What if when you become healed, the whole world is transformed in some way and is a little lighter?

This may sound radical, but it does appear to be supported in the course in various ways.

Jesus speaks of how when you are healed, others cannot be omitted from your healing.

Jesus speaks of how if you change your mind the WHOLE world must change. This isn't because its ONLY your world, but because you are joined with everyone.

Jesus speaks of how if you join minds with another person and deny/reject their denial of health, they will become healed, and cannot stay sick unless you support their belief.

Jesus also says that you are your brother's keeper. Meaning that HIS condition is YOUR responsibility.

How is this possible? It seems it is only possible if somehow, you and other people are actually connected together and SHARE something. Some part of your self is their self and vice versa. Meaning that if something applies to you, it also applies to them.

In the biggest picture this is the Golden Rule, that what is true of you is true of others. And this rule is God's law which is always in effect everywhere on all levels at all times, even if we deny it.

Let's frame it this way. Let's say there is a kind of collective consciousness. There's this vast sea of being, in which there are concentrations of self, sufficiently organized as to be "individuals", yet intimately joined to the tapestry of everyone else's existence. Sort of like we're all one big joined entity with multiple heads. A bit like siamese twins.

This is actually a vague and not accurate enough description but just for analogy's sake... this would mean that if someone chooses to rise up, they tend to "drag" others up with them. If someone opens their mind to truth, there is sort of a ripple effect that propagates to ALL others.

What that must mean is, any work you to do heal or love yourself, MUST overflow and affect others.

Jesus similarly talks about how you are the light of the world.

Jesus also talks about how it only takes ONE teacher of God to save the world.

Jesus also talks about how the light into your mind can shine into another mind and enlighten it.

Given the fact that then that there is a SHARING component to all of us, there is some part of us that is ONE, joined, connected, it becomes not only impossible to do anything truly in isolation, but also anything you do DOES affect everyone else.

This would be reflected in statements like "There are no private thoughts" for example.

Now, this might sound radical. In fact it will. But this leads to the conclusion that its possible for you to HEAL ANOTHER PERSON, if you will apply an appropriate attitude. Certainly the person still has free will and can choose to resist, to stay anchored down in the darkness. But you can at the very least offer love.

Love has such healing power it can dislodge even the resistance to truth in another. As Jesus says, "the task of the miracle worker is to deny the denial of truth." And also that there is not really any point in miracles at all unless they are able to affect someone who NEEDS healing, and thus is in a state of resistance. Healing of the person would not be possible otherwise.

For this to be "ok", there must be some aspect of another person that IS LITERALLY YOU. Or that is so intimately shared with you as to be essentially your self. If you love someone "against their will", it can still overthrow their unloving nature and heal them, to the degree it can be accepted.

What's radical is, this means that the condition of the body of another person, is not entirely "up to them". You have an influence as well. For example "Forgiveness is not complete unless it has brought a healing to both your brother and yourself." "He is healed along with you." "Miracles benefit both the giver and the receiver" etc.

There is something about miracles that is based on sharing, and on returning to the state where you SHARE everything with others. That return to sharing is "joining". In a shared state, your brother's health is yours. In fact "YOUR healing is his comfort and HIS health."

Jesus even says that when YOU heal your mind and body and it now represents and symbolizes the absence of attack, the presence of innocence and love etc, the state of YOUR healing AFFECTS your brother, exonerates him, lifts sin from his mind, heals him, and thus heals HIS body as well.

At the level of the ego and the physical world, the ego suggests that there is total separation between you and others due to bodies. And thus changes in you have NO effect on anyone. That your mind can change is perceptions of the world WITHOUT changing the world. This is not what Jesus says is possible, because its not true that there is absolute separation. Even the world's separation is slightly joined, as proven by quantum entanglement and the holographic universe theory etc. Even duality is not quite fully duality.

This means that we ARE all ALWAYS at least slightly joined. We are always part of the experience of others. And this reflects our status as co-creators. So if someone has a sickness, this means there IS something I can do about it, because their sickness is not ENTIRELY their own sickness. Moreso, sickness arises from the belief in separation BETWEEN brothers, and is a two-sided sword which attempts to accuse both.

The sense of separation that it is based on cannot be sustained if I choose to acknowledge that we are JOINED and SHARING. If I do not AGREE to the separation-based sickness, and do not uphold my end of keeping the division between us maintained, it cannot be there and the person must be healed.

If I float my mind to a high level of love and light, I also become far more powerful in my ability to "affect" others. Or rather, to extend and share my healed state and the healing agent of spirit WITH the other person, lifting them up also. This is how it becomes possible to raise the dead for example, to GIVE life to others that they seem to lack, because you have it. This is only possible if we truly are joined together in some way, whereby a person fundamentally has "access" to the being and mind of another.

Total unconditional absolute sharing is the natural state of the Kingdom of God, which all of His children (as brothers) share forever. It is completely natural and real. "One mind is all minds, one brother is all brothers, such is the truth." While I have a self, a soul, it is STILL true that I am "one with" all other brothers, and their souls are joined to mine in such intimacy that we literally are FUSED together in some way. And that fused sharing "network" between us is what Jesus calls the Christ Mind.

So truly, we are not separate people. We are in fact totally the opposite. And that means that we can't consider ourselves to be totally incapable of healing others. Whatever we do, however we focus, whatever we feel, it's going to influence everyone in the universe. This is how holographic reality works. Each individual is a whole in and of themselves but shares the whole with all the rest. I am you and you are me and we are brothers eternally.

It then isn't a question of whether you can heal another person or by what mechanism this happens. It's more a fact that you can't AVOID influencing them. You share everything. If you have a bad day you drag everyone down. If you have a good day you are the light of the world and lift everyone up. People are literally lightened and healed when you bring the light. "you ARE your brother's keeper."

This is perhaps why there the "great awakening" happening. It's because there are contributions from an increasing number of awakening individuals whose influence is more powerful than those who sleep. "Teachers of God will take over the world because of their strength." And so the entire world is going through a spiritual transformation.

Each time that you have a loving thought, each time that you recognize joining and sharing, each time that you forgive, you are healing the entire sonship. Because every single child of God shares itself with you. You are part of a vast network of interconnected parts that depend on each other. You are responsible thus for your brother because what you choose either blesses or curses him, either heals him or compounds his sickness.

This ties further into holy relationships, in that when you are holy towards another, and they thus become more holy, the shared state of joined consenting minds transcends their individual contributions. The fact that there are two souls sharing everything is more powerful than any sense of "one in isolation". To be joined is to share and to share is to love and to love is to wield God's miraculous power.

You do have the authority, power, and ability, connections, and access, to heal other people if you so choose. Shining your light of love into their minds cannot help but offer healing. Your prayers of love can lift others up from despair. And through you the Holy Spirit can move mountains.

"HOW MANY TEACHERS OF GOD ARE NEEDED TO SAVE THE WORLD?

The answer to this question is - one.One wholly perfect teacher, whose learning is complete, suffices. This one, sanctified and redeemed, becomes the Self Who is the Son of God.He who was always wholly spirit now no longer sees himself as a body, or even as in a body.Therefore he is limitless.And being limitless, his thoughts are joined with God's forever and ever. His perception of himself is based upon God's Judgment, not his own.Thus does he share God's Will, and bring His thoughts to still deluded minds. He is forever one, because he is as God created him. He has accepted Christ, and he is saved."

---

"God's teachers appear to be many, for that is what is the world's need.Yet being joined in one purpose, and one they share with God, how could they be separate from each other? What does it matter if they then appear in many forms? Their minds are one; their joining is complete. And God works through them now as one, for that is what they are."

You are not a body because you are as God created you which is a soul with a mind. Your soul/spirit has no need for a body whatsoever. But your mind is DREAMING of one.

Where did the body come from? Who is responsible for putting it there? It didn't show up on its own or as a result of any other causal power.

"The body is the idea of sin made flesh and projected outwards."

That means the mind, which is the realm of ideas, has an idea of sin, and projects it, which PRODUCES the body. This isn't a one-time affair, it doesn't just happen at birth, it is a constant projection all the time, like a movie projector projecting a movie.

"Love did not create the body" means a mind in total sanity does not produce/project a body, but an INSANE MIND does, because "the body is a device for separation."

Thus "The mind is responsible for every condition of the body" because the mind is the MAKER of the body. It determines whether it shows up or not, and in what condition, at all times. If it weren't for the mind making the body *constantly*, the body would vanish.

It seems to suggest the mind can be "free of the body" while the body STILL EXISTS, which is false logic. SOMEONE has to maintain the body or it simply will not show up at all. It does not have its own existence, its own life, or its own reality. The world does not maintain it "on its own". Some mind SOMEWHERE has to be projecting it constantly in order for it to keep showing up at all.

We cannot simply "escape" from sickness of the body by disappearing off into the mind and pretending that WE are not responsible for the body showing up. If it is still showing up, we are still putting it there, and to put a sick body there from a sane state of mind is utterly nonsense. No-one in their right mind would EVER demonstrate that "sickness and suffering are true", because it teaches your brother and communicates to him that he is a sinner.

When the mind is sane, it projects a healthy body. When the mind is sick, it projects a sick body.

"The mind, being sane, heals the body."

"A broken body is proof the MIND has not been healed."

Mind is where healing is truly needed. "All sickness is mental illness." But that does NOT mean that if you heal the mind, the mind is completely separate from the body and can be healthy while the body remains sick. That is an ego belief in separation and is disassociation. The mind is always responsible for the body.

Jesus says re resurrection "I came to demonstrate the mind that made the body can make another. They did not understand."

So you can't have "I am not a body I am free and I'll just be sane and healed in my mind and KEEP MAKING a sick body"... a sane mind WOULD NOT produce sickness. Sickness is a defense against the truth. The body MUST be used to demonstrate a symbol of immortality otherwise you teach your brother by example, "brother at your hand I die", because all physical sickness is an attack and an accusation on others. "Sick bodies are accusers." What shows up in your body as being "true of you" is also an attempt to say what is "true of others". The golden rule has no exceptions.

When you are sane and recognize that you are not a body because you are the CAUSE of the body and it is your EFFECT or projection, THEN you will temporarily project a healed body which is a picture of perfection and a symbol of immortality and holiness. Then you will simply choose to STOP PROJECTING IT and it will disappear. This is the ONLY way to leave the dream of death, which can only be left through truth not death. Holy Spirit can help you to materialize a body that is free of sickness on all levels:

"Whenever you consent to suffer pain, to be deprived, unfairly treated, or in need of ANYTHING, you but accuse your brother of attack upon God's Son. You hold a picture of your crucifixion before his eyes (as your sick body), that he may see his sins are writ in Heaven in your blood and death, and go before him, closing off the gate, and damning him to hell. Yet this is writ in hell and NOT in Heaven, where you are BEYOND attack, and prove his INNOCENCE. The picture of yourself you offer him (your body) you show YOURSELF, and give it all your faith. The Holy Spirit offers you, to give to him, a picture of yourself (a healed body) in which there is NO pain, and NO reproach at all (no form of illness, breakage, damage, suffering, disease etc). And what was martyred to his guilt becomes the perfect witness to his innocence."

and "The Holy Spirit's picture changes not the body into something it is not. It only takes away from it ALL signs of accusation and of blamefulness."

and here is the final stage of resurrection: "Here its peace can come, and perfect healing take the place of death. The body can become a sign of life, a promise of redemption, and a breath of immortality to those grown sick of breathing in the fetid scent of death. Let it have healing as its PURPOSE. Then will it send forth the message it received, and BY ITS HEALTH AND LOVELINESS proclaim the truth and value that it represents. Let it receive the power to represent an endless life, forever unattacked. And to your brother let its message be, "Behold me, brother, at your hand I live."

It is only possible to teach your brother through physical demonstration that he is not a sinner by not accusing him of sin, which means not using the body for attack, which results in the body being fully healed. "What you use the body for it becomes to you".

And Jesus re his resurrection and body disappearing:

"My body disappeared because I had no illusion about it.. It merely became what it always was. And that is what 'rolling the stone away means.' The body disappears, and no longer hides what lies beyond... To roll the stone away is to see beyond the tomb, beyond death, and to understand the body's nothingness. I did assume a human form with human attributes afterwards, to speak to those who were to prove the body's worthlessness to the world. This has been much misunderstood. I came to tell them that death is an illusion, and the mind that made the body can make another since form itself is an illusion. They did not understand. "

"Leave it behind. It cannot enter Heaven. But I can take you there any time you choose. Together we can watch the world disappear and its symbol vanish as it does. And then-and then-I cannot speak of that. A body cannot stay without illusions, and the last one to be overcome is death."

The body you have, no matter what its issues are, they are not who you are. Thankfully, you are immortal spirit. You're just using this body temporarily as a vehicle to interact with the world.

You've had other bodies of various kinds. Memory of that fact would immediately help you to look at your current body as not a fixed part of your identity, but just a 'house' that you temporarily live in.

You have attributed various properties to your sense of self based on the body you have, how it looks, what color it is, how it moves, what its problems are, but none of those things really are to do with who you really are.

Just because you, or your loved ones, are showing up IN a body, doesn't mean you or they ARE a body.

If you could keep in mind that you are not a body and "no-body" else is either, then you'd see that it's kind of funny how we all keep going around acting as though what applies to our body applies to us.

We groom our body, decorate our body, look at our body in the mirror, do weird things with our body, look at other bodies, notice what other bodies are decorated as, and generally speak to other bodies as though they are people. But it's what's inside the body that gives it life - spirit - which without it the body would be just an empty, lifeless host.

This is part of learning to see yourself and others as Christ. Christ is not a body. Overlooking the body and not being distracted by it is part of forgiveness. Not regarding people as bodies is part of forgiveness. Not identifying yourself as a body is part of forgiveness.

At some point you're going to stop using this body, probably, unless you somehow convert it into a higher form, and then when you stop using it and carry on your way, you'll recognize how it is not who you are.

It's like putting on some clothes and then starting to believe that you are the clothes. It's easy to do, given how intimate you are with the body and how closely it seems to match your every intention. You are creating it, after all. But it's not your self.

Almost everyone in the world remarks about how 'you' look, what 'you' did, where 'you' went etc... really all referring to the "hero of the dream" - the exalted body which everyone is worshipping. The body is a false idol, and just an instrument to use temporarily.

It is by overlooking form and recognizing/knowing the true nature of your identity and the identity of others, not confused with bodies, that miracles are possible.

Miracle principle 20: "Miracles reawaken the awareness that the spirit, not the body, is the altar of truth"

Miracle principle 42: "A major contribution of miracles is their strength in releasing you from your false sense of isolation"

Miracle principle 44: "The miracle is an expression of an inner awareness of Christ and the acceptance of His Atonement"

Miracle principle 50: "The miracle compares what you have made with creation, accepting what is in accord with it as true"

"I am not a body, I am free" - ACIM

Quote: "Freedom must be impossible as long as you perceive a body as yourself. The body is a limit. Who would seek for freedom in a body looks for it where it can not be found. The mind can be made free when it no longer sees itself as in a body, firmly tied to it and sheltered by its presence. If this were the truth, the mind were vulnerable indeed! "

Jesus is literally asking us to become spirit-identified rather than body-identified, to recognize that our body is merely an image being projected by our mind (which we can stop projecting at any time), and to learn to stop seeing ourselves AND others as bodies.

That's no small request either. We are so used to being bodies and seeing bodies, we think it is normal and natural.

One thing to realize is that a body is not a first-hand experience and it is not the origin or source of a person. It is a secondary layer placed OVER the inner spirit to try to hide it.

So when you are looking at a body and you see fish and bones and eyes and a face and you think that as you look at THAT, you are SEEING the person, you are not. You are seeing a wall of denial and separation. A disguise. It's designed to BLOCK you from seeing the person that is "trapped" inside, locked up in the body and unseen by anyone.

The body is a device for separation. And the golden rule always applies. What we see in others we see in ourselves. In order to become aware that we are not a body ourselves we have to overcome all forms of separation and all attack. And only when we can not see ourselves as a body will we be able to see past the bodies of others.

This is also the meaning of "God is in everything I see because God is in my mind".... ie, if you can get to where you have awareness of God in your mind, you will STOP seeing bodies entirely because God is not a body. If you are seeing God, you are not seeing form. You cannot see two worlds. So this does NOT mean that you see God "in the world", it means that God is ALL THERE IS and THERE IS NO WORLD.

It's a huge challenge to actually get to an experiential state where a) you do not believe you are a body at all (genuinely), b) you do not see your body as your self, c) your sense of identity is not attached to the body whatsoever, d) you do not see others as their bodies, e) you recognize that all bodies are fictional puppets that people dangle in front of them to pretend to interact, and f) that you do not need a body at all in order to exist as divine spirit.

Overcoming the body is the same thing as overcoming death. If you can become free of the body consciously and deliberately without using death to do so, you no longer need a body and can make it disappear. It will become transparent and will vanish.

I am not affected by anyone.

No-one has caused me to be upset.

I am responsible for everything I am feeling.

I am choosing to be this way myself.

Nobody has done anything to me at all.

I have never been hurt by anyone.

The world has never done anything to me.

I am not caused by anyone or anything outside of me.

I have no enemies or attackers.

I am immortal and eternal and invulnerable.

I am not a victim of this world at all.

I am not vulnerable to attack.

No-one has ever attacked me, they are all innocent.

This world is not really happening and its not happening to me.

There are no problems.

I do not need to suffer.

Everyone is innocent and so am I.

I am immortal spirit.

I live forever and cannot be harmed.

Nothing has happened to me.

I am still as God created me.

I am love.

I am immortal.

We may not realize it, but from birth onward most of us came to believe that we are our body. That literally, this physical object with arms and legs is our own self. There's my toes, there's my fingers, there's my face, there's "me". Parents talked about "you" this way. You talked about you this way, asking yourself, what am I?

And we look upon this strange thing in the mirror and cannot quite fathom what it is why or how we came to be this strangely shaped creature of extraordinary complexity, the likes of which we have no idea how it functions.

What we have to realize is that this is the false starting point, and this is the state of imprisonment. Believing we are a body is completely a mistake. A total error in perception. And in fact the body was made with and in order to produce false perception.

The body's eyes cannot see, the ears cannot hear, all its senses are back to front and it reports on illusions as if they're real. The body is a lie machine. And yet there we are starting out by believing every word it says, everything it does, everything it seems to tell us, even to the extent of believing it is our own self. And we are CLOSE to it that we think everything it experiences WE are experiencing directly.

So invested is this belief that we are a body, that we have taken something which is utterly not a body whatsoever and have tried to smush it together and bind it and join it and strap them together into one lump, to call it myself. We may not realize, there is a YOU, and then there is a BODY, and the two are not the same

In fact, the you that you really are is SO UNLIKE the body in every single way that if you were to catch sight of it you'd be astonished that you ever thought you could be a lump of flesh and bones. But since the body itself was made to block awareness of this, to act as a temptation device and a way to deceive ourselves, we're quite lost in it.

"The body is the instrument the mind made in its striving to deceive itself."

We did a VERY good job of deceiving ourselves. To such an extent that almost all conscious recognition of not being a body is blotted out by the body. And so as we attempt to become more spiritual or to reawaken, we're going to run up against a very basic fact.

The body is NOT who you are at all, but you heavily believe IT IS YOU. And on the basis of believing it is you, and backed up by everyone else believing their body is their self also, you have spent years upon years of reinforcing this "uniting" of self and body, regarding it as yourself, talking about it as if it's your self, worshipping it, cleaning it, feeding it, sexing it, using it in various ways, all under the seemingly clever guise that this is YOU doing this stuff, it's YOU looking in the mirror, and it's YOU that's gorgeous today.

When you look at society, look at the news, look at how people talk about bodies. Almost every reference to a person is ACTUALLY a reference to their body. "Joe did this"... well no, joe's body did. Joe is not a body. This is pretty serious, how far reaching this is. We've gone really really far into this distortion. Every single way that we confuse ourselves with "our own body" - and by the way you don't really HAVE a body as a spirit - is a mistaken false perception of ourselves. It's delusional. It's like saying you are your jeans and t-shirt and shoes.

We've become lost in our bodies. Tangled up in form. Confused about who and what we are. Deceived by appearances. Tempted to regard this object in the mirror as though it is our self and to then preen it and decorate it and worship it and feel bad about it all based on the belief that it is you. This is the big problem that needs correction. This is body identification - whereby the Son of God is trying to prove he is NOT a spirit, NOT a mind, and ONLY a body. It's the complete opposite of awakening.

So if we're on a spiritual path to God, then we're going to have realize, that any progress towards that goal will have to entail learning that YOU ARE NOT A BODY. In fact, you're not even remotely a body, nor do you really have one. You are immortal spirit. "You are immortal and you cannot die, but you can confuse yourself with things that do."

By confusing your IDENTITY with the human body and thinking of it as "my self", you are confused, and confusion is fear. And this is also level confusion. And it is also sickness. And it is a way to defend against the truth. And it's a choice to suffer. It's a form of self attack, and an attack on others, to regard yourself as physical.

To emphasize the qualities, characteristics, gender, sexual persuasion, desirable or undesirable features, shape, size, color, ethic origin, hairstyle, musculature, skinniness, sexiness, attractiveness, ugliness, or any other attribute of the body as being something that determines or says ANYTHING about YOU, is delusional. It is confusion about who and what you are.

But we are addicted to using the body like some kind of idol worship figure that we hold in very high regard (or low) as a statement of "what I am like". Yet nothing about the body applies to you at all. We can get lost in how proud we are to be a woman or a man or gay or straight or white or black or pretty much anything else. NONE of it is true of you! You are made of light. You are a spirit being. You have immortality. Your body is an entire LAYER of illusions covering over your real self. It's just a picture that you show to the world to pretend you are not yourself.

"The IDEA of separation PRODUCED the body, and remains connected TO it"

"The body is the idea of sin made flesh and projected outwards."

"The body is the idea of who you are not."

"For what you are cannot be seen nor pictured."

"Can you who see yourselves WITHIN a body, know yourself AS AN IDEA?"

"Freedom must be impossible as long as you perceive a body as yourself."

"The ego regards the body as its home, and DOES try to satisfy itself through the body."

"The body is the symbol of the ego, as the ego is the symbol of separation. And both are nothing more than attempts to LIMIT communication, and thereby TO MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE."

"Only by assigning to the mind the properties OF THE BODY, does separation SEEM to be possible."

"A PERSON conceives of himself as separate, largely because he perceives OF himself as bounded by a body."

"The body IS separate, and therefore CANNOT be part of you."

"The world of bodies is the world of sin, for only if there were a body is sin possible."

"Only the body makes the world seem real."

"The man was an illusion, for he seemed to be a separate being, walking by himself, within a body that appeared to hold his self from Self, as all illusions do."

This means that all the ways that we believe and act as if we ARE the body, as though its prowess rubs off on us, as though we get credit or discredit for how the body looks, as though anything about it AT ALL says anything about you AT ALL, has to be undone. We have to be willing to let go of all the ways we have confused ourselves WITH it, so that we can come to the recognition that we are DISTINCT from it, and that it is NOT ourselves.

In a sense, we have to "separate out" what is REALLY YOU, your real self, and what is an illusion. "The body is a dream", so it is an illusion. IF you are confusing it with your sense of self, you are losing sight of your real self. Not being clear about WHAT you are - immortal spirit - you are unclear about what is real and what is an illusion. You cannot BE a body if you are to be real.

This means that your ENTIRE sense of identity - self - what you are - has to SHIFT away from the body, TOWARDS SPIRIT. To become spirit-identified. That is the goal. To let go of the body entirely. To be completely clear it is not you, and you do not need it, because it is not part of who and what you are. God did not create it, so it is not really part of your real self., and does not exist in reality or heaven.

The proper use of denial is to not BELIEVE that the body is real, and to therefore deny its existence, recognizing it is not yourself or anything real. The improper use of denial is to BELIEVE the body is real, while trying to deny it exists, which is actually a double denial. To believe bodies exists is a denial of your spirit. To then sacrifice the body is denial on top of denial. We have to carefully dismantle our belief that the body is real in the first place, shift our sense of identity back to its natural God-given state, and then accept the atonement truth that we are still THE SPIRIT that God created, NOT a body whatsoever.

Upon realizing you are spirit, clearly, and with no delusion about being a body, you may for a while be using the body. But now the body is merely a TOOL. Similar to how a carpenter would use a hammer to construct a chair, he would not for a moment become delusional and believe that he IS the hammer. It's just a device, an instrument, a piece of machinery. You can operate it and make it do stuff but at no time do you believe it is YOUR SELF.

And having recognized that your entire fulfillment comes from remembering who you ARE, you would no longer seek to use the body to GET anything, to "pleasure you", or to enter into illusions of joining at a physical level - knowing it is not possible, or necessary. "Minds need not bodies to communicate."

Full-on spirit-identification, christ-identification, son of God identification, sets you free from death, from the world, and from all bodies forever. You are not a body, you are free, because you are still as God created you. And those who know themselves are not confused about whether they are a walking flesh prison or not. Shifting to spirit means shifting away from EVERY sense of identity associated with the body form. Race, gender, sex, age, genetics, ancestry, shape, color, features, all of it.

You are only what God created. You are a shining star in heaven's womb. How could you be anything but God's divine creation.

"I am not weak, but strong.

I am not helpless, but all powerful.

I am not limited, but unlimited.

I am not doubtful, but certain.

I am not an illusion, but a reality.

I cannot see in darkness, but in light."

More...

I am not mortal but immortal.

I am not sick but healthy.

I am not dying but eternal.

I am not afraid but confident.

I am not a victim but empowered.

I am not guilty but innocent.

I am not sinful but holy.

I am not lost but united.

I am not alone but one.

I am not forgotten but remembered.

I am not upset but peaceful.

I am not unhappy but joyful.

I am not attacked but safe.

I am not hopeless but grateful.

I am not deprived but abundant.

I am not lacking but receiving.

I am not hurt but invulnerable.

I am not suffering but relieved.

I am not affected but causal.

I am not stuck but miraculous.

I am not imprisoned but free.

I am not angry but calm.

I am not condemned but forgiven.

I am not dark but light.

I am not separate but whole.

I am not an ego but as God created me.

I am not confused but clear.

I am not diseased but healed.

I am not broken but complete.

I am not isolated but expansive.

I am not asleep but awake.

I am not unconscious but aware.

I am not deadly but harmless.

I am not murderous but welcoming.

I am not a victimizer but truly helpful.

I am not misguided but directed.

I am not ugly but beautiful.

I am not depressed but happy.

I am not unwilling but willing.

I am not resistant but open.

I am not ill but well.

I am not damned but saved.

I am not in exile but in heaven.

I am not a body but spirit.

I am not a dream but God's creation.

I am not fictional but authentic.

I am not divided but undivided.

I am not adrift but purposeful.

I am not threatened but permanent.

I am not rejected but loved.

I am not abandoned but embraced.

I am not in hell but in God.

I am not offended but humored.

I am not suspicious but trusting.

I am not vicious but gentle.

I am not ashamed but appreciative.

I am not envious but fulfilled.

I am not idolizing but within.

I am not heroic but saved.

I am not horrified but passer-by.

I am not judging but forgiving.

I am not hateful but generous.

I am not resentful but thankful.

I am not in danger but protected.

I am not disgusting but acceptable.

I am not beyond help but supported.

I am not embarrassed but understood.

I am not grieving but reunited.

I am not controlled but powerful.

I am not terrified but strong.

I am not worried but filled with faith.

I am not dead but eternal life.

I am not lonely but home with God.

I am not sad but overjoyed.

I am not insane but sane.

I am not delusional but honest.

I am not empty but inspired.

I am not insecure but secure.

I am not anxious but reassured.

I am not cold but warm.

I am not tense but relaxed.

I am not disturbed but quiet.

I am not stressed but at ease.

I am not serious but playful.

I am not harsh but kind.

I am not weak but supernatural.

I am not in time but in eternity.

I am not separate but with God.

"I am not a body I am free, for I am still as God created me."

You cannot define yourself. God created you. You had no say in this because you didn't exist at the time. You came into being by his will alone, and per his design. Whatever you are, is given by him, and cannot be changed.

Some would possibly interpret this as imprisoning, as though grounds for rebellion. As if you want to change yourself but are not allowed. At best, you can deny what you are, as God created you, and pretend to be something you are not . But you can't actually remove what you are deep down.

You are free to do this. You can pretend to be anything you want. You can pretend to have authority over him and to have created yourself. You can redefine your images of what you are till the cows come home. But still you cannot replace what God has created.

This means really that no matter how you define yourself, you will never be wholly satisfied. This is because God has already laid claim to the perfect definition of you. The definition which results in you being at your happiest, most satisfied, most joyful and creative, and most accepting of yourself. To reject a perfect identity is to settle for less.

So if you are in the business of having to be the gatekeeper with an authority problem who wants to tell God what they are, you can go right ahead. But it will not ultimately satisfy you. Nor will it bring you total happiness or creative power or love or joy or peace or meaning. It can't, because there is only one perfection and that's the one God has chosen you to be.

You can own up to accepting a kind of "off the shelf" identity from God, accepting that you are as God created you and have never changed. Or you can deny that and go into a kind of nightmare of confusion about who and what you are, endlessly searching for the self you lost, and trying to replace it with make-believe fiction. But only accepting God's definition of you will truly fulfill you.

You can "try on" all manner of bodies. You can wrap yourself in wardrobes of clothing. You can put on masks and dress up and role play and pretend to be various things. But they ultimately are all empty because they lack the wholeness of God's definition of you. You can't find love and wholeness anywhere else. He has the monopoly on that.

Some rebel against God because they don't like this sense of not being free to deifne who and what they are. They think they have the right to redefine themselves in their own image and likeness, to whatever whim they please. Indeed they ARE free to do this. But that does not mean they can ACTUALLY accomplish it, or that it can make them happy. You can deny your reality, but you cannot extinguish it.

Somewhere deep down you know that only the self that God created you to be is the one you can fully accept and be true to. It's the only definition of you that is sane, and the only one that works. You are part of the functioning of the machinery of heaven. You have been given a function and a role to play, assigned by God's will. If you do not want to fit into that and fulfill that function, then you will rebel and try to invent other functions.

Only the function God gave you can work. Only God's will for you can make you happy. Only God's mind can keep you alive forever. And only accepting yourself as you really are can bring you peace. But you have to want it.

I am not weak, but strong.

I am not helpless, but all powerful.

I am not limited, but unlimited.

I am not doubtful, but certain.

I am not an illusion, but a reality.

I cannot see in darkness, but in light.

Let's continue...

I am not afraid, but confident.

I am not confused, but clear.

I am not lost, but found.

I am not false, but true.

I am not alone, but unified.

I am not separate, but one.

I am not lacking, but complete.

I am not guilty, but sinless.

I am not sinful, but innocent.

I am not in pain, but in health.

I am not deceived, but assured.

I am not deprived, but grateful.

I am not dead, but eternal.

I am not hopeless, but joyful.

I am not angry, but peaceful.

I am not worried, but reassured.

I am not forgetful, but aware.

I am not unconscious, but knowing.

I am not pressured, but free.

I am not tense, but relaxed.

I am not upset, but calm.

I am not hateful, but forgiving.

I am not hurt, but healed.

I am not harmful, but a blessing.

I am not ego, but Christ.

I am not a body, but immortal spirit.

I am not blameful, but welcoming.

I am not a liar, but truthful.

I am not pretentious, but honest.

I am not vengeful, but gifted.

I am not forgotten, but known.

I am not rejected, but loved.

I am not abandoned, but supported.

I am not evil, but pure.

I am not a dream, but God's Creation.

I am not a fantasy, but genuine.

I am not suffering, but a blessing.

I am not undone, but immortal.

I am not grieving, but reunited.

I am not lonely, but helped.

I am not sorrowful, but relieved.

I am not stressful, but blissful.

I am not in danger, but safe.

I am not hopeless, but saved.

I am not condemned, but forgiven.

I am not unloveable, but loving.

I am not unhappy, but joyous.

I am not depressed, but liberated.

I am not diminished, but enlightened.

I am not starving, but nourished.

I am not limited, but abundant.

I am not harsh, but gentle.

I am not cold, but heartfelt.

I am not fallen, but ascended.

I am not extinct, but omnipresent.

I am not troubled, but sane.

I am not a sinner, but a savior.

I am not ugly, but beautiful.

I am not without, but within.

I am not a reject, but chosen.

I am not meaningless, but meaningful.

Add one of your own...

"I am not weak, but strong.

I am not helpless, but all powerful.

I am not limited, but unlimited.

I am not doubtful, but certain.

I am not an illusion, but a reality.

I cannot see in darkness, but in light."

There is a good reason why this paragraph is a correction. Each time that we react to the world as though we are at its effect, and that it is causing us to suffer, we are in a state of weakness, helplessness, limitation, doubt, illusion and darkness. This isn't our natural state.

What we need to get to as we reverse cause and effect to its proper sequence (I am at cause, not at effect), is that we're regaining access to the truth about ourselves. We're reclaiming strength and power and certainty. We're becoming more responsible and light-filled. And so this little prayer affirms that and helps us to move out of darkness into truth.

"I am not weak, but strong.

I am not helpless, but all powerful.

I am not limited, but unlimited.

I am not doubtful, but certain.

I am not an illusion, but a reality.

I cannot see in darkness, but in light."

It directly leads us out of ego, into the Holy Spirit.

I like to do recite this and to then ADD to it as many other contrasts as I can think of. e.g.

I am not afraid but empowered.

I am not guilty but innocent.

I am not sick but healthy.

I am not separate but whole.

I am not divided but one.

I am not at loss but abundant.

Something which I've been finding very helpful lately, is to focus on "already" being as God created me.

It's a recognition, that what God created has already been established, has not changed, and therefore all I need to do is acknowledge and accept it.

This is quite different from trying to "become" it or to "seek" for it outside of myself, or away from what I already am.

There is a bit of a knack to this because our ego thinking is so used to moving away from Self, away from God, away from what already is.

Even all of our spiritual "searching" or trying to find oneself, is for the most part based on believing that we are not spiritual "yet", and so becoming spiritual is in the future, and so there are steps we need to take to get there.

Enlightenment is but a recognition and not a change at all. It is a recognition of what is, of what is true, of what already exists.

It completely aligns with the atonement, which asserts that nothing has even happened. We didn't even START to really separate form God, we haven't gone anywhere, we haven't even begun to sin, our innocence is still totally intact, and we are STILL completely perfect as God created us.

For me getting in touch with this has been greatly amplified by acceptance that God created many Sons, that I am a Son of God, and that I have a soul. I've started to be more and more curious about my soul and thus my "true self", in its pristine state - absolutely perfect, lacking nothing, joyful, loving, powerful, peaceful, etc.

Sometimes when I am in the midst of ego confusion and I think shit, I've got to do all kinds of stuff to get out of this, if I then remember... wait a minute, I am already as God created me, I am still as God created me, inside of me there is already a perfect self which has nothing wrong with it. It cuts through the entire ego bullshit like a knife. Simply because, if the end goal is ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED, then all this bullshit about "something is wrong" is shown to be completely pointless, meaningless, futile and ridiculous.

It's like, holy shit, I AM ALREADY PERFECT. I am already the way God created me. My soul is already in heaven. My real self is already completely awakened.

And that can be a bit of a mind fuck as well because here I am believing that awakening is a long process, it takes time, I have stuff to undo, there is forgiveness to be done, healing that isn't finished, etc... and yet, IT IS ALREADY COMPLETE because it never even really started.

It almost seems like, we've come to believe that being perfectly awakened is 'hard' or rare or difficult, when in fact, the totally hilarious thing is... we ALREADY ARE.

Underneath all the bullshit that says "you are not awake", you are aware. Underneath all the bullshit that says "you are not perfect", you are already totally perfect.

You have this 'higher self', this soul or spirit, which is already immortal, it's already innocent, it's already in perfect health, it's already accepted eternal life, it's already in heaven with God, it's already holy, it's already free of all sin and guilt and fear and death, and it needs to "do nothing" because it is already absolutely divine. Like... it's already a done deal!

So it's never a question of, well, I might not wake up or there's lots to do or I haven't finished yet, bla bla bla... it's it hilarious that the END GOAL is already DONE? Because all of this stuff that seemed to happen to undo our divine state, has not actually happened at all!

So our awakened self is ALREADY HERE. Your higher self is ALREADY "with you". Your immortal spirit is ALREADY perfectly in a state of grace forever. You CANNOT die and have never died. And all this other "stuff" is an illusion.

So here you find yourself seemingly "in time", with a whole bucketload of stuff that you think you need to "do" in order to "become spiritual" when in fact, inside of you, you are already ABSOLUTELY IMMACULATE and totally as God intended and have not changed at all. And that perfect self is just seemingly hidden from view behind all these layers of ego nonsense. All the ego nonsenses does is claim that you are not what you already are.

You can already talk to your ascended-master self. You can already tap into your perfect soul. You already are FINISHED. You are already with God. You are already in heaven. Isn't that hilarious? The only "job" that we seem to have is UNDOING the false beliefs that this isn't true, that we have work to do, that there is stuff to forgive and heal, that something went wrong, that we're off the rails and can't get home, that we don't deserve to be what we actually already are, lol. ... just all these cover-ups for the underlying ALREADY ESTABLISHED TRUTH.

I am as God created me, NOW, ALREADY, and ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. The "end goal" is IN THE PAST. It has ALWAYS BEEN. So all this other stuff, it's all a lie. You are already guaranteed to be with God because YOU ARE. Literally. Right now. Behind all the nonsense and FAKE unconsciousness, you are already done, already finished "waking up".

YOU NEVER REALLY SLEPT!

The ego aligns with the physical world, and is completely backwards. It operates on the basis of how the physical works.

It says, if I give you something, I must lose it. We can't both have it. We could have a tug of war, or a compromise of lack, but we can't both have it at the same time.

This is completely backwards according to God's law. God says that if you give something you receive it because giving and receiving are one. So if I give something to you, there is no loss, and we both have all of it at the same time.

It then seems completely impossible to actually express God's law in this world on a physical level, because the physical laws themselves - which are laws of separation - say you cannot do it. That we can't both have the whole simultaneously.

However, a more advanced miracle worker can break the physical laws and demonstrate that giving and receiving are one. For example Jesus did this when he showed that he could multiply food and feed thousands of people. This violated the physical laws which said that if he would give the original bread and fish away, there would be none left to feed the crowd.

The ego believes entirely in physicality as being reality. It based its whole thought system on this model of separation. Objects which are kept apart by physical space (distance) and time (delay). Both of which are attempts to avoid the presence of God.

If for example in this world a person seems to die, their body is dead etc, the ego says that this evidence proves the person has been extinguished from existence. And if this is real, you should be horrified and upset. You should then experience loss and grief.

But the truth is that the person's spirit lives on in heaven and has eternal life, so there has not really been a death. And so the body isn't showing the truth. Spirit could demonstrate this fact for example by materializing another body, which is what Jesus did in his resurrection, and sometimes the angels do this also.

Similarly the ego believes that freedom means separation. In order to be free of something or someone it has to go away. You have to lose it. But in God's rules, you can have freedom and also have oneness shared with another at the same time. Being free doesn't mean you are separate whatsoever, it means you are also joined without strings attached. To the ego, freedom is imprisonment.

It then seems quite challenging for us to rise up out of the ego thought system - a system which aligns closely to how the physical world seems to work - and up into a higher path based on the laws of God. A state in which only the truth is true, and "I am under no laws but God's". A state from which the seeming laws of physical can be completely broken and ignored through miracles.

The higher state completely violates and reverses and ignores the physical order. It pays no attention to the seeming limitations of separateness, the illusion of objects and forms, the presentation of distance or time. Miracles pay no attention to what the physical says can or cannot happen.

"miracles violate every law of reality, as this world judges it. Every law of time and space, of magnitude and mass, of prediction and control, is transcended"

"Thus does the miracle undo all things the world attests can never BE undone. And hopelessness and death MUST disappear before the ancient clarion call of life. This call has power FAR beyond the weak and miserable cry of death and guilt."

In order to awaken to reality we have to move our mind into the higher order, into the higher mind and its higher thought system. This means aligning with God's laws and living by them. These are NON-PHYSICAL laws which run totally against the grain of the world.

And that means that you're adopting a belief system and perspective and relationship that is running totally contrary to the world. In fact the entire world's lower and backward thought system has to be totally reversed and denied.

This world, the physical world, space and time, Earth and bodies, operate completely opposite to how heaven functions. And we have to learn to wean ourselves off of its illusions and its ways, its nature and its limitations, and rise up to heaven in a celebration of joy and happiness that this world is completely false and does not apply to us.

We need to stop believing, perceiving, and functioning based on how the physical world operates. We need to function based on how God operates, and it is totally opposite to the physical world and all its ways. You are not of this world and never were.

"The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed."

"This is the first idea we have had which is related to a major phase of the correction process; the reversal of the thinking of the world."

"Yet it is the final lesson in which Unity is restored. It goes against all the thinking of the world, but so does Heaven."

"The resurrection is the denial of death, being the assertion of life. Thus is all the thinking of the world reversed entirely."

"Today's idea, completely alien to the ego and the thinking of the world, is crucial to the thought reversal which this course will bring about."

"To give up all problems to one Answer is to reverse the thinking of the world entirely."

"Only be quiet. You will need no rule but this to let your practicing today lift you above the thinking of the world, and free your vision from the body's eyes."

"Here is the perfect statement of my freedom. I am under no laws but God's." "I am entitled to miracles because I am under no laws but God's."

In the separation, we tried to invent a world which was completely opposite to God's Kingdom. This resulted in false perception, and also the reversal of cause and effect.

The son, who is an effect of God, who is our cause, tried to be the cause of God, to create effects in Him. This was a kind of role reversal, and is the idea of original sin or the authority problem.

In this effort to oppose God, we dreamed of a world opposite to God. Given that God is truth, this world had to be false. And in opposing knowledge we invented perception. So simultaneously in the making of the world we entered directly into false perception. This world was made to also be completely opposite to God's world.

"The world is false perception."

"Earth, Heaven's opposite in every way."

So all this was happening at once in the separation:

* The complete opposition to the truth producing a false world* The opposition to knowledge producing false perception* Cause and effect are reversed, making the effect (dream) seem causal

We entered a state of unconsciousness, in which we dreamed of a false world, which was opposite to Heaven, AND in which cause and effect were reversed.This reversal of causality or "backwards perception", is what made you necessarily believe that the false world you made is NOT an effect of you dreaming, but instead is a CAUSE. ie that the world seem so have a LIFE of its own, or an alien will. And it also made you believe that you are NOT the dreamer or cause of the world, but rather the EFFECT of it. So you instantly went into a victim role, which is played out in physical matter and the "laws of physics."

Forgiveness, salvation, atonement, true perception etc, is what you arrive at when you REVERSE all this. It requires that you recognize the world is false, not true. It requires that you recognize the dream is coming FROM you not TO you. It requires the re-reversal of cause and effect (which is also level confusion), so that you recognize you are the NOT AFFECTED by the world in ANY WAY. You see yourself as cause, not effect ("This is a course in cause, not effect"). And you thus position your vantage point as a reflection of heaven.

If you look at how life typically is on the level of form, you can see all the ways that we made ourselves AT THE EFFECT of the very dream that we dreamed. This includes all victimhood roles, all reactions, all ego emotions, all of the senses of the body, and every way that the world seems capable of doing something to you.

It means vulnerability, the need for defenses, perceiving oneself as unfairly treated, fear of threats and dangers, grief and loss relating to parts of the dream which you value and lose, and all manner of suffering. It also includes any and all kinds of sickness and death, because death is nothing more than the firm belief that the WORLD is entirely the CAUSE of you and you are COMPLETELY AFFECTED by it with no will or power to do anything to stop it.

Every ego emotion, is a reaction, an EFFECT, produced by your mind, in response to your mind's parallel belief that THE WORLD is the cause of you. By believing the world is real and true, you give it power over you. And then you experience effects. So some person get's killed, you feel anger and sad and lost. Someone attacks you and you feel threatened. Some war breaks out and you fear for your life. Some plague spreads around the world and you worry about your continuation. Someone seems able to hurt you and you become angry at them.

The list of victim roles and the seeming reactions that it produces is endless. All of them are ways by which you believe you are CAUSED BY the world. That the world oppresses you, hurts you, changes you, defines you, dreams you, makes you what you are, decides your fate, ends your life against your will, destroys you, does things that "you like", gives you things "you want", and generally acts as the CAUSE OF everything you are. All of that is false perception and backwards causality.

So that means that all ego emotions are fake. Some people would say its "natural" or "healthy psychology" that you would feel loss or grief when someone dies. Or that it's normal to feel sad when something doesn't work out. Or that it's sane and rational to be angry because of what someone did to you. Or that you should feel happy because of the gifts someone gave you. Or that anyone would feel depressed if they had to go through what you went through. But ALL of that is complete bullshit. It is all part of believing that you are AT THE EFFECT of a dream which, in and of itself, has NO POWER to do anything.

This carries over to the body senses. "To sense is not to know". The body's senses are ways of BEING SUSCEPTIBLE or "sensitive to" the dream. They can only operate by BEING AFFECTED by the environment. You touch something and it relays a message to you, changing you, affecting you. You smell a bad smell and recoil. You see ugly sights and are driven to anger. You hear the sounds of hell and it frightens you. The physical senses were all designed to make the world seem real, to PROVE that you are AFFECTED BY the world, to sense what is there, and to lock in false perceptions. Even pleasure, which is interpreted as "being affected positively", is a form of victimhood and powerlessness.

"Only the body makes the world seem real."

Every physical sense is a form of vulnerability, susceptibility, effects, victimhood, the ability to be caused by something outside of you, and a way for you to "get" from the world. And the body was designed this way so that it would permanently be locked into a victim role and a false way of perceiving.

"These eyes made not to see will never see.""The body is not the means by which the real world can be seen.""Everything the body sees is a form of conflict.""The body sees only the forms of error.""Nothing so blinding as perception of form."

The body essentially was built on the idea of sin ("the body is the idea of sin made flesh") and on the reversal of causality. It was meant to be at the EFFECT OF the dream. It testifies to the ways in which the dream CAUSES you. And so the body is a lie.

Your function of forgiveness operates in an opposite direction to the seeming nature of the body, its senses, and to ALL beliefs and perceptions that the world can ever do anything to you.

In truth, you are immortal and you cannot die. You cannot be affected. You cannot be hurt or changed or made to suffer. Nothing can happen against your will. The dream has no power to oppress you or make you ill or sad or weak or frail. Nothing in the world can force you to be sick, or make you dead. Nothing can happen without you choosing it to. You cannot die without electing to. You cannot facilitate sickness without backwards perceptions. And literally you are beyond the reach of every illusion.

To recognize this is to completely reverse cause and effect in the dream, which means completely opposing and breaking all the laws of spacetime. All the laws of physics are completely backwards because they are designed to make the dream function AS IF the world is the CAUSE OF events. As if the world is first-hand reality. But the world is an EFFECT.

"Perception is a RESULT, not a cause." "The world IS perception."It is by COMPLETELY recognizing that the world CAUSES NOTHING and cannot do ANYTHING to you, that you return to a state of invulnerability, producing in the interim the INCORRUPTIBILITY OF THE BODY, in which the body becomes a symbol of eternal life and is devoid of all signs and symptoms of "being affected by the world." This includes the healing and prevention of any attack by anyone or anything. A demonstration of immortality and power over death.

Resurrection, which is the "surmounting of death", is the state of being THE CAUSE, and not the effect of the world. It is awareness of dreaming. And as the Course says, "For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that YOU were dreaming." This is the secret of salvation. The fact that the world IS NEVER the cause of ANYTHING. And the fact that YOU are the cause of everything, because YOU are the one dreaming it. And if someone seems to play a role in your dream of victimizing, or of being a victim, the truth is that NOTHING can affect you unless you make it do so.

Once you recognize that you are CAUSING the dream, and that the world CANNOT produce effects in you, ALL the ego emotional reactions must cease forever. You can no longer have reason to justify anger, to be sad or upset, to be unhappy, to have loss or grief, or even to be happy as a "result of" what the world "does to you". Not even through special relationships or idols you worship or valued objects or career success or any kind of INPUT coming from the world to CAUSE you to feel a certain way.

The only TRUE feelings are those which come OUT of you CAUSALLY, and extend through you. This includes love and joy and peace and happiness. You GIVE these through causation and sharing. They come out of you and extend. They are not the RESULT or EFFECT of anything in the world. The world cannot give you happiness OR unhappiness. They are not there because of what someone does for you or what you GET from the world. Positive or negative. Victim or reward.

"It takes great learning to both recognize and accept that the world has nothing to give.""This world holds nothing that I want""Teachers of God are willing to give up all the pleasures of the world."

This is why we have to learn that we are ONLY extenders of God's spirit, we are only GIVERS of life and love and happiness and joy, and we are CAUSAL. We are co-creators with God. We are not to need, require, depend on, want, desire, be attached to, or react to, ANYTHING in the world. ANYTHING AT ALL! Why would you need to when a) you are immortal and have everything and b) have inherited everything you need from God and c) can only be happy and at peace when you GIVE what you want to receive?

You cannot GET happiness from the world. You cannot GET freedom from the world. The world cannot give you life or immortality or invulnerability or protection or safety or love or peace or joy. It has no ABILITY to give, because the world has absolutely ZERO causality. It is NOT a cause. The world is ONLY an effect. It is your dream, that you are putting there."It is not a cause, but an EFFECT."

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No-one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are."

This is the essence of A Course in Miracles. BE THE CAUSE. BE THE POWER. Do not give power to a dream which is nothing but an effect of you. Do not believe in being affected BY anything or anyone in the world. God is the only cause of you and your brothers. Your brothers are NEVER the cause of each other, and you have never caused or been caused by them. Nothing real can be changed or threatened or made different by the world and its contents.

You are to reach a point of resurrection in which you CANNOT BE AFFECTED by the world. Where even the body CANNOT be sick OR die. Where your mind is so certain of its strength and power that there is NOTHING your holiness cannot DO (cause). Where you are so fully EXPRESSING love that you are miraculous all the time. Where you extend and inherit the power and love of God every second of every day. Where so much light and joy is flooding OUT of you through giving and thus receiving, that nothing from the OUTSIDE is able to come IN to you. Making you completely safe and invulnerable.

You are to cease believing that anything or anyone in the ENTIRE world, in the whole universe of spacetime, EVER has a power or causation over you, making you change, making you suffer, making you die, making you happy OR unhappy. You are to be BEYOND this dream and beyond this world. You are PRIOR to the dream. You are beyond sickness and death. You are immortal spirit and NOTHING can change that. All it requires is your total acceptance of this truth, the reclaiming of your immortal rights, and your willingness to express and know your true self. It is nothing short of reclaiming eternal life.

Last night I used the below process, but in a different way. I did it VERY slowly. I re-stated each phrase several times over and really let it sink in before moving on to the next one. I actually found this to be quite powerful.

For example, in saying that I decided wrongly.. when I really dwell on that I come to realize that I actually DECIDED and I get in touch with that sense of responsibility and decision-making at having been the one who not only put in place this upset, but actually chose it myself.

There is tremendous power in getting in touch with your power of decision. Your decision making is not just a neutral act, it has power to it. It is causal. And I've also started to dabble in the idea of... .instead of just reacting to stuff and going along with it, instead, stopping and DECIDING... "I am" or "I am not" .... and feeling a kind of instantaneous change simply by making a firm decision.

I also inquired about the last sentence... letting Him decide for God for me. Jesus clarified that this really means allowing Holy Spirit to 'favor' or 'choose FOR rather than AGAINST' God, on my behalf. Allowing Him to favor God and to then accept His viewpoint. In this way, "for God" really means "towards God" or "in agreement with God". That made more sense to me.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace.

I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

I WILL to decide otherwise, because I WANT to be at peace.

I do NOT feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I WILL LET HIM.

I WILL to let Him by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

It's also quite important to keep in mind the statement Jesus makes just prior to this prayer:

"But let me first remind you of something I told you myself. Whenever you are not wholly joyous, it is because you have reacted with a lack of love to some Soul which God created. Perceiving this as sin, you become defensive because you EXPECT ATTACK. The decision to react in that way, however, was YOURS, and can therefore be undone. It CANNOT be undone by repentance in the usual sense, because this implies guilt. If you allow yourself to feel guilty, you will reinforce the error, rather than allowing it to be undone FOR you.

Decisions CANNOT be difficult. This is obvious if you realize that you must ALREADY have made a decision NOT to be wholly joyous if that is what you feel. Therefore, the first step in the undoing is to recognize that YOU ACTIVELY DECIDED WRONGLY, BUT CAN AS ACTIVELY DECIDE OTHERWISE.

Be very firm with yourselves in this, and keep yourselves fully aware of the fact that the UNDOING process, which does NOT come from you, is nevertheless WITHIN you because God placed it there. YOUR part is merely to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made, and give it over to the Atonement in peace. Say to yourselves the following, as sincerely as you can, remembering that the Holy Spirit will respond fully to your slightest invitation:"

God created you perfect. It's a done deal. You're already complete. You cannot add to yourself or take away. You can't be changed. You are permanently as God created you. He didn't leave anything out or fail to share anything or leave you less than completed. You can't be perfected or improved upon. You're already absolutely divine.

So the one lie is, anything that tells you otherwise. Anything of the ego that suggests, you need to do this or that, go here or there, learn this or that, attain this or that, become this or that. It's much more a case of, sinking into and accepting, owning up to, admitting to, become re-awakened to, what is ALREADY THERE underneath all this bullshit that we've dumped on top to PRETEND we are not immortal.

e.g. "Sickness is an attempt to prove you can be hurt"

But in truth you are unhurtable, invulnerable, immortal. So all this time spent trying to prove otherwise, is futile. It doesn't change anything, because it's literally impossible to change your soul. All we can do is deny it and pretend it's not divine.

So we have this divine self in us, as us. It's all we can really be. And so what is all this other stuff? All the seeking, the searching, the figuring out, the unraveling, all this work and effort, all the effort of striving to belief, trying to convince ourselves, isn't absolutely all of it completely pointless? The truth about what we are can only be accepted or denied, not changed.

It seems then ultimately the entire thing about awakening to our divine holy self is simply that we stop doing everything ELSE that is taking us AWAY from it. If we would stop weighing ourselves down we'd float right up to the surface. If we'd stop attacking ourselves we'd be perfect already. If we'd stop resisting the truth we'd just melt into being ourselves. If we'd get rid of all this ego stuff, which is the attempt to be something we're not, we'd simply return to being what we really are already.

It seems counter intuitive because it's more like retracing your steps and going backwards, going within, returning to, rather than building something new. The whole effort to "become" is an ego effort to DEFINE what you are. Or moreso to redefine it. Which is always a lie because you can't be changed.

So every opinion about ourselves can't be true, unless it aligns with our nature as God created us. "I am still as God created me" states this perfectly. Simply, nothing has happened to you, nothing has changed you, and this whole dream has been an excursion into nothing. We simply need to accept that WE ALREADY ARE perfect in God and stop trying to prove otherwise.

This is why the Atonement is simply a matter of ACCEPTING what is already true about you, and nothing else.

""I am as God created me."

This single thought, held firmly in the mind, would save the world. From time to time we will repeat it, as we reach another stage in learning. It will mean far more to you as you advance. These words are sacred, for they are the words God gave in answer to the world you made. By them it disappears, and all things seen within its misty clouds and vaporous illusions vanish as these words are spoken. For they come from God.

Here is the Word by which the Son became His Father's happiness, His Love, and His completion. Here creation is proclaimed, and honored as it is. There is no dream these words will not dispel; no thought of sin and no illusion that the dream contains that will not fade away before their might. They are the trumpet of awakening that sounds around the world. The dead awake in answer to its call. And those who live and hear this sound will never look on death.

Holy indeed is he who makes these words his own; arising with them in his mind, recalling them throughout the day, at night bringing them with him as he goes to sleep. His dreams are happy and his rest secure; his safety certain and his body healed, because he sleeps and wakens with the truth before him always. He will save the world because he gives the world what he receives each time he practices the words of truth."

The more I learn that I am responsible for everything I experience, the clearer it becomes that anything I experience is not "because of" the world.

It used to be that everything I experienced seemed to be a reaction to the world, seemingly caused by it. I could not separate out myself from any of it, and any upsets or problems I was having were always tied into what was happening in life.

By taking responsibility and recognizing the secret of salvation, that I'm doing this all to myself, I let the world off the hook, so to speak, in that it is not really the "cause" of anything.

Yes sometimes things in the world happen which may trigger a certain response in me, but the triggering isn't because of the world, it's because I am triggerable. Which means something in me is unhealed, like a bruise or wound, which seems to be touched upon or poked at by worldly events. Up comes the old hurt, as if the world caused it, but it was already there, buried.

So over time, I see that if I am in any way upset, unhappy, angry, afraid, guilty or sinful etc... it's not really because of the world, the situation, or other people. It's because this is happening inside my mind, and it's really something to do with my own mental attitude or beliefs. There's some pain I'm healing or it's time for some emotional release or some other thing that's caused by me.

The more I "own" this, the less I try to pass it off as being the responsibility of the world. I stop blaming others for it. I stop accusing the world for it. I stop disowning it, through disassociation, and I stop projecting it away from myself onto the world in an attempt to be rid of it.

I am less in denial as I honestly admit that any and all fears and upsets are "my own stuff". If I'm angry and barking I have to admit this has nothing to do with anyone else. If I'm afraid I have to admit I'm using the world wrongly and reading meaning into it from within. Am I looking at the world through my ego or the holy spirit? It must be one or the other.

What this leaves me with, over time as I practice and reinforce this more, is a growing sense that if I am ever upset or unhappy in any way, it's because something in coming in between myself and the world. It's not because of the world. And it's nothing to do with who I really am behind it.

Let's say that behind this stuff there is a real me, which is always loving and light and shining with joy and happiness. All this self does is extend love and respond with love all the time. But overlaid on top of this self there is all this past stuff, ego baggage, lies and illusions, which comes in between me and the world.

If I look "through" this wall of lies, it changes how the world appears and I become lost in it, accusing it of sin. But if I get step back and get out of it, I become aware that this is just "my stuff" TEMPORARILY getting in the way.

If a situation arises and I become triggered and upset, and then I remember this is my own internal problem nothing to do with the situation, and I address this problem within myself through some kind of healing process, and it goes away, I'm then left looking at the situation "without" my reactions to it. And going back and forth like that shows me that, because my baggage was "additional" to the situation, it wasn't INHERENT to the situation. So it really wasn't anything to do with the situation in the first place.

This shows me that, really, the world is a forgiven "real world" of love and light, IF I can experience it without internal baggage. When I become caught up in my ego stuff, it's a state of *temporary* insanity. If I get lost in it, I need to get myself back out of it with honesty and healing and Help. And then I can return to happiness and truth again.

The more clear I become about this, discerning that if I'm not happy it's my own doing, and if I'm upset it's because of my own belief, and this is all what I'm doing to myself, I can become clearer and clearer that it really has nothing to do with the world. So then I stop looking outside myself for causes and reasons and sinners and people to blame or pin it on. I don't go into confusion as often as to "who" is doing what to whom.

If I'm cranky, having a bad day, upset, emotional, frustrated, afraid, whatever it is, I try as best I can to remember, this has NOTHING to do with the world. It has nothing to do with anyone else. This is entirely me doing my own thing to myself temporarily. And in that recognition there is also a kind of sense of security that, because it's mine, it's not really the world ganging up on me, or frightening me, or ACTUALLY attacking me.

So what we're doing here is we're learning that the world IS NOT attacking us. Bad things are not really happening. We're not being thrown around on some kind of emotional rollercoaster as a result of the world being shit. And in fact, events can still transpire with OR without me having an emotional snowball at the same time.

Which is interesting, beacuse now the Holy Spirit suggests in the midst of strife, where I think I "should" be upset "based on" what's happening externally, to "laugh". And so I force myself into a laugh and lighten up and step back. And at first it seems silly but I then I ask myself, why not? Why do I have to be upset in this situation? Do I really have to? Am I locked into that reaction? Maybe I can still go through the SAME situations, but not taking them at all seriously.

Someone's sick? Maybe I can be happy and laugh about it. Job sucks? Maybe I can rise above it. Scary things seeming to happen? Maybe I need to get out of my ego's "experience" of the world and get into a higher view.

And as I do, I find that there IS a higher way to experience what's happening. There is a happier, lighter, "does not believe the world is real" state of mind and perception and feeling, which is joyful and happy and non-serious, which I am cultivating. It's a different approach to the world, through the Holy Spirit, which is turning the course's truth into much more of an experience than a theory.

I don't HAVE to have a given amount of xysz upset as a result of a given scenario. I don't have to be immediately caused by the world to enter into a prescribed reaction. I don't have to just fall into temptation and go down with the ship. And this stepping back is such a globally applicable thing that it applies to the whole world.

So life is transitioning from... stuff happens, I am affected ... to... I'm not affected by anything external, I work on fixing up my inner experience, going within to the truth of me, and the rest is all just a matter of laughing at the world as nothing serious. I don't have to have the reactions the world says I should have. Because the world is not the cause of anything.

I am peeling myself away from its causality lies as I recognize I am the cause and it is the effect. I have power over the world, not the other way around. Isn't it quite amazing to discover that a world which used to "bully you" with its insane attacks, is finally recognized as causing NOTHING at all, is totally harmless and inert, is not a threat, does not upset you, and can bend to your holy will? :-)

As I uncover who I really am behind all of this ego attack/defense/distortion, a light is emerging which calls for greater peace and more frequent happiness. A way out of hell. I need only remove the blocks to the awareness of love's presence in me and the world will be revealed as a place of peace and love. Because without the projection of my self attack upon it, that's all that's real about it.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace."

This means that if in ANY WAY I am not at peace, am sick, upset, unhappy, afraid, in pain, suffering or dying, it has come about ONLY because *I* made a wrong decision. This "consequence" is showing up ONLY because of the power of my own decision. I put it there. I made it happen to myself. There are no other causes. I am responsible for having attacked myself. I decided wrongly and it produced these effects. I must claim responsibility and ownership of this power to choose what I experience and stop blaming others.

"I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise."

This is further compounded in this second line - that *I* made the decision myself. Which means, the secret to salvation, I did this to myself. I am not unhappy because of something someone else did or something that happened to me against my will. I made a DECISION, on my own, which was a poor decision, which was a DELIBERATE decision, to choose ego and suffering, on purpose. I have to own that. I made myself suffer and unhappy. I chose it.

Then once I can see that I own that fully, I can now realize that, in spite of this, I can change my mind and "choose again". Acknowledging that I chose this in the first place puts me in touch with the power to choose. Owning the choice I MADE allows me to own my power of CHOOSING and therefore puts me back in touch with my power to choose a different experience. And whatever I choose, I will receive.

"I WILL to decide otherwise, because I WANT to be at peace."

Notice in the early version it says I *WILL* to decide otherwise meaning I actually DO IT, whereas in the FIP version they changed it to "I want" which is somewhat removed from actively DOING it. And so now you are realizing, that you no longer want what YOU CHOSE, you no longer want the suffering YOU MADE HAPPEN, and so now you WILL - choose - actively -towards a more sane decision which will results in consequences of peace instead of conflict.

"I do NOT feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I WILL LET HIM."

You now recognize clearly that you have not sinned, and merely have been mistaken. Mistakes can be corrected and they call for forgiveness, not punishment. Therefore you do not need to be guilty, which isn't helping anyone. Guilt is not love or a change of mind. I also don't have to worry about all the giant fuck of a mess that I made, myself, that I did to myself, even if that means having attacked myself and made myself sick or suffering or in pain or half dead.

Whatever the consequences of my wrong decision were, whatever the MANIFEST EFFECTS were, THEY can be undone. AND they can be undone BY the Holy Spirit through supernatural healing means. And the only thing remaining to ALLOW this to occur is my own willingness to LET HIM HELP ME. There is no consequence He cannot undo, including incurable diseases, and including death.

"I WILL to let Him by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

Again this says that I WILL, whereas I think in a later version it was changed to "I choose". We need to realize that WILLINGNESS is very important because it indicates full commitment and POWER. Your choice and your will are very powerful and your mind is powerful. This isn't merely an inert, neutral, powerless small decision. It is a choice to OPT for and CLAIM a different experience. If you change your mind, the whole world must change. You are ruler of the universe! Nothing happens that you do not choose and whatever you choose MUST HAPPEN.

Additionally, when you ALLOW Holy Spirit, you invite him into you, you let him help you, you ask for His healing and you RECEIVE the truth (atonement), He can AND WILL AND DOES come into you and can heal ALL OF THE CONSEQUENCES that you produced in your wrong decision. He can heal all pain and sickness and suffering. And you must be WILLING to let him, to trust him, to allow him, to give him permission, in order to have him take your INVITATION and come in to heal you and clean up the mess.

He is here to HELP YOU and you do not have to tolerate suffering of ANY kind, and you do not have to put up with consequences you caused, and you do not have to stay sick, and you do not have to do this all on your own. Allow yourself to RECEIVE THE LOVE that you now choose and WILL and accept as a sane decision. Love will heal you AND your body.

In order to be invulnerable and not a victim of the world I see, it is necessary to recognize that no-one ever does anything to me.

Part of this recognition must also entail recognizing that, therefore, I never do anything to anyone else.

Therefore if I want to experience life in which nothing happens to me against my will, I must also be willing to not attempt to force my will onto other people.

If I am trying to control or manipulate or stop or fix someone then I'm not allowing them total freedom. They must be acknowledged as being completely free to choose whatever they want, and that it is absolutely none of my business.

Only in granting such a full freedom to someone, can I also access the fact that, therefore, I too have the freedom to choose absolutely whatever I want, and that my own choice is absolutely none of anyone else's business.

Not being victimized by the world goes hand in hand with not being a victimizer of the world.

It is not possible to be a victim without being a victimizer.

It is not possible to be a victimizer without being a victim.

Any attempt I make to see someone else as a victim of myself, which means, I am not allowing them total free will, am not acknowledging their free will, and am trying to influence their free will, not only causes me to see them as a victim but also to see myself as one.

I will attempt to control their will in an attempt to manage my perception of being victimized by them, to try to "stop them" victimizing/causing me, even though this reaction is purely based on my own mis-perception that they are victimizing me (because I am victimizing myself) in the first place.

It is not possible to affect the free will of another without it affecting my own will. As I see them I will see myself. My attempt to victimize them will victimize myself. And I will have then done this to myself.

When I can accept the total freedom of another and let them have their total freedom and not try to control them at all, I will simultaneously stop trying to control myself. I will acknowledge my own freedom. I have a vested interest in allowing others to be as they choose, regardless of their choice, since it acknowledges my own freedom unconditionally.

This marks the end of victimization. It marks the end of being a victim.

A victim is someone who tries to control others.

A victimizer is someone who believes other control them.

They're both the same thing.

Victims and victimization is impossible when there is a complete recognition of the freedom of will that we all equally enjoy, our God given natural right to freely create and choose and extend. God gave free will to all his creations to necessarily endow them with the ability to create as freely as Himself. The ego is every attempt to deny this and oppose it.

All victimization and victimhood will end completely in this acceptance of the mutual freedom of all brothers including me and you. There can be no victims or victimizers when the free will of all concerned is fully recognized. The secret to salvation is that we are only doing this to ourselves. We are our own worst enemy, and our own savior.

I am not a victim of the world I see because I am not victimizing the world I see. I am not a victim of the world I see because I am not victimizing myself.

When you are in this world, it seems that who and what you are, is of this world. That you are a body.

When you are in heaven, who and what you are, is of heaven. You are spirit/mind without a body. "To be without a body is to be in your natural state."

The two worlds are completely opposite. You cannot be one while being the other. You cannot live in one while living in the other. You cannot be aware of one while being aware of the other. Which you side with is your choice.

"Every decision you make is made for Heaven or for hell, and will bring you AWARENESS of what you decided FOR."

Either you are located within and made from, heaven. Or you are located within and made from hell. You are either spirit or matter. This is all there is to choose between.

Generally speaking, if you are not in any way spiritual, you will completely identify with being in this world, being a body, being mortal matter. You will confine yourself to your body and believe it is your self. And everything you do will revolve around trying to protect your fragile life and ward off inevitable death.

The idea is that, to be spiritual, you must identify as spirit. And that simply means, that while you are here having your body, you learn that you are IN and OF and FROM another world.

Everything which is true of heaven, must become your truth. All the laws of God must become the only laws you abide by. Your immortal eternal nature must be your only reality. Your invulnerability and power and fearless love must be your entire experience.

And this also means, on the flipside, that anything NOT of heaven MUST be denied. It is opposite to your heavenly nature. Bodies, planets, galaxies, space, time, limitations, all forms of suffering, even death, have to be completely denied. You must not accept them as true of yourself, or what you are made of.

This entails recognizing that this entire world is not reality. It is a dream. And everything in it is merely a dream. And none of it means anything. And none of it is valuable in any way. This world must be regarded as literally nothing, if you are to gain everything of the Kingdom.

"This world holds nothing that I want." "Teachers of God are willing to give up all the pleasures of the world." "It takes great learning to both recognize and accept that this world has nothing to give."

You cannot have it both ways. Ultimately to completely return to communion with God you MUST fully and completely and willingly embrace your entire true reality in heaven. You must wake up to what is actually real. And you must wake up FROM this dream world, leaving it behind to vanish.

While you are working your way TOWARD the goal of BEING ONLY AS GOD CREATED YOU, of knowing yourself, you will find your experience of THIS world changing. Your perception of it will change. The light of heaven will begin shining through you to illuminate your day. And you will become more loving. But this does not change any facts about what this world is or what is real

.Reaching what we call "the real world" or the "forgiven world" is just a stepping stone along the way home. It really ultimately is not important. You will pass THROUGH it, just before you enter heaven's gates. But not for a second will you look back longingly upon it or want for it to remain, when you wake up to the glory of the Kingdom.

It really is very simple in the big picture. Vigilance for the Kingdom must become your total attention. You must accept only what God has established as true, and reject everything out of accord with it. You must not believe anything the world says or suggests or demonstrates as true. You must assert the power and life of the Kingdom so that you can demonstrate resurrection and overcome death itself.

Either you are mortal or immortal. Either you accept your immortality or you deny it and pretend to die. Your choice. Nothing in the world can stop you or do ANYTHING to you. You are absolutely invulnerable permanent perfection forever. This world has nothing on you and adds nothing to you. And you cannot keep it if you are to know God. And why would you want to keep nothingness?

"This aching world has not the power to touch the living world at all. You could not give it that, and so, although you turn in sadness from it, you cannot find in it the road that leads AWAY from it, into another world. But the REAL world HAS the power to touch you even here, BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT.

And what you call with love WILL come to you. Love always answers, being unable to deny a call for help, or not to hear the cries of pain that rise to it, from every part of this strange world you made, and do not want. The only effort you need make, to give this world away in glad exchange for what you did NOT make, is willingness to learn THE ONE YOU MADE IS FALSE."

"The world can ADD nothing to the power and the glory of God and His Holy Sons, but it can blind the Sons to the Father if they behold it. You cannot behold the world and know God. Only one is true.

I am come to tell you that the choice of which is true is not yours. If it were, you would have destroyed yourselves. But God did not will the destruction of His Creations, having created them for eternity. His Will has saved you, not from yourselves, but from your illusions of yourselves. He has saved you for yourselves. Let us glorify Him Whom the world denies, for over His Kingdom it has no power."

"I am not a body. I am free, for I am still as God created me. All that I do, I do unto myself. If I attack, I suffer. But if I forgive, salvation will be given me."

If you get angry or start blaming and pointing a finger at someone, you perceive as if it really is "about them". You see them doing something, you judge "them" for it, and your mind starts attacking them. But here's the truth.

When you do this, ideas do not leave their source. You might perceive that you're successfully attacking a "separate person out there", but the attack is actually taking place INSIDE your mind. It isn't leaving you. And this has two key parts to it:

1) The attack is taking place inside your mind

2) The "target" of the attack is also inside your mind

So both the attacker and the one being attacked are IN YOU.

You might have a tremendous sense of disassociation in that it seems you are just blaming xyz person for something, casually and easily, but you may not be realizing that even when you're hurling abuse at someone who obviously is "in the wrong", you're basically having a PRIVATE SELF ATTACK, inside a private bubble, in your mind.

