Communication means sharing. Not sharing where one person hands over something to someone else, who now possesses that thing, but the first person doesn't. It means, you both have access to the same state at the same time concurrently. In other words, communication means Oneness.

When there is a breakdown in Oneness, where separations are introduced, it' like erecting walls that come between. Separate parts of mind - or individuals - now seem to be on either side of the wall, like the Berlin wall. This wall breaks communication. It makes it hard to share and join and connect.

Once communication has broken down, i.e. sharing has broken down, we get into a state where there is barely any real sharing. Separate individuals now seem cut off from each other with various forms of distance between them.

The physical world with all its illusions arises out of this breakdown in communication, resulting from separation and illusions of fragmentation and distance. "Spacetime" really means "distance from here."

When communication is diminished, it degrades and devolves into what we commonly think of as forms of communication. These forms of communication are severely strained because there is so much separation involved.

While you can write or speak to others, across a gap of separation there must be misinterpretation. Information will be lost, mis-perceived, and disagreed upon. When two people seem to be a little more eye-to-eye, communication may be elevated, or they may seem to share more.

But there is also an illusion of sharing. Prowess at using the ego's forms of communication doesn't necessarily mean there is openness to true sharing. There are excellent "communicators" in the world but they are not necessarily One with God, or experiencing the same exact identity and state of being as the One Son of God.

The body limits communication, and every way that we use it to express through its forms, are breakdowns in communication. Once in the body this way, unless you are so awakened that you are communicating from pure love, you will feel this urge to try to, or to have to, force others to see things the way you see them.

This happens because you know that there is a major difference between the way you perceive separately and the way they perceive separately. You have to make egoic efforts to force them to listen, and the ego then produces this fictional idea that ... if you could just get people to "get" what you are saying, if you could just get them to "see" your point of view, or if you could just shake the denial out of them to get them to agree with you wholeheartedly, THEN this would be communication. However, this is impossible to achieve.

This automatic compulsion to coerce others to see things your way, is simply because you are not both sharing the same direct experience and there is no Oneness. This means the other person will have to be changed in order for them to seem to share what you are experiencing, and this change can only be brought about through force, in defense of what you perceive as being the whole truth.

While there is a separation, there cannot be perfect communication. The ego will attempt to claim it is possible to KEEP the separation between you and others, to communicate only through its approved channels, and to nevertheless perfectly transfer what is in you to others, or to precisely get from others what is in them. This is impossible and will never work. The separation distorts the message and will always inhibit it.

True communication in ACIM means Oneness. When there is a revelation, God is communicating fully to you. When there is full awakening, you are then able to share in full communication. The Course speaks of how we are to use miracles to help us to "raise the level of communication". What this means is decreasing separation so that there can truly be real sharing - oneness.

"To be with a body is not communication."

"The whole aim of the miracle is to raise the level of communication."

"11. Prayer is the medium of miracles. It is a means of communication of the created with the Creator. Through prayer love is received, and through miracles love is expressed."

"Like any communication medium, the body receives and sends the messages that it is given. It has no feeling for them. All of the feeling with which they are invested is given by the sender and the receiver."

This also means that, in fact, the ego does not facilitate communication - it blocks it. It spins illusions of communication to try to bridge the gap of separation which it itself put in place, which is "special communication" (that's not an official course term but it could be). Illusions of successful communication, or the ways that you improve the ego's forms of communication, covers up and distorts real communication.

In truth then, nothing that the ego attempts to "share" goes anywhere. It's ultimate form of communication is attempted death, whereby the body is used as the ultimate weapon to try to prove that oneself is dead and therefore so are others. And yet, this has no effect on others. The more you enter into the ego the more cut off from others you become, and the effects of what you attempt to bring about cease all the more.

This is also why nothing real can be threatened. The ego cannot attack God. The more it attempts to attack God the less effective it is. The ego's attacks are withdrawals from God. The more it tries to bring about death, the more confined and separated it becomes, and this keeps all of its effects securely at a distance from God. The Kingdom of God cannot be assailed because the ego's forms of communication - "attack" - is actually an act of failing to will anything real.

"Exclude any part of the Kingdom from yourself and you are not whole."

"The body no more dies than it can feel. It does nothing."

"Nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace."

"Nothing can destroy your peace of mind because God goes with you wherever you go."

"There is no death because the Son of God is like his Father. Nothing you can do can change Eternal Love."

I am going to create a new book based entirely on the metaphysical logic of the Course, which will dispel all myths and misunderstandings and arguments about what the Course is teaching, saying and meaning, on an irrefutably logical, black-and-white basis. It will be so clear and accurate that only unwillingness to accept it will see fault in it.

Everything about the Course is logic-based and every outcome of any thought system is a logical conclusion. There is no room for opinion, neither my own nor that of anyone else. Jesus is extremely logical in his presentation of the metaphysics. People will see this as either arrogant or impossible or perfectly acceptable. But it IS possible to spell out everything Jesus is teaching in a logical manner. Jesus already proved that with His Course.

"The ego has a purpose, just as the Holy Spirit has. The ego’s purpose is FEAR, because ONLY the fearful can be egotistic. The ego’s logic is as impeccable as that of the Holy Spirit, because your mind has all the means at its disposal to side with Heaven or earth, as it elects."

Everything to do with Heaven and Holy Spirit's thought system is perfectly logical.

Everything to do with the ego's thought system, behavior, conclusions and goals is also perfectly logical.

Everything to do with separation from God and all of the steps which followed it, the outcome of the separation, what is or is not real, the nature of time, even the formation of physical matter, and the consequence of death, all come about through perfect logic.

It follows, logically, that if you grasp a correct understanding of the logic behind all this, you can come to the correct conclusions and understand why things have happened the way they have, and how to reverse it.

The flow of logic, when understood clearly without making errors, removes all questions, doubts, confusions, conflicts and arguments about what ACIM is teaching, saying or meaning. You can fight with people but you can't fight with perfect irrefutable logical facts.

The logical consistency is irrefutable, and you can also see that Jesus is very black-and-white and very extremely accurate and specific in His logical descriptions of mind and ego and everything else. Most of what He says is based on logical conclusions. This logical basis is referred to in the course as REASONING. Logical reasoning produces sane conclusions. Insane reasoning is still logical but produces false conclusions. EVERYTHING about the ego and all of its functioning and subtleties is a false conclusion.

Most of the debate surrounding the Course and what it means or teaches comes from a lack of clarity about the underlying metaphysical logic. The logic determines what the course MUST be saying, regardless of the words used or how it says it. Even debates about whether God creates souls or whether the world is real or whether God is in the world or whether miracles are supernatural or anything else, all has a LOGICAL metaphysical foundation which is irrefutable when seen clearly.

A common problem I also see is that Jesus says one thing in one part of the course on a given topic, and a person might take that in isolation and draw conclusions based on it. But then the same topic may be discussed elsewhere in the course in such a manner that it clarifies or gives a slightly different understanding. Because the Course is so large, it can be difficult to keep all of these things in mind simultaneously, to cross-reference them, to ensure that you are being completely consistent and not producing contradictions.

