In this world, sin is an EVENT. In fact, it is anything that seems to HAPPEN. Any physical change, any transformation of materials, any movement, any action, anything bodies of any kind do, any chemical interactions of particles, it is sin.
"The world of bodies is the world of sin."
Sin is also insanity.
"Sin is insanity. It is the means by which the mind is driven mad, and seeks to let illusions take the place of truth. And being mad, it sees illusions where truth should be, and where it really is. Sin gave the body eyes, for what is there the sinless would behold?"
The whole world, all of spacetime, anything the body can see, is a model of sin and punishment for sin. "Everything the body sees is a form of error."
"And FROM this error does the world of sin and sacrifice arise. This world is an attempt to prove your innocence, while cherishing attack."
"The world you see is the delusional system of those made mad by guilt. Look carefully at this world, and you will realize that this is so. For this world is the symbol of punishment, and all the laws that seem to govern it are the laws of death."
The physical world, matter, is also referred to in the course as a granite block of sin. The illusion of physicality, rooted in the idea of PHYSICAL SIN. This is why sin requires a BODY, because only bodies can PHYSICALLY SIN.
"Sin is a block, set like a heavy gate, locked and without a key, across the road to peace. No-one who looks on it without the help of reason, would try to pass it. ****The body's eyes behold it as solid granite****, so thick it would be madness to attempt to pass it. Yet reason sees through it (x-ray christ vision) easily, BECAUSE it is an error."
"And ***they were made to look on error, and not see past it***. Theirs is indeed a strange perception, for they can see only illusions, unable to look beyond the granite block of sin, and stopping at the outside form of nothing. To this distorted form of vision, the outside of everything, the wall that stands between you and the truth, is wholly true."
So basically, the entire physical universe is formed on the idea of sin. Everything that seems to transpire is sin. Breathing, eating, sleeping, working, laughing, milking a cow, sucking a milkshake, it's all sin. Even just the appearance of an illusion or a physical world AT ALL is sin.
It's sin in that sin is the idea of "something happening" or "something existing which doesn't", or "the impossible seeming possible", that "affects" something else seemingly against its will. Like a collision of two forces. And this is fundamental to the laws of physics.
When one thing "hits" another, it is the idea of sin taking place, that there can be a conflict, a war, a collision of interests, in which one thing is impacted seeming from outside of its own will.
And when sin occurs on this level, in this realm of spacetime, physical matter seems to change, reacting with effects and consequences. Materials change, properties change, objects change their locations, atoms rearrange, forces and counter-forces interact, and the whole picture shifts and changes and suffers and dies.
If anything CAN be changed, it CANNOT be real, because nothing real can be threatened. So that means that any change that occurs in anything, is artificial evidence that SIN IS HAPPENING TO IT. It is an illusion of sin, and not reality, but in THIS world it appears to "really happen".
This is why in this world, when you attack something, and it produces a "change" in any way, the change now TESTIFIES that "sin has occurred." If something happens to something else, and it is modified, and now it is different, and it seems to DEMONSTRATE that it is different, and maintains its "new state" for anyone to point a finger at and say, "look there, SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT" .... this changed state is a PROOF OF SIN.
It then does not matter how you frame it. If the PHYSICAL EVIDENCE is still there to look at, to point out, to touch and see and evaluate, then it PROVES that SIN DID TAKE PLACE. You can't have effects without causes. This is how the ego "locks in" the consequences of sin, and uses physical evidence to PROVE that sin has occurred. If you can measure it, it's a sin.
This means that if you are playing in the realm of illusions, of physicality, you are automatically dabbling in sin. Because the WHOLE WORLD is founded on the idea of sin.
"The body is the idea of sin made flesh"
So let's say that someone seems to attack your body and this produces a CHANGE in the body. Maybe some kind of wound is inflicted, some kind of damage. The body is bleeding and there is a hole. Well, this physical appearance PROVES beyond a shadow of a doubt to anyone looking at it and thinking it real, that SIN HAPPENED. It testifies to it. You can't deny if, if you think it's reality.
You cannot claim that sin did not happen IF THE RESULTS ARE STILL THERE. If I can point a finger at it and say, well, it doesn't matter WHAT you claim, the EVIDENCE is still there, the body IS STILL WOUNDED, then it STILL SHOWS that SIN HAPPENED. There is no getting around this. Changing your perception to recognize that "there is no sin" also isn't the same thing as REVERSING THE CONSEQUENCES.
"Thus does the ****miracle undo all things the world attests can never BE undone.**** And hopelessness ***and death MUST disappear*** before the ancient clarion call of life. This call has power FAR beyond the weak and miserable cry of death and guilt."
When attack is taking place, or more to the point, when a person REFUSES TO HEAL the effects of the sin, to reverse the physical symptoms of sickness, or to REMOVE the PROOF OF SIN from the body, then there is still ACCUSATION OF SIN HAPPENING. Because if the body is STILL damaged, the UNDENIABLE PROOF is still sitting right there staring you in the face. A damaged body is STILL testifying that NO MATTER what the state of mind is, or how forgiving you think you are, SIN STILL HAPPENED. I can look at it, I can see it, I can touch it, sin has NOT been undone. I can't claim to be holy while showing you PROOF THAT YOU SINNED!!
"For no-one in whom true forgiveness reigns CAN suffer. ***He holds not the proof of sin before his brother's eyes.*** And thus he MUST have overlooked it, and removed it from his own. Forgiveness CANNOT be for one, and not the other. Who forgives IS healed. And in his (mental AND physical) healing lies the PROOF that he has truly pardoned, and retains no trace of condemnation that he still would hold against himself or any living thing."
"Only the mind AND body need atonement." ---- AND THE BODY NEEDS ATONEMENT!!
Do you see here that Jesus is literally saying that you MUST heal the body of any signs of attack, otherwise it STILL PROVES that sin happened?
If you hold a "proof of sin" before your brother's eyes - the wounds, the scars, the fallout, the consequences, the broken limbs, whatever. If you hold it in front of them you are SHOWING HIM consequential, cause-effect PROOF, that because this EFFECT is here, A CAUSE MUST HAVE BEEN HERE ALSO. And that testifies in a way that cannot be denied that you HAVE NOT forgiven him or yourself.
This is why Jesus says that forgiveness is not complete, is not real, and has not been finished, IF the PROOF OF SIN has not been removed. That means, the PHYSICAL EVIDENCE HAS TO BE UNDONE. THE BODY HAS TO BE HEALED, otherwise you HAVE NOT forgiven him.
This vital paragraph tells you exactly that.
