The way you are meant to function correctly, as a child of God, is to be joined to God, plugged into His mind, hooked up to His Divine Health and absolute abundance, and sharing in all of His Power.

You are meant to be able to use His Power, according to His laws, to create just like Him, which has absolutely no limitations of any kind. It means you can create, and manifest in form, anything whatsoever that you desire to. And it also means, eternal life.

But when you are cut off from God and going it alone, you are literally disconnected from power, from healing, from love, from joy, from trust, from abundance, from Life, from everything that God wants to share with you right now.

So what kind of a life do you expect to find yourself living, when you're living a lie? What kind of life will you experience when you refuse to allow it to be a life joined to and being lived WITH God?

It's going to pale in comparison, and it's going to be a life of weakness and suffering and death and fear and loss and disaster. You can try going it alone and doing it all yourself and keep shutting God out, but God is very patient and constantly offers His Gifts to you without conditions.

So this is kind of your choice. You either can keep living 'with' the ego which means being separate and having to manage your own life all alone and to experience unhappiness, suffering, and eventually death, OR you can choose to receive, accept, and share in God's mighty abundance, to illuminate your life from the inside out and to set you in a position of exquisite joy, peace and power.

The two lives really are nothing alike. And there's really nothing the ego can offer you that is ANYWHERE near what God can offer you. Okay so I sound a bit religious or recruiting here... but ok. You think the ego has given you amazing things in the world and you cherish and find important? Wait till you get in on the action with God!

You believe that it is true that you are meant to suffer and die and that doing so is right and happy and is your salvation. How nuts is that? Even worse, you do not even REALIZE you are suffering because you think it's your idea of heaven.

But here we are, in the middle of suffering, asking for more suffering, wanting to keep suffering, because we falsely believe that suffering and attack is SAVING US from something even worse.

What could be worse than suffering a death? Happiness and eternal life? The ego actually believes this. It's replaced the truth with what is false and identified what's false as true and something ELSE is where all the suffering lies.

So if you believe suffering is happiness, death is your way to be free, you deserve to suffer more because you don't deserve love, or that it's true that you need to keep the ego because it is totally your friend, then you're going to keep on suffering. The only reason you will keep suffering is because you think it is perfectly sane and real and true.

Jesus has told us, you do not need to suffer. Period. There is no call for, justification for, need for, or purpose for suffering. All you need is God's love. Yet to the ego, it has all these reasons 'why' you need to suffer more... reasons which justify suffering, reasons which build up a picture to defend suffering, to protect suffering, to want it and to keep it, because you're convinced it's actually in your best interests.

Whatever you think is true you will defend because you believe that, conversely, whatever is NOT true is against you and is your enemy. And this is how you defend against God because you think God is not the truth. Why would ANYONE want to deliberately stay away from God? Not in their right mind! Nobody has any valid reason to. But people have a LOT of really invalid reasons to. A lot of beliefs that all reinforce this conviction that what the EGO is offering is better, truer, more correct, more safe, more reliable, more trustable. We've put a lot of faith into the ego.

There is no reason to not be with God. There is no reason to suffer. There is nothing keeping you away from God other than your own desire to not be with God, based on your beliefs that tell you God is not what you want. The only way you can not want God is to not be aware of God's true nature. You MUST cover it up and distort it otherwise, if you were to RECOGNIZE God you would jump into His arms in an instant. The attraction to love is very powerful. And it is this attraction to love that you are trying to HIDE underneath and using your ego beliefs. Their only purpose is to cover up God so that you don't remember how much you want and love Him.

If you've got reasons to not accept God's love... you're definitely deceived by the ego and definitely mistaken in your grasp of what God is like. Its good to admit that. God's got a whole shitload of love coming your way.

I used to think I knew what this meant. But the definition is changing right before my eyes.

I used to believe that if I was loved unconditionally, it meant that God loves me regardless of various attributes that I have, even if I keep those attributes. So let's say I have a crooked leg, and I look like I have the hind legs of an ass, I would perhaps say, well, God still loves me despite the fact that I can't walk straight to save my life. And that seemed somewhat comforting. But there was always a certain unease about this because, like, how could there be complete love at the same time as bodily forms or illusions existing?

