Disassociation plays a big part in making your forgiveness seem much more difficult.

Disassociation means that you are "not associating your self" with something. You're trying to put distance between you and something.

The problem is that you use disassociation on your SELF. You split off a part of your own self, the content of your mind, by having an unforgiving attitude of judgement. Then you try to reject that part of yourself, label it, judge it, hate it. You try to think of it as something you don't want, that is not your self.

You use these tools of separation against it because this helps you to have the impression that it's got nothing to do with you. You want nothing to do with it, like you want nothing to do with an enemy.

It is possible with your mind, to so thoroughly disassociate yourself from this "part" of yourself that you've decided to hate, and to have such a strong sense of rejection against it, that you come to believe it is NOT YOU.

So now that this part of you seems like it is not you, you quite literally perceive, experience, and belief that this thing is 'someone else'. You believe it is "not me".

If you've ever had an enemy in the form of a person, someone who perhaps seemed to abuse or hurt you a lot or who you were really angry with, or who over time you built up a hate towards, it could be a family member or an old friend or lover or a politician etc... notice how you had this sense of wanting nothing to do with them. You did not want to associate yourself with them, didn't want to be near them, even wanted to "get rid of them" from your experience. Maybe you even wouldn't have minded if they were dead or something.

Well this is what happens with a part of yourself that you disassociate from. You attack this part of yourself so strongly and pull yourself away from it, split yourself off from it, and there is this seeming "rift" between you. A separation. You use denial and illusions to make it SEEM like it is not part of your "self". You dis-identify with it, and form a different sense of identity that shuts it out. And the way that you perceive this part - which now appears like an 'other', with an alien will - looks to you like someone completely separate from you.

So as you break off parts of yourself and reject them, you form an attitude of tremendous rejection and attack towards them, and this makes them change how they appear to you. They look like something you don't want, like an enemy. And your sense of 'self' is disconnected from it. You say it is not you. You perceive it not you. You isolate your sense of "self" from it so much that you really believe it is not you. And that means, it's not "inside you". It's not part of yourself. And therefore, it has to be NOT YOU. So... if it's not you, it must be someone else's stuff, right? It must belong to someone else.

So this is where you then perceive that this rejected part of yourself is in fact intimately tied into someone else. And as you walk around the planet and meet people, you will still continue to experience this condemned part of yourself, within yourself, but you will have disassociated from it so much that you will perceive it's part of other people. You will think it is theirs. And this is what we usually refer to as "projection". This is how you seem to project things onto other people. You overlay your disassociated self onto others.

So then when you're in this situation where it seems like someone is an enemy, and you hate their guts, they really have nothing to do with this. There is a portion of your mind that you hate the guts of, and you're seeing this on top of the person. And you're so dis-identified with that part of you, that you think it's not you, or yours.

Like, it seems like it the other person is quite literally the one who is doing this stuff to you, because you think that this hated part of yourself is attacking or enemy of what remains of your "self". And so is born the idea and perception that you are being victimized by "other" people, by "not me". And this also means, you are now completely irresponsible because you are allegedly not the one who is doing this to you. And simultaneously this paints whats left of you as "innocent" - the innocent victim who has nothing to do with this evil thing.

But you are not really in a victim/victimizer relationship with other people. You're in this relationship with this broken-off part of your own self, which you hate, which is STILL within the confines of your own mind. So the question arises, who are you? What is left of you, if you are not this part you rejected?

Well when you've broken off part of yourself and judged it and disowned it, the part that remains is what we call the ego persona. You think it is the part of you that you are identified with and which is your "self". You think it is all of your self, your whole self, because it's the only parts of you that you have accepted and allowed. It's the parts of you related to what you want to be, how you want to be seen, the good citizen, the successful achiever, the strong personality, whatever. The parts you "keep" are the parts that you have not disassociated from, so you think this is still you. You don't realize that the other parts you've cut off within yourself are also you.

So now within your total mind, there is this small portion that remains, the persona, which is who you THINK you are, and this persona self focuses on including what it wants and rejecting what it doesn't want. And what it doesn't want are the things that it judges and attacks, within you. So this persona attacks you. And it relegates part of you off as not worthy, not allowed, not acceptable, not lovable, not forgivable, not good enough, bad, evil, etc. All of those parts form this disassociated self, another word for which is the "shadow".

This shadow portion of your own self is still within your mind, and there is a war going on between it and your persona. The persona wants to get rid of it at all costs, and does so by continually refining and trimming down what's left of you, chopping off parts it doesn't like with goal of artificial perfection. If it were to succeed with that goal, there would be nothing left of you because it will have relegated so much of you to the hated shadow. The shadow part of you, the disassociated self, which you think is in other people, is really still within your mind, and there is a war waging between these two parts.

