It is more important to heal the problem than to figure out why the problem is happening.

The ego believes if it can figure out the origins of the problem, or what is happening, it will then have an answer and can solve the problem.

This has been the main mode of operation of my own ego for a very long time, trying to explain and find answer to the story of the problem, by going further into the story.

The ego will go to great lengths to continue dwelling on trying to describe and understand the problem, as though not actually wanting to ever really solve it, yet at the same time identifying itself as a 'really good problem solver'.

The way God works, God does not dwell on problems. He doesn't attempt to analyze them or figure them out or describe them or go into detail about what is wrong. He doesn't dwell on the causes and background 'story' of why there is a sickness or why something is happening.

Instead, God simply restores. Now.

What do you want? The practical step of healing and restoration and to be completely done with this, or to get lost in 10,000 stories lasting 10,000 days about what has gone wrong?

It is difficult to learn that there is not really anything I can do to force healing or awakening onto others. Love isn't forceful.

If I see someone suffering, and if I've become mistaken in believing that this is real or true, then I will try to save them from it. But I've already attacked them by seeing them as less than immortal and buying into the illusion of them having a real problem. So then having attacked them, I also now try to become the hero savior who has come to free them from the very sickness that I have projected onto them.

I can offer love and healing, if there is willingness or readiness to receive. Jesus said to me a while ago "since when was loving someone a crime?". Love can heal. Love can produce miracles. But if the person does not want these things, love doesn't intrude.

In ACIM Jesus speaks of how love does not come where it is not welcome. It doesn't intrude on the alter upon which you placed other idols. It doesn't force change.

If God, unconditional love, forced healing onto us, the entire world would have been dissolved into light instantaneously. So this leaves people asking, why does God 'allow' suffering and death? The short answer is, because He loves us. Yes, God allows death because He loves us. And that's justification for many people as to why God sucks or doesn't exist. BUT... that's the short answer.

The longer answer is, death and suffering are not REAL, and our belief/experience that these things are real is actually our sickness, our mistaken perception, which God's love would want to HEAL, so that we can return to an awareness that we have divine health, that we are immortal, and that we cannot die. That's why God doesn't stop us from destroying ourselves (up to a point) - he knows death is not real and nothing can truly hurt us. All suffering is an illusion of suffering in a state of unconsciousness.

God would awaken us to realize our immortality and invulnerability. He would awaken us to love. So we can't just say God sucks or doesn't exist just because we suffer and die. We have to realize we are the ones who choose to suffer and die. As Jesus explains in ACIM, "no-one dies without their own consent". So let's stop blaming God for that one.

God does love us because death and suffering are not real. Thank God death and suffering are not real. Thank God He has created us eternal regardless of how things appear in the world. And thank God it is still possible to choose love instead of suffering. God wants us to realize that in REALITY we do not suffer or die and nothing has happened. If we're not perceiving and experiencing that reality, it's because we are mistaken and need healing. So we need to choose to receive that healing from God.

Choose again!

A major mistake I keep making, or at least am starting to notice I'm making, is trying to find answers in the world.

Jesus is often hinting to me that I'm doing something wrong when I do this.

I'll be lost in the middle of trying to figure something out or decide between two things, or determine what the "real reason is", or find a cause, or basically find any sense of truth to do with anything in this world.

It's difficult because my mind is so used to thinking this way - looking outside of myself for truth, for salvation etc. I'm so accustomed to being in this "mode" of "is it this or that?"... when in fact BOTH of those things are not the answer.

It also happens any time I am in any amount of fear, which is often, whereby Jesus will poke me because I'm once again lost in doubt and trying to decide something. It's really a state of indecision and because of the presence of fear, there is literally no way I can see clearly or find a completely convincing truth.

It often takes several winks and nudges before I I might suddenly have enough awareness to even realize that "I'm doing it again". ... I'm basically trying to find some kind of truth or answer in the world.

A reason why someone is sick. A cause for why something happened. A truth that explains which path to take. Some evidence that shows me something is correct. A sense of certainty that cannot be found in uncertainty. A clear and obvious answer which is profoundly elusive in the presence of fear.

I get lost in all these ways, in what basically is a state of split ego mind, where I am just lost and looking in all the wrong places for a truth that isn't really there.

