Nothi2">ing real can be hurt.

Nothi2">ing real can be attacked.

Nothi2">ing real can be damaged.

Nothi2">ing real can be made si2">ick.

Nothi2">ing real can ever di2">ie.

Nothi2">ing real can suffer.

Nothi2">ing real can be afrai2">id.

Nothi2">ing real can commi2">it a cri2">ime.

Nothi2">ing real can be si2">inful.

Nothi2">ing real can be gui2">ilty.

Nothi2">ing real can be puni2">ished.

Nothi2">ing real can be unhappy.

Nothi2">ing real can lack love.

Nothi2">ing real can lose anythi2">ing.

Nothi2">ing real can be i2">incomplete.

Nothi2">ing real can have an end.

Nothi2">ing real can decay.

Nothi2">ing real can be unaware.

Nothi2">ing real can be lost.

Nothi2">ing real can be di2">iseased.

Nothi2">ing real can be changed.

Nothi2">ing real can be uncertai2">in.

Nothi2">ing real can doubt or worry.

Nothi2">ing real can hurt anythi2">ing real.

Nothi2">ing real can be unreal.

Nothi2">ing real can be separate.

Nothi2">ing real can be i2">isolated.

Nothi2">ing real can be exclusi2">ive.

Nothi2">ing real can be pri2">ivate.

Nothi2">ing real can cease to exi2">ist.

Nothi2">ing real i2">is temporary.

Nothi2">ing real can be sad or gri2">ieve.

Nothi2">ing real can be vi2">icti2">imi2">ized.

Nothi2">ing real can be powerless.

Nothi2">ing real can fai2">il.

Nothi2">ing real can be threatened.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be hurt.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be attacked.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be damaged.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be made si2">ick.

Everythi2">ing unreal can ever di2">ie.

Everythi2">ing unreal can suffer.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be afrai2">id.

Everythi2">ing unreal can commi2">it a cri2">ime.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be si2">inful.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be gui2">ilty.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be puni2">ished.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be unhappy.

Everythi2">ing unreal can lack love.

Everythi2">ing unreal can lose anythi2">ing.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be i2">incomplete.

Everythi2">ing unreal can have an end.

Everythi2">ing unreal can decay.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be unaware.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be lost.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be di2">iseased.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be changed.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be uncertai2">in.

Everythi2">ing unreal can doubt or worry.

Everythi2">ing unreal can hurt anythi2">ing real.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be unreal.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be separate.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be i2">isolated.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be exclusi2">ive.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be pri2">ivate.

Everythi2">ing unreal can cease to exi2">ist.

Everythi2">ing unreal i2">is temporary.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be sad or gri2">ieve.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be vi2">icti2">imi2">ized.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be powerless.

Everythi2">ing unreal can fai2">il.

Everythi2">ing unreal can be threatened.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be hurt.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be attacked.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be damaged.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be made si2">ick.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot ever di2">ie.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot suffer.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be afrai2">id.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot commi2">it a cri2">ime.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be si2">inful.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be gui2">ilty.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be puni2">ished.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be unhappy.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot lack love.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot lose anythi2">ing.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be i2">incomplete.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot have an end.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot decay.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be unaware.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be lost.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be di2">iseased.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be changed.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be uncertai2">in.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot doubt or worry.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot hurt anythi2">ing real.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be unreal.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be separate.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be i2">isolated.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be exclusi2">ive.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be pri2">ivate.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot cease to exi2">ist.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be temporary.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be sad or gri2">ieve.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be vi2">icti2">imi2">ized.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be powerless.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot fai2">il.

i2">I am real so i2">I cannot be threatened.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be hurt.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be attacked.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be damaged.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be made si2">ick.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot ever di2">ie.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot suffer.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be afrai2">id.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot commi2">it a cri2">ime.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be si2">inful.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be gui2">ilty.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be puni2">ished.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be unhappy.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot lack love.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot lose anythi2">ing.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be i2">incomplete.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot have an end.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot decay.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be unaware.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be lost.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be di2">iseased.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be changed.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be uncertai2">in.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot doubt or worry.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot hurt anythi2">ing real.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be unreal.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be separate.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be i2">isolated.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be exclusi2">ive.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be pri2">ivate.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot cease to exi2">ist.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be temporary.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be sad or gri2">ieve.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be vi2">icti2">imi2">ized.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be powerless.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot fai2">il.

My brother i2">is real so he cannot be threatened.

i2">I had a stream of reali2">izati2">ions and i2">insi2">ights and heali2">ing thi2">is morni2">ing, i2">into how i2">I used someone else abusi2">ing me as a way to deny God's love. i2">It has to do wi2">ith the "key to salvati2">ion" - whi2">ich i2">is that i2">I "di2">id thi2">is to myself". i2">I'm ski2">ippi2">ing way ahead to the conclusi2">ion so i2">I'll explai2">in how i2">I got there.

Years ago i2">I was abused by someone close to me on more than one occasi2">ion and i2">it hurt a lot. Emoti2">ionally i2">I felt hurt, rejected, abandoned, unloved. i2">I was angry at them and could not forgi2">ive them, nor di2">id i2">I want to. i2">I thought i2">it was all about them and what they di2">id to me.

The past week or so i2">I've been havi2">ing i2">intensi2">ifi2">ied emoti2">ional releases (cri2">ies) really tappi2">ing i2">into the core of these feeli2">ings. i2">I wasn't i2">in any way ready to forgi2">ive thi2">is. Someti2">imes you just have to feel the feeli2">ings fully fi2">irst because the i2">intense 'energy' really pulls your awareness away from any ki2">ind of clari2">ity or wi2">illi2">ingness. And especi2">ially resi2">isti2">ing releasi2">ing hurt feeli2">ings blocks any ki2">ind of desi2">ire to have i2">insi2">ights. So i2">I felt.

Thi2">is then gave way to some readi2">iness to take a closer looks so i2">I i2">invi2">ited Holy Spi2">iri2">it to help me to look at i2">it. i2">I looked at what the person di2">id and how that made me feel. i2">I saw that i2">it made me feel unloved and unworthy, just feeli2">ing bad about myself li2">ike i2">I wasn't good enough to be loved. Gui2">ilty. Si2">inful. But i2">I knew that somehow i2">I must've had a hand i2">in these beli2">iefs - that i2">I must've gone along wi2">ith them somehow. i2">I was wi2">illi2">ing to admi2">it that i2">I beli2">ieved and agreed to these vi2">iews of myself. Si2">ince the other person was wi2">ithholdi2">ing love, i2">it must've meant to me that they di2">idn't beli2">ieve i2">I was loveable so i2">I went along wi2">ith that and saw myself that way.

But what i2">I then saw was that thi2">is beli2">ief i2">in unworthi2">iness/unloveabi2">ili2">ity wasn't just some ki2">ind of descri2">ipti2">ion of myself, but that i2">it had BECOME myself. i2">I beli2">ieved i2">it was WHAT i2">I was - as though i2">I was somehow made from unlove. i2">I sti2">ill at thi2">is poi2">int couldn't see how the other person bei2">ing abusi2">ive could i2">in any way be helpful to me spi2">iri2">itually, but i2">I was wi2">illi2">ing to let Holy Spi2">iri2">it conti2">inue to gui2">ide me toward that awareness.

