When you are in the ego, you will experience various symptoms. You will:

* Feel afraid, confused, indecisive, uncertain, doubtful.

* Be in a state of questioning, trying to find answers.

* Believing there are multiple possible truths, explanations, diagnoses and possibilities outside of you in the world.

* Trying to find "the correct" possibility from all the possibilities, as if to do so will bring salvation and an answer.

* Feel like something in the world might actually be true, and therefore you are afraid, and can't quite trust the truth.

I often find myself in this state. Once I'm in this state, hallmarked by fear and questioning, I will BELIEVE that I am trying really hard to find an answer. BUT, I will be looking in all the wrong places, looking with the ego, using my separate "abilities" such as the intellect or past experiences, and I will just be going around and around frantic to find "the answer".

I will think that if I look hard enough I will find out what the truth is. But it's going to be one of many possible truths, which is confusing in its own right. So then I think that if I can just "figure out" on my own, know on my own, which one of them is the "real answer", then I will find it and can then get salvation. It never works, because the ego's rule is "seek and do not find", which means to seek passionately, to question everything, to reject all real answers, and to just stay in a state of fear.

When I get like this, there IS no truth out there. There IS no answer that I will find, from an "objective world", which will be "the" truth. But I will be perceiving not only that there IS an objective world, which is real, but that it therefore MUST contain the truth. If the world is real, it automatically has truth in it, so I just need to figure out where it is. Trouble is that NEVER works, because the world is NOT really real, it does NOT really contain any truth, and nothing I figure out about it will undo the FEAR.

Fear is produced BECAUSE I've made the world real. "I am upset because I see something which is not there", i.e. I've made an illusion real, am deluded, and MUST now experience fear because it seems like something UNTRUE has taken on a life of its own. Who wouldn't be afraid if imaginary monsters suddenly seemed real?

In this state of egotism, victimhood, fear, confusion and questioning, I am NOT really making any headway towards salvation. I'm not really getting closer to the answer. I'm actually doing the opposite. It is because I have moved AWAY from the answer, that I am even feeling this experience of "questioning" at all. The experience of questioning is really a state of being answerless, lacking in all certainty, knowing nothing, failing to be at peace, a complete loss of clarity, total victimhood, and is terrifying.

When I get like this, Jesus often now prompts me with a single wise word: "decide".

At first, I do not know what what this means or why the heck it is even relevant in the situation. If I'm stuck in the middle of trying to understand HOW or WHY "something has happened", or how or why "something really is this way", it seems to make no sense as to why deciding something would help, or what the decision even is.

But what I gradually come around to is this. The state that I'm in, as a state of victimhood and ego, is only happening BECAUSE I'm believing that stuff can happen to me against my will, that I have no choice, that I have to put up with whatever this external truth is, and that I need to find out what that "external law" is so that I can do something about it. It's not a decisive state at all. It's a loss of decisiveness. A loss of confidence. A loss of clarity and certainty. In other words, it is FEAR.

To get out of fear, and to get out of the entire game of "what if its this" "what if its that"..... which is all entirely terrifying, you have to SHIFT your perspective to something entirely different. A whole different model for what things are and how stuff happens. You've got to get out of victimhood into EMPOWERMENT. That means:

1) Owning up to you being totally responsible for everything

2) Reclaiming your power, in that whatever you choose will happen, nothing will happen unless you choose it, and therefore whatever you choose WILL BE your experience

3) Realize then that you do not need to defend yourself against illusory threats, because NOTHING IS HAPPENING TO YOU against your will

4) You are decisive, confident, powerful, certain and creative. You can CHOOSE AGAIN. And that means

5) You can choose to align yourself with God's truth, and to make a statement of what the truth IS, instead of attempting to "find out" what the truth is. Thus

6) If you choose NOT to create enemies, fears, disasters, problems, sickness, death, monsters, etc... THEY WILL NOT EXIST and will not be able to do anything to you.

*YOU* HAVE THAT POWER! You get what you ask for! There is no such thing as stuff happening that you did not ask for and do not want!!!!

BE THE TRUTH!

If you think that you will become free of a belief if you can figure out why stuff "really happens", or why someone "really does something", or "why evil is evil" or "why people are sick" etc.... you will not only fail to find a peaceful answer, you will also CREATE THOSE THINGS. This is why in your MASTERY of yourself, you have to come to realize that nothing can happen to you against your will, and that the only thing you've really been doing wrong is believing that something can be true WITHOUT YOU CHOOSING IT.

