The aim of our purification, of sorting out the true from the false, is to become fully committed only to the truth. This means purifying or filtering out anything which is not of God, and accepting everything that is of God.
It's kind of like firmly taking sides. You are to fully and completely side with heaven, and completely refuse to accept anything illusory. To become completely 100% clear about what is true, totally distinct from what is false. Having absolutely no false mixed in with the true, and being entirely clear about the difference.
"For if you perceive both good AND evil, you are accepting both the false AND the true, AND MAKING NO DISTINCTION BETWEEN THEM."
Being able to work miracles for example requires maximal love, which is a state in which there is no fear at all. When there is some fear mixed in, you're essentially an unhealed healer, and can only partly heal. You call forth two simultaneous opposing goals, and so you ask for healing and attack at the same time.
"The way out of conflict between two opposing thought systems is clearly TO CHOOSE ONE AND RELINQUISH THE OTHER"
So there is one goal of the Holy Spirit which is pure life, and the ego's goal is pure death. And we're talking here in the extreme of contrast. In accepting truth, we need to accept all of the truth and nothing but the truth. And we need to properly use denial to reject anything that is not true. And you can be sure that ALL illusions will tempt you toward the false.
"It is in the sorting out and categorizing activities of the mind that errors in perception enter. And it is here correction must be made."
"But the mind will put them all in one category - they are unreal. This is the gift of its Teacher; the understanding that only two categories are meaningful in sorting out the messages the mind receives from what appears to be the outside world."
"The first step toward freedom, then, MUST entail a sorting out of the false from the true."
Until we get there, to that place of certainty and doubtlessness, of acceptance and clarity, of clear recognition and the Holy Spirit's perfect judgement, we will find ourselves in a kind of muddy middle ground. We will in our minds have some commitment to some of the truth, and some to lies. We'll be partly convinced by the ego and the body and the world. We'll fall into temptation and be deceived.
"The reason this is upsetting you is because the Atonement is a TOTAL commitment."
"I have no function but the one God gave me. This recognition releases me from all conflict, because it means I cannot have conflicting goals." "Doubt is the result of conflicting wishes."
"You, then, have two conflicting evaluations of yourself in your minds, and they CANNOT BOTH BE TRUE."
When we are in this in-between state we are "in two minds", because it means the mind is split between two masters. It is trying to achieve two opposing goals at the same time, producing tension and thwarting and cancellation of power. In this "untrained" state we are ineffective and disempowered, we keep hurting ourselves by mistake, and we are frequently lost and confused.
"You cannot be faithful to two masters, who ask of you conflicting things."
"An untrained mind can accomplish nothing."
This middle-ground is where most of us find ourselves most of the time, perhaps sometimes moving closer to a clearer unequivocal immersion in reality, and at other times descending into the darkness of false perceptions. In this state we are not certain, which means we are afraid. We are not clear on what is what, so we are confused, and as a result are able to be deceived, and so fall for temptation only because we don't recognize what's happening.
"A mind and body cannot both exist."
"Time and Eternity cannot both be real, because they contradict each other."
"The power of decision is all that is yours. What you can decide BETWEEN is fixed, because there are no alternatives, EXCEPT truth and illusion. And there is no overlap between them, because they are opposites which CANNOT be reconciled, and CANNOT both be true. You are guilty OR guiltless, bound OR free, happy OR unhappy."
Without a clear full and firm commitment to truth and reality and the laws of God, our whole perception falls down into a fight with the world. We see bodies and suffering and enter into false empathy. We become forgetful of who we are. We buy into mortality and fear. And then we have reactions based on making illusions real, trying to solve unsolvable problems and trying to escape from hell.
"Both are not true, yet either one will seem as real to you as the amount to which you hold it dear. And yet their power is NOT the same, because their real attraction to you is unequal. You do not really want the world you see, for it has disappointed you since time began."
The only reason for this is because we have our feet in two canoes at once, and they're heading in different directions. We want the world and we want heaven. We want the mind and the body. We want bodies but without problems. We want worldly magical solutions to make bad stuff go away so that we can get what we want. And so we are torn and adrift and lost.
