Denial is an attempt to get rid of something, make it go away, place it anywhere other than here, push it outside of conscious awareness, and to disassociate from it. It’s an attempt to pretend it does not exist. This is a psychological act.
When there is denial, the "displacement" of what is being avoided appears to become separate from where it is (in you) and is sort of "pushed away" from you. Thus you push it outwards - outside of yourself.
So where there is denial, there is a pushing away, ie projection.
You can often experience this happening if you are ever around someone who represses their feelings. Regardless of how they feel, they will attempt to pretend they’re not feeling it, or they try to hide the feeling from themselves in an attempt to hide it from others. They think that if they are not aware of something, others won’t be aware of it either.
This is quite funny really and is similar to how we hide from God in order to pretend that God is not there. It’s also why we hide our secret sins and hidden hates, to KEEP them but pretend they are not there. Out of sight out of mind, but it doesn’t work.
What then happens is these people, because of denial, broadcast their stuff outward quite intensely. The more the denial, the more they project. This can especially be true of more intellectual people who do not like to feel emotions. They become loud broadcasters of what they do not want to feel. They are trying to get rid of it by projecting it away from themselves. They think that hiding it from themselves makes it go away from everyone, but it does not. Their feelings, pushed onto others, are even EASIER to see by others.
If you are sensitive or empathic you will likely easily pick up on these broadcasts and wonder why you are suddenly flooded with confusing feelings. Being around "projectors" can be quite toxic. They are emotionally irresponsible people who want to maintain a persona of everything being okay all the time, instead of being authentic. People-pleasers do this too.
This is also how we project stuff in our mind. Projection makes perception. Or you could say, denial makes projection. Upon "not wanting to see" what is being denied, it will be projected outward and then seen even more intensely. The only difference is there is a disassociation and a denial that it is inside yourself or has anything to do with you.
Always, being more responsible for everything you experience and feel will put you much more in touch with who you really are, give you strength, make you more aware and loving, and you will be much more authentic. You will also then stop sliming everyone else with your garbage disposal system.
God's nature is omnipresence. This means God is everywhere simultaneously. God's nature is also eternal, which means it always exists and is always the same, without change.
The idea of "space" is the exact opposite of omnipresence. If omnipresence means "exists everywhere at once", space means "is separated out and only exists in one place at a time." It is totally opposite. It is OPPOSED TO GOD'S NATURE.
Similarly the idea of "time" is the exact opposite of eternity. If eternity means "everything is always the same and there is no change or difference and its a constant state", time means "everything is always changing, nothing is every permanent and there is no consistency." Time is totally opposite to eternity. It is OPPOSED TO GOD's NATURE.
Planets, which are three dimensional objects, require both SPACE and TIME to exist. Space is what separates things out and allows there to be an "over here" that is separate from "over there". It is only possible for example for Earth to have "size" because of space. It is only possible for the USA to be "separate from" the UK, in space, because of spacetime. It is only possible to have seasons and change and growth and death because of time. These are all against God's nature. They are unnatural.
Without space and time, it's not possible to have a planet. Without space, you can't have individual particles that take up space. Space is the idea of things NOT SHARING the same existence. It keeps things apart. Without space, there is no physics, no mass, no matter, no molecules, nothing physical is possible.
Spacetime is the opposite of God's nature. God did not create it. Everything "inside of" or dependant on spacetime CANNOT BE created by God because it is AGAINST HIS WILL. He does not create things which fail to be omnipresent, or which do not exist the same forever. He does not create things which are born and die. He does not create bodies. He does not create planets. And he did not create the Earth. Earth is 100% dependent on spacetime, and spacetime is 100% DENIAL of Heaven. Heaven is God's true creation, your home.
You are in heaven, dreaming of exile. Your exile is in a world totally opposite to God's world. Earth is nothing like Heaven. It is nothing like God's nature. Spacetime itself, is the ego belief that separation is real, ie that an opposite to God's nature exists. It's produced by your belief that you can oppose God's will and succeed in making a world without Him or out of accord with his will. This universe is not reality. Spacetime, the continuum, is not reality.