When I finally am nudged enough by Jesus to look at what I'm really doing, and I've run out of attempts to find answers to what it is that I am doing wrong (lol), and I have pretty much no other option left as to what it is that Jesus is trying to get at, THEN I might suddenly realize..... oh... I'm doing it again.... I'm trying to find truth in the world.

And so what has been really coming to me big time lately, totally unexpected, is this idea that... absolutely everything in this world is NOT THE TRUTH. And cannot be. And it is not real. No matter how it looks, no matter how convincing it is, no matter how well explained, no matter whose credentials are behind it, no matter how real it seems, no matter how I can pinpoint physical causes, no matter how explainable or understandable it seems to be, IT IS STILL NOT THE TRUTH.

It is not God's truth. And God's truth is the ONLY truth. There IS no truth in the world, EVER.

This is quite surprising to me given how much I've been used to finding answers (salvation) outside of myself. It's the totally automatic mode of the ego to find truth externally, or to explain situations, or diagnose sicknesses, or find the "real cause" of stuff. All that is doing is the ego is trying to give truth to its illusions, trying to make mistakes real, making sickness real, making the world real, and that is NOT forgiveness.

Forgiveness HAS to recognize that the ENTIRE WORLD and EVERYTHING IN IT is an illusion, is not the truth, has no truth to it, cannot provide an answer, is not the "final answer", an therefore there is ANOTHER TRUTH which goes beyond this world.

There is a truth which is of God. It is a truth which transcends the world. It is a truth of immortality, eternal life, absolute peace, total happiness, invulnerability, christ consciousness, oneness and love. This is THE ONLY TRUTH.

And so as I've been really really used to finding "some" of the truth outside of me, in the world, in explanations and what appears to be cause and effect in the illusion, where one thing appears to cause something else to happen, THAT is not truth. So I am now going into this process of quite literally becoming clearer and stronger in my discernment that EVERY attempt to find truth in the world will fail, and will only tell me something that is - in God's reality - not the REAL truth.

This is the foundation for miracle mindedness, because miracle mindedness completely defies the laws of physics, chemistry, biology. The laws of nature. The laws of what appears to be separate causes and effects. All rules. All results. All effects. All stuff that seems to "happen" in this world, it is all NOT the truth of God. And therefore, God has power OVER all of it!!!

This is why in order to perform MIRACLES (!!), we need to get our mind into a place where we're very clear about the fact that this world is NOT REAL, that there is NO truth to how it appears whatsoever, that sickness is just a fake image which can be easily changed, that the body is just a fake image which can be easily changed, and that, as ACIM says very early on, "there is nothing my holiness cannot do."

While I'm looking for truth in this world, in all the things I rely on and think are sources of certainty and reality, I am distracting myself from the truth of God. And that means I am not being miraculous. Miracles, the power of God's love, will flow IN SPITE of this world, and with DOMINION over this world, and with a POWER that this world has absolutely no idea about.

And therefore no matter what state or condition this world is in, and no matter how it appears, and what seems to be the "finality" of it, or bodily states which seem irreversible, or even DEATH as a statement of "you can't do anything about this because its real".. THATS BULLSHIT! God CAN do something about it, because God does not buy the lie that this world is reality. And that means miracles can happen, and people CAN be raised from the dead, temporarily or otherwise if its preferable, and you are NOT at the effect of this world.

A Course in Miracles thus makes no sense whatsoever UNLESS this world is an illusion, and unless this world has absolutely no truth to it whatsoever. Only then can it be possible that everything ACIM claims can be true, and only then is it possible that natural MIRACLES can happen, ALL THE TIME!

Hallelujah!

Once again, last evening, I asked God what he wanted me to 'do', thinking that there were actions or things to 'do', and His reply to me was:

"Receive."

I realize that my ego mind is SO used to 'seeking', which is kind of like an activity of 'going out' to try to manipulate the world, to find, to fix, to change, to perform actions, to rearrange furniture, etc.

It's like, we have a motor in our mind. The motor wants to keep running. It wants to keep going somewhere. It wants to keep doing something different. Finding something different. Searching for answers. Changing someone. It is all do do do do do do do go go go go go go all the time. This is its ONLY mode of operation.

And all of that is really encapsulated in the word "seeking". The ego mind is just constantly in this activity of seeking. Of thinking that it has to go somewhere or do something in order to 'get' or 'find' what it does not have HERE AND NOW.

