In this world, the ego has reversed everything. What was visible has become invisible, and what was nothing at all seems to be something.

Similarly, in the world of form, "space" seems to be where nothing exists. And it seems like objects in the world exist within that space, as though they are real things and the space is nothing.

Space is not nothing, as such, it is "no thing". It is the container of things.

In reality, the container of everything is God, and is presence, and is all that is. It is the opposite of nothing. But in the ego's world, with everything back to front, space has come to symbolize nothingness.

So now in the ego world, you look to see where something is, and you look to objects instead of to the space that contains them. You think where objects exists, there something is, and where there are no objects, there is nothing. This is the ego's distraction. It is a device for making it appear that what is, is not, and what is not, is.

The ego has set up the physical universe in this way to always seem to point you in the wrong direction, to make it seem like the very thing that won't help you is what you want, and the very thing that would help you you do not want.

When you are thinking about questioning the ego, it would tell you not to look at your mind because, if you do, you'll discover that there is guilt there. It tells you not to look at the guilt, that you want to get away from it. And it tells you that getting away from it through denial and projection will make things better for you - that you'll become innocent. But this is a lie as well.

If you were to look within and question the guilt and question the idea of sin it's based on, you'd find out there is no sin. The ego doesn't want you to do that. Again it puts guilt in place as a signpost pointing away from itself, so that you'll head in the opposite direction. Similarly fear distracts you away from itself so that you think the problem is someone else.

Also in the ego's world, "change is life" and stagnation is death. Yet, stillness is actually life, and change is death. What we call life - stuff that changes and transformed and is born and dies, is not life at all. It's an illusion of life. Artificial. Backwards. It's a movement into not living. If stillness is life and in the ego's world stillness will kill you (e.g. your breathing stops), you will avoid stillness. See how cleverly it's set up?

Similarly every ego deception takes you away from yourself, takes you away from truth and leads you towards destruction. When you are trying to wake up from this illusion, that's why it seems so difficult. You are going against the grain of the entire world. It tells you to go one way, you need to go another. The ego tempts you to believe something, you need you unbelief it. You fear that someone is causing problems, you need to realize that you are the cause. We literally need to deprogram ourselves from being physically-oriented and deceived by this worlds' rules and all the ways in which things seem to mean something based on appearances of how they work here. This entire world is a grand deception and none of it is truth.

There are no laws but God's.

This world is an illusory opposition to God, and God did not create it.

Some people recall and quote that Heaven is supposedly not a place or a condition, but just an awareness of perfect oneness. Well, if you go read the full paragraph, it says otherwise:

"THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS THE DWELLING PLACE OF THE SON OF GOD, who left not his Father, and dwells not apart from Him. Heaven is not a place nor a condition. It is merely an awareness of perfect Oneness, and the knowledge that there is nothing else. Nothing OUTSIDE this Oneness, and NOTHING ELSE within."

Now, when he says is it not a place, what he means it is does not involve SPACE OR TIME. Everything that you usually think of as a "place" is actually the idea of "something is over here, but not over there, because they are separate". So like the USA is a place, the Atlantic ocean is a place, the moon is a place. But in Heaven, there are no separations, and everything is everywhere. So you can't have a "local" location there, or some part which is separated off as a discrete "place" separate from the rest.

Instead, Heaven is actually a PLACE where you can live, exist, be, share, have, extend, and live forever. You can DWELL there. You can BE there. It is existence! It is where God is. His being is the location of your soul. But the difference is, it is not a place of SPACE or TIME, and there are no 3D forms or objects. It is pure being/mind/spirit that transcends spacetime.

If you then consider that anything outside of the Kingdom is an illusion, and the "world you made" is an illusion of being outside the Kingdom/God, and THIS WORLD EARTH is therefore an illusion, it is an ILLUSION OF PLACES, due to being based on spacetime, where everything is separated out. And therefore this world actually represents the idea that EVERYTHING IS NOWHERE, and nothing is everywhere (absence of God), and therefore this "place" that you like to think of as a place is actually NOT EXISTENCE, is NOWHERE, and DOES NOT EXIST.