So all that attack that you're trying to get rid of through projection and blame, although it doesn't seem like, is actually part of your mind attacking another part of YOUR mind. Which means that you literally are attacking yourself. You think "that asshole cut me off in traffic". Well, your mind there is saying to ITSELF, that it is an asshole.

"You but accuse your brother of your own sins". It's simple and easy to say, but may not always be obvious to recognize as what you're doing. In every case, every way that you seem to be "able" to attack someone else without experiencing the seeming effects and consequences, you MUST be in denial, MUST be mistaken, MUST have disassociation happening in your mind, AND you are attacking ONLY yourself.

So this is the thing. Your angry attack on another is NOT really an attack on another. The idea does not leave your mind. The thought does not leave your mind. The source of the attack (the attacker) does not leave your mind. And the thing that is attacked does not leave your mind. So while it SEEMS like you're "not targeting yourself", YOU ARE. In every case.

Underneath the illusion that it's not about you, it's always about you. Always. 100% of the time. Every time you think you can "get away with" having someone else experience the effects of what you're causing, without you participating in those effects, you are mistaken. Not only do you participate in the effects, ONLY YOU participate in the effects

If that other person chooses to be innocent and invulnerable your mental illness attack has absolutely no effect on them. If they choose to laugh in the face of your attempted attack, it has no effect on them. Whatsoever. You could be sitting there screaming at someone thinking that you're successfully attacking ONLY THEM, they could be totally happy and at peace and immune to it, and YOU are the only one suffering. And it's not simply that you are suffering because you're being angry, you're suffering because you are actually the THING that you are angry AT. You are RECEIVING the attack. What seems to aim "outward" actually goes inward.

See, your mind isn't only inside your body. Your mind is everywhere. Infinite. Bigger than the universe. And when you have a split mind of self attacking conflict, you position part of your mind seemingly "outside of your body". You disassociate from it and believe it is not inside you, is not your self, and is in fact another separate alien willed person who is doing stuff "Against" your will. Well, it's actually your will against your will. Your will is in conflict with itself and having a war. That "external" target is squarely YOU, INSIDE your mind.

This is sobering. Because simply put, it means that it is not possible to even attempt to attack anyone without attacking yourself. It's not possible to blame without hurting yourself. It's not possible to be angry at someone without accusing yourself of sin. So at some point you have to realize, it's got nothing to do with anyone else ever doing anything to you. It's ALWAYS about you doing stuff to yourself. Each time you attack and project and THINK it's not about you, it is. Each time you are annoyed about someone, it's YOU that you're annoyed about. And each time you retaliate, it's against yourself.

Which means that you've been hurting yourself, all this time. And it's never been about anyone else. And every single time in your life that you thought you were simply justified in reacting to someone else's bullshit, you NEVER WERE, you were hurting yourself. Nothing ever left your mind. Every argument was with yourself. And the question is, are you tired of hurting yourself? Do you want to keep doing it?

If you would simply be aware of this, and realize and recognize it, you'd realize the simple Golden Rule. Whatever you try to do to others you do to yourself. Whatever you think is true of others is true of you. It has nothing to do with whether they reciprocate or not. You do to yourself what you would have yourself do to you. Others never do anything. They are never the cause of you. Ever.

If you realized that you could not ever make a single effort to attack "someone else" without it being 100% an attack on yourself, you would not do it. It would be insane to do it. If you knew that it's not possible to attack another without hurting yourself, you would not do it. It hurts too much.

If you knew that you can NEVER get away with murderous behaviors without hurting yourself, you'd see the sense in never even considering attacking, knowing that to do so would hurt yourself. It's a kind of self regulating thing. All you need is the awareness that you are in fact INCLUDED in, and the ONLY one included in, receiving the effects of whatever you're trying to cause.

So the question simply is, if you are aware of this and can stay aware of it, do you really want to keep hurting yourself? It is in your best interests to only love. It is in your best interests to only ever be loving toward yourself and others. You can't have one set of rules that apply to others and another for yourself. You can't have it be that you are loved while others are hated. Its BOTH, or NEITHER. Either both you and others are loved or both you and others are attacked. There is no escape. And the ego is the thing that suggests there IS a way to get away with this without any consequences.

There is no escaping consequences. Whatever you do you do to yourself. This is the secret of salvation. All you need is awareness to SEE that any slight mis-step against "another" is REALLY a mis-step against yourself, and you do not want to do that because it hurts you. And it splits your mind. Which makes you disassociate from yourself and imagine an enemy, which makes you project, which doesn't REALLY project at all. External enemies are indirect self attack from your mind to your mind.

You've never attacked anyone but yourself. No-one has ever attacked anyone but themselves. You've never been attacked by anyone other than yourself. You have the power not to attack yourself. To not attack yourself you must also not want to attack others, because the fantasy of being ABLE to attack others will make you hurt yourself under the belief that it's having no effect on you. Secret of salvation. You're doing it all to yourself. Stop hurting yourself. Love yourself. Easy peasy.

God did create me. The truth about me is that I am still in the condition He originally created me, having not really changed at all.

God is everywhere in Heaven/Reality. Having created me as His Son in His Image, I am also everywhere. For this to be possible we must SHARE existence, we must overlap. You can think of this like sharing one space, where two beings permeate and occupy the entire space, together.

Since God created many beings, many beings who are everywhere, many beings thus overlap and share existence with God and with each other. Everyone shares in and has full access to everyone's being. Everyone exists WHERE everyone else exists.

The separation idea was nothing other than an attempt to stop sharing existence with others. And since the state of sharing was one of overlap and communion (common-union), this meant the attempt to "withdraw" from or to "isolate" away from the existence that others were sharing in.

In the separation, you took a small fragment of your everywhere-self, and tried to draw a fence around it. The aim was to keep everyone else including God outside of the circle, and to maintain a place inside the circle where they could not share existence with you. The result of this was the sensation that, within the circle, you are "alone", there is ONLY YOU there, and you are now "separated off" from where the others are existing.

This is the idea of the separated self. It is a portion of self which has attempted to not share, which wants special selfish rights, which wants ownership of a small segment of existence, and wants to be different and unlike the rest. To have something that is only for itself, rather than to share with others. And so finds itself having an illusory experience of existing in a place, in a space, where the space it occupies is not occupied by others (spacetime). Where it is alone and distinct within its own walls, where no-one else exists. "Only me" seems to exist there.

And this has resulted in being isolated and confined, imprisoned, inside a wall of flesh, which is the idea of sin, which is the body. The body symbolizes the separation and is a separation device, keeping the rest of you and creation out, and isolating you within.

From "inside" your body, you then have an experience that you are "the only one" who is inhabiting it. That you are in there alone. That your brothers do not share the insides with you, and that God is not in you either. And so now you are alone and lonely, as if exiled from Heaven, and as if you are now "a separate self" who no longer is communing with the rest. The body defends against the entire universe, so that you can pretend to exist in a "space" where God is not. Spacetime's entire purpose is to facilitate this illusion of separation.

The walls around the mind, which take on the form of a body, are nothing but thoughts and ideas of separation and sin. They are attempts to make manifest "blocks" which separate you from the whole and keep the whole out of your inner self. It is also an attempt to split you off from the rest of your Christ Self, which is everywhere "except" inside your body. Everything outside of you is the rest of your self, which you have separated from, using the body walls. The body itself, as the symbol of separation, "comes between", you and the rest of you, and between you and brothers/God.

These walls, the separation itself, the gap, and the body, which is a symbol of the ego, forms an alternative illusion of an identity. This identity, the body-identity, seems to substitute for, and block, and split, your real identity. The more you try to prove you are not sharing with the universe, the more you will "foster separation and induce illness." The body will then become sick in an attempt to strengthen the idea of separation and imprisonment even further. The final protest is the killing of the body in death, where the mind is attempting to completely sever the small portion of mind, in the body, from the rest of existence entirely. Death is the attempt to destroy the Son of God.

Now, when you are being yourself as God created you, you are unlimited. You are being yourself. When you go into the ego separation idea, you start to deny and reject yourself, and so are no longer being yourself. You instead are now trying to be something you are not. And this "something you are not" takes the form of the body. "The body is the idea of what you THINK you are". The ego illusion, which now seems to be "a self you made" when you came into the dream, is a secondary self that pretends to stand-in for your real self. The more the ego is emphasized, the more this artificial "not myself" self-image body-image is focused on. And so now you have "made up a self", an ego, which you think is all of you, is your identity, and causes you to be unaware of your REAL SELF.

The result then is that the more you try NOT to be yourself as God created you, the more you become ego, body identified, and sick. And the result of this is twofold. 1) The ego seems to increase thus "strengthening" the ILLUSION that you "have a separate self", and 2) you become LESS of yourself and thus reduce down and limit yourself more and more until there is death. Therefore, death is not really the idea that you are "being a separate self". Death is the idea that you are trying NOT TO EXIST AT ALL. To not HAVE a self of any kind. It is the total denial of yourself and the attempt to destroy God's son.

Therefore, when you awaken, you are not awakening to the loss of yourself. You are returning to HAVING a self, BEING your self, KNOWING THYSELF, and returning to an awareness that you are STILL as God created you in Heaven. You expand your sense of self/identity, you be authentically true to your God-given nature, you heal the separation of the split mind, and you stop trying to be something you are not. The separation ITSELF is undone, and thus the body which was IN THE GAP is closed up and removed, and thus the false self disappears REVEALING who you really are.

It is only the artificial body walls and images that disappear. It is only the ILLUSION of becoming "something you are not" or "who you think you are" that disappears. It is only the denial, self attack, blocks to awareness, and artificial senses of identity that are removed and undone and let go. NOT YOUR SELF. Your identification shifts to spirit identification. You remember your soul.

You lift these things away so that you can see who and what YOU really are, as a child of God, a soul. Awakening is the return to the awareness of God's presence, AND YOUR PRESENCE, as a spiritual being. The true self. Your real self. The self that DOES EXIST. The self that GOD GAVE YOU. Your God-given eternally living soul, which no illusion can ever take from you. And which does not die NOR disappear when you wake up - totally the opposite in fact. Fear not that awakening means the death of you, it means the LIFE OF YOU.

You do not awaken to "no self". No self is the idea of DEATH. You awaken to HAVING a FULL SELF. As your FULL self, you are everywhere, sharing everything with God and with all your brothers in Heaven forever. ONLY the ego "dies". ONLY the ego disappears. The WALLS that fenced you in and made you alone, are lifted away. You are reunited with the Sonship. You return to oneness and sharing. And you allow yourself to SHARE YOUR SELF with other selves again. You expose yourself, you become visible, and you commune with God. You let God in, you share space with Him and His creations, and return to communing with the creations of light.

"The ego is the idea of selfishness. The soul is the idea of self fullness."

"The Kingdom of God includes all his children, and their creations."

Nothing real can be hurt.

Nothing real can be attacked.

Nothing real can be damaged.

Nothing real can be made sick.

Nothing real can ever die.

Nothing real can suffer.

Nothing real can be afraid.

Nothing real can commit a crime.

Nothing real can be sinful.

Nothing real can be guilty.

Nothing real can be punished.

Nothing real can be unhappy.

Nothing real can lack love.

Nothing real can lose anything.

Nothing real can be incomplete.

Nothing real can have an end.

Nothing real can decay.

Nothing real can be unaware.

Nothing real can be lost.

Nothing real can be diseased.

Nothing real can be changed.

Nothing real can be uncertain.

Nothing real can doubt or worry.

Nothing real can hurt anything real.

Nothing real can be unreal.

Nothing real can be separate.

Nothing real can be isolated.

Nothing real can be exclusive.

Nothing real can be private.

Nothing real can cease to exist.

Nothing real is temporary.

Nothing real can be sad or grieve.

Nothing real can be victimized.

Nothing real can be powerless.

Nothing real can fail.

Nothing real can be threatened.

Everything unreal can be hurt.

Everything unreal can be attacked.

Everything unreal can be damaged.

Everything unreal can be made sick.

Everything unreal can ever die.

Everything unreal can suffer.

Everything unreal can be afraid.

Everything unreal can commit a crime.

Everything unreal can be sinful.

Everything unreal can be guilty.

Everything unreal can be punished.

Everything unreal can be unhappy.

Everything unreal can lack love.

Everything unreal can lose anything.

Everything unreal can be incomplete.

Everything unreal can have an end.

Everything unreal can decay.

Everything unreal can be unaware.

Everything unreal can be lost.

Everything unreal can be diseased.

Everything unreal can be changed.

Everything unreal can be uncertain.

Everything unreal can doubt or worry.

Everything unreal can hurt anything real.

Everything unreal can be unreal.

Everything unreal can be separate.

Everything unreal can be isolated.

Everything unreal can be exclusive.

Everything unreal can be private.

Everything unreal can cease to exist.

Everything unreal is temporary.

Everything unreal can be sad or grieve.

Everything unreal can be victimized.

Everything unreal can be powerless.

Everything unreal can fail.

Everything unreal can be threatened.

I am real so I cannot be hurt.

I am real so I cannot be attacked.

I am real so I cannot be damaged.

I am real so I cannot be made sick.

I am real so I cannot ever die.

I am real so I cannot suffer.

I am real so I cannot be afraid.

I am real so I cannot commit a crime.

I am real so I cannot be sinful.

I am real so I cannot be guilty.

I am real so I cannot be punished.

I am real so I cannot be unhappy.

I am real so I cannot lack love.

I am real so I cannot lose anything.

I am real so I cannot be incomplete.

I am real so I cannot have an end.

I am real so I cannot decay.

I am real so I cannot be unaware.

I am real so I cannot be lost.

I am real so I cannot be diseased.

I am real so I cannot be changed.

I am real so I cannot be uncertain.

I am real so I cannot doubt or worry.

I am real so I cannot hurt anything real.

I am real so I cannot be unreal.

I am real so I cannot be separate.

I am real so I cannot be isolated.

I am real so I cannot be exclusive.

I am real so I cannot be private.

I am real so I cannot cease to exist.

I am real so I cannot be temporary.

I am real so I cannot be sad or grieve.

I am real so I cannot be victimized.

I am real so I cannot be powerless.

I am real so I cannot fail.

I am real so I cannot be threatened.

My brother is real so he cannot be hurt.

My brother is real so he cannot be attacked.

My brother is real so he cannot be damaged.

My brother is real so he cannot be made sick.

My brother is real so he cannot ever die.

My brother is real so he cannot suffer.

My brother is real so he cannot be afraid.

My brother is real so he cannot commit a crime.

My brother is real so he cannot be sinful.

My brother is real so he cannot be guilty.

My brother is real so he cannot be punished.

My brother is real so he cannot be unhappy.

My brother is real so he cannot lack love.

My brother is real so he cannot lose anything.

My brother is real so he cannot be incomplete.

My brother is real so he cannot have an end.

My brother is real so he cannot decay.

My brother is real so he cannot be unaware.

My brother is real so he cannot be lost.

My brother is real so he cannot be diseased.

My brother is real so he cannot be changed.

My brother is real so he cannot be uncertain.

My brother is real so he cannot doubt or worry.

My brother is real so he cannot hurt anything real.

My brother is real so he cannot be unreal.

My brother is real so he cannot be separate.

My brother is real so he cannot be isolated.

My brother is real so he cannot be exclusive.

My brother is real so he cannot be private.

My brother is real so he cannot cease to exist.

My brother is real so he cannot be temporary.

My brother is real so he cannot be sad or grieve.

My brother is real so he cannot be victimized.

My brother is real so he cannot be powerless.

My brother is real so he cannot fail.

My brother is real so he cannot be threatened.

Something that I am really connecting with strongly at the moment, is the very ultra-simple truth that I am GOD’S CREATION. This is reflected in ideas such as:

"I am forever an effect of God,"

"I am still as God created me."

I focus simply on the fact that whatever I am, I MUST BE what God has determined me to be. I come from Him, and from nothing else. I am the extension of Him, per His Will. And everything I have He has given me.

It bypasses all lower level ideas and concepts and simply focuses on WHAT I AM, in relationship to God. The primary relationship of cause and effect between Father and Son.

This entails acceptance and acknowledgement of having been created BY God, and that therefore I am His child, and must be EXACTLY as He created me to be.

I am still as God created me.

God designed me to be perfect so I must be perfect.

God created me therefore I am exactly what He wanted to create.

I must be innocent because God created me innocent.

I must be sinless and guiltless because God did not design me with sin or guilt in me.

I cannot die because God did not Will that I be dead.

As you play with this idea and elaborate on it, you can come up with some very powerful yet simple, holy ideas about your real self.

God is the cause, you are His effect. I acknowledge that since God caused me, I must be whatever HE wants me to be. I must be as he designed me. I must be loved and holy. I must be perfect and divine. I must FOREVER be immortal and flawless and deathless and ageless and free from all corruption.

Acknowledging that I am God’s effect or creation, means admitting to being Christ. Jesus said to me, putting words in my mouth, "I need to restore my identity as Christ." This line of thinking does exactly that.

I will to simply remember my true nature. To remember who I am and what I am like. To recall why I must be free from anything God did not put into me. To recognize why I must be still as he designed and in perfect accord with His will and blueprint.

I can ONLY be what God has chosen to create me as. I cannot change this. I cannot redefine myself. I have no say in or power to alter myself. I have never changed since God created me. I’m incapable of being or doing anything God did not build into me to be capable of.

Therefore I have a "function", which God has set in place, a role if you will a machinery, a way of operating, a potential and capability, a talent, which God has given and is irrevocable. Nor can I add the slightest anything to His design. Nor can I take anything away.

I can ONLY BE what God wills me to be. I come from God. I am His holy extension. I am like Him. I am in His likeness and of His nature. I have INHERITED Him. I am HOST to Him. I am what He would have me be, and nothing more or less.

I am God’s Son, God’s child. I am from Him alone. Everything about me is HIS choice. I can only accept and celebrate that He has given me blessings and freedom and joy and beauty and power and everything of Himself. He has shared Himself with me. He has GIVEN Himself to me. I am HIS property.

The relationship of communion with God is the fundamental primary relationship of the soul to its creator. It is the recognition of what you ARE and MUST be, because of WHO created you. And it is the acceptance that you CANNOT BE anything else, nothing else is true of you, and only His truth about you is true.

You are anchored to your true identity as Christ because this is what God has willed. He created you Christ. You ARE Christ. And nothing beyond God has any power over you to define, change, attack, distinguish, affect or alter you in any way.

You are God’s creation. Holy, innocent, and free.

"There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The main difference between us as yet is that I have NOTHING ELSE. This leaves me in a state of true holiness, which is only a POTENTIAL in you."

(If you are willing).

You [insert fucker’s name], are not the cause of me. You are not causing me. You are my equal brother and God is the cause of both of us.

You have not done anything to me against my will. I am not the victim of you that I’ve come to believe you are. I have been using you to be my victimizer so that I can be upset as a victim and use you to project my sin. I wanted to make out you are the cause of me so that I can asuage my guilt and pretend to be innocent. I am the one who needs healing.

You have never done anything to me. You have never hurt me. You have never upset me. You are not the cause of anything I am feeling or experiencing. You have not put reactions in me. You have not changed me or made me upset in any way.

Everything I am experiencing, I have chosen for myself. All of my feelings are my own. Nothing has happened that I did not want. I have done this to myself.

You did not do anything to me, you cannot do anything to me, and you never will. All we can do is share love. Because you have not done anything to me, you did not cause anything that I am experiencing, which means you must be innocent. My upset isn’t even about you. You have nothing to do with what I am experiencing whatsoever.

I have not done anything to you. I am not the cause of you. I have not attacked you, hurt you, made you upset, changed you, caused reactions in you, damaged you or affected you in any way. I have not victimized you. You are not the victim of me.

Everything you are experiencing and feeling is your own stuff that you chose for yourself. I am not the source of any of your upset, confusion, hurt or problems. I have never caused you because God is your only cause. Therefore I must be innocent because I have not done anything to you.

We are both equally innocent. Neither of us has done anything to each other. There is no causality between brothers. You are not the cause of me. I am not the cause of you. Anything I am experiencing I must have chosen myself and done to myself.

No-one else has the power to do anything to either of us against our will. The power that I thought you had over me is my own power. The power that you thought I had over you is your own power. Neither of us has power over each other. I take back my power from you and give you back your own power to choose your own experience.

I am fully responsible for everything I am experiencing. You are fully responsible for everything you are experiencing. I can choose to experience something else and there is nothing you or anyone can do to stop this. You have not willed against me and I have not willed against you. We are both in accord with God’s will that we be forever equals in love and innocence.

I am not vulnerable to your attacks. Your attacks are your attempt to attack yourself. You are not vulnerable to my attacks. My attacks are my own attempt to attack myself. I can stop attacking myself and be happy. You can stop attacking yourself and be happy. We cannot and have not attacked each other.

I am completely free from your choice and you are free from mine. I am free from your wishes and intentions. I do not grant you the power to upset me. I do not displace my own power onto you. Nothing happens to me that I do not choose. Nothing happens to you that you do not choose. Neither of us is a victim. There are no victims. We have not victimized each other. I am not a victim of you. You are not a victim of me.

We are both innocent because neither of us has done anything to each other. We are both innocent because we are both still as God created us. Neither of us has sinned. I have not sinned against you. You have not sinned against me. We have not sinned against God. There is no sin. Nothing has happened.

We are both perfectly equal in God. We are both God’s children. We are both holy and innocent and forgiven. You are my equal brother and I am your equal brother. We are identical in God. We are one in love. There is no separation between us. I share everything with you as you share everything with me. We can both be at peace together and join in love as equals.

God loves us equally. I forgive you and love you. You forgive me and love me. We love everyone as ourselves. Love is all there is.

Lately I feel like I have found a whole new sense of identity, and that I've discovered God.

I have been dwelling on two workbook lessons, 91 and 92. They talk about how I am not a body, and asks therefore, what am I? The focus is put on discovering who I really am if I am a not a limited, separated self, and begins to reinforce the various attributes of what must be my real self.

Then in 92 it builds on this by suggesting that all the attributes of my real self are actually shared with God. That for example God's light is my strength, that I see in God's light, that I share God's mind, that my strength is actually God in me etc.

These to me seem to be a kind of two step leap in identity - 1) That I am not a body and am something above and beyond this level and world, and 2) That all my real attributes are actually PART OF GOD. That my actual self is SHARED with him and everything true of my real self is INHERITED and simultaneously one with him.

That means that to claim my real self, to be not a body or an ego, I actually have to realize that I am part of God himself, that everything I have comes from him, that there is a strength and a power IN me which is actually HIM. That I am host to him, that he is in fact the life and the light in me, and that I can kind of step back into him and merge with him. Even my self, my soul, is actually an extended part of God himself which HE DWELLS IN.

I cannot really explain it but there has been a strange leap in confidence, sense of outward expression, of certainty and fearlessness, which has suddenly erupted as a result of this. It seems like a major shift in who and what I AM, away from "I'll do this all by myself" to "God and I will do this together." A leap from exclusion to inclusion, and from selfishness to sharing.

I've been having some .. bright and clear views of the world, in which it looks quite beautiful, which seems to effortlessly come by affirming that all MY attributes are actually God in me. That I see in his light, think with his mind, that my strength is his, that I forgive with his love, that I SHARE with him. And through this acknowledgement of him in my mind, I leap further to seeing God in everything. And this is also about TRUST.

I have to say that the degree of seeming 'light' that these visions entail is far beyond anything that any other course practice has ever revealed. And it seems so simply accessed through the acknowledgement of God in me, and that my SELF is embedded in him and a part of him. I am an extension of God. Everything I am comes from him and IS HIM!

By opening up to that, which is WITHIN myself, kind of behind myself, all of the sense of happiness and love and power and light and so on just seems to switch on like a lightbulb and flood my perception with 'forgiveness'. This isn't an intellectual exercise or a concept or theory. It's an immersive experience. I am putting myself into God's hands and am seeing myself as united with his attributes. That anything I have is OF him and not of me.

What I am is not just myself. What I am isn't an isolated, fenced-off me. The walls are dropping. What I am is shared with the whole. What I am is given to me by something much larger. And it seems the blessings and gifts of God are FAR FAR FAR in advance of any sense of "me and mine" that I could possibly come up with as a body-identified ego.

It also seems so very simple. Just stepping back and sinking into a sense of self that is made of God himself. Allowing myself to host him. Accepting that I am what he has created me to be. Recognizing not simply that I am some kind of spiritual self, but that I ONLY have what God has PUT in me, and what he has put in me is HIMSELF!

This also leads to the recognition that everyone else, all other children of God, also have God in them. And I am seeing this in the course more and more. To attack another is to attack God because they are host to God. To recognize that they are HOST to God, is to recognize their sacredness and to honor the power of God in them.

I cannot join with another WITHOUT joining with God and the Holy Spirit in them, because all must be included! I can't exclusively join with just one person, to the exclusion of God. God has to be part of the joining because he is the love. And his entire Kingdom must be there as well. To love unconditionally is to love the whole sonship at once.

To be an isolated, separated, exclusive, body-identified self, is to be HOSTAGE to the ego. You can be hostage to the ego or host to God. This is our choice. To host God is to have him be in you and through you, in which all he shares with and gives to you, is given FOR you and FOR others. And thus does it extend beyond yourself alone, because nothing is for yourself alone.

"Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God? You will accept only whom YOU invite. You are free to determine who shall be your guest, and how long he shall remain with you." "I who am host to God AM worthy of Him.

He Who ESTABLISHED His dwelling-place in me created it as He would have it be.

It is not needful that I make it ready for Him, but only that I DO NOT INTERFERE with His plan to RESTORE to me my own AWARENESS of my readiness, which is eternal.

I need ADD nothing to His plan,

But to RECEIVE it, I must be willing NOT to substitute my own IN PLACE of it.""

"You who are host to God, are also host to THEM."

"Thus will He make you ready to acknowledge that you ARE host to God, and hostage to no-one and to nothing."

"For He is Host to God. And you need but invite Him in Who is there ALREADY, by recognizing that His Host is One."

"We asked you once before, "Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God?" Let this question be asked you by the Holy Spirit in you, EVERY time you make a decision. For every decision you make DOES answer this, and invites sorrow or joy, accordingly."

"It is not true that you can make decisions BY yourself, or FOR yourself alone."

"Do not forget you do not answer for yourself alone." "Remember that you learn not for yourself alone, no more than I did."

"The Holy Spirit enables you to PERCEIVE THIS WHOLENESS NOW. You can no more pray for yourselves alone than you can find joy for yourself alone."

"And sight of bodies becomes the sign that sacrifice IS limited, and something still remains for you alone."

"The gifts you have are not for you alone. What He has come to offer you, you now must learn to give."

"It will NOT be for you alone, for therein lay its misery. As its UNholiness kept it as a thing apart, its HOLINESS will become an offering to everyone."

"Atonement is for all, because it is the way to UNDO the belief that ANYTHING is for you ALONE."

"Salvation IS His Will BECAUSE you share it. NOT for you alone, but for the Self which IS the Son of God."

When I used to do ACIM, it was always about me being here on Earth trying to forgive stuff. People were across from me in bodies, as bodies. I was a body. The focus was on me being here anchored in a body trying to somehow get closer to reality.

But then there was a big change and turning point, namely that my wife left her body and wend to heaven. But this was by no means the end of our interactions together, and instead she became a kind of anchor in heaven.

Since then my focus has noticeably shifted in how I deal with the course. I see it as telling me that I should be locating myself as IN heaven, and not of this world. Even if my body seems to be here, I should regard myself as with God. Physically on earth, mentally in heaven.

I see this also as relating to the topic of 'who I am really'. I am not a body, I am free. Well, where am I if I'm not a body - I'm in heaven. If I am Christ, where is Christ? Not on Earth. Christ IS heaven. If I am immortal spirit and recognize and identify myself as spirit, where is spirit? It's not on earth, it's in heaven, as heaven.

So for me now the focus has shifted quite a bit in terms of how I am 'oriented'. I am becoming increasingly more 'centered' in heaven, identifying as part of heaven, while my body continues to seem to exist on Earth.

I liken it to what it would be like if I was an angel in heaven, and came to Earth for a visit but was still entirely of the same nature and mindset that I was in heaven. Still believing I am with God, still in the light, still a spirit being, not confused about who or what I am. In the world, but not of it.

I think this is important because we need to realize we are not Earth people, we are not bodies or humans, we are not anchored here. Just because bodies are here it gives a flavour of ... everything I do is from the perspective of being here. But this isn't the proper perspective. To get above the battlefield mind has to see itself as NOT in a body, NOT outside the Kingdom, NOT separate from God.

I focus now much more on affirming and recognising who I really am - immortal spirit, where I really am - in heaven with God, how I really am - perfectly innocent and invulnerable. Lifting up and away from all the sense of the bullshit of the world, all the ideas of "something is going wrong", all the illusions of suffering and of being even someone or something that can suffer. Uncovering my true self.

We need to be above the world, looking down, not looking up from below. Believing we are firmly WITHIN God, not outside of God.

"You have been assured that the Kingdom of God is within you, and can never be lost."

"That is why we made no distinction before between HAVING the Kingdom of God and BEING the Kingdom of God."

"Forget not the Kingdom of God for anything the world has to offer. The world can ADD nothing to the power and the glory of God and His Holy Sons, but it CAN blind the Sons to the Father if they behold it."

"Because you are all the Kingdom of God, I can lead you back to your own creations"

"To be IN the Kingdom is merely to focus your full attention ON it."

"The Kingdom CANNOT be found alone, and you who ARE the Kingdom cannot find YOURSELVES alone."

"You ARE the Kingdom of Heaven, but you have let the belief in darkness enter your minds, and so you need a new light."

"You who ARE the Kingdom are not concerned with seeming. Reality is yours because you ARE reality."

I complain that food manufacturers constantly package food in containers which are way larger than the contents, and when you go to open it up you find it's half empty and feel deceived. It IS a dishonest practice. At first it was the 'oh potatoe chips need extra air space to cushion them against breakage' but then it was... well, here's 20 other foods that don't have this risk but still come with a large airspace. The packaging mis-represents what you actually will get. Ok, that's just a deceptive shitty lie.

Ok. That's my complaint. Now, let's look at what has happened because of this complaint.

I've started out by seeing myself as being victimized. I ask, who am *I* in this scenario. There's the food manufacturer over there and there's the product sitting in front of me and I'm seeing this scenario where I'm looking at ME in a particular way. I think I'm looking at the food container and complaining, but that's actually a few steps down the road. What happened before my angry reaction was me seeing myself 'in' the scenario as a victim. ie..

1) If the food item has more empty space than needed, I have decided that this means there is dishonesty. It's dishonesty on the level of form and implies deceit.

2) If there is deceit in the food item, and because I say it means they are being deceiving, and because I have an interest in this food item, I am now a part of the story and it is ME that is being deceived. It's personal!

3) Now that it's 'affecting me' (because of the way I CHOSE to position myself as the victim in the story), I am now justified in anger and annoyance. Now I can blame them. Now I can say it's their fault that I am angry, because what they did happened before what I did. But this covers up the fact that what I did (made it real, gave it meaning it doesn't have, treated it as non-neutral), happened before anything else.

4) If I am seeing guilt in the food container then who is experiencing guilt? I might be trying to get THEM to experience guilt but it's a part of my reality, so *I* am experiencing guilt, albeit displaced. That means there's guilt in my mind, and I believe in my own guilt. That means I believe I've sinned, and I'm trying to pin it on the food container and the people who made it wrongly.

So as I find the huge airspace in a bag of chips annoying, or the gross vomit-like quality of tv dinners to be nothing like the beautiful arrangement on the box cover, or the totally unnecessary container size housing rather less product just to get me to think that I am getting more than I am, I have this opportunity to realize.... this is ONLY there to trigger my own self-attack and to remind me that I am CHOOSING to see myself as a victim, and I'm only choosing that because *I* BELIEVE* I am deceptive and dishonest and guilty. Hmmm.

So... then it boils down to this. I can't hold THEM guilty without holding myself guilty, because this guilt is mine. Hmm. Ok, I forgive them BECAUSE they did not do anything, I DID IT. And I forgive me because I did not really DO anything, nothing has happened. And I am forgiven already because none of this happened in the first place, it's just a dream that isn't real. And I am actually whole and one with GOD right now being HAPPY rather than right. Yay. We are ALL innocent and equal and One and none of us are guilty at all.

Ok now to eat some chips.

If I see myself as "being attacked" by someone, I am attacking.

If I see myself as "being victimized", I am victimizing.

If I see myself as afraid, I am threatening.

If I see myself as lacking, I am stealing.

If I see myself as judged, I am judging.

If I seem sick against my will, I have deliberately made myself sick in order to accuse others of causing it.

If I am dying and don't want to die, it's a great way to discard all of my power and give up on life, as if death is the total opposite of what I want when in fact I'm choosing it.

If I am feeling unsafe, I'm undermining someone.

If I'm trying to rely on myself, I'm trying to be unreliable.

If I see myself as guilty, I must believe it about others as well.

If I see myself as innocent, it can be that I have put my sin onto others and am in denial.

Always the surface appearance hides the exact opposite motive that lies underneath, because the ego is always two faced. Whatever it seeks to accomplish it accomplishes the exact opposite. Whatever it says its intentions are, they are a cover-story for a completely opposite plan.

No-one dies without their own consent. Death is chosen. Death is suicide. And death is an attempt to prove that you have no will or power to choose anything else, while simultaneously using all of your will and power to make death seem to happen in secret.

This is why death is *failing the Course.*

It's very simple. God is the ONLY cause of you. God is the ONLY cause of anyone. Everyone who exists is solely caused by God and NOTHING else. Whatever God wills that we all be, we are that, and even we have no say in this.

We are all totally EQUAL and next to each other, and God is above. God creates me fully and creates you fully. I do not create you, and you do not create me. It is nonsense to suggest that I am your creator or that you have caused me to exist.

This means that your brothers are NOT the cause of you. Nor is the world. Nor is the body. NOTHING ELSE can EVER cause you. Not one single person in the world is causing you right now, nor who has ever caused you, nor have you ever caused anyone.

When you believe someone is at fault or doing something to you, you MUST be confused about who your creator is. Whoever creates you causes you. No-one else has any input to this or any power over you. To believe someone is causing you is to believe you are NOT caused by God. To blame someone is to reject God as your creator.

Forgiveness then can very simply entail deprogramming yourself from ANY belief that ANYTHING other than God has power over you. This is the same as saying you should use the power of denial to deny anything NOT of God ANY POWER over you. That includes denying that your brother has any power over you, or that you have power over anyone.

The EGO is the confusion about cause and effect, about who your creator is, and therefore where CAUSE is coming from. If you assign cause to your brothers, or to the world, or to the body, then you are confused. They are NOT the cause of you in any way. When you believe cause is outside of you making you its effect, or you are at the effect of the world, you are claiming that the world is your creator.

You DO actually have creations which YOU HAVE caused, which are the living beings in heaven that you co-created with God and your brothers. These are not the people of the world. You DO have power over these beings because you are the CO-CREATOR of them. But you have created them by giving them freedom, just as God has with you.

If in any way right now you think that some person is doing something to you, or some company, or some group, or something in the body, or some aspect of the world, or anything at all in this dream, then you ARE MISTAKEN.

The ego will then form notions of a kind of cord or connection or chain or cause and effect, between you and others, between you and the body, or you and the world. It will suggest there is a tie or bridge across which stuff from another person "comes into you" and "does things to you" or "makes you" or changes your emotions or induces reactions in you. The belief in these artificial cause-effect relationships have to be SEVERED.

Whenever you are mistaken about causality you will find a belief in your mind that someone or something has kind of latched onto you, is outside you, causing you from the outside in, and now you are at its effect. This is NOT true. This belief has to be undone.

You can simply do this by just looking at the beliefs you DO have about these horizontal cause-effect relationships, and UNDOING your belief in them.

I am not being caused by that person. That person is not doing anything to me. I am not at the effect of them. They are not responsible for how I feel. They are not making me upset. They are not doing anything to me. They are not the cause of my feelings. They have not attacked me. They are doing NOTHING to me.

You can see then that this leads to the fact that your brother is innocent, because if they truly are NOT CAUSING you at all, then you cannot claim that they are in ANY WAY sinful, guilty, wrong, bad, evil or attacking. So they must be innocent. Sorting out the fact that they are NOT the ones doing anything to you, helps you to see their innocence and yours, and places responsibility for sight back your own court.

It is also important to affirm that you are not doing anything to anyone else. I am not attacking them. I am not hurting them. I am not abusing anyone. I am not causing anyone to feel anything. I am not making anyone upset. I am not responsible for anyone feels. I am not making anyone sick or afraid. I am not attacking anyone. This is simply because YOU are innocent. You CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO ANYONE.

God himself PROTECTS everyone by his will. No-one but him can touch his children. His children CANNOT hurt each other in reality. This is the simplicity of forgiveness and atonement. Simply putting cause and effect back into their proper place, being willing to be forever an effect of God, and realizing that LOVE is all that you can actually share with anyone.

"It is God's Will that nothing touch His Son except Himself, and nothing else comes nigh unto him. He is as safe from pain as God Himself, Who watches over him in everything" "I am forever an Effect of God."

"Father, I was created in Your Mind, a holy Thought that never left its home. I am forever Your Effect, and You forever and forever are my Cause. As You created me I have remained. Where You established me I still abide, and all Your attributes abide in me because it is Your Will to have a Son so like his Cause that Cause and Its Effect are indistinguishable. Let me know that I am an Effect of God, and so I have the power to create like You. And as it is in Heaven, so on earth. Your plan I follow here, and at the end I know that You will gather Your Effects into the tranquil Heaven of Your Love, where earth will disappear, and separate things unite in glory as the Son of God."

"I am not the victim of the world I see."

"How can I be the victim of a world which can be completely undone if I so choose? My chains are loosened. I can drop them off merely by desiring to do so. The prison door is open. I can leave it simply by walking out. Nothing holds me in this world. Only my wish to stay keeps me a prisoner. I would give up insane wishes, and walk into the sunlight at last."

"Here is the perfect statement of my freedom. I am under no laws but God's. I am constantly tempted to make up other laws, and give them power over me. I suffer only because of my belief in them. They have no real effect on me at all. I am perfectly free of the effects of all laws save God's. And His are the laws of freedom."

There is the me that seems to be 'in here' in the body, who I believe is innocent and did not ask for this sorry treatment.

Then there is the me that seems to be 'out there' which somehow is in someone else's body, and therefore I believe it is not me at all, and that self is attacking the self that I think remains as me, within.

What's really going on is that both the me out there and the me in here are two parts of my one mind. My mind, itself, is at war with itself. This is the ego split-mind, based in duality and separation. It is two-faced.

The me that is in-here, my persona self, is the part of me that wants to retain and keep something, rejecting everything else.

The me that is 'out there', my shadow self, is the projected (but still within my own mind, since ideas leave not their source) part of me that I do not want. Therefore that self seems to be separated off behind a wall of disassociation.

I perceive that projected shadow self as "not me" and that I want nothing to do with it. I don't identify with it and I believe it is someone else. It is what I do not want. I see it as 'my' enemy, but really I am seeing it with my persona who loves to isolate the 'good bits' to my 'in here' self, and keep the 'bad bits' relegated to the 'out there' self.

I project my shadow self onto other people and since I believe that this shadow self is 'not me', not my persona-me, I believe that it must belong to other people. I believe it must be a part of them. I believe THEY must be the ones who are attacking me, they are the ones who are offensive, they are the ones who are my enemy.

The stronger becomes this sense of 'separation' between the in-here me and the out-there me, ie me vs 'other selves', which I experience hallucinatorily as other people, the stronger and deeper that rift becomes and the more 'I' am at war with those enemy selves, the more I disassociate my identity from that shadow self - the part of me that I hate and reject. And it seems I am now an enemy of that other person, but they are really me - I am an enemy of myself.

While this disassociation is in place, it will seem to me that the other self that is 'out there', which houses everything that is wrong and ugly and unwanted and guilty and evil and deadly, has nothing to do with me at all. I will want to get away from it, reject it, escape it, and run from its threat. I don't want to accept that it is a part of myself.

But what I must do if I want healing, is I must recognize that all of the projected guilt/sin/attack that I see as 'not myself', or as 'someone else's stuff', ALL of it is mine. That content is part of and inside of my own mind. See, I think my mind is only inside my body and that my mind stops at the edges of my body. It doesn't. My mind 'in here', as it perceives what is 'out there', and as it thinks about stuff 'out there', is actually out there as well. And it's not possible for my mind to perceive that there even IS an 'out there' without my mind being in some way out there too. And everything I experience, even the out there stuff, is really encapsulated by my whole mind, like a container. My body, other people's bodies. It's me.

So if I want to heal, I'm going to have to realize that in all cases where I think someone else is wrong or at fault, I am just conveniently disassociating from MY OWN self-attack, which I am seeing as 'not me' because I don't want it, and I've seen it overlaid on top of 'people' out there. It's nothing to do with them. They are ALL INNOCENT. There is not really anything out there. It's all my own mind, parts of my mind, that I don't want to look at.

To heal, I am going to have to look at this content that I think is in other people, and I'm going to have to take back responsibility for it. I'm going to have to take back the 'power' that I think it has over me, which is really my own power within my own mind. And I'm going to have to admit that the stuff I want to get rid of, that is stuff within my mind not outside of it. There is no outside to my mind! It's all inside me. And I need to therefore heal the rift between the persona-me, in here, which only wants to keep the good stuff, and the shadow me that I project, which is seemingly out there and that I do not want to accept.

I can't accept the shadow stuff or the persona stuff while they remain separate. While separate, there is war. I have to realize they are BOTH ME and cease the belief in the *SEPARATION* that is between them. That is the key. I am doing this to myself because I am both parts of my mind, the inner and the outer. I am the enemy I perceive. I need to forgive myself and undo this rift, this split mind, between what is approved-of in me and what is not approved of in me.

It is keeping these parts of my own mind held apart and separate that brings on all sickness, all conflict, all war, all upset, and death. Reclaiming ownership of the entire scenario, the inner and the outer, they become one. I see them both as me operating two personalities that are against each other, and yet both of them are within me. Therefore.... I am something else. I am not either of them. I am awareness. I am the personality. I am the one mind.

Wholeness. Peace.

"You can do anything I ask. I have asked you to perform miracles, and have made it clear that miracles are natural, corrective, healing and universal. There is nothing they cannot do, but they cannot be performed in the spirit of doubt or fear.

When you are afraid of anything, you are acknowledging its power to hurt you. Remember that where your heart is, there is your treasure also. You believe in what you value. If you are afraid, you will inevitably value wrongly, and by endowing all thoughts with equal power will inevitably destroy peace." - ACIM

I am quoting this not so much for the "tip" that miracle-working requires you to not be in a state of fear, and that miracles can do literally anything, but to reinforce the theme of my posts today that when you believe something outside of you has power over you, it WILL produce a state of fear.

You can diffuse this fear simply be affirming the ways in which you are NOT at the effect of what is outside of you.

I am not affected by that person.

That person has no power over me.

They are not doing anything to do.

I am not doing anything to them.

They are not the cause of what I am experiencing.

I am not causing them to experience anything.

Neither of us are affecting each other in any way.

I am not a victim of that person.

That person is not a victim of me.

I am not being victimized by that person.

I am not victimizing that person.

I am completely unaffected by that person.

That person is completely unaffected by me.

I am completely free from the influence of that person.

That person is completely free from being influenced by me.

That person has no power over me.

I have no power against that person.

We are both equally innocent and holy.

Neither of us has done anything to each other.

They have not done anything to me at all.

I have not done anything to them at all.

etc.

Guaranteed, this will deflate your fear in a very short space of time because it will change your perception away from the ego-dependency of "something out there is causing me", and put the focus of where the cause is back into your own mind.

You are not a victim of the world you see.

You are not at the effect of the world you see.

You CANNOT BE AFRAID if you do not perceive yourself as being at the effect of the world. To be affected by the world is to be punished by the world, due to you being guilty. You have no reason to be afraid if you are NOT guilty.

Let's review this prayer from ACIM in a new light.

"1. I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace.

2. I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

3. I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace.

4. I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.

5. I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

so...

1) I first admit I'm upset because I projected guilt, so I'm victimized and I'm suffering and afraid and not at peace. I signed a stupid contract with someone so that they would take my guilt and, in exchange, I would be persecuted.

2) I have to recognize I made a decision (contract) with the person myself and projected my own guilt myself. Thus I must admit that this person be seen as innocent and they were just helping me to hide my guilt.

3) I want to decide otherwise because I want to not be a victim any more and I am willing to be responsible for my guilt. So I take my guilt back from the person. I want out of the contract and I want real healing.

4) I do not have to feel guilty. I can go to Holy Spirit and offer up my guilt and be willing to be OPEN to accepting His verdict. If He says so, I am innocent, and I must accept that if He says so - this is what it means to allow Him to decide FOR ME whether I'm innocent or not. So I don't HAVE to be guilty and I don't have to (and should not attempt to) decide for myself. And also...

"Holy spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I will let Him."

- Holy Spirit will UNDO ALL CONSEQUENCES. That means He is capable of removing all guilt, all sin, all suffering, all fear, all sickness, all hate and anger, all shame, all darkness in any form whatsoever. Anything that I made as a result of choosing sin and guilt He CAN undo FOR ME. I don't have to even do anything.

- "If I will let Him", means, I have to have as much willingness as possible to be OPEN to the possibility that I am innocent, to fully ACCEPT Holy Spirit's judgement (that I am innocent), to LET GO OF all guilt and every consequence that came from choosing sin, and then to LET HIM go to work IN ME to undo all of these manifestations and forms of consequence. And that includes all sickness and side effects, IF I will let Him.

5. I can trigger off this willingness by allowing Holy Spirit to decide for me... i.e. I can go before Him and say, here's my guilt etc, please decide for me whether I am really guilty or not. And that means I have to be very open minded and neutral in offering this, knowing that I am not being unfairly judged, and to be willing to ACCEPT whatever Holy Spirit's verdict is. This is like a last, final offering to Him. If He says I am guilty, I must hang my head in shame and head off into the wilderness by myself. If he says I am innocent, I MUST agree to let go of all of the guilt and all of the consequences that my sinful decision made for me.

I am letting Holy Spirit decide for God for me, which now really means, I want God/HS to choose the meaning of what I am and the truth about me and whether or not I am innocent or guilty. I will let Him decide my fate. And He WILL decide FOR me, in my favor, that I am innocent.

If I can be willing to really accept this Atonement, to accept His decision, THEN... willingness permitting, I CAN ask Him to forgive and heal me and He CAN come into me and heal me. He CAN correct all of the consequences, literally. He can fix every fuckup that resulted from this mess. And he can raise the dead (me) back to life.

Personally I have been learning to experience this more - this last part, allowing Holy Spirit to come into me and actually "do stuff". This is quite wacky sometimes. If you've seen videos of some supernatural-oriented Christian churches where they bring forth Holy Spirit and people start shaking and they get all hot or cold or tingly or body parts start to heal or they grow a new eyeball or whatever.... (it happens!) .... That kind of shit can happen for you. This is what the Course is saying. "Holy Spirit will undo ALL THE CONSEQUENCES If I will let Him." I need to learn to be very willing to let Him, so that I can be helped by his divine POWER, which is a healing agent, which can correct me on all levels including emotional and physical.

This isn't just a Course in nice gentle little evaporating of thought. This is a course in fricking MIRACLES!

1. Everything other than me is responsible for sin happening. Everyone else is responsible for my condition and happiness. Everyone else is doing everything to me. The world is causing me. I am not responsible for anything (face of innocence, victimhood, death). They need to change, not me. This is "forgiveness to destroy".

2. I am the one who caused sin to happen. I did this to myself. "The Secret of salvation is that you are doing this to yourself". "It can be but myself I crucify." Owning up to what you THINK you did. At first this induces ego guilt because it still regards the sin as real. "I did it" ... "to myself". You have to pass through this stage, you can't bypass it. You do have to recognize you *believe* you did sin, before you can recognize you did not. You HAVE made all sins real, and need to move towards NOT making them real.

3. No one caused any real sin, so no one is responsible for what hasn't occurred. "Forgiveness recognizes what you think your brother did has not occurred." No-one has sinned, including me. There is no sin. What I believed I did, did not happen. It has had no consequences. I am responsible for being innocent. I am responsible for owning up to the Christ self that has not sinned. I am responsible for accepting the atonement. This is true forgiveness. Recognizing there is no sin TO forgive. All is forgiven. "I am still as God created me." "Enlightenment is but a recognition".

The Golden Rule states that whatever is true of one Son of God is true of another. Because all of God's children are perfect equals. This means that anything true of you is true of the entire sonship. You are created in the likeness of God and so what is true of God is true of you and all brothers and all creations. This rule, really a law, is always in effect regardless of how awake you are.

What this means is that in this world, when you believe you are guilty, you MUST also believe that everyone else is guilty. This rule is a LAW of God. It cannot be broken. But you can be deceived in believing it is not applying.

We talk a lot about projecting your stuff and then taking it back, as if to say, there is something confined to myself that I am ONLY doing to myself. We talk about being responsible for this self-attack, that all attack is self-made and we're not really attacking anyone else. We also talk about how I am the one who needs forgiveness and so on.

But there is something happening as a result of the Golden Rule. IF I attack myself, I AM attempting to also attack my brother. If I see myself as guilty, I MUST believe the whole sonship is guilty. If I find myself unworthy of love, I will believe everyone is unworthy of love. Whatever I see in my brother is a reflection of my own attitude about myself. Which means if I have attacked myself, I MUST also be attacking them.

This extends also to sickness, because while many believe that "only I am sick" or "the sickness is only in my body", as if separated off from others, the fact is that sickness is a two-sided affair. It arises because you accuse your brother of sin, which is an attack on him. Using the body to attack through, your body becomes sick. Your mind therefore HAS to believe that BOTH you and your brother are sick.

This also plays out on the level of relationship because when you are regarding your brother as being as holy as you are, you are in a holy relationship with them, seeing your own holiness in them. When you separate off, by ceasing to extend your mind to them, a gap forms in between you both, coming between you. It doesn't just separate you off from them, it also separates them off from you. It's a two-sided wall. What applies to you applies to them.

So what we have to realize is, while it's definitely beneficial to look at what we are doing "only to ourselves", we have to remember nothing ever really applies only to ourselves. Which means that if we are indeed in any kind of ego state, having any kind of guilt or sin belief, some aspect of that belief IS directed at our brothers. If we are attacking "only ourselves", we ALSO are attacking others.

This is part of the unhealed healer as well. If I have not received love, and therefore cannot give it, and therefore am unhealed, because I have guilt in me, I am going to have to see that guilt in everyone. And seeing it there, I will perhaps disassociate and think it's someone else's problem that I need to save them from. That blindness, that separation thought, where you think something applies to you and not them, or applies to them and not you, that is always ego. And there is temptation in the whole "it's all my own stuff" approach to not realize that it's not JUST about you as a "separate" mind.

Shifting blame from someone else back onto yourself does not heal it. It's a step in the right direction because it's sort of "coming from you", but WHERE are you? You think you are in a body, separated off from others. Assuming this is true, you will think your attitudes and your self attack are contained within the confines of your body/mind. That its inside you, not outside, and not in another. This is actually a false premise based on the belief that you fundamentally are a separated-off isolated mind-container.

Your mind is not really, ultimately, isolated to your body. That's part of the illusion. Your mind is shared with others, it is IN your brother, and it is everywhere. Your nature is to be an omnipresent spirit, like God. So when you are thinking in terms of, its mine, or its in me, or I am doing it only to myself, that still has isolation and separation in it. It doesn't mean that the problem is confined to the insides of your mind-body association.

It would actually be more accurate to say, the mind that is mine, which is united with my brothers and is everywhere and in all people, is temporarily believing that the entire sonship is under attack. I am temporarily coming between myself and everyone. My attack thoughts are against myself and them. Separation is coming between me and everyone. I am trying to apply unlove to the whole sonship to bring us all down together. My attack is upon the whole Kingdom. I am still thinking the same of everyone else that I think of myself.

So in this we start to realize, that while it's important I own what I'm doing to myself, I have to also realize that included in "what I'm doing" is actually an attempted attack on others as well. "You but accuse your brothers of your own sin" and "it can be but myself I crucify" are helpful in realizing that you are included in what's being attacked, and in fact that you ARE only really doing this to yourself (because your brother cannot be attacked because he's real). But as you crucify yourself, YOU DO attempt to crucify everyone.

This leads to the uncovering of the "second kind of scapegoating". Which is, the aspect of "what I am doing to others". Most often we are reacting to and trying to overcome "what they are doing to me". To blame them for attacking us. But let's say that this form of scapegoating is actually a disguise. It's a way to pretend that YOU are not doing anything TO THEM. That you are not the attacker. While yes, you are actually attacking only yourself, in truth, you ARE trying to attack everyone if you believe in sin. Including God.

And to project this and disown it is an attempt to cover this up and make out that someone else is the attacker and not you. To take back the projected sin means taking back the identification of WHO is doing the attacking, and this attacking is an "act" that comes out of someone and goes toward another. It's not just some lump of sin that sits there idly. It's not a commodity that you shuffle around or displace like "some guilt". We are either actively attacking others or believing they are actively attacking us.

So if we get honest, we're going to find out, that all our attack thoughts are kind of a form of murderousness, toward everything - me, my brothers, the world, and God. If I am projecting guilt in the first place, I am actually trying to attack. When I do not see the real world, I am attacking it. As Jesus says: "You attack the real world every day and every hour and every minute, and yet you are surprised that you cannot see it." and "God offers the world salvation; your judgment would condemn it. and "Peace is impossible to those who look on war. Peace is inevitable to those who offer peace."

So if you look at what sin is all about, it basically is "attack" or attempted attack. Attack thoughts. Judgement. The attempt to separate, push away, deny, reject, unlove, to cause irreversible damage to something in an effort to make it go away, to destroy it. It's part of the ego's murderous thought system. "What is not love is murder" says the same thing. And actually makes it very clear. If we are not being loving, which means to ourselves AND others, per the Golden Rule, we ARE attempting to be murderous towards ourselves AND others.

This is uncomfortable to look at because it reveals that we cannot have ego beliefs in "self attack" going on in our minds WITHOUT believing they also apply to everyone else. Whatever I see in myself I will see in everyone. As I enter into any sin or guilt, I am trying to separate, which means I am attacking both myself and others. As an unhealed healer, I will attempt to heal by attacking, by trying to give what I do not have, and by therefore giving attack as a remedy. And of course this cannot heal. Those who are not healed cannot heal.

So we have to get in touch with this. Look at it. What I'm doing to myself, I am trying to also do to others. What I think applies to me, I also think applies to everyone. Even if in my state of denial and unconsciousness, I am not aware that I think this. Because the ego's states of mind are always an imbalance where you think it applies to me not them, or them not me. That's part of the disassociation, which is the separation idea.

The ego is the denial of the Golden Rule, but denial does not overthrow the law. The law still applies at all times even as the ego does its thing. Everything always applies to everyone. When I think it does not apply to me, it does, but this also doesn't mean that because it applies to me, it doesn't apply to others. Ego is always the temptation to believe something is special or true of me that isn't applying to everyone. And "special forgiveness" of "only myself" is not forgiveness of the sonship.

Transitioning from ego thinking to Holy Spirit thinking entails shifting from the whole "me vs them" to "all of us". Wrong mindedness means I think things do not apply to everyone equally. Right mindedness means I recognize everything applies equally to everyone. So to get to right mindedness I'm going to have to admit along the way that I am actually trying to attack BOTH myself and others. What I'm trying to do to them I am doing to myself. We BOTH need forgiveness. We BOTH need to be recognized as innocent. And I need to learn to stop attacking BOTH of us.

Thinking that you only attack yourself can be a trap. It can disguise and hide the fact that you also think poorly of others. Or that you are secretly attacking them while trying to save them. It can cover up the fact that if you are attacking at all, you are also attacking everyone. Yet recognizing you are attacking everyone can also be a trap, because it can induce more guilt. You shouldn't be trying to "not attack" on the basis that you would feel guilty for doing so. And you don't need to.

All we really need is awareness. In awareness, you know that you are in your brother. There is an automatic vested interest in not attacking them, IF you are aware that you literally cannot do it without attacking yourself. It's the unawareness that you are included in the attack that makes you believe murder is justified and that you can get away with it without experiencing any effects. If you were aware of and not in denial of the Golden Rule, it would leave absolutely no room for attack of any kind, because to attack when you know it's yourself you attack would be insane.

If I am believing in attack I will attack myself and all of creation.

If I am only loving I will love myself and all of creation.

Father let me not attack myself or my brothers today and let us all be joined in complete holiness and unified will that you may resurrect us into your light and heal the entire sonship as one.

"One brother is all brothers. One mind is all minds. Such is the truth."

I am told frequently, "let go". And I frequently have no idea what this means.

But I seem to be learning that it means I am more 'involved' in things that I should be. I am engaged with the ego, with the story, with the drama. I've gotten into it and now I am trying to control it.

I need to let go of it, step back, stop interfering, stop being caught up in it. That means being willing to drop it and to stop trying to prevent things from happening, or to force things to happen a certain way.

I feel this in my body and in my mind/emotions. It's as though, when I am not letting go, my mind has projected out like a giant 'sucker' and its latched onto someone or a story, energetically, and now it's fixated on it like I'm connected to it. And whatever happens to it is happening to me. This is because my mind has become involved and caught up in it.

So letting go then means, withdrawing my mind-sucker and just coming back to myself, coming back to just being me, just little me, simple me, detached, just being myself and not carrying burdens or trying to fix people or trying to prevent things from happening.

It's like emptying myself and dropping baggage and not being the one to carry all the weight of the world. It's freeing. I just get to like, sit on the sidelines, and observe, and not get involved. I can just be calm, then, just letting the world do its thing and not worrying about it. Being passerby

"The goal of the curriculum, regardless of the teacher you choose, is KNOW THYSELF. ***There is nothing else to learn.*** Everyone is looking for himself and the power and glory he thinks he has lost."

"I do not know the thing I am, and THEREFORE do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world and on myself."

Jesus defines the course's ultimate goals in different ways, but a very significant angle is that we're trying to remember who we really are. We're trying to tune back into our real identity, to stop believing things are true of us which aren't, and wake up to our real self - a shared identity in Christ.

In the separation we denied who we really are, and pretended to be something we're not. This confused us greatly. Whatever you believe is true, you will believe must be true of you. As your sense of truth and reality shifted from heaven to hell, your whole sense of who and what you are went with it. Including a sense of "where" you are.

As your idea of truth shifted towards spacetime, toward bodies and the ego, it seemed as if your whole sense of self was flung out of heaven and transported into bodies. Having asserted "bodies are true", you believed they were true of you, which placed you in them.

All the things of spacetime, including the world and all bodies and the ego, are not of God. They are not created, or real. Since they are governed by time, they always change and are fickle, so they never have any sense of permanent identity. Even the notion that you are one of the things suggests you will die because your self is irrevocably changed against your will.

We have come to identify with the ego and the body because we think they are the truth. We've confused the truth with false things. Part of sorting out what is true and false is figuring out what category these things belong to. But at the same time, it's going to mean sorting out what category your identity belongs to. As your sense of truth changes, so must your identification with what's true.

The question then is, are you an aspect of a dream? Are you an artificial fake image of a body? Are you a fictional evil selfish ego? And by extension, anything that these things seem to do or experience or feel or think, must surely be NOT a part of your real self, if these things are not part of reality.

By saying you are not a body you're saying you are spirit. Your whole sense of "who and what I am" shifts away from the physical towards something spiritual. This HAS to entail an actual experiential sense of being something of spirit. The feeling of "this is my self" or "this is what I am". This locking-in of identity and self and home and a sense of where you belong, has to become anchored to your soul. So that you actually believe and recognize that you ARE a spirit being. So that you can SEE yourself.

To gain an understanding of what your real self's true nature is, and therefore what you should be trying to tune INTO, and to grasp what things are illusions which you should be tuning OUT of, you need a good sense of the nature of reality. God created you as a permanent, unchangeable, immortal, invulnerable, perfect, loving, powerful, happy being of light. That is what you must come to believe is your actual nature.

God did not create the world or the body, or the ego. He did not create suffering or sickness or death. He did not create unhappy feelings, sad emotions, grief or loss. He did not create sin or guilt or fear. He did not create any kind of suffering, any kind of selfishness, or any kind of specialness. So all of these things cannot be a part of the spirit-being that you are. They cannot truly be a part of your identity.

When you are believing that these false things are TRUE or real, you will identify with them. Anything you GIVE truth to you are trying to be ONE with. You embrace it and accept it and identify WITH it. You resonate with it and agree with it and want it for your own. You see your own reflection in it, and you merge with it. Therefore if you merge with illusory evil ego things, you start to become them.

This leads to experiences such as "I am suffering" "I am feeling unhappy" "I am sick" "I am having a broken body" "I am angry" "I am grieving" etc. And in this experience you will have become ONE with the ego so much that you will believe all of these experiences are literally YOU. That you are having them, you are the one feeling them, you are the one being victimized, and you are the one suffering. But this is because you've merged yourself WITH the ego and the body and have identified them AS you.

"if you are to RETAIN guilt, as the ego insists, YOU CANNOT BE YOU. Only by persuading you that IT is you, could the ego possibly induce you to PROJECT guilt, and thereby keep it in your mind."

"The ego believes that this is what YOU did, because it believes it IS you. It follows, then, that if you identify WITH the ego, you MUST perceive yourself as guilty."

What we have to realize then is that when we're in an "I am suffering" perspective, it is the EGO that is suffering. Because "only the ego can experience guilt." Only a weak frail unwanted miserable false self can possibly experience hell. Only the ego vantage point can make everything into hell. If you are therefore feeling like "I AM [fill in the ego attribute]", you have made yourself one with the ego and have taken it as your own identity. You are clinging to it to save you.

So then we have to realize that we are NOT this. We are not the sufferer. We are not the dream content. We are not the body. We are not the world. We are not that which feels guilt. We are not capable of grief and loss. We have to remember all of the true attributes of Christ and recognize that we ARE those things. We have to become ONE with Christ again, to merge with Christ and claim ownership of being Christ, unite with Christ, accept that everything true of Christ is purely true, and that it is true of us.

If God's truth is the only truth, then our immortal invulnerable self cannot POSSIBLY ever suffer in any way. Any sense of unhappiness, unworthiness, pain, despair, loss, fear, guilt, shame etc must NOT be a part of us. We cannot experience it from a vantage point of being perfect. It must be part of a dream, part of a fiction, part of the ego thought system. You cannot FEEL it if you are NOT that. It cannot BE there if it is unreal.

So now we have to sort out, who am I? What am I? What is true? What is true of ME? What is my real self? What is the nature of the soul that God created me to be as a son of God, as a part of Christ and as heaven? What is the only truth about me that I will accept as the definition of myself? What will I identify WITH which is real and true and permanent? And am I willing to let go of the ego, disconnect FROM it, separate it out from what I believe is part of myself, stop trusting it, stop using it, and stop being it?

Who are you really? You are the perfect child of God which God created to live forever. There is no darkness in you. There is no evil in you. There is no sin or guilt in you. There is no basis for you to fear or suffer. There is no possibility you can ever be sick or die. And nothing can ever attack or hurt you. You cannot BE hurt and you cannot FEEL unhappy. Only a false artificial self could be such things. Only a fictional self could suffer. Only a fake self could have attributes which are not of God.

You tried to reinvent yourself in the separation. You tried to be your own creator. You wanted to be different to how you were created. You wanted to redefine what is true and decide what you are, to make of yourself whatever you wanted to be. Anything except God-like. And so you have spent all this time making yourself into a body, turning yourself into the anti-christ, and trying to be dead. That is not who or what you are. It is not POSSIBLE.

"Now is our Source remembered, and Therein we find our true Identity at last. Holy indeed are we, because our Source can know no sin." "Father, You know my true Identity. Reveal It now to me who am Your Son, that I may waken to the truth in You, and know that Heaven is restored to me."

"Your altar stands serene and undefiled. It is the holy altar to my Self, and there I find my true Identity."

"But we have listened to Your Voice, and learned exactly what to do to be restored to Heaven and our true Identity."

"My true identity is so secure, so lofty, sinless, glorious and great, wholly beneficent and free from guilt, that Heaven looks to It to give it light. It lights the world as well. It is the gift my Father gave me, and the one as well I give the world. There is no gift but This that can be either given or received. This is reality, and only This. This is illusion's end. It is the Truth."

"Again, how simple is salvation! It is merely a statement of your true identity. It is this that we will celebrate today."

"We sing the song of thankfulness today in honor of the Self Which God has willed to be our true identity in Him. Today we smile on everyone we see, and walk with lightened footsteps as we go to do what is appointed us to do."

"For he who can accept his true identity is truly saved."

HOW DO YOU BE TRULY HELPFUL?

ACIM: "I am here only to be truly helpful.

I am here to represent Him Who sent me.

I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do,

because He Who sent me will direct me.

I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.

I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal."

1. "I am here only to be truly helpful"... ONLY to be truly helpful, meaning I do not have other agenda and am not attempting to let my ego control things. What is truly helpful other than the Will of God, which you share and act upon. You can be truly helpful if you are forgiving, aligned with Holy Spirit. Then you will have the clarity with which to identify a call for love when you see one, knowing that the only truly helpful response to it is love in return.

2. "I am here to represent Him Who sent me."... You are to be a representative of Christ. By representation, that means that you share His authority and power and are able to speak in His name, similar to how the Holy Spirit is a devoted Voice for God. You can speak on His behalf, or rather, have Him speak through you. He will inspire you and move you and you will be a conduit for His expression of loving miracles.

3. "I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me"... And so by aligning your mind with His, the two become One, His thoughts become your thoughts, and His perspective becomes your perspective. He will either speak directly through your body or will inspire you supernaturally what to say. You need not worry because you are trusting Him 100% to guide you and He knows the way and what to do. You let Him decide everything for you and are glad to extend God's love.

4. "I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me."... Truly committed and trusting Holy Spirit, you would have no basis for fear and would be in supreme confidence, relaxed, empowered and certain. He will orchestrate all events and encounters and send the appropriate people to you or you to them. Knowing that He goes there with you, and in awareness of His presence, gives you no reason for fear. This means you have developed trust and depend on God for everything. Having surrendered your personal agenda, you are content to do your Father's business.

5. "I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal"... miracles are for you and for everyone. You will heal (yourself) and heal others at the same time. Healing means resurrection. It means restoration and correction. It means the blessing of forgiveness. And it means the demonstration of God's truth. As you allow Him to teach you and work through you, you will learn what healing is and you will experience it yourself. As you heal yourself, you become able to heal others. It is the privilege of the forgive to forgive and the healed to heal. Accepting miracles for yourself gives you the willingness to provide them to others.

Either:

The other person is guilty and therefore I am guilty also...

.....OR ....

The other person is innocent and therefore I am innocent also.

There is no other option.

There is no 'they are guilty and I am innocent'. There is no 'they are innocent and I am guilty'.

If it applies to them, it applies to you. When you believe otherwise you're in the ego and are insane.

This is why you have A VESTED INTEREST in finding everyone innocent, otherwise you cannot claim innocence for yourself.

When it's important to you to find someone guilty, separate from yourself, thinking this guilt does not apply to you... Well.... Good luck with that. You will just end up feeling guiltier and unhappier and more at war with yourself. You will be in conflict, your fear will increase, and you will be constantly upset. Do you want that? Then you have to let BOTH of you off the hook. There is no other way.

I will share a forgiveness I just applied, to a milkshake.

This evening I was somewhat argumentative with my wife, and feeling guilty. We went to buy take-out dinner and went through the drive through of Culvers custard, where I tried to purchase a strawberry milkshake. We waited for our order, and I received what looked like said milkshake - it was at least pink, although I sensed it tasted a little unusual. At the time I let it slide and we drove home. Once I got home I found, for sure, it was not strawberry, but rather a 'strawberry-mango' combination. It tasted like a mix of strawberries and orange juice. I know right. So I was bummed. And I found Culvers guilty, and I blamed them, and I felt victimized.

So. Let's remember the contract I made. I had guilt in me about my wife. I chose to enter a contract with Culvers to be victimized, in exchange for being permitted to project my guilt onto them - guilt about a completely different subject. I was victimized by their nasty mango-infused flavor adjustment and given something "I did not ask for", I was an "innocent victim", unfairly treated, and righteously angry. In exchange, because this is part of the contract, they got to victimize me, attack me with a mistake, take away what I wanted, and generally upset me. It was a fair exchange.

So then, later in bed, I decided with Holy Spirit I would use this idea of a contract to end the contract and choose forgiveness instead.

I looked at the fact that I put my guilt onto Culvers and chose to participate in an arrangement where I found them guilty in exchange for being a victim ie permitted to project it onto them so that I could be relieved of my guilt (fake innocence), and they could victimize me in return. Even though I did not seem to want the victimization, I had to admit, I did agree to it. I agreed to the terms of the contract. I wanted to be victimized, therefore. I saw how I put my guilt onto them and blamed them, so now I had to take it back.

To get out of the contract you have to take back the projected guilt, BUT, this means that you can no longer appear to have 'fake innocence'. It means YOU have to be found guilty again, which is not very appealing. However, there is a chance that if you do this, you will be in the running for being able to access REAL innocence later. So I affirmed, Culvers is not guilty, it is not THEIR guilt I am seeing, it is MY guilt that I projected onto them. They we're just attacking me because I asked for it in exchange for guilt. I take back MY guilt that I put onto them, and I see them as innocent. They are innocent and have done nothing wrong, done nothing to me, and their mistake is forgiveable.

Thank you Culvers for participating amicably in the contract and serving me faithfully on the terms, and giving me the victimization I agreed to. I set you free. Thank you.

So now, I'm left holding the guilt. Its my guilt. Ok. Not fun. I feel it. I am guilty. I recognize this is the guilt about my wife that I wanted to get rid of. But now I am in a position to exercise the exit clause which says, if I am willing to go to the 'judge' (Holy Spirit) and take my case of guilt to Him and present it to Him, AND be willing to ACCEPT whatever His verdict is, there is a chance that I might be found innocent.

So this means I approach Holy Spirit. So I go up to Holy Spirit in my mind and I start to show Him all the 'evidence' of why I am guilty, all that I think I did, even the 'sin' that lies underneath it, and I offer it up. This requires that I be OPEN. I have to be OPEN to SHARE it with Him and show it to Him and let Him see it. It's kind of like being the prosecutor against yourself, showing all the evidence of what you did and admitting to it - but at least in an atmosphere that you are not at this point found guilty - the verdict is still undecided.

So I do that. I tell Him, Holy Spirit, I am guilty because I did all this stuff and said all this stuff and felt bad about it and it proves I'm not innocent. What do YOU think of this? How do YOU see this? What is YOUR verdict of me?

He said, in my mind, "not guilty". I then realized that I needed to ACCEPT His opinion, and that means I have to be pretty open minded because I have to actually be willing to SUSPEND my own belief in my own guilt IF He says that's what I am to do. I have to be open to go along with what He says. So I become willing to surrender the guilt, I ACCEPT THE ATONEMENT - ie I accept that I really AM innocent, and then...

My head starts to shake, my arms wiggle, my hands tremble. I mean, for real. This is the Holy Spirit working to remove the guilt. I offered it up. He healed it. Seemingly without doing anything. Then, I found myself noticing.... Myself starting to have this new FEELING.... "Am I really innocent"... Like.... Starting to sense a feeling of not being guilty, a feeling of it actually being possible that I am innocent. So I'm asking this only as a kind of exclamation of surprise, really. Holy Spirit says, "you are free".

Smiles all round. Contract abolished. True innocence reclaimed.

It seemed quite easy, actually!

It was only about a year ago that I finally 'came out' as a bisexual person and owned it after 49 years in a dark closet. Since then I've been exploring and expressing and working on more deeply coming to terms with this and living it more - being more visible.

But one aspect that has been nagging in the background is a fear that I will be attacked and judged and hurt by others about this. Largely this is based on an awareness of what people can be like, especially the bigoted angry people, and what's happened to others in brutal attacks and judgement.

I didn't realize for a while that I was taking this position, or playing at being a victim, or that it was even something I needed to do some forgiveness about. But then I became aware of it. So how does one forgive such a thing, where we're at the mercy of the world and afraid of what it might do to us? Safety is a primary concern of everyone and all of us can relate to feeling afraid of being hurt in some way.