So the stuff you hate about you, projected onto others, is believed to be attacking the stuff you exalt about you, which now sees itself as under attack and needing to defend itself. But the hilariously ridiculous, insane thing is, both of these perspectives, these two identities, are both inside of YOU. You have a split mind. Everything you think is inside you, inside your body, you have kept, and now the surface of your body shows this 'mask' of the persona to represent where you stop and where "otherness" starts. And anything outside your body that you think of as "not you" is where you DUMP all of the parts of you that you cannot love. And by relegating all these parts to "not me", "other", "external", it is very easy to perceive that this stuff belongs to someone else.

So now it's someone else'e fault that you nice tidy ego persona is being attacked. Or someone else is doing it to you. Or there is a cause outside of you - so you think. Or you are being affected and upset by something, some separate self, some alien will, that is outside of what you think is 'you', attacking you and trying to destroy you. But it's really part of you. It wants to be integrated and it wants to be unified and it wants to actually cancel out the persona so that your IDENTITY can become WHOLE.

The separation between these two parts of you is the problem. The fact that the persona attacks you by saying only a part of you is acceptable, and the rest is not, creates a split in your mind and therefore creates the shadow. So now the persona has become the defender of a false idea of self, and the shadow that it ITSELF has created, now becomes its apparent enemy.

This makes forgiveness difficult at first because you walk around this planet constantly perceiving that everything to do with "other people" has nothing to do with you, is not your stuff, is not your problem, is not in your mind, is not something you put there, you can do nothing about, you are a victim of it, and you want nothing to do with it. This is disassociation. It IS your stuff. It IS your self. It IS your content. So you have to see that your upset about so-called "other people" has NOTHING to do with them. It's your upset about a part of your own self. It's your persona being upset about the shadow. Part A being upset about Part B, of you.

So you are at war with yourself. And you are attacking yourself. And both sides of yourself are attacking each other. And there is a separation between them. And you hallucinate that the separated-off you is not yourself. So this has to be healed somehow. The separateness of these two split parts needs to be undone.

The only way this can be achieved is when you become willing and able to see, and recognize, that this whole drama is taking place WITHIN YOU. It's really not outside of you. It's got absolutely nothing to do with other people. The problem you see in them is YOUR STUFF. It's your power. It's your attack. So there's this victimizer that you think is out there, and this victim that you think is in here, and BOTH of these characters are inside the whole of your own mind. Both of them are being PLAYED BY YOU. You are simultaneously being the victim and the victimizer. The part of you that you think remains - your persona self, is being animated by your mind. And the part of you you think is not you, the projected shadow, is also being animated by your mind - like a remote puppet on a string.

Now, when you see this, it is very powerful because no longer are you paralyzed by believing in disassociation. No longer are you locked in from being able to do anything about this as a result of believing it's totally under someone else's control, is not within the realm of your mind and is not something you can wield control over. By seeing that you are the actor who is playing BOTH SIDES, the person and the shadow, the wanted and the unwanted, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the innocent and the guilty, the attacker and the attackee, you will see this war going on INSIDE YOURSELF.... and recognizing that YOU are the one who is playing both parts, that must snap you out of falling for this ILLUSION that it's got something to do with someone else. You must see that your identity, your actual identity, is "behind" both of these split characters, and therefore YOU are doing this, YOU are creating this 'performance', and YOU are the one who is having a war with yourself.

So if you can see this, that you're doing this to yourself, that you're playing both roles, and nobody else is involved, then this AWARENESS unmasks both characters, because it is so utterly ridiculously that you can no longer be deceived by it, and you recognize that they're both you. So now you have become INCLUSIVE, instead of exclusive. Inclusivity is healing, unifying. The awareness in which you see both characters simultaneously shows you that it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to have been one and not the other. It's impossible for you to be maintaining this position of "I'm the victim who isn't doing this to myself". And it's impossible to also maintain the position of "I'm the victimizer who is doing it to the persona". The cover is blown. The illusion is broken. They're both you. And you're doing it to yourself. It can be shocking to see this. But it is liberating. It sets you free to see the truth of what's going on.

Anyone who sees this, that they are doing this to themselves, will be set free. The persona and the shadow both will be undone, and an awareness will take their place. This awareness is your real self. Or in other words, your WHOLE SELF, which does not have these parts disassociated from each other. Your whole self is not stuck inside the illusion of victim/victimizer roles. It is not deluded that someone is doing something to it, or that it is doing something to someone. So now you are set free by the light of truth.