It is clear then that in order to really access the power of God, to work miracles, to have conviction and fearlessness, to be certain and empowered, to be not deceived or tempted, we have to more consistently side with God. We have to be more fully vigilant for the Kingdom as the only reality and the only truth. It's always when we're in this no-man's-land of in-between that we can't tell which way is up.
"If you believe in truth AND illusion you CANNOT TELL WHICH IS TRUE."
I find that when I am more firmly siding with the truth I can dispel illusions more easily. I can rise above the battlefield, pay less attention to bodies, be less deceived by what I see and assert more strength and light. When I become out of touch with heaven I sink into the darkness and lose sight of the truth, becoming confused and tempted, deceived and lost, and this arising of false perceptions always leads to suffering.
It's salvation that we really need, and salvation is true perception. It is also miracle mindedness. But we can only get into that state and stay there if we're really fully committed to the whole truth all the time. To get there and stay there will take a lot of purification because every attitude, every grievance, ever unforgiveness, has to be purified of its support for death, its siding with darkness, its choice for fear and for guilt.
"Forgiveness, salvation, Atonement, true perception, all are one."
We are moving into the light. When we are fully in the light there will be no more hesitation, no more guessing, no more uncertainty or temptation. Until we get there, we will continue to be thrown around on the rollercoaster. Tempted into the belief that the world is hell, and tempted away from the recognition that it is nothing. Only as we rise above and into the light do we regain our sanity.
"Miracles are seen in light, and light and strength are one."
So ideally, in the long run, we want to get into miracle-mindedness and stay there all the time. Into forgiveness, the state of christ vision. To stay above the battlefield, away from deception, identified with spirit, owning of our immortality and siding with God's laws only. That's how you are fully siding with reality and full against unreality. A clear distinction between what is true and what is false.
"The former needs YOUR careful protection, because it is a state of miracle-READINESS. This is what the Bible means in the many references to "Hold yourself ready" and other similar injunctions.
Readiness here means keep your perception right side up, (or valid), so you will ALWAYS be ready, willing, and able. These are the essentials for "listen, learn, and do."
"As long as perception lasts, prayer has a place. Since perception rests on lack, those who perceive have not totally accepted the Atonement and given over themselves to truth. Perception IS a separated state, and the perceiver DOES need healing. Communion, not prayer, is the natural state of those who know. God and HIS miracles are inseparable."
The trend I see in ACIM is an unequivocal all-or-nothing "siding with God". A total commitment to his reality, truth, laws, and thought system. Being of God and not of this world.
If you imagine that this world doesn't exist at all, you live in heaven, you are identified with spirit, you are one with all brothers in Christ, you know yourself as God created you, and you have nothing that God hasn't given, then this is the natural state we are trying to return to.
But that also means, not believing a single thing about this world, having no identification with the body at all, not believing that sickness even EXISTS yet alone is happening, not believing that death is even POSSIBLE yet alone is happening, being not deceived by anything you see or anything the body senses, regarding yourself experientially as not being bound by the laws of physics whatsoever, and generally recognizing that there isn't even a world here!
It's a total complete shifting of allegiance and reality and location and identity to God's system, to such an extent that you completely forget about this world. You see yourself as under no laws but God's laws, created by His will, with our will in total alignment and agreement with his rather than having a separate will. Creating with God, extending perfect unconditional universal love to everyone equally, in relationship with everyone simultaneously.
Not to mention the ability to work miracles all the time naturally. For example, there is a guy in Europe who was called Bruno Groenig that worked a ton of miracles, and believed that not only did sickness not exist at all, but that it was also unwise to even speak of it. And because he believed ONLY in health and wholeness, he miraculously healed many people.
This is the goal that we're striving for. And we may not be able to relate to it, because right now we're probably somewhere in-between - committed to ego, sickness, suffering, fear, guilt and death. We think we are in a body in space time. We think stuff is really happening. We think we have real problems. That we can't escape and have no power.
We think the people we see as bodies have real sicknesses and that sickness and death are realities that exist. That we can suffer real loss and be deprived and unhappy. That we are still victims stuck in a prison world trying to find the way out, while being inundated with the ego's false advertising campaign.