So when I go to God and I ask, what should I DO.... really I'm saying, what should i seek for and where should I go to find it and what should I do to change it. And I have the best intentions. I think that this is noble or honest or helpful or holy or spiritual. But really, it is still seeking. It's still ego going away from the here and now, away from acceptance, away from stillness or surrender.

So God's answer to me - "receive" - really DOES actually address what the real problem is. The real problem is that I am addicting to seeking, because I continue to have this ego belief that I DO NOT HAVE GOD. This is what it all boils down to. If I'm absent from God and am not with God now and do not have God in me, then I seem to need to go fill this emptiness somewhere else.

So the remedy is clear and simple. I need to RECEIVE GOD. I need to open up to accept, admit and allow (the 3 A's?), that GOD IS HERE WITH ME NOW.

And this also means I need to SURRENDER the search, surrender the 'going and doing', surrender the 'something has to be done about this', and surrender all of the things I think are needed or have to be done 'because of' the lack of God. If I just accept that I am lacking God, I will be compelled to go find answers somewhere else, in some activity or change or manipulation. And I will think that God has to tell me what to DO in order to ACHIEVE those changes and manipulations, as if that would actually answer and solve them.

I don't realize that all of this compulsion to find - the seeking - satisfying that seeking or completing that seeking by finding outside of myself, WILL NOT bring me peace. AND, I will not be able to find those resolutions anyway because of "seek and do not find". What I think I want, is not there. The answer (God) is not there. The peace and certainty and clarity is not out there. The only thing 'out there' are illusions and distractions and dead ends.

So God knows. God knows what I need. God knows that I need to stop GOING AWAY FROM GOD, in order for this 'problem' to be solved. In order for ALL problems to be solved. Even the ones that I think are important, or every-day living types of problems. For these to be solved, I need to realize where they come from. ALL of these problems arise out of not knowing that God is with me. Of not depending on Him. I need to therefore undo THAT issue, which is by allowing God to be with me, and then the perception of all of these problems even being 'important' in any way, will dissolve.

"Let me recognize that all of my problems have been solved" - ACIM

And so.... I stop...... and I surrender....... and I receive God. And I just receive. And receive some more. And I say, "ok God, go ahead and flood me with more love".... and I receive more.... and I say "ok God, I receive your love, I receive your love, I receive your love". And I feel it. And I receive it. And all of the problems of life melt away. And who cares about fixing any of them anyway? They were all IMAGINARY!

All you need is love. It's being given constantly. You just need to receive it.

This is a potent, and clarifying passage, about the fact that ALL perception (even true) is totally OPPOSITE to reality still. Even Christ vision, even sight of the real world, is STILL a state of separation. "Perception is a separated state." "To perceive the truth is not the same as knowing it." Knowledge is a direct experience of God's Kingdom, whereas perception is a once-removed, separated, interpretative IMAGE-based reflection. Nothing in the world of illusions (including Eath) HAS any truth to it. True perception merely recognizes that the world IS SENSELESS. Teachers of God who choose to look on dreams a while, are NOT DECEIVED by what they see.

"This is a course in miracles. And, as such, the laws of healing must be understood before the purpose of the course can be accomplished. Let us review the principles that we have covered, and arrange them in a way that summarizes all that must occur for healing to be possible. For when it once is possible it MUST occur. ALL sickness comes from separation. When the separation is denied, it goes. For it IS gone as soon as the idea which brought it has been healed and been replaced by sanity. Sickness and sin are seen as consequence and cause, in a relationship kept hidden from awareness, that it may be carefully preserved from reason's light.

Guilt ASKS FOR punishment, and its request is granted. NOT in truth, but in ***the world of shadows and illusions BUILT on sin***. The Son of God perceives what he would see, because perception IS a wish fulfilled. Perception changes, MADE to take the place of changeless knowledge. ***Yet is truth unchanged. It cannot BE perceived, but only known.*** What is perceived takes many forms, but ***NONE has meaning***. ****Brought to truth, its senselessness is quite apparent.**** Kept APART from truth, it SEEMS to have a meaning and be real. ****Perception's laws are OPPOSITE to truth, and what IS true of knowledge is NOT true of ANYTHING that is apart from it.**** Yet has God given Answer to the world of sickness, Which applies to ALL its forms.