"***Forgiveness is not real UNLESS it brings a healing to your brother AND yourself.*** ***YOU must attest his sins had no effect on YOU, to demonstrate they were not real.*** How else COULD he be guiltless? And how COULD his innocence be justified UNLESS his sins have no effect to WARRANT guilt? Sins are beyond forgiveness just BECAUSE they would entail effects which CANNOT be undone and overlooked entirely. In their UNDOING lies the proof that they were merely errors. LET yourself be healed, that you may be forgiving, offering salvation to your brother AND yourself. A broken body shows the mind has NOT been healed. A miracle of healing proves that separation is WITHOUT effect."
To demonstrate his sins were NOT REAL, you must SHOW HIM that THE EFFECTS ARE GONE.
You can only attest his sins had NO EFFECT on you, or your body, by REMOVING THE EFFECTS. If you still have the effects to show him, you are not only still accusing him ("sick bodies remain accusers"), you also HAVE NOT finished forgiving. Because effects REQUIRE an ONGOING CAUSE, and if the effects remains, you are STILL ATTACKING HIM for it. This is what the course is saying. You must heal the body in order NOT to accuse your brother of sin.
Forgiveness HAS TO INCLUDE the UNDOING OF PHYSICAL PROOF OF SIN. If it does not bring a physical healing along with it, and if all the signs and effects of the DOING OF SIN are not COMPLETELY OBLITERATED, the mind HAS NOT been healed and it still harbors attack thoughts and a purpose for accusation.
"A damaged body shows the mind has not been healed."
So you cannot say you are DONE forgiving, if PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS still remain. You cannot say you are DONE forgiving, if the BODY is still sick. You cannot say that a healing has taken place, if the BODY and the ENVIRONMENT testify in ANY WAY, to the PRESENCE OF PROOF that "something happened."
It has to be that all of the proof vanishes. If I spill milk on the kitchen floor, and there is STILL milk on the kitchen floor, IT PROVES that I MUST have spilled the milk. I cannot deny that. So long as the milk is ON THE FLOOR, there remains proof. The EFFECTS IMPLY that there WAS A CAUSE. Because you cannot have effects WITHOUT a cause. If the effects remain, it PROVES that a CAUSE did happen. And causation is tied to sin.
"Nothing can have effects without a cause"
And in this world, cause is SIN. So if someone CAUSES your body to be wounded, they CAUSED a sin. And the effects are the wound. And until the WOUND IS GONE, the sin is still PROVEN, which ACCUSES your brother and damns him to hell. This imprisons his mind and curses him to death.
So Jesus does in fact ask that even in this world, even in bodies, even if it's an illusion, and even if it seems to be meaningless, that you HEAL THE BODY of all effects of attack, IN ORDER TO exonerate your brother and TEACH HIM of his innocence. WHILE you have a body.
If he attempted to attack your body, chopping off your arms, and then you return and your ARMS ARE RESTORED.... HE has no way in his mind to connect cause and effect, he sees that HE CANNOT HAVE SINNED, and that your HEALING PROVES HIS INNOCENCE. And thereby he now recognizes that the SYMBOLIC HEALTH of your body TESTIFIES to his innocence, and this PROOF OF INNOCENCE ... HEALS HIS MIND. Physical health EXONERATES your brother, just as sickness is an ACCUSATION OF SIN.
"For accusation is a bar to love, and damaged bodies ARE accusers." "Your body can be means to ***teach that it has never suffered pain because of him***. And in its healing can it offer him mute testimony to his innocence. It is THIS testimony that can speak ***with power greater than a thousand tongues.***
**********For here is his forgiveness PROVED to him. *********
A miracle can offer nothing LESS to him than it has given unto you. So does your healing (mind and body) show your mind is healed, and has forgiven ***what he did NOT do***. And so is HE convinced his innocence was never lost, *****and healed along with you.****"
This is using the physical body as a communication device FOR HEALING! Using it as a symbol of innocence. And using it to AFFECT YOUR BROTHER'S MIND. Your healing and your health IS your brother's healing and health. When you are healed, you are not healed alone, EVEN on the physical level.
This is what Jesus's physical resurrection was all about. "SHOW your brother you had no hurt of him."
"The world, in the original connotation of the term, included both the proper creation of man (souls/sons) by God and the proper creation by man in his right mind (his own free-will creations).
The latter (the son’s ability to create) required the endowment of man by God with FREE WILL because all loving creation is freely given (God gave us freedom).
Nothing in these statements implies any sort of level involvement (no separation)or in fact anything except one continuous line of creation in which all aspects (each aspect being a son of God with free will) are of the same order."
Also...
"In the service of the right mind the denial of error frees the mind, and re-establishes the FREEDOM OF THE WILL. When the will is really free it cannot miscreate, because it recognizes only truth."
When we have free will, and it’s really free (not under illusion) it creates like God creates, freely, independently. What we will is the same as what God would will. But it is still our free will which wills it. When we enter into illusions, the will becomes NOT free, because entering into separation is a denial of freedom and a denial of will. Therefore the ego does not have free will. The ego is the denial of freedom and will. The ego only has WISHFUL THINKING. And to wish is to not will at all. To have no will at all is to not will to live, which is the choice to die.
Because EACH SON has free will, each son INDEPENDENTLY gets the TOTAL FREEDOM to decide, whether or not to believe the ego and oppose God’s will, or to co-create with God. Blocking will means you are choosing to be against your own will. This creates the split ego mind, within which you have multiple conflicting wills. At the very least two (typically persona and shadow, or conscious and unconscious).
When your mind is split your will is split, and you will be in CONFLICT with yourself. At war with yourself. You will attempt to will one thing with a partial will, and another part of you will attempt to oppose it. Trying to oppose God’s will opposes your own will. This puts you into a tug of war between yourself and yourself. This cancels out the effects of your willing, because each time you will one thing, you also will to stop it and bring about an opposite. This puts a FREEZE on your will, making you POWERLESS, and incapable of willing anything at all. To use your free will against itself renders you impotent and UNWILLING. It also means you no longer will LIFE, and therefore make death as a statement of your unwillingness to live.
The ego has no will. It only has wishful thinking. Death is wishful thinking, because it is impossible to kill God’s son. The secret to salvation tells us we are doing this all to ourselves. That’s because we are the one WILLING against ourselves in a split mind. Willing against God’s will and against our own will produces an alien will which we fight against within ourselves.
When our will is split, we cannot perform miracles. When our will is WHOLE, we are SINGLE MINDED, with a single unified will which does not stop itself from expressing, and a whole mind is a miraculous mind. Miracles express from wholeness. Spit-minded people are anti-miraculous (anti christ). To be miraculous you must use your "whole heart", or whole will, not a partial will. Being "in two minds" (with two wills) means being in fear, and miracles cannot be performed in a spirit of fear. Whole mind has no limits to what it can create because when it wills, it does not oppose its own will, and therefore what it wills MUST be expressed and manifest.
