Think of yourself not as confined to a small body, but think of yourself as, in your natural state, being expansive and the size of the universe. You are omnipresent, you are everywhere and in all things. You share the entirety of existence with all other children of God. You overlap with everyone. You exist in the same space, share all of your being with other beings, and commune intimately in a state of oneness.
What happened to that self, which was a universe-sized fully sharing being, in the separation idea, is you attempted to withdraw from immersion in the whole, you confined yourself, you shrunk down, you limited yourself, you withdrew yourself from the communal experience, and so made yourself show up as an isolated body person.
You became small and little and weak and frail, fenced off from the rest, not wanting to share with anyone, wanting to have something special just to yourself, something exclusive, something that only you have, which makes you different and unique and selfish. Instead of being everywhere you decided to be somewhere, restricted in spacetime to a small tiny spot, around which you defend against the entire universe from entering.
This is what happened in the separation. This is how you took your pre-existing sharing self, and "made it separate". You separated it from its communal experience with other infinite beings, putting yourself in a corner and walling yourself in, in order to keep them out and you in. You did not want to share in them, and you didn't not want them to share in you. This was the purpose of the body idea, a separation device and a wall of flesh around the mind.
This produced what is termed "the separated self" which is a self who used to share with everyone, who now does not want to share at all. This imprisoned self, is still a real self, but has placed itself under limitations. And these limitations are made of illusions, which seem to now substitute for a sense of real, full self, making it seem as though you "made up a self" to replace the fullness of your soul. You made the body, and identified with and as it, in an attempt to isolate and exclude. This is all that happened in the separation. You just became selfish and special and different.
The restoration of your true nature simple entails the willingness to drop the walls, remove the isolation, transcend the body separation device, return to being the size of the universe, re-immerse yourself in creation, rejoin the community of the Sonship, and resume a state of perfectly unselfish sharing. The willingness to let others share you, as much as you share them. Restored to being your natural self as God created you, a self who is equal to all real brothers and who shares everything with everyone.
Once you can see what you were like BEFORE the separation - a limitless universal being who shares everything with every other limitless universal being - the family of God - you can easily contrast this against the position you now find yourself in, and realize that it was the attempt not to share that put yourself into this situation. Where you are now inside a body, everyone else is kept outside, you seem to inhabit it alone, and now no-one shares anything with you inside your little fence. Being kept apart and separated off and unwilling to join, is a lonely and isolating experience.
The walls of separation, the body itself, all physical matter, all illusions, the ego, body identification, forms, the world, all things little, every prison wall which keeps you from sharing and immersing yourself in communion with God and Sonship, which occurs only in Heaven, keeps you from being IN heaven, and keeps you imprisoned. This is why the body cannot contain you who are love, any more than God can enter a body or join you there. You must expand. You must become unlimited. You must return to being an eternal being who is everywhere and sharing with all other eternal beings in an unlimited, open and unselfish way.
"The ego is the idea of selfishness. The soul is the idea of self-fullness."
"The goal of the curriculum, regardless of the teacher you choose, is KNOW THYSELF. ***There is nothing else to learn. Everyone is looking for himself*** and the power and glory he thinks he has lost."
"For everyone is seeking to escape from the prison he has made, and the way to find release is not denied him."
It's strange to realize that you don't remember who you really are. Your mind is in a state of confusion. You are lost and seemingly alone in darkness. You've forgotten what is true of you, your true nature, or what you are really like.
Your real identity seems to have become buried underneath the rubble of the ego thought system's destructiveness. You seek in the darkness for yourself, trying to sort through the clues which may point in the direction of yourself. Yet you don't even remember what your self is actually like, so can't quite tell what it is you're looking for.
In the separation from God you denied your soul, and blocked awareness of your real identity as Christ. You forgot who you were. Jesus even goes to the extent to say that because of the authority problem, in which you rejected God as your father, you actually believe that you don't exist at all.