God's Answer is eternal, though It operates in time, where It is needed. But, because It IS of God, the laws of time do not affect Its workings. It is in this world, but NOT a part of it. For It is real, and dwells where all reality MUST be. Ideas leave not their source, and their effects but SEEM to be apart from them. Ideas are of the mind. What is projected OUT, and seems to be EXTERNAL to the mind, is NOT outside at all, but an effect of what is in, and has NOT left its source. God's Answer lies where the belief in sin MUST be, for only there can its effects be utterly undone, and without cause.

****Perception's laws must be reversed, because they ARE reversals of the laws of truth****. The laws of truth FOREVER will be true, and cannot BE reversed; yet can be SEEN as upside down. And this must be corrected where the illusion of reversal lies. It is impossible that one illusion be LESS amenable to truth than are the rest. But it IS possible that some are given greater VALUE, and less willingly OFFERED to truth for healing and for help. ****NO illusion has ANY truth in it.**** Yet it appears some are MORE true than others, although this clearly makes no sense at all. All that a hierarchy of illusions can show is PREFERENCE, NOT reality."

This is really key:

"Brought to truth, its senselessness is quite apparent. Kept APART from truth, it SEEMS to have a meaning and be real."

The world is an illusion. Period. Having illusions ABOUT the world, means you are believing the world is real. It means you have illusions ON TOP OF an illusion, and are not RECOGNIZING that it's an illusion.

"the world of shadows and illusions BUILT on sin" "The world of bodies is the world of sin."

Perceiving the world AS REAL, means that it has been kept APART from truth. And therefore true perception is not occurring.

Because the world IS AN ILLUSION, perceiving it AS REAL is a MISTAKE. An error. This is FALSE perception.

Because the world IS AN ILLUSION, perceiving it AS NOT REAL, is CORRECT perception, true perception. When the world is seen with true perception the world does NOT BECOME REAL. It becomes RECOGNIZED AS FALSE. Its senselessness becomes apparent. It ceases to DECEIVE because you do not buy INTO its illusions of temptation.

This world is not real. Nor is is real in the eyes of christ. Believing it is real is a complete 180 degree reversal of what the course is teaching.

The one thing I have found most helpful lately, is keeping in mind a clear picture of what the "TRUTH" is, and comparing and contrasting everything to it.

When you cannot remember what the truth is like, when you can't remember what heaven is like, or what God is like, or what is actually real and what isn't, is it any wonder that you will be confused and lost?

What is a problem, except the obscuring of the answer? What is the answer but the truth? When the truth is obscured, problems show up! All problems are manifestations of being unaware of the answer, and in awareness of the answer the problem does not exist. "Let me recognize all my problems have been solved"!

What is a puzzle, except the inability to see the solution? When the solution is visible, the puzzle is no longer puzzling. But when the solution is hidden, what is not a puzzle, becomes a puzzle.

To have a sense of what God is like, what heaven is like, what is true, a "true perpsective", is really the doorway home as well as the LIGHT with which you will be able to SEE.

Without this light, even if its at the conceptual level and not experienced, is the only way you're going to be able to find clarity and truth about what is happening to you. The truth literally sets you free, and it's the only thing that does.

Essentially, once you finally reach the whole truth, everything will be put into its proper perspective. Confusion will be impossible. It will literally be an "aha" moment because you'll be able to SEE CLEARLY what everything is or is not.

It will become completely obvious that there is no ego, there is no illusion, there is no body, there is no world, and there is no death. It's OBVIOUS... when you can see with Vision.

But when you are out of touch with the truth, you enter into a murky dark confusing mess where you can't even tell anymore whether something is true or not. You will mistake many things for being the truth which are not the truth. And you will think that many things are false which are actually true. It's very confusing.

It's like someone being in a dark room with the lights off, not knowing where anything is or what anything means or what's really there. Suddenly the light goes on, aha! oh.... that was a stapler that I just touched and not a scary animal. Oh, and that was a set of curtains that brushed my leg, not a nasty lizard. Even symbolically in this world, light gives you perspective, darkness hides it.

So what I try to do is to keep God's total truth in mind. You can COMPARE things to the truth. And when you compare them to the truth, this will show you where thing stand. Is this thing the same as the truth? Does it correlate to it? Do they contradict? If there is contradiction or they are not the same or not complementary, then this this cannot be the truth. That tells you that an illusion is an illusion, that ego is false, and not to believe things which aren't real.

