Section 6 - Weakness and Defensiveness

The ego uses affirmation to try to implement, establish, build, attain, increase, add, supply or otherwise bring about something which it believes does not exist yet.

The problem with that is that everything it tries to invent is not necessary, because you have no real needs, being already perfect.

Acceptance of what is already perfect about you is a far better strategy. God is the one who has created perfection. You don't need to create yourself, redefine yourself, rebuild yourself, or fill a void. You only need recognize and accept what is already true.

God has already done, what the ego is trying to do. God already created. Now the ego is trying to make stuff. Making stuff, affirming trying, trying to be convinced of stuff, and using affirmation as a defensive weapon to counteract other ego stuff, is pointless.

What I like to do now, is to move towards acceptance "through" a kind of affirmation. Not an affirmation which "makes firm", but more of an acknowledgement. For example, "I am as God created me". It is not an affirmation because it does not "make you be" as God created you. You already are that. But it acknowledges that this is already true and accepts it, rather than it being something you are doing for the first time.

God already gave. God already created. God already shared perfection. God already provided wholeness and health. We were the ones who tried to reject it and deny it and throw it away. We are simply reclaiming our inheritance. Accepting atonement is simply accepting that everything is STILL as God created it and nothing else has happened.

Last night I used the below process, but in a different way. I did it VERY slowly. I re-stated each phrase several times over and really let it sink in before moving on to the next one. I actually found this to be quite powerful.

For example, in saying that I decided wrongly.. when I really dwell on that I come to realize that I actually DECIDED and I get in touch with that sense of responsibility and decision-making at having been the one who not only put in place this upset, but actually chose it myself.

There is tremendous power in getting in touch with your power of decision. Your decision making is not just a neutral act, it has power to it. It is causal. And I've also started to dabble in the idea of... .instead of just reacting to stuff and going along with it, instead, stopping and DECIDING... "I am" or "I am not" .... and feeling a kind of instantaneous change simply by making a firm decision.

I also inquired about the last sentence... letting Him decide for God for me. Jesus clarified that this really means allowing Holy Spirit to 'favor' or 'choose FOR rather than AGAINST' God, on my behalf. Allowing Him to favor God and to then accept His viewpoint. In this way, "for God" really means "towards God" or "in agreement with God". That made more sense to me.

"I must have decided wrongly because I am NOT at peace.

I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise.

I WILL to decide otherwise, because I WANT to be at peace.

I do NOT feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo ALL the consequences of my wrong decision IF I WILL LET HIM.

I WILL to let Him by allowing Him to decide for God for me."

It's also quite important to keep in mind the statement Jesus makes just prior to this prayer:

"But let me first remind you of something I told you myself. Whenever you are not wholly joyous, it is because you have reacted with a lack of love to some Soul which God created. Perceiving this as sin, you become defensive because you EXPECT ATTACK. The decision to react in that way, however, was YOURS, and can therefore be undone. It CANNOT be undone by repentance in the usual sense, because this implies guilt. If you allow yourself to feel guilty, you will reinforce the error, rather than allowing it to be undone FOR you.

Decisions CANNOT be difficult. This is obvious if you realize that you must ALREADY have made a decision NOT to be wholly joyous if that is what you feel. Therefore, the first step in the undoing is to recognize that YOU ACTIVELY DECIDED WRONGLY, BUT CAN AS ACTIVELY DECIDE OTHERWISE.

Be very firm with yourselves in this, and keep yourselves fully aware of the fact that the UNDOING process, which does NOT come from you, is nevertheless WITHIN you because God placed it there. YOUR part is merely to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made, and give it over to the Atonement in peace. Say to yourselves the following, as sincerely as you can, remembering that the Holy Spirit will respond fully to your slightest invitation:"

In ACIM circles a lot of said with regards to "the separation", and usually always in terms of the separation from God. Some kind of giant distancing which occurred a long time ago and is so vague and nebulous that no-one is aware of it.

What is less obvious though is that the separation also took place between members of the sonship. Individual brothers experienced separation between them, which became a kind of competition and war.

This separation now in fact plays out in ALL relationships on earth. Every way that you are considered separated off from others, are not them, are not joined with them, do not share with them, IS the separation playing out.

Jesus also remarks how when the ego uses projection to try to project blame/sin, it is trying to perpetuate the separation. This is because anything that increases the rift between you and your brothers IS increasing the separation.

It might not have seemed so obvious but the separation from God IS playing out between you and other people right now. It's not distant and vague or happening in the distant past. It's right in front of your nose right now.