There is no spacetime. Spacetime is an illusion. Spacetime does not really exist because God did not create it, and so it lacks reality. Spacetime, and the Earth, and all the planets and stars and galaxies, do not exist.
"There is no world. This is the central lesson the course would attempt to teach."
If we are really trying not to be racist, then we really need to recognize that people are equal regardless of their body shapes or sizes or colors right? And this means regarding people as NOT bodies. Because the only way to say that all skin colors are equal is to say that people are not their skin colors. Which leads to recognizing that people are not their bodies. We can't be claiming to be less racist by locking people into their bodies, making their skin color real and important, and then trying to transcend these differences. Coexisting differences is an illusion of peace, and skin color should not matter at all.
The only way that life matters, that all lives matter, is when life is recognized as not a body. Only by recognizing that people are spirit, not bodies, can there be equality. Bodies were made specifically to mis-represent every single person who has one, and to set them apart, and make them look different, and therefore make them fundamentally at war with each other. Only when there are no bodies or when bodies are completely overlooked and not part of what a person is, can there be a true respect for every person.
We should not be aiming for trying to isolate a group of persons based on body types, in the name of trying to make those body types matter. No body types matter. The body is nothing. It is an illusion in a dream. Confusing people with their bodies is mental illness, given that they are not bodies at all. Failing to look past a skin color is a faulty perception based on an unforgiving attitude. To really see a person you have to look past the body entirely.
The body was made to imprison people and to make them out to be something they are not. It was made to attack with. It was made for separating people off based on appearances. All of that has to be overlooked if there is to be true justice and recognition of people's sacredness as spiritual beings. Making certain kinds of bodies matter is really just another ego protest, protesting against its own attacks, having made bodies to make people not matter in the first place, to try to convince us that bodies are important. So long as bodies are the focus, no lives matter at all.
Unforgiving police officers or unforgiving rioters or unforgiving onlookers are all part of the same ego equation of believing mistakenly that people are physical objects. Seeing people that way can only inspire conflict because all physical objects conflict. Spacetime itself was made for that purpose. Racism will not ever end so long as people see each other as physical objects and therefore make the differences real and make it impossible to overlook them. You cannot see difference and equality at the same time.
Only beyond bodies is it possible that we all be totally equal and one and united and whole and recognized and respected. Don't fall for the illusion that upholding certain body types is spiritual. Identifying people as any kind of body is an attack on their true nature, regardless of the skin color or shape or size or persuasion or gender. Bodies are not real. People matter, bodies do not.
"At no time does the body really exist."
"The body is clearly a device for separation and therefore does not exist."
"The body is a dream."
"You made the body in attempting to deceive yourself."
"The body is the idea of sin made flesh and projected outwards."
"God did not create the body."
"God Himself has established what you can project with perfect safety. Therefore, the Holy Spirit’s third lesson is: "Be vigilant ONLY for God and HIS Kingdom."
This is a major step toward FUNDAMENTAL change. Yet it is still a lesson in thought REVERSAL, because it implies that there is something you must be vigilant AGAINST."
Ok so.... here is what ACIM boils down to. Anything regarding God's Kingdom, Heaven, Christ, The Sonship, Creation, is real and true and exists.
Anything else which is not part of that, is absolute bullshit and does not exist.
Period.
It is a black and white division. Only the truth is true. Only the creations of light are real. Spirit is in a state of grace forever. Heaven and Earth are opposite in every way. There is no world.
Ok so... anything relating to God and His Creation are real and true. Anything else is false. That includes the entire content of the separation idea, including this whole universe/world, Earth, all bodies, all of time and every event within time, every war, every death, every form of suffering and unhappiness, every suggestion that something has happened or gone wrong, it's all a lie and does not exist.