I first had to recognize that I was even in a state of "not peace" about it, that I was having worries and thoughts about it, and this was not normal. It's quite easy to just "have" those thoughts and feelings and not even have the awareness to step outside of it or notice that it's a problem or something to even work on. In that mindset, even the idea that there's something wrong can be out of awareness and we just go through the motions of suffering.

Having recognised something is bothering me, I then start to look at it. What's going on here, who is doing what, what is this based on, and am I willing to explore more honestly what's really happening?

As I looked at this I remembered that if I'm immortal I can't really be attacked, so if I believe I'm attackable that's a mistake on my part. That cuts through a lot of crap. Nothing real can be threatened, so I must be believing something faulty if I think people can attack me. That gives some quick relief.

Then I started to notice that I believe other people are going to do something to me, have power over me, hurt me, judge me, attack me, maybe even violence. But then I had to notice, who am I in that scenario, what role am I playing? It becomes clear that I'm seeing myself as a victim, being victimised by others. They're doing something to me, and I'm afraid of it, afraid of being attacked and judged.

When I stayed in the viewpoint that people are going to do something threatening, I couldn't see an option other than to fantasise about how I might try to stand up to them, become angry at them, give them a speech, have to get into a fight, or otherwise keep the belief in being victimised while trying to fend them off. But that was like a closed loop of suffering and the cracks were starting to show.

It's always valuable to remember that nothing in the world is doing anything to me, no-one out there is the cause of me, other people don't cause me or have power over me, and I cannot be affected or changed by anything because I am immortal. So where does that leave the victim role?

I saw that I am positioning myself as a victim for some reason, and setting people up in my mind as attackers to play a role, so that I can get some kind of payoff. And what's that? To have a reason to find them guilty of something. To justify anger on my part or to reinforce defenses. If they were to do anything to me, I would be justified in revenge, and blame, and scapegoating.

So then again this recognition that I'm actually scapegoating comes in. I'm using these people and actually want them to be attacking me, am framing them as attackers, so that I can take the opportunity to have them look like they're the ones sinning, so that I can take advantage of their guilt and shove some of my own guilt in there with it. If they do something to me I can happily project my own guilt onto them, mix it in with their guiltiness, and get rid of it.

In other words, being a victim boils down to wanting to be attacked in order to get a payoff of being able to take advantage of the attacker and project my own guilt onto them. In effect, by becoming the face of innocence, the innocent victim, I can get away with saying "brother at your hand I die", and am willing to suffer and be hurt and die for it, seemingly a small price to pay if it means I can use these attackers to get rid of my guilt.

"Death seems an easy price, if they can say, "Behold me, brother, at your hand I die."

So then this reveals the basic dynamic of projecting and blaming. I first attack myself, I make myself guilty for some reason, I then find someone willing to play the role of attacker/sinner, I bait them and want them to attack me through fantasies of suffering, I hope they'll do it while pretending to be afraid of them doing it, and if they go through with it I'll have a great opportunity to blame them and shove my self-inflicted guilt onto them. Yay.

So there's that. And that has to be unraveled and taken back. Once you see what you're doing it becomes obvious. I fear being attacked for "seeming to be gay" in any way, based on seeming "proof of sin" that this does happen in society, reinforcing a victim role, so that I can hopefully be attacked and get rid of some guilt in the process. So I'm really using these people as scapegoats so that I can benefit.

What I then have to look at or ask is, why am I projecting guilt, and how or why am I making myself guilty in the first place? Are these people really the ones who are denying me, attacking me, judging me, not accepting me, OR ... could it be that I am the one who is attacking me, judging me, not accepting me? Maybe it really is that I am the one who is "not okay with" me being the way that I am, and the fantasies of other people attacking me for it are really the way that I'm using my own mind to attack myself.

The insight from this is that, I really need to more fully own who and what I am (as God created me, transcendent of body/sex roles), allow myself the guiltless freedom, and accept myself, and if I were to do this I would be completely unconcerned with what anyone else might try to do to me.

If I am centered and solid in knowing myself, and fully owning being myself, not only will other people's attempted attacks be correctly viewed as "calls for love" on their part - a way that they attack themselves, but also I'll not take it personally because it won't resonate with an unhealed guilt within myself.

And probably, if I own and am at peace with myself, I will give off peace-vibes, and other people will not feel drawn to attack me for it anyway. Because really an attitude of "I should be punished for this, please attack me" is an energetic and psychological invitation broadcast to everyone if I'm not okay with myself. A temptation asking others to fulfil the role I expect of them.

In effect then, the real issue I/we have is that we are not being entirely true to ourselves, are not fully accepting ourselves, are not granting ourselves absolute freedom, are guilting ourselves and accusing ourselves of sins and shames and guilts, and this puts us into an insecure position. We then seek to problem-solve this in a faulty way by projecting the insecurities onto others, asking them to play roles in which they do to us what we are already doing to ourselves, so that we can pretend not to be doing it to ourselves.

I find and have found then, that my real challenge is the forgiveness of myself, the undoing of my own self-inflicted guilts and shames, and the need for taking full responsibility for who and what I am. If I become fully aligned with and on-the-side-of myself in terms of acceptance and allowing, I won't need to play the victim role or imagine how people would do things to me. And thus I will take away the self-threatening mental activities that were causing fear. When you have no guilt about yourself, nothing anyone does can target you.

Because ultimately we really just are using our own disowned power against ourselves, which turns into a projected indirect form of self-threat, which produces a fear reaction. I was doing this all to myself, and that's what the "secret of salvation" reveals.

Coming to recognize full responsibility for "I have done this to myself" leads to the miracle of healing and to freedom. If you are free to be as you are, then you don't invent or interpret people attacking you for it, and can walk in peace. Personally I still have to work on this some more, it's a work in progress, but at least I can now see the way out by recognising what was the way in. Know Thyself is what 'pride' should be about, and not a victimy disowning and projecting of guilt onto fictional attackers.

"And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo."

"Only the self-accused condemn."

"I can be attacked by nothing but my thoughts."

"The secret of salvation is but this: That YOU are doing this UNTO YOURSELF. No matter what the form of the attack, this STILL is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, STILL is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is STILL true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that YOU were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they COULD have no effect on you, unless you failed to recognize it is YOUR dream. This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, WHATEVER form it takes."

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. As you perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept your holy will as theirs. And what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness."

ALL of your ego's functioning stems from a very very simple premise. Once you start to realize what this foundation is, it frames everything the ego does as just another example of this one thing.

The foundation of the ego is simply the suggestion that you are not love - the love is not in you or what you are - so you are deprived of it - so now you need to go restore the sense of lack by finding it somewhere ELSE other than in you. You go off hunting for a way to fill the emptiness, which reinforces your belief in the emptiness. And even if you find something, it won't heal the sense of LACK, and you won't accept it, because it's not really what you want. You want yourself back. You want God's love.

The separation of your identity from God's Son leads to:

Seeking outside yourself

Creating sickness

All idol worship

Creating fear

All attack

All victimhood

All loss and grief and loneliness

All sense of abandonment and rejection

Seeing yourself as separate from God and others

Having nothing to depend on ("independence")

Insanity

Not being true to yourself

Seeking for what you lost where it does not exist and not finding it

Losing even more of what you are by being compelled to replace it

A belief that you can die

All vulnerability and sense of threat

Mistrust (in yourself)

All paths efforting to 'find yourself' but remain separate

The spiritualized ego

The inability to share or join

Condemnation and judgement and blame (of yourself)

Shame and guilt for who you are

Unworthiness and unloveability

Suffering and suicide and war (with yourself)

All anger and upset and disasters and terrible events

...And on and on.

Just this one thing. This one idea of - I'm not myself - where am I - who am I - I am separate from what I am - I am not as God created me - leads to all of these other dynamics and activities and perceptions.

You can't have any of them without this one foundation - this sense of separation from yourself. And since you and God are one, it is simultaneously a sense of separation from God.

"A sense of separation from God is the only lack you really need correct." - ACIM

And here's the clincher. Every single one of those things on that list above that you currently believe are caused by all kinds of things OTHER than the ego's foundation, are NOT caused by anything other than the ego's foundation. And so it is the sheer 'fact' of 'being' an ego - separate from the love you are - that causes every single problem you face. All hell comes from it. Being separate from God and your True Self is the ONLY problem that needs correction. All other problems are illusory problems masking the one problem so that you will not correct it.

So each time I am in the ego, in some way I must be believing that I am separate from God and myself. I must be going down some path which tells me it's going to help me RESTORE who I am and what I lost, BUT which will NOT restore it, because the entire NEED for that path comes from believing I LACK what I'm looking to restore, and until I stop beleiving that I won't ever be able to ACCEPT that I HAVE WHAT I REALLY HAVE ALREADY.

You ARE as God Created you. You ARE love already. This you need to accept, and let go of all these other ego pursuits that trick you and lead you away from it. Everyone is being deceived by the ego's suggestions of everything you need to do to 'fix' the separation, which seem to lead you to resolution but in fact lead you to an EVEN WORSE situation. Seek and do not find. Fix and do not correct. Pursue and fail. Search and lose. Try to have and do not have at all. Hold on and lose everything. This is all the ego's deceit.

One error, one correction. Holy Spirit's is the Answer from God because He Knows the solution to this problem - that the problem really IS NOT REAL. You are NOT separate from God or Your Self and the separation NEVER HAPPENED. So you are love. And that is why you need do nothing.

Only the truth is true. God established the truth. If I want the peace and happiness that God wills for me, I must be willing to let go of what is not true.

I must be willing to accept God’s truth as it is, without changing it or making it be what it is.

Trying to make the truth be what it is is the ego authority problem. I am trying to tell God what God is against His will.

I must be willing to put aside what I think is true, and admit that it is false, if I am to accept the truth as God created it.

I can’t accept God’s truth and hold onto my own separate truth. They can’t both be true.

If I want God’s peace and happiness, if God is all that I want, I will have to surrender. I will need to be willing to allow God to be the way God is, without my opinion.

What I believe does not matter. I cannot establish the truth. I can only accept it, or deny it. If I want God, I will have to stop being in denial, and that means I will have to surrender the things I thought were true but which disagree with God.

I have to be willing to surrender my ego. I have to stop denying God’s truth.

I want the peace and happiness of God, therefore I am willing to put aside my own idea of what the truth is, and to open up to what God has to share with me.

Do I want my little world, or the one God Created for me? Am I willing to accept God’s Will for me? Am I willing to allow God to decide for me in every way and on every matter? Will I trust Him?

To accept the truth as God created it, to accept God’s will, to accept God’s decision, must entail that I trust Him, because I have to take His word for it. Without figuring out on my own what the truth is, I have to trust God’s answer is correct.

I want to trust God. I want to be willing to accept God’s truth. I am willing to put aside my own ego and surrender to the truth God has already created.

I want the peace of God. I accept the peace of God. Above everything else, I want peace.

I surrender and trust you God. Choose for me.

"Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him. I choose to let Him by allowing Him to choose for God for me."

Forgiveness corrects a reversal of cause and effect.

In every single situation, every false perception, every belief, every error or mistake you can make, every relationship, every drama, you CAN only really make one mistake.

You can only get cause and effect back to front.

The ENTIRE ego thought system, all of the separation, everything that happens in this world, all events and experiences, are ALL entirely based on a reversal of cause and effect.

God is cause. You are God's effect. You also can cause, because you are like God. But you cannot cause God, being His effect.

HOWEVER, because you are free to choose, when you choose to TRY to cause God, all hell breaks loose.

This is simply because you are trying to upset the divine order. You are trying to convert God, who is PURE CAUSE, into an effect. And you are simultaneously trying to change YOU, who are purely an effect of God, INTO the cause of yourself.

In this is the entire authority problem, usurping of God's will, all sense of sin, and every consequence that comes from sin including guilt and fear and sickness and death.

Every form of level confusion is a reversal of cause and effect. All belief in magic, every state of victimhood, every delusion possible in the mind, all conditions of the ego and its thinking, the emergence of a physical body, even death, are all SYMPTOMS of an inverted cause-effect relationship.

Therefore, THE ONLY CORRECTION, the only "forgiveness you need do", is to set cause and effect back into their proper relationship. In all ways, at all levels.

So when you're in the midst of some drama story about who did what to whom, or why you're afraid of this and that, or how you've been caused to be sick against your will, or why death is looming, or why you "can't" or "won't", or why someone else is responsible for your existence etc, this is ALL because somewhere in your mind you are mis-perceiving and have attempted to reverse cause and effect.

There are two parts to this error.

1) The belief that God is causing you against your will and you don't want to be affected.

2) The belief that you are the cause of making yourself and do not need to be an effect of God.

This plays out in all kinds of ways and in all kinds of dramas.

ALL you have to do, to forgive, is fix the causality.

That means, you need to UNDO, ANY belief that says anything to the contrary of how God naturally creates. If there is any aspect of what you believe or perceive that is saying "its happening to me against my will" or "I did not choose this" or "I am not responsible for causing this" or "they did this to me", that's a mistake. That must be flipped around.

It's very EXTREMELY SIMPLE. There is NOTHING ELSE that has gone wrong. It's not merely a sense of separation from God being corrected. That sense of separation arose through attempting to change causality. You wanted to be the cause of God instead of his effect. That's all. And because of that, you now see other people as being the cause of you against your will, which SECRETLY is your desire to be NOT caused BY God.

So you fix the causality. I am not being caused by that person. That person is not doing anything to me at all. I am not experiencing anything because of them. They did not cause this. I am not a victim of them. They can do nothing to me. I take back all of my power that I gave to them. They are not responsible for my life or existence or feelings or experiences. I chose everything I am experiencing myself. I am completely responsible for this whole thing. I am not at the effect of the world I see. I am not a victim of anyone or anything. etc

This is placing you in your proper role of *causing the dream*, but also is placing you in your proper role of BEING THE EFFECT OF GOD.

Because as you acknowledge YOUR causal power, which you inherited from Him, you are acknowledging that God's causal nature is IN YOUR MIND, and therefore so is God.

All you are doing is cancelling out all belief in "horizontal cause-and-effect". There are no causes on this level. There are only effects on this level. You are NOT one of those effects, because you CAUSED this whole level from above.

Fix the broken causality and EVERYTHING ELSE will fall into place.

Miracles are examples of vertical causality which defy all horizontal laws of cause and effect.

You can decide only this:

a) I am caused by God.

b) I am caused by the world.

When believing you are at the effect of the world, upset by someone, hurt by something, vulnerable in some way, offended, attacked, damaged, sick, etc.... you are believing that you are CAUSED BY the world, and thus that the world is your creator. It means you have forgotten that you are ONLY the result of God creating.

Anything true of you, anything about your nature, your condition, what you are, who you are, is entirely OUT OF YOUR HANDS. Who and what you are is purely God's decision and you have absolutely no power to change that. You can however deny that you are as God created you and pretend to be something else, but to do that you HAVE to make yourself be caused BY something else, hence needing an entire world and false God to be your new daddy.

Essentially, by rejecting God as your father and source of your inheritance, you are forced to see yourself as a victim of the world. You can't be denying God's fatherhood and expect to "get away with it" by being in a world but not attacked by the world. Either God will cause you, or the world will cause you. The only choice you have is which thought system you want to be caused by or a part of.

To know yourself is to recognize and remember that you are ONLY what God created, you a AS God created you, you have NO desire to make anything else of yourself, you cannot and have not changed, and you are STILL the perfect divine innocent being that HE chose to create. Accepting your real identity and nature, is accepting God as your father, and therefore accepting the truth about you.

You don't get to be the source of yourself, nor do you get to redefine who and what you are. As soon a you try to do so you deny God and your own self and invent an illusory identity. This is a state of denial, and so your false self is rooted in denial of yourself. It can hardly function in any healthy way when it is constantly attacking itself.

Either you can be in self attack, thus see yourself as caused by the world, or you can be healthy by seeing yourself as caused by God. If you are caused by God, you cannot be sick or dead or unhappy or vulnerable. If you are ONLY as God created you, and are under NO laws but God's, you are not under the laws of the world, nor are you caused BY the world or anything in it.

"Nothing in the world can bring oppression"

"I am not at the effect of the world I see."

"I am not a victim of the world."

"I am under no laws but God's."

"I am still as God created me."

"There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The main difference between us as yet is that I have NOTHING ELSE. This leaves me in a state of true holiness, which is only a POTENTIAL in you."

"The goal of the curriculum, regardless of the teacher you choose, is KNOW THYSELF. There is nothing else to learn. Everyone is looking for himself and the power and glory he thinks he has lost. Whenever you are with anyone ELSE, you have another opportunity to find them. Your power and glory are in HIM BECAUSE they are yours. The ego tries to find them in YOURSELF, because he does not know where to look. But the Holy Spirit teaches you that if you look only at yourself you CANNOT find yourself because that is NOT what you are."

Each of us has an identity. God gave us an identity in and as part of Christ or the Sonship, which we share. But in the separation from God, we denied who we were and sought an identity that wasn't shared. That meant denying our mutual identity, placing us in a state of not being certain of who we are. Another way of saying that is that we became afraid of who we are.

Then we started trying to make an identity that would replace the identity we lost. We were out of touch with reality. So we started trying to assemble an identity from various illusions, and from things which are not really who or what we are. In particular we tried to identify with something isolated and alone, that you could call "only yours", rather than sharing an identity with others.

This included identifying with our bodies, believing that our body is our self. To do this our mind has to literally "attach" itself to "mix itself with" the body, trying to become "one" with it. As if to blur the lines between what is the body and what is our self. So that there is only one seeming self, not two. By trying to identify with a body, we're trying to hide our real identity and forget it, so that all that remains is the body self.

If I bind my definition of who and what I am, or what is true of me, to the body, then I am saying I AM a body. And then everything about the body I take personally as if it speaks of and defines me. Maybe I'll feel positive about my body for various reasons, due to how it looks or what it is capable of. Or maybe I'll feel negative about it based on it being ugly or defective. But both are still identifications with the body.

We can also shift to identifying with the mind, or with thoughts. When we have thoughts we can get a sense of an artificial sense of self, mixed in with the thinking. The mind can chatter away with its noise and the more it talks the more you mistake the talking for the person doing the talking. As if the sound of thought is the presence of someone. As if the thoughts are a self. And now you've identified with thinking, perhaps with intelligence or intellect, with memory or accumulation of knowledge.

You can also identify with social standing, your social background, class, race, gender, how much money you have, where your family seems to rank in terms of some social hierarchy, whether you are upper-class or lower, living in wealth or in poverty etc. You can also identify with failing to have much of a worthwhile identity in any of these areas, perhaps with a poor body and poor finances and poor living conditions, seeing yourself as identified as a helpless victim.

I think we can also identify with objects, with animals and pets, with places, with homes and cars etc. We can identify with our children, and literally feel as though what happens to them happens to us. As though they are a part of us, to such an extent that when they suffer we suffer, or we take everything that happens to them as a personal attack. This can lead to the identity of being a father or mother, someone who wants to keep that identity and not let it go, and who cannot deal with the empty nest.

These are all confused senses of who and what you are. And we're all looking for ourselves because think we lost ourselves. We sense that we are uncertain, thus afraid, of who and what we really are - or don't want to know. We don't remember our identity. It's like we have an amnesia. Whether it be an amnesia imposed by birth through crossing the barrier of dimensions and entering a body prison, or the illusion that every time you're born you start from scratch to build an identity.

"Each man makes one ego for himself, although it is subject to enormous variation because of its instability, and one for everyone he perceives, which is equally variable." "The dispute over authorship has left such uncertainty in the minds of man that some people have gone so far as to doubt whether they were ever created at all."

So the big question really is, who are you? What are you? Are you the son of God as He created you? Or have you become something else? Do you want to be something else? Are you a body? Are you a relationship, or a child that you possess, or an object you own? Are you a social status or a financial position? Are you your job, or your role as a parent? Are you made of the guilt and fear and sin that you feel? Are you your thoughts and your thinking? Are you the intellect? Are you awareness? Do you have a soul?

Finding out who you really are, knowing yourself, is what Jesus says is the entire point of this course. It's about remembering and waking up to the recognition that you are still exactly the same identity that God created you to be forever. You are still Christ, you are still a soul, still part of the sonship, still perfect. Still a spiritual being. And your real identity is shared with all the other Sons of God.

So our whole process here is just sorting out, what are we experiencing as being our identity, who or what have we identified with or latched onto, what is it that we think is our self, and where have we put that? What have we tried to become "one with", other than God? What have we wrapped ourselves around in trying to portray ourselves as something God did not create?

If I think I am my body or my thoughts and have actually bound myself to them such that I seem to experience them "as me", then I am in need of correction. I am out of touch with who I really am and am believing I am something I am not. This means I lack awareness or awakening, or am unconscious. These mis-identifiations with things we are not, are blocks to awareness.

"I am not a body I am free, for I am still as God created me."

"Yet this protection needs to be preserved by careful watching. If you let your mind harbor attack thoughts, yield to judgment or make plans against uncertainties to come, you have again misplaced yourself, and made a bodily identity which will attack the body, for the mind is sick. "

"The ego IS therefore a confusion in identification, which never had a consistent model, and never developed consistently."

"By accepting the Atonement for YOURSELF, you are deciding AGAINST the belief that you can BE alone, thus dispelling the idea of separation and affirming your true identification with the whole Kingdom as literally PART OF YOU. This identification is as beyond doubt as it is beyond belief. Your wholeness HAS no limits, because its being is in Infinity."

"EVERYTHING you perceive as the outside world, is merely your attempt to maintain your ego identification, for everyone believes that identification is salvation."

"They are reflections both of your own proper identification WITH your brothers, and of your own awareness that YOUR identification IS maintained by extension."

"The IDEA of separation PRODUCED the body, and remains connected TO it, MAKING it sick because of its identification WITH it."

"This false identification makes you incapable of understanding what anything is for."

"When you imprison yourself, you are losing sight of your true identification with me and with the Father. Your identification IS with the Father and with the Son. It CANNOT be with one and not the other. If you are part of one, you MUST be part of the other because they ARE One."

"In his complete identification with the Christ--the perfect Son of God, His one creation and His happiness, forever like Himself and One with Him - Jesus became what all of us must be."

"As long as your identification vacillates, (and B's is weak) you cannot accept the gift that belongs to you."

"Your identification with the Kingdom is totally beyond question except by you WHEN YOU ARE THINKING INSANELY."

"ALL attack is self attack. It cannot BE anything else. Arising from your OWN decision NOT to be what you ARE, IT IS AN ATTACK ON YOUR IDENTIFICATION. "

"Miracles praise God through men. They praise God by honoring his Creations, affirming their perfection. They heal because they deny body-identification and affirm Soul-identification. By perceiving the Spirit, they adjust the levels and see them in proper alignment. This places the Spirit at the center, where Souls can communicate directly."

"This is not my name alone, for ours is a shared identification. "

"The body is the ego's home by its own election. It is the only identification with which it feels safe, because the body's vulnerability is its own best argument that you CANNOT be of God."

"For example, if the identification is with the body, consciousness may distort superconscious impulses by denying their Source, and seeking their impact in the orgasm."

I used to think I knew what this meant. But the definition is changing right before my eyes.

I used to believe that if I was loved unconditionally, it meant that God loves me regardless of various attributes that I have, even if I keep those attributes. So let's say I have a crooked leg, and I look like I have the hind legs of an ass, I would perhaps say, well, God still loves me despite the fact that I can't walk straight to save my life. And that seemed somewhat comforting. But there was always a certain unease about this because, like, how could there be complete love at the same time as bodily forms or illusions existing?

In ACIM we're taught that only the truth is true and only God's creation exists and nothing else exists. That there is no world. That there hasn't been a separation. That illusions are not real. So that really means, my crooked legs do not exist. So God loving me unconditionally really has to be redefined, because while it is always true that God loves unconditionally, it also has to be true that God ONLY loves that which is not conditional. God cannot be unconditional about conditionality. Having crooked legs is conditional, limited, and an illusion, and the ego wants to run with it and get God's approval.

So this really brings into question, WHO AM I. Who is the `I` or `me` that God is loving unconditionally. Does God love this limited illusory me unconditionally, OR... is God loving some other `real` me that is actually lovable? Does he perhaps OVERLOOK my crooked legs and is fixated only on the Christ in me, the real me, which he loves without condition or limitation, recognizing that the Christ in me is not limited or conditioned? And what happens to my self-hate if I accept his love - do I keep it? No. If *I* want to be unconditionally loved, then I need to identify myself AS my `unconditioned love self`, rather than my ego, or my body, or my behaviors, or how I look, or how I believe I am not lovable, which includes ALL the limiting ideas about myself. Those are not really ME.

It would be nice if my illusory identities as a body, as a behavior, as a set of thoughts etc, would be unconditionally loved. And it is true that God is ALWAYS in a state of loving with no requirements. BUT, and because of His permanent perfect love, He loves the TRUTH of what I am BECAUSE he does not see or recognize or acknowledge the bullshit that I am not. So I am not really a body with a crooked leg, or with a funny walk, or a person with a strange belief, or someone who talks in a weird accent. God isn't loving me unconditionally because of these things, but IN SPITE OF these things, in recognition of who I actually AM and not who or what I think I am.

So I guess there's this ego/new-agey version of unconditional love that says my body is real, my ego is real, I am a separate self, and at the same time, God sees and acknowledges this separate self and gives the old `nod and wink` that this separate self can be kept and loved. But that's not really possible. Here's the truth. If God, as LIGHT, were to shine toward these illusory forms of `myself` in attempt to love them unconditionally, THEY WOULD DISAPPEAR. They would be HEALED. Because all of these forms of self are actually forms of error, forms of separation, and forms of sickness. They are symbols of separation that's aren't real or TRUE and God can't love a lie.

So yes I could be in a transitionary phase where I still have a wonky leg and I somehow open up to some amount of uncondtional love, but as I do so, as I allow that love to enter `me`, it MUST transform me, and MUST go beyond my wonky leg. The unconditional love doesn't say "I love you even with your crappy leg". It says, "I love you BESIDES and IN SPITE OF and BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE a crappy leg." It looks to the real me, the Christ me, the perfect me.

This is how I am seeing unconditional love being redefined for me. As I open up to allow God to love me more, God is reminding me of who I really am and I am 'becoming love', awakening to love, which is transcending all of the excuses and reasons WHY I am not love or not lovable. All my sicknesses are expressions of an attempt to not be loved. All of my sense of separation from God is an expression of my attempt not to be loved. All of my victimization is an attempt not to be loved or to justify staying unlovable. All of these forms and illusions are barriers against love. Yes, love loves all the time, but love doesn't love what doesn't exist. Love doesn't love forms or bodies or illusions or images or thoughts.

Love loves SO THAT these things DO NOT EXIST. It is the same as fore-giveness - fore-giveness looks with love SO THAT mistakes in perception are not made and so that judgement doesn't arise. Similarly love loves uncondtionally SO THAT heaven is always maintained, so that you are always Christ, and so that NOTHING ELSE CAN HAPPEN. Unconditional love sustains reality, it doesn't justify or give a nod of acceptance to illusions. Love loves SO THAT `conditions` do not arise - it doesn't love real conditions! Love loves so that there isn't anything that 'needs' to be loved, because it IS loved, just as forgiveness fore-gives so that there is nothing TO forgive because all IS forgiven.

And yet love is gentle so it can seem like it does this. It can seem I am lovable in spite of my crooked horse legs. But really what I'm doing, if I'm allowing myself to be loved, is actually relinquishing identification with the horse legs and identifying myself AS love. I can't keep illusions if I want to accept a transcendental love.

God loves me - not the body me - my spiritual REAL ME - unconditionally. God loves you unconditionally - the real you. If God were to be ABLE To love your stupid illusions as though they were real, you would be AWARE of unconditional love even while you are separate from God! That's totally impossible. That's why you are asleep - because you do NOT have awareness of who you really are or the fact that God loves unconditionally. God's unconditional love doesn't violate the blocks that YOU put in place to keep that love out, in the name of justifying and glorifying and SPIRITUALIZING the forms of error that your ego is worshipping. The ego wants to spiritualize everything unreal by saying God loves it. Nope. God loves SO THAT ILLUSIONS DO NOT EXIST.

God does not make your illusions real and doesn't 'approve' them for your ego to keep. Otherwise the ego would have perfect justification for staying separate from God. God sees you - who you really are, as Christ, as divine perfection, and it is YOUR REAL SELF that He loves, and it is your real self that you really are. He loves to remind you of who you are IN love, AS love, WITH love. All the rest of 'you' that you want to be loved - your manky body, your crappy illusory life of suffering... its horse shit. You don't love it because you CAN'T. Love it and it must be HEALED. Life sucks BECAUSE you refuse to accept love. Love would literally CHANGE your life, not make it 'acceptable'.

So let's admit it. You don't REALLY want God to love your crooked legs, do you? You don't really want God to come along and say, yup, I see you look like the back end of an ass, and I love you anyway. You don't want that. You'd be like, well, that's nice, but now I still look like a mule. What you want is fricking HEALING. You want to remember you are not a body. You want to be healed in your mind so that your identity can be revealed as Christ - as immortal Spirit, not as some donkey. You don't really want God to unconditionally love your shit. You should want God to lift you into the awareness that you are ONLY LOVE and nothing else. Only the truth is true.

God loves you. God doesn't condemn your illusions because they don't exist. But God does want you to remember how much you are loved, and you can only do that by realizing you are love itself and nothing else. Only love can be loved. All the 'rest' that you think you are 'left with' that God doesn't love... don't worry, it doesn't really exist and it's not who or what you are. Isn't that a relief? Did you really want God to give total approval for your pile of shit ego? He can only love what is real. So let go of what you are not and return to an awareness of love as it really is.

Seeing yourself as deprived makes you perceive others as taking from you, and that you don't have enough left to give.

For example when I'm having some emotional release/healing, maybe I cried and I'm tired and crabby and feeling vulnerable. Maybe I'm not totally past it all yet and still am feeling whatever the lack is - lack of love, lack of peace, whatever... I'll see myself as being quite 'in need', i.e. needy.

When I see myself this way, I start to perceive everyone else as being needy too. Even if they're not. I'll perceive they're trying to take from me or demand something of me that I can't supply. I'll feel put upon and taxed and offended by the demand I see in them.

And especially if the other person is in a state of need themselves, it'll trigger anger that someone is so insensitively expecting something from me when I apparently don't have anything to give. I see them as trying to 'take take take'.

But what's really happening is I'm seeing myself - the demand in them is ME demanding FROM them. So I'm needy AND demanding, stating that I do not have what I need and someone else needs to give it to me. (Secret side-tip: although I'm saying I am in need and want to GET from others, I secretly do NOT want to get because then I would't be able to see myself as needy).

I'm the one who is actually trying to 'take take take'. I'm trying to GET, in order to make up for the lack that I perceive in myself. I'm accusing other people of trying to take because they're thwarting MY effort to take.

So as I see myself deprived and lacking, it's because I believe I don't have enough love. I believe the love is not in me and that I need to get it from someone else. So if they fail to give it, or if they demand it from ME, then I am left totally empty-handed with no way to resolve my problem, and that produces fear and anger... A sense that 'I can't and I won't... which often is in the form of a lot of reluctance or resistance or, comedically, "I can't take it anymore" (when secretly I am taking big-time).

But the thing is, seeing myself as deprived is actually the CAUSE of my perceiving a sense of lack of love, which led to the feeling of neediness, which led to the drama of being pressured to give what I don't have to needy people.

So an antidote for this... if I'm seeing myself as needy, and realizing it, is simply this:

Give love.

IMMEDIATELY this cancels out and dissolves all trace of a sense of neediness, all trace of not having enough, all trace of anger and reason for fear or resentment.

I'll be honest, I've only remember this a couple of times in real situations. One of them was just now. As soon as I suddenly remembered (after asking Holy Spirit to help) that my neediness is making me try to 'get' because I am seeing myself as deprived, it made me LAUGH. Because it introduces truth at the root of this bullshit and immediately corrected all of the EFFECTS.

I have to learn to remember this more often. When I feel shit and like I am deprived and don't have anything to give and don't want to give..... the way I am feeling is BECAUSE I don't want to give, not the other way around.

I choose to position myself as unloved and in need, which creates feelings of deprivation, which leads to the whole drama. If I choose NOT to see myself unloved by SHARING love (remember giving and receiving are both required, not sacrifice or greed), the whole problem is corrected.

And then, now that I've accepted healing of the actual problem - a lack of love - I can now give love and FULFILL the needs of others, which in fact then disappear, because they were never really needy to begin with. I was just seeing my own neediness projected.

Problem solved.

Ego projections boil down to a very, very simple dynamic.

1) I decide what I want to see in someone.

2) I interact with what I now see in them as if I did not put it there.

The way I interact with what I see in others, is quite bizarre. It's really insane. I'm trying to accomplish two opposite goals at once.

1) I want other people to be what I say they are, by projecting my sin and guilt onto them, "convinced" that they really are that way.

2) I then demand that they stop being what I am seeing them being, and that they be the opposite, and that they are the one who has to choose differently. This is "forgiveness to destroy".

So right off the bat, this is a state of conflict. It's me who is seeing other people are doing "something wrong", and then it is me who is insisting that they change their behavior. So now I'm holding it against them when they don't change "for me". And they won't.

I'm literally demanding two separate outcomes simultaneously. I want people to be what I decide they are, and then I want them to not be what I've decided they are, simply because I'm in denial of being the one who has laid down the ground rules to begin with.

So I'm going around basically projecting shit onto people, deciding ok, you are doing this and that wrong and should be doing this and that instead. And then the rest of my "play" is to react to that accusation. It tends to go one of two ways.

1) They are wrong and they shouldn't be doing what they're doing so they are the ones who need to change, not me, and if they don't, I will victimize them. I will hold it against them.

2) They are wrong and they shouldn't be doing what they're doing, but in a hero savior role I will now swoop in and save them from "themselves", those sorry bastards, since they refuse to change themselves and seem 'helpless' and needy.

Each time I react to something being incorrect or unacceptable in another, who exactly is it who has made that person out to be wrong in this way? Are they inherently wrong in this way or have I actually decided to see them this way, and therefore it's my judgement of them? And now that I am responsible for what I'm seeing, having put it there to see, it's now my responsibility to admit that I'm interacting with my own projection.

As Jesus says in the course, generally speaking we will project our own sin outward and try to disown it (disassociate) and then we will attack what we've projected, accusing it of being sinful and bad, in order to create a sense of separation between it and ourselves, so that we can keep it away from our identity.

We will attack our own sin, thinking that we're attacking it in another person, believing that to do so causes them to receive the punishment and not us. Except it doesn't work because the sin never leaves our own mind (ideas leave not their source), it just seems external because we are in denial of it.

So it really all boils down to this. Whatever interaction I seem to be having with "the world", if I don't like it, it's because I'm the one who is deciding on what I am seeing "in" it, and am reacting to it as though it's really out there. And regardless of whether I am liking to do that or am feeling frustrated or upset or whatever about "what they are doing", I am the one who is making them out to be doing that to me. Because I want to. Because it gives me an opportunity to disown some sin.

ie, I love to suffer. I choose suffering on purpose and position myself as a victim on purpose, so that I can seem to be at the effect of the world, so that I can then explain that the world has caused me and therefore the world is the sinner, not me. I might suffer and be sick or afraid or upset as "effects" of what they supposedly did to me (even though I invented those effects in myself, by myself), but I secretly am getting away with murder by "using" the person as an outlet for projecting my own sin. Now they are the sinner and not me, and I'm suffering... poor me, but at least I am not the sinner any more.

So the ego's mantra is, I wish to suffer in order not to suffer. Or rather, I will see the world as attacking me and attack myself with it so that it seems that I'm not attacking myself with it.

We are to demonstrate that we cannot be hurt, or made sick, or caused to die, as a result of this world. And whenever these things seem to be happening, you can be assured that you've positioned yourself as a deliberate victim, in order to pretend that the world is responsible for what you are experiencing. You may be suffering, you may be sick, you may even end up dead, and it will conveniently seem as if the world made this happen against your will, but nothing could be further from the truth.

No-one dies without their own consent. And anyone who dies has secretly arranged to make it appears as if they did not choose it at all. Death is an attempt not to choose, by pretending that you have no choice, by pretending that others have taken all your power away from you, making you an "unwilling" victim, in a state of unwillingness, such that it appears death happens to you against your will. How convenient. It's a total lie.

Death is unwillingness to admit that you are pretending to die and are blaming everything on anyone other than yourself. This is why death is failure, and death is failing to wake up from the dream. Death is impossible for anyone but self-imposed victims. Death is not life. It is not success or graduation. It is the total opposite of life. It cannot happen without being severely against yourself and against the will of God. Therefore it cannot happen "peacefully" nor can it happen AT ALL unless you attack yourself.

It's always tricky going from fear to fearlessness.

While you are afraid you see yourself as weak and vulnerable and as though you don't have what it takes to stand up for your truth.

What you don't realize is that WHEN you decide to stand up for your truth, this is going to give you ADDITIONAL STRENGTH.

And once you are in that mode of additional strength, you will no longer be seeing yourself as weak and vulnerable, and you will be much more able to transcend the judgements and threats that others attempt to make.

But it can be a leap of faith to go from your sense of powerlessness, to taking ahold of the responsibility of being powerful and choosing it and trusting that AS you choose God, God's strength will be ADDED unto you.

It means going from "I am weak and have no power and am threatened and therefore I will not do this" .... to "I will do this and I am empowered and I am not afraid". You have to leap straight from that first state to the second, and there isn't going to be an in between state where you have NOT chosen to commit to the truth and yet feel more powerful. It's all or nothing. Who are you going to be? Weak or strong?

"I am not weak but strong. I am not afraid but all powerful" - ACIM

So while you think that you should not go against the crowd and should not be true to yourself, for fear of what others will do, know that WHEN you decide to do so, the decision to do so will empower you, and you will no longer see yourself or others in the same way.

Really then it's like, you can either stay weak and afraid, or you can simply claim your power back and consequently not be afraid. Nowhere in that equation is there ever a time when you are choosing to be true to yourself and REMAINING WEAK. That's what you fear will happen.... that you'll stand up for truth and be beaten down. But standing up for the truth will empower you, and you will learn to be more assertive and confident and strong in the truth.

Don't listen to the fear that you have to become "tough" in order to go up against what you perceive as a powerful enemy. They are not powerful. You just see yourself as disempowered ONLY because you're not owning your own. You keep giving it away. Own it, take it back, choose it, and RESTORE it to its rightful place WITHIN you, rather than projected outside of you. Then you'll realize that really, all along, you were only ever afraid of your OWN power, which you had tried to displace onto others.

Disempowerment simply means you have attempted to give your power to others, to empower them, to empower the ego, and to give outside causes the power to do things to you. YOU GAVE IT TO THEM. It's your power. And now that you see it in them and not in you, you are afraid of "them". But really you are afraid of your own power, because fear is a device for disowning power.

Recognize then that the power you think you don't have, and the power that you think others have over you, IS THE SAME. And it's really secretly YOURS. And you need to claim it if you're going to EXPERIENCE being more certain, with a firmer footing, with a confidence to assert yourself and to stand up for yourself. And guess what happens when you TAKE BACK the power that is yours? Having no longer displaced it onto others, they no longer look like as big of a danger any more.

That's right, take all your power back and nobody will HAVE any power to have over you.

Here's your secret. It's a bigger secret than that you tried to kill God's son. And it's a bigger secret than that you attacked God and still want to be separate.

The biggest secret of all, is that you are actually already Christ.

Christ is your true identity. It's who you are.

Now, let's talk about the secret. See, you are trying to disguise who you are. You're trying not to admit who you are. You're trying to deny it and cover it up and pretend you are someone else. Just as you are trying to deny that God loves you, you're denying that you ARE as God created you.

So, here's a useful forgiveness practice. How about we call this... OWNING UP TO WHO YOU ARE. This contains elements of 'taking full responsibility', but also essentially ties it all together in one simple package.

How about you admit to your real identity, and how about you admit to what the truth is about you? How about you come clean and own up to being Christ and to being completely innocent? How about you drop all the pretense that you are someone or something else, or that you have need for all of your pain and misery and problems... which are ALL just cover-ups. Right?

Every single problem in your life, every upset, every unworthiness, every bad experience, every false identity, and every attack you've ever been through, is all part of you denying who you really are. Let's be honest now. Let's own up to who we really are.

I am willing to admit I am Christ.

I am willing to admit that I am not really [your ego name] and in fact I'm God's holy son. Actually it's true that I'm innocent and holy and forgiven completely and have never done anything wrong.

I admit that I am God's child and cannot sin. I have my hands in the air and I CONFESS, I am absolutely immortal spirit and I have never been able to die and I never will die. And I also admit that I am not the little ego self that I keep trying to convince everyone of, including myself, that I am. I am not this separate self I am One.

I admit that I made up this entire illusion to cover up my identity and that I've been in disguise and undercover this whole time, trying to make out that I am some kind of unworthy unlovable nothing, so that nobody will notice what my real identity is. I admit that I have always known who I really am and I've always been Christ.

You're right, I've been pretending this whole time that I'm not with God and that I don't belong with God. It's not true. I've been bluffing this entire time, all these lifetimes, pretending not to be Christ. I've portrayed myself as all kinds of pretend bodies and people and identities to perpetrate a huge conspiracy that I'm someone else and that God' Son no longer exists.

I've been 'undercover boss' this whole time, hiding in the shadows and lurking and not owning up to my power and not claiming my true identity. I admit it, I'm actually God's creation and God has created me permanent and real and I am not any of the illusions that I've been saying I am.

My cover is blown and you caught me out, I'm really ultimately guiltless and sinless and I haven't even separated from God. My whole life story is just a big distraction to get everyone to believe that something happened to me and that I didn't want anything to do with it. I orchestrated the whole thing. I made it all up myself and fooled you all, and even tried to fool myself. I've been in disguise, concealed behind layers of denial and pretend forgetfulness.

Yup. I'm Christ. I confess. I own up to it. It's who and what I am. I am immortal spirit and I always was and nothing has happened to change anything about me. Of course God loves me, He has this whole time, I was just lying when I said He didn't. The lid is off, the cat is out of the bag.

Like, hellllooooooooooo. I'm Christ, ok. ... you got me.

I've been starting to read "Life and teaching of the Masters of the far East". It's a collection of books, recounting the stories of travelers who went to the far East and encountered several very spiritually advanced people.

The only other book I've read that's similarly inspiring, or alluding to the potential we have, is Yogananda's autobiography of a Yogi.

In this book, the experiences and explanations that are given are quite eye-opening. If the stories are to be believed, and it's to be expected a lot of people have a hard time accepting it, here is some of what is claimed:

God has a power which He shares fully with us and which we are meant to use, and this power is capable of a) manifesting any object of any kind, b) healing absolutely all sickness, c) overcoming death, d) facilitating the transcendence of space and time for travel, e) being not only immune to but able to control all aspects of events and objects in the physical world, f) being able to materialize and dematerialize the body, g) the instantaneous manifestation of food and money supplied by God meaning you no longer have to rely on any limited resource or sources of objects from others, .... and various other things we'd consider 'miracles'.

Basically, what it's suggesting is, literally, that we are capable of absolutely ANYTHING if/when we join with God. It doesn't just mean that we give up everything and go to God, either, although some people eventually reach such a high position that they never want to leave there, although they can (like Jesus). It means that we can actually 'live forever' joined to an unlimited supply of provision. The people in the book, the masters, are hundreds of years of age, and yet appear to be 30-40 in age, youthful and in perfect health.

These kind of things give me more of a picture of 'whats possible' and clues as to what A Course in Miracles might be saying and meaning.

I realize now that when I read certain things in the Course, even if I THINK I am being absolutely open minded, I am still actually building upon meanings and learning that I had accumulated from before. Even if I think my learning is more open minded than others, it STILL is resting on what I already think I know and that skews the potential meaning. Also I do not know what I don't know... there are things, truths, that I simply am not aware of, and so when I think I am exactly 'getting' what the Course says, maybe I still am not... there could be a context or laws or information outside of my current awareness.

Then when I'm exposed to information like in this series of books, it makes me 'think twice' about what I thought I knew. It's eye opening.

As we dive deeply into what it means to be an immortal being, something suddenly becomes clear. If we are indeed invulnerable, inpenetrable, eternal, incapable of even being changed, or affected in any way.... then how is it possible that there can be any kind of suffering that is a PART of us?

If we are this PURE LIFE, which is so alive it is completely devoid of all traces of attack and sickness and death, unable to be even modified in any way, completely permanent and absolute, how can it BECOME anything? How can any kind of suffering be something we have in us, or are made of?

Surely this means that if there does seem to be some kind of suffering - an upset feeling, some loss, some guilt, a fear, a sickness, anything at all which is a form of destruction, it cannot be INSIDE of what we are. It can't be modifying the inherent nature and substance of what we are. So it has to be somehow separate or "outside".

If there is for example a feeling of unhappiness, we can't really accurately say "I am unhappy." Because this means I have become unhappiness. I have changed, and so I am not unchangeable, and I have transformed, and I have modified what I am and how I feel - no longer permanently happy, no longer joyful and at peace, but disturbed and upset and defective in some way.

This points to the idea that we IDENTIFY WITH things which cannot be a part of us, and tend to include them in our definition of me, myself, I, what I am, what I have, what I feel, what I experience. As though to say we ARE these things, that they are a part of us. But they can't be.

The ego on the other hand is a sense of confusion in identity, in which our mind has moved away from being PURE LIFE and has gone off the rails. It's believing that there are now qualities and substances and contents to our self that God did not put there. That we have changed and turned into something less than whole, less than pure, less than perfect.

So the ego then has this sort of view of BEING ONE WITH things which are not of God. Being one with illusions, with pain and misery, with sickness and death, with suffering, with the body etc. It regards them as part of itself and tries to wear them - not just like a separate piece of clothing, but like... to be so merged with it that it thinks of it like it is its SELF. That you ARE a body.

The ego view is this smushing together of mind and form, where identity becomes tangled up in the things which are not of God. So now we start to feel like "I feel upset" and "I am in pain" and "I am guilty" and so on. But this can't be true. We cannot BE these things in truth if we are immortal beings. They can't be a PART of our self, included in ourself, part of our nature or condition. They have to be separate things, outside of us, not even "ours" really.

If we then look when ego is flaring up and there is all manner of upset and hurt and emotions and pian coming out, we should do something which seems to most humans would be insane and unhealthy - to separate ourselves from it. To say, I am not suffering, I am not upset, I am not weak, I am not in pain, I am not having this happen to me, I am not these sensations, I am not these thoughts.

Because all of these forms of suffering cannot actually BE - they are not ways of being - they are just illusions and dreams. What we are as immortal beings cannot suffer, cannot have loss, cannot die. What we are cannot even really be unhappy - which is a form of death. We can't have guilt in us because that's like saying there's something wrong with perfection. And we can't in fact really have anything be a part of us that God didn't put there.

So we have to sort out, and be careful, with how we are identifying WITH things that are not of God, even the way we feel and think. As an immortal being you DO NOT have upset feelings. If there seem to be upset feelings, it is ego, and it is driven by a mistaken belief about yourself being not like God. There is no pain in God and none in me. There is no unhappiness in God and none in me.

"Whatever suffers is not part of me." W248

"Whatever suffers is not part of me. What grieves is not myself. What is in pain is but illusion in my mind. What dies was never living in reality, and did but mock the truth about myself. Now I disown self-concepts and deceits and lies about the holy Son of God. Now am I ready to accept him back as God created him, and as he is." UrW248

"No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants, and no one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is." UrW152

"Father, Your holiness is mine. Your Love created me, and made my sinlessness forever part of You. I have no guilt nor sin in me, for there is none in You." UrW235L2

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die. I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today. I will worship no idols, nor raise my own self-concepts to replace my Self. I am in the likeness of my Creator. Love created me like Itself." UrW84L2 "I am the holy Son of God Himself.

I cannot suffer; cannot be in pain;

I cannot lose, nor can I fail to do

All that salvation asks." UrW191L7

"I cannot suffer any loss or deprivation or pain because of who I am." UrW58L5

"I cannot be guilty because I am a Son of God." UrW46L6

"The "self" that needs protection is not real. The body, valueless and hardly worth the least defense, need merely be perceived as quite apart from you, and it becomes a healthy, serviceable instrument through which the mind can operate until its usefulness is over. Who would want to keep it when its usefulness is done?" UrW135L9

"I and my Father are One." "I am as God Created me" "Let me remember I am one with God." "Let me remember God created me."

Last night I had an interesting experience. I was focusing on love and God and feeling His presence. I somehow managed to become "high" enough with love, that I formed some kind of connection with God. Like a bridge. And in this connection it suddenly occurred to me that I am LIKE God, in that I was filled with love and God is also filled with love.

In seeing this it become very joyfully obvious that I am just LIKE my father. We have the same NATURE. And because of this likeness, I felt a very real sense of BEING HIS SON, due to the fact that I am "just like Him". It implied instantly that I must have come from Him, because both of us were exactly alike. It was so obvious. It was the first time that I ever felt this dynamic of recognition that I MUST be His Son because I am the same as His nature. Almost as if to say I look like Him, if He had an image.

I also realized that this only was possible because of the presence of love in me, at a significant enough level, to be able to equate with God like this. And I could also see that previously the lack or absence of love had been too strong to be able to see this. It is no wonder that I feared God or thought God was not like me or was not love, because I was too distanced from His nature to really recognize that we have something in common.

This also made me realize how much I do not really know who or what I am, because only when I identify as love am I really being what I really am. At other times when the love is not in my awareness I literally have lost touch with who I am and who God is and seem separate from and unlike Him.

I enjoyed the experience of "being just like God" for a while, even if it was only a slight hint of what's to come. It was enough to be able to sense that, because I am so alike God, I MUST BE HIS.

"4. All miracles mean life, and God is the giver of life. His voice will direct you very specifically. You will be told all you need to know." - ACIM

Holy Spirit is able to speak to you very, very specifically. Although He may not "be" specific Himself, this does not prevent Him from using anything and everything to further His goal of your awakening and your development of trust in Him.

The development of trust can take many forms and can even lead you to do things which you thought were "ego", things which you would not expect to be guided to do, as though they are even "sinful" in the ego's eyes, and yet to do them with Holy Spirit can be a way to help you to trust Him and to include Him in everything you do.

Case in point, I recently have been getting into bodybuilding.

This is an extremely body-focused activity. Like, to do it properly you really have to exercise hard and push the limits of what you think you can do. To make progress you have to even go beyond what you did last time. It takes significant focus and effort and is physically exhausting, placing major emphasis on muscles and how they look and what the body is doing etc. As you do this, the ego jumps in with all kinds of fears and doubts as to why you can't or shouldn't.

For me, I've been doing this with Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit tells me exactly which exercises to perform, exactly how many repetitions to perform, when to do it, and also complements and congratulates me in various ways afterwards. He pushes me to do more than I think I can do, guides me on when I am done, and prompts me to exercise far more often than I would think I am capable of, trying to get me to overcome my objections, fears, limitations and beliefs in "I can't because....". When he said to me recently "there is nothing you cannot do" I was kind of blown away.

You would not think that He would do this, because it seems like it's making the body real or supporting the ego. Each time I exercise my mind becomes very strongly focused on the body parts being moved, on the muscles involved, on correct form and posture and so on. It becomes somewhat meditative. It is helping me to develop trust in Him even in the midst of doing something which traditionally might've taken me away from Spirit towards the body.

At first, I had many misgivings, fears, doubts, judgements, and issues surrounding this adventure. In many ways the ego wanted to get involved or to derail me. I had many fears that I was doing something sinful or wrong or "ego". Many illusions surfaced. This was a good way of bringing those beliefs to the surface, beliefs about my relationship to the body and what it is, in order to look at them and correct them.

Sometimes afterwards, Holy Spirit will then say something simple which seems to throw me for a loop, like, "the body is not real". So then in my mind I'm now having to sort out, what this means.. how the body is not real when it seems so real etc. He tells me often this process is a "lesson". I am learning many things intensively through this activity. And it's fun. And it doesn't prove guilt. And I am allowed to do it. In many ways it has challenged me to undo those beliefs in guilt, unworthiness, not being allowed, limitation and lack. In this regard it is helping me to grow spiritually.

Holy Spirit can use whatever you're doing in your life. It doesn't have to be that you give stuff up and sacrifice. I've even moved "closer" to the body in some ways. I am far more grounded in it, centered in it, and focused on it. This roundedness has had a major positive impact on my over-empathing of others and my general centeredness and confidence.

At first I was worried that this was taking me out of my mind and into illusions. But what it's actually done is quiet down my intellect and has given me a very different perspective on who and what I am (as awareness). My mind has shifted a lot away from intellect-identification, is quieter, I am calmer, happier, more peaceful and feel more "alive". It has been very unexpected but ultimately welcome.

We don't have to give up everything we want to do, or avoid even exploring the things we were always hoping to do but were too afraid to do. Often the fears we have are there because we are avoiding, rather than that the thing is actually evil or bad when you do it. Sometimes we end up living vicariously through other people, as victims, because we are not living up to what we ourselves believe in. We can learn a lot from this, and from placing trust in Holy Spirit to HELP US to do whatever it is that we're doing. He can come into our activities and our pleasures and our bodies and help us where we're at, to even help us with what we're interested in, and to explore everything we could ever hope to experience here.

Be free! Have fun!

When you're having an emotional reaction to anything, you usually believe it's because something outside of you is causing it.

But more accurately, you previously created a self condemnation within yourself and this is rising to the surface of your awareness. It's like a bruise which it *seems* like someone else is activating or triggering.Its your guilt about separating from God - your sin.

Our reactions are often so quick to happen that it seems like someone or something outside of you 'causes' the feeling.

So I'm sitting here, and if someone comes along and pokes me with a stick, if I suddenly feel angry and annoyed, initially it might look like I've been made to feel this way BY that person. Or that I'm only feeling this way because of that person. Its an illusion of cause and effect.

But what's really happening is, my mind already contained guilt and anger and upset which was buried unconsciously, and being poked with the stick has somehow triggered it off, like a memory or an association, and its come up in my mind quickly and now I'm experiencing it. It's easy to bridge the gap and say, well this person has inflicted a 'fresh wound' upon me, but really it's something that was already in me.

Remember as ACIM says, "we but accuse our brother of our OWN sins." - meaning that our brother does not HAVE any sins that we can accuse them of - its all your own stuff that you project onto them.

The only reason we are here in bodies is because we tried to separate from God by condemning ourselves, attempting to destroy ourselves and to punish ourselves. WE are the ones who believe in our own sinfulness and our own guilt. It's got nothing to do with anyone else and nobody else put it there. And it is this inner self-guilt that becomes 'activated' in EVERY situation where we think someone or something else does 'something' to us to 'make us' unhappy. We simply 'recall' our own guilt and re-suffer.

So instead we hire people to come along and to seem like they are the cause of our suffering, because this triggers off our AGREEMENT that what they're insinuating about us is true (that we deserve punishment or mistreatment), even if we protest violently that this is uncalled for. We cannot get upset UNLESS we agree with the person, and we cannot get upset UNLESS we already believe deep down that we deserve this treatment.

Its not other people that take our power away. We are the ones who keep trying to GIVE it to other people, to give them our own self-responsibility in an attempt to ask them to take over the rights and responsibilities that WE have for ourselves and for our own feelings. We want someone else to be to blame for the separation from God because we have blamed ourselves heavily and can't bear the burden. But OUR suffering has NOTHING to do with anyone else.

So its extremely convenient when someone comes along and triggers you or pushes your buttons. And even though you will react in such a way as to suggest your entire reaction is their fault, or you were just sitting there innocently minding your own business, the fact is they would not be ABLE to upset you if you were truly free of your own guilt. So all they are really doing is helping you to become aware of what you are hiding from, and your hidden unconscious self-hate is actually calling for you to be punished, which is why you hire and attract people to do it to you, for you, even if you fight with them about it consciously.

Ok so, this is really all about taking responsibility for who you are and what you feel and what you believe is true about yourself. You need to learn to decouple and detach the lie, that how you feel is caused by someone else. How you feel is NEVER caused by someone else. Whoever is in your life that is pissing you off, ITS NOT THEM... its not their fault, they're just helping you to see that you pissed yourself off. You HAVE to stop blaming other people for what you are feeling. Fully. Totally. "You are never upset for the reason you think" and "anger is never justified" (ie blaming another).

I have been finding that I am so incredibly used to being a victim, that whenever someone does or says something to 'upset me', and I experience a reaction (which is really just my own self-attack surfacing in my awareness) I immediately add two-and-two together and find the other person to be 'guilty of' upsetting me. It seems like they caused the upset, and its all their fault. I actually buy into this really quickly. And it totally glosses over the fact that I am only experiencing what is already in me, what I already believe it true about myself, and I am only reminded of my own self condemnation.

So what I have to learn to do, which I am experimenting with now, is to remember to remind myself... "I am completely responsible for these feelings". Whatever my reaction is, I have to stop blaming the cause of it on other people. I have to stop seeing myself as having been at the 'effect' of anyone or anything other than myself. If anyone else has 'done this to me', then I am a victim. If I am a victim I can't find peace, no matter how much I protest. No matter what my feeling is, or how much it seems justified or unjustified, or how much it *seems* to have been activated by another person, I HAVE to get to where I admit honestly that EVEN THIS FEELING is not there 'because of' that other person, it's there because *I* put it there because its MY self-attack. "The secret to salvation is this - that you but did this to yourself."

To stop being a victim, or seeing yourself as victimized, you MUST own up to the fact that everything you are experiencing is YOURS. It is your own inner experience. It is not someone else's. It is not something that anyone else put there or created or caused or made happen or reinforced in any way. Its yours. This is your shit.

You have plenty of your own shit in your own mind which you put there to cover and explain absolutely all of your reactions and upset feelings and unhappiness, without needing even one other person to explain why you feel this way. You're doing a fine job of condemning yourself without needing to resort to trying to claim that someone else has 'added to' your load.

Nobody else has ever done anything to you. Period. Let that soak in for a minute. Nobody else has EVER done anything to you, and ALL of your reactions and feelings and experiences are INSIDE YOU, because you put them there. They're YOURS.

You are completely responsible for everything you experience and everything you feel and you are NOT at the effect of anyone else, ever.

Now, this is very tempting for the ego/hurt parts of yourself to want to skapegoat and this happens very rapidly and automatically when you are not being truly honest or observant. And you are so used to this happening that every single time someone or something outside of you 'goes wrong' or 'offends you' or 'attacks you' or 'does something to you' or whatever... you immediately launch into the mistaken perception that this OTHER has 'caused you'. Caused-you, in general... ie... they are the cause, you are their effect, you have no say in who you are, and you must change to match what they say you should be feeling. Victimhood.

So.... now your job is different. Your job is to notice whenever you are in the midst of an 'interaction' with someone or something, in which it has triggered off some feelings. Some upset. Some hurt or anger or whatever it is. If you are not happy, then chances are you are currently `holding a grievance` which you THINK is a grievance against someone else. You blame them for it.

BUT... your job now is this.... you MUST CLAIM OWNERSHIP of every part of what you are experiencing. All of your feelings of hurt, anger, rejection, pain, loss, suffering, sadness, offense, frustration, unfairness, etc... all of it... it is YOURS. It's inside you. And the ONLY reason you are experiencing it is BECAUSE YOU PUT IT THERE. We have to learn that it is NEVER about the other person, you are NEVER affected by someone else, you are NEVER at the effect of the world you see, you are NEVER experiencing something as the effect/result of someone or something else, and nobody has EVER done anything whatsoever to change who you are.

It's actually completely true that nobody has ever done anything to you. As in my quote yesterday - "you are completely harmless and you cannot be hurt." Only you can do this stuff to yourself. Only you can STOP doing this to yourself. This doesn't require a crazy mental somersault or perceptual trampolining in order to see it this way. It's actually the way it IS. You're just allowing yourself to acknowledge things for how they really ARE instead of making up the story that someone else is to blame.

When owned up to with responsibility, you have ONLY done this to yourself. Everyone else is innocent. You have never been hurt by anyone. You ARE immortal and invulnerable. Admitting to this and seeing this is simply the truth. There is no distortion in it and no fairytale needed to paint a picture to make it believable. The truth is that everything you're feeling, you are choosing to feel, on your own, without any help from anyone else.

As you learn to OWN what you are feeling, something really interesting happens. Or at least this is what I am finding. If someone does something that usually I'd say "they caused me to feel xyz"... if I say to myself, ok, I'm upset and feeling hurt and angry... but its NOT because of them... these are MY feelings, ALL of this experience is MINE and has nothing to do with them.... this ownership/responsibility does two things. 1) It completely detatches from the other person and withdraws all blame from them and correctly identifies WHERE the problem is (its in me, in my mind, not in the other person), and 2) It puts me in touch with what is MINE and who I AM.

What I'm finding is that as I own my feelings and stop blaming them on other people, ALL of them... I am owning up to being MYSELF. My 'personality' is coming out. I am feeling freer and happier. My unhappy feelings are dissolving away very quickly and I remain in the victim role for FAR less time. Taking this responsibility immediately detaches me from the other person, and severs the 'tie' that was trying to pin my feelings on someone else. The door is closed, and now I'm within myself. And as I sit with my own feelings in awareness that these are MY own feelings, no matter what seemed to happen, it shines a LIGHT which dispels them. It makes me laugh. I end up laughing rather than crying.

Owning my feelings completely undoes the foundation of victimhood and completely removes victimhood from my perception, which means I now see myself as NOT victimized which means whatever I'm feeling is my OWN creation which means it's really quite hilariously silly that I've chosen to create this feeling. It shows me how ridiculous it is to choose to feel this way. Why would I choose to deliberately feel upset? I am recognizing it is not TRUE that its someone else's fault and its not TRUE that I have been attacked, and this therefore (through oneness) reminds me that I can't have been attacked therefore there CAN'T have been any effects, and therefore I have no reason to be upset. So I can let it go much more quickly and return to happiness.

I'm finding my 'personality' is coming out a lot more, my persona is diminishing, my happiness is increasing and I see myself as much less victimized. I have less reason to be afraid because I'm starting to believe that nobody else is doing anything to me, and that they can't. And by owning my own feelings I am owning BEING ME which means I am allowing myself to be myself freely without all this conditionality of my fake ego victim self. Yay.

Good times. Freedom.

I really like this term - "sinlessness". It feels good. It feels the way "there is no sin" feels when I say it. That my sinlessness is guaranteed by God, is right up with there "I am still as God created me." It specifies not only what I AM, it also specifies what I am NOT. I am not sinful, because I am sinless. I am free from the sinfulness that I am not.

Sinlessness is more than merely the absence of sin, as well. It is the presence of immortality. It is strength and innocence. It is invulnerability and fearlessness. Where there is sinlessness there is no reason to be afraid. If your brother is sinless, he is not threatening you. If the world is sinless, it is doing nothing to you. Sinlessness is safety. Sinlessness is your purity as Christ!

Sinlessness is also the end result of forgiveness. When forgiveness is completely, you are in sinlessness. When you have forgiven your brother, you recognize and can see his sinlessness. The sinlessness in him is your own. It is the light of Christ. It is the guaranteed purity of God, which was given you in your permanent creation. You are sinless because God created you sinless forever.

The juicy quotes...

"Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. Over and over this must be repeated until it is accepted. It is true. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. Nothing can touch it, nor can change what God created as eternal. The self you made, evil and full of sin, is meaningless. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God, and light and joy and peace abide in you."

"Salvation requires the acceptance of but one thought; you are as God created you, not what you made of yourself. Whatever evil you may think you did, you are as God created you. Whatever mistakes you made, the truth about you is unchanged. Creation is eternal and unalterable. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. You are and will forever be exactly as you were created. Light and joy and peace abide in you because God put them there."

"If a situation arises which seems to be disturbing, quickly dispel the illusion of fear by repeating these thoughts again. Should you be tempted to become angry with someone, tell him silently:

"Light and joy and peace abide in you. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God.""

"Brother, come and let me look on you. Your loveliness reflects my own. Your sinlessness is mine. You stand forgiven, and I stand with you."

"If you but knew how much your Father yearns to have you recognize your sinlessness, you would not let His Voice appeal in vain, nor turn away from His replacement for the fearful images and dreams you made. "

"True light is strength, and strength is sinlessness. If you remain as God created you, you must be strong, and light must be in you. He Who ensured your sinlessness must be the guarantee of strength and light as well. You are as God created you. Darkness cannot obscure the glory of the Son of God. You stand in light, strong in the sinlessness in which you were created, and in which you will remain throughout eternity."

"How lovely does the world become in just that single instant when you see the truth about yourself reflected there. Now you are sinless and behold your sinlessness. Now you are holy and perceive it so."

"The state of sinlessness is merely this: The WHOLE desire to attack is gone, and so there is no reason to perceive the Son of God as other than he is."

"And so you walk toward Heaven or toward hell, but NOT alone. How beautiful his sinlessness will be, when you perceive it! And how great will be YOUR joy when he is free to offer you the gift of sight God gave to him for you."

"Your brother's sinlessness is given you in shining light, to look on with the Holy Spirit's vision, and to rejoice in, along with Him. For peace will come to all who ask for it with real desire and sincerity of purpose, SHARED with the Holy Spirit, and at one with Him on what salvation IS."

"Be willing, then, to see your brother sinless, that Christ may rise before your vision, and give you joy. And place NO value on your brother's body, which held him to illusions of what he is. It is HIS desire to see his sinlessness, as it is YOURS. And bless the Son of God in your relationship, nor see in him what you have MADE of him. The Holy Spirit GUARANTEES that what"God has willed and given shall be yours."

"My sinlessness protects me from all harm."

"My sinlessness ensures me perfect peace, eternal safety, everlasting love, freedom forever from all thought of loss; complete deliverance from suffering. And only happiness can be my state, for only happiness is given me. What must I do to know all this is mine? I must accept Atonement for myself, and nothing more. God has already done all things that need be done. And I must learn I need do nothing of myself, for I need but accept my Self, my sinlessness, created for me, now already mine, to feel God's Love protecting me from harm, to understand my Father loves His Son; to know I am the Son my Father loves."

""You who created me in sinlessness are not mistaken about what I am. I was mistaken when I thought I sinned, but I accept Atonement for myself. Father, my dream is ended now. Amen.""

"I choose to see my brother's sinlessness."

"I choose to see what I would look upon, and this I see, and only this. My brother's sinlessness shows me that I would look upon my own. And I will see it, having chosen to behold my brother in its holy light."

""What could restore Your memory to me except to see my brother's sinlessness? His holiness reminds me that he was created one with me and like myself. In him I find my Self, and in Your Son I find the memory of You as well.""

"I can attack but my own sinlessness, and it is only that which keeps me safe."

""Father, Your Son is holy. I am he on whom You smile in love and tenderness so deep and dear and still the universe smiles back on You, and shares Your holiness. How pure, how safe, how sacred, then, are we, abiding in Your smile, with all Your love bestowed upon us, living one with You, in brotherhood and Fatherhood complete; in sinlessness so perfect that the Lord of Sinlessness conceives us as His Son, a universe of Thought completing Him.""

"Let us not, then, attack our sinlessness. For it contains the Word of God to us, and in its kind reflection we are saved."

"Remove your focus on your brother's sins, and you experience the peace that comes from faith in sinlessness. This faith receives its only sure support from what you see in others past their sins. For their mistakes, if focused on, are witnesses to sins in you. And you will not transcend their sight and see the sinlessness that lies beyond."

"Therefore, in practicing today, we first let all such little focuses give way to our great need to let our sinlessness become apparent."

"We enter in the time of practicing with one intent; to look upon the sinlessness within."

"And we will also use these thoughts to keep us safe throughout the day. We do not seek for long-range goals. As each obstruction seems to block the vision of our sinlessness, we seek but for surcease an instant from the misery the focus upon sin will bring, and uncorrected will remain."

"The world which once proclaimed our sins becomes the proof that we are sinless. And our love for everyone we look upon attests to our remembrance of the holy Self Which knows no sin, and never could conceive of anything without Its sinlessness."

"Our sinlessness is but the Will of God. This instant is our willing one with His."

"The self you made is not the Son of God. Therefore this self does not exist at all. And anything it seems to do and think means nothing. It is neither bad nor good. It is unreal, and nothing more than that. It does not battle with the Son of God. It does not hurt him, nor attack his peace. It has not changed creation, nor reduced eternal sinlessness to sin and love to hate."

"I need but look upon all things that seem to hurt me, and with perfect certainty assure myself, "God wills that I be saved from this," and merely watch them disappear. I need but keep in mind my Father's Will for me is only happiness, to find that only happiness has come to me. And I need but remember that His Love surrounds His Son and keeps his sinlessness forever perfect, to be sure that I am saved and safe forever in His arms. I am the Son He loves. And I am saved because God in His mercy wills it so."

"Father, Your holiness is mine. Your Love created me, and made my sinlessness forever part of You. I have no guilt nor sin in me, for there is none in You."

"Behold his sinlessness and be you healed"

"Father, today I would let all things be as You created them, and give Your Sons the honor due their sinlessness; the love of brother to his brother and his friend. Through this I am redeemed."

"I will forgive all things today, that I

May learn how to accept the truth in me,

And come to recognize my sinlessness."

"In holiness were we created, and in holiness do we remain. Your Son is like to You in perfect sinlessness, and with this thought we gladly say 'Amen'."

"And with this choice I see my sinlessness, my everlasting Comforter and Friend beside me, and my way secure and clear."

"Forgiveness looks on sinlessness alone, and judges not. Through this I come to You. Judgment will bind my eyes and make me blind. Yet love, reflected in forgiveness here, reminds me You have given me a way to find Your peace again." "Surrounding me is perfect safety. Can I be afraid, when Your eternal promise goes with me? Surrounding me is perfect sinlessness. What can I fear, when You created me in holiness as perfect as Your own?"

"In quiet may forgiveness wipe away my dreams of separation and of sin. Then let me, Father, look within and find Your promise of my sinlessness is kept; Your Word remains unchanged within my mind, Your Love is still abiding in my heart."

"Today I would behold my brother sinless. This Your Will for me, for thus will I behold my sinlessness."

"I am the means by which God's Son is saved, because salvation's purpose is to find the sinlessness which God has placed in me. I was created as the thing I seek. I am the goal the world is searching for. I am God's Son, His one Eternal Love. I am salvation's means and end as well."

"Our Father, let us see the face of Christ instead of our mistakes. For we who are Your holy Son, are sinless."

"Now let His true perception come to me, that I may waken from the dream of guilt and look within upon my sinlessness, which You have kept completely undefiled upon the altar to Your holy Son, the Self with Which I would identify."

"And we, God's children, rise up from the dust and look upon our perfect sinlessness. The song of Heaven sounds around the world, as it is lifted up and brought to truth."

"Now there are no distinctions. Differences have disappeared and Love looks on Itself. What further sight is needed? What remains that vision could accomplish? We have seen the face of Christ, His sinlessness, His Love behind all forms, beyond all purposes."

"Their patients can but be seen as the bringers of forgiveness, for it is they who come to demonstrate their sinlessness to eyes that still believe that sin is there to look upon. Yet will the proof of sinlessness, seen in the patient and accepted in the therapist, offer the mind of both a covenant in which they meet and join and are as one."

"The prayer for enemies thus becomes a prayer for your own freedom. Now it is no longer a contradiction in terms. Rather it is a statement of the unity of Christ and a recognition of His sinlessness. And now it has become holy, for it acknowledges the Son of God as he was created."

"Now, without needs of any kind, and clad forever in the pure sinlessness which is the gift of God to you, His Son, prayer can again become what it was meant to be."

"Creation is the opposite of all illusions, for Creation is the truth. Creation is the holy Son of God, for in Creation is His Will complete in every aspect, making every part container of the whole. Its oneness is forever guaranteed inviolate; forever held within His holy Will, beyond all possibility of harm, of separation, imperfection and of any spot upon its sinlessness."

"What he has done now must God's Son undo. But not alone. For he has thrown away the prison's key; his holy sinlessness and the remembrance of his Father's Love."

"I am God's Son, complete and healed and whole, shining in the reflection of His Love. In me is His creation sanctified and guaranteed eternal life. In me is love perfected, fear impossible, and joy established without opposite. I am the holy home of God Himself. I am the Heaven where His Love resides. I am His holy Sinlessness Itself, for in my purity abides His own."

"Now prayer is lifted from the world of things, of bodies, and of gods of every kind, and you can rest in holiness at last. Humility has taught you how to understand your glory as God's Son, and recognize the arrogance of sin. A dream has veiled the face of Christ from you. Now can you look upon His sinlessness."

