Our egos counsel us to separate ourselves off from others. That means identifying solely with your own body, and not with or beyond the bodies of others. It also means seeing yourself as completely cut off from others. No-one else is allowed to occupy the same space as you. You share nothing with anyone. You are isolated, imprisoned and alone inside your body.

The ego the tells you that because you are separate, it makes total sense to suggest you can attack someone and remain separate from the attack. That anything you express, anything you do, will not hurt you but will hurt someone else. Anything you give, is not given to you. Anything you hurl at another, you do not share in. Any way that someone else is wrong, is in no way associated with you. And you are completely dis-associated from everyone.

In its rage and hatred, the ego has you trying to emphasize the separation between you and others as much as possible. To want nothing to do with another person is the ideal mechanism for increasing the separation. Wanting to be distanced from them, pushing them away, destroying them, and making sure all guilt and sin is loaded onto their plate alone, is its whole ambition. This increases the sense of being separate and guarantees that you escape all the consequences of their sinfulness.

As a strategy this seems to all make sense. On the fundamental premise that you are ONLY you and you share nothing with anyone else, it's obvious that you have a great opportunity. You can easily blame someone without being blamed, hurt someone without being hurt, shovel all your guilt into someone's hands and absolve yourself of it, and generally identify your "self" as "not them." This is the egos entire approach to everything. Separate and be saved.

But what the ego will also be careful not to tell you is that in order to be separate, you must also lose something. Having attacked everything other than separation, it hates all the things that you stand to lose by your attacks, and believes they are not worth having. But there is a long list of very worthwhile valuable things that you DO lose when you regard yourself as "not one with them."

You lose all sense of love, all relationship, all communication, all safety and trust, all peace of mind, all freedom, all sharing, all inheritance from God, all power, all life, all holiness and all happiness. It goes flying out the window as soon as you try to be special by making yourself separate from others.

As soon as you try to stop sharing, you become selfish. This selfishness is an attempt to gain something exclusively for yourself, but has the side effect of excluding you from what others have. You seem to gain, AND lose, at the same time. And everything you lose in your special separated state is everything worth having. You have to convince yourself that it's not even there, or valuable, or worth having at all, in order to justify being so separate, barren, bereft and empty.

In the effort to have everything exclusively for yourself, in your selfish egotism, all you end up doing is having nothing. In grasping to hold onto things they completely slip through your fingers. Possessiveness leads to lack and sacrifice. All efforts to make something yours alone makes it no-ones. This is the cost of being separate.

So when you are being separate and are scapegoating and projecting sin and guilt onto others, trying to have it not apply to you, to exclude yourself from, recall also what you are giving up. You lose whenever you think you win. You sacrifice whenever you think you gain an advantage. You become empty whenever you shut someone out. And you become not yourself, whenever your sense of identity is not shared with everyone.

The question then becomes, is it worth it? You have to first recognize that you are being separate. Secondly you have to recognize that this separation has a major cost. Thirdly you have to value the things that you've lost as a result of being separate. And fourth you have to want to regain them. Only in the awareness that separation brings with it a whole host of deprivation, suffering, unhappiness and lack of peace, will you have an incentive to turn away from it.

You are not solely gaining when you separate. You are not getting off scott free. You are not winning without losing. You are not acquiring everything and sacrificing nothing. You are not surviving while others are dying. You are not escaping consequences. You are not becoming more free or more happy or better off. And you certainly are not feeling good in any real way.

The ego doesn't want you looking at the COST of being separate because it doesn't want you being aware that you're missing out on anything. It doesn't want you thinking that there are any downsides to being separate. It doesn't want you being aware that when you project guilt in anger you are still attacking yourself. It doesn't want you to realize that by isolating yourself and being exclusive you are leaving yourself out of the greatest party that ever happened. Nor does it want you remembering that deep down inside you want to be reunited with everyone in love.

Your real identity is shared with everyone in and as christ. Your real experience is to have everything at the same time as everyone else has everything. God's generosity is the guarantee that everything belongs to everyone, and everyone IS everyone. You are literally one with and a part of and shared entirely with every other child of God. And accepting this is the acceptance of atonement. You are not just you. You are all of us. And you are never alone.

Lately I'm getting the impression from the course, that we have two levels of mind. We have a lower mind and a higher mind.

Before the separation we only had the 'higher' mind, but then we produced a second-order reality or thought system.

"The Separation is NOT symbolic. It is an order of reality, or a system of thought"

"The calm being of God's Kingdom, which in your sane mind is perfectly conscious, is ruthlessly banished from the part of the mind which the ego rules."

So now we have this "split mind", where the majority of mind is actually still perfectly in line with spirit, but the other part of mind has the ego running rampant in it.

This "lower mind" is, if I understand it right, the mindset that we're in almost all the time. It's the mind of the upset self. The mind in which we have egoic thoughts, fear thoughts, angry thoughts, emotional reactions, perceptions of threat, and so on.

We also need to be honest and careful to realize that the lower mind is not "lower than my everyday self", it usually IS our everyday self. And we're operating almost exclusively in it in everything we do.

So we're actually hanging out in the lower mind almost all the time. And that's why we need to learn to train the main and have vigilance, to be careful with our thoughts and to try to elevate our quality and level of thinking. To get our minds out of the gutter, so to speak.

What that tells me is I need to be watchful for ego oriented thoughts. These are artificial thoughts and ideas which usually are laden with fear, attack, accusation, guilt and so on. Often they revolve around the past.