In ACIM we're taught that only the truth is true and only God's creation exists and nothing else exists. That there is no world. That there hasn't been a separation. That illusions are not real. So that really means, my crooked legs do not exist. So God loving me unconditionally really has to be redefined, because while it is always true that God loves unconditionally, it also has to be true that God ONLY loves that which is not conditional. God cannot be unconditional about conditionality. Having crooked legs is conditional, limited, and an illusion, and the ego wants to run with it and get God's approval.

So this really brings into question, WHO AM I. Who is the `I` or `me` that God is loving unconditionally. Does God love this limited illusory me unconditionally, OR... is God loving some other `real` me that is actually lovable? Does he perhaps OVERLOOK my crooked legs and is fixated only on the Christ in me, the real me, which he loves without condition or limitation, recognizing that the Christ in me is not limited or conditioned? And what happens to my self-hate if I accept his love - do I keep it? No. If *I* want to be unconditionally loved, then I need to identify myself AS my `unconditioned love self`, rather than my ego, or my body, or my behaviors, or how I look, or how I believe I am not lovable, which includes ALL the limiting ideas about myself. Those are not really ME.

It would be nice if my illusory identities as a body, as a behavior, as a set of thoughts etc, would be unconditionally loved. And it is true that God is ALWAYS in a state of loving with no requirements. BUT, and because of His permanent perfect love, He loves the TRUTH of what I am BECAUSE he does not see or recognize or acknowledge the bullshit that I am not. So I am not really a body with a crooked leg, or with a funny walk, or a person with a strange belief, or someone who talks in a weird accent. God isn't loving me unconditionally because of these things, but IN SPITE OF these things, in recognition of who I actually AM and not who or what I think I am.

So I guess there's this ego/new-agey version of unconditional love that says my body is real, my ego is real, I am a separate self, and at the same time, God sees and acknowledges this separate self and gives the old `nod and wink` that this separate self can be kept and loved. But that's not really possible. Here's the truth. If God, as LIGHT, were to shine toward these illusory forms of `myself` in attempt to love them unconditionally, THEY WOULD DISAPPEAR. They would be HEALED. Because all of these forms of self are actually forms of error, forms of separation, and forms of sickness. They are symbols of separation that's aren't real or TRUE and God can't love a lie.

So yes I could be in a transitionary phase where I still have a wonky leg and I somehow open up to some amount of uncondtional love, but as I do so, as I allow that love to enter `me`, it MUST transform me, and MUST go beyond my wonky leg. The unconditional love doesn't say "I love you even with your crappy leg". It says, "I love you BESIDES and IN SPITE OF and BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE a crappy leg." It looks to the real me, the Christ me, the perfect me.

This is how I am seeing unconditional love being redefined for me. As I open up to allow God to love me more, God is reminding me of who I really am and I am 'becoming love', awakening to love, which is transcending all of the excuses and reasons WHY I am not love or not lovable. All my sicknesses are expressions of an attempt to not be loved. All of my sense of separation from God is an expression of my attempt not to be loved. All of my victimization is an attempt not to be loved or to justify staying unlovable. All of these forms and illusions are barriers against love. Yes, love loves all the time, but love doesn't love what doesn't exist. Love doesn't love forms or bodies or illusions or images or thoughts.

Love loves SO THAT these things DO NOT EXIST. It is the same as fore-giveness - fore-giveness looks with love SO THAT mistakes in perception are not made and so that judgement doesn't arise. Similarly love loves uncondtionally SO THAT heaven is always maintained, so that you are always Christ, and so that NOTHING ELSE CAN HAPPEN. Unconditional love sustains reality, it doesn't justify or give a nod of acceptance to illusions. Love loves SO THAT `conditions` do not arise - it doesn't love real conditions! Love loves so that there isn't anything that 'needs' to be loved, because it IS loved, just as forgiveness fore-gives so that there is nothing TO forgive because all IS forgiven.