This is VITAL. The AWARENESS OF TRUTH is the key, vital core necessity in order to maintain perspective, to remember what everything is and what it means, to be able to see, to be able to discern, and to recognize things for what they are - both those thing which are true and real, and those which which are untrue and unreal.

Every form of confusion and mistakenness and judgement and sense of attack and victimhood and unfairness all stems from not being able to SEE the truth, not being aware of the whole picture, and FORGETTING what God is really like. Learn the truth. Learn what God is like, remember His nature, recognize what can be true of him and what is not.

It is true that God sees you as eternally innocent forever. It is impossible for God to believe in sin or guilt or fear or death or sickness. Keep that in mind! It means that if any of these things seem to be showing up, God is NOT the one who put them there, they ARE NOT REAL, and you must have invented them yourself. That's helpful to know.

What I am learning personally right now is that God sees me only as perfectly innocent and deserving love and happiness. All of the other stuff, it MUST be what I am doing to myself. Any guilt I have is me guilting and shaming myself. Any fear I have is my own doing. Any suffering I have I am responsible for, NOT GOD. And so I have to recognize, it is ME who has been doing this suffering to myself, and because God is perfectly happy and loving me and recognizes me as permanently innocent, thats shows me that this stuff, in contrast, needs to be let go.

It literally means that ALL GUILT AND SIN has to be brought into question, that there is NO guilt that's called for and no sin that has anything to do with God. All guilt must be made up, uncalled for, unjustified, unreal, and untrue. And on no grounds and at no time should I EVER be feeling guilty.

Anything not of God, must be let go. Anything God did not create, does not really exist. Anything not of God's will is impossible. Anything God cannot express from love has no real effects. Anything God sees is the only reality.

When you look back upon your life and remember all the bad shit that happened, the things that made you suffer, the stressing out and the fearful horror, the intense drama, the pain and misery, all the times that you felt threatened, and the whole litany of confrontations you had with other people, they all had one thing in common.

You may not have realized what this one thing is, but in every single encounter there was one thread running through it that made them all the same: YOU BELIEVED IT WAS REAL.

It was in fact ONLY because you believed it was real, that you ever had any upset, any suffering, any stress, any misery, any horror or fear, and anger or conflict. If the world were recognized as NOT REAL, you would remember to laugh at absolutely everything. You, as real, cannot be hurt or upset or oppressed or influenced in any way by an unreal world. The world is just a dream, not a reality, and it cannot hurt you unless YOU GIVE IT REALITY.

So all those times, all those lessons, all those difficult situations, all that turmoil and worry and loss of peace and grief and every sorrow, it was all the result of the same one problem. You thought separation was real. You thought a separated world was real. You thought you were really separated from others, from God, and from yourself. Believing separation was real was the ONLY PROBLEM. It was the cause of EVERY form of suffering you've ever experienced.

Which means, if you take reality away from the world, withdraw the power you gave it, and stop believing it is even really happening, you are finally rising above the battlefield, into a transcendental space where you can never again be hurt or upset or unhappy. The key to the undoing of suffering is simply the recognition that it has no properties of God. It is not real or true or existing or causing or powerful or permanent or unchangeable or a fact.

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. As you perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept your holy will as theirs. And what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness."

"For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that YOU were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they COULD have no effect on you, unless you failed to recognize it is YOUR dream. This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, WHATEVER form it takes."

"The Holy Spirit will repeat this ONE inclusive lesson of deliverance, until it has been learned, REGARDLESS of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you bring to Him, He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one answer TAKES AWAY the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the SINGLE cause of all of them, no matter WHAT their form. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo."

Just recently I've been rediscovering an increased awareness of love, which includes receiving love from God and experiencing it within myself - in the heart. When I feel this, any sense of loss and grief disappears, I feel literally more whole, more awake, more myself, and happier.

I've been dealing with the loss of my wife since 2024 and it's been difficult. But it's also been an education and has inspired a lot of insights. What suddenly dawned on me this morning is that maybe I've been seeking for a love that is missing within, outside of myself, because of some kind of lack within.

