The holy relationship is the EXPRESSION of the holy instant, in living in this world. Like EVERYTHING about salvation, the holy instant is a PRACTICAL device, WITNESSED by its results. The holy instant NEVER fails. The EXPERIENCE of it is ALWAYS felt. But, without EXPRESSION, IT IS NOT REMEMBERED. The holy relationship is a constant reminder of the experience in which the relationship became what it is. And, as the UNholy relationship is a continuing hymn of hate in praise of ITS maker, so is the holy relationship a happy song of praise to the REDEEMER of relationships. The holy relationship, a MAJOR step toward the perception of the real world, is LEARNED. It is the old, unholy relationship, transformed and seen anew.
The holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment. In all its aspects, as it begins, develops, and becomes accomplished, it represents the REVERSAL of the unholy relationship. Be comforted in this; The ONLY difficult phase is the beginning. For here, the GOAL of the relationship is abruptly shifted to the EXACT OPPOSITE of what it was. This is the FIRST result of OFFERING the relationship to the Holy Spirit, to use for HIS purposes. This invitation is ACCEPTED IMMEDIATELY, and the Holy Spirit wastes no time in introducing the practical results of asking Him to enter. AT ONCE, HIS goal REPLACES yours.
This is accomplished very rapidly. But it makes the relationship seem disturbed, disjunctive and even quite distressing. The reason is quite clear. For the relationship, AS IT IS, is out of line with its own goal, and clearly unsuited to the purpose which has been ACCEPTED for it. In its UNholy condition, YOUR goal was all that SEEMED to give it meaning. Now, it seems to make NO sense. Many relationships have been broken off at this point, and the pursuit of the old goal re-established in ANOTHER relationship. For, once the unholy relationship has ACCEPTED the goal of holiness, it can never again be what it was.
The temptation of the ego becomes extremely intense, with this shift in goals. For the relationship has NOT, as yet, been changed sufficiently to make its former goal completely WITHOUT attraction, and its structure is 'threatened' by the recognition of its inappropriateness for meeting its new purpose. The conflict between the goal and the structure of the relationship is SO apparent that they CANNOT co-exist. Yet now, THE GOAL WILL NOT BE CHANGED. Set firmly in the unholy relationship, there IS no course except to CHANGE THE RELATIONSHIP to fit the goal. Until this HAPPY solution is seen and accepted as the ONLY WAY OUT of this conflict, the RELATIONSHIP seems to be severely strained.
It would NOT be kinder to shift the goal more slowly. For the CONTRAST would be obscured, and the ego given time to re-interpret each slow step, according to its liking. Only a radical shift in purpose COULD induce a COMPLETE change of mind about what the whole relationship IS FOR. As this change develops, and is finally accomplished, it grows increasingly beneficent and joyous. But, at the beginning, the situation is experienced as very precarious. A relationship, undertaken by two individuals for their unholy purposes, suddenly has HOLINESS for its goal.
As these two CONTEMPLATE their relationship from the point of view of this new purpose, they are inevitably appalled. Their perception of the relationship may even become quite disorganized. And yet, the FORMER organization of their perception, no longer serves the purpose THEY have agreed to set. THIS IS THE TIME FOR FAITH. You LET this goal be set for you. That WAS an act of faith. Do not ABANDON faith, now that the REWARDS of faith are being introduced. If you believed the Holy Spirit was THERE to ACCEPT the relationship, why would you now not STILL believe that He is there, to PURIFY what He has taken under His guidance?
Have faith in EACH OTHER in what but SEEMS to be a trying time. THE GOAL IS SET. And your relationship has SANITY as its purpose. Now you find yourselves in an INSANE relationship, RECOGNIZED as such IN THE LIGHT OF ITS GOAL. Now the ego counsels thus; substitute for this ANOTHER relationship, to which your FORMER goal was QUITE appropriate. You can ESCAPE from your distress, ONLY BY GETTING RID OF EACH OTHER. You need not part entirely, if you choose not to do so. But you MUST exclude MAJOR AREAS of fantasy FROM each other, TO SAVE YOUR SANITY.