I know this is pretty extreme and black-and-white intense. But what Jesus is asking, is that we be vigilant ONLY for God's Kingdom. That means, we put all of our attention on God's Kingdom, we believe God's Kingdom is the truth, we live according to God's way of existing, we accept God's nature as the only truth, and we COMPLETELY IGNORE everything else that's coming from ego, recognizing it as utterly false, unreal, untrue and that it literally does not exist.
This means we really need to learn about God, about Heaven, about Creation, about Souls, about what the truth really is and what it is like and what it means and implies. So that we can live "only that". Jesus confirms He has been successful at doing this:
"There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The difference between us now is that I have nothing else. This leaves me in a state which is only potential in you."
Notice that he says he has nothing that does not come from God. So he does not believe in there being any truth, reality, or existence, to anything that does not come from God. So that means, there is no body, no sickness, no death, no world, no separation, no sin, no guilt, no fear, no attack, no punishment, no war, no conflict, no loss, no lack, no forms, no physical objects, and nothing has happened. He is totally pure on this. 100% unwavering, vigilant only for God's Kingdom - what God has established as true. Everything else has been discarded and recognized for the lie that it is, and let go.
This means ultimately that we really need to learn to discern what is of God and what is not. What is God's nature and what is not. What is heaven like and what is it not like. What is true about us, permanently, and what is a temporary fiction.
Here's a ... strange and unexpected post that kind of just channeled out of me..... hmmmm...
Causing without receptivity to love has been associated with "male".
Receptivity without the power to cause has been associated with "female".
The male "egocentric" causality and forcefulness and so on, has played out as attempts to suppress, control, belittle and abuse women, making them an "effect" or victim.
In the bigger mind, this is really the dynamic between minds which have become tyrannical and arrogant and have an authority problem, vs mind which is open to receive love and to be an effect of God.
This is because this world represents a split mind, in which the two aspects of mind have seemingly been separated into "genders".
Mind is supposed to contain BOTH aspects - the ability to cause, and the ability to receive as an effect of God. When both of these aspects are fully balanced/equalized, where giving and receiving are one, causality becomes a loving act and not an act of aggression or domination.
This also means that in truth, no-one is male or female, gender is an illusion of separation, and we are all IDENTICAL.
Male domination, or a bias toward "output without input", also produces the sacrificial belief in "working hard" or being the "breadwinner" or having to be the one who goes out and hunts and gathers.
Female submission, or a bias toward "input without output", has produced "women being housewives" or "women should stay at home" or "women shouldn't get equal pay" or "women are more nurturing" etc.
This is all because our minds have become skewed in our belief in separation from God, producing an authority problem which has played out on the world stage as a huge dream of dominance vs submission in various ways.
The balance of this is swinging back the other way at the moment with women's rights and so on, which has been an extremely long time coming due to the general "dominance" of the male expression, but I think it highly likely that this will at some point mean that the women of the world will "take over" the role that men were taking and it will become skewed in the other direction, with men becoming more identified with submission.
This has been going on back and forth and back and forth for millenia. It's nothing new. The ego is not very original. But over time, perhaps, the difference between the two will smooth out, and gradually men and women will become truly equal, and in so doing, become either androgenous on a physical level, or will simply disappear from this universe of duality and return to perfect oneness in God. In God's eyes, we are all exactly the same.
The end of the human race then ends in laugher and equal holiness and WHOLENESS of all individuals, not imbalance or dominance or submission. This represents minds who have elected to place themselves under perfect authority of Christ, while also extending that authority, so that all acts of causality are equally as receptive to Authority of Spirit.
There is a strange tug of war between the idea that a person is a body who dies, and the idea that the person is more than a body.
If you believe the person is a body, and only a body, and the body dies, you will believe heavily that the person has literally ceased existing. No soul moving on to heaven, nothing. That will be the basis for the worst kind of grief imaginable. "Reality died" is the basis of all grief and loss.
