Jesus merely asks us to choose again. To keep choosing again until we make the correct choice.
"I must have made a wrong decision because I am not at peace. I made the decision myself but I can choose otherwise."
He tells us that whenever we are not at peace, ie suffering in any form, it is because we have chosen to do so, and this resulted from making a wrong decision. We chose to suffer, and this was a mistake. He now invites us to try again to choose heaven, heaven being a choice I must make.
"Trials are but lessons which you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain which what you chose before has brought to you. In every difficulty, all distress, and each perplexity you face, Christ calls to you, and gently says, "My brother, choose again.""
We are exercising our free will at all times, our ability to choose freely. Anything that we experience other than peace and joy and love is because we chose it. We can only attack ourselves and are the only one able to seem to hurt ourselves through a mistaken choice. And we have just as much power to choose otherwise.
"And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.""
"Mind is the mechanism of decision."
At all times, we are simply deciding. We are simply choosing. Do I want to accept that I am as God created me still, and therefore accept the whole Atonement principle and return to awareness of my soul, or do I want to continue choosing to suffer in various ways. It is up to me.
"God does not coerce."
"Learn of His happiness, which is yours. But to accomplish this, all your dark lessons MUST be brought willingly to truth, and joyously laid down, by hands open to receive, not closed to take. Every dark lesson that you bring to Him Who teaches light, He will accept FROM you, BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT IT. And He will gladly EXCHANGE each one for the bright lesson He has learned FOR you."
Lessons are nothing other than choices. By choosing that you want something, you put yourself into a psychological position. You have taught yourself that something seems to be true which is not, through a mistaken choice. Now the lesson is that you must unlearn this mistaken choice and re-learn or remember what the truth really is.
All lessons have the same outcome of re-accessing God's truth, because the only universal curriculum (which is mandatory) is the same for everyone - learning the single simple truth of God and awakening to acceptance of it.
What seem to be trials are simply present conditions that have been chosen, or scenarios arranged, offering an opportunity to change your mind about what you want, to learn to forgive and overlook rather than to use these mistaken selections to hurt yourself.
Always it is simply a matter of, what do I want. Do I want the world more than I want God? What do I value? What do I accept as true? What am I willing to do and accept? Do I want heaven today or do I want hell? It's up to you, you have the freedom always to come and go as you wish. And God waits patiently for you to freely choose to return Home to Him.
If you are suffering, you chose to. If you are experiencing unlove, you chose not to love yourself. If you are sick, you wanted to be for a reason. If you are happy, you chose only happiness for yourself. If you feel attacked, you decided to feel attacked. If you are in pain, the pain is serving your wishes. Only if this is true is the secret of salvation true without exception, and only if this is true is there any kind of hope for escape from hell by your own choice.
"In every difficulty, all distress, and each perplexity you face, Christ calls to you, and gently says, "My brother, choose again.""
"Be never fearful of temptation, then, but see it as it is; another chance to choose again, and let Christ's strength prevail in every circumstance and every place you raised an image of yourself before. For what appears to hide the Face of Christ is powerless before His Majesty, and disappears before His holy sight."
"For you WILL hear, and you WILL choose again. And in this choice is everyone made free."
"The power of decision is my own. .... No-one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No-one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No-one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no-one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is."
"My Self is ruler of the universe. ... It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept. For thus am I led past this world to my creations, children of my Will, in Heaven where my holy Self abides with them, and Him Who has created me."
To accept the atonement for yourself isn't the end. You must help others to awaken also.
"29. The miracle restores the Soul to its fullness. By atoning for lack, it establishes perfect protection. The strength of the Soul leaves no room for intrusions. The forgiven are filled with the Soul, and their Soul forgives in return. It is the duty of the released to release their brothers.
The forgiven ARE the means of Atonement. Those released by Christ must join in releasing their brothers, for this is the plan of Atonement."
Also...
"You once said that souls cannot rest until everyone has found salvation. This happens to be true. It is the privilege of the forgiven to forgive. The Disciples were officially & specifically told to heal others, as Physicians of the Lord. They were also told to heal themselves, & were promised that I would never leave them or forsake them. Atonement is the natural profession of the Children of God, because they have professed Me."
Anyone who follow's Jesus and atones, becomes a disciple of Jesus, and must also heal the sick and raise the dead as a physician of the Lord.
