Sometimes (ok, often), I think I know what is good or bad. For myself, for other people etc. But I have to question this. Do I really know anything?

What if my efforts to help are hurtful? What if I'm distracting someone from a spiritual lesson? What if I'm taking away someone's lesson, even if it's painful, that they need in order to wake up? What if my fixing is actually undoing an opportunity that someone has to find their own strength? What if my attempt to take over something is disempowering for them, even if it was with the intention of helping?

Ultimately then it comes down to just... allowing oneself to open up to the idea that I do not know ANYTHING as to whether something is right, or wrong, for myself or anyone.

The Course asks us to be open to 'not knowing', as a doorway to knowing. What I see it as now, is that when we're constantly in this tug of war of seeing something as right or wrong, we automatically then leap off that springboard into ego reactions and coping tools and ways of 'doing something about it', all of which is based on us thinking that we KNOW... believing that we KNOW what is going on or why it's happening, when we actually don't.

What the Course is warning us against is FALSE knowing, which is ego knowing - and the ego actually cannot know anything. False knowing is where you believe you know, you have some opinion, you judge it, you label it, you decide something is right and okay, or something is bad and not meant to be this way, and then you proceed to pile extra reactions on top of this. You even make decisions about what to 'do about it' based on this. But this basic perception of ... its wrong. .. or ... it shouldn't be like this. .... that's something WE are making up.

I don't know what's right or wrong for people. I don't know even what's right or wrong for myself. I don't know what's helpful or hurtful. I don't know whether my attempts to fix and save and heal and cure are actually interfering with someone's spiritual growth. I could be doing more harm than 'good' in spite of my belief that I'm helping. Or vice versa, I may be holding back on helping in certain ways that would be truly helpful because of a belief that I shouldn't, or don't want to, or can't love a person enough etc.

So it's like, here is this neutral situation, and then the ego will waver off to one side or another, taking sides, either for or against this thing, and basically go off on a tangent of believing that it knows that this diversion away from 'what is' is based in truth.

It takes a tremendous amount of humility, therefore, to admit truly, honestly, that if we really get down to it, I do NOT KNOW what anything means, I do NOT know what anything is for, I do NOT know whether something that's happening is good or bad, I do NOT know if it's meant to be happening and is helpful or whether it should not be happening and is harmful. And maybe helpful/harmful is entirely an ego-made up idea? How about that? What if there was absolutely no good or bad of any kind? What is everything that's happening, no matter whether I love it or hate it, has absolutely nothing to do with my ego's judgements about it? What if I have NO CLUE about it, other than that IT SIMPLY IS WHAT IT IS?

And what is it that I ultimately REACT to? It's my own perception that I've invented that something is wrong with the picture. I am the one deciding that, thinking I know, when I don't know. And then I react to my own conclusion. I don't really know anything, or at least, my ego doesn't really know anything.

But God knows everything. Holy Spirit knows everything. I guess I should trust Him and let Him decide for me?

The world's idea of the most ideal relationship is where you find the chosen one and give them all your love. But you don't give that same love to anyone else. The chosen one gets exclusive access, special rights, permissions and trust. But this exclusivity means that the love is conditional, and is switched off around other people. The two of you will likely side with each other against everyone else.

While the ego and the body and the world might suggest that this is the only natural way to relate, as if everyone is supposed to be paired up with one person, it is actually highly unnatural. If you follow this kind of relationship dynamic to its extreme conclusion, it would mean that the person you love is the person you most imprison, and you live in a prison with them in order to keep everyone else away from you. They become a safe haven in the storm, and everyone else is left outside.

Unconditional love is a kind of love that doesn't change based on who you are with or where you are or what you're doing. It gives all of the love to all of the people all of the time. It doesn't pick favourites, nor does it hold back the love only to give it to those who have met your standards, or you like them, or they have something in common, or they aren't seemingly against you. Love just loves always in one single response to everything. This is total holy relationship, which is inclusive not exclusive.

Trying to love only one person or only a small group of people is quite a confined and ego-driven form of love. It's an attempt to narrow love down and only hand it out to the most special winners of the human contest. And if you can only trust that one person you will have mistrust of just about everyone. What would Jesus do? Would Jesus hold off on loving someone because they aren't apparently his closet companion?

