If someone is not loving you, and you are trying hard to figure out why they won’t, and you are desperate for them to love you, you’re not going to be happy.
If you have a need for the person to love you, and they fail to do so, you’re going to be totally stuck. It means that you do not have a way to "get" the love that you are lacking.
Someone failing to love you, even refusing to love you, is not something you want to ALLOW, or accept, if for you having them love you seems important.
Having someone love you can only seem important IF you yourself somehow lack love. The absence of love is not actually in that person, it is in YOU.
And because there is a lack of love in you, you will find yourself asking OTHER people, "why don’t you love me?", demanding that they do so. And yet the more needy you become and the more you demand they love you, the more you will be demanding that YOU love you without doing so.
The lack of "being loved" that you see in the other person, is actually the lack of love that YOU have for yourself. You see it projected onto them. And then you demand that THEY love you FOR you. You think that if they love you, somehow this is how you get love into you. But it doesn’t work.
Even if someone loved you unconditionally, if you do not perceive that there is love IN you already, you will experiene lack and neediness. No amount of love coming from the person will ever be enough, and you will even reject or be suspicious of their love.
You can’t have the other person GIVE YOU the love that you refuse to ALLOW to be inside of yourself. You can’t RECEIVE it from them, because you believe you do not HAVE IT.
Just as ACIM teaches, to have all, give all to all, it is also true that.... to receive love, receive love from the all (God). You cannot get other people’s love INTO you until you are willing to have love BE IN YOU. You will not let love be in you if you have beliefs which say, I am no loveable, I don’t deserve love, I can’t be loved, I’m unworthy etc.
So then while on the surface it may seem that we are demanding that other people love us, as if we want to be loved, we’re actually doing this because WE DO NOT want to be loved. Our protests of "please love me" ACTUALLY is based on, "I can’t be loved, don’t love me." Once again the ego is two-faced.
What we would be horrified to entertain, is this idea.... what if we ALLOW someone to not love us?
*HORROR* *SHOCK* *DISMAY*
We don’t want to allow this, because it means that we cannot use the person to get our "need" met. It also means we cannot have any solution to the feeling of the LACK OF LOVE inside ourselves, which WE BELIEVE about ourselves, and which we’re really trying to have SOMEONE ELSE fix for us. No-one else is responsible for whether you are loved or not!
We really don’t want to entertain this possibility of LETTING someone not love us, because then we’re left holding this PAIN, this lack of love, which seems to be in us. And if they’re not going to take it away for us, we have nowhere to turn to ESCAPE it. Therefore we are left facing how crappy we feel about ourselves, which we were trying to get others to rescue us from.
Some people may especially act like an "enemy", someone who shows no recognition or validation or feeling or agreement for anything you do. They seem to be your nemesis. And so you try to get them to love you. Which they won’t do. Which simultaneously guarantees that you continue to NOT BE LOVED because this particular person is NOT going to be the one to do it. Insisting that they SHOULD is actually your attempt to KEEP your unlove, by finding someone to alleviate you of it WHO REFUSES TO DO SO.
To "let" that person "not love you", to allow them to do so, to accept that they do not, AND THEY NEVER WILL, allows you to DROP the entire FICTIONAL FANTASY of being finally loved, accepted and acknowledged by someone other than YOURSELF (and God).
Letting them not love you is a step toward not looking for love WHERE IT DOES NOT EXIST. It means recognizing that love is NOT going to come to you from where you were trying to find it. It is not out there. And you do not lack it to begin with.
Finally admitting that that special person WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, instead of constantly holding onto the WISHFUL THINKING that you can manipulate them into doing so, will let you DROP this fantasy story that you CAN or WILL "someday" get that person to love you. It is better for you to admit that they WILL NOT, so that you will drop the ILLUSION that you’ve been maintaining, that you NEED to get love from someone else.
This can be very hard to admit to. It is very hard to admit that some people are just NEVER going to get you, or love you, to appreciate you, or see things how you see them. You will NOT WIN THEM OVER. You do not NEED TO.
If you can bring yourself to let go of this insane attempt to achieve the impossible, needlessly, then you are now BETTER OFF because you are starting to be WILLING to look at why you even have this NEED FOR LOVE in the first place.
You have a NEED FOR LOVE, because you believe you LACK IT. You believe this, not anyone else. You may have concluded it based on how other people did not love you, believing that this meant you were not lovable. Realize also that your belief that you are not lovable, is a DEFENSE against being loved by God! IT allows you to position yourself as having a reason "why" God would not love you, so that you can REFUSE love. That means refusing to admit that you ARE LOVABLE. And that comes down to your EGO and your authority problem. That you do not WANT to be loved by God because Love is God’s Will.
There is a lot to admit to here. But the truth is, you do not need love, and will not find it in any other person, UNTIL you are willing to RECEIVE it from God. And you will only be willing to do that if you apply FORGIVENESS to yourself, undo your belief in sin being real, and ACCEPT THE ATONEMENT. In the atonement you accept it is true that you MUST be lovable because of what you are in truth. Because you did not sin.
Trying to get someone to love you is actually your attempt to get someone to undo your sin for you, because you are unwilling to forgive yourself. Which means it is just another way of projecting your sin onto other people to disown it and not be responsible for it. Yes, trying to get someone to love you is a way of scapegoating them so that you can blame them for not being the one who is loving.
The only way you will EXPERIENCE LOVE is to undo your belief in its opposite or its absence. Love is HERE FOR YOU NOW. God finds you WORTHY! God loves you unconditionally regardless of what you think you did. You do not NEED love, you HAVE LOVE.
God loves you. You need do nothing.
Such defenses are put in place on purpose. They are chosen. They have a purpose, to fulfill a perceived need. They have a function - a task that they are to perform in order to achieve a goal.
The goal of sickness is to defend you or protect you or counter-attack against something you have perceived which seems to threaten your existence. Isn't it strange that a retaliation against a perceived threat damages you?
Sickness is not just some thing that happens. It is a device, a deliberate mechanism or tool that you use for a specific purpose. Like a bandaid, you use it to help your little wounds to heal. Or a screwdriver, you use it to help screw screws into wood. Sickness helps you to be protected against what you perceive as an attack.
Sickness implements separation. It pushes away the attacker and creates a gap or distance between you, so that you feel a sense of perceived safety. You want to put distance between you and the threat. Or put up a really solid wall that blocks them. These blocks are blocks to awareness.
The result is what expresses as a materialization of physical form in a distorted configuration, which is what we usually refer to as "sickness", illness or disease. The mind is literally warping the body to try to turn it into a defense mechanism.
The ONLY purpose of sickness is to defend you. This is the only reason why you want it. And it is the reason why you really have an actual desire to keep it. If you were to remove the defense, and if the attacker is still present without having changed at all, then you will be in danger.
You will also go to great lengths to build an entire fictional story around the symptoms of sickness explaining and justifying why the sickness ITSELF is the problem that you want to get rid of, in order to DENY that you really want to KEEP it, because to truly get rid of it would expose you to your enemy. We will make a lot of noise about the unfairness of the sickness and about how we did not ask for it, in order to HIDE the fact that we did ask for it on purpose and we are the ones who put it in place. To admit that would threaten to undo it, which goes against the entire point of us creating the sickness in the first place.
You do not want to remove your defense because of this. It is creating an illusion of safety and protection, further covered-up by layer upon layer of denial and displacement of what the real problem is. Unfortunately, all defenses are attacks and your own defenses are attacking you as much as the other. Construct a razor-wire fence and you better be careful not to touch it!
The only purpose of that defense is to block a threat. You must look at what it is that you believe is a threat. Typically it is anything which your ego perception mis-perceives as the opposite or undoing of itself. Your sense of identity is at stake. Any suggestion of "truth" which implies that the ego does not exist, will threaten "you" when you are identified as the ego.
Your false beliefs are your artificial identity which you believe are the truth. You want to protect that truth as though your life depends on it. You see its opposite as false, evil, and an attack. So long as you remain loyal to those misperceptions you will defend them, even if doing so requires you to implement defenses which attack you as much as anyone else. All defenses are double-eged swords and you cannot escape their toxicity and potency.
