For years I thought scapegoating only happens one way. Usually you find a target and you blame everything on them and attack them. Yeah, not pretty. Usually the target is someone who you are are offended by, threatened be, some kind of "enemy".
But, what I've discovered is, it's possible to use a person that you are very close to, care about, love, etc... in a scapegoating way as well. It just doesn't look like scapegoating because it has all this "I want to help you" stuff thrown in.
You care about the person, you want to see them happy, you want them to not suffer, etc... various forms of "special love".
Usually in projection it's the "icky stuff" that gets projected. The shadow. You repress stuff with your persona and condemn it and project it. You project the sin and guilt most often. But sometimes, you also project from the persona.
This on the surface shows up like a kind of "positive projection" where you think you're just trying to help, fix, save, protect, care about, etc... but these are all ego attitudes. They're the ego's version of healing, the ego's version of forgiveness, the ego's versions of being helpful. They all have strings attached, are codependent, and are conditional.
Guilt within oneself can be repressed and denied, and then you go into a state of believing that you're guilty for causing your loved one to feel unhappy or being sick or having problems etc. So then you try to fix them, save them, change them, coerce them, control them, trying to "make their lives better".
But there's always this unacknowledged neediness, this dependency on getting the other person to heal so that YOU will get some benefit from it, and trying to use their situation of suffering as a way to prove your innocence. If you can undo their suffering, which you believe you caused, through your initial sin, it exonerates you.
This is how the unhealed healer operates. It's a state of believing you are helping when you are hurting. It's much less obvious than typical scapegoating because it does not LOOK LIKE an attack. It's wrapped up in care and special love and victimhood and being a savior and a hero etc. Even in terms of believing you are trying to prevent the person from suffering, sickness, even death. It seems noble. But it's bullshit.
For me this one has been much trickier to recognize and easier to fall into. What doesn't on the surface look like an attack, or making an enemy, is still an ego mechanism for trying to get your needs met. It's still manipulative and controlling. "I need you to be well" has this dark underlying tone of "if you don't be well, I won't love you".
The unhealed healer doesn't have the real love to give, to cause real healing, so doesn't know how to really heal. What passes for healing is not really healing. What passes for concern, worry, caring, is not really healing.
The real problem is the belief you sinned, are guilty for causing someone or something to be negatively affected, and now feel remorse and a sense of guilt that you need to do something to get someone else to reverse so that you can feel better about yourself. "They are healed, so I am not so upset now about what I did" kind of thing. And if they refuse the control and the subtle manipulation, out will come the ego claws "how dare you not get better!". lol
Quite the trap. But there is a way out. You did not sin. You are not guilty. So you do not NEED to fix your projected self condemnation.
Another word for forgiveness is "honesty". It's to do with admitting to the truth and being clear about what the truth is. This entails surrendering of the ego's motivations and lies and owning up to responsibility and authenticity. But it's also an honesty that goes beyond appearances, physical events, what it looks like happened or who seemed to be the cause. Because, in all honesty, such "truth" is not the truth.
If you are in the middle of some ego tangle, upset emotions flying all over the place, believing that it's caused by someone or something other than yourself, then you're not really being honest. To be honest you'll have to really take a good look at what you're doing any why, and if you can discern and see what it is you're doing, you will have to admit to yourself that you've been deceiving yourself.
A big part of the problem of how to forgive, is that when you're in the middle of a dramatic story you're really quite lost. You've lost track of clarity. You've lost sight of what the truth is. You're deluded and distracted by something big and ominous which *seems* to be the problem but really isn't.
You've pinned the blame or cause for this story onto something that isn't the cause of it. You generally aren't seeing clearly. There's so much going on and so many things which seem to mean something, that it's just all very confusing. This confusion essentially is dishonesty because you've lost touch with the truth and are defending evidence of that which is false.
So really, if you have no other practice, it would be useful to remind yourself from time to time, that you need to get HONEST as quickly as you can. And this honesty involves questioning what you've been doing, how you've been perceiving, what you've been believing, and all the "truth" that you made up that hasn't come from God.