Special love is imprisoned love, conditional love, and limited love. Special love is actually an attempt to cover up all the special hate you have for everyone by selecting the most ideal and agreeable person that you seem have the least hate for.

"The special love relationship is an attempt to limit the destructive EFFECTS of hate, by finding a haven in the storm of guilt."

"The special love relationship is NOT perceived as of value IN ITSELF, but as a place of safety, from which hatred is split off, and KEPT APART. The special love partner is acceptable ONLY as long as he serves this purpose."

"the special love relationship is an attempt TO BRING LOVE INTO SEPARATION."

"The special love relationship is the ego's chief weapon for keeping you from Heaven."

"To believe that SPECIAL relationships, with SPECIAL love, can offer you salvation, IS the belief that separation is salvation."

"Beyond the poor attraction of the special love relationship, and ALWAYS obscured by it, is the powerful attraction of the Father for His Son. There is no OTHER love that can satisfy you, because there IS no other love. This is the ONLY love that is fully given, AND FULLY RETURNED. Being complete, it asks nothing. Being wholly pure, everyone joined in it HAS everything. This is NOT the basis for ANY love relationship in which the ego enters. For EVERY relationship on which the ego embarks IS special. The ego establishes relationships ONLY to GET something. And it would keep the giver BOUND TO ITSELF, through guilt."

In ACIM's teaching, there was originally just one "level" or realm in which to exist - The Kingdom of God, Heaven. This is true because the Kingdom is one logical state or nature.

In the separation, we invented a second level or logical state, by trying to be opposite to the Kingdom. This wasn't a partial opposition it was a total opposition, like light and darkness. This second state is a state of dreaming and perception, opposing knowledge. It's technically inside of Heaven, but it a belief in being exiled or outside of it. So this forms a kind of second "level."

We often visualize the two main levels as "above and below", where Heaven is the higher level and Earth is the lower. The two levels contrast and oppose each other in EVERY way imaginable. Light vs Dark, Reality vs Illusions, Life vs Death, Love vs Fear, Immortality vs Mortality, etc. Some refer to the two main levels as level 1 (heaven) and level 2 (earth).

Within level 2 (earth) - "Earth, heaven's opposite in every way", which is the level of "all perception", there is a wide spectrum of states of mind ranging from false perception to true perception. But it's often helpful to contrast them more extremely which suggests two additional levels within the level of perception - the lower dream and the higher dream.

In the lower dream there is false perception, physical objects, form, bodies, the world/earth, attack, sin, death, sickness etc. In the higher dream there is true perception, no physical objects, no bodies, the real world, no sin or sickness, no death etc. They are effectively opposite states WITHIN level 2.

It's important to realize that this basic logical structure is infused throughout the course, because Jesus is at various times talking within the context of different levels. For example he might talk about the higher dream of true perception, and it can sound glowing and lovely, but if you forget that it is within the CONTEXT of level 2, you might be tempted to forget that ALL of the rules that apply to level 2 still apply.

For example the course tells us a glowing report about the real world, or the forgiven world, or true perception/salvation, but at the same time it also reminds us in other passages that "the real world still is but a dream" and "those who perceive (at all) still need healing." So within level 2, the dream of perception, even when we're talking about true perception or forgiveness or the healed body, we have to keep in mind that both the rules of true perception (higher dream within level 2) AND the rules of level 2 itself are simultaneously applying.

Confusing these levels, not being clear about which statements are referring to which levels, not understanding which contexts certain statements are given in and not keeping in mind that the larger context of levels 1 and 2 always apply when discussing anything to do with the realm of perception, can lead to a whole lot of confusion about what stuff means or implies. This is part of what's called "level confusion", not knowing which level is above or below or inside of another.

The general story, in summary, is that you began in level 1, you dreamed of level 2, and while dreaming of level 2 you dreamed of a level 2 inside of level 2 - a lower dream of hell and form, and then the holy spirit provided a higher dream - a level 1 inside level 2, which reflects the real level 1 of heaven, to lead you out of the dream into reality.

The only reason you blame or judge or project or scapegoat or see yourself as a victim or experience effects from others, is because you do not see how you did this to yourself.

If you could see how you ONLY do things to yourself, it would be so obvious you are the cause that you would have absolutely no NEED to even begin to go looking for its source. You wouldn't even need to find out who else is responsible for this. And so you wouldn't even start to step onto the slippery slope of blaming other people for it.

