCEPT the truth and FULLY LET GO of the ego.
While over time you generally will move gradually towards truth, on the whole, you actually can take yourself ALL the way to the atonement at any time, on a SPECIFIC topic. For example if you have issues with a parent or a coworker or something, some belief that is getting triggered... to FULLY forgive that issue, or at least a big chunk of it, you need to look at the beliefs involved and undo them, ALL the way until you get to "sin did not happen in reality, there is no sin at all, therefore I'm still innocent".
Taking back a projection, for example, is only a FIRST STEP in forgiving. It only means then that you recognize some measure of responsibility, that it's actually "about you" and not "about" another person. That's a vital step, and taking of responsibility is essential to any application of forgiveness. But that's not the end of the story.
The problem is, even if you can recognize it's not about other people, you may still believe you are afraid, you are guilty, and you are sinful. These beliefs have to be uncovered as well. Part of the problem is, there are various stages of separation: sin > guilt > fear > punishment > death and each stage entails a shitload of DENIAL. That denial makes content in your mind UNCONSCIOUS. That means you don't even REALIZE that you have this stuff in your mind somewhere, buried, behind a wall of illusions.
So if all you do is take back a projection and then sit with it and don't really realize how you have unconscious guilt lurking in your mind, which your state of victimhood was made to cover up and distract away from, you may not even get to the stage of becoming AWARE of that guilt, to undo it. And even if you get to where you are undoing the guilt, you may not even be aware - there is such a things as UNCONSCIOUS SIN. That has to be undone as well. Only when all of these layers of DENIAL in the mind are undone, ONLY then will you find yourself actually WILLING and able and ready to wholeheartedly ACCEPT that the Atonement is true. That is the point where forgiveness is COMPLETE.
You can do this on any given topic. It doesn't have to just be the overall whole issue of separation. Every time you forgive all the way to the atonement you receive a miracle, and then can offer it. Every time you make a genuine effort to becoming WILLING to accept the truth - your innocence, that literally nothing happened in reality - your mind gets healed one more giant leap towards God. As much as you can accept at the time. This will have PROFOUND healing effects on your perception.
There was a woman that I couldn't stand, a social worker, who had poor sense of boundaries and was always overstepping her role. I had fear about seeing her, anger about her behavior and various other upsets. I thought she was the problem. Later I became willing to see how I was actually seeing some unhealed stuff about ANOTHER person, in this person. I applied forgiveness through various steps and went all the way to atonement on this issue about that person. This was a strong healing.
Later, when I saw this woman again, my entire perception of her was so different. She seemed like a completely different person, as though I'd never seen her before. I had no reaction to her and saw no "sin" in her. She didn't seem to bother me and I knew that I'd been accusing her of something that I thought someone else was guilty of, but which *I* was guilty of. The interesting thing is, when you lift off of other people your own sin, it doesn't necessarily make that person disappear. Instead, you see them more clearly for what is there, and what is theirs. It's interesting then how their OWN call for love suddenly becomes obvious, distinct from anything going on in yourself.
Anyway. I have many other examples where when I've gone all the way to really thoroughly undoing false beliefs and accepting God's truth, it's healed my mind in a major way and really cleared up my perception. It has allowed me to see "truth" where once I saw a distortion. Or rather, to see correctly and accurately where I once only saw what I wanted to see.
If you have been forgiving in some way but not going ALL the way to atonement, I recommend giving it a try. Even if it's on just one small topic. Forgiveness is only complete when you recognize there literally has not been a "real sin" in reality, that whatever it was only took place in a dream, and therefore has had no real effects.
Atonement DOES cure everything. There was an accident that happened years ago where I hurt someone. It produced tremendous guilt. A lot of things happened because of it including a major depression, ostracision from society and various other nightmares. I healed a lot of it over the years and rationalized in various ways why it was ok or not ok or whatever. But I could never QUITE really let go of it. That is, until I went to the atonement with it.
Going to the atonement on this, I FINALLY got to the point of realizing that what I thought happened DID NOT HAPPEN in reality. It only happened as part of a dream. All of my other healing efforts had been to somehow justify "what happened" or to explain "why" it was ok. That never healed me fully. I had to undo the belief it happened AT ALL. When I finally could accept and SEE and RECOGNIZE that it is TRUE, and makes sense, that I REALLY DID NOT DO ANYTHING, and nothing real can be threatened, I could actually willingly ACCEPT that God's truth is true. I could ACCEPT how God sees me. I could ACCEPT that I must still be innocent. And then there were tears of joy at FINALLY being able to LET GO of this "sin" and RECEIVE GOD's LOVE!