So when Jesus says decide, he means, flip into a state of confidence and DECIDE whether you believe the ego's truth or God's truth. Which one of these realities will you ALIGN yourself with. Which one of these two truths is going to be TRUE for you and are you going to believe in?

See, you think you have a choice beyond the ego and God. You think there is a third choice. You think that somehow there is 1) God, 2) Ego, 3) Your selective ability to pick and choose what the truth is. You do not have that ability really. You ONLY have the ability to decide which thought system you will BE a part of. If you choose to be part of the ego's thought system, you will choose to believe that everything about the ego is REAL for you. If you choose to be part of God's thought system, you will choose to believe that everything about GOD is REAL for you. And believing one, you will disbelieve in the other. And that IS your protection!

So recognize this. Fear that the ego is true, MUST disappear, IF you choose to believe in God's truth, BECAUSE they are opposite and mutually exclusive. They cannot coexist. If you want to be safe from evil, CHOOSE GOD, SO THAT *YOU* do not create your own evil. YOU are the one who empowers it. YOU are the one who give reality to it. YOU are the one who makes yourself vulnerable by trying to become at peace or saved from a "real threat".

If the ego's world of threats and dangers is real for you, there is NO WAY that you will ever find peace. You simply cannot find salvation, truth, a peaceful answer, a resolution, a cure, a magical description, a satisfactory diagnosis, or any kind of convincing TRUTH if you are CHOOSING to believe the ego is real. Because even if you think that you are in a state of questioning and NOT having a choice, you actually ARE choosing the ego. You are never not choosing.

Choose the ego and you'll believe you have no choice and that you don't want to choose what the ego is offering.

Choose God and you will believe you are free to choose but you only want to choose God after all.

So get out of your ego's attempt to intellectually discover the truth in the world, or explain sickness, or figure out why evil happens, or why someone did something. There is NO TRUTH there. Choose instead to reclaim your POWER OF DECISION, get out of the victimy complete lack of confidence, become decisive, be determined you will MAKE A DECISION about what you believe, and MAKE IT!

I CHOOSE THAT GOD'S TRUTH IS TRUE AND NOTHING ELSE IS TRUE!

THAT is your immortal protection against all illusions, all evil, all suffering, and all death. Going back into fear to "check" if evil is gone simply will make more evil. Going back into fear to "prove" that something is true, will just invalidate the truth again. This is why you must TRUST in God's truth, SURRENDER your belief that the ego's world is real, and become fully committed to the REALITY that God has already decided FOR you.

Choosing for yourself, versus accepting God's decision. That's all.

Usually when we're feeling guilty, it has an element of "because someone else decided I am".

Guilty because I did something to someone. Guilty because I made a wrong move. Guilty because I'm not good enough for someone. Guilty because I did the wrong thing according to someone else's rules. Guilty because I did the course (which someone else wrote) wrong. Guilty because I separed from God (ie God has deemed me guilty).

We keep saying our guilt is caused and put there and required by someone OTHER than ourselves.

How does a perfectly innocent Son of God, of which there is only ONE, ever have the ability to sin in the first place, and to then experience that an 'other' has found them guilty?

As soon as there is separation, you are separting from God and yourself, and now you've split off part of your OWN SELF and projected it as some other person - or a separate God. And now they - that separate identity/will - finds you guilty. There's guilt between you and them *because you are separate.

Maybe we need to own the fact that nobody else makes us guilty. We choose it. Every time. The guilt is coming from a sense of separation from others, which has MADE `others`. Keeping others as others isn't going to allow me to return to innocence. I can only recognize my innocence if there ARE NO OTHERS, because then all separate identities are recognized as THE ONE SELF (shared).

In sharing there is innocence. In separation there is guilt. So when we're in guilt we always think someone else has deemed us guilty. But it's just us, pretending not to be whole, and pretending that the 'other' is not ourselves. Its not that we need to get rid of the guilt so that we can see 'others' and ourselves as innocent, it's that we need to get rid of the guilt so that 'other' and 'separate self' are reunited as a whole.

I own up to choosing guilt by choosing sin by choosing separation. And in that owning up I then let go of that separation and recognize/remember we are ONE. I claim innocence for BOTH of us so that we return to unity together.

For a while I'd thought that by asking Holy Spirit to decide for or asking Jesus to decide, it meant sort of a 'giving up' of deciding.

Lately especially in light of free will I've been seeing it a bit differently, that instead of sort of a subservience or obedience, it could be looked at more as a collaboration or joint agreement kind of thing.

e.g. "Today I will make no decisions by myself".... could mean, let someone entirely separate do all deciding. OR it could mean, make a decision WITH guidance. The course does say that guidance is not coercive, it is only supposed to point you in the right direction and it's up to YOU to FOLLOW the guidance willingly.