Maybe even when she was still around, I had certain senses of lack and unlove - a lack of self love - and she seemed to become "an idol", a seeming symbol of love, a source of love, and a way to get my needs met.

This is what ACIM would call "special love", which is driven by lack and need. First we look within and believe that love is missing, which can only happen through self-condemnation and judgement and a general lack of love (denial of God/Self). Then we go seeking externally to find salvation through someone else. Someone who seems to "do it to us and for us."

We might then form a sense of or degree of love toward a person, but it is often then a conditional love with strings attached. You start off with a neediness within, the other person seems to make up for some of your shortcomings, they support you and prop you up, and you seem to mostly cover up your internal lack. It feels like love because some degree of love is there, but there are also conditions involved - a narrowing of love and freedom to the limits of form.

Two people can then "cling" to each other in the storm and support each other and grow together, but at the same time the underlying "need" forms dependency, which we might also call "attachment". I see this attachment also as the attempt to associate love with form/physicality, such as believing you love a person "as a body". This narrows the love to the limits of form and makes it more exclusive, "attaching" love to something physical.

The problem comes when the narrowed form-based love interest goes away, you believe that LOVE ITSELF goes with them. ie if the body dies, then the love dies with it, attached to it. Then there's a belief that love is lost, and a sense of despair ensues. This of course makes sense because if love is dead and you lack love within, there is nowhere to get love and you must despair in darkness.

I see also that despair comes from the sense of unresolvable lack/need within. If I lack love in some way internally, and I "need" to get it from anywhere other than within/God, and begin to "seek and do not find" with the ego - seeking for it in some external source, and that seeming external "solution" to the lack/need goes away, the mind is left holding the needy compulsion.

When you are in a position where you have a need, and you have no way to meet the need, or when you have a problem that cannot be solved, or you depend on someone to fulfil some role or function for you and then they stop doing it, your mind sees no way out and becomes lost and hopeless. And this then produces a sense of horror and rage and despair and loss. Or, what ACIM would call, "special hate." The rage of the ego comes out as an unhealable wound gushing all over the place.

The underlying lack/need comes into awareness and is experienced as unresolvable, and then continually creates more loss as it wants, needs, depends on and expects that which has gone away externally. This shows up like the withdrawal symptoms of an addict. Similarly, the mind remains "dependent" on the external thing for its source of salvation, and keeps seeking it for a solution, but the thing is gone and isn't providing what it once was, causing the mind to feel a sense of loss, deprivation, abandonment, etc.

The thing that's been dropping in for me now is that this so-called "loss" that seems to be focused on the "death of" an external figure, is actually a PROJECTED FORM of an internal lack of love. I thought perhaps I was "getting love" from some external source and needed to do so, and kept continually trying to do so even after the external source was gone. In other words, the internal "lack of love" was not addressed, and trying to solve it externally just kept reinforcing it. "How unloved I am" became the source of despair.

But what really needed to happen was to realize that this was a second-hand solution. Loss, or "hankering for the idol that died", was only a secondary solution to the internal lack of love. And when there is a presence of love within, the mind no longer needs to seek without to get its "needs" met. A loving mind HAS no needs, and it is only "needing someone" that produces loss. And need is not love.

I've been finding that if I connect with love within, receive love from God, allow myself to see myself as loved by God and lovable etc, then it seems to automatically switch off the loss. The loss can't even "go there" because it has no foundation - no guilt/lack/sin/hate of self to feed from.

In effect, I saw that it wasn't so much that I had loss about a person dying, but that I really believed that LOVE ITSELF had died. As if part of God had died, was nowhere to be found WITHOUT, and therefore could not be felt within either. When I affirmed that love was not dead but still alive, as God, as my SELF, this seemed to lift me up to a whole new level of wholeness.

What I've also found is that having more love within seems to automatically alleviate the entire foundation of that part of me that seems to want to "seek for" the missing person. The part that is very emotional which felt attached and yearning for and needing the person to be there, which asks "I want them, where are they", wondering where they'd gone, wanting them to come back etc... was a sort of deflected projection of a deeper internal lack of love.

In other words, the loss of a dead partner isn't really the cause of a sense of loss. It's not even their absence that causes it. It's what the absence MEANS for your attempt to solve the problem of lacking love within yourself. What it means for how you will get your "needs" met.