Yet everyone is trying to find the self that they lost. We're all searching for some sense of something we once knew, but can't quite remember. Some self that was, and still is, our true reality, but which has become so obscure that we're not even sure where to look.
Some have a notion of a higher self, as if the soul is some other secondary self. And this is only because the ego that you have become identified with instead is a secondary sense of self. But it is not yourself. It is not who you are, and nor is your body.
Your "higher" self isn't really higher, nor does it really have a separate mind of its own. It isn't a second you, but rather, your first and only you. It's who you are deep down. The you that is true to yourself. The you that is actual and permanent and unconfused, uncluttered with illusions and unblocked by denial. It's your spiritual holy self.
If you reach into your mind, recognizing that the ego you've latched onto is not yourself, and with willingness to go beyond the body which is also not yourself, you can search within (or above) for your soul. Reach out to it, or rather, to you. Dig deeper behind the clouds of denial and the blocks to awareness. Who are you really?
Somewhere in your mind, there is awareness of the real self that you are. The most honest direct self, simple and pure and strong. The self that you forgot. The self that you have trouble remembering. The self you used to be before the confusion of separation set in. Who are you really, behind all these masks and disguises? What are you really like? Where is your soul?
Bodies are incredibly separating. They are like anchors, and little prison cells. One body is over here, the other is over there, separated by a gap of space and time. If you are in and as your body, and if the other person is in and as their body, you are not connected, you have no relationship, and are kept apart.
This separation gap will fester with sin and attack and specialness and selfishness. Identifying that you, who are you and your brother, are only located in and as your separate body, rips you away from them and separates your mind.
Part of your mind is in and as their mind, which you have located as separated off and bound to their body, out of reach to you. Given they are separate, if they so much as flinch in the wrong way, you will take it as an act of war, inflicted by a separate will against your will. Being bodies is an act of war. There can be no undoing of specialness while you believe your brother is anchored to a physical object.
Both of you are supposed to share everything, join entirely, be in psychological union as one, and overlap with each other. Your brother is part of yourself, and ONLY by recognizing and identifying your sense of self WITH them, including them on who and what you are, can you enter into love. Without this joining, love is absent and separation has taken hold, and conflict will not be far behind.
"You" (separate body) "did this to me" (separate body) "and I" (separate body) "did not do this to you" (separate body) "and therefore you are guilty." It is the entire basis of scapegoating and all sense of victimhood. If you are NOT your brother, there are two sides and there is war. You have excluded him by associating him with a body. You do not see him, because his body blocks your vision, a wall of flesh around his mind, locking him into darkness.
Bodies literally are in the way. They are completely opposite to the nature of the mind. They are separation devices. Your whole life you have identified people AS a separate body, not a part of you, kept away from you, responsible for their own acts and not yours, and whose interests are not your own. And every body-identified (egoic) mind sees themselves as separated off and held apart by the body. This is completely unnatural.
No one is a body. Bodies are designed to keep apart what God has put together as one. Your brother is literally you. Your minds are one. Your self is shared. You are both the whole Kingdom. What many people don't realize is that Jesus recognized that he IS EVERYONE, and that is why he united the will of the whole sonship with the father, and why you were with him when he ascended.
"The body is clearly a device for separation and therefore does not exist."
"The sonship is your soul."
"We are the Kingdom, WE, the Sons of God."
"No one can remember God alone."
"In a split mind, identity MUST seem to be divided. Nor can anyone perceive a function unified which has conflicting purposes and different ends. Correction, to a mind so split, MUST be a way to punish sins you think are YOURS in someone else. And thus does he become your victim, NOT your brother, DIFFERENT from you in that he is MORE GUILTY, thus in need of your correction, as the one MORE INNOCENT than he. This splits HIS function off from yours, and gives you both a DIFFERENT role. And so you CANNOT be perceived as one, and with a single function that would MEAN a shared identity with but ONE end."
In ACIM there is a lot of talk about imprisoning someone, and also about setting them free. Jesus actually says that you can either a) amplify the sickness of another by reinforcing beliefs they already have, or b) weaken the sickness of another by withdrawing belief in it.