Honesty shines a light to help you see clearly and puts everything into its proper place. It's admitting to what's really happening, admitting to how you feel, admitting to what you're experiencing and admitting to what's really causing it.
When you're upset and its because someone else did something or didn't do something correctly, it's because you've disowned responsibility and are projecting guilt, which is a dishonest act. It's not the other person's guilt or sin. You're passing your sin off onto them and believing they're the cause of it. This is dishonest. It's deceptive.
The person who stands to gain from your honesty is yourself. Owning up to the truth sets you free, aligns your mind to the truth, clarifies what is happening in the situation and helps you to see correctly. When you can see correctly and clearly you get back in touch with the experience that, in truth, you are perfectly happy and at peace and free of all ego suffering.
Honesty is not good for the ego. It's not good for the part of you that wants to keep a story going. It's not good for the part that wants to control and blame and manipulate. It's not good for maintaining a cover or keeping up appearances or putting on a face/persona. It's means revealing what is real, and that means there can be no cover-up.
Where are you being dishonest with yourself, what do you need to own up to and admit to, and are you willing to surrender your support for maintaining lies that are only bringing you suffering?
Did a healing for myself after feeling pain in my hand, which was anger I was holding onto.
After a process of visualizing the healing and commanding it to leave etc, I was again not expecting it but.... there was an angel kneeling at my side holding my hand very gently. It kissed my hand.
I felt extremely touched that a being so innocent and pure would bow down and kiss "me"... the impure. It made me feel very worthy beyond my own unworthiness. It then maneuvered and kissed the back of my hand a few times.
I could feel its presence beside me. Again I did not ask for it to come nor did I in any way imagine that there would be an angel involved in what I was doing. But what I was doing once again attracted the angels to assist me.
All pain has disappeared, such that I didn't even remember that this happened until now.
Clearly when we are fulfilling God's will and are expressing the truth that sickness is unreal and that we deserve healing and love, and actually take steps to bring that about, we "align" ourselves with heaven and do what Heaven would do, and Heaven comes to support us in that!
"When God created you (in Heaven), He made you part of Him. That is why attack WITHIN the Kingdom is impossible. But YOU made the ego without love, and so it does not love YOU. You could not remain WITHIN the Kingdom without love, and since the Kingdom IS love, you believe you are WITHOUT it (exiled from Heaven). This enables the ego to regard itself as separate and OUTSIDE its maker, thus speaking for the part of your mind that believes YOU are separate and outside the Mind of God. (outside of Heaven in another world)"
"You are safe in God, dreaming of exile (being external to Heaven in another realm)"
"There is no life outside of Heaven (in the big picture). Where God created life, there life must be. In any state apart from Heaven (e.g. planet Earth which is "outside" the Kingdom) life is illusion. At best it seems like life ("life forms, which are not life"); at worst, like death."
"Life not in Heaven is impossible, and what is not in Heaven is not anywhere. Outside of Heaven, only the conflict of illusion stands (planet Earth, all things physical); senseless, impossible and beyond all reason, and yet perceived as an eternal barrier to Heaven (granite block of sin, walls, bodies, forms). Illusions are but forms (all physical forms are an illusion). Their content is never true."
"Attack in any form has placed your foot upon the twisted stairway that leads from Heaven."
This is why the "physical universe" including Earth, which is "the strange world you made", is opposite to Heaven and an idea of being "outside the Kingdom". It was made like a kind of second "dimension", a fake universe, a bubble of spacetime within the Kingdom. Seeming to be made of the idea of exile and separation, it seems "separate from" the Kingdom, and therefore seems like an entirely cut off realm. This is why awakening from the dream of exile MUST take you back OUT of the realm of exile and INTO the Kingdom, which quite literally will seem like traveling to another dimension beyond space and time.
"Heaven remains your one alternative to this strange world you made and all its ways; its shifting patterns and uncertain goals, its painful pleasures and its tragic joys. God made no contradictions. What denies its own existence and attacks itself is not of Him. He did not make two minds, with Heaven as the glad effect of one, and earth the other's sorry outcome which is Heaven's opposite in every way."
This is also why Jesus talks many times about the difference between being "on Earth" and "in Heaven".