"He will hear his sinlessness proclaimed around and around the world, setting it free as God's final judgment on him is received. This is the judgment in which salvation lies. This is the judgment that will set him free. This is the judgment in which all things are freed with him."

"In His perception of the world, nothing is seen but justifies forgiveness and the sight of perfect sinlessness. Nothing arises but is met with instant and complete forgiveness. Nothing remains an instant, to obscure the sinlessness that shines unchanged, beyond the pitiful attempts of specialness to put it out of mind, where it MUST be, and light the BODY up INSTEAD of it."

"Now He can remind the world of sinlessness, the one unchanged, unchangeable condition of all that God created. Now He can speak the Word of God to listening ears, and bring Christ's vision to eyes that see. Now is He free to teach all minds the truth of what they are, so they will gladly be returned to Him. And now is guilt forgiven, overlooked completely in His sight and in God's Word."

"All that is real proclaims his sinlessness. All that is false proclaims his sins as real."

"Do you not see the OPPOSITE of frailty and weakness is sinlessness? INNOCENCE IS STRENGTH, and nothing else is strong. The sinless cannot fear. And fear of any kind is weakness."

"It is HIS sinlessness that eyes that see can look upon. It is HIS loveliness they see in everything. And it is HE they look for everywhere, and find no sight or place or time where He is NOT. Within your brother's holiness, the perfect frame for YOUR salvation and the world's, is set the shining memory of Him in Whom your brother lives, and you along with him." "In this one fact is sinlessness proclaimed to be forever part of everything; the central core of its existence and its guarantee of immortality."

"Your special function is a call to Him, that He may smile on you whose sinlessness He shares. HIS understanding will be YOURS. And so the Holy Spirit's Special Function has been fulfilled. God's Son has found a witness unto his sinlessness, and NOT his sin. "

"To serve THIS end, the body MUST be perceived as sinless, BECAUSE the goal is sinlessness."

"The means of sinlessness can know no fear, because they carry ONLY love with them."

"Your home is built upon your brother's health; upon his happiness, his sinlessness, and everything his Father promised him. No secret promise you have made INSTEAD has shaken the Foundation of his home."

"His holiness gives life to you, who CANNOT die because his sinlessness is known to God, and can no more be sacrificed by you than can the light in you be blotted out because he sees it not."

"And as we see the sinlessness in him come shining through the veil of guilt that shrouds the Son of God, we will behold in him the Face of Christ, and understand that it is but our own."

"Give me your blessing, holy Son of God,

I would behold you with the eyes of Christ,

And see my perfect sinlessness in you."

"Consider once again your special function. ONE is given you to see in him his perfect sinlessness."

"You still are holy with the Holiness which fathered you in perfect sinlessness, and still surrounds you in the arms of peace. Dream now of healing. Then arise and lay all dreaming down forever. You are he your Father loves, who never left his home, nor wandered in a savage world with feet that bleed, and with a heavy heart made hard against the Love that is the truth in you. Give all your dreams to Christ and let Him be your Guide to healing, leading you in prayer beyond the sorry reaches of the world."

"Only Christ forgives, knowing His sinlessness. His vision heals perception and sickness disappears. Nor will it return again, once its cause has been removed."

"Yet it is He Who gives the means by which perception is made true and beautiful enough to let the light of Heaven shine upon it. It is He Who answers what His Son would contradict, and keeps his sinlessness forever safe."

"Your question should not be, "How can I see my brother without the body?" Ask only, "Do I REALLY wish to see him sinless?" And, as you ask, forget not that HIS sinlessness is YOUR escape from fear. Salvation is the Holy Spirit's goal. The means is vision. For what the seeing look upon IS sinless. No-one who loves can judge, and what he sees is FREE of condemnation. And what he sees he did NOT make, for it was GIVEN him to see, as was the vision which made his seeing possible."

"The sinless give as they received. See, then, the power of sinlessness within your brother, and share with him the power of the RELEASE from sin you offered HIM."

"What danger can assail the wholly innocent? What can attack the guiltless? What fear can enter and disturb the peace of sinlessness?"

"No one remains in hell, for no one can abandon his Creator, nor affect His perfect, timeless and unchanging Love. You will find Heaven. Everything you seek but this will fall away, yet not because it has been taken from you. It will go because you do not want it. You will reach the goal you really want as certainly as God created you in sinlessness."

"Christ cannot doubt Himself. The Voice of God can only honor Him, rejoicing in His perfect, everlasting sinlessness."

"Defenselessness is all you need to give Him in return. You lay aside but what was never real, to look on Christ and see His sinlessness."

Quite often when I'm stressing about whether I'm doing the right thing or not, focusing on doing something I think I want to do but feeling guilty about it, Holy Spirit will give me a wide berth of permission. Instead of saying to stop doing it, He'll encourage me. Instead of reprimanding me, he'll suggest I even put aside things I'm "supposed" to be doing and do what it is I want to do.

There are also times when I'm doing something which seems very ego and 'against' waking up or being spiritual, and I might even be stubbornly refusing to listen to Holy Spirit's guidance. Not that he isn't speaking to me often, but that I am ignoring Him or choosing something on my own. Even then, Holy Spirit will say something like ... "its your life."

The sense of being 'allowed' that comes from this is immense. And usually just be experiencing no resistance like this, it will highlight for me and make clear whether I really want to do this or not. Holy Sprit is so non-forceful. Like, zero force. When I am expecting there to be force, or demands, or requirements, or permission, or whatever other form of guilt, He comes through with openness and acceptance.

It always catches me by surprise. I am never expecting His generous response. It's very loving. Instead of making me wrong for anything, even if I am doing something wrong, He makes me feel like it's okay, and then this creates a space in which to see clearly. Usually then when this attachment and resistance is gone, it becomes much more obvious where I really stand. And then I find myself being willing to either pursue what I was pursuing, or surrender it.

I become willing to do what He wanted me to do along, and then he turns around and says, "tomorrow". i.e. carry on doing whatever else.

It's always a blessing.

It's very helpful for me to keep in mind the key fact, that every time I am upset about other people I am using them to get rid of my own sin.

Each time I become angry or upset or annoyed, or see myself as being attacked by someone, or they are just "wrong", it can SEEM as though I do not want them to be this way. BUT I DO!

I absolutely want them to attack me, hurt me, offend me, annoy me, be opposed to me, be wrong to me, etc.

Each time I SEE them as falling into this category, I will believe I am JUSTIFIED in being angry and upset about them. And my justification will tell me I SHOULD be upset.

But it's a lie. I'm lying to myself and them. I want them to hurt me so that I have a way to justify projecting my own sin and guilt onto them.

It's not that they are wrong, or sinful, or guilty, it's that I believe *I* am. I want to SEE them as the one who is sinful, at any opportunity, so that I can get rid of my shit.

Each time I find myself going into this justified reaction, if I can be honest and remember that I actually WANT them to be this way so that I can use them to scapegoat, it stops me in my tracks.

Seeing that my reaction is NOT justified, because the purpose and reason for my reaction is an dishonest attack on my part, it deflates the reaction and makes it easy to not pursue further.

The angry reaction just stops when the truth is introduced, because anger is a false reaction to a lie. Just this one simple little truth is leading me to give up every case of finding others guilty. Anger and blame was a TOOL I was using for a secret purpose.

It literally takes a step in the undoing of the ego, and marks the beginning of the end of all anger forever.

I've been looking at this closely because I want to find out how this course is supposed to be applied, without a bypass and without denial.

At first I recognised that there was a whole lot of spiritual bypassing going on. That is, trying to adopt thoughts, theories, concept etc far beyond where my 'actual experience' is, such that I am out of touch with actual experience and am living in a kind of mental fantasy. This becomes the spiritualised ego, getting lost in the intellect, 'bypassing' the experience and the feelings and pretending to be more advanced etc.

So then I thought ok, I am not supposed to deny what's happening, I'm supposed to accept it. So then I went kind of the other way, went more into feeling the feelings, having the experience, and it seemed like if I would attempt to avoid or invalidate that in any way it would be a bypass. But this led to just being swamped in the ego, continued suffering, false perceptions, and essentially no room for forgiveness.

Now I am asking myself, where does forgiveness come into this? If forgiveness is going to try to offer some kind of interpretation or way of seeing something that is different to "what it is" or "what's happening", surely forgiveness is a bypass? There has to be a way to move from "I am a body" to "I am not a body" without it being some kind of faulty application or an attempt to deny the body. One thing to recognize is that there are always two parts to experience - what stuff is physically, PLUS an interpretation of it, and the interpretation can be wrong while still allowing the physical/biological/emotional part to be there.

The overall approach seems to be that we should first acknowledge what we ARE experiencing, what we feel, the situation we seem to be in, without denying that we're feeling and experiencing it. We HAVE to admit first that we're suffering, that something seems to have gone wrong - which we tend not to want to do because it induces FEAR that something is "really wrong".

This is part of the "fear of healing", because we don't want to acknowledge that something very convincingly "bad" seems to have happened - and if it is real, it would be frightening, and we DO believe it's real. Admitting it is frightening and so we deny and avoid this step. But THEN, having removed the DENIAL of the situation, seek for a better way to look at it and to reinterpret the experience, or to question the foundation or cause of it.

"The fear of healing arises in the end from an unwillingness to accept the unequivocal fact that healing is necessary. The fear arises because of the necessary willingness to look at what man has done to himself."

We need to make sure we don't shoot for "it's not happening" BEFORE we've admitted "this seems to be happening" ie "I must have made a wrong decision because I'm not at peace". That is acknowledgement, not a bypass. And it means willingness to admit that things have gone wrong, you don't feel happy, you are suffering and THEN that there must be a better way.

The course does speak to this in a few places. e.g. admitting first that the separation HAS occurred - which we don't want to admit to because it implies its real and is horrible, but we DO believe it has occurred - but looking at this WITH the Holy Spirit makes it less frightening, and then having admitted "something's gone wrong" we can be in a position to then immediately seek atonement. But if we seek atonement WITHOUT admitting to the denied dark belief or feeling or ego scenario, we are bypassing.

"The Separation HAS occurred. To deny this is merely to misuse denial. However, to concentrate on error is merely a further misuse of legitimate psychic mechanisms. The true corrective procedure, which has already been described as the proper use of the spiritual eye (or true vision), is to accept the error temporarily, BUT ONLY as an indication that IMMEDIATE correction is mandatory. This establishes a state of mind in which the Atonement can be accepted without delay."

Notice how it says we 1) stop denying that we've separated and made a wrong decision and are suffering 2) accept the error, the suffering, the feeling, on a temporary basis 3) having acknowledged the suffering, now seek for atonement ie a more right-minded interpretation with the Holy Spirit, but in such a way that it broadens the perception, admits to bigger truths, allows in God's light and laws, and re-frames the ILLUSION of what you seemed to be experiencing before as "bad".

As per the secret of salvation, you can then SEE and admit that you've been doing this to yourself, and seek to choose again and let the Holy Spirit undo the consequences through healing. This is the proper "application of forgiveness". If we skip the acknowledgement of "what's gone wrong" we are in a spiritual bypass. If we skip admitting to being in denial about how awful we've made ourselves feel, we're in a bypass. If we don't want to look at the GUILT, having first asked the Holy Spirit to help us to LOOK AT IT, and we skip ahead to "I'm innocent", then we're in a bypass.

You have to not pretend that everything's okay. Admit you're suffering, admit you're not happy, admit to your feelings, feel the feelings if you need to, AND THEN work with the Holy Spirit on a reinterpretation. When you then see it from a higher place, or remember its a dream, or affirm you're not a body, or recognize you're not a victim etc, that is indeed "contradictory" to what you were seeing and experiencing before but its NOT a bypass because it's changing the interpretation OF it, not trying to dismiss it. We should end up with a higher christ-vision view of what we were seeing from an ego perspective., but having acknowledged the state we were in fully first.

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I asked ChatGPT about this a bit, here's some AI commentary:

In ACIM terms, the process looks like this: Notice the upset Acknowledge the feeling Recognize it comes from a belief Offer the belief for correction Receive a different perception Step 1 and 2 are not bypassing. They are required. The ego says: “If you don’t validate the feeling as true, you’re bypassing.” But the Course says: “You can acknowledge a feeling without agreeing with its interpretation.” That’s the pivot. There is a difference between: Allowing a feeling Agreeing with the ego’s interpretation of the feeling For example: “I feel hurt.” → acknowledgment “They betrayed me and I was wronged.” → interpretation The first is honest. The second is the ego’s narrative. The Course invites you to question the second — not suppress the first. ACIM is not about: Emotional catharsis Endless processing Validating the ego’s storyline It is about changing the teacher in the mind. Bypassing says: “This pain isn’t here.” The Course says: “This pain is here because I chose wrongly — and I can choose again.” That is not bypassing. That is reclaiming authorship of perception. When you shift perspective, the ego feels invalidated. It reacts with: “You’re suppressing.” “You’re not being authentic.” “You’re spiritually bypassing.” But what’s really happening is: You’re declining to make the ego’s interpretation real. The ego equates: Not agreeing with me = denial. But correction is not denial. It’s reinterpretation. ACIM doesn’t say: “Sit with your ego forever.” It says: “Notice it, forgive it, and choose again.” If you never shift perspective because you fear bypassing, you’re actually preserving the ego. Ironically, that becomes a different kind of bypass: bypassing the Holy Spirit’s reinterpretation. When you shift perspective, ask: Am I suppressing the feeling? Or am I gently allowing it while becoming willing to see it differently? In A Course in Miracles, there’s an important distinction that clears this up: Denial of error is not denial of experience. Statements like: “I am not a body. I am free.” “My sinlessness is guaranteed by God.” are not meant as psychological affirmations. They are metaphysical corrections aimed at the level of cause, not effect. If you use them at the level of emotion — to override fear, sadness, anger — they will feel like bypassing. Because they’re not designed to suppress feelings. They’re designed to loosen identification. When the Course says: “I am not a body,” it is not asking you to deny that a body appears to exist in perception. It’s asking you to question whether the body is what you are. That’s a completely different move. A metaphysical statement becomes bypassing when: It is used to escape emotion. It is used to spiritually inflate. It is used to deny the felt experience. It becomes healing when: It softens identification. It introduces curiosity. It reduces personal attack. It increases humility.

Last night I was talking with Jesus about letting go, and I was thinking the words "I need to surrender" ....and Jesus interjected and changed the word 'surrender' to "let go" .... so then I repeated the modified words. ... I need to let go, except Jesus again interjected and added on some words.... "trying to be God".

And then I was stunned. The realization that I was trying to be God seemed to 'fit' my ego exactly, not just sending me off on some other ego tangent or train of thought, but actually kind of 'disabling' my entire ego for a moment. I felt like I had absolutely no come-back, and no defense. It was true. I felt in myself not just a kind of mental unmasking of myself, but even right down into my torso, as if I've just been stripped bare of all defenses and could do nothing but be stunned from head to toe.

It seemed brilliant, on Jesus's part, to make this observation. The ego - my ego - our egos - really are trying to be God. Our attempt to separate ourselves off form God and to then have various characteristics that would normally be God's characteristics, but without Him, is TOTALLY us trying to be God.

I believe I am God when I am in charge, in control, or having dominion over the world. I believe I'm God by making myself right about things. I believe I'm God by making decisions on my own. I believe I'm God by believing that I know stuff and am informed enough to direct outcomes. I believe I'm God when I think this is 'my own life' and that I am the one who is in charge of it. But it seems more fundamental than this even. It runs to the ego's core.

The ego is literally trying to 'take over' and 'take away from God' everything that God is. It wants to take away God's power, God's fullness, God's mind, God's reality, God's thought system, God's heart, God's eternal life, everything. It wants God not to have it, which means a choice for death, but at the same time, it wants to have all of this for itself without any of the 'conditions' that come with these things - the conditions of Heaven. Or real responsibility.

So I am trying to be God. Holy shit. This doesn't just speak to one portion of 'my life' but to ALL of it. I need to let go of trying to be God. We all do. Can you feel how much of your ego self just 'drops away' when you say this?

I let go of trying to be God.

All the uptight tension and control and fear and attack and manipulation and engagement with stories just falls away when we admit this. And when we do let go of trying to do this... in surrender, and allow God to be God, and allow ourselves to be His creation (not the other way around), the authority problem melts with it.

The authority problem is us attempting to be God, which causes us to be at war with God, and in constant struggles. Letting go of trying to be the one who is God lets go of all of that role-play... it is a heavenly surrender.

For a long time I have focused on "the secret of salvation". This is to do with realizing that you are the cause of everything you are experiencing. And therefore that you are responsible for all your own suffering. On the one hand it's humbling and on the other hand it's empowering, because if you can realize you're the one doing it you have the freedom to stop.

But l notice now that the secret of "how to be saved" applies in the case where you are not yet saved. It's helpful when you are in the suffering and need to get out of it. That's kind of the context of it, it's a tool you can use to recognize who is doing what to whom, so that you can stop doing it.

I have noticed also that with the secret of salvation, we are focusing a lot on taking responsibility. Which initially is seen as inciting guilt, and then moves into trying to be fully responsible for everything. But the further secret is, that if we try to take full responsibility ALONE, where "separate me" is fully responsible for everything, then we are still generating fearful outlooks, because depending on ourselves alone is a state of rejecting God.

So I've been locked into a stage for a while of trying to be fully responsible, but trying to take that responsibility in isolation, rather than GIVE that responsibility to the Holy Spirit. I feel that I personally am somewhat moving beyond this stage now and into more of the "I am saved" stage. By which I mean, I have recognized that it is my attempts to do anything "alone" that is the source of all suffering, because that's how I "be separate". And "I" can't be fully responsible without sharing that responsibility with God.

Whenever I try to be separate, I essentially am attacking myself, which makes errors, produces more ego fear, and induces suffering. This all comes about after I have judged and given meaning to things, using my own faculties for judging. Which means really, using my own past learning. This always leads to errors because it's lacking a lot of facts. And I keep being shown now just how wrong I can be when I don't know all the details.

So I'm now finding that if I admit to not knowing what anything means, and am willing to stop trying to judge anything I see, and instead seek out the Holy Spirit to join in his vision or interpretation, then this circumvents the whole process of going into error. Or rather, I guess I'm saying that if I seek the state of forgiveness sooner, then I don't go into judgement, and thus don't hurt myself. Which reminds me of this...

"Forgiveness through the Holy Spirit lies simply in looking beyond error from the beginning, and thus KEEPING it unreal for you. Do not let any belief in its realness enter your minds AT ALL, or you will also believe that you must UNDO what you have made, in order to BE forgiven. "

This is what I am atuning to now. Trying to become closer to the Holy Spirit and more identified with my real self, so that I do not go INTO judgement or MAKE errors. Because as soon as you make errors, you'll start believing you've got a whole mess on your hands that you need to fix, problems to solve, fears to address and self-inflicted suffering to be undone. ALL of that can be avoided if you don't make the errors in the first place!

It's far more effective at preventing a movement INTO fear, when I try to remain OUT of the battlefield. Being willing to not be the one to judge, or decide, or plan, or figure out, or deduce meaning, I stay well out of the entire "fight" that we have with the world. If I don't do this and I go into solo-mode, ego pilot mode, then I start to "make a world" that's riddled with separations and conflicts and unresolved problems and threats and dangers.

I have been finding of late therefore that I actually feel... and this is a word Jesus just threw in my mind.... INSULATED.... against dangers. That is to say, I feel like there was an entire version of "the world" which I thought was out there, which has been scraped off the surface of my mind and isn't there anymore. An entire layer of experience and suffering and a sense of threat and engagement and littleness and fear. It's just gone. It's like I have stepped out of an entire world and it has disappeared. At least to a degree, and now I look upon what's left through much calmer and less aggravated perspectives.

I see now therefore what Jesus means about how false perception makes you see a world that looks like hell, and how as you move into more abstract states of mind you lift off of the world entire layers of vulnerability, fear, struggle and suffering. Its like a whole veil has been lifted to some degree, so much that I have been feeling like I'm in a different world. Like I literally just stepped out of one planet and am on another one where a lot of the strife doesn't exist.

And I am thankful for that, because there is a noticeable contrast between how much safer and calmer and happier I feel now without the tremendous burden of being some kind of "soldier on the battlefield" fending off the hounds of hell. I am simply not making as many errors, generating as much fear, producing as much control, making up as many problems, or developing as many meanings for things. And in fact as I look at objects now they appear to be new and fresh and interesting.

It's weird but Jesus basically says that we are to adopt a perspective in which everything is given ONE meaning, from a whole viewpoint where "wholeness is the perceptual content of miracles", where we look upon a forgiven world without trying to understand it, having given up all our past learning and become willing to be empty, to just surrender and let go of trying to know or do or control everything. I'm taking my hands off the steering wheel and the car is finding a a smoother path.

"The holy instant is the Holy Spirit's most useful learning device for teaching you love's meaning. For its purpose is to SUSPEND JUDGMENT ENTIRELY. Judgment ALWAYS rests on the past, for PAST experience is the basis on which you judge. Judgment becomes impossible without the past, for WITHOUT it you do NOT understand anything. You would make no ATTEMPT to judge, because it would be quite apparent to you that you do not know WHAT ANYTHING MEANS. You are afraid of this, because you believe that, WITHOUT THE EGO, all would be chaos. Yet I assure you that, without the ego, ALL WOULD BE LOVE."

A major mistake I keep making, or at least am starting to notice I'm making, is trying to find answers in the world.

Jesus is often hinting to me that I'm doing something wrong when I do this.

I'll be lost in the middle of trying to figure something out or decide between two things, or determine what the "real reason is", or find a cause, or basically find any sense of truth to do with anything in this world.

It's difficult because my mind is so used to thinking this way - looking outside of myself for truth, for salvation etc. I'm so accustomed to being in this "mode" of "is it this or that?"... when in fact BOTH of those things are not the answer.

It also happens any time I am in any amount of fear, which is often, whereby Jesus will poke me because I'm once again lost in doubt and trying to decide something. It's really a state of indecision and because of the presence of fear, there is literally no way I can see clearly or find a completely convincing truth.

It often takes several winks and nudges before I I might suddenly have enough awareness to even realize that "I'm doing it again". ... I'm basically trying to find some kind of truth or answer in the world.

A reason why someone is sick. A cause for why something happened. A truth that explains which path to take. Some evidence that shows me something is correct. A sense of certainty that cannot be found in uncertainty. A clear and obvious answer which is profoundly elusive in the presence of fear.

I get lost in all these ways, in what basically is a state of split ego mind, where I am just lost and looking in all the wrong places for a truth that isn't really there.

When I finally am nudged enough by Jesus to look at what I'm really doing, and I've run out of attempts to find answers to what it is that I am doing wrong (lol), and I have pretty much no other option left as to what it is that Jesus is trying to get at, THEN I might suddenly realize..... oh... I'm doing it again.... I'm trying to find truth in the world.

And so what has been really coming to me big time lately, totally unexpected, is this idea that... absolutely everything in this world is NOT THE TRUTH. And cannot be. And it is not real. No matter how it looks, no matter how convincing it is, no matter how well explained, no matter whose credentials are behind it, no matter how real it seems, no matter how I can pinpoint physical causes, no matter how explainable or understandable it seems to be, IT IS STILL NOT THE TRUTH.

It is not God's truth. And God's truth is the ONLY truth. There IS no truth in the world, EVER.

This is quite surprising to me given how much I've been used to finding answers (salvation) outside of myself. It's the totally automatic mode of the ego to find truth externally, or to explain situations, or diagnose sicknesses, or find the "real cause" of stuff. All that is doing is the ego is trying to give truth to its illusions, trying to make mistakes real, making sickness real, making the world real, and that is NOT forgiveness.

Forgiveness HAS to recognize that the ENTIRE WORLD and EVERYTHING IN IT is an illusion, is not the truth, has no truth to it, cannot provide an answer, is not the "final answer", an therefore there is ANOTHER TRUTH which goes beyond this world.

There is a truth which is of God. It is a truth which transcends the world. It is a truth of immortality, eternal life, absolute peace, total happiness, invulnerability, christ consciousness, oneness and love. This is THE ONLY TRUTH.

And so as I've been really really used to finding "some" of the truth outside of me, in the world, in explanations and what appears to be cause and effect in the illusion, where one thing appears to cause something else to happen, THAT is not truth. So I am now going into this process of quite literally becoming clearer and stronger in my discernment that EVERY attempt to find truth in the world will fail, and will only tell me something that is - in God's reality - not the REAL truth.

This is the foundation for miracle mindedness, because miracle mindedness completely defies the laws of physics, chemistry, biology. The laws of nature. The laws of what appears to be separate causes and effects. All rules. All results. All effects. All stuff that seems to "happen" in this world, it is all NOT the truth of God. And therefore, God has power OVER all of it!!!

This is why in order to perform MIRACLES (!!), we need to get our mind into a place where we're very clear about the fact that this world is NOT REAL, that there is NO truth to how it appears whatsoever, that sickness is just a fake image which can be easily changed, that the body is just a fake image which can be easily changed, and that, as ACIM says very early on, "there is nothing my holiness cannot do."

While I'm looking for truth in this world, in all the things I rely on and think are sources of certainty and reality, I am distracting myself from the truth of God. And that means I am not being miraculous. Miracles, the power of God's love, will flow IN SPITE of this world, and with DOMINION over this world, and with a POWER that this world has absolutely no idea about.

And therefore no matter what state or condition this world is in, and no matter how it appears, and what seems to be the "finality" of it, or bodily states which seem irreversible, or even DEATH as a statement of "you can't do anything about this because its real".. THATS BULLSHIT! God CAN do something about it, because God does not buy the lie that this world is reality. And that means miracles can happen, and people CAN be raised from the dead, temporarily or otherwise if its preferable, and you are NOT at the effect of this world.

A Course in Miracles thus makes no sense whatsoever UNLESS this world is an illusion, and unless this world has absolutely no truth to it whatsoever. Only then can it be possible that everything ACIM claims can be true, and only then is it possible that natural MIRACLES can happen, ALL THE TIME!

Hallelujah!

Sometimes when less than happy, I will notice that probably some fear is present. I will look at the "fearing" itself and to some degree this shines a light on it and dispels it. Just even admitting to being afraid is helpful.

But what I recently discovered is that when I am less than happy, it is possible to actually notice that I'm believing not just in fear and guilt, but in sin. If I recognize this and look at the sense or feeling of "its a sin" or "sinfulness" or "I am sinful", which can express itself in any form of guilt or fear or emotional upset, I am quite surprised how rapidly a tremendous weight is lifted. It's like a dark veil is just lifted right up and all of those symptoms just disappear.

If sin isn't real, then everything that came from sin must go with it - all the guilt and all the fear and all of the unhappiness. It's like unplugging the problem at its core.

"All your time is spent in dreaming."

Do you ever get the feeling everyone is just making stuff up as they go along? Or do you experience yourself doing this?

From time to time I *think* that I know what I want to do, and sort of talk myself into it, and do it, and it seems right, then later I am disillusioned and don't know what I saw in it. I add justifications and reasons why, in order to "convince myself", and later these turn out to be empty and hold no weight.

This world is insane. And we try to "give it all the meaning it has". We use scapegoats to justify doing or not doing things. We make things into enemies in order to deflect our decision making in a certain direction. And no-one knows what the fuck they're doing.

Half the time it seems all the medical people are just making shit up and don't know what the heck they're doing, cus every solution they come up with has awful side effects. The ads on TV for medications are utterly ridiculous.

People tell you what you eat and why eating this or that is better for you. Turns out none of them have the truth and none of them can agree to anything. Everyone and their cat has an opinion.

I get convinced for a while that doing something is "what I want to do" and get all lost in it and then something interrupts me, and then some time passes, and I come back to it and have no idea why I would want to be doing that thing. What I thought was "salvation" turns out to be another completely meaningless wild goose chase.

In a way, it's like trying to find "real meaning" in a meaningless world. ACIM says the world is meaningless, and we put all the meaning onto it. So when we start weaving a story about "why" something is or is not a good choice, it's all made up. It's all ego bullshit. There is no truth here.

In a way that leads to realizing, there is nothing meaningful in the world. And meaning must be deeper within somewhere. And that also reveals that the world is entirely a senseless, insane illusion that has no truth and doesn't mean shit.

If I choose to make something happen, let's say I decide and go make it happen. Well, now I made it happen cus I force it it to happen. Totally meaningless.

I'm looking around for a sense of "that's really what I love to do" sort of thing, only to find that even the things I thought I loved to do are just empty containers onto which I project various fake motivations and ideas, to try to "dress them up" and explain why they're so great. There's nothing there.

The world seems like a blank canvas. It has nothing inherent to it. It's a effect. So it can't really "do" anything "for" you. It can't save you, or make you happy or sad. It does what you make it do. And that means it has no real opinion, or value. If you don't make it valuable, it's not valuable. If you don't read into it, there's nothing to it.

It's like we're living in some kind of giant snow globe pretending it's an amazing real place with built-in value and importance but it's really all just a pile of tosh, lol.

"I do not know the thing I am."

"The intrusion of the ability to perceive, which is inherently judgmental, was introduced only after the Separation. No one has been sure of anything since then."

Hah!

"I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself."

Yet in learning this is salvation born. And what you are will tell you of Itself.

Come home. You have not found your happiness in foreign places and in alien forms that have no meaning to you, though you sought to make them meaningful. This world is not where you belong. You are a stranger here.

God’s welcome waits for us all, and He will welcome us as I am welcoming you. Forget not the Kingdom of God for anything the world has to offer."

Projection makes perception and makes the world you see. You put it there. You give it its meaning. It has no real meaning at all. This is all just a big lie we keep telling ourselves. THERE IS NO WORLD!

I choose to be afraid.

I project the fear outward and identify targets that are causing the fear.

The existence of these targets 'explains why' I am afraid.

Explaining why I'm afraid justifies and proves why I am afraid, and gives it extra weight, making it real.

I then say, oh my, I'm afraid, I don't want those targets to attack me. But this is a two-faced ego lie.

I want to see them attacking me because it justifies keeping my fear. I want them to make me afraid. And until I stop identifying them as the cause or 'reason for' the fear, I will just stay afraid.

The truth is, there is a secret reason for the fear which has nothing to do with who or what it is projected onto. They are not the cause of it. They are not the ones who are creating it or making it happen.

I am secretly making it happen by trying to defend myself from God. My secret wish is to be separate from God and to deny that God exists. My secret wish is a suicidal death-wish in which I want death in place of Life. That's the whole reason why I'm in a body - to escape from God.

So every time I become afraid of 'something', that's not really what I'm afraid of or why I'm in fear. I'm in fear because I am conveniently using them as a scapegoat for why I NEED to be afraid. I want to NEED fear because I NEED fear to separate me from God and fulfill my hidden agenda.

The people or events or objects or body functions that are 'making me afraid' are very conveniently HELPING me to reject God. Thank you, fears, for helping me to stay separate and choose death, exactly as I wanted.

See, underneath the farce of projected fear, there is a death wish. And that death wish wouldn't be there if I did not WANT it. I wanted it because it was my CHOICE. I CHOSE that I wanted the opposite of God and did not want Life. It was a decision I made. So the only reason I am now afraid is because I want to be because it's helping to support my underlying death wish.

Can I be afraid if I get honest and own up to using fear to cover up MY deliberate attempt to be dead? Can I believe that other people are causing the fear if I get honest and own up to the fact that I want them to help me justify keeping the fear, so that I can shut out love and be autonomous?

I have to admit that fear is a choice, just as death is a choice. And it's ME that is doing it TO MYSELF. This is the key to salvation.

I can decide I do not like what I have chosen for myself and admit that I chose it - it was not created by anyone else or anything else - and nothing else is keeping it in place other than my secret wish for death. Do I like the results? Do I want it? Shall I keep it? Is it working out? Am I enjoying the results? Probably not.

Maybe it's time I admit that I chose mistakedly and it was a poor choice, and that I want something better. Maybe I'll admit that it is pointless to deny God because it doesn't make God go away, and being without Him is always going to be a less enjoyable experience. I can be stubborn about it or I can give up trying to be dead and ACCEPT LIFE instead.

We do have this choice. We make this life-or-death decision every single time we choose ego over God.

The good news then, is, since we were the ones choosing death and fear, we can choose again and choose not to be dead. Yes, death is a CHOICE. If I choose to accept LIFE then I will permit eternal life to lift me up and sustain me forever. There is nothing 'the ego' can do to prevent this because the ego is nothing more than my insane mistaken choice to try to reject God.

So what's it going to be today? Life or death? You choose.

I'll give you a hint. Death actually isn't death, it's just a dream of death, which is just denial. It doensn't actually do anything to the Real You. YOU can't die. So trying to do so is a waste of time.

Give up. Surrender. Choose God again and be happy.

When I used to consider "the secret of salvation", which is the idea that you are "doing it to yourself", I could recognize the need for total responsibility. I saw that anything which I thought someone was doing to me, from the outside in, I must be doing to myself. But I didn't entirely realize a key portion of this.

What I see in it now is more. I see that we are immortal beings, who can never be attacked or hurt or damaged or upset in any way against our will. The ownership and identification with this is our true responsibility.

This lays a new foundation. Because now it means that if I am suffering, or seeming to suffer at the hands of another, or because of the world doing something to me, it must mean I have secretly attempted to stop being immortal.

The "what I a doing to myself" isn't so much the appearance of what others are doing, but is in fact the DISTANCE between my immortal self and the mortal victim self I'm portraying myself as. Between the invulnerable self and the ego. It is the traversal of that distance that I am responsible for, and which is my own attack upon myself, placing myself in a state of weakness.

Even if it may appear that the world is seeming to be the cause of something, happening to my body, inducing fear, causing effects in me, it cannot be true. These things are not put in place from the outside in, they're put in place from the inside out.

If I stop recognizing my immortal invulnerable nature, and attack myself first, I will lose track of who I am, question and doubt myself, go into uncertainty and fear, and project the idea of causation outside of myself. Then I will see myself as potentially caused by the world, instead of by God.

That faulty perception of myself, that body identification, that self denial, is something I am doing to myself. And it means I'm putting myself in a position, in a role, where I seem vulnerable and in need of defenses against a cruel and unsafe world. But I can't blame the world for being in this position, when it's me that's putting myself there.

Even more so, the world is my dream, in my mind, coming from me decision. If I dream of my body being attacked surely I have consented, and have attempted to use the body to prove I am not immortal. I have done this to myself. I cannot be attacked if I am permanent and unchangeable. Portraying myself as a victim must mean I'm attempting to destroy myself, and that is my own doing.

The responsibility is not in terms of what others appear to be doing to me from the outside in, but what I have attempted to do to my immortal self, to my unlimited mind, to render is less than whole and lacking and limited. That is an internal attack which merely is disguised behind the outward expression of that deception.

The immortal cannot suffer. The immortal cannot be sick. The immortal cannot die. The immortal cannot be attacked or hurt. The immortal cannot be upset or have their peace disturbed. The immortal are responsible because they know themselves and have owned up to their true christ nature. They no longer deceive themselves with the idea that a fictional alien will can act against them, and so their mind is not split.

The secret of salvation tells us we are responsible for all of our own suffering. It tells us that it doesn't matter what the seeming cause of suffering is, there is only one cause, and it is in our own mind. It tells us that we are doing it to ourselves. And who are we, that this is being done to? We are immortal beings. And so if we seem to suffer, we must have undermined our own invulnerability. Just as "my attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability."

You are not weak but strong. You are not afraid but all powerful. You are not an illusion but a reality. You are not mortal but immortal. You are not vulnerable but invulnerable. You are not destructible but permanent. You are not guilty but innocent. You are still as God created you.

If I am upset, I must be mistaken, and I must have chosen wrongly.

"I must have made a wrong decision because I'm not at peace."

If I am feeling anything other than love, joy, happiness, peace, then I've made a wrong decision. And it was me who decided it, meaning that I decided not to be happy by believing something untrue - something that is incorrect."I made the decision myself but I can choose otherwise."

If for example I'm feeling loss, I might believe that this loss is legitimate, due to the perceived loss of a valuable person, the loss of a body, the loss of a favorite object or whatever.

But I am a son of God, and there is no loss in sons of God. Therefore what is this loss but a lie? It must be being felt due to a mistaken belief. Somewhere in my mind, if I am feeling loss, I am mistaken, because nothing real can ever be lost.

So my feeling of loss, or unhappiness, or sadness, or grief, or anger, or guilt, or fear, or any other kind of ego emotion that does not exist in God, isn't just "a feeling" sitting there on its own wanting to be felt. It's the RESULT of some decision I made, at some time, to believe something mistakenly, which has resulted in this less-than happy feeling.

So behind the feeling of loss or sadness or anger, there is always something else going on.

"Anger is never justified"

"I am never upset for the reason I think."

If I would be willing to look and find out what it is I believe or have chosen, that is producing a negative feeling, and question the basis of it, it would stop PRODUCING the effect of the negative feeling.

This is somewhat radical because it starts to reveal that any unhappy or unholy feelings you have, you don't necessarily HAVE to have. You don't necessarily have to cry about the loss or whatever, IF you can find out what is CAUSING it and correct the real issue. The issue is always some kind of mistakenness, some wrong belief, some faulty conclusion or valuing, which is resulting in the "effect" of ego emotions being generated. You don't' have to suffer through it.

"It's not God's will that you suffer."

By all means do not deny feelings if all you really can manage is to be swept up in them and feel them. Sometimes you have to have a huge catharsis which is ok. But I also often find myself upset and Jesus is prodding me that I don't really need to be feeling this at all, nor do I have to go through the motions of the release of it through normal human-body means.

If behind every emotion there is a thought or belief or decision, then its my mind that needs to change in order to stop manufacturing this emotional sickness. All negative emotions are what it feels like to believe things which are not true.

It's quite plausible, that you will reach a state where you no longer need to feel any ego emotions ever again. In fact very often now when I go to feel and show a willingness to "just feel it", regardless of its validity, the Holy Spirit steps in and starts to perform a healing on me. He removes it for me when I let him.

"He will undo the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let him."

"I choose to let him by allowing him to choose for God for me."

And so gone are the days of having to just be on an emotional rollercoaster, being thrown around by unhappiness and crying all the time. If you will allow yourself to go deeper and receive healing, to uproot the cause of the feeling, then you can collapse the feeling entirely. It then become no longer necessary to be unhappy or to cry or release or cathart. And ultimately, you will no longer have to cry ever again.

Only the happy feelings that you share with God are real, just as the real thoughts of life and love that you share with him result in and cause those happy feelings. And only the thoughts I think with God are true.

Jesus asks us to be responsible for everything we experience. Part of this entails being responsible for all of your feelings and reactions.

This sounds simple enough but you might not realize how much you don't do this. I know I am just starting to find out.

Most of the feelings we have are 'caused by', or are reactions to, things outside of us. External causes. These external causes seem to have power over us. Anything that happens in the world seems to be 'reality', and what is real is true. So as anything happens, it's as though it is a statement of what is true. For example, if someone attacks you, and if it's a statement of what is true, then its saying "it's true that you deserve to be attacked".

Left unchecked, your ego will take this suggestion and agree with it. "Yes, it's true that I deserve to be attacked", Ie that you don't deserve love. And in order for you to align with that, you'll attempt to CHANGE YOURSELF into a different identity. You'll try to make yourself into "a self that isn't loveable". And what will that feel like? It'll feel like guilt, like unworthiness, like sadness, like shame.

So 'reactions' are actually your attempt to comply with the power that an external cause is trying to have over you, which is trying to dictate and change what you are. So if you go along with it, you will 're-act' by acting as if you are what it tells you you are. In other words, you attempt to be an EFFECT of this external cause. By being the effect, you are 'affected by' it. And this doesn't feel good to turn yourself into a condition that runs against your true nature.

You'll also notice that when you have these reactions, these effects, which accounts for most emotional responses other than real love or joy, the way you EXPERIENCE the feeling entails a sense that the feeling isn't just inside your body. Or that it isn't yours. Because you perceive the feeling as having been caused by something external, the feeling ITSELF will feel like it is connected to, attached to, and dependent upon that external cause. If that thing caused you to feel this way, then the feeling essentially "came from" that thing, and was dictated to you by that thing. In your awareness, as you have this reactive feeling, you feel like your feeling is going outside your body and projecting onto that external source, or at least that it is "about" something other than you.

You're very used to this, so it seems to you that it's completely normal for reactive 'feelings' to feel like they go outside your body. Since you're so used to believing that you are "affected by" external stuff, and that this upsets you (changes you into an upset person by redefining what's true about you), you don't believe you are responsible for your feelings. It's someone else's fault. Something else is making you upset. It's not 'yours'. So quite literally you perceive that YOUR OWN FEELINGS are NOT YOUR OWN FEELINGS, that they belong to someone or something else "out there". And that therefore you don't have control over them. And this makes you into a victim. This also has a lot to do with why you block and deny and do not want to feel these feelings, because you believe they are not really yours.

Now, what I'm going to suggest is that you need to learn to take full responsibility for the *experience* of feeling. Whatever the feeling is, no matter who seemed to create it or cause it, you need to OWN IT and own up to the fact that this is YOUR FEELING, not someone else's. And that means, this feeling is actually INSIDE YOUR BODY and not extending out to project into other people as the cause of it. And it also means, these feelings are not really there BECAUSE OF someone or something else, but BECAUSE OF YOU.

A phrase which I've begun to remind myself with is:

"I am responsible for these feelings".

So no matter what's going on, if I'm feeling upset that my neighbors are making a lot of noise.. I have to say, "I am responsible for these feelings". I'm not having these upset feelings 'because of' my neighbors. I'm having these upset feelings because I AM THE ONE who is having them, which means I am the cause of them, which means they come from ME. They're mine. If I were to assert that I'm being caused to be upset by my noisy neighbors, then I would have to believe my feelings are caused by them, so my neighbors are responsible for my feelings, and not me.

Or how about, your parent doesn't love you enough and you come to believe it means you're unworthy (because you believe they're treating you with the truth so that must imply you don't deserve love). If you feel hurt because of them, by them, or they caused it, then you will not be responsible. So long as you disown how you feel, and blame the cause of the feeling on them, you are stuck. So really... your feeling of hurt or abandonment or unlove or unworthiness is NOT because of them. It's NOT them that caused it, otherwise that would mean these are their feelings. Yes, you tried to take on their feelings as your own. But it's not yours. What YOU are feeling is YOUR feelings and YOU are the one choosing to feel this way.

"I am responsible for these feelings". This frees you. It affirms that no matter what you feel, that feeling is IN YOU, because it is YOURS. It's confined to your body. And as you claim this responsibility and detach from blaming it on someone outside of you, you'll notice something odd happens.

You'll start to become aware that no matter what, no matter how severe circumstances are, no matter who is doing what 'to you', your feelings are YOUR responsibility. Which means you cannot project the onto anyone else or blame anyone else. This is a whole new level of responsibility. To walk around in this world with all kinds of stuff happening and people doing stuff and to NOT see them as having the POWER to CAUSE YOU to feel a certain way. This is a step toward invulnerability.

This takes pracice, mainly because we're so used to being victims and so used to tying our feelings to other people and events. I have to own up to the fact that no matter what I'm feeling or 'why', I am ONLY feeling it because I WANT TO and because I'M CHOOSING TO. Otherwise I am a victim. These are MY feelings, and it's nobody else's fault.

The odd thing that happens, and I've found this quite unexpected, is IF and when I claim responsibility for what I'm feeling, quite often I suddenly start laughing, or the feeling disappears really quickly. If I see that this feeling is entirely within me and has nothing to do with anyone else, it has nowhere to go. This perceptive change of 'being responsible' prevents me from buying into victimhood, or into believing that someone external 'caused this'. This SETS ME FREE. It completely undoes the foundation of victimhood, which largely undoes the foundation of the feeling itself, which really was just a mistaken thought or attitude.

I've also noticed something else very weird. A couple of times now I have been in situations where, normally, I would have a 're-action'. Like getting cut off by a driver in traffic. I noticed I was 'supposed to' or normally would react in some kind of anger or skapegoating. But instead, I didn't do anything. I stayed responsible, which meant staying responsible for my own feelings, which meant that person didn't have the power to cause me to feel differently. And I watched as my feelings.. ... didn't change. It was like, I'd switched off 'reacting'. Same event still happening, but no reaction. Hmm.

There is something else odd that I've been experiencing. If all my feelings are my own and I am feeling them BY CHOICE and not really because of or at the effect of anyone else, then I must be quite literally walking around INVENTING feelings on-demand, just spontaneously, in order to take the opportunity to try to scapegoat, but nevertheless creating these feelings for NO REAL REASON. All of my supposed re-actions are really just me choosing to feel something at a given time, all on my own, all within myself. It's got nothing to do with anyone else. Ano if that's the case, then WHY am I doing that? What's the point? Maybe I should just stop making this shit up!!

This is part of how we show our brother that they have not done anything to us, by demonstrating that WE have not been affected. We haven't been affected because we are not the EFFECT, we are the CAUSE of what we feel. This happened to me one other time too and I found it remarkable that, even in a situation which would have 'called for' a big reaction, there was no reaction at all. It's like being unplugged from the story. Being immune and invulnerable. It seems like CHEATING! Lol .... But it works.

I know I will keep practicing this and will continue to become more responsible for what I am and what I feel. I encourage you to do the same.

Each time I am upset, it's because I am agreeing that something is true which isn't. Even if my upset seems to express the opinion that I do NOT agree, or that the thing is 'wrong', I am still upset because I see wrongness. Seeing wrongness makes me upset. Seeing rightness/real truth makes me happy.

It's quite possible that all you need to do to wake up is to get completely straight/correct about what is true and what is false. If you're upset, it's because you believe in something false and think it's the truth, which means you believe that some aspect of the truth is not true. You just need to be straightened out and clarified on what's really true here. This is the only process needed.

Once you are completely clear about what the truth is and what is false, it will be totally obvious that the ego is 100% false and unbelievable. But when you're not clear about what the truth is, you will experience upset and be offended by the very falsety that you believe is attacking you. And it's only attacking you because you believe in it.

Kind silly, and highly contradictory, how we WANT what we DON'T WANT.

I get this feeling that deciding on my own is not the right thing to do, given everything that's said about choosing not to decide, not doing it all on your own, etc. So then I feel torn.

But what I then see is that really, when I am in a state of indecision, fear, doubt, etc I am really not in a state of decisiveness. I probably am trying to decide, but I am not being decisive. And my attempts to decide are really delaying mechanisms to avoid the certainty of decision. In this state, I'm not really making any decisions at all anyway.

Pretty much every time Jesus says "decide", I am in a state of fear and self-doubt. I recognize then that staying in this state is not going to bring about any kind of decision, and if I want to become decisive, I have to get out of the fear.

Sometimes then, I will remark to Jesus that I don't know what to decide, and He will say, "you know". As I pull myself out of the fear and become more dynamic, more certain, more sure of myself, I then automatically feel more decisive and knowing and sure of what it is that I will do.

Then I have to even put aside this idea that I don't already know - that I even need to decide, and stop for a minute to become aware of what it is that I know already.

If I already know, a decision is not needed. If I already know, then I don't need to even get into the fearful drama of "not knowing" what to do. Then, somewhere deep inside, I tune into what it is that I know, and in this there is an acceptance, a peace and a clarity that makes it much more obvious what to do.

Usually knowing is covered up by all kinds of faffing about, doubting, fearing, drama, control, thinking, etc. None of it is really needed because it's actually all a distraction away from knowing. I can't know what to do when I'm choosing to be in a state of not-knowing. Seems so simple, but easy to get lost in.

As I go forward, and as I embark on new endeavors led by trusting Jesus etc, I find myself coming up against fears and concerns I didn't have to face before. Yet each step of the way He guides me to trust, to know, to put aside fear, and to recognize the ways that I am undermining my own certainty and decisiveness. In other words, learning to claim and work in a more empowered state of confidence.

I am finding that the more I am willing to put aside the dishonest toys of fear and self-sabotage, the more I am growing in confidence and strength and certainty. Also fear is reducing, people are growing ever-more approachable, and procrastination is melting.

This is how we gradually move into action. This is how we get off the fence and become truly helpful. And this is how we let go of the dependency on the ego as our guide as to how we should waste time.

We need to learn to be truly decisive, certain, knowing and trusting, before we might become actually willing to allow God to guide and direct us in all that we do. This somehow is tied into becoming willing to do His Will, and to follow Jesus's direction. But in a partnership of mutual agreement.

One trap I often fall into is this... it's particularly sneaky...

Someone else is 'actually wrong' about something, I am 'actually right' about something.

i.e. based on the situation, on the ego level, somebody actually has made some mistake that's obvious, I know it's obviously a mistake, and then I start to have an ego reaction.

Because the whole 'setup' of the situation seems to have 'truth' all over it, I don't suspect that it's a trap/temptation and I don't realize that I'm STILL trying to be 'right', in the spiritual sense, because on the ego level I AM 'technically' right.

So it's sort of like a blind spot. Just because someone is mistaken about something, and just because I know how and why they are mistaken, doesn't mean it's my position to be 'righteous' toward them.

So then there's this challenge.... to be 'not right' even when you are. Even when all the evidence says yes, it's totally clear that the other person is wrong about this, EVEN THEN... we have to discern and be honest and step back and drop the argument. Otherwise if I defend the rightness, it will just become an ego attack.

It's a sneaky one. It's much easier to catch the ego when I am clearly wrong in some way, much harder when it all seems totally justified.

Miracles and supernatural interventions occur more readily when there is physical relaxation and a willingness to surrender and receive.

The act of not 'acting', of not transmitting, of not even giving, but simply a willingness to let go and be open and RECEIVE, invites and allows Holy Spirit to access and help you.

I have now over the past few months received healing from the Holy Spirit on an almost daily basis. And I don't just mean he fixes some perceptual issues. I'm talking, supernatural power! Sometimes it will occur spontaneously even if I am in public, or anywhere that I need it, but Holy Spirit can be discreet and is able to tone-down the visual signs of this happening (which usually entails much shaking of body parts), lol.

Most readily I am open to this happening when laying in bed either towards sleeping or in the morning. Typically Holy Spirit begins by simply saying either "relax" or "surrender". This could be in the middle of some rant or some other conversation and is often unexpected and I don't always clue-in at first that this means He is going to do something, but then it begins.

Even if I am laying there relaxing, sometimes He knows that I am not necessarily letting go of a situation in order to let Him help, and so he will say "surrender". This signals me that I need to actively surrender.

To do this, I will repeat in words, "I surrender", several times. At first I seem to say this slowly and with gaps between, because I am not yet very willing to let go. But I notice that the healing really starts to flow when I say it quickly and in quick succession, so that there is no time in-between for my ego to get in there and keep holding on. "I surrender, I surrender, I surrender." After saying this several times, Holy Spirit will likely spontaneously activate and begin healing.

By surrendering, what I mean is, having a willingness to let go and give up and stop fighting. It's actually a 'feeling' I get of like, how you'd feel if you'd tried everything and failed and just threw up your arms and admitted defeat. It's an openness, a giving in, and an admitting. Admitting the truth literally means "allowing the truth to come in". This is why surrender is apparently a VITAL part of the miracle process, because it means you're willing to put aside doing this yourself, and admit that you cannot, and stop trying to be God.

Then God comes.

Sometimes I've heard Holy Spirit say, "come", and I'm not sure if this means for me to come to Him, but I've also had Him basically put words in my mouth as to what He wants me to say to Him to get things flowing, which is cool. So I will say, "come Holy Spirit", "come into me". This is an invitation. Also sometimes I will ask Him to join with me or to help me to join with Him.

In my willingness to surrender, there is much activity which I'll describe in a moment. But I've also found that in addition to surrendering and allowing Him to operate on me, if I am also actively doing some kind of forgiveness during this time, like, really getting down to the truth that stuff isn't real and it hasn't happened and I'm not a victim and so on, this will also activate additional 'phases' of healing. So just when I think it's kind of done, there'll be another whole wave of it.

What almost always happens, I'm finding, is there are about 4 or so different expressions of Holy Spirit healing me. The first one is that my head literally starts to shake from side to side "violently", i.e. very very rapidly, like a vibration, and the speed of this can be so fast that it's like just a really intense vibrating, and I have to trust that this is safe (lol), which it is. This seems to dislodge... I don't know what, from my head area. This can last anywhere from a few seconds to up to 20 seconds or more. Then there will often be a short pause, and then it kicks into phase 2.

In phase 2, all of a sudden whatever energy or whatever was drained from my head area flows down into the belly area. I suddenly start to experience muscle contractions in that area, which can be quite intense. The muscles become so contracting that it forces me to hunch over or partly sit up, and in the really strong cases there is such vibrational tension in the 'floor' of the abdominal area, that it feels like an earthquake vibrating very deeply. This will go on for possibly 15-30 seconds depending. As the energy or whatever clears, and He gets done, I relax back down, and I immediately notice that ... just something has changed in my experience.

Often I immediately notice that I feel expanded, calm, peaceful and relaxed, and soft. It feels really good. It's as though something happened on the inside of me and my whole awareness is different. Sometimes after several rounds of this, per my willingness to invite more and do more healing, I have felt really really peaceful. It also energizes me somewhat but can also make me a little ungrounded for a while.

A third way it manifests is that sometimes the energy or whatever goes out through my arms which will shake, sometimes quite aggressively. Sometimes this is followed by a series of belly contractions as well. A fourth way, which actually I think was the first way that I started to experience this, was that gradually some kind of presence would begin to fill me up from my feet upwards, causing the muscles to all become tensed all the way up my legs to my stomache, and then there would be much shaking and 'draining' where emotions and other energy from the upper torso would just seem to drain out of me quickly.

I have absolutely no idea really what Holy Spirit is doing. No idea. I don't know why His presence causes the body to shake. I have no clue why His healing focuses around the head and later around the belly, other than that these are the two main area of nervous systems and the "two brains".

Similarly, if I ask Jesus to come into my belly area when I am having intense feelings, He will do almost the same thing, resulting in a complete undoing of that feeling, its cause, and a state of happiness and laughter at the end.

Also I forgot there is also another way that this manifests, and it's to do with if I am focussing my attention on another person. If I am doing a forgiveness about someone and I am asking Holy Spirit to heal some part of them, I will start to experiencing shaking and vibrations in that area of MY body, sometimes quite intensely, and sometimes it's so unusual in its focus on that body part that there is just no way I could even conceive of making that body part move that way. Like it could be a healing in the lower back or something and it's shaking all over the place but if I were to think, how could I make the back muscles shake in just that one area like that, it's just totally impossible.

I have been learning to trust that when I do this for some other person, it is helping them, but this is an area of doubt for me, which I am still working on. I have, however, noticed that after some rounds of healing for someone else in this way, they do appear to exhibit signs of SOMETHING having changed in their experience, afterwards, through at least some kind of shift in mood or renewed clarity of awareness or even some physical side effects. This is especially an area that challenges me to trust because I am not the recipient of the benefits and I cannot tell from my own sensations whether it is helping or not.

This has all has come about through SURRENDER. Also through trust. Just opening up to Holy Spirit and inviting Him to come into me and to do whatever he wants to do... that alone is a big trust step at first, because you don't know what might happen. I did that numerous times with 'milder' healings taking place before it ever progressed to the intense shaking. Another way to approach this if you prefer, is to just address God, "God, I receive your healing love".... do that a few times and tell me you don't feel some sense of love come around and into you. This also can be sufficient to signal to Holy Spirit to allow healing love to flow into you, as much as you are willing to receive it. Receiving love from God takes seemingly a bit more willingness than letting Holy Spirit run riot, maybe it's a trust thing.

These are all acts of RECEIVING, and they entail that I relax. If in the middle of the healing I start to tighten up and resist, He reminds me to relax, because it does seem to interfere to some degree, whereby the shaking etc may stop or lessen if I start fighting it. I have had to learn to TRUST it and not be afraid of it and to just let Him do whatever. It is often quite funny when my head is shaking all over the place and my cheeks and mouth are flapping around and I'm actually relaxed, it's sort of fun!

I look forward in particular now to doing a pretty strong session of this for myself on the weekends, either toward sleep or upon waking, but really Holy Spirit I'm finding out doesn't care about schedules and sometimes will start doing the shakes even before I really seem to be ready. It's gotten to where even a slight 'hint' to Him to do it can kick it in, at any time. I believe the same is true of miracle performed for others - which is where this is leading, whereby we are to just spontaneously funnel the power of God without even thinking about it.

I was watching some videos today of a pastor who performs many many many miracles and has risen the dead etc, and one of his teachings is that you need to get the RECIPIENT of healing to surrender and relax a lot, in order to RECEIVE the full transformation and healing. This seems to be key. If the person is interfering and trying to pray and do stuff at the same time, that's actually a block. Receiving and transmitting are two different functions, and the person receiving the healing needs to be ideally in a RECEIVING mindset.

So relax! Surrender a lot. Be willing. Have courage and trust and invite Holy Spirit to come into you. He is willing and ready, He's just waiting on YOU to be RECEPTIVE. This is how you can receive your own healing miracles effortlessly. I think this is actually EASIER than sharing miracles with other people, which is a whole different dynamic. But I think,... Holy Spirit may be about to reveal a new way of looking at that, based on surrender.

Let us know how you get on! Happy shaking. And remember, "He will correct the consequences of my wrong decisions if I will let Him, and I choose to LET HIM"!!

If I am not fully responsible for who I am, I will perceive and find people outside of me and try to make them responsible for who I am.

Another way to describe this mechanism is to realize that you are making yourself dependent on the ego.

Your entire purpose of disowning yourself is to attempt to claim ownership of the ego self, and to make yourself depend on it for everything.

This is of course a substitute for depending on God for everything.

So as you own up to who you are and what you are and being yourself unconditionally, you are also restoring your dependency on God.

You can't be truly responsible for who you are without being aligned with God, therefore. If you are anti-God or don't believe in such a thing, you must and will remain separate, and in doing so you will depend on the ego heavily.

The act of waking up is relinquishing all dependence on the ego, because if you depend on it, you are attached to it. It's an attempt to try to own and possess it, and as it turns out, this causes it to appear to possess you!

When you let go of depending on the ego, this means letting go of depending on anything outside of you for your happiness or peace of mind or the meeting of so-called needs. Artificial needs are only created when you are not being your real self.

Jesus is 100% dependent on God and no longer depends on the ego whatsoever. You can too.

The ego's prayer: Please help God because this situation is totally what I do not want. I am not grateful for it at all, it totally sucks, save me, for me. Pleeeeeease.

Holy prayer: Thank you God for your love and for extending your love through me, thank you for restoring peace and love and happiness in my life and everyone's life, and thank you so much for loving us and encouraging us. I receive and extend your love to everyone in this situation, thank you so much.

See the difference? Please is the opposite of thank you.

The ego's prayer has NO EFFECT. It is completely devoid of power. It keeps you separate from God. It identifies you as very distant from the solution. And it renders you as 'really victimized'. You are going before God and saying, hi God, I am a great big victim, I am asking you to save me but I want to stay in misery. No thanks to you.

Holy prayers are POWERFUL because you are joining with God in oneness, aligning with His power, opening up to extending HIS love, and are willing to not only share His love but to share in the certainty and knowing that all is well, and therefore all is or will be healed. It is a statement of truth compared to the ego's statement of how everything sucks.

We like praying with the ego. It doesn't work. We need to learnt to pray with God. It is far more effective.

Some time ago, I did not even remotely recognize that I was choosing to be a victim. If I was afraid, attacked, threatened, hurt in any way, I would see it as the other person was entirely responsible.

Over time, as I've tried to apply forgiveness principles and the secret of salvation, taking responsibility for what I'm doing to myself and for choosing all feelings, my victimhood role has changed in appearance.

Now I see that when I "go into victimhood", this entails me deliberately trying to position myself as "at the effect" of others, trying to pull off a stunt of projection and blame, weakening myself, choosing to be upset, and generally being the cause of what I'm feeling.

As I practice this more and more, becoming "victimy" is recognized much more clearly as me descending into a funky state of "being affected", where I'm attacking myself and trying to pass it off as someone else's fault. I start to notice attacks coming out of me in an attempt to hurl it towards someone else. And I start to feel the typical feelings of fear and hurt that accompany this "role-play".

But I more quickly catch myself and take responsibility, to admit this stress and upset and suffering that I'm experiencing is solely because I've slipped down the slope into dishonesty, into projecting and blaming and trying to force myself to be affected by something. It's a way that I use other people to try to hurt myself. And I can no longer wholly accuse them of being the reason why I feel this way.

So the challenge now seems easier, to get myself out of this role and to stop "playing the victim", in recognition that I not only have the power of decision and responsibility to do so, I can do so and, when I do, no-one else can stop me doing so. It's up to me to decide that I want to feel better and to change my mind so that I do. This is especially much easier once you can see clearly and squarely that it's you doing this to yourself when trying to put forth the "lie" that it's not.

I now recognize much more clearly the component of self-caused suffering mixed in with what used to appear to be just the effects of attack. The unconsciousness of believing it was always coming from someone else is lifting. It's getting to the point where even if I do try to attack, project, hurt or blame, I simultaneously am aware of feeling that I am hurting myself, attacking myself, and am fully included in all the suffering I'm trying to get rid of.

I am seeing that this position of victim simply does not work, and I cannot escape what's happening inside my mind because "ideas leave not their source" even when I'm split minded and believing it's someone else who did this. I have "re-framed" the lie of fear enough to recognize that its entirely bullshit to claim I am afraid "because of" anyone or anything. In my fear is simply a dishonest attempt on my own part to disguise myself and portray myself as suffering, to try to gain the "reward" of passing off causation onto someone else through an accusation of sin.

As you become clearer and more recognizing exactly what it is you are doing, in your mind and attitude and choosing, versus what you thought you were doing when it was on auto-pilot, it simply becomes very obvious that you cannot move into egotism without feeling like shit, and you cannot escape the consequences of your choosing, nor can you blame without being blamed, or try to make suffer without suffering yourself.

The next step then is of course, in admitting to this charade, and recognizing its utter futility, simply stopping this "behavior" and lifting out of it, now that you "know better" and cannot pretend to hide from the simply truth that "you cannot be hurt unless you hurt yourself." I am ceasing to play the role of victim and to instead step back into the shoes of Christ, personally empowered and stronger in the light of truth.

The victim role is not what it appears to be. It's not even remotely to do with what other people are causing or doing to you. It's entirely a fake postulating of yourself in trying to pull of a representation of you as "a sick and suffering you", so that you get the payoff of trying to blame someone else for it. Always always always you are doing it to yourself, and being in DENIAL of this fact is really the only problem.

Once you admit to it enough you can no longer put the cat back in the bag. And it's then impossible to even try to attack others when you're aware that doing so makes you hurt. If they are to suffer, you will suffer. The only way out is to stop hurting yourself. And when you choose your immortality and invulnerability, nothing can ever hurt you again.

"The secret of salvation is but this: That YOU are doing this UNTO YOURSELF. No matter what the form of the attack, this STILL is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, STILL is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is STILL true."

ACIM has many statements which really don't make any sense. For example:

"To have all, give all to all."

Let's look at this closely.

In this world, let's say you have a chocolate cake. You follow Jesus's advice. You are attempting to have ALL the cake. So you give ALL the cake to everyone else. The question then is, having done this, and now that everyone else is smiling and full of cake, do YOU have any cake?

The answer is no. If you have given ALL the cake, there is NO cake left.

This is really quite simple and hopefully makes sense to you. In terms of spacetime and all its physical contents, anything that you give you lose. You cannot really share anything. We can't both have the whole pizza. If I want you to have the whole pizza, I'm going to go hungry. If I give you the whole pizza, there will be nothing left. I cannot have ANY of the pizza, if I give ALL of the pizza.

Take another look at what Jesus said: "To have all, give all to all."

Now we have to admit something here. There are two possibilities.

1) Either Jesus is lying and is completely mistaken, because giving all of something leaves you with nothing.

2) Or, Jesus is correct, and knows what he's talking about, and SOMEHOW the LOGIC that we're using isn't working correctly. Or it breaks down and is invalid for use in reference to anything real.

Either Jesus is wrong or the logic is wrong, they can't both be true because they're making opposite claims. So, when you give ALL, do you truly GET all, or do you LOSE all? Is Jesus right or wrong?

What he's implying is that, somehow, when you give EVERYTHING away, you still have everything. How is that even POSSIBLE? Let's say that Jesus is very wise and knows what he's talking about. Let's say that his claim is true and we'll trust it. What does that mean? It means that if HE is right, the LOGIC must be wrong.

Something is wrong with the way the logic proceeds. There is something fundamentally broken about "normal logical reasoning" that is incompatible with what HE says is the truth.

What it implies is that the entire way that we think about things has something wrong with it. The reasoning that we use has something wrong with it. It's somehow fundamentally OPPOSITE to some kind of logic that is needed to properly handle Jesus's claims.

We can't continue to use the same way of thinking, if we hope to understand why or how his claim is true. It can't be true that when you give everything away you end up with nothing. But that's what the logic says. So the logic is faulty. We need some other way to "reason" things out that follows some other kinds of rules.

The truth is that our normal logic is actually based on SEPARATION. It was in the separation that we introduced the idea of "separate parts". And with that, the idea of "many separate things." We think that removing the separation is a matter of removing the many things, but in fact undoing separation really means undoing the entire SYSTEM of logic.

What people doing ACIM may not realize is that we continue to use a logic system of separation when trying to study what ACIM says. And this produces faulty conclusions. Even when you attempt to remove (disguise) the separation by getting rid of all the separations between things, to end up with a count of 1, we are still actually squarely WITHIN the thought system of separation. We've just reduced the number of boxes, instead of transcending the system of boxes.

ACIM presents another kind of thinking and reasoning, which is not compatible with the way we normally think about things. It's based on paralogical reasoning. It's worth your while looking that up and learning about it. In paralogical reasoning it's possible for one thing to be two things, and for two things to be one thing. It's possible for something to be in multiple places at once, and for all of something to be in all places at once. It is a transcendental model of logic.

It is only through transcendental logic that it becomes possible for Jesus's statement to be true. If I give ALL to everyone else, the only way I can still have all of it is if I am INCLUDED in the "everyone else". I have to BE the everyone else in some way, which means I have to transcend the box that separates me off from others. And there has to still BE others in order to "give to all."

So now my sense of who and what I am has to become transcendental. It can't just be that EITHER I am me OR not. It has to be that I am me and I am also something else. I am others and also myself, at the same time. This has to melt borders and transcend boxes. When I ... who am also everything, give all to all, I am giving all to myself, and therefore end up with all. So I do not sacrifice or lose, and OTHERS, who are also part of the all, now gain what I gave them. And now everyone is sharing everything.

"You had everything when you were created, just as everyone did."

This is another of those impossible statements. If I were to have everything, normal logic would say that YOU cannot have ANYTHING. There is nothing LEFT for you to have if I have it all. e.g.

"Each Soul knows God completely. This IS the miraculous power of the Soul. The fact that each Soul has this power completely is a fact that is entirely alien to human thinking, in which if any ONE has everything, there is nothing LEFT."

So here Jesus himself is even tipping us off, that in normal logic, if we are to say that one soul/son has everything, for itself, there cannot be anything LEFT for anyone else to have. And he's saying this is NOT the case - that in fact the soul has a miraculous - transcendental quality, which makes is possible for EACH individual soul to have ALL. At the same time. And that is a matter of sharing.

I can have all of God. You can have all of God. We both can have all of God all at once, without contradiction or compromise or sacrifice or loss or taking turns. That makes NO sense in normal logic. But it makes total sense in paralogical reasoning, in which something can be true of two things at once without being a contradiction.

A logic system based on sharing is needed in order to understand Jesus's statements about the nature of reality. You CANNOT use normal logic because it will just polarize and separate and project separation onto reality. The result will be that you'll claim either God is alone or he has a separate son, and neither of those is really true.

It's mind-bending to us because we have to find a way to accept that, it's possible, for two things to be true at once. For God to have an actual real son who is real and individual, but who simultaneously is not separate from God. That you can be one with God ie the father, but that this oneness does NOT mean you are God. That you are still his creation. To be one, and yet to be also two, at the same time, that is the true quality of reality. And that is what Jesus's statements are pointing to.

What makes no sense to the ego, or to separation-based logic, makes total sense in reality. That's because the ego is really nonsense, and its whole logic system is nonsense. It has to be possible that when we give all to all, we still have all. It has to be possible that when ideas are given away and shared, they increase, and are accessed by both persons.

It has to be possible that when I have everything, you can also have everything. It has to be possible that I am myself and I also am the whole Kingdom of God, and all my brothers. It has to be possible that you have brothers permanently, but are also one. And that you can be one with God, without losing yourself. Otherwise Jesus is telling a whole bunch of lies. Like he says, the father is GREATER than you, so you ARE NOT his equal, so you cannot just disappear into him at the loss of your soul. You have to be able to be one with God AND be yourself. Two, AND one.

"This appears to contradict another statement: "I and my Father are one." It doesn't. There are still separate parts in the statement, in recognition of the fact that the Father is GREATER. Actually, the original statement was "are of one KIND.""

Reality's true nature is that it is one and many at the same time. This is not something that a lot of people are comfortable with. The EGO's way of thinking has told them that reality has to be ONLY one thing, with no parts or aspects or divisions or separations, which might hint at "bad evil separation" happening. But the presence of divisions at the SAME TIME AS the presence of oneness, is entirely natural. It is only when you remove the oneness aspect of that, that you end up with "only many", which is duality.

God is a creator with many parts and every part of God is one with all of God. And each of God's creations is a son of God, a member of the sonship and part of his Kingdom. Each of them is a co-creator and has their own creations, who in turn are co-creators with them. Heaven therefore includes a great many created things, all of which are "many in number", while simultaneously being ONE in number. BOTH one AND many. That is paralogical reasoning. That is what ACIM is based on and it's what we have to learn if we want to understand how it makes any sense at all.

"Heaven is the sum of all God's thoughts, in number infinite."

"The Kingdom of God includes all his children and their creations."

"We are the Kingdom, WE, the Sons of God."

Everything within the ego thought system, every part of separation, this universe and world, issues with bodies, all forms of sickness, every problem or upsetting situation, all appearances of external causes and even death, can be described by one SIMPLE statement:

The sequence of cause and effect has been reversed.

This BEGAN in Heaven when you attempted to will against God's will. To will something separate from God's will. This "authority problem" was an act of trying to CAUSE GOD.

God is cause. You are God's effect. God did grant you the power to cause and create, but He did NOT grant you the power to cause HIM.

The entire separation and everything that followed from it, was formed on the basis of this belief that you are willing against God's will, and therefore God's will is outside/separate/external to your will and acting against your will.

This is the idea of sin. That you could cause and therefore produce EFFECTS in God, to hurt Him, to change His mind, to make Him not love you anymore, or to destroy Him, and that you have in fact been capable of doing this with "real effects".

This was the beginning point of all dreaming.

It's all entirely because you tried to stop being the effect of God and to instead cause God.

Let's describe that in terms of levels. The higher level is causal (God). The lower level is effect (You/Son of God). You are as God created you, as God intended, as God willed. When you, who are on the lower level, attempt to CAUSE the higher level to change, this is LEVEL CONFUSION. It is the authority problem. It is the belief in magic. It is the belief in an external will. It is the source of ALL SICKNESS. Eventually to will so strongly against your own cause, against God, is to deny God and deny life, and results in DEATH.

This all comes from reversing what the Course calls the "divine order". The proper sequence of creation. Cause produces effects, not the other way around. The world that we are in now, is also a "level", and it is being caused by a higher level. It is a dream-effect or a causal mind "above" this world. Everything in this world is an effect, not a cause. But when anything in this world is given properties of "causing" or "willing" or "making effects happen", that is LEVEL CONFUSION also, another layer of it. And this is the source of all our suffering.

Everything in your life that you "need to forgive", is BASED ON this same dynamic. Every upset you have. Every perception that someone is acting against your will. Every form of victimhood. All states of sickness and death. Every argument. Every conflict or war. All special relationships. Every part of the ego thought system is based on this reversal of causality. "All sickness is the result of confusing the levels". Whenever something "below" or an "effect" is believed to have an ability to CAUSE, that is level confusion, it is mental illness, it is an illusion, it is false, it is ego, and it encapsulates the entire ego thought system.

It causes you to "perceive" that cause is outside of you, causing AGAINST you. This is because instead of God flowing into you from "behind", and you extending it outward and "forward", you have instead turned around and taken a stand "against" God's outflowing will, to try to will in the other direction, to STOP God's will. Like a rock in a river trying to stop the flow. ALL your suffering and problems come from this.

