While enjoying the innocence and sinlessness of becoming aware that I did not "really" sin, a person began to verbally attack me.

It had absolutely no effect.

I found it interesting to see the complete distinction between who I was and what they were doing to themselves, as though it was completely clear that it couldn't have been about me - because I was not sinful.

The attack did not register, not even slightly, and I did not need to defend myself in order to be invulnerable. It was simply clear that this was not about me at all.

Who would put up defenses if they knew that they couldn't possibly be sinful or guilty, and that no claims against them could ever really be about them?

There was no ego that needed defending - my self was not identified with sin and guilt.

This is why all that we need to do is learn to see the truth and to clearly discern the difference between true and false. When you can clearly see the truth, it is simply obvious that the ego is false, and that it has nothing to do with who you really are. Therefore you are already completely invulnerable without even having to do anything.

This is why nothing real can be threatened.

Ok so.... weird as this will sound... when Holy Spirit does healing with me, it usually entails significant shaking of the body and also movement of body parts. Usually it entails the movement of my head into some kind of seemingly random sequence of positions.

There will be involuntary movements of the arms and legs, tensing of various muscles, vibrations, sometimes quite rapid and intense alternations from side to side, etc.

This morning after He'd done some healing for a while, which involved the movement of my head, I asked Holy Spirit if he could deliberately move my head. After a couple seconds, vibrations/shaking began and my head moved to the right.

I said ok, now move it all the way to the left. After a few seconds, the vibrations/shaking started and my head moved all the way to the left.

Then I said ok, move it to the middle. After a few seconds, the vibrations/shaking started and my head centered. I then asked and received Him moving it again to the left.

Then I thought ok, to finish off, let's move it all the way to the right. This one took several seconds before it began perhaps because I thought that, for me, this would really prove that He was moving my body. And the the vibrations/shaking started, and He moved my head all the way to the right.

Ok... so... pretty interesting. Even though I'd been used to Him moving my body around as part of healing, I hadn't really thought before to ask if He can cause it to move on purpose outside of the healing mode.

So I took it further.

I said to Him ok, can you raise my arm? After a few moments, vibrations/shaking began in my arm, muscles began to tense, and my arm raised up off the bed to over my head.

I said ok, and put it back down again. So he did.

And then I said ok, can you make it point? After a few moments vibrations/shaking again began and muscles tensed and in a somewhat shaky way, he moved it into an outreached "finger pointing" posture.

I thought ok. This is interesting. Let's do one more thing. So I asked Him to raise my leg. A few moments later, the same vibrations/shaking started in my right foot and travelled up my leg, and then my leg began to raise off the bed. It then returned to the bed.

I know this may sound very weird, because it's supernatural. And it may seem unexplained or frightening to some people. But this is happening because I have trust. And I know it is the Holy Spirit.

These things don't happen in a kind of forceful or overpowering way. They happen because the Holy Spirit has a mind and respects free will and because we hold conversations and have developed trust. And therefore I can ask Him to do things and He will do it. And I can ask Him to stop and He will stop. And I can ask Him to resume and He will resume. We work together. It is a live, conscious, dynamic relationship.

I am endeavoring to take my trust in Holy Spirit and Christ to new levels. I know there is more. I explore and discover and try new things. I experiment. This is the kind of openness you need in order to develop this. You have to be willing and interested in exploring what is possible, without fear.

Somewhere in the urtext Jesus says that some things are on a need-to-know basis and they seem to be kept hidden because you don't need to know. And when you develop a need or desire to know, they become revealed to you. Because you are ready for them.

When you see the manifestations or effects of the Holy Spirit, when you experience Him operating on your physical body, or that or another, you come to trust and recognize that He must exist. That he must be there. Because what is happening is beyond your doing.

And so as you see yourself moved by an unseen spirit force and interact with Him and talk to Him and experience direct real-time cooperative interactions, then you develop the knowing that He is there and He is real and He is powerful and He is working with you. And only by doing this do you come to be aware that He is really there.

"You cannot see the Holy Spirit, ***but you can see His manifestations. And unless you do, you will not realize He is there.*** Miracles are His witnesses, and speak for his Presence. What you cannot see becomes real to you only through the witnesses who speak for it. For you can be AWARE of what you cannot see, and it can become compellingly real to you, ***as its presence becomes manifest THROUGH you.*** Do His work, for you SHARE in His function. As your function in Heaven is creation, so your function on earth is healing. God shares His function with you in Heaven, and the Holy Spirit shares His with you on earth."

