You really have only this choice.
Just as Jesus says that what is not love is murder, and that even the slightest grievance is murderous, so too it is true that if you are not being FULLY loving you are not really being loving (at all) and therefore are in a state of HATE.
Now, it does not seem to most people that they are being hateful when they are not Loving. This is because so much of the hate has been made unconscious.
Sin has been denied with guilt, guilt has been denied with fear, and a veneer of fake innocence has been drawn over the mind. This innocence, seemingly all that is left in conscious awareness, creates the ILLUSION of unawareness that you are "being hateful" at all.
The result is that you feel relatively neutral, seemingly not enraged, seemingly quite calm most of the time, and seeming not to be actively hating. But this is because you are lost inside of layers of denial and unconsciousness. It renders your current perspective as though you are not intending to sin at all, and are relatively mild and weak.
But we have to at some point more honest about this. Jesus says love cannot be fully understood until the love is WHOLE, and without that wholeness it is not really love. It seems we can have degrees of love but that also means degrees of hate. He says we simply do not RECOGNIZE just how much we hate our brothers. Similarly, when we’re just casually coasting through life on unconscious autopilot, we do not recognize that we’re spending almost all our time in some form of hate. If it’s not total love, it is hate.
This is quite sobering and if we can own up to this without guilt, we’ll be able to use this information to recognize that whenever we are not being totally loving, we MUST be hating. We are not merely in some neutralized state. It is love or hate, those are the only choices. There is no escaping this. So that means, if I am not fully loving right now, I must be in SOME way hating.
Equipped with that information it now becomes easier to RECOGNIZE that, if I’m not being loving, I’m hating in some way, and so this helps me to be motivated or attentive to the "need" to return to being more loving. It identifies that what I thought was neutral or ok is in fact negative and hurtful in some fashion.
We’ve become far too used to letting moderate hatred slide by without correction. Or as Jesus says, too tolerant of mind wandering (away from our love self). Recognizing that I am actively "hating" and realizing that I’m really not being fully loving towards people, brings AWARENESS, and that’s a good starting point for wanting to change my mind.