As I transition to the truth about my brothers/sisters I am to learn that they are not even remotely their body. Who and what they are isn't their flesh and bones, not by a long shot. Or at all. And that means learning to "associate" them with their permanent spiritual self. And that means recognizing their permanent spiritual self cannot die. So if the body ends up dead the person has not died at all in my mind.
With that kind of view, that death applies ONLY to the form and NOT to the spirit, and having a relationship with the person at the spirit level not confusing their form with their self, the entire basis for grief and loss is cancelled. There is merely a constant continuation of eternal life at all times and ultimately there should be no perceived difference between who a brother is while in a body vs out of one.
And so if the spirit of the person is permanent, it doesn't or shouldn't matter one iota whether their body ends up dead or not because nothing will have really changed or affected who they really are. And so if physical death changed absolutely nothing (nothing real can be affected), what grounds is there for anything but celebration?
Of course this becomes more difficult when the person themselves is body identified and presents themselves as if they are an isolated egoic person, because that egoic self is partly going to pass along with the body and this will seem like a death. We have to look past what our brother even thinks of themselves and learn to see their Christ self or Real/Holy/Spirit/Soul self beyond it, recognizing that THAT is the person and THAT self cannot die ever.
So after a while of focusing in this way, you might have thoughts that a person will die and how tragic this will be (if it seems real), but then also thoughts of well, their real self is permanent and they will just continue unaffected, just not in a body. No harm done, as it were. And that's a reassurance. Until you can get to the point where you're SO convinced by the spirit and not the flesh that for you, death means absolutely nothing, does not prove any kind of separation, has no reality and does not signal the end of anything real.
Then the time of tears is over forever.
"There is no death, the son of God is free".
"The world will end in laughter because it is a place of sorrow."
"And God himself shall wipe away all tears"
What you believe is true, you will believe is true of you, and therefore defines what you are. You become one with whatever you believe is true. If you believe and trust God's truth, you will identify with your soul/spirit. If you believe and trust the ego, the body and the world, you will believe you are these things.
In order to identify with spirit, you have to believe that spirit's qualities are true of you. And you also have to believe that the ego/body/world's properties are NOT a part of what you are. Therefore, all of the ego reactions, upset emotions, hurts, angers, fears, guilts, shames, losses, loneliness, desperation, angst etc must all be a part of something which you are NOT.
Your sense of what I am and what is my self, my identity, has to be separated out from all the things that are not of God. You have to tell yourself that you're not the body, nor are you the ego reactions or emotions or thoughts. Whatever the ego is, as nebulous and hidden as it seems to be, only the ego can actually suffer, only the ego can be guilty, and only the ego can seem to die.
You have to tell yourself that these things are not a part of yourself. You as immortal spirit cannot suffer, cannot be upset, cannot be unhappy, cannot be sick or dead, cannot be afraid or guilty, cannot have loss or grief, cannot be threatened or damaged, cannot sin or be evil, and can have no part of the body or the world.
Jesus tells us that he has nothing that does not come from God, and that this is the only difference between us. Because we believe we have and are something that does not come from God. We think we are bodies and egos and the world. We think we are upsets and stress and turmoil. We think it is us that is having and experiencing and being these things. But it isn't a part of who we really are, all of these upsets are an illusion.
How can you be upset when you are immortal and perfect? How can you have loss and grief when you have everything? How can you have suffering of any kind when you are invulnerable and eternal? You have to identify with being that which is perfect forever, flawless and immortal and unassailable, strong and innocent and powerful.
Your whole sense of self - of what am I, what is true of me, has to filter out and reject any experience or thought or feeling that is not in line with God's creation.
You remain as God created you. You are perfect spirit. You are holy and pure. There is no ego in you, no body in you, no earth in you. You are not of this world. You are of God, and anything not of God is not you.
"There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The main difference between us as yet is that I have NOTHING ELSE. This leaves me in a state of true holiness, which is only a POTENTIAL in you."
"Identify with love, and you are home. Identify with love, and find your Self."
"Identity in Christ is fully recognized as set forever, beyond all change and incorruptible."