Also since we all have our own FREE WILL, this does not mean we are necessarily contradicting each other. It does not mean we are willing against each other provided we all want the same thing. We are all willing the same thing. We all will to expand and create and share love and joy. It is ONLY when free will is used against ITSELF and against God, that we attack ourselves and go into a state of a split mind, where our will ceases to produce real effects.
This produces a private world of dreaming in which our will is divided and fragmented, along with our identity. We then seem to have a "separated will" which is attempting to implement the authority problem. It is an improper use of will. It is an attempt to will something that God would not will, a fiction or an idea of loss/lack/attack etc. Willing to "create death", is actually a will to create NOTHING, and so is an attempt not to will anything at all. This is why nothing real can be threatened - no opposing will can truly will anything.
Also because we have free will, this FAR MORE CLEARLY explains the workings of perception. In that, it is our task, each of us individually, to take full responsibility for what we are experiencing. It means as an individual son, *I* am responsible only for what *I* am doing to myself. It is not possible to do anything to other people against their will. It is not possible to be affected by anyone else’s will. Everyone’s will is equally powerful, which is why Jesus can’t force us to wake up. Whatever I am experiencing, I did it to myself.
Having free will means that I am responsible only for the INNER content of my mind, which is my state of self attack and conflict with myself, in which my own will is opposing itself. It also means I am responsible for my own mental and physical health. It also means therefore, because other souls have FREE WILL, the state of their mind and their body is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. Nor does the state of their mind or body have ANY POWER to cause me to be UNABLE to choose absolute atonement and awakening for myself as ONE SON in the sonship. Jesus has already proven this. We are not holding him back. If other people were part of his mind "lagging behind" he would not have been able to wake up because we would be holding him in hell "against his will."
No-one has the power to stop you from returning to God. No-one has the power to choose for you. No-one has the power to force you to be awake. No-one has the power to force you to heal. No-one has the power to make you be "not sick" if you want to be sick, and all sickness is the choice of THE INDIVIDUAL FREE WILL to select sickness for themselves. Each individual Son with free will DOES select and create THEIR OWN BODY. Bodies are not created en-masse like some kind of production line by a single "son" - EACH SON materializes their own body and they are responsible for it.
Other people’s sickness is NOT in my mind. The only thing in my mind is my additional layer of projected sin that I ADD to their pre-existing condition. Taking that projected sin OFF of them, which wasn’t even ON them to begin with because ideas do not leave my own mind, WILL NOT heal them. All it will do is it will allow me to PERCEIVE CORRECTLY and clearly, recognizing that THEY STILL are insisting, by their own free will, that THEY want to make themselves suffer. They also have to be willing, idependantly, to want to receive help and healing, otherwise there is nothing we can do. This is why every part of the sonship has to become WILLING to return to sanity on their own.
The idea that there is only one son, or no son, or the son is god, or there are not multiple sons, or no-one has free will, or there is only one free will, or the entire content of my perception includes all other people’s un-freely-chosen suffering, or that other people’s sickness is my sickness, or that other people are inside my mind, or that I cannot perceive other people’s free will choices (even the choice to be sick or dead), is ALL BULLSHIT.... derived from a basic fundamental unwillingness to acknowledge that God gave FREE WILL to every single Son/Soul he created, and He created multiple equal sons each of them ABSOLUTELY FREE to choose on their own, AND therefore each is 100% responsible for their own self, mind, choices, consequences, suffering, death, or choice to accept atonement.
Without free will it is impossible to properly explain the functioning of perception or the choice to be sick or how the mind works or what the course means on wide variety of topics. And without acceptance of multiple free wills, everything will just get lumped together into one big soupy MUSH ... which is the equivalent of putting the sonship in a blender.
YOU have free will. YOU are responsible for what you create. YOU are responsible for what you choose. YOU are responsible for what happens to you. YOU are responsible for accepting the atonement for YOURSELF. YOU are responsible for making yourself sick or well. YOU are responsible for extending God’s will or choosing to oppose it. YOU, one of many sons of God with free will, are NOT responsible for the FREE WILL CHOICES of other free-willing Sons of God. And their free will choices have nothing to do with you, nor can they do anything TO you, nor can you do anything TO them against their will.
You are NOT responsible for other people being sick. You are NOT responsible for other people choosing fear. You are NOT responsible for other people staying asleep when you wake up. You are NOT responsible for making others sick or well. You are NOT responsible for putting suffering into the world as though it is part of your own mind, when in fact it put there either by other people’s free will or as a collective decision. You are NOT responsible for fixing other people’s freely chosen suffering. You are NOT responsible for anyone else in any way, OTHER THAN.... to offer a SERVICE to them, by offering them miracles, and becoming open to SHARING WITH THEM.
Since you have free you can give miracles because you temporarily have more, and can give miracles to those who temporarily have less, to fulfill a lack - a lack which another brother HAS, but you DO NOT have. Their lack is NOT your lack. Their lack is NOT part of your mind. God created many sons, many free wills, and MANY MINDS. You must forgive and awaken IN SPITE OF the free will choices of others.
Here are some more statements about our free will which clearly tell us that we have free will as given by God:
"But I trust in You. You Who endowed me with my freedom as Your holy Son will not be lost to me. Your Voice directs me. And the way to You is opening and clear to me at last. Father, my freedom is in You alone. Father, it is my will that I return."
"How wonderful it is to do your will! For that IS freedom. There is nothing else that ever should be called by freedom’s name. Unless you do your will, you are not free. And would God leave His Son without what he has chosen for himself? God but ensured that you would never lose your will, when He gave you His perfect Answer. Hear It now, that you may be reminded of His Love, and learn your will. God would not have His Son made prisoner to what he does not want. He JOINS with you in willing you be free. And to oppose Him is to make a choice against YOURSELF, and choose that YOU be bound."
"Think not He wills to bind you, Who has made you co-creator of the universe along with Him. He would but keep your will forever and forever limitless."
"The world awaits the freedom you will give, when you have recognized that YOU are free. But you will not forgive the world until you have forgiven Him Who gave your will to you. For it is BY your will the world is given freedom. Nor can you be free apart from Him Whose holy Will you share."
(Please note, when this part says you share God’s will, that DOES NOT mean that God takes over your freedom and you have no freedom to will. It means you AGREE with God’s will and extend His will which is the SAME as your will in its character or attitude. You have the same KIND of will that God has. God is free, and so are all of his children.)