"My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts."

"My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability."

"My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world."

So if it's true that I'm having ego thoughts all day long, and am often in states of upset and emotional reaction etc, then obviously I'm down in the lower mind. It the mindset of ego and separation and selfishness and unsafely and suffering.

To get out of it we have to first even recognize that we're in it, and there there is another level of mind we could access instead. We have to recognize our thoughts are ego thoughts, meaningless thoughts, thoughts of attack and unforgiveness, and realize that just merely having these thoughts is why we are upset.

"I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts."

So now we have to get into monitoring thought, and actually being aware of when we're entertaining ego thoughts. Identify the thoughts as having ego content in them. And then ask yourself, do I even need to have this thought?

We also should be aware that the Holy Spirit is in our mind and spans the parts of mind to keep them joined. And he also is fully aware of the higher mind and its truth. So we need to turn to him for help by giving him our lower-mind thoughts so that he can convert them into higher-mind miracles.

"Give Him (Holy Spirit) your thoughts (ego thoughts), and He will give them back as miracles (higher thoughts)."

You see, when you have a thought you tend to go along with it and just get lost in it. You think about whatever it seems you're thinking about without looking at the thought ITSELF. You don't question whether you should even be having the thought, you just have it and buy into its story.

Instead we need to be more careful to ask whether even having the thought at all is necessary, and if we did not have these ego thoughts at all maybe we would not be upset all the time. And recognize that having these kinds of thoughts is why we are constantly stressed out.

I choose not to have these thoughts. I can have other thoughts, higher thoughts. These thoughts are coming from my ego and my unforgiving beliefs. I can have higher thoughts with God, aligned with his will, which means that I can have thoughts based on love and peace and happiness and sharing. I don't have to have these lower ego thoughts.

So we need to get out of this lower mind and into the higher mind. "The higher mind thinks according to the laws which the Soul obeys, and therefore honors only the laws of God."

"While I am not attacking your egos, I AM working with your higher mind whether you are asleep or awake, (just as your ego does with your lower mind.)"

"Consider how much vigilance you have been willing to exert to protect your ego, and how little you have been willing to exert to protect your higher mind."

So right now because of the split mind and the separation we really do in fact have "two minds" in a way, and one of them is ruled by the ego's laws temporarily. That mind has to choose any from the egos laws and back towards God's laws. We have to get out of the ego thinking and think with and like God.

"What YOU have made can always be changed, because when you do not think LIKE God, you have not really thought at all. Delusional ideas are NOT thought, but you CAN think that you believe in them." "This mind is the Holy Spirit, whose will is for God always. It teaches you how to keep me as the model for your thought, and behave like me as a result."

That means one way or another, these ego thoughts have to be managed, monitored, stopped if necessary or reversed, not identified with, and open up to the possibility that you don't even have to think this way. And thinking this way is the cause of all you problems.

"What you would hide is hidden from you."

"Fantasies are the veil behind which truth is hidden."

"The hidden can terrify not for what it is, but for its hiddenness."

"Love has no darkened temples where mysteries are kept obscure and hidden from the sun."

"Every thought you would keep hidden shuts off communication."

"The children of God are holy and the miracle honors their holiness, which can be hidden but never lost."

"To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning. No belief is neutral. Every one has the power to dictate each decision you make."

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God is fully aware of you right now. The Holy Spirit especially is able to perceive everything about you in this illusory world. He literally knows everything, having access to true knowledge and a completely full perception with nothing hidden or omitted from His sight.

Therefore, if you think there are some things you are successfully hiding from Him, think again. "He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake" ;-) ... just like Santa.

He even is aware of everything you get up to "in private". Every time you are taking a shit, He is right there. Even when you're... you know... doing the deed.... He is right there. He literally is unlimited in His awareness of you.

Even the things which you think you are hiding from Him, you are only hiding them from yourself. He is perfectly aware of them. He is aware of everything in you, everything you think, all of your memories, every experience you've ever had, and everything that is going to happen.

If you can admit to yourself that He "sees you"... that He already knows everything about you and has not forgotten or ignored you whatsoever, this CAN be used as a justification for surrendering your hidden hates and secret sins. It can be used as a rationale for why there is no point in trying to keep these things hidden from Him.

This is where the true power of "confession" comes in. I'm not talking about being Catholic either. I'm talking about, the willingness to admit that there is no point hiding because it does not work. The willingness to expose your darkest secrets to the light. The willingness to purge from yourself every little dark corner which you keep hidden and secret believing that He would hate you for it.

God is not about to judge you or hate you or attack you or punish you for anything you think you've done. It's perfectly safe to TRUST Him with your deepest shames and your most horrifying sins. Just get them out in the open.

Hey, fact is, HE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT YOU THINK YOU DID. Who are you kidding? You think you can Hide from He who is Omnipresent? You think there is a place where He does not exist or has no awareness? God knows everything. Holy Spirit perceives the whole picture.

So why try to keep stuff hidden as if doing so is keeping you safer? Keeping stuff hidden just keeps YOU in the dark and keeps you afraid and protects the sin and uses this "fear of what God will think" as a justification for not exposing it to Him.

And the fact is, you WANT To keep your stuff in the dark because you know that if you were to expose it to the light it would disappear. And you don't want that, because you want to keep your sin and keep on suffering, believing it is a valuable treasure that He would take away from you, something that you have long kept within you as "truth" and as your own verdict of what you're worth.