The way that you consider yourself to be identified with your body, is one way that you separate off from others. The body is used as a kind of anchor to keep you away from other people. Only when it is used to allow you BYPASS the body and join with the minds of others, is it being used for a holy purpose.

So yes there was separation (belief in) between you and God, but this also affected all your relationships, including those with your brothers, AND also with your own creations. Your direct immediate way of relating to ANYONE testifies to whether or not you are still perpetuating the separation or are healing it.

This is why our brothers are so important or are considered part of our salvation. It is REQUIRED that we rejoin with others in order to undo the separation. There is no way to leave them out of it. We have to learn how to share again, which can only happen by transcending physical boundaries.

"The Atonement is a lesson in sharing, which is given you because YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO DO IT. The Holy Spirit merely reminds you of what is your NATURAL ability."

"The miracle is an expression of an inner awareness of Christ and acceptance of his Atonement. The mind is then in a state of Grace, and naturally becomes gracious, both to the Host within and the stranger without. By bringing in the stranger, he becomes your brother."

"Forget not, when you feel the need arise to be defensive about ANYTHING, you have identified YOUR SELF with an illusion. And therefore feel that you are weak, BECAUSE YOU ARE ALONE. This is the cost of ALL illusions. Not one but rests on the belief that you are separate. Not one that does not SEEM to stand, heavy and solid and unmovable, between you and your brother. "

"How EASY is it to offer this miracle to everyone! No-one who has received it for himself COULD find it difficult. For, BY receiving it, he learned it was not given him alone. Such is the function of a holy relationship; to RECEIVE together, and give as you received. Standing BEFORE the veil, it still seems difficult. But hold out your JOINED hands and touch this heavy-seeming block, and you will learn how easily your fingers slip through its nothingness. It is no solid wall. And only an illusion stands between you and the holy Self you share."

I received a large envelope in the mail. It was from a medical group that we depend on currently for a treatment. I wondered what it could be. Or more to the point, I feared what it might be. Was it a bill? Was it a notice of termination? Was it more rules being laid down to control behaviors? Was it some serious requirement we were going to have to go through? All this ran through my mind in a matter of seconds in reaction to "seeing it." And I hadn't even opened it yet.

I then remembered, that this is a prime example of reacting in fear to some "portion" of the world. Something in the world seems to happen, some "dream" seems to occur, and then I perceive it. And if I perceive it is REAL, forgetting that it is complete fiction and isn't really happening, I MUST experience some portion of the hierarchy of illusions. Some measure of fear, threat and danger must arise, to correspond to the perceived severity of "the problem that came out of nowhere".

So then I remembered, oh yea,.... there is no world. This is me reacting to part of a dream as if it is real. And so I saw, wow, look at how my mind just went right into FEAR, the instant that I saw what this envelope was, and allowed its "reality" to enter my mind. By not remembering this is just another dream episode, my mind was "snagged" or caught up on the dream, as if bound to it and part of it.

The automatic go-to reaction was to be afraid as a result. Yet the instant that I thought to myself, "there is no world, this is just a dream", the fear melted and I felt happy and light and safe. I stepped outside of it. I reframed it. I remembered this little "event" is nowhere and nothing. And I saw how strange it is that I would go into automatic, uncontrolled fear, just as a reaction to having made an envelope real. Having then told myself that all manner of defensiveness is needed, in the form of fear, to prepare myself for what this was going to "do to us".

As I stepped outside of it and laughed, with the fear gone, and trying to stay in the happy awareness that there is no world, I noticed how I probably for all my life have "reacted to dreams" in this way. Each time some thing seems to happen in the world, there has been this "being caught up in it". And each time I am caught up in it there is suffering. And along with that there are upset feelings and fear and stress. And it's all because I thought what was happening was real.

In fact it then seemed really strange that I had chosen to go into fear at all, because there was absolutely no call for fear and no apparent reason to be afraid at all. If the dream was not real and there wasn't even really an envelope, then there was no basis for any reaction whatsoever. And this revealed just how pointless and arbitrary fear is, like some kind of un-checked auto-responder, that just activates unconsciously, with little regard for whether it's even justified. Like a habitual reaction. And I probably had been doing this all my life.

