I feel more relaxed and peaceful, which I think is a result of looking at the world's system of failure, unrelenting attack and constant problems.

There was always an effort to resist the world going wrong, a constant tension of trying to stop bad things happening, an expectation that things should be going well all the time, and a desire for nothing to ever turn sour.

These were all forms of denial and wishful thinking. An ignorance about the system of the world and how it functions. It was rooted in a mixed belief that the world was even capable of sustaining anything. That it should, that the norm of life should be that the world "works well", and that problems are occasional annoying exceptions.

If you look at the fact that the world is utterly bullshit and hell-bent on inevitable destruction, that all its roads lead to death, that it disappoints at every turn, and it is literally incapable of being free of problems and difficulties, you actually get more of a sense of its "true nature". Instead of the fanciful denial that attempts to insulate us from it.

We spend a great deal of time and effort trying to make the world more tolerable. We build fancy homes and cities to try to shut out and ignore the weather. We try to farm foods more carefully to avoid contamination. We're told to do healthy things and exercise so as to avoid health concerns. We're told to make money so that we don't starve to death.

And so the drive of "civilized society" is really a REACTION to the fact that the world is raw and wild and cruel and unrelenting in its onslaught of carnage. We've become quite good at making it more "comfortable" and "safe", to a degree, in an effort to make hell more palatable, trying to tame its wicked ways. To form an oasis in the desert where we can be insulated from its "nature" and distanced from its ravages. Even though NONE of this prevents the destruction of all these things.

If we drop all that and just recognize the way the world is, and not just the planet but also the whole fundamental fabric of spacetime, then we can see that it was made to function a certain way. It cannot do what it was not designed to do. Its nature has to remain opposite to heaven otherwise it will cease to exist. It must BE different and separate otherwise it cannot appear to exist at all.

So it has to maintain this system of destruction at all times. If we let go of expecting it to be otherwise, and undo this denial that tries to constantly fight against it, or has an expectation that it's supposed to turn out well at the physical level, then when its nature just "does what it does", we won't be so upset. And we won't have to keep resisting it all the time, or fearing it.

The fear really comes from the "hope" or wishful thinking that it's not going to do what it always does. That it's not going to attack or destroy or make things difficult. And then when it does we're seemingly in shock and upset because our expectation has been destroyed. Without the blindness of believing the world can function like heaven, or that it can operate peacefully, or that it will ever be devoid of its devouring deadly nature, we can actually be more at peace about it.

In sense this a form of acceptance. Not accepting that the world is real and true, since only atonement should be accepted and only heaven should be validated. But an acceptance that the world, as it is, is just the way it is, and it cannot help its nature. A recognition that it's just always going to fuck up and destroy everything, because that's the only way it can function. And then in recognition of this we can actually laugh at it and not be so disturbed or surprised or shocked when everything goes to hell again.

This isn't the same as "expecting the worst", because you can get yourself into a belief that this world is real and it always is just negative and depressing, and therefore there is no hope or alternative. But you can expect the worst in the sense of realizing that the world can't be anything BUT the worst, due to its attacking nature, and can separate your relationship with it into a space of laughing at its hilariously flawed ways. We are, after all meant to learn to laugh at the mad idea that has produced this world.

As I sit here I'm looking out the window - not a perfect window but a dirtied stained window - upon an environment in which the leaves on the trees are all dead. The grass is browned and half-dead as a result of the snow that covered it. The weather is cold and unrelentless. The brickwork on the buildings is uneven. The light of sun is blocked and producing shadows of darkness. Roof tiles are missing. Rocks are weathered and decayed. Electrical power boxes are slightly mis-aligned and a strange ugly color. And the somewhat mutilated fir trees are struggling to stay alive.

But is this unexpected for a world where all things must die because time is change and change is death? No. This is the only way it can be. It is hilariously faulty. Ridiculously tragic, and quite a mess. The world is really kind of like a giant trashcan filled with broken pieces and old rotten shite.

Can it be otherwise? It cannot. It can never be otherwise. The dust of dead civilizations will always be blown by the winds of hate in this world. And recognizing this is its nature can actually set you free. Free from the horrible suffering that results from believing it could be any other way. And free from the constant efforts to put some extra lipstick and bandaids on the corpse, trying in vain to turn a tired old world into a new one. In a sense, let the dead bury the dead, and let death be, that there may be life in the mind.