Expose yourself to God. Let it all out. Trust Him to be nothing but understanding and forgiving as you "confess" everything you think you ever did wrong or whatever is sinful about you. He will disregard it. He knows it's not true of you. He just wants to help you, for you to be willing to put all your shitty lies into His hands so that He can dissolve them and give you a big hug of love.

If you can tune into this idea that God already knows your every secret, and see the futility of keeping anything from Him, then you will become quite willing to admit the truth. Which means, allowing the truth to access you and heal you. It doesn't mean you "really did do" what you think you did. It means, you really didn't, but you don't realize that until you let it out in the open, into the light, to let Him remove it for you.

One practice I find useful sometimes is to imagine an "altar" or some kind of thing, where you can put your dark shit onto it and it will simply disappear. It's taken from you by the Holy Spirit. I say like "I give this shame to you Holy Spirit" and I visualize myself literally reaching into myself, pulling out this "stuff", and handing it over to Him or putting it on the altar. I may even visualize his hands taking it. And often the stuff I pull out takes on a "form" like spiked objects or heavy balls or a basket full of weapons or a bucket of blackness or whatever... I hand it over and let it go. It disappears. After several rounds of that, you can feel the relief, and you feel happier.

You might as well confess, because at this point, it's not a matter of whether "The Law" (God) knows what you think you did or not, it's only a matter of you being willing to offer it up in a surrendering act of handing it over and admitting to your belief in it, and NOT getting punished for it, and then having it be absolved and undone. Just surrender it all to God and acknowledge God's awareness of you.

God's verdict of you is ALWAYS that you are innocent no matter what you think you did. So just get that shit out. Hand it over! Give it to God and let it go already.

Trying to be "right" happens when you yourself believe you are guilty ie wrong.

So you first of all believe you yourself are guilty and you're experiencing the guilt. Then, typically, you project the guilt and try to disassociate from it.

So now you see this guilt as being outside of you in someone else, they seem to be wrong etc. And you start to attack the guilt in them.

This is because you yourself are convinced that the guilt is true. You believe that it's true that YOU are guilty. So you are blinded by that and can't see past it.

So as you falsely perceive that the guilt is outside of you in another, you are convinced with a kind of viciousness that the other person definitely is wrong.

But you're really talking about yourself.

Because minds are One in God, you share whatever it is you seem to believe about another. You're really talking to yourself. What applies to them applies to you. So even if it appears they are the one who is wrong ie guilty, you're really indirectly saying that you are.

It only seems to not be about you or "your guilt" because of a disassociation, a sense of unconsciousness, or a block to awareness, which has been erected BY you, in-between your own guilt and your "self". So you've tried to basically disown it, and now you don't acknowledge or recognize that it is "yours".

"You but accuse your brother of your own sins."

So as you're attempting to be right or stand up and be loud and prove that other people are not getting it right or they're wrong in some way, notice that you are actually feeling guilty right now. And it's your own guilt. And because you're convinced that you've sinned somehow, and do not like to admit to it, because you think it's the truth about you, you'll instead prefer to put on a show of attacking it in others by ramming it down their throats and making them wrong. To accuse them of it and hold it against them.

So really, being right is an avoidance of believing that you yourself are already wrong. You believed you were wrong before you even started to fight with the wrongfulness in others. It means you do not want to admit that you believe you are wrong. It's not even really to do with whether you are technically "correct" or "at fault" in an argument, it's more to do with you not being willing to be in a position of "guilt" because you do not want to feel it or let it back into your awareness.

You already have convinced yourself you are guilty, and are trying to avoid it. So even though you're putting on this show of "other people are the one who is wrong", it's all to cover up the fact that YOU believe YOU are wrong.

As usual, the ego mechanism comes up with an illusion which seems on the surface to be the exact opposite of what is actually happening. And that means there is denial happening. The righteousness is trying to deflect away from an actual belief in wrongfulness.

So this is why people who are being "right" do not want to admit to being wrong, and will avoid it at all costs.

What also will happen when you feel guilty is that you will start to deliberately attract and manifest people around you, who you will start to see as wrong, and will start to attack them to prove you are not the one who is wrong. You will start to get into arguments. And to you you'll be experiencing this as though you're just annoyed as shit about why other people are being so wrong, it's all their fault, why are they coming along and putting up resistance so much, why do they not get it, why won't they listen to your viewpoint, and why do they keep denying everything?

Well, it's your own denial, starting to manifest as people who seem like they are in denial. Its your own reluctance to admit to innocence, starting to manifest externally in others as guilt and sin. And it's your own unwillingness to accept the real truth, perceived in others as an unwillingness to accept the truth. What's staring back at you seemingly in other people, entirely "separate" from you, is actually your own attitude about yourself.

The "cure" is simply admitting to the truth, ie admitting to the fact that this guilt is really about YOU and not about them, it's your own guilt which YOU put in place yourself, YOU believed in it, and now you need to question that belief. The belief needs to be found to be FALSE, by you, so that you will let go of this guilt and accept your innocence again.

When you have accepted that you are NOT GUILTY, and are more in touch with being innocent, you no longer CARE about trying to be right, because you know that you are not guilty. In your innocence, you are perfectly happy to be mistaken, and are perfectly happy to be "wrong" if you are, knowing that it does not mean you are guilty, it does not imply sin, and it doesn't make you feel unhappy. You laugh about the fact that you are mistaken or wrong about something and can be the first to admit it. And that means you have no interest whatsoever in finding ways to prove that everyone else is the guilty fucker who needs to die.