It is one thing to realize that you can potentially "positively" help someone to heal and to set them free, by not projecting guilt or fear or sin onto them, but it is another to willingly look at the possibility that you may be "cursing" them with your ego.
This doesn't mean necessarily that you originate a person's sickness, or that you can curse them against their will. But Jesus does say that you can reinforce beliefs they already have, exploit their weaknesses, and essentially increase their guilt or sickness by projecting yours onto them. We do "affect" each other.
It however remains true that a person who is strong in the truth becomes invulnerable, and has set themselves free both from imprisonment and from the potential for being imprisoned. It is not possible to drag such a person into the darkness.
But if a person has volunteered to "play along with" the idea that they are guilty, or deserve to suffer, or to not be loved, this is like a kind of invitation. If we just lay down and accept that we should suffer as a result of being guilty, we make ourselves sort of "open to" forms of suffering or attack, allowing or using them to hurt ourselves. If we set up a mechanism of self-hurt, it becomes possible for another person to leverage that.
In essence, Jesus is saying that if someone buys into sin and guilt, the projected sin and guilt of others can compound it. It can make their situation worse, further weakening their mind and health. I've certainly heard stories of people falling sick and having medical issues due to being in proximity to guilty, blameful or fearful individuals. And I can say from personal experience that toxic-energy people have to sometimes be avoided.
If it's true that your mind can influence another mind, which appears to be exactly what Jesus is saying - because minds are joined - then it is possible to either abuse this fact or use it for constructive purposes. When the mind is turned to more constructive uses it can leverage the strength it sees in another to amplify that strength, increasing the light and innocence in another's mind, and therefore inducing healing on their behalf.
We need therefore to be mindful that either we are blessing or cursing, hurting or healing. We can pull up or we can pull down. We can be the light of the world or the darkness of the world. And what we choose to give to another we will experience for ourselves. We cannot escape this law because it's the law of God. What you do unto others, you to do yourself, and vice versa.
"Casting spells" merely means "affirming error", and error is lack of love. When man projects this onto others, he DOES imprison them, but only to the extent that he reinforces errors they have already made. This distortion makes them vulnerable to the curse of others, since they have already cursed themselves. The miracle worker can only bless, and this undoes the curse and frees the soul from prison."
"The sick must heal THEMSELVES, for the truth is IN them. But, having OBSCURED it, the light in ANOTHER mind must shine into theirs, because that light IS theirs."
"Through this remembrance you can change THEIR minds about themselves, as I can change YOURS. Your minds are so powerful a light that you can look into theirs and enlighten them, as I can enlighten yours."
Someone in your life that you are angry with or upset about, is only there as a skapegoat so that you can cover up your secret plan.
Your secret plan is to find a way to prove why God can't love you.
So you hire people, even before you incarnate, and you ask them to do stuff to you, for you. You ask them to play a role. And then they come into life and you come into life and you both play the roles perfectly. They do you a great service, even if the role they play is one of attacker or victimizer or hater or abuser.
While you have forgotten this sense of responsibility for orchestrating everything that happens to you, you will experience yourself being a victim - unfairly treated. Only by remembering 100% responsibility for this 'deal' you made, can you be freed from this victim consciousness.
Then, whatever that attacking person looked like or what they did to you, IF it's recognized as being EXACTLY what you asked them to do FOR you, then you can hardly hold them accountable or blame them. You literally asked for it. And whatever they did was done perfectly exactly as you requested. This completely lets them off the hook. They are just doing their job. You should be grateful.
Only in seeing it this way can you view the person as completely devoid of any guilt or of having done something against your will. And if they haven't done anything against your will other than perfectly carry out YOUR plan of self-attack, then you will recognize they have not really done anything TO you. It's really you that did this to you by hiring them to do it for you in the first place.
Then you can recognize this person is innocent. They have been faithful to your request. They've done what you asked. And they did not do anything you didn't ask for. So now services have been rendered. And for that you are grateful and you can recognize them as INNOCENT. No longer can you blame them for doing something 'uncalled for', having owned up to being the one who chose it.