So it seems a bit of a tall order to completely get out of all this, and I'm sure you recognize this too - a sense that there's still so much to seemingly do in order to get yourself into a state of being TOTALLY sided with God ONLY. In which ONLY God's truth is true and NOTHING else is true. In which you achieve the resurrection and ASSERT ONLY LIFE, with no trace of death or the belief in death whatsoever.
To live it and experience it, to see from it, to act based on it. Yet this is what we need to do - to completely give ourselves over to God in EVERY way, in EVERY area of life. To completely uproot our entire belief system about our life here and not for a second give this world even the slightest sense of belief or value. Only then are we ready to go home to heaven and to God.
"This is a very simple course. Perhaps you do not feel that a course which, in the end, teaches nothing more than that only reality is true is necessary. BUT DO YOU BELIEVE IT?"
"What God did not give you has no power over you, and the attraction of love for love remains irresistible."
"The world does nothing to him. He only thought it did. Nor does he do anything to the world, because he was mistaken about what it was. Herein is the release from guilt and sickness both, for they are one. Yet to accept this release, the insignificance of the body must be an acceptable idea."
"Here again is the paradox often referred to in the course. To say, "Of myself I can do nothing" is to gain all power. And yet it is but a seeming paradox. As God created you, you have all power. The image you made of yourself has none."
"Here is the perfect statement of my freedom. I am under no laws but God's. I am constantly tempted to make up other laws, and give them power over me. I suffer only because of my belief in them. They have no real effect on me at all. I am perfectly free of the effects of all laws save God's. And His are the laws of freedom."
"Loss is not loss when properly perceived. Pain is impossible. There is no grief with any cause at all and suffering of any kind is nothing but a dream. Such is the truth, at first to be but said, and then repeated many times, and next to be accepted as but partly true, with many reservations, then to be considered seriously more and more, and finally accepted as the truth."
"Miracles make time and tide wait for all men. They can heal the sick and raise the dead because man himself made both death and taxes, and can abolish both."
"The resurrection is the denial of death, being the assertion of life. Thus is all the thinking of the world reversed entirely. Life is now recognized as salvation, and pain and misery of any kind perceived as hell. Love is no longer feared but gladly welcomed. Idols have disappeared, and the remembrance of God shines unimpeded across the world. Christ's face is seen in every living thing, and nothing is held in darkness apart from the light of forgiveness. There is no sorrow still upon the earth. The joy of Heaven has come upon it."
"Thus does the miracle undo all things the world attests can never BE undone. And hopelessness and death MUST disappear before the ancient clarion call of life. This call has power FAR beyond the weak and miserable cry of death and guilt. The ancient Calling of the Father to His Son, and of the Son unto his own, will yet be the last trumpet that the world will ever hear. Brother, there is no death. And this you learn when you but wish to show your brother that you had no hurt of him. He thinks your blood is on his hands, and so he stands condemned. But it is given you to SHOW him, by your healing, that his guilt is but the fabric of a senseless dream."
Whenever you deny a blessing to a brother, YOU will feel deprived. This is because denial is as total as love. It is as impossible to deny part of the Sonship as it is to love it in part. Nor is it possible to love it totally AT TIMES. You CANNOT be totally committed SOMETIMES. Remember a very early lesson, -- "never underestimate the power of denial." It has no power in ITSELF, but YOU can give it the power of YOUR mind, whose power is without limit of ANY kind. If you use it to deny reality, reality is gone FOR YOU. REALITY CANNOT BE PARTLY APPRECIATED. That is why denying any part of it means you have lost awareness of ALL of it.
That is the negative side of the law as it operates in this world. But denial is a defense, and so it is as capable of being used positively as it is of being used destructively. Used negatively, it WILL be destructive, because it will be used for attack. But in the service of the Holy Spirit, the law becomes as beneficent as all of the laws of God. Stated positively, the law requires you only to recognize PART of reality to appreciate ALL of it. Mind is too powerful to be subject to exclusion. You will NEVER be able to exclude yourself from what you project.
When a brother acts insanely, he is offering you an opportunity to bless him. His need is YOURS. YOU need the blessing you can offer him. There is no way for you to have it EXCEPT by giving it. This IS the law of God, and it HAS NO EXCEPTIONS. What you deny you LACK, not because it IS lacking, but because you have denied it in another, and therefore are not aware of it in YOU. Every response you make is determined by what you think you ARE. And what you WANT to be IS what you think you are. Therefore, what you WANT to be determines every response you make.