You are not guilty but innocent. You are holy and loved. You have no need to be right or wrong either way. You are happiness.

The question is perhaps not so much whether you want to be right or happy, it's whether you want to be guilty or innocent. In your innocence your happiness lies, not in proving that someone else is wrong.

This idea, that should always ask "what is it for", is a fairly popular ACIM teaching. And it's useful to remember this. But I struggled to relate to this wording as if, the answer was obscure and unknown. We might find it easier if we ask, "what is my purpose in using this?" ie, WHY am I using this, what is the GOAL I am trying to achieve, what am I using his FOR? What purpose have I given to it? Why did I choose this on purpose?

And this is also tied into recognizing that EVERYTHING has a purpose. Whether it be God creating you for the purpose of joy and extension of the Kingdom, or you choosing to suffer for the purpose of escaping from sin. Sickness similarly always has a purpose, a reason why you are sick, a decision you made as to how you would USE sickness to ACHIEVE something. What is it for? Why did you choose it? How does it serve you? What are you getting out of it? What is its FUNCTION? Everything has a function even in dreams. Even fear, guilt, sin, sickness and death.

Once we can identify what was the true initial inspirational purpose for something, we can see WHY we chose it and made it happen, what we WANTED to achieve. Why we are using it this way. THEN, there is now a opportunity to make another choice, to GIVE the thing as NEW purpose, the Holy Spirit's purpose, to USE IT differently as a way to recognize that you made a choice and want to choose again, or that you would rather USE this thing to reflect truth and healing and acknowledgement of reality, rather than use it to deceive yourself further.

This re-purposing of the world, of all events, all feelings, all perceptions, all experiences, allows you to use what YOU made for purposes of attack, for purposes of forgiveness. When you decide, I will no longer make this ON PUPROSE for THAT PURPOSE that I originally made it for, admitting that you were doing this for some kind of personal gain, you can now decide not to continue with this purpose, which now gives the thing the purpose of release and freedom. You can now "use it" differently, see it differently, and let go of the ego purpose you were using it for before.

"The test of EVERYTHING on earth is simply this: "What is it FOR?" The answer makes it what it IS for you. It has NO meaning of itself, yet you can GIVE reality to it, according to the purpose which YOU serve. Here, YOU are but means, along with it. God is a Means as well as End. In Heaven, means and end are one, and One with Him. This is the state of true creation, found, not within time, but in eternity. To no-one here is this describable. Nor is there any way to learn what this condition means. Not 'til you go PAST learning to the Given; not 'til you make again a holy home for YOUR creations is it understood."

"Who can resolve the senseless conflicts which a dream presents? What could the resolution mean in truth? What purpose could it serve? What is it for?"

"In any situation in which YOU are uncertain, the FIRST thing to consider, very simply, is, "What do I want to come of this? What is it FOR?" The clarification of the goal belongs at the BEGINNING, for it is this that will DETERMINE the outcome. In the ego's procedure, this is reversed. The SITUATION becomes the determiner of the outcome, WHICH CAN BE ANYTHING. The reason for this disorganized approach is evident. The ego does not know what it WANTS to come of it. It IS aware of what it does NOT want, but only that. It has no POSITIVE goal at all.

Without a clear-cut, positive goal, set at the outset, the situation just seems to happen, and makes no sense until it has ALREADY HAPPENED. Then you look BACK at it, and try to piece together what it MUST have meant. AND YOU WILL BE WRONG. Not only is your judgment IN THE PAST, but you have no idea what SHOULD have happened. No goal was set, with which to bring the means IN LINE. And now, the only judgment LEFT to make is whether or not the ego LIKES it; is it acceptable, or does it call for vengeance? The absence of a criterion for outcome, SET IN ADVANCE, makes understanding doubtful, and evaluation impossible.

The value of deciding, in advance, what you WANT to happen, is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to MAKE it happen. You will therefore make every effort to OVERLOOK what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it. It is quite noticeable that THIS approach has brought you closer to the Holy Spirit's SORTING OUT of truth and falsity. The "true" becomes what can be used to MEET the goal. The "false" becomes the useless FROM THIS POINT OF VIEW. The situation now HAS meaning, but only because the goal has MADE it meaningful.

The goal of truth has further practical advantages. If the situation is used for truth and sanity, its outcome MUST be peace. And this is quite APART from what the outcome IS. For, if peace is the CONDITION of truth and sanity, and CANNOT be WITHOUT them, where peace is, they MUST be. Truth comes of itself. If you experience PEACE, it is because the truth HAS come to you. And you WILL see the outcome truly, for deception cannot prevail against you. And you will RECOGNIZE the outcome, BECAUSE you are at peace. Here, again, you see the OPPOSITE of the ego's way of looking. For the EGO believes the situation BRINGS the experience. The Holy Spirit knows the situation IS as the goal determines it, and is experienced ACCORDING to the goal."

You can't forgive the world, by focusing on it, and trying to regard it as forgiven. You can't love it by loving it directly. It's not there. This is something that I get hung up on quite often. I ask myself, how do I forgive the world?

Usually I'll take a look at the course and see it saying over and over again that awakening is recognition, there is no world, the world is unreal, it's not happening, etc. But in that I find it hard to see how love enters into it. It's just a "fact" that the world is not real, but this is rather a cold clinical truth, and doesn't integrate the love.