Sometimes I am told to 'surrender', or 'relax', and to me this means I need to actively express a willingness to drop ego. Often this is when I'm laying in bed.

I will then repeat several times over and over, something like:

"I surrender, I let go, I surrender, I surrender, I surrender, I let go".

I say this in quick succession so that my ego mind can't get distracted. Quickly I feel a sense of admitting, a sense of honesty, a sense of letting go. Several 'sighs' occur as I let go of ego. I have to admit that I'm trying to do something by myself and I have to stop.

Another process I've started using also is to invite Jesus to come in and heal whatever, and again as soon I make this request I then repeat some statements. e.g.

"Jesus please come into me and heal this...." (whatever it is).

Then I repeat, "I receive your healing" or "I receive as much as you want to give".

I tried out the latter "I receive as much as you want to give" this morning and I found it interesting how this connects Jesus's willingness to help with my willingness to receive help. Significant healing took place. I have no idea what Jesus actually healed or what was occurring, I just had to trust.

Often when Holy Spirit or Jesus are doing healing in me, they say to 'relax', and this means I have to basically ALLOW them to do whatever, even if that means my body is shaking all over the place. It's my job to receive and not interfere.

The final word I received after this, was "trust God". And immediately as I reached out in trust to God, everything suddenly seemed better.

Science will not EVER be able to come up with a completely unified theory of everything.

As Jesus says in the Course, "A universal theology is impossible, but a universal experience is not only possible but necessary."

It doesn't matter if science is coming closer to an "understanding" of spirituality or an openness to the existence of God, or if they can even find an explanation that seems to satisfy all phenomenon. They won't be able to find one which is 100% perfect all of the time. That's simply because there is an assumption that this universe has consistency and is sane.

The physical universe is an idea of insanity and chaos, it only appears to be consistent as an illusion, and it is not even REAL. So how are you going to ever be able to prove the "true nature" of an UNREALITY?

This is why METAPHYSICS is the only way to explain the universe's real functioning and purpose... because you have to be OUTSIDE of the universe (beyond the physical, beyond physics, meta-physics) in order to see the illusion clearly, to be able to explain what it is. How can you explain anything true about an illusion from inside of it? How can you ask an illusory body to tell you what is really happening in an illusion?

Who cares if science is catching up to spirituality or not. It never will be able to prove God. God is an EXPERIENCE. All our words and symbols and thoughts and explanations will only ever bounce around the periphery of reality, never able to touch it or really relate to it or communicate it. Because these explanations are themselves illusions. Even those who are completely awake, even Jesus, cannot explain or communicate what God is "that.. we cannot speak of that."

And by the way BOTH religion and science are illusions.

Science is cool, interesting, intellectually stimulating, and even quite deep (quantum physics etc)... but... never is it about reality.

"I and my Father are One." "I am as God Created me" "Let me remember I am one with God." "Let me remember God created me."

Last night I had an interesting experience. I was focusing on love and God and feeling His presence. I somehow managed to become "high" enough with love, that I formed some kind of connection with God. Like a bridge. And in this connection it suddenly occurred to me that I am LIKE God, in that I was filled with love and God is also filled with love.

In seeing this it become very joyfully obvious that I am just LIKE my father. We have the same NATURE. And because of this likeness, I felt a very real sense of BEING HIS SON, due to the fact that I am "just like Him". It implied instantly that I must have come from Him, because both of us were exactly alike. It was so obvious. It was the first time that I ever felt this dynamic of recognition that I MUST be His Son because I am the same as His nature. Almost as if to say I look like Him, if He had an image.

I also realized that this only was possible because of the presence of love in me, at a significant enough level, to be able to equate with God like this. And I could also see that previously the lack or absence of love had been too strong to be able to see this. It is no wonder that I feared God or thought God was not like me or was not love, because I was too distanced from His nature to really recognize that we have something in common.

This also made me realize how much I do not really know who or what I am, because only when I identify as love am I really being what I really am. At other times when the love is not in my awareness I literally have lost touch with who I am and who God is and seem separate from and unlike Him.

I enjoyed the experience of "being just like God" for a while, even if it was only a slight hint of what's to come. It was enough to be able to sense that, because I am so alike God, I MUST BE HIS.

Here is a very interesting paragraph from ACIM:

"The world is false perception. It is born of error, and it has not left its source. It will remain no longer than the thought that gave it birth is cherished. When the thought of separation has been changed to one of true forgiveness, will the world be seen in quite another light; and one which leads to truth, where all the world must disappear and all its errors vanish. Now its source has gone, and its effects are gone as well."