But now here I was, feeling safe and light and happy and bright, because I had remembered for a moment that "this is just a piece of a dream, it's not even really there". I thus opened the envelope and inquired as to its main message. It was, to my pleasant surprise, a refund check for $150 for "overpayment". lol

But it is a lesson. It has shown me another fine example of just how this works. This ONE PROBLEM. Forgetting that you are dreaming. Believing it is REALITY. Thinking that what's happening is ACTUALLY happening. Losing sight of any kind of awareness and just becoming unconscious, ego, reactive and fearful, suspicious, defensive, vulnerable and weak. If the world is real you HAVE to be afraid, and everyone who has been living this way their whole lives doesn't know any other option. I know I didn't.

It's all what happens when you dip down into false perception and bind yourself to the dream, lose yourself in it, go into the darkness of it and take it seriously. Then as you lift up, as you remember THERE IS NO WORLD, your mind just floats right out of it and makes light of it, free from it, saved from it, happy and safe from it. And in that light, there is no concern for what the dream seems to show, or what the event seems to be about. You are not inside the event, because you are not lost in the dream. Being lost is the mainstay in this world, and few have found themselves as yet.

"Awareness of dreaming is the function of God's teachers."

"They watch the dream figures come and go, shift and change, suffer and die, yet they are not deceived by what they see."

"Miracles restore the awareness that you are the dreamer of the dream."

It's useful sometimes to ask yourself, what is the PURPOSE of this thought I'm having? You might find out that quite often, many of the thoughts that come to mind seem to be put there by the ego, as a form of sabotage. ie there is actually a motive behind them. Or to put it another way, there may be a SOURCE of your thoughts which is not yourself, and is actually a second source - the ego. You're not the only one putting thoughts into your mind!

The ego uses them to tempt you away from the light. You may notice you're suddenly thinking about something out of the blue which seems unrelated to what you're doing and takes you away from it. That's probably the ego trying to control you. I find that if I particularly am focusing a lot on God or something truth-oriented, ego will chime in a lot more with statements and thoughts, distractions, negative feelings, trying to steer me away from it. Sometimes it will be outright vicious if I am particularly onto something. There's been more than once that it has said "i will kill you", when I seemed to be threatening its existence.

You may find that the ego actually is behind a great many thoughts and feelings that you have, which are all designed to get you to move away from love, from happiness, from truth and light, from sharing and union etc. It will literally start flooding your mind with negative thoughts, and stir up feelings of worthelssness and unhappiness, in an effort to get you to stop what you're doing.

The ego will attack your motivation, your ambitions, your efforts and your willingness. It will try to make you feel demotivated and put off, distracted and avoidant. It will try to keep you from the things you love and stop you from reaching into the light. Don't think this is just some make-believe shit. There is actually this ego part of your mind that pretty much wants you dead and isn't remotely on your side in terms of supporting you having a happy life.

Sometimes I wonder to myself why I can't get things done, or get deflated about it, or feel a sudden sense of avoidance, or procrastinate, or suddenly get into fear or whatever. Secretly these could in fact be attacks by the ego. It does not have your interests in mind and doesn't want you being happy or doing what you love.

The more you approach what your heart wants, the more it's going to try to cut you off with reasons not to. You then think it's something wrong with you, but it's really that you're being oppressed and manipulated by the ego. Of course it can't succeed at this is you are careful to notice its efforts and dismiss them, but if you're not on your guard, it can derail all your best laid plans and turn you life into a stagnating misery.

"Look at your lives and see what the devil has made. But KNOW that this making will surely dissolve in the light of truth, because its foundation IS a lie."

"And you who ask it now ARE "threatening" the ego's whole defensive system too seriously for it to bother to PRETEND it is your friend."

"The ego is therefore capable of suspiciousness at best, and viciousness at worst. That is its range."

"The ego will begin to ATTACK your motives as soon as they become clearly out of accord with its perception of you. This is when it will shift abruptly from suspiciousness to viciousness, because its uncertainty is INCREASED."

"We said before that the ego vacillates between suspiciousness and viciousness. It remains suspicious as long as you DESPAIR of yourself. It shifts to viciousness whenever you will not tolerate self-debasement, and seek relief. Then it offers you the delusion of ATTACK as a solution."

"The ego IS an ally of time, but NOT a friend. For it is as mistrustful of death as it is of life, and what it wants for you, IT cannot tolerate. The ego wants YOU dead, but NOT itself."

"What if you looked within and saw NO sin?"

"Let me remember that there is no sin."

"There is no sin."

"There is no sin. Creation is unchanged."

"Before a holy relationship there is no sin."