Only atonement can be said to cure. Miracles express from the atonement.
Projection makes perception right?
Guess what? Your mind is so big and vast that it is PROJECTING THIS UNIVERSE.
Guess what is showing up as images IN your mind? Physical objects. Bodies. Mountains. Planets. These are THOUGHTS, IDEAS. All "forms" are forms of error - of erroneous thinking.
These "objects" are the PERCEPTUAL CONTENT of your mind.
This is even WAY BEFORE you even get into whether or not you "look at" this stuff through a body. This is WAY BEFORE you even start asking yourself to "change your mind about the world".
Most people do not realize this. You are not simply asked to change how you LOOK AT a world that seems to be out there "on its own" that someone or something else put there.
You are meant to be learning, that YOU MADE THIS UNIVERSE.
And at some point that DOES MEAN, that because the physical matter of this universe, and all the energy, and everything at the quantum level, is all AN ILLUSION, IN YOUR MIND, IT TOO MUST BE REMOVED.
When Jesus stopped making a body, his body disappeared. "because I had no more illusions about it". He does NOT say, that he changed his mind "about" his body and disappeared off into his mind and left his separate stand-alone someone-else-is-putting-it-there body to rot in the ground. The body was IN HIS MIND, HIS MIND PROJECTED IT.
In similar vein, when our collective MINDS finally recognize that THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE is an illusion, we will ALL recognize that it is fundamentally an illusion and we WILL WATCH IT DISAPPEAR. LITERALLY.
Precisely as Jesus himself has said:
"And together we will watch the world disappear".
This "world" is not referring to your view OF the world. It is not referring to your interpretation OF the world. It is not referring to what you think about the world. It is referring, plainly and simply, about THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE, which GOD DID NOT CREATE.
Extraordinarily bizarre false interpretations of the Course's message have arisen out of INCORRECT interpretation of what He means by perception, what he means by the world, and the responsibility that YOU HAVE of having PROJECTED IT YOURSELF. Not just what you project ONTO it. *IT*. You made this world. This is the world YOU MADE with the power of your mind. It does not exist on its own. God did not put it here. YOU DID. And you STILL ARE. And until that ends, you STILL HAVE FALSE PERCEPTION.
If someone is not loving you, and you are trying hard to figure out why they won’t, and you are desperate for them to love you, you’re not going to be happy.
If you have a need for the person to love you, and they fail to do so, you’re going to be totally stuck. It means that you do not have a way to "get" the love that you are lacking.
Someone failing to love you, even refusing to love you, is not something you want to ALLOW, or accept, if for you having them love you seems important.
Having someone love you can only seem important IF you yourself somehow lack love. The absence of love is not actually in that person, it is in YOU.
And because there is a lack of love in you, you will find yourself asking OTHER people, "why don’t you love me?", demanding that they do so. And yet the more needy you become and the more you demand they love you, the more you will be demanding that YOU love you without doing so.
The lack of "being loved" that you see in the other person, is actually the lack of love that YOU have for yourself. You see it projected onto them. And then you demand that THEY love you FOR you. You think that if they love you, somehow this is how you get love into you. But it doesn’t work.
Even if someone loved you unconditionally, if you do not perceive that there is love IN you already, you will experiene lack and neediness. No amount of love coming from the person will ever be enough, and you will even reject or be suspicious of their love.
You can’t have the other person GIVE YOU the love that you refuse to ALLOW to be inside of yourself. You can’t RECEIVE it from them, because you believe you do not HAVE IT.
Just as ACIM teaches, to have all, give all to all, it is also true that.... to receive love, receive love from the all (God). You cannot get other people’s love INTO you until you are willing to have love BE IN YOU. You will not let love be in you if you have beliefs which say, I am no loveable, I don’t deserve love, I can’t be loved, I’m unworthy etc.
So then while on the surface it may seem that we are demanding that other people love us, as if we want to be loved, we’re actually doing this because WE DO NOT want to be loved. Our protests of "please love me" ACTUALLY is based on, "I can’t be loved, don’t love me." Once again the ego is two-faced.
What we would be horrified to entertain, is this idea.... what if we ALLOW someone to not love us?
*HORROR* *SHOCK* *DISMAY*
We don’t want to allow this, because it means that we cannot use the person to get our "need" met. It also means we cannot have any solution to the feeling of the LACK OF LOVE inside ourselves, which WE BELIEVE about ourselves, and which we’re really trying to have SOMEONE ELSE fix for us. No-one else is responsible for whether you are loved or not!