It's solely because you do not SEE, that you did this to yourself, or you chose it, and therefore your vision is obscured, and so you quite literally are now INCAPABLE of seeing who really is responsible.

But you will try TRY to find out who is responsible, you'll search around the room angrily trying to point fingers of accusation and judgement. "Was it you? or You?!"... And beyond even asking if it was someone, which you strongly believe it MUST be because you didn't see yourself do it, you pretty much have found others guilty automatically.

Then you think that if you FIND or have found someone guilty, and can blame them, that you're simply being justified. You're simply pointing out what the cause is. You're just honestly and innocently identifying who is responsible. You think you're just doing the normal honest sane rational thing of finding out who caused you to be upset, and that you're just pointing it out. You don't realize you're totally barking up the wrong tree because the cause isn't out there.

So projection, blame, anger, judgement, scapegoating, it's all simply an effort to continue to recognize who is responsible, but at the same time as being irresponsible yourself. By not being responsible for who you are, you entered into darkness, could not see what you were doing, and now are attempting to find another person to pin it on. And you will be wrong.

You will ALWAYS be mistaken if you EVER decide that it's someone else's fault. Because it is ALWAYS YOU that is doing it to yourself. You don't need to find someone to pin it on. You need to wake the fuck up and SEE CLEARLY, so you can recognize that you only do stuff to yourself.

I've been recently experimenting with various forms of acceptance. I'm moving into more acceptance and letting go of more denial. This seems to be the 'new frontier' in my spiritual path.

One of these forms is in opening up to receiving God, receiving love, receiving healing. I've done this a few times now. The first time was the most powerful but each time I 'receive God' I feel that love comes in.

The thing is, when this love comes in it immediately receives a reaction from my ego, which is really kind of clueless as to what to do about this. It has no real response to it other than confusion, and clearly the power of God is SOOOOO much bigger than anything the ego can do, it renders the ego like dust on the surface of the ocean. It can't do anything about it. And so it will say/experience something like...."how could God love me?"

And by this I mean, it's actually thinking of it as though God loving me is some kind of an UNWANTED thing. Like an attack. How dare God love me?! How could he 'do this to me'?.

This is the part of me that believes God can't be love. It's the part that believes I can't be love. It is in disbelief. Its a part of me that believes God's unconditional love is impossible and doesn't exist. And its the part of me that is so confused and backwards about what God is that it thinks God's love is actually some disgusting thing that it does not want anything to do with.

And so for this part of me - this ego - to have an encounter with or be exposed to this offering of real love, it's like.. it's healing. It's transformative. It's not comfortable at all, it's kind of shocking. And actually it entails quite a lot of fear. I am very resistant to actually saying the full sentence "receive God", even though it's only 2 words. I can FEEL and know what it will mean if I allow God in. God is huge. God is powerful. His love is immense. Can I allow it?

Yet gradually I'm becoming more willing to accept, to receive, to allow. Slow steps. Baby steps. But having some willingness to surrender is the key.

Letting love in. It seems radical. Just receiving God and permitting Him to be in me. It shouldn't be such a big 'thing' but the ego has shut God out for so long. I suppose this relates to letting God take up residence at the 'altar' which the Course talks about as having been defiled by our ego separation idea.

Letting yourself be loved. To a degree that you never thought was possible, that you never thought you ever would deserve. It goes deep. Very deep. But I can also feel it giving me a kind of strength, a kind of certainty, and a kind of healing. Relief. Relief from the darkness of being separate.

My ego self is very shocked by what God is doing, by the unconditionality and complete lack of 'cost' in God's offering. It does not understand the sheer freedom with which the Gift is being offered. It is suspicious of it and resistant to accepting it. It can't comprehend why I could possibly be worthy of such unconditionality, as if there is a secret motive involved. Yet as I continue to be willing to let God in, love is taking up residence, and the ego can't do anything to stop it.

"God" is the most frequently occurring regular word in ACIM. It occurs 4687 times in the Urtext edition. You could practically say that A Course in Miracles is also A Course in God.

Starting in a state of separation from God, our whole path is really one of reintegrating into God and letting God into our minds and awareness, restoring us to a state in which we are ONE with God and SHARE everything with him.

The ACIM workbook has a surprisingly high number of lessons whose titles include the word "God." You can see a trend of restoring your relationship with God and sharing everything with him. Here is a selection:

"My only function is the one God gave me."

