All sickness, all death, all upsets, all war, all destruction, all horrors, all terror, all guilt, all fear, all hatred, all deception, all darkness and all insanity, are all stemming from one place.

You.

They are coming out of you, because you are expressive and creative, but a part of your mind has become inverted, turned inside out. Everything that flows through this obstruction takes on opposite meaning, as though having asked for a flower, you had asked for an army.

All sickness that befalls you is also coming from you. You are choosing it, but you do not see how you are choosing it, and so you are "tempted" to believe that it is being caused by make-believe causes outside of you. Fictional enemies and forces beyond control seem to conspire against you, as you describe the world as a danger and perceive it as unsafe.

Every fearful, angry or upsetting reaction that you experience, you are putting into yourself. You create it with your own mind. You do not create it in response to an external threat. It accompanies the threat, and you create both of them simultaneously. A mind which pictures an external threat must believe it is in danger and must experience fear or reactions of horror, and as such the mind then manifests not only the danger but the reaction to it. Both of them are chosen by you.

Every single blame that you've ever made towards other people, events, circumstances, life, God, nature, the neighbor's dog, the weather, whatever, absolutely NONE of those things are really the cause of any of what you have experienced.

If we are going to really strip this ego down and take a firm look at the truth, then we're at some point going to have to realize that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TO US. Nobody who we have accused of causing us ANYTHING has ever been the true cause of that experience. Nothing that we have ever claimed as having happened TO US, has ever really been the cause of anything at all. We are adept at finding blame and projection for every sin all over the place, left right and center, and in every place other than within ourselves. "We but accuse our brother of our OWN sin.' ACIM

You can only be a victim if you perceive that there is ONE, EVEN JUST ONE case of something outside of you doing something to you. It is enough for your mind to invert and perceive causality as outside of you, and effects of that cause inside of you. Reactions are nothing but you producing effects WITHIN which were meant to be WITHOUT, as a result of this reversal of cause and effect, and you experiencing effects makes you suffer. You make yourself suffer.

Nobody has EVER done anything to you. This is the testimony that Jesus wants us to be able to express, not just in words or ideas but to actually live it, and to experience it, and to express it, such that we are actually IMMORTAL, completely immune to everything, unable to be destroyed or harmed or upset whatsoever. And to demonstrate this is to show that it has been learned.

That entire huge list of all the people who did stuff to you over the years? It's all a lie.

You need to remove from your mind the aspect which is distorting your creative impulses. It inverts and reverses the intentions of what you would create, turning life into death. It is because of this ego distortion that you seem to create sickness out of nowhere and then, seeing not the cause of it, think that it was put there by some other force. Thus you then believe that the body can become sick on its own, or as the result of the environment. It is YOUR MIND that is making it sick and nothing else.

Therefore, you HAVE every capacity to bring about complete and total immortality, to reverse and undo every sickness, to overcome death, and to be completely free from every form of suffering. You already have this in you. And this power is already working and operating. But you are MISUSING IT, attempting to use it to create a world which is not real, to project a sense of sin onto causes that don't exist, to blame everyone but you for owning it, and to remain unaware of God's presence. Only sickness can result from distorted ideas about the truth.

This is why your mind needs to be corrected. There is NO OTHER CAUSE for your sickness but you. There is NO OTHER SOURCE of suffering but you. There is NO OTHER POWER greater than the power of God which you share in and extend freely, with unlimited supply. There is NO OTHER WILL other than God's will, which you also share entirely. And there is NO OTHER WAY TO LIVE besides extending His eternal life in every way.

It is time to let go of every accusation you have made, every sin you have tried to scapegoat onto someone else, every form of blame and projection, every judgement as though someone else chose for you, every effort to get other people to change so that you don't have to, and every attempt to disown who you are. You are God's beloved child, you are immortal, and you have no enemy.

Let yourself be lifted into the truth of being. This world is not real. You are not at the effect of causes separate from your own. And there is no reason to be afraid, for only love is real.

At each stage from separation through sin, guilt, fear, punishment and death, there is always some amount of projection of the cause of the problem.

When we believe in separation, i.e. sin, sin actually makes the separation unconscious, and then we are unaware of what caused sin. That which has no cause is considered to be a cause in its own right and not an effect. We will then go searching for the cause somewhere external, other than accepting that we caused it.

So we'll claim, I am sinful because God says I'm sinful, instead of that its because we chose to believe in separation.