"I must found His church on you, because you, who accept me as a model, are literally my disciples. Disciples are followers, but if the model they follow has chosen to SAVE THEM PAIN IN ALL RESPECTS, they are probably unwise NOT to follow him."
There is a subtle form of ego projection which may go unnoticed.
Sometimes other people are arguing or upset. It may not necessarily have anything to do with you and you might not be actively a part of the argument.
But the ego in you can start to experience a kind of "delight" that others are suffering or in conflict. It's almost like saying, I don't even need to project sin to make others guilty because they're doing a great job of being guilty on their own.
The ego then kind of sits back in glee, in a kind of sick way, excited that someone else is receiving the punishment.
I've seen this rise up in myself on occasion when other people are having arguments in front of me. The ego becomes a kind of spectator, feeding off the situation by "enjoying" the conflict.
The ego is sadistic, and false beliefs always lean toward welcoming suffering. The ego loves to suffer, to be both victim and victimizer. So when both external parties are victimizing and being victims of each other, the ego is having a field day.
I have to watch this in myself and notice it. When I notice it, it seems to collapse and disappear immediately if I recognize that this is me being ego. Just because I don't seem to be involved doesn't mean my ego stays quiet. It gets involved passively.
This is also the source of people gossiping about each other or backstabbing or creating drama indirectly about the behaviors of others. Using them as virtual scapegoats. Taking advantage of the opportunity to be "right" about others being "wrong" because of how other people dug their own grave.
Often when you are experiencing some long-term struggle with something, where you have a lot of emotions and stress about it, when the thing finally gets resolved something happens.
Since you now perceive that the problem has gone, it's kind of like lifting the lid off a saucepan filled with reactions. Emotions that you were bottling up and didn't seem to be resolveable. All the feelings you werehaving in the midst of real-seeming problems, worries, fears, guilts etc, suddenly come flying up into awareness for release. The foundation and purpose of them is gone, so there's nothing to keep them in place.
I've seen this happen in myself countless times. Once the psychological perception that you have a real problem is lifted, the reactions to believing the problem was real suddenly have no "ceiling" to stop them flooding out. So on comes the catharsis.
Going through this right now, following my recent intense forgiveness and atonement about an event from many years ago. Even though the experience of the atonement was filled with innocence and truth, and even though it unlocked something in my mind and changed my perception forever, up now comes a large volume of emotinal baggage which is "no longer relevant". So it's kind of like flushing the toilet.
Light goes in (you eat light), you process it, darkness comes out the other end (shit).
As usual I did not really know what was bugging me until Jesus clued me in that this was happening. So it was time to fetch the tissues.
And then it became a great excus for some ice cream!
When you think of guidance you think of you being separate from the source of guidance - God, and attempting to receive some kind of communication. You hope at first to get any kind of communication at all, and later that you MIGHT actually listen to it and act on it.
I can tell you honestly and personally that even though I receive a lot of guidance in this way, in which it seems to be a separate communication to me, I do NOT always believe it or act upon it, because I still have an ego. Sometimes I struggle with it significantly or outright resist accepting it, and can fight with it for days or weeks before finally doing what it says.
There is a vast spectrum between what you could call a state of 'no guidance' and a state of 'total guidance'. The ego separated state, in which you are identified with ego and see yourself as very separate from God, is a state of no or low guidance. And because of how separate you believe you are, and how unconscious you are, you would be scared by more direct forms of guidance and intimacy. So in that state, it can be appropriate for you to receive guidance in a 'form' that you can accept. And at first that might be simply some synchronicities or some subtle intuitions or insights. Whatever you can accept. And likely you will be quite confused by it and mis-trusting of it and not very likely to listen to it.
It takes a lot of ego-undoing, a lot of surrendering, a lot of developing of trust, a lot of healing, a lot of relinquishing control of 'your life', a lot of opening up to love, and a lot of waking up, in order to get to a point where the 'gap' between you and God closes to such an extent, that there is no longer any NEED for guidance. Instead, in the ultimate state, God is one with you, lives through you, your will is God's will, you simply DO God's will immediately and spontaneously, and you have no need to get some kind of special messages that you might be prone to reject. Instead, you have full acceptance and full openness and trust, so you simply LIVE a divinely directed, divinely orchestrated, and divinely 'guided' life. This is God living in and through you, and you expressing and extending His Kingdom. Total oneness.