It's much more to do with the dynamic of special love, the sense of a lack of love within for yourself, and the attempt to "attach to" the person as the symbol of the love that's missing, to milk them for all they're worth. As if only they can provide what you lack. As if only their presence can console you. As if you need them just to exist. As if without them you are dead and hopeless with no way to resolve your lack. And dependency isn't even really the issue because it's just HOW you tried to resolve your lack by tapping into a seeming source.

Perhaps the bigger truth then is that if I/we had love within ourselves, from and shared with God, and would allow ourselves to BE loved more, we would actually have far less of a sense of "I need you", or "you complete me", or "I depend on you", or "I want you back" etc... which is the psychologically twisted attachment that forms when you are IN NEED. If we are not in need, within, internally, then we are more whole and no longer seeing ourselves as "dependent on" someone else for happiness, wholeness, identity, or anything else. We get it all from God in our creation.

As I find an increasing love within, and allow myself to BE loved more, to receive and be grateful for love that God has given already, the sense of loss is greatly reducing. I literally feel a letting go of that psychological external dependency, that emotional reaching out, that longing for what's not there, that wanting what I cannot have and then thinking that there is no other solution to my "problem". The problem of a lack of love.

There IS another solution to loss and death. The solution is LOVE. Love heals and restores and maintains the wholeness of what we are. Without love we ARE lost and are in a constant state of loss, and in that loss we project the cause of it and try to fill the hole using another person externally. We may partially love them but if our love was whole we would not NEED them, depend on them, or be "attached" to them. That's neediness is a special relationship rather than a holy relationship.

A holy relationship would be rooted in internal wholeness and a lack of needs, such that we feel and experience wholeness and happiness within ourselves BEFORE the other person even enters into it. We then come from love, instead of coming from neediness and lack and selfishness. We bring and give and extend love, instead of trying to take it, and receive it from God as our supply.

In loss, the ego is like a little child that cries because its favourite toys have been taken away and it wants them back. It is a self-interest of seeing oneself as deprived and lacking (lacking love, self, identity, God, other), and therefore dependent on external things to seem to complete us. But we can't even really be completed by external things, they just cover up the continued lack within. And while they may be loving us, we may be failing to fully love them.

I think in the bigger picture the lesson long term has been more along the lines of learning to love myself more and letting myself receive God's love more, and finding love here and now within myself AS myself, rather than trying to get it from somewhere else as a bandaid. An opening up to a more unconditional love, and lifting love away from being attached to physical objects or conditions. An expansion in my sense of love and identity and realising that love is not physical. And what is made of love can never be dead.

I think in particular that I spent many years trying to be a caregiver and helper and fixer as a form of love, but there was still an underlying lesson of not really getting my own needs met and not loving myself fully enough. I gave extremely but would not let myself receive much. And the more externally focused my life situation became the more I became lost and unhappy. My source of love was gradually taken away and so I've been having to learn where to find the love again, and whether it even exists.

Fortunately I do now feel a movement toward finding it WITHIN, rather than without, and this is a whole new adventure in discovery and opening and awakening. Realising that what I sought for externally is actually inside. Realising that the whole spiritual path of seeking has been the problem all along, and lifting out of that toward a focus on recognition, acceptance, and awakening to a pre-existing love that God has given is a massive shift in orientation and "problem solving approach."

It's been like a 180-degree turning point, shifting from the seek and do not find approach to life, to more of a "finding and not seeking" approach. And truly I have to say that finding and FEELING love within is the biggest revelation - I am still discovering the depths of it as if I forget it was even possible. The more I feel love within the happier I feel. It makes me literally feel more whole, like I have more personality, like I'm being me more. And all my "energies" and emotion seems to be returning to a much more centred and whole state rather than all over the place.

But the major "reward" of it all, is that it is making the terrible LOSS melt away. A loss which felt like it would never end. A loss which ultimately is caused by moving AWAY from love. Because in truth, loss is a desire for death, and is a belief in it, rather than a belief in love and life. And loss can only seem to be experienced as the loss of something separate from you. It's part of the separation idea and the ego. Yet where there is love, there is nothing lacking and no needs and no deprivation.

Love is the answer. Love is the atonement. Love is the undoing of death and despair. We must learn once again that we are very, very loved.

"I am sustained by the Love of God. - Here is the answer to every problem that confronts you today and tomorrow and throughout time."