What must be truly undone before you will be willing to let down your defenses, is to learn to accept the truth as it is and not as it appears to be when seen through the ego. This will have to mean that your sense of identity is mistaken and must be set free. It must shift from "I am this ego thing" to "I am holy and innocent". Forgiveness must happen of yourself, and healing must take place in terms of how you see yourself or who or what you regard yourself as.
You need to find a willingness to be open to being mistaken about who you thought you were, and what you thought was true, so that you can allow the truth to save you from this illusion. The truth will show you a new identity and reveal the truth about you. This will reveal how the ego is in fact the thing which is false, and that it is not who you are.
If you can accept the truth as helpful and welcome instead of as a threat to your existence, you will see no NEED to defend yourself against it. You will not see attack in it, having not attacked. You will see no justification for trying to prevent it or reject it. You will accept it and allow it to be in you. You will invite it in and it will be your Identity.
At this point you will be WILLING to accept that your device of defense and separation is no longer needed. It's function is irrelevant. The sickness was ONLY serving your purpose of trying to protect your "self". You no longer need this protection because who and what you are is not being threatened by the truth but is in agreement with it. The truth is your friend. You can now let down your defenses.
This means, you will now admit that the sickness only came into being because you put it there, wanted it, needed it, and it was helping you - or so you thought. You have now been corrected and you now RECOGNIZE that this sickness was just something you used to believe in and no longer do. It is now false. It is not the truth. It is not something you need. You have not purpose for it and you admit that it is just a way of attacking yourself more. You don't want it anymore and don't have any attachment to it.
Illusions recognized as such MUST disappear. All of the symptoms and consequences of that so-called "sickness" must disappear. "He will undo the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him" - meaning that your willingness now to admit the truth (allow Holy Spirit access) can and will supernaturally UNDO and make disappear all forms and signs and symptoms and content of sickness. All of the expressions - consequences - of deciding poorly will be undone. Your lack of support or need for the sickness will let it go and it will just vanish.
Properly recognized as completely false, unhelpful, unneeded, unwelcome, pointless, futile, purposeless, meaningless, and utterly useless, the sickness will be recognized as having no reality or truth or validity and this will make it disappear. Literally. All symptoms will go if this is truly deeply accepted.
The sickness was nothing more than a temporary protective device which you wanted and needed. If you don't need it, you WILL drop it. If your will is genuine and you've become really really honest with yourself, that sickness will be undone. And sickness is nothing more than a belief that separation is the answer to God, or that separation can save you from the truth. Undoing sickness heals your mind.
Once the sickness - as mental illness - as belief in separation - AND as symptoms of defense - is gone, THEN you will be at peace. Not before. No-one can be at peace when they are at war with themselves or with the truth. No-one can be at peace who believes sickness is real and must just be accepted. No-one can be at peace who is using death as a defense against the wrath of God. True peace can and must be experienced as complete and total perfect "health" in mind and all the expressions of mind.
If you truly do not believe in separation from the truth, you will have no defenses and you will not exhibit symptoms of sickness. You will walk your walk and not just talk your talk. And you will demonstrate therefore, by example, living example, that you are immortal and invulnerable because you do not believe in separation or sickness and they are not real. You will thus teach others that sickness is not the truth and the truth needs no defense. If signs of sickness remain, you are teaching the exact opposite because, in all honesty, you have not completely undone your belief in separation.
Sickness must go. Disease must be healed. Death must be undone. Resurrection is the only truth. If you are sick you are attacking yourself, everyone else, and God. A guiltless mind cannot suffer, and a guiltless mind exhibits no symptoms of sickness or damage. A broken body is a sign that the mind has not been healed. Complete healing is not only possible but necessary. You must teach that nothing has happened to you and you can't do that intellectually. You must show it and act like it.
Fear has but one cause, not many. It is not caused by what you think it’s caused by. Every single fear in the world has one cause.
When you tried to sin, you may have believed you succeeded in creating real effects. Real irreversible damage. But you had an option. Either proceed forward to guilt, or go backwards to the reversal of sin. Guilt or forgiveness was the choice. Either sin is real and you are guilty, or sin is not real and you’re innocent.
Choosing not to forgive yourself, and choosing to keep your belief in sin, the only option is to condemn yourself to death. Go towards forgiveness and you’ll choose life, accepting that you deserve to be forgiven. Go towards guilt and you’ll choose death, accepting that you deserve to be punished for what you did.
This is where the core root of all fear comes in. You actually ACCEPT and AGREE that you SHOULD be punished, because you’re guilty. The punishment seems completely justified. Your own belief that you deserve punishment for being guilty then creates fear of that punishment. But it’s not a fear of being punished by others. Here’s the secret cause of all fear:
You are afraid of what you are going to do to yourself.
This fear arises solely because you, yourself, believe you deserve to be punished, in total agreement that you are guilty, and having accepted that "it is true" that you really sinned and are therefore guilty. It is your own belief about yourself. You actually "agree" that it not only makes sense, but is completely justified, and acceptable, that you be punished for this.
This is a big problem, because it is the continued development a death wish. It means you want to hurt yourself and you believe you should be hurt.
This is not only the source of all fear in the world, it is also the source of all victimhood. Because at this point, you actually welcome punishment. You actually position yourself so that you can be attacked. You actually make yourself powerless, and allow yourself to be abused. You actually hire people to come along and hurt you. And you actually make plans for being attacked justifiably.
Ultimately then you become afraid of the fact that YOU have it in for yourself. That YOU want you to be punished and to "atone" for your sin. And ultimately the only punishment you believe is justified and worthy of you, is death.
This is not anything to do with anyone else. It has nothing to do with what other people are going to do to you. It’s not even anything to do with the fear of HOW the punishment will come or of WHO will be the one to inflict it.
Typically however you will make your own death wish unconscious and project it and then obsess over this general anxiety about what "someone else" is going to "do to you" against your will. But while you are busy in conscious awareness making plans to avoid your attackers, unconsciously you are asking to be attacked.
If someone were to seem to then attack you would claim it was completely unjustified, because you have made your self-attack and death wish unconscious. You actually think you don’t want to suffer or be punished, nor deserve it. That’s what the facade of fake innocence is for - it covers up you guilty secret. Then you get to pretend you are justified in being angry when someone hurts you, as if you didn’t want it. But you did ask for it, and you did it yourself.
On the surface, consciously, you will experience this as being a victim, as if you are not asking for and do not want any kind of punishment at all. You’ll even run away from it and try to make yourself safe and avoid people and create an illusion of innocence and security, presenting yourself as harmless and that no-one should suspect you of guilt. But it’s only to cover up the underlying belief that you deserve to suffer and die because you believe you are guilty.
It’s pretty grim isn’t it. This is what every ego plans for its host.
But the fact is, you cannot be free of such suffering until you can admit that it is YOU who is trying to do something to yourself. So long as it *seems* as if someone else is the one punishing you, or its your job, or its the weather, or food you ate, or something environmental, or a group of people, whatever, these projections are designed to KEEP your unconscious self hatred hidden. The more you can disown it and project it and see it coming "from" anyone other than yourself, the more you can play the victim role and pretend you don’t want it.
Make no mistake. NO-ONE dies without their own consent. All attack is self attack. You are 100% responsible for what you are trying to do to yourself. You cannot suffer AT ALL if you do not choose to believe you are guilty or sinful. All of your projected causes of fear, which make it look like you’re afraid of what is going to "happen to you" without your will, it is a DECOY for what you secretly are planning to do to yourself.
You have to get to where you are willing to admit to this, if you want to be free of it. It’s you who believes you deserve to die, not the world, and not anyone else. YOU, need to forgive YOURSELF, for what you have not really done. YOU, need to let go of your belief that you really are guilty and deserve punishment, so that you will stop planning for your own suffering while building fake defenses against it.
No-one is attacking you against your will. The world is not causing you. Death cannot happen to you against your will. Remember that all attack is self attack and it is only your attempt to be at war with yourself that needs to be corrected. A belief in deserving punishment, or of being truly sinful or guilty, IS a belief in death and being deserving of death. It is, literally, a suicidal belief. All death is suicide.