So most people are somewhere in-between these two extremes. And depending on where you're at, you're going to have various spiritual lessons and things that you're going to have to go through in order to 'enhance' your guidance. That is, to open up to and trust most in ... what essentially is... your relationship with God. Guidance is just another word for communication, and communication is just another word for your direct experience of and intimacy with God. So to whatever extend you are open to God, that is how much you are going to be guided, and the extend of that guidance, and what form it will take. So long as you are heading in the direction of HEALING your relationship with yourself and God, you are moving in the direction of enhanced guidance, or rather, an enhanced UNITY with God, joining with and accepting His will as your own.
So you don't need to necessarily have 'courage to act' on guidance, as such. You only are doubtful because you don't yet trust its source enough. Which really means you still listen to the ego or trust the ego too much, or rather, you rely on yourself - your own guidance - too much. It's a toss-up between whether you will follow the guidance or whether you'll do what 'you' think is better. You learn to trust guidance by getting in touch with guidance that comes from TRUTH, and which is based in LOVE, otherwise you cannot develop trust. So the source has to be loving. Or at least, more awake than you are. You need to keep discerning that it is acting in your best interests or is on your side or is 'trust-worthy', and not just blindly trust it at first without having some scrutiny. The scrutiny comes from your ego but you kind of need it at first in order to sort of prove to yourself that it CAN be trusted. Ultimately each step you take towards trust development is a step in your willingness to let go of the ego and to become more 'dependent' on the guidance. If the guidance has your best interests in mind and does not hurt you and does not deceive you and, over time, helps you and heals you, then it will earn your trust and you will open to ever increasingly deep levels of... communion with its source.
So if at the moment you are at the stage where you are experiencing what you call 'noise', and are trying to discern what is guidance or what is not.... I am guessing the ego is interfering with your efforts, which is normal. In other words, parts of you still rely on your own mind. Your mind, your intellect, because easily engaged in trying to figure out stuff on its own. Make it shut up. Make it quiet. Or rather, watch for it trying to do that. Stop trying to fix and solve and figure out. You can't be guided if you are trying to figure out what to do of your own capacity to understand the problem or know what to do.
So to some extend the mind that you have, has become 'posessed' by the ego and is being used for control. This is not natural. And it does this because it is DISCONNECTED from Holy Spirit. Or seems to be. He who perceives and experiences himself as 'separate' HAS to depend on his own ego abilities, the ego use of the mind, to try to survive and get through life or make sense of things. But you're not MEANT to be in that mode of functioning. The mind is supposed to be in service to God, in which God - Spirit - informs the mind of what it needs to know, and USES IT, utilizes it, like a tool, to work THROUGH.
This is the natural, healthy use of the mind, and it requires that the ego is not trying to control the mind or use it for its purposes. So you have to practice this, and this is ultimately all to do with your entire spiritual path and growth - learning to trust Spirit, to trust God, learning to let go of ego control, learning to surrender, learning to LISTEN, learning to DISCERN THE TRUTH, etc. YOU need to learn to discern what is true and what is false so that you can be open to the truth, which means the truth can then direct you, NOT so that you can then act on it in separate isolation.
As the Course says a few times, you will be told SPECIFICALLY what to do. And this is also why this prayer has deep meaning:
"I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do,
because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal."
This is kind of a statement of what it is like to be in TOTAL UNION with Holy Spirit, where your mind is completely under the direction of spirit, with no ego. You won't be able to really 'get' or 'do' this prayer and actually act this way until you've completely surrendered the ego - which I have not.
Miracle principle 4: "All miracles mean life, and God is the Giver of life. His Voice will direct you very specifically."
Being directed specifically is ultimately what we will experience when we becoming willing enough, trusting enough, open enough.
If you are in a state of having too much 'noise' then you are listening to the ego too much and still believe the ego too much, which means it's just going to have to take some time (not essential but likely) to continue waking up and developing trust, in order for that noise to become... sorted out.... for you to USE the opportunity of ego interference to continue to discern what is true, what is false. Over time your guidance will become stronger and clearer and you will experience it more as your open invitation for Spirit to live through you rather than you getting occasional text messages.