So then I ask myself why would I love the world, especially when the world seems so cruel? And the fact is I can't love a cruel world. If it is really there and it's really cruel then it is unlovable and cannot be overlooked. If I make it real, if I believe in it as not a dream, then there is no way I can be at peace about it, yet alone love it.

Then I'm reminded that if I strip away all sense of causation from the world, all beliefs that it's doing things to me, all notions of attack and suffering caused by it, or sinfulness on its part, then maybe this lays the groundwork for being able to see it as innocent, to a degree, or at least not accused. Is this what allows me to be loving toward it?

What occurred to me though is that forgiveness really isn't about targeting the world and forgiving it, or having a certain attitude about it. It's not even there to have a relationship with, really. In fact, Jesus says in the course "to forgive is to overlook", and that christ vision looks beyond the body/matter to the light. So really if I'm being forgiving, I more or less should practically ignore and deny the world. "The world you see must be denied" and all that.

But again this denial of the world, this ignoring of it, doesn't really clue me in as to how to be loving. So then what came to mind is, if the world were stripped of all its seeming attack and causation, what is left? Well, what is left is me having an attitude problem. It's me having hatred or anger or a projection of sin. And now we get down to the real situation.

Because in truth it's not really so much that you need to forgive the world. It's more to do with that you need to forgive YOURSELF. If you have sin in your mind, any belief in attack or guilt or fear etc, you're going to project it onto the world and use it as a scapegoat, in one way or another. Whether it be hating the weather or attacking the neighbors or judging the politicians or whatever. The world becomes a target of focus and attention and distraction through projection.

So let's be reminded again. "It can be but myself I crucify", and "I can be attacked by nothing but MY thoughts", and "I am doing this to myself" and "I but accuse my brother (and the world) of my OWN sins." So now we're getting down to it. Because if I have an attitude problem, a belief in sin, an inner guilt, which I am trying to escape through projection and blame, that not only has a whole lot to do with me being unloving toward the world, it also is what MAKES the world that false perception sees. Because "The world is false perception."

In that sense, the world really in truth is neutral and nothing, and "I have given everything I see all the meaning it has for me." Meaning that any sense of "the world is cruel, wrong, bad, evil, sinful" isn't something inherent to the world itself, it's something I've given it. The world is nothing more than what I have given it to be. Through my lack of love.

It still remains impossible to love the cruel world because it is my unlove that makes it cruel. You can only love the real world, and you will only see the real world when you love. Because a loving perception only makes a loving world, because "The world IS perception". "You maintain the world in your mind with your thoughts". "There is no world apart from what you wish." "The world you made" in hate can be stripped of the hateful attitude and is re-made by the Holy Spirit.

So at the end of it all, trying to love a cruel world is impossible, because the perception of cruelty is part of projected sin and anchors you into false perception. You cannot see it as neutral or forgiven or overlooked while having an unloving attitude, and the unloving attitude always starts within. Because you look first within to what you believe about YOURSELF and then you project that out and THEN perceive. "Perception is a RESULT not a cause" and "projection makes perception."

When you're all caught up in how to forgive the world, you really need to shift the focus to how can you forgive yourself, so that you don't accuse the world in the first place. When you are no longer accusing the world, you aren't believing that it is a bad thing or an evil thing or a real cruel thing. It becomes, I presume, impossible to see it at all, when love is ruling the mind, because "love looks upon love" and hate looks upon hate. And only in unlove can you see the world of death.

To forgive the world, forgive yourself. What you think of yourself will be projected and extend outward, projecting the world you see, causing you to either see the hellish world of bodies and flesh and death, or the real world of light and peace and happiness. You must come from love, to see love or to justify forgiveness. And you can't be forgiving towards the world if you can't be forgiving towards yourself first.

He also says nothing can happen without your decision to make it happen, and what you choose to happen must happen, and nothing else can happen. There are no accidents or victims.

This completely flies in the face of the typical experience of most people, whose lives seem filled with cases of apparent victimhood, victimization, unfairness, accidents, things going "wrong", blame for responsibility, and all manner of lies which cannot be true.

But how is it possible that someone chooses death?

Imagine a perfectly happy, sane person who absolutely deliberately wants to die, just for fun. Imagine that this person very carefully orchestrates a plot, which allows them to seem to be killed by someone else, with absolutely no involvement of their own. This person puts on such a powerful "performance", like an actor in a play who pretends to die, that most bystanders believe wholeheartedly that the person died against their will.

But imagine that you know better, and that you know every single part of this person's death was chosen by themselves. That they literally did it to themselves. And there wasn't even the slightest bit of room for error, or mistakes, or other people being involved. And yet, this person very very cleverly painted a picture for the whole world to make it seem like they absolutely did not want this. "Poor me, woe is my, how could you do this, gasp etc".

And so this person puts on a spectacular show, for example entering into tremendous fear, getting down on their knees and begging for their life, when secretly they know exactly what they are doing and absolutely cannot be killed by anyone else. Yet they try to make it look like someone else is doing it to them. They will even hide their own tremendous power, they will shove all of their sense of responsibility under the carpet, trying to create the *illusion* that they are not choosing this at all. And the only part of themselves which they will allow the world to see is a tiny spec of identity represented as an innocent victim, who did not choose this terrible end.

So basically, this is someone faking their own death, or at least the circumstances of how or why they died. It's a huge story they made up, a lie, to cover up the fact that they themselves were the one who dealt the final blow to themselves. And yet, all these other people came to be blamed, all these other people became involved and falsely accused, and absolutely nobody suspected that this person made this happen on their own.

