Seeking for perfection in this world is an ego pursuit, but everyone's doing it. It stems from the separation from God.

The idea of separation introduced a mental state of conflict and war, of attack and destruction. It also gave rise to a fragmenting of everything, putting things in separate boxes with separate meanings.

As soon as we did this, competition arose, in which everything is different and at odds with everything else. No two objects are alike, and everywhere you look there is a seeming drive to stand out and be unique.

Separation literally gives rise to competition. In that competitiveness, all egos are trying to gain more, outdo others, usurp God's will, become something, win against the opposition, and generally inflate themselves.

This whole drive is towards trying to find the properties of God in the physical world at the physical level. It can never work because God is not the physical world, but egos don't believe that because they made the world and want it to be reality.

So then within this "war zone" battlefield of constant competing, everyone keeps trying to one-up everyone else. To stand out from the crowd. To have that career success, to become famous or an instagram influencer, or to get noticed. All the egos start screaming in unison "look at me, I'm the chosen one."

This realm of competition makes everyone a perfectionist. Everyone regards themselves as lacking (God) and in need (false needs) of finding something outside of themselves. Rooted in the belief that what they lost cannot be found within - leading to the ego's mantra of "seek and do not find."

So then there is a constant external push, a drive toward going out of your mind, into the world, to gain the world, and to become one with the world and the body. Or in other words, to become more perfect, based on the deeply held belief in being imperfect.

All perfectionists believe they are not good enough (an attempt to stop God loving them), leading to a compulsion to seek for a "better way" toward the world rather than away from it. To find the ultimate this that or the other in the world itself, the golden calf, the fame and fortune, the special other, the perfect house and car, the perfect hairdo, the perfect body.

But all this driving for perfection, which is an attempt to find answers in the world where they don't exist, just makes us more insane. The more you seek to emphasize how perfect something eternal is, which is idol worship, the more you believe in imperfection. The search itself undermines perfection, causing you to lose more in the name of gaining more.

Then enters the fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of not being perfect, fear of failure, fear of poverty and lack, fear of loss, etc, all various disguises for an underlying belief that no matter how much you become perfect it will never be enough.

Expecting anything in the world to be perfect is a total waste of time. The world was not made with perfection or to be perfect. It was made from an idea of rejecting perfection and entering into chaos, lack, finite limits, faults, damage, a potential for attack and breakage, things being misplaced, stuff breaking down and all manner of disappointments.

You will not ever find perfection outside of you in the world.

Trying to expect a fundamentally broken limited system to become perfect and limitless is insane. It's part of a drive to try to swap the attributes of God for the attributes of nothingness. The true and the false. Trying to make out that this world is heaven, or that it is eternal, or that it is perfect, or whole, or holy, or permanent, or wanted, or meaningful.

The world is nothing at all. It has no properties of its own because it is nothing more than a mirage in the mind. A dream of exile from heaven. We have been trying to give the world the properties of God since we made it, and we have never succeeded. And even as soon as we made it it was ready to die.

Wanting it to last is part of wanting it to have God's permanence. Wanting nothing to go wrong or to break or to be lost or damaged is a wish that it possess God's immortality. Wanting the bodies to stop dying is a wish that they were actually creations in God's Kingdom. All the resistance around things going to hell is an attempt to make it into heaven.

The only place you will ever find true perfection is in the Kingdom of God, heaven, which is not of this world. And you will find this Kingdom within yourself, not out there, or in the clothing cupboard, or in the bank, or on the streets, or at your job. Only that which is shared with and created by God is truly and permanently perfect. And thankfully, that means you already are.

"You do not really want the world you see, for it has disappointed you since time began. The homes you built have never sheltered you. The roads you made have led you nowhere, and no city that you built has withstood the crumbling assault of time. Nothing you made but has the mark of death upon it. Hold it not dear, for it is old and tired, and ready to return to dust, even as you made it." UrT12G2

"The ego is trying to teach you how to gain the whole world, and lose your own Soul. The Holy Spirit teaches that you CANNOT lose your Soul and there IS no gain in the world, for OF ITSELF, it profits nothing. To invest in something WITHOUT profit is surely to impoverish yourself, and the overhead is high. Not only is there no profit in the investment, but the cost TO YOU is enormous. For this investment costs you the world's reality, by DENYING YOURS, and gives you nothing in return. You CANNOT sell your Soul, but you CAN sell your AWARENESS of it." UrT11G1

It doesn't matter what you did or how bad it was, it is forgivable. People make mistakes. Sometimes mistakes seem very serious. Sometimes that seems to justify why should feel guilty. Presumably you hurt someone or did something 'wrong'. Well, did anyone come along and tell you, you know what, even though you did this and you maybe even meant it, you're still unconditionally lovable? Did anyone remind you, so that even you yourself would believe it, that you're lovable in spite of what you did, and that you are permitted to forgive yourself, even if other people don't forgive you?

This society we live in, coupled with the 'ego' in each person, has a very skewed and ridiculous idea of how you should feel when you make a mistake. Especially if people in your past punished you for making mistakes instead of educating you or teaching you of your unconditional lovability.

For example when someone does something wrong, most people would find that person guilty and judge them. And even the person themselves - you in this case - would even agree with them that you did something wrong and therefore 'should' be guilty, like you are supposed to suffer. But why?

The whole purpose of this guilty suffering is to try to atone, to make up for, what you think you did. So supposedly, your 'offering' of guilt, and your wallowing in guilt and shame, is supposed to be some form of compensation. It's as if, you have too suffer 600 days of guilt to make up for the 600 units of sin that you committed. And during that time, you are not allowed to be loved or forgiven. And even you agree to this. You agree that you are unworthy of forgiveness or love, and that you deserve some kind of punishment.