And yet love is gentle so it can seem like it does this. It can seem I am lovable in spite of my crooked horse legs. But really what I'm doing, if I'm allowing myself to be loved, is actually relinquishing identification with the horse legs and identifying myself AS love. I can't keep illusions if I want to accept a transcendental love.

God loves me - not the body me - my spiritual REAL ME - unconditionally. God loves you unconditionally - the real you. If God were to be ABLE To love your stupid illusions as though they were real, you would be AWARE of unconditional love even while you are separate from God! That's totally impossible. That's why you are asleep - because you do NOT have awareness of who you really are or the fact that God loves unconditionally. God's unconditional love doesn't violate the blocks that YOU put in place to keep that love out, in the name of justifying and glorifying and SPIRITUALIZING the forms of error that your ego is worshipping. The ego wants to spiritualize everything unreal by saying God loves it. Nope. God loves SO THAT ILLUSIONS DO NOT EXIST.

God does not make your illusions real and doesn't 'approve' them for your ego to keep. Otherwise the ego would have perfect justification for staying separate from God. God sees you - who you really are, as Christ, as divine perfection, and it is YOUR REAL SELF that He loves, and it is your real self that you really are. He loves to remind you of who you are IN love, AS love, WITH love. All the rest of 'you' that you want to be loved - your manky body, your crappy illusory life of suffering... its horse shit. You don't love it because you CAN'T. Love it and it must be HEALED. Life sucks BECAUSE you refuse to accept love. Love would literally CHANGE your life, not make it 'acceptable'.

So let's admit it. You don't REALLY want God to love your crooked legs, do you? You don't really want God to come along and say, yup, I see you look like the back end of an ass, and I love you anyway. You don't want that. You'd be like, well, that's nice, but now I still look like a mule. What you want is fricking HEALING. You want to remember you are not a body. You want to be healed in your mind so that your identity can be revealed as Christ - as immortal Spirit, not as some donkey. You don't really want God to unconditionally love your shit. You should want God to lift you into the awareness that you are ONLY LOVE and nothing else. Only the truth is true.

God loves you. God doesn't condemn your illusions because they don't exist. But God does want you to remember how much you are loved, and you can only do that by realizing you are love itself and nothing else. Only love can be loved. All the 'rest' that you think you are 'left with' that God doesn't love... don't worry, it doesn't really exist and it's not who or what you are. Isn't that a relief? Did you really want God to give total approval for your pile of shit ego? He can only love what is real. So let go of what you are not and return to an awareness of love as it really is.

It's not easy to recognize the need for forgiveness. It's not easy to realize that you're even being unforgiving. It's not easy to notice that the way you're experiencing a situation or problem is you falling for some illusion. And it's not easy to see that you even have "another way" to deal with this.

The ego has been our faithful companion for a long long time. Almost every interaction with this physical world has been according to its perceptions. It has shown us an interpretation of everything that happens, making it seem real and true, and showing us a world where everything goes wrong.

And our use of the ego to respond to this broken world, has to be to use more ego to try to fix it. To solve problems. To correct people. To wrestle with what's happening. To just assume that what APPEARS to happen is real and fixed and irreversible, even though it's not.

And then we come to a sort of middle ground where people say, well, you should just accept what is, stop resisting, stop fighting it, let stuff happen etc. Yes, it's a stepping stone.

But ultimately, that's not the end of the story. That's sort of like saying, I've made my bed now I will lie in it. Or, I invented a prison, now instead of fighting with the prison I will just stay imprisoned and try to see the good in it. Or it's okay to die.

No.

When we're accepting illusions and are still inside illusions and are still responding to the world through the ego viewpoint that things are going wrong and problems are real and people are supposed to be suffering, that's not awakening. Its a form of rationalization.

We are meant to recognize that NOTHING in this world is real or true. This world itself is an illusion. It doesn't even exist. It is not happening. Nothing has gone wrong. Nobody is REALLY doing anything that they seem to be doing. We're meant to not take ANY of it seriously. We're not meant to believe our eyes and take things as though they're factually happening. We're NOT meant to just 'accept' the world.