I asked God, "please forgive me". HS responded, "for what?" Again I remembered, there is no sin. Does this mean God has completely forgiven me? That He sees absolutely no sin in me? If this is true it must mean I have never sinned. I have no reason to be guilty. There is no reason to fear punishment. I've literally never done anything wrong. Nothing is being held against me.

So if there is anything in me which suggests that this is not true, that something in me must be a belief. And it must be me own belief, and a false one at that. I must be falsely believing that I have done something that I have not really done. Therefore I must be very mistaken in believing this. If I think it is true that I'm a sinner, who has done terrible things and is unforgivable, unworthy, guilty, it must be a mistaken belief.

If only the truth is true, that there is absolutely no such thing as real sin, then it is literally impossible that I have ever sinned. Anything which seems to have occurred must be a mere nightmarish dream, an imagining, a fantasy, an attempt to hallucinate, to try to prove the truth isn't true. And in this fantasizing I must be lying, I must be making stuff up, and I must be trying to believe in it to try to give it reality. But it is never true. It is just denial. I am very mistaken to believe that I am even slightly sinful at all.

In God's eyes, in terms of the Atonement, there is a recognition that sin does not exist. There is no sin in God, there is no sin in me, there is no sin in my brothers, and there is no sin in the world. There is no sin anywhere! The idea that the world is a cause of anything, or that the body is a cause of anything, is the belief that the world and the body are sinful. That they can, have, are, and will be doing something through attack. They can't be real, or exist, because if they were to do so they would be really sinful.

There is a simple truth deep in my mind. There is no sin. There is no consequence of sin. There are no effects of sin. There is only perfect innocence, holiness, purity and divinity. True sinlessness. A state of no blame, no accusation, no condemnation, no harsh judgement, no finger pointing, no scapegoating, no victimization, just the complete absence of sin.

Sin is the big lie at the root of the ego thought system. It is the belief that you can sin, at all. Which means the belief that you can cause effects in something real, that you can affect God, that you can be God, that you can have power over God or your brothers, that you can do something to cause real consequences which are permanent and irreversible. Sin is the authority problem, it is the belief in magic, it is level confusion, it is false perception.

And the secret behind the entire ego construct, the whole world the ego made, is that sin does not exist. It never did happen. No-one ever changed God's will. Nothing real was ever threatened. Nothing truly living ever suffers or dies. Literally, sin is impossible. You can't sin even if you wanted to. All you can do is imagine it, dream it, and pretend it is real. And in doing so, you can only be mistaken. It's simply not true. You are immortal. You are real. You are permanently innocent. God did not create sinners and you have no power to turn yourself into one.

If you think you're sinful right now, or guilty, or have reason to fear punishment for what you did, or should suffer with sickness and death, YOU ARE MISTAKEN. Choose again.

"Loudly the ego tells you not to look inward, for if you do, your eyes will light on sin, and God will strike you blind. This you believe, and so you do not look. Yet this is not the ego's hidden fear, nor yours who serve it. Loudly indeed the ego claims it is. TOO loudly and TOO often. For underneath this constant shout and frantic proclamation, the ego is not certain it is so. Beneath your fear to look within because of sin, is yet another fear, and one which makes the ego tremble. What if you looked within, and saw NO sin? This "fearful" question is one the ego NEVER asks. And you who ask it now are "threatening" the ego's whole defensive system too seriously for it to bother to pretend it is your friend."

"You're doing this undo yourself."? No way!!!

The ego objects to the secret of salvation. "I CAN'T be doing this to myself! There's no way I'm causing or choosing this! I don't want this, I didn't ask for this, I didn't do anything to make this happen."

Of course the ego thinks this because this IS the defense that is covering up the awareness that you are all powerful. That you chose and caused.

See, ego equates responsibility with guilt and it has absolutely no notion that you can be responsible WITHOUT being guilty. It sees responsibility as "where the blame lies", who is guilty, who sinned, who did it.

It doesn't WANT to be open to the idea that you could take responsibility and be INNOCENT. And so it has a lot of defences and denials and resistance to this idea.

When you start taking responsibility the ego is going to come in and say that you are guilty because of this. So you're going to have to learn to separate out the responsibility from the accusation.

It can really challenge you to be willing to consider that you might actually be choosing what you are experiencing. It means you're going to have to let everyone off the hook and not hate them. It means you can't be a victim, you can't be unfairly treated, you can't be being misrepresented or not heard or accused.

The ego sees taking responsibility as on par with admitting to a crime that's going to send you to prison. It does not want to do it. It sees confession of truth as totally against your best interests. It's like admitting to being a guilty sinner, tapping into your deepest hidden hurts and sense of regret and guilt and shame.