You do NOT need God's blessing, because that you have forever. But you DO need YOURS. The picture you see of yourselves is deprived, unloving, and very vulnerable. You CANNOT love this. But you can very easily escape FROM it, or better, leave it behind. You are NOT there, and that is not YOU. Do not see this picture in anyone, or you HAVE accepted it as you. ALL illusions about the Sonship are DISPELLED together, as they were MADE together. Teach no-one that HE is what YOU do not want to be. Your brother is the mirror in which you will see the image of yourself as long as perception lasts. And perception WILL last until the Sonship knows itself as whole.
You MADE perception, and it MUST last as long as you WANT it. Illusions are investments. They will last as long as you value them. Values are relative, but they are powerful because they are MENTAL JUDGMENTS. The only way to dispel illusions is to withdraw ALL investment from them, and they will HAVE no life for you because you have put them OUT OF YOUR MIND. While you include them IN it, you are GIVING them life. Except there is nothing there to receive your gift.
The gift of life IS yours to give, because it was given YOU. You are unaware of YOUR gift BECAUSE you do not give it. You CANNOT make nothing live, because it cannot BE enlivened. Therefore, you have NOT extended the gift you both have and are, and so you do NOT know your being. All confusion comes from not extending life, because this is NOT the will of your Creator. You CAN do nothing apart from Him, and you DO do nothing apart from him. Keep His Way to remember yourselves, and teach His Ways lest you forget yourself. Give only honor to the sons of the living God, and count yourself among them gladly.
ONLY honor is a fitting gift for those whom God Himself created worthy of honor and whom He honors. Give them the appreciation which God accords them always, because they are His Beloved Sons in whom He is well pleased. You CANNOT be apart from them, because you are not apart from Him. Rest in His love, and protect your rest by loving. But love EVERYTHING He created, of which YOU are part, or you cannot learn of His peace and accept His gift FOR yourself and AS yourself. You CANNOT know your own perfection until you have honored all those who were created LIKE you.
One Child of God is the only teacher sufficiently worthy to teach another. One Teacher is in all your minds, and He teaches the same lesson to all. He always teaches you the inestimable worth of EVERY Son of God, teaching it with infinite patience born of the Love of Him for whom He speaks. Every attack is a call for His patience, because ONLY His patience can translate attack into blessing. Those who attack DO NOT KNOW THEY ARE BLESSED. They attack BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE DEPRIVED. Give therefore of YOUR abundance, and teach them THEIRS. Do not share their delusions of scarcity, or you will perceive YOURSELF as lacking.
Attack could never PROMOTE attack unless you perceived it as a means of depriving you of SOMETHING YOU WANT. But you cannot lose ANYTHING unless YOU do not value it and therefore DO NOT WANT IT. This makes you feel DEPRIVED of it, and by projecting YOUR rejection, you believe that others are TAKING IT FROM YOU. One MUST be fearful if he believes that his brother is attacking him to tear the Kingdom of Heaven from him.
This is the ultimate basis for ALL of the ego's projection. Being the part of your mind which does NOT believe it is responsible for ITSELF, and being without allegiance to God, it is incapable of trust. Projecting its insane belief that YOU have been treacherous to YOUR Creator, it believes that your brothers, who are as incapable of this as you are, are out to TAKE GOD FROM YOU. Whenever a brother attacks another, THIS IS WHAT HE BELIEVES. Projection ALWAYS sees YOUR will in others. If you will to separate YOURSELF from God, that is what you will think others are doing TO you.
You ARE the will of God. Do not accept anything else AS YOUR will, or you ARE denying what you are. Deny THIS and you WILL attack, because you believe you have BEEN attacked. But see the love of God in you, and you will see it everywhere because it IS everywhere. See His abundance in everyone, and you will know that you are in Him WITH them. They are part of you as you are part of God. YOU are as lonely without understanding this as God Himself is lonely when His Sons do not know Him. The peace of God IS understanding this.