Then at the next stage, feeling guilty, we won't just say I'm guilty because I sinned, we'll project the cause of the guilt outward and find an external cause for it. I'm guilty because someone else says so, or because society finds me guilty. Always someone else deciding that the guilt is true. And once again the guilt renders awareness of sin unconscious, so you go looking for reasons that caused the guilt.

This carries on down to fear, whereby even though guilt causes fear, fear makes guilt unconscious, and then you go looking for a projected cause for the fear. You start to claim that you are afraid "because of" all the external things or future things which are making you afraid. But none of these things are the cause of fear, your guilt is.

Then when punishment is happening, instead of admitting that you are punishing yourself, you'll be claiming that you are punished because someone or something else is punishing you. You'll look to all these reasons and causes why you are punished, other than that fear causes punishment.

And on it goes to death. Death is someone else's fault, happens by someone else's hand, is entirely out of your control, is not chosen by you at all etc. Punishment causes death but here you're claiming that death is caused by everything other than yourself.

Projection happens at all levels, because every level is an attempt to disown the level before it, and thus disown responsibility for choosing it. As soon as there is separation there is a cascade of irresponsibility and projection. It doesn't just happen once you get to guilt. It happens at every stage of separation all the way through to death.

These projections, these stories about who or what caused or justified the guilt or sin or fear etc, are defenses protecting the defenses. Guilt defends against sin, and the story that someone else found you guilty or you're guilty because of what you did to someone, is a defense that protects guilt from being undone. These fictions and stories have to be dismantled in order to look squarely at the problem, and then you can dismantle the problem itself.

The story about what caused the fear or the guilt or the sin is a cover-up story. Underneath it is your own belief that you are sinful guilty and afraid. Then these believes also are a cover-up story. Fear defends guilt, guilt defends sin, sin defends separation. Collapse these one at a time and you'll end up at the Atonement.

"You are not sick and you cannot die. But you can confuse yourself with things that do." - ACIM

Who we are is an immortal being. Period. That's all that we are. Immortal and safe and eternal and invulnerable and incapable of being sick or suffering or dying whatsoever.

But we CONFUSE ourselves with things that do seem to suffer and die. We confuse ourselves with a body, with an imaginary world, and with all kinds of fictional things.

Even if it seems the body is sick, you are not the body. But you are producing a sick body which indicates you don't quite believe you are not a body.

See, the body only shows up at all if your mind believes it is "made of" an illusion. It therefore expresses its idea of "self" and it shows up. If the mind believes it is a separate ego thing, a body appears. The more it believes this, the more the body that shows up appears to be sick. When it really binds its idea of self to "body", a dead body shows up.

But even a dead body cannot show up at all without a mind to make a dead body show up. Even if the body is lying there on the ground "dead", there MUST be a mind which is putting that body there, still.

This is the distinction that you are NOT the body and are not that which dies.

But this does not mean that it's therefore okay for the body to die. If the body dies it proves that you must believe in death, because you will ONLY create in like kind according to your beliefs.

Those who believe in immortality only create that which is immortal. Those who believe in death create bodies which appear to die.

And having believed death is real, we will make bodies which appear to be dead as though real, because that's what we believe is truth. Believe it and you will create it.

There are some who believe that in the atonement sick bodies and healthy bodies are all the same illusion - which is true - and that therefor (this is level confusion), when you are in the world it does not matter if your body is sick or not.

It does matter.

The body cannot be sick without the mind being sick.

The body cannot seem to die unless the mind believes in death and victimhood.

A sick/broken/dead body is PROOF the mind has NOT been healed.

A slight belief that you are a body, manifests a slightly sick body.

A stronger belief that you are a body manifests a suffering body.

A really extreme belief that you are a body, produces a dead body.

See how the ego always produces the exact opposite of what it says it is going to do. Believing you are a body should surely produce an everlasting body, right? Wrong. It does the opposite.

Believe you are a body and you will NOT succeed in being a body, you'll produce a dead one.

ie it is literally impossible to be a body, for real.

If it's true that you choose everything that happens, making it possible to find salvation by choosing eternal life and denying death, then everything you choose you must WANT.

Wanting, desiring, allowing, accepting, believing in, is all an act of positively electing something, in the belief that it appeals to and attracts you. Meaning you want it.

To accept atonement you have to want it. This is a matter of willingness. If you want to suffer you will suffer because you want to. If you die, you want to die. If you are sick its because you want to be sick. If you are unloved you do not want to be loved.

Look at the world and look at in the light that everyone is a powerful creator or miscreator, creating exactly what they want in every case. See how there are no victims, only willing participants who consent to everything that happens. A world of ameteur creators who have not yet perfected the constructive use of their powers.

