When you're upset, you're having an experience. It seems very real to you. It's frightening. It seems that something has happened or something is true, and because it seems true it's scaring you.

But what you need to realize is that "you are not upset for the reason you think."

You think you're upset because of what a person did, or didn't do, or what happened, or what you saw. You think something other than yourself caused it, or that something's happening beyond your control. But this isn't really why you are upset.

You're having an experience right now of upset and fear and guilt and anger and shame, and that is inside of you. Its yours. But the main problem is you've placed the cause of this experience into something separate from you. You think it's that person who put these feelings there. You think it was that thing happening that caused this upset. And you see yourself as having been unfairly victimized by them. And now you're suffering and you can't get out of it.

Well all of this experiencing is inside you because it's yours, and it was already inside you BEFORE this person or event came along. You had it stored away in the back of your mind, unhealed. You are already full of all the upset and fear that you could possibly need to account for all of your upsetting experiences in every lifetime. You don't even need to find extra causes for adding "new stuff".

This upset that's in you wasn't put there by anyone else. It wasn't just created in you by some event that just happened. Nobody made you feel this way. Nobody is doing anything to you.

This is old stuff. It's always old stuff. Its the sense of sin and guilt from separating from God that you buried in your mind long ago, coming up inside of you to remind you of how you feel. And yes, it was maybe "triggered by" someone or something happening, or what they did, and because it was triggered by them you mistook this to mean it was caused by them. But all they did was mirror to you how you already felt, deep down, and so it popped into your awareness. And you asked them to do this for you.

Its not their fault.

This is about you. Its your stuff. Your feelings. Your experience. Your attitude. Your beliefs. Your way of looking at yourself. This is about your sense of separation from yourself and God and how you haven't forgiven yourself for what you think you did. That's what needs to be forgiven. You CAN'T forgive anyone else because nobody else is capable of doing anything to you!

You need self forgiveness. And that entails admitting that all of this stuff is self-inflicted and self-chosen and it's all your own stuff. It's not anyone else's fault. Nobody has made you feel this way. You agree that you should feel this way.

And so then, why do you feel this way? What is it you believe about yourself, in relationship to God, that has brought about this nightmarish experience? This fear, and guilt, and sin? Is it really true of you? Is God really against you or upset with you? Is he really abandoning you? Do you really need to be afraid of his revenge? Are you really a sinner?

Will you forgive yourself and recognize that you have NOT done what you thought you did, that it has had no effect on God whatsoever, that you are still innocent and loved? How about some relief, in knowing that nothing's gone wrong and you're still worthwhile? Or that God still unconditionally loves you right now and always will? That you haven't made Him go away and He isn't bearing any grudge or anger toward you? All you really want is to love and go Home.

Even though you are perfectly safe in God and are surrounded and infused with impenetrable love, you still believe that there are lots of reasons to be afraid and concerned.

Even though you are immortal spirit and you can never die and you will and are living forever in an endless sea of eternal life, you believe that you are set to die and to inevitably meet some kind of end.

Even though God loves you absolutely and unconditionally and universally and constantly, being incapable of stopping loving you for any reason whatsoever, you still believe that you've done a bunch of shitty stuff that prove why God finds you unworthy and that you cannot be loved.

Even though there is absolutely no threat or danger or reason to be afraid about anything because you're absolutely perfectly protected in God's heart and immersed in permanent invulnerability, you still believe you're some kind of frail, weak, vulnerable and infectious blight that should be riddled with disease and suffering.

You are immortal spirit, pretending to be mortal.

You are perfectly safe, pretending to be afraid.

You are absolutely loved, pretending to be unworthy.

You are completely whole, pretending to be broken.

It's a funny game, the immortal Son of God is playing, acting as if it's really true that you are no longer the Son of God.

Nothing has changed. Nothing has happened. You haven't stopped being as God created you.

The cat is out of the bag. Meow!

When you are in denial, the denial itself paints a picture that whatever it is you're denying is WORTH denying, because it's not good, even though WHAT you are denying is outside of your awareness. Like, as though there really is something there being denied - something you shouldn't STOP denying because then you'll be in big trouble.

It's the same with fear. Fear tells you there's something real to be afraid of, that the fear is justified. The fear says its worth being afraid, because if you aren't, you'll have to confront what it is you area afraid of. Think about that - if you're NOT afraid, you will have to FACE something fearful. Makes no sense.

The ego's basic mind-trick is avoidance of God, avoidance of the truth, avoidance of reality. But the thing is, it doesn't just avoid God. God is love. It isn't really telling you that you are avoiding love. If you knew you were avoiding love, and you remembered what love is, you wouldn't be willing to avoid it. So instead, it tells you you are avoiding something else.