There is only one way out of the world's thinking, just as there was only one way INTO it. Understand totally by understanding TOTALITY. Perceive ANY part of the ego's thought system as wholly insane, wholly delusional, and wholly undesirable, and you have CORRECTLY EVALUATED ALL OF IT. This correction enables you to perceive ANY part of Creation as wholly real, wholly perfect, and WHOLLY DESIRABLE. Wanting this ONLY, you will HAVE this only, and giving this only, you will BE only this. The gifts you offer to the ego are ALWAYS experienced as sacrifices. But the gifts you offer to the Kingdom are gifts to YOU. They will always be treasured by God, because they belong to His Beloved Sons who belong to Him. All power and glory are yours because the Kingdom is His.
Today we are really giving specific application to the idea for yesterday. In these practice periods you will be making a series of definite commitments. The question of whether you will keep them in the future is not our concern here. If you are willing at least to make them now, you have started on the way to keeping them. And we are still at the beginning.
You may wonder why it is important to say, for example, "Above all else I want to see this table differently." In itself it is not important at all. Yet what is by itself? And what does "in itself" mean? You see a lot of separate things about you, which really means you are not seeing at all. You either see or not. When you have seen one thing differently, you will see all things differently. The light you will see in any one of them is the same light you will see in them all.
When you say "Above all else I want to see this table differently," you are making a commitment to withdraw your preconceived ideas about the table, and open your minds to what it is and what it is for. You are not defining it in past terms. You are asking what it is, rather than telling it what it is. You are not binding its meaning to your tiny experiences of tables, nor are you limiting its purpose to your little personal thoughts.
You will not question what we have already defined. And the purpose of these exercises is to ask questions and receive the answers. In saying, "Above all else I want to see this table differently," you are committing yourself to seeing. It is not an exclusive commitment. It is a commitment which applies to the table just as much as to anything else, neither more nor less.
You could, in fact, gain vision from just that table, if you could withdraw all your own ideas from it, and look upon it with a completely open mind. It has something to show you; something beautiful and clean and of infinite value, full of happiness and hope. Hidden under all your ideas about it is its real purpose, the purpose it shares with all the universe.
In using the table as a subject for applying the idea for today you are therefore really asking to see the purpose of the universe. You will be making the same request of each subject which you use in the practice periods. And you are making a commitment to each of them to let their purpose be revealed to you, instead of placing your own judgment upon them.
We will have six two minute practice periods today, in which the idea for the day is stated first, and then applied to whatever you see in looking about you. Not only should the subjects be chosen randomly, but each one should be accorded equal sincerity as today's idea is applied to it, in an attempt to acknowledge the equal value of them all in their contribution to your seeing.
As usual, the applications should include the name of the subject which your eyes happen to 'light on, and you should rest your eyes on it while saying:
"Above all else, I want to see this ____ differently"
Each application should be made quite slowly and as thoughtfully as possible. There is no hurry.
169) "By grace I live. By grace I am released."
"God is but Love, and therefore so am I."
170) "There is no cruelty in God and none in me."
"God is but Love, and therefore so am I."
Our next few lessons make a special point of firming up your willingness to make your weak commitment strong; your scattered goals blend into one intent. You are not asked for total dedication all the time, as yet. But you are asked to practice now in order to attain the sense of peace such unified commitment will bestow, if only intermittently. It is experiencing this which makes it sure that you will give your total willingness to following the way the course sets forth.
Our lessons now are geared specifically to widening horizons, and direct approaches to the special blocks which keep your vision narrow, and too limited to let you see the value of our goal. We are attempting now to lift these blocks, however briefly. Words alone can not convey the sense of liberation which their lifting brings. But the experience of freedom and of peace that comes as you give up your tight control of what you see speaks for itself. Your motivation will be so intensified that words become of little consequence. You will be sure of what you want, and what is valueless.
And so we start our journey beyond words by concentrating first on what impedes our progress still. Experience of what exists beyond defensiveness remains beyond achievement while it is denied. It may be there, but you cannot accept its presence. So we now attempt to go past all defenses for a little while each day. No more than this is asked because no more than this is needed. It will be enough to guarantee the rest will come.