As i2">I saw myself agreei2">ing to the suggesti2">ion that i2">I was unworthy - the 'proof' that i2">I was unworthy - i2">I began to reali2">ize thi2">is couldn't be true because, at least i2">in theory, i2">I am worthy of God's love. So i2">I started to then go over some of the thi2">ings i2">I beli2">ieved, but i2">in a context of i2">it bei2">ing not true. So for example, i2">it's not true that i2">I don't deserve love, i2">it's not true that i2">I am made from unworthi2">iness, i2">it's not true that i2">I am abandoned or rejected, i2">it's not true that i2">I don't deserve to be happy. A few thi2">ings came out of thi2">is i2">includi2">ing the beli2">ief that i2">I di2">idn't deserve happi2">iness, di2">idn't deserve to express myself, wasn't allowed to be myself, should be afrai2">id of expressi2">ing myself or bei2">ing free i2">in case i2">it happens agai2">in, bei2">ing afrai2">id of puni2">ishment, etc. So i2">I added these to the li2">ist of what i2">is not true.

i2">It was then that i2">it started to dawn on me. i2">I knew that i2">in theory God wasn't the one who rejected me, and that i2">it was me who had been denyi2">ing God. Suddenly i2">it was clear - thi2">is supposed beli2">ief i2">in unworthi2">iness, and the supposed scenari2">io of i2">it bei2">ing put i2">in place by someone else's abuse, was i2">in fact a COVER UP. i2">I actually wanted to beli2">ieve i2">I was unworthy. i2">I wanted to beli2">ieve i2">I was not loveable. i2">I somehow di2">id not WANT God to love me. i2">I saw that i2">I'd chosen to beli2">ieve i2">I was not 'made of' loveable materi2">ial so that i2">I could demonstrate that what i2">I was wasn't loveable by God. i2">I was tryi2">ing to prove that God couldn't love 'thi2">is' by portrayi2">ing myself AS unworthi2">iness, AS unloveable-ness.

And wi2">ith thi2">is i2">it became clear also, that i2">I Hi2">IRED and USED the abusi2">ive person to not just do stuff 'to me' but to do i2">it to me FOR ME - on my behalf. At some poi2">int i2">I organi2">ized events so that thi2">is person would come along and be abusi2">ive because i2">I wanted to have a way to JUSTi2">IFY and explai2">in and rati2">ionali2">ize WHY i2">I am not loveable. i2">I hi2">ired them to act the part and play the role. And i2">I had been blami2">ing THEM for bei2">ing the perpetrator when, all along, i2">it was me that had ASKED them to do thi2">is. Thi2">is was the key to unlocki2">ing the i2">illusi2">ion that i2">I'd been *unfai2">irly* treated, vi2">icti2">imi2">ized, or attacked agai2">inst my wi2">ill. Clearly i2">if i2">I wanted thi2">is person to be an attacker and to reject and hurt me, i2">it would ALLOW me to posi2">iti2">ion myself as not worth the love of God - so that i2">I could fulfi2">ill my hi2">idden agenda of denyi2">ing God's wi2">ill and bei2">ing separate. Jeez.

So now i2">it was possi2">ible to si2">imply acknowledge/recogni2">ize the i2">innocence of that person - to overlook seei2">ing them as si2">inful or gui2">ilty (forgi2">iveness) - that they had not done thi2">is to me agai2">inst my wi2">ill. And thi2">is i2">is where the next thi2">ing came to me. i2">If the attacki2">ing person i2">is not gui2">ilty because i2">I hi2">ired them to do thi2">is on purpose, because i2">I wanted to be able to justi2">ify why i2">I should be separate from God, and i2">if God also was not i2">involved because He remai2">ins uncondi2">iti2">ionally lovi2">ing at all ti2">imes... then... who i2">is there left to pi2">in thi2">is on? Who i2">is responsi2">ible for thi2">is? i2">I AM. When there i2">is nobody to blame and i2">I can see the choi2">ice i2">I made... i2">it was ME. i2">I di2">id i2">it.

i2">I saw myself as 100% totally responsi2">ible for havi2">ing chosen thi2">is, havi2">ing organi2">ized i2">it, produced i2">it, made i2">it happen - i2">in effect, as havi2">ing requested i2">it, WANTED i2">it, and chose i2">it. i2">I di2">id i2">it to myself on purpose! i2">I wanted to be unloveable so that i2">I could be what God does not want so that i2">I could have an ego li2">ife. The whole purpose of my conspi2">iracy was to scapegoat the attacker so that i2">I could cover up the fact that i2">I 100% chose thi2">is. i2">I can't very well keep blami2">ing anyone else when i2">I can see clearly that i2">I asked for i2">it, li2">iterally. So what di2">id thi2">is leave me wi2">ith?

i2">If i2">I'm 100% responsi2">ible for tryi2">ing to deny God on purpose, and for arrangi2">ing attackers to gi2">ive me reasons to PROVE why i2">I am separate from God, so that i2">I can JUSTi2">IFY my fai2">ilure to forgi2">ive, then that means... i2">I'm the one left holdi2">ing the baby. i2">I'm the one who made the choi2">ice. i2">I'm the one who Di2">ID THi2">IS TO MYSELF. And wi2">ith nowhere else to go, and nobody else to scapegoat, and no way to blame i2">it on God, bei2">ing able to see i2">I di2">id thi2">is to myself made i2">it i2">immedi2">iately obvi2">ious what the next step would be. i2">It was ri2">idi2">iculous to keep doi2">ing thi2">is. i2">It was stupi2">id to have done thi2">is i2">in the fi2">irst place. i2">I si2">imply had no choi2">ice but to ADMi2">IT i2">I made a mi2">istaken choi2">ice, to STOP maki2">ing thi2">is pai2">inful frui2">itless choi2">ice that i2">I no longer wanted, and to LET i2">IT GO. i2">I could not let i2">it go i2">if i2">I sti2">ill wanted i2">it, and nobody was forci2">ing me to do so for any reason - i2">I had to be wi2">illi2">ing to choose agai2">in, to deci2">ide, to surrender thi2">is choi2">ice i2">I'd made on my own and let Holy Spi2">iri2">it choose for me.

The truth was i2">I had been tryi2">ing to deny and reject God wi2">ith my secret plan and that i2">I di2">id not want to be worthy of love. i2">I had always thought i2">I had umpteen reasons why i2">I wasn't worthy enough because of other people or wasn't able to be myself freely i2">in case someone abuses me or whatever... And all along i2">it was really secretly me maki2">ing EXCUSES for why *i2">I* di2">idn't want to be loved anyway. i2">It was all because of what i2">I was doi2">ing to myself. i2">It was all a smokescreen to cover up my deci2">isi2">ion to not be loveable. So. .. To let that go.... FREES ME, not because i2">I'm somehow freed from other people's tyranny, and not because God suddenly changed hi2">is mi2">ind, but because there really WAS no one else maki2">ing me be unloveable other than my DECi2">ISi2">ION to be that way.

i2">I can choose agai2">in. i2">I can choose to stop doi2">ing thi2">is to myself, thi2">is si2">illy game, si2">ince i2">it i2">is FUTi2">ILE, and i2">I DO NOT Li2">IKE i2">IT, so i2">I can just drop i2">it li2">ike a hot potato. And what's the result of that.... Accepti2">ing and admi2">itti2">ing that i2">I AM LOVEABLE and WORTHWHi2">ILE and perfectly accepted already by love. i2">It was never about me not bei2">ing actually loveable, i2">it was always about ME DENYi2">ING the love. Denyi2">ing God. Pretendi2">ing there was a reason to not be loved. i2">It's bullshi2">it. i2">I admi2">it i2">it.

So freei2">ing - to set yourself free - to reali2">ize you were free all along. To reclai2">im love and be free to be who you really are. Game over.

Thi2">is also i2">interesti2">ingly parallels the di2">iscussi2">ion about the fact that we choose death - that all death i2">is sui2">ici2">ide. The truth was that my unloveabi2">ili2">ity was MY DELi2">IBERATE CHOi2">ICE because i2">I WANTED to deny God. Everythi2">ing else was a coverup job. Thi2">is i2">is the death wi2">ish. The deci2">isi2">ion to be beyond love's reach - beyond li2">ife's reach. And the reversal of thi2">is wi2">ish for death i2">is a choi2">ice to BE ALi2">IVE. Thi2">is i2">is a reclai2">imi2">ing of and a step towards accepti2">ing i2">immortali2">ity. i2">Immortali2">ity i2">is already the truth, i2">it's just a matter now of removi2">ing all of the deni2">ial and deli2">iberate choi2">ices made agai2">inst i2">it.