We're meant to completely DENY the illusion of a world. We're meant to UNDO the world. We're meant to OVERLOOK the world. We're meant to recognize that this world IS AN ILLUSION not a reality. We're meant to RECOGNIZE that only what God has created - only his design - is true and real and valid. And if that is not being expressed here, then MIRACLES are called for.

Divine health. Perfect abundance. Immediate supply. Instantaneous travel. Absolute worthiness. Eternal life. If THAT is not happening, something has gone wrong, because THAT comes from love and miracles come from love and if miracles are not happening, love is not happening, then something has gone wrong.

When you chose to believe in being separate from God, you chose to make a thought system and world opposite to God.

That world did not have any choice of ITS OWN to determine its nature or functioning. You wanted it to be opposite to heaven, and so it is.

It therefore MUST function according to laws which appear opposite to God's laws, of an imperfect nature, and completely unilke heaven in EVERY way imaginable.

"For this world IS the opposite of Heaven, having been made to BE its opposite. And EVERYTHING here takes a direction EXACTLY opposite to what is true."

"The world was made as an attack on God. It symbolizes fear. And what is fear except love's absence? Thus the world was meant to be a place where God could enter not, and where His Son could be apart from Him."

We chose that the world would function UNLIKE heaven, and therefore its foundation of separation and exclusion and lack and limitation is deeply embedded into its entire nature. That is why it devours and destroys, that is why it is limitation and scarcity, that is why it is cruel and dangerous, that is why everything in it dies.

Even right down to the subatomic particles, the illusory laws of physics, space and time themselves, all DEPEND entirely on the separation idea - the idea of opposition to God.

The world therefore CANNOT FUNCTION ANY OTHER WAY.

Its whole nature, its materials, its objects, its gravity and forces, its distances and delays, are all part of how the system MUST FUNCTION in order to be opposite to God's system.

The system itself is not choosing this. It has no choice. It cannot opt to work well, to be perfect, to stop being destructive, to be whole, to give you love or eternal life, to last forever, or to stop having problems.

It was meant to BE a problem, it was meant to OPPOSE God, it was meant to LACK, it was meant to NOT WORK, it was meant to ATTACK, it was meant to DESTROY, it was meant to facilitate SUFFERING AND DEATH.

That's ALL it can do. That's all it has to offer. It cannot change its mind, it cannot function as heaven, it cannot adopt God's laws, it cannot suddenly be free from murder and death, it can't stop having sicknesses, it can't be perfect, it can't last, and it won't ever stop having problems.

It's important to look at this honestly and recognize it. When you DON'T look at this, you will be delusional and in denial. You will believe that the world CAN be like heaven, it can somehow be manipulated to function well, things can last, suffering can be ended physically, accidents can stop happening, and all problems can be permenently solved.

All of this wishful thinking runs COMPLETELY OPPOSITE to the nature and functioning of the world, and if you try to implement it you will be RESISTING (fearing) the world, and causing tension and friction and suffering. It means you're trying to turn the machinery of separation into something that seems to function like oneness, and it's NOT possible. Not at a physical level.

If you can be willing to look at this fact hard in the face, you can drop the pretense and false hopes and silly dreams of making it work, and can ACCEPT that it is not going to ever work. And then you can recognize it for what it is. And you can also then recognize it is MEANT TO DIE. And problems are not meant to be ever solved here.

Once you recognize that, you can actually look for salvation WHERE IT IS, which is in heaven with God. You can then see that the OPPOSITE of this world is the only place where things can work the way you're hoping they could. The only place where there is no suffering, no sickness, no problems, and no death.

And in recognizing that this world HAS NO CHOICE in how it functions, you can forgive it, because thus you can recognize it is not trying to be a problem on purpose. It has no choice in it. It is a machine we made to be problematic intentionally, and that's it's nature. If you can accept that is its ONLY possible nature, then you can stop trying to STOP IT from being the way it is. And then you can accept it and find some peace, and let it go.