There's a technique you can try, to help with removing sickness. I call it cancelling. Sometimes Holy Spirit advises me to do this.Basically, you attempt to focus on the NON-EXISTENCE of the symptom or problem. To recognize it as nothing. Or more importantly, that it is already gone. You affirm in various ways that it is not there. That it is gone. That it never did exist. You need to recognize it is NOTHING AT ALL.
"What is understood as nothing must disappear." - Jesus
There is a catch to this though. If you focus on the problem itself or the physical symptom, this lends it some reality. And this actually is a way that your mind KEEPS it and maintains it.
"Whenever you attempt to reach a goal in which the body's betterment is cast as major beneficiary, you try to bring about your death."
So as you say something like "This pain isn't there", you are in fact making the pain real by your belief that you are addressing a pain. And that means you're believing the body is REAL and are trying to "fix it", which actually attacks it. It then seems very difficult, and sometimes quite subtle, to figure out how to focus on it not being there, without implying that it is.
So the question is, how do you work to recognize that something does not exist, without giving it any existence? It seems like a catch 22.
Ideally what you want to do is simply focus on what you want things to be like, and NOT on what you want them to not be like. Think of this is a choice. It's an attempt to choose a new reality. To choose a new condition. You want to focus solely on what you want the body or whatever to be like, and emphasis and energize that.
"Miracles are energizing."
"Mind makes this decision as it makes all decisions responsible for the condition of the body."
I've found it's also very useful to place the symptom in the PAST. Because your mind already strongly believes that when something is GONE, it is not here NOW, because it is in the past. Placing it in the past removes it from the present. So by talking about the symptom on the PAST tense, this helps you to not lend it much reality.
This is why the focus should be on the fact that the symptom is ALREADY GONE, is not here now, has passed, has ALREADY been healed, and has been replaced by health. Since it's in the past, you are not working on it NOW, you are simply focus on what is here now. This helps your mind to visualize and focus on the CURRENT condition that you want to acknowledge as being healthy and healed.
This is a form of PRAYER. In prayer, you attempt to visualize, feel and experience what it is what you WANT. Not what you don't want. You give mental attention, energy and belief to what you NOW CHOOSE as your new reality. If you focus on what you don't want with efforts too attack it to make it go away, you will only increase it and keep it. As in the common 'new age' concept that "what you resist persists" or "what you fear comes to you".
For example to make it rain, you might visualize a heavy storm cloud, hear the rain falling, see the splashes in your mind, etc. Or to make it stop raining, you might visualize the ABSENCE of a storm, which has been REPLACED BY what you DO want, such as a blue sky, the sun shining, feeling the warmth of the sun, hearing the birds singing again etc.
This prayer is a way of "asking for" what you WANT. And you always are asking for what you WANT, even when you focus on what you think you don't want. So you have to be careful NOT to target or dwell on what you DON'T want. You have to experience it as having been REPLACED in your mind. Just as atonement REPLACES sin with love and undoes it. Just as reality replaces illusions. And just as forgiveness replaces attack.
If you think of the sickness as being simply a mistaken choice, then the question arises, how do you undo the sickness? Do you undo the sickness by focusing on the sickness? If you do, you are not really making a new choice, you are dwelling on the old choice. This doesn't allow it to go. And you'll think that you NEED to focus on it because it's a real problem, and this will compel you to try to force it to leave, which WILL NOT WORK. If you think about it, shifting to a NEW choice, should really entail completely IGNORING what you chose before.
Believe me, I've tried the approach of trying to "intensely go up against" sickness to try to force it to leave, and it devolves into nothing but anger and aggression and ridiculous attempts to get rid of something that you're making real. It simply is a total fail and is unmiraculous. You can't make something "go away", you can only RE-CHOOSE a NEW CHOICE.
"I made the decision myself. I want to choose otherwise"
This means that to "heal a sickness" isn't so much to do with zapping a real sickness with healing vibes, but rather to simply shift all your attention to what you DO WANT. Visualizing how the body is, now that the sickness is gone. You want to shift all your attention to the here-and-now renewed state, literally to the extent that you don't even really focus on the state that you used to be in.
"Holy Spirit does not attack the ego." It's more a matter of TUNIGN OUT of the ego (form, separation, suffering), and tuning INTO the Holy Spirit, light, wholeness, love.
It may seem like this wouldn't work, because you're not even really doing anything "to" the sickness. You aren't even sending love to it or trying to shine it away. Instead you're "forgetting" it and "remembering health". If it was your mistaken choice and focus that made the sickness in the first place, the way to correct it is to choose and focus on something else. This is similar to the idea of getting out of the desert or leaving hell. You can't fix it by dwelling on it - you need to move to a different territory.
In China, there is a hospital where they don't use any medicine. All they use is basically this technique, in which they focus on affirming and FEELING the state you would be in when the sickness is GONE. This isn't a way to attack the sickness at all. It's simply a NEW CHOICE, to tune INTO the body being in a state of healthy, in which the OLD choice is in the past. And in this new state you should be experiencing gratitude and thanks and appreciation that you are IN HEALTH.
By focusing on this idea that "it's already gone", which really is a focus on "what's is here now" minus any energy or attention given to what was removed, you celebrate being healthy as if there is no ill health at all. And when they do this in that hospital with a few people doing it at once, cancerous tumors shrink in a matter of minutes. And they can watch this happening on an ultrasound and see it simply disappearing.
Holy Spirit can also help with this and its always worth inviting His Healing Help. In fact your willingness to move from making illusions real, to focusing on the truth, IS an invitation too Him. Ask him to help you to "shift" into a truer perception, where your focus is on health and wholeness and light, rather than on the making real of illusions that you find in false perception. So really this "tool" is an attempt to heal the MIND, of its false focus on making bodies real, and shifting to a more care-free state where the body isn't that important.
It's actually when your mind stops AT the body, that it induces illness. And then the illness seems to demand your attention and distract you with pain and symptoms. And now it seems hard NOT to focus on the body. But it is really the focusing on the body that MADE it ill in the first place. Jesus refers to this as "arresting the extension of the mind", whereby if you do not let the mind go out PAST the body and focus on joining with your brother's mind, and it gets hung up or blinded by physical form, this INDUCES illness.
"Learning must lead beyond the body to the re-establishment of the power of the mind in it. This can be accomplished only if the mind extends to other minds, and does not arrest itself in its extension. This arrest is the cause of all illness, because only extension is the mind's function."
So he's telling you that if your mind doesn't go out and JOIN with others, if it doesn't overlook form, and if it starts to get hung up on form itself, then it stops going out all the way, stops extending all the way, starts to dip down and make bodies real, this turns the body into a separation device, it is a form of attack and separation, and this induces all physical illness.