Somethi2">ing that i2">I am really connecti2">ing wi2">ith strongly at the moment, i2">is the very ultra-si2">imple truth that i2">I am GOD’S CREATi2">ION. Thi2">is i2">is reflected i2">in i2">ideas such as:

"i2">I am forever an effect of God,"

"i2">I am sti2">ill as God created me."

i2">I focus si2">imply on the fact that whatever i2">I am, i2">I MUST BE what God has determi2">ined me to be. i2">I come from Hi2">im, and from nothi2">ing else. i2">I am the extensi2">ion of Hi2">im, per Hi2">is Wi2">ill. And everythi2">ing i2">I have He has gi2">iven me.

i2">It bypasses all lower level i2">ideas and concepts and si2">imply focuses on WHAT i2">I AM, i2">in relati2">ionshi2">ip to God. The pri2">imary relati2">ionshi2">ip of cause and effect between Father and Son.

Thi2">is entai2">ils acceptance and acknowledgement of havi2">ing been created BY God, and that therefore i2">I am Hi2">is chi2">ild, and must be EXACTLY as He created me to be.

i2">I am sti2">ill as God created me.

God desi2">igned me to be perfect so i2">I must be perfect.

God created me therefore i2">I am exactly what He wanted to create.

i2">I must be i2">innocent because God created me i2">innocent.

i2">I must be si2">inless and gui2">iltless because God di2">id not desi2">ign me wi2">ith si2">in or gui2">ilt i2">in me.

i2">I cannot di2">ie because God di2">id not Wi2">ill that i2">I be dead.

As you play wi2">ith thi2">is i2">idea and elaborate on i2">it, you can come up wi2">ith some very powerful yet si2">imple, holy i2">ideas about your real self.

God i2">is the cause, you are Hi2">is effect. i2">I acknowledge that si2">ince God caused me, i2">I must be whatever HE wants me to be. i2">I must be as he desi2">igned me. i2">I must be loved and holy. i2">I must be perfect and di2">ivi2">ine. i2">I must FOREVER be i2">immortal and flawless and deathless and ageless and free from all corrupti2">ion.

Acknowledgi2">ing that i2">I am God’s effect or creati2">ion, means admi2">itti2">ing to bei2">ing Chri2">ist. Jesus sai2">id to me, putti2">ing words i2">in my mouth, "i2">I need to restore my i2">identi2">ity as Chri2">ist." Thi2">is li2">ine of thi2">inki2">ing does exactly that.

i2">I wi2">ill to si2">imply remember my true nature. To remember who i2">I am and what i2">I am li2">ike. To recall why i2">I must be free from anythi2">ing God di2">id not put i2">into me. To recogni2">ize why i2">I must be sti2">ill as he desi2">igned and i2">in perfect accord wi2">ith Hi2">is wi2">ill and bluepri2">int.

i2">I can ONLY be what God has chosen to create me as. i2">I cannot change thi2">is. i2">I cannot redefi2">ine myself. i2">I have no say i2">in or power to alter myself. i2">I have never changed si2">ince God created me. i2">I’m i2">incapable of bei2">ing or doi2">ing anythi2">ing God di2">id not bui2">ild i2">into me to be capable of.

Therefore i2">I have a "functi2">ion", whi2">ich God has set i2">in place, a role i2">if you wi2">ill a machi2">inery, a way of operati2">ing, a potenti2">ial and capabi2">ili2">ity, a talent, whi2">ich God has gi2">iven and i2">is i2">irrevocable. Nor can i2">I add the sli2">ightest anythi2">ing to Hi2">is desi2">ign. Nor can i2">I take anythi2">ing away.

i2">I can ONLY BE what God wi2">ills me to be. i2">I come from God. i2">I am Hi2">is holy extensi2">ion. i2">I am li2">ike Hi2">im. i2">I am i2">in Hi2">is li2">ikeness and of Hi2">is nature. i2">I have i2">INHERi2">ITED Hi2">im. i2">I am HOST to Hi2">im. i2">I am what He would have me be, and nothi2">ing more or less.

i2">I am God’s Son, God’s chi2">ild. i2">I am from Hi2">im alone. Everythi2">ing about me i2">is Hi2">IS choi2">ice. i2">I can only accept and celebrate that He has gi2">iven me blessi2">ings and freedom and joy and beauty and power and everythi2">ing of Hi2">imself. He has shared Hi2">imself wi2">ith me. He has Gi2">IVEN Hi2">imself to me. i2">I am Hi2">IS property.

The relati2">ionshi2">ip of communi2">ion wi2">ith God i2">is the fundamental pri2">imary relati2">ionshi2">ip of the soul to i2">its creator. i2">It i2">is the recogni2">iti2">ion of what you ARE and MUST be, because of WHO created you. And i2">it i2">is the acceptance that you CANNOT BE anythi2">ing else, nothi2">ing else i2">is true of you, and only Hi2">is truth about you i2">is true.

You are anchored to your true i2">identi2">ity as Chri2">ist because thi2">is i2">is what God has wi2">illed. He created you Chri2">ist. You ARE Chri2">ist. And nothi2">ing beyond God has any power over you to defi2">ine, change, attack, di2">isti2">ingui2">ish, affect or alter you i2">in any way.

You are God’s creati2">ion. Holy, i2">innocent, and free.

"There i2">is nothi2">ing about me that you cannot attai2">in. i2">I have nothi2">ing that does not come from God. The mai2">in di2">ifference between us as yet i2">is that i2">I have NOTHi2">ING ELSE. Thi2">is leaves me i2">in a state of true holi2">iness, whi2">ich i2">is only a POTENTi2">IAL i2">in you."

Lately Holy Spi2">iri2">it has been starti2">ing to push me to do thi2">ings i2">I don't thi2">ink i2">I can do by myself, or that i2">I don't beli2">ieve would be a good deci2">isi2">ion.

i2">I was not goi2">ing to eat pi2">izza, clai2">imi2">ing that i2">it would congest my si2">inuses too much. He sai2">id, eat the pi2">izza. i2">I ate the pi2">izza. i2">It wasn't a problem.

i2">I was not goi2">ing to buy a dai2">iry i2">ice-cream for si2">imi2">ilar reasons, and he suggested i2">it was okay, so i2">I di2">id i2">it, and i2">I had no symptoms.

Today, i2">I was ti2">ired and emoti2">ionally wrought after some release and heali2">ing, and i2">I di2">idn't want to go to the store, but needed some stuff. Holy Spi2">iri2">it sai2">id, "go!". So i2">I went. And i2">I di2">idn't go based on my own beli2">ief that i2">I would be able to rely on myself, but based on the beli2">ief that because He supports i2">it, i2">I Wi2">ILL be able to go. i2">I had FAi2">ITH!

And as i2">I went, i2">I exclai2">imed that i2">I wi2">ill go and i2">I wi2">ill shop and i2">I wi2">ill be fi2">ine because i2">I wi2">ill be i2">infused and sustai2">ined by the power of God, i2">I wi2">ill be fi2">illed wi2">ith hi2">is strength, and i2">I wi2">ill have no problems. And as i2">I got to the store, i2">I could FEEL the presence of a strong, li2">ight, joyous energy i2">in me, and not only di2">id i2">I have no problems wi2">ith ti2">iredness etc i2">I even felt open wi2">ith other customers, seemed to attract people who were laughi2">ing and happy, and generally felt supported. i2">I even beli2">ieve there was an angel there who showed up as a man... someti2">imes i2">I can tell, and that man spoke to me about bananas, and i2">it was funny and i2">it was all good.

So thi2">is i2">is what i2">I am fi2">indi2">ing now. There are certai2">in thi2">ings that i2">I beli2">ieve are true of the "natural world" based on the ego's natural laws. But then, there i2">is God's wi2">ill, God's power, and Hi2">is SUPERNATURAL strength. And as you step out to do thi2">ings whi2">ich push you beyond your natural boundari2">ies, and whi2">ich go out on a li2">imb, and whi2">ich you could only do i2">IF you had God's strength to support you, then knowi2">ing that you do and i2">invi2">iti2">ing i2">it to do so, God DOES come to support you i2">in supernatural ways! That means you are walki2">ing wi2">ith God.