If everyone else involved were awake, they would not for a second buy this story, and would not be participating, and nobody would take this person's melodramatic self-destruction seriously. Nobody would become lost in the story of it, the illusion of it, and nobody would for a second be convinced that this person isn't doing it to themselves. All the facts would be out in the open for everyone to see.

Yet when other people are also asleep, and do not see the whole picture, and do not recognize how the person is making choices, and do not recognize freedom, they too will seem to "participate" in the story and make it seem much more plausible that the person is not the one destroying themselves. They believe that the person is a victim and is suffering death against their will, because THEY TOO believe in being victims who are destroyed against their own will, and do not want their own cover to be blown.

It is a cover-up, with accomplices. And so there are roles to be played and even contracts formed, by the person, to arrange a hitman so that nobody else suspects that they were arranging their own death. And at the last minute the hitman would be blamed and scapegoated and the person would be laughing all the way to the grave.

This is what happens, every single time that someone dies.

Death cannot happen if you do not choose it. But that choice is very extreme, as Jesus says, very absolute. It is not by half measures. Any choice for the ego is a choice for death. Any belief in illusions is a choice for death. And any belief that false lies are the truth, leads to death.

So if you are awake, let's say you are Jesus, looking upon a person who has gone through an extraordinary sequence of 'events' and transformations, to make themselves look like a terrible victim, on purpose, by choice, and yet at the end of this process most people are believing the person is a 'genuine victim',... Jesus would look and he would SEE the whole truth, he would RECOGNIZE the person's absolute freedom, and he would KNOW that every single step of everything that has happened has been by the person's choice. No matter how it seems on the surface. The person has created such an impressive illusion of death and victimhood that everyone falls for it and only the awakened can see through it.

And so if the person were to attempt to "die", or even if they seem to bring about their death, Jesus could be standing there taking none of it seriously, laughing at death, taking it as the con and the joke that it is, the deception and the lie that it is, believing it not even for a second. And then Jesus might say, as he did, "get up and live", or "Lazarus, stop being an idiot and pretending to be dead, come back to life. It's a lot easier".

And then the person would suddenly miraculously 'come back' to life. Or rather, they would own up to the fact they were doing this to themselves, AND that death is not FINAL because death is just denial of life not its removal... and would snap out of their silly mood and perk right up. And everyone would be like, well that's a miracle right there. Jesus raised the dead. Well, death is not permanent, and it is just a performance, underneath which is an immortal spirit pretending to be dead - an eternal unkillable being pretending that it can die. So yeah.

Death is not the end. It is not real. And you cannot seem to go through it unless you choose to. So you literally are faced with a life or death choice. Do you choose to live forever, or pretend to die (again)?

There are two things that you can receive from the world when you are being a victim:

1) It does bad stuff to me

2) It does good stuff to me

Both of these are really the same. They both rely on you being a victim.

This means, you have to perceive that something outside of you has power over you, and can affect and change you.

When you have what we call emotional reactions to things, these so-called reactions are actually the 'effects' that are brought about in you to 'match' the causes that you see outside of you. They are like a mirror reflection or an expected, standard response to that external cause. Because you believe and perceive there to be a cause 'out there', that same belief manifests 'changes' in you to match that perception of yourself, and so you literally redefine and re-mold yourself - your experience - and it feels like hurt emotions.

Perceiving there is an external cause with power to do something to you, regardless of whether the reaction you have is good or bad or happy or sad, is a state of victimhood.

The ego will tell you that only the bad stuff that happens to you is part of your victimhood, and that you should decrease those things.

The ego will also tell you that only the good stuff that happens to you are things that you want, and are not part of your victimhood at all. It tells you that you should in fact try to increase and focus on those things as much as possible.

What that actually means though, being a trap, is that so long as you are focused on and dependent on being 'positively affected' by outside causes, you STILL are firmly and squarely inside a perceptual structure, in which you play the role of victim.

Victim means, perceiving that something separate from you, something outside of you, something you have no connection to, has the power to do something to you, which changes you in some way. Usually we focus on this being 'bad stuff' or 'enemies' or 'unwanted events' or 'things which scare us', but that is only half the story.

So the ego is very clever here to deceive you by saying, if you will focus on decreasing the bad stuff that happens to you, and focus on increasing the good stuff that happens to you, this means you are succeeding and improving and gaining a better life. It is an absolute farce. A total trap. 100% lie. The persona part of the ego is saying, keep the good stuff, but reject the bad stuff, which reinforces the sense of separation between the judgements of good and bad, which intensifies the bad stuff, and diminishes the good stuff. So eventually in your effort to increase good stuff that happens to you, you will in fact increase bad stuff happening to you. Focusing on receiving exclusive 'goodness' automatically generates more badness. Go figure. The trap has been set and many of us constantly fall for it.

As you then become dependent on trying to get good stuff to happen to you, so that you can indirectly be 'caused' to be happy, you don't realize it but you're sealing your own fate. In order to get good stuff to happen to you, and to want good stuff to happen to you more, you must buy into the perception and belief that you are at the effect of the world more. You want to experience even more good stuff affecting you and the only way to do that is to position yourself as even more vulnerable and disempowered. The ultimate good thing that can then happen to you is some kind of sacrificial death or 'going out on a high' or escapism. Or like, being sexually pleasured to the point where you practically die from overstimulation.

You don't want this.