The antidote therefore is to rejoin and re-extend and move BEYOND the body. And this means not focusing ON the body or making it real. So in "canceling" a symptom, the aim is to NOT give the symptom any reality. To NOT focus on it. To try to move past it to a more expanded, more healed perspective of mind, in which you have no NEED to focus on the body because it's not sick, as a result or side effect of being more open and connected spiritually.
You really want to be moving from false perception to trust perception, which means moving from body focus to ignoring the body. Placing the body's sickness in the past helps you to move your focus from it now, so that you focus on the absence of what you were dwelling on. Even if you still have some body focus while you do this, you at least have reduced the intensity of making the symptoms real.
The more you cancel this, the more you affirm in various statements and ways that "it is gone already", "it is healed already", "I am healthy and whole now", the more it should disappear.
I've found that some things which maybe in normal terms should've become a more developed problem, or lasted longer, are halted in their tracks, shortened, and sometimes completely reversed by doing this.
It also ties into what I've been focusing on lately regarding the power of your mind to choose, your free will, being totally responsible for what you cause to happen etc, the secret of salvation. You need to recognize that you chose the symptom and put it there, so you can UNDO IT, by the use of miraculous thinking.
"Miracles reflect the statement - I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo."
Getting yourself OUT OF what you got yourself INTO, is a shift of focus, attention and belief, away from dwelling on the effects of what you MADE, and moving towards a future in which you no longer are choosing that. See yourself free from what you do not want, by NOT focusing on what you do not want, and ONLY focusing on what you do want.
This somewhat goes back to the 'new age' concept that "what you focus on increases."
As you experiment with this and try it out, and more than once, you'll start to notice the ways you imply or focus on the problem, rather than on a state in which there is no problem. You'll become more refined in your affirmations of health, and less likely to give any energy to the sickness. It is not healed by "healing it", it is healed by putting your attention back on the truth. Nothing can be forgiven or undone by making it real. It was making it real that made it show up in the first place.
Most people feel some sense of unworthiness. Some people feel it very strongly. Unworthiness means you do not believe you deserve to be loved. You're not good enough or smart enough or perfect enough or something enough. There is something lacking about you, something missing or something wrong with you. Something which proves that you can't and shouldn't be loved.
That which you believe is true and real, you will accept and allow and agree with. If you believe that something is wrong with you, that you are guilty or a sinner or are ashamed or remorseful about something that happened, even if you are upset about it you will believe that you deserve what you are experiencing. Whatever you accept as true, you will believe you are worthy of. Worthiness, deserving, entitlement, all correlates to what you accept and therefore allow and agree with.
If you do not feel worthy of love and forgiveness, it is because you believe you ARE worthy of something else. It means you believe that guilt is real. Believing in guilt means you accept that you are guilty, you agree that you are guilty, you believe that you should be punished and not loved, and will agree with anyone who comes along to punish you for you, ultimately on your behalf. Even if it hurts, you will not stop them, because you yourself believe that you are worthy of it.
When you are feeling unworthy or less than wholly lovable, you will experience some form of victimhood. You'll see yourself as unfairly treated, that what you are experiencing is not what you want, that you wish you could have a "do-over" and fix what you did, and that you feel deeply bad about what happened. These feelings seem very genuine.
In particular, feeling very bad about yourself, unworthy of love or attention or credit, feels very sad and depressing and unhappy. It makes you feel as though you are weak and have no power. Maybe someone took your power away. You see yourself as helpless and suffering.
It simultaneously will seem as though someone else has power over you. Someone else was hurt, or someone else attacked you, or someone else decided you are not good enough by not treating you well. Someone else has more than you, and you have less. You don't measure up, you fall short of the standard, you're not man or woman enough, or something is just lacking about you. These experiences are a perception of you being a victim. It seems so unfair, it seems so un-asked for, it seems like what you do not want. No-one seems to love you and there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it.
Perhaps there is even something about you physically, mentally or emotionally which seems to be hideous or unacceptable or just not good enough that anyone would love it. Overweight? Underweight? Ugly? Bad hair? Pimples? Poor clothing? The wrong kind of physique? A strange voice? The list goes on of all the reasons why someone would not love you.
In this state of mind, there doesn't SEEM to be anything that you are doing to put yourself into this situation. It seems deserved. It seems like there is no way out and nothing you can do to change it. You WISH that it would not be this way, but you do not see a way out. You don't see how you can escape this, and instead have to avoid the people who judge you and who have decided for you that you are a sinner.
The experience and feelings that go along with this unworthiness or guilt can be deep and profound. You can feel really awful about yourself. You can feel as though God wouldn't love you, no-one would love you and nobody wants you. It seems tragic. You just seem to want someone to come along and rescue you or be a friend or side with you or whatever. But they don't show up. Funny that.
All of these feelings are unpleasant and seem to suggest there is nothing you are doing to put them in place, that you are trying so hard to get out of it and that you just feel really bad about what you did or what you are. It SEEMS like you do not want this, that your guilt is genuine, you feel really awful about what you did, and it seemed so real, you actually caused someone or God to be hurt and it's had a real effect and someone got damaged and there's just no way to undo it.
So now you're stuck feeling guilty, and you deserve it, but your feeling of guilt is almost like a plea for forgiveness or a wish that someone else will forgive you for you. It feels as though you feel really really bad for doing something wrong, a kind of remorse, as though you recognize clearly that it was not the right thing to do, and just feel terrible about it.
But what we now need to address is the fact that all of this is bullshit. There are illusions at play here. There is denial. There is unconscious material which is not being admitted to. There are cover-ups taking place. There is dishonesty. There is irresponsibility. And there are ego devices in place that actually have a hidden agenda and purpose for all of these feelings, which you at first will not want to admit to.
The suggestion that you in ANY way might be using this guilt, remorse, shame or unworthiness for a secret purpose, that you actually might want it to be happening because you're getting some kind of benefit from it, will initially be experienced as a slap in the face. It will seem like a blasphemy, which will trigger you to react with "how could you say that" and "how dare you" as though this is completely the opposite of what you're experiencing. It will seem insensitive.
The problem is that your mind has placed itself into a perceptual experience of being a victim and is very confused and deluded and simply does not see the truth. It does not recognize what it is doing or how it is using unworthiness on purpose. It doesn't want to admit the truth and sees the truth as a threat or offense or attack.
This is simply because, whatever your scope of awareness is right now, which you will believe is full and whole but really isn't, determines what information you have and what facts you are aware of. Although your perception is limited, you see yourself as being aware of everything there is to be aware of, because your awareness only shows you what is within its range right now and anything outside of it seems not to exist. You may not even suspect that there is more to this than meets the eye.