"The Holy Spirit is the way in which God's will can be done on earth as it is in Heaven."
"It but acknowledges the Will of God is done on earth as well as Heaven. It unites all wills on earth in Heaven's plan to save the world"
"You have been told that your function in this world is healing, and your function in Heaven is creating. The ego teaches that your function on earth is destruction, and that you have no function AT ALL in Heaven."
"And as it is in Heaven, so on earth."
"Heaven is the dwelling place of the Son of God."
"His will is done because all power is given him in Heaven and on earth."
"As your function in Heaven is creation, so your function on earth is healing. God shares His function with you in Heaven, and the Holy Spirit shares His with you on Earth."
"In Heaven, reality is SHARED, and not reflected."
"You on earth have no conception of limitlessness, for the world you seem to live in IS a world of limits."
"Father, in Heaven it is different, for there, there are no needs. But here on earth the miracle is closer to Your gifts than any other gift which I can give."
"The miracles you do on earth are lifted up to Heaven, and to Him."
"For that is changeless, and has no effects which anything in Heaven or on earth could ever alter."
"Because my feet are on the ground and my hands are in heaven, I can bring down the glories of Heaven to my brothers on earth."
Heaven is a place. Not just a state of mind. It is the reality of the Kingdom. Earth is just part of an illusory world based on the idea of exile, exclusion, separation and death. You can be "on Earth", or "in Heaven", but not both. Either you are aware of being in the Kingdom or you are aware of being in a body.
When we think of having lost someone, we might think of it in terms of ... they have gone away. And therefore I have lost them.
But I've been seeing that what really happens is ... we come to believe that we personally, ourselves, have lost something FROM ourselves. Some part or portion of our own self has become lost.
We can only really see ourselves as being in a "state" of loss if we actually believe that something has been taken away from ourselves. And this isn't just figuratively speaking, it literally goes to the depth of identity and says - some part of ME is missing.
If a person goes away and they are sort of technically lost or gone or absent, it shouldn't really mean anything in terms of whether or not you as a person are whole and complete. But if there is some ego or special relationship or body identification involved, or some kind of attachment, then when the person leaves you feel that YOU personally are losing something.
It's then not really about the other person going away, it's about actually believing somehow that WHAT YOU ARE has been diminished, what you have or what is yours or whatever, something has been taken from YOUR SELF and now you are not whole. Now you are less, lacking, in need, deprived, as if its not just a matter of someone having left - but actually a matter of something being ripped out of you like a portion of YOUR SELF has died. And now you really are grieving the loss of yourself.
So then we get into a state of experiencing loss and grief which seems to be about this other person missing, but it's really deep down a sense of YOU having died. Some part of you seems to be gone. Some part of you is lacking that is supposed to be there, they somehow became associated with the form of someone else you thought was separate.
Because ... if you were whole, how could you experience any sense of loss or lack or deprivation? If you are whole, you wouldn't be able to claim even that anything has been taken from you, that you're lacking, that you are in need, that you want something you do not have, etc. It's only by sort of taking the loss personally that you then go on to feel that you are actually at a loss - that something that "was yours" is "not there".
I am finding for myself that if I focus more on the Godly fact that God has given me everything and therefore I lack nothing, it becomes harder to claim or believe that I am at a loss. Or that loss is even possible. If I am as God created me then I must still be whole, I must be lacking nothing, in need of nothing, and can't in that wholeness justify or explain or rationalise that I have lost anything. Then what used to seem like, being hit with a sledgehammer and having something huge ripped away unfairly, softens into a mistaken perception of myself.
Indeed in that recognition of wholeness there is also a recognition of oneness, a oneness which binds you permanently to that other person who seemed to be gone, and proves to you that they have NOT gone, because they are literally YOU and are permanently a part of your self in oneness. PLUS you can still access them by being one with them in your mind. So you cannot ever lose them, provided you acknowledge the wholeness that you share.
Once you go into separation, ego, loss, the belief that "you lack", only then does it seem plausible to say that something is missing, something has been taken way (from who or what?), or something has died. And then it literally really becomes a belief that YOU have died, or some part of your own self has been lost. That you're no longer "whole" without some other separated-off person.