So then you go around being guilty, believing that you're supposed to be, that you deserve to, and that you should especially show everyone else how guilty you are, so that you'll burn off the karma or whatever BS that you think you deserve. And only after you've 'done enough time' like this, might you be allowed to let it go and be forgiven - i.e. pardoned, by the very same people who accused you of sin and who held you in condemnation.

So really guilt is actually your attempt to give a gift to other people, an offering, to make up for whatever crappy mistake you made. Like, somehow if you suffer enough other people will be pleased. You actually believe this lie. It's an egotistical lie and not at all mature. But because of this dynamic, most people actually believe that being guilty for doing something wrong is the same thing as caring about the people that you did it to, and that it is a way of showing that you are making it up to them - that you love them, by giving them what they seem to want. It seems they want guilt from you, and that giving it to them is making it up to them. It's ridiculous. And so in your mind, guilt = love. This is grossly mistaken.

Guilt is not love. Nobody in the entire history of the world has ever truly benefited from anyone being guilty for a mistake. Ever. The only thing that's happened is this.... the whole world was doing perfectly fine, you came along and did something wrong which was attack #1, and then to make up for it, you went ahead and moped around in guilt and negative self pity for 15 years which consequently actually brings everyone else down, lowers everyone's mood, removes a loving contributor from society, and is therefore attack #2 on those same people. Both doing things wrong and feeling guilty for it are attacks of unlove which require a RESTORATION of love to make up for it. And neither of these attacks improve the state of the world for anyone concerned.

If society was more mature and recognized that mistakes call for forgiveness, not punishment, they would also recognize that it is in everyone's best interests that you return to LOVE after you make a mistake, not guilt. Guilt is the opposite of love. If what you've done in your mistake is bring everyone down, then your true 'atoning' for this and making it up to everyone, is to reclaim your innocence, forgive yourself and everyone involved, for everyone involved to forgive you, and for you to be lifted up and restored to a mutually shared state of unconditional love. Then you've truly given something back to make up for the error, i.e. you've offered healing, and correction, and 'repentance' for the 'sin' rather than the completely useless offering of being guilty or ashamed. But society is generally not mature like this. Society loves to blame people and judge and condemn and criticize and find people guilty. And maybe you are part of that system.

So your challenge is, do you keep going along with this system of guilt, where you prove time and again that mistakes call for suffering, and that mistakes demand punishment, and that people should not be forgiven for making mistakes... or do you break out of this ridiculous system and become a leader, a shining example of what it means to be forgiving and loving, in spite of what anyone else says or thinks about it, to show that there is a better way for people to treat each other and that just as you deserve 100% forgiveness for what you did, so does everyone else if they were making mistakes.

So now, if you 'do yourself in', that is not helping anyone. That is just adding another insult to injury. It's cowardly actually. And it's only going to pile on an extra layer of suffering for all involved, not alleviate them from it. You think that they WANT you to suffer and that they want you to be guilty, and maybe they do... and if they do, that's their own egos, that's them being a-holes, that's their lack of maturity, and you should not stand for or accept that. Just because other people find you guilty does not mean you are guilty or that you are not forgivable. Their failure to forgive you is their own choice to choose to believe in guilt and punishment. You do not have to believe that. You can take a higher road.

You have to decide that no matter what anyone else thinks of you or whether anyone is hurt and no matter if you have done something really bad, you have to decide that you are going to choose to be innocent, that you are going to forgive yourself completely, that you are going to claim your own right to be forgiven, and that if nobody else likes it then that's their problem. You have to stand up for yourself. You can't wait for other people to forgive you, they generally are incapable. You deserve to live. You do not deserve to die. You deserve to be completely exonerated.

Know that there is absolutely nothing you can do in this world which is in any way serious enough or bad enough to cause unconditional love to stop loving you, because it loves you no matter what you do or who you are or what mistakes you make. Unconditional love loves you far more than the magnitude of any errors, even if you really really wanted to do something 'bad', it still looks upon you with absolute forgiveness and acceptance, and it passes a judgement on you ALWAYS that you are innocent.

It is not and will not help anyone to punish yourself, or to believe that you deserve it, or to enact it upon yourself on behalf of other people, which is really you doing it to yourself. And you're doing it to yourself only because you have not forgiven yourself, and that's really the main issue. You have to decide to heal and forgive your shame and guilt. You deserve love. You do not deserve to be unhappy for the rest of forever just because you did something wrong. You need to heal from what you did and allow yourself to be worthy of forgiveness.

Know this. Nobody in their truly right mind ever does anything wrong on purpose. To do something wrong you have to be temporarily mistaken and insane, which means you do not know what you're doing, and therefore it is forgivable.

Also know this. Shame is self imposed. And it will cause you to walk around the world feeling like there is a target on your back that everyone can see, that you are super-self conscious all the time and like everyone knows about your little secret sin that you committed. You'll feel like you can never hide enough or get away from it. And you'll start to withdraw from people in order for them not to find out about how evil you are. And eventually you'll become self-destructive and punish yourself because you don't believe you are worthy of love.

Who deserves to be loved and forgiven when they have committed some crime or sin? That's what the collective egotism of society says. That you don't. But the answer is, YOU DO. Your shame is telling you that you don't deserve love and that nobody wants you and nobody accepts you, and that they're justified in that, and that you even agree with them that you should be put to death. YOU agree with it, because YOU are the one who thinks you are unworthy.

