I get this feeling that deciding on my own is not the right thing to do, given everything that's said about choosing not to decide, not doing it all on your own, etc. So then I feel torn.
But what I then see is that really, when I am in a state of indecision, fear, doubt, etc I am really not in a state of decisiveness. I probably am trying to decide, but I am not being decisive. And my attempts to decide are really delaying mechanisms to avoid the certainty of decision. In this state, I'm not really making any decisions at all anyway.
Pretty much every time Jesus says "decide", I am in a state of fear and self-doubt. I recognize then that staying in this state is not going to bring about any kind of decision, and if I want to become decisive, I have to get out of the fear.
Sometimes then, I will remark to Jesus that I don't know what to decide, and He will say, "you know". As I pull myself out of the fear and become more dynamic, more certain, more sure of myself, I then automatically feel more decisive and knowing and sure of what it is that I will do.
Then I have to even put aside this idea that I don't already know - that I even need to decide, and stop for a minute to become aware of what it is that I know already.
If I already know, a decision is not needed. If I already know, then I don't need to even get into the fearful drama of "not knowing" what to do. Then, somewhere deep inside, I tune into what it is that I know, and in this there is an acceptance, a peace and a clarity that makes it much more obvious what to do.
Usually knowing is covered up by all kinds of faffing about, doubting, fearing, drama, control, thinking, etc. None of it is really needed because it's actually all a distraction away from knowing. I can't know what to do when I'm choosing to be in a state of not-knowing. Seems so simple, but easy to get lost in.
As I go forward, and as I embark on new endeavors led by trusting Jesus etc, I find myself coming up against fears and concerns I didn't have to face before. Yet each step of the way He guides me to trust, to know, to put aside fear, and to recognize the ways that I am undermining my own certainty and decisiveness. In other words, learning to claim and work in a more empowered state of confidence.
I am finding that the more I am willing to put aside the dishonest toys of fear and self-sabotage, the more I am growing in confidence and strength and certainty. Also fear is reducing, people are growing ever-more approachable, and procrastination is melting.
This is how we gradually move into action. This is how we get off the fence and become truly helpful. And this is how we let go of the dependency on the ego as our guide as to how we should waste time.
We need to learn to be truly decisive, certain, knowing and trusting, before we might become actually willing to allow God to guide and direct us in all that we do. This somehow is tied into becoming willing to do His Will, and to follow Jesus's direction. But in a partnership of mutual agreement.
"Father, Your Son is holy. I am he on whom You smile in love and tenderness so deep and dear and still the universe smiles back on You, and shares Your holiness. How pure, how safe, how sacred, then, are we, abiding in Your smile, with all Your love bestowed upon us, living one with You, in brotherhood and Fatherhood complete; in sinlessness so perfect that the Lord of Sinlessness conceives us as His Son, a universe of Thought completing Him."
Let us not, then, attack our sinlessness. For it contains the Word of God to us, and in its kind reflection we are saved.
I need but look upon all things that seem to hurt me, and with perfect certainty assure myself, "God wills that I be saved from this," and merely watch them disappear. I need but keep in mind my Father's Will for me is only happiness, to find that only happiness has come to me. And I need but remember that His Love surrounds His Son and keeps his sinlessness forever perfect, to be sure that I am saved and safe forever in His arms. I am the Son He loves. And I am saved because God in His mercy wills it so.
"Father, Your holiness is mine. Your Love created me, and made my sinlessness forever part of You. I have no guilt nor sin in me, for there is none in You."
"Father, You stand before me and behind, beside me, in the place I see myself, and everywhere I go. You are in all the things I look upon, the sounds I hear, and every hand that reaches for my own. In You time disappears, and place becomes a meaningless belief. For what surrounds Your Son and keeps him safe is Love Itself. There is no Source but This, and nothing is that does not share Its holiness; that stands beyond Your one creation, or without the Love Which holds all things within Itself. Father, Your Son is like Yourself. We come to You in Your own Name today, to be at peace within Your everlasting Love."
My brothers, join with me in this today. This is salvation's prayer. Must we not join in what will save the world, along with us?