Notice that it leads off by saying that the world *IS* false perception. In the mind of Christ, in whose mind the entire physical world is imagined, the world itself IS false perception. Not a false perception OF the world, but that the world itself is a state of perceiving falsely.

This also adds weight to the fact that when perception is corrected and undone, at the christ level, the illusion of a world MUST disappear from the mind of the Son of God.

We work on correcting perception believing that it is our own private, separate perception, our own little mind in our own little body. But Jesus clearly references perception as the imagination of the One Christ, in which the entire physical universe is his imagination at work. The world IS made of thought, and it WILL disappear when the mind of Christ has entirely awoken from all dreaming.

We can work on correcting our own private perceptions, but we cannot stop there. The perception which has visualized the entire world must also be corrected. What is "out there" is MIND STUFF. Thought. Its physicality is an illusion, and all of it can be changed.

This once again confirms for me that some parts of the course apply at the 'I am one body with a little mind' level, and some parts apply at the 'I made the entire universe with a huge mind' level. I think that many of us ACIM students are falling WAAAAAAY short of what the Course is teaching, when try to fit everything into the little "I'm one little mind" level, body-identified, not realizing the HUUUGE implications of the power that we have over the entire world. The Christ-level of awareness is unlimited in its power and has dreamed the entire universe, having more than enough power to undo it in its entirety. The physical universe IS a state of perception IN the christ mind at a universe-sized scale. AND we are being asked to step into those massive shoes by Jesus, shoes which perform extraordinary supernatural miracles!!

We each, as spirit, are capable of manifesting any form that we like, and of showing up or appearing to take form in any particular form imaginable. We are not really confined to any one form and can change them at will.

When we decide to incarnate 'as' a body, we seem to take on a particular form, which btw is constantly changing, and gradually steer the manifestation of that body in various directions of growth and change. This is all done in the mind.

It is possible for some individuals with greater awareness to shift the form of the body from one state to another more readily utilizing mind power and miracles, for example. Health can turn into sickness, and sickness into health. These are shifts in physicality which you would think are not really shifts of a singular globular 'blob' of matter, but it really is.

Similarly, all shapeshifter are capable of morphing into any number of forms, even beyond the human form.

Now, the interesting thing also with shapeshifter is that there is a 'pool' or 'ocean' of unifies, blended-together shape shifters who are in what you could call a non-manifest or non-specific form. This is very nicely illustrated in the Star Trek Deep Space Nine series btw where Odo, a significant character, is a shapeshifter who can become any form and can return to a lake filled with other shape shifters who are all blended together. On a physical level this is representative, symbolically, of what we are capable of, and in fact we are also capable of these physical shifts.

The point to be made here, is that it is natural and normal for us to co-exist in a unified pool of 'oneness' where we are not any specific form and where we are all the same, sharing everything with each other. This is our home. The Spirit of God.

So really we are not locked into forms, but we come to believe we are, and act like our body is rigid and changes slowly and is very hard to adjust at will. But we can. And this ability can strengthen as we transcend the body in its limiting awareness, and return to an awareness that we are spiritual shape-shifters, or rather, shape-transcendent. Form is not who we are and it is not our true identity, or our natural home. It is just something we become imprisoned in for a while.

You first believe you are lacking love and that love is not inside you. So now you are in need.

So you accept this is true and the sense of lack compels you to seek for what's missing.

You look everywhere except where you already decided you didn't find it... within.

Off you go, looking for love elsewhere, outside you, in others.

You believe others have what you lack so you want to get it from them.

You try to get it from them, and even steal it from them, because you're jealous that they have it and not you.

So you rip it from them and claim it. Except, something bugs you.

You can't shake the feeling that even though you have it, you don't have it, or enough of it.

This is because underneath, you still have in place the believe that love is not in you. It's still asserting this truth.

So now you can't even fully receive what you've taken from others because you yourself reject the idea that love is in you - you won't allow it to enter you.

This all leads up to the final confrontation which is quite interesting.

If you were to let down your guard and stop defending the belief that love is not in you, so that you can actually finally receive the love that you got from elsewhere, what would happen?

Would you finally fully 'get' what you stole? OR, would you suddenly realize that you already have what you thought you didn't have, and that you didn't even need to get it from elsewhere anyway?

Just as you think you got the grand prize, oh. .. wait.... I already had it all along, I don't need that.

You got the goods.

