Special vs holy relationships

You can simply equate a holy relationship with the idea of wholeness. A whole-relationship happens when you yourself are whole, and therefore have no sense of lack, need, loss, deprivation, scarcity, victimhood, guilt, defects or any other form of unwholeness/unholiness.

In a state of wholeness, recognizing yourself as God created you, you realize that you are already complete and have no real needs. Therefore you do not need to get anything from the other person, you don't depend on them because you depend on God, you don't look to the other to complete you since God has completed you, and you therefore have nothing to "get" from the other.

This means you ONLY GIVE what you have been given by God, extending God to the other, extending your wholeness to the other and seeing it in them. As such you recognize the wholeness in them beyond any attempt on their part to shut it out. You look past (forgive) their ego if they still have one, and look to the wholeness of Christ in them, because you identify with and recognize Christ in and as yourself - one with them in wholeness.

The special relationship is a breakdown in the wholeness, in which you first attack yourself and see yourself as lacking. This includes self denial, self attack, self hate, condemnation, accusation of sinfulness, guilt and fear, identification with the ego or body, etc. . generally not being yourself as God created you. It's an attempt to deny wholeness and be partial or limited, narrowing yourself, turning your love into conditional love.

You then find yourself in a state of conditionality where you "depend on" certain things in order to feel certain ways, and generally have given power away to external people to "do for you" what you are unwilling to do for yourself. You then "use them" to try to get them to give you what you want, even though you are unwilling to really receive it because that would mean no longer being in need or needing to get it from them.

It's a state of simultaneously trying to milk the other person for all they are worth, taking everything from them, with self interest and dependency, yet at the same time not wanting to really receive love or wholeness or joy or peace because that would alleviate the need for the other person. This produces a tension of push-pull where you want something and don't want it at the same time. This turns into a lot of gameplay and manipulation and dishonesty.

Generally speaking the special relationship is about you having needs based on a self-imposed sense of lack, where you are not seeing yourself correctly and do not recognize or know who you are. Believing that love (wholeness) is not in you as you, you will think you are lacking it, and need it, and therefore have to get it from someone else. You then want them to love you for you so that they can cause you against your will to feel like you have it, even though this won't work.

It's the ego's model of seek-and-do-not-find, because then you are seeing anywhere other than within to find the love that you seem to lack. You then look to external saviours, special loves, chosen individuals, allies and so on, to set up exclusive channels of acquisition, in which you can use people to get what you want, to surround yourself with stuff you prefer, and to generally have the world do to and for you what you refuse to do yourself.

The real issue is the block to love, which is within your mind, and is something you are doing to yourself. This denial of love and identity hides the presence of God/love in your mind and awareness, causing you to believe that it's not there. And then you are lacking and needy and dependent and must seek for it. But you'll seek anywhere other than within where it actually does exist. You just believe you won't find it within because you think that the last time you looked it wasn't there.

The change that then needs to take place in order to transition from special relationship to holy relationship, is to reconsider and question whether or not love is in you, whether you are lacking, whether you are still as God created you in wholeness, and whether you actually have any real "special needs" at all. This requires looking within to reconnect with, find, accept, recognize, and become open to, the self and the love that God put in you already.

It's only ever a matter of you basically avoiding yourself as God created you, and trying to be something that you're not. That just leads to false senses of identity such as to be an ego or physical body. Or to identify with external people or objects or places and other things of no value. When you don't know yourself as God created you, you form relationship on faulty foundations and on a basis of mutual suffering, mutual using, mutual conditional love and mutual destruction.

To reach the state of holy relationship is then simply about waking up to and accepting the pre-existing truth about you, becoming experientially aware that you are still part of Christ, still part of God, still one with everyone, still whole and complete already. That God created you complete and his will is done, so in truth you have nothing wrong with you, you're already perfect, and therefore have no needs, no lack, no loss, no corruption, no damage and no death.

To be the whole of yourself is to be one with the whole of everyone and one with God. This is your natural state. When you are not whole you enter into unholiness, which is a state of dishonesty, irresponsibility, fear, suffering, victimhood, specialness, egotism, sickness and death. Returning to the state of wholeness and "lack of lack" by accepting atonement - undoing lies and self deception - you awaken to remember who you really are, and then you can unconditionally love everyone equally in perfect holiness.

"They come together, each to complete HIMSELF and ROB the other. They stay until they think there's nothing left to steal, and then move on. And so they wander through a world of strangers, UNLIKE themselves, living with their bodies perhaps beneath a common roof that shelters neither; in the same room and yet a world apart. A holy relationship starts from a different premise. Each one has looked within, and seen NO lack. ACCEPTING his completion, he would EXTEND it by JOINING with another, whole as himself."