The Course is also often said to be contradictory in many places and many people do not understand why this is. I will say this. There are NO contradictions in the Course at all. Nor is there ANY basis for describing parts of it as metaphor, except for when Jesus is explicitly and deliberately using a metaphor for teaching purposes. The idea of the Course being filled with metaphor or symbols is a poorly illogical way to explain-away or gloss-over a poor grasp of the underlying metaphysical logic. It is usually based in poor reasoning, fear, denial, and unwillingness to accept the truth.

Jesus does not contradict Himself. He is not unclear about anything. He has deliberately tried to be as black-and-white as possible because this ensures perfect clarity and avoids any ambiguous false conclusions as much as possible. From what I've seen, most confusion or conflict over the meaning of the Course has nothing to do with what Jesus says, and is only to do with a temporary lack of grasp of the whole picture by the student, ie there are some parts they have not yet added up, they have not seen how it all fits together, or are not yet willing to accept certain things and so are blocked.

Behind all of our opinions and interpretations, there is an absolutely 100% rock solid underlying metaphysical logic, which can be spelled out in black and white terms. Everything that happens in the ego thought system, all of its dynamics, every interaction and relationship, all ways of perceiving and projecting, every reaction, is all describable in terms of completely logical conclusions, each one building upon the foundation of another. There is no part of this world or the ego or mind or anything that is not completely logical in terms of why it is happening or what it is based on.

Regardless of what the words say, regardless of illusions of contradiction, vagueness, or lack of evidence, if you grasp the logical basis CORRECTLY, you not only can logically find the right answer yourself, you also can extrapolate the logic yourself, meaning that you can not only gain NEW insights which were not previously mentioned based on the SAME metaphysics that Jesus teaches, but also that is completely consistent with it and an extension of it, producing clarifications and understanding of the metaphysics even beyond your current personal experiences.

This is why it can also become a possible trap, because the logic of the mind is able to grasp the metaphysics conceptually prior to it being your actual experience. And yet to grasp the conceptual logic is important because it becomes a GUIDANCE TOOL, correcting your mistakes in thinking and helping LEAD YOU towards the truth. Every part of the Holy Spirit's thought system is perfectly logical so each piece that you grasp accurately builds upon the rest and not only reinforces the thought system it also adds missing pieces by automatic implication.

You can "figure out" what Jesus means by using perfect logical conclusions, and can therefore even say things which are TRUE and which Jesus would agree with, which Jesus Himself never said, and have it NOT be "outside of the Course's teachings". The excuse "Jesus didn't say that" or "that's not written in the course" is a blindness which fixates only on the form of what was said, NOT the underlying logic, and this causes many students to put up unnecessary defenses, to put the course in a box, to dwell unnecessarily on different versions of the book, and to make the form of its words all important. It is what the words are BASED ON that is important. The fundamental logical basis IS the metaphysics, and IS aligned with the thought system of Jesus, from which He speaks.

For example, the only reason that someone projects responsibility for causing something onto another person, is because awareness of being the cause of it has been blocked in their own mind, meaning logically they are not aware that they are responsible for causing it, which means they MUST now look elsewhere to try to find the cause. This is not optional. There are no exceptions to the rule. This is simply what must happen given the logical foundation. If you did not do this, someone or something else did.

As another example, you can explain why every mistake is forgivable by recognizing that a person is only attacking because they are believing that someone else is the cause of the problem. Having simply not been aware of their own actions of mind, they see cause as separate from themselves. And so this justifies all anger and attack. And the only reason the person is becoming angry and attacking is because of this logical framework which has been established.

If the person were to remove the block to awareness to look at the FACTS ("no one can argue with a fact"), that they themselves did this to themselves, it is then OBVIOUS that there is no justification for attack. So anyone who is attacking is simply temporarily unaware, and THAT IS ALL, and because of that unawareness they do not know what they are doing to themselves, and so their attacks are merely MISTAKES they are making in unconsciousness, and so they must be FORGIVABLE because they did not do this on purpose consciously. They are not in their right mind, therefore forgiveness is justified in every case. This is logical, and Holy Spirit's logical thought system recognizes this and therefore sees forgiveness as being always justified.

Impeccable logic can properly explain the "levels" of separation, all states of mind, the dynamics of every interaction, the automatic, predictable flow of ego thoughts, and all logical outcomes of the ego thought system, including the formation of forms and matter and bodies and planets and sickness and death. Nothing is happening other than an entirely CLOSED system of logical conclusions, based on a false premise.

All of these steps in separation, all of the dynamics of the ego, all of the ways that mind does or does not do something, all states of perception and misperception, the state of Heaven and its conditions, the functioning of minds of oneness, all of the parts of the Holy Spirit's thought system and the ego's thought system are ENTIRELY LOGIC BASED.

Love and fear are opposites. But only love is real. Therefore fear is not real and love has no opposite. If there is fear, it produces a state which does not exist. This is PERFECT LOGIC. This describes for example the foundation of the separation. And also explains why "there is no world", because a world based on fear cannot exist. This is why "there is no life outside of heaven".

Or here is another way to do it. God is cause. You are effect. You cannot cause what caused you because you are 100% the effect of it. Therefore attempting to cause God is impossible and will produce states which do not exist (dreams of nothing). This is perfectly logical.

Since everything in the Course's teachings including the foundation for working miracles is based entirely on metaphysical logic, this is going to be the foundation of the new book I am working on. It is going to spell out all of this in such clear black-and-white terms it will be extremely difficult to deny it or to become confused by it. It's got nothing to do with personal opinion. Metaphysics means FACTS, and this is what we need to overcome our constant debates and confusions and states of misunderstanding.

Here are some examples of Jesus talking about metaphysical logic:

"From the belief in sin, the faith in chaos MUST follow. It is because it follows that it seems to be a logical conclusion; a valid step in ordered thought. The steps to chaos DO follow neatly from their starting-point. Each is a different form in the progression of truth’s reversal, leading still deeper into terror, and away from truth."

"The Holy Spirit uses logic as easily, and as well, as does the ego, except that HIS conclusions are NOT insane. They take a direction EXACTLY opposite, pointing as clearly to Heaven as the ego points to darkness and to death. We have followed much of the ego’s logic, and have seen its logical conclusions. And, HAVING seen them, we have realized that they can NOT be seen but in delusions. For there alone their SEEMING clearness SEEMS TO BE CLEARLY SEEN. Let us now turn AWAY from them, and follow the simple logic, by which the Holy Spirit teaches you the simple conclusions that speak for truth, and ONLY truth."

"Like the text for which this workbook was written, the ideas which are used for the exercises are very simple, very clear and totally unambiguous. We are not concerned with intellectual feats nor logical toys. We are dealing only in the very obvious, which has been overlooked in the clouds of complexity in which you think you think."

""God gives me only happiness."

"He has given my function to me."

"Therefore my function must be happiness."