The ego says, you're avoiding an evil God, and you wouldn't want to go anywhere near it. It tells you, you're avoiding real sin and guilt in the mind, and you shouldn't go anywhere near it. It tells you, you have a really big reason to be afraid because God is coming after you, so that you'll be justified in being afraid. All of this is designed to make you believe that you're actually doing the right thing by being in denial, or being afraid, or avoiding God, or going out of your mind.

The lie here is that fear itself INVENTS its own idea of what you are afraid of. And denial itself INVENTS its own idea of what you are denying. Once you enter into denial or fear, you're in a place of hallucinating and projecting ideas based in denial in fear, which out pictures God, or your mind's content, as also being fearful.

Here's the key. It's not that your mind HAS real guilt in it. It's not that you HAVE a real reason to be afraid of God. It's not that you HAVE sinned or that, if you looked within, you'd be confronted with the horrors of what you've really done. The key is.... ITS ALL A LIE!

There IS no reason to be afraid of God. There IS no real guilt in your mind. There IS no sin that you have accomplished. There is no dark icky content lurking for you to discover, to be ashamed or, or to feel bad about. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THERE. You haven't really done anything. You haven't sinned. You're not guilty. THIS is what the ego does not want you to really FIND OUT when you look within. And this is what it DEFENDS against by telling you it is very justified in making you use denial and fear to protect yourself.

You're innocent. "What if you looked within and saw there was no sin?" - ACIM

So you have to realize this, the ego's devices of avoidance of God/Self/Mind all CLAIM that you should be afraid to look within, they all CLAIM that you've got tonnes of guilt to heal, they all CLAIM you sinned and that you would die if you faced God, but it's all a self-perpetuating myth. They're all lies. They're all defenses against the truth.

Ego defenses never defend you against the TRUTH, because they are designed to OBSCURE the truth, so that you believe you are defending yourself against something ELSE. You could never believe that defense against LOVE is ever justified - you can't hold an awareness of real love in your mind and at the same time believe you would ever not want it. So instead the ego tells you that there IS no love, its been replaced with something dark and sinister, and you need to defend against THAT - the God of hate that the ego made up (as itself).

So all the while you are fixated in your 'issues' about what you did, the sin, the guilt, the fear, all of that is designed to block and distract you from looking at what is BEYOND these things. Before sin there was separation, yes, but before separation there was LOVE. The ego doesn't want to you keep investigating what's real because eventually you'd unearth the love that you buried and realize it still exists AS love. And then it's game over for the ego.

The truth is, you are completely innocent and free. The truth is, when you look into your mind, you might AT FIRST seem to encounter guilt and fear and sin and shame and attack, but only because you still believe these things are real. They're just clouds of illusions. Temporary distractions. They're lies, all of them. Fear is never truthful. Denial is never called for. You don't need any defense from God because God is love.

All of these avoidances are really designed to cover up the ATTRACTION TO GOD which is so intensely powerful and undeniable that if you were to become aware of it, you would rush into God's arms and into eternal life immediately. It is this POWER that you attempt to cover up. It is this LOVE that you attempt to deny exists. It is this VALUE and MEANING that you try to stay away from by making up stories about what it's frightening. God isn't frightening, the ego is.

God is love.

When Jesus says that miracles are everyone's right, but purification is necessary first, it is because of the ways that you keep blocking miracles.

You DO have every right to access miracles and perform them, BUT, if you believe in sin, if you are riddled with guilt and fear, if you haven't done at least SOME purification of your mind, you're not going to be ABLE OR WILLING to perform miracles.

They're not being denied you, at all. There is no reason why you can't have miracles in your life ALL THE TIME. The only thing stopping it is you and your beliefs in the ego's world. That's why you need to purify, undo, forgive, and accept the atonement over and over again so that you can reconnect yourself with believing in GOD, and thereby rekindle the fire and regain ACCESS to the power of God.

And that access DOES NOT require you to be super perfect and enlightened. It works even with enough faith that it will work, believing in God enough "sight unseen", even if you don't fully believe. Open enough of a doorway and He will enter. Show Holy Spirit even a LITTLE WILLINGNESS and He will take your invitation!

There IS some 'conditions' for miracles to occur, and you can attain them, if you are willing to do some purification.

It is impossible to scapegoat or blame someone, because you are only attacking yourself.

Even in your ego denial and delusions you are not attacking anyone else, and they are not attacking you.

You can't really leave your mind, to go outside of it, to then attack another separate self. There is nothing outside of it.

It's useful as a stage of learning about forgiveness to realize that you scapegoat, and that you keep projecting blame onto others.