So to CORRECT IT, to "apply forgiveness" as we like to say, you ONLY need to correct this one fundamental error in the dynamic. You need to re-reversed cause and effect so that the levels are in their proper ORDER, and so that you recognize yourself as the effect of God, so that you are not against God's will, and thereby do not perceive that there is a will acting against you.

That also means you no longer perceiving or believing that there is a "separate cause" outside of you, or a cause in the world, or a cause on a lower level, or a cause in the body, or a cause in other people, or a cause in laws of physics in the environment, or any other externalized cause. Cause is IN YOU. God is IN YOUR MIND, so Cause is in your mind, and your mind is the effect of GOD and nothing else.

Every situation in your life which seems like 1000 DIFFERENT problems with different dynamics and issues and reactions and emotions and so on.... all those differences are illusions COVERING UP the simple CORE THREAD which is the SAME in all of them. That is, somehow, you have become mistaken about what is a cause and what is an effect. And so now you see causes as doing stuff to you against your will, when they are not. And you've turned yourself into an effect of the world, instead of the cause of it. This same simple concept runs through EVERY FORGIVENESS LESSON.

Now, before you can undo this problem in real life situations, or even recognize it in your upsetting situations, you need to recognize something.

The ego has invented its own idea of cause and effect. It believes that causes and effects are "horizontal". This has resulted in "horizontal perception". That means, it believes and perceives that something in the world on this same "level", has the ability to "cause" something else on this same level, and produce effects in it. So now it seems possible that an object can produce a reaction in another object, a person can come along and hurt you, someone can be to blame for doing something to you etc. Causes and effects are seen as linear on the horizontal plane, or sideways. This is totally opposite to the truth, which is that the HIGHER level is the only cause and the LOWER level (this world) is ENTIRELY EFFECT.

So part of what you have to realize is, this world does not contain any real causes AT ALL. It is all effect. It is all a dream, all the effect of you dreaming from a higher level. It doesn't matter how it APPEARS, that a cause is outside you on this same level. There are NO CAUSES IN THE WORLD. There are no causes in your body. There are no causes in other people doing stuff. There are no causes in the environment. Cause is on a higher level, and it's in your mind, "above the battlefield."

The recognition that causality is VERTICAL, results in what the course calls "vertical perception." It also says a sudden shift from horizontal to vertical perception is required in order to produce a miracle. Miracles are expressions of VERTICAL CAUSALITY in which the levels are in their proper order, there is no level confusion, there is no belief in something in the world causing something else, and therefore the higher level which MADE the word can CHANGE it in total defiance of any illusory laws or horizontal cause-effect relationships. This produces supernatural miracles which are ABOVE (super) the "natural" (nature) of the horizontal illusion and prove through demonstration that cause-effect on this level is ENTIRELY AT THE EFFECT OF YOUR MIND.

So what you're going to need to do in an everyday upsetting situation, something you "need to forgive", is UNDO BELIEF IN horizontal cause and effect, so that you CAN SHIFT to a vertical perception, in which God is cause, you are His effect, and YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF THIS WORLD that you're dreaming.

Recognize therefore that the ego INVENTS the idea of being caused by things outside of you on this same level. It is never true. This forms a kind of fictional "connection", mentally and energetically, between you and other people. You perceive and believe they, or the environment, or you food, or events, or the body, can "cause you". This is FALSE. So what you need to do is COLLAPSE the ego's horizontal cause-effect beliefs and relationships. Cancel them out, separate them out, and that leads to a pretty simple goal:

Recognizing that there is NO CAUSE OR EFFECT between any two things in this world. This whole world is an EFFECT of your mind ON A HIGHER LEVEL. And therefore you are NOT ON THIS LEVEL, you are ABOVE IT.

So what you want to do is effectively "SEPARATE" cause from effect on this level. It's like two boxers in a ring who are fighting, you need to separate them, get them back to their corners, and stop them from affecting each other. Break them up. Put a GAP between the horizontal causes and the horizontal effects so that you can believe and perceive that YOU ARE NOT AT THE EFFECT of anything in this world.

The only way you can believe and perceive that you are not at the effect of anything in this world, is to not believe in CAUSES in this world, of any kind, and therefore to shift into a VERTICAL perception which is miraculous, which recognizes that this ENTIRE WORLD is made up, its a dream, it was all made at once, and every ILLUSION of causality or effects were made TOGETHER simultaneously. There ARE no real causes here.

I like to do this with a simple process of "correcting ideas" something like this:

You did not cause me. I am not at the effect of you. You have not made me upset. You are not the one who attacked me. You did not do anything to me. You have no power over me. I am free of you. You are not the source of my upset. Everything I am experiencing I have chosen. These feelings are my own. This hurt is something I put there myself. I am responsible for everything I am experiencing. It's got nothing to do with you. I must've wanted to experience this. I chose this myself and made a wrong decision and can choose again.

Notice regardless of the words you use, that there is only ONE THING happening here over and over. I am CUTTING TIES between myself and the other person. These are ARTIFICIAL ties of horizontal causes and effects. They are not real or true at all. I am SEPARATING MYSELF from the "fictional causes" so that I am not at their effect. You could express this a 1000 different ways, whatever words or aspects you need to use to break up all of your personal perceptual errors and beliefs in how something is affecting you.

But note that in order to FULLY CANCEL the ego's illusion of horizontal causality, you need to also apply this same set of clarifications to the other person or cause as well. This helps to "balance it out" or to complete the undoing of any other beliefs or perceptions which you might have such as that YOU affected the other person, resulting in guilt etc. This really helps to clean up any possible effects which have come from what you falsely experienced. For example:

I did not cause you. You are not at the effect of me. II have not made you upset. I am not the one who attacked you. I did not do anything to you. I have no power over you. You are free of me. I am not the source of your upset. Everything you are experiencing you have chosen. Your feelings are your own. Your hurt is something you put there yourself. YOU are responsible for everything you are experiencing. It's got nothing to do with me. You must've wanted to experience this. You chose this yourself and made a wrong decision and can choose again.

When you do this, you BREAK the ego's chain of fake causes and effects on the horizontal level. That means you actually will no longer believe or perceive or experience that there are ANY CAUSES on this level affecting you. While this is still a horizontal state of perception, it actually lays the groundwork for you being able to then shift into VERTICAL perception. You may be still in the world not affected by the world, but now you need to position yourself ABOVE the world, above the battlefield.

You got into your right mind, now you need to get into the ONE mind. So if there are no causes in the world that you believe in, this makes it pretty easy to then recognize you are ABOVE, in terms of levels and causality, the divine order is re-established, the levels are in their proper sequence, and you recognize that everything in this world is AN EFFECT and you are a HIGHER CAUSE.

This readies you to be MIRACULOUS. Miracles flow from a higher level to a lower level, like love or creation does. God causes you, you are the miracle of God. You then cause a level below yourself, and these are your miracles. When your higher mind CAUSES effects in the lower level of this world, these produce SUPERNATURAL EFFECTS. This is what miracles really are about. A higher level causing a lower level and proving that the lower level is nothing but an effect of the mind - that mind has total power OVER it.

This more or less is ALL you need to do. If you can really go deep with this, it will undo all your false perceptions, your upset, your stress, your emotional reactions, your fears, your obsessive thinking which can't let go of the situation, and it will bring you back to peace AND empowerment. Then you are in a position to ACCEPT THE ATONEMENT by recognizing that you are the effect of God, you accept that you are STILL as God created you, God has NOT been affected or changed, and therefore is not willing against you.

This process ALWAYS WORKS to undo ego because it addresses THE ENTIRE EGO THOUGHT SYSTEM at its foundation. There is not one part of the ego that escapes this, because the ego is BASED ON the reversal of cause and effect, so the correction of cause and effect cancels out the entire ego. Therefore it can be applied to EVERY situation and will always lead you back to truth.

Try it.

We can perhaps summarize this way:

God causes me.

I have not caused God.

I am the effect of God.

I am the cause of what I made/projected/created.

What I made/dreamed is not the cause of me.

Therefore I am still as God created me.

Something just popped into my mind on our lovely walk home from the cafe.... there are different LEVELS of forgiveness.

The dream was created through this process:

Separation idea > sin > guilt > fear of punishment > death.

At each of these 'stages' there are different kinds of perceptions and choices being made for different reasons. When we're in the world faced with something that seems upsetting, it's usually an experience somewhere between the last two stages - fear and death. When we apply forgiveness, we tend to work on undoing the projections of fear, and perhaps if we dig deeper we undo some of the projections of guilt as well.

But what I found myself noticing was, I don't often get even deeper into the undoing of sin, or deeper than that - the undoing of the idea of separation.

The idea of separation entails our CHOICE to be separate from God, which was a disowning of responsibility and a desire to be different. If I am to take 100% responsibility for what I've chosen, realizing I've only done this to myself, I have to take my forgiveness ALL the way to that original 'source point' in my mind - the decision to die - to be opposite of Life.

So if I'm mainly caught up in forgiving projections and blame, that's helpful but it's maybe confined to some of the 'lower levels' or more external levels of the mind. I need to go deeper. I need to get to where I can see that I CHOSE everything about this because I wanted to be separate. That's the 'root cause' in my mind. I need to admit that I wanted to deny God and wanted to be dead. That's the pivotal point. To get there I need to make sure I am undoing the layers of fear and guilt but also the layer of a belief in sin and come to realize that this is ALL something I chose to do to myself.

Undoing fear: Seems fairly simple, recognizing we're choosing to be afraid and are projecting causes for it outside of ourselves. I can take that back. But I might still believe someone is guilty, maybe myself.

Undoing guilt: I need to now see that I'm not guilty, or at least that guilt is stemming from a sense of sin. I'm afraid because I feel guilty. Well, I need to get past feeling guilty. And as I get past it I'm going to confront a deeper level - a sense of having sinned. The reason WHY I'm guilty. And that deeper level is going to seem even MORE upsetting to admit to. Layers of fear and guilt are weaker than the layer of sin, which is also weaker than the layer of separation. These surface layers were made to cover up the deeper layers and make them more palatable.

Undoing sin: Now I'm aware that I believe I really did something bad, that it cannot be healed, that it cannot be undone or reversed. Something I'm ashamed of and guilty for. Something that supposedly 'happened'. I need to undo that and get past this perception that it's permanent, unhealable, irreversible and has had a real serious effect. This is digging into the depths of 'what I've done' and the root of my guilt. And this should lead me to ask, why did I sin in the first place? It seems like I as I progress here I should be finding out that I am more innocent, but so far it seems I'm more to blame. But I'm moving past it. It's difficult to admit to guilt, but even harder to admit to sin. The ego says, see, you shouldn't have looked at the guilt because now you've uncovered a deeper darker layer of horror. But we can move past this - we have to. Because underneath the idea that 'we really did this' (sin) is an even darker idea - that we WANTED to be separate.

Undoing separation: Sin can only arise out of some kind of separation idea, which actually is a CHOICE and DECISION to be separate. I must've wanted to sin. I must've wanted to do this, to be sinful. So underneath the sin is a choice. It's the awareness that I DID THIS TO MYSELF ON PURPOSE, for a reason. And what is that reason? Why would I separate? I have to own up to this. I wanted to be separate because I wanted to deny that God exists so that I could have an ego. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be not loved. I wanted to die. If I can't get all the way to seeing that I made this choice, then I am not going to truly be ready to COMPLETELY RELINQUISH it. I need to admit to all of the sorrow that came from this choice, and that the choice was mine. Nobody else was to blame. No-one did this to me. I wanted it. And now I'm realizing it hasn't worked - because sin hasn't really worked - and I'm not guilty, and don't need to be afraid or get punished. I'd rather be happy. I might as well give up, surrender this choice, and CHOOSE AGAIN.

And it's at that point that you actually fully let go of the decision for separation, which dissolves the ego and unifies you with God.

So as I forgive now I plan to remind myself of this - exactly how deep am I willing to go in forgiving? Am I just giving up surface projections or am I willing to get all the way to the CORE IDEA - the death wish - the decision to be without God? And am I willing to let that go. Having let go of all the projections and blame and consequences of ALL the other levels, I should be ready to squarely admit to and own up to this decision, and subsequently choose differently. I'd rather choose Holy Spirit's truth at this point and join with His version of the truth and ACCEPT GOD instead of trying to deny God. ACCEPTING GOD is ACCEPTING THE ATONEMENT.

So it seems that as we dig deeper, we uncover darker and more vicious levels of disaster. First it was palatable fear, then some tolerable guilt, but now it's serious sin and hate, and beneath that - a death wish, a desire to be without God on purpose. That's not easy to want to look at or to admit to. And it can seem like the worst thing you could possibly admit - that I wanted this suffering - I wanted to not be with God. I wanted to get rid of God. Or even as some describe it - a murderous thought - the desire to kill God's son. Pretty heavy stuff! We need to come to admit to this so that we choose differently. If I can't own up to having made this CHOICE then I'm not going to be able to UNDO that choice and choose God/Atonement instead. And if I don't, I will continue to die. It IS a life-or-death decision, although we must remember death is an illusion.

So the choice is up to us. Do we want to accept God again and allow Him to love us, or do we want to keep choosing suffering and despair and lack and destruction? It's up to us.

If you're like me, you probably regard your "self", whatever sense of self you have as "me", this self that seems to perceive and have emotions, as being NOT the ego. And you probably regard the ego as something tucked away in a dark corner that surfaces once in a while, something that you don't think of as "being" all the time. Surely your general day-to-day "self", that you refer to as "me", is not the ego?

But what if the entire sense of who you've regarded yourself as this whole time, who you call by your name, including all your emotions and egoic thoughts, all sense of a self that can suffer in any way, IS the ego? And what if that is not real, and your entire sense of being this self that suffers and feels unhappy and can be hurt is not really the real you?

Jesus hints that our personalities are superficial...

"The surface traits of God's teachers are not at all alike. They do not look alike to the body's eyes, they come from vastly different backgrounds, their experiences of the world vary greatly, and their superficial "personalities" are quite distinct."

In truth we're supposed to be experiencing a state of immortality and perfection where we are permanently happy, unaffected, invulnerable, incapable of suffering in any way. Our real self cannot suffer or die, or cannot suffer loss, cannot grieve, cannot be upset, cannot be unhappy or lacking peace in any way.

ACIM tells tells us that "Happiness must be constant" and "God's will for me is perfect happiness" and "Reality is a constant state" and "Immortality is a constant state." If your happiness is meant to be constant, how is it possible that you EVER experience unhappiness? It also tells us that we cannot really suffer, and whatever is experiencing the suffering cannot be my self. As if we have a sort of imposter self, a second self, that we've identified with as who we are, but isn't who we really are.

"The self you made is not the Son of God. Therefore this self does not exist at all. And anything it seems to do and think means nothing."

"The self you made, evil and full of sin, is meaningless. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God, and light and joy and peace abide in you."

"I am in the likeness of my creator. I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die." Also lesson 248 says "Whatever suffers is not part of me. What grieves is not myself. What is in pain is but illusion in my mind."

Șo if "I" seem to be having upsets of any kind, unhappiness, sadness, loss, grief, guilt, shame, fear, anger, anything that isn't constant permanent joy, that "stuff" cannot really be a part of my real self. My real self cannot suffer and cannot be unhappy. My real self cannot experience any kind of loss or deprivation or guilt or anything less than perfection.

So if that's true, then what is this self that seems to suffer? And I don't mean some remote hidden ego, I mean the very self, out in the open every day, that you think of as "you" this whole time. On a daily basis, going through life reacting to things, having upset emotions, feeling horrible about stuff, being unhappy, perceiving threats, etc. It's way more out in the open and much closer to "you" than you might have realised. You're being it every single day.

This "you" that you're being, this you that suffers and is unhappy and has grief and anger and so on, that experiences any kind of suffering, THAT is ego (being identified with ego). Or more accurately, who you are has identified WITH a "suffering self", and you see yourself AS IT, as a self that suffers. A self that can feel hurt, a self that has pain, a self that grieves losses, a self that can be in fear or guilt. When "you" suffer, ego is suffering, and YOU are believing IT is who and what you are, as if it is YOUR suffering.

Somehow there has been a mixup, where you currently find yourself "constantly" experiencing various problems and reactions and upset feelings, thinking that these feelings are a part of yourself, that it's even POSSIBLE for you to have such feelings.

How can an immortal perfect loving constantly joyful being ever have even the slightest unhappiness as a part of themselves? They can't. So it then begs the question, this "self" that seems to suffer, which is the combination of your mind plus a false identification WITH ego/body/suffering, can it really be who and what you are? Is this suffering self really you? Can YOU really suffer at all?

This you that you've been all your life and think of as normal, that has emotional reactions and instability and fears and guilts. Can this possibly be a part of yourself as God created you? Jesus says that you cannot suffer and you cannot die. He says you cannot be unhappy and you cannot experience loss. How if you are experiencing loss and are unhappy, is that really YOU that is experiencing it? Or are you experiencing a false sense of self identity, bound to some kind of egoic construct, that sees "itself" (yourself) as even capable of suffering?

If I am having grief and loss for example it feels like "I" am grieving, and I have the feelings, and I feel unhappy, and I have the emotions and I have the cries and I am the one who has had a loss. But this can't be true. My mind can't bring an "end" to the loss by trying to "get over it" as an ego-identified self, but it can dis-identify from that which believes in loss, and that indeed will end it.

So if there is a feeling of loss, it has to be false, and it cannot be a part of myself. If I feel like, or experience it like, "I" am the one who IS IN the loss, HAVING the loss, then I have identified with something that can't be a part of myself in truth. My real self cannot ever lose anything, because nothing real can be threatened.

In such a suffering situation it means my so-called "ego" is not tucked away hidden from sight in the background, it's something I am actively BINDING to and see myself as IN, like I'm wearing it, and have identified WITH it, as if I am trying to be ONE WITH IT, living out from it every second of every day.

And that puts it right in front of my face and even closer than that. It's lurking in plain sight in the very sense of false "self", in the sense of "I am suffering". That it's ME that is suffering. That's my identification with something false. God-given mind, believing falsely.

That's pretty eye opening because no longer does it mean that the ego is some background figure that rears its head occasionally. Even if it is, identifying WITH AND AS it, trying to BE an ego, binds me to it and makes me experience life as though I am suffering. I am the one who is feeling, I am the one who is upset. Only ego can be upset, and if I am UNITING with ego I will be upset as though it's my own upset. And that leads to unconsciousness - spiritual sleep.

So if we ask ourselves, who or what am I, and if there is a feeling of upset, can this feeling of upset really be a PART of me? Can it be mine? Can it possibly be me that is really suffering, if it's impossible for my constant divine self to suffer, ever? If who I really am can NEVER suffer in any way, how can I BE something that suffers, and how can the suffering be truly mine?

It then frames your egoic emotion reactions, yours stresses, as not really yours. How can these upset feelings be yours? Yes you are identified and "one with" the ego self that suffers and who sees itself as capable of suffering through its false narrow perception, but this is a false association. IT's suffering cannot be YOUR suffering unless your sense of identity is confused with it. We don't just have a little ego in the back of our minds, we are actively holding onto it and trying to BE it and regard it as us!

So now it brings into question, whether we should be distancing ourselves from, detaching from, whatever seems to be suffering, and from suffering itself. If we have upset feelings in any way, perhaps we need to be telling ourselves, these feelings are NOT a part of me, I cannot suffer, and therefore I cannot be having these feelings. I'm not having these feelings. And we must have chosen to have them if we've put them there.

That seems pretty radical, to just regard all upset emotions and sickness and suffering as impossible and not a part of you.

"No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants, and no one dies without his own consent."

If we are meant to be fully identified with and as immortal spirit, then we need to shift our identification away from this "suffering self". We can't BE a self that suffers if we are permanently holy. We can't be a self that is vulnerable and attackable, or frightenable, or capable of being guilty, or of experiencing loss and grief. Whoever or whatever is having that stuff, it can't be me or mine. And if it's there and I'm immersed in it so much that I feel like "its mine", I am unconscious and have identified with ego, and have forgotten who I am.

And that really brings into question, who are you really? Perhaps you are being FAR more ego than you thought. Perhaps every single day you are immersed in egotism and suffering and unhappiness. Perhaps your whole sense of identity is lost and wrapped up in living AS an egoic entity, seeing yourself as having emotions that are impossible in reality, as having forms of suffering that cannot affect your soul.

Perhaps you are much more ego-identified than you ever thought possible, and perhaps your whole sense of self, of who and what you are, is much more out of touch with your real self than you thoughts. Perhaps your real self is on some whole other level or dimension, and perhaps this self you're being every day is the self that is the "not me that lurks in the dark corner". To your real self, made of light, your everyday suffering self IS trying to be an ego. Who you have become, is not who you are.

Are we ready to identify fully with spirit, stop seeing ourselves as capable of suffering, bringing into question ALL ego emotions and reactions, and even questioning whether we are the self that we thought we were all this time? What if you are not you, and you are not being yourself right now, and you don't even know who you are?

"There is no statement that the world is more afraid to hear than this: I do not know the thing I am, and THEREFORE do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world and on myself." Yet in this learning is salvation born. And what you are will TELL you of Itself."

Death is the complete and total disowning of yourself and all responsibility for who you are. It is an attempt to say "I am not eternal life", "I am not as God created me", "I am not even who I am".

The only way you can accomplish this disowning of yourself is on purpose, deliberately and intentionally. It is your own self that you have to give away and it is your power you must disown. You have to choose to do this.

This is why the Course teaches that "nobody dies but without his own consent". You literally have to choose to die. What this means is, you literally have to choose not to be what you really are.

But you can't actually stop yourself from being what you really are, because GOD is the one who has established what you are. You cannot go against his Will or change His mind. He created you for an eternity and you can never die.

So the idea that you can not be as God created you, or not be yourself, or be the opposite of Life, or have no Life in you, is merely an act of DENIAL. It is a denial of the truth that you are eternal life and can never die.

And so death is a choice to deny the truth, and is why "sickness is a defense against the truth." But denial of the truth is not the same thing as its removal. You can deny that God exists but this does not destroy God. You can deny you are not who you are or that your life is not your own or that you have no power or that you cannot be responsible for who God created you to be, but that will not change any facts. Denial isn't a fact. Death isn't a fact. It is a cover up.

Nobody has really ever died and nobody ever will. Death doesn't work and you cannot die. You may or may not transition into or out of bodies for whatever purpose, but what you are cannot die.

Since the illusion of death - the *denial* that you are eternal - can only seem to happen by choice, this also means that you can choose otherwise, and therefore you can choose not to experience death. If at some point you decide to 'lay the body down' or exit the physical form, it can be through true peace, power, truth and freedom, rather than some cause you didn't seem to want. And it will have no effect on you because you are eternal.

Truth is the way out of hell.

There is a very fine line between accepting this world and justifying it.

If I am having sickness, or problems, or negative ego thoughts, then something is wrong. It does not matter whether I am accepting these things or not, or whether I'm trying to be at peace in spite of them or not. If these things are happening, something is not right.

There is a significant group of people in ACIM circles who attempt to become "at peace with" everything that happens here. This includes being at peace with sickness, being at peace with death, being at peace with negative thoughts, being at peace with problems and limitations, etc.

There is something to be said for this because, on the one hand, if I resist or block or control or read-into or project onto or manipulate or become attached to something in the world, I am in the ego for sure. When events happen, if I resist them and don't welcome them, I will fight with them. That's not good. If I cannot allow someone the free will to choose whatever they want to experience, even if that means suffering and death, then I will not allow myself the same freedom of will either.

But... and this is a big but, that does not mean, that the goal of the course is to "be okay with" all of these things, to keep these problems, to maintain sickness, to promote peaceful death, or to continue having attack thoughts that we're "not bothered by".

Yes, I am supposed to let go of the world, let go of controlling it, let go of trying to stop people's choices, let go of not allowing etc. That's all good. But when that is equated with.... well, this means that I should not do anything about the world other than transcend it, then this becomes a problem.

Because now I am going to attempt to keep experiencing ego stuff while pretending that I am not. That's actually an act of denial. If I'm still having sickness in the body, something is wrong in my mind. If I am still dying, something is wrong in my mind. If I am still having problems and limitations, something is wrong in my mind. And if I am still having negative ego thoughts or body identified thoughts, there is still something wrong in my mind.

It is not our task to sort of ... get underneath our negative thoughts, or to .... go in back of our ego judgements.... etc. We are not supposed to be becoming "okay" with problems and sickness and death. In a sense we are... we are not meant to be upset by it, but we are not meant to make it real and we're also not meant to choose it. Choosing sickness is an attack. Choosing death is an attack.

So on the one hand, we're to become "at peace with" whatever happens, but at the same time, that peace MUST include not choosing to make bad stuff happen, otherwise we are intellectualizing the truth.

A mind which is in a state of love does not have attack thoughts. A mind in a state of love does not have a sick body. A mind in a state of love does not go through death. A mind in a state of love does not have problems and limitations. A mind in a state of love does not need to a find a way to be "okay with" intolerable bullshit. It may well BE "okay" with it in a sense, but at the same time, it does not choose it, manifest it, create it, maintain it, or make it a reality.

Exactly who is making the body sick when the mind is awake? Who is responsible for that? You are. And if you are, you are not awake.

Exactly who is making attack thoughts show up in the mind, which you are happily trying to transcend and allow to continue happening? Who is thinking them? You are. If you are having attack thoughts you have an ego.

Exactly who is making the body go through death? Who is bringing about the extreme victimhood conditions which are *required* in order for death to take place? You are. If you are dying, you have an ego.

We have to take total responsibility for everything we are experiencing and expressing and causing to happen, including the undoing of all sickness, death, suffering, and ego thoughts. Only the thoughts I think with God - loving thoughts - are real. All the rest is ego and it must go, otherwise I'm hiding in a corner and thinking hate while pretending to think love.

"I am not being affected by anything or anyone."

"This is not changing me at all."

"No-one is doing anything to me."

"I remain as God created me."

"Nothing can hurt me. I cannot be hurt."

"There is nothing to fear because I live forever."

"My eternal life cannot be threatened, so I am at peace."

"God guarantees I will live forever."

"Nothing in the world is changing me in any way."

"No-one is making me feel anything."

"I am not a victim because I cannot be attacked or hurt."

"Nothing has ever happened to change me."

"I cannot change myself - I am what God wants."

"I am not sick and I cannot die."

"I live forever in God."

"I am always immortal and forever eternal."

"I am immortal right now. Nothing can change this."

"I have not changed since God created me."

"I am permanent and nothing temporary is happening."

"I cannot suffer in any way."

"I cannot experience loss or gain because I have everything."

"God himself is protecting my existence."

"Everyone I know and see is immortal as well."

"My innocence cannot be taken away, nor can theirs."

"I cannot change anyone's immortal self."

"I cannot do anything to anyone, so I cannot sin or be guilty."

"I have never attacked anyone. Everyone is immortal."

"The truth about others is their immortal soul."

"There are no victims anywhere, everyone is safe in God."

"No-one has any power over me, not even God."

"I am already enlightened in the light of God."

"I live forever in the love of God."

"God's immortality is my immortality."

"I am life itself. I will never die."

In the past, my wife became disabled and was unable to fend for herself. She became dependent upon me. I had to take over responsibility for her life, her wellbeing, her decisions, her food and cleanliness, her health. I had to keep her alive.

Now, in that scenario there was a lot of pressure. Having developed dementia and brain damages she would sometimes act out, lashing out at people, hitting people, swearing at people. She didn't mean to, she couldn't control it.

Because I took on responsibility for her life, I felt it was up to me to keep her going, to manage her behaviour, to feed clothe wash and support her, to administer medications, to take her to dialysis treatments 3 times a week for years, to get through hospital visits, to defend her against inept doctors and nurses, and to generally try to stop her from dying.

All of this began to produce some ego-creep in me, in which I started to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, and afraid. I felt afraid that if I didn't do the right thing she would die. If I didn't do the right thing, her health would decline. If I didn't do the right thing, there would be judgement and attack, possibly even legal action.

There was shame and embarrassment and guilt when she would act out. There was fear, that if she acted out towards the very same medical people that were providing "life support", she would get herself kicked out and would die. There was fear that she might not make it through the night, that her breathing was poor, that she might do something to make herself worse off. And feelings of guilt crept in that I wasn't doing it well enough.

You could say, as some would, that this was to be expected. Given all the pressure, all the responsibility, all the support and time and management and effort I had to give just to keep her going, to put out fires, to stop things from getting worse, anyone would feel upset and lost, afraid and guilty, ashamed and embarrassed.

But that's not what A Course in Miracles would say. It would say that there is a secret of salvation - that we are doing this all to ourselves. It would say that if I felt guilt or shame, I must've chosen to feel it. It would say that if I was afraid, I must've decided to buy into fear. It would say that if I was resisting death, that was a choice on my part. It would say if I was embarrassed about how she broke the rules today, that was something I was taking personally by myself.

So I had to look at this, because it was all part of me becoming a victim in this scenario, of seeing myself as constantly on the defensive, under attack, fighting against the institutions. I had started to blame myself, that it was my fault. The sense of responsibility was shifting into a sense of personal guilt, that if anything went wrong somehow it reflected on me. That if she acted out or made things worse for herself, it meant I was more ashamed somehow.

Obviously this is not something that was anything to do with me really, was not my fault or my doing. But of course when you have a lot of social and peer pressure and medical pressure and even legal pressure to say, you have to look after her right otherwise the punishment will come, that can be very tempting. I did buy into it to some degree, and I take take it on as a personal thing. And this resulted in my attacking myself.

So in order to apply the secret of salvation, I have to look at that and see, I was NOT being caused by other people, I was not responsible for what she did even if in physical terms I was, I was not guilty for anything that went wrong, I was not shameful for her lashing out at people, and I was not to be blamed for failures and losses and dramas and various other forms of things I couldn't control.

The secret says, that if you are upset, you are doing it to yourself. So that means, I made myself guilty. It means I shamed myself, it wasn't other people doing it. It means I made myself afraid by believing in the body and in death and in threats. It means I chose to be embarrassed, to feel incapable, to feel loss. I did that to myself.

You might also say, it's quite a tall order to expect someone going through such a difficult thing to have to rise up to a state of perfection. To not react at all, to have no investment, to not take things personally, to not feel threatened. Indeed it is quite a tall order. But it's the ego that really makes things feel like hell, it's the lack of responsibility and power that makes you see yourself as victimised and under attack. It's not our natural state to be positioned as a victim like that.

So I take my power back. The power that I gave to these people, the power that I gave to the situation, the power that I gave to her. I take back the power that I disowned by playing a role of caregiver and saviour and protector. I take back the power that said it was my fault, my job, my responsibility, my role and identity, to have to be responsible for another person's life and wellbeing. I take back my power to recognize I chose to see myself as under pressure and attack, threatened by death and its cohorts, and these things have NO power over me.

It is ONLY by taking back your power that you can be not a victim, can let go of the various victim roles like being guilty or ashamed, embarrassed or lost, afraid and powerless. For me it was a profound lesson which actually, overall, did increase my power and my awareness and my sense of responsibility. It wasn't a loss or a failure, it's just that the lesson was so strong that it also knocked me down a few pegs in some areas and became overwhelming.

I am not a victim of the world. I am not a victim of doctors and nurses. I am not a victim of the law. I a not a victim of official rules or requirements or paperwork or legal proceedings. I am not a victim of what another person needs or how they act or what they choose to do to others. I am not responsible for causing my wife's suffering or sickness or behaviours. I am not guilty, and I am not ashamed. I am the holy son of God, guiltless and sinless, pure and innocent.

We must think of ourselves as immortal beings, still as God crated us, still perfect and pure and holy and good. We cannot sin, and have never sinned. We are not guilty, and cannot become guilty. We have never been attacked by anyone or anything in the world. We cannot suffer unless we try to make ourselves suffer. I was not suffering because of the situation, or my wife, or the medical staffs, or family members, or anyone else. I cannot suffer unless I choose to do so, and I had chosen to do so. And now I choose again.

"The Holy Spirit will repeat this ONE inclusive lesson of deliverance, until it has been learned, REGARDLESS of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you bring to Him, He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one answer TAKES AWAY the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the SINGLE cause of all of them, no matter WHAT their form. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo."

Two fighters are in the boxing ring. They move around and jab at each other. As they become closer, they fight more. They punch and hurt each other, trying to defeat the other. There is no love here. It is anger and aggression and forcefulness gone wild. They seek revenge for what they see the other as having done to them.

This is representative of all ego confrontations, in which one person is trying to attack another, to justify the attack, to try to "win", and to hurt and destroy the other in order to achieve some kind of prize.

Now, the round ends and the boxers are required to go to their corners. Notice what happens. The fighting stops. There is temporary peace. There is relaxation and relief.

What also has happened, is "distance" has been put between the two. They have stopped lurching at each other, they are no longer trying to inflict pain on each other, and have recoiled into themselves.

This is symbolic of forgiveness. In forgiveness, what you want to do is look at the horizontal cause and effect relationship in which you are believing someone else did this to you, you plan to do that to them, etc... you need to cut all of that out and essentially "separate" the two fighters.

You do this by examining how you believe that you caused the other person, and how you believe they they caused you, and you STOP believing that. This collapses the horizontal causality.

So.... that person did not hit me. That person did not affect me. I am not caused by them. They have done nothing to me. I am not at the effect of that person. They have no power over me. I am responsible for everything I am experiencing. I must have done this to myself.

And.... I have not done anything to that person. I did not affect them. I did not cause them. I have not done anything to them. I have no power over them. They are responsible for what they are experiencing. They must have done this to themselves.

This is prying apart an ARTIFICIAL CAUSALITY which the ego has tried to establish between the two of you. You are withdrawing all blame and projection from them, and recognizing that their blame and projection onto you is nothing to do with you. This dismantles the entire ego thought system of believing that someone else is the cause of you, or affecting you, or that you have been affected in any way.

This breaks and reverses the ego's use of cause and effect. There is no cause outside of you. You are not at the effect of anything outside of you. You are returning to your "corner" and disconnecting from the other person and are ceasing to try to make them responsible for your experience.

So be like the fighters in their corners. Back off. Take back your projections. Stop trying to attack others. Stop believing they are attacking you. The ego has no defense against this because it literally lowers defenses and exposes you, which paradoxically makes you invulnerable.

Here's a fact. NOTHING ABOUT YOUR BODY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. The body is not your self. Its form, shape, color, size, activities, say NOTHING about you. Your face isn't even your face. Its gender and sexual persuasion is not yours. You have been a hundred bodies in a hundred lifetimes. Not even ONE of them defines you or is TRUE of you. If you believe otherwise, you are confused about who you are, and have a body-identification issue. To be spirit-identified you must stop confusing yourself with the body. To awaken, you MUST recognize yourself as ONLY SPIRIT. And ALL spirit is identical.

"I am not a body I am free, for I am as God created me."

You are not a man or a woman.

You are not straight or gay or bi or trans or anything else.

You are not beautiful or ugly based on the body's looks.

You are not fat or thin or chunky or rotund or lanky.

You are not oversized or overweight or underweight.

You do not have a face.

You do not have arms and legs.

You do not have genitalia of any description.

Your musculature says nothing about your strength.

Your wimpyness says nothing about your strength.

The size of your private parts says nothing about you.

The way your brain functions is unrelated to what you are.

Your amount of seeming intellectual ability is meaningless.

You are not tall or short or anything in between.

You are not hairy or bald or naked or dressed.

Your clothes do not say anything about you.

The trinkets and ornaments you wear do not define you.

Your tattoos and birthmarks are not your identity.

Your amount of sexual libido or prowess means nothing.

Your taste for certain foods is irrelevant to your soul.

You do not have any of the needs that the body has.

You have not been born or grown or aged or suffered.

You have not changed in any way due to body changes.

You never gained or lacked anything.

Your body's features have nothing to do with you.

The color of your skin says nothing about you.

Your ethnic background does not define you whatsoever.

You have not ever done anything that the body did.

You have never touched another person.

You have never seen another person with the body.

Your body joining with a body is nothing to do with you joining with your brother.

Your hair size, shape, length, color, style, is not you.

You are not that which you see in the mirror.

Your defects, disabilities, missing or damaged parts, have absolutely no bearing on your perfection.

Your differences and uniqueness has nothing to do with your perfect equality with all God's children.

The identity that is in you is the same as in everyone.

How long you've been in a body means nothing.

What generation you seem a part of it irrelevant to you.

The pride of being part of a certain family is artificial.

Your support of certain body-groups is mistaken.

Your preference for certain body types is part of your own body identification.

Your hatred of certain body types if part of your own body identification.

All the body's senses tell you nothing.

Every sensation is illusory.

You have never been born and you will never die.

Complements about your body have nothing to do with you.

Hatred towards your body has nothing to do with you.

When your body is attacked you are not attacked.

You don't really have a face or arms or legs or a butt.

Your eyes are not your eyes.

You are not from a certain part of the world.

Your cultural background is entirely made up.

Your prejudices are evidence you think people are bodies.

Your racism is a belief in being a body race.

Your homophobia is an over-identification with your body.

How your body smells does not define you.

You have no color, no shape, no size.

You do not move in a certain way.

You do not sit down or stand up or sleep.

You do not eat food or drink.

You cannot be affected or changed or grown.

You have never had any kind of appearance.

It's not great to be a [fill in body type], you are not that.

You are not what you inherited from your parents.

You are not genetic.

You are not stuck with any type of body.

You are not limited by bodies.

You are not worshipped when your body is worshipped.

You have never communicated with a body.

Your body is no more valid than anyone else's.

Your body is no better or worse than anyone else's.

Your body is not more important than anyone else's.

No-one has anything you don't have.

You are not good looking or ugly or plain or handsome.

Being naked does not expose your real self to anyone.

The makeup on your body does not change you.

You do not have an image, you are not an image

You are not fashionable or poorly dressed.

NOTHING ABOUT THE BODY IS TRUE OF YOU!

YOU ARE NOT A BODY. YOU ARE SPIRIT!

Anything that God did not give you is not true of you. "God did not create the body."

When the body is recognized as an illusion of NOTHINGNESS, it will disappear. YOU are all that remains.

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. I cannot suffer, i cannot experience loss and I cannot die. I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today. I will worship no idols, nor raise my own self concept to replace my Self. I am in the likeness of my Creator. Love created me like itself."

Here's some very simple logic which will be hard to actually accept if you have an ego.

In God's truth, nothing real has happened to warrant any kind of upset, suffering or concern. Absolutely nothing has gone wrong. There's no grounds for any kind of upset whatsoever.

SOooooo... IF you are upset or suffering in some way, you are not upset about something that's REALLY happened because it has, in truth, NOT really happened.

THEREFORE..... ALL of your upsets and suffering are FALSE, are COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED, you have NO good reason why you should be upset, all of your upset is 100% unjustified, and the ONLY thing that is justified is that you be happy and alive and joyfully with God.

This SHOULD mean, that if you could get this, you'd simply cast aside every single problem and upset and form of suffering instantly and it would leave you. Immediately. Because it is utterly without any basis in reality.

There IS no REAL reason to be upset about anything!

Every time you are upset, it is about something that IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING. This is reflected in the workbook lesson "I am not upset for the reason I think", and also "I am upset because I see something that is not there".

Recently, I was quite upset and emotional and crying about something that seemed big and intense and not at all pleasant. It seemed to me that this amount of upset was justified or called for (hierarchy of illusions). However, I had this little thought, "maybe I'm making this into something more than it is". And Jesus chimed in, "BIGTIME".

And yet, here I was, upset, snot and tears, and believing that something has gone wrong and I should be upset.. and yet... in the middle of that... there's this idea... this ENTIRE UPSET is completely without any basis in the truth WHATSOEVER. I am upset about something that I should not even be upset about because it's not true!!!

I am literally upset for reasons that are not a "real" cause for upset, because they are not real. I am upset because I believe something is happening in this scary dream which is not really happening and IS just a dream. I am upset because I think all kinds of shit has gone wrong and people are suffering and I'm suffering, but all of that is based in and around this ONE simple core belief.... that separation from God HAS really happened, something REALLY has gone wrong, and therefore I SHOULD be upset about this.

Its bullshit!

As unpleasant as it is to suffer, and as unpleasant as it is to feel upset and unhappy and releasing emotions, and as gentle and kind and patient as Holy Spirit and Jesus will be with me when I am like that, comforting me and supporting me and not pushing me at all, IF I am willing, there is a much bigger truth at hand. The truth is, you have no reason whatsoever for being upset or to suffer at all. There is no reason to die. There is no reason to be in pain. There is no reason to be unhappy. There is no reason to be in ANY state other than a state of total happiness, which is God's WILL for you!

So all this other stuff... lol.... fetch the kleenex... but ... really, it's all very very mistaken. If we could just get this, it's so simple but the ego has so many defenses against it. In truth nothing has happened. In truth, only Love is real. In truth, there is only cause for celebration and joy. In truth, everyone is okay. In truth, disasters and murder and death and destruction are not real. In truth, nobody is really abused. In truth, nobody has been truly victimized. In truth, nothing unreal has happened and nothing unreal exists.

We should be jumping for joy all day long every day! This is the "good news" that Jesus is bringing to us in the Course.

But.... much easier said than done, to one who believes in suffering. And that's me and probably most of you too.

More forgiveness to do.

Salvation is EXTREMELY simple.

"You cannot be hurt unless you hurt yourself."

In this one sentence is the whole course. Just stop hurting yourself!

Let's try to make this extremely clear.

You are an immortal being which cannot be affected by anything. Nothing real can be threatened. You cannot be hurt or attacked or damaged. Nothing can happen against your will. You are absolutely invulnerable.

No-one else can do anything to you. No-one else can cause you to feel anything, experience anything, think anything, have a reaction, or make you do anything at all. There is no power, force, causality, mind, will, agent, or any kind of manipulative source in the world capable of making ANYTHING happen to you. Nothing can change you in any way, to any degree. You are absolutely permanent.

SO...... the ONLY THING that seems to be able to happen, is that *YOU*, and only you, can decide to begin to hurt yourself. All attack is self attack. And this attack MUST be an illusion that YOU made up, because you CANNOT BE HURT in reality.

YOU, can decide, to accuse yourself of sin, to have an attack thought, to deny your reality, to suppress your love, or whatever form it takes. But let's be 100% clear. It is COMING FROM YOU. You are the one choosing it and are always doing it to yourself. No-one else is to blame. No-one else is involved. No-one else has caused ANY of it, not even a tiny bit.

If you would just stop attacking yourself you would stop suffering forever.

If you would just stop denying what you are you'd be yourself.

If you would just stop hurting yourself, or believing that you have, or that you even can, you would never have to suffer ever again.

So what can't we get this? It's so incredibly simple. There's only you hurting yourself. So if you are upset, you are doing that to yourself. If you are unhappy, you are choosing that. If you are suffering and sick, you are making it happen. If you are dead, you consented to it and chose it and wanted it.

The PROBLEM IS.... we are UNCLEAR, CONFUSED, about WHO is responsible for making life miserable. WHO IS THE CAUSE. Who has the power. Where is the cause. Who is the one to blame. We are CONFUSED about this. And we are mistaken about it very often - if not most of the time or even all the time.

This confusion, alone, is the reason why we think that there is something more complicated about being at peace, or saved, or happy, or healthy. In any scenario, wherever we are or with whom or whatever it involves or what form it takes, IT DOES NOT MATTER. If we think THEY are doing it, THAT is causing it, THIS is doing it to me, THAT's the reason I'm upset, etc... we're wrong. Very mistaken. We are never upset for the reason we think. And it is NEVER EVER EVER because of anyone other than ourselves.

This is so extremely true, that you can practically accept that if you are anything less than totally joyous and peaceful and healthy, it has NOTHING to do with this entire universe. Nothing to do with other people, or places, or events, or happenings, or body states, or reactions. It's not coming from anywhere else other than YOUR SELF.

Your brother is not the cause of you. God is the only cause of you. All people on the planet and beyond are NOT the cause of ANYTHING you experience. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not one single attack, hurt, damage, upset, accusation, nothing. None of what you experience has anything to do with anyone but yourself.

You are invulnerable. Either you accept this invulnerability OR you pretend that you are vulnerable. You pretend by disowning your invulnerability, which requires you to DISPLACE it onto something else. You have to GIVE IT TO someone. You give away your power. You give away causality. You give away responsibility. You give away strength. You give away your self. And you put it into the hands of a seemingly SEPARATE something, anything, so long as you think it's not yourself. This is the ENTIRE problem that CLOUDS your judgements and confuses you into believing YOU AREN'T THE CAUSE.

We probably spend 90%+ of our time in this state of delusion. Perceptual distortions derived from false beliefs, attempting to assert "I'm being caused by something not myself." "There's an alien will". "That person made me" "I'm upset about". etc. This is always not true. Sifting through the massive stockpile of LIES that this produces, is 99% of the effort entailed in purification and correction, trying to get to a state of forgiveness. Trying to dig yourself out, to dig real causality out, from underneath this huge pile of confusing rubble.

This is what it always comes back to. What am *I* doing. Why am *I* doing this. Why did *I* choose this. If I am upset, why am I choosing to be upset? If I am unhappy, why did I make myself unhappy? Why am I choosing to have attack thoughts? Why am I believing I'm sinful and then disowning it and projecting it onto someone else?

"You but accuse your brother of your own sin" tells you that your brother HAS NOT SINNED EVER. It's you that thinks YOU have sinned, and now you're lost in scapegoating someone for something you think you did, and subsequently positioning yourself as their victim SO THAT you can maintain the DENIAL that this is ABOUT YOU, BY YOU, and has nothing to do with them at all.

If we could just become clear on this. If we could just sort out, who is really doing what to whom. Who is causing all this. Where is it coming from really. Am I responsible. In every case, you are. 100% full responsibility for everything you experience. Which means 0% of what you experience is "because of" this entire universe or anything in it.

We have to peel ourselves away from this immersion, entanglement, confusion, binding, with other people, in which we lose sight of who is really doing this to us. We have to realize, any time I am upset and thinking it's because of ANYTHING to do with another person, I MUST be mistaken in believing this, because I've now lost sight of salvation's fact - that right now *I'm* doing something TO MYSELF, and what *I* am doing is the SOLE CAUSE of what I am experiencing. If I do not like what I am experiencing, I must choose again. And whatever I choose must be my experience.

"At least I can decide I do not LIKE what I feel now."

"And so I HOPE I have been wrong."

"I WANT another way to look at this."

"Perhaps there IS another way to look at this. What can I LOSE by asking?"

Get a clear picture here.

1. I am not affected by anything beyond myself.

2. No external causes EVER cause me.

3. I cannot be hurt or upset by anyone or because of anyone's situation.

4. Whatever I am experiencing, I WANTED to and CHOSE to.

5. I am free of ALL causes of sickness and death. The ONLY cause of sickness and death is my choice to be sick and dead.

6. No-one has EVER done anything to me. I have NEVER done anything to anyone.

7. I am not at the effect of ANYTHING in the world.

8. If I think anything but myself caused WHATEVER, I'm mistaken.

9. If it's all about my own FREE WILL CHOICE, which not even God can oppose, no one can stop me from choosing whatever I want to experience.

10. Heaven is a choice I must make, and when I choose it, nothing in all the world can stop me.

This would seem to be EXTREMELY SELFISH. To the ego. To emphasize that YOU AND ONLY YOU has ever had any effect on you, and all those effects were imaginary. And that by focusing on the love of yourself, and accepting atonement for yourself, you become the most UNSELFISH towards others. And then will proceed to treat them as you treat yourself, with miraculous expressions of love.

"There is nothing my holiness cannot do."

"NOTHING can prevail against a Son of God who commends his Spirit into the hands of His Father. By doing this, the mind awakens from its sleep, and the Soul remembers its Creator. All sense of Separation disappears, and level confusion vanishes."

"My self is ruler of the universe - It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept."

"Nothing except your thoughts can attack you. Nothing except your thoughts can make you think you are vulnerable. And nothing except your thoughts can prove to you this is not so."

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No-one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. As you perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept your holy will as theirs. And what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness."

"The secret of salvation is but this: That YOU are doing this UNTO YOURSELF. No matter what the form of the attack, this STILL is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, STILL is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is STILL true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that YOU were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they COULD have no effect on you, unless you failed to recognize it is YOUR dream. This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, WHATEVER form it takes.

The Holy Spirit will repeat this ONE inclusive lesson of deliverance, until it has been learned, REGARDLESS of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you bring to Him, He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one answer TAKES AWAY the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the SINGLE cause of all of them, no matter WHAT their form. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo." "

Repeatedly Jesus instructs us in ACIM to demonstrate that you are invulnerable.

He says that we are to show our brother that nothing he has done has had ANY effect on us.

He says that we are to demonstrate that we are innocent and our brother is innocent.

He says we are to show our invulnerability by having no effects of attack.

He says we need to be completely unaffected by the world and "I am not a victim of the world I see". Not a victim AT ALL.

He wants us to basically stand there, while the world and its people are doing absolutely whatever they want to do, and be absolutely unaffected, unchanged, undisturbed. Our peace is meant to be so rock solid that we are not moved by anything.

This really means we're being called to NOT play the game of "I am suffering" or "I've been victimized" or "I'm unfairly treated" or "You did something to me" or "I am this way because of someone else" or "I didn't ask for this" or "I've been changed by the world" or "There are effects in me that I didn't put there".

Jesus repeats this theme when he says that nothing happens to us without our consent, we always get what we ask for and we never get what we do not ask for. He goes on to tell us to make sure never to give any belief or reality to the suggestion that the Son of God has been or can be affected by anything, including having absolutely no belief in sickness or separation.

He asks us to see no blame whatsoever in our brother or ourselves. To see ourselves as completely blameless and guiltless.

Innocence doesn't just mean 'you didn't do anything', its an experiential state of INVULNERABILITY and IMMORTALITY, in which quite literally you recognize nothing can or has happened to you.

But who is the 'you' that nothing happens to? It's not the you that you think you are. It's your real self.

Ok so, this is possibly a touchy subject, and I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty. If you have some kind of a sickness, pain, upset, disability, whatever, this is going to be talking about that and I don't mean to make anyone feel attacked. But I want to look at something the course discusses.

"***The sick are merciless to everyone, and in contagion do they seek to kill.*** Death seems an easy price, if they can say, "Behold me, brother, at your hand I die." For sickness is the witness to his guilt, and death would prove his errors MUST be sins."

I've been looking at this lately because I've been having to heal a sense of guilt and blame for someone else being sick. Once I started to look at what the course says about my own situation, I saw that we basically are immortal beings who keep attacking ourselves, making ourselves suffer, inducing our own sickness, and trying to die. And then I started to think about whether other people were doing this, and this is where some lightbulbs went off.

If a person is having a physical sickness, it does mean that they are attacking themselves. It means that they, as an immortal being, are trying to destroy themselves. They believe they are guilty and sinful for attacking God. This is then projected onto and through the body. The body in turn takes on forms of sickness as a shadow of the guilt in the mind, a shadow of deformity.

"Illness can be but guilt's shadow, grotesque and ugly since it mimics deformity. If a deformity is seen as real, what could its shadow be except deformed?"

But the sickness in the body isn't just there as a sickness, it's there for a purpose. The purpose is accusation. The sickness is actually part of the attempt to project sin onto others. The body is made to appear sick and weak and suffering, so that the person appears to be innocent, and so that someone else is accused of sin. The sight of a sick body therefore means someone is holding a "picture of crucifixion" up to accuse you of sin, and "sick bodies remain accusers."

"The sick remain accusers."

"You hold a picture of your crucifixion before his eyes, that he may see his sins are writ in Heaven in your blood and death, and go before him, closing off the gate, and damning him to hell."

Jesus has gone even further than this, to say that in this self-destructive, projective situation, we actually are trying to kill others. As we scapegoat, ie project sin, we make the body sick, in order to prove another's guilt. And one of the ways this takes shape is in terms of contagion of physical illness, such as with a cold or flu, where someone is trying to "infect" others with their sin and guilt, so that if others become sick and suffer for it, this exonerates the sick person.

Jesus even says that when we are sick, we are being merciless, like we have this intense almost evil attitude of destruction, first towards ourselves and then towards others. We're actually even willing to die, if it means someone else is accused of causing it. And so the dead body testifies to the sinfulness of another. That we're literally willing to destroy the body in order to try to exonerate ourselves of the original sin, and pin it on something external.

"Death seems an easy price, if they can say, "Behold me, brother, at your hand I die."

So this then made me realize that, a major reason that I often have a sense of guilt or self-blame around other people's sicknesses, is because they are in fact attempting to accuse me of their sin. Their sick body is attempting to project guilt onto me, its a way they are using their body for attack, and having tried to destroy themselves they now are projecting destruction onto me. So then I end up feeling guilty because, essentially, if I "make their body real" to myself, I'll buy the temptation that the sickness is literally accusing me of sin.

I think part of realizing this, for me, entailed having to be willing to look at someone else and ask myself if they are doing the very same thing the course says I am doing to myself. ie are they trying to destroy themselves, do they have guilt from the separation, are they punising themselves, are they projecting and are they using their body for attack? And the answer is yes.

But this answer also gives rise to the realization that, the truth about myself, also applies to them. Just as I might realize that I am not sinful or guilty, that God has not been attacked, and I don't deserve to suffer, and I need to stop blaming myself or making myself guilty..... so too does this apply to others.

So now my approach to the "sick person" changes to one of compassion for them doing the exact same self-attack that I've been doing, a recognition that they are similarly not sinful, realizing that they are mistaken to believe they should be guilty, and therefore shifting to a more supportive position of reminding them of what is really true of them. And this in turn alleviates my guilt because it means I am not responsible for their condition, and its "truth" doesn't apply to either of us.

What's really true of them is that they have not sinned, their innocence is intact, they have no reason to be guilty, they have no need for sickness, they have no basis for punishing themselves, and they don't need to destroy themselves, because they haven't done anything wrong.

I am finding in fact that this kind of attitude toward them is in fact "miracle working". Because the more I express toward someone "the atonement" principle of their sinlessness, the more I am being loving, and also am treating my neighbor as myself. If my "work" is to express toward someone that they deserve love and health and happiness because they have not sinned, I am in fact joining my mind to theirs by accessing the part of them that's innocent. The "innocent self" BEHIND the self-accusation. And the accused guilty self is not who they really are.

And so it's important to overlook their self-accusation and not see it as applying to them. As I do this, I feel a POWER, and a sense of ENERGY, funneling through me. And I am quite certain this is opening the door to working miracles. If I can accept my own atonement ie my sinlessness, then I can also recognize other people have been similarly attacking themselves needlessly and can help to support them in finding their way back to their innate perfection.

"By denying his mind any destructive potential, and reinstating its purely constructive powers, he has placed himself in a position where he can undo the level confusion of others. The message which he then gives to others is the truth that THEIR MINDS are really similarly constructive, and that their own miscreations cannot hurt them."

"He MUST work a miracle on behalf of himself here (See the point about miracles as a perception corrector) before he can effect miracles as creative energizers, which they are."

What this reveals to me is also that, when I have ever done forgiveness, it's almost always been with a somewhat selfish intent. Even if I am forgiving "others", it mostly revolves around taking stuff off them and putting it back on me, so that I can address the deeper problem in "my separate self". But what I see now is, that in fact, the very same practice which I might use to apply to myself, to undo my own belief in my own sinfulness, I can use that very same approach FOR SOMEONE ELSE on their behalf, and forgive them FOR THEM.

In effect, it's like "doing a forgiveness" for someone else on their behalf, applying it TO them, reminding them of what THEIR truth is, and helping them to see their own innocence. Just as I would do for myself, but applying to them instead.

I am certain this has a lot to do with working a miracle. Because a miracle worker begins by seeing the light in another, which you an only do if you see light in yourself, and then you reinforce their light by shining your light into their mind, as you "pick them up" and "lift them up" through the expression of the truth about them.

It's kind of like telling someone that they've been hard on themselves, mean to themselves, unfair to themselves, and have not loved themselves.... and that the reason they've done this is unfounded, and they don't deserve this self-abuse, nor do they deserve to suffer in sickness or pain or misery. To set them back on the right path and get them back in touch with their own innate soul perfection. To be like, hey, brother, what you think about yourself is not true, you are .... and then list all the things which are true of them in reality.

(Forgiveness) "It looks on lies but it is not deceived. It does not heed the self-accusing shrieks of sinners mad with guilt. It looks on them with quiet eyes, and merely says to them, "My brother, what you think is not the truth."

This IS forgiveness because it's what it means to overlook the layers of ego sin, guilt, fear, self-attack, symptoms, body-stuff, in another, and look to the fact they are a christ entity, perfect and holy, temporarily mistaken, believing stuff about themselves that isn't true, and knowing and remembering FOR them that their lies are not true of them.

This also taps into a new "mode" of forgiveness, in which we attempt to reap the benefits not by forgiving "for ourselves" or by withdrawing from others into our separate minds, but by reaching OUT to others and telling THEM what we want to be true of US.

Expressing towards someone a higher truth, simultaneously makes it true of YOU, but without the selfish component. In this sense yes your brother is your savior. You can only give the miracles you have received but you can also bolster what you receive by giving. This is why "miracles benefit both the giver and the receiver."

To pour love into someone, to recognize when they themselves do not love themselves, and to supply the lack of love, by reminding them of what is really true about them, joins your mind to theirs and enlightens it, shines truth into their mind, empowers them, awakens them, and resurrects them.

"God" is the most frequently occurring regular word in ACIM. It occurs 4687 times in the Urtext edition. You could practically say that A Course in Miracles is also A Course in God.

Starting in a state of separation from God, our whole path is really one of reintegrating into God and letting God into our minds and awareness, restoring us to a state in which we are ONE with God and SHARE everything with him.

The ACIM workbook has a surprisingly high number of lessons whose titles include the word "God." You can see a trend of restoring your relationship with God and sharing everything with him. Here is a selection:

"My only function is the one God gave me."

"There is no will but God's."

"I am under no laws but God's."

"I am as God created me."

"God's will for me is perfect happiness."

"I share God's will for happiness for me."

"God's peace and joy are mine."

"I rest in God."

"Let me remember I am one with God."

"In quiet I receive God's word today."

"There is no love but God's."

"My mind holds only what I think with God."

"I walk with God in perfect holiness."

"I am entrusted with the gifts of God."

"There is one life, and that I share with God."

"There is no cruelty in God and none in me."

"God is but love, and therefore so am I."

"The name of God is my inheritance."

"I want the peace of God."

"The peace of God is shining in me now."

"I feel the love of God within me now."

"I choose the joy of God instead of pain."

"I am the holy Son of God himself."

"I have a function God would have me fill."

"There is no peace except the peace of God."

"I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me."

"God is with me. I live and breathe in him."

"God is my life. I have no life but his."

"God is my father, and he loves his son."

"God is my father, and his son loves him."

"God has condemned me not. No more do I."

"Now I will seek and find the peace of God."

"I give my life to God to run today."

"Now would I be as God created me."

"This day is God's. It is my gift to him."

"Let every voice but God's be still in me."

"God is the only goal I have today."

"Let me remember that my goal is God."

"God is my refuge and security."

"I am surrounded by the love of God."

"My heart is beating in the peace of God."

"The stillness of the peace of God is mine."

"The word of God is given me to speak."

"I am forever an effect of God."

"Today the peace of God envelops me, and I forget all things except his love."

"We have said before that the separation was and IS dissociation, and also that once it had occurred, projection became its main defense, or the device which KEEPS IT GOING."

Believing in separation from God produces a split in the mind. The mind becomes confused because it's trying to believe in both light and dark, or true and false, without distinguishing between them. The will becomes divided and the mind seems to form two areas. Being in fear (uncertainty), you are now "in two minds".

One area seems to become associated with "who and what I am", and the other area seems to be projected as "who I am not", seen as outside yourself in others. You can refer to these as the persona and the shadow. The persona is the accepted parts of mind and the shadow is the denied repressed parts.

In this dynamic, there's always two parts to what you experience. For example if you are in fear, where you believe that you are under attack by another, you are in fact also attacking them. But the part of you that is attacking them is dissociated and projected - kind of disowned. You don't want to believe it's still part of you. So you "associate it" with someone else.

So then in fear you see yourself as "only the victim" and you do not see yourself as "the victimizer". But your mind, as a whole, is actually playing both roles. It's just that the projected disowned role of victimizer seems like it's "not you", and the you that you think is being victimized is just one split off half of the mind.

"The secret of salvation is but this: That YOU are doing this UNTO YOURSELF. No matter what the form of the attack, this STILL is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, STILL is this the truth."

"Ideas leave not their source."

So the split mind has sort of become divided against itself and is now at war with itself. And various different properties seem to be assigned to one half, which you accept as "yourself", and the other half is denied and projected onto others as "not yourself".

Yet both parts are in your mind and don't go outside of it. So this whole roleplay of the two parts interacting, is happening inside your mind - ie you as a whole are actually doing it to yourself. This is the secret of salvation, to realize that you are NOT just one half of the equation. You are playing BOTH sides.

This is actually true of all things ego. If you take the position of victim, you are also victimizing. If you take the position of fear, you are also frightening and terrorizing. If you take the position of being sick at the hands of the world, you are also causing your own sickness. If you take the position of being helpless against death, you are also trying to destroy yourself from the outside in - which seems indirect.

So if i catch myself being afraid, I need to also remind myself that I am also the one who is scaring myself because I am the one who is doing the attacking. If I catch myself focusing on sickness, I need to remind myself that I am also the one causing sickness. If I am having pain, I need to realize I am making myself be in pain while pretending that it's not coming from me.

The stronger the state of dissociation, the less "oneness" there is with others. You'll see others as separated off from you, and you'll want nothing to do with them. You may even want to "get rid of them" at all costs, or wish they'd not exist, in extreme cases. The other seems to look truly "not me", to you, to such an extent that you think you are justified in blaming them for causing everything.

But what that means is that your mind is divided and strongly "taking sides" against itself. It's hiding from the other part of itself which it has projected through blame. You might think that the innocent victim self is the whole of your self, or your mind, because it's all you seem to be aware of as "within you".

This is because THAT part, thinks of the OTHER part, as OUTSIDE of itself. And therefore due to this separation between the two parts, you - this one part - believes the other part is "not you". And this is the major ego hurdle to be overcome.

Jesus describes ACIM as a course in "reintegration".

"To heal, or to make joyous, is therefore the same as to integrate and MAKE ONE."

"The purpose of this course is integration."

What is being integrated? The two sides of the split mind need to be rejoined as one whole mind. The sense of dissociation which splits you off from "your attacker" and frames others as "outside of you" needs to heal. It's not WHICH side you take that matters, it's the fact that you are taking sides at all.

We heal by becoming whole, moving from a state of "I'm playing the role of being on this one side", towards the recognition that you are playing BOTH sides. You play both sides of every conflict. You receive the effects of your own attack. What you do to others you do to yourself. What applies to them applies to you. This is the Golden Rule.

So if you find yourself "one sided", with you seeming to be caused by or at the effect of anyone or anything else, you know there is a brick wall of denial and disowning standing in front of you, behind which is the other half of your mind. And the wall needs to come down so that you can see that the part "in the shadows" and the part "in the light" are both parts of the same one mind.

By recognizing that both "sides" or "roles" or "personalities" or "identities" are existing within ONE mind, you recognize that NEITHER of them can be true. They are both illusions of separate identities - a victimizer and a victim. And the mind is pretending to be both of them. Neither really exists, and on seeing this both disappear, as the mind recognizes and "wakes up" to the fact that it is ONE MIND, not two.

"Opposites must be brought together, and not kept apart. For their separation is only in your mind, and they are reconciled by union, as YOU are."

"Dissociation is a distorted process of thinking, whereby two systems of belief, which CANNOT coexist, are BOTH MAINTAINED. It HAS BEEN recognized that, if they were BROUGHT TOGETHER, their joint acceptance WOULD become impossible. But, if one is kept in darkness FROM THE OTHER, their SEPARATION seems to keep them both alive, and equal in their reality. Their JOINING thus becomes the source of fear, for, if they meet, acceptance MUST be withdrawn from one of them."

"In our longer practice periods today, we will claim the peace that must be ours when the problem and the answer have been brought together."

"The light of guiltlessness shines guilt away because, when they are BROUGHT TOGETHER, the truth of one MUST make the falsity of its OPPOSITE perfectly clear."

"The miracle is possible when cause and consequence are brought together, NOT kept separate."

Lately I'm noticing more and more often, I just don't want to blame. I'm believing in "real sin" less and less.

I didn't see this coming, and it's not that I've been deliberately working on not being blameful. But I'm starting to see why this makes sense.

When I blame, I am believing that there is some "other" that's not me, that I'm finding responsible for some kind of guilt or sin. This so-called other is actually a part of my own self which I split off in my mind and attack. This attack seems to cause a hallucinated projection onto other people, in which the disassociation from the "conscious" part of my mind makes it seem like it's all to do with someone else.

But the truth is that my attack is actually coming from me, and it is going TO me. And in fact, I am not even really attacking anyone else at all. I think I am, but I'm not.

In the ego's thought system of denial, it really does seem like it is not only possible to find someone else guilty for our own belief in our own sinfulness, but that they can receive ALL of the blame and we receive none of it. We actually think we can scapegoat someone and make them wrong and find them guilty and that this has NO effect on ourselves whatsoever. i.e. Do unto others as you would NOT have them do unto you.

This is of course a complete illusion. While it persists, we go around blaming people because we think that we CAN, as a viable "option" for getting rid of our own sinfulness. Introducing a separation between cause and effect, we think we can be free of the effects and responsibilities of our sin, and someone else can take the hit. And we want to make especially sure that the separation between both is strong so as to be strongly convinced no nasty effects are going to leak back onto ourselves.

But what has to dawn on our mind is not only that we are responsible for 100% of what we are experiencing, but also that everything that has happened we have therefore done to ourselves, and therefore there ARE no causes outside of us, and thus there are no grounds for blame.

This also reveals to the mind that while it thought it was capable of attacking someone "else" with no effects on itself, it actually WAS attacking itself. At first it will think that it was attacking both itself and others, but then it will also dawn that it was in fact ONLY attacking itself. In our egos we live in private worlds of self-attack, at war with ourselves, in our split mind with multiple personalities. It doesn't even really involved anyone else at all, we just pretend it does. When we are willing to become aware that we are ONLY doing it to ourselves, then a whole new kind of experience starts to emerge. This is what's starting to happen to me now.

I am getting this feeling that I just don't WANT to blame people for anything. I haven't deliberately been trying to stop blaming as such, it's just sort of emerging. Some part of me seems to be aware that if I blame, in the act of blame, there is an attack and that *I* actually receive at least some of the effects of that attack. It's not true that the other person is 100% separated from me, and it's not true that they are really guilty. If I am being responsible, it MUST mean that I am doing this to myself and am attacking myself.

So each time I go to scapegoat, i.e. pretend that I even CAN scapegoat, I'm starting to learn or realize that the "blame" is ACTUALLY from myself, to myself, and I WILL experience effects from that. I am becoming aware of those effects, rather than being unconscious of it. And the fact is, outside of denial, this self attack HURTS ME. I do not want to keep hurting myself. It is a natural response, really.

If you could be aware that you can ONLY do anything to yourself, and that if you attack, YOU will be the one who gets ALL of the effects, you would not attack.

It is only because we've been unconscious and split in our mind and believing that there is an "other" that all of the responsibility can be given to (disowning of self), that we even CONCEIVE of the idea of displacing blame onto this "other". Or even that doing so might cause us to NOT be experiencing the effects of the sin. It is only because of DENIAL that it even seems possible that this would be helpful in alleviating guilt.

So while I am in denial and am being dishonest and irresponsible and believing that i am really sinful, I'm going to be really compelled to try to split myself off from that and project it somewhere. But the truth is, I'm not escaping it. Self-attack is self-attack. Nobody else is even being attacked by me at all, so it's not even as though there is this motivation to "be nice to other people". My self-attack has NOTHING to do with anyone else at all, and in truth, NOBODY receives any effects from it. No real effects anyway.

So it's not even as though I'm doing this out of GUILT in relation to trying to be kinder to others. That would actually be a form of self sacrifice which is ego. Instead, it's just the natural dawning of AWARENESS, that because I am responsible, I literally AM doing unto MYSELF as I would have MYSELF do unto me. I am attacking myself, and it is my belief that I am really sinful that is the root of this attack.

So as we have the courage to look at our own belief in our own sinfulness, in the idea of "real sin", and are finding some genuine healing atonement for this, it seems like the truth that we are only attacking ourselves becomes more obvious. I just am becoming aware that if I attack, *I* will feel hurt, and I just don't want to feel that anymore. I don't want to keep finding myself sinful, because now it's not a game of whether or not anyone else is being forgiven (you cannot forgive anyone other than yourself, and there is no need to!), it's a game between me and myself now and how I want to be towards myself.

I don't want to blame others, because I don't want to blame myself, because I don't want to keep finding myself sinful and guilty. I am just losing interest in it. It hurts to hurt myself. I don't want that. This is how my interests become shared interests with others. This is what leads to literally doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, which really means, you are DOING LOVE to others BECAUSE you love yourself. You cannot really do anything to others unless it IS love, because everything else is really self attack.

So it's funny but, in situations where I would've gone right into blame and accusation and scapegoating, I just can't seem to believe my own bullshit anymore. I know its dishonest and irresponsible and denial and not true that it's anyone else's fault. Nobody has done anything to me. No-one is the cause of my upset. I am choosing it. I'm doing this to myself. And I want to stop doing that. I want to recognize my true innocence, and learn to love myself again.

Surrendering to self-love shared with God. I am worthy because in the atonement, it is true that I have not really done anything real, and therefore am still innocent. Accepting that produces a justification to love yourself.

When I rest within, go within, focus within, dwell with God within, stay within, remain calm, be at peace, connect to my holiness, step back from the world, disconnect, etc.... I feel that where and what I am is centered and calm and dwells inside of me.

Within me according to ACIM there is an inner altar, where we are host to God. And also that deep within us there is a place of complete holiness. And we're also told we can find a state of rest in an "I need do nothing" state, where we can experience a sense of calm and rest "in the midst all the busy doings on which you are sent".

The more that I forgive the world and recognize it does not exist, the more I only have "left" what is within me. If everything seemingly external or outside of me, which also includes the body, is not there and does not exist, because there is no world, then all I "have" is what is within my mind. In my awareness.

I find myself becoming aware of this inside state of calm and holiness more and more often. If I put my attention there, it's like turning my mind away from the world and looking within. Focusing on where I am coming from, not on where I am going to. Stepping back from the world and stepping back from my stepping out, and simply remaining deep within. And this inner state is abstract and simple and one and whole, not a myriad of forms and differences.

Within me there is a place of peace and calm and surrender and inactivity. It's a quiet, holy state. It isn't out there, or externalized, or projecting, or losing center, or being caught up in illusions, or upset, or thrown around by the world. It's like just sitting centered within yourself and in what you are and not leaving yourself. Not abandoning yourself. Not being pulled away on another wild goose chase.

When I move away from this state, which seems to be very natural and easy to move into as well, my focus and attention shifts to the external world. To the body. And now if my mind goes into ego, and it goes into believing the world is real, it now starts to lose sight of that inner calm. And now the mind seems to reach out, attach, hold onto things, psychologically and energetically.

Each time this happens a seeming "bridge" forms, which is based on the idea of horizontal cause and effect, or being affect-able by the external world. It feels like a cord, tying me to something. And by believing in external causes and sinners I then feel this sense of vulnerability and accessibility, wherein because I am forming these bridges of horizontal causation with external things, my attack can flow out across these bridges, and external attack can flow in to me as well. They are beliefs in affecting and being affected.

Once I am attacking and receiving attack, my psychological experience is that I am vulnerable, attackable, unprotected, and what is external can seem to come all the way into me and make contact with what I am, and attack it, and now I am affected, and now I am having effects and upsets and emotional reactions. And now I am thrown off center and am lost, and have lost sight of my inner self, and the calm is disturbed, and all sense of holiness and peace thrown out the window.

Then I forgive. I remember there is no world. And as I forgive I dismantle these inroads, these bindings and attachments and beliefs in something external having access to my inner self. And as I do, as I recognize the world is not real, it does not exist, it is not causal, it is not happening, this wipes the world off the plate of my mind. Everything external is a lie. And now what is left? All that's left is what I am within me. And what I am is deep within. And it is calm and peaceful and holy and innocent and light and gently happy and in the presence of God. And it is already there, waiting for me to just uncover it and be it.