Who wants to admit to being the cause of something awful, or some suffering, or something unpleasant even? But this is what we're going to have to do. The ego has been judge and jury and has decided that the only way you can have the power to do anything is by having the power to be a guilty suffering attacker.

This is why it's a bit challenging, admitting to the truth. You suspect that you sinned, you suspect you're guilty, you don't even want to look at it in case it's true. Or it seemed true when you last looked at it, so you hid from it and vowed to keep it hidden.

But the truth is that you cannot suffer unless you choose to do so. And that's easy to say but a lot harder to totally own. It means you're going to have to look at and question how you might have actually done this. How you chose. The power of your decision. How you decided and the purpose you were trying to serve in your deciding. Why you wanted to suffer. Why you wanted sickness. Why you wanted pain and misery.

Probably you'll feel that the reason for this self-attack was some kind of horrible sin that you committed long ago, maybe an ancient sin, you know, like trying to kill God? Which you believe is true. So you're going to have to confront that at some point to find a path through so that you can get to where you are responsible without the guilt. Where responsibility can mean a verdict of freedom.

We are quite averse to admitting to what we think we've done because we don't want to. And we've become used to projecting it rather than owning it, because owning it feels like shit. But we are not being asked to own up to something terrible that we did, we're being asked to own up to having NOT DONE ANYTHING.

But the road to freedom requires the total acceptance of total responsibility. Without ANY sin or guilt entering into it. When responsibility is polished clean of all guilt, it simply means you are still as God created you, pure and clean, innocent and sinless. And cause for celebration.

"Loudly the ego tells you NOT to look inward, for if you do, your eyes will light on sin, and God will strike you blind. This you believe, and so you do NOT look. Yet this is NOT the ego's hidden fear, nor YOURS who serve it. Loudly indeed the ego claims it IS. TOO loudly and TOO often. For underneath this constant shout and frantic proclamation, the ego is NOT certain it is so. Beneath your fear to look within because of sin is yet ANOTHER fear, and one which makes the ego tremble. What if you looked within, and saw NO sin? This "fearful" question is one the ego NEVER asks. And you who ask it now ARE "threatening" the ego's whole defensive system too seriously for it to bother to PRETEND it is your friend."

Ok I thought I'd have fun with an overly long title ;-)

There is something that some ACIM students do, which I find quite annoying. I shouldn't. But I do.

Ok so ACIM has "levels" in it. There are contexts. There is the bigger context of God/Heaven/Creation, there is the context of the separation and everything inside the ego's world (the "real world" or forgiven world at best). And there is the context of mis-perceiving the world you made (making the world seem like hell).

What happens is, you can be talking about one of the lower levels, discussing some topic, and someone comes along and "trumps" everything you say, by jumping out of context to the higher level. This makes it almost impossible to hold a conversation about anything.

For example, you could be talking about performing miracles and healing people and raising the dead etc, and someone will come along and say "there's no point doing that, bodies don't exist". Or, "there is no world, why bother healing anyone". Or, "its an illusion so whats the point" sort of thing. What's happening there is LEVEL CONFUSION, where they're believing the larger context of truth at a higher level, while still being AT a lower level, and then using the higher-level information to modify whether to do or not do something on the lower level. Classic level confusion.

But what really drives it home, is the ego benefit that doing this has. It means you can jump "higher" than someone else's statements by switching levels. You get to "one up" them by superceding the entire context of the conversation, overriding everything that is said, not because it seems true but because the ego uses it as a weapon or device for "winning" against others.

Trying to find this "higher ground" of "bigger truth" so that arguments can be won. Even if it's totally off-topic. The benefit to the ego is that this makes the person intellectually arrogant, condescending, righteous, sacrificial, cold-hearted and ignorant of the miracle-working that we're supposed to be doing while in the world. And if anything even hints at implying that "there are bodies" or anything remotely like that, they're all over it like a swarm of ants.

It has led many people to this kind of cold-shoulder attitude about the world, in which these higher-level statements are used as "defenses" and denial, to deflect away any suggestion that there's any point doing ANYTHING to help anyone else. By shifting levels either mid-conversation or mid-sentence, the person is able to overthrow the conversation and grin happily at having seemingly blown up all reasoning.