I think in a way, the way I was doing this before was somewhat SACRIFICIAL, in that I would attempt to put "all responsibility" into their hands. The course does say that if you choose with Jesus and your will is IN ACCORD with His, there can be no fear, but it does not say like... "do whatever Jesus tells you you must do". Jesus in fact often tells me "you are free". He does not impose upon my free will. Because I used to view Jesus and Holy Spirit as even more of a kind of tyrant or "authority" or dominating power, I would become quite afraid and reluctant to channel or write their words etc, turning it into an arduous task, precisely because I thought I was serving some kind of powerful dominant being.

This kind of thinking of sort of "surrendering self" and being a slave or servant to some higher decider, was I think part of the "one son, one self, one mind, one will, one dreamer" bullshit paradigm taught by others, which I bought into before. All the implications of "you have no self" and "you do not exist" and "there is no one else" etc CAN lead to these kind of interpretations, that you simply have to sort of "die" and put aside all of your own will or decision-making and hand it over to someone else.

What I see now, especially in light of God clearly having created many souls/sons and giving each free will, is quite a different picture, that while Jesus is an older brother and is due respect for his position and accomplishment, he is still a brother. He also speaks of how we are not to awe him, and also how he is equal with us in our awe of God, and that there is nothing he has that you cannot attain.

This sounds a lot more like EQUALITY than it does being dominated or submissive or under the thumb or obedient in a kind of... "because I don't matter" kind of manner. I'm finding MORE freedom and MORE willingness to trust and open up to this guidance BY ACKNOWLEDGING my free will and recognizing that Jesus acknowledges it also. Thus there is less FEAR involved in "having to do" whatever commandment comes down from heaven in a lightning bolt. Without that pressure or coercion or sense of God's impending punishment if you don't comply, there is much less to FEAR and thus far greater WILLINGNESS to actually trust the guidance and follow it freely!

So much more freeing and mutual and cooperative than I used to think was possible or intended.

Over time with ACIM you may come to realize that you're making everything up as you go along. What things mean when stuff happens isn't actually a part of what happens. There is a judgement happening which comes in between you and the events.

You could also call it a projection or a decision, an intention or an attitude. An expression or a wish. There is this entire layer or filtering and choosing and deciding what to MAKE OF things which happens in between you and all external happenings.

In the past you might have thought that all these interpretations and experiences and the meaning of things was locked into what happens. As if the form of the situation dictates what you feel, the people involved decide your experience, and the consequences dictate what is true.

But there actually isn't any inherent meaning in the world, or the body, or in anything that happens here. Everyone has totally and utterly made up the entire thing as they've gone along. At some point in time someone has decided to give certain things certain meanings and labels. Totally arbitrary and out of the blue.

We've all inherited a lot of these labels from society etc. But what you have to realize is you're actually deciding what to MAKE OF things all the time. You have to ask yourself, is this thing really what you think it is, or are YOU determining that it is that? Are you the one GIVING it this meaning? Does it only seem to be "this bad thing" because YOU have said that it is? And what if it isn't?

As you start to explore the fact that you give everything all the meaning it has for you, that you project your decisions about what you want to see, that you decide often wrongly what to make of situations, and you are the one who judges that you should be in fear, you may realize that you're doing all this to yourself. Your "attacking thoughts" make the world seem attacking, but it isn't.

"I have given everything I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place) all the meaning that it has for me."

"I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts."

Now the secret of salvation says you're doing it to yourself which makes you think of an inward direction, as if you are attacking yourself from the outside in. But what you actually do is you, from the inside out, reach inside and decide what you want, what you believe, what you want to see and experience, what meanings you think are true, and THEN you project them out onto or as the world. And then you perceive it. And as you perceive it you take it as total fact.

What that means is that it is your judging, labeling, deciding, projecting, expressing, intending, your attitude, your viewpoint, your desires, your completely arbitrary choice of what you want to MAKE OF the world, that you then put ONTO it and decide is real. As such you do everything "to" the world, so to speak, and the side-effect is that you then experience exactly what you decided it was going to cause you to experience. You experience what you make of it. So then indirectly you are doing it to yourself.

As you realize that all your engagement with the world has been forced through a filter which is in you, in which you direct what to make of the world before you see things in it, you might also then realize that you can choose something else. You could conceivably choose to believe or make of the world something other than what you had been making of it. And why not? Why not just arbitrarily decide to see good in it?