"There are those who have reached God directly, retaining no trace of worldly limits and remembering their own Identity perfectly."
"You will identify with what you think will make you safe. Whatever it may be, you will believe that it is one with you."
"Identify with love, and you are home. Identify with love, and find your Self."
"I will identify with what I think is refuge and security."
"Try to identify with the part of your mind where stillness and peace reign forever."
"Identify with fear, and you will be a stranger to yourself."
"To identify with the ego is to attack yourself, and MAKE YOURSELF POOR."
"It follows, then, that if you identify WITH the ego, you MUST perceive yourself as guilty."
"The belief in hell is inescapable to those who identify with the ego."
"Guilt is the only need the ego has, and, as long as you identify WITH it, guilt will remain ATTRACTIVE to you."
"You who identify with your egos cannot believe that God loves you."
"My true Identity abides in You."
"Now are we one in shared Identity, with God our Father as our only Source, and everything created part of us."
"The Son of God is my Identity."
"Father, my thanks to You for what I am; for keeping my identity untouched and sinless in the midst of all the thoughts of sin my foolish mind made up."
"Let me remember You created me. Let me remember my Identity."
"Deny your own identity and you will not escape the madness which induced this weird, unnatural and ghostly thought which mocks creation and which laughs at God. Deny your own identity and you assail the universe alone, without a friend, a tiny particle of dust against the legions of your enemies. Deny your own identity and look on evil, sin and death, and watch despair snatch from your fingers every scrap of hope, leaving you nothing but the wish to die."
"Identity in Christ is fully recognized as set forever, beyond all change and incorruptible."
"Identity in dreams is meaningless BECAUSE the dreamer and the dream are one."
"Then I lose myself in my Identity, and recognize that Christ is but my Self."
"Thanks be to You for Your eternal gifts, and thanks to You for my Identity."
"What could we seek but our Identity?"
"Your altar stands serene and undefiled. It is the holy altar to my Self, and there I find my true Identity."
"But we have listened to Your Voice, and learned exactly what to do to be restored to Heaven and our true Identity."
"My true identity is so secure, so lofty, sinless, glorious and great, wholly beneficent and free from guilt, that Heaven looks to It to give it light."
"In this equality is Christ restored as one Identity, in Which all Sons of God acknowledge that they all are one."
"Identity and function are the same, and BY your function do you know yourself."
"In a split mind, identity MUST seem to be divided."
"And we have already learned that this identity is shared."
"Your goal is to find out who you are, having denied your identity by attacking creation and its Creator."
"By seeking after such things the mind associates itself with the body, obscuring its identity and losing sight of what it really is."
"For self-condemnation is a decision about identity, and no-one doubts what he believes he is."
"Here you understand the Word, the Name Which God has given you; the One Identity Which all things share; the one acknowledgment of what is true."
"There are those who have reached God directly, retaining no trace of worldly limits and remembering their own Identity perfectly." "Again, how simple is salvation! It is merely a statement of your true identity."
"But there is need for help beyond yourself as you are circumscribed by false beliefs about your Identity, Which God alone established in reality."
"Today we will again give thanks for our identity in God. Our home is safe, protection guaranteed in all we do, power and strength available to us in all our undertakings. We can fail in nothing."
"Remember if you SHARE an evil dream, you will believe you ARE the dream you share. And, fearing it, you will not WANT to know your own identity, because you think that IT is fearful."
"Those who have joined their brothers HAVE detached themselves from their belief that their identity lies in the ego. "
"Do you not WANT to know your own identity?"
"Remember always that your identity is shared, and that its sharing IS its reality."
"Be confident that you have never lost your identity and the extension which maintains it in wholeness and peace."
"They do not realize that, to deny God, is to deny their own identity"
Because we don't realize how much power we have lost by following the ego, we might not realize just how much power is available to us.