You decided that. You need to forgive yourself and change your belief so that it doesn't run you into the ground. You've already suffered waaaaaaay more than you even needed to to begin with. Let yourself off the hook and reclaim your power, your entitlement to be happy, your deserving to be loved and accepted, and brush off anyone who says you have no right. Because if you believe them when the say you have no right, you will believe it yourself, and then you will make darn sure that your life goes to hell.

Ultimately you are your own worst and only enemy. This has nothing to do with anyone else. It's to do with you learning that you can be forgiven even when you make mistakes, that you can be loved even when you don't see to deserve it, and that you can come to accept yourself for doing something unacceptable. That's called learning to be UNCONDITIONAL. Otherwise you are practicing conditional love, conditional acceptance, and conditional forgiveness.

That's the kind of attitude of an egotistical maniac - that you only deserve if it you meet some special conditions or terms or social rules or regulations. You need to rise above conditional love, both for yourself and for others, and that's going to mean that if YOU want to find love for yourself in spite of what you did, then you're also going to have to learn to love other people regardless of what they do. It works both ways. You can't believe in your own innocence unless you believe in other people's innocence too. And you won't be able to accept that you deserve love instead of punishment, unless you believe that other people deserve love instead of punishment. So you need to extend TO others, do unto others as you would have them do to you... be forgiving as much as you want to be forgiven - unconditionally. Be loving as much as you want to be loved, unconditionally.

Nobody deserves to die for making a mistake. Everyone deserves to live and be happy and enjoy life and be loved forever regardless, by a love that is so full and whole and strong and unconditionally that it doesn't even blink an eye when you make a mistake, it just keeps on loving you endlessly. Can you handle that? Total endless love? That's what God has to offer.

When I have guilt in me, I am unaware. Guilt blocks my awareness. I can't even tell that I'm guilty. It's not like, I have full complete awareness and there is also guilt present. If I had full complete awareness there would be no guilt. When guilt is present, my awareness is diminished and I don't know what I'm doing or what I've done.

This is really why our sense of separation from God is riddled with guilt, there is an aspect to it of shock and horror and not realizing what we've done. We then seem to have some awareness of the results of what we've done and it seems like we must've made a terrible mistake, and therefore we are now horrified by ourselves and are afraid.

What's needed to escape this isn't so much to admit to guilt. Guilt can't be admitted to. There can't be a total admittance of truth at the same time as guilt existing. You can admit to being innocent, but you can only deny being guilty. And the only solution to being guilty is to reclaim innocence. Owning up to guilt, if you were to do it, would just hold the guilt against you and make you suffer. This is why we don't want to do it. Deep down we know we just made a mistake and that we didn't mean to.

"Forgive them father, for they know not what they do."

It's hard for me at times to admit to 'what I did' even if what I did was an accident, because that means owning the guilt. If it were possible to admit to something without being guilty, that would be easier. But nobody wants to own guilt. It is counter-productive. We should want to get back to innocence, as a true atonement, rather than say "I'm really guilty". Owning guilt doesn't atone for anything. To the ego it atones because the ego wants to find someone to blame and to keep the guilt, but to the Holy Spirit we are always innocent.

Is regret healthy? Is a guilty conscience helpful? Should we suffer in remorse? How long is enough time to be ashamed? How much suffering is enough to atone for a sin?

The ego wants us to own up to 'really doing stuff' because this makes the error real and doesn't forgive it. Holy Spirit asks us to be forgiving, to overlook error, and to demonstrate that it has had no effects. To demonstrate that we and the other person are innocent because nothing has really happened. The ego doesn't want this, because then it can't find anyone guilty. It takes practice.

Do you have the right to claim innocence and to choose to relieve yourself of all guilt and return to innocence with Holy Spirit? And what if someone else doesn't believe you deserve it yet?

We need to all remember that if we find someone else guilty it doesn't prove that they are guilty, it proves that WE are guilty. We can't find someone else guilty without us being involved, no matter how convinced we are. If the other person is truly the separate guilty party, then we should remain in perfect innocence. And if we remain in perfect innocence, we will see perfect innocence in the other person, so we won't be able to find them guilty. It's not possible to find someone guilty without including ourselves. That kind of puts a damper on the ego's parade. We MUST forgive otherwise we ourselves cannot be forgiven.

Money is one of the devices that the ego has come up with. It uses it to evalute the "value and worth" of everything. It puts a "price" on everything that happens based on a hierarchy of illusions. It then assigns that if you have more money you generally have more freedom or access. If you have been deemed not valuable enough, then you have reduced access.

This then sets up a whole bartering/bargaining/trade/profit system in which some things are exchanged for other things. This is entirely based on the notion that giving and receiving are separate, and therefore if you give the money you have lost the money. And now in order for the exchange to be 'fair', an equal perceived 'value' has to be returned. Despite the fact that generally speaking everything is sold at a fake profit ie an inflated value more than it's worth, further compounding the lies.

The end result is a civilization that for the most part (yes there are exceptions) most people are required to live within the money system and operate under its laws. This leads to all manner of horrendous "physical" inequalities, such as people not being able to afford food while other people are able to buy mansions.

If a person is born with certain traits and abilities that are 'valuable' then they can "make more money" easier than others. And that means people are not considered of equal value. Worth is reduced to a measure of how many numbers have been assigned to you. If you don't have the numbers, you're not going to be able to enjoy that fancy house and car. If you have the numbers, you can make penis-shaped space rockets.