Try to see the logic in this sequence"

"Only the DIFFERENT can attack. So you conclude, BECAUSE you can attack, you must be different. Yet does the Holy Spirit explain this differently. BECAUSE you are not different, you CAN NOT attack. Either position is a logical conclusion, if only the different can attack. Either could be maintained, but never both. "

"And reason now can lead you to the logical conclusion of your union."

"The logic of the world MUST therefore lead to nothing, for its GOAL is nothing."

"There is NOTHING in the world to teach him that the logic of the world is totally insane, and leads to nothing. But in him who MADE this insane logic, there is One Who KNOWS it leads to nothing, for He knows of EVERYTHING."

"Yet the logical outcome of your decision is perfectly clear, if you will LOOK at it. By deciding AGAINST your reality, you have made yourself vigilant AGAINST God and His Kingdom. And it is THIS vigilance that makes you afraid to remember Him."

"You therefore ARE willing to look at the ego’s premises but NOT at their logical outcome. Is it not possible that you have done the same thing with the premises of God? Your creations ARE the logical outcome of His premises. "

"They are the logical outcome of what you ARE. The ability to SEE a logical outcome depends on the WILLINGNESS TO SEE IT, but its TRUTH has nothing to do with your willingness at all."

"This means that the ego attacks WHAT IS PRESERVING IT, and this MUST be a source of extreme anxiety. This is why it NEVER knows what it is doing. This is perfectly logical, though clearly insane."

"Remaining logical but still insane, the ego resolves this completely insane dilemma in a completely insane way."

"In one sense, the ego’s fear of the idea of God is at least logical, because this idea DOES dispel it. "

"Test validity can be judged by logic, by theory, and by practice, each being regarded as a different dimension."

"Upside-down logic produces this kind of thinking."

"Now take this personally, and listen to Divine logic: If, when you have been forgiven, you have everything else, and If you have been forgiven, Then you have everything else. This happens to be the simplest of all propositions. IF P then Q. P. Therefore, Q. The real question is, is P true. If you will review the evidence, I think you will find this inescapable. I went on very personal record to this effect, and I am the only completely True Witness for God."

Communication means sharing. Not sharing where one person hands over something to someone else, who now possesses that thing, but the first person doesn't. It means, you both have access to the same state at the same time concurrently. In other words, communication means Oneness.

When there is a breakdown in Oneness, where separations are introduced, it' like erecting walls that come between. Separate parts of mind - or individuals - now seem to be on either side of the wall, like the Berlin wall. This wall breaks communication. It makes it hard to share and join and connect.

Once communication has broken down, i.e. sharing has broken down, we get into a state where there is barely any real sharing. Separate individuals now seem cut off from each other with various forms of distance between them.

The physical world with all its illusions arises out of this breakdown in communication, resulting from separation and illusions of fragmentation and distance. "Spacetime" really means "distance from here."

When communication is diminished, it degrades and devolves into what we commonly think of as forms of communication. These forms of communication are severely strained because there is so much separation involved.

While you can write or speak to others, across a gap of separation there must be misinterpretation. Information will be lost, mis-perceived, and disagreed upon. When two people seem to be a little more eye-to-eye, communication may be elevated, or they may seem to share more.

But there is also an illusion of sharing. Prowess at using the ego's forms of communication doesn't necessarily mean there is openness to true sharing. There are excellent "communicators" in the world but they are not necessarily One with God, or experiencing the same exact identity and state of being as the One Son of God.

The body limits communication, and every way that we use it to express through its forms, are breakdowns in communication. Once in the body this way, unless you are so awakened that you are communicating from pure love, you will feel this urge to try to, or to have to, force others to see things the way you see them.

This happens because you know that there is a major difference between the way you perceive separately and the way they perceive separately. You have to make egoic efforts to force them to listen, and the ego then produces this fictional idea that ... if you could just get people to "get" what you are saying, if you could just get them to "see" your point of view, or if you could just shake the denial out of them to get them to agree with you wholeheartedly, THEN this would be communication. However, this is impossible to achieve.

This automatic compulsion to coerce others to see things your way, is simply because you are not both sharing the same direct experience and there is no Oneness. This means the other person will have to be changed in order for them to seem to share what you are experiencing, and this change can only be brought about through force, in defense of what you perceive as being the whole truth.

While there is a separation, there cannot be perfect communication. The ego will attempt to claim it is possible to KEEP the separation between you and others, to communicate only through its approved channels, and to nevertheless perfectly transfer what is in you to others, or to precisely get from others what is in them. This is impossible and will never work. The separation distorts the message and will always inhibit it.

True communication in ACIM means Oneness. When there is a revelation, God is communicating fully to you. When there is full awakening, you are then able to share in full communication. The Course speaks of how we are to use miracles to help us to "raise the level of communication". What this means is decreasing separation so that there can truly be real sharing - oneness.

"To be with a body is not communication."

"The whole aim of the miracle is to raise the level of communication."

"11. Prayer is the medium of miracles. It is a means of communication of the created with the Creator. Through prayer love is received, and through miracles love is expressed."

"Like any communication medium, the body receives and sends the messages that it is given. It has no feeling for them. All of the feeling with which they are invested is given by the sender and the receiver."

This also means that, in fact, the ego does not facilitate communication - it blocks it. It spins illusions of communication to try to bridge the gap of separation which it itself put in place, which is "special communication" (that's not an official course term but it could be). Illusions of successful communication, or the ways that you improve the ego's forms of communication, covers up and distorts real communication.

In truth then, nothing that the ego attempts to "share" goes anywhere. It's ultimate form of communication is attempted death, whereby the body is used as the ultimate weapon to try to prove that oneself is dead and therefore so are others. And yet, this has no effect on others. The more you enter into the ego the more cut off from others you become, and the effects of what you attempt to bring about cease all the more.

This is also why nothing real can be threatened. The ego cannot attack God. The more it attempts to attack God the less effective it is. The ego's attacks are withdrawals from God. The more it tries to bring about death, the more confined and separated it becomes, and this keeps all of its effects securely at a distance from God. The Kingdom of God cannot be assailed because the ego's forms of communication - "attack" - is actually an act of failing to will anything real.

"Exclude any part of the Kingdom from yourself and you are not whole."

"The body no more dies than it can feel. It does nothing."

"Nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace."

"Nothing can destroy your peace of mind because God goes with you wherever you go."

"There is no death because the Son of God is like his Father. Nothing you can do can change Eternal Love."

If you believe you are guilty, it's because you believe you really did something which has caused a loss or damage to someone else. It means you believe you succeeded in attacking and taking something from them. The guilt tells you that because you did take something away from another (sinned), you owe them.

This means they are justified in doing something to you in return, in attempt to take back what you stole, and to retaliate against your crime. You now must fear revenge, and see it as an inevitable, constant threat. You believe in their likelihood of revenge because you believe in your success at sinning, hence your guilt.