And so i2">I am learni2">ing, more can be done through me and by me i2">IF i2">I have God wi2">ith me. There i2">is a power that can work through me. There are goals that i2">I can achi2">ieve whi2">ich i2">I could not achi2">ieve alone but whi2">ich are achi2">ievable because God rushes i2">in to make them so! Ahhhhhhhhh.

"i2">I am sustai2">ined by the love of God" - ACi2">IM

"God goes wi2">ith me all through the day" - ACi2">IM

Thi2">is doesn't just mean i2">I have a buddy to talk to, i2">it means i2">if i2">I wi2">ill step out and take a ri2">isk and go beyond the ego's laws, God's Wi2">ill be done!!!

Can i2">I get an amen?!

Over the weekend i2">I came down wi2">ith what seems to be 'a cold'. Actually i2">it i2">is more li2">ikely just a strong 'release', and i2">I fi2">ind that pretty much every ti2">ime i2">I have a 'cold' i2">it i2">is accompani2">ied by strong emoti2">ional releases.

So anyway.. i2">I was semi2">i-mi2">iserable. Sufferi2">ing a bi2">it.

i2">I wanted to know i2">if any ki2">ind of heali2">ing was possi2">ible, and Holy Spi2">iri2">it hi2">inted that we'd talk about i2">it at ni2">ight i2">ie before sleepi2">ing.

So that ti2">ime came along and i2">I remembered. And i2">I was also feeli2">ing fai2">irly wi2">illi2">ing to just 'accept' bei2">ing si2">ick for a whi2">ile. i2">I thought to myself, well, i2">I made thi2">is si2">ickness, so i2">I should actually honor and respect the power that i2">I've wi2">ielded and appreci2">iate what i2">I've created. i2">I mean, after all, i2">it's a pretty ni2">ice i2">illusi2">ion i2">I made, and Jesus does warn i2">in the ACi2">IM text about i2">it bei2">ing an error to underesti2">imate the power of what we made wi2">ith the ego. i2">I di2">idn't want to fi2">ight wi2">ith i2">it or attack i2">it. i2">I was tryi2">ing to be more accepti2">ing. i2">I di2">id a li2">ittle bi2">it of "i2">I love thi2">is si2">ickness" and then i2">I asked Holy Spi2">iri2">it:

"Holy Spi2">iri2">it, i2">is there any way at all that there can be a heali2">ing of thi2">is, or do i2">I have to just accept i2">it for the next 2 weeks of snot and ti2">issues?"

HS: "There i2">is"

So i2">I sai2">id, "Ok, i2">I'm wi2">illi2">ing to admi2">it i2">I don't know anythi2">ing about heali2">ing, i2">I don't know how to heal thi2">is, i2">I don't know why i2">I made i2">it or what i2">its purpose i2">is, i2">I don't know why i2">I have i2">it and i2">I don't know what to do about i2">it. Help me to know what i2">I need to 'do' i2">if anythi2">ing to help you to faci2">ili2">itate heali2">ing." And i2">in thi2">is, i2">I seemed to be unusually 'open mi2">inded' and recepti2">ive i2">instead of just goi2">ing on about what 'i2">I have to do' to fi2">ix thi2">is. Holy Spi2">iri2">it sai2">id:

"Recei2">ive God"

i2">I was li2">ike, WHAT?! i2">It seemed i2">I was here aski2">ing about how to fi2">ix thi2">is si2">ickness and i2">instead i2">I get an answer that tells me i2">I'm about to be loved?? So i2">I was, li2">ike, ok... i2">I let myself just 'recei2">ive God' ... li2">ike, wi2">ithout doi2">ing anythi2">ing other than recei2">ivi2">ing and maybe repeati2">ing to myself, "recei2">ive God".

i2">Immedi2">iately i2">I felt a sense of love descend and come i2">into me and i2">it went deeper than a sense of unlove and unworthi2">iness that was i2">in me that i2">I di2">idn't reali2">ize was there. And i2">I started to cry because i2">it was beauti2">iful and a reli2">ief. And the ego part of me was somewhat i2">in shock because i2">I couldn't fi2">igure out WHY God would love me. i2">I had all ki2">inds of ego reacti2">ions around i2">it li2">ike, why would God love me, i2">I've never been loved, surely i2">I'm not lovable, etc.

Nevertheless, my body started to shake, my hands shook vi2">igorously, i2">I coughed and spewed a bi2">it as i2">I felt somethi2">ing bei2">ing ejected from me and li2">ifted out. Then i2">I cri2">ied a bi2">it more because i2">I could feel how thi2">is love was gi2">iven so FREELY, li2">ike, there were absolutely no stri2">ings attached, and i2">it wasn't aski2">ing that i2">I gi2">ive anythi2">ing whatsoever, and was totally uncondi2">iti2">ional. i2">I couldn't comprehend how or why i2">it was bei2">ing gi2">iven so free of any expectati2">ions or condi2">iti2">ions or requi2">irements, li2">ike 'a freebi2">ie'. Why would God just gi2">ive gi2">ive gi2">ive? How was i2">it possi2">ible that i2">I would be just gi2">iven to li2">ike that?!

Anyway... i2">I felt thi2">is heali2">ing tremendously helped to li2">ift away a sense of unlove and unworthi2">iness and, i2">in parti2">icuarly, a sense that God/Father loved me, whi2">ich apparently was at the root of my si2">ickness. i2">I felt a lot better. i2">It wasn't all gone, but much i2">improved. i2">I couldn't help but feel grateful, and somewhat i2">in awe, and a bi2">it shocked. i2">I actually felt a sli2">ight sense of ... how dare you love me thi2">is much wi2">ithout aski2">ing for anythi2">ing i2">in return. i2">It was shocki2">ingly uncondi2">iti2">ional. God loved me MORE than i2">I loved me.

Thi2">is i2">is then when ego came i2">in and tri2">ied i2">in vari2">ious subtle ways to reproduce or tri2">igger or i2">influence thi2">is 'recei2">ivi2">ing God' thi2">ing... li2">ike i2">it kept tryi2">ing to pretend that i2">IT was causi2">ing the transmi2">issi2">ion of love, or i2">IT was able to control i2">it, or i2">IT was goi2">ing to tri2">igger i2">it off, or i2">IT knew what made the heali2">ing flow. And yet i2">it di2">idn't. i2">I noti2">iced all that acti2">ivi2">ity and how i2">it was i2">interferi2">ing. And i2">it wasn't unti2">il i2">I could stop all of those efforts to "be the healer" that i2">I allowed myself to "recei2">ive God" a bi2">it more. Genui2">inely. To just recei2">ive i2">in openness and wi2">illi2">ingness wi2">ithout tryi2">ing to force i2">it. Because to recei2">ive wi2">ithout 'doi2">ing' anythi2">ing di2">isables the ego from all i2">its acti2">ivi2">iti2">ies.

So grateful. And so unexpected.... i2">I had no i2">idea that i2">I was goi2">ing to recei2">ive heali2">ing AND be uncondi2">iti2">ionally loved, li2">ike, wi2">ithout havi2">ing to do or gi2">ive anythi2">ing i2">in return, anythi2">ing other than to just be open and wi2">illi2">ing to recei2">ive. i2">It seemed li2">ike such a blessi2">ing that really exposed any sense of unworthi2">iness or reasons why i2">I shouldn't.

i2">I asked also then, i2">if i2">it were possi2">ible to heal another person thi2">is way. Holy Spi2">iri2">it sai2">id that the other person has to be "ready to accept wi2">illi2">ingly". i2">I could understand and accept that. You can't force heali2">ing on someone. And i2">I only felt a heali2">ing because i2">I was Wi2">ILLi2">ING TO RECEi2">IVE. And i2">it was not anythi2">ing that *i2">I* di2">id whatsoever. Other people can recei2">ive heali2">ing from God too, but they have to be wi2">illi2">ing to accept and allow i2">it. And i2">it has to be pure 100% recei2">ivi2">ing, not any effort to control or i2">interfere or even to 'gi2">ive'. i2">I can see how the ego tri2">ies to pretend i2">it i2">is seeki2">ing heali2">ing by tryi2">ing to force heali2">ing or produce i2">it from i2">its own efforts, but real heali2">ing i2">is completely counter-ego, requi2">iri2">ing the ego to be suspended and uni2">involved.