Basically everyone is trying to turn this world into heaven SO THAT they do not have to go home to heaven with God. We're looking in the wrong place for salvation and for a solution to the separation. The world cannot be solved or saved in this way, it can only be forgiven for being the way it is. And in your forgiveness you can set your mind free, because you are NOT part of this system, nor do you function like it. You are not of this world.

Jesus says NOT to try to escape all problems here. The world is MEANT to be problematic all the time and it wilL NEVER stop. You don't escape the world by fixing those problems, but by transcending them. Problems are DECEPTIONS that something is wrong that you need to attend to. YOU DO NOT.

"Real choice is no illusion. But the world has none to offer. ALL its roads but lead to disappointment, nothingness and death. There IS no choice in its alternatives. Seek not ESCAPE from problems here. The world was made that problems could not BE escaped."

It's not just a matter of me taking back responsibility for everything in life, and then sitting there all by myself.

There is instead a shift away from ego-self and towards being aware of and TRUSTING in God.

It's not just a matter of realizing the cause of things is in my mind, not out there, although that's necessary.

What is cause? It's not just some idea or decision. GOD is cause.

It's also not just a matter of removing blocks to awareness of love. What happens when the blocks are removed? Love/God shows up. And that's no small matter.

I've relied on my intellect, on my ego's abilities, on my separate intelligence, on my self-taught learning. But this is all essentially because I am not depending on God.

Independent thinking... okay... highly overrated. It's actually a substitute for being connected to, trusting in, and having real faith in God.

I'm opening up to a willingness to surrender, and to actually believe and stay unwavering in, a knowing-based trust that God is taking care of things.

It's not God that wavers or fails, it's my selfish ego trying to do everything on its own.

I have to let go. I have to surrender. And I have to stop being the one who has all the truth all gathered up in my separate mind like a big database of information.

Truth as information is a substitute for truth as an experiential relationship with God. It is a substitute for being WITH God, intimately. For being AWARE of God's real presence and communicating with Him and being directed BY Him.

It really boils down to a simple either-or question. Either I trust in my own abilities, or I trust in God. Either I think that I have to control and enforce everything myself, or I let go of the reigns and let God.

And in that trust, in that surrender, it's not that God just sits there idle. To trust that he is taking care of things, that he can heal all situations, requires strong faith and belief and certainty and loyalty. And that also means, knowing that God actually IS taking care of things... even worldly things, even worldly problems.

This is the next stage in the development of trust. I have to learn to step aside and not only 'let God' but actually trust God, believe God, and put aside my own little fears and worries about how God won't help or isn't in charge or can't heal things or whatever.

It's about opening up to relying on God, knowing that God goes with me, allowing God, being intimate with God and allowing myself to be supported BY God. And this has everything to do with working miracles, which REQUIRES faith and firm belief and TRUST in God.

My lack of faith, is what it comes down to. As Jesus says in the course we have placed great faith in the ego, in our own selves, in intelligence and thinking and learning, that we have displaced our faith away from God.

I/we must learn that God really is on our side, really is our partner, that we really are taken care of by Him, that he really can and will do what He says he can and will do, and to trust Him to manage life for us.

It's not just that we are separate from God and have to live in separation and maybe get some input from God once in a while. That isn't the LIFE that we are meant to live. We are meant to team up with God and be loved and united with Him, and actually have Him IN us and working THROUGH us FOR us, without us having to carry the entire weight of the world by ourselves.

How can I trust God unless I am willing to let go of control of life and actually allow Him to do this? How can I trust unless I am 'hands off'?

God repeatedly says to me, "let me". And I did not really understand what this meant. I didn't know if it meant he would do something through me if I did something. I didn't know if it meant he was 'maybe' taking care of something, and then me having no faith in that entering into fear and believing that He wasn't doing anything.

If I don't have trust and faith that God can take care of things, I in effect block God's power and actually do fail to RECEIVE God's blessings.

Anyway.

Today I am grateful and thankful that God HAS delivered, God HAS provided, God IS taking care of situations, and I am not alone any more.

The ego was His idea of exploring what it might be like to be separate from God - to end Life.