So now what I'm noticing is, I am spending progressively more and more time within, being what I really am, and less and less time without, lost and being untrue to myself and wildly reactive and upset and terrified, caught in a dream and tempted by illusions. So it seems then that remaining within, centered, in my inner calm place, is where I really am, and if I were to just stay there, I would not lose sight of myself and bleed out into the world. And I wouldn't react to figures in a dream, or even feel particularly engaged with the world.

It then is like being passer-by, remaining within, with God, and looking without, but not moving out into the world mentally. Not abandoning my post. Not running away from the inner altar. Not getting distracted and deceived and alarmed and threatened by the external. And so I just remaining within. Like a turtle in its shell, just peeking out at the world but not thrusting myself into it. Not losing my center or going off on some tangent of a wild goose chase after dreams and fantasies of physical spiritualization.

So then if I walk the world, from within, and an remaining within as I do so, keeping in the inner holy calm while I do so, I am no longer lost in the world. I am above the battlefield. I am outside the spacetime. I am further than any illusion can reach. I am beyond the ego. Because ego is always all about going without, externalizing, abandoning yourself, leaving yourself behind, moving away from what you are, seeking and not finding, seeking anywhere but within where you already are perfect. And now I be passerby, watching, noticing, but staying close to God within.

Paradoxically, when you go within, you access the light, and then the light can project and extend outward. You do not shine the light by trying to force light out of you into the world. You do not shine light by leaving your light bulb. You do not illuminate the world or be the light of the world, by confusing yourself with what goes out. Love and light extend on their own. You only have to go within and join with the SOURCE, plug yourself into the electrical socket, and then you light up, within.

"Love goes out because of what it is, but you are needed that it can begin."

And once you have an inner light, it automatically radiates and extends and shares. It seems counter intuitive but the only way to give to others is to receive. And as you receive the inner light you automatically give it. Provided you don't try to take it away from yourself and sacrifice it in trying to give it to another. You are to be the light bulb, not the photons. You have to be in the inner holiness in order to have power over what is exteranal.

Going within allows you to extend and project light without. You have to move within, and become closer to God, in order to have something worth giving. And as you give it, you do not abandon your intimacy with God otherwise you stop having anything to share. And as you connect to the inner light, this also transcends the outer, and so joins you with other minds in light, because it is deep within you that you are connected to others, who SEEM to be external and separated off. We are joined together by mutually going within, so that we transcend the world, and thus are not at a distance.

There is a saying, "If I do not go within, I will go without". And this is the whole thing. When you stop dwelling within, you lose yourself and lose everything. You lose touch with what you are and with God. And the light dims and you cannot shine. In a sense, by moving inward which seems to be away from others, you actually reach a state of joining and sharing. You can't access this joining and sharing state by forcing yourself outward, because that actually produces special relationships, attachment, ownership and control.

All that remains when there is no world, and there is no body, and there are no temptations, and there is no distraction, and you are not confused with the world, and you do not believe you are a physical object, and you recognize the world was just a dream, and you reach enlightenment, which is what God gave you. What is coming from God. And what comes from God is received within at your inner altar. And this is where you are host to Him. And when this is all you have left, and you have nothing of the world, you are ready to go home.

For a while now I've been experiencing the Holy Spirit working in me quite actively to clear and heal my mind, emotions and body. And I've been unsure how this correlates with A Course in Miracles because I don't hear hardly anyone talking about having interactions with Holy Spirit that involve any kind of manifest 'activities'.

Indeed many people still think Holy Spirit is just some kind of metaphor or inaccessible state of mind. Much of the ACIM community has a very cerebral, nervous, intellectual relationship with Holy Spirit, if at all. So I've been reluctant to share about it thinking myself to be doing something 'weird'. But maybe I am pioneering.

For me, this seemed to begin quite naturally as the next step in my exploration of trusting Him. I think that some day when I lay down to sleep I just had this idea to ask Holy Spirit to help me in some way, or to heal whatever I was feeling, and it was part of me opening up to exploring whether He would take some steps on my behalf.

Previously I think that I believed and acted as though my forgiveness process was something that I would do on my own and that any 'progress' or 'results' from it were due to my own willingness to see differently. But this then shifted, because after a certain point, after enough surrender and willingness and development of trust, I started to get this sense that Holy Spirit was meant to do more than just be an onlooker or advisor.

The first few times this happened I felt what I would probably describe as an 'energy' or a sensation of energy moving, through what seemed to be my body. It was sometimes accompanied by little jerks or motions in my hands or feet. Sometimes some subtle contractions of muscles. But over time, this has greatly increased.

I started then to learn to simply 'invite Him in' or to ask Him to come into me or to join with me. I didn't know if this was 'proper' or allowed or normal or anything but I was willing to explore it. I would invite Him in. He would quite often then say to me, "relax" or "surrender". And it seemed in a way that this was either a 'condition' or a prerequisite for supporting this thing happening. So I'd do some surrendering and relax my body physically. And then stuff would start to happen.

I will sincerely invite Him into me and then I will relax and allow and I will start to feel 'energy' move, whatever that is. Manifestations of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes this takes a pattern where it starts at my feet then works its way up my legs. As it goes, these limbs become more tensed as though sort of 'electrified'. Holy Spirit's energy is like electricity in a way, or how you might imagine someone if they were being electrocuted... but in a non-harmful non-painful way. Often my legs all the way up into my hips and pelvis will 'energize' and tense, seeming to form a certain specific 'posture' which, once established, immediately begins to 'drain' energy out of my upper torso, particularly any negative emotions or upset energies. These just flow down and out through my root chakra or feet like someone is flushing the toilet.

Then after a while this electricity will come up through my upper torso and into my arms and chest there can be at times some quite vigorous shaking, tensing and pulsing of stomache muscles, and various energetic changes taking place. When it works its way up to my shoulders and head area, I quite often now will experience what I can only describe as a very rapid intense oscillation/vibration of my head, which will suddenly shake at a very fast rate, as though something is being dislodged and removed upward. After this process is basically done I will be 'buzzing' somewhat and yet usually feeling quite peaceful and relieved, especially if upset emotions were healed in the process.

Now, not only does this happen for me on almost a daily basis now, but also it is becoming much easier for me to 'access' this electrical energy - in other words, to work with Holy Spirit 'supernaturally' in me, by just my mere willingness to allow Him to do something. And I'm finding that this is making it possible to apply this to any particular seeming condition that's going on in my body. For example I might have stuffy sinuses from eating some icecream, and if I'm willing I will sort of give a brief 'nod' to Holy Spirit, and he will instantly start to shake something and energize something and extract all of the symptoms. Or lets say I am under slept and I turn to Holy Spirit and he 'zaps' me, lol, I do my little shaky thing, and then I'm not longer experiencing that tiredness.

Also this is manifesting in the healing of others now, where I have an increasingly spontaneous willingness to lay my hand on a person and allow Holy Spirit to be immediately engaged through me to heal something. This has been developed somewhat through my openness to explore supernatural healing and commanding away sickness and so on. By developing some trust in that area, I am now growing in 'strength' and confidence in that if I simply do my part and join with Holy Spirit, miracles can happen, without any preparation whatsoever. God doesn't need preparation. God is ready to heal right now!

In particular, I've also been inviting Jesus into me, and I ask him to come in and heal certain feelings I feel in my torso. And immediately he comes in and makes corrections, which I may experience as tightening of muscles or pulses in the stomache area or contractions and other shaking, and then somehow these negative feelings will have simply disappeared without me really noticing how or when, and I will feel happy and start to laugh. And so I've been exploring that more too. What is the next step?

Well, I've also more actively started to invite GOD to come into me, to be in me, to dwell in me, to shine through me, to love through me. God is the one whose presence regularly moves me to tears. Realizing that God is HERE right now, and that it's really me that believes in separation or unawareness of God's PRESENCE. So as I open up to accepting and being aware of and open to God's presence here, I have to open to God being inside of me also, in my 'body' and mind. And so I invited God to be in me.

Then instead of referring to Holy Spirit as Holy Spirit, I referred to Him as 'Spirit of God', to make that kind of 'connection' between the two, which maybe I wasn't making before. So I invited 'spirit of God' to come into me, while also affirming "I receive God's healing". And let me tell you, the amount of activity that Holy Spirit them did in me was probably the most intense I've ever experienced. All up my spine I felt this intense presence and electrical energy radiating out of both sides of my spine all the way up and down several inches, accompanied but much more intense body-part shaking and energy dislodging. You have to really try to just trust and allow and relax while He's shaking the crap out of your body, literally. And afterwards, I felt healed and renewed and peaceful.

And I can tell you one other thing that I am noticing, is that... because of these 'sessions' of healing, I think... I'm noticing more often now moments where I just feel... calm, present, and there aren't any thoughts happening. It's quite unusual and unlike any other 'mode' of functioning that I am used to. Like, as if I am ALWAYS thinking, and then... there isn't any thinking happening, and I'm like... what is this? It's a feeling like there is this 'love' present, and it's just very calming and relaxing. And I've remarked to myself, that this is like the 'first time' that I am 'being', aware, without having any thoughts about anything. Also last night I was doing this and also experimenting with 'not controlling anything' and I heard myself exclaim, "this is the first time I am actually finally RESTING." To be aware, relaxed, and to have no sense of having to do do do do do anything, and just BEING there. Ahhhhh. Felt like real rest and relief. Relief from the ego mind. For the first time ever!

So what's on my mind now is... the interesting transition from ... doing forgiveness mentally, taking steps in changing perception....following some procedure (which still helps)... versus.... starting to be transformed SUPER-NATURALLY, by Holy Spirit directly. I used to not really ask Holy Spirit to 'do' the healing in me, thinking that I just needed to change my perception and accept my innocence etc, and that Holy Spirit was just sort of looking on from above and guiding me with word phrases and so on.

But then I came to realize, particularly spurred by some other people who ask Holy Spirit to actually do something, that Holy Spirit is not only meant to do something but to actually supernaturally HEAL me. And not just a little bit. I completely saw one passage of ACIM in a different light when it says "Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision IF I will LET HIM" - and "I choose to LET HIM, by allowing Him to choose for God for me". This for me has become, to let Him choose for God, to decide my innocence, AND THEN TO COME INTO ME AND PERFORM HEALING MIRACLES - which quite *literally* remove the consequences of my wrong decision - literally the healing and removal of upset emotions, the correction of body sickness, all of it! And this all entirely hinges around "If I will LET HIM." He isn't the one who lacks an ability to heal EVERYTHING... we are the ones who won't conceive of, allow or open up to letting Him wield his unlimited POWER in our lives.

I have a little willingness, then he does some super amazing - I have no idea what He really does - THING - and then I am better off. Yes I continue to do forgiveness in a more formal sort of sequence of perceptual corrections, but I am opening up more now to, what Holy Spirit just told me... "direct transfer", of experiential truth - the healing power of love - the presence of the One Mind - to accept and receive God's healing directly and to then extend it, rather than this whole ACIM thing of some kind of monotonous, intellectual, do-it-yourself 'study' of a book or manipulation of thoughts or thinking that YOU do the healing and correction. YOU do not heal. God is the healer. God has appointed Holy Spirit to HEAL YOU, FOR YOU. So this requires you to let go of even the process of your own forgiveness, to LET HIM actively work in you and through you. Otherwise you are just staying separate and missing out on a HUGE amount of support and divine help in your process of awakening. You don't have to do this all yourself, and in fact you HAVE to relinquish doing it yourself in order to open up to accepting and allowing God's love!

I'm sharing this because I feel more confident over time that regardless of what I am experiencing, it is real enough to me and transformative enough to me, that I think other people are supposed to know more about this. There isn't enough of an awareness of the Power of Holy Spirit in the ACIM community, especially not in terms of performing miracles and other super-natural manifestations. Some branches of religion are much more familiar with this than most of us are. But I said to Holy Spirit, I don't know how I could possibly 'teach this' to anyone, because it's not like it's based on some kind of metaphysics or logic or whatever. I have no idea what Holy Spirit actually does or how He does it. It's much more of an experience that I sort of stumbled into.

Then Holy Spirit simply said, and this is His instruction to YOU:

"Invite me in."

If I'm afraid or anxious, and I want to do something about it, I will probably start asking myself "why am I afraid?"

My ego believes that asking this question will help me to find the cause of it, and that I might then be able to fix the problem.

But what's going to happen is, I'll start searching for causes. If I seem to find a possible cause, it's going to tell me "the fear is caused by..." But no matter what it says, it is not really the truth.

Every cause of fear that we think is the cause of it, is not the cause. Fear is not caused by something happening to us. But it seems to arise at the same time as perceiving there's something happening to us, or threatening to happen.

If this.... then that's going to happen. If I do this.... that might happen. But it's still me perceiving and imagining the situation and creating the fear.

I'll think the fear is caused by the 'thing' that threatens me, but the thing that threatens me is not really the cause of fear. So long as I perceive that there is a threat, there WILL be fear. I can't keep the perception of the threat and get rid of the fear. I have to change my perception.

The reason I am afraid is because I am choosing to be afraid. I am choosing fear by choosing to see myself victimized and threatened. I THEN perceive the threat and experience the fear, but neither is the cause of each other.

I am afraid because I am using fear to deny God. I am afraid because I believe fear is a trustworthy guide that tells me the truth. I'm afraid because I want to invent a reason not to be happy and awake. I'm afraid because it allows me to have an ego.

It would seem fear is stopping me from doing what I want, but really fear is an excuse, a made-up reason why not. Without making it real, or believing in the threat being true, I couldn't be afraid, and then there'd be no reason not to.

Fear is part of the device for separation.

I still feel compelled to find out "why" I am afraid, but I sense that the "reason" will be an illusion, and that there will be deeper dynamics than just that I am afraid. Ultimately it cannot be true that I am afraid, it can only be an illusion.

As Jesus says, we only become afraid when we think that illusions are real, and that God is not on our side. I must be incorrectly perceiving an illusion as real truth, or wanting it to be truth, otherwise there'd be no grounds for fear. If nothing has really gone wrong and nothing real can be threatened, there is no basis for fear.

I need to forgive myself for my self-made fear and undo the need for it.

I asked myself yesterday, when was the list time I actually "did a forgiveness" ... perhaps because I know that forgiveness is very important - its the core of ACIM practice - but was I actually DOING it?

What came to mind wasn't the typical answer, you know, thinking back to how many times I 'did something'.

Instead, what I recognized is, forgiveness or 'being forgiving' is a constant state that Holy Spirit represents, in which all is seen as already forgiven and that there is nothing 'to' forgive - because forgiveness fore-gives in order NOT to judge.

So this led to recognizing and acknowledging, that perhaps in some way I am 'being forgiving' all the time, to some degree, as a constant thing rather than as one-off events of sudden correction.

See, there's a difference between being forgiving and applying a correction. Correction is there to undo faulty perceptions so that you can RETURN to a forgiving attitude. Yet in the past I used to think forgiveness is the part where you correct the attitude - the process.

So I stopped to get a sense of... am I, in general, having a more forgiving attitude than I used to have.... am I carrying around with me a constantly more forgiving way of perceiving, regardless of whether it's punctuated with "Oh I gotta do something" procedures and techniques. And in general, I don't really know.. but I think I'd have to say yes, I'm generally more forgiving.

In other words, each time a correction is made, I become more forgiving in general and my 'level' of forgiving attitude raises. It's a constant, not a one-off. I'm less judgemental. I'm not as attached. I'm less reactive. I'm generally "stronger in the truth" (Jesus's words to me). That seems like a step in the right direction.

So no need to beat ourselves up for how many linear times we've 'done a forgiveness'... all the benefits of prior efforts stay with us. Each choice for Holy Spirit is a permanent step toward Heaven. And you definitely aren't 'guilty' for not taking enough of them.

Affirming what is NOT true, and what IS true, can induce miracles.

With regards to sickness for example, you must "cancel" every single perception or belief that suggests the sickness even EXISTS, or any other surrounding beliefs based on that.

e.g. "there is no sickness" "this sickness is an illusion" "I am not sick" "I am not being affected by my body" "my body is not the cause of me" "these symptoms are not real" "this sickness isn’t happening" "I am not caused by pain" "this sickness has no power over me" "Nothing unreal exists" etc

Then, you can switch it around to the affirmative, to emphasize the truth, which should focus squarely on who you are IN TRUTH - your immortal, holy, divine, eternally alive, incapable-of-suffering self, made of love.

e.g. "This sickness has alread gone" "I am free of this" "I cannot be sick because I am immortal" "sickness cannot happen to a son of God" "I must have chosen this myself" "I am responsible for making this sickness" "I choose to be alive" "I am the life of God" "I cannot be attacked" "Nothing real can be threatened" "I am free from this" "I need not suffer" "I am already perfect" "I am as God created me" etc

The important thing here is to always equate anything even slightly short of total immortality with "ego" which is FALSE and NOT true. And to always equate the HIGHEST TRUTH about you with the truth.

Either you are absolutely permanently innocent, safe, healthy, happy and loved, OR anything short of that IS A TOTAL LIE. All you are doing is becoming CLEAR about which is which. Put the true stuff in the TRUTH box, put the bullshit in the FALSE box.

This WILL challenge your beliefs, in order to be EXTREMELY black and white about it. Symptoms, feelings, upsets, suffering of any kind, bad thoughts, mental experiences, whatever... must be categorized strictly. It’s either true, or its false. Nothing in between.

This will challenge you because it means anything short of IMMORTALITY is a lie. Sickness is a lie. Suffering is a lie. Guilt is a lie. Fear is a lie. Sin is a lie. Death is a lie. Symptoms are not real. Suffering is fake. There is NO TRUTH IN IT.

If you want healing and happiness and wholeness, you MUST stretch your mind to CHANGE its beliefs, if it keeps trying to believe that ANY form of suffering is real or true. That means questioning deeply held beliefs about the body, about life and death, about sickness, and about what is real. If you want to go ALL the way to Atonement and Resurrection, every illusion must be RECOGNIZED as false, and the truth must be RECOGNIZED as true.

"Only the truth is true." The truth about you is extremely lofty. You have to be willing to let that be true of you. YOU ARE PURE LOVE. YOU ARE IMMORTAL SPIRIT. YOU ARE NOT A BODY. YOU CANNOT DIE. Embrace it and live forever in happiness and peace.

I've been finding great benefit from this simple idea, based on lesson 67, "Love created me like itself."

This is based on a very simple and clear-cut metaphysical logic.It goes in these steps:

1) God is the source and cause of what you are.

2) God created you by extending his own nature and sharing it with you.

3) You inherited God's nature so are exactly like God in every way.

4) Since God's nature is permanent you are permanently like God.

5) Therefore you MUST be still exactly like God right now.

6) And therefore, because you are ONLY like God, you CAN ONLY extend that which God gave you.

7) You therefore extend ONLY what you have and are and give only that to others.

This is so extremely rock solid and clear logically, metaphysically, spiritually, and truthfully, that it really provides great focus and clarity as to your TRUE FUNCTION In heaven. The relationship you have with God. The truth of your nature. What you are capable of. And what is NATURAL to you.

When I use this and put it into phrases, it somehow VERY quickly moves me into sanity and a deeper inner awareness of my God-given nature.

So we phrase it like:

Love created me loving. I must still be love. So I can only give love.

This puts up "boundaries" logically, which are very straight and firm, which shut OUT any notion that you can be UNLIKE God, or that you could've STOPPED being in accord with God's nature, or that you can be anything OTHER than like Him. And indeed that you ARE ONLY able to extend further straight ahead according to this true nature. It lines up perfectly with the continuity of creation and extension and is absolutely 100% "in tune" with your soul's identity and expression.

"I am still as God created me."

"The only function of spirit is to extend God's being."

"To have all, give all to all."

Then we can go on to pick out some other qualities of God, which we have inherited, and can then extend only those qualities. So we remind ourselves e.g.

Peace created me peaceful. I must still be peaceful. So I can only give peace.

Perfection created me perfect. I must still be perfect. So I can only give perfection.

Eternal Life created me alive forever. I must still be eternal life. So I can only give eternal life.

Truth created me truthful. I must still be true. So I can only give the truth.

You can word it in other ways so long as it stays STRICTLY true to the metaphysical logic of extension. e.g.

God who is love created me lovingly to only love. Therefore I am still just as loving as when God created me, and I only have love to give.

Or combine them.

The perfect peace of God's love created me perfectly peaceful and loving. Therefore I am still perfectly at peace in love. And I give perfect loving peace to everyone always.

For me, I've been repeating this lesson many times because it's one that just cuts really really deep to the core of who and what I really am and helps me to tune into my soul and FEEL the peace and love within.

I was doing this last night and Jesus commented, "beautiful".

Let's say you're in a regular situation, maybe you're around someone you know. And there's something this person is doing that you 'describe' or 'label' as something. You think you're just making a basic observation, like it's obvious.

So maybe you 'see' that the person has a sickness, or they're angry, or scared, or whatever. So to you, you think you're just observing this like..... my friend Jane seems to be sick right now.

In this situation, I bet you believe that you're not actually 'doing' anything to Jane right? And you believe that you're just seeing her neutrally, right? And that there is not really anything to forgive here, because Jane really is sick, right?

Well... even in what seems like an 'ordinary' everyday perception of a 'normal' condition that someone is experiencing, there is unforgiveness. But you may not realize this especially because, IF you are seeing this and believing it's real or true, you have forgotten to forgive, and have lost sight of the REAL person - therefore yourself.

When this happens for me, I at first feel as though this isn't really 'my' problem. It's not 'me' that's got the issue. Whatever the other person is experiencing, it seems to be 'theirs' and is 'actually happening'. And here I am, in my ego, believing that I can perceive this so-called 'reality' without actually contributing to it at all, like I'm a completely neutral party. But this is of course the ego's deception.

The ego is not capable of seeing neutrally. "I have no neutral thoughts". "My meaningless (skewed) thoughts are showing me a meaningless world." etc. The ego believes it can do something to others and NOT be in any way associated with the outcome or the consequences. It thinks something can apply to someone else that does not apply to yourself. It thinks it can observe neutrally someone else in pain or any other suffering, and not suffer, and be having nothing to do with its presence.

But the ego is always actively involved. It's always attacking with attack thoughts and distorted perceptions. It's always judging. It's always projecting something onto someone.

So even though the situation seems to have no issues in it that have anything to do with 'me', separate me, is that really true? If we are all one and all laws apply equally to all people, then if the other person is seemingly in pain - or at least, if my perception has 'stopped' at "sight of form" or has made it real or believes it's true or agrees with it at all, then my ego IS active in this situation and IS using it. Instead of healing my brother, I must be condemning him or her by not overlooking 'their issue'. So what I'm seeing in them, or what they seem to be experiencing, SOMEHOW, it is MY issue.

What I did in a situation like this recently, even though it didn't SEEM like "I" had anything to forgive, as though there wasn't anything 'wrong' with me, but the other person was upset or sick, and I was accepting that they were actually sick, was to step back and do a forgiveness.

The basic fact of a need to forgive is that I'm seeing something that I think is separate from me (in another person, its their problem or fault, their sickness, etc), DISASSOCIATED from it.

Another basic fact of a need to forgive is that I see something in someone else that I don't believe is in me. That HAS to mean, that what I see in them IS my own stuff that I've projected onto them. Even if the other person seems to be the one with the sickness or the anger or whatever issue, I have to realize - it's really MY issue. If I am perceiving that anything applies to anyone that doesn't apply to myself, that we are not one or equal in every way, I have waking up to do.

Even if that sounds ridiculous. And it does sound ridiculous. To the ego it is ridiculous to suggest that something 'clearly' nothing to do with me, is actually somehow something about or in me that I need to forgive. You could boil it down to, ... if I'm seeing it, it's me. If I am seeing Christ, I am being Christ. If I am not seeing Christ, I am not being Christ. Right? Even if it seems like someone else's problem, if I see it and think it's really there, *I* (the One Son of God/Christ) have a problem.

So I did a forgiveness. I took back ownership of the sickness or anger that I saw in the other person, as though it were my own. I took back the guilt I thought the person had for believing they were sick. I took back ownership of the fear and anger. I even claimed it to be 'mine'. I took all of these labels, judgements, perceptions, impressions, evaluations, analyses, etc off of the person, to where I could moreso see THEY are innocent. THEY don't have any of these issues really. THEY are none of this. This whole 'perception' of them even having an issue, is MY error. Sounds ridiculous. Sounds like taking the world on your shoulders. Sounds like some kind of martyrdom. Sounds like taking possession of 'other people's problems' and making them your own on purpose. But is it REALLY not your problem?

I took it back. Then I went to Holy Spirit with it. I unconditionally surrendered the need to be right or wrong about any of these issues. I surrendered unconditionally any desire to decide FOR MYSELF whether any of these things were true or not. Thus I opened up to accepting whatever Holy Spirit would decide. I asked for His decision, and he reported instantly that NO, I am not guilty of any of these things, none of them are true.

Then, instantly, there began a healing process within me, Holy Spirit came in, body parts vibrated, 'energy' whirled around, things shook, and several seconds later all of the sensation or experience of those 'things' was gone.

Now, what was the result of this?

Next day, around this person, *I* was noticeably much happier, clearer, much less engaged with taking their situation seriously, much more detached, lighter, smilier, stronger. I accessed a 'light' and a sense of security and certainty that I did not know was available. I also believe that by my being in a higher state of awareness, this 'helped' the other person in some way. Not saying it was a miracle as such, or that it had observable effects, but for sure *I* was transformed.

How would I have been transformed if this wasn't all about me to begin with, or issues within me that needed healing? How would I have experienced greater light if I hadn't had any need to forgive? Even though it didn't seem like the issue outside of me had anything to do with me, *I* was the one perceiving it, *I* was the one believing it. *I* needed healing.

Is the miracle just for you, or for you to give to others also?

Did Jesus only experience miracles for Himself, or did He also share them with others?

When Jesus performed a forgiveness process, do you think that He was applying it only His personal, separate self and his own separate mind? Did the rules of forgiveness only work within his inner experience, or did they overflow onto others?

I am discovering something which I think has been majorly overlooked by the ACIM community. I overlooked it because I always thought "I" was doing the Course, therefore "I" was the one who needed forgiveness, that "I" should claim atonement for my ego self, and that therefore "I" am the only one who is going to benefit from forgiveness and miracles.

But the ego cannot claim the atonement for itself. So THAT "I" cannot be the Self that we are claiming the atonement for. Therefore if that I isn't the identity who experiences atonement, it must be an atonement that extends beyond that I, right? It must go beyond the ego self, and therefore the miracle MUST be shared with others. We MUST be awakening to a shared identity, which is a shared mind (minds that are joined cannot be sick), which means that whatever process of forgiveness and miracles I am applying, it CANNOT just apply to my "self".

I'm suddenly starting to see all manner of understandings about forgiveness, which I had applied to my "separate-me", suddenly applying to others. And as I look further into the idea of working "healing miracles" for others, it is starting to become glaringly obvious that the process of applying forgiveness "for my self" can actually be applied FOR another person.

In other words, this isn't all about me me me forgive myself. As within so without. The "in here" mind in this body is not all of my mind. The world "out there" is not outside of my mind. The out-there world is actually inside my mind because my mind CONTAINS the world. Now, we're talking about at the level of CHRIST here, not just the level of personal Higher-Self mind. The One Son, not the sonship.

I do believe that in ACIM Jesus is teaching us from a level of Christ much of the time, and that the truth's he's trying to point us to are at the Christ level, not just level 2 or 3. At the Christ level, the entire world is the ego, the entire world is an illusion, and the entire world is within my mind. Therefore, "other people" are also in my mind, they are part of my dreaming, their illusion of sickness and death showing up in form are aspects of MY delusions, and therefore I CAN heal their sickness by healing my "self" - ie returning to the Christ identity - the shared collective Christ consciousness.

That means the Course isn't just about me remaining separate - an ego - studying the Course in isolation, doing it "to myself" or "for myself", ie, for my separate identity. In order for miracles to express through me to "others", the rules of miracles must apply equally to the "me" that thinks it is separate inside this body, AND the "me" that is showing up externally. It is all One.

For example, when you look at someone else's body and you see sickness. If you believe it is real (God created it), there is an illusion in "the mind" relating to misperceiving that sickness. You think that illusion is in the mind that's in your body. So you go about a forgiveness process to correct that illusion seemingly in "your mind", to adjust your "personal perception", but it now means you see the other person's sickness correctly as an illusion. This however still leaves an illusion out there. The person is still sick. And in God's truth, illusions are not real, so that person cannot really be sick. Their illusory sickness must go!

So there is an "application" of a forgiveness process that is meant to be applied to OTHERS. This is the proper functioning of the "procedure" of performing a healing miracle for your brother. When bringing in the Holy Spirit and fulfilling your role as "asking for what you want" through commands, and are believing the person must be healed (per God logic) regardless of what *appearances* show, this means overlooking and thus forgiving the appearance of sickness being real.

The forgiveness is occurring in my mind and I move into a place of forgiveness, where I am not making errors, and where I do not see errors as real. And at the same time, that alignment with God will activate the Holy Spirit to flow through you. If you then express that the person is not sick but healthy, their body MUST respond and change to a healthy body.

My willingness to overlook the illusion of sickness in another, yes it heals my own mind if I have delusions about it, but once my mind is free of that delusion, I am now in a position of authority and power. And I am also now joining in mind with the brother. And I also no longer support their sickness. Therefore, as the loving thing to do, I can dispel it.

So what I'm seeing is, much of ACIM is taught as a sort of self-help program, focused on your separate self with no way to apply it to your brother, that you cannot apply it to them without splitting your mind, that you can only forgive yourself etc... but, there is confusion about IDENTITY here. WHO is being forgiven and that that leads to, is quite different.

You are the light of the world. You are the salvation of the world. That isn't passive. That isn't like just being a shiny light on a mountain top. It has power. It dispels illusions, not just at the personal-self level but at the united sonship level. This is why some of Jesus's teaching actually relate to being the Christ, in which all of the illusion exists, and the ability to overcome absolutely all physical laws.

You can wake up to your higher self at level 3, and be at peace with this world. But that will not necessarily grant you walking on water. To do that, you need to become the Christ.

And for the Christ, there are no limits.

Someone was accusing me of things I believed I didn't really do. They seemed to be just hell-bent on projecting their blame somewhere. It seemed uncalled for, and that I was unfairly treated.

My reaction to this was that I became angry. I felt that I was justified in being angry because it seemed that what the person was claiming was not true. And yet, if it was not true, why was I taking it seriously at all and having a reaction?

I believed I was innocent. I believed I was not guilty of what I was being accused of. They were literally claiming that I had done things which I had literally not done, physically. It seemed so obvious that I did not do these things that this "proved" my innocence. I was using physical evidence of "the world" as proof of what was true, to prove that I was innocent.

I also believed that, therefore, this person was just wrong and doing something to me. It seemed unfair and unwelcome and as though it was causing upset in me.

Each time they accused me of this, I felt more and more angry and annoyed. It seemed like if they would keep doing this, I couldn't see a way to become anything other than more and more upset.

But then I started to look at what was happening in my mind and how I was perceiving this. A key fact came to mind, where I remembered that, at least in theory, I could not be upset about something unless I believed it myself.

Whenever someone is reacting to an attack, making it real, taking it seriously, and exclaiming that it is not true, usually it means the person actually does believe it is true on some deeper level. There is denial involved, but here's the problem.

In our state of guilt, we used denial to make our guilt go unconscious. It was pushed out of conscious awareness. We used a mask of fake innocence in order to deny that we are guilty. This fake innocence is something that we actually believe is the truth about us. It completely covers up the guilt makes it look like, even to ourselves, that there is no evidence of being guilty. And then because the guilt is actually unconscious, we are not even AWARE that it is there, so we actually believe that we really are innocent. Imagine believing you are innocent when in fact you are guilty!

So when someone comes along and accuses us of something, we tap into this sense of innocence and rely on it and treasure it and defend it like it's the real truth about ourselves. Based on that being true, we then seem completely justified in being angry and upset and annoyed when someone claims that we are actualy guilty of something. But you'd think that if we really deeply believed in our innocence, we would be unshaken by such accusations. The reason we're not, is because deep down there is guilt, and it is being triggered into conscious awareness.

When I look at this with Jesus, I remembered that those who are upset believe in their own guilt, even if they are claiming to be innocent. I was able to then be open to the idea, that I must actually still believe I am guilty somehow. I must be still accusing myself of sin, otherwise when my brother accuses me of it I would not take it seriously. I saw in myself the presence of this sinfulness, this guilt. I saw that *I* believed in it and thought it was true of me at this time.

What this revealed is that while I was busy accusing the other person of accusing me unfairly, as though I believed they shouldn't be accusing me, I was in fact accusing myself the whole time. I could hardly blame them for doing what they are doing, when I myself am doing the same thing to myself. Admitting to doing this to myself, it was obvious and clear that I in fact did not really believe I was innocent, *I* believed I was guilty. My innocence was fake, and therefore the foundation for my justification for retaliation and anger was completely unfounded.

Seeing my own belief in my own guilt, recognizing it as coming from me about myself, somehow sobered my mind. It brought awareness and honesty. The facade of fake innocence disappeared. What was therefore revealed, was that even though this whole time I thought I had a problem of this other person accusing me unfairly, *I* was actually accusing me unfairly. They were just triggering it off, reminding me of what I actually believed about myself unconsciously, and my own unconscious belief was probably attracting them into my life to accuse me in this way, reflecting my own belief back to me.

I seriously thought I was the innocent one. I thought that I was holier than thou. I thought I was being honest, that I was sincere and genuine and truthful. I thought the other person was clearly the one who was being vicious and mean. I actually believed heavily in my own fake innocence. I was in denial, and not realizing that I had this big belief in my own guilt lurking under the surface. I had no idea that *I* myself believed I was guilty in this way.

Having a good look at this opened my eyes. I could now see the truth, that this person actually was not accusing me of something that I didn't believe in. They were accusing me of something I DID believe in. I was upset because I did believe I was the guilty person they accused me of being. I just didn't want to admit to believing it about myself.

If I myself am believing in my guilt, then the other person is not actually doing anything to me that's different from what I'm doing to me. They're not adding guilt at all. Effectively, they are just making me aware of it. My refusal to recognize that *I* believe I am guilty, was making me project my guilt, and accuse my brother of accusing me of being guilty. I thought the source of the guilt was in him, and not in me. I thought he was the cause of it, but I was.

I am not sure how I managed to stay in such a state of unconsciousness for so long. I do not know how I didn't realize or even suspect that I believed in my own guilt in this way. I thought I was defending my true self. I thought I was being honest. I thought I was innocent and guiltless, and therefore justified in being upset by a false attack. But why would the truly innocent be upset if they know they are not guilty? They would just laugh and it would not affect them at all. That I was reacting and defending my illusion of innocence just showed that deep down I did not really believe in it, or it wasn't real.

I didn't actually really take this any further. I didn't look into whether it was true that I was guilty. I didn't get into whether I really did sin. I didn't get into trying to accept the atonement. I didn't even see this as "doing a forgiveness", necessarily. I just thought it was an interesting insight, which had revealed that I actually wasn't being affected by the other person, I was being affected by myself. It somehow, nevertheless, completely disconnected my ego from the other person's.

The following day, I felt noticeably peaceful and I could not explain it. Somehow my mind was different. Somehow I did not feel engaged with that person in the way that I had. My ego seem deflated. I didn't seem to engage with that person in anywhere near as much of a kind of tug of war manner. I seemed detached and just doing my own thing. I couldn't explain why I kept feeling waves of peace, as though it came out of nowhere. I no longer felt like that person was doing anything to me at all. It was like the entire story and drama had just burst and stopped. It was gone.

All I did was realize that I had been doing this accusing toward myself, and that it wasn't actually the other person who believed this about me. My own belief was my only problem. What they were doing had absolutely nothing to do with me. That was enough to unlock the forgiveness and heal my mind. My experience was so different after that. Finally I felt a peace that I had not felt for a long time.

The fake wall of innocence which hides our unconscious guilt, is a major barrier against realizing that we are doing this all to ourselves. It is the defense against guilt, which protects us from guilt. We do not want to dismantle it. We do not want to question whether it is true. We just want to believe in it as though is is completely true, and that it is defending ourselves from all attacks. And yet this defense, itself, is merely covering up our self attack, and making it look as though we are being vulnerably affected by others. It is a block to awareness, a locked door which is disguising our our guilt and our own death wish, keeping it hidden from awareness so that we dont' even suspect that we ourselves are trying to destroy ourselves.

Who me? Innocent me? Me who is not guilty? Me who has no awareness of being guilty at all? Little sweet little innocent me? Yes.... this layer of innocence is FAKE. It is not the truth. It is protecting me from the deeper layer of belief, that I am actually sinful and guilty and deserve to die. I have to stop believing that I am innocent, become aware that I believe I am guilty, then work on undoing that guilt and the sin behind it, to get back to REAL innocence. Fake innocence is a terrible impediment, masking our guilt and deflecting our self-attack onto everyone else. To realize that we ourselves believe in our own sinfulness, and that it is not other people doing this to us, completely collapses the entire state of false perception which shows us others people as though they are causing us to be hurt.

It is me that I must forgive. Other people are not the problem at all. They are just reflecting what I am doing to myself. I have my own self attack, hidden behind layers of denial and projection. This is what I need to recognize and own up to and heal. This will automatically heal all of my relationships because everyone else truly is innocent and this has nothing to do with them. We but accuse our brothers of our own sin.

YOUR SOUL IS ALREADY PERFECT! <3

"We have also emphasized that man, insofar as the term relates to Soul, has not only been fully Created, but also been created perfect. There is no emptiness in him."

"The Soul always remains changeless, because it never leaves the sight of God."

"The soul is in a state of grace forever. Man's reality is ONLY his soul. Therefore, man is in a state of Grace forever."

"I am as God created me."

"But the Sonship itself is a perfect creation, and perfection is not a matter of degree."

"YOU DID NOT BELIEVE IN YOUR OWN PERFECTION."

God created you perfectly, with perfection, to be perfect forever. You are divine and holy. There is absolutely no flaw in you, no lack, nothing wrong. This perfect self, has immortality and eternal life. It is FOREVER perfect. There is nothing that can ever happen to it to change this. Not even the separation has made the slightest difference to it. You are a perfect child of God ALREADY.

This perfect self, the real you, is seemingly hidden behind layers of denial, blocks to awareness, mistaken beliefs, denial, forms of separation and a mistaken sense of identity. But just because you seem to have all these things in your mind, blocking your awareness of your perfection, doesn't mean your perfect self isn't there. It is ALREADY PERFECT. It's sitting there waiting for you to acknowledge and recognize it. It coexists with your delusions about yourself.

As if that wasn't strange enough, that your perfection and that of your brother is already established by God in spite of your belief to the contrary, you can actually communicate with this "higher self", your Christ self. It can talk to you. You can receive guidance and healing from it. You can "talk to yourself". Almost what you might think of as your future self. Your awakened self. Pretty mind-bending.

So here is an exercise in getting in touch with YOUR SOUL. Or, alternatively, for getting in touch with the soul of your brother - His Christ self.

Simply start to recognize and affirm the various properties and characteristics of your soul-self, in terms of its total absolute permanent perfection. To do this you have to ignore the body, ignore sickness, ignore blocks. You look past these. Focus entirely and only on what is absolutely true, God-given, and permanent about your soul. For example.

I am perfect.

I am holy.

I am permanently innocent.

I am completely pure.

I am one with God.

I am divine.

I am powerful.

I have no fear.

I cannot be sick.

I can never die.

I have eternal life.

I am immortal.

I am filled with permanent joy.

I am completely at peace.

I create with God.

I am God's will to be happy.

etc. Flesh it out. Say as many things as you can think of that are *absolutely* true of your soul. You should find that doing this somewhat puts you in touch with it. You may feel the presence of your soul-self, as a very simple, honest, gentle, unshielded, soft self, deep within you. You can try talking to it. Listen to it. Just be with it. Be yourself.

As you focus on the truth about you, you should come to realize that if your soul is ALREADY PERFECT, what more is there to accomplish? What is there to do? Enlightenment is but a recognition. A recognition of what God created. Your soul doesn't need perfecting! You're ALREADY DONE! Merely ACCEPTING THIS is the acceptance of the atonement. "I am STILL as God created me" in spite of the entire ego dream story. I am perfect NOW.

You can also do this with regards to another person, and doing so is actually part of forgiving them. By recognizing the qualties of their SOUL, you are overlooking all illusory things about them. By emphasizing what is TRUE of them, you overlook what is false and de-emphasize it. This withdraws belief in illusions. It also is a way to recognize illusory things for what they are. Because if the qualities of the soul is TRUE of the person, all other lies and appearances cannot be true. This weakens your belief in the "reality" of illusions in your mind AND theirs, and helps to heal them.

"Healing is when two minds recognize their oneness and become glad."

"Miracles unite you with your brother."

"Sickness and perfection ARE irreconcilable. If God created you perfect, you ARE perfect. If you believe you can be sick, you HAVE placed other gods before Him."

"Oneness and sickness cannot coexist."

Of course, true healing would recognize the PRE-EXISTING PERFECTION OF THEIR SOUL, such that you would see THEY ARE ALREADY HEALTHY, WHOLE, HEALED. Seeing this obliterates the belief that they are "really sick" and allows you to dispel the illusions of sickness. Recognizing and affirming and focusing on what is ONLY true about them, reminds them of themselves.

How simple this is, really. Have some soul-to-soul communication. Focus on the soul's perfection, immortality, unchangeability. The soul has no need for spiritual paths, techniques, practices, seeking or finding. It is ALREADY TOTALLY PERFECT. Recognize this in a brother and your recognize your own perfection.

"And merely by remembering them, the laws that held you prisoner to pain and death MUST be forgotten."

"Do not allow your brother not to remember, for his forgetfulness is YOURS. But YOUR remembering is HIS, for God cannot be remembered alone. THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN. To perceive the healing of your brother as the healing of yourself, is thus the way to remember God. For you forgot your brothers WITH Him, and God's answer to your forgetting is but the way to remember."

"We share life because we have one Source, a Source from Which perfection comes to us, remaining always in the holy minds which He created perfect."

"If your perfection is in Him and only in Him, how can you know it WITHOUT recognizing Him?"

"You CANNOT know your own perfection until you have honored all those who were created LIKE you."

"Why should I continue to suffer from the effects of my own insane thoughts, when the perfection of creation is my home?"

I see that, in the end, loss is a form of victimhood. It's not something that can happen to an immortal being. It suggests that something valued has been taken away from you against your will, with no hope of getting it back. Like a kind of attack that has happened to steal something away from you. And now you are bereft or lacking that thing.

If, in light of the loss, you then feel "unfairly treated", slighted, offended, hurt, upset, etc... it means you're buying into the ego's view. A sense of identity that can experience losses, a self that can be taken from, a self that is "aggrieved" and has "grieve-ances" because of a seeming "murder" of a body-person that has taken place. It reflects a belief in murder and death and being at the effect of them. The course reminds:

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die. I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today. I will worship no idols, nor raise my own self-concepts to replace my Self. I am in the likeness of my Creator. Love created me like Itself." UrW84L2

Who or whatever is suffer a loss, is not part of me, as an immortal being. If I feel that I am in loss or grief, then my sense of identity is misplaced and I believe I am an ego. It means I'm in a mental illness and lack recognition, and must be playing the role of victim.

"Whatever suffers is not part of me. What grieves is not myself. What is in pain is but illusion in my mind. What dies was never living in reality, and did but mock the truth about myself. Now I disown self-concepts and deceits and lies about the holy Son of God. Now am I ready to accept him back as God created him, and as he is." UrW284

I still at times, at present, personally, have grief and loss. This indicates that I am still playing the game of ego and suffering, an identity which is false and am in need of healing. Until I get there, the only solution typically is to feel the loss and grieve the absence and so on. Like people do. But in the big picture, the end-game is clear - the renunciation of an artificial self, that suffers an artificial loss, and wants the very death that it grieves over.

Arriving at work I encountered my first truck load of live pigs on their way to the sausage factory across the street. It was a double-decker piggy wagon complete with air holes and little pink piggy bits poking out and wiggling around. As I realized what it was, and that it was about to pull into the bacon death machine, I had a reaction.

The reaction felt like sadness coupled with anger. The anger felt like wanting to go stop it, and the sadness felt like the pigs didn't know what was about to happen to them - that they were going to be victimized. Regardless of what was happening, I was having a reaction so now I have to do a fricking forgiveness.

Ok.

So obviously my perception is mistaken, otherwise I wouldn't be upset. It's impossible to be upset about the truth. My perception was showing me that the pigs were helpless victims with no power and seemingly innocent. A voice in my mind, perhaps Jesus, said

"they know what's going to happen". But this didn't necessarily stop me reacting. Truth is though, on some higher level they do know because nothing happens but by choice, and it was really me that was having a dark experience.

So... by seeing the pigs as `innocent victims` with `nasty ego power` being wielded over them against their will, it was a strong contrast showing me where I believe certain things. And it's not about the piggies, because both the pigs and the sausage makers are part of the same ego thought system. The pigs only appear to be victims because I don't see that they chose this, and the sausage folk only seem like victimizers because I think they do something to the pigs they didn't ask for.

And what's this got to do with me? Always it's something to do with me and nothing really to do with them. I'm not upset because of the pigs. I'm not upset because of the bacon fest. I'm upset because it's showing me that I already have something in me, in my mind, which believes in something incorrect, and it's triggering it off. It's not about them, it's about me. I have to withdraw all blame from the pig mongers and also withdraw all projection of victimhood from the piggies.

The piggies are not victims. The farmers are not victimizers. The greasy sausage folk are innocent. They don't even really exist. They're not really out there. It's a dream. I'm dreaming it. So....

That means I made up this whole scenario. I made pigs. I made sausages. I made bacon factories. So secretly this reminds me that I actually made up this whole thing myself which would mean I am guilty. So the guilt I see in them is my own guilt. Hmm.

Hmm. Ok. I am flashed a memory of a time in childhood when I used to hunt butterflies, ... and kill them. I used to swat them with a tennis racket, or capture them and keep them a while but then they died because I didn't feed them etc. Or even perhaps would stick a pin in them. Vicious! ooo.. juicy pool of guilt there. I didn't know what I was doing, so it's forgivable.

So even though I made that mistake and I secretly covet bacon and sausages and want to stick a pin in the pigs, its only because I have lost touch with the truth of who I am. I forgot I am love. I forgot I am holy and innocent and have no needs. I forgot God loves me. So.. .I'm just mistaken about being guilty. Even if I did nasty things to innocent creatures, I'm still innocent because I am not in my right mind. So I'm making mistakes and not realizing it. I'm not to blame. The butterflies forgive me. I forgive me. I am forgiven not for what I have done but because... I have not really done it.

This is a dream, it hasn't happened. I'm with God. I am guiltless and sinless. I haven't done anything to anyone. God is not harmed. Real immortal life has not been changed. I have not stopped being perfect love. I am absolutely forgivable and innocent and free. God loves me 100% because he knows that pigs and butterflies are just parts of a dream that has no meaning and I gave it all the meaning it had. I used the pigs and pig farmers as skapegoats to project my own guilt so that I would have a reason to justify being guilty, which would help me to stay away from God. I wanted to be away from God so I could keep my ego and not be loved.

So... do I want to keep suffering? Am I willing to let this go? Can I let go and surrender this need to prove I am guilty? Yes.. I willingly surrender this guilt and recognize I am forgiven, I claim and own up to being innocent because none of this really happened. God loves me. Nothing has gone wrong. Nothing has died. Death isn't real. Everyone is equally innocent and holy. Only love is real.

Holy Spirit, please heal my mind and correct my thinking and remove all of this guilt and help me to remember my true innocent and that of all concerned. I let it go. I accept your truth.

Amen.

"The goal of the curriculum, regardless of the teacher you choose, is KNOW THYSELF. There is nothing else to learn. Everyone is looking for himself and the power and glory he thinks he has lost."

"The Bible instructs you to "KNOW thyself," or BE CERTAIN. Certainty is always of God."

Do you know who you really are? What you really are is an immortal, eternal, changeless, endless, permanent, absolute being. As an immortal being, you can never change, never become anything, never turn into anything and never die. Nothing can ever happen to change you, and you cannot change yourself.

In order to KNOW who you are, you will have to be willing to fully embrace and acknowledge that you are an immortal being. If you are immortal, it is impossible that anyone has attacked you, has power over you, has hurt you, offended or upset you, or that the world has the power to do anything to you.

When you suggest that the world or its inhabitants have caused you in some way, causing you to change in some way, you are insinuating that you DO NOT know yourself. If you knew you were immortal you could not believe these things. If you enter into believing these things, you are losing touch with who you are and no longer know who you are.

It cannot be that you know yourself while someone else has the power to modify what you are. If someone can change you in ANY way, influence you in ANY way, you are unknown and are lost and confused about who and what you are. If you are absolutely certain of who and what you are, nothing and no-one can in ANY way change you or define you or modify you or cause you or hurt you or influence you. You must be unmoved and undisturbed by the world.

This means that anyone who believes in any way that they are affected by the world, does not know who they are. Anyone who believes they can suffer, be sick, die, be unhappy, be upset or offended, caused to change against their will in any way, does NOT know who they are.

You cannot remain in the knowledge that you are immortal while believing that you are vulnerable and susceptible. That you can be affected and attacked. You cannot maintain that you are invulnerable and permanently alive if you are asserting that you have been assailed by someone, damaged by something, destroyed in some way.

These are beliefs in mortality, which is a belief that you are dead and not alive. You can't know yourself to be immortal if you are confused about whether you have eternal life or not. Any suggestion we have that someone has done something to us is an attack upon our own immortality. Just as in "my attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability" and "I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts" and "nothing in the world can bring oppression."

The question of forgiveness then, as to whether I am forgiving or not, or how much, boils down to the degree to which I am CERTAIN about WHO I AM. If I KNOW myself with perfect certainty, then I am automatically forgiving. I will not accuse anyone of doing anything to me, because this is literally an attempt to assert that I am mortal. I will not produce a sickness because this also is an attempt to prove I can be hurt.

"Sickness is an attempt to prove you can be hurt."

By acknowledging your immortality you are automatically going to detach yourself from all the supposed causes in the world, you will take back all your power that you've given away, you'll see yourself as an immovable object in the river, and completely DOMINANT of everything you see. This is how you have power over death and power to overcome the world. NOTHING can prevail against a son of God who knows who he is, and his power is unlimited and absolute and unopposed.

"But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are."

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you seem to have to deal with fear or guilt, upsets of any kind, any kind of stress or suffering, any sense of shame or unworthiness, any apparent sickness or loss or malfunction, or even death, you MUST have forgotten who you really are. You must be out of touch with knowing that you are immortal, and you are trying to prove that you are susceptible, vulnerable, damageable, hurtable, attackable, weakened, capable of being destroyed and able to be CHANGED by something.

The immortal can never be changed by anything or anyone. If I claim that such and such a person upset me, I am literally claiming that I am changeable, malleable, affect-able, underminable, weak, victimizable, and destructible. It is a belief in mortality. When I am being unforgiving, I am asserting and choosing death. When I am suffering in any way, I am forgetting that I am still as God created me. When I am blaming people for stuff, I am doing myself a disservice.

Your task then is to remember who you are, be certain of who you are, be extremely in touch with who you are, be absolutely clear about the fact that you are an immortal permanent being that can never be changed by anyone or anything, and KNOW your self. To know yourself you have to remember your SOUL, the you that God created to live forever. And through this knowing you are in perfect forgiveness, because nothing can happen to those who have eternal life.

"That is why blame must be UNDONE, NOT re-allocated. Lay it to yourself, and you cannot KNOW yourself, for ONLY THE EGO BLAMES AT ALL. Self-blame is therefore ego identification, and as strong an ego defense as blaming others. YOU CANNOT ENTER GOD's PRESENCE IF YOU ATTACK HIS SON."

"You can know yourself only as God knows His Son, for KNOWLEDGE is shared WITH God."

"Separation is only the decision NOT to know yourself. Its whole thought-system is a carefully-contrived learning experience, designed to lead AWAY from truth, and into fantasy."

"To be alive and not to know yourself is to believe that you are really dead"

"This is a course in how to KNOW yourself. You have TAUGHT what you are, but have NOT let what you are, teach YOU."

"Accept as true only what your brother IS, if you would know yourself. Perceive what he is NOT, and you CANNOT know what you are, BECAUSE you see HIM falsely. "

"Can you who see yourselves WITHIN a body, know yourself AS AN IDEA?"

"Blasphemy, then, is SELF-destructive, not God destructive. It means that you are willing NOT to know yourself, IN ORDER to be sick."

"Identity and function are the same, and BY your function do you know yourself. "

"To believe that you can perceive the real world is to believe that you can know yourself."

On of the most life-changing things I've learned from ACIM, is simply realising this idea that we "scapegoat" in order to get rid of our own guilt. That we start out first attacking ourselves, making ourselves guilty, and then we project that guilt through seemingly justified anger onto other people. This whole "blame game" is of finger pointing and finding people to be sinful, trying to enforce people's guilt through anger and attack, so that we can get rid of our own guilt and come off innocent.

Most people in the world are blameful and believe that who they are angry at is the one who is wrong. When I first got this idea that "the person who is blaming is the one with the PROBLEM", it was a 180-degree paradigm shift. It was a revelation that it's not the person being blamed that has the problem, it's the person doing the blaming. Because for the most part it is easy to believe that anger is justified, and the person we're angry at must be the one who is wrong. But it's always the projecting person who has a problem.

If more people could adopt this, relationships would be 90% healthier. In a vast majority of special relationships in the world, even marriages, there is rampant scapegoating, anger and blame. People essentially have unhealed wounds, inner guilts, unforgiven sins etc, which are triggered off, which lead to an eruption of emotion and a hurling outward of it to try to pin it on someone else. When it gets really bad, it's just one reaction after another back and forth, keeping score and trying hard to make sure the other person is guilty.

To realize that we have to take responsibility for what we feel and experience is key. Instead of it being other people or the world who are responsible for what we're feeling, we have to take back that power and recognize WE are the ones doing it to ourselves. WE are the ones who are "to blame" for this suffering. It's the secret of salvation. If they aren't the ones with the problem, it must be me. And that takes honesty.

If I am upset, something is wrong with me, not anyone else. If I am getting angry at someone, something is wrong with me and not anyone else. The more angry I get, the more I am in denial that I have a problem. The more I am in denial, the more I split my mind, the more I reinforce separation, and the more I dissociate my mind from itself. The more dissociated I become the more I believe something "not me" is to blame, and become extremely convinced that I am NOT the one with the problem.

The key is that we have to forgive ourselves all the guilts that we've piled onto ourselves. All the self-accusation and self-hate and self-destruction. All the hidden sins and hates and unworthiness and all the rest of the ways we attack ourselves. Without that guilt, we have nothing to project, and no reason to project it.

I think one thing I feel quite good about is that after all these 20+ years of working on this with ACIM, I've managed to heal quite a lot of guilts and shames and hidden sins and hates and all that - to do with myself, that I don't very often scapegoat anymore. You can't scapegoat unless you need one, and if you aren't full of guilt it's harder to be triggered by stuff. I have become more benevolent and softer and more loving, kinder and more peaceful, and that's a good thing.

I see a lot of relationships where this simple thing hasn't been learned. The absolute default for the ego is to just go into rage mode whenever someone triggers off some guilt. Then there's defensiveness and anger and hurling abuse and separation. There a war of words, broken relationships, abuse and all the rest of it, all springing from wounded people getting their insecurities and unhealed stuff triggered off. And not taking responsibility for it.

It's tough at times to keep having to come back to this idea that, I'm the one who is responsible for this suffering. But it's a vital practice. If I'm upset, it is never for the reason I think. If I am angry and I think it is justified, anger is never justified. The cause and reason of the problem is in my mind, not out in the world or in anyone else. No-one is doing anything to me or causing me to be upset for any reason. It's all an inside job. If the world could learn this we'd have absolutely incredible relationships and the end of so much conflict.

If someone or something outside of you is the cause of you, you are powerless to stop it affecting you and are playing a victim role. Only if you are invulnerable to the world are you no longer affected by it. Its a transition from victimhood to the impossibility of being a victim, from vulnerability to invulnerability, from mortality to immortality, from effect to cause.

And that means recognising your immortality. It always comes back to you being an immortal being, nothing can happen against your will, so if you think someone's causing you to suffer, you're deceiving yourself. You have to get really honest and own up to what you are doing to yourself and admit you are mistaken, be willing to have humility and step back with the blame game. To totally own your causal power and how you are using it against yourself, is forgiveness. Coming from a position of not being in conflict and at war with yourself, so that you look out from that peace onto others.

Blaming someone splits your mind. The mind hallucinates that it's talking to another separate person in third-person speak like "you're doing this" while the person isn't even in front of them. The more angry we become the more we enforce separation and guilt. That's literal insanity, to project guilt in an attempt to get rid of it, while causing it to get worse.

Anger increases separation and splits the mind producing mental illness and ultimately physical illness. It's in all our best interests that we learn to own up to who and what we are, take responsibility for our own shit, and stop putting it onto everyone else.

Whenever we feel compelled to look outside ourselves for a cause or will or power to explain why something is happening, we're lost. If we can totally take full responsibility for what we are, such that we no longer accuse anyone of being the reason why we are what we are, we will be completely forgiving and kind and benevolent - to ourselves and others.

The whole of ACIM is simply geared toward this goal of complete undoing of the separation in the mind, the removal of all guilt, the end of all blame, and the complete reversal of all conflict. And without guilt there is no ego.

"I am never upset for the reason I think." W5

"Anger is NEVER justified. Attack has NO foundation. It is here escape from fear begins, and will be made complete. Here is the real world given in exchange for dreams of terror. For it is on this forgiveness rests, AND IS BUT NATURAL." UrT30G1

"I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts." W281

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail" UrW195L5

"It can be but myself I crucify." W196

"Only the self-accused condemn." UrT31C

"You NEVER hate your brother for HIS "sins", but ONLY for your own. Whatever form his sins appear to take, the form obscures the fact that you believe it to be yours, and THEREFORE meriting a just attack." UrT31C

"Projection will ALWAYS hurt you. It reinforces your belief in your own split mind, and its ONLY purpose is to KEEP THE SEPARATION GOING. It is solely a device of the ego to make you feel DIFFERENT from your brothers and separated FROM them. The ego justifies this on the wholly spurious grounds that it makes you seem better than they are, thus obscuring equality WITH them still further." UrT6C3

"Guilt hides Christ from your sight, for it is the denial of the blamelessness of God's Son. In this strange world which you have made, the Son of God HAS sinned. How could you SEE him, then? By making HIM invisible, the world of retribution rose in the black cloud of guilt which you accepted, and you hold it dear. For the blamelessness of Christ is the proof that the ego never was, and can never be. Without guilt the ego HAS no life, and God's Son IS without guilt." UrT11J6

As you work on recognizing that causes are not outside of you, but that they are in your mind, please realize that there is a powerful difference between these two perspectives.

It's not just a matter of you taking back projections or you realizing that what you saw 'out there' is really 'in you'.

When you believe that there are causes outside of you, you have become DIS-EMPOWERED. You have given away your power. You have lost your authority. You have given rights to the ego to do things to you on your bahalf. You've invited an evil dream to tempt you and torment you, for you.

When you take back your power and stop seeing yourself as being capable of being a victim, and that THERE IS NO VICTIMIZER other than yourself - it was you all along, you haven't simply just transfered the location of 'the cause' of things. You haven't just moved what was 'out there' to 'in here' like it's just some object or limited thing.

Instead, you have reclaimed authority, you have taken back power, you have become strong and mighty, you have regained miracle-mindedness, and you have reclaimed ownership of the ability to work miracles. You are now POWERFUL instead of weak. Reversing cause and effect back to their proper orientation you become empowered and miraculous, not just the proud owner of a bunch of decision making.

"I am not weak but strong"

"I am not afraid but all powerful"

"I cannot see in darkness but in light"

"I am not an illusion but a reality"

etc

As a strong, powerful, light reality, you have POWER and you are miraculous because you are now flowing with GOD's WILL which has power over all illusions. As a victim you were disempowered and weak and couldn't have authority over anything.

So it's not just that you're taking things back and realizing where some kind of weak 'cause' is. You're not taking back the weakness that you projected. You're not taking back the victimhood you projected. You're stopping being weak and a victim. Which is a whole different matter. Now you are EMPOWERED.

Yes, you now see that all causes are in your mind, and therefore, that all EFFECTS are outside of you. And therefore, nothing outside of you has power over you or greater than you, or even any power AT ALL. The power is IN you. You are powerful. And what you say goes. The illusion must comply for now you realize it is just your effect and that you have total authority over it.

And now you are a miracle worker!

Jesus asks us to be willing to demonstrate that what our brother attempted to do to us has had NO EFFECTS.

This means that if someone is against you or argues or attacks you, if you are experiencing effects, two things are happening:

1) The situation is neutral but you are choosing to CREATE effects yourself but are blaming the cause of those effects on the other person.

2) You are maintaining those effects in order to prove that the other person is wrong.

So if I feel hurt and upset about something someone said or did, I'm trying to prove that they have done something real to me... that its had real consequences... and therefore that person is a sinner. I'm not just feeling hurt because they hurt me, I'm feeling hurt because I have a secret agenda of PROVING that that person is wrong by SHOWING that it has done something to me. I'm actually creating symptoms within my own mind in order to have evidence that 'they did it' and therefore they can be skapegoated.

So I find myself wondering... what if I chose to completely IGNORE what the person did and to choose to remain in innocence and to see them as innocent, and completely DENY the situation any 'power' over me to cause me or impel me to create effects within myself? What if I just remain calm and neutral and unaffected? What if I can deliberately CHOOSE invulnerability? After all, I can't put effects of vulnerability into my own self (for the purpose of skapegoating and blame) without it undermining my invulnerability, but if I choose NOT to put effects into myself, surely this ESTABLISHES my invulnerability? :-D AND it establishes the invulnerability of the other person!

It's definitely something to practice and something I am looking to trying to do more often, because I definitely know that my normal mode of function is 'have a reaction'. We need to break that pattern and know that we can choose not to participate in the ego's assertions that something has gone wrong. This is a choice to heal.

Remember (note to self).... "if I defend myself, I am attacked".

In other words, if I put effects into myself and blame the cause of it on someone else, I am trying to defend myself by attacking myself and the other person. What would it be like if we could walk around being completely invulnerable to everything by not choosing to create effects from anything?

Yesterday I was somewhat excited about the idea, or maybe the 'clarity', that everything is happening INSIDE of myself.

The whole separation from God is 'self contained'. It doesn't do anything to God, who is 'outside' of it. And it also means there really is no 'other' involved - no other people who are 'out there' doing stuff to me.

I used to think the separation from God was all about an 'attack on God', but God has not been changed. I, however, believe that I have been changed - the Son of God - and that is where all of the problem lies.

In this "war with myself", all of this is happening inside me, and so it must be coming FROM me, and TO me, in every instance.

I feel this is significant because ALL of the ego's distractions including sin, guilt, fear, projection, victimhood, stories, death, etc are based on the idea that the problem is NOT inside of myself, is NOT being done by myself, and that a "separate alien will" has taken over.

If we are to be truly responsible and self-empowered then we have to recognize that, at its very CORE, the separation is entirely an internal scenario, being done by and to myself. I also am still 'inside' of God. But there is a lot to be responsible for.

I am the one who is trying to be separate.

I am the one who finds myself sinful.

I am the one who has decided this means I'm guilty.

I am the one who believes my guilt demands a punishment.

I am the one afraid of that punishment coming from myself.

I am the one who gives that punishment to myself.

In this, there is nobody else involved. It's not about my brother or my neighbor or family member or coworker or stranger. It's not about God. ****God did not participate in the separation****.

The reason that this is so IMPORTANT is that we need to VERY CLEARLY DISCERN exactly who is doing what to whom. And if we are to not be victims and not suffer, we really need to know where this suffering is coming from and who is doing it - REALLY - otherwise we will be stuck and helpless.

So the ego has really taken this and run with it. It has tried to project responsibility for separation and 'sin' onto God. It has tried to project the source of guilt and condemnation onto God and `other people`. It has tried to project the source of fear onto God and other people. It has tried to make out that other people are the source of punishment (or God). It has literally asked other people to seem to provide that punishment (or uncontrollable life circumstances). The ego is ALL about shifting the blame and the responsibility away from YOUR INTERNAL SELF, and `out` onto some `other` skapegoat. And that 'other' is none other than our OWN SELF - a portion of our own self that we have separated off.

If we can bring all of that back within, and take responsibility for all of it, there is a TREMENDOUS POWER here - a potential to reclaim the ability to recognize not only, that you have done this to yourself, but the very CLEAR DISTINCTION that nobody else has EVER, EVER, EVER had anything to do with doing this "to you". It is literally the end of victimhood and the end of suffering and the end of death (which is the ultimate form of skapegoating).

If we can clearly see, that everythinig that we're experiencing is FROM OURSELVES, TO OURSELVES, then we can do something about it. If we cannot see this, then we are totally stuck. It we are not willing to see this, we are totally stuck. We HAVE to be willing to admit to this truth. It is the key to salvation - recognizing that you have done this to yourself.

Perhaps this is ALL that you need to know. If you can clearly discern that you have but done this ALL to yourself, that it's YOU that finds you sinful, that it's YOU that finds you guilty, that it's YOU that is demanding your own punishment, that it's YOU that is making yourself afraid of your own punishment, that it's YOU that is literally punishing yourself, and that it's YOU who has a death wish, THEN ....... then there is hope because there is NOTHING ELSE STOPPING YOU from choosing again and reclaiming total innocence!

There is no separate self. There is no other.

Until you can see this clearly, you will see yourself as a victim who has no power to change anything. Yet, when you do see this clearly, you will realize you are NOT a victim and you have ALL of the power to change it.

This is all about you. Not God. Not other people. Not weird discarnate entities. You. You, from you, to you.

The secret to salvation is this: You are doing this TO YOURSELF. That's why this clarity is so exciting, if you can see it and accept it.

Will you allow you to love yourself? That's the question. Will you acknowledge the love that you already are? Will you let God love you?

This goes way beyond "just healing yourself."

"To heal, then, is to correct perception in your brother AND yourself by sharing the Holy Spirit with him. This places you both WITHIN the Kingdom and restores ITS wholeness in your minds."

Note that such healing REQUIRES that you ***SHARE THE HOLY SPIRIT*** with others. He cannot be left out of the equation.

"***Forgiveness is not real UNLESS it brings a healing to your brother AND yourself.*** YOU must attest his sins had no effect on YOU, to demonstrate they were not real. How else COULD he be guiltless? And how COULD his innocence be justified UNLESS his sins have no effect to WARRANT guilt? Sins are beyond forgiveness just BECAUSE they would entail effects which CANNOT be undone and overlooked entirely. In their UNDOING lies the proof that they were merely errors. LET yourself be healed, that you may be forgiving, ***offering salvation to your brother AND yourself***. A broken body shows the mind has NOT been healed. A miracle of healing proves that separation is WITHOUT effect. "

Note that "the world of bodies is the world of sin, for only if there were a body is sin possible" and that the physical world is "the granite block of sin", tells us that when sins are forgiven, BODY-LEVEL healing should occur to undo the presence of "physical" sin.

It's saying that unless your mind AND BODY are healed, and unless your brother's mind AND BODY are healed, forgiveness is not real or complete. Essentially, all trace of occurances, sins, events, attacks, must be ERASED from showing up anywhere at all, in yourself AND in your brother. And it must leave no trace behind.

"Idols MUST disappear, and leave no trace behind their going."

It also suggests that as you forgive, it SHOULD also induce healing in OTHERS simultaneous to your own.

This is very different to the idea that you just "do forgivenesses" for yourself in isolation, or with no effect on others. Jesus is saying that your joined minds should produce healing effects in BOTH of you.

"I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts." tells you something very similar.

"My forgiveness is the means by which the world is healed, together with myself. Let me, then, forgive the world, that it may be healed along with me."

"How just are miracles! For they bestow an equal gift of full deliverance from guilt upon your brother AND yourself. YOUR healing saves HIM pain, as well as you. And YOU are healed BECAUSE you wished him well. This is the law the miracle obeys: That healing sees no specialness at all."

"So does your healing (physically) show your mind is healed, and has forgiven what he did NOT do. And so is HE convinced his innocence was never lost, ***and healed along with you.***"

"It is the privilege of the forgiven to forgive."

"And thus is healing given BOTH of you."

"Show THIS (healed body) unto your brother, who will see that every scar is healed, and every tear is wiped away in laughter and in love. And ***he will look on his forgiveness there, and with healed eyes*** will look BEYOND it, to the innocence that he beholds in you. Here is the proof that he has NEVER sinned; that NOTHING that his madness bid him do was ever done, or ever had effects of any kind. That NO reproach he laid upon his heart was EVER justified, and NO attack can touch him with the poisoned sting of fear. Attest his innocence and NOT his guilt. ***YOUR healing is his comfort and HIS health***. BECAUSE it proves illusions were not true."

"When I am healed I am not healed alone.

Today's idea remains the central thought on which salvation rests. For healing is the opposite of all the world's ideas which dwell on sickness and on separate states."

"It is impossible that anyone be healed alone. In sickness must he be apart and separate. But healing is his own decision to be one again, and to accept his Self with all Its parts intact and unassailed."

"Healing might thus be called a counter-dream, ***which cancels out the dream of sickness*** in the name of truth, but not in truth itself. Just as forgiveness overlooks all sins that never were accomplished, healing but removes illusions that have not occurred."

"Healing is shared."

"And as you let yourself be healed, you see all those around you, or who cross your mind, or whom you touch or those who seem to have no contact with you, healed along with you."

"But you are never healed alone. And legions upon legions will receive the gift that you receive when you are healed."

"Those who are healed become the instruments of healing."

"When I am healed I am not healed alone. And I would share my healing with the world, that sickness may be banished from the mind of God's one Son, Who is my only Self."

"When I am healed I am not healed alone. And I would bless my brothers, for I would be healed with them, as they are healed with me."

"I will heal as I let him teach me to heal."

So often I believe I know. I think that I have the facts or the information. Or that I have experiene. Or that my assumptions are true. Or that I know better than someone else. Or that they are wrong so I must be right.

But I am reminded to ask myself, do I really, REALLY know? I mean, do I actually have direct knowlege that this thing is true, or even an ability to do so, or am I just making shit up as I go along?

The other day I was worrying about an outcome in a situation which I felt "sure" was going to go only one possible way. Holy Spirit said, "you don’t know".

At first I could not accept that I did not know. I thought I DID know. I thought I had a very good story or reason to explain what was obviously going to occur. But... I allowed myself to question that. Did I REALLY know, or was this just my best educated guess? Did I REALLY know, or was I just relying on my ego intellect or my past or my judgements to assume I know?

And gradually over the course of a few minutes, as I allowed myself to question this... to consider,... maybe I do not actually KNOW.... maybe I am just making a strong guess and passing it off as knowledge, gradually what at first seemed like a fact "orbiting" off in the distance poking fun at my convictions, became much more centrally accepted within.

I had to admit. I actually do not know. I do not know what is going to happen. There was, along with that, a kind of peace, because now the whole drama story of doom and gloom of what was "sure to happen" no longer had a basis. Without the assumed outcome I was trying to control and avoid to prevent its awfulness, maybe I didn’t need to do anything at all. Maybe I simply was mistaken and maybe there is in fact a possibility and a hope that I had not considered.

While I am busy focusing on depending on my own self and my own knowing and my own figuring out, I am not being open to the facts or reality. I am being closed off and not listening. Nor am I leaving room open for a miracle, for healing, or for completely unexpected outcomes. Possibilities that I had not even thought were possible.

While it’s important to recognize that I do not know "anything", the key here is identifying that I do not know anything *independently* from God. So if I am trusting my own know-how and pride, then I am not knowing the truth. If I put that aside and admit that the stuff I thought I knew, was not real knowledge, I actually become open TO real knowledge.

We are to give up fake knowing. We are to surrender trying to think we know things which are not really truth. We are to let go of false beliefs which masquerade as very certain convictions and definite consequences. But as we give these up, this fake knowledge, this fake certainty, this fear which pretends not to be fear, this prediction which is simply imagined and unreal, it makes way for revealing TRUE knowledge.