"Recei2">ive God". Si2">imple.

i2">I am amazed mostly at how God gi2">ives love so freely, so wi2">ithout condi2">iti2">ions, so totally and unrestrai2">ined. i2">It's li2">ike a huge outpouri2">ing, a massi2">ive gi2">ivi2">ing, almost li2">ike a revelati2">ion. Everythi2">ing comi2">ing FROM God to you, and your only job i2">is to RECEi2">IVE. Recei2">ive recei2">ive recei2">ive.

i2">It's li2">ike sunbathi2">ing - God-bathi2">ing...you don't go tryi2">ing to force the sun to shi2">ine wi2">ith your ego, you don't tri2">igger the sun, you don't make i2">it shi2">ine on you. You have to surrender and relax and let go and recei2">ive the li2">ight. The sun does the shi2">ini2">ing. God does the shi2">ini2">ing. Di2">iffi2">icult to get the ego out of the way and be totally recepti2">ive. But i2">it seems li2">ike the more i2">I can 'let love i2">in' the more i2">I am allowi2">ing myself to be loved, to a depth and extent that i2">I have never experi2">ienced or thought possi2">ible.

Ahhhhhhh.

Sti2">ill sni2">iffli2">ing today. The 'cold' i2">is sti2">ill there. But... i2">I know i2">I am healed i2">in some way on some level. A sense of unworthi2">iness has been replaced wi2">ith worthi2">iness. Thanks God.

One last i2">insi2">ight. .. the lesson i2">I needed to learn, i2">in Holy Spi2">iri2">it's words:

"Let God"

i2">I choose to be afrai2">id.

i2">I project the fear outward and i2">identi2">ify targets that are causi2">ing the fear.

The exi2">istence of these targets 'explai2">ins why' i2">I am afrai2">id.

Explai2">ini2">ing why i2">I'm afrai2">id justi2">ifi2">ies and proves why i2">I am afrai2">id, and gi2">ives i2">it extra wei2">ight, maki2">ing i2">it real.

i2">I then say, oh my, i2">I'm afrai2">id, i2">I don't want those targets to attack me. But thi2">is i2">is a two-faced ego li2">ie.

i2">I want to see them attacki2">ing me because i2">it justi2">ifi2">ies keepi2">ing my fear. i2">I want them to make me afrai2">id. And unti2">il i2">I stop i2">identi2">ifyi2">ing them as the cause or 'reason for' the fear, i2">I wi2">ill just stay afrai2">id.

The truth i2">is, there i2">is a secret reason for the fear whi2">ich has nothi2">ing to do wi2">ith who or what i2">it i2">is projected onto. They are not the cause of i2">it. They are not the ones who are creati2">ing i2">it or maki2">ing i2">it happen.

i2">I am secretly maki2">ing i2">it happen by tryi2">ing to defend myself from God. My secret wi2">ish i2">is to be separate from God and to deny that God exi2">ists. My secret wi2">ish i2">is a sui2">ici2">idal death-wi2">ish i2">in whi2">ich i2">I want death i2">in place of Li2">ife. That's the whole reason why i2">I'm i2">in a body - to escape from God.

So every ti2">ime i2">I become afrai2">id of 'somethi2">ing', that's not really what i2">I'm afrai2">id of or why i2">I'm i2">in fear. i2">I'm i2">in fear because i2">I am conveni2">iently usi2">ing them as a scapegoat for why i2">I NEED to be afrai2">id. i2">I want to NEED fear because i2">I NEED fear to separate me from God and fulfi2">ill my hi2">idden agenda.

The people or events or objects or body functi2">ions that are 'maki2">ing me afrai2">id' are very conveni2">iently HELPi2">ING me to reject God. Thank you, fears, for helpi2">ing me to stay separate and choose death, exactly as i2">I wanted.

See, underneath the farce of projected fear, there i2">is a death wi2">ish. And that death wi2">ish wouldn't be there i2">if i2">I di2">id not WANT i2">it. i2">I wanted i2">it because i2">it was my CHOi2">ICE. i2">I CHOSE that i2">I wanted the opposi2">ite of God and di2">id not want Li2">ife. i2">It was a deci2">isi2">ion i2">I made. So the only reason i2">I am now afrai2">id i2">is because i2">I want to be because i2">it's helpi2">ing to support my underlyi2">ing death wi2">ish.

Can i2">I be afrai2">id i2">if i2">I get honest and own up to usi2">ing fear to cover up MY deli2">iberate attempt to be dead? Can i2">I beli2">ieve that other people are causi2">ing the fear i2">if i2">I get honest and own up to the fact that i2">I want them to help me justi2">ify keepi2">ing the fear, so that i2">I can shut out love and be autonomous?

i2">I have to admi2">it that fear i2">is a choi2">ice, just as death i2">is a choi2">ice. And i2">it's ME that i2">is doi2">ing i2">it TO MYSELF. Thi2">is i2">is the key to salvati2">ion.

i2">I can deci2">ide i2">I do not li2">ike what i2">I have chosen for myself and admi2">it that i2">I chose i2">it - i2">it was not created by anyone else or anythi2">ing else - and nothi2">ing else i2">is keepi2">ing i2">it i2">in place other than my secret wi2">ish for death. Do i2">I li2">ike the results? Do i2">I want i2">it? Shall i2">I keep i2">it? i2">Is i2">it worki2">ing out? Am i2">I enjoyi2">ing the results? Probably not.

Maybe i2">it's ti2">ime i2">I admi2">it that i2">I chose mi2">istakedly and i2">it was a poor choi2">ice, and that i2">I want somethi2">ing better. Maybe i2">I'll admi2">it that i2">it i2">is poi2">intless to deny God because i2">it doesn't make God go away, and bei2">ing wi2">ithout Hi2">im i2">is always goi2">ing to be a less enjoyable experi2">ience. i2">I can be stubborn about i2">it or i2">I can gi2">ive up tryi2">ing to be dead and ACCEPT Li2">IFE i2">instead.

We do have thi2">is choi2">ice. We make thi2">is li2">ife-or-death deci2">isi2">ion every si2">ingle ti2">ime we choose ego over God.

The good news then, i2">is, si2">ince we were the ones choosi2">ing death and fear, we can choose agai2">in and choose not to be dead. Yes, death i2">is a CHOi2">ICE. i2">If i2">I choose to accept Li2">IFE then i2">I wi2">ill permi2">it eternal li2">ife to li2">ift me up and sustai2">in me forever. There i2">is nothi2">ing 'the ego' can do to prevent thi2">is because the ego i2">is nothi2">ing more than my i2">insane mi2">istaken choi2">ice to try to reject God.

So what's i2">it goi2">ing to be today? Li2">ife or death? You choose.

i2">I'll gi2">ive you a hi2">int. Death actually i2">isn't death, i2">it's just a dream of death, whi2">ich i2">is just deni2">ial. i2">It doensn't actually do anythi2">ing to the Real You. YOU can't di2">ie. So tryi2">ing to do so i2">is a waste of ti2">ime.

Gi2">ive up. Surrender. Choose God agai2">in and be happy.

There i2">is the me that seems to be 'i2">in here' i2">in the body, who i2">I beli2">ieve i2">is i2">innocent and di2">id not ask for thi2">is sorry treatment.

Then there i2">is the me that seems to be 'out there' whi2">ich somehow i2">is i2">in someone else's body, and therefore i2">I beli2">ieve i2">it i2">is not me at all, and that self i2">is attacki2">ing the self that i2">I thi2">ink remai2">ins as me, wi2">ithi2">in.