So I think we (speaking for myself) interpret losses of "other things" as actually loses as parts of our own self, due to the fact that we are all one. If we are one, and I "lose you", or you seem to be gone from reality, then part of my own self has been destroyed. And the belief in that is what causes the sense of loss - that some part of ME - as the whole - has been taken and is not there. It's not just about some other person, it's about seeing their absence as proof that somehow I AM LESS. And that's an ego thing.
It then boils down to whether or not you can accept that you are in and of yourself whole and complete and lacking nothing, missing nothing, deprived of nothing, and receiving love from God. As the course says, only you can deprive yourself of anything. So if you do NOT deprive yourself, how can you be in a state of lack? And if you do not deprive yourself, you do not deprive yourself of your brother either, and cannot buy into or believe they are "dead" or missing from your existence. Or from your SELF.
To be in loss and grief is really a state of believing that you are deprived, and that means you are depriving yourself. Only illusions can seem to be absent and what dies is not what the person really is anyway. Grief then means you are not recognizing that there is nothing wrong with you, that you are not lacking, that you are not in need, and that you have everything forever. That's self denial, at its root, even if on the surface it may point a finger and pretend to be about someone else. If you would remain in a state of wholeness and love, how could you experience loss at all?
We don't really ever lose anyone because we are all one forever. But believing in the loss of another must mean we believe in the loss of ourselves, per the golden rule. And it's really ourselves that needs to be put back together and remember our wholeness, so that we can end the sense of having lost anything at all. Real loss is impossible, when the truth is recognized.
Love is the active ingredient in miracles. Everything which expresses from love is miraculous. This doesn't simply mean that "love just loves", it means love actually has a miraculous, miracle-working power to it. It is capable of healing absolutely anything.
With this in mind, a very simple healing approach is to give love.
1) Attempt to become ONE with another person in your mind. Imagine you are merging with them and occupying the same space as them. Be in their body. Join with them. Their mind is your mind. They are you.
2) Access love within your mind. If you need to remind yourself of love by remembering some moment in life where you felt strong love, that's ok. Ultimately you want to tune into God and Holy Spirit and feel their love. Love is the active ingredient so you must be able to feel it. Being able to feel God's love may take some time to develop depending on your degree of trust and openness etc.
3) Command that the person's sickness, as though a 'thing' in its own right, be fully healed right now. Address it directly as though talking to a person. Tell it what to do, like leave right now. Command that the area in question be fully healed right now. Realize that your command itself is not power, it is like a key that open a door for God to flow. Command and then let go and trust and expect God to flow.
4) Visualize Holy Spirit flooding the area with love. Visualize God Himself being in that exact location, radiating His Presence. You should aim to feel His love in that location. You should be able to also sense how His love is such a healing balm, so soft and refreshing and restorative, that its mere presence is miraculous and able to cure and heal anything.
In summary, and simplifying:
Tune into love and send love to the person and experience God's loving presence in the area that needs healing.
If I see myself as "being attacked" by someone, I am attacking.
If I see myself as "being victimized", I am victimizing.
If I see myself as afraid, I am threatening.
If I see myself as lacking, I am stealing.
If I see myself as judged, I am judging.
If I seem sick against my will, I have deliberately made myself sick in order to accuse others of causing it.
If I am dying and don't want to die, it's a great way to discard all of my power and give up on life, as if death is the total opposite of what I want when in fact I'm choosing it.
If I am feeling unsafe, I'm undermining someone.
If I'm trying to rely on myself, I'm trying to be unreliable.
If I see myself as guilty, I must believe it about others as well.
If I see myself as innocent, it can be that I have put my sin onto others and am in denial.
Always the surface appearance hides the exact opposite motive that lies underneath, because the ego is always two faced. Whatever it seeks to accomplish it accomplishes the exact opposite. Whatever it says its intentions are, they are a cover-story for a completely opposite plan.
No-one dies without their own consent. Death is chosen. Death is suicide. And death is an attempt to prove that you have no will or power to choose anything else, while simultaneously using all of your will and power to make death seem to happen in secret.
This is why death is *failing the Course.*
This is a slight technicality which the ego forgot to mention.