I've found over time that such people generally seem to have "difficulty" comprehending or discerning or recognizing "context", especially if they are not aware that the course contains levels. It is also near-impossible to explain to such persons why they are doing this. I've met some people who will focus so heavily on the "higher level truth" in such total denial of ANYTHING to do with a lower level - the world, dealing with bodies, healing others etc, that they will not let you even say a single thing about the lower-level without it being "corrected" and evaluated as wrong.

They come across as cold, arrogant, uncaring and lacking empathy. I've had to block some of these people because I find them to be emotionally abusive, often aggressive, stubborn, righteous and unwilling to listen. It's as if to say "nothing happened, so any discussion of anything happening is an error". It's used as a defensive weapon of false logic to justify doing nothing in the world, helping no-one else, and basically disappearing off on a cloud and leaving everyone else behind. Honestly, it is SELFISH, egotistical, and separating.

Some of these same people also tend to become quite "non-duality" focused, which is a view in which there is only one son and there is no-one else to help, nothing else to do, nothing to heal, etc. It's unfortunate, and it's not just that they are so advanced that they understand the levels and where and when they are switching levels and why, or that they even show a willingness to stay within context.

They literally are blind to it and will just position themselves intellectually on the "side" of the higher truth in an effort to reject, separate from, attack and conquer anything remotely "down to earth". I also find that these same people seem to have trouble with reasoning and logic, and so the metaphysical foundation of things is obscure to them. They will brush aside any rational statements by switching levels and trumping the discussion through denial. The level of denial is generally high and somehow they've used denial to "deny the world" and the body, rather than really being willing to properly heal it. They seem stuck in their heads.

Anyway... just one of my pet peeves at the moment. Something to forgive of course.

The Course talks about how special love covers up special hate.

I always thought of this as though special love is our special relationships, isolated friendships, marriages, etc. ... and that the special hate was 'somewhere else' in some unconscious realm or whatever.

But both the special love and the special hate live within ourselves, simultaneously, as sort of different compartments of the ego mind.

The only reason the special hate seems hidden or unconscious, while the special loves seems to be out in the open, is because special love equates to the persona, and special hate to the shadow.

As you choose to use the "persona & shadow" - a package deal, ie the ego, you highlight and emphasize the stuff in the persona and attempts to condemn and hate the stuff in the shadow. The persona represses and denies what it doesn't approve of, so it 'seems' the special hate is hidden

But especially when the 'terms' of the special love/persona are not met, it being just a part of the ego, the persona facade of is often 'taken off', and instead the underlying hatred is revealed. The shadow.

In the shadow, there isn't a facade of covering things up or hiding things or so much in terms of denial and rejection. In fact, it seems that the shadow is quite 'raw'. In a sense, it is in some ways more honest than the persona. It doesn't pretend to like something - but it does retain a hateful attitude which ultimately is also dishonest.

This is what they mean when they say the ego can go from suspicious to vicious. In the persona the ego is suspicious. If the persona is violated, it goes away and the claws come out.

But the claws are really just the 'hurt' parts of the total self that were attacked, when you chose the persona. So it's like, you put parts of yourself into a 'good box' and put other parts of yourself into a 'bad box'. It seems that the 'bad box' is the parts of you which are now attacked, wounded, unconscious, denied and hated. So that part of you is not getting a whole lot of love in that way.

But also, the persona, while appearing to be the opposite of that, is also really an attack on the total Self. The persona may 'appear' innocent, a hero, someone's savior (in an ego way), a fixer, a people-pleaser or whatever, someone you would not be suspicious OF ... but it too is really not your authentic self.

It is a protective, defensive, rejective, deflective shield, that covers up your real Self. And using it also strips you of power. You become weakened through it, because the idea of focusing on only certain aspects of Self is an attack, an attempt at separation. It attacks your wholeness, which is where your strength is.

Your real strength is in being whole. Being all of yourself without judgement or condemnation. Being who and what you are, without putting on a fake show or being dishonest in any way. Just representing your real self. Representing God. That Self doesn't need any help.

That Self is not interested in or in NEED of any of the 'services' that the persona seems to suggest it's going to give you. Again, what the ego tempts you to believe it will do 'in your favor' (the persona), actually ultimately attacks you and leads you in totally the opposite direction (pain/shadow).

So it's not so much, that you need to bolster up your persona so that you are stronger and can be more confident. It's that you need to stop using personas altogether, so that you can return to being your natural, full, consistent, honest self, which is FAR more powerful and fearless and does not suffer from any of the neediness or suspiciousness or defensiveness or viciousness that comes with using the ego.

So it all eventually boils down to.... do you use the ego, or do you unmask yourself and be real.