Having thus taken back responsibility and power for the decisions against yourself, which were designed to give you really good justifications for being UNLOVABLE BY GOD, you will recognize that the whole point of being attacked/abused/hurt etc is so you will become so preoccupied with how worthless it 'makes you' that you will not be able to accept God's love. You will have really great justifications for why you can't be loved. And you'll have all this evidence and you'll be able to point your finger at this person and blame them for causing it. And all the while this affirms - God can't love me because I'm not lovable because of what this person did.
It's pretty convenient to stay in that mindset. And staying there won't make you happy. What will make you happy is dropping all the projection of blame onto the person who served you, taking full responsibility for orchestrating your life's events, taking ownership of the plan to prove to God that you're unworthy, and then becoming willing to allow yourself to be loved again. You have to drop the game you're playing. You have to get out from under the 'prison sentence' that the victimizer seems to hold you under. It's you holding yourself there so that you can stay way from God.
Then you let God in. You surrender. You drop the self-defeating attitude. You own up and admit to the truth. And then a smile can return to your face as you allow yourself to stop hating yourself and let yourself be loved by God.
The belief in separation, which you are working to undo through forgiveness, does not just heal your own mind.
What is it that you have been separated from? It is yourself, it is God, and it is your brother.
When you undo separation in what you think of as "your mind", the boundaries which confined your mind are expanded. Separation was COMING BETWEEN you and others. It was defining you as "not them".
Separation is an artificial wall which seems to make people into isolated individuals, with private minds experiencing private worlds.
When separation is lifted, you are literally going to become ONE with other people. They are you. They are other parts of you which you have been separated from. You, and what appeared before to be "others", in fact SHARE A MIND as the One Son of God.
You are NOT just working on your own private spiritual path in isolation. If you are truly making progress to undo separation, you are undoing the separation BETWEEN you and other people. This means it is IMPOSSIBLE to make progress in spiritual awakening without INCLUDING more and more of what it was you thought was "other people", which is actually parts of yourself that you previously were separate from. Your spiritual awakening is everyone's spiritual awakening.
That which kept you feeling isolated, imprisoned, alone, separate and in the dark, was essentially FEAR, which when it is lifted, *reconnects you* with other people. You begin to see them AS YOURSELF. And you begin to treat them how you would be treated.
In the ego's thought system, what applies to you does not apply to others. This is because it sees each individual as an isolated separated identity, cut off and kept apart. In the Holy Spirit's thought system, what applies to you applies to everyone equally, because they ARE YOU. You, and your brother, are PART OF the One Son of God. ONE identity. ONE mind. ONE Self.
Therefore as you are removing blocks to awareness of love, you are removing artificial limitations placed on "who you are", which put you in a little box and labelled you as separate. As these blocks are lifted, you will come to LOVE yourself more, and LOVE other people more. This love will JOIN and CONNECT you to other minds.
Separated minds produce sickness. Joined minds produce healing. You must set your brother free from his prison by rejoining with him as one. You must stop demonstrating sickness so as to stop accusing BOTH of you of sin. You must be the example of the love that applies to BOTH of you. It is literally in your own best interests to do this, because they ARE ONE WITH YOU!
Separation is a two-edged sword. It doesn't just apply in isolation. It causes isolation. It comes between brothers and makes them strangers. It makes a shared mind split and kept apart. When separation has gone, your mind will be SHARED with the Son of God. You are OPENING UP to a much larger sense of IDENTITY than who you thought you were, limited to a separate self, stuck in a body, or confused with that which dies.
You are EVERTHING. You are bigger than the universe. You are the Kindgom of God!
"I cannot seen in darkness but in light."
Instead of thinking of the ego, think of two thought systems or two minds. Jesus refers in ACIM to us having a higher mind and a lower mind. A portion of mind became 'lower' in the separation from God, and focuses on being separate.