Hear not this now! Have faith in Him Who ANSWERED you. He heard; has He not been very explicit in His answer? You are NOT now wholly insane. Can you DENY that He HAS given a MOST explicit statement? Now He asks for faith a little longer, even in bewilderment. For this will go, and you will see the JUSTIFICATION for your faith emerge, to bring you shining conviction. Abandon Him not now, NOR EACH OTHER. This relationship HAS BEEN reborn as holy. Accept with gladness what you do not understand, and LET it be explained to you, as you perceive its purpose work in it, to MAKE it holy.
You will find many opportunities to blame EACH OTHER for the 'failure' of your relationship. For it will seem, at times, to have NO purpose. A sense of aimlessness will come to haunt you, and to remind you of all the ways you once SOUGHT for satisfaction, and THOUGHT you found it. Forget not now the misery you REALLY found. And do not now breathe life into your failing egos. For your relationship has NOT been disrupted. IT HAS BEEN SAVED. You are very new in the ways of salvation, and think you have LOST your way. YOUR way IS lost, but think not this is LOSS.
In your newness, remember that you have started again, TOGETHER. And take each other's hand, to walk together along a road far more familiar than you now believe. Is it not certain, that you will remember a goal unchanged throughout eternity? For you have chosen but the goal of God, from which your true intent was NEVER absent. Throughout the Sonship is the song of freedom heard, in joyous echo of your choice. You have joined with many, in the holy instant, and THEY have joined with you. Think not your choice will leave YOU comfortless. For God Himself has blessed your special relationship. JOIN in His blessing, and withhold not yours upon it. For all it needs now IS your blessing, that you may see that in it rests salvation.
Condemn salvation not, for it HAS come to you. And welcome it TOGETHER, for it has come to JOIN you together, in a relationship in which ALL the Sonship is together blessed. You undertook, TOGETHER to invite the Holy Spirit into your relationship. He could not have entered otherwise. And, though you have made many mistakes since then, you have also made enormous efforts to help Him do His work. And He has NOT been lacking in appreciation for all you have done for Him, nor does He see the mistakes at all.
Have you been similarly grateful to each other? Have you consistently appreciated the GOOD efforts, and OVERLOOKED mistakes? Or has your appreciation flickered and grown dim, in what SEEMED to be the LIGHT of the mistakes? You are now entering upon a campaign to blame EACH OTHER for the discomfort of the situation in which you find yourselves. And by this LACK of thanks and gratitude, you make YOURSELVES unable to EXPRESS the holy instant, and thus you lose sight of it. The experience of an instant, HOWEVER compelling it may be, is easily forgotten, if you allow time to close over it. It must be kept shining and gracious, in your AWARENESS of time, but not CONCEALED within it. The instant remains. But where are YOU?
To give thanks to each other is to APPRECIATE the holy instant, and thus enable its RESULTS to be accepted AND SHARED. To ATTACK each other is not to LOSE the instant, but TO MAKE IT POWERLESS IN ITS EFFECTS. You HAVE received the holy instant, but you have established a condition IN WHICH YOU CANNOT USE IT. As a result, you do not realize that it is WITH YOU STILL. And, by CUTTING YOURSELF OFF from its EXPRESSION, you have denied yourself its benefit. You REINFORCE this, every time YOU ATTACK EACH OTHER, for the attack MUST blind you to YOURSELF. And it IS impossible to DENY yourself, and recognize what has been given, and RECEIVED by you.
You stand together in the holy Presence of Truth Itself. Here is the goal, together WITH you. Think you not the goal ITSELF will gladly arrange the MEANS for its accomplishment? It is just this same DISCREPANCY between the purpose which has BEEN accepted and the means as they stand now, that SEEMS to make you suffer, but which makes Heaven glad. If Heaven were OUTSIDE you, you could NOT share in its gladness. But, because it is WITHIN, the gladness, too, IS yours. You ARE joined in purpose, but remain still separate and divided on the means. Yet the GOAL is fixed, firm and unalterable. And the means will surely fall in place, BECAUSE the goal is sure.
And YOU will share the gladness of the Sonship that it is so. As you begin to recognize, and ACCEPT the gifts you have so freely given to EACH OTHER, you will also accept the EFFECTS of the holy instant, and use them to correct ALL your mistakes, and free you from THEIR results. And, learning this, you will have ALSO learned how to release ALL the Sonship, and offer it in gladness and thanksgiving to Him Who gave you YOUR release, and Who would EXTEND it through you.