Everyone is in fact getting exactly what they want at all times. Each wanting or choice is a prayer, and all prayers are always answered - by you. You always receive what you give.

"No-one is healed through double messages. If you wish ONLY to be healed, you heal. Your single PURPOSE makes this possible."

If you want salvation nothing can stop you. If you want God nothing can stand in your way. If you want health it shall be yours. If you want to never die you will live forever. But you cannot be in two minds or in denial.

If you think something is happening that you do not want, you are denying it which is why you think you don't want it. You really secretly do want it, otherwise your single minded decisive power would rid you of it. Complaining about it is a decision NOT to change your mind and to stay in suffering.

Everyone is always getting what they want. The problem really is not one of receiving things you didn't ask for, but of being unmasterful of your asking such that you keep asking for things that don't bring you happiness. You still ask for them because you ask for hate, because you want to hate.

Not recognizing what you actually are choosing is half the problem. It requires a lot of honesty to admit you want to hurt yourself, want to be afraid, want to be sick or want to die, especially when on the surface this induces fear which makes you recoil from what you are choosing. Or to admit you are NOT doing what you think you're doing.

The only reason people seem to not want all the shit they keep wanting, is because they keep wanting to threaten themselves. They keep seeking ways to be punished and hurt, yet recoil at the hurt. This is just the two-faced nature of the ego. We keep choosing in a confused state of mind and end up making a poor choice.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace. I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise."

When you want only health, happiness and wholeness you will have only that, and nothing else will you have. If life sucks, congratulations on getting what you wanted. Then choose again if you want something else.

We simply are immature creators with confused minds who keep causing hell to happen by mistake. On purpose. Because we think its what we want, because we don't recognize what things are, because we're insane. But all you have to do is change your mind about what you want.

"This in no way contradicts the changelessness of mind as GOD created it. But YOU think that you HAVE changed it, as long as you learn through the ego. This DOES place you in a position of needing to learn a lesson which SEEMS contradictory: you must learn to change your mind ABOUT your mind. Only by this can you learn that it IS changeless."

"Trials are but lessons which you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain which what you chose before has brought to you."

"He has asked for what will frighten him, and bring him suffering. Let us resolve today to ask for what we really want, and only this, that we may spend this day in fearlessness, without confusing pain with joy, or fear with love."

"You were at peace until you asked for special favor, and God did not give it."

"In peace he needed nothing, and asked for nothing. In war he DEMANDED everything, and FOUND nothing."

"What you have asked for cannot be denied."

"If a magic thought arouses anger in any form, God's teacher can be sure that he is strengthening his own belief in sin and has condemned himself. He can be sure as well that he has asked for depression, pain, fear and disaster to come to him."

"I AM responsible for what I see. I CHOSE the feelings I experience, and I DECIDED ON the goal I would achieve. And everything that SEEMS to happen TO me, I ASKED FOR and received as I had asked."

"For NEITHER will recognize that HE HAS ASKED FOR HELL, and so he will NOT interfere with the ego's ILLUSION of Heaven, which it offered him TO INTERFERE WITH HEAVEN."

"NOTHING can prevail against a Son of God who commends his Spirit into the hands of His Father. By doing this, the mind awakens from its sleep, and the Soul remembers its Creator. All sense of Separation disappears, and level confusion vanishes."

"It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept."

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are."

"I am not being affected by anything or anyone."

"This is not changing me at all."

"No-one is doing anything to me."

"I remain as God created me."

"Nothing can hurt me. I cannot be hurt."

"There is nothing to fear because I live forever."

"My eternal life cannot be threatened, so I am at peace."

"God guarantees I will live forever."

"Nothing in the world is changing me in any way."

"No-one is making me feel anything."

"I am not a victim because I cannot be attacked or hurt."

"Nothing has ever happened to change me."

"I cannot change myself - I am what God wants."

"I am not sick and I cannot die."

"I live forever in God."

"I am always immortal and forever eternal."

"I am immortal right now. Nothing can change this."

"I have not changed since God created me."

"I am permanent and nothing temporary is happening."

"I cannot suffer in any way."

"I cannot experience loss or gain because I have everything."

"God himself is protecting my existence."

"Everyone I know and see is immortal as well."

"My innocence cannot be taken away, nor can theirs."

"I cannot change anyone's immortal self."

"I cannot do anything to anyone, so I cannot sin or be guilty."