The ego has since done a pretty good job of ending life, or at least, pretending to.

The ego is thus just a device that we're using to explore, "innocently", what it might be like IF we could separate from God.

All of this entire planet, the whole physical universe, is the contents of this idea, inside of this idea. We're inside the ego - the dream.

It isn't helpful to be against the ego because we are the ones who made it, and it's just doing its job. It's fulfilling the adventure of fantasy that we created it to do.

It's just that, at some point we're going to be done with playing with this "toy" and will be ready to give it up.

The ego is not an enemy. It has no power to do anything that we don't ask it to do. We are the ones who use it against ourselves. It is just doing what it was meant to do, like a piece of machinery that just keeps doing what it was designed for.

The ego is only meant to offer us the idea of illusions being real, that death is possible, that separation can have real consequences on God. Which isn't true or possible. It's only there as our make-believe story about things happening that can never happen.

So at some point, we'll decide we just aren't going to use it anymore. We're going to just let go of this game that we're playing. We're going to put the toys away, and turn around and give God a big hug.

No harm done.

The mind is meant to be under service to God/Spirit. The mind is the 'activating agent' of Spirit. The mind can be used as a tool to focus attention and extend love. It can also be quieted so that you can listen to Spirit's guidance. This requires stilling the mind and not placing so much emphasis on its 'ability' to figure everything out itself.

In order to learn to listen to Spirit you have to be able to shut off the 'I will figure this out with thought' attitude, which your mind has because the ego has taken it over. Then you can listen to and expect to get input from Holy Spirit. While your mind is chattering and interfering and trying to be in control, this is harder.

The mind has attempted to create its own authority and to use its own tools, on its own, to be the central orchestrator or life and to decide and figure out everything using thinking. But this thinking mind stands in the way of trusting Spirit. The mind is meant to be a tool that Spirit can use, but when the tool has obtained a 'mind of its own', it is now an interference.

To listen to Spirit, you must be willing to stop trying to be God, to stop using thinking and instead to be quiet and listen. Being quiet makes the mind receptive, rather than a broadcaster. When it is constantly broadcasting and generating thought, it is too busy inventing stuff to actually 'perceive' clearly or to receive spiritual impressions. It has to be quieted or put under restraint, just temporarily even, so that you can shut the hell up (literally, stop engaging hell), and open up to receive from Heaven.

The only REAL choice you have is between entire SYSTEMS. Between heaven and earth, between God and spacetime. There is no real option or choice WITHIN the system of the world.

There is no way to dig into it and make it work better, to solve its problems, or to make it work differently. It is meant to be an opposite to God, and it runs opposite to God's laws in every way possible.

You're not meant to try to force it to ever do anything that it was never designed to do. Indeed you can't. You can deceive yourself and be in denial that it is possible to make the world work differently, to deny that death will happen, or that all roads lead to death and disappointment. But they will anyway.

The ONLY real freedom and power of decision you have, is choosing between heaven and hell, between eternal life and death in this world. You are choosing between God and not God.

This is the ONLY CHOICE. There are no answers to the world within the world, because all the world can give you is more death. The only answer to the world is heaven and God. Heaven is the ONLY alternative.

There are no options within the world, no choices and no possibilities. The world is not offering you freedom and it is not offering you a possibility that things can go well. It is not giving you ANY choice. The world's purpose was to oppose God and life in every way possible, and that is ALL it can do.

You cannot make be something it's not, you cannot make it heaven, and you cannot find freedom within it. It is not meant for your escape, it is a CLOSED system. It only has one functioning in one direction - death. And it will never function any other way.

"Heaven remains your one alternative to this strange world you made and all its ways; its shifting patterns and uncertain goals, its painful pleasures and its tragic joys. God made no contradictions. What denies its own existence and attacks itself is not of Him. He did not make two minds, with Heaven as the glad effect of one, and earth the other's sorry outcome which is Heaven's opposite in every way."

"That is why I always choose between truth and illusion; between what is there and what is not."