So to think of Earth as "a place" is wrong. And to think of Heaven as NOT a place, is wrong. We have it all backwards. Heaven is THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN BE AND LIVE. And Earth is not a place at all. It is oblivion.

We have to be careful about this because frequently I've heard people saying Heaven is only a state of awareness, not a place. That leads them to conclude you can't GO THERE, you can't be IN HEAVEN, and it's not somewhere OTHER than this world. That it's not even a world at all. "Beyond this world is a world I want" and "you cannot see two worlds" tells us IT IS a world. An existence.

So when we say Heaven is not a place we end up believing it's just a state of mind, and then you start to think ok, I can be IN HEAVEN while I am IN A BODY. And I can be totally awake inside a dream yet not having a dream. And its possible to have awareness of total oneness while IN a body. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. No-one who accesses the knowledge of Heaven and overcomes perception and the "body is a dream" illusion, can possibly stay in a body and be IN Heaven. If you want to be IN heaven you have to actually "leave this world" and GO THERE. Or in other words, recognize THIS WORLD IS NOT A PLACE, and overlook it (forgiveness) and realize you are actually IN heaven.

"Heaven is here now". THIS WORLD IS NOT HERE NOW.

Heaven is the ONLY PLACE you can be. "There is no life outside of heaven."

Where is Jesus? Why isn't he in a body walking around THIS "place"? Because he's not here. He's in Heaven.

There is a clear teaching in ACIM that there are TWO worlds, and you can ONLY see one of the two in its entirety at any given time. Seeing one, REQUIRES you NOT TO SEE the other. You CANNOT see both of them in full simultaneously. And each of them uses a different KIND of vision, designed ONLY to see one kind of world.

One of these two worlds is Earth and its environment - all galaxies etc. The other is the real world/heaven - God's creation. You can ONLY see ONE of the two in full. If you shift your vision to true perception you can see God's world. If you shift your vision to false perception you can see the physical world. But you CANNOT DO BOTH AT ONCE.

So there is a dynamic, whereby the MORE that you see the real world, the LESS you see the physical world. As the real world "phases in", the physical world "fades out". You cannot see both at once, and in order to see one or the other you have to sacrifice the ability to see its opposite.

To the DEGREE that you value one of the worlds, that is how much you will see it, and inversely, this valuing of it causes you NOT TO VALUE the opposite world, which causes you to SEE IT LESS. This is a basic function of perception, that you see what you value, because you believe in it, and thus want to see it. You do NOT SEE what you DO NOT VALUE. And any world you consider "false" due to its opposite being "true", becomes invisible to you.

This is a very core teaching. You are choosing between heaven or hell.

"The world is false perception" and relies on physical sight of photons using the biological apparatus of the eyeballs an nerves etc.

The real world is true perception/christ vision and relies on the spiritual eye, which in turn DOES NOT rely on the body, and is direct mind-seeing.

Two types of perception. Two ways of seeing. Two worlds resulting. "The alternating investment in the two types or levels of perception is usually experienced as conflict for a long time, and can become very acute."

"This world you see MUST BE DENIED, for sight of it is costing you a different kind of vision. YOU CANNOT SEE BOTH WORLDS. For each of them involves a different kind of seeing, and depends on what you cherish. The sight of one is possible because you have DENIED THE OTHER."

"Both are not true, yet either one will seem as real to you, as the amount to which you hold it dear"

"Eventually, everybody begins to recognize, however dimly, that there MUST be a better way. As this recognition is more firmly established, it becomes a perceptual turning-point. This ultimately reawakens the spiritual eye, simultaneously weakening the investment in physical sight."