Because of this, based on the evidence you ARE aware of, you will simply conclude (erroneously) that it does not SEEM as though you want to be guilty, it does not look as though you are choosing this on purpose, and you are ONLY aware of the seeming causes of this unworthiness and the consequences it produced, ie the justification for WHY you feel guilty, and the explanation for why it is both logical and sensible to feel this way.
For example if you are aware that someone did something to you, seeming to cause you to feel ashamed, and you see no other causes, you will sensibly conclude that you feel this way because of what they did to you. But this doesn't mean this is the truth or the real reason why you feel this way. There is more truth that is outside your awareness which you haven't admitted to yet.
Or if you did something yourself, you sinned, and thus you feel guilty and ashamed, you will conclude that you're supposed to feel this way because what you did was awful, and therefore it is justified and normal. People refer to this as your "guilty conscience", as though you have this "conscience" which regulates and honestly perceives whether what you do is good or bad at all times. However, only the ego has a guilty conscience, and the conscience has absolutely nothing to do with truth. It is purely based on judgement and ego-based errors in perception, denial and an unwillingness to admit the real truth.
Guilt will always feel as though it is genuine and heartfelt and that you are truly sorry and feel bad about what you did. That is its purpose. It is meant to make you experience in this way. It is, however, a very effective cover-up for a deeper experience which is completely opposite. There are some facts which you are unaware of which would show you that your guilt is actually not pure and sacred and sincere. There are some facts which would reveal that your guilt is actually a device for further sinning and for increasing separation.
When you make-believe separation and move into sin - the belief that separation really has happened in reality - you are believing that you committed an act of murder. Such an act does not happen "by accident". It is deliberate, intentional, pre-meditated destruction. It was on purpose, you wanted it, and you chose it. The whole reason for sin originally was to establish separation from God SO THAT you could go off by yourself and pretend to have your own separate existence, be ruler of your own universe and act like God without God.
There was nothing accidental about that, you didn't do it "by mistake", and it wasn't a cosmic "oops". It was vicious, it was an attack, and according to your belief in sin, which you WANT to believe, it produced a tremendous amount of "real" consequences such as that God has been changed, God has been hurt, God is justified in getting revenge, and you now have no option other than to go off by yourself and hide in a corner.
The purpose of the original sin was to bring about a separation from God and therefore from yourself. It required you to disown yourself. Sin was an attempt to disown yourself by destroying yourself and what you are. Following sin, based on the logic of separation which naturally proceeds all the way to death, you CONTINUED to implement a "getting rid of what I am" mentality. This led to the invention of guilt as a cover-up story.
To disown yourself and to be less responsible for choosing and for who and what you are, you invented guilt as if to say, you didn't REALLY mean to sin, you didn't want to do it, it sort of happened on its own, or God abandoned you or cast you out of Heaven, or it happened to you against your will, or, having really hurt God you now feel sorry that you did it. It's as though you have had a change of heart! Suddenly you enter into this guilt as if to say, I'm really sorry that I did that, I wish I could take it back. But this is a total lie.
Guilt is a layer of denial. It represses the fact that you DID want to sin and you did want to be separate. It covers up the very deliberate choice that you made with an ILLUSION of you seeming as though you couldn't possibly have wanted this. You sinned, you attacked, and then all of a sudden... what did I do? How could I do this? What was I thinking?
Well... this shift may on the surface APPEAR to indicate that you did not want to sin and regret it, but this is not at all genuine. You did want to sin and you will do everything in your power to KEEP the sin in place and never question it and never attempt to be open to the possibility that it can be healed or undone or that it never happened. You never want to let sin be threatened.
Therefore you have to build this fictional illusion that you do not want sin, which actually is an act of further separation. You look at the sin and you try to get rid of it, just like you tried to get rid of God. You separate yourself off from it, judge it, attack it, and tell yourself that it and you have nothing in common. The movement from separation to sin is exactly the same motive, purpose, and goal, as the movement from sin to guilt.
In terms of illusions, the appearance of them as if they are true will tell you, no no, I didn't really want to sin... it was a mistake, I didn't realize what would come of it. Bullshit to that. You actually did know and you chose it and tried to MAKE it happen. And now you then cover this up with a facade of guilt as if you couldn't possibly have wanted this. But this pretend remorse really covers up the fact that you are USING guilt now as a device for not only keeping the sin in place, continuing to believe it cannot ever be changed, but also as a way of disowning it and yourself.
Guilt causes sin to go unconscious. It is your attempt to shut sin out of your awareness and pretend that you do not want it. Your not wanting of something is an attack, using a device of separation to get rid of something. It worked for you to get rid of God, and now again it works for you to get rid of sin. By being guilty and SEEMING to be all ashamed and unworthy and nobody-can-love-me-now, you paint a picture of the reasons WHY sin cannot be undone and WHY guilt is justified, making guilt the truth and protecting sin from healing.
Having blocked out sin, which is the sole cause of guilt, your mind will no longer be aware of the sense of sin. Instead, your conscious awareness only remains aware of this new fictional guilt that you invented - fake guilt, not real guilt. It is not genuine guilt, it is not honest guilt, it is not true guilt, it is completely artificial and a lie. But being unaware of the sin that came before it, guilt is now squarely in your conscious awareness and seems to be the truth to you.
Guilt explains why you should be punished. Guilt also explains that sin cannot ever be undone. It justifies keeping the sin, pushing it into the past, as though it's done and over with, and can never be changed. It puts the decision-maker or cause of why you are guilty outside of yourself, so that you do not appear to be the one who decided to invent the guilt in the first place.
You are guilty because of "what you did to God" or you are guilty because of "how you hurt another person". Their hurt, their suffering, is used as the justification for why you should be guilty, and because you believe (through sin) that their suffering is real, you see it as the cause of your guilt. Lo and behold, you have successfully disowned the power and honesty and choice of being the one who put the guilt in place, and will now come across consciously as NOT being the one who wanted any of this.
In the guilt you'll put on this performance, this sob-story, about how you don't want to feel this way, you wish it never happened, it was unfair, someone else made this happen, you didn't choose it, if you could do something to undo it you would - EXCEPT FOR what would actually undo it - we won't let ourselves go there, believing that because it was a sin in the past it is a given - irreversible and never to be questioned. Anything but that.
Since you then believe you are guilty, you will believe you do not deserve forgiveness. To forgive would mean to UNDO the guilt and question whether you sinned. You do not want that and you have no intention whatsoever of ever going there to look at that. You want to stay as far away from the sin as possible, which is what makes it unconscious. If you do not deserve to undo sin or be loved ever again, you now believe you are not worthy of love.