If you knew and could see that any attempt you make to influence or hurt or affect another, immediately has direct repercussions upon yourself, and that it is absolutely impossible to escape ANY of the effects, then you would have no choice but to always love.
It is ONLY because you do not see, ie are not aware, that this is true, and applies in every situation, that you think it's possible to get away with one set of rules applying to someone else that does not apply to you. Or that you can cause something without experiencing the effects.
The ego is entirely based on this idea that you are not equal to your brother in some way, that they can be the one who is a sinner and not you.
This creates the tremendous illusion, commonly believed-in by most of the planet, that you literally can attack or judge or harm or condemn without having any side effects whatseover.
This is false. It is not true at all.
You could call it karma. It's not pay-back. It's not compensation. It's the simply fact that WHATEVER you do, you WILL do it to yourself and everyone.
"Whatever you do unto the least of my brothers you do unto me" ... or something like that. Every way you treat everyone else, you are treating Jesus and God the same way.
Not necessarily that they will receive the treatment you are dishing out, but you will believe they are.
What applies to others applies to you. At all times.
There are no loopholes. There is no exit clause. There are no workarounds. There is no hope of being especially skilled or capable or clever or imaginative in how you figure out how to cheat the system. The system is not cheatable. God's laws are pemanent.
This is what "shared interests" are all about. You, being literally one with your brother, SHARE everything with them, and therefore receive everything you give.
This is also why giving and receiving are one. What you give you will receive.
This is a simple idea. Since the world is neutral, and since you are having a subjective view of it, your mind is able to see it in different ways. And this means that there is always more than one way to look at something.
Sin is the idea or state of mind in which you see an illusion and combine it with reality, resulting in the perception that it cannot change. That perception is fixed. But this suggests there is only one way to look at something. And here it's meaning seems locked into the form it takes.
In truth there is another way to look at everything, because the Holy Spirit and Christ has given an alternative dream. There is always a "bright side to life" which is different to the "dark side of life." There is always another way to see it, other than how the negative ego sees it.
No matter what it is, how severe it seems, what form it takes, there are always at least two interpretations of it. One of them coming from ego makes the things seem dark and stressful and dangerous and unpleasant. The other provided by Christ Vision through Holy Spirit sees the same thing in a very different light.
The higher way to see, Christ Vision, is what the workbook lessons are geared towards developing. The whole process of forgiveness is of shifting from one thought system to another, or simply making a choice between seeing heaven or hell reflected in what you see.
For everything you see that you do not like, there is a miracle of sight which can look on this exact same thing and see it as beneficial and harmless. For everything which seems to be locked into meaning based on its form, there is another view which frees meaning from its form and uses it for a higher purpose.
So in all things, you can simply say to yourself, that you want another way to look at this. There MUST BE a higher way to look at everything. And when that way of looking is what you do consistently and what you choose to move into regularly, you'll develop Christ Vision.
Since Christ Vision is a gift of Christ that you share with him, your alignment with the Holy Spirit to see how HE sees grants you a viewpoint which is much more charitable and benevolent, which then sees this benevolence reflected back to you.
"What the world is, is but a fact. You cannot choose what this should be. But you can choose how you would see it. Indeed, you must choose this."
"There is another way of looking at the world."
"There is another way of looking at this."
"Since the purpose of the world is not the one I ascribed to it, there must be another way of looking at it. I see everything upside-down, and my thoughts are the opposite of truth. I see the world as a prison for God's Son. It must be, then, that the world is really a place where he can be set free. I would look upon the world as it is, and see it as a place where the Son of God finds his freedom."
"The Holy Spirit is one way of choosing. This way is in you BECAUSE there is also another way."
"I came to your minds because you had grown vaguely aware of the fact that there is another way, or another voice. Having given this invitation to the Holy Spirit, I could come to provide the model for HOW TO THINK."
"I WANT another way to look at this."
"Perhaps there IS another way to look at this. What can I LOSE by asking?"
"Yet can he learn to look on it another way, and find the peace of God."
"For you have learned of Christ there is another way for them to walk."