In other words, don't think of the ego noise as just interference - that's the ego's use of it - instead USE it as an opportunity to sharpen your discernment skills, what is true and false, to sharpen your listening skills, your surrendering skills. Use it to improve your TRUST in and DISCERNMENT OF real guidance. The ego is really just there to stimulate you, to act as a catalyst, to help point you in the right direction by tempting you in the wrong direction - if you use it that way.
Living with God is your natural way of life.
"Atonement is for all, because it is the way to UNDO the belief that ANYTHING is for you ALONE." UrT9C1
"The Atonement is a lesson in sharing, which is given you because YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO DO IT." UrT9C3
"But the Holy Spirit teaches you that if you look only at yourself you CANNOT find yourself because that is NOT what you are." UrT8D6
When you are being an ego, you believe you are a separate body. You suffer. And then you think that in order to improve yourself, you will work on improving YOU, and NOT others.
You think of yourself as isolated in a box, separated off, not sharing. And then you think that if you work on "yourself", you will be able to rise up to a high level, accept atonement for "yourself", and then be done. And it won't matter that everyone else has not chosen to do the same, because they're none of your business.
We could go about practicing the entire ACIM principles but still staying within the confines of the "I am a separate person" box. Improving me, awakening me, me becoming more loving, me undoing my own guilt, etc. This is all selfish of course and part of the ego identity.
What ACIM is ACTUALLY teaching, is something quite radical. That we are all part of a collective mind, sort of a collective hive mind of consciousness. And that means we are all one, and other people are a part of ourselves. Literally we are in them and they are in us. Our souls are fused together. EVERYONE CONTAINS EVERYTHING.
This is massively different. Because now it means that in order to come OUT of the prison of the ego and the body, you cannot just treat it like it's something that applies "only to you." You can't just "work on yourself" in isolation. It's not a "self study". It's not even POSSIBLE for you to approach awakening while still retaining a sense of "I am only myself, and other people are not me."
What we should be doing is recognising that at the higher level, the golden rule is kicking in, we are SHARING EVERYTHING with everyone, we are part of the whole sonship, and our mind is SHARED with other people's minds. Our souls, our identity in Christ, it is all SHARED. We are NOT just ourselves, we are many people.
"One brother is all brothers. Every mind contains all minds, for every mind is one. Such is the truth." UrW161L4
This is a holographic relationship. One whole (God), with many parts (beings), in which every part contains the whole (oneness among brothers), and there is ultimately only one whole (God) yet it has many wholes (sons of God) within it, which are collectively the shared one son/christ/heaven.
So if you are to make headway out of physicality, away from the body and the ego, any kind of progress in spiritual awakening, it can't be with the starting ego mindset of "I am a separate person", and you cannot KEEP that mindset if you want to awaken. It's not true of you. You are not ONLY yourself, you INCLUDE others. You are waking up FROM a sense of exclusion and selfish isolation, TO communion with everyone.
So if you want to apply something where you're like, I am holy and innocent and guiltless and sinless.... you can't really be regarding that as applying ONLY to you. It has to be more like, WE are BOTH innocent and guiltless and sinless. We are ALL innocent and guiltless and sinless. Because you ARE the sonship.
This reveals the extension of this that.... you have to INCLUDE your brothers in your own awakening, your own healing, your own giving and receiving. This is what makes you a teacher of God - shared interests. Other people are part of your self. You have to be willing to give love to the part of you that is in them, in order to receive it.
This is why, per the golden rule, what you do unto others you ARE DOING unto yourself. This is why you have to look for the GOOD in other people, in order to FIND it within yourself. Because you are not just you. This is why your BROTHER becomes your savior, because essentially there is part of YOU in your brother. If you want to see yourself as Christ or soul, you have to see the Christ/soul in the other person AS WELL. You are BOTH that.
Whatever applies to them applies to you, because you are equals. That means whatever you are trying to give to yourself - do for yourself - apply to yourself - you have to get out of that mindset and instead apply it to EVERYONE EQUALLY. You can't find your "self", or even your soul, by focusing ONLY on your own self/soul exclusively. You can't tap into "just my higher self", it has to be that you're tapping into the entire Kingdom of God.
You have to give to others what you want to receive for yourself. Which means you have to give love to other people in order to simultaneously give it to yourself. Giving and receiving are one.