So long as you believe that the person is suffering the consequences of your sin, which you want to believe because you want to have succeeded in separating, you will believe they are going to hunt you down and attack you. You believe they are completely justified in doing this and even agree with their motivations, even if it threatens you.

Therefore your guilt has automatically produced a state of fear, whereby simply because you are guilty, you yourself can see the sense in someone else wanting to attack you back. You believe in what you stole and see them as seeking revenge, to atone for the sin. Of this you must be afraid, and so guilt leads to automatic, mandatory fear of punishment.

The guilt will therefore automatically imply, project, and turn into fear. Now that you are in fear, you believe that you should be afraid, because you believe that punishment is going to come. And even though you yourself believe that you don't want the punishment to happen, you cannot help but be afraid it is going to happen because you already believe in the reason for it. It must happen, because you are guilty, and all your efforts will be to try to avoid and escape it, even though you believe it is inevitable. You attempt to escape BECAUSE you believe it is coming.

However, your own belief in your guilt will keep producing the fear, and the fear itself will keep visualizing the ways in which punishment is going to happen. At every turn it will haunt you and you will not feel safe, threatened by the revenge that you believe must be coming. In fact, so strong will be your belief that the punishment will come, that you will in fact begin to make it come. You will draw it to you, ask for it, and even take steps to make it happen. You will hate yourself for this but you yourself believe in the logical sense that you should be punished, and so you will agree to allow punishment to come to you, even if it makes you suffer.

Therefore because you have condemned yourself as sinful, it leads eventually to you implementing your own self punishment. Even if other people will not comply with your attempts to destroy yourself, you will do enough of a job on your own to ensure you receive what you believe you deserve. And so you will continue to prove your worthlessness by demonstrating that you deserve punishment, enacting it against yourself, and literally hurting your own self by your own hand.

And so fear inevitably leads to the enactment of punishment, because it strengthens the belief that you should be punished, and what you fear you attract. Fear pretends to not want what it focuses on, but it feeds tremendous energy into what it would avoid, through attempts at further separation, which only intensifies the sense of sin and guilt and produces more of the same. Eventually the shame and guilt produces so much fear of punishment that it starts to produce actual punishment. And so fear turns into punishment, sickness, and suffering, and perhaps even death.

Fear perpetuates and justifies a perception of yourself as being victimized, whereby whoever is to attack you is justified in doing so because of your sin. You owe them, and you know it. Therefore you dread the punishment that you yourself believe you should be receiving, and it's only a matter of time before it finds you. And if it is taking too long, one way or another you will cause it and welcome it, because you believe it is what should happen.

As punishment increases, so too is fear increasing, and gradually the atoning for sin nears completion. The more you are punished and suffering, the more you believe you are getting what you deserve, even if you exclaim that it is unfair and undeserved, and even if it is scaring you shitless. You yourself started this whole cycle through your own self condemnation, and your guilt and fear and punishment is just the fulfillment of your own belief in your worthiness of suffering. And so punishment comes and as it continues to ramp up in severity, so do you inflict upon yourself what you think you are worth.

The final blow of punishment is of course death, the idea that your sin is so great and so irreversible that you might as well give up on life completely and just let yourself be caught by those who you believe would bring the punishment to you. You surrender to death and lay down your life as though it is simply inevitable, because there is absolutely no way out of the logical sequence of conclusions you come to as soon as you start down the slippery slope of sin. Here you have followed sin to its logical conclusion, the call for atonement in death. The sinful must die, and the inescapable progression of logic from sin to death gives no way out, regardless of your protests.

This need not be.

The Son of God is not sinful. You are not guilty. And you have no reason to be afraid. Sin is not real, and no matter what you did, it is forgiven already by God. It wasn't reality and it didn't happen in reality. Only in a dream. Wake up to the happy news that all is forgiven and you are welcome home.

The progression of unfolding from sin through guilt fear punishment and death, need not occur, if the root foundation of that entire thought system is dug out. You must be willing to question whether the sin was real, whether you really did separate from God, or whether nothing has happened. This is the undoing of the dream of death, and is what the atonement represents. The idea of truth, that you cannot possibly separate from God, your attacks cannot have any effects, you cannot really sin, and no real consequences have come from trying.

You still remain as innocent as God created you to be. All the rest is just delusional nonsense and dreaming. You don't deserve to die. You deserve to live forever.

A major mistake I keep making, or at least am starting to notice I'm making, is trying to find answers in the world.

Jesus is often hinting to me that I'm doing something wrong when I do this.

I'll be lost in the middle of trying to figure something out or decide between two things, or determine what the "real reason is", or find a cause, or basically find any sense of truth to do with anything in this world.

It's difficult because my mind is so used to thinking this way - looking outside of myself for truth, for salvation etc. I'm so accustomed to being in this "mode" of "is it this or that?"... when in fact BOTH of those things are not the answer.

It also happens any time I am in any amount of fear, which is often, whereby Jesus will poke me because I'm once again lost in doubt and trying to decide something. It's really a state of indecision and because of the presence of fear, there is literally no way I can see clearly or find a completely convincing truth.

It often takes several winks and nudges before I I might suddenly have enough awareness to even realize that "I'm doing it again". ... I'm basically trying to find some kind of truth or answer in the world.

A reason why someone is sick. A cause for why something happened. A truth that explains which path to take. Some evidence that shows me something is correct. A sense of certainty that cannot be found in uncertainty. A clear and obvious answer which is profoundly elusive in the presence of fear.

I get lost in all these ways, in what basically is a state of split ego mind, where I am just lost and looking in all the wrong places for a truth that isn't really there.

When I finally am nudged enough by Jesus to look at what I'm really doing, and I've run out of attempts to find answers to what it is that I am doing wrong (lol), and I have pretty much no other option left as to what it is that Jesus is trying to get at, THEN I might suddenly realize..... oh... I'm doing it again.... I'm trying to find truth in the world.

And so what has been really coming to me big time lately, totally unexpected, is this idea that... absolutely everything in this world is NOT THE TRUTH. And cannot be. And it is not real. No matter how it looks, no matter how convincing it is, no matter how well explained, no matter whose credentials are behind it, no matter how real it seems, no matter how I can pinpoint physical causes, no matter how explainable or understandable it seems to be, IT IS STILL NOT THE TRUTH.

It is not God's truth. And God's truth is the ONLY truth. There IS no truth in the world, EVER.

This is quite surprising to me given how much I've been used to finding answers (salvation) outside of myself. It's the totally automatic mode of the ego to find truth externally, or to explain situations, or diagnose sicknesses, or find the "real cause" of stuff. All that is doing is the ego is trying to give truth to its illusions, trying to make mistakes real, making sickness real, making the world real, and that is NOT forgiveness.

Forgiveness HAS to recognize that the ENTIRE WORLD and EVERYTHING IN IT is an illusion, is not the truth, has no truth to it, cannot provide an answer, is not the "final answer", an therefore there is ANOTHER TRUTH which goes beyond this world.