Forgiveness is needed, of yourself, to recognize your innocence and to opt to NOT believe you sinned. You do NOT deserve to die, and you do NOT need to be punishing yourself. You DO deserve the love of God and you ARE innocent. All the rest is a mistaken ego belief.
All fear is the fear of yourself.
Here is how Jesus puts your self attack:
"Lay down your arms, and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven's peace holds all things still at last. Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. Let no attack enter with you. Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness."
There is a divine order to your creation.
God is the primary source and creator. Without him nothing exists, not even you.
God created you. Just to be clear, that means everything that you are, everything that you have, everything you are capable of, came solely from God.
You did not receive any attributes from the environment, from food, from upbringing, from self-taught ideas. Nothing.
You have absolutely only what God decided that you have.
Your joy, your love, your life, your power, your creativity, your expression, your freedom, your peace, your unity, your sharing, your relationship, your being, was all given to you by God.
You did not put it there. You did not create it. You did not invent it. You have no ability to change it. You cannot control it. You cannot make it go away. It is rock-solid permanent and utterly beyond you.
Here is the second facet of this interesting scenario.
Since you only have what God wills that you have, and are only what he wills that you be, you have nothing else and can be nothing else.
And this means that you cannot obtain any other qualities, characteristics, abilities, skills, talents, natures, conditions, or anything else that did not come from God.
"When the mind elects to be what it is not, and to assume an alien power which it does not have, a foreign state it cannot enter, or a false condition not within its Source, it merely seems to go to sleep a while."
You essentially were created with a full plate. Fully complete. Lacking nothing. Completely perfect in all ways. So finished and so fully divine, that you were not created in a position of having to go out and hunt or find or assemble or build or do anything at all to become whole.
You therefore cannot add to yourself. Just as you cannot remove from yourself. What you are is a permanent light in heaven sustained by the thought of God forever. Fixed and absolute. Unchanging, unwavering, eternal.
This means that any belief you have that you have added to yourself, redefined yourself, invented yourself, have something not of God, have something you gave yourself, something you found on your own, something you are capable of that is "new", something you've changed about yourself, etc... these MUST all be illusions.
As you move into the separation idea, into ego, it is these "alterations", "adjustments", that you begin to believe in. It is accompanied by a sense of lack, or being incomplete from the outset. That somehow God did not give you *everything* already, and so there is something to add or find or collect or establish. Some progress to make.
And this will include the belief that you have something of your own, which God did NOT give you, which you think is yours and that you can have. You cannot truly have anything that God did not give you, however. So when you believe that you have something not of God, you have nothing. And when you reject what God has given you, you have nothing.
God gave you all of his love, mind, will, power, joy, peace, beauty, freedom, life, etc. When you believe that you have something that did not come from God, you are rejecting what He gave you, which is your natural inheritance. As host to God, you inherit all of God. If you throw it away, you have nothing. And there is nothing else.
So now if you think you have power, but it's not God's power, you are mistaken. You cannot have any power at all if you do not have God's power. Yet, if you accept what God has given you, you have all power. The power is yours, but it is not sourced by you. The power you have IS God himself, in you, since you host him.
"To say, "Of myself I can do nothing" is to gain all power. And yet it is but a seeming paradox. As God created you, you have all power."
What you are, is more like a host or medium or relay-station or conduit or channel or re-expresser of God. You literally have nothing OTHER than what God has given and put into you. It is yours, truly, because it is fully given to you. And yet, at the same time, it is not an exclusive property of yours, nor did you make it, nor can you remove it.
Ego is the idea that you are or have something not of God. Something exclusive, special, unique, isolated, which is not shared with God. And typically not shared with anyone else. It's a possessive, selfish attitude. An attempt to hoard a piece of heaven for yourself alone. And this makes you alone. It's what makes you a "separated one".
If you try to own, grasp, possess, grab or steal away something shared, in an attempt to put a label on it and say it is yours ONLY, you lose it. Attachment is loss. Possession is emptiness. Try to own a piece of God and you lose everything. But share in it, and it is fully yours and fully everyone's.
Jesus says:
"There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. ***I have nothing that does not come from God.*** The main difference between us as yet is that I have NOTHING ELSE. This leaves me in a state of true holiness, which is only a POTENTIAL in you."
The problem then is only that you think you have something OTHER than or in addition to what God gave. And this must entail the belief that you DO NOT have what God gave. And its the belief in lacking what God gave, which causes you to be compelled to replace it with something else. Which will never work. You can only have what God gave you and the rest must be let go.
"I am still as God created me" also means "I am not what I made of myself."
You who are host to God, inherit everything real from God. And this is whole and complete and perfect. All of Him is in you forever. What seems to be "your" anything, is simultaneously HIS. "God is my strength". Your strength, which truly is yours, IS GOD. God, in you, is the sense of strength that you feel. It's literally like it is YOUR strength, to use, but it is ALSO His.
It's a very interesting relationship. God causes you. You are his effect. God being cause forces you to be also a cause. Now you are a co-creator. Not just a creator but a collaborator, because you can only create WITH him, using HIS power, which is shared with you.
It's like God has fully given all of himself to you, in your creation, establishing you as completely "having" everything, as if were fully yours, and yet at the same time, all that you have, is STILL HIS, and is still shared with him. That is your oneness. You are united with Him. You are a team.
You have nothing of your own. Yet you have everything, because God gave it to you. It's kind of like if it were "on loan". You have the use of it, but it's not yours exclusively. It still belongs to God. You're kind of renting it, permanently. And so you enjoy the benefit of it forever, but it's still technically His.
Thus you have the power of God in you. You are strong. You are immortal. Because God is in you. Because you are His extension. And you are free, yet you are joined. You are nothing without Him, but can share everything with Him. Either you share or you have nothing. But never can you have it all just for yourself. Nor do you source anything without Him.
When I think of it, it makes me think of the angels. They operate in service to God. They go where they are directed. They do what he wills them to do, in agreement with Him. They fulfill a function. They are joyfully glad to be what they are. They have no desire to improve themselves, nor do they need to. They give thanks to God for what they are in celebration and worship. And everyone's happy.
The thing it realize about perception is this. The physical body itself has a form of sight. It can only see differences. Its sight is based on the reflection of photons of light, which seem to illuminate the surface of objects. This light enters the biological eyeballs and passes ”images” or sensory impressions on to the mind.
The physical body is actually permanently locked into FALSE perception. ”The body is not the means by which the real world can be seen.” It CANNOT SEE reality. Which in turn means EVERYTHING IT CAN SEE IS NOT REAL! What it is looking at is therefore NOT reality. Physical objects, photonic images, differences of form, shapes and sizes, colors and brightnesses, is not reality. These is ALL a part of false perception. “The world is false perception.”
It is not really seeing. It is in fact blindness. “Nothing so blinding as perception of form.” Since the body cannot see through or beyond physical surfaces, its seeing is in fact BLOCKED by objects. Objects blind it from seeing what is beyond. And therefore physical sight pretends to be seeing, but is in fact a lack of seeing.
These messages which the body seems to receive from the outside world, transmit into the mind, and the mind is sitting there EVALUATING THE MEANING of the messages. The mind is flexible in its beliefs, and can choose. It can decide what is true, and therefore what something MEANS.
The mind takes the ”physical images” provided by the body senses, and decides what they MEAN. It has perceptions ”about” the images, or projected ONTO the images. In a sense you could say the mind projects stuff ONTO the world or has perceptions ABOUT the world. But it’s really about the sensory signals being interpreted internally, once the body has received them.
The mind can decide whether these images represent the truth, or whether they are false. It can decide whether to believe in them or deny them. It can choose whether to regard them as real or as illusions. It can project sin and guilt ONTO these images and USE these images to mean attack, just as it can also project innocence and love ONTO these images which re-frames them as harmless. “I have given everything all the meaning it has for me.”