We really don’t want to entertain this possibility of LETTING someone not love us, because then we’re left holding this PAIN, this lack of love, which seems to be in us. And if they’re not going to take it away for us, we have nowhere to turn to ESCAPE it. Therefore we are left facing how crappy we feel about ourselves, which we were trying to get others to rescue us from.
Some people may especially act like an "enemy", someone who shows no recognition or validation or feeling or agreement for anything you do. They seem to be your nemesis. And so you try to get them to love you. Which they won’t do. Which simultaneously guarantees that you continue to NOT BE LOVED because this particular person is NOT going to be the one to do it. Insisting that they SHOULD is actually your attempt to KEEP your unlove, by finding someone to alleviate you of it WHO REFUSES TO DO SO.
To "let" that person "not love you", to allow them to do so, to accept that they do not, AND THEY NEVER WILL, allows you to DROP the entire FICTIONAL FANTASY of being finally loved, accepted and acknowledged by someone other than YOURSELF (and God).
Letting them not love you is a step toward not looking for love WHERE IT DOES NOT EXIST. It means recognizing that love is NOT going to come to you from where you were trying to find it. It is not out there. And you do not lack it to begin with.
Finally admitting that that special person WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, instead of constantly holding onto the WISHFUL THINKING that you can manipulate them into doing so, will let you DROP this fantasy story that you CAN or WILL "someday" get that person to love you. It is better for you to admit that they WILL NOT, so that you will drop the ILLUSION that you’ve been maintaining, that you NEED to get love from someone else.
This can be very hard to admit to. It is very hard to admit that some people are just NEVER going to get you, or love you, to appreciate you, or see things how you see them. You will NOT WIN THEM OVER. You do not NEED TO.
If you can bring yourself to let go of this insane attempt to achieve the impossible, needlessly, then you are now BETTER OFF because you are starting to be WILLING to look at why you even have this NEED FOR LOVE in the first place.
You have a NEED FOR LOVE, because you believe you LACK IT. You believe this, not anyone else. You may have concluded it based on how other people did not love you, believing that this meant you were not lovable. Realize also that your belief that you are not lovable, is a DEFENSE against being loved by God! IT allows you to position yourself as having a reason "why" God would not love you, so that you can REFUSE love. That means refusing to admit that you ARE LOVABLE. And that comes down to your EGO and your authority problem. That you do not WANT to be loved by God because Love is God’s Will.
There is a lot to admit to here. But the truth is, you do not need love, and will not find it in any other person, UNTIL you are willing to RECEIVE it from God. And you will only be willing to do that if you apply FORGIVENESS to yourself, undo your belief in sin being real, and ACCEPT THE ATONEMENT. In the atonement you accept it is true that you MUST be lovable because of what you are in truth. Because you did not sin.
Trying to get someone to love you is actually your attempt to get someone to undo your sin for you, because you are unwilling to forgive yourself. Which means it is just another way of projecting your sin onto other people to disown it and not be responsible for it. Yes, trying to get someone to love you is a way of scapegoating them so that you can blame them for not being the one who is loving.
The only way you will EXPERIENCE LOVE is to undo your belief in its opposite or its absence. Love is HERE FOR YOU NOW. God finds you WORTHY! God loves you unconditionally regardless of what you think you did. You do not NEED love, you HAVE LOVE.
God loves you. You need do nothing.
Before the separation, let's say you were wholly Christ, you were everywhere, and you looked upon yourself and saw yourself everywhere.
Then the separation came along and put a "rift" down the middle of you, separating you from the other half of yourself, like a deep wound.
The other half of you remained in Heaven, but this half of you seemed to believe in the split and saw a wall keeping you from yourself. You couldn't see through this gap that formed, because it looked like a solid wall of sin.
That wall is this universe. Physical matter is that wall of sin. This world is the content of the wound. It is the world of attack and pain and misery and death attempting to convince you that you are separate from yourself and God.
As you awaken, you gradually learn that this wall of sin is not really there, the universe doesn't really exist, and you start to look past its illusory forms and obstacles. To heal the world, is really to heal the world away, so that it is Christ who is healed, and the world-shaped wound is undone. Your vision begins to see through it, like it becomes transparent, as if the mists are clearing and you see beyond the veil.
Eventually, you start to catch a glimpse of Christ, which seems to reflect back to you from across the gap, and the gap diminishes in this sight. You are starting to see the reflection of yourself, or rather, the other half of you. You see this by not seeing the wound any more, and forgetting the world that arose in your madness.