The ego's law is one of inequality in which what applies to you does not apply to anyone else. Where you are separated off in isolation in a prison all alone. And to focus on accepting atonement "for yourself alone" is completely contradictory to how things really are. The golden rule, which is an unbreakable law of God, says that whatever is true of you is true of everyone. So either you BOTH are innocent, or you BOTH are guilty, but never can you be DIFFERENT or have something special that applies only to you and not them.
So our whole practice of applying spiritual principles "to ourselves", "for ourselves", HAS to start to OPEN UP and INCLUDE other people. It has to be about SHARING. Because heaven's law is all based on sharing. Everyone in heaven shares everything equally and fully. So I should be saying, WE are innocent, we are BOTH innocent, we are BOTH sinless, we are BOTH guiltless. This erases the SEPARATION BETWEEN us.
It's the separation that needs undoing, not some personal issue that hides in a separate box. If all you do is "fix only yourself", you are NOT undoing the separation BETWEEN you and the others, or between you and the part of you that is in them. And so that will put a ceiling on how much 'you' can wake up, because by not including others you are maintaining the separation and keeping it going, which limits you. You cannot go ALL the way without including everyone.
It is therefore ONLY through communication, shared minds, joined minds and hearts, union, holy relationship, true oneness, that the separation is actually undone. It's not enough to "work on yourself". You have to be open to working "on the sonship". You are working to help heal THE WHOLE, not just your selfish self. To accept atonement for yourself ACTUALLY means that you INCLUDE EVERYONE in "the truth that applies to all", in which you accept what is TRUE OF EVERYONE, not just yourself. Otherwise we're just staying selfish little separate people.
"The Miracle unites Souls directly with each other." UrT1B24K
"When two minds join as one, and share one idea equally, the first link in the awareness of the Sonship as one has been made." UrT16C4
"Healing is an act of thought by which two minds perceive their oneness, and become glad. This gladness calls to every part of the Sonship to rejoice with them, and let God Himself go out into them and through them." UrT5B1
While you are believing that your ego is your real self, and as you attempt to do something about this to wake up spiritually, you're going to be pulling that ego self along for the ride.
It does not want to come along for the ride and can't. Its way of perceiving, which you have made your own, must see the approach towards truth and God as dangerous. Your attempt to expose your "self" to the truth will be seen as an attack, and is highly offensive.
This is why every time you (ie your ego-aligned self) tries to allow some light in or tries to become more spiritual, you inevitably find this strong voice emerges in you which retaliates. You have this big ego rebound where you feel all hurt and afraid and abused, as though someone just told you that you don't exist and aren't worth anything.
Your alignment with the ego while simultaneously trying to wake up from it, makes you try to wake up WITH it, and thus to wake IT up. But it cannot awaken. It is purely a device for separation and is illusory. It doesn't have a life of its own without your support.
When you try to pull it towards the truth or transform it, which produces the "spiritualized ego", you might well create an illusion or persona of looking and acting "like" someone who would be spiritual. But deep down you will have this part of you that deeply mistrusts and is threatened by what you are trying to do. Like a hurt child, that part of you will attack the part of you that's trying to pull it into the light.
Over time I've seen how personally I attempted to become more spiritual, for example by writing things which seemed as spiritual as possible. And it produced a lot of backlash for the "rest" of me that was still identified with the ego and didn't want to wake up.
When I was writing my first book, I really believed that I was opening up to light and truth and it was powerful and healing, BUT at the same time it was very painful. I felt like I was flogging myself to death, or sacrificing, or attempting to push myself to the brink of tolerance. I had a lot of ego rebounds.
Partly I felt that I was approaching truth more but there was a big chunk of me that was still holding on tightly to the false idea that I was the ego, and was trying to change "it" into something more spiritual. It could not change and did not want to and saw my attempts as deeply hurtful. And so because I was aligned with that, I experienced deep hurt along with it. I kept trying to be more spiritual in my persona.
While you're "seeking" for spiritual truth this is pretty much a given that this is going to be your experience. So long as you believe you are the ego self, that part of you is not going to like or want or believe in or see sense in the truth. It is going to be threatened by it, offended by it, hurt by it, it's going to take it to mean things it doesn't really mean, and because the truth proves that the ego does not exist, your alignment with ego is going to imply you do not exist. And that's just going to scare the shit out of you.
Gradually over time, making all of these mistakes, yearning to be closer to God, willing to push my "self" (idea of self) towards the truth, and going through endless rebounds, I think I've gradually lessened the belief I have in the ego.