In and of themselves, the images actually have NO MEANING. They come from a world which itself HAS NO MEANING. This is why the course describes it as “a meaningless world”, and one which God DID NOT CREATE. The physical world is not merely meaningless ONLY when viewed in false perception, as if meaningful when perceived truly. It is in fact NEVER inherently meaningful. Meaning can be PROJECTED ONTO it, but in and of itself it is literally nothing. “The world you see is an illusion of a world. God did not create it.”
So what actually happens is, the physical body provides a FIXED state of FALSE perception. And everything it sees is what we typically refer to as “the world” or planet Earth. Bodies, trees, houses, buildings, streets, the sky etc. Differences, changes, transitions, growth, decay, etc. This is all false perception and CAN ONLY been seen IN and WITH false perception.
Then at the same time, the MIND is sitting there INTERPRETING the physical signals. So the mind can ALIGN or IDENTIFY with the body, with physicality, and make the world seem real to it. When it does this, the MIND is now having false perception OF a false world - a false interpretation of a false image, at the same time as the physical body having false perception. They are in seeming agreement.
So what the falsely perceiving mind sees as coming from the body, it regards as TOTALLY REAL, because it is tempted anad DECEIVED BY the illusion. It totally agrees with and accepts it as true. That is what false perception means - not recognizing that an illusion is unreal. Just as true perception recognizes the world IS an illusion and not reality.
The mind can also move into a totally opposite state of TRUE perception, which is accurate perception. In this state, the BODY is actually STILL insisting on sending signals of physical unreality to the mind for interpretation. But the mind is not DECEIVED BY their falseness or their forms and appearances. Instead, the mind puts ALL of these physical signals into ONE category - THEY ARE ALL UNREAL. This is because it RECOGNIZES WHAT THEY ACTUALLY ARE, and is not deceived into thinking the physical world is reality. It recognizes these images ARE ILLUSIONS.
It regards them as UN real because it does not AGREE with or align or identify with the physical. It has identified with spirit, which is NON-physical and OPPOSITE to the physical world. Being fulled on the side of reality, everything unreal is now clearly and obviously unreal. And that means everything FALSE is ”truly seen” as false. As it is. And since the body can ONLY see falsely, and everything it sees IS FALSE, the sane mind now recognizes that the physical world is NOT REAL. Or even really there at all.
The body is trying to tell the mind that there is a world of differences and forms and attack and death ”out there”, BUT the mind is not BUYING INTO it at all. It does not fall for THE ILLUSION. It is not tempted. It RECOGNIZES what the physical really IS, which is that it is NOT TRUE. “The one you made is false.” It’s a false world which ONLY exists WITHIN false perception.
So now you’ve got FALSE signals of FALSE perception coming in from the body, and you’ve got a mind looking AT and USING these signals for a certain purpose. And its goal is the TOTAL OPPOSITE of the physical. So it does not believe in, accept, have faith in, nor is it deceived BY, anything the body is seeing. It’s a strange state, almost a paradox, where something UNREAL is recognized as an illusory physical world, while at the same time the mind is in a state of truth. “The world you see must be denied.”
True perception, christ vision, the spiritual eye, does not depend on, use, or rely upon, the physical sight mechanism. It is actually direct mind seeing. But this mind seeing does not SEE the physical world, because it regards it as FALSE, and what is false is shut out from awareness. This is why “It is impossible to see both worlds.” Either you see the false physical world AS IF it is real and true, or you see beyond it to reality. The mind’s eye also does not utilize physical photons for seeing, which is why in effect it cannot see the physical world. “Forgiveness sees it not.” It‘s sight is not based in space or time or distance or measure.
Truly, “To forgive is to OVERLOOK” and overlooking means ”forgetting to see”, or not seeing. You cannot look AT what you forgive. Looking AT it is unforgiveness. You look PAST it and fail to see it. That is what overlooking means. This is why “A world forgiven cannot last.” You cannot forgive the physical and still see the physical. When the mind is sane and healed, it categorizes ALL physical materials, worlds, energies, SPACE TIME, as entirely UNREAL. And this is the recognition of illusions which causes them to DISAPPEAR. And why “there is no world.”
The physical body is an illusion and sees ONLY illusions, in an agreein-with-illusions manner, which makes them seem real. “Only the body makes the world seem real.” All things physical are illusory and unreal. They are blindness. The blind body can only look upon the blind world, which was made to HIDE REALITY from your sight. “The world is drawn like a vail across the face of christ, but it can last no longer than an instant.” Only by recognizing that ALL body signals are FALSE AND UNREAL, can your spiritual eye rest upon the face of Christ, making you ready to return to God, ending perception forever.
If someone is not loving you, and you are trying hard to figure out why they won’t, and you are desperate for them to love you, you’re not going to be happy.
If you have a need for the person to love you, and they fail to do so, you’re going to be totally stuck. It means that you do not have a way to "get" the love that you are lacking.
Someone failing to love you, even refusing to love you, is not something you want to ALLOW, or accept, if for you having them love you seems important.
Having someone love you can only seem important IF you yourself somehow lack love. The absence of love is not actually in that person, it is in YOU.
And because there is a lack of love in you, you will find yourself asking OTHER people, "why don’t you love me?", demanding that they do so. And yet the more needy you become and the more you demand they love you, the more you will be demanding that YOU love you without doing so.
The lack of "being loved" that you see in the other person, is actually the lack of love that YOU have for yourself. You see it projected onto them. And then you demand that THEY love you FOR you. You think that if they love you, somehow this is how you get love into you. But it doesn’t work.
Even if someone loved you unconditionally, if you do not perceive that there is love IN you already, you will experiene lack and neediness. No amount of love coming from the person will ever be enough, and you will even reject or be suspicious of their love.
You can’t have the other person GIVE YOU the love that you refuse to ALLOW to be inside of yourself. You can’t RECEIVE it from them, because you believe you do not HAVE IT.
Just as ACIM teaches, to have all, give all to all, it is also true that.... to receive love, receive love from the all (God). You cannot get other people’s love INTO you until you are willing to have love BE IN YOU. You will not let love be in you if you have beliefs which say, I am no loveable, I don’t deserve love, I can’t be loved, I’m unworthy etc.
So then while on the surface it may seem that we are demanding that other people love us, as if we want to be loved, we’re actually doing this because WE DO NOT want to be loved. Our protests of "please love me" ACTUALLY is based on, "I can’t be loved, don’t love me." Once again the ego is two-faced.
What we would be horrified to entertain, is this idea.... what if we ALLOW someone to not love us?
*HORROR* *SHOCK* *DISMAY*
We don’t want to allow this, because it means that we cannot use the person to get our "need" met. It also means we cannot have any solution to the feeling of the LACK OF LOVE inside ourselves, which WE BELIEVE about ourselves, and which we’re really trying to have SOMEONE ELSE fix for us. No-one else is responsible for whether you are loved or not!
We really don’t want to entertain this possibility of LETTING someone not love us, because then we’re left holding this PAIN, this lack of love, which seems to be in us. And if they’re not going to take it away for us, we have nowhere to turn to ESCAPE it. Therefore we are left facing how crappy we feel about ourselves, which we were trying to get others to rescue us from.
Some people may especially act like an "enemy", someone who shows no recognition or validation or feeling or agreement for anything you do. They seem to be your nemesis. And so you try to get them to love you. Which they won’t do. Which simultaneously guarantees that you continue to NOT BE LOVED because this particular person is NOT going to be the one to do it. Insisting that they SHOULD is actually your attempt to KEEP your unlove, by finding someone to alleviate you of it WHO REFUSES TO DO SO.
To "let" that person "not love you", to allow them to do so, to accept that they do not, AND THEY NEVER WILL, allows you to DROP the entire FICTIONAL FANTASY of being finally loved, accepted and acknowledged by someone other than YOURSELF (and God).
Letting them not love you is a step toward not looking for love WHERE IT DOES NOT EXIST. It means recognizing that love is NOT going to come to you from where you were trying to find it. It is not out there. And you do not lack it to begin with.