This also then means, automatically, that you will stop believing that this has got anything to do with other people, and that they're not really your enemies, and they really had nothing to do with this from the start. You thought it was to do with them because you were projecting your shadow self onto them and accusing it, attacking it, trying to get rid of it. Jesus describes this completely clearly in the course, that we project our own sin onto others and then attack it in attempting to destroy it. But other people are all innocent. This war was never with anyone else, it was with yourself.

This is the secret to salvation. You are doing this to yourself. You are your own enemy - but not just the receiver of attack, but also the one who attacks. You are both parties. And its you that needs healing and forgiveness between what has become two parts of you.

THE HOLY TRINITY is a major part of ACIM's model of Heaven. More or less, the holy trinity is ALL THAT EXISTS IN REALITY.

"He is part of the Holy Trinity, because His Mind is partly YOURS and also PARTLY GOD'S."

"The Holy Trinity is holy because It is One. If you exclude YOURSELF from this union, you are perceiving the Holy Trinity as separated. "

"The Son of God IS part of the holy Trinity, but the Trinity Itself is One. There is no confusion within ITS levels, because they are of One Mind and One Will."

"Only the levels of the Trinity are capable of Unity. The levels which man created by the Separation are disastrous. They cannot BUT conflict."

"Your creations are your gift to the Holy Trinity, created in gratitude for your creation. They do not leave you, any more than you have left your Creator."

"He is first here only in the sense that He is first in the Holy Trinity Itself. He is the Prime Creator because HE created His co-creators."

"The Holy Spirit is the only part of the Holy Trinity which is symbolic." (note this doesn't mean he isn't real or eternal, he symbolizes heaven in his "perception" while his being remains fixated on God's reality, and he is a permanent creation.)

"Through our creations we extend our Love, and thus increase the joy of the Holy Trinity."

Concern about being noticed in public, wanting to hide, feeling anxious etc... stemming from a sense of guilt or shame. You walk around with it believing that people will find out or point it out. You feel exposed by it, as if it is a label that everyone can see and which you must recoil from just as they would. It makes you experience yourself as though you are highly visible, like a red flag with a wailing siren, drawing all attention to what you are ashamed of. It makes you think you stand out like a sore thumb, which makes you afraid of attack or judgement, which makes you hide even more. You feel unsafe, because your shame and guilt have condemned you and now you think it's only a matter of time before punishment comes, which you try to avoid all the time.

You don't have to be ashamed of what you think you did. It is forgivable. Doesn't matter what it is or how serious or dark or twisted. You still deserve love and forgiveness. God still smiles and shines upon you with happy acceptance. You don't have to walk around feeling vulnerable and exposed and afraid of revenge. Stop attacking yourself with it. Its your own belief in your own self-attack that makes you believe in the attacking advances of others. In your innocence you no longer have something about you that you need be concerned about, or self-conscious about, or worried that people will agree with and attack you for. Defenses which hide your self-condemnation doesnt make you feel safe. But in your innocence lies your safety.

There is a huge amount of resistance to the idea that ACIM is teaching us to perform LITERAL miracles. As in, healing the sick, raising the dead, walking on water, etc.

The resistance comes because the ego's thought system is completely proven false when a miracle happens. The ego has absolutely no way to understand it, no way to stop it, no way to interfere with it, and does not know what is happening. This means the ego is going to have a huge resistance to the miracle.

So anyone with an ego left, is going to be resistant to the idea of miracles, because the ego does not believe in cures, or sudden revelations, or instantaneous healing, or defiance of the law of gravity, or any other thing which the miracle demonstrates is possible.

Miracles are expressions of love, therefore expressions of truth. When the truth "happens", it will demonstrate HOW, and the FACT that, all of the ego's so-called "laws" are not true. The miracle bypasses space and time and completely ignores ALL ego laws and just does whatever God wills.

From the ego's perspective, it is frantic to try to deny and block and explain how the miracle did what it did, to try to diminish it and cover its effects so that it will be less obvious that the ego has just been shown to be totally false. Anyone with an ego, which is almost every Course student, is going to therefore have a huge resistance to "real miracles" because they are seen as an attack by the ego. They are the truth, come to demonstrate that the ego's ways are completely illusory and cannot be believed.

There is nothing a miracle cannot do. And that totally blows the ego's mind.

To the ego, miracles should not be possible. There is nothing in the ego's thought system that supports them. When they happen, the ego may go into shock or fear or denial to try to resist it.