"What COULD you choose between, but life or death, waking or sleeping, war or peace, your dream or your reality?"

"And so again we make the only choice that ever can be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven."

"The real and the unreal are all there is to choose between, and nothing more than these."

"You will have to choose between TOTAL freedom and TOTAL bondage, for there are no alternatives but these."

"Remember that you ALWAYS choose between truth and illusion, between the REAL Atonement that would heal, and the ego's "atonement," that would destroy."

There is a certain leap of faith required in learning to trust and work with Spirit. It's like opening up to trusting that something completely out of sight and out of control is going to be there when you need it. We are completely unaccustomed to seeing situations this way and it requires a lot of TRUST.

Since we have been relying on our own self all this time, on our ego intellect, our own abilities, our knowledge etc.... we are very used to needing to have a sense of personal confidence in a situation in order to proceed with an action.

So we'll have to make sure that we're in the right mood, we have to have all the ducks in a row, we need reassurance that this is the right thing to do, and we feel that we need to kind of talk ourselves into the right frame of mind to 'perform'. We have to ready ourselves, and we won't move ahead to take actions until we have gathered enough ego information and enough reliance on our own capabilities. And to create something of quality simply threatens us to have to perform at the top of our game, which is nerve-wracking.

But the problem with this is that it shuts out Spirit. The problem is, since we are experiencing ourselves as disconnected from Spirit, we keep having to rely on ourselves, depend on ourselves, accumulate our own skills, develop our own prowess, acquire our own knowledge, and build ourselves up to try to handle situations. But this puts all of our sense of TRUST squarely in our own ego abilities. Trusting our own ego produces FEAR which undermines any sense of reliability.

Spirit doesn't work the same way the ego works. Spirit is much more spontaneous. Spirit is also extremely capable and unlimited and doesn't suffer from the inadequacies, limitations, insecurities and difficulties that our ego self has to deal with constantly.

Spirit is actually ready to fly right now, right away, without any preparation. God is immediately on hand and ready to heal, right now. Holy Spirit is immediately on hand and ready to teach the highest of truths, right now. They don't need time to get ready. They don't have to figure out what to do. They don't need to get themselves into the right mood or to be on their best form or to have put aside as many fears as possible in order to take some decisive action.

So what this means is, if you want to work with Spirit, such as to express Holy Spirit's Voice or to teach from a higher place or to perform a healing miracle, there has to be a certain amount of 'blind faith' and a different kind of trust. This trust quite literally means that you really need to actually START taking steps to move forward and express, knowing that Spirit is going to show up immediately and be there to help you.

It actually kind of requires you to be much more spontaneous and UNPREPARED. (Who knew that being unprepared could lead to greater confidence when trusting Spirit?!) And even if you feel unprepared and uncertain and afraid and doubtful about whether YOU can pull off whatever it is that you're about to attempt - teaching, healing, writing, whatever.... even though you do not know what the heck you are going to say, even though do not know how the heck you're going to 'do this', you have to actually start doing it with faith that Holy Spirit is right with you in the MOMENT.... and that as you begin to 'flow', all of Heaven is going to rush in to support and help you.

There are people who receive healing miracles, let's say for example they have a broken arm or something. The person prays for them and healing begins, but the person still believes they don't have a healing, and the arms seems to be a problem. But then the healer tells the person, MOVE YOUR ARM. And the person moves their arm, and AS they move their arm, healing comes to the arm.

There are countless examples of this in Jesus's miracles where he tells someone to actually DO something, to do something that they supposedly currently cannot do, so that WHEN they attempt to do it, with some faith that it will BECOME possible, their willingness and openness is what actually brings the miracle into them and healing occurs, AS they ACT AS IF they are healed. For example Jesus might've commanded 'get up and walk', and a paralyzed person who could not walk, would at least ATTEMPT to get up and walk, with enough trust and faith that perhaps it COULD work, and then as they get up, suddenly they can walk. But not until they started trying to do so.