We have repeatedly stated that the basic concepts referred to throughout the notes are NOT matters of degree. Certain fundamental concepts CANNOT be meaningfully understood in terms of co-existing polarities. It is impossible to conceive of light and darkness, or, everything and nothing, as joint possibilities. They are all true OR all false. It is absolutely essential that you understand completely that behavior is erratic until a firm commitment to one or the other is made.
A firm commitment to darkness or nothingness is impossible. Nobody has ever lived who has not experienced some light and some of everything. This has made everybody really unable to deny truth totally, even if he deceives himself in this connection most of the time. That is why those who live largely in darkness and emptiness never find any lasting solace. (This really answers B's question about whether people return voluntarily.)
Innocence is also not a partial attribute. It is not a real defense UNTIL it is total. When it is partial, it is characterized by the same erratic nature that holds for other two-edged defenses. The partly innocent are apt to be quite stupid at times. It is not until their innocence is a genuine viewpoint which is universal in its application that it becomes wisdom.
Innocent (or true) perception means that you NEVER misperceive, and ALWAYS see truly. More simply, this means that you never see what does not exist in reality. Whenever you lack confidence in what someone else will do, you are attesting to your belief that he is not in his Right Mind. This is hardly a miracle-based frame of reference. It also has the disastrous effect of denying (incorrect use) the essentially creative power of the miracle. The miracle perceives everything AS IT IS. If nothing but the truth exists (and this is really redundant in statement, because what is not true CANNOT exist) Right-Minded seeing cannot see ANYTHING BUT perfection. We have said many times that ONLY what God creates, or what man creates with the same will, has any real existence. This, then, is all that the innocent can see. They do not suffer from the delusions of the Separated ones.
The way to correct all such delusions is to withdraw your faith from them, and invest it ONLY in what is true. To whatever extent you side with false perception in yourself or others, you are validating a basic misperception. You CANNOT validate the invalid. I would suggest that you voluntarily give up all attempts to do so, because they can be only frantic. If you are willing to validate what is true in everything you perceive, you will make it true for you.
Remember that we said that truth overcomes ALL error. This means that if you perceive truly, you are canceling out misperceptions in yourself AND others simultaneously. Because you see them as they were really created and can really create, you offer them your own validation of THEIR truth. This is the real healing which the miracle actively creates.
(Reply to Helen Schucman question: Is this all? The reason why this is so short, despite its extreme importance, is because it is not symbolic. This means that it is not open to more than one interpretation.) This means that it is unequivocal. It also explains the quotation which you have never gotten correctly in complete form before: "But this we know, that when He shall appear (or be perceived) we shall be like Him for we shall see Him as He is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself even as He is pure." Every man DOES have the hope that he can see correctly, because the ability to do so is IN him. Man's ONLY hope IS to see things as they are).
The idea for today reaffirms your commitment to salvation. It also reminds you that you have no other function than this. Both of these thoughts are obviously necessary for a total commitment. Salvation cannot be the only purpose you hold while you still cherish others. The full acceptance of salvation as your only function necessarily entails two phases; the recognition of salvation as your function, and the relinquishment of all the other goals you have invented for yourself.
This is the only way in which you can take your rightful place among the Saviors of the world. This is the only way in which you can say and mean, "My only function is the one God gave me." This is the only way in which you can find peace of mind.
Today, and for a number of days to follow, set aside ten to fifteen minutes for a more sustained practice period in which you try to understand and accept what today's idea really means. It offers you escape from all your perceived difficulties. It places the key to the door to peace, which you have closed upon yourself, in your own hands. It gives you the answer to all the searching you have done since time began.
Try, if possible, to undertake the daily extended practice periods at approximately the same time each day. Try, also, to determine this time today in advance, and then adhere to it as closely as possible. The purpose of this is to arrange your day so that you have set apart the time for God, as well as for all the trivial purposes and goals you will pursue. This is part of the long range disciplinary training which your mind needs so that the Holy Spirit can use it consistently for the purpose He shares with you.
For this practice period, begin by reviewing the idea for today. Then close your eyes, repeat the idea to yourself once again, and watch your mind carefully to catch whatever thoughts cross it. At first, make no attempt to concentrate only on thoughts related to the idea for today. Rather, try to uncover each one that arises to interfere with it. Note each one as it comes to you with as little involvement or concern as possible, dismissing them by telling yourself:
"This thought reflects a goal which is preventing me from
accepting my only function."