It is through your own belief that you are guilty, which is you agreeing that you should be guilty, that you will accept and allow the guilt, even if on the surface you will experience it as unwanted. From inside of the guilt, from inside the unworthiness, which means that you are blocked from being aware of love by a barrier of denial, it will SEEM as though this is just a horrible experience that you would never want to choose... because you do not SEE that you did choose it, OR that you chose it on purpose for a very "evil" intention of bringing about the death of the Son of God.
So then you'll experience that you are worthy of punishment and unlove and mis-treatment and being attacked and hurt, because you do not believe you deserve anything better. Your allegiance has to be somewhere, so if it's not to God, it's to the ego - the thought system of pain and suffering and death. Not much of a substitute, but it's your only choice. And secretly, it's what you wanted. Being closer aligned to the ego will allow you to further you plan, which has been in place since the start and never questioned, of becoming a separate individual in your own reality, where death is life and separation from God is absolutely true.
In this unworthiness you will feel powerless, helpless, victimized, profoundly "not wanting" this at all. Or do you? Secretly you do. You are getting away with murder. You wouldn't feel guilty unless you believed that sin is real. Guilt keeps sin real. You wouldn't believe you deserve to suffer and die unless you believed guilt was justified and therefore that you should be punished.
You might seem on the illusory surface not to want the suffering at all, to be not choosing it at all, to be completely averse and horrified and terrified about what is going to happen to you, but this also is a huge bullshit lie. You are deliberately positioning yourself to suffer SO THAT you can continue your plan of separation and death and keep justifying why the Son of God should die.
The more that separation is implemented the more there will seem to be this huge rift between what you APPEAR to be wanting, versus what you are secretly really wanting. And since the ego is a split mind, always there will be a conscious self-will which seems to not want to suffer or be guilty or upset in any way, but there will be an unconscious self-will which is constantly trying to bring about death and disaster.
You actually believe you deserve to die, because of what you did. And you want to believe it. Death is what you want. It's what this entire dream is all about - you choosing death over life, ego over God. And isn't it strange how you flipped from attempted murder of God and His Son, to suddenly now seeming like a victim? Like you went from being the victimizer, to being the one who is being victimized?
Isn't that like a perfect cover-up for a victimizer, to portray themselves as innocent, to show themselves as being the least likely to sin, to fake their own helpless death (suicide) in order to prove that they are so powerless that it couldn't possibly have been them who did it? Their secret sin and hidden hate goes to the grave with them, and is the reason they go there. Who would suspect the most innocent-seeming person of hiding a malice against God which has attempted to destroy all of Creation? Who would suspect someone who is so powerless, helpless, hopeless, weak, afraid, suffering and unfairly treated by life?
It's the perfect cover. It's the perfect mechanism of denial, layer upon layer of projection, disownership, displacement of blame, irresponsibility, pretending to have no choice, and picturing yourself as the least likely one to have sinned. We're all playing this game of who can seem to die without anyone suspecting that they wanted God to be dead. It's the desire to want God to be dead which CAUSES you to die.
So yes, you can feel guilty, ashamed, remorseful and unworthy, and these can seem like such unfair, un-asked for, unwanted experiences. But we have to get very honest here if we want to actually have a chance of being set free by the truth - any hope in hell of actually being forgiven and for this whole mess to go away.
We have to be willing to admit that our guilt is not genuine guilt, or real guilt, or truthful guilt. It is fake guilt, denial, and a cover-story for something even worse. We have to admit also that our feeling of unworthiness is a tremendous cover-story once again for how we couldn't possibly want any of this, life is totally unfair, other people have been really judgemental and mean and accusatory, and how we "don't deserve this".
Those who feel unworthy will be constantly saying "I don't deserve this". Bullshit! This is the conscious ego persona claiming that it doesn't believe you deserve this, and that you are just trying to preserve your integrity and innocence, while unconsciously the ego shadow is hell-bent on staying as unworthy as possible.
You are fundamentally worthy of God's unconditional love all the time forever. But if you can position yourself as unworthy and justify why you are unworthy, this will seem to "explain" why and how you should not be loved by God. But isn't this just another way for you to attempt to assert that you CANNOT be loved? If you cannot be loved, guess what that means? It means that you have STOPPED GOD. And what's another word for stopping God? Murder.
So your unworthiness will be all sorrowful and you'll feel like you didn't ask for it and you don't want to be this way. But you do. You have to own up to that if you want to be free. And typically those who are in a victim mindset will NOT want to ACTUALLY take the steps necessary in order to undo the real problem. They will make HUGE amounts of noise about their desire to have this go away, how they don't want to suffer, and complain extensively about how unfair this all is, but the one key thing that they need to DO to ACTUALLY solve this problem - the undoing of separation and sin, they will avoid at all costs.
And so when you listen to a victimy person, you will notice that they are forever staying paralyzed, they are always staying exactly where they are, keeping all of their problems, keeping all of their suffering, but making huge screeching noises about how they want this to go away. They don't want it to go away. The one thing that would undo it, they do not want. Anything else they want, any other possible pathway or solution or answer they will be open to, but not the undoing of the unworthiness.
How are you going to be able to maintain that God cannot love, and therefore God is not love, and therefore God has no power to love you, and therefore you have power OVER God, unless you assert strongly that you cannot be loved? Your unworthiness is an authority problem. It is arrogance. It is you trying to stop God from loving. You justify it with guilt. You support it with an explanation of having sinned. You want to KEEP all of the ways that justify you being attacked and hurt and rejected and punished, because it allows you to GET AWAY WITH MURDER.
Your rejection of God's love, because you "don't deserve it", is bullshit. It is not true. You DO deserve God's love. You do not WANT to admit to deserving God's love. Your unwillingness to admit that you are USING your unlovability as a weapon, is keeping you in the dark and maintaining your agenda of death. Oh, poor me, I guess I sinned too much, I'm too guilty, God, you might as well not love me, just pass me by and go love someone else, you're really better off not loving me anyway, you wouldn't want to love someone like me, I'm SAVING YOU from unnecessary unjustified love and hurt by me turning away from you.
And so this unworthiness is really a denial of love and an attempt to explain why you should not be loved. Not that you cannot be, but that you should not be. And you will explain that because of your sinfulness, because of your guilt, you really do not DESERVE the love - that you're doing love a favor by saving love from having to love you. You believe the love will not WORK and that therefore you would be causing love to waste its efforts. Or in other words, your deserving to die comes from your attempt to make God die by stopping God's love from extending, ceasing the extension of Life.