Not to buy into the ILLUSION that suffering is real or that injustices are true injustices, or that there are real victims, or that anyone is truly better or worse off. But on the physical level for sure there are tremendous inequalities, life becomes a constant competition, business is all about exploiting and competing, and either you've got the moolah or you're stuck.

It's not the rich people's fault or the poor people's fault. It's the ego and its use of this device to hem people in and designate special favors. The valuing of people and what they do by a numbering system as to how valuable or worthwhile it is. Teaching everyone since an early age that if they want money they have to work harder and smarter. And if they can't, they're screwed in some dead-end job. If all the money of the world was evenly distributed amongst everyone, 99% of people would have a 'better life'.

That said, it would require everyone to stop evaluating worth based on its monetary value or "what it can get", stop doing stuff on the basis of whether "you'll get paid", and give up the notion of tying freedom and access in to whether you have enough coins or not. It's a kind of prison system in which some people are allowed to roam free while others stay locked up. It won't ever be fair. Only the equal treatment of all God's children is fair and specialness is not of God.

Either way, it's not having the money or not having the money that makes you happy. It's transcending the entire sytem.

"Think of the freedom in the recognition that you are not bound by all the strange and twisted laws which you have set up to save you. You really think that you would starve unless you have stacks of green paper strips and piles of metal discs."

"The dreaming of the world takes many forms, because the body seeks in many ways to PROVE it is autonomous and real. It puts things on itself that it has bought with little metal discs or paper strips the world proclaims as valuable and good. It works to get them, doing senseless things, and tosses them away for senseless things it does not NEED, and does not even WANT. It hires OTHER bodies, that they may protect it, and collect more senseless things that it can call its own. It looks about for special bodies which can SHARE its dream. Sometimes it dreams it is a conqueror of bodies weaker than itself. But in some phases of the dream, it is the slave of bodies which would hurt and torture it."

It may sound simple enough to say "you but accuse your brother of your own sins." But if you think on this deeply, you'll realize how strange this is. It holds up even when you are angry at someone, and even when it seems like they are doing something wrong all on their own.

Jesus is basically saying you NEVER accuse your brother of THEIR sins. You actually ONLY EVER accuse your brother of YOUR SINS. When you think about that it's quite strange.

1) You believe YOU have sinned.

2) You try to pin YOUR sin onto someone else.

3) You project YOUR actual sense of sin and guilt ONTO someone else, to try to attach it to them and blame THEM for it.

How deceiving is that? What a disguise! What a way to frame someone for something they didn't do. What is this but finding a scapegoat? Blaming someone who is completely innocent and completely unrelated to your sin, for something YOU think you did.

Jesus goes even further to say that, not only do you only ever accuse others of YOUR shit, you actually are not even capable of seeing THEIR sins, yet alone holding THEIR sins against them. So it can't be possible that you SEE objectively "they are sinning and I am not", to enable you to be able to point a neutral finger and say "you are sinning, and I am not."

If you regard them as sinful or guilty, you are NOT seeing their sin or guilt. You are actually seeing the projection of YOUR OWN. Your own pain is hurled out of your mind onto them, your anger attempts to MAKE them be guilty, and you now see them as the CAUSE of YOUR suffering.

This happens because as you project sin and guilt, your perception inverts and becomes completely backwards. Cause and effect are reversed. You see causation or sin as outside of you coming into you, rather than inside you extending outward.

If your brother is guilty of WHAT YOU DID, then they are now the one who is sinful and "doing it", thus doing it TO YOU. You now see yourself as threatened and attacked BY THEIR sinfulness, but it is in fact YOUR OWN sinfulness coming back at you. You may fear their wrath but really you only fear YOUR OWN.

It's such a bizarre thing to do. It's like someone accuses you of being guilty, you feel bad about it, then because you don't want to heal it in yourself or admit it is yours, you find some random target outside of you, some innocent party, and suddenly hurl all of your guilt onto them, try to FRAME them as being sinners, ACCUSING them of all kinds of stuff, to try to SHIFT THE BLAME, so that you can dissociate from your guilt and associate them with it. So they can take the fall FOR you. And if you can be convincing enough, you may even convince yourself and others that YOU are the innocent one, throwing everyone off the scent.

That's what we're doing every single time we are angry at someone, trying to make them guilty, accusing them, seeing them as doing something to us. In fact, when there is any judgemental sense at all of them "doing something wrong" or not being good enough or failing or sinning or attacking, it MUST MEAN that we ourselves are projecting OUR OWN inner misery, pain, unhealed wounds, onto them.

Jesus is clearly saying that you are actually INCAPABLE of judging another's innocence or guilt. You can ONLY see that either you believe BOTH of you are guilty, or BOTH of you are innocent. Because if you have guilt in your own mind, you can ONLY see guilt. And being unable to see innocence at all, you have no way to discern whether they are separately innocent. And if there is innocence in you, you CANNOT see their guilt, because your own innocence blinds you to guilt. So again you cannot discern separately whether they are innocent or guilty.

If you accuse yourself of sin or guilt, you ARE accusing BOTH yourself AND others. And the truth is that NEITHER of you are guilty or sinful. This is why it's not enough to simply take back projections and reclaim ownership responsibility for the sinful junk in your mind. You have to actually UNDO it, FOR BOTH of you, through forgiving yourself. Because you and your brother are one, and either you condemn you both to hell or lift you both to heaven.