Finally admitting that that special person WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, instead of constantly holding onto the WISHFUL THINKING that you can manipulate them into doing so, will let you DROP this fantasy story that you CAN or WILL "someday" get that person to love you. It is better for you to admit that they WILL NOT, so that you will drop the ILLUSION that you’ve been maintaining, that you NEED to get love from someone else.
This can be very hard to admit to. It is very hard to admit that some people are just NEVER going to get you, or love you, to appreciate you, or see things how you see them. You will NOT WIN THEM OVER. You do not NEED TO.
If you can bring yourself to let go of this insane attempt to achieve the impossible, needlessly, then you are now BETTER OFF because you are starting to be WILLING to look at why you even have this NEED FOR LOVE in the first place.
You have a NEED FOR LOVE, because you believe you LACK IT. You believe this, not anyone else. You may have concluded it based on how other people did not love you, believing that this meant you were not lovable. Realize also that your belief that you are not lovable, is a DEFENSE against being loved by God! IT allows you to position yourself as having a reason "why" God would not love you, so that you can REFUSE love. That means refusing to admit that you ARE LOVABLE. And that comes down to your EGO and your authority problem. That you do not WANT to be loved by God because Love is God’s Will.
There is a lot to admit to here. But the truth is, you do not need love, and will not find it in any other person, UNTIL you are willing to RECEIVE it from God. And you will only be willing to do that if you apply FORGIVENESS to yourself, undo your belief in sin being real, and ACCEPT THE ATONEMENT. In the atonement you accept it is true that you MUST be lovable because of what you are in truth. Because you did not sin.
Trying to get someone to love you is actually your attempt to get someone to undo your sin for you, because you are unwilling to forgive yourself. Which means it is just another way of projecting your sin onto other people to disown it and not be responsible for it. Yes, trying to get someone to love you is a way of scapegoating them so that you can blame them for not being the one who is loving.
The only way you will EXPERIENCE LOVE is to undo your belief in its opposite or its absence. Love is HERE FOR YOU NOW. God finds you WORTHY! God loves you unconditionally regardless of what you think you did. You do not NEED love, you HAVE LOVE.
God loves you. You need do nothing.
If you were completely certain and confident in who you are, you would have a sense of invulnerability.
If someone were to come along and say something potentially hurtful, you, in your complete certainty and confidence, would be clear enough on where you stand with yourself to know that it is not true of you. You would in fact be unmoved, unchanged, unaffected, and you would maintain a sense of inner peace. In fact you would probably laugh at how ridiculous the claim was.
If this is truth, then what is it that really is happening when someone seems to 'hurt' our feelings? How can we actually become hurt, if we are in a place of invulnerability? To become hurt, some part of us has to take seriously what the person said, has to believe that in some way there is some truth to it. We then recoil in horror and shock as if hurt 'by' the person.
But what we are really hurt by is our own wavering on what the truth is about ourselves. If we did not have any uncertainty about our own self, we would not experience their words as hurtful. Instead we'd discern that that person actually has something going on with themselves, they don't believe in themselves or they think poorly of themselves, and they're trying to project it onto you.
So this is what it boils down to, and this is going to be a major stretch for many people to accept.... You cannot be hurt unless you are in agreement with the other person. You also cannot be hurt unless you believe there is some truth to what they say, even if you do not like what they say. You also cannot be hurt unless you believe that their hurtful words actually have some grounds, or footing, or 'power', and the only way they can do that is if you are upset by the prospect that they're actually telling the truth.
What we do not want to admit, and what is very difficult to overcome (but not impossible), is that we ourselves are our own attacker, and we ourselves fail to be true enough to ourselves, and we ourselves abandoned ourselves to lies about ourselves, beliefs in unworthiness, beliefs in lack and so on, which are an attack on our own selves by our own selves. And we like to bury these beliefs underneath a facade. And then when someone comes along and seems to provoke us with their words, what happens?
Well what really happens, if we're honest, is that something rises up inside of ourselves that feels like hurt and pain, and it just so happens that it seem like this arising of pain happened right after the person said something. And so we come to conclude, that this means, they are the one who put the hurt into us. But this is not true. If we're really honest, this is not what happens. Instead, what happens is, our own pain, our own self-attack, our own lack of certainty about what is true about ourselves, comes up within, triggered off by the person's actions. It's our own hurt that we feel. And, hard as this is to admit, it is our own self-attack which underlies our feeling of being hurt.
What this means is, that we can only actually be upset by someone's 'attack' IF we agree, on some level, deep down, that there is some amount of truth in what the person said. And that means, that in some way, we must have come to believe something negative about our own self, entirely on our own, completely separate from that person. And as horrifying as this seems to be, it's actually true that we're upset and 'hurt by' someone because, deep down, we agree with what they said about us. That's extremely hard to admit to. It takes tremendous honesty to look at this and to admit to it.
But the truth is, if we were not so readily quick to abandon ourselves, if we were not so down on ourselves already, if we were not so upset about who we think we are, if we did not believe things about ourselves which are false which are hurtful, we would actually live in a state of *invulnerability*, happiness, peace and certainty. We would live in a state of not being deceived when someone says something upsetting. We would live in a state of discernment about what the real truth is about ourselves, so certain of it that we wouldn't be even slightly moved to upset when someone says something negative about us. We would instead clearly discern that this is simply not true - without any upset about that fact - and that instead it is the other person who is hurting and who needs love and healing. They are acting out of their own hurt and are actually asking us to heal and love them.
Now, this is quite an advanced position to hold, and I'm not saying it's easy. It's not common at all. Very few people reach such a state of psychological strength, certainty, and knowing as to what the real truth is about their, their ultimate worth, their livability etc. Most of us are riddled with dark, negative beliefs about ourselves, which thoroughly undermine our own feeling about ourselves. When people come along and provoke or attack us, what's really happening is we're being RE-minded of what we already think of ourselves. And that's why we're upset. We're upset because we think it's true. We're upset that the person pointed it out, as if they are rubbing it in.
If we are honest, and if we are responsible, and if we are mature, then we will have to admit that it does not help to blame the other person or to believe that they have the power to hurt us. Nobody has the power to hurt you. You actually can become completely invulnerable, and this is how you should be in your natural state. When you are not in a state of invulnerability, something has gone wrong with your own attitude about yourself. You've become your own worst enemy. And if someone comes along and points that out, you're much more likely now to claim that your hurt is their fault. It's not. Your hurt is YOUR fault. It's what you've done to yourself.
Now I do recognize this is going to maybe push some buttons in people, which actually completely demonstrates my point, but it's not at all my intention to upset or hurt anyone with this information. If you are ready to listen and if this is helpful to you, I'm glad, but if you feel upset by the mere suggestion that your pain has been caused by yourself and not other people - you might for example be the victim of serious abuse or trauma - then please disregard and move on. It's not my intention to upset anyone but I know in this sensitive group this is probably going to happen. So I apologize in advance.
But for anyone else, if you will let yourself feel into this and be open minded and willing to be very honest, I think this will ring true and you'll realize that this ultimately means, you cannot be victimized unless you condone and agree to and choose it yourself, and that then you actually are the one who does it to yourself. This is an advanced spiritual teaching and I hope some will be willing to listen to the possibility of this. It is all of our natural birthright to be completely invulnerable to all forms of suffering, to be incapable of being upset, and to experience complete and permanent peace at all times as a result.
I am not yet honestly able to practice this myself 100% of the time, or even most of the time, but I am working on it and it's my goal, to become completely invulnerable. If I am completely honest, this is what is assured for me, and for anyone willing to take full and total responsibility for what they are experiencing.
All it does when we blame other people for hurting us is it gives our power away. We need to take that power back and be more empowered by the truth about us, rather than disempowered by lies. But we can't do that while we think other people are the cause of our upset. We have the power to hurt ourselves, and nobody else does. And that also means we have the power to decide not to hurt ourselves, and to live in perfect invulnerability at all times.
Peace.
(And why the idea of only one son, one dreamer, one perceiver, no individuals, non-duality, etc are bullshit)
"Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time."