"I have never attacked anyone. Everyone is immortal."

"The truth about others is their immortal soul."

"There are no victims anywhere, everyone is safe in God."

"No-one has any power over me, not even God."

"I am already enlightened in the light of God."

"I live forever in the love of God."

"God's immortality is my immortality."

"I am life itself. I will never die."

At the moment, I am focusing on receiving healing. Much has happened the past several months and I am still recovering from it.

One valuable tool I've found is to repeat short phrases in quick succession. These include:

I surrender

I surrender to your love

I let go completely

I receive God's healing love

I open to receive

I trust you Holy Spirit

I receive

I let go

I admit I'm mistaken

I let go of controlling

I receive God

While saying these casually to yourself in your mind, you may find that as you say them back-to-back without a pause, you don't allow the ego to sneak in between, and it begins to have a powerful effect to shift you.

e.g

"I surrender, I surrender, I surrender, I surrender, I surrender." etc

You don' have to say it quickly, but it does help to not allow pauses between statements.

These are all to do with the relinquishment of ego, letting go of control, admitting to being mistaken, being WILLING to be corrected.

They all demonstrate "a little willingness", which means in some way, you are WILLING to move away from illusions and in the direction of truth. This also means moving away from imprisonment towards freedom, and as you open up to the freedom of the will, by being willing to be free, and willing to let go of what you are doing that imprisons you, you are INVITING THE HOLY SPIRIT.

"This is the invitation to the Holy Spirit. I told you that I could reach up and bring the Holy Spirit down to you. But I can bring Him to you only at your own invitation."

"You find it difficult to ACCEPT the idea that you need give so LITTLE, to receive so much. And it is very hard for you to realize that it is NOT personally insulting that YOUR contribution and the Holy Spirit's are so EXTREMELY disproportionate."

"He asks but little. It is HE Who adds the greatness and the might. He JOINS with you, to make the holy instant far greater than you can understand.

It is your realization that you NEED do so little, that enables HIM to give so much. Trust not your good intentions. They are not enough. But trust IMPLICITLY your willingness, whatever else may enter. Concentrate only on this, and be NOT disturbed that shadows surround it."

This little willingness is a vertical movement. And furthermore, it is a way to develop trust. You are saying, I am willing to let go of being in charge, controlling, managing life, fighting with people, stressing and struggling to do this on my own, I want help and am willing to receive help by ALLOWING the Holy Spirit to heal me for me.

I've found that in particular, "I surrender" and "I receive God's healing love" have been the two most powerful statements to repeat. Especially when coupled with a willingness and intention to open to receive and to let go deeply.

If you are willing, you can open to receive God's love into you. You can feel the sensation in your heart. You can allow love to come TO you, without you having to do anything to effort to put anything out. You don't even have to "give", only to receive.

The more deeply you can receive love, the more it will touch you, heal you, and dig out your unhealed wounds. If you can stand it, sometimes you can take it very far to the point where you are so filled with love, it will likely trigger a large emotional catharsis, and you may need time to recover from that. I have only "gone there" a couple times, approaching a sense of holiness and bowing before God, and it's very powerful.

As you put aside ego control, invite the Holy Spirit into you. Even, go as far as to verbalize it, "I allow you into me Holy Spirit, do whatever you want to do to heal me". It's important to place trust in Him, which includes both suspending the fear that he will do something frightening or harmful in you, and being willing to give him very broad open permission to do ANYTHING. That takes trust to give such sweeping "access", to you, and to your body. And it's that trust that makes it possible for Him to come in and heal you on all levels.

The result for me of doing this deeply, through curious exploration and trust development and willingness (and need), is that He now comes in and heals me physically, emotionally, mentally at any time. We now have a kind of working relationship. I experience dramatic shaking and vibrations and energetic sensations, every single day, usually several times a day. It has become so commonplace and normal, it's probably happened 1000 times already. And every time it leaves me in a more healed condition. This is one of the gifts of God.

Receive healing for yourself. "Those who are healed become instruments of healing." "I will heal as I let Him teach me to heal." You must be willing to work with Him and have a trusting relationship with Him. He is there as your appointed therapist, guide, counsellor, healer, teacher, friend. Use Him. Let Him in. Receive His support, guidance and healing. He is the HELP that God has sent to you. There is nothing His power cannot do. "The Holy Spirit is the mechanism of miracles."