"Put all your faith in the Love of God within you, eternal, changeless and forever unfailing. This is the answer to whatever confronts you today."

"Here is the answer! Seek for it no more. You will not find another one instead."

"Here is the answer! Do not turn away in aimless wandering again. Accept salvation now. It is the gift of God and not the world."

"The text explains that the Holy Spirit is the Answer to all problems you have made."

"Your holiness is the answer to every question that was ever asked, is being asked now, or will be asked in the future. Your holiness means the end of guilt, and therefore the end of hell."

"Forgiveness is the ANSWER to attack of any kind. So is attack DEPRIVED of its effects, and hate is answered in the Name of Love."

You could sum everything up as simply .... stop being a victim.

The question is, how far do you have to take this? The answer is, ALL THE WAY. The question then is, is it possible to not be a victim AT ALL? And the answer, is YES!

That means taking it EXTREMELY all the way. No exceptions.

In NO WAY can you be attacked, affected, influenced, coerced, hurt, damaged, made to feel something, caused - by anything in this entire world.

You must become literally IMMORTAL. Otherwise you can be affected, attacked, destroyed, which WOULD make you a victim.

Either you can be immortal, or you HAVE TO be a victim. Either one or the other has to be true, they can't both be true. Which will you accept? Eternal victimhood or eternal life?

But ACIM is calling for the END OF ALL SUFFERING FOREVER. And this requires you to completely give up EVERY illusion of victimization, EVERY belief in external causes, and even the belief that you can be changed at all.

You CANNOT change. You are permanent. You CANNOT be a victim. You are all powerful. That is the message. Identify with that which is immortal and unchangeable and you are safe and at home in God, forever out of reach of suffering and death.

"You will identify with what you think will make you safe. Whatever it may be, you will believe that it is one with you. Your safety lies in truth and not in lies. Love is your safety. Fear does not exist. Identify with love, and you are safe. Identify with love, and you are home. Identify with love, and find your Self."

"I am not the victim of the world I see."

"Today we are continuing to develop the theme of cause and effect. You are not the victim of the world you see because you invented it. You can give it up as easily as you made it up. You will see it or not see it, as you wish. While you want it you will see it; when you no longer want it, it will not be there for you to see."

"How can I be the victim of a world which can be completely undone if I so choose? My chains are loosened. I can drop them off merely by desiring to do so. The prison door is open. I can leave it simply by walking out. Nothing holds me in this world. Only my wish to stay keeps me a prisoner. I would give up insane wishes, and walk into the sunlight at last."

There is really only ONE problem. That seems easy to say, but think about how many problems you think there really are. Is there really only ONE? A single little problem? A single problem which if you solve it, ALL problems are solved?

Can everything be reduced to the problem of "being separate"? Yes. The entire ego thought system, all of the workings of space and time, all special relationships, all body identification, it's all nothing more than different forms of "being separate". Just different aspects of it in different shapes and sizes.

Therefore the ONLY thing you or anyone really needs to work on, is the undoing of separateness. To stop being separate. To stop fostering separation in all its forms and manifestations. To recognize that separation is the only problem in EVERY situation. And to then recognize that because separation is impossible, it must be already solved.

In effect, there is no real separation, so there is no problem at all. All this takes is to recognize that separation is impossible, just as sin or attack (which is used to increase separation) is impossible. God cannot be separate, and you cannot be separated from him. So you aren't. So there is no real separation at all.

"Salvation does depend on recognizing this one problem, and understanding that it has been solved. One problem -- one solution." W80

"A problem that has been resolved cannot trouble you. Only be certain you do not forget that all problems are the same. Their many forms will not deceive you while you remember this. One problem --one solution." W80

"Above all, remember that you have one problem and that the problem has one solution. It is in this that the simplicity of salvation lies." W80

"We will try to realize that we have only one problem, which we have failed to recognize. We will ask what it is, and wait for the answer. We will be told. Then we will ask for the solution to it. And we will be told." W79

"Our efforts will be directed toward recognizing that there is only one problem and one answer. In this recognition are all problems resolved." W79

"Today I would remember the simplicity of salvation by reinforcing the lesson that there is one problem and one solution. The problem is a grievance; the solution is a miracle. And I invite the solution to come to me through my forgiveness of the grievance, and my welcome of the miracle which takes its place." W90