There is a truth which is of God. It is a truth which transcends the world. It is a truth of immortality, eternal life, absolute peace, total happiness, invulnerability, christ consciousness, oneness and love. This is THE ONLY TRUTH.

And so as I've been really really used to finding "some" of the truth outside of me, in the world, in explanations and what appears to be cause and effect in the illusion, where one thing appears to cause something else to happen, THAT is not truth. So I am now going into this process of quite literally becoming clearer and stronger in my discernment that EVERY attempt to find truth in the world will fail, and will only tell me something that is - in God's reality - not the REAL truth.

This is the foundation for miracle mindedness, because miracle mindedness completely defies the laws of physics, chemistry, biology. The laws of nature. The laws of what appears to be separate causes and effects. All rules. All results. All effects. All stuff that seems to "happen" in this world, it is all NOT the truth of God. And therefore, God has power OVER all of it!!!

This is why in order to perform MIRACLES (!!), we need to get our mind into a place where we're very clear about the fact that this world is NOT REAL, that there is NO truth to how it appears whatsoever, that sickness is just a fake image which can be easily changed, that the body is just a fake image which can be easily changed, and that, as ACIM says very early on, "there is nothing my holiness cannot do."

While I'm looking for truth in this world, in all the things I rely on and think are sources of certainty and reality, I am distracting myself from the truth of God. And that means I am not being miraculous. Miracles, the power of God's love, will flow IN SPITE of this world, and with DOMINION over this world, and with a POWER that this world has absolutely no idea about.

And therefore no matter what state or condition this world is in, and no matter how it appears, and what seems to be the "finality" of it, or bodily states which seem irreversible, or even DEATH as a statement of "you can't do anything about this because its real".. THATS BULLSHIT! God CAN do something about it, because God does not buy the lie that this world is reality. And that means miracles can happen, and people CAN be raised from the dead, temporarily or otherwise if its preferable, and you are NOT at the effect of this world.

A Course in Miracles thus makes no sense whatsoever UNLESS this world is an illusion, and unless this world has absolutely no truth to it whatsoever. Only then can it be possible that everything ACIM claims can be true, and only then is it possible that natural MIRACLES can happen, ALL THE TIME!

Hallelujah!

While the world and its hierarchy of illusions would tell you that some sicknesses are far more severe than others, ultimately there is no world and there is no difference between them.

When the world suggests for example that a stroke, brain damage, severe paralysis, is irreversible, serious, extremely bad, wrong, progressive, unhealable and proof of threat and danger, you are heavily deceived. But when reframed, it is literally nothing. A tiny little nothingness.

And if perchance a miracle were to occur where what is in fact tiny and nothing were to simply be changed into health and wholeness, this would not be surprising, given that it was nothing to begin with and hardly a serious challenge or obstacle.

It should become second nature, even habitual, to be able to heal the sick and raise the dead in the blink of an eye. These should not be even considered difficult or serious or big challenges, because all of those impressions of its difficulty are in fact illusions.

It is the ego world that testifies and claims and asserts that there is tremendous difficulty in raising the dead, or reversing brain damage, or undoing paralysis, or repairing organs, but this is because the world has defined all the terms for just how important and serious the body is. And it is all a lie.

What if the body is nothing. And what if sickness is so nothing that it does not exist. And what if what seems immense and insurmountable if taken to be real, is in fact minuscule and easy to change and brushed off like it were nothing at all? Such is the outlook of miracle mindedness.

"Wholeness is the perceptual content of miracles."

We are simply too deceived by the world's lies and have fallen for its assertions of difficulty so many times, that we really think the hierarchy of illusions is true. That there are big scary impossible things in the world like cancer, heart disease, strokes, diabetes, amputation, chronic illness, even death. And that all these things are so far toward the end of the extreme spectrum that they have no chance of being healed. This is part of the deception.

The world makes everything difficult, taxing, an effort, and a problem.

"The world was made that problems could not be solved."

"All its roads lead to death."

"It is the world you see that is impossible."

"When he is not in a state of grace he IS out of his natural environment, and does NOT function well. Everything he does becomes a strain, because he was not created for the environment which he has made. He therefore cannot adapt to it, nor can he adapt it to him. There is no point in trying."

But here's the thing. If the world truly is so filled with impossibility, if it testifies to the immense difficulty and hardness and irreversibility of its conditions, then it isn't actually far to go to realize that because it IS impossible, it is IMPOSSIBLE that it really exists. All you have to do is realize its impossibility is NOT REAL, and DOES NOT EXIST. Because impossibility IS impossible.

And so impossible sickness.... things too hard to heal.... things too big and intense and difficult to even change slightly.... these are all lies, told by a world of illusions, bought into by all magical medical institutions, and believed by the masses. If limbs were suddenly restored and bodies were raising from death left right and center and sickness were just vanishing before your eyes on a daily basis, you wouldn't give a shit what the world suggested can't be done.

All sickness is a lie. Every form of it, all of its properties, all of the medical stories about why it is so impossible to heal it, all of the physical laws, every appearance, it's all part of a huge f'ing deception. And you stop believing it the second you regard the entire world as unreal. It's a dream of death, not a reality of death. It's a dream of sickness, not real sickness. And Jesus says the illusions can EASILY be changed BECAUSE they are illusions.

Seen in their proper light, that which is an illusion, when not taken to be real, is recognized as EFFORTLESSLY modified by the mind's power. It is regarded as SO NOTHING that it has no power and no ability to resist the will of God. As an illusion, it can EASILY be altered.

"He must HIMSELF withdraw that power, remembering that all power is of God."

Believing you cannot work miracles is very heavily influenced by the belief in orders of difficulty. Buying into the hierarchy of illusions and taking individual separate forms to be different to others.

Believing that some things are harder or easier. Being deceived that you simply can't go up against "big real sicknesses" because of the tremendous weight and power and immensity of their established realities. But if they are not real, if they are nothing, if they have no value, and do not exist at all, then what obstacle can they possibly present, and how would such an obstacle be different to wafting a fart in the wind?

Miracles are effortless and easy and commonplace and automatic and natural, for one who recognizes there is no world, and for whom they are not deceived by any illusion of difficulty. The only reason you think you cannot do this is because you ARE deceived by illusions of difficulty, and thus you fear the power of sickness, and want to keep it. Sickness must be recognized as NOTHING in order to strip it of this power, so that you realize it presents NO obstacle and is EASILY dismissed.

"Miracles are natural and should be happening all the time."

"Every day should be devoted to miracles."

"There are no orders of difficulty among them. One is not harder than another."

"There is nothing so blinding as perception of form. For sight of form means understanding has been obscured. Only MISTAKES have different forms, and so they can deceive. You can change form, BECAUSE it is not true. It could not be reality, BECAUSE it can be changed. Reason will tell you that, if form is not reality, it must be an illusion, and is not THERE to see. And, if you see it, you must be mistaken, for you are seeing what can NOT be real, as if it were. What cannot see beyond what is not there, MUST be distorted perception. And must perceive illusions as the truth. Could it, then, RECOGNIZE the truth?"