Next time you are in the middle of heated anger or blame or judgement to any degree, even if it seems the other person is definitely doing something wrong, even if it seems they are the whole CAUSE of the problem, and MAKING you suffer, even if it seems you have done nothing to ask for this, and especially then because you are in denial, YOU ARE in the middle of hurling YOUR GUILT onto them.

It will seem like it is NOT your guilt at all, and entirely theirs. And you will make them responsible for CHANGING in order that YOUR upset be resolved, so that they stop seeming to CAUSE YOU to be at the effect of them. And you will seek for THEM to stop their sinful behavior so that YOU can be happy, believing THEY have the POWER OVER YOU to cause you to suffer. How dare they be so guilty! How dare they infect you with THEIR sin! But it's all YOURS!

You take your hidden hates and secret sins and sense of guilt and unworthiness and self-hate and miserableness and hurt and pain and unhealed disgust, and you try to PIN IT ON innocent passers by who have nothing to do with it. And now they look like an enemy, and you hate YOUR sin IN them, you attack them for YOUR sin, and you try to destroy YOUR sin IN them. But ideas leave not their source, and it is still your mind attacking ITSELF. Your mind is still containing the shit you are accusing them of.

How strange that you would first of all hurt yourself, then displace the hurt onto someone else who has nothing to do with it. That you would then attack the hurt that is in them, trying to destroy it and the owner of the hurt along with it, to get rid of it. All the while still secretly believing it is YOU who is hurt, and YOU who you are attacking FOR it. Because if you attack your brother for YOUR guilt, that really means you are trying to destroy YOURSELF for being guilty.

This is why the secret of salvation is ALWAYS true. No matter who seems to be the victim or victimizer, or who seems to be doing what to whom, it is always YOU DOING IT TO YOU, even when it seems like someone else is doing it to you. Barking at someone for doing something wrong is your way of hating the sin in you in an externalized way, so that you pretend that you're not targeting yourself. Attack is always made upon a stranger, and that stranger is you.

"Learn this, and learn it well, for it is here delay of happiness is shortened by a span of time you cannot realize. You NEVER hate your brother for HIS "sins", but ONLY for your own. Whatever form his sins appear to take, the form obscures the fact that you believe it to be yours, and THEREFORE meriting a just attack."

"As prayer is always for yourself, so is forgiveness given you. It is impossible to forgive another, for it is only your sins you see in him. You want to see them there, and not in you."

"Only in someone else can you forgive yourself, for you have called him guilty of your sins, and in him must your innocence be found. Who but the sinful need to be forgiven? And do not ever think you can see sin in anyone except yourself."

"Let it never be forgotten that prayer at any level is always for yourself. If you unite with anyone in prayer, you make him part of you. The enemy is you, as is the Christ. Before it can become holy, then, prayer becomes a choice. You do not choose for another. You can but choose for yourself. Pray truly for your enemies, then, for herein lies your own salvation. Forgive them for your sins, and you will be forgiven indeed."

"If he be lost in sin so must you be; if you see light in him your sins have been forgiven by yourself."

"How can he live, with all your sins upon him?"

"BEYOND his errors is his holiness, and YOUR salvation. You gave him not his holiness, but tried to see your sins in him, to save yourself. And yet his holiness IS your forgiveness. Can YOU be saved by making sinful the one whose holiness IS your salvation?"

"And you are each the symbol of your sins to one another, silently, and yet with ceaseless urgency condemning still your brother for the hated thing you are."

"For I became the symbol of your sin, and so I had to die INSTEAD of you."

"When you feel that you are tempted to accuse someone of sin in any form, do not allow your mind to dwell on what you think he did, for this is self-deception. Ask instead, "Should I accuse myself of doing this?"

"Who would send messages of hatred and attack, if he but understood he sends them to HIMSELF? Who would accuse, make guilty and condemn HIMSELF?The ego's messages are ALWAYS sent AWAY from you, in the belief that, for your message of attack and guilt, will someone OTHER than yourself suffer. And, even if YOU suffer, yet someone ELSE will suffer more."

"What you project you disown, and therefore DO NOT BELIEVE IS YOURS. You are therefore EXCLUDING yourself from it, by the very statement you are making that you are DIFFERENT from someone else. Since you have also judged AGAINST what you project, you attack it because you have already attacked it BY rejecting it. By doing this UNCONSCIOUSLY, you try to keep the fact that you must have attacked yourself FIRST out of awareness, and thus imagine that you have made yourself safe."

"It can be but myself I crucify." All that I do I do unto myself. If I attack, I suffer. But if I forgive, salvation will be given me."

"You will not attack yourself, and you will realize that to attack another is but to attack yourself. You will be free of the insane belief that to attack a brother saves yourself."

"The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attacks on others and escape yourself has nailed you to the cross."

"Such is the form of madness you believe, if you accept the fearful thought you can attack another and be free yourself."

"Each of your perceptions of "external reality" is a pictorial representation of your own attack thoughts."

"In every condemnation that you offer the Son of God, lies the conviction of your OWN guilt."

"You cannot see his sins and not your own."

When you think of guidance you think of you being separate from the source of guidance - God, and attempting to receive some kind of communication. You hope at first to get any kind of communication at all, and later that you MIGHT actually listen to it and act on it.

I can tell you honestly and personally that even though I receive a lot of guidance in this way, in which it seems to be a separate communication to me, I do NOT always believe it or act upon it, because I still have an ego. Sometimes I struggle with it significantly or outright resist accepting it, and can fight with it for days or weeks before finally doing what it says.