""The real world can ACTUALLY BE PERCEIVED. All that is necessary is a willingness to perceive nothing ELSE. For if you perceive both good AND evil, you are accepting both the false AND the true, AND MAKING NO DISTINCTION BETWEEN THEM."

"Accept the one illusion which proclaims there is no condemnation in God's Son, and Heaven is remembered instantly; the world forgotten"

"The world stands like a block before Christ's face. But true perception looks on it as nothing more than just a fragile veil, so easily dispelled that it can last no longer than an instant. It is seen at last for only what it is. And now it cannot fail to disappear."

"When the thought of separation has been changed to one of true forgiveness, will the world be seen in quite another light; and one which leads to truth, where all the world must disappear."

Forgiveness is a high state of mind, aligned with the Holy Spirit's vision, in which you SEE and RECOGNIZE everything for what it truly is. That which is true is recognised and accepted as true, while that which is false is recognised and rejected as false.

The problem is, when you are lost and confused amidst various mental distortions, delusions, deceptions, convictions, being a victim and seeing yourself as a body and other such things, that high state of accurate truth that would set you free is "inaccessible."

So then you have a paradox. The very state of mind you need to get INTO in order to be free from the delusions of the mind and its suffering, is only a state that you can reach AFTER the delusions have stopped. The very forgiving viewpoint needed for accurate perception and recognition, is hidden behind all the clouds of deception and lies. So how do you navigate out of the ego mess you've made when you can't see straight?

First thing is you should ask the Holy Spirit to help you before you even attempt to forgive, and ACIM tells you you should be doing this every time:

"Never attempt to OVERLOOK your guilt BEFORE you ask the Holy Spirit's help. That is HIS function. Your part is only to offer Him a LITTLE willingness to LET Him remove all fear and hatred, and to BE forgiven."

So you are supposed to ASK FOR HELP first, because you're so lost and confused you don't know the way out of your insanity. Then having asked for help, you RECEIVE help, by being willing and open. Particularly a willingness to be mistaken about what you believe, and willing to move closer to the truth.

Then the Holy Spirit can help you. You should find that as you then begin to try to unravel the tangled mess of your ego victimhood, your mind is going to take a different course - the Holy Spirit can and will influence your thinking and cause you to come to insights and conclusions and realizations and perspectives quite effortlessly.

Like your mind just starts to open up and flow on a kind of slipstream of inspiration, on a path that leads quickly upwards. This is the Holy Spirit enlightening your mind, and it works in realtime AS you proceed to work through your dilemma. As you have willingness and receptivity to find a way to the truth, He helps you along and lifts you up.

Eventually you'll want to get to the place where you can see clearly that the beliefs you had were mistaken, the guilt was unfounded, there has been no sin, and therefore there's no need to keep supporting the victimhood and suffering that you were choosing. Then in that atonement-view you can let it go.

"Ask then His help, and ask Him how to learn forgiveness as His vision lets it be. You are in need of what He gives, and your salvation rests on learning this of Him."

"To keep it for yourself to solve WITHOUT His help is to decide it should remain UNsettled, UNresolved, and lasting in its power of injustice and attack."

"Prepare for this each morning, remember God when you can throughout the day, ask the Holy Spirit's help when it is feasible to do so, and thank Him for His guidance at night. And your confidence will be well founded indeed."

A Course in Miracles might seem like a self-study where you do certain prescribed steps and have your own willingness and wake up all by yourself.

But, Holy Spirit has other ideas.

He is not only willing to help you, but is capable of helping you, in ways that are beyond what you can do for yourself. Including supernatural ways, ways of healing your mind, emotions and your body. Things which all by yourself you are not equipped to accomplish or even understand, but which are still possible in spite of your inability to comprehend it.

I think that as you become more willing and open and surrender more ego, instead of it being all bout what your ego does to become spiritual, it becomes more about what you're willing to accept and receive and allow, and this opens the flood gates for Holy Spirit/God to come in and help you.

Your development of trust in God allows you to become willing to operate in God's gifts, to extend those gifts, and to receive them for yourself and others.