Who punishes the body is insane. For here the little gap is SEEN, and yet it is NOT here. It has not judged ITSELF, nor made itself to be what it is not. IT does not seek to make of pain a joy, and look for lasting pleasure in the dust. It does not TELL you what its purpose is, and CANNOT understand what it is for. IT DOES NOT VICTIMIZE, because it has no will, no preferences, and NO DOUBTS. It does not wonder what it is. And so it has no NEED to be competitive. It CAN be victimized, but CANNOT feel itself as victim. It accepts no role, but does what it is told, WITHOUT attack.
It is indeed a senseless point of view to hold responsible for sight a thing that cannot see, and blame it for the sounds you do not like, although it cannot hear. IT suffers not the punishment you give, because it HAS no feeling. It behaves in ways you want, but NEVER makes the choice. It is not born and does not die. It can but follow aimlessly the path on which it has been set. And if that path is changed, it walks as easily another way. It takes no sides, and judges not the road it travels. It perceives no gap because IT DOES NOT HATE. It can be USED for hate, but it cannot be hateful MADE thereby.
The thing you hate and fear and loathe and WANT, the body does not know. You send it forth to SEEK for separation and BE separate. And THEN you hate it, NOT for what it is, but for the uses you have MADE of it. You shrink from what IT sees and what IT hears, and hate its frailty and its littleness. And you despise its acts, but NOT your own. It sees and acts for YOU. It hears YOUR voice. And it is frail and little by YOUR wish. It SEEMS to punish you, and thus DESERVE your hatred for the limitations which it brings to you. Yet you have made of it a symbol of the limitations which you want your MIND to have and see and KEEP.
The body REPRESENTS the gap between the little bit of mind you call your own, and all the rest of what is REALLY yours. You hate it, yet you think it IS your self, and that, WITHOUT it, would your self be lost. This is the secret vow that you have made with every brother who would walk apart. This is the secret oath you take again whenever you perceive yourself attacked. No-one can suffer if he does NOT see himself attacked, AND LOSING BY ATTACK. Unstated and unheard in consciousness is every pledge to sickness. Yet it is a promise to another to be hurt by him, and to attack him in return.
Sickness is anger taken out upon the body, so that IT will suffer pain. It is the obvious effect of what was made in secret, IN AGREEMENT with another's secret wish to be apart from you, as you would be apart from him. Unless you BOTH agree this is your wish, it CAN have no effects. Whoever says, "There IS no gap between my mind and yours," has kept GOD's promise, NOT his tiny oath to be forever faithful unto death. And by his healing IS his brother healed. Let THIS be your agreement with each one; that you be one with him and NOT apart. And he will keep the promise that you make with him, because it is the one which he has made to God, as God has made to him.
God keeps His promises; His Son keeps his. In his creation did his Father say, "You are beloved of Me and I of you forever. Be you perfect as Myself, for you can never be apart from Me." His Son remembers not that he replied "I will," though in that promise he was born. Yet God reminds him of it every time he does not share a promise to be sick, but lets his mind be healed and unified. His secret vows are powerless before the Will of God, Whose promises he shares. And what he substitutes is NOT his will, who has made promise of himself to God.
Anything in this world that you believe is good and valuable and worth striving for can hurt you, and will do so. NOT because it has the power to hurt, but just because YOU have denied it is but an illusion, AND MADE IT REAL. And it IS real to you. It is NOT nothing. And through its perceived reality has entered all the world of sick illusions. All belief in sin, in power of attack, in hurt and harm, in sacrifice and death, has come to you. For no-one can make one illusion real, and still escape the rest. For who can choose to keep the ones which he prefers, and find the safety that the truth alone can give? Who can believe illusions are the same, and still maintain that even one is best?
Lead not your little lives in solitude, with one illusion as your only friend. This is no friendship worthy of God's Son, nor one with which he could remain content. But God has given him a better Friend, in whom all power in earth and Heaven rests. The one illusion that you THINK is friend obscures HIS grace and majesty from you, and keeps his friendship and forgiveness from your welcoming embrace. Without him you are friendless. Seek not another friend to take his place. There IS no other friend. What God appointed HAS no substitute. And what illusion CAN replace the truth?
Who dwells with shadows is alone indeed, and loneliness is NOT the Will of God. Would you allow one shadow to usurp the throne that God appointed for your Friend, if you but realized ITS emptiness has left YOURS empty and unoccupied? Make NO illusion friend, for if you do, it CAN but take the place of him whom God has called your Friend. And it is he who is your ONLY Friend in truth. He brings you gifts that are not of this world, and only he, to whom they have been given, CAN make sure that you receive them. He will place them on YOUR throne, when you make room for him on his.