Certainly if you are not at peace, you have made a wrong decision. But what this means is that you have chosen to PROJECT a decision ie a judgement about the world ONTO the world, choosing WHAT you want to make of it, and this has resulted in a loss of peace through the feedback loop of perception. Therefore, you are not at peace because you made a wrong decision ... about what you wanted to see in it.

You may not have realized yet that you actually have the freedom and control and power TO decide what you want to see in the world, and you don't HAVE to just adopt the automatic unconscious inherited interpretations of things that everyone buys into. You need to realize that the world really is totally meaningless and has no inherent meaning. Nothing that happens really means what people have decided it means. Even death is not really death.

"Life and death seem to be opposites because you have decided death ends life."

We've taken certain physical states and have given them labels. We've decided that a body laying motionless is death and bodies moving around are life. This is NOT the truth. They are both just different forms of the same images with NO meaning. The whole world is mistaken in even thinking that a motionless body MEANS death. It is no more alive OR dead because bodies are equally illusions in all states. So YOU in your mind decide that one of the states is bad and awful and tragic and the other is not.

We might think there's a whole host of meanings and definitions for things in the world as if they are just accepted by everyone, but ALL of these have to be questioned. They have in fact all been GIVEN TO the world by you.

"Projection makes perception; the world you see is what you GAVE it, nothing more than that."

So now as you refine and heal your mind, and practice forgiveness and responsibility, it becomes more clear that you're making up all the meanings that things seem to have, and you are reacting to the very meanings you give to them. You MAKE OF situations what you would have them be. You COULD potentially make of a situation something far more light, than the dooming tragedy that you're making it out TO be. In other words, there IS another way of looking at this.

"In dreams, YOU arrange everything. People BECOME what you would have them be, and what they do YOU order."

"Since the purpose of the world is not the one I ascribed to it, there must be another way of looking at it."

So this is where we have to recognize that we have the power of decision to choose, we always choose what meaning we give to everything, we're not in a position to choose or judge accurately because we don't have all the facts, we should open up to the Holy Spirit's judgement or interpretation and stop hurting ourselves with faulty evaluations.

We can potentially just as easily DECIDE, that someone is going to do well, as we can decide that they are going to do poorly. We might think ok if the situation looks like it's bad, then I will decide to agree that it's bad, and will suffer. But does it have to be seen as bad or wrong or going south? You COULD just as easily decide to believe that it's going to go well. You COULD adopt a brighter outlook. There is nothing stopping you.

It may seem at first that this is like playing with insanity or just throwing out all morality or values or sense of what things are, like some kind of LIE that you're telling yourself, some kind of thing that you're "making up". As if you're being totally fictional or in "in denial" about what's "really happening", pretending things are not bad. And indeed forgiveness IS "a happy fiction". You are MAKING a different interpretation of the world, one where you decide to see it right instead of wrong and not use it for attack.

This reveals that probably you have been floating around in a completely untethered free-roaming state, washed around by the crashing waves, believing that the world has decided for you what situations mean while all along just flitting back and forth between made-up meanings. You have been undecided and fickle and unstable and changing your mind and just all over the place with inconsistency.

Most likely you have adopted a general "attitude" or "mood" about life, maybe it's filled with bitterness, maybe it's very judgmental, maybe you attack a lot, maybe you have become pessimistic, maybe you hate people, maybe you just have "learned" that everything sucks. Or maybe you have TAUGHT YOURSELF that it does. Maybe you haven't realized that you decided every single thing you perceived in it, and COULD have changed your mind to seek a better way.

"Judgment was made to be a weapon used against the truth. It separates what it is being used against, and sets it off as if it were a thing apart. And then it makes of it what you would have it be."

"I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace.

I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

I WILL to decide otherwise, because I WANT to be at peace."

Jesus simply is saying that the world doesn't mean anything at all, we are constantly making up meanings and PRETENDING that they are inherent to the situation or the forms you see, and we can EASILY just elect to believe something else. There are brighter happier outlooks that are possible, there are miraculous loving viewpoints that you could just as easily adopt. There is a higher happier healthier outlook you could have.

And again this goes back to your thoughts, because everything you think is praying for, asking for, and producing, the very thing you want to experience. It's GIVING the meanings that you have decided things have. The key is realizing YOU are in the driver's seat making all these decisions, usually deciding on your own, and it's you that's made up all the dire meanings that you see in things. You can instead adopt the holy spirit's meanings and see with his vision instead. By letting him decide FOR ME what everything is and means, from a very lofty perspective, I can experience the world in a much happier way.

I am never upset for the reason I think.

"I do NOT feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I WILL LET HIM.