There is another happiness. There is a permanent happiness that you can attain, that has nothing to do with what happens to you. It's a happiness in which you are completely invulnerable and at peace and cannot take anything in the world seriously, because you do not position yourself as at the 'effect' of the world. It means surrendering your attachment to getting good things or making good stuff 'happen to you'. Instead it requires you to honestly realize that that's a victim mentality, and that you need to stop seeing yourself as a victim otherwise eventually you will just be attacked. There is no invulnerability in 'good stuff happening'. There is no peace or protection or security there. It's an ego gamble, that maybe you'll temporarily feel happier and then inevitably lose it.

Permanent happiness comes from relinquishing all NEED for having good things happen to you. Letting go of all DEPENDENCE on the world being 'good' to you. Letting go of all aspects of the victim role, which is a role of the reversal of cause and effect. You don't want to be affected positively by the world. You want to realize YOU are the world, you are the cause, and you cannot be affected.

As ACIM says, pleasure and pain are the same thing. Perhaps now you can see why. Pleasure means you are being affected by causes outside of you, made to feel things, caused to have experiences that you can't control. And this relies on you being a vulnerable victim. And so it's the same thing as pain, it is actually hurting you just as much, but it's in a different form to pain, because that's part of how the ego disguises the illusion of it. Pleasure is really an attack disguised as something you want, while pain is an attack disguised as something you don't want. Neither of them are your natural way to be. And you do not need either of them.

Happiness given by God is given permanently and relies on nothing and no other sources for it to exist. It just is. It is there, permanently, underneath all these other deceptions that say it isn't, which are the very same deceptions that lead you away from true happiness seeking for artificial sources of happiness outside of you. Trying to get something separate from you to make you happy is irresponsible and indirect. You can experience direct happiness from God. It is also a far more magnificent happiness than anything, ANYTHING, that you can experience coming at you from outside of you, as an effect of an external cause.

This is where the Course says, "this world holds nothing that I want". Not even the 'good stuff'.

I found myself in a conversation with Jesus last night about whether or not it's okay to pray for someone if they have not 'given permission'. I wanted to pray for someone to attempt to help them and heal them, but I wondered, what if they did not want this?

I thought about how we're not meant to violate someone's free will and how maybe it would incur some kind of 'karma' if we try to do this. I also thought about ethics and about how everyone has 'rights' and that we're supposed to be respectful and all that.

I seemed to be getting hints from Jesus that it was still okay to pray, and in fact it had been Jesus who initially had suggested to me "pray". Jesus has been trying to get me to experiment more with 'true prayer', since prayer is the medium of miracles, and to learn more how to extend God's miracles to people. But I felt a bit awkward about 'doing a prayer to someone'.

I wondered if it was some kind of manipulation. But somehow it seemed plausible that maybe it was helpful, that maybe anything that truly comes from God is perhaps useful and uplifting and a blessing of some kind.

So then I started wondering about whether in the higher realms there might be some kind of special 'rules' or 'laws' in place which govern this kind of thing, whether I should ask Jesus or God or someone not only IF it's okay to pray for someone, but also what to pray for. It seems at least to make sense to ask for guidance as to what will be helpful, rather than just launch into an ego 'I think this should happen' sort of thing.

Then it started to occur to me that perhaps there is a difference between horizontal and vertical thinking, ie that most of our worries about violating someone's free will are to do with things we would 'do to someone' in a horizontal, ego-logical way, on the level of form and separation... and that perhaps when you go into 'vertical' mode (which is conducive to miracles), you are perhaps transcending that entire scenario... it occurred me to also that everything in this world is basically illusion and part of ego-world laws, and yet in truth, "I am under no laws but God's".

Having spun my wheels around all of this I then turned to Jesus and just asked, why or how is it okay to pray for someone when they haven't asked for it and maybe don't even want it?

In his becoming-increasingly-common fashion, he replied with a single short sentence which cut through absolutely all of the bullshit and confusion like a knife.

"Since when was it a crime to love someone?"

:-)

Praying with God and receiving God's love and extending God's love, which is the 'mechanics' of miracle working, is entirely within the realm of loving people. It's not really 'about' the miracle as such, or the outcome, but really just about loving people. The love that inspires the miracle is important, more than the miracle itself. The miracle is almost a side-effect of love. So with a focus on simply praying as a form of a) thanking God for love, b) receiving love, c) extending love to others, where's the possible harm in that? And if a miracle comes of it, that's fine too... because "miracles are natural expressions of love, when they aren't happening something has gone wrong".

So I focused on love. And I prayed for the person. And I even prayed for the person to receive healing, which may even entail changes in their body. But rather than it seem like an act of control, manipulation, non-acceptance or overstepping boundaries, it simply became an affirmation of truth, an exclamation of the lovability of the person, and a restoration of how God would have things be. In this sense it can only be a blessing. And this made me think of...

"Miracles are the maximal service you can render to another". So if a miracle is the absolute BEST that I can possibly offer to someone, as a natural component of love through prayer, than where is there room in there for doubt or ideas of 'not supposed to' or 'respecting separate will' or whatever. And I guess it boils down to this..... miracles from God's love are ALWAYS a blessing, are ALWAYS welcome, are ALWAYS justified, are ALWAYS allowed (per God's will), and are a kind of 'right' that we each have to bestow upon each other.