What's really goi2">ing on i2">is that both the me out there and the me i2">in here are two parts of my one mi2">ind. My mi2">ind, i2">itself, i2">is at war wi2">ith i2">itself. Thi2">is i2">is the ego spli2">it-mi2">ind, based i2">in duali2">ity and separati2">ion. i2">It i2">is two-faced.

The me that i2">is i2">in-here, my persona self, i2">is the part of me that wants to retai2">in and keep somethi2">ing, rejecti2">ing everythi2">ing else.

The me that i2">is 'out there', my shadow self, i2">is the projected (but sti2">ill wi2">ithi2">in my own mi2">ind, si2">ince i2">ideas leave not thei2">ir source) part of me that i2">I do not want. Therefore that self seems to be separated off behi2">ind a wall of di2">isassoci2">iati2">ion.

i2">I percei2">ive that projected shadow self as "not me" and that i2">I want nothi2">ing to do wi2">ith i2">it. i2">I don't i2">identi2">ify wi2">ith i2">it and i2">I beli2">ieve i2">it i2">is someone else. i2">It i2">is what i2">I do not want. i2">I see i2">it as 'my' enemy, but really i2">I am seei2">ing i2">it wi2">ith my persona who loves to i2">isolate the 'good bi2">its' to my 'i2">in here' self, and keep the 'bad bi2">its' relegated to the 'out there' self.

i2">I project my shadow self onto other people and si2">ince i2">I beli2">ieve that thi2">is shadow self i2">is 'not me', not my persona-me, i2">I beli2">ieve that i2">it must belong to other people. i2">I beli2">ieve i2">it must be a part of them. i2">I beli2">ieve THEY must be the ones who are attacki2">ing me, they are the ones who are offensi2">ive, they are the ones who are my enemy.

The stronger becomes thi2">is sense of 'separati2">ion' between the i2">in-here me and the out-there me, i2">ie me vs 'other selves', whi2">ich i2">I experi2">ience halluci2">inatori2">ily as other people, the stronger and deeper that ri2">ift becomes and the more 'i2">I' am at war wi2">ith those enemy selves, the more i2">I di2">isassoci2">iate my i2">identi2">ity from that shadow self - the part of me that i2">I hate and reject. And i2">it seems i2">I am now an enemy of that other person, but they are really me - i2">I am an enemy of myself.

Whi2">ile thi2">is di2">isassoci2">iati2">ion i2">is i2">in place, i2">it wi2">ill seem to me that the other self that i2">is 'out there', whi2">ich houses everythi2">ing that i2">is wrong and ugly and unwanted and gui2">ilty and evi2">il and deadly, has nothi2">ing to do wi2">ith me at all. i2">I wi2">ill want to get away from i2">it, reject i2">it, escape i2">it, and run from i2">its threat. i2">I don't want to accept that i2">it i2">is a part of myself.

But what i2">I must do i2">if i2">I want heali2">ing, i2">is i2">I must recogni2">ize that all of the projected gui2">ilt/si2">in/attack that i2">I see as 'not myself', or as 'someone else's stuff', ALL of i2">it i2">is mi2">ine. That content i2">is part of and i2">insi2">ide of my own mi2">ind. See, i2">I thi2">ink my mi2">ind i2">is only i2">insi2">ide my body and that my mi2">ind stops at the edges of my body. i2">It doesn't. My mi2">ind 'i2">in here', as i2">it percei2">ives what i2">is 'out there', and as i2">it thi2">inks about stuff 'out there', i2">is actually out there as well. And i2">it's not possi2">ible for my mi2">ind to percei2">ive that there even i2">IS an 'out there' wi2">ithout my mi2">ind bei2">ing i2">in some way out there too. And everythi2">ing i2">I experi2">ience, even the out there stuff, i2">is really encapsulated by my whole mi2">ind, li2">ike a contai2">iner. My body, other people's bodi2">ies. i2">It's me.

So i2">if i2">I want to heal, i2">I'm goi2">ing to have to reali2">ize that i2">in all cases where i2">I thi2">ink someone else i2">is wrong or at fault, i2">I am just conveni2">iently di2">isassoci2">iati2">ing from MY OWN self-attack, whi2">ich i2">I am seei2">ing as 'not me' because i2">I don't want i2">it, and i2">I've seen i2">it overlai2">id on top of 'people' out there. i2">It's nothi2">ing to do wi2">ith them. They are ALL i2">INNOCENT. There i2">is not really anythi2">ing out there. i2">It's all my own mi2">ind, parts of my mi2">ind, that i2">I don't want to look at.

To heal, i2">I am goi2">ing to have to look at thi2">is content that i2">I thi2">ink i2">is i2">in other people, and i2">I'm goi2">ing to have to take back responsi2">ibi2">ili2">ity for i2">it. i2">I'm goi2">ing to have to take back the 'power' that i2">I thi2">ink i2">it has over me, whi2">ich i2">is really my own power wi2">ithi2">in my own mi2">ind. And i2">I'm goi2">ing to have to admi2">it that the stuff i2">I want to get ri2">id of, that i2">is stuff wi2">ithi2">in my mi2">ind not outsi2">ide of i2">it. There i2">is no outsi2">ide to my mi2">ind! i2">It's all i2">insi2">ide me. And i2">I need to therefore heal the ri2">ift between the persona-me, i2">in here, whi2">ich only wants to keep the good stuff, and the shadow me that i2">I project, whi2">ich i2">is seemi2">ingly out there and that i2">I do not want to accept.

i2">I can't accept the shadow stuff or the persona stuff whi2">ile they remai2">in separate. Whi2">ile separate, there i2">is war. i2">I have to reali2">ize they are BOTH ME and cease the beli2">ief i2">in the *SEPARATi2">ION* that i2">is between them. That i2">is the key. i2">I am doi2">ing thi2">is to myself because i2">I am both parts of my mi2">ind, the i2">inner and the outer. i2">I am the enemy i2">I percei2">ive. i2">I need to forgi2">ive myself and undo thi2">is ri2">ift, thi2">is spli2">it mi2">ind, between what i2">is approved-of i2">in me and what i2">is not approved of i2">in me.

i2">It i2">is keepi2">ing these parts of my own mi2">ind held apart and separate that bri2">ings on all si2">ickness, all confli2">ict, all war, all upset, and death. Reclai2">imi2">ing ownershi2">ip of the enti2">ire scenari2">io, the i2">inner and the outer, they become one. i2">I see them both as me operati2">ing two personali2">iti2">ies that are agai2">inst each other, and yet both of them are wi2">ithi2">in me. Therefore.... i2">I am somethi2">ing else. i2">I am not ei2">ither of them. i2">I am awareness. i2">I am the personali2">ity. i2">I am the one mi2">ind.

Wholeness. Peace.

i2">I don't know how many people here work wi2">ith the Holy Spi2">iri2">it, what ki2">ind of relati2">ionshi2">ip or communi2">icati2">ion you have wi2">ith Hi2">im, i2">if any, but i2">I'd really love to fi2">ind a way to help others to become more connected wi2">ith Hi2">im and worki2">ing wi2">ith Hi2">im.

As the Course tells us, the Holy Spi2">iri2">it i2">is the only Therapi2">ist, hi2">is enti2">ire functi2">ion i2">is Heali2">ing, and He has been created joi2">ined wi2">ith us i2">in our mi2">ind to bri2">ing heali2">ing, mi2">iracles, reassurance, comfort etc. i2">It seems also the ai2">im of the Course and workbook i2">is to put you i2">in touch wi2">ith thi2">is Teacher who then leads you the rest of the way i2">in your curri2">iculum.