I WILL to let Him by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

An idea that keeps coming back to me lately is that everything that's happening in the world is absolutely chosen, deliberate and intentional. It's the idea that we're all powerful creators, powerful choosers, and we simply keep on making poor decisions. We keep making, i.e. creating, mistakes.

I keep seeing this idea of everything flowing outward from us, of everything coming from us, and absolutely nothing happening to us from the outside. Only the stuff that we broadcast gets projected out there. So it's all us, 100%... whatever we dream up we manifest, and we put out there in the dream.

In this idea there is absolutely nothing happening in the opposite direction. There is nothing flowing inward from outside. There's nothing happening to anyone. There's nobody doing anything to anyone. There's only stuff coming out from you. So you are the source of everything. You shine like a light, you radiate reality, you extend your self.

So in this idea, it's not at all got anything to do with bad stuff happening to anyone or people being victims or stuff seeming unfair or random chaos or bad luck or anything like that. There's only people choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing, choosing all the time. Broadcasting, extending, projecting, shining, outward outward outward. That's all that's going on behind the illusion of appearances.

It's all coming from a high place and going out. And there is no going in. But the thing is we keep choosing mistakes. We keep literally 'making' mistakes. We keep making situations which look like examples of not choosing. We keep making situations where it seems like we're victimized. We keep making situations where it's set up to look like stuff is happening that we're not choosing, even though we're choosing that too. We're pretty clever at choosing, that we can even choose what seems like complete opposite of having a choice. We can put on a really great show and everyone will fall for it, thinking that we really didn't choose this. Fooled you though.

All is choice.

So really it's just that we keep pushing ourselves off the horse. We keep tipping the bike over. We keep crashing the car. We keep steering badly. We keep making these choices for having no choice. We keep deciding to seem to not be deciding. And we keep wanting to not want stuff. But at all times, absolutely all times, we are still in touch with that freedom of choice.

AND we can choose again at any time. AND we can become so pure and clear in our choosing that we stop choosing mistakes and only choose things which reflect the totality of our freedom and choice. We choose choosing. We align with alignment. We stay on the bike and stop inventing stories about how someone else made us swerve and hit a fence. It's all coming from us.

This is the divine 'play', if you will. The big story. The cover-up. The performance, which the Son of God is playing at over and over. Experimenting with death, even though He can't die. Toying with destruction, even though He is always creative. Pretending to not be Himself. Avoiding having His cover blown. But eventually He'll give up the toys and simply return to a state where He doesn't make these mistaken choices on His own, and simply admits that this is all a big farce. That it's not really real, and that it's always been just an illusion that stuff happened against His will. It's not really true, is it.

It's not REALLY possible to choose to be void of choice. Its not really possible to die. It's not really possible to have other people choose for you. It's not really possible for other people to be responsible for what you experience. It's not really possible to have stuff happen to you. That's what we need to own up to and admit to. The power of our choice. The absolute unshakeable FREEDOM that we always have and always will.

So what are we going to choose today? Are we going to choose the illusion of having no choice? Are we going choose to seem like we have no say, that we're powerless? Or are we going to choose to admit to eternal life, to God's Will, and to absolute divine immortality? Because that's the truth of what we are, behind these ego facades of victimhood and stuff happening on its own.

Can you feel the sheer POWER of being the chooser of everything? And guess what happens when you admit to choosing everything? You choose EVERYTHINGNESS - i.e. God.

Choose again.

Being abused is not fun. Being punished or victimized or attacked is not fun. Being hurt by others, or by anything, is not fun. Being in pain and sickness is not fun. All forms of suffering suck bad.

Every episode of being hurt by the world always looks like you being victimized, against your will. You seeming not to choose it, not wanting it, and doing nothing to ask for it, yet alone deserving it. It always appears unsought and unfair.

When you look only at appearances, every abusive situation looks completely awful. Children being abused. Babies born with disabilities. Parents killed in a car crash. Someone being shot. Murder and rape and all manner of horrors.

However, when you read A Course in Miracles, we're told something which may not seem possible, yet alone true - that you are always doing this to yourself. Not matter who seems to be doing what to whom.

"The secret of salvation is but this: That YOU are doing this UNTO YOURSELF. No matter what the form of the attack, this STILL is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, STILL is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is STILL true."

(Urtext T27I10)

In all seemingly un-asked for scenarios of suffering, it always seems that the problem began with attack by another. You were apparently doing nothing and minding your own business. Then along came the horror out of nowhere. You seemed to not even remotely choose it. You did nothing on the physical level to ask for it or to make it happen. You are a genuine victim.