Holy Spirit isn't a Holy Bystander, although His perception is uninvolved with the ego. He recognizes our beliefs and illusions and overlooks them and leads us into the light with True Empathy. But this also means, besides Him lifting you up into the light, that He can reach into your illusions and work on them with you. He can heal them, and all forms of separation, including death. Let's also remember that Jesus was raised from the dead BY the Holy Spirit.

Welcome Holy Spirit into you. Invite Him in. Encourage Him to enter by being willing to surrender, relax, let go, and trust to receive His helpful support and healing power.

I was having, or was going to have, a big release as part of a healing that I wanted to "get over with". However, upon being willing to start to release it, Holy Spirit came in and said "you don't have to suffer" and started to heal me, draining and disappearing those feelings as they were coming up.

Often I also now find that if I am upset and need to cry, at the instant that I become willing to cry and let it out, Holy Spirit steps in and suddenly starts to clear it for me. No tears come out, but the issue goes away. Holy Spirit asked, when I was wondering why the heck He kept doing this, "would you rather cry?"

You don't have to do this all yourself, and you don't have to suffer, and you don't have to put up with symptoms, and you don't have to even go through all of your unhealed pain all by yourself. What a relief!

"Holy Spirit will undo the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him."

This is very powerful and important. The consequences of your wrong decision, whatever it may be, is whatever came from your belief in separation. Self attack, denial, emotional pain, physical sickness, disability, mental illness, whatever. Holy Spirit CAN and WILL undo all of those 'symptoms of separation' - the alleged consequences of sin - the "real effects" which your belief in sin produced. IF you will let Him, and to let Him, you have to develop trust in Him and in allowing Him to operate in and through you.

You have help! Use it.

The body is the idea of sin. It is an extension of the idea of being separate. The body cannot become sinless in and of itself, although it can be used for a holy purpose.

"The body is the ego's idol; the belief in sin made flesh and then projected outward." - ACIM

"At no single instant does the body exist at all. It is always remembered or anticipated, but never experienced just now. Only its past and future make it seem real. Time controls it entirely, for sin is never present. " - ACIM

"Christ's vision has one law. It does not look upon a body, and mistake it for the Son whom God created. " - ACIM

The body is always a symbol of being separate from God. It must be imperfect and it must be an illusion. Otherwise, if it were not, it would be possible for the body to have power over the mind and could prevent the Son of God from awakening or healing.

The body itself, in its fullness, must be fundamentally an illusion of separation, and therefore sin. IT MUST BE FALSE. It can't be a truth and it can't have any truth to it. If truth were associated with the body, we'd be totally stuck in the dream.

To say that the body is inherently holy or perfect or anything other than a symbol of sin is to say that God, who is holiness and perfection, is a body. That is a way the ego wants to make God be a body so that it can kill God, just as it makes the Son of God a body in order to kill him.

"Any thought system that confuses God and the body must be insane." - ACIM

At its core, metaphysically, the body is an illusion of sin. It cannot be the central truth of who or what you are. It cannot be holiness. It cannot be wholeness. It cannot be innocence. It can only exist inside of the dream of separation. It cannot enter heaven. It is never present. And it never really exists at all.

We need to learn to recognize that the body is the idea of sin, and then undo it. If we are to undo sin, the body must disappear, being an illusion that we believe is really there as a real sin. You can perceive the body with love or use it with love to give it a holier purpose, in which it can appear to be free from sickness and so on, but it is still a body. It is still an idea and representation of sin, and so long as it remains, the mind cannot be 100% free. This is why Jesus had to disappear his body in order to completely remove its blockage to the awareness of God's presence.

The body is never present. It cannot exist in the now. It does not live. It is always a memory or an idea of the future, with an artificial history and a fabricated illusion of continuation. The body IS the symbol of sin. It is false. It does not exist. It not who or what you are. You do not need it. You are immortal spirit.