There are many benefi2">its to worki2">ing wi2">ith Hi2">im that you may or may not be aware of. i2">I experi2">ience these benefi2">its on a dai2">ily basi2">is, and they are so valuable i2">I don't know what i2">I'd do wi2">ithout them. i2">I also don't thi2">ink that i2">I am even experi2">ienci2">ing a full range of what the Holy Spi2">iri2">it i2">is capable of and have more growth to achi2">ieve i2">in trusti2">ing Hi2">im and worki2">ing wi2">ith Hi2">im.

i2">I wi2">ish i2">I could say, "just do thi2">is", and then you'd end up recei2">ivi2">ing Hi2">is heali2">ing etc, but i2">I don't know what the "protocol" i2">is as such, or how i2">it plays out for di2">ifferent people. All i2">I can tell you i2">is roughly how i2">it developed for me and maybe you can fi2">ind that useful.

i2">I was goi2">ing through a rough year or so a couple of years ago, wi2">ith lots of emoti2">ional upsets and stresses. i2">I had already been talki2">ing wi2">ith Holy Spi2">iri2">it/Jesus for some years and learni2">ing to trust thei2">ir gui2">idance. But here i2">I needed some ki2">ind of reli2">ief from the emoti2">ional turbulence.

i2">It would get to where i2">I just couldn't tolerate i2">it anymore and so would become wi2">illi2">ing to gi2">ive up. i2">I would then lay on my bed and start surrenderi2">ing. i2">I would have to admi2">it i2">I di2">idn't want to be unhappy and i2">I wanted some peace and reli2">ief. i2">I would li2">iterally say "i2">I surrender" over and over agai2">in. i2">I surrender i2">I surrender i2">I surrender etc.

i2">I found that i2">if i2">I would not leave any ti2">ime i2">in between each word i2">it would help me to feel a sense of letti2">ing go, gi2">ivi2">ing up control, admi2">itti2">ing to bei2">ing mi2">istaken, etc. i2">I also would ask Holy Spi2">iri2">it to help me. At fi2">irst, to help me forgi2">ive, and was mai2">inly doi2">ing the "act" of the heali2">ing myself. Taki2">ing steps mentally or whatever.

But gradually i2">in the surrenderi2">ing i2">I started to ask Holy Spi2">iri2">it to help me heal. Thi2">is wasn't li2">iteral at fi2">irst but i2">it started to become so, whereby i2">I started aski2">ing Hi2">im to come i2">into me, to joi2">in wi2">ith me, to heal me. i2">I di2">idn't reali2">ize what i2">I was doi2">ing exactly, but i2">I basi2">ically was i2">invi2">iti2">ing Hi2">im to come "i2">into me" and i2">into my body. And he di2">id.

i2">I would start to get a sense of an electri2">ical or energy feeli2">ing i2">in parts of the body. Body parts would start to vi2">ibrate or shake. i2">It wasn't si2">igni2">ifi2">icant at fi2">irst. i2">It gradually developed as i2">I developed trust. i2">I became just wi2">illi2">ing to 1) relax physi2">ically, 2) surrender, 3) i2">invi2">ite hi2">im i2">in, 4) stay out of the way and trust Hi2">im to do whatever He wanted to.

Over ti2">ime thi2">is i2">increased i2">in i2">its power and i2">it became less necessary to get i2">into a whole mode of bei2">ing ready for i2">it, and i2">it started happeni2">ing around the house. i2">It started happeni2">ing whenever i2">I asked for i2">it. And parti2">icularly i2">if i2">I became wi2">illi2">ing to start applyi2">ing forgi2">iveness. Whenever i2">I would start forgi2">ivi2">ing or accepti2">ing responsi2">ibi2">ili2">ity or havi2">ing some ki2">ind of heali2">ing thought, He would step i2">in. Now, even the sli2">ightest wi2">illi2">ingness towards forgi2">iveness that i2">I demonstrate "i2">invi2">ites hi2">im" and He starts shaki2">ing me all over the place wi2">ith heali2">ing.

What he i2">is capable of, i2">is unli2">imi2">ited. He mostly heals emoti2">ional upsets. He can pretty much remove all of the "charge" of any unhappy feeli2">ing. But he also has done physi2">ical stuff, removi2">ing pai2">ins, heali2">ing heartburn, heali2">ing a burn from hot water, heali2">ing my eyes, etc. Mi2">ind, body, and emoti2">ions. Heali2">ing on all levels. i2">In fact, i2">I hardly ever have to cry any more. When i2">I go to cry, the i2">instant that i2">I become wi2">illi2">ing and i2">I start to feel, Holy Spi2">iri2">it steps i2">in, takes over, shakes the crap out of me and removes all the emoti2">ion.

i2">I get thi2">is happen now EVERY day, many ti2">imes a day. i2">I get thi2">is supernatural heali2">ing all the ti2">ime. Wi2">ithout i2">it, i2">I have absolutely no i2">idea what state i2">I would be i2">in. i2">I am so grateful for everythi2">ing He has done and conti2">inues to do, and really wi2">ish that other people could experi2">ience the same thi2">ing. i2">I once asked Hi2">im why thi2">is was happeni2">ing, He sai2">id "because you i2">invi2">ited me i2">in."

i2">I hi2">ighly encourage you to try i2">it. Lay down, physi2">ically relax the body (whi2">ich i2">is somewhat necessary as part of surrender), surrender mentally/emoti2">ionally as best you can, i2">invi2">ite hi2">im i2">into you, trust hi2">im, and let hi2">im li2">iterally come i2">into you. See what happens. i2">It can change your li2">ife.

"He wi2">ill remove all the consequences of my wrong deci2">isi2">ion i2">IF i2">I Wi2">ILL LET Hi2">IM."

Once agai2">in, last eveni2">ing, i2">I asked God what he wanted me to 'do', thi2">inki2">ing that there were acti2">ions or thi2">ings to 'do', and Hi2">is reply to me was:

"Recei2">ive."

i2">I reali2">ize that my ego mi2">ind i2">is SO used to 'seeki2">ing', whi2">ich i2">is ki2">ind of li2">ike an acti2">ivi2">ity of 'goi2">ing out' to try to mani2">ipulate the world, to fi2">ind, to fi2">ix, to change, to perform acti2">ions, to rearrange furni2">iture, etc.

i2">It's li2">ike, we have a motor i2">in our mi2">ind. The motor wants to keep runni2">ing. i2">It wants to keep goi2">ing somewhere. i2">It wants to keep doi2">ing somethi2">ing di2">ifferent. Fi2">indi2">ing somethi2">ing di2">ifferent. Searchi2">ing for answers. Changi2">ing someone. i2">It i2">is all do do do do do do do go go go go go go all the ti2">ime. Thi2">is i2">is i2">its ONLY mode of operati2">ion.

And all of that i2">is really encapsulated i2">in the word "seeki2">ing". The ego mi2">ind i2">is just constantly i2">in thi2">is acti2">ivi2">ity of seeki2">ing. Of thi2">inki2">ing that i2">it has to go somewhere or do somethi2">ing i2">in order to 'get' or 'fi2">ind' what i2">it does not have HERE AND NOW.

So when i2">I go to God and i2">I ask, what should i2">I DO.... really i2">I'm sayi2">ing, what should i2">i seek for and where should i2">I go to fi2">ind i2">it and what should i2">I do to change i2">it. And i2">I have the best i2">intenti2">ions. i2">I thi2">ink that thi2">is i2">is noble or honest or helpful or holy or spi2">iri2">itual. But really, i2">it i2">is sti2">ill seeki2">ing. i2">It's sti2">ill ego goi2">ing away from the here and now, away from acceptance, away from sti2">illness or surrender.

So God's answer to me - "recei2">ive" - really DOES actually address what the real problem i2">is. The real problem i2">is that i2">I am addi2">icti2">ing to seeki2">ing, because i2">I conti2">inue to have thi2">is ego beli2">ief that i2">I DO NOT HAVE GOD. Thi2">is i2">is what i2">it all boi2">ils down to. i2">If i2">I'm absent from God and am not wi2">ith God now and do not have God i2">in me, then i2">I seem to need to go fi2">ill thi2">is empti2">iness somewhere else.

So the remedy i2">is clear and si2">imple. i2">I need to RECEi2">IVE GOD. i2">I need to open up to accept, admi2">it and allow (the 3 A's?), that GOD i2">IS HERE Wi2">ITH ME NOW.