As the gap closes, swallowing up the entire universe in its going, and disappearing into nothingness, Christ's Vision is finally healed, the wound is fully undone, and there is a wholeness again. In this wholeness there is no gap, no separation, no rift, no world, no bodies, no images, no forms.
There is only Christ looking upon himself once again, just as the Holy Spirit loves to do, sharing His vision. The wall of sin is gone, invisible. The planet has faded into nothing. And all that remains is the Heaven God created. The Son of God in all His glory.
"Enlightenment is but a recognition, not a change at all." UrW188L1
Enlightenment is merely you recognizing "the facts" and recognizing that they are true. And accepting them, because they are so obvious. No more confusion or deception or lies, just reality. How are things really, what exists, what are you really?
"no-one can be angry at a fact" UrM18A4
Just the facts. What is true. What is real. What is actual.
Where are you, what are you, what exists, what doesn't. Just you recognizing it, seeing it, realising it.
There's no attack upon the ego or the world in this because they are recognised as not existing, nothing you really have to do to deal with them, and it's very simple. When they're seen for the nothingness they are they are just nothing to you.
You just acknowledge how things really are. That's all.
Everything is in its proper perspective and place. You see clearly that there is no world. That you are squarely in God, only the kingdom exists, and you are immortal.
"Others find it in experience that is not of this world, which shows them that the world does not exist because what they behold must be the truth, and yet it clearly contradicts the world." UrW132L7
It's like, you finally get a look at what you actually are without any clothes or disguises or denial. Just a good hard look at the truth of you. You know yourself as you really are.
The truth is that only God and his creation exists, of which you are a part, and nothing unreal exists. If you could just purely recognize that fact you'd be enlightened.
It's like just sort of seeing "what is". No more deception, confusion, delusion, wishful thinking, denial, trying to convince yourself of lies, trying to turn yourself into something you're not etc.
If you could go to reality right now and take a look in the light as to what is true - what's really there, you'd just see that there's God and his kingdom - your brothers, you and your creations, angels etc. ... this all exists, its what you are ... and .. .there is no spacetime. The world is recognised as totally false, unreal, untrue, nothing.
So you're done. Just looking at the simple facts. Acceptance of reality, recognition of the truth. Not some conceptual truth - factual experienced truth. What is. What is not.
Not much different than when you go somewhere to visit some people and you arrive and they're there and you're there and the place is there and that's all there is to it.
Enlightenment is just you coming home to live in God in total honesty and willingness and acceptance.
Here is a very good description of what miracle working (for others) is about and WHY your brother needs YOU to perform a miracle FOR them.
"Miracles are merely the translation of denial into truth. If to love oneself is to HEAL oneself, those who are sick do NOT love themselves. Therefore, they are asking for the love that would heal them, but which they are DENYING TO THEMSELVES. If they knew the truth about themselves, they could not be sick. The task of the miracle-worker thus becomes to DENY THE DENIAL OF TRUTH. The sick must heal THEMSELVES, for the truth is IN them. But, having OBSCURED it, the light in ANOTHER mind must shine into theirs, because that light IS theirs."
Notice that the miracle worker‘s "task" is to heal those who have sick minds (and consequentially a sick body).
Notice also that because your brother is in denial, they have obscured their OWN willingness to heal and now NEED YOUR HELP.
Notice finally that the light in ANOTHER MIND (E.g. you as a miracle worker) must SHINE INTO THEIRS, in order to HEAL the sickness in the mind of the brother.
Since all miracles are EXPRESSIONS of love, and miracle DOING expresses FROM miracle mindedness (right mindedness), love must actively be given/radiated/extended/sent to do this. The light in your mind has to shine into another mind. This heals their mind. FOR them.
This is how you release your brother. This is how you be "a physician of the lord".
"Miracles supply a lack"
"Miracles are given BY THOSE who temporarily have more, TO THOSE who temporarily have less."
"Miracles are a spark of life"
"Miracles RAISE the level of communication."
"Miracles mean LIFE, and God is the giver of life." Through miracles, you GIVE LIFE to those who are lacking it (which is sickness), RESURRECTING THEM. Miracles heal the sick and raise the dead.
"Perceive in sickness but another call for love, and offer your brother what he believes he cannot offer himself. Whatever the sickness, there is but one remedy. You will be made whole as you MAKE whole, for to perceive in sickness the appeal for health, is to recognize in hatred the call for love. And to give a brother what he REALLY wants, is to offer it unto yourself."