"The Separation is NOT symbolic. It is an order of reality, or a system of thought"
"I AM working with your higher mind whether you are asleep or awake, (just as your ego does with your lower mind.."
"Thought can create lower-order or higher-order realities. This is the basic distinction between intellectualization and thinking. One creates the physical, and the other the spiritual, and we believe in what we create."
When you are in the higher mind, you are in the light and you can see. You recognize what everything is, nothing is hidden, and you are not deceived.
When you are in the lower mind, you cannot see, you cannot recognize, and you are deceived. It's like being unconscious. You cannot tell that you are in the lower mind because it is a place of darkness.
When you are in the lower mind you lose perspective and lose sight of where you are, lost in the woods. You may not even realize you are in the lower mind at all, and think everything is normal, and may forget completely that there even is a higher way to see.
This is because the lower mind is the realm of egotism, separation, darkness and confusion, narrowness and closed-ness and limitation. It's a mind level that perceives falsely, makes illusions real and believes in the physical world. It is where you are deceived and distracted and reacting as a victim.
So really when you are in the "ego-mind" (thought system) you have a kind of loss of awareness that makes it much much harder to recognize that you are in the ego. The whole thought system of that mindset is like being in a dark prison cell, lost and alone, and not even remembering that there even is a light outside.
When you get back out into the higher mind, into the light, you can see again, you can recognize things, and you can tell where you are. You also, when in the higher mind, suddenly have the perspective that recognises where and what the lower mind is, and that there even is a lower mind within you.
This allows you to realize that you WERE in the lower mind, because you know that it was a state of ego. From the perspective of being in the higher mind, you have a sense that you have a kind of "lower self" within you that is very primal and basic and victim-oriented and fearful.
This is the "self you made", the ego-oriented thought system. Like a child that throws temper tantrums and screams at the universe. It's a whole system of thinking and perceiving.
If you slip out of the higher mind you lose sight of even HAVING a "lower self" within you, that you need to be vigilant against, and you fall back into it. Then you lose sight of the big picture and it seems like the lower self is all that exists and all that you are. Then it's a scramble trying to get yourself back out of it into the light.
It's like, you need the light of the higher mind in order to be able to tell that you're in the lower mind, but when you're in the lower mind you don't have that light so you get lost and stuck in it easily. Trying to get yourself out of the darkness into the light is the best thing you can do to give you perspective and help you to recognize where you are and what you're doing.
The aim is to be in the higher mind as much as possible so that the lower mind is ultimately dissolved. Or rather, that that portion of mind is freed from its egoic focus and its belief in separation so that that mind can be reintegrated as part of the higher mind.
Also note that the lower mind includes the intellect, which is a seemingly 'higher' function within the lower mind that uses separation to split things up and analyse and judge. Jesus says in ACIM that this intellectual lower mind actually produces the physical world of space and time. The higher mind rises above the battlefield and transcends it.
"Miracles are the absence of the body. They are sudden shifts into invisibility, away from lower order reality. That is why they heal."
When you hold a grievance, where you demand that someone else has to change because they are unacceptable to you, you are using the ego's version of forgiveness.
If you claim they are wrong or bad or evil or sinful or guilty in any way, you are saying you need them to change. They should not be the way they are. They are wrong and bad and evil to be the way they are. They should not be this way.
This means really that you want THEM to change so that YOU do not have to change. And it also means that you in fact want to be AFFECTED by them, as a victim, but you want them to affect you in a way that matches your desires.
So if you were to get a person to change and be the way "you want them to be", then supposedly they'd now treat you the way you want them to, and give you what you want. Maybe they'd now "make you happy". But this is still a form of victimhood.
Being caused to be happy by something outside yourself is just as ego as being cauesd to be unhappy by something outside yourself. They are both forms of being at the effect of the world. And when you depend on the world being nice to you, giving you what you want, meeting your standards, or forcing you into preferable states, you're forgiving to destroy.