"Miracles reawaken the awareness that the spirit, not the body, is the altar of truth. This is the recognition that leads to the healing power of the miracle." - ACIM

"Defend the body and you have attacked your mind. For you have seen in it the faults, the weaknesses, the limits and the lacks from which you think the body must be saved. You will not see the mind as separate from bodily conditions." .... ie the mind IS separate from bodily conditions. And since "if I defend myself I am attacked", if you try to DIRECTLY defend the body you will attack it and keep it sick.

However...

"The body, valueless and hardly worth the least defense, need merely be perceived as quite apart from you, ***and it becomes a healthy, serviceable instrument*** through which the mind can operate until its usefulness is over."

Therefore, by recognizing that the mind is distinct from the body and NOT at the effect of the body, the mind assumes a position of healing, which HEALS the body. By focusing first on the healing of the mind, the healed mind HEALS the body.

"The mind, being sane, heals the body."

These statements are not saying that you can just focus on mind and ignore the body's condition. Or that by recognizing mind is SEPARATE from the body - thus not affected BY it - that the mind would still maintain or allow the body's sickened state.

Instead, Jesus is saying that once you DO see that your mind IS NOT your body, THIS state of mind will CAUSE the body to heal.

"Now is the body healed by miracles."

Then the body will become "a healthy serviceable instrument."

It is made healthy due to the removal of the level confusion that's inherent to the belief that the mind IS the body, or that the identity is the body/ego. Once you become clearer about WHAT YOU ARE, and what mind is, the mind adopts its natural HEALING function and cures all sickness.

This teaching has nothing to do with just escaping the body and being only identified with spirit - which IS a goal - but the EFFECT of this goal is that mind regains its POWER, and can now CAUSE healing and life to be restored.

In other words, you heal the body INDIRECTLY by DIRECTLY healing the mind so that IT IN TURN heals the body. But if you swap this around and try to heal the body first without healing the mind, you won't get a lasting healing.

"Whenever you attempt to reach a goal in which the body's betterment is cast as major beneficiary, you try to bring about your death."

While it's true that if you FOCUS ON the body first and foremost, you are really reinforcing it as real and really sick and separate. And this attacks it and keeps it sick. In that state of mind you are NOT really in a position to "heal it".

So it seems like a PARADOX... or counter intuitive. .. but you in fact are being instructed that if you DO want the body to heal, you GO ABOUT IT BY healing the mind/identity, SO THAT this leads to the mind mind indirectly healing the body.

By focusing on the body first you are trying to really bring about death in the NAME of healing. But if you focus on healing the mind first you are attempting to bring about LIFE, and this RAISES THE BODY FROM DEATH.

"A pure mind knows the truth, and this IS its strength. It cannot attack the body, because it knows EXACTLY what the body IS. This is what "a sane mind in a sane body" really means."

"If the mind can heal the body, but the body cannot heal the mind, then the mind MUST BE STRONGER. Every miracle demonstrates this."

God already sees you as forgiven.

First you start by thinking that you need to forgive others. That's not true, because everything you think is about them is really about you. Taking back your projections undoes this error.

Secondly you think that you need to forgive yourself, because it's all about you. But this still relies on the belief that you really sinned. Undoing the belief that you're a sinner leads you to a third insight.

You cannot forgive yourself, really, because you have not really done anything that needs to be forgiven. For you to be forgiven means you must now open up to a forgiveness which comes from God, to accept the Atonement. That you are forgiven because you DID NOT do anything wrong.

That means that God already recognizes that you did not really sin at all and nothing happened. That's not so much something you can do to yourself, as it is simply something you must allow to be true and accept.

At first that seems to be true beyond yourself, because it is God's truth, but gradually the two will become one.

So really you cannot forgive others, and you cannot forgive yourself, and you don't need to. What you ultimately need to do is to accept the Atonement. In the atonement, it is a state of pure forgiveness, which sees that there is nothing to forgive and there are no real sins.