We are, in our miracle working, extending God's authority and using that authority to have authority over ILLUSIONS, not so much over the person. The person is NOT the illusion of sickness, the person is NOT the life challenge, the person is NOT what their ego is up to or the lessons they have. So we cannot really do anything TO the person anyway, because they already ARE perfect love in truth. And we are not really in fact healing the real person because the real person needs no healing. All we are doing is calling for love to come in and set a person free from illusions, which is a divine blessing.

Okay so I realize this may sound like potentially a lot of rationalization or justification... but really just clarity. Coming into awareness that we ARE extensions of God's authority, we DO have the ability to give love, Jesus DOES perform miracles as "intercessions for your holiness", and doing this IS allowed and normal and loving, regardless of whether someone asks to be helped or not. Divine help is TRULY HELPFUL. Ego help is the kind of help that has side-effects and boundary-violating properties. There is a difference. Provided we are putting God/Love first, all is well.

It's okay to work miracles for those who are not able to help themselves, and for those who are temporarily weaker, and for those who are temporarily more resistant to love. But you should probably still seek Spiritual guidance as to whether this is in accord with the Plan of Atonement. As Jesus says, indiscriminate miracles are not always helpful, and that you should consult with Him first. I guess that's as good a basis for 'what to do' as any.

It all comes back to that funny old adage ... "what would Jesus do?"

When you're first starting to apply A Course in Miracle's idea of forgiveness, it begins with where you're at and what kind of a perception you have.

Most people will be starting out with a mind that is quite strongly convinced that everything external is real, that there are many very distinctly separate problems, that other people are very wrong and are the cause of all their problems.

With that way of perceiving, as you start learning to apply forgiveness it can be quite difficult. The idea that you've even been scapegoating at all is something of a revelation, or that blame is an attempt to project guilt, or that the person who is upset and accusing someone is actually the person who has the problem and not the person they're blaming.

Attempting to forgive when your mind is spending most of its time in that kind of a way of believing/looking at the world, seems like a big challenge and a big mess. It's hard to even remember the basics and harder still sometimes to get your mind out of the basic belief that you've been victimized by someone.

Taking back some sense of the projecting you've been doing at first appears to be the vast majority of what you "do" to forgive, because it at least is taking some steps to recognize that there may be more going on here than meets the eye. Appearances may not necessarily be true, and its possible there is another explanation for why it *seems* like someone else is guilty.

You can potentially spend some years just in that mode alone, learning each time you forgive that what you perceive happening has an explanation that's got something to do with you. That maybe you have some kind of perceptual or distorting problem going on in your mind which is changing how you see things. So then it seems that you go to town on your perception and learning to correct it.

After a while, because learning becomes generalized, and because correction of the mind becomes permanent, you gradually learn to form a clearer picture. You gradually peel away your conviction that problems are about other people. Each time each individual problem is forgiven, even if the forgiveness is not complete in its undoing (and early on it usually isn't), each example of you teaching yourself that there is a different way to look starts to turn into an overall different way of looking. It's like building a new way of perceiving one block at a time.

So eventually it's like, you've seen the same trick presented to you by the ego over and over again, and each time you've applied some kind of forgiveness, even if its a very sloppy inaccurate forgiveness riddled with mistakes, you gradually become clearer about what the truth is. And this gives you a firmer footing in the truth. You become less susceptible to being tricked by the *illusion* that there are many separate problems, or that the problems that show up are unlike each other.

Gradually it sinks in that "this" problem is actually pretty much the same scenario as "that" problem and you start to *transcend* the surface appearances. You at least begin to chisel away at the more obvious distractions and illusions, tending to fall mainly for the subtler ones or those that you didn't really tackle before. But you're still making progress and your mind is gradually learning to see *all* problems differently.

So with time, pretty soon you are not so easy to fool. You've seen the trick one too many times and have learned how it is not the truth. So it's kind of then like, you will notice the trick quicker and catch yourself and not fall into the trap so easily.

Also what happens over time then is you go "deeper" into your truth, which means your mind is waking up and you're examining and sorting out true from false at subtler or more abstract levels. Your refinement of "how" to forgive continues and you just keep collecting more and more insights. As you develop the right minded thought system and open up to Holy Spirit's truth, gradually it builds upon itself and lightbulbs go off more and more often. Things click together more and make more sense, and you get this sense that you are "getting it" with aha moments.

Some years later perhaps you might notice that you're no longer really fooled by the major surface appearances of problems and issues, but instead are operating at a much deeper level of forgiveness. What needs still to be undone are more fundamental beliefs, core values, major perceptual errors, profound beliefs about the basic nature of what is real or not real, etc.

When shit happens, most of it will not stick. The part that continues to stick continues to show you ways that you need to refine your grasp of the truth. But your forgiveness in general, the activity of what you need to do to correct your mind, dwells more often in the realm of what's going on within yourself. Having taken back a lot of your power and responsibility and owned up more to your part in what you experience, it becomes more a matter of just continually owning up to the truth rather than having to deal with lots of projections or blame or being heavily lost in stories and dramas.

It becomes more about what you are doing to yourself, what's happening in your own mind, recognizing that you've been inside your own private world and so have others, and also the growing awareness that intellectualizing the course does not lead to love. And yet, growing within you will also be an ever stronger sense that love, as simple as it sounds, is the key to everything. It is the truth that you want, it is the experience you want to have, it is what you want to share, and it becomes ever clear that simply love is the answer you've been homing in on this whole time.

It's all just a long process of refinement and clarification and chiseling away at beliefs in separation until your mind is returning to an awareness of wholeness and a truly forgiving attitude. Just being love.