If you were in Jesus's presence and some person had died and He told them to come back to life and they did and they stood up and were not dead, you would be like, holy FUCK!

If you were in Jesus's presence and a person that you knew for years who was born blind, suddenly had real eyeballs, and can see perfectly, and there is absolutely nothing in your ego belief system to support how this is possible, you might well run the hell in the other direction!

If you were in Jesus's presence and his body suddenly disappeared in front of your eyes, then reappeared, then disappeared, then reappeared, several times, like someone was flipping a light switch, you'd be like, FUCKING HELL! What the fuck is going on?!!

If you were in Jesus's presence and He suddenly turned the tree you were sitting under into a bunch of flowers and handed them to you, and you took them, and then the flowers turned into a snake which you threw to the ground, and then the snake turned back into a tree, you'd be like, HOLY COW! What the F just happened here?

But in each of these situations, Jesus's demonstration of miracles would have educated you on WHAT IS POSSIBLE, and those possibilities would have taken your awareness far outside the realm of the LIMITATIONS that you are used to believing cannot be transcended. Obviously if Jesus's body is switching on and off like a light switch, it shows you that the body is not really physical. That alone will blow your mind but also you will never again be able to believe completely that bodies are real.

"There is nothing my holiness cannot do." - ACIM

So it's simply that students are anti-miraculous because their ego's are still strongly believing in a state of being where NO MIRACLES happen, a highly unnatural state where there is NO LOVE. That's the ego's entire focus. It doesn't believe in miracles, it doesn't believe it's possible to change one object into another, or that bodies can come back from the dead, or that sickness can suddenly disappear, or that people can grow new eyeballs out of nowhere. It doesn't want anything to do with this ego-law-defying demonstration of truth.

Also given that all resistance to the truth produces sickness and miracles are demonstrations of the truth, people could actually CHOOSE to become sick as a defense against witnessing a miracle. If the miracle were sufficiently outside their mind's ability to accept it as real, they might cling tightly to the body through sickness and pain in order to try to escape from it. Ultimately you could say that all sickness is caused by a refusal to accept that miracles are possible. Or that people get sick because they choose NOT to perform miracles.

Forgiveness can only forgive something which is an illusion. You cannot forgive reality. Forgiveness is the same thing as atonement. To atone is to undo, just as to forgive is to undo. If you forgive a world, that world is being undone by you. Once forgiven, that world must disappear, because illusions recognized must disappear.

"Nothing in boundless love could NEED forgiveness"

"Only illusions can BE forgiven, and then they disappear"

However, even forgiveness itself is an illusion and a dream. Forgiveness is not the total ABSENCE of illusions, therefore. It's a state in which illusions OTHER than forgiveness are recognized as false and disappear, leaving the ILLUSION of forgiveness behind.

"Forgiveness is illusion that is answer to the rest. Forgiveness sweeps all other dreams away, and though it is itself a dream, it breeds no others."This might seem paradoxical, because it is an illusion but it's a "happy fiction" which doesn't tempt you to buy into more illusions. It's the least amount of illusion possible while still being illusion.

Whatever you forgive, therefore, must disappear if it is a "lower" illusion, and it is replaced with the higher illusion. The higher illusion is the real world. "The real world still is but a dream." Illusions and dreams are synonymous and anything in the realm of perception is an illusory dream.Your task is to forgive the world you made. The world you made must be seen with forgiveness.

"And WHAT you see is only what YOU HAVE MADE, with the blessing of your forgiveness on it"

But what does this tell you? Especially given that forgiveness overlooks bodies, and whatever you forgive MUST DISAPPEAR? It tells you that if you forgive the world, IT MUST DISAPPEAR. Any world that you are forgiving towards, MUST be an illusion. But why would it disappear? Because it isn't real.

Nothing real can be made to disappear. It is permanent. It is creation. You can't undo reality. You can't forgive reality. You can ONLY forgive something that IS an illusion.

So if you are to forgive the world, in any way, this MUST MEAN that the world IS fundamentally and inherently an illusion. You cannot forgive it UNLESS it is an illusion. And it has to be INHERENTLY an illusion regardless of your illusory thoughts about it. You have illusory thoughts ABOUT an illusion, and BOTH your illusory thoughts AND the illusion of a world ITSELF must be undone.

"to overlook what is not there; and not to look upon the unreal as reality."It's not merely a matter of you having illusions or dreams ABOUT the world. Yes those illusions and dreams need to be UNDONE in your mind. That is part of the forgiveness. And what you undo must disappear. But what is LEFT?