Once you get your mind into that perspective, that everything you THOUGHT you did that needed forgiving has actually NOT HAPPENED, then it's merely a matter of ACCEPTING that you are ALREADY forgiven. Haha!

Therefore it is true that at NO TIME EVER is there a real call for forgiveness or a need to be forgiven, because God has never believed that you are capable of real sin, because there is no real sin. You are forever innocent.

Then you can enjoy the relief, celebration and joy of recognizing that God loves you, you are worthy, you are innocent, you are free, and then you can allow Holy Spirit to undo ALL of the consequences, effects, symptoms and manifestations of your faulty belief.

If you truly BELIEVE fully and strongly that you are forgiven because you have not sinned, and that therefore you cannot be sick and have no need for defenses against the truth, you WILL act to cause all signs and symptoms and "effects" of your wrong decision to be undone, and you WILL demonstrate miracles to reflect and prove that the Atonement is your truth.

True healing is the recognition you have never been sick (sickness is not real).

True forgiveness is the recognition there is nothing to forgive (all is forgiven).

All of the other "steps" in your forgiveness process - the withdrawal of projection onto others, the taking responsibility for having been the one who did this, etc are just stepping stones leading up to the truth. The truth that you are FORGIVEN ALREADY, and that you just need to accept this is the truth about you.

Ultimately then forgiveness is not needed and does not "happen". All of the process of "undoing" is just a preparation of your mind, a purification, allowing you to see and accept that. You can call it a forgiveness or "applying forgiveness" if you want to. But really it is preparation for accessing the truth that you are FORGIVEN and God loves you, and He never stopped.

As the miracle principle says, "miracles are everyone's right, but purification is necessary first". This purification is the preparation for accepting the atonement, which entails great honesty and willingness. When this purification is accomplished, THEN you can access "forgiveness", which is a single unified state of VISION In which you see only that there is nothing to forgive. Then you are miracle minded and the miracles will flow to demonstrate your TRUST that God's truth is true.

All is forgiven!

"The Bible instructs you to "KNOW thyself," or BE CERTAIN. Certainty is always of God."

"The goal of the curriculum, regardless of the teacher you choose, is KNOW THYSELF. There is nothing else to learn. Everyone is looking for himself and the power and glory he thinks he has lost."

"The world can ADD nothing to the power and the glory of God and His Holy Sons, but it CAN blind the Sons to the Father if they behold it. You cannot behold the world and know God. Only one is true."

If you know yourself, you are absolutely unmoved by anything. It's like being completely centered. You are unphased, unaffected, undisturbed.

"Truth is not frail. Illusions leave it perfectly unmoved and undisturbed."

"The stillness of your Self remains unmoved"

If you do not know yourself, if you are uncertain, you are moving into doubt and fear. This means you are questioning who and what you are. By doubting yourself, you become uncertain of your identity.

As soon as you're moving into fear, you're now looking for the world or other people to define who and what you are. To tell you what the truth is. To change you, affect you, control you, cause you. It is this alone that puts you in a position of being at the effect of the world and capable of suffering. If you are caused by an uncertain world of change, you must be afraid.

When you know who you are as God created you, you are accepting ONLY GOD as your source. ONLY God is given the power to cause you and define you. You accept yourself AS He created you, with no attempt to modify his will or change what he has created.

What it all boils down to is this. Who is your father? Are you the effect of God, or are you the effect of the world? Even a slight doubt or denial that you are as God created you places you onto a slippery slope into hell.

"Attack in ANY form has placed your foot upon the twisted stairway that leads FROM Heaven."

The slightest step upon the slope, in doubt of who you are, causes you to lose your footing and slip into fear. And then you will see yourself as under laws which are not of God, laws of vulnerability and attack and mortality.

If God created you, you are the will of God, and nothing can oppose his will. This is your immortality, your innocence, your guaranteed sinlessness, and your eternal life. If God did not create you, you are a product of external forces in the world, at the whim of fate, victim of everything.