By demanding that someone change, or be not like they are, which is your projected judgement of them in the first place, you are destroying them with your judgement of them. You evaluate first that they are evil and then ask THEM to be the one to stop being evil. This is not only self destructive, it's an attempt to destroy the world.
It's like accusing someone of being a bad person, even when they're not, and trying to put that onto them, and then demanding that THEY change to get out of the prison that you've put them in, to make you happy. It's like asking someone to do your own dirty work.
So first you try to destroy them, then you demand they stop being the destroyed person, to appease you and for your own gain. Like hurting someone then requiring that they get up and thank you for it. This is how the destroys in order to try to bring about a "forgiven" state where the sin seems to have been removed. In a sense you demand that they "resurrect" from being evil, for your benefit.
If someone undoes the sin you accuse them of, by changing, and complying with your wishes, then the ego now says well, you have indeed forgiven, and now that I see you are not being the evil I accused you of, my perception of you is not seeing evil in you. And that implies that I've done a forgiveness. If you stop being the evil sinner that I hate, then apparently I have forgiven you. But nothing has really changed in my mind, so there has been no real forgiveness at all.
It's like when someone does something you disapprove of, and then you say you are not going to forgive them until they change their ways. They have to repent. And when they change their ways and meet your conditions, you will say yes, very good, you did what I wanted and now I approve of you, and now you are my loyal servant. Then you are temporarily bestowed with an ego blessing of seeming mercy, while still enforcing that if you return to your wicked ways, you'll be punished just as much as before.
This in effect is therefore like some dictating tyrant who wants everything to be their way and wants everyone else to comply. To have power over everyone and control everything. To force the world to stop being the way it is, or the way you judge it to be. If those other motherfuckers would just stop being assholes everything would be great for you and life would be smooth. And so the ego seems for an illusion of peace in the midst of its warring ways.
"The ego's plan for salvation centers around holding grievances. It maintains that if someone else spoke or acted differently, if some external circumstance or event were changed, you would be saved. Thus the source of salvation is constantly perceived as outside yourself. Each grievance you hold is a declaration, and an assertion in which you believe, that says, "If this were different, I would be saved." The change of mind that is necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself."
When the world is seen with false perception, that is, with the body's eyes being believed and seeing nothing else, blinded by perception of form, the world seems like a dark prison and God is nowhere.
When you lift up and see with Christ Vision, or true perception, which is a spiritual seeing by the mind itself, not dependent on the body's eyes or on photons of light bouncing off surfaces, the world vanishes. The spiritual eye is love looking upon love, Christ looking upon Christ.
However, just before this, in the in-between stages, when you are working on your forgiveness, healing and purification, there is an intermediary "mix" between these two. The spiritual eye is coming online, but the body's sight is still believed to some extent.
What this produces is that the world, which is like a veil of sin hanging in front of Christ's face, becomes more transparent. It's forms are less believed, it's matter is less blocking.
All sense of real sin is being lifted away from its appearances. Guilt is being unprojected. And this makes the world appear to gradually become brighter, lighter, more lovely, more forgiven.
However, it's only possible for this "world in the process of being forgiven" to show up PRIOR to seeing the face of Christ in full. If you were to reach true perception, you wouldn't be able to see the world at all, because the veil lifts at the very top, at the last moment, becoming completely invisible.
In a way, we could say that what appears to be the visible world, the physical world, becomes gradually more invisible. And the seemingly invisible world, the real world, becomes gradually more visible. And as Jesus says, "you cannot see both worlds."
"This world you see MUST BE DENIED, for sight of it is costing you a different kind of vision. YOU CANNOT SEE BOTH WORLDS. For each of them involves a different kind of seeing, and depends on what you cherish. The sight of one is possible because you have DENIED THE OTHER. "
He also says that what you consider to be "false", you do NOT see, and what you consider to be TRUE, you do see. So if the real world is true, and Earth is false, which it is, then seeing the truth of the real world "blinds you" to seeing Earth.