"There is no will but God's."

"I am under no laws but God's."

"I am as God created me."

"God's will for me is perfect happiness."

"I share God's will for happiness for me."

"God's peace and joy are mine."

"I rest in God."

"Let me remember I am one with God."

"In quiet I receive God's word today."

"There is no love but God's."

"My mind holds only what I think with God."

"I walk with God in perfect holiness."

"I am entrusted with the gifts of God."

"There is one life, and that I share with God."

"There is no cruelty in God and none in me."

"God is but love, and therefore so am I."

"The name of God is my inheritance."

"I want the peace of God."

"The peace of God is shining in me now."

"I feel the love of God within me now."

"I choose the joy of God instead of pain."

"I am the holy Son of God himself."

"I have a function God would have me fill."

"There is no peace except the peace of God."

"I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me."

"God is with me. I live and breathe in him."

"God is my life. I have no life but his."

"God is my father, and he loves his son."

"God is my father, and his son loves him."

"God has condemned me not. No more do I."

"Now I will seek and find the peace of God."

"I give my life to God to run today."

"Now would I be as God created me."

"This day is God's. It is my gift to him."

"Let every voice but God's be still in me."

"God is the only goal I have today."

"Let me remember that my goal is God."

"God is my refuge and security."

"I am surrounded by the love of God."

"My heart is beating in the peace of God."

"The stillness of the peace of God is mine."

"The word of God is given me to speak."

"I am forever an effect of God."

"Today the peace of God envelops me, and I forget all things except his love."

This section of the course is fairly explicit about how God created many sons. It also uses the term "one with him", which does not in any way undo the fact that there are many sons, showing that "one with" does not mean "there is only one".

As I type this, Jesus is clarifying for me that oneness means "joined". Multiple individuals who are joined. Notice also at the end of this section it says God’s holiness is *PART* of us. That means some part of us IS God Himself, and some part of us is a distinct creation with its own free will. Being JOINED to God therefore does not mean we are ONLY God. God has CREATED sons!

Are a mother and her baby, "joined" by an umbilical cord, "one" self? Birth is after all a SYMBOL of creation, followed by a SYMBOL of separation.

"Creation is the sum of all God’s Thoughts, in number infinite, and everywhere without all limit. Only Love creates, and only like Itself. There was no time when all that It created was not there. Nor will there be a time when anything that It created suffers any pain.

Forever and forever are God’s Thoughts exactly as They were and as They are, unchanged through time and after time is done. God’s Thoughts are given all the power that Their own Creator has. For He would add to Love by Its extension. Thus His Son shares in creation, and must therefore share in power to create. What God has willed be forever one will still be one when time is over; and will not be changed throughout the course of time, remaining as it was before the thought of time began.

Creation is the opposite of all illusions, for Creation is the truth. Creation is the holy Son of God, for in Creation is His Will complete in every aspect, making every part container of the whole. Its oneness is forever guaranteed inviolate; forever held within His holy Will beyond all possibility of harm, of separation, imperfection and of any spot upon its sinlessness. We are creation; we the Sons of God.

We seem to be discrete and unaware of our eternal unity with Him. Yet back of all our doubts, past all our fears, there still is certainty. For Love remains with all Its Thought, Its sureness being Theirs. God’s memory is in our holy minds, which know their oneness and their unity with their Creator. Let our function be only to let this memory return, only to let God’s Will be done on earth, only to be restored to sanity, and to be but as God created us.

Our Father calls to us. We hear His Voice, and we forgive creation in the Name of its Creator, Holiness Itself, Whose holiness His own creation shares; Whose holiness is still a part of us."

There are two worlds before your eyes.

1) An illusory world

2) Your belief that the illusory world is reality.

You are meant to correct your misperception of the ILLUSORY world, by undoing your belief that it is REAL.

That's what it means when the Course says "seek not to change the world, but seek to change your mind about the world."

It does not mean, change your mind about a REAL world. It means, your idea that the world even IS real, IS your misperception of the illusion, and that in TRUTH, this world is ONLY an illusion, not a reality.

Seeking to change your mind about the world, to fix your perceptual errors, should NOT lead to a state where you are still seeing the world as "real" but with some kind of "peace" happening.