So you see, Spirit is very immediate and becomes a part of the flow as and when you are willing to actually take some action on faith. You will not be prepared. You will not be ready. You will not know how you're going to do this. You'll get to the very limits of the edges of your own ego abilities and all the information you could possibly have gathered and all the preparedness you could've possible done, and still there is another step needed. To trust Spirit, you have to take the leap. You have to ACT AS IF miraculous things can happen, ACT AS IF healing is going to flow when you say it will, ACT AS IF Spirit is going to back you, even if right now you don't feel even connected to Spirit. And Spirit will rush in and be right there to support you.

For example, I am writing a book and I have procrastinated on this for a long time because I kept feeling that I wasn't quite ready, or in the right mood, or I just wasn't prepared. I felt like I needed to get MYSELF into the best possible frame of mind, the most purified readiness, the most spiritual of mindsets etc, in order to be ABLE to pull off this writing. And I could never really rise up to the occasion. I couldn't get myself into the 'heights' of what I knew needed to be written down, and was just always riddled with insecurities and excuses and fears and worries about how was *I* going to write this and how was *I* going to be able to know what to say or to say it correctly etc. So I avoided it.

But then what broke, was that I came to a place of at least realizing it's not going to be me doing this on my own. It's not going to come FROM me, its going to come from Spirit. And I'm going to write it down, but I'm not going to know WHAT to write. I'm not going to be able to prepare for it or study for it or have everything all organized to try to get a sense of confidence about it. Instead, what its going to call for is for me to actually sit down, hands on the keyboard, and to be in that moment WITH Spirit, inviting Spirit to be the one to write, and to then just start doing it. Just GO. And that means trusting something totally outside of myself, totally beyond my own abilities, beyond my mind, beyond any personal readiness. And in that moment, in the now, in the present 'flow' of it, Spirit is right there and started talking, and I started typing, and out it came.

Surprisingly easy once it got going, but I'd avoided it so much because my mind, my ego mind, my separate mind, couldn't see past itself. It couldn't get outside of its own box or its own reliance on "I must do this all by myself". The mind needs to be handed over to Spirit. Spirit is meant to be in charge of how the mind is used. And this really does mean actually surrendering this constant reliance on independent self, on separately having 'the power' or 'the skills' to do whatever. To be Spirit-backed we have to stop being so independent and so self-reliant and trust something that we don't even seem to have any control over, a source of confidence and teaching and creation that is beyond our own self. And nothing can prepare you for that. You have to just do it and try to trust that you're going to be backed up, and you will be.

This is why development of trust is so important. Learning to trust that Spirit has got your back, that Spirit can heal, that Spirit can do miracles through you, and that Spirit can help you no matter whether you have everything under control or not. It's all about learning to be part of a TEAM, instead of going solo all the time. You don't have to do this all by yourself, and you DO NOT have to find the confidence and prowess to pull off some amazing feat of expression all on your own. It's much easier to let Spirit do the heavy lifting, if you can let go enough to take a shot in the dark. And that's what it's like often, just blindly assuming that Spirit will do its thing when you take action to begin the flow.

I'm glad to say I got a whole chapter written, once I finally stopped fearing (depending on my own strength) and trusted that I just had to 'show up' in the present moment and be ready and willing and that Spirit would do the rest. It can really be daunting to have this kind of trust, to trust in something you can't see and doesn't even seem to be there until the very moment that you're having the faith that it will show up. Something outside your control, outside your mind.

Our minds are supposed to be connected to Spirit in this way. They're not supposed to be separated off and trying to rely on themselves. We're not supposed to be bolstered up, or turned into 'models of success', or superheroes. We're not meant to be thoroughly educated and learned. We're not meant to develop this extraordinary prowess at doing something amazing all by ourselves. This is not how the mind is meant to operate in isolation. It's meant to be connected to and a RECEIVER of a flow of spiritual power from Spirit. It's meant to be in service to Spirit. It's meant to receive God and to extend God, not to come up with its own separate power or its own separate abilities. Transitioning over from self-reliance to God-reliance is a tough challenge and goes entirely against our entire ego-centric way of living, but it's what we're called to do.

It adds a whole new level of meaning to "let go and let God".