But you will also realize at some point, you never really WERE blaming anyone else. You were blaming yourself. You were hallucinating that it was "not you" that was receiving the effects of the blame, but it really was you, and not them at all.

You were attacking yourself, even if you pretended you were attacking another.

And so you literally were doing unto yourself as you would have yourself do unto you.

You haven't successfully blamed anyone. You just think you have.

You have received all of the effects of your attacks, and no-one else. And no-one else has ever successfully attacked you, because real attack is impossible.

This is why you need to forgive yourself for having not really sinned. It's only because you believe you are really sinful that you even conceive of scapegoating (being in denial) in the first place.

Good luck trying to get someone else to take the blame for what you believe you did. You will still believe you're sinful even if you pretend you don't believe it. Deep down you believe you are just as sinful. Your attempt to blame, project and scapegoat is your attempt to DENY IT TO YOURSELF, so that YOU don't have awareness that you DO BELIEVE in your own sinfulness.

When shit happens and stuff goes badly wrong and life sucks bigtime, you have one of two conclusions:

a) Shit happened and where was God? God is either cruel or he doesn't exist, because the shit is "real". Or...

b) Shit only appeared to happen and is not REAL, precisely BECAUSE God is loving and real, and God wants to heal it.

Many people conclude the first option because they cannot conceive of this world being unreal, or of very real-seeming sicknesses, pains and struggles being unreal. They seem like intense, real experiences that you can do nothing about. And that cements the idea that God is dead.

So then you lose hope, because you think God does not give a rats arse about you, or that God is cruel, or that there is no reason to have FAITH.

But what you haven't considered is that, EITHER this shit is true and God is dead, OR God is real and this shit is dead.

The shit is dead.

God is real.

And that requires you to completely question your entire foundation of reality, your belief in everything that your eyes see and your body experiences, and a faith which completely bypasses ALL appearances and bodily sensation, to BELIEVE IN GOD stronger than you believe in this shithole.

Find strength in God regardless of and in spite of what appears to be an absolutely fucked up life. God did not will this. God is love and God is real and God wants you to be fully convinced of His position, and to not doubt His reality, but instead to doubt THIS reality... this world, which is nothing more than a shit on top of another shit. It is not real. And God has miracles for you if you will accept this.

P.S. Jesus' response to my writing this is.... "Its a lesson". The only reason crap is happening is so that you will stop believing that crap really happens, so that you can enjoy the shitless life that God intends.

I had a pretty intense talk with God last night.

I began to commune with God and called to Him.

He said, "My Son".

I asked first, "Am I going to have to experience death of a loved one in this lifetime and be alone?"

He said simply, "How can you? Death isn't real."

I opened up to Him and I said, "Father, please forgive me for I have sinned".

He said, "I already have."

and "I never condemned you."

I asked, "You never ever condemned me? I've never done anything wrong ever? You're not going to punish me?"

He said, "How could I? It's not in my nature. I can only love."

I responded, "You're not going to send me to hell?"

He said, "It doesn't exist. You made it up."

I asked, "Then, why is it that I don't see to be experiencing that?"

He said, "You just haven't accepted it yet."

I wondered, "why is it that I don't accept it? does that mean I don't want it?"

I looked within and saw a rather uncomfortable fact that some part of me must not WANT to accept the truth. That some part of me doesn't believe in it, rejects it, has chosen against it and seems to want something else.

It was not pleasant to see that the full responsibility for this "non-acceptance" was in myself.

I told God that "I am afraid to accept it, but it feels good to connect with you, how can I accept this more?

He said simply, "Remove blocks to awareness."

I was feeling very open and awake. I then felt a very strong sense of attraction throughout my whole person. A strong pull that felt like it was pulling me toward God, like a magnet or a vacuum as though something was so extremely appealing and attractive that my whole being wanted to rush to it.

I had tears and then I had laughter. And then I felt joy. Holy Spirit then said "sleep". And so I slept.

It's quite sobering to realize that God is not in any way a punisher or judger or condemner, does not send anyone to hell, and lovingly accepts us fully. And that it is entirely OUR belief to the contrary that we need to correct - our own unwillingness to accept His benevolent nature.

I think a lot of people have a belief that they are 'supposed' to suffer.

When an opportunity for healing is presented, unconditionally, with no strings attached, we actually recoil a bit in suspicion that we're not 'supposed' to be free of the suffering.

We believe the sickness is honorable, truthful, justified and deserved, and we defend it, and would even feel guilty for throwing all that away in favor of instant healing. How dare you heal someone when they're in the middle of good bit of suffering?! They were really getting into it ;-)

It seems 'too easy' that God would just come along and take away any degree of sickness instantly, as if, that's not allowed. Or it's breaking some kind of rules. Or some kind of 'agreement' that we all seem to have about how the common level of 'mutual suffering' is agreed upon and normal.