(This means God's will is not forced upon YOUR will, you CAN choose when to take the curriculum, or to delay it as long as you like, it's YOUR CHOICE. People have used this statement to justify a sense of "having no choice" and no freedom, as if the curriculum is handed down like a commandment from God. It should be obvious that your "freedom to elect" IS a use of FREE WILL. Even "the script is written" does not prove you don't have free will, because you have to CONSENT to it and are FREE to ignore it.)
"However, if he places his mind under tyranny, rather than Authority, he intrudes the submission/dominance onto free will himself. This produces the obvious contradiction inherent in any formulation that associates free will with imprisonment."
(Having free will does not mean you are an ego, but when you attempt to imprison your will, that's when you produce ego. In other words, by trying to have a will which wills differently to your natural will, you create the illusion of there being an alternative "real choice" but simultaneously puts your will into a prison of UNWILLINGNESS. Yet, you are FREE to be un-willing - that is a USE of will).
"It is not your will to be imprisoned, because your will is free. That is why the ego IS the denial of free will. It is never God Who coerces you, because He shares His Will WITH you."
(See, the ego is the attempt to repress your personal freedom, not to establish personal freedom, but it makes an illusion of personal freedom to cover it over. Also notice, VERY IMPORTANT, "It is never God who coerces you." - meaning that YOUR WILL is not enforced by God, because you are free and independent!)
"Free will MUST lead to freedom."
(This also means freedom from a tyrannical ruler. God is not a tyrannical ruler, he loves you, and has given you a gift of freedom to choose for yourself to willingly want to will like Him, in unison, co-creatively).
"Awaking unto Christ is following the laws of love OF YOUR FREE WILL, and out of quiet recognition of the truth in them. The attraction of light must draw you willingly, and willingness is signified by GIVING."
(Willingness is required in order to want to be with God. It is the EGO that lacks willingness and lacks freedom and lacks true independence. Ego means imprisonment and loss of self, not gaining of self. It is an illusion of gaining self while simultaneously losing it. It is also an illusion of willing independently while isolating your will. You can only be with God WILLINGLY, which means freely, which means no coercion and not being forced by God. Love does not enter where it is not welcome) .
"In reality, this is his ONLY choice, because his free will was made for his own joy in creating the perfect."
(YOUR free will was given you by God for YOUR own joy in creating the perfect.)
"You will never know that you are co-creator with God, until you learn that your brother is a co-creator with YOU."
(Ok so now not only do you have the position of co-creating with God, which means you COLLABORATE WILLINGLY AND FREELY AND INDEPENDENTLY, but also you co-create with your brother. Guess what happened when you co-created with your brother in an egoic way? You CO-DREAMED the dream!)
"It is this Thought by which the Father gave creation to the Son, establishing the Son as co-creator with Himself."
(God Himself has established you and others as co-creators with Him. That means it's not just God creating everything on His own, or that the son is just an effect of Him, or that the son is forced to do God's will like some kind of robot. We participate joyfully in sharing God's will, sharing the same interest, sharing the same desire to create.)
"And it is the AGREEMENT of their Thought that makes the Son a co-creator with the Mind Whose Thought created him."
(See, what makes you a co-creator and what makes you "do God's will" isn't that His will forces you, it's that you AGREE WITH HIS WILL FREELY. Doing God's will is VOLUNTARY.)
"A co-creator with the Father must have a Son. Yet must this Son have been created like Himself. A perfect Being, all-encompassing and all-encompassed, nothing to add and nothing taken FROM; not born of size nor weight nor time, nor held to limits or uncertainties of ANY kind."
(I think this is talking about YOUR creations. Note that it also says that the creation you create is a PERFECT BEING, and since it is LIKE YOU, you also are a perfect being.)
"Think not He wills to bind you, Who has made you co-creator of the universe along with Him. He would but keep your will forever and forever limitless."
(This is clear. God's will DOES NOT BIND YOU. He created you as a WILLING, FREE-WILLED INDIVIDUAL, who is capable of desiring to and agreeing freely to will WITH God and in alignment with what God wants to create. He will keep YOUR WILL forever limitless, meaning that even Himself and His own will does not impose limits on your will.)
"Your will is as free as mine, and God Himself would not go against it."
(See. Now, if God will not go against YOUR will AT ALL, ever, not even a tiny bit, this MUST MEAN, that you are effectively a SEPARATE INDIVIDUAL in heaven! It MUST also mean that your own will is FREE to choose WHETHER to will the same thing as God wills or not. Because it's only possible that you MIGHT do something God would oppose, by virtue of you being ABLE to will something ELSE. You can will to "try" to make something UNLIKE God's will would create, which is what produced the separation. And God does not OPPOSE your will to do that, although He offers help and guidance for you to return to Him and will like Him, freely. If God does not go against your will, YOU MUST HAVE INDIVIDUALITY. Note Jesus also says YOUR WILL is as free as HIS... meaning that THERE IS NOT JUST ONE SON, and you cannot oppose His will anymore than He can oppose yours, because you RESPECT each other's individual freedom!)
"Would God let this be real, if He did not will to be alone Himself?"
(God did not will to be alone! So He CREATED YOU! This is because nothing real can be real unless it is given, because it has to be given in order to have HAD it to give, so God automatically creates YOU!)
"They remind you that you are the co-creator of all things that live."
(Remembering that "there is no life outside of heaven", you have co-created WITH God, freely, all things that LIVE, because everything in heaven is alive, including your soul.)
"God, who encompasses ALL Being, nevertheless created separate beings who have everything individually, but who want to share it to increase their joy. Nothing that is real can be increased EXCEPT by sharing it. That is why God Himself created you. Divine Abstraction takes joy in application, and that is what creation MEANS."
(There you have it plainly and simply, God created "separate" distinct beings who have everything "individually", have their own free will, and WANT to share what they have in order to increase THEIR joy. Note is also says that nothing real can increase except through sharing - sharing means extension or creation, and also making sort of "room for" something ADDITIONAL, which is why God ADDED you to creation, increasing it, and He did this because it brings him joy to apply what He is - to create.)
"God does not need revelation returned to Him, which would clearly be impossible, but He DOES want revelation brought to others. This cannot be done with the actual revelation, because its content cannot be expressed, and it is intensely personal to the mind which receives it. But it can still be returned BY that mind through its attitudes to other minds which the knowledge from the revelation brings."
(Information about revelations helps us to see that God communicates directly to individual PERSONAL selves, he does not and cannot communicate directly with an EGO, so it must be to the SOUL, and yet is personal, because there are OTHERS. Many sons, many brothers, many souls, many minds. "God is praised whenever any mind learns to be wholly helpful.")
"The truly helpful are God’s miracle-workers, whom I direct until we are all united in the joy of the kingdom."
(God has MANY miracle workers!)
Clearly there is SIGNIFICANT PROOF here that God created many individuals who are independent and HAVE THEIR OWN FREE WILL.
This leads to having to re-evaluate many other beliefs and conclusions that people have FALSELY come to, such as that there is only one dreamer of the dream, that other people are literally you, that you are responsible for other people's choices, that your perception's correction makes it impossible to see other people's poor choices, that your acceptance of atonement undoes the entire dream for everyone, etc... these are ALL false conclusions based on the DENIAL OF FREE WILL and the DENIAL OF INDIVIDUALITY IN HEAVEN.
What we think passes for a special love relationship on Earth, is typically the exact opposite of how relationship should be in heaven. This is not something that the people of the world want to look at or hear about.
The special relationship is the ego's way of relating. The ego's thought system is insane and deeply rooted in separation, specialness and exclusion. It rejects wholeness in favor of some special part which is different and unique to all the rest. It uses its worshipping of these little parts as idols to shut out and reject everything else. It is not really a device for relationship, it is a device for shutting relationship down and reducing it to almost nothing.
The physical world, which is a projecting out of the insane thought system of the ego, is founded on the same thinking, on the rejection of wholeness and the emphasis of separations and differences. Special relationships then become ways for the ego to use physicality to serve ego purposes, because now bodies can be used to section off and isolate and exclude, to narrow the field down to the ultra-special chosen one, to the exclusion of all others.