"The holy instant does NOT come from your little willingness alone. It is ALWAYS the result of your SMALL willingness COMBINED with the unlimited power of HIS WILL. You have been wrong in thinking that it is needful to prepare YOURSELF for Him. It is impossible to make arrogant preparations for holiness, and NOT believe that it is up to YOU to establish the conditions for peace. GOD HAS ESTABLISHED THEM. They do NOT wait upon your willingness for what they ARE. Your willingness is needed ONLY to make it possible to TEACH you what they are."

"Miracles are everyone's right, but purification is necessary first."

--

"Purification is of God alone, and THEREFORE for you. Rather than seek to prepare YOURSELF for Him, try to think thus:

"I, who am host to God, AM worthy of Him.

He Who ESTABLISHED His dwelling-place in me created it as He would have it be.

It is not needful that I make it ready for Him, but only that I DO NOT INTERFERE with His plan to RESTORE to me my own AWARENESS of my readiness, which is eternal.

I need ADD nothing to His plan.

But to RECEIVE it, I MUST be willing NOT to substitute my own, IN PLACE of it.""

--

"Say to yourselves the following, as sincerely as you can, remembering that ***the Holy Spirit will respond fully to your slightest invitation***:

I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace.

I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

I WILL to decide otherwise, because I WANT to be at peace.

I do NOT feel guilty, because ***the Holy Spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I WILL LET HIM.***

I WILL to let Him by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

--

"Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God? You will accept only whom YOU invite. You are free to determine who shall be your guest, and how long he shall remain with you. But this is not REAL freedom, for it depends on how you see it. For the Holy Spirit is THERE, although He cannot help you without your invitation, and the ego is nothing, whether you invite it or not. Real freedom depends on welcoming REALITY, and of your guests only He IS real. Know, then, Who abides with you, merely by recognizing WHAT IS ALREADY THERE, and do not be satisfied with imaginary comforters, for the Comforter of God is in you."

"Each man makes one ego for himself, although it is subject to enormous variation because of its instability, ***and one for everyone he perceives***, which is equally variable." UrT4C2

Did you know you've made an ego for other people, just as much as you've put an ego inside yourself? That's what he's saying. You have invented an ego for other people and you interact WITH that ego rendition of the person rather than seeing them for who they are. And we're not talking here about just seeing them as a body, but even overlaying their body with another layer of modification.

He's also goes on to say that as your ego and the ego you made for another interact, they change and affect each other.

"Their interaction IS a process which literally alters both, because they were not made either BY or WITH the unalterable.

"It is particularly important to realize that this alteration can and does occur as readily when the interaction takes place IN THE MIND as when it involves physical presence. THINKING about another ego is as effective in changing relative perception as is their physical interaction." UrT4C2

For me I was quite shocked to realize that I had made an ego for a particular person, and I was interacting with it. And this ego was a very reduced view of that person. It focused on their body only, seeing their body as though it was all there was to the person. In fact, strangely even seeing the person as if they had NO mind at all and were entirely physical. All sense of them even being there or having a presence or personality was mostly gone, replaced by a seemingly empty shell of an appearance.

It was also shocking to see that I was interacting with that ego and not with the person. I was not giving them any credit and was not seeing past their body form. I had taken their body form to be them almost entirely and was very blind to anything else. I now had a special relationship that had stripped that person down so much that it felt like I was interacting with a small child who was regarded as defective and weak and very sinful and treacherous.

It was strange to realize I was even doing this. And when I realized I was doing this I also realized I could step back from that version of them and get outside of it, to take a look at the person more directly and with more presence. It wasn't just "my ego" that was causing a clouding of how I see. It was the fact that I had also produced a kind of "mirror" ego that was projected onto that person and had substituted for them. That ego or "image" of a self was now masquerading as them to my awareness, and I was relating only to it. I was in a relationship with a fantasy character.

I then thought to myself, I don't even know how I got into this state. How did this happen? How could I have built up such a false view of a person that was so out of touch with them it made it seem like the person wasn't even barely there any more. That the person seemed to be so different from how they used to be that I barely recognized them, as if I thought that person was not even really there anymore, and yet they were.

So now begins the task of dismantling the egos we've made not just for ourselves but even for other people. These are narrow, condemned, faulty, dysfunctional, guilty senses of identity which have become counterfit selves standing-in for other people. It's now not simply just a matter of my finding out what my own real identity is, it's also a matter of finding out what is the true identity of others. Have I even seen them really? Do I even know what they're really like? It's not just that I'm not my thoughts or emotions or body, they're not theirs either, and they're not the version of them that I made up.