If you were being unforgiving toward the world when you had illusions in your mind, and now the illusions are gone, you are being FORGIVING towards the world. But you cannot be forgiving towards the world unless IT IS AN ILLUSION. So forgiveness isn't JUST about your attitude ABOUT the world. It's to do with undoing THE WORLD ITSELF.

The world you made IN ERROR AND OF ERROR, must be undone. This is what atonement does, it undoes the world. Earth disappears, the stars disappear in light, etc.

"To forgive is to OVERLOOK. Look, then, BEYOND error, and do not let your perception rest UPON it"

"The real world is attained simply by the COMPLETE forgiveness of the old; the world you see WITHOUT forgiveness."

"For forgiveness literally TRANSFORMS vision, and lets you see the real world, reaching quietly and gently across chaos, and removing ALL illusions that had twisted your perception, and fixed it on the past."

The world you made is an illusion of a world. It has no inherent reality or permanence. EARTH IS AN ILLUSION, which you MADE in attempting to oppose reality. It doesn't matter whether you are here to look at it or not. By itself, it is an illusion. "Earth, Heaven's opposite in every way." It's not just your illusions ABOUT the world that are illusions, it's the world ITSELF, made to oppose heaven.

And if you do NOT forgive it, the world you see will be a world of sin and death. To be unforgiving is to be in false perception. In false perception you believe that something WHICH IS an illusion, is a reality. It's a state of confusion and being very mistaken and insane. It's a lack of RECOGNITION. An illusion is believed to be reality.

"the sight of the real world which has come to replace the unforgiven world you thought was real."

"This world IS a picture of the crucifixion of God's Son. And until you realize that God's Son cannot be crucified, this is the world you will see."So the world we made, which is hell, is a picture of the crucifixion of God's son. And it must be an illusion because God's son CANNOT BE crucified, so it cannot be real. If you are to FORGIVE that world you made as hell, you have to UNDO IT. Which entails a recognition that IT IS an illusion and NOT a reality.

The world you made is REPLACED BY the real world. "the real world which has come to replace the unforgiven world". So by forgiving the world you are REPLACING IT with the real world. But even the real world is an illusion. So at no time are you really dealing with REALITY here. You're dealing with illusions. Forgiveness and perception are all about illusions. Even true perception is an illusion, because true perception IS forgiveness.

"For true perception is a remedy with many names. Forgiveness, salvation, Atonement, true perception, all are one."

"To perceive the truth is not the same as knowing it."

If you perceive truly, the world you see will be the real world - the forgiven world. But what you see in forgiveness - a forgiven world - MUST DISAPPEAR. So even true perception cannot be showing you that "Earth is real". IF YOU FORGIVE THE EARTH, IT MUST BE AN ILLUSION.

"A world forgiven cannot last. It was the home of bodies. But forgiveness looks past bodies." (bodies are part of earth)

"Forgiveness proves it is impossible because it sees it not."

You cannot even SEE the "world of death" (bodies, earth etc) if you are in total forgiveness. Forgiveness transforms perception and make it APPEAR that the ILLUSORY world you made, IS AN ILLUSION, but is simultaneously a forgiven illusion. It's SEEN THROUGH because you are not deceived by it. Christ vision looks to a light BEYOND it.

So ultimately you can forgive the world, but you cannot forgive it WITHOUT undoing it. You cannot KEEP it. A forgiven world is a world that's disappearing from sight. If you forgive Earth, you ARE saying that it is UNREAL. If you DON'T forgive it, you are saying it is REAL. You cannot have it be real at the same time as claiming to be forgiving it! And to forgive it is to RECOGNIZE that it is an illusion.

Forgiveness is a state where you recognize that illusions are illusions. It isn't a state where you suddenly are seeing Earth as though it is God's created reality. Yes your illusions ABOUT it are lifted away because you are not DECEIVED BY IT anymore. But that doesn't mean that it isn't a world of temptation. Your way of looking at it has transformed it into the forgiven world, but it ONLY LOOKS LOVELY because IT IS DISAPPEARING and becoming transparent in front of the light. The veil is lifting and the more "innocent" it seems to become the more it vanishes.

"Forgiveness turns the world of sin into a world of glory, wonderful to see. Each flower shines in light, and every bird sings of the joy of Heaven."This is lovely to see. BUT, it is not reality. It is an image which was originally made as an image of DEATH, reinterpreted as a reflection of LIFE, but nevertheless JUST AN IMAGE. It's a REFLECTION of heaven, and reflections are illusions. It is still an illusory world. It is still not reality. And by forgiving it to such an extent, your light is literally SHINING IT AWAY. "Eternity will shine away the world."