How dare you step out of the ego and be healed with no repercussions, throwing all guilt aside and claiming innocence. Blasphemy!

I noticed this in my path where I felt like some kind of 'rightness' in taking the very-longwinded suffering route through forgiveness, like, I was not supposed to skip any steps, was not supposed to just 'jump to innocence'.

I had to go 'through' and handle and spend time with all this guilt and fear like, it was not 'correct' (with the Course) to move on from it quickly without having 'properly suffered' first.

The ego says, you must ATONE on its terms, first, before you are 'allowed' to move on. You must atone by suffering and sacrifice and punishment, in hell. If you haven't suffered enough, it's wrong to seek healing.

Even if I were able to access healing quickly, some part of me believed I was meant to suffer for a long time and make sure to thoroughly look at every fault, and really beat it to death, just to make sure that I am really really really prepared to then start to heal it.

Silly nonsense. How can guilt and suffering be justified?

What about healing right now, full and complete, as an unconditional gift of love from God? Do we deserve it? Do we want it? Why don't we want it? Why do we believe we are supposed to suffer, right to suffer, meant to suffer, doing a service to God by suffering, carrying out God's will by suffering, going along with society by suffering, being aligned to truth by suffering, and being honest by suffering?

lol, you have to laugh.

Miracles are available right now.

The ego in you will cleverly point out just how much you are "being ego", in an attempt to compel you to want to "get rid of the ego".

Once you fall for this trick, you will be not only reinforcing the belief that you are not spiritual enough, but will also add to this unspirituality by adding force and attack and sacrifice to your life. You'll "should yourself" and guilt yourself for being guilty.

Feeling bad because you feel bad. Feeling guilty because you feel guilty. Criticizing yourself for being too critical. Attacking yourself for attacking. Demanding you be a better person for not being good enough. These are all ego traps.

The way out is to not believe what the ego is saying is true. Is it true that you are being too guilty, too unworthy, too ego? Is it true that what you are doing is not spiritual? Is it true that you are so behind in your forgiveness? Is it true that you haven't done enough of the workbook today? Is it true that you've been buying into the ego again in a big way? Is it true that you're not where you're supposed to be? Is it true that you are behaving in an ego way and must stop immediately? All ego temptations.

The ego loves to play the role of "spirit in charge" or "teacher of the course" or "spiritual police" or "enforcer of spiritual ways". The ego will always pretend to be separate from itself and to stand apart from itself, so that it can stand in judgement of itself and hand out rules and regulations against itself for how it needs to get into line and conform. It will even do this in the name of being "more spiritual", based on the assertion you are not spiritual already.

It will put on a disguise to pretend it is `not the ego` and then hand down some kind of sentence for how `the rest of the ego` needs to stop being ego. You wouldn't think of this because you're so used to the idea that what one person does to another has no effect on themselves. But the ego's entire mechanism is SELF-ATTACK, and it will happily stand over itself and destroy itself and attack itself in the name of attempting to improve itself. It tells you to get rid of the ego, with vigor, so that you will attack the ego and try to chop it out of your life... all the while enforcing the ego and keeping it.

So when it is telling you to get rid of ego... beware... its a trap, especially if it is making a big deal about just how awful the ego is and how wrong it is to have one.

Your belief that you're guilty ... because you sinned .... is a mistaken belief .... and it is not true.

You are NOT guilty because you HAVE NOT sinned, and your belief is mistaken. Because it is mistaken it is not true and does not apply to you, so you are free of it. And in that freedom you find RELIEF and can be thankful to God that you HAVE NOT DONE what you think you've done.

YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!

THAT is applying forgiveness to yourself.

"Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in this view are all your sins forgiven. What is sin except a false idea about God's Son? Forgiveness merely sees its falsity, and therefore lets it go. What then is free to take its place is now the Will of God."

Sin, is a FALSE idea, about YOU - as God's son. Forgiveness SEES ITS FALETY. That means, a recognition, that it is NOT TRUE. It is NOT TRUE that you have sinned. That's what you need to recognize and accept.

The belief that you are guilty, is a mistaken belief. You have to recognize that YOU HAVE BEEN MISTAKEN TO BELIEVE IT. You haven't ever done anything wrong!!!

And the reason why you are mistaken is because you HAVE NOT SINNED. You did not do what you think you did.

Notice this line:

"Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred."

Applying this to yourself as well, what you THINK you did, HAS NOT OCCURRED.