True knowledge is the ability to know God, to trust God, to not need to control things, to allow and accept reality, rather than trying to interpret it change it or form false beliefs about it. Be willing to admit you know nothing, and it will open the doorway to knowing everything there really is to know.

There is some small part in the course where Jesus talks about how, at a very high level, in the transition between ego and spirit, more or less upon entering heaven, that it becomes possible to literally directly know everything, experientially, rather than having to rely on your own "accumulated" scraps and memories and learning. We have taught ourselves a lot of bullshit which we have to become willing to give up, recognizing that it is just "made up". Stuff that we make up is not truth. We do not really *know*, when we are trusting these beliefs.

Beliefs are not truth. Beliefs are not knowledge. I do not know what anything is for. I do not know what anything including this means.

Sometimes when I am upset and I am asking God to help, I am in a state of begging, and that's because I believe there is such a tremendous distance (separation) between where I am and where the solution seems to be.

As I "ask" God to "do things" (lol)... the suggestion to me by Holy Spirit is to, instead, THANK GOD. Well... in a state of upset and begging, the idea of thanking seems totally opposite of what I can muster or believe in, because when I am EXPERIENCING things happening that I DO NOT WANT, I am being the OPPOSITE OF GRATEFUL.

I seem to be having a pity party in my upset feelings and here it's being simply suggested that I lighten up and 'rejoice' in God by ACCEPTING that God IS helping or HAS/WILL help, by entering into the stream of thought which appreciates and THANKS Him for doing so.. like, it's a given, because then I am PARTICIPATING IN THE MIRACLE.

There's a world of difference between "God please help, things are so fucked", and "Thank you God, thank you for restoring ... to peace and love" or whatever.

The question is, can we love, can we be willing to rise up out of despair and actually JOIN GOD in love, and to then have a celebration party about how wonderful he already is and how much he is already going to solve this entire problem... THANK GOD.... can we jump to that from the middle of despair?

It's hard. But not impossible. Sometimes you have to have good old fit first of all and feel it all and get it out of your system to use up all that stupid ego energy. Then you might be more ready and able to reach up to the higher truth of God and align with it in gratitude.

It's a leap. And to go from 'I need help' to 'thank you for helping' also requires that I LET GO OF my ego misery pot. I mean, after all, if I'm asking for help, then I better dam well get prepared to RECEIVE THE HELP and stop just wallowing in the darkness, right? I'm asking for it, so I need to shift gears and actually open up to receiving and thanking.

Ego doesn't want to thank God for anything ;-) But this is the simple difference between ego prayers and Holy prayers. Ego prayers come from the dark and cry out in anguish and in belief at how everything sucks and there's nothing to be thankful for. Holy prayers align with Heaven and extend and express love in gratitude and happiness. Big difference. It's night and day, as well, in terms of the POWER that will come when you enter gratitude and COMMAND situations to heal instead of being a victim.

Thank you God for extending your love through me.

Sometimes what "the secret of salvation" reveals is not pretty. It very simply means you do everything to yourself. On purpose. Deliberately.

That reveals some sometimes shocking and hard to accept truths.

Such as that, if I am not at peace *I* must have chosen not to be at peace. If I am sick, I must have made myself sick. If I am unhappy, I have deliberately chosen to be unhappy. If I am experiencing something that I don’t think I want to experience, it’s because I CHOSE TO and WANT TO.

These are hard to admit to when you’re in the thick of denial. You’d rather keep believing there is a reason outside your control that caused your suffering.

What Jesus is trying to get us to see, and this is very simple, is that as the dreamer of the dream, and as the ruler of the universe, we MUST be the one who makes everything happen. We PUT IT THERE. We decide what will and will not happen.

This calls for extremely responsibility. It is the total end of all victimhood. And it also means, total freedom. This is why it leads to salvation.

You can be free from ALL suffering, including all states of sickness and death, by simply CHOOSING not to create those states. You can reverse all situations and heal all problems. "The power of decision is my own."

"You cannot die unless you choose to do so." "No-one dies without their own consent." "You cannot be hurt unless you hurt yourself."

This is the ONE LESSON that the Holy Spirit teaches. When you have learned this one thing and live it fully, you are done.

There is no room in this for being a victim, OR being victimized against your will. It is YOUR DREAM, so if victimization happens, YOU MUST HAVE MADE IT HAPPEN.

Unless this is true, there is no way out of hell. Unless this is true, someone or something else has the power to end your peace and prevent your awakening. You do not want to ever undermine this truth, or you are giving away the only way to return to God.

Always remind yourself in any situation, I must be doing this myself. I must be choosing this. I must want this. No-one else is doing this to me. If I am not happy, I chose not to be. If I am hurt, I hurt myself. This applies NO MATTER THE FORM of the attack or who seems to be the attacker. Even if it doesn’t look like you did it, you did. And this of course is very radical.

"Heaven is a choice I must make."

*I* MUST have made a WRONG DECISION because I am not at peace.

*I* MADE THE DECISION MYSELF.

Nothing happens without your consent, not even death. You are either choosing life or death. All death is suicide.

This means that when someone is in ego and is trying to attack you, you love them.

This means that when terrible disasters are occurring on the news, you love everyone involved.

This means that when someone is portraying themselves as sick and a victim, you love them.

This means that there is never really anything 'personal' in you that gets engaged with the story or illusion of what seems to be happening.

This means there is only this extending of love and at no point in this is there ever need for concern or fear or wondering what to do or figuring out how to speak or what to say or how to react differently to each situation.

The call for love requires a response of love, and nothing else. But we are extremely conditioned to respond to seemingly individual, separate illusions, with individualized, separate responses, coming from an individual that is separate, in separate ways.

The unification of our response, becoming "always love", is the aim of awakening. It may seem to be a tremendous challenge, to be free of ego reactions and upsets and involvement and interference, especially in the midst of 'temptation' by someone else or when someone's ego or pain is trying to distract your mind or to tempt you into conflict. But even then we are asked to only love.

This is difficult for me to do, and yet this is part of the lessons I am learning now. To choose to love ANYWAY, even if it does not seem called for, even if it is not asked for, even if it doesn't seem warranted or justified or deserved, and even if I am all upset and pissed off because my ego has gotten triggered.

I cannot love all the time. I can only partly love part of the time. But I am learning how loving fully all of the time is the truth of God and the light in which I am set free of my own unlovability. Because the lovability I see in others, is the lovability of myself, and my failure to love them is a failure to love me.

Always love.

While you have an ego, you will actually defend it and protect it. You will be afraid of the truth because the truth shows that the ego is not real, and if you believe you are the ego, that means you are not real. That would of course be frightening.

It's not so much that our ego resists waking up. It can't wake up. It's just a machine, a structure made of illusions. But WE resist waking up because we're identified with the ego. We interpret the truth through it, ask it what its interpretation of the truth is, and take the truth's "attack" on it personally.

If for example you are identified with the ego and the truth tells you that the world is an illusion, or that your body is an illusion, you - identified with ego - will take that personally. You'll think that it means you are an illusion. Obviously that's confused but you also think it's real, so you'll see the truth as an attack on your very existence.

This is why it can be so difficult to accept the truth and wake up. Our ties to the ego make us believe the illusion is real and that we are the illusion. IF that were true, it's totally understandable that you wouldn't want to let go of your self.

This can be why, when you open up to some truth, letting the light in, you will on the one hand welcome courageously but on the other hand react to it like it's come to destroy you. You will have an ego rebound and feel upset and angry and scared, as though you're being threatened.

Often when I am in a flow or a upswing of inspiration, teaching, writing etc... I am opening up to new truths and expanding my awareness, but at the same time, it is easy to become overwhelmed. I start to have a lot of emotions come up for release. And if I push too hard, I will actually start to feel afraid and guilty. This is the parts of me still attached to the ego which do not understand or accept the truth, and perceive it as meaning all kinds of wrong conclusions. I've found particularly that when I talk about unconscious guilt it can produce a lot of fear because my ego interprets it to mean the guilt is real and therefore I should be afraid.

Exposing yourself to the truth can therefore produce all kinds of reactions, including sickness. Sickness defends against the truth, because you think the truth has come to attack the ego. So basically if you're closely attached to and identified with the ego, the truth will seem very threatening and you will likely produce a lot of sickness in an attempt to protect your sense of "self". It's just self-preservation. The only distortion is that your sense of identity is misplaced so you're taking things personally that do not really apply to who you really are. They apply to the ego, but not you.

Sometimes then I have to take a break from "too much input" and from pushing myself into so much truth at once. But I think over time my rebounds have in general become less intense now. I can talk about the truth for longer before my sense of reality feels the pressure and starts to retaliate. I guess that's good, it means that I am not as ego-identified as I used to be, or that I've woken up some.

Jesus also talks about how when we are at first taking responsibility for everything, we may take it to be a major attack, because to the ego-identified self it implies we must be very guilty. But over time, as we dis-identify with the false self, we don't take it as personally, or to mean that we are guilty as much. Over time it becomes easier to take responsibility knowing that it does not imply you are guilty, as you start to "separate" yourself from the ego's interpretation of it.

Starting to grasp how I have chosen everything I am experiencing, has been blowing my mind and expanding my awareness, but also scaring my ego identification some. Time to relax a bit.

I had a stream of realizations and insights and healing this morning, into how I used someone else abusing me as a way to deny God's love. It has to do with the "key to salvation" - which is that I "did this to myself". I'm skipping way ahead to the conclusion so I'll explain how I got there.

Years ago I was abused by someone close to me on more than one occasion and it hurt a lot. Emotionally I felt hurt, rejected, abandoned, unloved. I was angry at them and could not forgive them, nor did I want to. I thought it was all about them and what they did to me.

The past week or so I've been having intensified emotional releases (cries) really tapping into the core of these feelings. I wasn't in any way ready to forgive this. Sometimes you just have to feel the feelings fully first because the intense 'energy' really pulls your awareness away from any kind of clarity or willingness. And especially resisting releasing hurt feelings blocks any kind of desire to have insights. So I felt.

This then gave way to some readiness to take a closer looks so I invited Holy Spirit to help me to look at it. I looked at what the person did and how that made me feel. I saw that it made me feel unloved and unworthy, just feeling bad about myself like I wasn't good enough to be loved. Guilty. Sinful. But I knew that somehow I must've had a hand in these beliefs - that I must've gone along with them somehow. I was willing to admit that I believed and agreed to these views of myself. Since the other person was withholding love, it must've meant to me that they didn't believe I was loveable so I went along with that and saw myself that way.

But what I then saw was that this belief in unworthiness/unloveability wasn't just some kind of description of myself, but that it had BECOME myself. I believed it was WHAT I was - as though I was somehow made from unlove. I still at this point couldn't see how the other person being abusive could in any way be helpful to me spiritually, but I was willing to let Holy Spirit continue to guide me toward that awareness.

As I saw myself agreeing to the suggestion that I was unworthy - the 'proof' that I was unworthy - I began to realize this couldn't be true because, at least in theory, I am worthy of God's love. So I started to then go over some of the things I believed, but in a context of it being not true. So for example, it's not true that I don't deserve love, it's not true that I am made from unworthiness, it's not true that I am abandoned or rejected, it's not true that I don't deserve to be happy. A few things came out of this including the belief that I didn't deserve happiness, didn't deserve to express myself, wasn't allowed to be myself, should be afraid of expressing myself or being free in case it happens again, being afraid of punishment, etc. So I added these to the list of what is not true.

It was then that it started to dawn on me. I knew that in theory God wasn't the one who rejected me, and that it was me who had been denying God. Suddenly it was clear - this supposed belief in unworthiness, and the supposed scenario of it being put in place by someone else's abuse, was in fact a COVER UP. I actually wanted to believe I was unworthy. I wanted to believe I was not loveable. I somehow did not WANT God to love me. I saw that I'd chosen to believe I was not 'made of' loveable material so that I could demonstrate that what I was wasn't loveable by God. I was trying to prove that God couldn't love 'this' by portraying myself AS unworthiness, AS unloveable-ness.

And with this it became clear also, that I HIRED and USED the abusive person to not just do stuff 'to me' but to do it to me FOR ME - on my behalf. At some point I organized events so that this person would come along and be abusive because I wanted to have a way to JUSTIFY and explain and rationalize WHY I am not loveable. I hired them to act the part and play the role. And I had been blaming THEM for being the perpetrator when, all along, it was me that had ASKED them to do this. This was the key to unlocking the illusion that I'd been *unfairly* treated, victimized, or attacked against my will. Clearly if I wanted this person to be an attacker and to reject and hurt me, it would ALLOW me to position myself as not worth the love of God - so that I could fulfill my hidden agenda of denying God's will and being separate. Jeez.

So now it was possible to simply acknowledge/recognize the innocence of that person - to overlook seeing them as sinful or guilty (forgiveness) - that they had not done this to me against my will. And this is where the next thing came to me. If the attacking person is not guilty because I hired them to do this on purpose, because I wanted to be able to justify why I should be separate from God, and if God also was not involved because He remains unconditionally loving at all times... then... who is there left to pin this on? Who is responsible for this? I AM. When there is nobody to blame and I can see the choice I made... it was ME. I did it.

I saw myself as 100% totally responsible for having chosen this, having organized it, produced it, made it happen - in effect, as having requested it, WANTED it, and chose it. I did it to myself on purpose! I wanted to be unloveable so that I could be what God does not want so that I could have an ego life. The whole purpose of my conspiracy was to scapegoat the attacker so that I could cover up the fact that I 100% chose this. I can't very well keep blaming anyone else when I can see clearly that I asked for it, literally. So what did this leave me with?

If I'm 100% responsible for trying to deny God on purpose, and for arranging attackers to give me reasons to PROVE why I am separate from God, so that I can JUSTIFY my failure to forgive, then that means... I'm the one left holding the baby. I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who DID THIS TO MYSELF. And with nowhere else to go, and nobody else to scapegoat, and no way to blame it on God, being able to see I did this to myself made it immediately obvious what the next step would be. It was ridiculous to keep doing this. It was stupid to have done this in the first place. I simply had no choice but to ADMIT I made a mistaken choice, to STOP making this painful fruitless choice that I no longer wanted, and to LET IT GO. I could not let it go if I still wanted it, and nobody was forcing me to do so for any reason - I had to be willing to choose again, to decide, to surrender this choice I'd made on my own and let Holy Spirit choose for me.

The truth was I had been trying to deny and reject God with my secret plan and that I did not want to be worthy of love. I had always thought I had umpteen reasons why I wasn't worthy enough because of other people or wasn't able to be myself freely in case someone abuses me or whatever... And all along it was really secretly me making EXCUSES for why *I* didn't want to be loved anyway. It was all because of what I was doing to myself. It was all a smokescreen to cover up my decision to not be loveable. So. .. To let that go.... FREES ME, not because I'm somehow freed from other people's tyranny, and not because God suddenly changed his mind, but because there really WAS no one else making me be unloveable other than my DECISION to be that way.

I can choose again. I can choose to stop doing this to myself, this silly game, since it is FUTILE, and I DO NOT LIKE IT, so I can just drop it like a hot potato. And what's the result of that.... Accepting and admitting that I AM LOVEABLE and WORTHWHILE and perfectly accepted already by love. It was never about me not being actually loveable, it was always about ME DENYING the love. Denying God. Pretending there was a reason to not be loved. It's bullshit. I admit it.

So freeing - to set yourself free - to realize you were free all along. To reclaim love and be free to be who you really are. Game over.

This also interestingly parallels the discussion about the fact that we choose death - that all death is suicide. The truth was that my unloveability was MY DELIBERATE CHOICE because I WANTED to deny God. Everything else was a coverup job. This is the death wish. The decision to be beyond love's reach - beyond life's reach. And the reversal of this wish for death is a choice to BE ALIVE. This is a reclaiming of and a step towards accepting immortality. Immortality is already the truth, it's just a matter now of removing all of the denial and deliberate choices made against it.

Lately Holy Spirit has been starting to push me to do things I don't think I can do by myself, or that I don't believe would be a good decision.

I was not going to eat pizza, claiming that it would congest my sinuses too much. He said, eat the pizza. I ate the pizza. It wasn't a problem.

I was not going to buy a dairy ice-cream for similar reasons, and he suggested it was okay, so I did it, and I had no symptoms.

Today, I was tired and emotionally wrought after some release and healing, and I didn't want to go to the store, but needed some stuff. Holy Spirit said, "go!". So I went. And I didn't go based on my own belief that I would be able to rely on myself, but based on the belief that because He supports it, I WILL be able to go. I had FAITH!

And as I went, I exclaimed that I will go and I will shop and I will be fine because I will be infused and sustained by the power of God, I will be filled with his strength, and I will have no problems. And as I got to the store, I could FEEL the presence of a strong, light, joyous energy in me, and not only did I have no problems with tiredness etc I even felt open with other customers, seemed to attract people who were laughing and happy, and generally felt supported. I even believe there was an angel there who showed up as a man... sometimes I can tell, and that man spoke to me about bananas, and it was funny and it was all good.

So this is what I am finding now. There are certain things that I believe are true of the "natural world" based on the ego's natural laws. But then, there is God's will, God's power, and His SUPERNATURAL strength. And as you step out to do things which push you beyond your natural boundaries, and which go out on a limb, and which you could only do IF you had God's strength to support you, then knowing that you do and inviting it to do so, God DOES come to support you in supernatural ways! That means you are walking with God.

And so I am learning, more can be done through me and by me IF I have God with me. There is a power that can work through me. There are goals that I can achieve which I could not achieve alone but which are achievable because God rushes in to make them so! Ahhhhhhhhh.

"I am sustained by the love of God" - ACIM

"God goes with me all through the day" - ACIM

This doesn't just mean I have a buddy to talk to, it means if I will step out and take a risk and go beyond the ego's laws, God's Will be done!!!

Can I get an amen?!

"The power of decision is my own"

"God's teachers choose to look on dreams a while. It is a conscious choice. For they have learned that all choices are made consciously, with full awareness of their consequences."

"No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision."

"No-one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him."

"No-no on can grieve nor fear or thing him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants."

"And no-one dies without his own consent."

"Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose."

"You may believe this position is extreme, and too inclusive to be true. You can truth have exceptions?"

One of the most powerful teachings in ACIM is that you literally are the CHOOSER of everything you experience. Not only this, but your choice has POWER in it. That means, when you decide something, IT HAPPENS. When you do not decide something, it does NOT happen. It means that your thoughts wield REAL POWER. It means that if you REFUSE to be sick, you cannot be sick. It means if you choose NOT to die, you cannot die.

You are so used to it seeming that when you decide something, it has no INFLUENCE. That it doesn't actually CAUSE anything to occur. This is a state of disassociation and disempowerment.

When you decide something, if you are certain about it, IT MAKES IT SO. If you CHOOSE, that you will suffer, you will suffer. If you CHOOSE, that you will not suffer, you will not suffer. If you CHOOSE, that you will not die, you will not die.

This is all inclusive. No exceptions.

If you are unset or unhappy or suffering or not at peace in any way, YOU MUST HAVE WANTED TO BE.

"I must have made a wrong decision !!!!!! ... because I am not at peace." ie, whenever I am not at peace, I CHOSE TO BE.

"I MADE THE DECISION MYSELF, but I can choose otherwise, and I want to choose otherwise because I want to be at peace."

All sickness, all suffering, all unhappiness, all emotional reactions, all upset and hurt, all pain and loss and grief, all of it, is CHOSEN. Even DEATH. All death is suicide.

If you OWN THIS POWER, you become invulnerable and UNABLE TO SUFFER EVER AGAIN.

"My self is ruler of the universe."

"W-pII.253.1. It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. 2 Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. 3 What happens is what I desire. 4 What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. 5 This must I accept. 6 For thus am I led PAST THIS WORLD to my creations, children of my will, in Heaven where my holy Self abides with them and Him Who has created me."

I looked upon a woman who seemed to be sick. She seemed to have problems. In my mind I observed her problems and regarded them as "being there". I thought that she was her sick body. I started to imagine what was becoming of her and what it might lead to.

Jesus stepped in. He corrected me. "Do not condemn her."

Although it seemed like I wasn't doing anything at all, that I was "just observing" passively what she was apparently choosing for herself, Jesus clearly saw otherwise.

I realized then that if *I* choose to believe in what I am seeing and BELIEVE that the person actually is the sickness that they are trying to portray themselves as, I am falling into false empathy and condemnation and am IMPRISONING THEM further. I am holding the person in prison by AGREEING WITH THEM as to their apparent condition, because their condition is once removed from their REALITY as an invulnerable immortal spirit.

I have to realize, the person IS NOT their body. Bodies are separation devices.

From this came an exploration of ideas and insights which blew my mind.

I asked of Jesus, is it true then that we are supposed to overlook absolutely ALL FORMS and not be blinded by them and not BELIEVE ANYTHING that we see suggested by forms, believing only in total perfection and divinity of all people at all times? Is it then that this entire world was set up to blind us so that if we bought into it, we would be failing to overcome the separation ourselves, and that therefore we MUST learn to overlook ALL of it - to not see people as bodies at all - in order to set ourselves free from this TRAP?

Jesus said "yes".

And so, as it turns out, we quite literally have to learn to SEE, by learning to STOP seeing/believing the blinding illusions presented by form. Physical form is a LIE. It is a huge distraction. It affirms things which are not true in God's reality. When a person shows up appearing to be sick, in body, if we believe it is "how they are", we have fallen for the trap. We have bought into the lie that "they" are the body and that "they as the body" are sick. And that therefore this is reality.

As soon as we do that "passive observing" of other's plight, we are condemning them, judging them, attacking them, reinforcing their sickness, accusing them of sin, believing in separation, and are also attacking ourselves. We then will experience that we are attacked BY and WITHIN this perceptual state. This is why "sight of sickness" horrifies.

It is very challenging, it seems, to not believe that people are bodies at all. To recognize that the only truth about them is NOT what their body says. That people are actually spirits TRAPPED in bodies and the body is NOT the person. The body covers up the person. It is a fictional wall of attack, an obstacle to peace, designed to present an illusion that we are NOT ALIKE, due to the appearance of form. "Nothing so blinding as sight of form" literally applies to ALL FORMS including bodies - we are blinded by the physical and must learn to completely look past it to the brother who is hidden by its deception.

That means also recognizing, that no matter what form seems to present to our eyes - be it sickness or death - we are to NOT BELIEVE IT. And in this not believing the lie, we will stop EMPOWERING IT, and therefore will recognize its nothingness, and thus gain POWER OVER IT to heal and dispel any illusion through miracle working. We cannot work a miracle if we are buying into the lies. We are just as much in need to healing when we believe the sickness is real. This doesn't mean to pretend that sickness in the body is not present or to not bother healing it... it just means to RECOGNIZE what it is (an illusion) and to then demonstrate that it CAN be changed, to prove it was an illusion.

This is pretty radical. It's huge. It means to be miracle workers and truly accept atonement we HAVE TO learn to stop believing forms, stop believing in the physical, stop seeing people as bodies, stop holding their bodies against them as a form of injustice, stop identifying WITH our own body or identifying others AS their own bodies. That sick person IS NOT THEIR BODY. "I am not a body I am free" is the eventual culmination of that. It's no small statement, it is absolute and requires TOTAL FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness overlooks form. It overlooks sin and death. It is the basis of miracles. It overlooks bodies. It allows the mind to extend naturally and be healed and capable of healing. When we join mind-to-mind there is healing, and the body's condition MUST follow suit because the mind is responsible for causing the body's conditions, be it happy ones or hurtful ones.

To be willing, is a movement in a VERTICAL direction upwards towards God/Holy Spirit/Light. Unwillingness is a movement away from God into the darkness of the ego. In order to become willing, you have to willingly and trustingly move at least a little in the direction of forgiveness and truth. A willingness to be mistaken, a willingness to surrender, a willingness to let go, a willingness to consider that your brother might not be sinful, is a movement upwards towards the truth. And therefore a movement in the direction of INCREASED FREEDOM OF WILL.

This little step towards God is an invitation to the Holy Spirit to enter. It is PERMISSION that your are giving to Him to help you. Through your free will, you are saying, I am WILLING to open up to a greater truth, and thus you open the door and ALLOW and ACCEPT that which can come down to help raise you up. Willingness isn't about sideways doing, or horizontal cause and effect.

It's always about opening up your will to more freedom, moving above the battlefield beyond limits, and therefore letting go of some small amount of imprisonment. You need only show even the slightest willingness to reconsider your position, question your false beliefs, recognize that your brother is not the problem, or have a sense of honesty about your perspective, and this alone is yet enough for the Holy Spirit to recognize you are reaching up to Him and asking to be involved with His Help. And he will come, and he will help you, to the degree you are WILLING TO ALLOW Him to heal you FOR you.

"I do NOT feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I WILL LET HIM."

"the Holy Spirit will respond fully to your slightest invitation"

"This is the invitation to the Holy Spirit. I told you that I could reach up and bring the Holy Spirit down to you. But I can bring Him to you only at your own invitation."

"The holy instant does NOT come from your little willingness alone. It is ALWAYS the result of your SMALL willingness COMBINED with the unlimited power of HIS WILL."

"Purification is of God alone, and THEREFORE for you. Rather than seek to prepare YOURSELF for Him, try to think thus:

"I, who am host to God, AM worthy of Him.

He Who ESTABLISHED His dwelling-place in me created it as He would have it be.

It is not needful that I make it ready for Him, but only that I DO NOT INTERFERE with His plan to RESTORE to me my own AWARENESS of my readiness, which is eternal.

I need ADD nothing to His plan.

But to RECEIVE it, I MUST be willing NOT to substitute my own, IN PLACE of it.""

I think perhaps we under appreciate what being "ruler of the universe" really entails. It seems fanciful and lofty and like some kind of fake superhero idea.

"My self is ruler of the Universe." - "It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen."

What Jesus is saying is that we should, in our more natural state of mind, adopt a position of great responsibility. We should be powerful beings who cannot be affected by the world. We are free from fear, causing us to be decisive and certain. We no longer are tossed around by the world and its changes, but instead remain in a continual state of calm and strength, acting deliberately, fully conscious and purposeful.

"It is a conscious choice. For they have learned that all choices are made consciously, with full awareness of their consequences."

It is not a state in which you are a victim, or affected by the world, or upset by anything, or caused in any way by any person. It is not a state in which you are constantly changing and adapting and reacting and cleaning up a mess. It's not a state in which you are being bossed around, intimidated, offended, attacked, persuaded or caused against your will.

Jesus is asking us to step into shoes of authority. Shoes of responsibility not only for everything we feel and see and experience, but even responsibility for causing things to happen. As he states clearly, you as ruler of the universe rule your destiny, even in this world. You DECIDE what you want to happen and it MUST happen. You decide what you do not want to happen, and it DOES NOT happen. This is not wishful thinking. This is the power of God to alter the world and affect events. This is being a miracle worker.

In our lives we are probably used to being pushed around, caused to changed, made to feel upset, affected and stressed, scared and attacked. At the same time, the very world that we give power to upset us, is also given power to do things "favorable" to us. We want to get from the world, but only the stuff we approve of, and the rest remains an enemy. But this is not an enlightened or empowered state.

To move out of victimhood into authority, we have to learn to exercise our power consciously and deliberately. We have to learn to stop giving our power away, and we have to learn to take it back from where we have disowned it.

"If you give no power to the fog to obscure the light, it HAS none, for it has power ONLY because the Son of God gave power TO it. He must HIMSELF withdraw that power, remembering that all power is of God."

It is only because you give your power away to the world and to people and events that you seem to allow them to DECIDE FOR YOU what you are, what you feel, what you experience and what happens. You have to learn to stop doing that. Stop enabling people, in your mind, to have possession of YOUR authority, and stop USING them to attack yourself.

The problem mainly is that by giving power to things that have no power, we keep asking them to give us what we want. We keep searching externally for salvation. We want it to do things to us. We want it to give us peace, make us happy, love us, worship us, please us, and bestow gifts upon us. And when it doesn't, or does the opposite, we instead allow it to decide for us that we will not be happy, will not be at peace, and will be upset. As Jesus says, any time that we search externally for the gifts of God, we are mentally ill.

"Peace is an attribute in YOU. You cannot find it outside. All mental illness is some form of EXTERNAL searching. Mental health is INNER peace. It enables you to remain unshaken by lack of love from without, and capable, through your own miracles of correcting the external conditions, which proceed from lack of love in others."

Being the ruler of the universe, you get to be a boss, of sorts, along with the Holy Spirit working with and through you. You use the POWER of your decision, your decisiveness, to DECIDE what will and will not happen. You make it so with the power in your mind. If you say something will be healed it will be healed. If you say something will not happen, it will not happen. You get to decide your destiny. You get to decide who will or will not do what.

"What do you think "the meek shall inherit the earth" MEANS? They will literally take it over because of their strength."

This is not the same as "control" or "manipulation", or other ego fantasies of tyranny and dictatorship. This is your true freedom and power. If you want to not be a victim, you have to step into the role of being an authority and a powerful being, of being responsible and in command, of choosing and deliberately deciding what will occur for you, and NOT assigning responsibility for it to other people or the world. You have to stop sitting on the sidelines and stand up to be counted.

You get to call the shots here, you get to direct your life, and you get to never have to tolerate or put up with any shit ever again - knowing that you only ever put up with what you did to yourself to begin with.

"I am not weak, but strong."

"I am not helpless, but all powerful."

"I am not limited, but unlimited."

"I am not doubtful, but certain."

"I am not an illusion, but a reality."

"I cannot see in darkness, but in light."

"It is impossible the Son of God be merely driven by events OUTSIDE him. It is impossible that the happenings that come to him were NOT his choice. His power of decision is the DETERMINER of every situation in which he seems to FIND himself by chance or accident. No accident or chance is POSSIBLE within the universe as God created it, OUTSIDE of which is nothing. Suffer, and YOU decided sin was your goal. Be happy, and you GAVE the power of decision to Him Who MUST decide for God for you."

"The Holy Spirit does NOT work by chance, and the healing that is of HIM ALWAYS works. And unless the healer ALWAYS heals BY Him, the results WILL vary. But healing itself IS consistence, because ONLY consistence is conflict-free, and only the conflict-free ARE whole."

Let's think about projection as more like an energy thing. You are a light, and you shine outward. You broadcast and radiate energy.

It depends what's in you, at the root of the light, as to what will shine out of you. If there are clouds of darkness at the source, it blocks some of the light coming out, and darkness seems to come out instead. But if the light source is free of blockages, the light shines brightly and strongly.

Another way to think of the blockages is as filters. They filter the light. The more opaque they seem to be the less light permeates through. And different kinds of filters block different frequencies and "color" the light. Anger might produce a red light, maybe fear produces a dark green light, and perhaps guilt is orange.

This light emits out of you, out of your body, our of your face, through your eyes. It in fact influences your vision. You look out through the light that you shine, so if it's blocked your vision is blocked as well. And if the light has taken on a lesser color, your seeing is also flavored by that sentiment.

You thus look out and have a direct experience of what we call the reality of the world. This is in two layers. There is a contribution from physical sight, but there is also this overlay of colors and energies, or emotions and felt experience, of meaning and purpose, which you project onto the physical. Anything less than love distorts how you see, and therefore what you project. And what you project narrows what you see, and thus defines it.

If I am in fear, I try to shine, but the shining diminishes, and leaves a lack of light, which seems like a darkness. And now I shine out what seems like a darkness, and my vision becomes dark, and I see reflected back to me that darkness. The darkness interferes with what I'm looking at and filters it. Now everything seems frightening and dark, because I am looking with fear and darkness.

"I can obscure my holy sight, if I intrude my world upon it. Nor can I behold the holy sights Christ looks upon unless it is His vision that I use. Perception is a mirror, not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind reflected outward. I would bless the world by looking on it through the eyes of Christ. And I will look upon the certain signs that all my sins have been forgiven me."

You might think that the things you see in such looking is objective and passive, that you're seeing what's really there. But you're really seeing a distorted version of what's there, filtered through your blocks to light. You can only really see what you put there to see, and whatever you're seeing you have actually projected. You see fearful things because you are looking in a fearful way.

You then might think that you see many things which seem objectively fearful, that dramas are amassing, and problems are mounting, and dangers are looming, and risk is increasing. And you will take this to be the whole of reality, because you don't see anything outside of the confines of the filter of darkness. And this further deceives and tempts you into fear.

"The world you see is but the idle witness that you were RIGHT. This witness is insane. You trained it in its testimony, and, as it gave it BACK to you, you listened and convinced yourself that what it saw was true. YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF. See only this, and you will also see how circular the reasoning on which your "seeing" rests."

Soon, you don't recognize that you are projecting fear, and instead believe you are seeing the whole of what is really there. This is because you've lost context, due to blocked light frequencies. And now the world appears frightening and dark and terrible, with no way out, like a living hellish nightmare. And everwhere you turn you are confronted with fear and threat and danger. As if it is an inherent part of everything.

But if you can step back and check yourself, check your broadcast, check what kind of energy you're emitting, what kind of light you're shining, what you're giving, then you may be able to realize that you're actually making things look frightening. It's because you're projecting fear from within you, and not because the fear is starting outside of you. You either project fear or love, and everything else is just a variation of that.

Then you have to recognize that you have fear in you before you project it, and you can only see it when you project it. And you aren't seeing fearful things unless you are making them fearful inside of you first. Wihch means really there is a fear in you, lurking behind your projection, behind the radiant glow of your energy, which is blocking your light much closer to the source.

So then we have to look deeper within, much more intimately, much closer to your self, much nearer to where the projecting begins. The issue that's interfering with the light is happening much sooner and closer to home than you thought. It's in your mind, it's even prior to your projections. Somehow there is a fear in you that you didn't realize was there, which you've just been projecting all over the place and believing it's outside of you.

This begs the question, if there is fear inside of you, and the fear is not in the world or caused by the world, what is making you afraid WITHOUT the world? And that line of questioning has to lead to realizing that you likely have made yourself guilty, are punishing yourself, are threatening yourself, and are believing you have sinned against God. Because really it all goes back to the original sin and to what you think you did that made you worthy of suffering and punishment.

Always the projection of your inner content is extremely deceptive. It's fine if you are coming truly from an inner peace and a loving heart, which projects innocence and safety and sinlessness, rendering everything appearing to you as completely harmless and beautiful. But if you have blocked this love, and thus have guilt and fear in you, then this is going to fly out of you at the earliest opportunity, from the cess-pool of your mind.

Minds area always projecting, because it is their natural function. They give or express what is in them. It expands and moves outward. All minds shine like lightbulbs, regardless of whether the light is filtered or covered up. It's not a question so much of if you will project, but whether you will interfere with the natural extension of love, trying to pollute it with egoic beliefs and dark veils and false beliefs. Or such things as hidden hates and secret sins and unhealed wounds.

If I look to what is coming out of me, which I can FEEL, if I've crossed the line into believing that the world is the problem, I am already very deceived. If I am buying into the projected version of what was inside, believing it's outside, I'm already way down the line of the chain of causation. I have to look at my energy, what does it feel like, what am I broadcasting, what's coming out of me, am I attacking and fearing and accusing and trying to find scapegoats, or am I loving, safe and happy?

A scapegoat isn't just some person you pick out, it's the target of your energetic broadcast. It's a psychological thing you attach your inner gunk to. The mind looks to scapegoat, ie to find something to associate its dissociated guilt and fear with, so that it can attach it to something outside of you. Kind of like flying a kite, anchored in your mind, on a long tether, flying in the sky in front of your eyes, dangling like a carrot of temptation.

To scapegoat is to project ego, just in the mere act of projecting it, regardless of what is being said about a person or how they're being used. If I'm projecting fear or sin or guilt, I am scapegoating. I'm actively trying to get rid of my inner content. It's being pushed out of me, hurled onto the world. It's actively RADIATING out of me like an energy broadcast. I'm putting it onto the world.

It may land and attach to certain people or bodies or objects or events but it's always going to be something physical, because fear always blocks the light and narrows vision to illusions. And once I'm seeing fear and guilt outside of me, I see it as making me afraid and guilty. And now I'm stuck with a backwards perception and am deceiving myself. I have to realize I'm the one who is making the world frightening, by putting my inner fear onto it and singling it out as a target.

"When vision is DENIED, confusion of cause and effect becomes inevitable. The PURPOSE now becomes to KEEP OBSCURE the cause of the effect, and make effect appear to BE a cause. This seeming independence of effect enables it to be regarded as STANDING BY ITSELF, and capable of serving as a CAUSE of the events and feelings its maker thinks IT causes."

I have to watch myself doing this. It doesn't happen at an intellectual or theoretical level, it happens experientially and in a felt energetic broadcast. It's a psychological state. It's not a story or a concept about someone - that's just some form it might take later. It's more to do with, whether I am blessing with love and light, or am I cursing with nasty dark harmful energies, trying to attack psychically or whether I am providing the gentle healing remedy of a miraculous expression.

It is actually especially useful and a relief to recognize that nothing in the world is causing any of your upset, any of your fear, any of your guilt, or any of your belief in sin. Nothing, not ever, has any influence on you, but yourself. Becoming lost in the world and believing it's doing stuff to you, or your happiness and peace depends on someone else changing, that's all about being lost and confused in your own projections. It's NEVER about other people or the world. It's all to do with what you are doing to yourself on the inside.

To be wiling NOT to project hate, attack, anger, guilt, shame, blame, judgement, fear, sin, etc onto others, and to not let it leave your mind (seemingly), keeps it from latching onto external targets. It renders everyone innocent and loved, because really your upset has nothing to do with anyone else or the world. Then you can go deeper and unravel the mystery of where this interior bullshit is coming from, why you've attacked yourself, finding the reason why you cannot be sinful, and finally to embrace the atonement for yourself.

ALL of your problems are INSIDE OF YOU. And NONE of it is caused by anything outside of you! And it can ONLY be corrected INSIDE of you where the problem and solution are together. You are responsible for how everything looks to you, because it entirely depends on what you chose to believe about yourself, and how that radiates through your vision. Light IS vision, and seeing IS projection. Project only love to see through the eyes of christ, by seeing yourself as christ first.

"It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world which has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. As you perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept your holy will as theirs. And what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness."

"I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts."

""This is the ONLY thing that you need do for vision, happiness, release from pain, and the COMPLETE escape from sin, ALL to be given you. Say ONLY this, but MEAN it with NO reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:

I AM responsible for what I see. I CHOSE the feelings I experience, and I DECIDED ON the goal I would achieve. And everything that SEEMS to happen TO me, I ASKED FOR and received as I had asked."

Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done TO you. Acknowledge but that YOU have been mistaken, and ALL effects of your mistakes will disappear." "You who perceive yourself as weak and frail, with futile hopes and devastated dreams, born but to die, to weep and suffer pain, hear this: All power is given you in earth and Heaven. There is nothing that you cannot do. You play the game of death, of being helpless, pitifully tied to dissolution in a world which shows no mercy to you. Yet when you accord it mercy, will its mercy shine on you."

"My self is ruler of the universe. ... It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept."

"It is impossible the Son of God be merely driven by events OUTSIDE him. It is impossible that the happenings that come to him were NOT his choice. His power of decision is the DETERMINER of every situation in which he seems to FIND himself by chance or accident. No accident or chance is POSSIBLE within the universe as God created it, OUTSIDE of which is nothing."

"There is a Light in you Which cannot die, Whose Presence is so holy that the world is sanctified because of you. All things that live bring gifts to you, and offer them in gratitude and gladness at your feet."

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die. I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today. I will worship no idols, nor raise my own self-concepts to replace my Self. I am in the likeness of my Creator. Love created me like Itself."

"You sacrifice YOUR innocence with his, and die each time you see in him a sin deserving death. Yet every instant can you be reborn, and given life again. His holiness gives life to you, who CANNOT die because his sinlessness is known to God, and can no more be sacrificed by you than can the light in you be blotted out because he sees it not."

"You think that death is of the body. Yet it is but an idea, irrelevant to what is seen as physical. A thought is in the mind. It can be then applied as mind directs it. But its origin is where it must be changed, if change occurs. Ideas leave not their source. The emphasis this course has placed on that idea is due to its centrality in our attempts to change your mind about yourself. It is the reason you can heal. It is the cause of healing. It is why you cannot die. Its truth established you as one with God."

"Now do we live, for now we cannot die. The wish for death is answered, and the sight that looked upon it now has been replaced by vision which perceives that you are not what you pretend to be."

"You have nailed YOURSELF to a cross and placed a crown of thorns upon your own head. Yet you CANNOT crucify God's Son, for the Will of God cannot die. His Son HAS BEEN redeemed from his own crucifixion, and you cannot assign to death whom God has given eternal life. The dream of crucifixion still lies heavy on your eyes, but what you see in dreams is not reality. While you perceive the Son of God as crucified you are asleep. And as long as you believe that YOU can crucify him you are only having nightmares. You who are beginning to wake are still aware of dreams and have not yet forgotten them."

"Your will is His Life, which He has GIVEN to you. Even in time you cannot live apart from Him, for sleep is not death. What He created can sleep, but it CANNOT die. Immortality is His Will for His Son, and His Son's will for HIMSELF. Yet God's Son cannot will death for himself, because His Father is Life, and HIS SON IS LIKE HIM."

"You are not sick, and you cannot die. But you CAN confuse your self with things that do."

"***Now is the body healed*** because the source of sickness has been opened to relief."

"***The body CAN be healed*** by its EFFECTS, which are as limitless as is itself."

"Now in the hands made gentle by His touch, the Holy Spirit lays a picture of a DIFFERENT you. It is a ***picture of a body still***, for what you REALLY are can not be seen nor pictured. But ***THIS one has NOT been used for purpose of attack, and therefore never suffered pain at all.***"

"***The BODY is healed*** BECAUSE YOU CAME WITHOUT IT and joined the Mind in which all healing rests."

"The guiltless mind cannot suffer. ***Being sane, it heals the body because IT has been healed.*** The sane mind cannot conceive of illness, because it cannot conceive of attacking anything or anyone. "

"***A broken body shows the mind has NOT been healed.*** A miracle of healing proves that separation is WITHOUT effect. "

""Holy indeed is he who makes these words his own; (I am as God created me) arising with them in his mind, recalling them throughout the day, at night bringing them with him as he goes to sleep. His dreams are happy and his rest secure; his safety certain ******and his body healed*******, because he sleeps and wakens with the truth before him always. ""

"The body's health is fully guaranteed because it is not limited by time, by weather or fatigue, by food and drink, or any laws you made it serve before. You need do nothing now to make it well, for sickness has become impossible."

"Yet this protection needs to be preserved by careful watching. If you let your mind harbor attack thoughts, yield to judgement or make plans against uncertainties to come, you have again misplaced yourself, and made a bodily identity which will attack the body, for the mind is sick. Give instant remedy, should this occur, by not allowing your defensiveness to hurt you longer. Do not be confused about what must be healed, but tell yourself:

"I have forgotten what I really am, For I mistook my body for myself. Sickness is a defence against the truth, But I am not a body. And my mind Cannot attack. So I can not be sick."

Notice that it is very clear here, that Jesus is saying when you are SANE, your body can and must also be HEALED. That there is a direct parallel between a healed mind and a healed body. Sanity of mind produces bodily health. As you wake to happy dreams your body should not have sickness. The body's health is fully guaranteed, sickness is impossible, and your body becomes a symbol of eternal life and harmlessness. This is a radical teaching particularly for anyone who thinks that it's okay for the body to remain in states of sickness while the mind is allegedly "separately" healed. When the mind is sane, it WILL heal the body. And the body will then testify to your brother's innocence. "Brother, at your hand I LIVE".

The entire ego thought system is an attempt to deny and get rid of God, ourselves, and truth. It is an attempt to displace responsibility for who and what we are, what we are experiencing, and how these experiences were chosen, onto someone other than ourselves.

The culmination of this behavior if death, in which we seem to successfully displace/project/disassociate ALL responsibility for living onto some external power, which decides FOR us what our fate will be.

Death is the ultimate statement and attempt to get rid of all will to live, all responsibility for choice, all power, all blame, and all sin. Turning the tables and having something external "cause you to die" can only happen by completely refusing to make a choice, to create an illusion of having no choice, and to then play along with that lie by "letting" something destroy you "against your will."

All victimhood speaks of the disownership and denial of self, the projection of sin onto others, the unwillingness to choose or to admit to anything, and the deliberate placing of all POWER into the hands of anyone other than ourselves. This has been our ego agenda since the beginning of the separation from God, which was an attempt to deny all power, to deny what we are, and to destroy what God has created.

The only tool the ego has, since it cannot change reality or make it truly be destroyed, is to "cover it up" with illusions of denial. This denial attempts to displace away from the present, away from Self, away from God, everything that is HERE to make it be "not here". This is simply an act of DISOWNING RESPONSIBILITY.

The antidote to this, and everything that comes from it, is to TAKE BACK YOUR POWER by taking responsibility for everything that you are experiencing. This requires that you learn that NOTHING can happen to you against your will, EVERYTHING you are experiencing is what you have ASKED FOR, and you HAVE received exactly what you wanted. This also means that you MUST have chosen whatever it is you are experiencing.

This ties in directly to the secret to salvation, which is the realizing that you are DOING THIS TO YOURSELF, which means that you cannot ever be a victim, no-one is EVER the cause of anything you are experiencing or feeling, no-one can attack you, you are invulnerable, and therefore you are SAFE.

It also ties into Jesus saying that "no-one dies without their own consent". This literally means that if you will take full responsibility, you literally CANNOT experience death unless you choose to. And this also means, that literally, nothing outside of you has ANY ability or power to CAUSE you to die, against your will. This is nothing short of immortality.

The benefits to you and your mind by taking full responsibility for everything is profound. It takes some practice, especially since in most ego dramas there is some perception that SOMEONE ELSE is responsible for what you are experiencing. It can seem that your body is sick because of something that happened against your will, or someone called you some names, or they attacked you, or there is something wrong with them etc. These are LIES.

These are ways that you will GIVE POWER to other people, which means DISOWNING that power, which means you will then *experience* a sense of POWERLESSNESS. In that powerlessness you will see yourself as weak, vulnerable and attackable, and justified in being constantly afraid because now you perceive that "a great power" is outside of you, able to do something to you against your will. A power so strong that, in comparison, the "lack of power" you see yourself as having is no match for it.

Being a victim is a deliberate act of giving your power away. It also reveals in *every case* that you MUST have chosen incorrectly, must have asked for what you have experienced, and therefore have done it to yourself. There is no wiggle room here. We're not able to maintain a belief in "justified victimhood" or "being unfairly treated" at the same time as being empowered. Believing in these reasons why anyone is justified in being a victim or projecting blame for it, is nothing less than a continued CHOICE to disown our power.

We may not realize how much power we have attempted to GIVE AWAY, especially if we are in a very afraid state of victimization. We have been so used to being POWERLESS that we think this is normal and natural. However, as you start to take back responsibility for *everything* you are experiencing, taking back all blame and all belief in an external cause, you will be pleasantly surprised as how EMPOWERED you feel, how much it boosts your confidence and certainty, and how much LESS AFRAID you are.

Essentially, by giving away responsibility, we are attempting to make our life the responsibility of someone else. Then we will seek for them to DO TO US how we want them to treat us - which is specialness. If they do not treat us right, and given we believe what we experience is THEIR responsibility, we will then blame them for failing to live up to our expectation. You can see this in almost all parent-child relationships not to mention all other special relationships.

Also, in this act of placing blame for sin onto SOMETHING SEPARATE AND EXTERNAL, we actually attempting to separate *GOD* off, make him be other than one with our identity, to make out that He is the sinner, that He is now an "external, separate cause", that His Will is now acting AGAINST our will, and therefore we are justified in being angry at God. And then when it SEEMS as though an "external cause" is the reason for why we die, against our will, we are literally acting out this accusation that we are dying because IT IS GOD's WILL. Having made our will be against God's we now see Him as acting against us and trying to kill us. This is what happens when we try to kill God.

The truth is, God is NOT separate from us, His Will is NOT opposed to ours (ours is opposed to His), and He is NOT a separate cause out there doing stuff to us against our will. It is OUR authority problem which makes God out to be an attacker. Every death is a statement that we should die because it is God's will, which is a completely unfounded claim against God, trying to make God out to be a sinner and us His innocent victim.

Now, when we are in our ego and we're getting all caught up in some argument or drama with someone else, what happens is our mind forms "connections" to the other person. These are ego connections. They are psychological distortions resulting from false perception, which perceives that what you are experiencing is "caused by" something outside of yourself.

Seeing cause outside of you will ensure you see "effects" inside of you being directly "tied to" that external cause. So long as you keep visualizing that there is an enemy out there, you will not be able to let go of this sense that you "haven't let go" of this. The person will keeping popping up in your mind and you'll keep having FEAR about what they are doing to you. This is because you believe THEY are responsible for what you are experiencing.

This can become quite heightened, because the ego attacks itself and through conflict it attempts to "join" separate pieces together. The more you are being irresponsible by projecting others as the "cause of you", the more you will not be at peace because you can't LET GO of the perceived situation. Your perception needs healing.

Have you experienced how when you are concerned about what someone is doing, you just can't stop thinking about it? It keeps coming back into your mind. This is because you have become ATTACHED to this enemy, which keeps haunting you. Attachment means the ego is holding on tightly to its vision of an external cause. To let go of that attachment requires one thing .... TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING.

Since all ego dramas and fights and wars and conflict involve this "attaching" process of making YOUR wellbeing dependent on something external, the antidote is to SEVER THE TIES OF CAUSALITY with that other person. This means, making statements or at least having a willingness to admit, that they are NOT THE CAUSE of what you are experiencing, they are NOT responsible for what you are experiencing, the power you see IN them is NOT THEIRS it is your own which you attempted to GIVE to them, and to TAKE BACK YOUR POWER.

Here is an example.

Pick some person who you think of as being an enemy, against you, threatening you, accusing you, attacking you, blaming you, judging you, or in any way somehow acting against your will.

Recognize now what the content of your perception is. Somewhere in your perception you have DISPLACED a sense of power onto the person. You see them as HAVING POWER OVER YOU. And in that same perception, you see yourself as having LOST power to them.

Recognize also that you feel that THEY are responsible for how you feel, what you are experiencing, and what's happening to you. It's their fault. They are the one doing it. Cause is outside of you, and you therefore are being turned into an EFFECT. Note that all emotional reactions from the ego are the result of seeing yourself as AT THE EFFECT of the world. Perceiving a cause outside of you automatically means that YOU have to adjust to "become the effects" that this cause is projecting. These "effects" show up as emotional disturbance and reactions of hurt, fear, anger, etc.

Recognize also that you are attached to this person, they seem to have a way to ACCESS YOU, they are connected to you in some energetic way, and you can't seem to be at peace about them. You feel threatened by them, unsafe, unable to muster enough power or courage to stand up to them, and you feel like you are being victimized.

Now. Here is the good part. SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THEIR CAUSALITY. Say some things which confirm the truth, that there is NO TIE OF CAUSALITY between that person and you. I am now going to demonstrate an example and if you follow along using a person in your life, you WILL NOTICE how this changes your mind and your feelings.....

I am not being affected by that person. That person is not being affected by me.

I am not being caused by that person. That person is not being caused by me.

Nothing I am experiencing is coming from that person. These experiences are my own. I am choosing all of these experiences. Everything I am feeling I am choosing to feel. They are my own feelings and I put them there. This other person did not put them there.

Nothing the other person is experiencing is coming from me. Whatever they are experiencing is their own choice. They are choosing all of their experiences. Everything they are feeling they are choosing to feel. Those are their own feelings, not mine, and I did not put them there.

My feelings of hurt any upset are not being caused by them. Their feelings of hurt and upset are not being caused by me.

I am not responsible for anything that person is experiencing. They are not responsible for anything I am experiencing.

They have done nothing to me. I have done nothing to them.

I am not at the effect of that person. That person is not at the effect of me.

That person hasn't done anything to me against my will. I have not done anything to that person against their will.

I completely forgive that person because they have not done anything to me at all. That person completely forgives me because I have not done anything to them at all.

Everything I am experiencing is my own choice. I have put these reactions and feelings into my own body. I am the one who did this to myself. They did not do this to me. I must have chosen it.

(this ties directly into..) "I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace. I MADE THE DECISION MYSELF,

but I can also decide otherwise. I want to decide otherwise,

because I want to be at peace."

You can go on and on like this for as long as you feel you need to, SEPARATING CAUSALITY from seeming like it is coming from someone other than yourself. Or rather, deprogramming your false perception of an external enemy, and TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT so that you realize you are only doing this to yourself.

This puts all POWER back into your own hands. You will REGAIN POWER, you will feel stronger, you will feel less afraid, you will feel like you have LET GO of the other person, you will stop having obsessive thoughts about them, you will not FEAR being victimized by them or what they are going to "do to you", and you will gain a lot more confidence.

Essentially, this is a process of forgiveness, whereby you are admitting the truth and owning up to NOT being a victim, to having simply made a mistaken choice, and that you no longer want to see someone else as attacking you. Blaming anyone else for attack is a lie. All attack is self attack.

It is YOU who needs to stop attacking yourself, not other people. Putting the blame for attack onto others SHIELDS YOU from admitting that you are doing it to yourself, because projection comes from DENIAL. Admitting the truth, taking responsibility, and owning up to WHO YOU ARE, gives you back YOURSELF, and empowers you greatly.

What Jesus is teaching us in the Course is simply that all attack is self attack, we have accused ourselves of sin, and we need to admit that this isn't true. The things we do after accusing ourselves of sin, to deny and project it on others, isn't even the main problem. It's part of a cover up. We need to learn to STOP DISOWNING OURSELVES. Stop giving YOUR power away to external causes that don't exist.

When you take back all of YOUR power, which you share with God, you will not be able to see yourself as powerless, or needing to be afraid, or a victim. Stuff won't bother you. People won't be able to attack you. You will gain STRENGTH in the truth. True innocence is STRONG, not weak and vulnerable. You are truly innocent when you take responsibility for everything because it simply means there is no blame or guilt, just a mistaken choice, which can be undone.

As you take back this responsibility, you will find AT FIRST that it seems to your ego that you are taking "the blame" for everything. This is a hurdle, because you still believe that you really did do something wrong. Not blaming it on someone else simply blames you. This has to be undone through forgiveness. If I say, "I am responsible for this", my ego will take it to mean, "I really am a sinner". This is its defense against the truth. We must go past this to realize that it is possible to BE RESPONSIBLE without being guilty.

Jesus talks about this in the urtext, not sure if FIP etc, but He mentions how as you start to take responsibility, your ego will at first perceive it to "imply" that you are the one who is truly a sinner. And this can feel painful. But gradually, the MORE you take responsibility, the more you take back your POWER, the more you will NOT believe in real sin and will more easily stay in your strength. Your strength will shine a stronger light and will help you to SEE that you are simply taking steps to BE YOURSELF.

Taking 100% responsibility for everything you experience is the key to salvation. It can take you all the way to the atonement. It will give you back so much power you will be surprised how invulnerable you feel, how much less afraid you are, how easily you approach people and are not put off by doubts or anxieties.

Taking full responsibility ultimately also means, YOU CANNOT DIE unless you make it happen to yourself. No-one dies without their own consent. It also means NOTHING CAN HURT YOU against your will. It also means YOU CANNOT BE SICK, and neither can your body, because sickness of the body is all an attempt to BE IRRESPONSIBLE by projecting sin onto others. Sickness accuses your brother of being a sinner. That's not responsibility. Taking responsibility will HEAL YOU AND YOUR BODY.

You could say, if you like you think of miracles as shifts in perception, say that taking responsibility will SHIFT your perception miraculously towards the truth. This isn't the full story of what miracles are (expressions of love, able to do anything) etc... but your holiness CAN do anything if you will OWN UP TO IT. It's kind of like an act of COMING OUT AS CHRIST, admitting that YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD, revealing yourself, stopping hiding, stoping distracting away from whey you are, BECOMING VISIBLE, and therefor becoming INVISIBLE to the ego. The ego cannot attack you when you are responsible and empowered.

The power you will gain and share with God by reclaiming your right to it (miracles are everyone's right, but purification is necessary first), will astound you. You literally are plugging yourself back into the Power of God. And there is nothing you cannot do.

Cause produces effects. This is God's permanent law, without exception. It applies everywhere always. There is a secret to performing miracles based on this, resulting in the undoing of effects. This is directly tied into the Atonement and The Miracle.

"the word "atone" really means "undo." (remove illusory effects)

"The miracle does nothing. All it does is to undo (removes effects). And thus it cancels out (by not causing) the interference (effects) to what has been done (caused in reality). It does not add, but merely takes away (removes effects)."

I have experienced several times the instant vanishing of symptoms when causation was removed. This takes place at the level of the mind and the mind's belief in causes. As I stripped away belief in who or what caused this, the entire symptom literally disappeared in a split second.

Nothing happens without causation. Effects can only appear when there is a cause. This includes the **belief** in there being a cause, even if the cause is made up in dreaming. When the cause stops causing, or is undone, the effects immediately disappear. Causation is like a broadcast, emitting consequences, effects, symptoms and results. Effects come from it.

Just as God is first cause, He MUST create effects. His effects are His Kingdom of Creation, including the Sonship. Because God is permanently causal, and true cause means creation, His creations have eternal life and always exist. True causality creates permanent, living beings. You did not cause God (which would be sin, authority problem, level confusion), God caused you.

"I am forever an effect of God."

There is also what we call "making", which is also a form of causality. It causes destructive illusions instead of creative reality. It is a made-up BELIEF in a cause, as an attempted cause, in the mind. It's a made-up cause that we believe is real, and which in turn produces made-up effects which we believe are real. Just because it is made-up doesn't mean it does not DO something.

A **belief** in a cause isn't a real cause, or of God. So what it produces is not a real effect, but is an effect nonetheless. Artificial causes produce artificial effects. But they DO produce these effects, which includes symptoms of sickness in the body, and ultimately the body itself.

"The body cannot remain without illusions (illusory causes)."

When the mind believes there is a cause, it MUST include the belief that there are effects. The mind thus believes in BOTH. They are made together, and are undone together. Effects cannot remain without a cause of some kind. When you switch off the broadcast projector, there is no more making of images. Both the broadcaster and the broadcast disappear.

It would be easy for us to switch on and off causes and effects at will. This always takes place in our minds. The problem is that we keep disassociating from the part of our mind that is causing or believing in causes, and project the ownership of the causation onto external things - anything other than our own mind.

So if we think a person is causing us to be upset, we're in false perception. We see cause as separate from and outside of our own mind. Yet this BELIEF in cause, is INSIDE our mind because "ideas leave not their source."

We are confused in thinking that someone else is causing our upset. But the IDEA of "someone is causing me to be upset" is our own mind's idea, which projects, resulting in a false perception. And this idea IS STILL CAUSAL. By believing, "I am being caused", we literally are CAUSING ourselves, and our mind DOES produce effects within us, from it. And this is actually part of the belief that we are creating ourselves, the result of a split mind.

It is not possible to believe in a cause, WITHOUT the belief itself having an effect. Even if the visualized cause seems to be mapped onto some other person, it is STILL a "belief in cause" in our mind, and this gives it power. If our mind is generating, picturing, imagining, "there is a cause", it WILL and MUST also picture, generate and imagine an effect to correspond to it. And usually the severity of the effect lines up with where the cause falls in the hierarchy of illusions.

This now means that as we picture ourselves as being caused, we WILL also picture ourselves as being affected. This believing in and use of causality, no matter how it is dressed up in appearances about others, will result in OUR MIND producing EFFECTS in ourselves. These will show up as symptoms in mind and body, as emotional reactions, fearful thought responses, justified anger, and other effects.

As the secret of salvation tells us, it does not matter how it appears that someone is a victimizer, or who is doing what. When your mind "sees itself" as being victimized, that way of seeing itself ALONE victimizes you. And you cannot see yourself as being victimized WITHOUT seeing yourself ALSO as a victim.

Funny that - as you believe in victimization it sets up a causal belief in your mind which causes you to MAKE YOURSELF a victim. Your mind then generates the effects and symptoms of having been affected. It pictures itself in the roles of victim AND victimizer.

Now, here's the key. Based on this law, that even your BELIEF in a cause IS CAUSAL, and has illusory believed-in effects, removing this belief in a cause MUST remove the effects. This even includes the physical symptoms of sickness which YOUR MIND put into your body, as a result of YOUR MIND visualizing itself as at the effect of its own causal beliefs.

If my belief is that a person is upsetting me, three things are happening. 1) I am "projecting" causality onto the person falsely, resulting in a false perception that "they" are causing me. 2) MY belief in being caused is causing me, 3) I am inventing the upsetting effects because of this belief, BY this belief. If I clear up the confusion about WHO is causing who, and then STOP causing through this belief, the effects MUST go.

If my mind is thinking, "I am upset because of them", and I"m feeling the upset, my mind MUST be seeing a line of causality starting with "them" and coming into me and impacting upon me, producing upset. This is what my mind is picturing. This is HOW I am making the effects. If I tell myself, "they are not causing me to be upset", I am taking a step towards undoing the cause.

I'm almost saying, "since they are not causing this upset, I am not upset." or "everything that came from them, has not come". They then become your savior because now you are using them to explain why you are NOT affected negatively, or as a way to say "I am healed because of you". Or as the course puts it, "Brother, at your hand I live." This requires the removal of all symptoms of attack in the body and mind, accomplished by removing fake causality or accusing your brother of causing (sinning against) you.

Sometimes, if the causing seems fairly clear-cut and well defined as to who I think did what, and I remind myself I am NOT caused by the person, it can be enough to undo my mind's belief in the cause, and thus stop causing my own upset. Symptoms of upset vanish instantly. Even physical symptoms, because *I* was producing them.

Other times, I've found I've built up a collection of beliefs in causes, which have to be dismantled more methodically, piece by piece. I have to remove all belief that anyone or anything else is causing my issue. I must not believe that I am at the effect of anyone else's mind or any "causes" that I THINK are in the world. My BELIEF in them being causes does not make them causes. This is confusion/projection/disassociation.

MY BELIEF in being caused is what causes me to suffer. When something is seen as having NO causes left, and being the cause of nothing, it disappears.

I have to also remove all belief that I am causing any issue in others, because this too ties me to guilt. For example if I have an argument, it is not enough to undo the belief that I am being upset by them. I will likely believe I upset them also, and this too is fake causality. Anything THEY are experiencing, THEIR mind has chosen to cause. I must be accepting of this by dismantling my belief that I caused them, which in turn will heal them and set them free from imprisonment.

"Forgiveness is not real UNLESS it brings a healing to your brother AND yourself."

Once this is clarified, that no-one caused my effects but myself, and that cause is in my mind because I believed I was caused, I must now recognize that my own choice to believe I am being negatively caused DID produce my own symptoms. I am responsible for it. This is the secret of salvation. But we can't stop there. WE must STOP causing our own suffering.

This requires us to stop believing that even WE have caused our suffering. Seeing that we did it to ourselves, and recognizing our own mind is causing itself, may be enough to collapse it. Recognizing the futility of hurting ourselves, we will drop the desire to continue. Seeing that we are causing our own suffering, we cannot escape the causation or blame it on anyone, have to admit the truth, and admitting the truth presents us with a fact - we did this, and we no longer choose to.

We might have to work on undoing the belief that we are caused, as well as being willing to no longer suffer the role of victim. Without a cause that we believe in, we cannot believe in being affected. In recognizing we were the victimizer of ourselves, we can stop being the victim. No-one has ever been victimized by another person.

Remember that you have no neutral thoughts. All thought creates form on some level. All thought is causal. You cannot neutrally casually think about stuff without producing effects. Imagining fearful things happening to you, IS actually you DOING them to yourself. Dreaming about scenarios isn't a freebie thought. We deliberately DO, or DO NOT. We cause, or do not cause. And only what we cause happens.

""My Self is ruler of the universe." It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens (effects) is what I desire (cause). What does not occur (effects) is what I do not want (cause) to happen. This must I accept."

"I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts."

"My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability."

Stripping away all sense of "the cause of this", MUST undo the effects. When you cease attacking yourself with thoughts of being attacked, you will not be attacked or attackable.

Without a cause, there can be no effects. Without belief in separation, there can be no sickness. Without seeing yourself as a victim you cannot be victimized. Without victimizing yourself you cannot be hurt. Without belief you are sinful (caused bad stuff) you cannot be guilty, and without guilt you cannot frighten or threaten yourself. Without a cause, your sickness must vanish. And without a cause, the dead must rise.

All illusions have no REAL cause. The causes are made up beliefs, which DO cause illusory effects, and without maintaining these beliefs the effects cannot stay. Anything not of God or made without love has no real cause. We MADE sickness and death by believing they have been caused and are the cause of us (the God of sickness and death), and can abolish it by believing they have NOT been caused.

To recognize something has NOT been caused, is to recognize it CANNOT have happened. Without a cause, the effects must go. What has not been caused cannot exist. And since illusory effects and symptoms DEPEND on the mind believing in them, without believing in them they MUST vanish. Which undoes physical suffering, sickness and death

This is forgiveness and atonement. The recognition that separation has not been caused and sin has not caused effects because there is no sin. The lack of belief in sin as "causing evil" erases death. The knowing that there is no death. Withdrawing causes of illusions will undo them all.

"Illusions recognized (I caused this myself, it did not cause me) must disappear."

This literally is tied into the atonement. If to atone is to undo, then by cancelling the fake causes that we were using to make things "be done", and if miracles undo and take away the effects by recognizing they have not been caused, then to accept the atonement is to accept that there are NO CAUSES other than God. We HAVE NOT CAUSED separation, there is no cause of death (sin), illusions DO NOT exist, and we are no longer manufacturing fake effects.

This will ultimately UNDO the world because the world is nothing but an EFFECT of a belief - the spacetime belief.

Shifting away from made-up causes, and aligning ourselves with God's Will, which is truly causal and creative, we become miracle workers. Operating from vertical causation, not mis-creation. Our causing now becomes love-based, constructive, creative, healing and miraculous. No longer against ourselves, no longer affected by the world, we regain invulnerability and power. We can now give life and cause resurrection.

We become a cause that does not cause itself. We become free from effects of our own making, or the illusion of effects made by others. Our will is now undivided and single-minded. Nothing can oppose us as ruler of the universe. We are free to carry out the will of God. To cause with IMMEDIATE effects. And to be truly helpful to others through causal miracles.

"This is a course in cause and not effect."

"miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.""

"Without a cause there can be no effects, and yet, without effects, there is no CAUSE."

"Who can predict effects without a cause? And who could fear effects UNLESS he thought they had BEEN caused, and judged disastrous NOW?"

"Who can perceive effect WITHOUT a cause? What can the causeless BE but nothingness."

"And this DENIES the fact that ALL are senseless; EQUALLY without a cause or consequence, and CANNOT have effects of ANY kind."

"In its passing went its consequences, left without a cause."

"And to realize that pain is purposeless, without a cause, and with no power to accomplish anything."

"Nothing can have effects without a cause, and to confuse the two is merely to fail to understand them both."

"Without a cause, and now without a function in Christ's sight, it merely slips away to nothingness."

"It denies the ability of anything which is not of God to effect you in any way."

"Fear cannot be real without a cause, and GOD is the only Cause."

"The healing of effect WITHOUT the cause can merely shift effects to other forms."

"A miracle of healing proves that separation is WITHOUT effect. What you would prove to him you will believe. The power of witness COMES from your belief."

"And therefore all your sins have been forgiven because they carried no effects at all."

"There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression."

"And yet the world, as causeless, has no power to cause. As an effect it cannot make effects."

"What is projected OUT, and seems to be EXTERNAL to the mind, is NOT outside at all, but an effect of what is in, and has NOT left its source."

"Here is the proof that he has NEVER sinned; that NOTHING that his madness bid him do was ever done, or ever had effects of any kind."

"It is hard to recognize that thought and belief combine into a power-surge that can literally move (cause) mountains. It appears at first glance that to believe such power about yourself is merely arrogant, but that is not the real reason why you don't believe it. People prefer to believe that their thoughts cannot exert (cause) real control (effects) because they are literally AFRAID of them."

"And here They join, for here the face of Christ has shone away time's final instant, and now is the last perception of the world without a purpose and without a cause. For where God's memory has come at last there is no journey, no belief in sin, no walls, no bodies, and the grim appeal of guilt and death is there snuffed out forever."

"And once all guilt is gone what more remains to keep a separated world in place?"

"The body can become a sign of life, a promise of redemption, and a breath of immortality to those grown sick of breathing in the fetid scent of death. Let it have healing as its PURPOSE. Then will it send forth the message it received, and by its health and loveliness proclaim the truth and value that it represents. Let it receive the power to represent an endless life, forever unattacked. And to your brother let its message be, "Behold me, brother, at your hand I live."

"Forgiveness is not real UNLESS it brings a healing to your brother AND yourself. YOU must attest his sins had no effect on YOU, to demonstrate they were not real. How else COULD he be guiltless? And how COULD his innocence be justified UNLESS his sins have no effect to WARRANT guilt? Sins are beyond forgiveness just BECAUSE they would entail effects which CANNOT be undone and overlooked entirely. In their UNDOING lies the proof that they were merely errors. LET yourself be healed, that you may be forgiving, offering salvation to your brother AND yourself. A broken body shows the mind has NOT been healed. A miracle of healing proves that separation is WITHOUT effect."

When someone comes along and says something to you which seems hurtful, and if you are affected by it, it is because somewhere inside you you've taken it seriously. That means that you believe there is some truth in it.

If you did not believe there was any truth in it, you would recognize that this person is just calling out for love, that they are mistaken, that they need healing and correction, and you would just respond with love and laughter. You would make light of it and not take it seriously or personally at all.

When people come along and provoke you in this way, they are actually attempting to help you, by pointing out places in yourself where you actually believe that something is wrong with you. If you didn't believe something is wrong with you, when people say these things to you you would not react at all. It would not move you or disturb your peace, or your confidence, or your certainty.

Clearly, if you are upset by what someone has said, it is because, sadly enough, deep down, you believed there is some truth to what they said. In other words, you've abandoned your certainty that you are wholly truth and love and light, and have entered into a lower estimation of yourself, which is in agreement with their evaluation of yourself. If it seems that they have so easily triggered you into a reaction of hurt and retaliation, then clearly you have too easily fallen into a belief that you're not good enough, and that you deserve this mis-treatment. And this will be marked with you viciously retorting that 'thats not true at all', in a very upset way, because some part of you actually does believe it's true. You say you don't want it, but you do.

Therefore, people come along and seem to hurt you but in fact, you could not be hurt if you did not agree to be hurt. And then you must in fact be hurting yourself, because the other person isn't the one who forces you to agree. That's your choice. You don't have to agree, you can hold firm in the truth, certain of what the truth about you is. But if you have any fear as to who you are, or any doubt as to your worth, or any undermining of the truth of you, then for sure, you're going to attract people to come along and poke and prod at your sore-spots to try to get to look at them to heal them. And you'll take these helpful provocations as unwanted attacks. ALL of your sense of attack, however, comes from yourself, and you attack yourself plenty enough without needing to claim that anyone else has added to or caused it.

So if someone has said something to me, something that is not true, and if I have a reaction to this, it must mean that I have an ego, which means that I believe I am not as God created me, and therefore I am the one who is not certain of my own integrity. And it is my own lack of certainty in myself that is being pointed out, and it is my own agreement with what they've said about me that sends me into a tailspin. But I have to realize that I really am responsible for this reaction. I am the one who believes this (and probably worse) about myself, it just *seems* like they put the hurt into me by seeming to be the one who attacked me. They did no such thing. All they did was raise to my awareness the pre-existing hurtful attitude about myself that was already inside me, which I put there, because it's what I think of myself.

People who are frequently easily upset and easily triggered and easily angered and easily offended, do not think well of themselves. People who are often reactionary and get extremely worked up when other people seem to say or do things that are unacceptable and 'clearly false', you know that those people are 'weak' in their loyalty to the truth, and have little faith in themselves. They don't realize who they really are, or how much God loves them, or what the truth is about them and others, otherwise they would be in a constant state of invulnerability and joy and peace.

This state of invulnerability is what we all deserve. We are all worthy of it. We are all good enough. None of us are sinners. We've done nothing wrong. All of us are equally innocent and divine. So if that's all we are certain of, we could not be harmed by anyone attempting to say otherwise. We would just laugh and not take it seriously. But if we do not believe and know and experience this truth, then yes, we will have a reaction of 'how dare you say that' and will feel hurt and have justification for blame, to disguise the fact that we ourselves actually are the ones who don't believe in ourselves. The other people just came along to show us that, to point it out, to make us be aware of our own pain, so that we could have an opportunity to choose again as to how we regard ourselves.