For sure my ego has a dominating tyrannical overpowering and attacking view of others. But in fact its view of what I think is them is in fact a view of further egos that my mind believes exists. Its relationship is with these artificial figures that aren't even the actual persons. It has special relationships with these "dream figures" like in a private world, subjectively interpreting that these make-believe fictional entities are actually out there to be interacted with, and that this is all that's there.

"Who sees a brother's body has laid a JUDGMENT on him, and sees him not. He does not REALLY see him as sinful; he does not see him at all. In the darkness of sin, he is INVISIBLE. He can but be IMAGINED in the darkness, and it is here that the illusions you hold about him are NOT held up to his reality. Here are illusions and reality kept SEPARATED. Here are illusions NEVER brought to truth, and ALWAYS hidden from it. And here, in darkness, is your brother's reality IMAGINED as a body, in unholy relationships with other bodies, serving the cause of sin an instant, before he dies." UrT20H6

"Can the ego teach truly, when it overlooks truth? Can it perceive what it has DENIED? Its witnesses DO attest to its DENIAL, but hardly to WHAT it has denied. The ego looks straight at the Father and does not see Him, for it has denied His Son." UrT10F17

"The other has many forms, for the content of INDIVIDUAL illusions differs greatly. But they have one thing in common; they are all insane. They are made of sights which are NOT seen, and sounds which are NOT heard. They make up a PRIVATE world which CANNOT be shared. For they are meaningful ONLY to their maker, and so they have no meaning at all. In this world their maker moves alone, for only HE perceives them.

Each one peoples his world with figures from his INDIVIDUAL past, and it is because of this that private worlds DO differ. But the figures that he sees were NEVER real, for they are made up ONLY of his REACTIONS to his brothers, and do NOT include their reactions to HIM. Therefore he does not see that he made them, and that they ARE NOT WHOLE. For these figures HAVE NO WITNESSES, being perceived in one SEPARATE mind only.

It is THROUGH these strange and shadowy figures that the insane relate to their insane world. For they SEE only those who remind them of these images, and it is to THEM that they relate. Thus do they communicate with those who ARE NOT THERE, and it is THEY who answer them. And no-one hears their answer save him who called upon them, and he ALONE believes they answered him. Projection MAKES perception, and you CANNOT see beyond it. Again and again have men attacked each other, because they saw IN THEM a shadow figure in their private world." UrT12E1

When I believed that I had really sinned, I would've rejected God on the basis that the sin PROVED I could not be loved. I believed the sin was real, therefore that it was TRUE of me.

And since I believed the sin was true of me, I would've actually viewed God's love as false, unfounded, unjustified and something I did not want. If it was offered, I would've rejected it and sneered at it like someone had just said something ridiculous, or that it was even offensive. I did not believe in it, and was certain of rejection.

The sense of having sinned and the belief in real sin produced a new IDENTITY. A false self. An ego. It changed the definition of my "self", from innocent to guilty. Not just like a label being added on top of my innocent self, but a suggestion that I had become corrupted and transformed and changed into a guilty person. As if my very sense of WHO I AM was altered and turned into sin or evil.

Then anything which was in agreement with truth of sin, was in agreement with me, and I would not only defend it but cultivate it. I would express the belief - prayer - that sin was real and that I was sinful, and that this was truth. Therefore, I would "hire", attract or invite, or make agreements with people who were to come and punish me. Not necessarily in a fully conscious way but still a choice based on that belief.

So people showed up, to reflect back to me what I believed was true about myself. Even if I did not like what these people did, and even if I thought they were an enemy, and even if they were hurtful, somewhere inside I asked for it with my belief in sin, and I got what I asked for. I proved over and over again how sinful I am. And if there were people who were not a part of this, who were attempting to be kind and loving, who chose to overlook my sinfulness, I did not trust them or believe them, and instead rejected the love.

As time went on and I got fed up with the suffering, I gradually started to come around and seek some kind of healing. I had a lot of insights about self-forgiveness, and the fact that nobody around me was offering forgiveness clarified that I simply was not going to be forgiven unless I claimed it for myself. That seemed like a bold move, to claim innocence when everyone else seemed to be reflecting sinfulness and believed in my sinfulness. But it was a stepping stone towards seeing myself differently.

Over time I came to clearer expressions of the idea of my innocence, but mostly these were rationalizations or justifications, or other explanations within the scope of the ego illusion, where I kept trying to explain to myself that it was "ok" that it happened. I was trying to resolve the belief in the sin without actually undoing the belief that it happened. I even dug into past lives and became aware of how the person involved had done the same thing to me before, and how this was in fact his lesson to learn as well, and for me to learn his prior perspective. But that didn't fully alleviate the guilt either.