After a while, interfering thoughts will become harder to find. Try, however, to continue a minute or so longer, attempting to catch a few of the idle thoughts which escaped your attention before, but do not strain or make undue effort in doing this. Then tell yourself:
"On this clean slate, let my true function be written for me."
You need not use these exact words, but try to get a sense of being willing to have your illusions of purpose be replaced by truth.
Finally, repeat the idea for today once more and devote the rest of the practice period to trying to focus on its importance to you; the relief its acceptance will bring you by resolving your conflicts once and for all, and the extent to which you really want salvation in spite of your own foolish ideas to the contrary.
In the shorter practice periods, which should be undertaken at least once an hour, use this form in applying today's idea:
"My only function is the one God gave me.
I want no other and I have no other."
Sometimes close your eyes as you practice, and sometimes keep them open and look about you. It is what you see now that will be totally changed when you accept today's idea completely.
I'm seeing that a lot of people literally do not know how to be a certain way. We're all sort of hardwired into our personalities and they have a number of limitations. Where one personality trait seems like a plus, it always has a flipside. Every pro has a con. Every talent has a curse behind it.
This is how everything is in spacetime. In order for any form or illusion to have any properties at all, it has to lack some other properties. A little bulge over here results in a lack of something over there. Something that sticks out means there's less of something. A 'commitment' to one thing produces a movement away from its opposite.
This seems to be true of the body and the personality at this level. We each sort of have a random set of character traits, a real mixed bag, like we reached into the lucky dip and pulled out the first 5 things in a weird combination. And that means we didn't get this trait or that trait or that special trait. So now we're stuck with being a jumbled up collection of parts and pieces.
I for example am wired to be very sensitive which results in a lot of empathy and acute awareness of feelings and so on. But that means I'm not very comfortable being bombarded with a lot of stimuli in a social setting, so socialising is quite awkward and like a minefield. I can't go deep AND broad at the same time. I don't do "smalltalk" well at all.
Then you have someone who is a social butterfly, extroverted and adept at being the life of the party. They can talk 'shallow' with countless people and flit around sampling everything as they go, seemingly confident and outgoing. Yet they also likely lack empathy and depth and don't really get deeply into anything with anyone, afraid to reveal their deeper feelings. Yet on the surface they seem super confident.
I've seen also how there are some people who seem very confident and attractive and have a ton of one-night-stands and are very much single, but have an incredible inability to have a deeper commitment to anyone or a proper relationship. A bias in favour of one thing seems to produce a real disability in another area. Like, we actually can't have our cake and eat it, we have to always be one thing or another.
I used to think there were people who "had it all", and were just somehow "better" than others. ie Better than me, or that I was better than them. But that's not the case at all. Even those who stand out as seeming superstars have a host of issues and blindspots. Being good at one thing usually means being bad at something else. This is just how things work when they're made of separations and illusions of form. Every gain is a loss. There is no "total package" because there is no wholeness here.
I'm finding it at the moment interesting to look at what things I'm good at AND what things I'm not good at. Because if we just focus on thinking that we're 'right' with regard to our pros, we don't have the humility to recognize our shortcomings. Seeing our 'issues' from the outside in comparison to others is quite useful in deconstructing the ego and not buying into the illusion that we're perfect in our imperfection.
Fortunately who we really are is above and beyond all such limitations and biases. If we can recognize the unique configuration of "what we're born with", both the positives and the negatives, we can more easily detach from it and rise above it rather than seeing ourselves as defined by it.
"The surface traits of God's teachers are not at all alike. They do not look alike to the body's eyes, they come from vastly different backgrounds, their experiences of the world vary greatly, and their superficial "personalities" are quite distinct. Nor at the beginning stages of their functioning as teachers of God, have they yet acquired the deeper characteristics that will establish them as what they are. God gives special gifts to His teachers because they have a special role in His plan for Atonement. Their specialness is, of course, only temporary; set in time as a means of leading out of time. These special gifts, born in the holy relationship toward which the teaching-learning situation is geared, become characteristic of all teachers of God who have advanced in their own learning. In this respect they are all alike." UrM5A1
Recently I find myself waiting for someone to decide for me what it is I will do. I even ask within to Jesus or Holy Spirit for them to decide for me. It is one thing to surrender and open up to guidance and to express from love, but part of the lesson I've been learning is that I need to learn how to make real decisions.