Beyond the poor attraction of the special love relationship, and ALWAYS obscured by it, is the powerful attraction of the Father for His Son. There is no OTHER love that can satisfy you, because there IS no other love. This is the ONLY love that is fully given, AND FULLY RETURNED. Being complete, it asks nothing. Being wholly pure, everyone joined in it HAS everything. This is NOT the basis for ANY love relationship in which the ego enters. For EVERY relationship on which the ego embarks IS special. The ego establishes relationships ONLY to GET something. And it would keep the giver BOUND TO ITSELF, through guilt.
It is impossible for the ego to enter into any relationship without anger, for the ego believes that ANGER MAKES FRIENDS. This is NOT its statement, but it IS its purpose. For the ego REALLY BELIEVES that it can get, and KEEP, by MAKING GUILTY. This is its ONE attraction. An attraction so weak, that it would have no hold at all, except that NO-ONE RECOGNIZES IT. For the ego always SEEMS to attract through love, and has no attraction at all to anyone who perceives that IT ATTRACTS THROUGH GUILT.
The sick attraction of guilt MUST be recognized FOR WHAT IT IS. For, having been made REAL to you, it is essential to look at it clearly, and, by withdrawing your INVESTMENT in it, to LEARN TO LET IT GO. No-one would choose to let go what he believes has value. Yet the attraction of guilt has value to you ONLY because you have NOT looked at what it IS, and have judged it as valuable COMPLETELY in the dark. As we bring it to light, your ONLY question will be why it was you EVER WANTED it. You have NOTHING to lose by looking open-eyed at this, for ugliness such as this belongs not in your holy mind. The host of God CAN have no REAL investment here.
We said before that the ego attempts to maintain and INCREASE guilt, but in such a way, that you do NOT recognize what it would do to YOU. For it is the ego's fundamental doctrine that, what you do to others, YOU HAVE ESCAPED. The ego wishes NO-ONE well. But its survival DEPENDS on your belief that YOU are exempt from its evil intentions. It counsels, therefore, that if you are HOST to it, IT will enable you to direct the anger that it holds outward, thus protecting YOU. And thus, it embarks on an endless, unrewarding chain of special relationships, forged out of anger, and dedicated to but one insane belief; that the more anger you invest OUTSIDE yourself, the safer YOU become.
It is this chain that binds the Son of God to guilt, and it is this chain the Holy Spirit would REMOVE from his holy mind. For the chain of savagery belongs not around the chosen host of God, who CANNOT make himself host to the ego. In the name of his release, and in the Name of Him Who would release him, let us look more closely at the relationships that the ego contrives, and let the Holy Spirit judge them truly. For it is certain that, if you LOOK at them, you will offer them gladly TO Him. What HE can make of them you do NOT know, but you WILL become willing to find out, if you are willing, first, to perceive what YOU have made of them.
In one way or another, every relationship which the ego makes is based on the idea that, by SACRIFICING itself, IT BECOMES BIGGER. The "sacrifice," which it regards as purification, is actually the root of its bitter resentment. For it would much prefer to attack directly, and avoid delaying what it REALLY wants. Yet the ego acknowledges "reality" as it sees it, and recognizes that NO-ONE could interpret DIRECT attack as love. Yet to make guilty IS direct attack, but does not SEEM to be. For the guilty EXPECT attack, and, having ASKED for it, they are ATTRACTED to it.
In these insane relationships, the attraction of what you do NOT want seems to be much stronger than the attraction of what you DO. For each one thinks that he has SACRIFICED something to the other, AND HATES HIM FOR IT. Yet this is what he thinks he WANTS. He is NOT in love with the other at all; he merely believes he is IN LOVE WITH SACRIFICE. And FOR this sacrifice, which he demanded OF HIMSELF, HE demands the other ACCEPT the guilt, and SACRIFICE HIMSELF as well. Forgiveness becomes impossible, for the ego believes, that to forgive another, IS TO LOSE HIM. For it is only by attack WITHOUT forgiveness, that the ego can ensure the guilt which holds ALL its relationships together.