Because I believed that the sin was real, I believed there was truth to it, and I was still prepared to defend that, deep down. I thought I'd worked through all this, on a "world is real" ego level as best I could, to clear out all the "damage", but when I exposed myself to a higher truth it came back out to exclaim itself. To defy and deny that the truth was true.

The truth was revealed only by being willing to look at the idea, that sin is not reality. That is it not actually REAL. That things which "happened", were a dream, an illusion of things happening, and that it was my taking it seriously and thinking it was real that led to all of my upset about it. Perceiving illusions to be real, IF they were real, it WOULD have meant that I really did sin. And that MUST mean that I could not be loved. Without the undoing of the idea of "real sin" there was basically no way to fully and deeply escape from the torment that "real sin" implies.

If sin is real, you simply MUST be guilty, and there is no escaping that, no matter how much you justify it, no matter how much catharsis you have, and no matter how metaphysical or mystical you get in explaining why it was "meant to happen" or was karma or was an accident or was intentional or whatever. Nothing will fully FREE you from the guilt and the constant PRODUCTION of more guilt, while the sense of "real sin" remains in place, unchecked.

If your sin is real, it simply will keep generating more guilt and fear over and over, and keep reinforcing itself, and keep proving that you're sinful, and keep attracting disasters, and any time that anyone targets you with any kind of attack, that same sin will rise up in your mind to RE-MIND you that its TRUE, that you really are a sinful wicked person who deserves the abuse you're getting. Even if you don't like the experience and want it to stop on some surface level.

The ONLY way to be free of all of the suffering, ego, rebounds, punishments, shame, self-attack, attracted reinforcements, events, people and justifications, and to finally fully put it to rest, is through the PROPER FORGIVENESS. Through the Atonement.

That means, actually coming to realize, be open to, and accept as TRUE, the fact that the so-called "sin", the thing that you thought you did, was not REALITY. It sure was a convincing illusion at the time, you REALLY thought you really did something awful, that it had "real" consequences, and therefore redefined you as a "real sinner". ALL of that has to be FALSE.

In God's truth, in God's reality, God created you as innocent. Permanently. You don't even have any functionality in your being that is capable of generating a real sin. You are absolutely incapable. Innocence cannot even begin to conceive of real sin. And in God's reality, which is the true reality, it is not possible to be separate from God. Therefore you cannot actually "do" anything. You cannot actually sin, or hurt anything, or anyone, or mess anything up, or really produce really bad consequences, or commit a real crime, or do anything evil whatsoever, because there IS no "real world" in which to do these things. There is only the illusory dream world that you THOUGHT was real.

So you must be open to the idea that sin is not real or true, if you are to accept the atonement. It is the only way you can be innocent. If sin is real, you're stuck. If the world is real, you're stuck. The ONLY way for you to lay claim to being 100% innocent through and through, in God's eyes and your own, is to RECOGNIZE that the illusion you thought was real, was NOT real, it was only an illusion. You did not REALLY sin. You did not REALLY do anything at all. And in that view, your so-called sin is forgiven.

ACIM says: "Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred (also what you did to them). It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in that view are all your sins forgiven. What is sin, except a false idea about God's Son? Forgiveness merely sees its falsity, and therefore lets it go. What then is free to take its place is now the Will of God. "

I was trying and trying to pardon a real sin. It doesn't work at all. Because real sin cannot be pardoned. Only UNREAL sin can be pardoned.

Forgiveness sees there WAS NO SIN, and as such, your sins are forgiven. When Jesus says to someone "all your sins are forgiven", it is because He is literally recognizing that the person has not done any "real sins". So they're all seen with forgiveness and therefore Jesus is acknowledging your permanent innocence. Ie nothing "real" happened, nothing really happened, that's the Atonement.

"What is sin, except a false idea about God's son?" - in a nutsshell. I had a false idea about myself that I had become evil because I had committed a real sin. Everything about the situation SEEMED real. But it wasn't. I was unconscious and having a delusional nightmare. It did not REALLY happen at all. And because of that, I AM INNOCENT.

This innocence therefore reaches way beyond all illusions, beyond the world, beyond all events, beyond all illusory consequences. And this is not some kind of denial or further rationalization or an attempt to cover up the actual remaining presence of a belief tha the sin was real. It REALLY was not real at all, and if you can REALLY honestly believe that totally, then you are free. The world cannot have even HAPPENED in this innocence, which is why there is no world. The Atonement PROVES and demonstrates that the world is not real at all and does not exist. The ego is not real and does not exist.