In the course, Jesus says that decisions are constant. You don't make a decision as though it's one point in time, and then move on with life as though you are no longer deciding. You don't 'choose' something and then proceed as if the choosing is in the past.
You are always choosing.
And that also means, if something seems to 'happen' that seems to 'cause' something such as a sickness or bodily issue etc, that's a decision too... and if that sickness STAYS, or if that condition CONTINUES, it is because there is still an ongoing decision being made.
In other words, decisions are based on whether or not you CHANGE YOUR MIND. If you 'set' your mind (choose), and then you leave it set that way, it will constantly remain in that 'mode' until you change it to something else. That is constant decision. You are constantly sided with or in favor of something, until you change your belief.
Therefore your belief is what your decisions are made of. You set a belief and forget it, but it keeps on running your life. You can set these decisions in early childhood - "I'm not worthy" or whatever... and then you keep it, and it keeps on producing results, over and over and over and over again, until you change your mind. Because it's a constant decision.
Christ is God's Son as He created him. He is the Self we share, uniting us with one another, and with God as well. He is the Thought Which still abides within the Mind That is His Source. He has not left His holy home, nor lost the innocence in which He was created. He abides unchanged forever in the Mind of God.
Christ is the link that keeps you one with God, and guarantees that separation is no more than an illusion of despair. For hope forever will abide in Him. Your mind is part of His, and His of yours. He is the part in Which God's Answer lies; where all decisions are already made, and dreams are over. He remains untouched by anything the body's eyes perceive. For though in Him His Father placed the means for your salvation, yet does He remain the Self Who, like His Father, knows no sin.
Home of the Holy Spirit, and at home in God alone, does Christ remain at peace, within the Heaven of your holy mind. This is the only part of you that has reality in truth. The rest is dreams. Yet will these dreams be given unto Christ to fade before His glory, and reveal your holy Self, the Christ, to you at last.
The Holy Spirit reaches from the Christ in you to all your dreams, and bids them come to Him, to be translated into truth. He will exchange them for the final dream which God appointed as the end of dreams. For when forgiveness rests upon the world and peace has come to every Son of God, what could remain to keep things separate, for what remains to see except Christ's face?
And how long will this holy face be seen, when it is but the symbol that the time for learning now is over, and the goal of the Atonement has been reached at last? So therefore let us seek to find Christ's face, and look on nothing else. As we behold His glory, will we know we have no need of learning or perception or of time, or anything except the holy Self, the Christ Whom God created as His Son.
31) "I am not the victim of the world I see."
How can I be the victim of a world which can be completely undone if I so choose? My chains are loosened. I can drop them off merely by desiring to do so. The prison door is open. I can leave it simply by walking out. Nothing holds me in this world. Only my wish to stay keeps me a prisoner. I would give up insane wishes, and walk into the sunlight at last.
32) "I have invented the world I see."
I made up the prison in which I see myself. All I need do is recognize this, and I am free. I have deluded myself into believing it is possible to imprison the Son of God. I was bitterly mistaken in this belief, which I no longer want. The Son of God must be forever free. He is as God created him, and not what I would make of him. He is where God would have him be, and not where I thought to hold him prisoner.
33) "There is another way of looking at the world."
Since the purpose of the world is not the one I ascribed to it, there must be another way of looking at it. I see everything upside-down, and my thoughts are the opposite of truth. I see the world as a prison for God's Son. It must be, then, that the world is really a place where he can be set free. I would look upon the world as it is, and see it as a place where the Son of God finds his freedom.
34) "I could see peace instead of this."
When I see the world as a place of freedom, I will realize that it reflects the laws of God instead of the rules which I made up for it to obey. I will understand that peace, not war, abides in it. And I will perceive that peace also abides in the hearts of all who share this place with me.
35) "My mind is part of God's. I am very holy."
As I share the peace of the world with my brothers, I begin to understand that this peace comes from deep within myself. The world I look upon has taken on the light of my forgiveness, and shines forgiveness back at me. In this light, I begin to see what my illusions about myself had kept hidden. I begin to understand the holiness of all living things including myself, and their oneness with me.