This is why getting stuff from the world is never deeply satisfying. It doesn't undo the block to the awareness of love's presence that is already in you. And if you were to remove that block, you wouldn't need what you got from the world. So it always falls short, and you're always left wanting, and so you keep seeking more and more and more.

Perfectionism. Addiction. Compulsion. Idol worship. Hero worship. False Gods. Special relationships.

Seek and do not find.

No need to seek any more when you've got God.

It's quite interesting that you could be completely surrounded with safety and love and happiness, and yet not be able to see it, and to then believe that you are not safe or happy.

This is the fundamental ego problem. It is a blindness, an inability to see what is really there. It is a denial of reality.

You could be surrounded by loving, supportive people, completely protected and safe, and yet, within yourself, hiding in a private prison world of insanity, believe that there's all kinds of reasons to be afraid and upset and not feel safe. Because you cannot SEE the safety that is present, and are not ACCEPTING it, you remain in isolation and despair. Even though you're immersed in love!

You are still within God. God is still with you. You are still as God created you. And yet, here you are, in your little private ego world, believing that God is not here at all. You believe its not safe in this existence, that there are many reasons to be upset and afraid, that you are alone and unloved, unworthy, unhappy. But you're INSIDE GOD! And you don't see it. You don't recognize it. You don't realize how incredibly perfectly okay everything is.

So it's really NOT a matter of, or a question of, are you okay, or are you safe, or do you have reasons to be upset, etc... that's not really what's going on. Because, behind your BLOCKS TO AWARENESS, there IS perfect safety and love and happiness surrounding you RIGHT NOW. Fully and completely. Love everywhere. But you are now AWARE of it, because you are blocking it, and so SIMULTANEOUSLY you believe that it is not there.

It's like you're swimming in a lake and wondering where the water is.

It's like you're laying on a beach perfectly dry and believing you are drowning.

It's like being terrified that everything's going wrong when all around you are miracles and love and joy and celebration.

You simple are not AWARE of what is REALLY happening, WHERE you really are, WHO you really are, or WHAT really is.

Removing the blocks to awareness IS THE ONLY WAY for you to become AWARE that you ARE SAFE, and loved, and happy, and that you are still with God as God created you. The blocks to awareness are showing you a cruel world. The blocks to awareness are making you believe and hallucinate that dangerous monsters are all around you, when in fact GOD is all around you.

Instead of ... what if something terrible has happened (separation from God) ..... what if..... you are still in God and everything is ok and nothing has happened?

Removing the blocks to awareness REVEALS what is really here, which is God, and love, and all is well

I've recently been 'God bathing' ... But I don't quite have a tan yet.

Actually it's not as simple as just getting into my swimsuit and laying in the light. There's a slight problem. Part of me does not want it.

The interesting thing is, though, that as I attempt to expose myself to God's love - by which I mean, to actually accept the *experience* of it - to let it in and allow it - it shines a light on the parts of me that need healing.

These are the parts that I can tell feel like... They are not worthy, they are not good enough, they are guilty, they believe something is going to be taken away or lost, that hold grievances, that feel alone and separate and forgotten, etc... All of this 'me', this ego me, who I think I am right now, that when you really get down to it, when faced with 'the truth' (God), experiences itself as unwanted and lost.

It's not easy to be aware that this is in me and that it needs healing. But part of the 'God bathing' is that I become at least a little bit willing to let some love soak in. I let it come a bit closer. I let it seep in around the foundations of my 'self hate', and loosen it up a bit. It's like being surrounded with a healing balm, or getting a hug.

That resistant ego part of me still doesn't believe that God could love me...and it always has this sense of ...'because'... There is a reason... Because of what I did... Guilt.

Hopefully if I can release and let of enough blocks and resistances and beliefs in guilt, I can at least let myself realize, if for just a moment, that actually everything is going to be okay. I can be loved, I can be healed and forgiven, and I actually do deserve God's unconditional love.

And then little glimpses or feelings of optimism start to creep in, little awarenesses of... maybe it's true. Maybe I don't have to be this way. Maybe I don't have to stay separate and guilty. Maybe I don't have to die. Because what is this really all about but the secret death wish that we all have, believing we cannot be with God/Life ever again. My thought last night was, maybe I actually don't have to die. And that was a relief. "Thank God"... For sure.

Learning to allow and accept what God is.... Surrendering what I am not.

A powerful sentence came to me which felt great to repeat several times. "I am the Son of God. I am completely innocent."

ahhhhh. Now there is a slight tan.