And it is our own self-attack that we experience as inner hurt, not an attack by another person. We are 100% responsible for everything we experience and feel. And before we attack others for how they seem to attack us, we need to really honestly take a look at how we are attacking our own self with our own beliefs in unworthiness, negativity, lack and so on. Why is it that we don't deserve absolute love all the time? Why is it that when such and such a person comes along to tell us that we suck, do we recoil in horror that WE ourselves actually believe this is true, and how dare they point it out?

"I am not upset for the reason I think." - ACIM

I've recently been 'God bathing' ... But I don't quite have a tan yet.

Actually it's not as simple as just getting into my swimsuit and laying in the light. There's a slight problem. Part of me does not want it.

The interesting thing is, though, that as I attempt to expose myself to God's love - by which I mean, to actually accept the *experience* of it - to let it in and allow it - it shines a light on the parts of me that need healing.

These are the parts that I can tell feel like... They are not worthy, they are not good enough, they are guilty, they believe something is going to be taken away or lost, that hold grievances, that feel alone and separate and forgotten, etc... All of this 'me', this ego me, who I think I am right now, that when you really get down to it, when faced with 'the truth' (God), experiences itself as unwanted and lost.

It's not easy to be aware that this is in me and that it needs healing. But part of the 'God bathing' is that I become at least a little bit willing to let some love soak in. I let it come a bit closer. I let it seep in around the foundations of my 'self hate', and loosen it up a bit. It's like being surrounded with a healing balm, or getting a hug.

That resistant ego part of me still doesn't believe that God could love me...and it always has this sense of ...'because'... There is a reason... Because of what I did... Guilt.

Hopefully if I can release and let of enough blocks and resistances and beliefs in guilt, I can at least let myself realize, if for just a moment, that actually everything is going to be okay. I can be loved, I can be healed and forgiven, and I actually do deserve God's unconditional love.

And then little glimpses or feelings of optimism start to creep in, little awarenesses of... maybe it's true. Maybe I don't have to be this way. Maybe I don't have to stay separate and guilty. Maybe I don't have to die. Because what is this really all about but the secret death wish that we all have, believing we cannot be with God/Life ever again. My thought last night was, maybe I actually don't have to die. And that was a relief. "Thank God"... For sure.

Learning to allow and accept what God is.... Surrendering what I am not.

A powerful sentence came to me which felt great to repeat several times. "I am the Son of God. I am completely innocent."

ahhhhh. Now there is a slight tan.

"The ego, then, raised the first question that was ever asked, but it can never answer it. That question, which was "What are you?" was the beginning of doubt. The ego has never answered ANY questions since, though it has raised a great many." UrT6E3

Here Jesus tells us that the 'problem' of the separation really stems from a single question. What are you? This is a questioning of your SELF. Your identity.

It's not really a question that actually wants to FIND OUT what you are, or what you are like. It's actually a form of doubt in which it is UNSURE of what you are, and does not KNOW what you are, and is not really interested in knowing what you are.

It's actually an insinuation, an accusation, a way to say, YOU ARE NOT YOUR SELF. A way of saying, "I doubt you" or "I don't believe you." It's a sort of uncertainty, as in fearful outlook, where the ego mind is not sure at all and has a SUSPICION that you are not what you say you are.

And so at this point the ego is actually insinuating that YOU ARE NOT YOUR SELF, and that there is something true of you which is not really true, and that you're actually something ELSE. Because the ego wants to consider that IT is you, and wants you to believe that you are IT. So this is the beginning of a shift in identity.

There has not really been anything new or different that has happened since that moment. We have just gone further into the same doubt and fear, the same questioning and mistrust, the same desire NOT TO KNOW who we are.

So the entire separation could sum up as being, an attack on your identity. A state of mind that is in DENIAL of who you are, and is reading into your identity some properties or qualities that are not there. A state that does not want to ACCEPT what you are, but instead rejects it.

So the whole problem we have really is always about our SELF. The big question of, who are you? Because the true solution to the questioning is to KNOW THYSELF. To accept the atonement which means to accept fully WHAT YOU ARE. To accept the truth of you.

This all significantly hinges around your identity, because your mind has all the power and the ego needs your mind-power to support itself. If you were to withdraw power from this mis-belief about yourself it would undo the ego thought system entirely.

The big aim of the course then is the REVERSAL OF THE FIRST QUESTION, or rather, the ANSWER to the question. The true answer, which the Holy Spirit helps to remind you of, is .... I AM CHRIST. Or... I am still as God created me, I have not changed, and I am still perfectly innocent in God.

This response UNDOES the ego because it actually answers the question. And so it brings an end to the questioning, which was never an attempt to get the answer in the first place.

If there is a pain in my hand, and if I believe there is a pain in my hand, I will begin to experience reactions about the pain.

This is simply because I see there being some kind of causality coming from the pain. I think it has a power over me. I see it as happening to me. I seem to be experiencing it as though it has happened without me asking for it. And so it seems unfair, malicious, unwanted, unwelcome, as though these sentiments are somehow justified expressions of me being holier or more innocent than this.

And if this pain in the hand continues or increases, then I will likely increase in my perception of victim hood, and simply by the reversal of cause and effect, seeing cause as outside of myself, I am actively creating responsive conditions inside of myself which show up as reactions, having threatened my own self with my own mistaken perception of this pain.

I myself am creating my own reactions, including fear which begins to mount in response, as though the pain is causing me to be afraid - what does it mean, what is it leading to, why is it happening, but simply also the sheer apparent fact (albeit unreal) that it is even happening at all, is enough to provide an upset.

"I am upset because I see something that is not there." - ACIM

And so as my fearful reaction increases, so too does my conviction that this is a more serious problem than before, that it calls for magical curative measures which will attack it and manipulate it and try to make it go away. And the more strongly I feel passionate about the need to be rid of it, the more I will actually add empowerment to it, seeing it as being so strong and mighty as to deserve serious counter-measures.

These perceptions of the need for a counter measure, a retaliation, a reaction of any justified kind, a fear, or any sense of taking this seriously or treating it as real, simply shows the extent of my mistakedness and the fact that what I am ACTUALLY doing is CREATING THIS. I create it with my fear of it, I create it with my rejection of it, I create it with my desire to be rid of it, and I create it with my attempt to fix it.

And the more real of a problem it seems to become, the more certain I will be that I really need to get something done about this because it's very very serious indeed. And yet in perceiving it, describing it, envisioning it, interacting with it and making it be serious as such - believing in its appearance - I am merely choosing to manifest it, to give energy to it, to feed it.

The reason that we do this is because when we are using the mind incorrectly and are entering into illusions, false perceptions and errors, we start to experience the opposite of what we attempt to achieve. We think that we do not want pain in the hand, but this means that we will put it there. We think the pain in the hand should not be happening, and such intensify its happening. We think that it is making us very afraid, and as such we literally are causing it to become more monstrous.

We do not realize that as soon as we have stepped away from real truth and have entered into mistaken truth, we've lost our mind and our way, have become deceived, and are now operating our mental powers 'inversed' or back to front.

The ego is an entire thought system based on this back-to-front inversion of truth, and when we are in this mind, we quite literally ask for what we do not want, attract what we are trying to get away from, try to fix what is not even a problem, and generally compound the very issues that we suffer from, not realizing all along that we are inadvertently causing ourselves to prolong the suffering, simply because we're applying ourselves through an inverting filter, a reality flip, which gives us back the exact opposite of what we think we are asking for. And this is simply because once in the ego perception, we are in opposition to the real truth, and therefore are bringing about opposite effects.

Indeed the incorrect form of forgiveness correlates to the ego activities and behaviors of believing that you are sincerely attempting to rid the world of that which is wrong with it, by taking a purer or more innocent standpoint, all the while actually reinforcing, manifesting, increasing and generally adding to the conditions of sinfulness. Such forgiveness then becomes an attack rather than a correction of error, a judgement instead of a miracle.

True forgiveness therefore must entail the cessation of all of the above egoic behaviors, reactions, self-caused chaos, and general inversion of truth and opposition to it. All of these symptoms are expressing merely because you are using the mind backwards, expressing opposition and resistance instead of unity, order and health.

True forgiveness entails the complete UN-doing of all of these egoic thought patterns, attitudes that reinforce the reality of the monster, reactions to it founded in fear which really are created by your own self as part of your psychological reversal and belief in threat, and the cessation of "making real" this problem. To lend reality to it, to believe in it, dwell upon it, give it credit, think of it seriously, forget to laugh at it, mistake it for real danger (which does not exist), and to generally actually side with it while claiming and portraying yourself as doing the exact opposite, is simply to keep the problem and make it worse.

We need to learn to forget this world. As Jesus says, forget this world and come with wholly empty hands unto your God. To forget is to literally pay no further attention, knowing that the thing was unreal, and requires no upkeep to defend against it.

We need to learn to stop learning the wrong things. We keep teaching ourselves with the ego, we keep learning that sickness is real, that sin is irreversible, and that death is inevitable. This must all be corrected and undone and vanquished from the mind, replaced with the Holy Light of the Truth, which comes to set you free.

The truth does set you free, literally, actually, and in reality. Because the Truth is God and only Love is Real.

I want to tell you about a way in which I used my persona to destroy myself, and how I am learning to overcome it. This was actually a very very painful long-term lesson, so it is hard to write about.

I grew up as a highly sensitive person, who experienced everything in an intense, overwhelming, overpowering way. In order to try to cope with this, I developed the use of my persona. The persona is the side of the ego split-mind that focuses on specialness, goodness, success, social acceptability, favoritism, pleasantness, etc. So I went very strongly into 'people pleasing'.

What I'd do, quite automatically/unconsciously, was I'd put on this facade, literally a 'false face', where I'd smile a lot, become very quiet, try to appear pleasant, try not to upset anyone, look unthreatening and harmless, as though 'showing this' to people would deflect them and therefore protect me. It was my attempt to be invisible. This included a really intense repression of myself. Basically I was using this to hide my Self.

In any public situation I would put on this persona mask and make it appear that nothing was wrong, that everything was good and normal, nothing to see here, being nice to everyone and don't say a single word, and not get hurt. But there were many times this blew up in my face.

Once I was on a bus heading into town and it stopped at the hospital. A man got on the bus and sat nearby. He said that he had just gotten out of the hospital from his 3rd heart attack. This alone was enough to trigger me to hide myself even more than I already was. So I smiled a lot. He, having just gone through life-changing events, started up a conversation with me, which was horrifying. He saw I was smiling and thought that it meant I was happy, and therefore wanted to know what my 'secret to a happy life' was. This put tremendous extra pressure on me (as I saw it) and I just wanted to get the hell out of there. To do this, I intensified even more this persona of hiding myself, which was an attempt to reject him, smiling even more, being very tight-lipped, and just wanting the ordeal to end. I just became more and more quiet. For some reason I seemed to just do this as an automatic defense that I'd learned.

Once I got off the bus, I was just about ready to hurl. I put so much effort into psychologically rejecting the man, and hiding myself, that I felt literally sick. I reached/retched uncontrollably for several minutes before I could calm down. This put a huge damper on my day and was somewhat traumatic. But this wasn't the only effect of this.

See, when I used my persona to hide my real Self, this wouldn't just mean rejecting the other person, it would mean rejecting me. The more I tried to shut them out, the more I shut myself out. I had no idea I was doing this. But what I did know was how it felt. Absolutely horrible. I would come away from bad experiences like this, which occurred many many times in all kinds of public scenarios, with a feeling of tremendous tension in my head from intense embarrassment/shame/humiliation. I'd get a horrible headache, but even worse, I would feel deeply, deeply, deeply hurt. This hurt was more intense and horrible than ANY other emotion I have ever felt for any reason. Psychologically it was like I had experienced every single form of rejection, abandonment, hurt and pain all at once. The absolute only way to move past this was to have a huge cry.

So, as a result of putting on a persona and pretending to be someone I was not, regardless of whether that fake self seemed to be 'nice' or 'kind' or anything anyone values, the only way I could appear to be literally 'someone else' was to horrendously suppress, deny, reject and abandon myself. I thought I was using separation 'against' other people to separate myself from them in order to protect myself, but this separation did nothing but hurt me.

I also had a huge fear of other people judging me, and a fear of rejection. What I didn't realize was that each time that I tried to put on a persona mask of nice, likable, happy-smiley, quiet or whatever, I was buying into an ego thought system. And by doing that, I was taking a gamble. Either I would 'get' the result I wanted which was that people would be deflected and ignore me and I would pass by 'safely', OR other people would attack me or pressure me in some way and I'd end up suffering. By believing in the potential of being seen to be accepted or liked or pleasing to others, I was also simultaneously believing in the 'potential' that others would judge me. I wanted them to judge me favorably, which would feed my 'goodie goodie' persona, which meant I had to believe in judgement. And because I believed in judgement, I lived in fear of it.

So I thought I had an issue of being afraid of judgement from others. A fear of rejection. And this fear of rejection cycled around in a vicious cycle, compelling me to want to NOT be rejected, and therefore to put on a smiley persona face in order to get other people to not reject or hurt me. But of course that merely put me closer in touch with rejection and judgement, if not by others then much moreso by myself. The amount of rejection I experienced from myself TO myself as a result of self-suppression, was far worse than anything anyone else did. So this strategy really didn't actually work, even though I kept trying to use it, and each time it got worse. Over time I just became more and more uptight and quiet and withdrawn from society, eventually jobless and depressed and deeply unhappy and unable to see a way to be different.

Over time, through various avenues of healing, not least of which was the support by my wife who showed up right when I was at my worst, I gradually have learned about the dynamics of what I do to myself versus what I thought other people were going to do to me. I learned painfully and slowly to see that I only saw other people as 'attacking judging strangers' because *I* had already attacked them first. Through the years of working with A Course in Miracles and various other things I've come to very gradually realize exactly why my use of the persona is completely self-defeating and does not help at all. All the persona does is section off everything I think is wrong with me into a tidy little box and shove it away into the dark recesses of my mind, later to surface as pain and suffering.

Yet, over time I've still held onto a belief that I am mainly afraid of rejection or judgement, rather than realizing that my attempt to use the persona is what actually causes the problem. Every time I try to do what other people would want, or make myself like able, or appease others, or focus on what other people like or would buy, or whether I'd get approval, or showing only the parts of myself that I think are acceptable to others, this AUTOMATICALLY creates a fear of rejection and judgement. Because really, by using the persona (i.e. wanting to feed it by creating a self-image/persona of being pleasing) I am actually already rejecting myself and judging myself. Why would I want to put a facade on myself to cover up my True Self? Why would I want to soften the blow of someone else's attitude by abandoning myself first, so that I then need a defense?

The truth that is starting to reveal itself to me now, is that if I actually just be true to myself, and completely drop all need to use the persona to be 'likable' or 'acceptable to others' or 'what they want' etc, I actually stay in a STRENGTH and a authenticity that empowers me and completely overrides the apparent need, either for a fake persona self, or for a defense against rejection. And so this reveals what really is underneath all this.

If I reject myself FIRST, I will then believe I have to use a false self-image-persona to show other people a version of me that they will like, so that they won't point out how shitty I am. Once i'm in persona mode, I cannot escape the fear of rejection because I've already rejected myself and more will be forthcoming through the projection of it.

So the task in front of me now is, to learn to accept myself fully, to be true to the truth in me, to open up to reveal and expose who I really am, to 'let loose' without any shame or censorship, to stop trying to hide myself for any reason, and to basically 'be myself'. But it also HAS to mean, a willingness to stop putting on a show, to stop presenting myself in a fake way, to stop trying to 'appear' likable, to stop people-pleasing, to stop trying to feed my persona image, to stop trying to get everyone to approve of me, and to just drop that whole pile of horseshit. I only enter into a perception that I need 'protection' when I have already judged myself and have seen myself as vulnerable. I am not vulnerable if I am truth-filled. And I don't need to please anyone.

So the key to FREEDOM in all this, is awakening into Holy Spirit's view of me, in acceptance of the truth of me, and in completely surrendering BOTH the fear of rejection AND the attempt to 'win approval' through the persona. By stopping using a persona this solves every problem that ever arose out of its use. What I thought was helping me was hurting me deeply. And stopping the use of the persona stops the creation of the shadow (pain) as well.

Standing firmly in who I AM, brings all of the certainty, strength, assertiveness, disregard for other's opinions, invulnerability, and empowerment, that seemed to be MISSING when I chose to use the ego. And which could never be fulfilled by using the ego. Because once again, it's a case of seek and do not find. "I don't have to worry about what to say or what to do knowing He goes there with me" - ACIM, i.e. I am in my true self and my true self is completely uninterested in pretense or rejection.

Who knew - trying to please people makes you rejected!!!

Learning to love myself more. Learning to drop the ego more. Learning to be what I am, instead of trying to be something I'm not. And in that, there is no fear.

In my ongoing exploration and practice of performing healing miracles, I gradually chisel away at the reasons why it is or isn't working, and gradually refine the process. I guess it's like learning anything, like how to drive a car or how to sing.

At first you do all kinds of things that aren't necessary and produce mistakes and problems. Gradually you UN-learn various things you were doing that were interfering.

Lately I'm moving more towards trusting Holy Spirit Himself to teach me about it, rather than trying to the find answers in other people's teachings about it, especially as I'm gradually seeing more and more inconsistencies in what other people have said.

One of the key aspects of miracle healing is, apparently, an element of belief. I've heard people talk about how you must believe first in order to receive. It is said biblically that he who asks, believing that he will receive, will do so. And this is also reflected in the Course.

I'm discovering that BELIEVING that it is TRUE that healing will occur, or indeed, that it HAS occurred (per God), is a key part of this "procedure".

Previously, I would attempt to do a miracle and say various things and use my hands and so on, with some amount of conviction that it was "possible" for this to work. But at the same time, I still was looking and waiting to see IF it was working. This means focusing on the presence of signs of change, first, instead of focusing on belief first. It means I'm making the error real, instead of overlooking it.

So if the sickness or problem is the error, or the form of error, and if I'm looking AT it trying to undo it, I've kept it real and am believing the ego's illusion. Therefore I am not in a mode of forgiveness.

Here I'm finding there is a really interesting, almost double-interpretation of what the Course says about miracles and forgiveness. On the one hand there is forgiving illusions for the sake of your own sanity and so on, mind correction, BUT, also it's seeming more and true that this APPLIES not only within my little body mind but also "OUT THERE" in the greater mind.

That means, forgiveness can be applied externally from my separate self, just as much as internally. That means, there are illusions of sickness outside of my body, as much as there might be such things inside. When I see errors (sickness) in someone's body, if I think that illusion is real, I am basically failing to forgive. If I am to UNDO that illusion, it isn't going to simply mean that I change my perception about it within my mind and it gets fixed within ME, within the scope of my separate self, but that it is supposed to ALSO get fixed out there in the larger dream.

The illusion of sickness in the other person is supposed to get corrected and undone and disappear, just as it would if it were inside my own form. Therefore, as part of the miracle-working process, which applies WITHIN AND WITHOUT (which are both the same), I need to OVERLOOK the person's sickness by not focusing on it when I am attempting to heal them. This also means that, as Jesus says, the miracle is intended to heal BOTH of us and not just my private inner world.

If when I attempt a miracle with Holy Spirit, I am looking not with a mindset of believing in truth, but with a mindset of believing that the error is in the person's body is real, then I am not going to see a miracle. This was something I was getting wrong, because I felt that IF a miracle were to happen with the person's body, I would actually be SURPRISED. That's not a good sign. That indicates that I don't REALLY believe that it's going to happen, and therefore I don't REALLY believe in God or that it CAN happen, yet alone that it WILL and MUST.

So I've been asking myself this question, do I REALLY believe that this person's given sickness, whatever the target is, do I ACTUALLY believe that it really can and will be healed? And in this, I have to be really HONEST with myself. And honestly, some of the things that I've been trying to heal, I did not really believe could be healed. Even if I was trying fairly earnestly or making a fool of myself. Deep down, I wasn't really totally certain or convinced that it would work, I was relying more on wishful thinking and hope than on faith and knowing.

So what happened was, I found myself ready to do a "remote miracle", on my own with Holy Spirit, away from a person, and what came to me was that I should not try to heal the thing I thought I would tackle, because I'm not ready. I don't believe it enough. The illusion of that particular "error" being real is too strong at the moment, so I don't have enough belief that it can be healed. So I was directed by Holy Spirit to work on a different issue, which he specifically named. And I noticed that I FELT that I believed it WAS possible for this other issue to be healed. I'm not sure if its to do with the order of difficulty issue - hierarchy of illusions, that for some reason I have less baggage and blockage relating to that particular ailment, but it seemed more POSSIBLE for me to believe in its healing. So I did that.

And then Holy Spirit told me to "cancel". So I did a forgiveness process canceling the belief that anything about the sickness was true or real. Gradually Holy Spirit's energies flowed more and more intensely, and I found myself BELIEVING that it was happening. That the healing WAS being received, and that it WAS fully given. And I did not feel like I would be surprised if it worked. Instead, I felt that it was, as Holy Spirit then said, "done." He said it was "fully given."

Believing that the healing can and will be done is very important, because it's the same thing as you believing that the forgiven mind is true and that the person is innocent in this area. Just as much as if it applied to myself. It's not so much I think that the believing in it itself gives it any kind of power, BUT, that I am placing my faith and loyalty SOMEWHERE, so either I am believing in the truth of God's healing, OR I must be believing in the ego's lie of sickness. So which is it going to be? I need to ACTUALLY BELIEVE that God's truth is the truth and that, therefore, there MUST be healing.

I think I'm on to something.

Forgiveness is rooted in your immortality. Accepting atonement means recognizing fully that you are immortal, and letting go of everything that is incompatible with your immortal nature.

"But the guarantee of your continuity is God's, not the ego's. And immortality is the opposite of time, for time passes away, while immortality is constant. Accepting the Atonement teaches you WHAT IMMORTALITY IS" UrT11J13

It is extremely simple. You simply recognize what it means to be immortal, the qualities and characteristics of that, and then compare that to the position you are trying to take. Anything which is out of accord is false and can be let go, as you remind yourself of what is true.

"Everything that stems from the ego is the natural outcome of its central belief, and the way to undo its RESULTS, is merely to recognize that their SOURCE is NOT natural, being out of accord with your TRUE nature." UrT10F5

Anything which is not in accord with, compatible with, your immortal nature in spirit, cannot be true. All you have to do is put your immortality first and foremost, and then look to see if what you are believing, experiencing, perceiving, feeling etc, is in accord with it.

A huge thing to be forgiven is the basic idea that things are happening to you which are causing you to change. It takes many forms including that other people are affecting you, someone is doing something to you, the environment is causing you to be afraid, situations are making you anxious, your body is making things difficult, etc. All various ways that you seem to be being changed.

Look to your immortality. Your immortality says you cannot change even slightly because you are always the same forever. I am immortal. If I am immortal, can it be true that I am affected by this person? Can it be true that they are making me feel this? Can it be true that I am suffering? Can it be true that I am weak and vulnerable and threatened?

What does your immortality have to say about this? You can also ask Jesus or the Holy Spirit - who are also immortal - and they can tell you the exact same things. The truth about you will set you free.

What about the secret of salvation? Basically the idea is that you cannot suffer because you are immortal. If you seem to be suffering, you must have lost track of your immortality and have started to see yourself as being affected by something. You've started to believe you can be changed, hurt, influenced.

This then means you need to look at what you are doing to yourself, because only your mind can attack itself with faulty thoughts. You must be participating in choosing to suffer, and to fake the suffering, because your immortal self cannot suffer.

The fact that you are immortal should tell you that whatever you think other people are doing to you, that can't be true, because you can't have things done to you - they're not guilty. So if things seem to be happening to you, you must be doing them to yourself, but you can't really be doing it to yourself because you can't even change yourself. So you're not guilty either.

It ALWAYS comes back to your immortality. To your self. To knowing yourself as you really are, as God created you. This is the whole point "I am not a body I am free for I am still as God created me." You are remembering what is true of you and becoming ever more clear about what is NOT POSSIBLE.

A simple line of questioning to begin any forgiveness might start: "I am immortal." You can then take it from there. If you simply reiterate the various properties and characteristics of being immortal, that alone injects so much truth into your mind that it dispels a ton of myths and lies and brings great clarity.

I am immortal. I can never change. I cannot be changed. I cannot change myself. Not even God changes me. No-one in the world is changing me. I am permanent. I will live forever. There will never be an end to my existence. I have no reason to be afraid of anything because I will never stop existing. Nothing can threaten me whatsoever because nothing can change me. I can't be affected by anyone or anything because I am immortal. This is a forgiveness process. An articulation based on a simple fact of your true nature.

Projections of guilt onto other people? It's just a way that you're trying to free yourself from guilt in a way that doesn't really work. The solution is to recognize you are immortal. If you are immortal you cannot attack or be attacked. You are invulnerable and see everyone as harmless and unharmed. You bring healing and life only. You resurrect, you do not destroy. Therefore you cannot have ever sinned, and cannot be guilty, and have no guilt to project. Neither you or the other person is guilty of anything.

How about the fact that other people are also immortal? If they are immortal, they cannot be sinning or guilty either. There can't be anything wrong with them. They can't be corrupt, they can't be sinful, they can't be broken, they can't be in fear, they can't be suffering, they can't be sick or dead, they can't be attacking or attacked.

So then there is no basis for you to project or scapegoat because you recognize they are absolutely invulnerable. What point would there be to project guilt through anger in an attempt to bind guilt into someone, if you knew this was impossible? There'd be no point even trying. You can't take away anyone's innocence.

How about you playing the role of victim? Seeing yourself as unfairly treated, victimised, hurt, abused, attacked, offended, upset, made to feel certain feelings, forced to suffer, things happening to you against your will, pain and misery? NONE of this is possible. If you are immortal, you cannot experience or be in a position where any of this can happen to you.

How can you be a victim if you cannot be attacked? You can't accuse anyone of anything if you are unattackable. How can you be hurt, if you are so invulnerable that you can't be changed in anyway? Hurt, what is that? Some kind of lie that you are not immortal, that some parts of you can be bruised and injured and damaged. Impossible for an immortal being. So you cannot be a victim, you cannot be affected, made to hurt, caused to change, defined, redefined, attacked, damaged, or made to malfunction.

This is what forgiveness is about. Getting your mind to approach the TRUTH, and to ACCEPT THE TRUTH. This is accepting the atonement. The acceptance of the truth is the acceptance of the truth ABOUT YOU. What is the truth about you? You are an absolutely immortal innocent being that lives forever and is absolutely beyond all attack and threat. Nothing real can be threatened - your immortal self is your reality. Your life is never in danger.

Keep it simple. There are many many ways that you can word and articulate forgiving ideas. Ideas designed to undo lies, to untangle cause-effect confusions, ways to try to take back errors and stop yourself from making them.

It all starts with your immortality. It all starts with you as an immortal being deciding to PRETEND that you are mortal, that you can suffer, be a victim, be hurt, be destroyed. It's you playing a game of death, and you have to take full responsibility for that and stop doing it. It's pointless anyway because not only can you not ever BE something that is destructible, like the body, you are so beyond all attack that you can never be even slightly influenced toward death.

Center on your immortal nature. Focus on it. Learn about it. Live it. Let it inform your perceptions. Let it unravel the lies and egotism in your mind. Use it as the litmus test to compare everything to. If anything in any way suggests that you are even SLIGHTLY vulnerable, weak, afraid, as though your existence is being brought into question somehow, as if you can be hurt and changed somehow, you must be listening to "the ego". ie, you are trying to pretend that you can die.

This is really all you need. Salvation comes from your one self - your immortal self. Know thyself as immortal and be free from all forms of suffering and death forever.

"The world goes AGAINST your nature, because it is out of accord with God's laws." UrT7L1

"Forgiveness, then, is an illusion, but because of its purpose, which is the Holy Spirit's, it has one difference. Unlike all other illusions it leads away from error and not toward it." UrU4A1

"Forgiveness might be called a kind of happy fiction; a way in which the unknowing can bridge the gap between their perception and the truth." UrU4A2

"Whatever is IN ACCORD with this light He retains, to strengthen the Kingdom in YOU. When it is PARTLY in accord with truth He accepts it and purifies it. But what is OUT OF ACCORD ENTIRELY He rejects by judging against. This is how He keeps the Kingdom perfectly consistent and perfectly unified." UrT6H1

"God's guarantee will hold against ALL obstacles, for it rests on certainty, and NOT contingency. IT RESTS ON YOU. And what can be more certain than the Son of God?" UrT20E9

"Yet what is it except a game you play in which identity can be denied? You are as God created you. All else but this one thing is folly to believe. In this one thought is everything set free. In this one truth are all illusions gone. In this one fact is sinlessness proclaimed to be forever part of everything; the central core of its existence and its guarantee of immortality." UrW191L4

Choosing not to control anything, to me, feels just like a surrender.

I used to say several times, "I surrender". Particularly saying them in quick-succession so that my ego doesn't jump in with its distractions and objections.

But now I find, if I just intend not to control anything at all, and just to be 'aware of any attempts to control, this works just as well and even perhaps runs deeper.

With surrendering, I can surrender the surface layers of what my ego has been doing to try to control situations, and relax back into openness and willingness to admit the truth. But maybe this isn't a 'total surrender'.

By focusing on 'not controlling anything', this instead strikes right to the core of the ego, which is entirely founded on an attempt to control reality and God. If I am not controlling anything at all, then I am not going outside of myself, I am not engaging in non-acceptance, I am not caught up in ego dramas, and I'm not even creating the thoughts that come as the ways in which I think reality should be different.

Give it a try. I'm enjoying experimenting with this. Just let go of controlling anything whatsoever. Don't even try to control thoughts or to control your mind or ego. Just stop controlling.

I recently had to struggle through a period of intense emotional release, coupled with a lot of crying. It was triggered seemingly by father's day, inducing a grieving period and sense of loss, but it seemed to also move into some release relating to childhood abuse.

With such heavy feelings I became quite caught up in it, lost and immersed in ego. Also during this period I lost sight of the course teachings and of forgiveness. I felt too overwhelmed and upset to want to add more ego-challenging stress in the form of extra course stuff.

It also then became very annoying and frustrating that there was so much emotion, and that it wasn't stopping. I was forced to rest a lot. But it started to make me question, why do I keep having to have so much emotion coming out? Is there really a benefit to crying and releasing it? Is crying a part of my real self's healing or is it just some aspect of the ego and the body?

When I considered that I've had hundreds if not thousands of cries in recent years, and that I tend to throw myself into it, I also couldn't fathom how there could be so much to feel through. Why did things from 40 years ago keep coming up? Why did it require so many releases in order to make such slow progress? Was this really necessary and important in my spiritual path? Yes the crying does seem to move me past hurts and on to deeper stuff but is it really necessary?

I also recently started to consider the idea in ACIM of there being two levels of mind, higher and lower. Real thoughts shared with God produce the creation of spirit, and unreal thoughts shared with the ego produce intellect and physicality. So that made me start to realize, there are higher and lower parts to my mind.

I think this is a kind of turning point of "there must be a better way" because I'm also now starting to step back from the lower mind more often. I'm asking myself, is this feeling or perspective really a part of me as a higher-self, or is it coming up from the depths of a lower ego self? Even to the extent, are these hurt emotions, emotional pain and loss and grief and so on, really coming from or about "me" or is it part of the ego? Is it perhaps the ego that cries and is constantly upset?

Today perhaps for the first time, with a continued oozing out of further emotions, I started to assert the idea at the end of my rope, that "these feelings are not mine." Who and what I am seems to somehow be stepping back from or dis-associating from them. This seems pretty radical to suggest that any upset feeling is not really a part of me, is not mine, and is not part of my identity. It makes me realize I have been identifying with these things for a very long time.

The ego is pretty relentless in its morbid suffering. The body, if it holds certain emotional pain or energies in itself, certainly is also a repository of suffering and pain. It seems to me that every single little upset about anything ever is somehow stored somewhere and has to seemingly be released. But I'm also realizing that who and what I am does not have to be consumed by it, lost in it, playing along with it.

I don't know if this is some kind of attempted denial or repression, but it seems that there is some part of my sense of who and what I am which is detaching from these "lower" experiences and is identifying with something higher and lighter. All pain and misery, all upset, all grief and loss, all sense of shame or guilt, all fears, all hurt and suffering, surely cannot be a part of who or what I am as God created me. There can't be unhappy feelings in God's son. They cannot be real.

As I sit here and I still am having waves of emotion wanting to erupt and release, there's also some part of me now that feels stronger, and does not want to lose myself in it, or have it at all. When emotions become strong and overtake the mind, it can really become immersive and it starts to feel like "I" am the one who is feeling it and is hurt by it. I become centered in it. The emotions seem to describe me. I believe this is identifying with them, and thus with the ego.

As I remember that my identity or self is not these feelings, I immediately feel a deflating effect. The ego is always attempting to inflate things into a huge drama of intensity, especially at the emotional level. I think that identifying with the emotions and feeling like I'm the one who they are a part of, or am "the one" who is hurt, is all part of being lost in the ego.

I recall also some things which Eckhart Tolle has said about "the pain body", which is the ego's emotional body of pain and suffering. He said that this emotional pain body remains dormant a lot but sometimes it erupts into awareness and attempts to flood the mind with negative thoughts and memories of the past, trying to get the mind to identify with it and lose consciousness. I'm asking myself now if all and every single upsetting feeling "from the past" is really this pain body erupting and the ego trying to use my dependency on, and identification with feelings, as a way to keep me bound to it.

It seems weird to say, because what I'm really saying is that suddenly it seems that all my "lower" emotions are not really true of me. All hurt feelings are not really about me as God created me. All emotions that erupt from the bottomless pit of despair are not a part of my self. How can they be if God created me perfect and permanently happy? How can any kind of unhappiness or loss or shame or guilt or anything else be a part of my identity or my experience?

I feel like I've been battling with this emotion-monster for decades now. Years upon years of crying about the past. With the recent intolerability and obnoxiousness of it, it just became too much to a kind of breaking point, and now I feel like I'm snapping out of it. Like I"m done with it. I don't want to feel this crap anymore as though it's something I have to go through, or can't stop, or have no power over, or am destined to feel. It's not God's will for me. And it seems like all of it is a part of illusion.

As I look at it now, and as feelings threaten to "come up" again and flood my experience, I watch as they just emerge out of nowhere, from below, and seem to want to tempt me to believe that I am the one who is upset. But if I recall that I not these feelings, then somehow it seems fairly easy to "stay out of it". And that stepping back also deflates them and seems to cause them to simmer down again.

I think this is another thing that I have just been doing to myself over time. There is some drive in my psyche/personality to just hurl myself into full exposure to any and all emotions. But by identifying with them and believing they relate to me, or are part of me, having no boundaries with them, I have only been burying myself in them and feeling sorry for myself like a victim. Not to mention how much it consumes me and pulls me far away from higher thoughts.

I see Jesus in the course telling me to have more vigilance to protect the higher mind and to have more vigilance against the lower mind. The lower mind is run by the ego and wants to just turn everything into a life-or-death separation drama. I don't want to be a part of that anymore.

While at first I thought my whole self was the lower mind, and the higher mind was much higher, I now see that I'm moving up into the higher mind and the lower self is indeed below me. The ego wants us to identify with it and believe that all its perceptions of suffering are our own. That we are the body and its pains. That we are the suffering self. That's now who or what we are. The pool of misery doesn't seem to have an end. It seems the only thing to do with the desert is to leave.

The truth must be, then, that any unhappy feeling cannot be a part of my real self, cannot be true, cannot be real, and cannot be happening. My real self cannot be upset, cannot suffer loss, and cannot be hurt. It is extraordinary to think that I have lived as "a person" who seems to have suffered and felt hurt and upset so many times, and that not once has this suffering been true. But this is what ACIM is telling me. Only the thoughts and feelings that I share with God are real, and all the rest is ego noise, one of its many forms of the opposite to love.

"You hate it (the body), yet you think it IS your self, and that, WITHOUT it, would your self be lost."

"The ego is also in your mind, because you have ACCEPTED it there. ITS evaluation of you, however, is the exact opposite of the Holy Spirit's, because the ego does NOT love you. It is unaware of what you are, and wholly mistrustful of EVERYTHING it perceives, because its own perceptions are so shifting. The ego is therefore capable of suspiciousness at best, and viciousness at worst."

"the ego is not wholly split off, or it could not be believed at all. For it is your mind that BELIEVES in it, and gives existence TO it. Yet it is ALSO your mind that has the power to DENY its existence, and you will surely do so when you realize exactly what the journey it sets you IS."

"The ego is quite literally a fearful thought."

"Belief that there IS another way is the loftiest idea of which ego-thinking is capable. This is because it contains a hint of recognition that the ego is NOT the self."

"The ego is expert ONLY in confusion. It does not understand ANYTHING ELSE. As a teacher, then, it is totally confused and TOTALLY CONFUSING."

"Every response to the ego is a call to war, and war DOES deprive you of peace."

"The ego IS therefore a confusion in identification, which never had a consistent model, and never developed consistently."

"Jung was right indeed in insisting that the ego is NOT the self, and that the self should be regarded as an achievement."

"To identify with the ego is to attack yourself, and MAKE YOURSELF POOR. That is why everyone who identifies with the ego FEELS DEPRIVED. What he EXPERIENCES is then depression or anger, but what he DID is to exchange his self-love for self-hate, MAKING HIM AFRAID OF HIMSELF. He does NOT realize this. Even if he is fully aware of ANXIETY, he does NOT perceive its source AS HIS OWN EGO IDENTIFICATION, and he ALWAYS tries to handle it by making some sort of insane "arrangement" with the world."

"This is WHY the ego is insane; it teaches that you are NOT what you ARE."

"That is all the world of the ego is. NOTHING. It has no meaning. It does not exist."

"All that the ego is, is an idea that it is possible that things should HAPPEN to the Son of God, WITHOUT his will."

"The ego is the choice for guilt, the Holy Spirit the decision for blamelessness."

"For the ego DOES want to kill you, and if you identify WITH it, you MUST believe ITS GOAL IS YOURS."

"Guilt is the only need the ego has, and, as long as you identify WITH it, guilt will remain ATTRACTIVE to you."

"It is always an interpretation that gives rise to negative emotions"

"Our self-made roles are shifting, and they seem to change from mourner to ecstatic bliss of love and loving. We can laugh or weep, and greet the day with welcome or with tears. "

"who is sinless cannot suffer pain"

"The Self Which God created cannot sin, and therefore cannot suffer."

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die. I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today."

"I cannot suffer any loss or deprivation or pain because of who I am."

"The guiltless mind cannot suffer."

"The gentle have no pain. They cannot suffer. Why would they not be joyous? They are sure they are beloved and must be safe."

"You have enslaved the world with all your fears, with doubts and miseries, your pain and tears, and all your sorrows press upon it, and keep it a prisoner to your beliefs."

"And God Himself shall wipe away all tears."

"Be not afraid of Love. For It alone can heal all sorrow, wipe away all tears, and gently waken from his dreams of pain the Son whom God acknowledges as His."

"Repeat God's Name and all the world responds by laying down illusions. Every dream the world holds dear has suddenly gone by, and where it seemed to stand you find a star; a miracle of grace. The sick arise, healed of their sickly thoughts. The blind can see; the deaf can hear. The sorrowful cast off their mourning, and the tears of pain are dried as happy laughter comes to bless the world."

"And He would have all tears be wiped away, with none remaining yet unshed, and none but waiting their appointed time to fall. For God has willed that laughter should replace each one, and that His Son be free again."

"Perhaps you come in tears, but hear Him say, "My brother, Holy Son of God, behold your idle dream, in which this could occur," and you will leave the holy instant with your laughter and your brother's JOINED with His."

It's not just a matter of me taking back responsibility for everything in life, and then sitting there all by myself.

There is instead a shift away from ego-self and towards being aware of and TRUSTING in God.

It's not just a matter of realizing the cause of things is in my mind, not out there, although that's necessary.

What is cause? It's not just some idea or decision. GOD is cause.

It's also not just a matter of removing blocks to awareness of love. What happens when the blocks are removed? Love/God shows up. And that's no small matter.

I've relied on my intellect, on my ego's abilities, on my separate intelligence, on my self-taught learning. But this is all essentially because I am not depending on God.

Independent thinking... okay... highly overrated. It's actually a substitute for being connected to, trusting in, and having real faith in God.

I'm opening up to a willingness to surrender, and to actually believe and stay unwavering in, a knowing-based trust that God is taking care of things.

It's not God that wavers or fails, it's my selfish ego trying to do everything on its own.

I have to let go. I have to surrender. And I have to stop being the one who has all the truth all gathered up in my separate mind like a big database of information.

Truth as information is a substitute for truth as an experiential relationship with God. It is a substitute for being WITH God, intimately. For being AWARE of God's real presence and communicating with Him and being directed BY Him.

It really boils down to a simple either-or question. Either I trust in my own abilities, or I trust in God. Either I think that I have to control and enforce everything myself, or I let go of the reigns and let God.

And in that trust, in that surrender, it's not that God just sits there idle. To trust that he is taking care of things, that he can heal all situations, requires strong faith and belief and certainty and loyalty. And that also means, knowing that God actually IS taking care of things... even worldly things, even worldly problems.

This is the next stage in the development of trust. I have to learn to step aside and not only 'let God' but actually trust God, believe God, and put aside my own little fears and worries about how God won't help or isn't in charge or can't heal things or whatever.

It's about opening up to relying on God, knowing that God goes with me, allowing God, being intimate with God and allowing myself to be supported BY God. And this has everything to do with working miracles, which REQUIRES faith and firm belief and TRUST in God.

My lack of faith, is what it comes down to. As Jesus says in the course we have placed great faith in the ego, in our own selves, in intelligence and thinking and learning, that we have displaced our faith away from God.

I/we must learn that God really is on our side, really is our partner, that we really are taken care of by Him, that he really can and will do what He says he can and will do, and to trust Him to manage life for us.

It's not just that we are separate from God and have to live in separation and maybe get some input from God once in a while. That isn't the LIFE that we are meant to live. We are meant to team up with God and be loved and united with Him, and actually have Him IN us and working THROUGH us FOR us, without us having to carry the entire weight of the world by ourselves.

How can I trust God unless I am willing to let go of control of life and actually allow Him to do this? How can I trust unless I am 'hands off'?

God repeatedly says to me, "let me". And I did not really understand what this meant. I didn't know if it meant he would do something through me if I did something. I didn't know if it meant he was 'maybe' taking care of something, and then me having no faith in that entering into fear and believing that He wasn't doing anything.

If I don't have trust and faith that God can take care of things, I in effect block God's power and actually do fail to RECEIVE God's blessings.

Anyway.

Today I am grateful and thankful that God HAS delivered, God HAS provided, God IS taking care of situations, and I am not alone any more.

I am gradually learning that there is POWER in making decisions. And I don't just mean some kind of self-help "make more decisions to be productive" kind of thing. I mean, literally it has a supernatural kind of power to it. It's tied into miracle working. It accesses and wields the power of the mind to CAUSE.

Everything in the course points towards becoming more decisive, empowered, certain, clear about what you do or do not want, being responsible for choice, ending victimhood, realizing that nothing can happen to you against your will, and reclaiming the ability to CHOOSE. And in that choosing, you actually CAUSE stuff. And what you do not choose, you do not cause.

Here is what "My self is ruler of the universe" says from Lesson 253:

"It is impossible that anything should come to me unbidden by myself. Even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This must I accept. For thus am I led past this world to my creations, children of my Will, in Heaven where my holy Self abides with them, and Him Who has created me."

It is also very clear that being in fear is being in indecision. Fearfulness is an attempt NOT to choose, just as "death is an attempt to make no decisions at all." The opposite of that is to make ALL decisions or to be aware that you choose everything that happens to you. ie nothing happens to you, it happens FROM you.

This is the secret to salvation - that you are doing this to yourself. And the secret to salvation, and forgiveness, and atonement, and miracle working, all recognize that you have a POWER in you to choose. And whatever you DECIDE, you CAUSE TO HAPPEN.

Let's put it this way. YOU ARE ALWAYS CHOOSING.

Everything is a choice. "Heaven is a decision I must make". "No one dies without their own consent."

The problem is that we do not believe we are always choosing. When we say things like "such and such is going to happen to me" as though we are not choosing it, we are actually choosing it. When we lay down and just accept that we're in for stormy weather, we are actually choosing it. "I have no neutral thoughts" - because you are always using thought to choose what you will experience.

The whole thing about perception and projection stems from the fact that you perceive what you CHOOSE to perceive, having put it there yourself through your decision.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am not at peace" - the entire prayer and the text prior to it clarifies that if you are not experiencing joy *YOU* MUST have DECIDED NOT TO. And we are supposed to own up to 100% responsibility for that. And to then reclaim that power of decision, and CHOOSE AGAIN. But if we don't recognize that we are always choosing or have the power TO choose, and that choosing MAKES STUFF HAPPEN, then we will just remain in a state of half-baked victimhood and uncertainty and things just seeming to happen on their own.

Since we've been immersed in fear and uncertainty and victimhood for so long, it has become "normal" to us. We've become used to it. We don't realize that we HAVE a choice in every situation and that the things we are experiencing are precisely what we ASKED FOR. We do not realize that we are, as the song of prayer says, ALWAYS PRAYING and thus always asking AND always being answered in accordance with what it is we are asking for. And if we are asking for suffering, we will make suffering. And if we are asking for joy, we will receive joy.

It's all too easy to be lost in states of fearful-mindedness where it does not seem like you have any say in the matter. That you have no power, are not choosing, stuff is happening outside of your decision, things happen that you do not want, you don't seem to be able to do anything about it, and then you start to believe that you don't even HAVE any kind of "power". Like, if you even DID make a decision, you think that the making of the decision ITSELF - the making up of your mind - has no power to CAUSE anything to occur. But this is not true.

"The mind is very powerful, it is always creating and lever loses its creative ability." The whole thing about rendering the faculties of decision ineffective in an attempt to block the mind's power speaks to this. We do not want to admit that THOUGHT HAS POWER. And in fact, "who would have imagined that thought and belief could combine in a power surge strong enough to literally move mountains." This comes about through DECISIVENESS, certainty, confidence, wholeness, strength, truth, love. The qualities of a healed mind is a POWERFUL mind which chooses and is AWARE that it chooses, and that in making choices CAUSES stuff to occur. Miraculously. Powerfully.

I am still struggling with this myself because all too often I am in the egoic sleeping state of not realizing that I CAN CHOOSE something else. But I've also been finding that when I DO make a decision, it immediately DISPELLS fear. Just last night I was cleaning the bathroom and using chemicals and was getting a bit nauseated from the fumes, and after becoming anxious about it for a few minutes I DECIDED with a firm "I am...." decision... "I am not threatened, I am safe". Instantly a whole cloud of fearful energy around me vanished.

Also not long ago I was seeing signs of a sickness showing up and I got mad about it. I REFUSED that it would be allowed to happen. Jesus said "decide". I decided FIRMLY that THIS WILL SIMPLY NOT HAPPEN. Then I walked away. Next day there was no sign of it. And I had no fear or doubt or second-guessing or wondering about it because of the certainty with which I decided. The firmness or assertiveness and power of making a clear decision.

There is more to this than simply choosing which direction to go on a path. It's not some weak little change of plans. When you become decisive and fearless and certain "I am not doubtful but certain, I am not afraid but all powerful", you become quite POWERFUL and that power actually can CAUSE. It can cause stuff to happen. It can cause stuff to not happen. Just as "my self is ruler of the universe" says. Nothing can come to you unbidden by yourself. You choose it all! No-one dies without their own consent. Nothing happens to you that you do not choose. The world contains no causes, nothing can bring oppression or make you ill or weak or afraid.

We are constantly CHOOSING. We need to step into this power, into this state of "consciously choosing". Being decisive. DECIDING. I had another example just recently where I had some heartburn and was worried about it. Out of the blue, while talking to Holy Spirit, I DECIDED "I am healed." I have no idea where it came from. Instantly Holy Spirit went to work doing some kind of miracle in my body and the heartburn was healed.

Jesus also says that when the PURPOSE of any sickness is recognized as being NOT NEEDED (no defense needed) there is no sickness that will not disappear and be healed instantly. That such healing is automatic. That simply by DECIDING to accept truth without fear and being WILLING to let go of suffering, it can simply vanish. This is the power of our mind. Getting in touch with your WILLINGNESS puts you in touch with the Power of God's Will!

We don't realize how powerful our minds are. We don't recognize it because we're been hanging out in the ego land for too long, drifting from one victimy reaction to the next. Just allowing stuff to happen, going along with it, passively aggressing against ourselves, just laying down and "letting" stuff occur - through our own unconscious choices. It's not that we are not MAKING choices all the time, it's that these choices are being made from an UNCONSCIOUS DEATH WISH and it's causing all kinds of havoc. We need to become AWARE of our decision making moments, our moments of decisiveness and choosing. We can choose what we experience!

I find this choosing to be powerful especially in relation to some kind of statement about myself, termed as "I am..." or "I am not". You don't have to just let stuff carry on "by itself". That's an illusion. Nothing happens "on its own". There isn't any kind of alien will or external causality. You ARE already making everything happen that you experience, you are just doing it outside of awareness. This is part of why we must remove blocks to awareness so that we can stop unconsciously making bad choices that hurt ourselves.

There is power in decision. It is the antithesis of fear and death. YOU CAN CHOOSE NOT TO DIE. And in fact, if you do die, you still chose it. "No-one dies without their own consent." It's just a matter of whether or not you get in touch with that CHOOSING and you USE that power of decision to choose otherwise. You want to choose otherwise because you want to be at peace. You can CHOOSE that. Death is a decision that you make, just as "heaven is a decision I must make." And when you choose Heaven, death becomes IMPOSSIBLE because it cannot happen WITHOUT your consent. If you do not choose it, you are free from it forever.

There is a whole workbook lesson on this as well, Lesson 152 - "The power of decision is my own." Lesson 152. Here's how it starts:

"No-one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No-one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No-one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no-one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is.

You may believe that this position is extreme, and too inclusive to be true. Yet can truth have exceptions? If you have the gift of everything can loss be real? Can pain be part of peace, or grief of joy? Can fear and sickness enter in a mind where love and perfect holiness abide? Truth must be all-inclusive if it be the truth at all. Accept no opposite and no exceptions, for to do so is to contradict the truth entirely.

Salvation is the recognition that the truth is true and nothing else is true."

We speak of the separation from God. But the separation is also a separation from the sonship, which means a separation not only from others, but also from the part of you which is shared with them.

Before the separation we were all one, joined together and sharing everything. We even shared our identity and our souls. We overlapped and everything belonged to everyone.

But then in the separation, we went into an isolation mode, where we saw our own self as not shared with others, as not extending to include them, and had a sense of a "gap" or rift of distance (space) form in-between us.

This then led to the production of bodies symbolizing this separateness, in which we enter a state of solitude. Or to put it another way, solitary confinement. By seeing that other people are not a part of myself, I saw myself as exclusively "only me", and therefore disconnected from everyone.

That's a very lonely state to be in, in which we see ourselves as the only inhabitant or our little prison body, and everyone else seems kept apart from us physically. Jesus refers to this state as one of solitude, in which we basically tried to stop sharing anything with anyone. We also can really think of this as the ego, because it's this way of changing your sense of identity to identify with a body and believe that you are a lonesome person.

The truth is then, that if your IDENTITY does not include others, you ARE alone. And since separation is selfish, you ARE being selfish if you think ONLY of what seems to be your own self. You must expand your sense of identity to encompass and include all others, recognizing them as PART OF YOU.

Only when you can experience that others ARE part of your own self can you have a vested interest in developing shared interests. If you ARE others, then what benefits you benefits them equally. This means opening up to being more than JUST you.

This isn't really an attempt to throw away your self. The sense of egocentricity only comes from having a sense of identity that doesn't share with anyone. It's a temporary side effect or symptom. I think we can say the ego is a symptom of the separation, and without separateness from others there is no egotism.

Instead we are to open up to join, to reunite, with others. To let them into us. To see our own self IN them. To recognize them AS ourselves. And to share everything with them equally. This doesn't mean getting rid of myself, it means ADDING ON all the other selves that I CUT OFF in the separation. It means GAINING a much more expanded sense of self, which INCLUDES everyone as part of you.

When you are more than just yourself, you have made room for the interests of others in your life. When your own separate self stops being "all important", when you stop depending on your own strength, when you put aside making all your own decisions, and when you let go of trying to be in control of everything, you make room for others, and for God.

I can only make room for God if I make room IN MY SELF to include others and to include God as part of me. I literally am you and you literally are me. ONLY when identity is SHARED, is there true holy relationship. Only when I am US, am I devoid of the selfishness of the ego.

"Lead not your little lives in solitude, with one illusion as your only friend."

"We do not go alone. And we give thanks that in our solitude a Friend has come to speak the saving Word of God to us. And thanks to you for listening to Him."

"In Heaven God's Son is NOT imprisoned in a body, nor is sacrificed in solitude to sin."

"To each who walks this earth in seeming solitude is a Savior given, whose special function here is to release him, and so to free himself."

"But those who KNOW that they are all the same, need not salvation. And each one FINDS his Savior, when he is ready to look upon the face of Christ, and see Him sinless."

"This is the lesson that His giving holds, for He has saved you from the solitude you sought to make, in which to hide from God."

"The body HAS no purpose of itself, and MUST be solitary."

"I made up the prison in which I see myself."

"Christ's hand has touched your shoulder, and you feel that you are not alone. You even think the miserable self you thought was you may not be your identity. Perhaps God's Word is truer than your own."

"It is impossible to remember God in secret and alone. For remembering Him means you are NOT alone, and willing to remember it. Take no thought FOR YOURSELF, for no thought you hold IS for yourself. "

"If I am with you in the loneliness of the world, THE LONELINESS IS GONE. You CANNOT maintain the illusion of loneliness if you are NOT alone."

We can think of the body as a prison cell, and the ego as a prison guard and prisoner.

"The body is the ego's idol; the belief in sin made flesh, and then projected outward. This produces what SEEMS to be a ***wall*** of flesh ***AROUND the mind, keeping it prisoner*** in a tiny spot of space and time, beholden unto death, and given but an instant in which to sigh and grieve and die in honor of its master."

This wall of flesh, is what we call the body, but it is really the idea of SEPARATION, as a "separation device", just like a prison cell, designed to keep you isolated and cut off from others. The body keeps you IN, and keeps them OUT. It fences in actually a PART of your mind, and fences OUT the rest of your mind.

Now the thing is, what is your RELATIONSHIP to the prison body? If you identify with being separate, special, selfish, alone, cut off, abandoned, lost, lonely, in darkness, hiding from God, small/little, weak/frail, having no relationship, sharing nothing, etc... then you IDENTIFY WITH the prison cell.

When you identify WITH the separation device, you believe you ARE DEFINED BY the separation device. That its truth becomes your truth. And now that means you BELIEVE IN what the prison cell implies about you. And this forms "the ego", or the sense of "who and what I am", as defined BY the separation device.

If you see the body as hemming you in, keeping you separate from others, separating you off, causing you etc, then this imprisoned part of mind sees itself as IN the prison, and this produces a sense of identification WITH the prison (a bodily identity), which is what we generally call THE EGO. A sense of... who and what am I, if it's true that I am defined by this separation device.

This buying-into the body identity PRODUCES the sense of ego self. If it is true that you are a separate body, then it's true that you are unwhole and unholy. If it's true that you are disconnected from the whole by the body, then you are alone. All of this "I am separate" identification produces a sense of a "separated self." A self that WAS whole, which has BECOME separated, only because it sees itself as IN a body.

"This thing you made (the body) to serve your guilt, stands between you and other minds. The minds ARE joined, but you do not IDENTIFY with them. You SEE yourself as locked in a separate prison, remote and unreachable, incapable of reaching out as being reached. You HATE the prison (body) that you made, and would destroy it. Yet you would NOT escape from it, leaving it unharmed, WITHOUT your guilt upon it. But only thus CAN you escape. The home of vengeance is not yours; The place you set aside to house your hatred is NOT a prison, but an ILLUSION OF YOURSELF."

"Freedom must be impossible as long as you perceive a body as yourself. The body is a limit. Who would seek for freedom in a body looks for it where it can not be found. The mind can be made free when it no longer sees itself as in a body, firmly tied to it, and sheltered by its presence. If this were the truth, the mind were vulnerable indeed!"

"To hold a grievance is to see yourself as a body."

"See yourself as bound, and bars become your home. Nor will you leave the prison house or claim your strength until guilt and salvation are not seen as one, and freedom and salvation are perceived as joined, with strength beside them, to be sought and claimed and found and fully recognized."

"Listen to what the ego says, and see what it DIRECTS you see, and it is sure that you will see YOURSELF as tiny, vulnerable, and afraid. You WILL experience depression, a sense of worthlessness, and feelings of impermanence and unreality. You WILL believe that you are helpless prey to forces far beyond your own control, and far more powerful than you. And you WILL think the world you made directs your destiny."

"Be free today, and carry freedom as your gift to those who still believe they are enslaved within a body. "

"The ego is idolatry; the sign of limited and separated self, born in a body, doomed to suffer and to end its life in death."

"Our upside-down perception has been ruinous to our peace of mind. We have seen ourselves in a body and the truth outside us, locked away from our awareness by the body's limitations."

"The gap IS little. Yet it holds the seeds of pestilence and every form of ill, because it is a WISH to keep apart, and NOT to join. And thus it seems to give a CAUSE to sickness which is NOT its cause. The PURPOSE of the gap is all the cause that sickness has. For it was made to keep you separated in a body which you see as if it were the CAUSE of pain. The cause of pain is separation, NOT the body, which is only its EFFECT."

"In Heaven God's Son is NOT imprisoned in a body, nor is sacrificed in solitude to sin."

When God created you, He created you perfect. You were created whole, complete, absolutely divine and lacking nothing. He created you incapable of sin, capable only of extending love and joy.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to change what you are, what God created, your identity, your nature, or anything about you.

It is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE for you to BE anything other than the perfect divine soul that God intended for you to be.

God does not create you at one 'moment in time'. There is no time. God is ETERNALLY EXPRESSING YOU. You are constantly and permanently being radiated by God, and whatever God expresses is what you are, and you HAVE NO SAY in changing that.

You are the EFFECT OF GOD, The Son of God, and His Will has absolute power over your creation, your existence, and your nature. What you are is a reflection of His own perfection, and you CANNOT CHANGE IT. And you HAVE NOT changed it.

You ARE still as God created you. Your soul is STILL perfect. It has not changed, it has not sinned, it has not been damaged, it has not been lost, it is not unconscious, it is not asleep or deluded, it has no ego, and nothing can happen to it.

Regardless of what it looks like to you, right now, in time, your soul - your REAL SELF - ALREADY EXISTS IN PERFECTION. You have ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED being "perfectly spiritual". You have ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED being divine, holy, perfect. You are already beyond the atonement. You are ALREADY IN HEAVEN WITH GOD. Right now.

So if there is anything else going on in your mind, any other beliefs to the contrary, any suggestions that you are lacking or not there yet, any delusion that something has gone wrong or something is wrong with you, or that you need to "do something" to become better or more spiritual or more pure and holy, or that you are not forgiven yet, or you didn't atone yet.... ALL of that is ego bullshit lies.

ACCEPTING the atonement means accepting this fact. It means, accepting that NOTHING HAS HAPPENED, nothing changed, you did not go anywhere, you did not die or suffer, you did not sin or become guilty, you did not stop being with God, you are literally incapable of willing against God or yourself, and you are STILL exactly as God created you. You WILL ALWAYS BE as God created you, and there is literally NOTHING you can ever do to change that.

Even if it seems this is not true of you, and you are this ego identity who lacks and suffers and has a long way to go and all this crap... it's not true. The spiritual self that you are trying to become, IS ALREADY IN YOU. Your higher self, your holy self, your spirit, your soul, you real identity, your christ self, you as a son of God, your heavenly identity, is already here, already fully complete, already perfectly awake and aware, already absolutely cured and healed, already in perfect divine happiness and health, and ALREADY EXISTS.

Even if it seems you will become this holy self "in the future" or "you are not there yet", THAT is a lie. Your holy self is ALREADY HOLY. So while you are contemplating what you need to do to get back to God, you never left. Right now, this second, you are DONE. You are DONE with the entire spiritual path. And seemingly, at the same time, you SEEM to be not done with it. Your holy self can talk to you right now. Your holy self is, in a sense, your future self. But it is really your real PAST self, because it existed BEFORE TIME and did not stop existing.

I think this is really important to recognize because this can be very powerful in putting everything into its proper perspective. I've talked before about how you need to get some idea of TRUTH into your awareness in order to have a reference point, to compare things to, and to put things into their proper perspective. Remembering that you are ALREADY AS GOD CREATED YOU PERFECT, reflect on the nature of your soul, and acknowledge your EXISTING PERFECTION, this can really cut through the ego bullshit like nobody's business.

So like, there I am, feeling sorry for myself, feeling guilty, thinking I sinned, but wait... I am still as God created me, I am still perfectly innocent and with God, so how can it be true that I have done anything at all? How can it be true that I sinned or am guilty? What IS this guilt and sin but simply FALSE? It is a lie. I am not sinful or guilty, and I do not need to "become" innocent again because I already am. I already am perfectly holy, nothing has happened, and this other stuff must be ego illusions.

See the entire ego thought system, all of the separation from God, and everything to do with sin and death, is A LIE, and it's all an attempt to COVER UP WHAT IS ALREADY TRUE. And what is already true has already been established by God, is permanent, YOU cannot create or invent it or make it happen by yourself, all you can do is ACCEPT IT. And that means SURRENDERING every effort you have ever made to deny it, to try to make something else true, or to try to make it untrue.

When you stare the truth in the face like this, and you acknowledge, yes, I need do nothing because I AM STILL as God created me, it forces you to have to ADMIT, that everything else you've been believing is FALSE, it's a lie, you've basically just being trying to deny and not accept or allow this to be true, to try to claim that something else is true, but it's not. It's almost brutal in how the acknowledgement of this truth shows you that you LITERALLY CANNOT CHANGE THE TRUTH, you HAVE NOT CHANGED THE TRUTH, and YOU NEVER WILL.

There is absolutely ZERO ROOM for you to have any power to do that. And the entire separation from God is ALL about your belief that it is POSSIBLE to do that. That you could somehow bring about a sin, or make guilt real, or produce a real sickness, or create death, or will against God, or defile Heaven, or make God convinced that you are not worthy, or make yourself unworthy, or whatever else. It is ALL A LIE. You do not have that power at all. Not even a tiny bit. Either you accept God's truth and ADMIT you are ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of changing it, or you will be in denial.

The problem is not whether you are spiritual enough or not. The problem is that you ARE spiritual enough and you keep pretending not to be.

Remember this is not a course in love because the meaning of love cannot be taught. It's a course in UNDOING THE BLOCKS TO THE AWARENESS OF LOVE'S PRESENCE, because the love is ALREADY THERE and you are simply not aware that it is already there. You have denied that it's there. Blocks to love make it seem like WHAT IS TRUE, is not true, or that it has gone away, or love is lost, or you have stopped being as God created you. That's their purpose. To deny the truth. They do not CHANGE the truth, they merely cover it up to PRETEND that it is not true already. Death is a form of denial, an attempt to claim that you do not have eternal life ALREADY. YOU DO. YOU ARE ALREADY IMMORTAL. You can't NOT be immortal!

So as Jesus says, the course is not about establishing love, or making you more spiritual, or necessarily about waking up or having to do anything at all. It is about a RECOGNITION of the ENLIGHTENED SELF that YOU ALREADY ARE, RIGHT NOW, which is merely hiding behind walls and clouds of FAKE SHIT, which you tried to use to cover up the EXISTING TRUTH, which God has already PERMANENTLY established. The course is ONLY about undoing your beliefs that you aren't ALREADY IMMORTAL, or ALREADY INNOCENT, or ALREADY WITH GOD, or ALREADY A PERFECTLY DIVINE SOUL.

So let's say this. Right now, accept that you are still as God created you, a perfect soul. You are in heaven NOW. You are already DONE with any supposed "ego goal" of trying to GET THERE. You are already FINISHED with making yourself innocent. You are already COMPLETE in the establishing of your perfection in the eyes of God. God has not changed his mind about you. He still sees you as perfect because HE IS CONSTANTLY EXTENDING YOU as perfect. You did not create yourself, and therefore you have NO SAY in changing what God has created. You have NO ABILITY WHATSOEVER to overthrow God's will by undoing OR CHANGING his creation in any way, and YOU HAVE NOT. You're done already. Already perfect. Already complete. Already whole. Already happy. Already loved. Already innocent. Already safe. Already divine.

Everything else is what needs to be let go. All the beliefs about this not being true. All the attempts to make out that you are mortal or can suffer or be sick or die. It's bullshit. You who ARE IMMORTAL ALREADY cannot ever die or even suffer a tiny bit. You are permanent. All of this pretending that things have gone wrong, it has to go. All of this pretending that you can be dead, it has to go. All of this disbelief or rather, UNWILLINGNESS to accept, allow, welcome or acknowledge, THE TRUTH, which already is perfectly established, has to go. All of this desire to NOT ACCEPT the atonement - the truth - has to go. All reluctance, unwillingness, denial, rejection, choosing away from, unconsciousness, hiding, secret sins and hates, it all has to go. Because it is never true and cannot ever exist.

And in fact, this entire world, does not exist. It has not been created. It has not happened. If it's not part of heaven, it does not exist, is not real, and has not been created. The entire history of human civilization is a bullshit lie. This world holds NOTHING that you want. Your heart is with God, NOW. This world that we "made" was NOT really made, it is not even here, it does not exist at all, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING. Nor has anything happened. No-one has ever died, there has never been a real war, all sickness is bullshit, death is imaginary, YOU CAN'T STOP BEING IMMORTAL.

So we need to learn, basically, since enlightenment is a recognition and not a change, to recognize and acknowledge what ALREADY IS TRUE, what God has ALREADY ESTABLISHED, and give thanks for the fact that WE ARE ALREADY SAVED and are ALREADY IN HEAVEN, NOW. All the other ego pursuits, the spiritual path, processes, techniques... unless they UNDO and REMOVE the fake lies that the truth is not already true, it is ego. Unless it moves you INWARD back closer to WHAT YOU ALREADY ARE, it is ego. Unless it makes you aware that you are ALREADY PERFECT and therefore do not need to SEEK, it is ego. Unless it produces GRATITUDE for what God has already given, it is ego.

You are already done making yourself perfect. God accomplished that already. It's not your job. It's not what the course is for at all. The only purpose of the course is to help you to let go of what is FALSE, and merely ACKNOWLEDGE what is ALREADY TRUE. You're sitting in heaven right now, happy as heck, totally overjoyed and celebrating that nothing can ever go wrong, and completely in love with God. Everything else... bullshit.

Some quotes:

"God and the Souls He created are completely dependent on each other. The creation of the Soul has already been perfectly accomplished... He created them perfectly. He gave them His peace so they could not be shaken and would be unable to be deceived."

"We have also emphasized that man, insofar as the term relates to Soul, has not only been fully Created, but also been created perfect. There is no emptiness in him. The next point, too, has already been made, but bears repetition here. The Soul, because of its own likeness to its Creator, is creative. No Child of God is capable of losing this ability, because it is inherent in what he IS."

"Spirit is in a state of grace forever. Your reality is only spirit. Therefore you are in a state of grace forever."

"Be vigilant only for God and His Kingdom. As long as belief in God and His Kingdom is assailed by any doubts in your minds, His perfect accomplishment is not apparent to you. This is why you must be vigilant on God's behalf.The ego speaks against His creation and therefore does engender doubt."

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."

"The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance."

CLAIM YOUR INHERITANCE! IT IS ALREADY YOURS!

Recently I find myself waiting for someone to decide for me what it is I will do. I even ask within to Jesus or Holy Spirit for them to decide for me. It is one thing to surrender and open up to guidance and to express from love, but part of the lesson I've been learning is that I need to learn how to make real decisions.

What has become apparent is that most of life is spent simply reacting to the world, dealing with stuff that crops up, managing day-to-day maintenance activities, working 9-5, just doing 'stuff' - stuff that everyone else wants or needs me to do. Stuff that the world itself wants me to do. Stuff that the ego is organizing to try to keep me from being responsible for my own life.

And this makes me realize just how much I have not really been decisive before and have not really known how to make a firm decision. To be causal, instead of reactionary. To really choose something, commit to it and follow through. To be so aligned with being responsible for my experience that I choose what my experience is going to be, or I choose what I am going to experience, instead of simply waiting for experiences to happen passively.

So when I go to Jesus and try to get Him to decide for me, and He remains quiet, or He nudges me, and I don't get it, it's because He's trying to get me to act from a place of certainty instead of fear. A place of knowing, instead of figuring out. A place of being tuned within, instead of tuned out. And then he says, "decide". And I'm like... yah.. I am just blowing out hot air going around in circles in what I'm calling decision making which is really just "not deciding" and spinning my wheels.

To make a 'real decision', which isn't a reaction, and which involves being true to myself, and not doing anything that I don't want to do (which produces fear).... it's a new thing.

When I am in a state of indecision, I am clueless about what to do. I don't have any sense of certainty or clarity. I think somehow it's possible to 'become clear' while in that state, or that the clarity is lurking somewhere in the midst of options and if I just figure out the right option, it will become clear. It doesn't apparently work this way. The clarity needs to come FIRST.

So the way forward is, get out of indecision. Recognize it for what it is, that it is not decision making, but decision avoidance. Get out of all of that behavior, and COME BACK to certainty, back to clarity, to confidence, to knowing, to within the heart, and THEN I rediscover an obviousness - a clear path, which I already know is the right way to move forward, which was simply sitting there the whole time with me not being aware of it. So then the decision is easy and certain. And when you make certain decisions in clarity and not in fear, then you will have commitment.

There are two sort of perspectives relating to perception that we seem to fall into.

1. There is an objective world with our perception OF it, and what we project ONTO it is to do with how we interpret it.

2. There isn't an objective world and we're just dreaming it up and not projecting anything "onto" it because we're projecting IT in the first place.

I am coming to see that neither of these is correct.

There is a third possibility.

3. I am having a dream, which is surrounding me with a fictional environment which is coming from my mind. Without my dreaming of it - my projecting it - there wouldn't be any world here at all. There is NO objective world. There is ONLY a subjective world. My projection makes my perception and makes "the world I see."

The important distinction here is that the world I am projecting/dreaming, is coming from my mind and SEEMS to be an objective world. AND yet at the SAME TIME, this world is being projected BY me. So it seems to be both objective and subjective.

The key is that the objective part does not exist at all, and that's what ACIM means by "there is no world apart from what you wish", and wishes are dreams.

So it's not just to do with hey, I'm projecting something "onto" the objective world. It's that literally I am projecting the world ITSELF - that I think is an objective world - with my dreaming mind. And when my mind dreams of a different world, I project out an entirely different world. The old world doesn't transform because it has no objective reality or continuity of its own. I just project a different dream and stop projecting the old one.

When we go into false perception, however, there is an additional LAYER of projection, which seems to project "onto" the dream. Like, you're filled with anger and hate and so this seems like it projects "onto" the objective world. But the objective world itself is still being projected from your mind at that same time. So in truth, you are not really projecting ONTO the world, you are projecting the world and your "bad projecting" is actually changing the world and making it appear like a bad world to you.

In this way, it would appear that ACIM is never really talking about "projecting onto" anything. It's entirely talking about you projecting the world itself, directly, and your "bad attitude" projects what later is perceived to be a world that you seem to experience in a negative way. You think there is some other objective world that is "not negative" hiding underneath your negativity, but there isn't! You think you're projecting ONTO the world, but in fact you're not. You're projecting the world, period. Projection makes perception. Not "projection makes perception makes projection makes perception."

Just as at night when you dream, your mind forms en entire environment/world filled with buildings and people and stuff, and you seem to show up as a single body person. But your mind is making the world AND your body person. How the body person seems to experience the dream is an illusion because the person is actually MAKING the environment. Any attacker in the dream is you. People in the dream are figments of your own mind. It's the same with "waking life". We are literally dreaming of an entire universe.