Letting the ego GO is really the only way to become "more spiritual". It's not through changing it at all. It's not through making it more spiritual. The only way to be free is to be free of IT, which means your sense of who you are, your identity, your definition of self, MUST shift from ego to your Higher Self, or Holy Spirit (right mind etc).
The ego can't shift there with you. If you try to take your ego self there and pretend that you're doing it, you will just enact the ego's bungie cord. Like an elastic band it will just pull "you" right back to its territory, and the more you are trying to pull it away from its territory the stronger the rebound is going to be.
This is exactly what produces reincarnation - the attempt to get out of the world without really letting it go, elasticly brings you right back into it because you still belive you are made of it. Exposing ego to too much light will burn it, and with you believing it is yourself YOU will experience that suffering, and you will flee from the light right back into the body.
Gradually, we have to let the ego identity go and awaken FROM it to realize that it is not who or what we are. Everything it perceives is not our real perception. Everything it believes about itself cannot be what we believe about ourselves. Everything it trusts in cannot be what we trust. We have placed our faith in it and are attached to it. We have to let go and "surrender" its position to make room for God.
Waking up is painful. If we could see the areas where we believe in the ego and could simply gently relax and let go of them without adding threat to them or making them confused that we're trying to imply things which are not true or real to it, then perhaps we can awaken more gently. But that kind of ability probably only comes from a more awakened self that is able to discern lovingly. In the midst of the ego we rarely have such clarity and compassion and tend to step on our own toes all the time.
Often when I become more aware of truth and want to really "get it quickly", which can also be spurred by the ego because it knows that if you "do a lot of course" you will have such a reaction to it that maybe you'll stop doing it, using it to attack you, I'll just do too much too quickly. I will have deep emotional releases and become overwhelmed. It will also become frightening.
When I started to see that sin was not real and that it could only be my belief that I sinned that is keeping me from God, I went looking for the sin in me to try to undo it all, and that was simply too much at once. I spazzed-out for a few days and it was not at all pleasant. I had to stop and take it slower. Baby steps.
There are also times where I write about the Course a lot and maybe go into overdrive and am writing several times a day, and it all seems so wonderful and truthful and inspiring but then comes the parts of me that are still holding onto lies and they fly up into my awareness like a slap in the face. How DARE you claim that that's true! How COULD you believe that! Stop it!
By all means take a big leap if you are genuinely ready and can do so without the huge ego backlash, but otherwise, take your time and be gentle on yourself. Take a break.
What did you do?! Did you hurt someone? Did you steal something? Did you break it and cover it up? Did you destroy a relationship? Did you deceive and lie? Did you commit a secret crime? What was it? Come on, own up. You really did something bad and evil didn't you? Something you want no-one to ever know about?
Ok well..... you didn't do it.
So long as you believe that IT HAPPENED, in some kind of "reality", in a real world, that you REALLY did it, you will not be able to forgive yourself. It doesn't matter how much you reframe it, cathart it, think about it, process it, heal it, work on it. There will always be this "core" thread that seems to keep it tied to you. Something that prevents you from COMPLETELY letting it go. You just can't seem to forgive yourself all the way.
This happens because the belief that YOU DID IT, is the core of sin. It is the absolute ROOT which is anchoring it in your mind. The memory of you doing it, the experience of it, the feelings surrounding it, the sense that "that happened".
It doesn't matter how much you hack at it with your amazing spiritual tools and healing devices. It WILL NOT go away so long as you believe, fundamentally, that "you did it." It doesn't matter how loving you attempt to be, or how much you try to forgive yourself "for doing it". If you believe and accept "I DID THAT" .... you MUST find yourself sinful.
Psychologically it simply is impossible to be forgiven for something that you BELIEVE IN. Your belief in it keeps it anchored in your mind. It means you WANT it, and so your mind holds onto it. The only way you can be free of it, to truly let it go, and feel RELIEVED, is to recognize IT DID NOT HAPPEN AT ALL.
"Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in this view are all your sins forgiven."
The only context in which you DID NOT DO what you believe you did do, deep down, is where this world is NOT REAL. Only if this world is a DREAM, a fiction, in which fantasies play out, and in which NOTHING REAL IS THREATENED, can it be possible that you DIDN'T REALLY DO what you think you did. And only in this context can you BE forgiven.