You cannot love the world and keep the world. Love is reality, the world is illusion. To love an illusion is to shine it away because illusions are always the absence of love (sin). You can't keep something which ONLY shows up when love is lacking, while simultaneosly supplying the love. Loving perception is forgiving perception, which SHINES AWAY what is not really there. Earth is not really there because it opposes reality.

Again, bottom line. Any world that you are in forgiveness of MUST disappear because it MUST be an illusion. You cannot forgive something real. And that is why you LEAVE the forgiven world and the real world behind and move on to reality which is heaven - God's real Kingdom. It is NOT OF THIS WORLD."From the forgiven world, the Son of God is lifted easily to his home."

It is a mistake to think that the world you are forgiving is ONLY an internal world inside your mind that is your INTERPRETATION of a real existing world. As though earth really exists as a creation of God and your job is just to get rid of the blocks in your perception so that you can SEE IT correctly. This is in violation of the laws of forgiveness.

If illusions are ONLY that which is inside your mind ABOUT planet Earth, and if earth is TOTAL reality, then you CANNOT forgive the earth.And earth cannot be the forgiven world or the real world. And if Earth is reality, it has to BE LIKE GOD AS GOD. And that now means that God is a bazillion different conflicting things, including death. If "Earth, heaven's opposite in every way". .... heaven cannot BE earth. It is OPPOSITE to it. And because it is opposite, it is opposite to REALITY, and is an illusory world to be undone.

When your mind is whole, you are in your right mind, and not in two minds. Being in two minds is what happens when your mind is split in half. What happens in the state of split mindedness is quite interesting.

It's not merely that you split off a part of your mind. As you introduce a split, ie a belief in separation, you lose sight of wholeness completely. What then happens is you actually form TWO artificial identities, and neither one of them is the whole of you. It's almost like having two egos or personalities, and both are fake.

One of these identities, let's call it the persona, is retained in awareness as more of a conscious self. This self is the part of your mind that is steering away from darkness and sin and tries to be "good". It uses denial of "the rest of you" in order to hide its sense of sin and guilt in the darkness. It blocks it out of awareness through this denial, which is attack, which buries it and projects it.

The part of your mind which has also split - the other 50% of you - becomes a dumping ground for sin and guilt, hidden behind denial and repressed. You project this dark shit outward through disassociation, to try to disown it. It's part of further trying to disown part of your mind that your persona-self thinks is evil. Recognize the persona appears good but ultimately is judgmental and wants to destroy the sinful self.

So the "goody two shoes" part of your mind which is always trying to focus on a fake sense of idealism, positivity, looking good, saving face, being popular, seeming to be perfect etc, actually has a murderous attitude towards the other part of your mind. It basically sections off this other part of your mind, hates it, judges it, and shoves everything it does not "approve of" onto it. That includes sin and guilt, so now this "shadow self" is formed and relegated to death.

So in your mind, if your mind is split, you have this conscious persona self and this much less conscious shadow self. The shadow self is kept in the dark because, as Jesus says in the course, if you were to bring these two selves in close contact with each other they could not long remain separate.

The persona self fears the shadow self and tries to constantly judge and attack in on order to keep its distance, to maintain its own sense of autonomy. The persona sees itself as what the course calls "the face of innocence", aka the victim. And it views ithe shadow portion as a victimizer, or an enemy, which it wants nothing to do with and pushes away. This pushing away produces separation, disowning and projection onto others and the world, to try to "attach" the sin to something other than your own mind or sense of self. As the course says, separation means disassociation, or coming "between".

But we have to realize here that being split minded does not mean you are being the whole of your real self while you're in your persona self, or that your real self is under attack by the shadow self or its projections. Instead, recognize that the persona self is only a partial ego self, and it not whole, and it is not real, and it is not you. It's an artificial sense of identity formed from illusions of preference and avoidance, illusions of innocence and pretending to be perfect.

So as you consider how to forgive and take back projections and so on, you have to also realize that the "you" that is trying not to judge or project, is actually part of the judgement. It's part of the split mindedness. That persona self, wants as best it can to be completely free from the repressed shadow crap. So beware that as IT tries to take back projections, it is really not that interested in UNDOING the sense of sin, to begin with, because it needs it in order to maintain the split. And note that this persona self is "trying to wake up and be more spiritual" - the spiritual ego, and it can't - you have to wake up FROM it.