Yet they only SEEM to be together. For relationships, to the ego, mean ONLY that BODIES are together. It is always PHYSICAL closeness that the ego demands, and it does not object where the mind goes, or what it thinks, for this seems unimportant. For, as long as the BODY is there, to receive its sacrifice, it is content. To the ego, THE MIND IS PRIVATE, and only the body CAN be shared. Ideas are basically of no concern, except as they draw the BODY of another closer or farther. And it is in these terms that it evaluates ideas as "good" or "bad." What makes another guilty, AND HOLDS HIM THROUGH GUILT, is "good." What releases him FROM guilt is "bad," because he would no longer believe that BODIES communicate, and so he would be "gone."
Suffering and sacrifice are the gifts with which the ego would "bless" all unions. And those who are united at its altar ACCEPT suffering and sacrifice as the PRICE of union. In their angry alliances, born of the fear of loneliness, and yet dedicated to the CONTINUANCE of loneliness, they seek RELIEF from guilt, by INCREASING it in the other. For they believe that this DECREASES it in them. The other seems always to be attacking and wounding them, perhaps in little ways, perhaps "unconsciously," yet never without demand of sacrifice. The fury of those joined at the ego's altar, far exceeds your awareness of it. For what the ego really, wants you do NOT realize.
Whenever you are angry, you can be sure that you have formed a special relationship which the ego has "blessed," for anger IS its "blessing." Anger takes many forms, but it cannot long deceive those who will learn that LOVE BRINGS NO GUILT AT ALL, and what brings guilt CANNOT be love, and MUST be anger. ALL anger is nothing more than an attempt to MAKE SOMEONE FEEL GUILTY, and this attempt is the ONLY basis which the ego accepts for special relationships. Guilt is the only need the ego has, and, as long as you identify WITH it, guilt will remain ATTRACTIVE to you.
But remember this; to be WITH A BODY is NOT communication. And, if you think it IS, you will feel guilty about COMMUNICATION, and will be AFRAID to hear the Holy Spirit, recognizing in His voice, your OWN need to communicate. The Holy Spirit CANNOT teach through fear. And how can He communicate with you, while you believe that, to communicate, is to MAKE YOURSELF ALONE? It is CLEARLY insane to believe that, by communicating, you will be abandoned. And yet, you DO believe it. For you think that your minds must be kept PRIVATE, or you will LOSE them. And, if your BODIES are together, your minds remain your own.
The union of bodies thus becomes the way in which you would KEEP MINDS APART. For bodies cannot forgive. They can do only as the mind directs. The illusion of the autonomy of the body, and ITS ability to overcome loneliness, is but the working of the ego's plan to establish its OWN autonomy. As long as you believe that, to be with a body, is companionship, you will be COMPELLED to attempt to keep your brother IN his body, HELD THERE BY GUILT. And you will see SAFETY IN GUILT, and DANGER IN COMMUNICATION. For the ego will ALWAYS teach that loneliness is solved by guilt, and that communication is the CAUSE of loneliness. And, despite the evident insanity of this lesson, YOU HAVE LEARNED IT.
Forgiveness lies in communication, as surely as damnation lies in guilt. It is the Holy Spirit's teaching function to instruct those who believe that communication is damnation, that communication is salvation. And He will do so, for the power of God in Him AND YOU is joined in REAL relationship, so holy and so strong, that it can overcome even this, WITHOUT fear. It is through the holy instant that what SEEMS impossible is ACCOMPLISHED, making it evident that it is NOT impossible. In the holy instant, guilt holds NO attraction, since communication HAS BEEN restored. And guilt, whose ONLY purpose is to DISRUPT communication, HAS no function here.
Here, there is no concealment, and no private thoughts. The WILLINGNESS to communicate attracts communication TO it, and overcomes loneliness completely. There is complete forgiveness here, for there is no desire to exclude ANYONE from your completion, in sudden recognition of the value of his part in it. In the protection of YOUR wholeness, all are invited and made welcome. And you understand that YOUR completion is God's, Whose only need is to have you Be complete. For your completion MAKES you His, in YOUR awareness. And here it is that you experience yourself as you were created, AND AS YOU ARE.