There is a vast spectrum between what you could call a state of 'no guidance' and a state of 'total guidance'. The ego separated state, in which you are identified with ego and see yourself as very separate from God, is a state of no or low guidance. And because of how separate you believe you are, and how unconscious you are, you would be scared by more direct forms of guidance and intimacy. So in that state, it can be appropriate for you to receive guidance in a 'form' that you can accept. And at first that might be simply some synchronicities or some subtle intuitions or insights. Whatever you can accept. And likely you will be quite confused by it and mis-trusting of it and not very likely to listen to it.

It takes a lot of ego-undoing, a lot of surrendering, a lot of developing of trust, a lot of healing, a lot of relinquishing control of 'your life', a lot of opening up to love, and a lot of waking up, in order to get to a point where the 'gap' between you and God closes to such an extent, that there is no longer any NEED for guidance. Instead, in the ultimate state, God is one with you, lives through you, your will is God's will, you simply DO God's will immediately and spontaneously, and you have no need to get some kind of special messages that you might be prone to reject. Instead, you have full acceptance and full openness and trust, so you simply LIVE a divinely directed, divinely orchestrated, and divinely 'guided' life. This is God living in and through you, and you expressing and extending His Kingdom. Total oneness.

So most people are somewhere in-between these two extremes. And depending on where you're at, you're going to have various spiritual lessons and things that you're going to have to go through in order to 'enhance' your guidance. That is, to open up to and trust most in ... what essentially is... your relationship with God. Guidance is just another word for communication, and communication is just another word for your direct experience of and intimacy with God. So to whatever extend you are open to God, that is how much you are going to be guided, and the extend of that guidance, and what form it will take. So long as you are heading in the direction of HEALING your relationship with yourself and God, you are moving in the direction of enhanced guidance, or rather, an enhanced UNITY with God, joining with and accepting His will as your own.

So you don't need to necessarily have 'courage to act' on guidance, as such. You only are doubtful because you don't yet trust its source enough. Which really means you still listen to the ego or trust the ego too much, or rather, you rely on yourself - your own guidance - too much. It's a toss-up between whether you will follow the guidance or whether you'll do what 'you' think is better. You learn to trust guidance by getting in touch with guidance that comes from TRUTH, and which is based in LOVE, otherwise you cannot develop trust. So the source has to be loving. Or at least, more awake than you are. You need to keep discerning that it is acting in your best interests or is on your side or is 'trust-worthy', and not just blindly trust it at first without having some scrutiny. The scrutiny comes from your ego but you kind of need it at first in order to sort of prove to yourself that it CAN be trusted. Ultimately each step you take towards trust development is a step in your willingness to let go of the ego and to become more 'dependent' on the guidance. If the guidance has your best interests in mind and does not hurt you and does not deceive you and, over time, helps you and heals you, then it will earn your trust and you will open to ever increasingly deep levels of... communion with its source.

So if at the moment you are at the stage where you are experiencing what you call 'noise', and are trying to discern what is guidance or what is not.... I am guessing the ego is interfering with your efforts, which is normal. In other words, parts of you still rely on your own mind. Your mind, your intellect, because easily engaged in trying to figure out stuff on its own. Make it shut up. Make it quiet. Or rather, watch for it trying to do that. Stop trying to fix and solve and figure out. You can't be guided if you are trying to figure out what to do of your own capacity to understand the problem or know what to do.

So to some extend the mind that you have, has become 'posessed' by the ego and is being used for control. This is not natural. And it does this because it is DISCONNECTED from Holy Spirit. Or seems to be. He who perceives and experiences himself as 'separate' HAS to depend on his own ego abilities, the ego use of the mind, to try to survive and get through life or make sense of things. But you're not MEANT to be in that mode of functioning. The mind is supposed to be in service to God, in which God - Spirit - informs the mind of what it needs to know, and USES IT, utilizes it, like a tool, to work THROUGH.

This is the natural, healthy use of the mind, and it requires that the ego is not trying to control the mind or use it for its purposes. So you have to practice this, and this is ultimately all to do with your entire spiritual path and growth - learning to trust Spirit, to trust God, learning to let go of ego control, learning to surrender, learning to LISTEN, learning to DISCERN THE TRUTH, etc. YOU need to learn to discern what is true and what is false so that you can be open to the truth, which means the truth can then direct you, NOT so that you can then act on it in separate isolation.

As the Course says a few times, you will be told SPECIFICALLY what to do. And this is also why this prayer has deep meaning:

"I am here only to be truly helpful.

I am here to represent Him Who sent me.

I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do,

because He Who sent me will direct me.

I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.

I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal."

This is kind of a statement of what it is like to be in TOTAL UNION with Holy Spirit, where your mind is completely under the direction of spirit, with no ego. You won't be able to really 'get' or 'do' this prayer and actually act this way until you've completely surrendered the ego - which I have not.

Miracle principle 4: "All miracles mean life, and God is the Giver of life. His Voice will direct you very specifically."

Being directed specifically is ultimately what we will experience when we becoming willing enough, trusting enough, open enough.

If you are in a state of having too much 'noise' then you are listening to the ego too much and still believe the ego too much, which means it's just going to have to take some time (not essential but likely) to continue waking up and developing trust, in order for that noise to become... sorted out.... for you to USE the opportunity of ego interference to continue to discern what is true, what is false. Over time your guidance will become stronger and clearer and you will experience it more as your open invitation for Spirit to live through you rather than you getting occasional text messages.