So at the top, when you reach totally purified perception, the veil of physical matter, the granite block of sin, becomes fully transparent and disappears from sight. Like a dream that fades.
That "forgiven veil", is the forgiven world. By forgiving the world, you are shining it away. By forgiving it, you are overlooking it to the light beyond it.
"And it is given us to look past death and see the light beyond."
"And the mind that RECEIVES it, looks INSTANTLY beyond the body, and sees the holy place where IT was healed."
"Right-mindedness listens to the Holy Spirit, forgives the world, and through Christ's vision sees the real world in its place."
"Christ's vision has one law. It does not look upon a body, and mistake it for the Son whom God created. It beholds a light beyond the body."
The more you forgive the world and stop projecting sin onto it, the more forgiven it becomes. BUT ALSO, the more it disappears. It fades because it is not really there. This is why:
"A world forgiven cannot last. It was the home of bodies. But forgiveness looks past bodies."
"To forgive is to OVERLOOK."
You cannot forgive something that is REAL. Forgiveness makes stuff disappear. You cannot forgive the world and KEEP it. Things you forgive are ILLUSIONS. "Illusions recognized must disappear." If you are to forgive the world, it MUST be an illusion. And it must disappear.
"The world stands like a block before Christ's face. But true perception looks on it as nothing more than just a fragile veil, so easily dispelled that it can last no longer than an instant. It is seen at last for only what it is. And now it cannot fail to disappear, for now there is an empty place made clean and ready. Where destruction was perceived the face of Christ appears, and in that instant is the world forgot, with time forever ended as the world spins into nothingness from where it came."
A light way to look at things and a dark way. It is similar to how, from above the clouds, the sun shines on everything, and yet beneath the clouds, everything looks dark and threatening.
Looking back toward the light with obstacles in the way, creates the impression of threat and danger and doom and gloom. When the clouds are there, the light seems obscured and it feels like you've got walls keeping you from it. It seems like you're trapped in a prison and that everything is against you.
Looking toward the light from a position of being separated from the light, by the clouds, creates the ego. The ego is an attempt to turn around and look back at God and find him blocked from vision as if he doesn't exist. And when the clouds are heavy, it will feel as if God doesn't exist, as if there is no light.
Shifting back into alignment with the source of light, means getting "above the battlefield", through and beyond the clouds, past the illusion of separateness and self importance, and turning around 180-degrees so that you too are a part of the light that shines outward. You need to become a sunbeam, of sorts, extending love outward.
Looking up to the sun with clouds between you is akin to the ego looking inside at itself. The ego wants to catch a glimpse of itself as if it really exists as a separate identity. What you are 'is', and you can't identify it as something separate from you. Yet when you're "under the weather" and trying to wrestle with upsets and darkness you keep trying to look 'at' yourself, similar to how you keep trying to look back at the sun. You don't really need to look at yourself or to look at the source of light, you need to BE IT.
Changing your vantage point changes your perspective. If your vantage point is rooted in your ego then your ego will do the looking and it will look toward the clouds and tell you the clouds are real and that you're separate from God. This will of course be frightening and horrifying. And it's not true, but it will seem true, and you will feel stuck.
Changing your vantage point to that of Holy Spirit (the sun) changes everything. It changes how everything looks to you and what it means. Your light shines ONTO everything you see illuminating it and revealing its beauty and happiness. It helps you to see clearly and fully. It helps you to not be deceived by the strange shadows that play out on the landscape when you are "in the dark". And it helps you to remember there is ALWAYS another way, ALWAYS a better way than any ego viewpoint.
And you need to be reminded... the light of God is always present and always available and always true and always powerful, and no amount of ego or darkness or horror will EVER obliterate it or shut it out or make it permanently lost. EVER. The light is always stronger than the darkness because the darkness is weakness. The light is always there. It is sanity. It is reason. It is truth. Sooner or later you have to admit to it and allow it and accept it and be it. You can prolong suffering but you cannot make it permanent. The light is calling to you to join it and to laugh at the silliness of the ego's mistakes.
God loves you.