Without the split in the mind, without maintaining a sense of separation, both the shadow self and the persona self cannot exist. They rely on keeping the war going. The inner conflict has to be perpetuated, denial and blocks to awareness have to be maintained, otherwise it blows up the whole dynamic of you having a split minded relationship with another part of yourself.

For example in terms of victims and victimizers, usually the shadow crap is projected and seen as an external victimizer, while the innocent victim role is assigned to your persona self ie conscious self. But in order to "heal" this situation, it's not enough to just "take back the victimizing". It's not enough to simply own that you are the one attacking yourself from the outside in, or that you are vicariously using others to do this. The victimizer is only one HALF of the problem.

The victim role is also part of the split, and being a victim has to go as well. You can't maintain this ideal of "getting rid of attackers" while keeping the "innocent victim" intact. So what that's going to have to mean is, if you want to wake up, is that you're going to have to not only dis-identify from the victimizer, but also from being a victim. You have to recognize that your mind - the larger container of this drama - is actually playing both sides. Your mind is being both a victim and a victimizer of itself. And NEITHER of those roles is your real identity.

When you can bring both of these parts of your mind into awareness and see them together, AND then recognize that you are the ONE MIND who is pulling all the strings and making the victimizer victimize "you", plus making the victim "be a victim", you can no longer maintain the ILUSION that they are separate identities. When you own that you are both of them, you will own that you cannot be EITHER of them. It's been a lie, all along, that either of these two identities were you.

You were pretending they were DIFFERENT to each other, by means of splitting off some attributes to assign to one and some to another, to maek them seem to be opposites. But the opposition is entirely a deception and in truth, the two identities are not really opposite at all. They are both being run by one "larger" mind - your real self - who temporarily is the actor behind the scenes who has lost sight of itself while pretending to be having a multiple-personality disorder.

Because we so heavily identify with the conscious persona and not with unconscious hidden projected stuff, largely because we are not aware of it, you "as the conscious self" might think that you merely need to deal with the harmful attackers outside of you who are making your life miserable. But it's not just them. It's also you, in denial, with rose-tinted glasses, pretending to be special and perfect, who are also part of the murderous dynamic of sectioning off parts of yourself and relegating them to hell. So that sense of identity also has to be brought into question.

You are not a victim, or a victimizer. You are not the persona or the shadow. You being the persona is not you being the whole of yourself, even though this split off part of a sunbeam thinks it's the whole sun. You are bigger than both. Which means your sense of identity has to let go of these illusory selves and expand to a larger reality. As Jesus says in the course, as you awaken your sense of self expands. Because what you are really waking up from is being stuck inside little boxes and compartments, walled off from each other as if you have multiple selves that live in isolation.

Your enemy is yourself. The perpetrator is you. The victim is you. The fake innocence is just a "face" you put on to hide the pain and maintain the shadows. To take back your projection means only to reel in the projection of the shadow content, the sin and guilt, to try to bring it closer to its source. But it must also meet with your persona and cause the two of them to cancel each other out. You are larger than both aspects of the split mind, because you are the whole of mind. And only whole-mindedness, without the split condition, is a state of sanity.

The ego is always about taking sides, emphasizing differences, being special, having enemies, being offended, being at war with something. But what is this "opponent", except MORE EGO? It takes both sides of every conflict, it does not care who wins or loses. It does not care who is the victim and who is the victimizer. It is both, in a state of self attack. It doesn't even care if you live or die because it knows that someone will die, when you play its games.

So you have to realize that your "conscious ego self" is really only PART OF the problem and your sense of having a spiritualized ego is just as much part of the problem as the projected sin. Being holier than thou goes hand in hand with becoming highly judgmental and condemning other parts of yourself as unworthy and defective. If you feel unworthy it's because your conscious self believes it is superior. Inferiority and superiority go hand in hand.

The conscious ego self cannot wake up. Much of its efforts are to make its life better by continuing to repressed, reject, accuse, condemn, project, disown and kill off anything resembling "unacceptable and unlovable". And yet all the while, judging you are unlovable from the outside so that it is never satisfied with trying to make you more perfect through self mutilation. The ego is in two minds. It is not in its right mind. And it is not your mind. There is more to you than any of these roles or fantasies or illusions of being one thing and not another. You are everything.

This means, you need to get into a really unconditionally loving place within yourself, and feel that love in your heart. It is NATURAL for miracles to occur when you do so, like they are practically effortless.

But when the Course talks about love it doesn't just mean the degree of love you can experience as a separate ego self. It means GOD, all of God, as all the love there is. The power of love. Which is beyond all other powers. That love inspires miracles. And those miracles MUST entail sharing and extending love to another.