Now, this does in fact LITERALLY mean that even events that seemed to happen in this world, even things you think you did to other people or their bodies, crimes committed, attacks you performed, whatever. HAS NOT OCCURRED.

It really does mean this. You DID NOT do these things. If you DID really do these things, and if this world is REAL, then YOU CANNOT ever be innocent. And thankfully this is not the case.

The reason you did not do them is because this world is NOT REALITY. And because it is not real, anything that SEEMS to take place here is part of a dream, and is not happening TO anything real.

Reality cannot be changed or affected or attacked. Reality is PERMANENT. Because it is permanent you CANNOT sin against it. You cannot attack God, you cannot kill his son, you cannot murder the sonship, you cannot destroy heaven, and you cannot change yourself into an evil monster. You also cannot stop being innocent.

What you THINK you've done, whether it be in heaven or on earth, YOU HAVE NOT DONE. This is an actual TRUE FACT. You CANNOT have done anything to God (nothing real can be threatened) and anything you have done in a dream world (nothing unreal exists) IS IRRELEVANT because it doesn't really exist and has no REAL effects.

This is why there is no sin. There is nowhere REAL that it can take place, and anywhere else is UNREAL - meaning any sins taking place there are UNREAL. Sin is not possible anywhere on any level.

The entire world, everyone in the world, is believing that they've done something terribly wrong, and believe it's had a real effect on something REAL IN REALITY, and that therefore they ARE actually truly guilty. And then everyone is filled with this guilt and is proceeding to PUNISH themselves, torment themselves, threaten themselves with death, inducing suffering and sickness and all manner of horrors in themselves and their lives, because they BELIEVE they deserve it.

This is the big problem of humanity. Everyone is trying to destroy themselves over something THEY NEVER DID.

The separation from God was a very strange thing. It wasn't that anyone ACTUALLY did anything real, TO anything real. Nothing real WAS ever affected. Instead, it was more like, everyone started to spiral inward into a private world of confusion and insanity, lost in a haze of fear and uncertainty, delusion and self-deception, TELLING themselves that they were something they were not, that they had DONE something they COULD NOT have done.

And in that confusion they believed they HAD in fact committed some terrible crime that they HAD NOT committed. That something real had been hurt by it, and they had done it, and that therefore THEY were the guilty one. And because they believed that innocence had been defiled, God had been attacked, heaven had been murdered, they believed they ARE guilty for causing something horrible to happen. And because of this guilt, they deserve to die.

This produced a death wish in which people believed there was no way God was going to forgive them for this REAL SIN, and therefore they could never go back to God, never return to home to heaven, and never be forgiven. In effect, they could never return to LIFE. And that means the ONLY OPTION LEFT was go go off in a dark corner and suffer and DIE.

But this is based on a false premise. The false premise is the belief that you EVER DID ANYTHING AT ALL. What do the innocent exclaim? "I never did anything." What do the guilty exclaim "I did it!". Only by recognizing the FALSETY OF THE PREMISE, does it rip out the idea of having sinned at its root, undo the belief in "separating", and thus completely invalidate all guilt. And as the guilt goes, the ego goes as well, because the ego is just a false belief about yourself (guilt).

YOU HAVE NOT DONE WHAT YOU THINK YOU'VE DONE. YOU HAVE BEEN VERY MISTAKEN. EVERYTHING IS OKAY!!!!!!

You got the wrong end of the stick, believed a lie, deceived yourself, told yourself something that wasn't true, wanted it to be true, tried to make it happen, and believed that you'd done it. And yet AT NO TIME did you EVER actually accomplish what you thought you did. And it has had NO EFFECT ON ANYTHING. Everything real is PERFECT ALRIGHT AND UNHARMED!

You have NOT sinned. You are NOT guilty.

This recognition IS forgiveness. THERE IS NO SIN.

"Let me remember that there is no sin."

"What if you looked within, and saw NO sin?"

There is a profound RELIEF that happens, when you realize that you HAVE NOT DONE a terrible thing that you thought you'd done. It's like being able to finally breathe and let go and be happy. Finally, a correct judgement, that you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Ahhhhhh. Thank God for that!!!!!! After all that time that you spent stressing and fearing punishment and worrying about the suffering that you BELIEVED you deserved and WERE TRYING TO MAKE HAPPEN. Over a FICTIONAL CRIME that you never committed!

Finally to hear that "all is forgiven, you can come home, God still loves you!" What a relief!! Thank GOD you haven't done anything at all to anything ever!! You are still completely innocent. You are STILL as God created you. You are WELCOME in heaven. God STILL loves you completely and NEVER STOPPED. Ahhhhhhh.