It's almost like an admittance that you hurt someone so bad that they really should not love you, they shouldn't even try to, because they would be wasting their love unnecessarily and that you are saving them from this additional loss by not being worthy. So now you are God's savior, which makes your ego happy. So long a you stay unworthy, which SEEMS to be the illusion of wanting to be loved so badly, wanting to be forgiven, wanting to be seen as worthy, it REALLY is an attempt to do the exact opposite - to reject love as much as possible.
If God is permanently loving then you have to admit at some point that your belief in guilt and sin and unworthiness is YOUR belief. It is not God's view of you. You must also own up to and take responsibility for making the DECISION that you are guilty and unworthy, which reveals that you actually CHOSE it and put it in place on purpose, for a reason. You being responsible for all of this reveals the truth that every single part of what you are experiencing is a form of denial, is part of your ego plan, is untrue and dishonest.
You wanted to sin. You wanted to use guilt to cover up the sin and disown it. You wanted to be unworthy of love so that you could reject God. And you wanted to die to prove that God was dead. No-one else decided any of this for you. God didn't make it happen. It wasn't other people who caused you to be unlovable.
This is ALL part of your plan, every step of the way, and you wanted all of it. That means, that you have done this all to yourself, but it also means that therefore, if you change your mind and admit to the truth, you might STOP doing this to yourself and actually have a REAL HOPE of being free from this suffering. Unworthiness is hardly a joyful experience.
You will say you cannot forgive yourself for what you did. You do not want to. You don't believe in your innocence because you chose to believe that guilt is true. And not just because you did something really bad, but so that you could hide your sin and increase the attack on God.
Being guilty for murder is hardly a restoration of the state that existed prior to the murder, and guilt can hardly be said to be an atonement or compensation for attack. If you sin by attacking someone and its hurts them, what are you going to offer to them to compensate them? If you were to offer them love, healing, undoing of the sin, and reversal of all effects, that would be true "repentance". A miracle of healing would be true repentance. But you don't choose that. Instead you choose to go into guilt.
In this world, guilt has been terribly confused with love. People hurt those they "love" (but really don't) then go into guilt. Guilt is supposed to be some kind of position of being sorry, or remorse or regret, and then they will attempt to perform actions which make it up to the person, based on that guilt, as though that will atone for the sin. Guilt is not a gift, it's a slap in the face. It's an attempt to kick them while they're down. It's an attempt to save face. It is dishonest.
If you sin and hurt someone, the response from you should be that you RETURN TO LOVE, so that you can be as truly helpful as possible and heal the problem. And that person, IF they are in their right mind, should encourage you to return to love, through forgiveness, in order to RESTORE the state of innocence and invulnerability which seemed to be disrupted. Thus both of you are now better off. But if you instead move into guilt as your offering of atonement, you're really being selfish and are not atoning at all.
If the person you hurt is not in their right mind and has an ego agenda, they will likely seize the opportunity to notice that you made a mistake and, instead of forgiving you to help you to return to love, they will use this to get rid of some of their own sin and guilt. They will attack you, justifiably, accuse you, put you in the dog house, put limits on you, reject you from their "love", or generally separate from you as a justified punishment. This is a completely insane response and not in any way justified or honest or exhibiting integrity.
This is the ego's version of atonement, that you sinned so you must sacrifice in order to make up for it. You must lose something, you must be less loved, and you must give something away that you value and be at a loss, in order to "pay" for your crime. There is no justice when any Son of God is found to be guilty. Not only has one person been attacked, but now a second person has fallen from Grace and has entered into guilt. So now two people are suffering, which is hardly an improvement.
Being guilty and unworthy of forgiveness is exactly what your ego wants, and is exactly what it uses to pretend to be sorry about what happened. If you are TRULY regretful, you will return to love as quickly as possible, regain your sense of deserving love as quickly as possible, repair the "damage" by offering a miracle of healing, and give the TRUE GIFT of love. This will be a real atonement. This will undo the suffering and reverse the problem and restore peace. But the ego doesn't want that, and anyone with an ego will condemn and demand guilt as though it makes sense. It is insane.
Many forms of "love" are really guilt. Feeling guilty that you didn't do enough, feeling guilty that you hurt your loved one, feeling bad about not being able to help someone, feeling guilty that you caused someone to suffer or lack, etc... these are not positions of honesty or responsibility or repentance or atonement. These are positions of the ego using the situation to reinforce itself and increase separation and unconsciousness and death. And a "crime punishable by death" is the ultimate bullshit.
When someone makes a mistake, it must be innocent, because no-one in their innocent right mind deliberately sins. If it is a mistake, it is forgivable, calls for forgiveness and love and a restoration of communication and communion. It calls for even greater sharing and love, in order to correct the problem of the error in perception.
So at some point when you admit all this to yourself, you will have to learn to drop the entire "sob story" of how you are unworthy and guilty and ashamed and remorseful and regretful. None of these are genuine and every one of them is a dishonest plot to move you further towards death.
This "correct perception" of these perceptual errors allows you to RECOGNIZE these illusions as ego devices and not as truth. If you believe them then you have failed to recognize them, and they will remain. But illusions, when recognized for what they are REALLY doing, leads to their undoing and they must disappear. Therefore there is a healing and a release.
Yes, you feel like shit and unworthy of love, but.... do you want to keep spinning your wheels on this or... do you want an honest, real solution which will ACTUALLY repair the damage and heal you and set you free of this guilt and restore your worthiness for being loved? That is what forgiveness offers you. That is the escape from death that the truth offers you, if you are willing to own up to it.
Unworthy? Ashamed? Guilty? Mad at yourself for what you did? Self loathing? Low self-esteem? Bullshit!
You ARE permanently lovable, permanently worthy, permanently innocent, and permanently forgiven. Your self-hate is not justified. Your attempted self-destruction is not justified. Your guilt is unfounded. Your sadness is completely unfounded. Your fear of punishment is a total lie. And you have not really sinned at all.
God is very happy with you right now. Can you accept it as the truth? At least in your willingness to approach this truth, it may bring to light the ways that you are trying to believe the opposite, so that you can look at it honestly and let it go.
God loves you. Always has. Always will. And there is nothing that you need to "do" to make it up to Him or win Him over or convince Him of your innocence. You do not need to "atone" for a sin that you didn't really commit. You do not need to "atone" or "pay" for hurting God, because you haven't. You're just mistaken, and so long as you want to keep being mistaken God will STILL continue to love you unconditionally. At some time you will be ready to accept that, in truth, you deserve to be loved forever, and you are.
"Nothing you can do can turn me away, nothing anyone can say, 'cus I'm with you now and as long as you stay, loving you's the right thing to do, loving you is the right thing." - Carly Simon