"Who would be willing to be turned AWAY from all the roadways of the world, UNLESS he understood their real futility? Is it not needful that he should BEGIN with this to seek another way instead?" "Belief that there IS another way is the loftiest idea of which ego-thinking is capable. This is because it contains a hint of recognition that the ego is NOT the self."
"Yet reason looks on this in another way."
"How COULD there be another way to solve a problem which is VERY simple, but has been obscured by heavy clouds of complication, which were MADE to keep the problem unresolved?"
"Alternatives are in your mind to use, and you CAN see yourself another way."
"No one who has learned from experience that one choice brings peace and joy while another brings chaos and disaster needs much conditioning. The ego cannot withstand the conditioning process, because the process itself DEMONSTRATES that there is another way."
"Pain thresholds can be high, but they are not limitless. Eventually, everybody begins to recognize, however dimly, that there MUST be a better way. As this recognition is more firmly established, it becomes a perceptual turning-point. This ultimately reawakens the spiritual eye, simultaneously weakening the investment in physical sight."
If you want to be happy, and the world is a shit hole, can you be happy? If the world is broken, everything keeps dying, nothing lasts, sooner or later everything goes to hell, and there's an insurmountable amount of problems, can you really prevent it?
The question is, do you have to depend on the world being NOT a shit hole, in order for you to be happy? Do you require that certain people be a certain way, such that if they don't comply, you are not happy?
Do you need and depend on the world, to give you happiness, to make you happy against your will? To save you from yourself? Does the world have to save YOU in order for you to be saved? And can you be happy if the world doesn't save you? What if it just carries on being a shit hole, forever? Can you accept that and let it?
"Therefore, seek not to change the WORLD, but will to change your mind ABOUT the world."
"ALL its roads but lead to disappointment, nothingness and death. There IS no choice in its alternatives. Seek not ESCAPE from problems here. The world was made that problems could not BE escaped."
I think Jesus is pretty clear that the world, on the level of form, in terms of objects and their organization, cannot be saved. How are you going to stop the sun from going supernova and destroying the planet? And all the other planets in the galaxies out there? You can't do it. And no matter how many problems you solve, there is a neverending supply of them lined up waiting for you.
The world is relentless in its onslaught of constant bullshit. It does not let up ever. Another day, another problem. Another malfunction, another breakage, another loss, another conflict. This is its nature. It cannot be saved from this nature. It will always be screwed up and stupid because that is its whole way of existing. It is made from the idea of a lack of peace, a destruction of harmony, and a breakdown in order.
Can you be at peace then if the world is adamant about being a shit hole forever? The world is never ever going to stop being a shithole. You can expect a regular barrage of total bullshit from today until the day you leave the planet, and beyond. One way or another.
So how can you be happy and at peace, if your happiness depends on the world? The world WILL disappoint you over and over again. It will take away your happiness as soon as it can. And then it will turn around and pretend to give it back to you, to make you happy, to force your happiness, and to remind you that you need it.
But if your happiness depends on the world being one way or another, or certain things happening, or people making certain choices, then you're in for a letdown. They might do it, they might not, and they probably won't. Jesus says to not seek for escape from problems here. That ALL its roads lead to suffering and death. You can't FIND permanent perfect peace and happiness here, on the level of the physical. Form itself IS conflict!
So there has to be another way. The other way is in terms of how you see the world, what it means to you, and how you interpret it. Or what you use it for. What you focus on and what you overlook. Because "to forgive is to overlook." Your happiness has to become independent of what happens out there. It has to not require it to be one way or another. Otherwise you're trapped. And all the ways that you depend on the world keep you bound to hell.
The world is bleak and broken and terrifying. But you can forgive it for being this way, and overlook its appearance without taking it seriously. Fortunately the world isn't God's reality, and thank God for that. There is another way to see the world, which doesn't derive its meaning from the world itself, and isn't deceived by its forms and appearances. There is another way that doesn't look to the world to find happiness.
The world is a place of despair. That's why it ends in laughter. When you can laugh at it in spite of itself, you laugh it away. If you let its despair infect you, you will despair along with it. You must deny the world in order to open up to a higher reality. A reality in which you are happy because you are with God, and where you know that nothing could ever come from the world to take away your peace.