It used to seem as though fear was automatic. We were taught it was a natural response, part of how the primitive brain works, understandable given certain threats, and so on.

But gradually I'm seeing more and more the secret to salvation, "you are doing this to yourself", that we in fact have a choice in whether to be afraid or not.

Not only that, but we in fact are the cause of our own fear. The mistaken things that we do with our mind and perception bring about fearful perceptions. They seem as if caused by something outside of us over which we have no control. But the secret is, we in fact are having everything to do with creating this fear.

We do get to choose whether to perceive things in such a way that it produces fear, or not. It hinges entirely around whether it seems true that there is an external cause, power, mind, or will ... a threat, which we ourselves believe is really there, which seems to them loom over us with a magical ability to make us be at its effect without being able to stop it.

The entire basis for all fear lies in this reversal of cause and effect. We are all meant to naturally be the cause of everything, and any effects we produce we recognize as coming from us. But the instant that this is reversed and it *seems* as though the effect out there has some ability to cause, and therefore we are no longer a cause but an effect, this immediately produces fear.

Who would not be afraid if they perceived that there is a separate will, an alien will, which has the power to do something to you, and being separate from your own causal power, can in fact produce effects in you that you do not want?

This is the entire foundation for being "able to die" without your apparent consent, where it seems that a separate will chooses for you the effects you will experience. As if the world, or time, or bodies, or events, or foods, or whatever, have the power to make you dead if they so choose. Yet no-one dies without their own consent, and this is entirely a fear-based belief system, not based in truth or reality.

Just the simple belief that this external power exists *at all* forms the basis of fear. If there IS a separate will, then that automatically means there is something it can do to you which you do not choose yourself. Fear is absolutely guaranteed in that scenario, because now there is a possibility of something happening to you, making you a victim.

The mere perception of this belief system, that causes are outside of you, will make you afraid. And the entire time that you are mis-perceiving this way, you will be in fear.

There will be no escape from this fear no matter what you do, until your perceptual error is fixed. So long as you keep choosing to see yourself as a victim, as being threatened, attacked, caused, affected, by *anything*, you will live in fear.

And this fear will seem completely justified, and will even make sense to you, and seem to have a totally valid basis. You'll agree, that you *should* be afraid, because of what that external cause has the power to do to you. Even if it's not actively doing anything to you at all, your mere belief in its power is a state of fear.

What actually then is it that you are afraid of, is not the things which seem to have the power, it's the mere belief that they have the power at all. And the fact is, it's not even the power belonging to anyone else, or anything in the world. The power only *seems* to be out there, separate from you, because in your own mind you have a split mind - a belief in separation - which has sectioned off YOUR OWN POWER and makes it seem like it is separate from you.

So now the threat you think is outside of you, or the causality, the will, the power, to make stuff happen... its YOUR OWN WILL! It's part of you. Having a split mind splits your will and pits your will against itself. This is what the separation is all about, being at war with yourself. Inner conflict. And all inner conflict produces guaranteed fear.

Fear then, is the experience of what it feels like, to believe in separation. It IS the separation. The entire dream of separation is a dream of fear, and it's also the same thing as death. If there is separation in your mind, your will will be separated from itself, and will seem to act against itself, threatening itself, and thereby threating you. The separation is a belief in self condemnation, that you sinned, and threatening yourself with this sin is what makes you afraid.

You then will experience the "cause" as separate from you, because this split off part of your will has been disassociated from your sense of identity - you think it's not even part of your own mind or self. And then you'll overlay it on top of other people and external circumstances and think that those things are causing the fear. And if they are, if they are truly separate, then there is nothing you can do about it. If the causality belongs to other people or events, it's outside of your ability to do anything about it at all. This produces the classic justified victimhood perception - victim consciousness.

But there is everything you can do about it. All of this stuff is not happening outside of your mind. The threat - the "external will", is not outside of your mind. Ideas leave not their source. You have to recognize the threat is YOU threatening yourself. What you think is a separate cause out there scaring you, is part of yourself. It's your own disowned causal power. You've given your power away. You've separated yourself from your power and will. And now you think it is acting against you.

So the secret to salvation is this, you absolutely are doing ALL of this to yourself. And that means, absolutely every cause of fear is resulting from something YOU are choosing. And the choice you are making is to believe in separation, within your mind, which makes your mind experience itself as split, and produces fear. If you therefore stop choosing to believe separation is real, and stop being divided against yourself, and take back all of your own power recognizing it AS your own and not the possession of someone you tried to make responsible for it, you will have finally absolutely NO basis for being afraid ever again.

There is no cause of fear other than yourself. Therefore you can be free of it.

All sickness and all death are the symptoms of a belief in fear. Fear is the opposite to love. Death is also therefore the opposite to love/life and therefore death is a symptom of fear. And since you made all fear, you can abolish it by healing the separation in your own mind - the separation from yourself.

And as Jesus say, "you made sickness and death and can therefore abolish both". This is literally true. You made the basis for all sickness and death - the dream of fear - the belief in separation - and there is NO OTHER CAUSE. Therefore if you take back that power and re-identify wholly with wholeness and spirit (Holy Spirit), you MUST be free not only of fear, but also of all symptoms of sickness, and also death.

Forever.

There is a reason why we believe death is inevitable, and why we think there isn't any other choice.

At the beginning of separation from God, we attempted to sin against him. That means we tried to attack God, cause Him, and therefore produce real effects to change Him against His will. This was the Son attempting to be the Father's father.

More simply, we attempted to reverse cause and effect. We who are an effect/creation of God, tried to be the cause of Him, and to make Him the effect of us. This is a simple logical reversal of states. This is level confusion.

Having believed that we accomplished this, which is the belief that sin is real, that we really did it and there are real consequences, we automatically believed that God has been attacked against His will. The automatic logical state for God now is that He is now JUSTIFIED in anger and revenge, because he's been unfairly treated.

Part of the belief in real sin includes this "re-framing" of God as someone who rightly SHOULD be angry at us, should want revenge toward us, whose will is in opposition to ours, and who is an enemy that we've attacked. This frames God as unforgiving, not recognizing our innocence, and not wanting us to live with Him.

By believing in sin, we believed also in the false idea of God, and in the idea that we cannot be forgiven and don't want to be forgiven. We did not want to believe in being forgivable because we wanted to keep the idea of sin real. And real sin would depend on God agreeing with us that we are sinful. We believe he should agree with us because we believe in what we did to hurt Him and his right to seek compensation.

This belief in real sin leads automatically to the belief that God wills that we be dead, which logically produces the fear of God. We appear to then be unwelcome to God, we consider ourselves as exiled, we see our Home as "off limits", and God's unforgiveness seems to cast us out. Believing in our sinfulness makes us believe that it is not possible to BE forgiven, OR to return Home, OR to be innocent, OR to ever share ETERNAL LIFE with God.