What has become apparent is that most of life is spent simply reacting to the world, dealing with stuff that crops up, managing day-to-day maintenance activities, working 9-5, just doing 'stuff' - stuff that everyone else wants or needs me to do. Stuff that the world itself wants me to do. Stuff that the ego is organizing to try to keep me from being responsible for my own life.
And this makes me realize just how much I have not really been decisive before and have not really known how to make a firm decision. To be causal, instead of reactionary. To really choose something, commit to it and follow through. To be so aligned with being responsible for my experience that I choose what my experience is going to be, or I choose what I am going to experience, instead of simply waiting for experiences to happen passively.
So when I go to Jesus and try to get Him to decide for me, and He remains quiet, or He nudges me, and I don't get it, it's because He's trying to get me to act from a place of certainty instead of fear. A place of knowing, instead of figuring out. A place of being tuned within, instead of tuned out. And then he says, "decide". And I'm like... yah.. I am just blowing out hot air going around in circles in what I'm calling decision making which is really just "not deciding" and spinning my wheels.
To make a 'real decision', which isn't a reaction, and which involves being true to myself, and not doing anything that I don't want to do (which produces fear).... it's a new thing.
When I am in a state of indecision, I am clueless about what to do. I don't have any sense of certainty or clarity. I think somehow it's possible to 'become clear' while in that state, or that the clarity is lurking somewhere in the midst of options and if I just figure out the right option, it will become clear. It doesn't apparently work this way. The clarity needs to come FIRST.
So the way forward is, get out of indecision. Recognize it for what it is, that it is not decision making, but decision avoidance. Get out of all of that behavior, and COME BACK to certainty, back to clarity, to confidence, to knowing, to within the heart, and THEN I rediscover an obviousness - a clear path, which I already know is the right way to move forward, which was simply sitting there the whole time with me not being aware of it. So then the decision is easy and certain. And when you make certain decisions in clarity and not in fear, then you will have commitment.
Yet the ideal outcome is rarely achieved. But psychotherapy begins with the realization that healing is of the mind, and in psychotherapy those have come together who believe this. It may be they will not get much further, for no-one learns beyond his own readiness. Yet levels of readiness change, and when therapist or patient has reached the next one, there will be a relationship held out to them that meets the changing need. Perhaps they will come together again and advance in the same relationship, making it holier. Or perhaps each of them will enter into another commitment. Be assured of this; each will progress. Retrogression is temporary. The overall direction is one of progress toward the truth.
Psychotherapy itself cannot be creative. This is one of the errors which the ego fosters; that it is capable of true change, and therefore of true creativity. When we speak of "the saving illusion" or "the final dream," this is not what we mean, but here is the ego's last defense. "Resistance" is its way of looking at things; its interpretation of "progress" and "growth." These interpretations will be wrong of necessity, because they are delusional. The "changes" the ego seeks to make are not really changes. They are but deeper shadows, or perhaps different cloud patterns. Yet what is made of nothingness cannot be called new or different. Illusions are illusions; truth is truth.
Resistance as defined here can be characteristic of a therapist as well as of a patient. Either way, it sets a limit on psychotherapy because it restricts its aims. Nor can the Holy Spirit fight against the intrusions of the ego on the therapeutic process. But He will wait, and His patience is infinite. His goal is wholly undivided always. Whatever resolutions patient and therapist reach in connection with their own divergent goals, they cannot become completely reconciled as one until they join with His. Only then is all conflict over, for only then can there be certainty.
Ideally, psychotherapy is a series of holy encounters in which brothers meet to bless each other and to receive the peace of God. And this will one day come to pass for every "patient" on the face of this earth, for who except a patient could possibly have come here? The therapist is only a somewhat more specialized Teacher of God. He learns through teaching, and the more advanced he is the more he teaches and the more he learns. But whatever stage he is in, there are patients who need him just that way. They cannot take more than he can give for now. Yet they both will find sanity at last.