However, such attacks in fact begin long before they ever manifest. And to realize this will take a lot of willingness and healing. Just even getting past the misery could take a lifetime. But hiding behind every experience of punishment is a secret decision, which happened in your mind long before the punishment happened.

Everyone who has believed in separation from God, attacked themselves first. They believed in their own sin and guilt. They tried to crucify themselves. Long before any abuser came along. each of us was responsible for deciding that we deserve to suffer and be punished. We chose to insist on a willingness to allow ourselves to be hurt. We literally wanted to be hurt. Or even worse, to die, because the belief in sin demands death.

"They do not realize that, to deny God, is to deny their own identity, and in this sense, the wages of sin IS death. The sense is very literal; -- denial of Life perceives its opposite, as ALL forms of denial replace what IS, with what is NOT. No-one can really DO this, but that you can THINK you can, and BELIEVE YOU HAVE, is beyond dispute."

Having decided you are sinful - the original sin, for trying to attack God, you quickly believe you no longer deserve love. Or even to live. You believe you should suffer and die to atone through the ego. To pay the consequences for what you did. And NOW you start to seek out ways to suffer.

Deciding you should suffer, you now attract, choose, hire, coerce, opt for and want, various people, scenarios and problems to bring the penalty to you. You elect freely and seemingly unconsciously to incarnate into defective bodies, broken families, abusive relationships and all manner of tortures. You arrange it all.

As each form of suffering comes to you, as you asked, and looking solely at the physical way by which it happens, it gives no hint that you asked for it. Especially not that you want it. Each blow is enacted by another body. Each attack appears unasked for. Stuff goes wrong seemingly chaotically and at random. Then the world seems to decide it's your time to die. Sucks to be you.

Who would suspect that you asked for this? That you consented to death, no matter how it came? Who would see the secret wish to suffer hidden behind the face of innocence?

"No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants, and ***no one dies without his own consent***. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is."

No-one, not even the person suffering, thinks that they started all this. It always seems to begin outside of you, beyond your will. And then you can point fingers of blame and say, you abused me, you hit me, you hurt me, you punished me, you screwed up my life, you did this and I didn't choose it. Its all your fault.

And now the other is a scapegoat. Secretly someone you hired to hurt you on your behalf, they now take the blame for being the one who did it to you, so no-one notices the contract you signed. Ands so long as the projection of blame remains, it completely hides what you are doing to yourself. All power and responsibility is projected onto anyone except you.

You won't want to ever look at the fact you asked for this, so long as you don't see one key fact: You believed you deserved to suffer BEFORE you suffered. Before you were attacked, you attacked yourself. You believed it as soon as you left God. The denial of God was the denial of entitlement to forgiveness, happiness, health and life. You threw it all away and wanted life to suck.

And THEN you masterminded a lifestyle of awful things seeming to happen to you, inducing suffering while trying to achieve an illusion of redemption. You think if you suffer enough you'll pay off the debt. How much is enough? Only permanent suffering and death is an acceptable fee for your ego.

You chose everyone in your life. You hired them to not love you. You wanted to be sick. You wanted to be attacked, hurt and abused. Terrible lack of self love and respect happened before you brought a ton of bricks down upon yourself. You hated yourself.

Every hurt, every punishment, every abuse, every attack, IS in fact the working of your psyche to guarantee that you get what you think you desreve. It always appears that other agents are doing this to you, so that you can hide your death wish. But it is ALWAYS you that is deciding to orchestrate ALL forms of suffering. Your mind makes it happen.

"For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that YOU were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they COULD have no effect on you, unless you failed to recognize it is YOUR dream. This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, WHATEVER form it takes."

(Urtext T27I10)

The ONLY WAY to be set free from ALL forms of suffering, is to recognize that in every case, the power of your decision begins the whole process. You decide you deserve to suffer, then you project abusers and punishers and prison guards, all of whome you hate and blame, in order to to hide how YOU feel about yourself.

"If to love oneself is to HEAL oneself, those who are sick do NOT love themselves."

You can only suffer by choosing to. If you do not choose to, you CANNOT SUFFER OR DIE. Giving away your power to another to be the fall guy to disguise your self hate, is the only cause of ALL your problems. Choose to love yourself, and you will reclaim immortality.

All abusers, attackers, haters, hurters, punishers, terrorists, murderers and enemies must be forgiven. And to forgive them is a recognition that they were NEVER the starting point of any suffering. Spacetime began and ends with your decision. Nothing EVER happens without your consent.

"I am in the likeness of my Creator. ***I cannot suffer, I cannot experience loss, and I cannot die.*** I am not a body. I would recognize my reality today. I will worship no idols, nor raise my own self-concepts to replace my Self. I am in the likeness of my Creator. Love created me like Itself."