This sets us up for the next step in the ego's logical progression of conclusions. That is, that since we can't return to eternal life, life is no longer an OPTION. It is no longer possible for us to return to the Kingdom of eternal life. We've banished ourselves. And on this basis alone, we believe that since life is not possible for us, DEATH is the only possibility that remains.

It seems all we can do is slither away in shame and darkness, hide in a corner, suffer and die. And we believe this is all we rightly deserve, in order to not only comply with God's will that we die, but also to support and KEEP the idea that our sin is irreversible and unforgivable. We demand that we MUST die, in order to "pay for" the sin we firmly believe we committed. And so all death is a chosen suicide.

And so now we "accept" that because "sin is real" to us, death is INEVITABLE. It appears to not even be a choice, because it seems to be the ONLY outcome that's possible. There doesn't appear to be any alternative. And so we seem to come into the world, to "come to hate a little while; to suffer pain, and finally to die."

It's almost as if we gave up on eternal life right from the start, threw it away, and left God behind to go and die alone in hell. This "death wish" and its foundation is responsible for EVERY death that happens in this world. Every death is a form of self attack and suicide, no matter how it looks or what happens or who does what to whom. "No-one dies without their own consent."

The good news is that this need not be, nor is it God's will. We need to learn that sin is not real, we did not attack God, we are still innocent, God still loves and welcomes us, we can go Home, we are forgiven, we did not really do anything at all, no consequences came from it, it was nothing but a delusional dream of death, and we can be reunited with love and RE-ACCESS ETERNAL LIFE. We've been MISTAKEN about God and ourselves and what we thought we did, and all is forgiven.

This means that as we progress in our return to sanity and awareness, we'll gradually accept the atonement truth that nothing real was threatened, nothing unreal happened, and all is well. Upon realizing that we did not sin, LIFE becomes an option again. It becomes possible to return to eternal life and to trust that God wants us to live. It becomes possible to not HAVE TO die. There now appears to be a choice, between life and death. And now death is no longer the inevitable single outcome,. Death is merely an "fake alternative" to what God wills for you.

At some point we will fully accept not only that death is unreal and has no consequences, but also that LIFE is all that we choose. We re-invest in the Kingdom, we open up to forgiveness, we allow ourselves to recognize the truth about us and our brother's innocence, that there is no sin, and we prepare to return Home to God - in recognition that we never really left.

Here we decide to side with life so fully that we will not even support notions of death AT ALL on any level or in any way. Not even while in a dream, not even while still having a body. We prepare to exhibit our conviction that we are immortal and eternal, by demonstrating it symbolically through the body's condition. The more we accept our innocence and extend love, the more the body is healed along with us. All the way to the point where even the slightest sign of sickness and death is no longer a part of your physical demonstration.

You then are teaching only life on all levels, mentally and physically, for as long as it is useful. And then the appointed time arrives for the completion of your journey without distance, back to where you never left. A complete awakening from the dream of death, our of bodies an out of the world, into the Kingdom of Heaven, remembering your immortal soul and continuing as a co-creator with God. Forever, and ever, and ever. Permanently alive. Permanently immortal.

In recognition that death is nothing but an illusion, death now becomes the "impossibility". It is now seen as having no effect, no causality, and no consequences. It is surmounted and overcome. It is seen as nothing. And not one single thing in all the world can make it happen to you against your will. When the illusion of death is recognized, it disappears. And now the only outcome truly possible, is the INEVITABILITY OF LIVING FOREVER.

You no longer have a choice, because there IS no death TO choose. Death has ended and is snuffed out. Only Real Life is possible for you now, and now you cannot fail to continue as an immortal being, Created by God to share eternal life with Him Forever. There is no death.

"There is no death, the Son of God is free."

When there are ego beliefs which say, there is some truth to something opposite to God's truth, you will not be willing, ready, or able, to accept atonement.

You'll want to accept it but there will be something in you which objects or nags or gives you a sense of suspiciousness, that something just isn't quite acceptable or true about God's truth. No matter how plainly clear God's truth is, how clearly presented, or how obvious, the ego STILL distorts perception and can't quite see it squarely, suspecting there is some kind of deception going on, which is its own.

This is why the ego ranges from suspicious to vicious. At best, it does not quite agree with God, and so has this in-built fear and doubt that makes it "not believe" what the truth is saying. This is because it believes something else and has loyalty to something else.

What needs to happen in your mind is that you undo ALL beliefs which are false or saying something out of accord with God's truth/will. Until you do that, you will not be willing to accept the truth.

So if you have a belief that you are afraid and fear is real or fear causes something or you can't stop the fear, there is no way you are going to be willing to accept God's truth. You won't be able to see that it makes perfect sense, or that there is no other reason NOT to accept it.

So then you have to look at the fear and recognize why its an illusion, recognize it as false, unfounded, non-causal, and the fact that it is actually an EFFECT of something deeper. Fear covers up guilt and makes guilt go unconscious, and is being caused BY guilt.

So you have to then dig out the guilt and make it conscious and then do the same thing. You have to come to recognize and accept that the guilt is not true, it's a lie, you're not really guilty, the guilt isn't causing anything, it's just an effect of a belief in sin. Guilt is denial of sin.

Same thing applies to sin, it has to be uprooted and examined, and its at this point that you are bringing into question whether something even happened at all. If the sin occurred "in reality" and thus this world is reality, then you can't let it go. But if you can recognize there is no sin because whatever seemed to happen was an illusion in a fictional world, you can recognize the sin did not happen in REALITY, only in a dream, and thus is not a "real sin". This allows you to let go of the belief that you are sinful.

Once you've got your mind and BELIEF to the place where you recognize that "it makes sense" to you, that you have not sinned in reality or against God, and therefore no REAL effects can have happened, it simply LOGICALLY justifies to you that you MUST therefore STILL BE INNOCENT.

You have to get to that point logically and in terms of it making sense to you, for you to believe that this is correct, accurate, and truthful. THEN, it is absolutely effortless for you to see that God's truth makes sense. That means, you will now be not only ABLE to accept it, but also WILLING to, simply because you don't see ANY other reason not to, and your reasoning (truth) has set you free of all the contrary opposing beliefs. You basically run out of excuses or beliefs as to "why you shouldn't".

This makes you able to accept, fully, and embrace, the atonement. The atonement means nothing happened, you are still as God created you, God still loves you, you did not DO anything at all in reality, there hasn't even been a real sin, you MUST still be innocent, and therefore you MUST BE WORTHY of God's love. This makes it possible for you to ACCEPT that God loves you and RECEIVE HIS LOVE. Acceptance is receiving. What you accept you will receive into your mind and it will be REALITY to you.

Your accepting of this truth without any objections or counter-arguments, allows you to RECEIVE LOVE, and therefore this is what it means to RECEIVE A MIRACLE. This reception also means, since you are willing to recognize that you are WORTHY of being loved, that you also recognize that EVERYONE is ALSO worthy of being loved.