In other words, don't think of the ego noise as just interference - that's the ego's use of it - instead USE it as an opportunity to sharpen your discernment skills, what is true and false, to sharpen your listening skills, your surrendering skills. Use it to improve your TRUST in and DISCERNMENT OF real guidance. The ego is really just there to stimulate you, to act as a catalyst, to help point you in the right direction by tempting you in the wrong direction - if you use it that way.

Living with God is your natural way of life.

"Every symptom which the ego has made involves a contradiction in terms."

"How strange indeed becomes this war against yourself!"

The ego does not take one side. The ego takes all sides, and pits them all against each other. It pretends to be on one team, while simultaneously being on the other team. It plays the part of both victim and its own victimizer. It attacks itself.

The ego is the idea of self attack, self denial, inner conflict, a split-mindedness. It is a state of being "in two minds", undecided and certain of nothing. It is a state of disassociation, in which there literally seem to be two halves or selves, one against the other. It represents a divided will, where one part of mind wills against the other.

In all wars, all conflicts, all arguments, all political debates, all fights between teams and nations, every form of taking sides, and all the various ways that we buy into the illusion that one person is ego and another is not, the ego delights in playing both parties off against each other.

It does not care who wins anything. It does not care whether one side is victorious while the other suffers. All it cares about is that it is perpetuated and persists because it has attacked and destroyed part of self, leaving only part left as victor, who must therefore suffer being less than whole.

The ego will happily attack itself provided some portion of it remains. It will side with something which seems good, positive, uplifting and true, provided to side with it permits a sacrifice where the "rest" of what is denied, hated, repelled and rejected is regarded as not self.

The ego split mind is divided into persona and shadow. The person is the part that is kept in conscious awareness and seems to allow and accept only that which it thinks is good enough - and nothing is good enough. Systematically it strips away portions of your self, deeming them unworthy and imperfect, relegating them to the unconscious shadow portion of mind. It is never satisfied, prompting you to put on a facade of perfection in order to truly destroy everything about you that you cannot accept. That which seems so innocent and holy is murderous.

Self attack takes on many forms and all of them are deceptive. If you buy into one such appearance and think, this person is a hero or savior, while this other person is guilty and a sinner, you have fallen for the trick. The ego is BOTH OF THEM. And it has no problem attacking itself in order to perpetuate the illusion that there is a *separation* between the two. That they are not the same identity or the same self. That is its aim. To split the mind and emphasize the differences.

It does not want people forgiving each other and seeing each other as equals. It wants war not peace. It has no interest or care as to whether you win or someone else wins. It couldn't care less if you are right or someone else is. All it's interested in that that rift between the two is increased, differences are amplified, the gap increases, and equality is lost.

If you play the game, if you take sides, if you buy into the illusion that one is a sinner and another innocent, you have fallen for its tricks. You have bought into separation. Only when you can see you and your brother as being in the same boat, as both striving toward the same goal, and recognize that the EGO is the third party here, the enemy, who would come between you and drive you apart, then you can join forces to agree NOT to attack each other, so that the EGO will disappear and not each other.

The idea of your persona is that it rejects everything you don't like, keeping only the good stuff.

If you get really good at using your persona, you will get really brutal at cutting out things which seem even remotely bad.

Eventually you'll be trying to be SO good and perfect, that there will be practically nothing left to relegate to your 'bad' category. Like you hear people saying, "nothing is ever good enough for them" - a sign of a lack of self acceptance.

And if that carries on, there will be nothing left to get rid of, you will cease to exist. Death.

So you can see, the persona, which seems all sweet and nice and special and important, glowing with a false innocence, is in fact the ego's wish to destroy you, piece by piece, by gradually stripping off more and more parts of you and relegating them to hell, in the pursuit of 'being a God'. And along the way it will complement you on how fantastic your 'good bits' are, even though your 'good bits' are soon to come under scrutiny.

The persona attacks everything that is contrary to what it wants to keep. And its eventual mission is the total removal of absolutely everything that could be conceived of as less than absolutely perfect. It thinks that by doing this, what you'll end up with is some kind of totally 'perfect self'. The perfect ego, a shining glory, the jewel in the crown.

It should be clear that the only ambition the ego really has is to get rid of you. The only purpose of the persona is to slice you up and separate you out and throw large chunks in the trash. What it keeps, it temporarily exalts like some kind of hero or savior or idol. But slowly it continues to find flaws in that idol, demanding even more vigorous 'purification' and sacrifice.

It says, well, if you give this up, and give that up, you'll be better off. It tells you you don't need all of what is, you only need the special good bits. But it doesn't tell you what happens if you take that to its ultimate goal. Keep going, and there will be nothing left of you. You'll live in a world where everything and everyone seems like your enemy, you are totally cut off and alone, depressed and frightened and weak, barely recognizing that you even exist, BUT .... drumroll... you'll have your perfect little fake self. Yay. And then you'll die alone.

So you can see... as you dabble even a little bit in being dishonest, inauthentic, not yourself, or trying to manipulate reality to get some kind of special value, special attention, special love... you're basically buying into a death trap. The temptation is you will indeed seem to get some special love, but.... it calls for a sacrifice. You've got to give up an arm and a leg for it. And then it's still not enough.

This is the promise the ego has for you. Go along with its plan for salvation, seem to achieve some kind of fake goal, or seem to find some kind of fake trophy, or seem to present yourself as some kind of ruler of the universe, and, in return, all of the rest of what you really are will be suppressed and attacked and gotten rid of.

Ultimately, the ego's perfectionism guarantees that NOTHING is acceptable. And sooner or later this will become apparent. Until you wake up and realize there has to be a better way.

You don't need a persona. You don't need an ego. You have God.