It's not something that occurs because you stand on the opposite side of the street to someone and think fondly of them, or decide to lift your sins off their shoulders in an act of forgiveness.

Miracles EXPRESS love, which is a power, which is directed by intelligent Spirit, and which heal every aspect of existence. Miracles are ACTS OF GOD. Mind, body, emotions, finances, relationships, employment, social unrest, war, you name it, all healable.

This all comes naturally when there is love being extended.

A miracle is then like a kind of 'glow' of spiritual power, of unconditional love, which expresses and radiates and shines with such intensity that it has authority over all darkness and illusions and literally corrects all faults and errors, restoring a divine order.

God is involved in miracles because God is love.

This has nothing to do with your mental somersaults or thought-therapy. It only has to do with love.

This world only exists within the space-time belief. Space time IS a belief, and it is a false belief. All beliefs will end. Earth cannot exist without space or time. Spacetime is what holds it apart from itself and animates it. When there is no space - as in infinite reality/heaven, and there is no time, as in eternity, there can be no Earth! Unless you prefer your planet to be like a bowl of cosmic soup. ;-) Anything based on spacetime (such as planets, starts, etc) DOES NOT EXIST.

"Perception is temporary. It is an attribute of the space-time belief, and is therefore subject to fear or love. Misperception produces fear, and true perception produces love. NEITHER produces certainty because all perception varies. That is why it is NOT knowledge."

"Acts were not necessary before the Separation, because the time-space belief did not exist."

"The Atonement was built into the space-time belief in order to set a limit on the need for the belief, and ultimately to make learning complete. The Atonement IS the final lesson."

"Healing was an ability which was lent to man after the Separation, before which it was completely unnecessary. Like all aspects of the space-time belief, healing ability is temporary. However, as long as time persists, healing remains among the stronger human protections. This is because healing always rests on charity, and charity is a way of perceiving the true perfection of another, even if he cannot perceive it himself."

In the physical world, there are bodies, which are fake people.

In the spiritual world, there are souls, which are real people.

The two never really meet and should not be confused with each other. All mixing and confusion between the two in which the two levels are trying to be combined, is the state of mental illness, ego and body-identification.

The soul never really truly incarnates or becomes a body. The body never enters heaven. We have to UNLEARN that souls/minds are bodies, or that they are even in bodies.

The only thing that appears to happen is that the MIND of the soul temporarily imagines bodies and tries to identify with them, dreaming of spacetime and a material world, believing in it and trying to become one with it. But it can't succeed because it's impossible to leave the spirit world or to truly separate.

We're not really incarnate, we are not bodies, and we never will be.

"The mind can be made free when it no longer sees itself as in a body, firmly tied to it, and sheltered by its presence. If this were the truth, the mind were vulnerable indeed!"

"He Who was always wholly spirit now no longer sees Himself as a body, or even as in a body. Therefore He is limitless."

"The Christ in you inhabits NOT a body. Yet He IS in you. And thus MUST it be that YOU are not within a body."

"Knowledge is not the remedy for false perception since, being another level, they can never meet."

"This MUST be true, if there is no communication AT ALL between the ego and the Holy Spirit."

"The body is the symbol of the world. Leave it behind. It cannot enter Heaven."

"God cannot come into a body, nor can you join Him there."

"Who but yourself evaluates a threat, decides escape is necessary, and sets up a series of defenses to reduce the threat that has been judged as real? All this cannot be done unconsciously. But afterwards, your plan requires that you must forget you made it, so it seems to be external to your own intent; a happening beyond your state of mind, an outcome with a real effect on you, instead of one effected by yourself.

It is this quick forgetting of the part you play in making your "reality" that makes defenses seem to be beyond your own control."

- ACIM - sickness is a defense against the truth... Here Jesus describes how we create sickness.

We evaluate that the truth is a threat (to our ego truth), we decide we need to defend against it, so we create a sickness by making it real and doing it to ourselves, yet making it look like we didn't choose it. Jesus goes on to say...

"But what you have forgot can be remembered".

He also says:

"Defenses must make facts unrecognizable. They aim at doing this, and it is this they do."

and

"And yet you have forgotten that they stand but for your own decision of what should be real, to take the place of what is real."

i.e. sickness is an attempt to obscure the truth and make it unrecognizable by associating truth with something illusory. Sickness is illusory, so regarding it as truth obscures what the truth really is.

and ie... you use sickness to convert reality to untruth and illusions to reality.

We need to then remember we did this and uncover what the truth really is, to bring about healing.