If you deeply and fully have removed the insanity from your mind, have undone your perceptual errors, and are no longer mistaken, you MUST be in a state of mind that recognizes the world is NOT REAL. You MUST be seeing that it is in fact an illusion, through and through.

Many people are very deluded in their comprehension of what the Course means by this, and therefore develop this attitude that the world is objectively real and you should therefore just change how you look at it. That you should "look at the real world from a peaceful perspective".

That leads to tremendous POWERLESSNESS, whereby you think that you only need to fix your misperception of a REAL world, so that you will see a REAL world correctly. NO!

THE WORLD IS NOT REAL!!!!!!!!!!!

If you do that, and your goal is to see this "real world" in a perfect way, you will HAVE to at some point become stuck. At some point, your belief in its "reality" is going to put a ceiling on how much awakening you can have, because if you were to go further, you would have to question whether the world is real or not. And since you believe IT IS real, that means you can ONLY fix your interpretations of stuff happening outside your control, and basically will WELCOME DEATH with open arms as though - you know... it's a part of life, meant to happen, inevitable, etc. Then you will "die in peace". COME ON!!!!

The world is an illusion. All sin is an illusion. All death is an illusion. All bodies are illusions. The entire world AND the entire universe is an illusion! This is not REALITY that you're in. It's a delusional hallucination. At most it is an illusion, but you've been trying to make more of it... to "make it real". If forgiveness is the undoing of "making the problem real", then that should tell you, that forgiveness leads to the awareness that IT IS NOT REAL.

The only way you can claim the atonement for yourself or anyone, is if you are prepared to be aware that this entire world is an ILLUSION. You must be willing to accept this or you CANNOT wake up from it.

If the world is real, you cannot be innocent, you cannot be sinless, you cannot be guiltless, and you cannot be free from fear. AND, you cannot be forgiven. The only way you are innocent, and the only way you can claim the atonement, is if this is all just an illusion. Reality is elsewhere! This is just a dream.

This means we need to purify and release and undo all belief in death, punishment, fear, guilt and sin. Every way that we believe we are not worthy of being considered innocent has to go.

While we believe we have really sinned, we will not be willing to accept or agree with the notion that we are innocent. Our own conviction that we really did sin proves and justifies why we cannot be innocent. After all, if you really did do something wrong, then by your own admission you did something wrong so your innocence has been defiled.

Only by coming to realize and accept that you did NOT REALLY do anything wrong, because whatever you did was not in REALITY, only in a dream, that you might agree with and accept the notion that your innocence is still justified.

God finds you innocent already. It's just that you do not. You believe your sins are real. They are not real. In order for them to not be real, this whole world in which "stuff happens" must be not real, otherwise it proves that you really did do stuff. Your sins are forgiven because this world does not really exist.

Once you become willing to accept your innocence, which is real forgiveness and acceptance of the atonement, you will be willing to agree that you are worthy of God's love. Therefore your unworthiness must go. Being worthy of love, you will begin to agree also that others are worthy of love, and you will find yourself becoming more genuinely loving towards others.

You can't fake being genuinely loving or genuinely innocent. When you are willing to RECEIVE God's love and see yourself as worthy of it, you will be willing to GIVE and extend God's love to others. And this will yield miracles.

In recognition that we are already perfect and were created perfect, it iapparent that we only need to remember and accept that perfection is ALREADY TRUE OF US, in order to awaken.

And so I asked Jesus, what about this entire journey into the dream and all the things we seem to have to LEARN? Is there anything to learn? I expected Him to say yes. He said:

No.

There is nothing to learn. The purpose of being in the world isn't to ACCUMULATE LEARNING. It is simply to RETURN TO the perfection you ALREADY ARE. What can you possibly ADD to Heaven's perfection? What can learning of the ego possibly add unto you who are already whole and complete?

We are simply "learning to" disregard what we have learned in error, to FORGET what we thought was true, and to REMEMBER that NOTHING HAS HAPPENED, NOTHING HAS CHANGED, YOU ARE STILL AS GOD CREATED YOU!

In that recognition is the acceptance of the atonement, that your soul is ALREADY COMPLETE and has no needs and no spiritual path and all of this other stuff.... it's just a delaying maneuver to avoid admitting to it.

It's a journey without distance back to where you never left, to remember that you already had what you were always searching for, and merely needed to acknowledge it.