Returning to God doesn't just mean we remain some kind of disempowered, barely able to do anything being that's nice and calm and unassuming. We've been so used to living in limitation and lack, spiritually starving ourselves, and so used to blocking the extension of God, that we may not anticipate the wealth that is on offer.
This wealth will return to us as we reclaim the Kingdom, and resurrect to our True Identity.
It is the difference between going from death, to being alive. Going from suffering to happiness. Going from loss to abundance. Going from fear to profound natural confidence.
It's as though we've taken God's power and presence and have tried to squeeze it and wring it out and drain all of the life out of it. We've become spiritually dry and barren.
As you awaken, your willingness to do God's will and your openness to RECEIVE, is going to open the floodgates to the extension of LOVE to flow and radiate through you. Love is power.
Quite literally, the absence of love is an absence of life-giving force, an absence of freedom, an absence of manifestational potential, and a breaking of causal power.
We're been preventing ourselves from wielding miracles, limiting and stopping or creative capabilities, and have placed ourselves in a prison with shackles on. Having bound ourselves to the ego and the body, we have shut down our unlimited power, and now thing there is no greater power to reclaim.
Your ability to cause anything has been reduced down to almost nothing by being in the ego. So much separation has come between cause and effect, to suggest they are disconnected. It's like the power cable is unplugged.
Returning to awareness of God's love WILL reconnect you with power. The power of the mind and heart. Causality will be hooked back up with effects to bring about immediate manifestations of God's will.
This power to cause and produce instant effects, where cause and effect are one, is your completely natural birthright. It is God-given and shared with God.
The potential of what can be accomplished in this power, compared to the almost complete powerlessness rendered by the ego, is staggering.
As you approach God, it is like stepping into the sun. The light radiates, warmth returns, everything becomes dynamic and alive, and life resurrects the dead. God is life and the giver of life which, by comparison, shows just how little and weak the ego is.
As you step out to express God's love, fulfill God's will, and extend God's power, miracles will become effortless and unlimited. Your word will become infused with Spirit, such that you can speak to mountains and force them to move, literally.
By reclaiming and owning up to your natural Christ Power, you will go from cowering and fearing, to certainty, authority, and complete power over all illusions. They will be nothing to you, both in truth and in expression.
You will become like Jesus, or Moses, or many other miracle workers, who share God's impressive might and powerful creative will. Going from a lifeless life to one infused with the living God is going to be night and day.
When your body's eyes are looking at forms, which includes ALL PHYSICAL OBJECTS, you are blind. Yet the body's eyes CAN ONLY EVER see physical forms.
REASON, sees past ALL FORMS, because it recognizes that all forms are FORMS OF ERROR, and reason recognizes they are an ERROR.
Reason, takes you toward understanding, which is BEYOND PHYSICAL MATTER.
Reason overlookes, forgives, physical matter, and gives you a vision of what matter was trying to OBSCURE, through its forms of error.
Reason does not BELIEVE physical matter. It does not believe what the body's eyes show you.
Since everything the body's eyes see is ALWAYS AN ILLUSION, the idea that NOTHING is something real (there is no world), overlooking what the body's eyes see allows you to SEE SENSE and awaken to the truth.
Unless you see past form - the physical planet - to the truth, you do not understand reality. Because in reality, there is no world.
As Jesus states CLEARLY:
"You can SEE reason. 5 This is not a play on words, for here is the beginning of a vision that has meaning. 6 Vision is sense (stuff that 'makes sense'), quite LITERALLY. 7 If it is not the body's sight, it must be understood." (understanding is only found by looking past the body).
"For reason SEES THROUGH ERRORS (errors are forms, physical matter), telling you WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS REAL IS NOT. 4 Reason can see the difference between sin and mistakes, because it wants correction. 5 Therefore, it tells you what you thought was uncorrectable can be corrected, and thus it must have been an ERROR." (physical matter is a 'correctable error).