And thi2">is also means i2">I need to SURRENDER the search, surrender the 'goi2">ing and doi2">ing', surrender the 'somethi2">ing has to be done about thi2">is', and surrender all of the thi2">ings i2">I thi2">ink are needed or have to be done 'because of' the lack of God. i2">If i2">I just accept that i2">I am lacki2">ing God, i2">I wi2">ill be compelled to go fi2">ind answers somewhere else, i2">in some acti2">ivi2">ity or change or mani2">ipulati2">ion. And i2">I wi2">ill thi2">ink that God has to tell me what to DO i2">in order to ACHi2">IEVE those changes and mani2">ipulati2">ions, as i2">if that would actually answer and solve them.

i2">I don't reali2">ize that all of thi2">is compulsi2">ion to fi2">ind - the seeki2">ing - sati2">isfyi2">ing that seeki2">ing or completi2">ing that seeki2">ing by fi2">indi2">ing outsi2">ide of myself, Wi2">ILL NOT bri2">ing me peace. AND, i2">I wi2">ill not be able to fi2">ind those resoluti2">ions anyway because of "seek and do not fi2">ind". What i2">I thi2">ink i2">I want, i2">is not there. The answer (God) i2">is not there. The peace and certai2">inty and clari2">ity i2">is not out there. The only thi2">ing 'out there' are i2">illusi2">ions and di2">istracti2">ions and dead ends.

So God knows. God knows what i2">I need. God knows that i2">I need to stop GOi2">ING AWAY FROM GOD, i2">in order for thi2">is 'problem' to be solved. i2">In order for ALL problems to be solved. Even the ones that i2">I thi2">ink are i2">important, or every-day li2">ivi2">ing types of problems. For these to be solved, i2">I need to reali2">ize where they come from. ALL of these problems ari2">ise out of not knowi2">ing that God i2">is wi2">ith me. Of not dependi2">ing on Hi2">im. i2">I need to therefore undo THAT i2">issue, whi2">ich i2">is by allowi2">ing God to be wi2">ith me, and then the percepti2">ion of all of these problems even bei2">ing 'i2">important' i2">in any way, wi2">ill di2">issolve.

"Let me recogni2">ize that all of my problems have been solved" - ACi2">IM

And so.... i2">I stop...... and i2">I surrender....... and i2">I recei2">ive God. And i2">I just recei2">ive. And recei2">ive some more. And i2">I say, "ok God, go ahead and flood me wi2">ith more love".... and i2">I recei2">ive more.... and i2">I say "ok God, i2">I recei2">ive your love, i2">I recei2">ive your love, i2">I recei2">ive your love". And i2">I feel i2">it. And i2">I recei2">ive i2">it. And all of the problems of li2">ife melt away. And who cares about fi2">ixi2">ing any of them anyway? They were all i2">IMAGi2">INARY!

All you need i2">is love. i2">It's bei2">ing gi2">iven constantly. You just need to recei2">ive i2">it.

(i2">If you are wi2">illi2">ing).

You [i2">insert fucker’s name], are not the cause of me. You are not causi2">ing me. You are my equal brother and God i2">is the cause of both of us.

You have not done anythi2">ing to me agai2">inst my wi2">ill. i2">I am not the vi2">icti2">im of you that i2">I’ve come to beli2">ieve you are. i2">I have been usi2">ing you to be my vi2">icti2">imi2">izer so that i2">I can be upset as a vi2">icti2">im and use you to project my si2">in. i2">I wanted to make out you are the cause of me so that i2">I can asuage my gui2">ilt and pretend to be i2">innocent. i2">I am the one who needs heali2">ing.

You have never done anythi2">ing to me. You have never hurt me. You have never upset me. You are not the cause of anythi2">ing i2">I am feeli2">ing or experi2">ienci2">ing. You have not put reacti2">ions i2">in me. You have not changed me or made me upset i2">in any way.

Everythi2">ing i2">I am experi2">ienci2">ing, i2">I have chosen for myself. All of my feeli2">ings are my own. Nothi2">ing has happened that i2">I di2">id not want. i2">I have done thi2">is to myself.

You di2">id not do anythi2">ing to me, you cannot do anythi2">ing to me, and you never wi2">ill. All we can do i2">is share love. Because you have not done anythi2">ing to me, you di2">id not cause anythi2">ing that i2">I am experi2">ienci2">ing, whi2">ich means you must be i2">innocent. My upset i2">isn’t even about you. You have nothi2">ing to do wi2">ith what i2">I am experi2">ienci2">ing whatsoever.

i2">I have not done anythi2">ing to you. i2">I am not the cause of you. i2">I have not attacked you, hurt you, made you upset, changed you, caused reacti2">ions i2">in you, damaged you or affected you i2">in any way. i2">I have not vi2">icti2">imi2">ized you. You are not the vi2">icti2">im of me.

Everythi2">ing you are experi2">ienci2">ing and feeli2">ing i2">is your own stuff that you chose for yourself. i2">I am not the source of any of your upset, confusi2">ion, hurt or problems. i2">I have never caused you because God i2">is your only cause. Therefore i2">I must be i2">innocent because i2">I have not done anythi2">ing to you.

We are both equally i2">innocent. Nei2">ither of us has done anythi2">ing to each other. There i2">is no causali2">ity between brothers. You are not the cause of me. i2">I am not the cause of you. Anythi2">ing i2">I am experi2">ienci2">ing i2">I must have chosen myself and done to myself.

No-one else has the power to do anythi2">ing to ei2">ither of us agai2">inst our wi2">ill. The power that i2">I thought you had over me i2">is my own power. The power that you thought i2">I had over you i2">is your own power. Nei2">ither of us has power over each other. i2">I take back my power from you and gi2">ive you back your own power to choose your own experi2">ience.

i2">I am fully responsi2">ible for everythi2">ing i2">I am experi2">ienci2">ing. You are fully responsi2">ible for everythi2">ing you are experi2">ienci2">ing. i2">I can choose to experi2">ience somethi2">ing else and there i2">is nothi2">ing you or anyone can do to stop thi2">is. You have not wi2">illed agai2">inst me and i2">I have not wi2">illed agai2">inst you. We are both i2">in accord wi2">ith God’s wi2">ill that we be forever equals i2">in love and i2">innocence.

i2">I am not vulnerable to your attacks. Your attacks are your attempt to attack yourself. You are not vulnerable to my attacks. My attacks are my own attempt to attack myself. i2">I can stop attacki2">ing myself and be happy. You can stop attacki2">ing yourself and be happy. We cannot and have not attacked each other.

i2">I am completely free from your choi2">ice and you are free from mi2">ine. i2">I am free from your wi2">ishes and i2">intenti2">ions. i2">I do not grant you the power to upset me. i2">I do not di2">isplace my own power onto you. Nothi2">ing happens to me that i2">I do not choose. Nothi2">ing happens to you that you do not choose. Nei2">ither of us i2">is a vi2">icti2">im. There are no vi2">icti2">ims. We have not vi2">icti2">imi2">ized each other. i2">I am not a vi2">icti2">im of you. You are not a vi2">icti2">im of me.

We are both i2">innocent because nei2">ither of us has done anythi2">ing to each other. We are both i2">innocent because we are both sti2">ill as God created us. Nei2">ither of us has si2">inned. i2">I have not si2">inned agai2">inst you. You have not si2">inned agai2">inst me. We have not si2">inned agai2">inst God. There i2">is no si2">in. Nothi2">ing has happened.

We are both perfectly equal i2">in God. We are both God’s chi2">ildren. We are both holy and i2">innocent and forgi2">iven. You are my equal brother and i2">I am your equal brother. We are i2">identi2">ical i2">in God. We are one i2">in love. There i2">is no separati2">ion between us. i2">I share everythi2">ing wi2">ith you as you share everythi2">ing wi2">ith me. We can both be at peace together and joi2">in i2">in love as equals.

God loves us equally. i2">I forgi2">ive you and love you. You forgi2">ive me and love me. We love everyone as ourselves. Love i2">is all there i2">is.