Only if you are not permanent can you have moved into sin. Your permanent innocence must have undergone a change. Only through change can sin take place, because changelessness does not permit it. If you have changed you have sinned. If you are unchangeable you cannot sin.

You must therefore simply learn to "know thyself." If you truly are absolutely certain of the absolute self which the absolute created, then you are absolutely immortal. If you are in any way only relatively certain then you are relatively weak and relatively vulnerable and relatively mortal. To know thyself is to live forever.

If you are as God created you, you are under no laws but his, and his laws guarantee your eternal perfection. If you believe you have changed and are no longer perfect, then you have condemned yourself to be governed by the laws of spacetime. Whose laws and whose causality will you be under? God's or the world's?

As God knows you to be, that you are. As God created you to be, so must you be. You cannot be anything else. Give up trying to turn yourself into something else, it will never work. Trying to "be whatever you want" brings you all forms of suffering. Be satisfied that you were already created perfect and divine, and nothing can improve upon God's work.

As you attempt to get rid of parts of yourself that you do not like, such as parts that you have condemned as sinful and guilty, you will gradually be running out of Self to get rid of.

Yet, trying to keep only the good parts and get rid of the bad parts appears to make you seem like an increasingly good person. And that's because you're progressively denying more and more that there is any bad stuff in you.

If your strategy is to become more innocent by denying your own belief that there's unlovability in you, and if the only way to get rid of those unlovable parts is to unlove them even more, pretty soon you're going to be perfecting your innocence. And that really means, you will find that there is none of you left to BE innocent.

This attempt at denial and suppression of your belief in your sinfulness, will eventually put so much self-hate into your unconscious that it will erupt into consciousness and be perceived as an attack. You won't be able to keep it concealed forever, and the more you censor yourself the more you'll feel threatened by anything that lets the hate leak out.

This is the ego's strategy for finding a way to prove that you're innocent. It logically concludes that if it can isolate outside conscious awareness all of the stuff about you which is less than innocent and good, and if nobody (including you) ever sees the bad parts, then you'll finally be recognized as innocent.

And conveniently you'll find lots of opportunities to project and blame the relegated self-hatred in yourself onto others, giving you yet another way to displace your sinfulness and get rid of it. Or at least you believe you're getting rid of it, when in fact you are just lost in a private world where your unloved parts are at war with your acceptable parts.

Eventually the end of the war will only happen when you run out of goodness, because the ego suspiciousness will always undermine the potential for you to be truly good. Good is never good enough, and your efforts to people-please will always make you suffer. Your attempt to wear a mask of innocence is actually an attempt to destroy you, because it creates in your mind the very toxic enemy - your own hated self - which will haunt you incessantly.

There is no real escape in this arrangement. There is no real way to be free of guilt without self-sacrifice. There is no way you can truly be free of it without dying. And this is why you see death as a logical and worthwhile conclusion to your efforts at being "good" all the time. Being good, in denial of being bad, leads to death and is a choice to die.

It is a choice to die because feeding your persona and trying to *pretend* that you don't believe in your own guilt is diminishing what's left of you. Pretty soon you'll run out of anything that's good enough about you, and meanwhile your hated self will be making plans for your funeral.

While sin and guilt are real, or true of you, there is no escape. While you believe in them, you will try to cut off parts of yourself that you deem the locations of that sinfulness, and attack it to try to get rid of it. You will attack it with denial and disassociation as well as hate.

The only true escape for you is to learn that you have not really sinned and that guilt is therefore never justified. When you can see that you must be innocent because you did not sin "in reality", you no longer need to try to make yourself be innocent in the face of sin being real. Instead, you are simply innocent because there is no real sin. And this is forgiveness, and it is also the atonement.

So either you will use the ego's strategy to make you innocent, which will kill you, or you will use the Holy Spirit's strategy to make you innocent, which will save your life.