As the ego pursues what it tells you is the most treasured relationship, it promises that this relationship will give you total freedom, liberation, a savior who will fulfill all your needs, will give you everything you want, do things to you that you prefer, and together you will join in triuph over everyone and everything. A power-couple, exclusive in every way, fighting against the whole universe.
Such a special relationship is founded on exclusivity, with special rights and permissions granted, commitment to the other held up with the condition that you be uncommitted to anyone else, loyalty it seen as defending and siding with the other against everyone else, and nothing is allowed to occur outside the boundaries of the relationship. Especially not the intimate sharing of the body, which is really the exclusive target of the sense of special love, in which the other is held up as an idol to be worshipped, so that you'll stay away from God.
The truth however is that by pursuing relationship on the basis of how exclusive it is, also guarantees that the relationship is a prison. Two come together to share a prison, bound by chains, and commiting to fight together against the hoards of the universe who are left outside. There are limits on what you can, where you can, who you can be with, what you can say and to whom. Break the terms and conditions and you are violating the trust and the commitment of this meeting of minds, this joining of bodies, and this attempt to merge into oneness.
In effect such a relationship is not a releationship. It is a way of using a tiny speck of relationship focused around a single exclusive separation-device body, in order to keep everyone else away. The more exclusivity is given to the pair, the less there is for others to share in. In the strictest and most controlling of examples this can turn into highly abusive "love" situations where every little act is controlled and monitored and inspected for violations. And of course this can lead to abuse and violence and all manner of anti-relationship, all masquerading as a relationship. A relationship made in hell, where rotting together in death passes for love. And how cute it is that the corpses die in each other's arms.
The ego thus attempts to merge with one special other, exclusively and only that one other, and not even the whoel of them, in order to in some way commit fully to identifying with your body and with their body. And by doing so the ego uses the body and sex to try to bind the mind to matter, to make the body out to be the mind, and to believe in the allure of the body itself. All designed to place so much focus on the physical that the relationship becomes mindless and love doesn't enter into it. The relationship can then be all about sex and no real love, no real sharing or communication, and simply the using of each other's form.
But the ego clings to this because it's like it's rock in the storm, the stronger it can bind to bodies the more it can stay away from God and define itself in terms of what the body is, separating self off from others and therefore forming a sense of identity and of existing as something unique and special. Thus the more the relationship becomes exclusively special the more the ego increases and sees this temporary ally as joining it in its fight against all others.
This results in a dependency on an external savior, a seeking outside of yourself for love, an attempt to find yourself in the other person by denying yourself, a giving away of power, all manner of sacrifices and compromises and people pleasing, losing yourself, and a high degree of dishonesty. It is a closed-off relationship based on a prison, in which the two are chained to each other in "monogomy" and "marriage" and this is held up as holy any good and God's will. A holy and unquestionale institution, which is really founded on the lie that as the two come together there will be love, when really there is love's prison.
What the ego will never tell you is that each person is never supposed to be in a dedicated exclusive relationship with only one other, in which being with them is a tool to exclude everyone else. To do this is to place someone in a prison and call it freedom, to say you love them all the wihle keeping them captive and making sure they have no life beyond what you allow. Everyone is supposed to love everyone, and equally. It is completely unnatural that a person be kept so isolated and exclusive and separated off that they're not allowed even the slightest relationship with anyone, lest there be jealousy and grounds for revenge.
That means it is completely natural in God that everyone would experience full and total unconditional love towards absolutely everyone simultaneously. That is the total opposite of exclusivity and specialness because it's based on inclusivity and openness and sharing. It is true freedom and it applies to all souls. This is what all souls want and know and trust and enjoy. You are one with everyone, not just one little individual, whose specialness is there to tempt you and keep you away from everyone else.
On Earth therefore bodies are not only separation devices and prisons, they are also used by the ego to bring exclusive bodies together on exclusive terms so that the body can essentially be used to keep both persons away from God. And in their specialness they will think they are being holy and better and rightous and above all others, whom them look down upon together.
This belief that we are all supposed to find one single person and "love them" but in such a way that this relationship excludes others and is not the same as what is shared with others, is an ego device to separate and destroy relationship. It also leads to madness, in the belief that you are completely dependent on this one other person for your salvation, and if they are gone or if they stop giving you what you want, you are desperate like some kind of stalker that just can't let go or grant freedom. The belief that you can only get your needs met by that one person is a recipe for disaster and for endless torment. You don't even really have any needs.
In order to be free from that turmoil, which is largely also the root cause of grief and loss when a person leaves or dies, the sense of exclusivity must be dismantled. The person can only be "let go" by giving them freedom and allowing the exclusive rules to be broken. And indeed when they are broken it will not horrify, but instead bring great relief. Relief from the sense of isolation, from the straight-jacked of special terms, from the obedience and worship and codependency, and from the sense of not being able to live or do anything without their approval. No more burden, no more distorting yourself with sacrifices to please them, and no more putting them on a pedestal in order to cut them down.
If the person were to for example "cheat" or go outside the bounds of the agreement, or in some way withdraw what they were giving, or the grounds of the relationship are attacked and undermined, leading to a breakdown in the specialness and the romance, then perhaps this is a good thing. Because then it can open the doorway to actually transcending the ego's attempt at imprisonment, the glorifying of the body, the desire to merge with the body, and the sense that only this one person in all the world can ever be good enough for you.
"I want you and nobody else", as many-a-song goes, becomes the ego's mantra for exclusive specialness. The special one, the chosen one, the other half of yourself, the perfect one, the ideal one, the one who does only what you want and gives you none of what you don't want, the seeming savior and oasis in the desert to keep you from the madness of others, that special someone who who can side with an gel with and connect with by way of proving how everyone else is wrong, that's the ego's goal. To use separation to masquerade as relationship, to use a reduction in communication with the whole sonship under the guise of increasing communication, and using body contact to substitute for the true intimacy of oneness and to keep it away from heaven. And yet the ego thinks this is heaven on earth.
None of this is easy stuff to look at because everyone's doing it and everyone wants this feeling that you get when you look into the eyes of that special chosen one, and how they seem to offend you the least, justifying your murderous attitude toward everyone outside the special inner circle. Relationship can be far far higher than this, much more unconditional, and far more open and sharing, but not on the egos terms, and not really in terms of bodies - only up to a point.
But let it be known that, as you grant freedom to your partner, you are also giving it to yourself. And the special relationship therefore has to be converted into a holy relationship, where the terms and conditions are no longer the ego's, but the Holy Spirit's. And where the loving becomes equal and unconditional, there isn't a foundation of neediness and dependency, and both parties attain wholeness within themselves as well as with each other. There is a way out of the ego's chains and its little prisons of isolation, but it will require a dismantling of everything you ever thought specialness was good for.
Ultiamately it means giving up the entirely egocentric belief, in the ego itself, that you or another can be everything, exlusively and alone, to the exclusion of all else. That there can be this one sole person that is capable of being so limited, isolated, controlled and imprisoned, that they are somehow made permanent and constant and always the same to you. A person who will obey your every wish, do everything you want, be everything you want them to be, and never leave you. An idol to merge with in oneness, to posses and to own and control. Setting the other free from this punishing demand sets you also free form the LIE, that anyone could ever be, or is ever meant to be, the only one you could ever love.
Allowing their love to overflow to others, begins the dissolving of specialness, and therefore also of the ego itself. It is the beginning of letting go, the giving of freedom, the allowing of the other to be with anyone and everyone they so please. So that you can also be free to be unrestricted and unlimited in your relationship to all whom God has created equal.
"You cannot enter into REAL relationship with ANY of God's Sons, unless you love them all, and EQUALLY. Love is not special. If you single out PART of the Sonship for your love, you are imposing guilt on ALL your relationships, and MAKING them unreal."
"Within this kingdom the ego rules, and cruelly. And, to defend this little speck of dust, it bids you fight against the universe."
"On this side of the bridge, you see the world of separate bodies, seeking to join each other in SEPARATE UNIONS, and to become one BY LOSING. When two INDIVIDUALS seek to become ONE, they are trying to DECREASE their magnitude. Each would DENY his power, for the SEPARATE union EXCLUDES THE UNIVERSE. Far more is LEFT OUTSIDE than would be taken in. For God is left WITHOUT, and NOTHING taken in."