We are to forgive the world, yes. To do this we have to want another world. We have to tune into another reality. Beyond space and time, a world of light and eternal life. A world where the laws of God do not permit suffering, difficulty, problems or death. And then we bring that wholistic perspective with us as we shine its light upon the broken world and see it from a loving perspective. We don't have to condemn the world in order to see that it is inherently broken. We can forgive it for being the way it is, only because it IS broken. And in forgiveness we can laugh it away.

"The world will end in an illusion, as it began. Yet will its ending be an illusion of mercy. The illusion of forgiveness, complete, excluding no-one, limitless in gentleness, will cover it, hiding all evil, concealing all sin and ending guilt forever. So ends the world that guilt had made, for now it has no purpose and is gone." "The world will end when all things in it have been rightly judged by His judgment. The world will end with the benediction of holiness upon it. When not one thought of sin remains, the world is over. It will not be destroyed nor attacked nor even touched. It will merely cease to seem to be."

"The world will end in joy because it is a place of sorrow. When joy has come the purpose of the world has gone. The world will end in peace because it is a place of war. When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? The world will end in laughter because it is a place of tears. Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began."

Sometimes you may not realize that you are being a victim, particularly if you are angry.

A person becomes angry as a reaction to the perception that something has happened to them that they didn't seem to choose.

The perception of things happening outside of your will, is victimhood, and usually entails some 'other' source or person that 'causes' the situation. And since they seemed to choose it 'for you', you see yourself as being unfairly or unjustly treated.

Then you believe that your anger is justified because you see yourself as 'innocent', i.e. it's not you that's wrong, but the other.

Whenever it is the other that is wrong, i.e. you are angry at them for any reason, believing they have done something, you ARE in victimhood.

Now, it may not seem like victimhood, because we may usually think of victimhood as when you feel afraid or you've been attacked and are hurt or whatever. But if you're in anger, you definitely are experiencing and perceiving yourself as a victim, or as having been victimized.

Anger comes out of the hurt. Anger comes out of the victimization.

You may not realize that being angry is being a victim, because the anger turns into victimization or outward attack/retaliation, which makes it feel like you are 'empowered' or 'rising up against' the oppressor, which gives you a false sense of being justified in making THEM a victim, which conceals the fact that if you are angry, you DO perceive yourself as a victim and are playing a victim role.

This absolutely REQUIRES that you, cooperatively, willingly, and freely, have actually chosen to go along with the perception of seeing the situatuation in such a way, that you look like you've been victimized. It requires your own mind to look at the role you're playing in the situation, and to conclude that you didn't ask for this. this is of course grossly mistaken because you cannot be an unwilling victim. I know that is incredibly controversial and maybe hard to accept, but the mind actually USES situations to position you as victimizable and attacked, because it has motives that run much deeper than just this situation (such as the death wish, or the desire to be unconscious).

So as the Course says, "anger is NEVER justified".

It's never justified because nothing ever happens to you against your will. And you MUST have chosen to perceive yourself as being in a 'victim dynamic' in order for you to then experience the reaction to that perception, which manifests as anger or righteousness.

So yes. If you are angry and upset in any way, you MUST be believing you are a victim, and probably you are blaming the other person, and probably you are not admitting honestly the part that you play in this.

It requires tremendous HONESTY to be able to realize and admit not only that you are angry because YOU CHOOSE TO BE, and not only that you're angry because YOU VICTIMIZED YOURSELF through your false perception, but also to be honest enough to admit that IF you do not choose to see yourself in this 'role' or 'relationship' to 'other', then you CANNOT experience yourself as a victim and therefore cannot be angry.

I myself did not realize that being angry was being a victim, until Jesus pointed this out. And if you see yourself as victimized, your anger WILL turn into victimization quite quickly. Then you will retaliate. That's what anger is, a retaliation (reaction) against a perceived mis-treatment. But you can never be mis-treated. If you see yourself mis-treated, you are mistaken in your perception and you are unaware of the power of your own mind.