"The emphasis this course has placed on that idea is due to its centrality in our attempts to ***change your mind about yourself***. It is the reason you can heal. It is the cause of healing. It is why you cannot die. Its truth established you as one with God."

"Yet you CANNOT crucify God's Son, for the Will of God cannot die. His Son HAS BEEN redeemed ***from his own crucifixion***, and you cannot assign to death whom God has given eternal life."

In the course, Jesus says that decisions are constant. You don't make a decision as though it's one point in time, and then move on with life as though you are no longer deciding. You don't 'choose' something and then proceed as if the choosing is in the past.

You are always choosing.

And that also means, if something seems to 'happen' that seems to 'cause' something such as a sickness or bodily issue etc, that's a decision too... and if that sickness STAYS, or if that condition CONTINUES, it is because there is still an ongoing decision being made.

In other words, decisions are based on whether or not you CHANGE YOUR MIND. If you 'set' your mind (choose), and then you leave it set that way, it will constantly remain in that 'mode' until you change it to something else. That is constant decision. You are constantly sided with or in favor of something, until you change your belief.

Therefore your belief is what your decisions are made of. You set a belief and forget it, but it keeps on running your life. You can set these decisions in early childhood - "I'm not worthy" or whatever... and then you keep it, and it keeps on producing results, over and over and over and over again, until you change your mind. Because it's a constant decision.

Your natural state of being is:

1) God is the source of love and extends you

2) You receive everything from God and extend it further

3) Your own creations receive from you

Another way of putting it is:

1) God is the Father and extends you as His Son

2) Since he shares everything He is with you, you also inherit the ability to be a father

3) You therefore father your own creations which are your Sons

And another way of putting it is:

1) God is the source of love and love is miraculous

2) God creates you miraculously and shares miraculousness with you

3) You extend God's miraculous love and perform miracles

In this arrangement, which is the way things are in Heaven, and which is the perfect condition of your relationship with God, you RECEIVE everything from God. God just loves you unconditionally all the time for no reason other than to love you. You receive that, and appreciate the awesome gift that it is, and you joyfully extend it.

Now, when the 'separation' happened, the Fatherhood of God was separated from the Sonship of the Son. The son stopped experiencing Himself as the Son of God because, having cut off God's role as His father, He no longer could see Himself as a Son. However, the former Son of God retained the outward creative fatherhood properties He was given. So He continues to try to create, except that having disconnected from the Father he is no longer EXTENDING God's creation, but instead tries to be the SOURCE of what He creates. That means creating without God, which is MAKING.

The former Son of God also then sees Himself as orphaned from God and, having no source for Himself, is left only with 'Himself' to deal with His situation. Instead of receiving love and support from God, this 'separated self' has to invent its own support and its own substitute or love. Having separated from God, this separated self is now alone and afraid and lacking and limited. He is also powerless and weak. He attempts to continue the behavior of extension but without sourcing 'what to extend' in God. So instead he INVENTS, makes up, dreams and projects an imaginary creation (the world) which does not really exist, which is not sustained by God's love, and which therefore must perish.

Clearly, what's gone wrong in the separated Son's life is the disconnection between Himself and God... the shutting off the FLOW that comes FROM God to sustain Him, to provide for Him, to protect Him, to nourish Him, and to give abundantly to Him and to BE everything for Him. That's what the separation shut out of His mind. So now His mind seems intent on going off on its own tangent, running its own life, deciding everything alone, doing everything alone, and generally failing and suffering a lot. There is only one problem - separation from God, and there is only one solution - repairing the separation from God.

So now we find ourselves in this dreamworld of unreality, with separated lives and separate wills, with everything going to shit, and we wonder why. And we wonder how to get back to peace. And then we start doing our forgiveness and our thought management and so on, but you need this bigger picture in order to realize WHY you are doing all this and what the overall goal is. The goal is to UNDO THE SEPARATION FROM GOD completely. And that must mean, the restoration of the dynamics of the relationship that you had with God before the separation.

So this means, your mind/self now needs to transition from being alone, separate, making up lies and doing everything yourself, to RECONNECTING to God, opening up to receive supply/abundance/safety/love/protection/guidance FROM God again, becoming willing to extend what GOD has created (His love), allowing Him to be the source/God/origin instead of you having to invent stuff on your own, and then EXTENDING that outward to all of creation, acknowledging that this 'ex Son of God' is once again THE Son of God, restored to perfection.