"Reason is not salvation in itself, but it makes way for peace and brings you to a state of mind in which salvation can be given you. 2 SIN IS A BLOCK (to awareness), set like a heavy gate, locked and without a key, across the road to peace. 3 No one who LOOKS ON IT without the help of reason would try to pass it. 4 THE BODY'S EYES BEHOLD IT AS SOLID (yes, your fricking EYES are LOOKING AT SIN) granite, so thick it would be madness to attempt to pass it. 5 Yet reason SEES THROUGH IT (sees through physical matter), because it is an error. 6 The FORM (physical form) it takes cannot conceal its EMPTINESS from reason's eyes."
"If what the FORM CONCEALS is a mistake, the form cannot prevent correction. 3 THE BODY'S EYES SEE ONLY FORM. 4 THEY CANNOT SEE BEYOND what they were made to see. 5 And they were MADE TO LOOK ON ERROR AND NOT SEE PAST IT." ... "THESE EYES, MADE NOT TO SEE, WILL NEVER SEE." .... "Only mistakes have different FORMS (physical forms), and so THEY (physical forms) CAN DECEIVE."
"Reason will tell you that IF FORM IS NOT REALITY IT MUST BE AN ILLUSION (physical forms are illusions), and IS NOT THERE TO SEE (there is no world). 5 And if you see IF YOU SEE IT YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN, for YOU ARE SEEING **WHAT CANNOT BE REAL** AS IF IT WERE. 6 What cannot see beyond what is not there must be distorted perception, and must PERCEIVE ILLUSIONS (physical matter) as truth. 7 Could it, then, recognize the truth?"
"Let not the vision of his holiness, the sight of which would show you your forgiveness, be kept from you by what the body's eyes can see" (his holiness is beyond physical matter).
"The unforgiving mind does not believe that giving and receiving are the same."
All unforgiveness is based on a belief that you are separate from others. If you are separate, what applies to them does not apply to you, and you are different instead of equal.
If you are separate, what you give is separate from what you receive. What others give to you, they do not receive themselves. What you receive from them, you did not give to them.
If they can give you something that you have not given yourself, it is seen as being given against your will. And since they give without receiving, only you seem to receive the effects. Now it appears that "they have done something to me against my will."
This lays the basis for all experiences of being "hurt" or suffering at the hand of another. Fundamentally speaking, the mere belief that you are separate IS a choice to experience yourself AS hurt. If you are not equal, you MUST be in a state of separation, and separation is fundamentally a state of conflict.
We can say then that when we are in a state of mind where we see ourselves as separate, we ARE being unforgiving. We are either unforgiving or forgiving.
To be forgiving we have to see ourselves as not separate from others, as cause is not separate from effect, and giving is not separate from receiving. If you are one with others, you cannot accuse a "separate person" of doing something to you without you being included in the giving.
To accuse someone of doing something against your will, is to claim they have given what you did not give, and you have received what you did not give to them. Thus is such a broken given perceived as an injustice, which then incites anger and revenge. How dare they give you something you did not give to them? Something you did not want or ask for choose.
Being in this state of mind of "I am hurt by you", which is the victim state, is entirely rooted in the separation between giving and receiving. To see yourself as not one with others is to see yourself as attacked and unfairly treated. You become fundamentally a victim so long as you consider yourself separate from others.
You cannot accuse anyone of anything if you were included in the giving. If you received what you gave, you also cannot accuse anyone. If someone gives and receives what they give, you can clearly see they are doing it to themselves - ie as a call for love. And when you recognize you are giving what you are receiving, you take responsibility as in the secret of salvation.
The big question then is always, what am I giving and what am I receiving, and is there a difference between the two. If there is a separation between the two, I am being unforgiving, and am inducing fantasies of victimhood and unfairness. If there is no separation between the two, which requires that I be one with others, then I have no basis for unforgiveness whatsoever.
Unforgiveness therefore goes totally hand in hand with separation. You can only be unforgiving if there is a separation. If there is not a separation you can only be forgiving. Ironing out the separateness and re-joining with others as part of your shared identity, is the only way to become forgiving towards them and towards yourself.