Then there is great cause for relief, freedom and celebration, as you finally OWN and CLAIM the innocence which has been yours, for real, all along. Nothing can take it away from you. Nothing can stake a "real claim" of any kind that you don't deserve it. Therefore YOU ARE WORTHY OF GOD'S LOVE! All sense of unworthiness and the belief in it is nothing more than the belief that you are a real sinner. Undo that, and it becomes 100% obvious and clear that you MUST be worthy of God's love because you ACTUALLY ARE still innocent. And the atonement is something you can actually EXPERIENCE!

You are forgiven. God has never condemned you. You were GROSSLY MISTAKEN in believing that you had actually done something really wrong, producing real suffering. You just weren't perceiving illusions correctly. Sin is not real. There is no sin. "What if you looked within and saw, there is no sin?"

You're still the innocent holy child of God. You are still as God created you. Claim this atonement by recognizing ALL sin, guilt, fear, suffering, sickness and death, bodies and the world, are just part of an unreal illusion which is not reality at all. That's how you're still innocent, still worthy of God's unconditional love, and still authorized to be a part of Heaven.

Welcome Home.

What is real can only be increased by sharing. This is because what is real cannot changed. Nothing can be added to it or taken away because it is already complete.

Therefore in order to 'increase', the only option available to God is to "share" ie CREATE. God has to therefore create something which is whole and complete within itself, yet individual, yet one with Him. "Connected", holy spirit says.

He thereby creates untold numbers of INDIVIDUALS, each of whom has everything individually. This is why every soul has free will and the freedom to create and choose individually.

Individuality does not mean ego. Individuality means wholeness and sharing with other wholes (souls). Ego means putting up walls to try to stop sharing.

Course quote:

"5 God, Who encompasses all being, created beings who have everything individually, but who want to share it to increase their joy. Nothing real can be increased except by sharing. That is why God created you. Divine Abstraction takes joy in sharing. That is what creation means. "How," "what" and "to whom" are irrelevant, because real creation gives everything, since it can create only like itself. Remember that in the Kingdom there is no difference between having and being, as there is in existence. In the state of being the mind gives everything always."

"See how the body's eyes rest on externals, and CANNOT go beyond. Watch how they STOP at nothingness, unable to go BEYOND the form to meaning."

Physical sight is blinded by perception of form. It looks only at the forms of error. It regards form as all that exists. The physical sight is blindness, because it cannot see everywhere, and is easily obscured be meaningless objects.

Form doesn't mean anything. But mind then takes the form and decides that certain forms mean certain things. We make up meanings and project them onto the forms. Now there is a hierarchy of illusions, varying degrees of difficulty, and the form of life seems to mean something different to the form of death.

"Life and death seem to be opposites because you have decided death ends life."

The form of death is not really death, and the form of life is not really life. We decided that death and decay "means" death and decay, and that living forms are "more alive". Who told you this? The myths of the world told you this. People made this up.

The form of death is not really death at all. It's just one configuration of materials. A kind of state. One possible way that form can appear. And when the same form appears more animated or fresh or vital, or capable of giving rise to more forms, then we say it means life. But these forms are neither alive or dead.

"In ANY state apart from Heaven, life is illusion. At best, it SEEMS like life; at worst, like death. Yet both are judgments on what is NOT life, equal in their inaccuracy and lack of meaning."

We give all forms all the meaning they have. We decide that a broken object means there's something wrong. We decide that a rotten corpse means something is beyond the hope of living. We look at the form of things and use the form to substitute for meaning, as if the form something takes MEANS something.

But all forms are illusions, and death is not death, and life is not life. They are all just equal images, appearances and illusions. All easily changed into other forms by the power of the mind.

"The miracle is means to demonstrate that ALL appearances can change BECAUSE they are appearances, and CANNOT have the changelessness reality entails. The miracle attests salvation FROM appearances by SHOWING they can change."

When no artificial meaning is given to the forms of the world, and the world's inherent meaninglessness is recognized, we end up with a level playing field. And now miracles can operate, disregarding any orders of difficulty or "reasons why" you can or cannot change one thing into another.

And now the seemingly dead bodies can be resurrected to "the living", to symbolize eternal life. And forms of sickness can be undone, to testify to innocence. And now water turns into wine and bread and fish multiply and who cares about the so-called law of gravity.