So this means having to learn to surrender all of the side-effects that came about from becoming a separate self, which includes surrendering thinking for yourself, deciding for yourself, controlling life, regarding your life as 'your life' that you own in exclusion/exile, giving up the ways that you block the flow of love/miracles, undoing all sense of judgement/attack/separation/sin/guilt/fear that comes between you and God, opening your mind to RECEIVE from God His guidance and love and support, and weaning yourself off of all the ARTIFICIAL SOURCES of support and coping and replacements for what you lost (special love etc), which you MADE to take the place of God.

So as we RECLAIM our rightful place as Son of God again, and restore the relationship with God, and re-open ourselves to receiving the flow/extension of God's love/miracles, we are returning to being Christ and we're letting go of the 'circumstances' of how things ended up after separating from our Father. All the ways that we 'coped' with the separation need to be undone and replaced with getting our supply from God again.

A few quotes coming to mind...

"God goes with me all through the day"

"I am sustained by the love of God"

When you are in a mindset that tries to make the world real, it is a mindset of attempting to "make true" what is not really true.

It's the mindset of a seeker, or someone who is in denial of reality and wants to escape it. Such a mind will try to GIVE truth to an illusory world, to explain it, to describe it, to profess why and how it is true or what the truth of it is. Such a mind attempts to give a sense of reality and factuality to what is inherently unreal and artificial. Such a mind is not interested in giving up the world.

In such a mindset, you will be addicted to being the one who makes things true. Who gives reality to illusions. You will claim to be seeking the truth, but really you are not seeking the truth. You are trying to give the truth away, trying to displace it and pass it off and allocate it to something that is not true, so that it will not be recognizable.

Everyone with an ego is attempting to give the truth away. Trying to hand it over to untruth so that it is meaningless, and yet all done in the name of fervently seeking the truth. Such a mind tries to disown and give reality away, turning unreality into reality, in an attempt to deny that reality is real.

Being a truth maker means you are hell-bent on defining what the truth is, deciding what it is, and always having to have the truth be verified by your egoic understanding. Your so-called precious "opinion" is not worth anything. You're not really interested in what the truth IS, only in what YOU make of it. And so you are not really willing to accept or know the truth, only to REPLACE it with an interpretation of your own.

When there is a lack of surrender to the truth, or a lack of acceptance of its inescapable, predefined, absolute, factual nature, a person will exhibit many signs of seeking EXTERNALLY for the truth, and also signs of both deciding what is true and attempting to form a "complete picture" of the truth composed of their understanding.

They will attempt to exalt their ego to spiritual heights, claiming that they are accumulating or accessing the highest of truths, when in fact it is really the spiritualized ego attempting to create an ILLUSION of truth. Such illusions of truth can be difficult traps to avoid.

Much surrendering is needed in order to let go of all of the ways that you are trying to MAKE the truth be what you think it should be. You are trying to tell God what God is, to redefine Him in YOUR likeness. Your idea about what the truth is may not be what the truth is. Your "best guess" is not fact.

God is the truth and the truth about God is the only truth there is. There is no other truth. You cannot change this fact. There is nothing you can ever do to change this. Your only choice is either to accept it and share in it, OR to go into denial and pretend that something else is more true. Even if you can demonstrate to yourself clearly that something else is true - such as bodies or worlds - it still won't change the fact that you are still in DENIAL. You will remain in denial forever until you choose to accept God's truth.

God's truth cannot be defeated. It is immortal. It is everlasting. It is not up for question. It has no properties that waver or are undecided. It is permanently real and absolutely immovable. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change God's mind about you, and there is nothing you can do to ACTUALLY undo or harm God's reality. It is FIXED like a rock.

This is also fortunate, for you, because it means that even though you're in denial, and don't want to accept God's truth, preferring your own version of reality, once you do finally surrender and accept God's unequivocal truth, God will still be just the same as He ever was. The love will still be unconditional, God will still see you the same, God will still welcome and accept you fully without rejection, and not a single note in heaven's song will have been skipped.

Heaven's song hasn't skipped a note because the illusory separation from God did not interrupt Heaven, it merely attempted to replace it through denial, and being denial it was not ACTUALLY replaced at all, but merely blocked from awareness. Heaven is the same as ever and always will be, because God Created it in order for YOU to have an eternal home to return to, when you're done with your insane game of separation.

Give up your truth. Let God in. Let yourself be loved. Surrender your false beliefs in sin and guilt and fear and death. Only the truth is true. And because only the truth is true, nothing else can have ever happened but the truth. All else must be an illusion and must not exist. The permanence of God proves there can be no separation from reality. Your attempts to make up your own idea of the truth is an attempt to separate yourself from reality.

Still God loves you.