Sickness in all its forms includes not just physical sickness but mental, emotional, financial, perceptual, sickness in relationships, vocational, etc.

Sickness in all its forms is an attempt to PROVE that God does not love you.

You're holding the sickness out there as evidence and saying, see, THIS proves that I am unworthy and unloved. Hah. Let's see what you've got to say about THAT!

The thing is.... You cannot prove that God doesn't love you, because it isn't true. You can only truly PROVE something that is true. If it's not true, you're not going to be able to prove it at all no matter how hard you attempt to do so.

So really your sickness is an ATTEMPT to TRY to prove it, even though it is not provable. And the ego in you is insane for even trying to prove it, because this is in DENIAL of the fact that it can't be proven. You WILL NOT and CANNOT change God. Your sickness is an attempt to change God, by attempting to change what God created - which is you.

It won't work. And you'll spend a lifetime trying to make it work AND FAIL. Thank God. Because you will never ever prove you are unworthy of love.

So it's really fruitless and pointless to spend all the effort attempting to prove the unprovable, or to make possible the impossible. You CAN'T be unloved by God.

So then you'll have to eventually ADMIT to this fact. And when you do you'll set yourself free of the game that you're playing with yourself. You have to admit that you chose this sickness and have put it in place and are attempting to make it the truth, when it isn't. And it requires an awful lot of upkeep to try to make it convincing.

A sickness therefore is a DEMAND that you insist God does not love you because of 'this' - whatever this is - whatever the sickness is, and you show it in order to block love.

You're like, well, God doesn't love me, see? I've got this to prove it? What about this (as you hold up your disease or your sense of poverty or your broken life). Basically you're holding this thing up to God and saying, see, there's no way you can love me because of THIS. How could anyone love THIS? Or, how could anyone love me when I've done THIS to God's son?

So your question is, how can I be loved? How can love be possible? Because by believing that UNLOVE is possible, or that you can prove your unworthiness, you also believe that worthiness is impossible. But your worthiness is not only possible but permanent.

And God responds. .... Through Holy Spirit ...... Even 'this' sickness you made does not show me that you aren't good enough. It doesn't make you less than you are and fails to convince me that I shouldn't love you anyway. Sorry but I will always love you and there's nothing you can do to change my attitude. Even this is not enough and never will be to make me hate you for sin you think you perceive. You've done nothing of any consequence and this can be undone. It isn't worthy of my condemnation or judgement and I will never find you guilty. There isn't anything you can do to upset me or make me not love you because you are my child, and my love for you is unconditional and everlasting. Let go of this supposed cardboard sickness you think proves you're not innocent, and allow me to love you for you so that you can return to peace and happiness. Put down your arms and surrender your weapons used against yourself. Put aside your grievance against yourself and let yourself recognize you ARE love. I love you just the same.

Ego is simply the idea that I am less than the whole (while also trying to be more than God). That I am not one with all. I am reduced and limited, lacking in some way, special in other ways due to what I seem to have that other lacking partial people don't seem to have, but nevertheless deprived and only ever partially satisfied.

It's what we might call a narrow mind, a mind which has narrowed itself down and confined itself. It does this by trying to be one with things which are not the whole. To put itself into little fragmented prisons.

Trying to be one with a body, or a thought, or the mind, or a feeling, or a role, or a culture, or a country, or a car, or a relationship etc. Trying to become something, as a redefinition of what we are as the whole. Trying to become a hole, and to have holes, as something unholy.

Our whole sense of who and what we are becomes confused with this sense of being things which are limited and lacking. We literally think we are items of clothing, and a fleshy ugly body, and a house, and anything else we care to associate ourselves with or glean credit for.

The main impetus of awakening is simply moving the sense of identify back towards the whole again, or what the course calls reintegration. The re-integrating, uniting, becoming one with, the lost parts of ourselves that we have rejected and called other or enemy. The rest of the sonship, the rest of the Kingdom, the rest of God.

"The sudden EXPANSION of the self that takes place with your DESIRE for it, is the irresistible appeal the holy instant holds. It calls to you to be yourself, within its safe embrace. There are the laws of limit lifted FOR you, to welcome you to openness of mind, and freedom. Come to this place of refuge, where you can be yourself in peace. NOT through destruction, NOT through a "breaking out," but merely by a quiet "melting in." For peace will join you there, simply because YOU have been willing to let go the limits YOU have placed on love, and JOINED it where it is, and where it led you, in answer to its gentle call to be at peace." UrT18G16

"The purpose of this course is integration. I told you that you will not be able to use it right until you have taken it. As long as your identification vacillates, you cannot accept the gift that belongs to you." UrT1B16B

"What better vocation could there be for any part of the Kingdom than to restore it to the perfect integration that can make it whole?" UrT5D11

"True depth perception becomes possible only at the highest order of perceptual integration." UrT1B32B

"You should split yourself off from error, but only in defense of integration." UrT2B27

"Any split in will MUST involve a rejection of part of it, and this IS the belief in separation. The wholeness of God, which IS His peace, cannot be appreciated EXCEPT by a whole mind, which recognizes the wholeness of God's creation and BY this recognition knows its Creator." UrT6C1

"God HAS kept your kingdom for you, but He cannot share His joy with you until you know it with your whole mind. Even revelation is not enough, because it is communication FROM God. But it is not enough until it is shared. " UrT4H20

"The part of your thought which you have given TO the ego will merely return to the Kingdom, where your whole mind BELONGS. The ego is a form of ARREST, but arrest is merely delay." UrT5H12