Your innocence can only logically and psychologically remain pure IF you DID NOT do it. If you did it, you are a sinner. If you did not do it, you are innocent. This is all your mind understands. But the only way that you could NOT have done it, is if your actions were IN A DREAM, and NOT in reality. If you only did it in dreaming, then nothing real has been harmed. If what you did took place NOT IN HEAVEN, but in some kind of fictional world, then your real innocence has NOT been changed. You just IMAGINED that you sinned.
This is the crux of the matter. Do you believe it was a real sin taking place IN REALITY, or was it a FAKE SIN taking place in a FAKE WORLD? If it took place in a fake world, then you DID NOT sin, and sin is NOT POSSIBLE. "There is no sin." This is what sets you free. This is ATONEMENT. Accepting the truth that "I am still as God created me", you have not changed, "God has not changed his mind about me", and your innocence is STILL undefiled.
You are innocent because YOU DID NOT DO what you think you did. You were mistaken. You mistakenly believed you did something wrong, when all it was is a fantasy in an UNREAL world. Nothing real has been hurt. You have not done anything to God. You have NEVER hurt another soul. No one else has EVER done anything to you. No one has ever died or suffered in truth. None of "what you did" took place in the reality of God, and he knows IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO SIN in his kingdom.
God did not create you capable of really sinning, or attacking, or hurting, or damaging, or stealing, or betraying, or breaking, or doing anything at all to destroy any kind of perfection. You CANNOT SIN. You have not sinned, ever. You never will sin. This is the view of forgiveness. This is the only light in which you can recognize YOU ARE forgiven, by yourself, because it's the recognition that YOU DID NOT SIN in any real way.
This world is just a dream. You did not do what you think you did. Even your "physical actions" WERE FAKE. Even the PROOF that you caused something to happen IS FAKE. Even the "lasting effects" ARE FAKE. Even your memory of DOING it is fake. It has NOT happened in reality. Nothing real can be threatened or destroyed or hurt. You have never hurt anyone. You DID NOT DO what you think you did. You are innocent and holy and forgiven.
Only in this light can you recognize that you are FREE FROM the feeling of guilt and sin because it has NO TIES TO YOU, because you HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING in God's reality. What happens in dreams stays in dreams, and only in dreaming did you ever seem to do anything wrong. Dreams mean nothing. They have no real consequences upon anything real. You have NEVER sinned and you never will. Stop crucifying yourself.
"God's Will for you is perfect happiness because there is no sin, and suffering is causeless."
"There is no sin. Creation is unchanged."
"Healing is done, for what is perfect needs no healing, and what remains to be forgiven where there is no sin?"
"Before a holy relationship, there IS no sin."
"What is forgiveness, but a willingness that truth be true? What can remain unhealed and broken from a Unity Which holds all things within Itself? There is NO sin."
"The Holy Spirit will NEVER teach you that you are sinful. ERRORS He will correct, but this makes no-one fearful. You are indeed afraid to look within, and see the sin you THINK is there."
"Then let me, Father, look within and find Your promise of my sinlessness is kept; Your Word remains unchanged within my mind, Your Love is still abiding in my heart." "
"Now let His true perception come to me, that I may waken from the dream of guilt and look within upon my sinlessness, which You have kept completely undefiled upon the altar to Your holy Son, the Self with Which I would identify.""
"If you would look within, you would see only the Atonement, shining in quiet and in peace, upon the altar to your Father."
"What if you looked within, and saw NO sin?"
"My Self is ruler of the universe.
It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept. For thus am I led past this world to my creations, children of my will, in Heaven where my holy Self abides with them and Him Who has created me. "
Notice it says only what happens is what you desire, and nothing happens that you do not desire. That's pretty black and white right there. That's very powerful.
That means nothing can happen without your consent, not even death. If you so desire it, there will be resurrection.
In this there are no other sources of causality. This is talking about the mind of the One Son of God, which all sons share. There is nothing to oppose this mind.
I love this paragraph because it encapsulates 4 major course topics in one short space.
1) You are not a victim and nothing happens without your will
2) This world does not exist because heaven is somewhere else
3) You have "children of your will" in heaven so not only are you a real son of God in heaven, you also have multiple offspring, which are ALSO sons of God, which are REAL, in heaven
4) Your mind is so powerful it can do anything simply by desiring it and if it so desires it it must happen and if it does not desire it it cannot happen, even death.