"In Heaven, where the meaning of love is known, love is the same as UNION. Here, where the ILLUSION of love is accepted IN ITS PLACE, love is perceived as separation and EXCLUSION."
"The special relationship is a strange and unnatural ego device for joining hell and Heaven, and making them indistinguishable. And the attempt to find the imagined "best" of BOTH worlds, has merely led to FANTASIES of both, and to the inability to perceive either one AS IT IS. The special relationship is the triumph of this confusion. It is a kind of union from which UNION IS EXCLUDED, and the BASIS for the ATTEMPT at union RESTS on exclusion. What better example could there be of the ego's maxim, "Seek, and do NOT find?"
There really are only two states. Wholeness, which means sharing everything, and separateness, which means being excluded from the rest in selfishness.
"Selfishness is of the ego but self-fullness is of the Soul because that is how He created it."
"Everything the ego perceives is a separate whole, without the relationships (sharing) that imply BEING."
The whole practice of ACIM is simply the transition between the state of separation and the state of being joined together.
In the separated state, people believe the are only a small part of what exists, limited and cut off from the rest. Particularly the body seems to prove this, in that anything outside the body seems to be nothing to do with you. And by "being" a body you identify yourself as exclusively imprisoned inside of it, kept apart from everyone else.
In the shared state, you are the whole of everything, sharing everything with everyone fully. Everyone has everything simultaneously. We are all one. Like a collective consciousness or hive mind. A unified holographic experience where anything that applies to you applies to the whole. Everyone is included, nothing is left out, and anything you do or give you also receive.
So when Jesus is talking about forming a better relationship with your brothers, in which if you do something to them you are affected, he's simply reiterating that what you give you receive. It's simply the idea that you need to remember your true identity as the whole, and realize the implication of this.
If you are the whole, then anything you do to any part you also do it to yourself. Anything you give you receive it as well. Anything you cause, you experience the effects. Other people are a part of the whole with you, so any way that you relate to them you also relate to yourself.
It also extends to the transition between false and true perception. False perception is a focusing on separateness and exclusion, making things out to be not joined and not part of a whole. True perception is nothing more than a state of recognizing that the whole is in all the parts and every part contains the whole. That every mind contains every mind. That each brother is all brothers.
This leads to a sense of identity that transitions from being a separated-off self, which typically identifies with and as a body as a "separation device", different and unique, to sharing a singular nature with everyone in a single shared identification as christ. Christ is just another name for the shared aspect of the sonship, the sense that we are all one and are each other.
"Christ is the link that keeps you one with God, and guarantees that separation is no more than an illusion of despair."
So all your practice really needs to be, to "do the course" and awaken, is to transition your sense of who and what you are from being exclusively "only you", to including everyone and everything in what you are. To think of yourself as the whole, and not just a part. That you are an individual soul, but your soul is shared with others. To reclaim the part of you that shares, so that you relinquish selfishness without a loss of self.
To exclaim, "I am the whole", and to remember you are the whole, puts your mind in a position where you properly acknowledge the golden rule. Anything you do, anything you say, anything you express, anything you think or feel, teaches all the universe. Anything at all that comes from you also comes toward you. Giving and receiving are one. You give to the whole, as the whole. You receive the whole as a result. You are included in everything.
This simple idea that you are included in everything, is the undoing of separation. Separation means exclusion. If you are included in everything, you will have shared interests. That means that anything you do to another you do to yourself, and therefore it's in your own interest to treat others with love so that you will treat yourself will love. If you don't treat others with love, you will treat yourself with a lack of love, and will make yourself suffer. You will have done it to yourself.
The simple "secret of salvation" then, and the whole key to being saved from all suffering, sickness and death, is in this simple recognition that you are the whole of the sonship. You are the whole Kingdom of God. It's not just some place you go to and hang out in as an individually created being, it's literally who and what you are. You are the entire environment. You are a part of and hosted within the being if God. He is your home, and you are one with the whole of him and with everything he created. The kingdom of heaven is you.
By being the whole, whatever you claim applies to another applies to you. Recognizing you are the whole, you will only want to give to another what you would want to receive for yourself. If you have given something sinful to another then you've made yourself sinful, because you are included in the recipients. Every psychological email you send out is carbon-copied to you. You must learn to share with everyone, love everyone, and know everyone as your self.
Your whole motivation shifts from selfish interests to the good of all. Your application of self becomes universal and unconditional instead of limited or conditional. Your loving becomes unconditional, your relationships become unlimited, your response becomes singular and consistent, your mind becomes unified, you no longer register orders of difficulty or hierarchies of illusion, and your whole approach to anyone and anything is to know and love it as yourself. Knowing your brother as yourself is the way to know God.
When Jesus tells you that if you do something to another to you will do it to yourself, or that you're doing it all to yourself, he isn't saying that you're doing it exclusively to yourself. He's saying that you, as the whole, are doing it to the whole, and you are included in the whole. The secret of salvation is that you are doing it to yourself - AS THE WHOLE, and because you are the whole.
Everything you do is done to everyone. Inclusion is the law of God. It also means that if you change, you are also changing other people, which is why you are able to affect the minds of your brothers towards sickness or health. Your miracles resurrect them and give them what they have denied themselves, simply because your mind IS their mind.
"A miracle is a service. It is the maximal service that one soul can render another. It is a way of loving your neighbor as yourself. The doer recognizes his own and his neighbor's inestimable value simultaneously."
"Your gratitude to each OTHER is the only gift I want. I will bring it to God for you, knowing that to know your brother IS to know God."
"Giving and receiving are one."
"One brother is all brothers. Every mind contains all minds, for every mind is one. Such is the truth."
"The Kingdom CANNOT be found alone, and you who ARE the Kingdom cannot find YOURSELVES alone."
"You ARE the Kingdom of Heaven" "The Kingdom of Heaven IS you."
"We are Creation; we the Sons of God."
"The sonship is your soul."
"Let me remember I am one with God,
At one with all my brothers and my Self,
In everlasting holiness and peace."
"All that I give is given to myself."
"As you give you will receive. There is no plan but this for the salvation of the Son of God."
"It will be GIVEN you to see your brother's worth, when all you WANT for him is peace. And what you want for HIM, you will receive."
"Asking for EVERYTHING, you will RECEIVE it."
"You had everything when you were created just as everyone did."
"You WILL receive the message you give, because it is the message you WANT."
"It can be but myself I crucify."
All that I do I do unto myself.
If I attack, I suffer. But if I
forgive, salvation will be given me."
"The full appreciation of its self-fullness makes selfishness impossible, and extension inevitable."
"I (myself) will be healed as I let him teach me to heal (others)."
"I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts."
"I am alone in nothing. Everything I think or say or do touches all the universe. A Son of God cannot think or speak or act in vain. He cannot be alone in anything. It is therefore in my power to change every mind along with mine, for mine is the power of God."
"Their minds are one; their joining is complete. And God works through them now as One, for that is what they are."
"This is the function of your holy relationship. For what ONE thinks, the OTHER will experience WITH him. What can this mean, EXCEPT your minds are one?"
"A miracle is a Universal Blessing from God through Me to all My Brothers."
"When I am healed I am not healed alone."
"So is he healed, and in his healing is his pupil healed with him."
"And by his healing IS his brother healed. Let THIS be your agreement with each one; that you be one with him and NOT apart."
"Attest his innocence and NOT his guilt. YOUR healing is his comfort and HIS health."
"Forgiveness is not real UNLESS it brings a healing to your brother AND yourself. YOU must attest his sins had no effect on YOU, to demonstrate they were not real."
"There IS no end to God and His Son, for we ARE the universe."
"The power of one mind CAN shine into another, because all the lamps of God were lit by the same spark."
"The sick must heal THEMSELVES, for the truth is IN them. But, having OBSCURED it, the light in ANOTHER mind must shine into theirs, because that light IS theirs."