So your willingness to receive atonement/truth/love entails the automatic extension of that worthiness to everyone. And this is also why your receipt of the atonement, the receiving of miracles, puts you in the position of BEING PART OF THE ATONEMENT ITSELF, and therefore you now have received miracles and CAN GIVE MIRACLES TO OTHERS. "You can only give the miracles you have received". To really RECEIVE a miracle requires acceptance and willingness to receive God's truth, even for a moment.

You then are an expresser of the atonement, of God's will and God's love, to others, to help others to also get to the atonement through miracles and correction and teaching. And this is your FUNCTION at that point. It is everyone's function to become part of Jesus's atonement plan and to then be an ACTIVE WORKER in the world helping to demonstrate the truth is true through miracle working. There is much "work to do" at that point, in the "Great Awakening" or "Great Crusade" as Jesus calls it.

So this can only happen for you when you are willing, ready, and able to accept the truth, to see that it makes sense to you and therefore to logically have no other reason NOT to. This is why all other opposing ego beliefs have to be let go first.

As a special final note, I want to make it clear that you do not have to undo ALL of the ego in order to accept "some" atonement, or to receive a miracle. "One moment of love without fear is all that is necessary that all this occur" even if fear returns afterwards (paraphrasing).

You can for example, if you are working on a specific issue, e.g. maybe you are forgiving a parent or an abuser or something, you can undo all beliefs surrounding it and go ALL the way to the atonement principle with it, accepting God's love. You WILL be able to experience SOME measure of love and worthiness, and will therefore be able to receive SOME healing. And this WILL give you a miracle, and you WILL become able to give this miracle to others at that point, even if you still have OTHER seemingly separate issues to undo. There are obviously some limits to this but the first time I did this Jesus told me, "you can perform miracles now."

The final atonement happens when you have basically atoned on ALL issues and have no ego left whatsoever.

Atonement is also the same thing as forgiveness, so when you are "applying forgiveness", you really SHOULD be taking it ALL the way to the atonement and accepting and receiving God's love at the end, otherwise you are not doing a COMPLETE forgiveness.

One time, I was exploring my relationship to the holy spirit and it occurred to me that perhaps I was misunderstanding by presuming he was "separate from me", since I always heard him as a separate voice. And this idea came to me that maybe he was not separate and that this separation between us wasn't there. This seemed harmless enough but this opened me up to the idea that I was now "exposed" to the holy spirit without any defenses or blocks or separations or walls, and my ego did not like that one bit.

The ego in me, which was playing with this idea but not really dropping the deeper walls, interpreted this to mean that the holy spirit had "access" to me (to my ego-identified self) and that this meant he could do anything to me and I would have no defense or way to stop it. I wasn't ready to accept this level of openness without the trust that's needed. I felt that if there was nothing to stop him, the fact he proves there is no ego would dissolve me and was therefore *perceived as* an attack or threat. Of course the holy spirit wasn't doing anything of the sort but that's how I interpreted it.

Instantly, within a split second, and without thinking of it at all, my mind attempted to push him away, or rather, to recoil. To distance myself from him by trying to increase the "gap" between us, trying to hide deeper in the body, and to try to go into denial/resistance/blockage to shut him out. The only defense really was the attempt to block my AWARENESS of him. This happened really quickly and I could really feel this recoil in fear. It's not something I "figured out" it's just something I did automatically. I saw the need for a defense to keep me (my ego self) "safe" from this threat of unity. I actually felt scared of what the holy spirit was going to do to me.

Within an hour, my head became congested, my ears started ringing, they became quite blocked, I was starting to get sinus drainage etc. This came on really quickly. Of course, I did not recognize that I had induced this myself, or chosen it. I was doing what is described here in "sickness is a defense against the truth":

"Sickness is not an accident. Like all defenses, it is an insane device for self-deception. And like all the rest, its purpose is to hide reality, attack it, change it, render it inept, distort it, twist it, or reduce it to a little pile of unassembled parts. The aim of all defenses is to keep the truth from being whole. The parts are seen as if each one were whole within itself.

Defenses are not unintentional, nor are they made without awareness. They are secret magic wands you wave when truth appears to threaten what you would believe. They seem to be unconscious but because of the rapidity with which you choose to use them. In that second, even less, in which the choice is made, you recognize exactly what you would attempt to do, and then proceed to think that it is done."

"Sickness is a decision. It is not a thing that happens to you quite unsought, which makes you weak and brings you suffering. It is a choice you make, a plan you lay when for an instant truth arises in your own deluded mind, and all your world appears to totter and prepare to fall. Now are you sick that truth may go away, and threaten your establishments no more."

So by the time the hour was up, my BODY was sick. I was not aware I'd caused it or the cause-effect relationship of the event with holy spirit versus what the body was doing. I just thought I was getting sick out of the blue. I started looking ELSEWHERE for causes, wondering if it was something I ate, something I contracted, some emotions coming up, whatever. I then proceeded to suffer with blocked ears, trouble hearing, ringing in the ears, headaches, sinus congestion, for the next couple of days. And you can bet not one single idea of what caused it was related to that event. In effect, the defense is put in place to shut OUT awareness and this blockage causes you to not be AWARE that you CHOSE the defense for this exact purpose to try to make the threat go away.

After a couple days of suffering - and my hearing issues were basically a symbolic representation of "I don't want to hear this truth", I started trying to figure out when it started. I realized that it started right around when I was having that interaction with the holy spirit. And then fortunately I remembered that it had frightened me. And so then I was able to put two and two together and realized that, or at least was open to the possibility, that maybe I had chosen this as a reaction to him. I also was not on "speaking terms" with the holy spirit at this point because I was feeling afraid and did not feel safe or trusting of him, so he hadn't been saying anything.

I started to tentatively realize that I needed to get past this fear. I needed somehow to find a way to re-approach the holy spirit again, without being afraid, having some kind of TRUST, and to find a way to relate to him in terms of that openness to him without it MEANING that I was threatened or under attack. I needed a different way of looking at it so that I wouldn't misperceive our "unity" as a dangerous thing. So I became willing, and I started to try to deliberately trust and to take baby steps towards communicating with him again. And as I did, I was willing to put aside the fear that had been induced.

When I did this, I saw clearly that I had created this defense as a way to try to protect myself and out of fear. And since I could now be willing to more carefully trust the holy spirit and not fear him, it became obvious that I had NO MORE NEED for this protection. Like, it was okay to let down my guard.

Within an hour, all the symptoms vanished completely.

"Healing will flash across your open mind as peace and truth arise to take the place of war and vain imaginings. "

"There will be no dim figures from your dreams, nor their obscure and meaningless pursuits with double purposes insanely sought, remaining in your mind. It will be healed of all the sickly wishes that it tried to authorize the body to obey."

"Now is the body healed because the source of sickness has been opened to relief. "

"No-one can heal unless he understands what purpose sickness seems to serve. For then he understands as well its purpose has no meaning. Being causeless and without a meaningful intent of any kind, it cannot be at all. When this is seen, healing is automatic. It dispels this meaningless illusion by the same approach that carries all of them to truth, and merely leaves them there to disappear."